Insert Human Here

by Cheezman75

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Other, Original Character, Comedy, Sex, Main 6, Gore, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 14054

My own comedic approach to a Human in Equestria story. Multiple PoVs.

A human is mysteriously transformed into a pony and injected into the magical land of Equestria in this comedy of errors.
What makes this HiE different from the others? This one has extra chapters from the canon cast's PoVs!
Provide feedback if you can! It would be greatly appreciated. :)

Published 2012-04-01 04:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-23 02:46:00 UTC

Chapter 1x: A Dash of Dreamy Death

Author's Note: Nice alliteration up there. Anyway, this chapter is the first “gaiden” (外伝) chapter in this story. What's a gaiden chapter, you might ask? Well, a gaiden chapter is essentially a side-story; a different component to the plot. I'll mainly use gaiden chapters to show different parts of a story from different viewpoints. For example, this chapter shows the dream that Rainbow Dash was having before Pinkie and Incer woke her up in Chapter 1. All gaiden chapters will be marked with an “x” in the chapter number.

PoV Character: Rainbow Dash

“...And we're done. I really wish I could thank you for the help, but honestly, you fly like a first year flight school drop-out.”

After saying this to my incompetent partner, I sped off into the distance so that I could get away from him as fast as ponily possible. That experience had really worn my patience thin, and I was glad that I could escape before I did something that I would regret later.

All right, enough of that. So what if that guy was a complete screw-up? What matters is that I've done my work for today, so now I can enjoy my free time by taking a nice afternoon nap.

I checked behind me to see if he was following. He wasn't, so I slowed my pace to search for the perfect tree to nap in. After about a minute, I had found it. A nice oak tree with plenty of thick, healthy leaves, perfectly shaped branches, and stocky, sturdy limbs. Not that sturdiness is a concern, when your figure is as sleek as that of yours truly, but I digress. I settled into the comfortable array of foliage, and within a few minutes...

Suddenly, I awoke in a land of blue nothingness. Regardless of how far I stared off into the distance, or in what direction, I could see nothing but a void of... Cobalt? Azure? Cerulean?

Bah, who gives a rat's flank?

Then, I heard a voice behind me.

“Well, hello there, Rainbow Dash,” said the voice, in a tone that was nearly stoic in one way, and in another way, would almost be considered seductive. I turned around to face the speaker. Underneath his dark cloak, I noticed a few features that seemed quite familiar to me. His pallid coat, his teal mane, his crimson eyes...

“You're... that pony from earlier? How'd you get all the way out here? You can't even fly straight!” I asserted furiously.

“Well, excuse me for not grasping the finer points of aerodynamic propulsion, for I had more important things to do,” he snapped back. “Like, for example, managing all of the grim-dark around here.”

“Grim-dark? What the hay are you even talking about?” I questioned irately.

“Oh? You don't know what grim-dark is?” he asked, taunting me. “Well, grim-dark is a collective term that is used to refer to the sensational things that strike fear in the hearts of colts and fillies everywhere!”

“Pffft, whatever, you don't scare me,” I replied vexedly.

“And that's where you're wrong,” he said as he wrapped his foreleg around my back. “This show here is perfect for scaring the likes of you. See that over there?” The pegasus pointed towards something lying on the ground. It was a light shade of blue that could almost blend into the scenery, had it not been for a few spots of rainbow...

Wait, rainbow? Is this... ME?!

The dark-cloaked pony spoke again. “As you can see, there's your corpse right over there. What were you killed by, you might ask? Well, you might have been killed by a rampaging wild animal, maybe by crashing at terminal velocity, or perhaps in a train wreck, I can't exactly say that I know. I can't exactly say that I care, either. What's important to me is what we can do with your body, now that you're not using it.”

What the...

I saw a bright light envelop my body. Immediately, I protested, “Hey, I call sour apples! You don't have a horn!”

He responded with, “Who needs a horn when you have this magical scythe?” I turned sideways to look at him. He was indeed carrying a large stick that resembled a scythe. Turning back to the action, I witnessed what would be the beginning of one of the most grotesque sights I had ever seen.

Through magical means, incisions were being made across various parts of my body. My cyan coat was now riddled with crimson stripes. Then, skin separated from muscle as my outer layer slid apart from the one underneath, making slippery, slimy sounds every centimetre of the way.

“...There's the skin. We'll just set this aside for later,” said the scythe-wielding freak. “Right now, it is time for the harvest.”

Daunted, I was forced to watch in horror as my remains were telekinetically carved up, with slice after slice of flesh falling to the ground after being freed from their home. Soon enough, my once-intact carcass had become little more than bones, surrounded by two piles of meat on both sides of it. The meat cast a bright glare as it levitated towards our psycho of the hour.

“Such fine quality comestibles we have here,” he said in a tone that combined ecstasy with lunacy. “Hmm, what to do with all of this...? Ah, I've got it! The dark meat I can send down to the bakery, as there's no doubt that such luxurious meat will make several dozens of rich, delicious, excellent cupcakes for all to savour and enjoy...”

...C-c-cupcakes?

“...And as for the white meat,” he continued, “although there may not be nearly as much of it as I expected, will still make quite a fine feast for me. But, I digress. After all, we've yet to reach the fun part. That's up next. It is time to harvest the Spectra!”

As he shouted this, he let loose another round of magic from his scythe. My skin, which had been cast aside for the duration of this demonstration, lit up. Then, the rainbow of awesomeness that used to be in my mane appeared to drain upwards into an rapidly expanding orb of colour. Within a few seconds, the orb, full of colourful light, had enlarged to match the size of an average pony, and my skin was reduced to nothing more than an achromatic blob.

“Ah, yes,” marvelled the deranged pegasus. “The rainbow is strong with this one. In fact, given the right conditions, this right here could be enough Spectra to make rainbows for an entire month of rain!” He then laughed maniacally.

For some reason, his enthusiasm towards the production of rainbows is what finally sent me over the edge. My astonishment had finally turned into anger. I was tired of his crap, and ready to speak my mind as I prepared to lash out, and let him have both barrels of a controlled, concentrated burst of rage.

“Look, bucknugget!” I exclaimed furiously. “I have no idea who you think you are, or what you think you're doing, but if you think for one second that your little gory display means anything, guess again! So what if it's scary? That doesn't mean there's a point to it! In fact, you don't even scare me any more! I've seen you in action before, and because of that, I know that you're just a big pushover! So what do you have to say about that?”

His immediate response was a demented laugh followed by, “Oh, Rainbow Dash. You're a feisty one, aren't you?” He wrapped his foreleg around the back of my neck. “...I like that.”

