Not Pinkie

by RealityWarper

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 2676

You there!- Hey! Stop scrolling! I'm talking to you! Well, that other person just scrolled by. Eh heh... Atleast you're listening. I could really use the help. Please? I'm a little stuck... Inside Pinkie's body.

Well, minding your own business doesn't go far when you've got a crazy dragon thing after you. I was simply strolling down the street pleasantly when I get hit by blinding beam of what I suspect was magic. I woke up again, but I wasn't in the street. Or the in the Emergency Room.

I woke up in the middle of nowhere. Literally.

But I woke in a pony's body. Pinkie Pie's to be specific.

I'm in a world where the Element's of harmony never existed, the world is lost to sadness, and my purpose in Pinkie's body is to cheer everyone up- Provided by Discord himself, is some chaos magic to make sure the populace of the world don't all give up in despair.

But I don't wanna be here.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-20 21:24:38 UTC

Chapter 1

My vision flashed, as well did my very existence I didn't-

Whoa, let's start from point one, yeah? And while we're at it, let's get some history of myself in.

Earlier today I had gotten out of an early punishment from my parents, I'd rather not relive WHY I got grounded, just know that I did. It wasn't very nice at all, and neither were they- my 'parents' that is.

I'm seventeen, my 'parents' I live with are actually my grandparent's, and only my Grandfather is my only real blood family, my 'Grandmother' is basically only my Grandmother because she's married to my Grandpa. I'm male, and a lazy one at that.

I hate to say it, but my life sucks, at the same time it's great.

But whilst hating to say it, I need to find a way to say it too. My life is pretty simple, wake up, eat. Hygiene (sometimes, I forget stuff too often and am just too plain lazy to do it at that moment when I remember it), and then spend my time gaming. My life is a complicated little piece of work. My life hasn't even began and I'm already sick of it and ready to push it onto someone else for a 'happier' one. Seventeen and I'm already ready to give up.

However, I have one good thing going on for me.

Despite all my miserable phases I'm going through, I also have my online life. Which is basically as good as it gets for me. I'm a really nice person, I like to think so.

You see, I have a nickname among the internet. It's Cupcake.

Yeah yeah, make all the jokes and keep it going. But that was my name, it started with my Skype. One of my Skype friends was a Pegasister. I'm going to relay the conversation actually! See, aren't I nice?

FLASHBACK (Courtesy of 'Pinkie Pie'!)

"Uhhh, no! Not watching it!" I said to Holly as she tried to get me to watch a show for children. And one for little girls at that. Lately I had been getting a bunch of people calling me 'Pinkie Pie' because of the way I talk, act, and I give off a feeling of sorts. Radiating that feeling. Holly knew that, and compared me with this 'person' again. I took enough blows to the ego because of the fact that I was 'girly'. I wasn't, I was just looking at life from a cheerful view! I wasn't going to watch a show and possibly take even MORE blows then I already do!

"I'm telling you, it's a great show! It may seem like a children show, but I bet you'll love it! Just give it a try!" I of course, was going to reject at first once more. But something told me that I should give the show a look, nothing really big. Do as all my friends suggested, and watch the first episode then quit. Seemed like a good deal to me, they'd never bother me again about it.

"Alright then, I'll give it a try. In my room, while the door is locked. After all, I don't want anyone to walk in and see that, that would be most unfortunate." I submitted.

"Great! See you later, I'm logging off!"

BLOOP.

She had cut off Skype so fast, I didn't even get to say goodbye.

Jerk.

Bottom line is, I watched it, I loved it. And I viewed the whole first two seasons of it. Then, I got caught in the fandom. Not the weird side, the fanfiction side about adventures, and romance n' stuff. I was pretty happy. And I decided from that point I needed to stop judging stuff without even trying it. I had done the same thing with fanfiction entirely at first. And just like what I did with this show I decided: "Hey, I'll just check out this , just for the laughs. I'm bored anyhow!" and then I do. And I always love it.

Fanfiction.

Little big Planet.

My little Pony.

Needless to say...

Don't judge a book, by it's cover.

FLASHBACK OVER (Courtesy of 'Pinkie Pie'!)

Why am I bringing this up? Well, it's simple. At first, I was a huge Spike fan. He was best pony, but then it shifted, I didn't have a best pony persay. I just couldn't pick one of them, it felt unfair to me. But best all over all character?

Discord...

Discord.

Discord!

I cannot stress this enough.

DISCORD!!!

Ahem...

