Sick Day

Sweet Celestia, it was Discord.

There he was, the god of chaos, sitting in a tree which had not seconds beforehand erupted into blue flames. Just from looking at his smug expression, Applejack could already feel the irritation building up in her chest. She glanced up at Rainbow Dash, who looked about ready to pummel him into the ground.

"What in tarnation are you doing here?" she snapped, though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer. Discord looked the same as ever, with a wry grin creeping onto his face. An amalgamation of mismatched animal parts made up his body, with a head that looked like a stallion had been hit by a speeding train - but something was different. "And why the jumpin' junebugs are you blue?"

"More like a shade of cerulean to be precise," whispered Rarity. Applejack rolled her eyes and stifled a groan.

"Whatever color you are is the color of trouble!" shouted Rainbow Dash, flying right up to his face. Attagirl, thought AJ. That can-do attitude is something I can get behind, no doubt.

"Oh Rainbow Dash, I've changed! Surely you remember..." he slithered down the tree out from under Rainbow's stare. AJ squinted - his voice sounded different, more nasal, almost as though a frog was stuck in his throat. "I was reformed by lovely little Fl-" his words were swallowed by a sniffle, which began to grow dramatically in size until it erupted into a full-blown sneeze, sending him shooting in the opposite direction. Out of the corner of her eye, Applejack thought she saw a house float away into the sky. But she wouldn't be distracted now.

"What are you, sick or something?" Rarity peeked out from the ball which she'd curled up into for safety, a disgusted hoof covering her mouth. What a snob, thought AJ. A little sneeze ain't gonna kill you.

"Well, of COURSE I'm sick!" scoffed the draconequus. A disembodied violin solo began to fill the air. "The blue skin? These sneezes?! Could somebody find me a fainting couch?"

Everyone glared at Rarity. "What?" she said. Applejack face-hoofed in disbelief.

Pinkie Pie begrudgingly pushed forward Rarity's huge pile of luggage - or as she'd referred to it, "send-off necessities" - onto which Discord floated down in a reclining position. "Oh, charming, thank you," he said with a hand to his forehead. Pinkie Pie, seemingly pleased that Discord was pleased, smiled pleasurably. "I can't stop sneezing and wheezing! In short, I need help!" he stared at the ponies with a whimper, eyes wide and watering, as though he were trying to appear pitiful.

"If you're so 'sick', why have you come here instead of... y'know... staying home in bed and getting over your weird illness?" Applejack glanced up at Rainbow approvingly. You tell 'im, girl!, she thought, but just as that thought finished, another loud sneeze sounded and Rainbow Dash was covered in draconequus snot. AJ wrinkled her nose in disgust and had to hold herself back from attacking Discord, who was now blowing his nose obnoxiously into a handkerchief. He dropped it, but instead of hitting the ground, it flapped away into the sky like a bird.

"Because this condition has left me helpless! Simply helpless," he said as he sunk into his makeshift couch. Applejack raised an eyebrow in skepticism. "Why, I can barely lift a spoon," he said, conjuring up a spoon to prove his point. It wobbled in his hand until he seemingly collapsed under its weight. The girls exchanged glances.

Finally realizing that no one was buying his parlor tricks, he rolled his eyes and said, "I came to find the one pony who truly understands me, and could nurse me back to health. Where is that dear sweet Fluttershy?" he picked up Pinkie Pie, as though a pony could fit under another pony of the same size, and tore up the same poor tree which he had set on fire. "I need attention! I need some care! I need -"

"You need to chill," said Rainbow Dash, shoving her hoof in his mouth to stop his complaining. Now that's why you're my marefriend, thought AJ. "Fluttershy's out."

"Oh, of course... her trip to see the Breezies," Applejack looked up at the draconequus in surprise. "Oh yes, well... I had forgotten that that was today."