The maniac then proceeded to press his lips against mine to partake in a passionate kiss of epic proportions. His course of action was unexpected, confusing, and, without a doubt, strange, but even stranger than that was the fact that I made no effort to resist his advance. I just accepted it, and in fact, was even beginning to enjoy it.

Mmm... I have no clue what the hay is going on, but I guess it's not so bad...

We both breathed heavily in excitement as his tongue began to explore the inside of my mouth. In his warm breath, I could smell the faint aroma of strawberry cupcakes.

Wait, cupcakes?

I opened my eyes. The white face I expected to see had been replaced with pink, pink, and more pink. Then I looked around, seeing that the blue abyss was replaced by daytime Ponyville. I focused back on the pony in front of me.

“Pinkie Pie?” I asked groggily. I tried to look up at her face, but my neck was still stiff.

“RAINBOW DASH!” she screamed. The sheer volume of it caused me to recoil. “Oh, thank goodness you're all right! I took a good look at you while you were sleeping, and you looked like you were having the worst nightmare ever!” As Pinkie was saying this, she began to use her hooves to stroke my coat, which was, admittedly, a bit dishevelled after my nap.

“You know, Pinkie,” I replied, looking into her eyes. “I kind of was, so thanks for getting me out of it.”

“Any time, sister!” she said, and then she wrapped her forelegs around me. I chuckled as I reciprocated her hug. After a while, we released each other, and Pinkie jumped out of the tree, back down to the earth. I gave a sigh of accomplishment to celebrate my survival of the nightmare.

Phew... I'm glad that's finally over...

Just then, I heard a familiar voice behind me.

“So... We meet again, Rainbow Dash.”

Chapter 2: A Taste of Equestrian Capitalism

Author's Note: You might be wondering what's up with the “Sex” tag that I added recently. About that, if you're looking for it, there is not much to be found in this chapter, but there will be more in future chapters, and I wanted to give plenty of advance warning. And now, back to your regularly scheduled fiction.

“...And that brings us back to where we started: Sugar Cube Corner! You got all that?”

“Uh... Maybe?”

The tour had been very informative, covering plenty of areas throughout Ponyville, from the intricacies of its town square, to some more out of the way locations, like Ponyville Library. Any resulting confusion was entirely my own fault, from a lack of a sense of direction.

“Look, don't worry. You'll get used to it soon enough,” said Rainbow Dash. “Now, I've got something to do, so I've gotta leave you for now. If you have any questions, come see me, okay?”

“Okay,” I answered.

“That's good, Incer. Well anyway, gotta dash!”

And with that, she sped off once again, leaving a rainbow-coloured trail behind her. I waved my hoof back and forth to see her off, then started thinking as I descended towards the ground.

You know, Rainbow Dash isn't actually that bad. In fact, I'm glad that I got to know her. We're somewhat alike, so I think we could possibly have some sort of connection between us that could make us great friends, or great rivals, or great... something.

I tried my best to tack an identity onto that “something,” but was still short of an idea when I touched back down.

Now that I was grounded once again, it was time to proceed. During my tour, I had learned something of a marketplace in the town square. My next move would be to investigate said marketplace so that I could learn about Ponyville capitalism. Once I had arrived at my destination, I then began to scout out some of the produce stands.

Hmm... Everyone seems to be paying with gold coins of some sort. I wonder if this currency has a name.

My ears caught wind of some nearby sales.

“That'll be four bits.”

“That one is two bits.”

“Seven bits for three of those.”

Okay, so the coins are called bits. That's good to know. Now, what about the value of the bit? How does it hold up compared to the pound, Euro, or dollar?

Behind me, I heard a salesman call out from behind his stand.

“Asparagus for sale here! Ten spears for one bit!”

Asparagus at that price? Well, it looks like the bit has them all beat.

Looking to my right, I saw some negotiations take place.

“Now wait a minute. This right here is a very special cherry. It happens to come from the same orchard as the cherries that were used to decorate the cake that was used to celebrate the day of my daughter's wedding. From that, I think you'll find my price very fair.”

“Holy guacamole! Eight bits for that cherry? You've got yourself a deal!”

What the... Okay, I guess I don't know the value of a bit. I never thought that I would say this, but please! Get a giant corporation in here so they can buy everyone out and monopolise the place! Maybe then I'll know what the right prices are!

Obviously, I was overreacting. After carefully eliminating the oddities I was presented with, I managed some calculations in my mind and, with a rough estimate as my guide, decided that I could work comfortably with about one hundred bits per week, or much less if mere survival was all that I could manage. Of course, this only covered the food portion of my possible living expenses, so it was obvious: I needed to find a job, fast.

I wonder what sort of job openings would be available in such a place. Knowing the local employment rate probably wouldn't hurt either...

Of course, there was the component of going out and actually searching for said job, and in response to that, my brain had quite the idea. It had been one of those rare moments when it actually occurred to me that I possessed a pair of wings. Granted, my inexperience with them made them unwieldy for me to utilise properly, but they were still capable of flight, dammit.

Searching the entire town for possible job openings would be much easier from a bird's eye view, so I took to the skies in search for a business that needed the assistance of an unskilled pegasus. With all the style and grace of a drunken tortoise, I navigated the air, looking from building to building to see exactly what sort of businesses would house themselves in a place called Ponyville.

The first such building that I stumbled across had a strangely familiar air to it. It was painted shades of purple and blue in sort of a chequered pattern. There were vertical beams extending upwards from the second storey that supported the building's roof, with a few of these beams impaling pony-shaped figures that were built from the same material as the building. Decreasing my altitude, I took notice of the emblem painted above the entrance, a golden pony wearing some sort of frilly ballerina outfit.

It was then that I recalled a bit of information from the tour I had recently taken. This was Carousel Boutique, which was apparently among the top spots in Ponyville for those concerned with fashion. In response to any probability that this place might be a possible source of income, I couldn't help but to glance downward and examine myself in search of a certain definitive appendage.

...It's still there. Clearly, I have no business working in such a place. Wouldn't want to scare off any potential customers, now would I?

Passing up the restricted area, I started along my flight path once again, still moving as awkwardly as all get-out. Shortly after, I would come across the town bakery, known as the ever-so-prominent Sugar Cube Corner. As for the question of whether I could work there, my response was immediate.

Only as a last resort. If I were to apply here, that would mean spending plenty of time in Pinkie's company, which is something I want to avoid if possible, because I just don't trust anything that acts with that much enthusiasm. If I'm not careful, I could end up as one of her treats...