Pinkie Pie, is just the closet thing to me as it gets. As proven by the people who call me Pinkie Pie. I'm talking to you in a calm matter at the moment only because I just got zapped by a laser. And trying not to panic.

Now that I think about it, I'm telling you everything in the time I'm getting zapped. That's creepy, did like...Time stop?

Oh no, I. DON'T. WANNA. DIE! SAAAVE. ME!-

Er, clear mind. Right.

Essentially, I was like Pinkie Pie, but a Pinkie Pie introduced to the real world. A heavily toned down Pinkie, if you will? Also male...

Hence the name Cupcake. I wasn't trying to be Pinkie Pie, I was just...like her.

Are we caught up? If we are can we get to the blinding pain that is the laser?

Yes you say?

Great!

Well, I'm about to elaborate, so you shouldn't wear pants. You're about to shit bricks!

Actually, you might wanna read this on a toilet.

What's that? You already are? Well that's just nasty.

I expect nothing less of you bro's.

The feeling was just, wrong in general. It's like! Um, how do I say it? Oh! Like getting your existence wiped off the face of the planet!

You don't know what that feels like? I don't know how else to explain it. It was like, lightning, or something. I could smell my flesh being charred, but I couldn't really feel it. But, at the same time I did. It just didn't hurt.

Wow, it's a lot to explain, and take in.

Now where was I? Ah, yes.

My vision flashed, as did my very existence.

ZZZZZT

Oh there's the pain.

Huzzah! Pain!

I sadly had to white out though.

"Hey. Wake up, the faster you're woke the faster my brilliant plan will come together! Are you even listening to me?" The sound of someone tapping their foot against the ground echoed all around me, much like I was in a hall, which is rather strange. If my memory serves right, I should be in a hospital. I just got zapped by lightning, and am lucky to still even be alive! Yet, this guy was talking to me like I was perfectly normal! The nerve! With a grunt I had sat my sorry self up, I felt strained in that position. As I grunted, I found my throat feeling like sand paper with a rather raw sensation. I rubbed my sore skull, it was absolutely aching. When I did, I noticed something was off. And when I say something, I meant I couldn't feel my fingers. It was just the weirdest thing ever. My eyes shot open.

"Uhh, what?" I squeaked out.  My 'hands' shot to my mouth as I realized how high in scales that just came out. I could be a soprano singer with that much pitch. The voice sounded familiar, in fact, it sounded like Pinkie's! But there was no way that came from my mouth! It was only then I noticed the pink blob that was my arm, I suppose? I sat there, gaping at my arm, and newly found hoof. I didn't need a mirror to tell what was going on right now.

"Are we done ogling ourselves yet? I admit you're are an very attractive mare. But let's not be so narcissistic.'

I blinked slowly, turning my head to the source of the voice. The owner of said voice was some sort of creature...

No wait.

That creature wasDiscord!

I squealed before finding myself latched on the Draconequus who was giving me an amused look. He patted me on my head gently before softly grabbing my whole head with his talon and attempting to pull me off. Which failed, my arms were locked around him in an adoring embrace of love. I couldn't believe it! Discord was real! And infront of me! AND I WAS A PONY!

Best. Day. Ever.

I had the biggest shit eating grin on my muzzle, nuzzling against his chest affectionately.

"I'll never let you go..." I whispered under my breath to him, which seemed to serve to make him even more amused. He let out a hearty chuckle, not even trying to pry me off anymore. I never ceased to hug him at an moment as I slowly stroked him arm. It had really struck me.

If I wasn't dreaming, or had not eaten some sort of bad drug, then this was real. And if this was real, so was Discord. That meant  other people would want Discord. I couldn't let happen. I hissed under my breath as I thought of all the other Discord fans getting their filthy hooves on Discord.

"Mines..."  I hissed out.

Discord on his part just sat there kinda awkwardly, patting me slowly.

"Yes, uh. Right. If you could kindly refrain for attempting to seduce me at this moment, that would be just dandy."

I gaped at him, the nerve! I would never attempt to do such a thing. Not without a bed! Just didn't make sense!

What? It's not gay. I'm Pinkie Pie right now. And even if I wasn't, I'd find a mare body to do it...

Discord... is love.

Discord... is life.

"It's all ogre now..." I whispered under my breath creepily.

"If you could also refrain from being creepy... Well, that's asking for too much. Well, refrain from being over the top creepy. Ah, yes. That sounds about right." I hummed out, detaching me from him. To which I was not gonna let completely happen! I strained my hooves out to reach at him, so desperately seeking to embrace him once more.

"My love! Don't do this too me! I beg of you! I'll do anything!"

