PonyFall: Fabulous Maximus

PonyFall: Fabulous Maximus

Chapter 2

Making sure they would not be interrupted again, Edward closed and locked the door to his room.

“Bloody twat,” he muttered under his breath.

“What was that, dear?” Rarity asked, standing much closer than he had thought.

“Oh, um, nothing really,” Edward diverted, getting back on track, “Now where were we?”

Edward scrutinized the clothes he had on hand. She had only expressed an opinion on two items so far, which wasn’t much to work on. There wasn’t much for it. He was already a fan of girls’ toys, but it was time to take the next step.

It was time to play dress up.

“Rarity, we’ve gone through everything I have,” Edward said, falling back on his bed. Rarity had at least agreed to a pair of boxers and an undershirt for the time being. He’d had to explain why humans wore clothes, and the difficulties that her lack thereof was causing for him. That had been a fun conversation.

Rarity had been rather surprised to hear about the visual response that humans had to each other. She had not been feeling anything of the sort looking at Edward, and he had been forced to, begrudgingly, admit that he did not have that effect on many people.

“The only things you haven’t tried on yet are my suit and a couple of the T-shirts,” Edward said, rummaging through his chest of drawers.

“Well, what about the suit?” Rarity suggested.

“You probably wouldn’t like it; It’s not tailored for women... and it may not have been cleaned since I used it for my cousin’s wedding last year,” Edward informed her.

Rarity blanched at the thought of how much dust it contained, “Let’s try the T-shirts then? Surely they can’t all be awful.”

Edward picked up a stack of shirts from the back of one of the drawers and set it on the bed. He pulled out the first one, spreading it so she could see the design.

“I don’t see what’s so ‘epic’ about a plain purple shirt with some writing on it, next!” she waved a hand dismissively. Edward tossed the BoE epic shirt into the corner with the rest of his disapproved clothes, and pulled the next one off the stack.

“Ay see dee see?” Rarity puzzled out. “What is an AC DC?” she asked.

“It’s a band, they play rock and metal for the most part,” Edward explained, turning the shirt around so she could see the guitarist on the back.

“Wouldn’t wearing their shirt just be advertising for them? Pass,” she dismissed it.

Giving an internal sigh, he tossed it on the pile with the others. Picking up the next shirt, he didn’t even bother looking at it before showing it to Rarity.

He waited for her condescending judgement, but was puzzled when it didn’t come. Lowering the shirt to see over it, he saw Rarity staring at the shirt in shock.

“That’s... that’s me!” she exclaimed, grabbing the shirt out of his hands.

“Yes and no,” Edward waffled, rubbing the back of his neck. “So... I didn’t exactly tell you the entire story of how I came to be your fan.”

Rarity shied away from him, slowly, dropping the shirt at arm’s length. “What, have you been stalking me?” she asked, accusingly.

“No no!” Edward quickly interjected. “Hell no. Nothing like that.” He searched for a good way to explain that he’d watched her and her friends’ adventures every Saturday evening on the computer.

 “The explanation might be a bit complicated, though. Depending on how this all happened, someone either wrote a series of stories about you and your friends that happened to be true, or someone managed to observe Equestria and record some of your adventures.”

“So all you’re saying is that it wasn’t you stalking me, but someone else. Am I hearing this correctly?” Rarity continued to misunderstand.

“I guess that’s about as close as it gets. But I don’t think they knew that what they were writing or seeing actually exists.” Edward thought for a moment. “There have been a lot of folk tales and myths written about Unicorns and Pegasi in our history. Surely ponies have stories about some sort of mythical being? The kind of beings that would make you think you were dreaming if you saw one/them?"

“I suppose it makes a little more sense, now that you put it that way” she conceded, relaxing again.

Edward sighed, relieved that the existential crisis averted for now. He noticed that the stack of shirts had been exhausted, however.

“Hmm... looks like you’ll have to settle for that shirt, though,” he told Rarity.

“What? How could I go around wearing a picture of myself? I’m not vain,” Rarity turned her nose up. “Well, OK, but not that vain,” she finished lamely.

Edward walked over to his dresser and picked something up. Still with his back turned to Rarity, he put it on his face.