Banishing those disturbing thoughts to the corner of my mind, I continued my search. Moving forth brought me to the next business, a restaurant of some sorts named The Clover Café. I took note of the three-leaved clover painted on the sign that hung below the entrance.

Okay... This is the first chance I have... Let's do this.

I entered the building and spoke to the mare at the reception desk.

“I was wondering... Suppose I was looking to apply for a job here. What steps would I take to do so?”

Her reply was, “Well, first, I would have one of our staff take you to the manager, who would give you an application to fill out. Then, he would have you take an aptitude test to see your innate skills as a worker, and from your results, determine if you're qualified for the job.” She then took a long pause to smile at me.

...Is that all she's going to give me?

“Okay...” I said. “Let's try this again. I would like to apply for a job here.” I made sure this time to specifically state my motive.

“Oh! That's what you meant! Sorry about that, it's just that all of us are trained to be very literal-minded when we're on the job. That kind of mindset really helps when taking a customer's order! I'll help you right away.” Scanning her immediate surroundings, she called out for a nearby waiter. “Hey, Horte, get over here!”

The waiter was at her side immediately. “Horte Cuisine, at your service, Madame.” His thick French accent caught me off guard.

“Yeah, yeah. Look, we've got a pony here that wants to join our ranks. Show him to the boss's office, will ya?”

“Of course, right away. Come with me, Monsieur.”

Wow... It's a good thing that she's not taking customers with that attitude, I thought as I followed Horte to my destination.

Shortly after, we arrived at the entrance to the manager's office. Horte rapped a hoof against the wooden door, and waited for the manager's approval before opening the door and motioning me inside. The manager, a sepia-shaded unicorn, awaited at his desk with a stoic look on his face.

“State your business here,” he said, unmoving.

“I-I would like to apply for a position here, sir!” I replied, in a bit of a panic.

“Is that so? Well then, fill out one of these forms.”

With that, a feather, a bottle of ink, and a sheet of paper, all of them engulfed in a hazel glare, appeared to gravitate towards me. I also noticed an increased level of brightness in the manager's horn.

Whoa... he hath telekinesis!

Dumbfounded, I was forced to hesitate for a moment before grabbing at the quill on my side of the desk. Instinctively, I raised it into a standard writing position, only to find that my hand was empty.

Oh wait, that's right. I have hooves now. So, what am I supposed to do with this?

Looking back up at the manager, I noticed that he had taken another item from his desk. It appeared to be a can of disinfectant spray, probably meant for use once I was finished. From that, I drew a conclusion.

So, I'm supposed to use my mouth on this? It's not what I had in mind, but maybe it'll be good practice for later on... Heh.

After biting the plume before me, I then turned my head about thirty degrees to the left in order to bathe its tip in the inkwell that had been provided for my usage. After coating my writing utensil, I gazed upon the surface on which its verbiage was meant to flow.

Job Application Form

Giving the proximate paperwork a death glare, I studied its inquiries closely, and within my mind, was formulating the perfect responses.

Okay... So we've got name and birth date... Pretty standard stuff. Wait, cutie mark? What in the name of... I think I'll just leave that blank for now.

I lowered my head, trying to focus my attention on landing the tip of my quill in the correct space. Seconds later, I felt contact with the paper and could confirm that ink was indeed flowing to it. With great care, I leaned backwards, taking my head into my hooves to steady the quill's path, and in doing so, successfully produced a vertical stroke on the paper. Then, I lifted my head up and readjusted my position to start near the top of the stroke and pressed the quill against the paper once more. This time, I leaned to the right to make a horizontal stroke. I then repeated this at the bottom of the vertical line to finish. Once I was done, the paper read, “I.”

One letter down, a shit-load more to go...

Needless to say, filling out an entire résumé with my mouth was a long, arduous, time-consuming task that I certainly wouldn't want to do ever again.

(I'm not going to fill out the form, but here, have a sample of my mouth-writing.)

Once I was finished, I set down my quill by spitting it out. Noticing this, the manager used his spray can to hose down the pinion, then tucked it back away in his desk drawer before levitating the complete paperwork towards his face.

“Hmm... Hear my request, if you will,” he said after reading over my application.

“Of course I will. What is it?” I replied.

“Turn around for me.”

Corresponding with his request, I rose up out of my seat and turned my body towards the door, presenting him with my backside. About three seconds later, the actuality of the situation finally hit me.

Oh, God... Is this one of THOSE job interviews? Because as much as I'd like to be employed, THAT is simply not my style! Nor is it something I would enjoy, for that matter.

Embarrassed and angry, I turned back around to face the manager.

He then said to me, “I suppose you were right in leaving that slot blank. I won't even ask how it's possible for you not to have a cutie mark yet, but it seems that your paperwork is all in order, so come along with me so that we may begin the second half of your interview.”

He was looking for a cutie mark? Okay, so apparently, cutie marks have something to do with my ass... Come to think of it, I have seen some strange patterns in the other ponies' coats before. I guess I'll have to look into that later.

A while later, we descended a flight of stairs to arrive in what seemed to be some kind of basement warehouse. I was surrounded by shelves, each of them stacked high with various kitchen supplies. Then, the manager walked over to a nearby shelf and pulled from it some sort of variation on a pair of saddlebags. The difference is that this object had a strap with upright trays on both sides that could be folded down to flatten them. The manager then fitted me with the device and spoke.

“First, I want you to test that thing out. Can you fly okay with it?” he asked me.

Somehow, I was able to get my wings over it and still flap with enough force to lift myself off the ground. I ascended to the top of the shelf before coming back down.

“It seems all right to me,” I answered.

“Okay then,” he replied. “For this aptitude test, you are to follow my every instruction. Your results of this test will determine if you are a viable employee. For my first order, you are to fly to the top of the shelf on the left.”

So, the real fight begins here, eh? Let's do this...

I flew to the top of the leftmost shelf.

“Grab a bag of flour and put it on a tray.”

I snapped at the bag with my teeth and dragged in over to the tray on my left side.

“Now down and to the right, take three teaspoons and a butcher's knife!”

I declined and looked to my right. Sliding my face along the shelf, I managed to scoop up three teaspoons. After piling them up on my right tray, I then carefully bit down on the butcher's knife, so as not to accidentally slice anything open, especially myself, and then deposited it with the spoons.

“Number three right, get glasses: four wine, two champagne!”

Backing out of my current location, I counted the available aisles, entered the third one from the left, and looked to my right. Surely enough, the glasses were there. These would be tough to get, being glass and all. I could only take one at a time, and even had to turn around at one point to place glasses on the other side to balance the weight on both sides of me.

“Now do a barrel roll!”