"How do you know about her trip?" asked AJ, her voice full of suspicion. I swear to Celestia, if he's been spying on our personal lives, I'll -

"Well, she told me about it! In her last letter," he said, opening one of Rarity's suitcases to procure a scroll.

Pinkie looked it over suspiciously. "You and Fluttershy write each other letters?"

"Well, of course we do! We're friends," he said. A bright light flashed, and Discord appeared before the ponies in a hospital gown carrying an IV stand. "It's just such a shame that today of all the days is when I really need her," he turned around and leaned over, showing off his rear. Rarity delicately looked away and Applejack had to physically stop herself from chastising her about being so pretentious. Luckily, Discord started talking again. "Oh well, I know what to do."

"Good thinking," said Rainbow Dash, pushing him back up to the train platform. "Get on home, put your feet up, I'm sure eventually you'll have the strength to make yourself soup or something!" but just as she turned around, Discord reappeared in front of her.

"Oh, nonononononoooo, I mean while she's gone, you ponies can take care of me!" he said, a malevolent smile crossing his face. He popped up in between AJ and Rarity, pulling them both in close to him. AJ waited for Rarity to exclaim how uncomfortable she was in such close proximity to illness. "Isn't that what friends are for? Taking care of each other?" He suddenly sprouted an extra set of arms and pulled Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie tightly into the group hug with a cackle. "Let the healing begin!"

"Not it!" said Rainbow, and in a flash she'd zipped out of his arms and into the horizon. Applejack watched her, jaw hanging close to the floor. Why in tarnation would she -

"WELL, that's some way to treat a suffering friend!" said Discord scoldingly. He sneezed on a lampost, which came to life and began waddling away.

"Don't you worry, Discord!" said Pinkie Pie, trotting up to the draconequus. "I'll give you cuddles, read you stories, and tell you all about ME!" she then hugged him tightly enough to pop out his eyeballs. "I was born on a Tuesday-"

"Oh-ho-ho, you're so sweet!" said Discord as he removed himself from Pinkie's grasp and gently hanging her on a tree branch. "But Rarity and Applejack have already volunteered to be my own personal nursemaids!"

Applejack, who was still in shock over her own marefriend's abandoning her, was now once more shocked at the prospect of not only spending the day with an obnoxious sick draconequus, but also alongside Rarity of all ponies. A quick glance to her right let her know that Rarity felt similarly. "We did?!" they exclaimed simultaneously.

"I so hope you don't mind, Pinkie Pie," he said.

Pinkie jumped out of the tree angrily. "Well, as a matter of fact, I most certainly do! What do you have against me, buster? Is it because I'm pink? HUH? Is pink to MANLY for you? Or do you want me to be blue, like you? Well let me tell you something: IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN! I'm pink and I'm proud! I'll do whatever I need to to stay pink! I'll paint my INSIDES pink! Oh, wait, are they already pink? Oh my goodness - what do my insides even look like? What if my insides are hideous?! DISCORD!" Pinkie grabbed the draconequus by the horns and pulled him close to her face. "You HAVE to tell me what my insides look like!"

"Oh, dear, Pinkie... I'm afraid that's a job for somepony else," he said, and with a snap of his fingers, she was gone.

Rarity seemed shocked that Discord would do something as cruel as making a pony disappear. "What have you done with Pinkie Pie?!"

"Oh, relax, Rarity, I only gave her what she wanted!" said the draconequus with a snuffle. "She's having a very fun time at the Crystal Empire Medical Center. I'm certain they'll be able to give her a wonderful idea of what her insides look like."

Applejack took a deep breath. As much as she hated it, there wasn't much she could do to get Pinkie Pie back from the Crystal Empire, which meant only she and Rarity were left to 'take care' of Discord. She dragged Rarity out of earshot of the draconequus. "That joker's up to something, and whatever it is, we're gonna keep it as far away from Twilight and Princess Cadence as possible," she whispered. Rarity nodded. The two of them looked over at Discord, who was lying on a hospital bed with a heart monitor hooked up to it.