“Well, Miss Rarity,” he began, “that was my last shirt. It looks like you’re going to just have to,” he paused to turn around, his secrecy revealed to be a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses. He pulled them down to look over them.

“Deal with it,” he finished.

Rarity threw a shoe at him.

“I’m really am just so sorry!” Rarity apologized again for what seemed like the fiftieth time.

“I know, I already forgave you,” Edward sighed, holding the ice pack to his eye. “You were right after all. I was having fun at your expense, after all.”

He had to admit, seeing Rarity wearing shirt with her own picture on it was worth the bruise. It ranked right up there with watching curlers play shuffle board for unexpected happenings. Curlers, though, did not usually look as good playing shuffleboard as Rarity did in the form hugging T-shirt. (When Edward had ordered it, he had accidentally ordered the woman’s cut instead of the men’s. As a result, it was never worn and fit Rarity very nicely.)

 “It looks really nice on you.” He said, trying not to overplay his apparent satisfaction.

 “Oh please, hold the flattery until I have the chance to make something.” She said, giving him a small smile. She held it for a moment, before a frown swept across her face. “Though that might be difficult, being removed from my shop and all.” She chewed her lip, lost in thought.

“If you wanted, we can look about town to see if there’s anything I can afford to pick up for you,” Edward offered.

Rarity brightened. “Oh would you really? I would be ever so grateful.” She seemed positively ecstatic about the thought of being able to get back to designing. “A new body opens up so many possibilities! The vertical lines can be so much longer, there’s so many new shapes that can work...” She continued her rapid fire ideas as Edward’s eyes began to glaze over. Rarity eventually noticed that her audience had tuned out.

“Oh goodness me, I’m boring you, aren’t I?”

Edward shook his head to clear it. “Not at all!”

Rarity fixed him with an incredulous stare. “You’re drooling,” she deadpanned.

“Okay, maybe a little,” he confessed, wiping the drool away from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He didn’t admit, though, that it was largely because watching her get caught up with something was enthralling to him.

Rarity laughed, “Don’t worry about it, I just got carried away with shop talk. Fashion is my passion, and it’s been so long since I’ve gotten to do something entirely new. The last time I got an opportunity was probably for Princess Cadence’s wedding when I designed a suit for Spike.” She stopped talking, halting abruptly as she mentioned Spike. Her smile faded as the recent past caught up to her.

“Spike... my friends... Oh dear, I have no idea if they’re all right,” she said, getting to her feet. “We’ve got to find them!”

“Wait, what happened to your friends?” Edward asked, growing concerned.

“We were fighting Discord -- did that stalker ever tell you about him?” Edward nodded. “Well he had escaped again, I don’t know how, and he was running amok. My friends, the Princesses, and I were fighting him, but he had taken the Elements of Harmony again. And he was smarter, too! He didn’t tell us where they were, and didn’t bother with any silly games. He just showed up in Ponyville and started popping ponies out of existence!”

Edward nodded again. This seemed uncharacteristic for the Discord he’d seen in the show, but it would be fairly easy to corroborate if they’d all had experiences similar to Rarity’s.

“Did he do the same thing to you?” he asked.

“Something of the sort,” Rarity replied. “He cast a big bubble like the one the Elements made when we beat him the first time, only all the ponies in its path disappeared when it caught them. I apparently was not successful in outrunning it,” she finished, slumping back down on the bed.

“If others showed up on Earth there might be a way to find out,” Edward informed her. “Come take a look at this,” he said, walking to his computer.

Rarity watched him walk over to the monitor, curious as to what he was doing. “Why are you going over there? My friends certainly aren’t in there,” she said, her confusion growing.

Rarity gasped when Edward turned on the monitor. “My goodness!” Rarity exclaimed. “I didn’t think humans could do magic. I certainly haven’t been able to use mine since I got here, anyway.”

Edward grinned. “Not magic. Technology,” he said waving an arm expansively at the computer.

“That’s just silly.” Rarity was not amused. “You’re saying that Discord sent me into some fantasy land where magic doesn’t exist, but technology, the whole bit with gears and steam power, replaced it.” She raised an interrogating eyebrow in Edward’s direction.