Immediately, my brain double-tapped the R button, forcing me to spin while leaning to the right. This sent me barrelling into the shelf on my right. I would have crashed through the shelf to the other side, but the trays protruding from my sides caught against the edges of the shelf, restraining me. I then backed out forcefully to pull myself safely out of the shelf. There was only one problem. I had stopped flapping my wings.

I fell to the ground and was shortly followed by everything I had been carrying. The bag of flour exploded when it landed, obscuring my view. Then, I could hear the sound of silver clanking all around me. After that, there was the sound of glass shattering followed by a sharp pain in my arms, and finally, I felt something wooden brush against the back of my leg.

Medic...

Aiming to divert attention from my pain, I slurred, “So... how'd I do, boss?”

The manager answered with, “Eh... We'll consider you.”

Just as I expected: I failed with style.

He then continued, “But, in the meantime, let's just get you to the hospital.”

When I next awoke, I was staring up at a green ceiling with a white curtain at my side. I sat up in the extremely stiff hospital bed and spotted a white pony with a pink mane wearing a nurse's hat.

Hello, nurse... Nah, I'll save that line for later.

I then thought to call the nurse over to my side to learn more of my current situation.

“Nurse?” I called out, hoping to get her attention. She then turned around and trotted towards me.

“Oh, good, you're awake!” she said. “I suppose you want to know what happened, don't you?”

“Of course I do,” I replied. “How long have I been out for, anyway?”

“You've been unconscious for about six hours. Apparently, you had shards of glass embedded in your forelegs,” she said, then pointed up at a nearby screen, which I immediately recognised as an x-ray. “Those six hours were due in part to our own anaesthesia, of course.”

“What? You can anaesthetise an unconscious patient?” I asked in shock.

“Why, yes,” answered the nurse. “Unicorn magic is known to be quite versatile, and healing magic is no exception to this rule. With how well magic ties into the medical world, the procedures we carried out were perfectly harmless!”

Wow... Why couldn't I have become a unicorn?

“Now,” she continued. “Let's get down to business.”

To defeat the Huns? Nope, just more paperwork...

She then pulled two sheets of paper out of a folder.

“I need your signature on both of these,” she said. “The first one is a document stating that during this time, you were here receiving treatment.”

To the right of me was a night stand that was home to a quill and inkwell. I took these instruments and used them to sign the document, with slightly more ease than before, due to my previous experience with mouth-writing.

The nurse then swapped the signed paper for a second one. “And as for this second document, we could say that Mr. Cheez was very generous.”

“Mr. Cheez?” I questioned.

“Yes. Big Cheez, the manager of the Clover Café,” she answered. “He oversaw your job interview, and rushed you here as soon as he saw your injuries. That document right there states that Mr. Cheez will cover all of your medical expenses for this incident as long as you don't take any legal action against him.”

...Well, it's not like I could have afforded the lawyer, anyway, I thought as I signed the second document. Or the doctor's fees, for that matter.

“Okay,” said the nurse. “Your paperwork seems to be all in order. My guess is that in about a half an hour, your condition will be considered stable enough so that you can leave. I'm Nurse Redheart. Just send for me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay, Nurse Redheart!” I responded.

As predicted, thirty minutes later, a doctor came into my room to check me out of the hospital. I was then rolled out of the building in a wheelchair.

Outside, it had already gotten dark. The full moon gave off a bit of light, but not enough for me to continue normally. Everything then came back to me. I had nowhere to stay for the night, and with no cash on hand, I couldn't just check into an inn. Thankfully, with that realisation came a helpful flashback. Thinking back to my cloud-clearing experience with Rainbow Dash, I realised that I possessed the power to manipulate clouds. Maybe, just maybe, if I found one wide enough, I could use that as a bed.

I ascended to find a suitable cloud to sleep in, and when I found it, I quickly dove into it. Pleased at the fact that it remained intact, I then embraced its texture (or lack thereof) and other features, and comfortably lost myself in the amalgamation of the cool, the fluffy, the moist, and the delicious. Cloud Nine, this was indeed.

Suddenly, I awoke to a deafening crash and pain coursing through my entire body. With every single one of my hairs standing up, the evidence suggested a single culprit: Lightning. But then, a much more urgent reality entered my brain. The strike had knocked me off of my cloud, which meant that I was falling out of the sky. Again. And to make matters worse, the electricity had also rendered my wings immobile.

...This is where I die, isn't it?

While silently preparing for the harsh demise that awaited me, I noticed that my descent had slowed before halting completely. In fact, I was rising once again, and there was something moving underneath me. Had I been rescued?

“Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think that bolt would actually hit you!”

That voice, it's...

“Rainbow Dash?” I asked weakly.

“Yeah,” she answered. “I saw you float by on a cloud, then I took a closer look and saw you sleeping, so I decided to wake you up and take you to a place where you can stay. I know, there are a thousand better ways I could have done it, but I never take the time to think these things through. I'm so stupid!”

“Rainbow...” I said, having recovered slightly from my shock.

“What is it, Incer?” she replied.

“Don't put yourself down,” I advised. “Because that's my job.”

“Huh?”

“For example,” I continued, “You're not the stupid one, I am. I'm the one that was sleeping in a cloud, remember?”

“Well, I don't blame you for it.” Her sympathetic answer surprised me. “I like to take naps in them from time to time, myself. Those other pony types don't know what they're missing!”

So, cloud-related matters can only be handled by pegasi... Good to know.

“We're here!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash as we approached one of the strangest residences I had ever seen. The darkness impaired my vision, but it appeared to be a house built entirely out of clouds that was supported by cloud columns. How such a piece of architecture could even exist was beyond me. With me still on her back, the pegasus flew inside the uncanny building before landing on the floor. I then dismounted her.

“This is my place,” she explained to me. “You can stay here for the time being. You can even use my couch! As for me, I'll be heading off to bed, it's gotten pretty late. Thanks for trying to cheer me up earlier, by the way.”

“I'm glad to have helped, Rainbow,” I said as I watched her trot off to her bedroom. I then looked to the couch on the left side of the room. It looked like it hadn't seen much use, and while it was certainly no cloud, would more than suffice for use as a sleep apparatus. I plunged myself into the lounge, and before finally drifting off for real, produced one final thought.

I have no idea how, but somehow, everything turned out all right.

Chapter 3: A Hexad of Encounters

I awoke once more, with feeling, to the sound of running water. I took a look around at my unfamiliar environment. If my memory had served me correctly, this was the inside of Rainbow Dash's house. I thought back in an attempt to recall the previous day's events.

