Bronies, Unite!

Info: The dreams are back...

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"Ugh..." i sigh, closing the door behind me. I hear some muffled talking about some sort of urgent event, but I don't try to understand what was said. I only pick a few words though, but nothing that means a lot. Just "I just... I can't believe... Oh my gosh!" from Rainbow Dash, but nothing from Twilight.

Setting off in a small trot, I walk down the path towards the forest. Whilst I'm happily trotting away, I trip up over a rock and fall flat on my face. "Ouch!" I cry out, quickly standing up and rubbing my nose. "Dang, that hurt." To my surprise, no one even cared that I'd hurt myself. In fact, their wasn't anyone even around me.

I notice a poster out of place on a stand close by. Being the curious pony I am, I trot over to it to eye it suspiciously.

it reads "Big top Binanza - In town for ONE day only! Come get it while it's hot!"

"Hmm..." I rub my chin in curiosity, fumbling through my brain about such a bizarre event. Nothing seems to appear through my bleak mind about hearing anything related to it, but I think "What the hay, I don't see why not." I rip the poster off and quickly glance over it.

"You'll know where it is. All you have to do is look!"

"Hmm. Nah, I'm far too tired right now. i think I'll take a nap somewhere." I quickly spy a bench perfectly close to me. I take a few steps and curl up into a ball. I let my eyes flutter shut and think about life - Something I enjoy doing. I like to ponder what it's about, where I am going in my future, ponies I will leave behind, new ponies I will meet and so on. Knowing that I won't keep my friends somewhat distances me from ever having a true friend, and maybe, just maybe, I can get over that soon enough.

I feel my consciousness leaving me, and the blackness seeping in, drawing me ever closer to a dream. But, an immediate thought conjures in my mind - Why I don't seem to remember my mother. Before I can think on further, I drift away.

*****

I look around, and notice I'm in a house of some sort. A house I recognize immensely. It's my house! I stand up, and  I attempt to set my mind at ease, yet being back in my house again… All I feel is a sadness building inside of me, begging for it to be released. Not having my mum around anymore is something I would not want anyone to think about in detail, yet it’s the only thing on, my mind right now. I turn and look at the open curtains, the way they hang to majestically, the curls in them reminding me of my mother’s hair.

I think back, remembering something she- I mean we always used to do. The constant reminders seeping through my mind the more I continue to think about it – I take step forward towards the curtains and reach my arms out, closing them the same way my mum would close them. The right one first, then the left one – I always wondered why she did it that way but I guess I will never find out. It pains me to think about my mother, but again it’s the only thing on my mind.

I turn around and take a small stride across the floor, knowing I will never be able to again. Thinking back to all of the memories I had with my mum; playing games in this very room, tickling each other, talking, hugging, watching television, yet none of that matters now as they’re just memories, not the real thing.

I take another stride forward, remembering even more things we used to do in this very room. I pause, feeling my eyes welling up, yet not even a gasp leaves my mouth. I hold back the tears, wanting to think my mum wouldn’t to see me cry yet as time goes by, I find it harder and harder to hold them back. I take a few more strides, making my way to the door at the opposite end of the room – I look back at the memories I used to share with her all those years ago, remembering how happy we was, how sad we were at times, even the times I thought she hated me yet I know now that she would never hate me, she never could. My mum loved me with all of her heart and her soul as she used to say. I remember the phrase all too clearly, like she is saying it in my ear right now, “I love you forever and ever and a day, with all my heart and soul.” And then she’d kiss me in my cheek, leaving me to go to bed.

I flick the light switch, shutting away the distant memories for good, and closing the door behind me, leaving me in the kitchen – The place where all of the perfect meals were cooked. At least, in my eyes they were. I look to my right and notice the table and chairs we had for so many years I’ve lost count. I feel more memories flooding back into my mind, each and every single meal she ever made me in this kitchen, the amazing flavours, the amazing food, the amazing everything, and all that taken away in just mere seconds.

To my left, I notice the cupboards where she stored all of the food, and the fact that I could never find anything, yet she knew exactly where everything was and could pluck it out in mere seconds. Another thing I will never know why or how she organised it such a way, and it pains me to think about it.

I take a few strides and look out of the window, like a window to my memories and I see the first time I got roller blades, I was so happy and that made my mum happy, I even remember the huge smile on her face as she pushed me away to start off. I even remember the first time I rode a bike properly with no stabilizers. I fell a lot, but my mum was always there to pick me back up, no matter how much work she was doing, she was always there for me, through thick and thin, through rough and everything that came with it.

I take a step out onto my landing, the bottom of the stairs. I think back to one memory in particular; My mum recently bought me a huge teddy bear, and I loved it so much, but I always wanted to jump down all of my steps, so I grabbed the teddy and did so, landing my body on the teddy, and my face on the floor. My mum came rushing out to help me, and I turned out fine, because she was there for me. Not my auntie, not my cousin, she was there, and thinking back to it now, I would not change a single thing, no matter how much I got hurt.

I take my first stride up the stairs, going slowly, and thinking back to when my mum used to carry me upstairs when I was smaller. I would either be on her back, over her shoulder, or just in her arms, in safety. I continue to take strides as I think about such a precious moment, then noticing that this entire time my eyes have been begging to erupt in tears, yet I am luckily holding them back.

I reach the top of the stairs and I see my mother’s bedroom door open. I push it open more and take a step in, her ben unmade, and covered in clothes. I walk over and make the bed perfectly, removing the clothes and tidying up a bit, hoping that she isn’t really gone, and I will wake up the next morning to find that she slept, and the bed is untidy again. Yet, I know that is impossible, but I keep telling myself she isn’t gone, in such a way I am almost convincing myself. I look around to see the giant teddy she once bought me, sat in her fireplace, gathering dust. Yet another memory gone to waste.

I turn around and leave the bedroom, placing a door stopper to keep the door open and put my hand on the light switch but something catches my eye; photos, photos of my mother in her youth, me as a baby, pictures of her and her friends, pictures of her holding me and I realize it’s the final straw for my eyes, and I feel a single tear roll down my cheek, like a cat slowly awaiting its prey, it follows slowly until it reaches my hand and I brisk it away. Suddenly more tears come and I can’t just wipe them away anymore. A hum leaves my mouth, a hum of sadness, regret, and hate. Hate for myself because I wasn’t the perfect son.

I look at the pictures for a few more minutes and notice one of my mum, and her sister. I look into my mum’s eyes, and all I can feel is pain. I couldn’t help her in her time of need, and all I can think is that it’s my fault. “Mum… I know you can’t hear this- Well, I don’t know if you can, but all I want to say… Is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t the perfect son, and I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you in your time of need, I just… I just wish we had spent more time together, and it’s my fault we didn’t, I was selfish, and didn’t think about you, or your feelings. I… I love you, mum. Through thick and thin I have always loved you; I just wish you didn’t have to leave me so soon. I… I’m sorry.”

I look away from the picture, tears streaming down my face as I enter my room, turning the light off just before, closing the door behind me. Thus, closing the memories away with it. I feel the tears drip off from my chin at a rapid rate, as though my eyes themselves were a waterfall. I collapse onto my knees, my hands virtually throw themselves at my eyes to stop the tears, but nothing seems to help.

"I love you, mum..."