“We actually moved past gears and steam power some time ago, but basically yes,” Edward replied. “But that’s really not the issue right now. I’m going to see if anyone else has found humans claiming to be magical talking horses,” he continued, giving her a teasing wink.

Turning back to the computer, Edward went to open his browser. He figured that if crazy naked women had started turning up all over London and, if they weren’t lucky, all over Earth there would be some talk of it online.

Of course, he had no idea how many crazy naked women were found around the world on an average day, but he figured that it probably wasn’t the “I’m actually a pony” kind of crazy on most days.

Clicking on his browser, Edward forgot what was still open in it from earlier the previous evening. And which tab was on top. “Image 19384: applejack artist:slugbox...” loaded up, much to his dismay.

“Oh my,” came Rarity’s startled reaction from behind him. “That is certainly an interesting art style.” Edward was pushed away from the keyboard as Rarity leaned past him to get a closer look. “Why, I would swear that this girl looks like Applejack, and this one is reminiscent of...” Rarity blanched, an impressive feat for someone of her complexion. “...me.”

Edward froze, afraid for his life. The jig was up, this girl, the real Rarity or not, had just caught a glimpse of his darker side. All she would see when she looked at him now would be a pervert.

As Rarity opened her mouth to speak, he braced for the worst.

“Did you draw this?” Not exactly the reaction he was expecting. “Does this mean you’ve met Applejack?” she turned to him, hope evident in her eyes. This was definitely not what he had been expecting, thanking whatever being is out there that she hadn’t grasped the idea of nudity, he could feel the noose being taken off his neck as he was led down from the gallows.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he replied, “No, I haven’t met her personally, but I know about her the same way I knew about you and Discord. And I didn’t draw this, either. This was done by an artist in a different country, actually. Part of what this technology does,” he indicated the screen, “is allow near instant communication across most of the world. That’s why I’m going to use it to try and find your friends.”

“So wait, if you haven’t met Applejack, and this artist here hasn’t met me, how did he know what I look like?” Rarity studied the screen closely. “He even got my Cutie Mark right!”

“That ‘stalker’, the one that told me about you, told your stories in the form of a cartoon, so we, those of us that watched the cartoon, know a little bit about what you and your friends look like as ponies,” Edward explained. He decided to skip telling her that her voice sounded identical to a certain Canadian voice actress.

Rarity nodded her tentative understanding. She seemed satisfied with that explanation for now, so Edward continued his work.

“Let’s see what the internet has to say about naked women...” Edward narrated his actions. Opening a new tab, he threw “naked woman appears in public” into the search bar.

...And quickly closed the tab. “Let’s try that again,” he muttered. This time he opened an IRC channel, as it was less likely to provide incriminating false hits.

[9:46] has anyone found any naked pony girls outside their house recently?

[9:46] oh crap

[9:47] i swear i didn’t know it was just her stage name

[9:47] i thought it was really Trixie ;_;

[9:48] um...

[9:49] i have no regrets!

[9:49] == Sethisto [admin@equestriadaily.com] has quit [Quit: page closed]

[9:50] ooookay then

[9:51] more than I really wanted to know...

[9:53] I think I found someone resembling Celestia behind my house.

[9:54] Or at least, she has rainbow hair, so it might be her.

[9:54] Does that answer your question?

[9:54] that helps a lot, actually

[9:55] did she say how she got there?

[9:56] Yeah... She says it's due to being in some fight with Discord, or something...

[9:56] well that matches with what Rarity is saying...

[9:57] ohmygodyouhaverarityatyourhouse?!

[9:58] …

[9:58] I am gonna back away slowly and come back when there is less weird shit.

[9:58] GIVE HER TO ME!

[9:58] == Belgarion [CupofTea@britishasshole.com] has quit [Quit: page closed]

“Well Rarity, I have good news and bad news,” Edward said, closing the IRC channel.

“Give me the bad news first.” Rarity said, bracing for what it could be.

“Your creepiest fan knows you’re on Earth.” Edward grinned. “Good news, though, is that someone may have found Celestia already. That’s all I could find at the moment, though.”

Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m not alone then... my friends could be here...” she said quietly. “But what am I saying?” she said, meeting Edward’s eyes. A smile turned up one corner of her mouth. “I’ve had a friend here the whole time.”