But my thinking was interrupted when the water suddenly stopped running. I then heard a few steps, and a few seconds later, Rainbow Dash walked into my view, sopping wet. Steaming water ran down her face and sides, causing her colourful mane to cling to her body, a sleek body, which glistened beautifully underneath the sunlight that was pouring in through the clouded windows of her home. After taking in this image, I sat up in the couch to greet her.

“Good morning, Rainbow Dash,” I said.

“Kyaa!” Rainbow screamed in shock. “Oh, hi, Incer! What are you doing here?” she asked nervously.

“You invited me to stay in your house, remember?”

“Oh, right! Must have forgot! Silly me! Gottagobye!” she said quickly, before speeding out the door.

After that fast-paced display, I noticed that along with my posture, something else had also risen, a fact which was confirmed when I felt my left wing brush against the couch. Just then, Rainbow Dash popped her head back inside.

“Almost forgot! You can use my shower if you need to! Leaving now!”

After watching Rainbow Dash exit for a second time, I decided to heed her advice. I got up off of the couch and navigated the aerial domicile to locate the room where these facilities were located. Once inside, I stumbled upon a mirror hanging on the wall, which had been the first reflective surface I had noticed since my transformation, so naturally, I couldn't help but to get a good look at myself.

Stature-wise, I looked pretty much the same as any other pony, with only a few defining features that could set me apart from the others, such as a white coat, a teal mane and tail, and a pair of red irises that seemed to brighten up my eyes.

Well, at least until sleep deprivation sets in. Then they'll be camouflaged. Although, I do have to say, it's a good look considering where I am. Here in Ponyville, I could probably blend into a crowd fairly easily with this look, but back on Earth, I'm pretty sure I could qualify as a modern art masterpiece...

Having finished the analysis of my appearance, I then proceeded towards the shower and its accompanying bathtub. It seemed to be just like any other shower I had seen before, with the tap knobs and everything. Because of my current body form, I was also simply delighted at the fact that the soap was of the squirt bottle variety, rather than the bar variety. Taking a sniff at the soap bottle allowed me to take in its fragrant aroma and discover that this particular soap contained an essence that was indeed among the highest calibre of soaps: soap flavoured, with just a hint of soap.

I then started the water and stepped in. Immediately, I recoiled as I was assaulted with a chilling cascade of cold water. As the frigid torrent continued to force itself upon me, I began to wonder; why?

Maybe, at this altitude... That would make sense...

I interrupted my thoughts so that I could start soaping up, then resumed.

Either that, or Rainbow just used up all the hot water. Come to think of it...

I thought back to the sight of Rainbow Dash leaving the shower. There was definitely steam coming off of her body, her athletic body, with a slender figure and a magnificent―

!!

Just then, I had managed to unconsciously run my soapy hoof by my underbelly, making contact with a certain sensitive spot and causing my entire body to convulse with thrill. After that, I felt some throbbing, followed by the feeling of something running down my hoof, which I immediately brought into my view, only to find that the odd substance blended in quite well with it. At that point, I turned towards the drain and saw a larger amount of this substance about to exit.

Is that...? Yes, definitely. *Sigh* You'd think that water as cold as this would prevent this sort of thing...

In shame, I finished up the rest of my shower, then started towelling off, which gave me ample time to do some more thinking about the incident.

I sure hope cloud drains don't get clogged easily, because if they do, then Rainbow is going to be pissed. And speaking of Rainbow, what the hell was I thinking, fantasising about her? I mean, I can't possibly find a pony to be... attractive, can I?

Then, my thoughts, in all their impurity, turned to Rainbow Dash once again, so in response, I halted them in the only way I knew how to.

No, stop! What the hell are you doing, you motherfucker?! That does not go there! WHAT THE FUCK?! ...Besides, I'm pretty sure she's way out of my league. And I'm also pretty sure that I'd be treading on Pinkie Pie's territory. Heh... Wait a second. Pinkie Pie?

At that moment, I had just remembered a previous engagement I had made with her. Today was the day for my welcoming party, and it could start at any moment, so with my clean body dried and absolutely no idea of the current time, I hung up my towel and rushed out the door.

All right, let's do this. Sugar Cube Corner, here we come.

Thankfully, I had actually remembered the fact that this house was in the sky and descended safely towards my target. With the candy-shaped building in sight, I landed and entered. Once inside, I saw only two ponies, not nearly enough to inhabit a party; a sign that I had arrived early. As I approached the front desk, a blue mare noticed me.

“Can we help you?” she asked.

“Yes, actually,” I answered. “I heard that Pinkie Pie is going to be hosting a party later today. Do you have anything on that...?”

“Oh, yes, I do. It should be starting up in about an hour, I think. But, if you're looking for Pinkie, well, she's not here. She left a while ago, probably to round up some guests.”

“I see... So, I figure I should just come back when the party starts, maybe?” I asked.

“Okay, then...” she replied with somewhat of a concerned look on her face.

I then made my way over to the exit and peeked outside. The sky had suddenly changed to become quite a bit overcast, and a couple of drops of rain had already fallen to the ground. I quickly turned back around and chuckled sheepishly.

“Eh heh heh... On second thought, maybe I should stay here instead.”

The blue mare then gave me a smile and said, “That's what I thought. Anyway, just go right ahead and make yourself at home, Mr...”

“Incer,” I replied. “Incer Tony Miere.”

“Incer? So, you're the guest of honour, then?”

“It seems so. And the two of you are?”

“Well, I'm Cup Cake, and the stallion over there,” she said, pointing at a yellow pony with a hat and bow tie, “is my husband, Carrot Cake.”

Carrot Cake and Cup Cake... Should be easy enough to remember, but... I can't help but wonder what her maiden name was.

“We run this bakery together,” she continued. “Would like like to try something?”

“Oh no, I couldn't,” I answered while deciding to just open everything up. “As much as I would like to, I haven't exactly the means to, well, compensate you.”

“Oh?” questioned Mrs. Cake, raising an eyebrow.

“I just, uh... arrived here in Ponyville yesterday, without a single thing to my name. I've managed to arrange a temporary stay with Rainbow Dash, but as for my search for employment, well, some jobs are more arduous than they look.”

“Is that so?” she replied.

But before the conversation could progress any further, we were interrupted by Pinkie Pie, who had just burst into the bakery, still as bubbly as ever, and still dripping from being outside in the rain, which appeared to have just cleared up.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” she called out. Then, she looked at me. “Oh, hi, Incer! I hope you're super-duper pumped for your welcome party, because I sure totally am! It's almost party time! Woohoo!” Pinkie then began to bounce about the room.