"Uhh..."

Discord looked lost. He didn't know what to do. Atleast for a second, until he swayed his head back and forth.

"Anyhow, I need your assistance with a little, big problem." Discord admitted. "And you have the mouth for it!"

I gaped at him. Was he... really asking? Well, okay I guess, sure! Discord is love. Discord is life.

"Well okay then! Since you chose me for the important task!" Discord flashed a grin.

"You accept?"

"Sure! I'm sure if I can swallow a whole cake... I can swallow what you have for me..." I fluttered my eyes at him. He blanched, his face heating up.

"What?"

"Well, I was pretty sure we were both talking about oral sex. I'll totally do anything you want." I told him seriously, before I opened my mouth, and stuck my tongue out, before wiggling it at him for clarification. To which he tore his eyes away from me, and staring at...well, nothing. There's nothing here now that I'm looking. To be fair, him finding nothing interesting makes sense, I know I sure find it interesting.

"Well, no...I wasn't talking about... that. I was talking about a quest of a sort. You have the closest thing in the world to Pinkie Pie's personality, even with all the strange quirks you're currently showing me."

I decided it wouldn't hurt to try again. Second time's the charm and all that.

"I can show you something else..." I seriously told him once again. Before launching my hooves at him, aiming to grab him once more so that he could steal my pony virginity.

Wow that came out weird.

Oh well.

"Come here so I can love you!"

"Ehh..." He kept me at an arms length away from him, clearing his throat for some sort of elaboration. "Right, uh. I need you to go to my world."

He slowly put me down and took some steps back to give me some space. Well, I'm sure he was the one who wanted the space. I'm just the creepy homo sexual weirdo to him. Well, it's not homo. I'm straight, because right now I'm a mare.

"Sure! I would love to! But why?" I questioned to which he flashed a grin at me once more.

"You see, there's a little problem. I'm not from the world you know. The one ruled by Celestia. I'm from a world where I never was so arrogant to ignore the elements powers, thus destroying them after a later date of poker. I'm no longer a physical manifestation of chaos though, and the world is depressed, you see." He wriggled his fingers at me. Which I eyed hungrily. Blushing, he put his hand back down. "I hope you caught all that."

"I did, the hand part just...caught my attention."

Discord coughed. "I... see, well uhh." I decided to spare him...

This time.

"Well, what do you need my help for? I mean, what can I do?"

"Well, I'll be giving you some of my magic. So you can do the task and cheer up everyone."

"Cheer up everyone?"

"Yes, you see, they need someone to get them out the trench they're in. Otherwise... things won't get any better. And I know that it needs to get better. Ponies are a usually happy and kind race. They're still kind. Just not happy. Nor do they believe in violence. But the whole thing is, with a huge depression, there might actually be a whole mass suicide. I'd not like that, I admit I'm not the best person around, but I'm not cruel." I nodded.

"I understand. So you want me to go in and just...cheer up all of the world?"

"Yep, it's not just ponies suffering. Outside of Equestria things look pretty bad." He sighed. "This is a huge task, but I'm willing to give you three wishes if you can complete this task." My eyes widened without my consent. That was an awesome deal, be a happy pony cheer up the world and get three wishes. It was a win-win.

"Yes! I'd love to!"

"Great, now if you could refrain from trying to seduce me..."

The nerve. I was not doing anything of the sort!

I began to slowly take off the maid costume (panties included), I idly wondered if he was into this.

"Stop that! Just take it off or leave it on!"

"I even have a whip for you to use on me! You can punish me for being so naughty!"

"Ugh! Just go already!" He snapped his talons, creating a portal behind me before gently pushing me in it, I yelped at the unexpected push. Falling down into the void below me.

"Also! For a little knowledge, the ponies are guided by Celestia, just not ruled! And remember to have fun!" He said whole cupping his mouth to yell over my panicked screaming, I began flailing my hooves around, managing to turn around to see the void below me. It would give me nightmares for years to come, it was a terrifying sight.

"AHHH DISCORD SAVE ME!"

"You're going to be fine!"

"SO I'M NOT ALREADY FINE? I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME!?"

A groan was heard, but that was all. Suddenly the void slowly start become blue as I fell through it. Blue and full of white puffy objects. Where the void was a dark pitch black, the place before be was a blinding cerulean, it was like being on a beach at an anime, the colors were so defined and beautiful. I then knew.

'The sky!'

I realized as I fell passed the abyss and into the open sky, descending at a rapid pace.

"This is grand and all, but how am I going to land!?"