"You're right. We promised we wouldn't let anything ruin their visit! Although I do so wish that 'anything' had turned out to be something else!" replied Rarity.

Suddenly, the tree behind them turned into a now familiar shade of blue, and a voice came out of the top where its branches should have been: "Did I hear you two talking about Princess Cadence's visit with Princess Twilight?"

"Maybe," grunted Applejack.

"Fluttershy hadn't mentioned that those two were getting together today. Hmm. How wonderful for them both. It is so rare that those two get to see one another," he crouched down, his voice lowering with him and gaining a darker tone. "I don't know about you, but I sometimes wonder how close they could actually be. All those years apart, before being reunited?"

Rarity and AJ exchanged a glance. "They're plenty close," said Applejack firmly.

Discord stood up. "And if they're not, this rare opportunity to focus on their friendship will certainly bring them closer... unless..."

"Don't even think about it!" shouted Rarity. Applejack jumped back, surprised by this sudden spout of determination. "They musn't be disturbed."

"Disturb them?" exclaimed the draconequus, as though the very idea of meddling with something sickened him to the core. "Why, I wouldn't dream of it! Not when I have two such dear friends of my own who have already offered to take care of me." He squished their two faces together and held them up to his eye level. "And at such peril!"

He dropped the two mares on the ground, and Rarity's white face turned the color of a tomato. Applejack rolled her eyes. "This flu of mine is highly... c-c-c... HAAACHOOOO!" Discord sneezed on the both of them, soaking them in snot. "Contagious," he finished.

That does it! thought AJ, deciding to get up and give him a piece of her mind - but she was stopped by a peculiar feeling of dizziness. Suddenly, everything began to sway around her. She felt like she was on fire, then as though she'd just gone swimming in ice. A strange, sickening shock crept up at an alarming rate from her feet to the top of her head, and she looked as well as she could down at herself to see that she had turned completely blue. A sharp tingling began in the back of her throat, which grew and grew until her head felt like it was shuttering and exploded into a sneeze, sending her flying backwards into a bush. She opened her eyes, head spinning, only to hear Discord's voice.

"Oh, no!" he said sarcastically, the disembodied violin solo returning. "I've gotten you both sick! Whomever shall I turn to now, in my time of need?" a maniacal grin spread across his face, and he began cackling uncontrollably.

Rage shot through Applejack like poison. "You leave Princess Cadence and Twilight alone, or I'll -"

"You'll what? Throw some apples at me? Puh-LEASE," said Discord, crawling up to AJ. "You wouldn't be able to stop me, sickness or not." He snapped his fingers, and a flash of light revealed that Applejack was orange again.

"Darn tootin', I could, and I will!" she said. She leaped into the air and kicked Discord hard in the stomach - only to find it was like kicking a stone wall. A yelp escaped the mare in pain, and she cradled her hoof. Looking up, AJ discovered a tall stone wall where her target should have been. Discord stood off to the side, smiling and waving.

"Over here!"

Applejack grunted, not willing to give up so easily, and hopped back on her hooves with ease. She galloped towards him at top speed, fury coursing through her veins, ready to buck him all the way to next Thursday, but instead found herself colliding head-on with a tree with a loud CRACK.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Really, Applejack? I'd expect this sort of brutish behavior from your so-called 'marefriend' Rainbow Dash, but not from you." AJ opened her eyes to see two blurry Discords swiming before her. "Where is she, anyways? Wouldn't the element of loyalty stay by her friends to help them?"

"She... she'll come back!" stuttered Applejack, struggling to remain conscious. "You've just... messed with her, is all! Like when you made me dishonest! I know her, I kn-know she'll come right... back..."

"Is that so?" Discord's voice became more and more distant. "If you ask me, you're only lying to yourself."

AJ felt the same sickening feeling creeping up her legs, and the last thing she saw was that once more she had turned blue. Then the only color she could see was black.