...I think I feel a headache coming on.

Just then, I sensed something strange about Pinkie. She appeared to have somewhat of a certain air of familiarity about her, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was exactly. Maybe it was... something about her scent?

And then, Mrs. Cake motioned something to her husband. Apparently, she had sensed something as well. They conversed silently for a few seconds before Mr. Cake finally asked, “Uh... Pinkie Pie? Could you come with me for a second?”

“Sure thing, Mr. Cake!” She answered with a grin on her face, and then followed the other baker into another room.

“Well, that was interesting,” I said to Mrs. Cake once the two had left.

“I'll say,” she answered. “Now, where were we?”

“Something about money and jobs or something.”

“Oh, right. Well, don't let it trouble you any. After all, you must be starving, I imagine.”

...Come to think of it, this is my second day in Ponyville, and all I've eaten since I got here is some liquid from an I-V tube, if that.

“Well, now that you mention it, that cupcake there does look delicious,” I said, pointing to a cupcake with pink frosting.

Mrs. Cake chuckled to herself and responded with, “That's the spirit, Incer,” as she handed me the cupcake.

Or would that be 'hoofed' me the cupcake? Interesting...

But before I could thank her, a buzzer sounded in another room. Immediately, Mrs. Cake perked up and said, “Oh, the timer! It's been a nice chat with you, Incer, but now, I have to get to the oven!” before she exited the room, leaving me and my cupcake all alone.

Seeing as I had nothing else to do, I then started on the pastry that was in front of me by strategically chipping away at it from all angles with my tongue. I skilfully licked my way around the perimeter of the treat and navigated the frosting, causing a stock of the sticky substance to pile up inside my mouth. I then removed my tongue from the surface to enjoy the taste of that which I had captured; to savour its sweetness and revel in all of its luscious glory.

Strawberry. Definitely strawberry.

After that, I finished the cupcake just in time for Pinkie Pie to re-enter the scene holding what appeared to be an enormous group of helium balloons that, in total, amounted to about four times her size. Humming a tune to herself, she then deftly bounced about the room, distributing the balloons at several points throughout it. Once she had released the final balloon, she spotted me.

“Oh, Incer! You're still here! That's so great, because now I have somepony to help me set up the party! Come with me!”

Before I could respond, she grabbed me by the hoof and quite literally dragged me into another room which contained various party supplies.

“Hmm... Now where do we start? Oh, right! Tablecloths! I don't have to get the tables because they're still out from last week's party! Could you get the punch, Incer?” She asked this as she aimed her hoof towards a bowl on my left.

“On it,” I said as I eyed the punch bowl.

Now, how do I... Oh, that makes sense.

I took the bowl in both of my front hooves and flapped my wings a bit to keep me hovering over the ground. Heading back into the bakery's lobby, I then spotted a table that Pinkie had already covered with a cloth, and carefully set the bowl down in the centre of it.

Afterwards, I simply followed Pinkie's lead when it came to getting the rest of the supplies. To be frank, I wasn't of much assistance, due to my inexperience with party-related matters, as well as my inability to keep up with Pinkie's boundless energy. Within minutes, the entire place had been primed for the party.

Pinkie then said to me, “Thanks, Incer! I couldn't have done it without you!”

Now that's definitely not true...

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie lunged towards me with her arms extended. In shock, I nearly screamed as I fell over backwards, which caused Pinkie to lose her balance and fall on me.

Pinkie then proceeded to wrap her arms around me and say, “Come on, Incer! It's just a hug from your friend Pinkie Pie! Don't be so scared!” And then, it hit me.

Female thing... On top of me... Must resist...

Indeed. Pinkie Pie was definitely making contact with me while I was in quite a sensitive state brought about by my current position. I had to put all of my focus and every last bit of my own willpower into suppressing my every single natural urge in hopes that these urges would not overcome me, and somehow, I succeeded. After what seemed like an eternity, Pinkie Pie finally got off of me, allowing me to stand back up.

“Well, Incer, I don't know about you, but I think we should get back to the party...” said Pinkie, as she shot me a gaze that appeared somewhat... enticing.

“R-right. Of course,” I replied, feeling extremely nervous and highly unsure of what I had just brought upon myself.

As we both re-entered the lobby, the bakery's entrance opened to grant passage to five other mares, Rainbow Dash being one of them.

“Oh, hi, you guys!” Pinkie shouted. “Glad you could all make it to the party!”

“Well, we certainly wouldn't have missed it for the world, Pinkie,” an orange pony responded with a bit of a drawl. “Now, introduce us to your little friend here.”

“Oh, this?” Pinkie answered. “This is Incer!” She then hesitated a bit. “Well, what are you waiting for, Incer? Say hi!”

“Oh! Um... Hi, everyone. You're all here for my party, right?” I said, mentally cursing my social awkwardness.

Damn! I didn't expect to be put on the spot like that! My tactical prowess is failing me, so time for Plan B: ad-lib everything!

Of course, said awkwardness did not go undetected, as was evident in Rainbow Dash's sudden laughter.

“Ha! What's up with you, Incer? Are you telling me that this is the guy that I―” She then cut herself short. “Heh... Never mind.”

“Right...” said the purple unicorn. “Incer, is it? Yes, we're here for your party. So tell me, how has Ponyville been for you so far? I haven't been here that long myself.”

I answered with, “It's been pretty good so far. Some things seem a bit strange to me at the moment, but I'm hoping that I can work around that somehow.”

“Don't worry. I felt the exact same way when I first arrived here. You'll get used to it. Anyway, we should all introduce ourselves. I'm Twilight Sparkle, and I run the local library.”

“Twilight... Nice to meet you. I never considered myself much of a reader, but it might be something I could get into.”

Then, another unicorn stepped forward and began speaking. “So, a new stallion is in town? I must say, we don't get those often here in Ponyville. I am Rarity, a fashion designer and a prime example of a pony's beauty!” She then batted her eyelashes at me.

…

“...”

“Ah! I see my charm has left you quite speechless, has it not?” she asked, giving me a sly grin.

“Eh... Sure,” I replied, taken aback by her forwardness.

Then Rainbow Dash came to my defence with a double-edged statement. “Come on, Rarity, take it easy on him. Besides, I don't think Incer here is ready for the big leagues. Isn't that right, Incer?”

I took the full brunt of that attack and weakly countered with, “Right... Big leagues... Still way far away from that!” Everyone then started laughing, much to my chagrin. “Okay, okay. So who's next?”

The orange pony then walked up to me and starting shaking my hoof. “Pleased to meet ya there, Incer. I'm Applejack, a proud member of the Apple Family, owners of Sweet Apple Acres and growers of the best darn apples in town!”

“You farm apples?”

“Apples.”

“Apples... Is it rough living the farmer's life?”

“Maybe for you unconditioned city folk, but when you've been apple-buckin' since you were knee-high to a cider barrel, it couldn't get any easier!”

I'll just take your word for that...

“Of course. Nice to meet you, Applejack.”

“It's a pleasure!”

Just then, Pinkie jumped into my view once again.

“Ooh, and I'm Pinkie Pie, and― oh wait! You know me already!” She then fell to the ground and burst into a fit of laughter.

In concern, I asked, “Is she... quite all right?”

“Like I said,” Twilight answered, “you get used to it eventually.”

Rainbow then chimed in with, “Twilight's right, you know. And of course, same goes for me as Pinkie. Now, gimme some!” She finished by holding out a hoof, and then we performed a high five, or to be more accurate, a high one.

“Of course, Rainbow Dash,” I responded. “Now, these introductions have been great and all, but I could have sworn there were six of you...”

“...eep.”

Just then, I heard a voice sound out from behind Rarity. She then turned around. “Now, Fluttershy, just what are you doing hiding back there? Come on now, we've worked on this. You've absolutely nothing to be afraid of, so go on, be friendly!” She then got behind the yellow pegasus and gave her a light shove to bring her closer to me.

“Um... Hi, Incer... My name is... Fluttershy.”

Well, she certainly lives up to that last syllable. It looks like I'll have to take the initiative here. Come on, man... No mistakes... I am so not ready for this!

“Fluttershy? I'm glad to meet you, Fluttershy.” I then noticed that she was cowering slightly, with her face partially buried underneath her own mane, a sight which gave me an idea. “So, do you see yourself as being, well, shy?”

She silently nodded her head in response.

“Well, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.”

“...You don't?” Her face became fully exposed.

“I don't. In fact, it sort of reminds me of myself when I was younger. And you know what?”

“What is it?”

“I like your style.”

“Y-you do?!”

“I do.”

“T-that's... so wonderful...” Her face then gained a pinkish glow as she smiled and took a few steps back to rejoin her friends.

...I may have laid it on a bit thick there. That kind of thing tends to happen when I don't plan. But you know what? I survived the conversation and didn't completely screw up my first impressions, and at the end of the day, that's really all that matters. So, what's my next mission?

“Well, enough about us,” said Rarity. “What about you, Incer? Where do you come from?”

!!

“Well, I, uh―”

“Wait a minute.” Suddenly, Twilight interrupted. “Aren't the other guests just arriving right now?”

We all looked over towards the entrance, which ponies were practically flooding through.

Pinkie Pie then perked up. “She's right! They are here! I'd better go greet them! Sorry you couldn't tell your super-duper awesome story, but maybe you can later! Right now, IT'S PARTY TIME!” She then bounced off.

“Well, y'all heard her, girls,” said Applejack. “Let's get the party started!”

The other five ponies then scattered to the various tables in search of party cuisine. Only Twilight lingered, stopping for a moment to wink at me before following the rest of her friends.

Now what was that all about? Whatever, I'll take it.

… … … … …

“I have to give it to you, Pinkie,” I said contentedly. “This party was fantastic.”

“I know, right? I'm so happy you enjoyed it! I'll have to talk to you later, though. Gotta see if Berry Punch has an escort. See you later, Incer!”

“Bye, Pinkie!” (Phew, I survived.) Just then, I was approached by Mr. and Mrs. Cake.

“So, Incer,” began Mr. Cake, “How did you like your party?”

“It wasn't bad at all. There were some awkward moments, but, well, who doesn't have those? Overall, I had a pretty good time.”

“That's great. Well, anyway, my wife has brought it to my attention that you're looking for a job. Is that true?”

“Why, yes it is. Why do you ask?”

“Well, we believe that you would make a wonderful employee here at Sugar Cube Corner.”

...I was hoping I could avoid it, but it looks like this place really is my best shot. I think I'll just go along with it.

“We can even give you a place to stay,” continued Mr. Cake, as he showed me to a furnished room with barely anything else in it. “We were planning on giving this room to one of the twins, but they won't need it until much later.”

“That sounds... great, but why me?”

My question was met with, “Go, right ahead, sugar plum,” and then Mrs. Cake picked up where he left off.

“The reason why we're hiring you is because, well... It's Pinkie Pie. We both realised something after she was being... extra Pinkie Pie today.”

“Extra Pinkie Pie? What did she do that was so strange that it made her extra Pinkie Pie?” I questioned.

“Well...” The couple fidgeted a bit, and looked at each other worriedly.

“Hmm... Is this something I want to know?” I asked, detecting their concern.

“My guess would be that you wouldn't want to know that,” answered Mrs. Cake. “Anyway, the point is that Pinkie Pie is, well, Pinkie Pie, and we think that if she had the company of a level-headed stallion such as yourself, she would even out quite a bit.”

That is a good hypothesis, but... since when the hell did I become level-headed?

“Wait, a level-headed stallion? Are you insinuating that Pinkie and I should...?”

“Oh, no,” she replied. “I didn't mean for it to come off in that way. At least, not if you would prefer otherwise. The two of you would only be working together in our sweets shop. Pinkie also happens to live here, but the two of you would have completely different rooms.”

“Ah, I see.”

We then all moved back into the main lobby. The party guests were all long gone, and Pinkie still hadn't returned. Streamers and confetti littered the floor, along with several balloons which had fallen from the ceiling. There was also plenty of party residue, including, but not limited to, cake crumbs, punch condensation, and blood stains.

I then reviewed the proposition that the Cakes had given me. “So, what we're looking at is a win/win sort of deal, right? I get a source of income and a place to stay, in exchange for taking this Pinkie Pie off of your hands, and hopefully, swapping her with a more normal one.”

“I wouldn't put it so bluntly,” answered Mrs. Cake, “but yes, that is the deal.” Then I realised something.

...'off of your hands'? Whoa, I almost blew my cover there! I have to be more careful!

“Okay then. Since that's the case, then I am happy to say that I accept this new position,” I confirmed.

“You accept the job?” asked Mr. Cake.

“I accept it.”

“Right here and right now?”

“Right here and now.”

“Then it's settled. As of now, you are an official employee of Sugar Cube Corner!”

(E-pic pro-mo-tion theme goes heeeeeeere!)

“I honestly cannot thank you enough for this. I would even go as far as to call it an honour.”

“An honour? That's nice of you to call it that. Now, your first task as an employee of Sugar Cube Corner is to clean up this mess.”

D'oh!

Chapter 3x: A Party of Pinkie Proportions

Author's Note: Brace yourself! That is all.

PoV Character: Pinkie Pie

I yawned as I opened up my eyes to the sunshine-y light that was pouring through my window. For some weird reason or another, I was all sweaty.

Time for a new day... But what was with that dream? Something about a hacksaw... Why do they call it that, anyway?

As I was thinking, I felt something moving underneath the covers. Location-wise, it was around the inside of my hind leg, or maybe between my haunches, but really it was more―

!!

“Aaahhh!” I screamed as energy coursed through my body, kind of like a lightning bolt, except instead of hurting me like a lightning bolt would, this energy made me feel all warm and tingly on the inside. At this moment I knew exactly what was in my bed. I tossed aside the quilt and leapt to the floor beside me, then apprehended the intruder.

“Look, Gummy,” I said while giving off a nervous laugh. “I know you like to make your Auntie Pinkie Pie feel good, but you really shouldn't be in there without my permission, okay?”

Gummy blinked. It was obvious that he was disappointed.

Oh, Gummy, you know I can't resist a sad face like that. Now I have to make you happy again, because a smile's a smile, no matter who it comes from.

“Aww... I don't want you to be upset,” I said as I comforted him. An idea of a compromise then formed in my mind. “How about we go over to that bathtub over there, and we can do whatever you want?”

Gummy blinked. It appeared that he liked the idea. He then walked into my bathroom and looked towards me expectantly. Taking the signal, I followed him in and climbed into the tub. It was tough to find a comfortable position to lie in, but sure enough, I found it. I then held my hoof out so that Gummy could clamp down on it, then reeled him into the tub. He then let go of my hoof and started using his snout to poke at my special place. It kind of tickled.

“Heehee!” I giggled. “Is my little Gummy ready to have some fun?”

Gummy might have blinked, but I wasn't quite sure. But I was sure of one thing: Gummy was definitely enjoying himself down there. I could feel him breathing faster the longer he stayed near me. I enjoyed every moment of the action as I felt the bursts of cool air tease me, almost in the same way as being tickled by somepony blowing a party horn in your face. But instead of a party horn in my face, it was Gummy's nose in my vagina!

“Ha ha ha, that's the spot! Nice job, Gummy! Do you want to go deeper inside now?”

I couldn't see whether Gummy had blinked or not, but he seemed to go along with it just fine. After stopping to make sure he was in position, he slowly inched his way forward until his scaly face was halfway buried.

“Aaaaahh~ There it is! You've got it, Gummy! N-now start moving around!”

To make a long story short, Gummy did what he was told, and kept at it. He just wouldn't let up. Not a second had gone by when I didn't feel his cutesy-wootsy little head twitching around inside of me!

“Nggg... Haaaaah... Gummy, you're so good at this~... Hmmm... M-makes me feel... Aaagh... Like I'm about to explode! Hhnngg...”

One more move, and I'll―

“Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

… … … … …

It had taken me a while to catch my breath after Gummy had put me over the edge. Looking over towards him, I could see that he escaped my insides safely, and that he looked really proud of himself, and since I wanted him to be the very happiest he could ever be, I decided to congratulate him on a job well done.

“Oh, Gummy, you're the best,” I said as I scooped him up in my hooves. Then I gave him a quick peck on the nose, just where he likes it best. Even better, it was still wet from our playtime!

“Mmm, tasty! Well anyway, it looks like we made quite a mess in here, Gummy,” I said as I pointed out a big puddle in the tub. “Let me just rinse this out, then we can both get ourselves cleaned up, okay?”

Gummy blinked.

… … … … …

Once we had finished our bath, I put Gummy back inside my bedroom and then left said room.

That's right. Today, I have to throw one of my super-special welcome parties for that new pony in town. What was his name again? Icer... Insert... Incer! His name was Incer! Wait, now I forget. Did I invite everypony to that party? I'd better check to make sure.

I was about to climb down the stairs to go out, but then I overheard Mr. Cake talking to Mrs. Cake.

“Shouldn't we confront her about this?”

“No, I think that is the kind of thing that goes best unmentioned.”

“It's the second time she's done that this week!”

“True... I think she's beyond our help, Carrot.”

I wonder what they're talking about... Oh well! Better get going!

Once on the ground, I shouted out to them, saying, “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake! I'm going out to invite my friends to the party! Bye~!” before running out the door.

Hmm... Maybe I should hit Dashie's house first.

While I was walking down the dirt road to Rainbow Dash's cloud house, I saw Rainbow Dash flying through the air, piling up clouds, so I called her.

“Rainbow Dash! I have to talk to you!”

“Sure, Pinks. What is it?”

“I didn't forget to invite you to Incer's welcome party, did I?”

“Of course not. You invited the entire town like you usually do for your welcome parties, remember? You did all of that yesterday!”

And just like that, the memories just came flooding back to me, all at once.

“Wow, Dashie! I can't believe I forgot that I had done all that! Anyway, what's with the clouds? Is it supposed to rain today?”

“Well, sort of. This is really just for a light shower. It'll be over before you know it.”

“Then do you really need all of those clouds?”

“You'd be surprised, Pinkie. In fact, I think this formation needs one more. I'll be right back.”

Just then, Rainbow Dash flew off to her house, but instead of going inside, she got underneath it and broke off a piece of it, then carried it back to put it with all the other rain clouds.

“Are you supposed to be doing that, Dash?”

“Normally, no, we don't do this. But, since this shower is going to be so short, I figure it can't do much harm. Anyway, you should probably clear out of here, Pinkie. It's gonna start pouring down.”

“Don't worry, Dashie! I love the rain! Ever since that chocolate milk attack hit Ponyville, I can't get enough of it!”

“Well, okay then. Suit yourself, Pinkie. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta make it rain!”

Then, Rainbow Dash flew up even higher into the air before diving hard into one of the clouds. The shock from that one cloud set off a whole bunch of other clouds, which set off a whole bunch of other clouds, which set off a whole bunch of other clouds, until all of the clouds were spilling out water, like a conga line full of rain clouds.

At least, I thought they were all spilling out water, but after looking closer, it seemed that there was something different about the cloud from Rainbow Dash's house. Instead of its raindrops being clear-coloured like you would expect from the rain, they were white, like milk, or even vanilla frosting!

Well, it may not be chocolate milk, but it still looks like it's worth trying!

Right away, I got underneath the special cloud and opened my mouth to let that mystery sweetness inside of me. But, to my surprise, instead of sweetness, I got bitterness as my reward, with a smidgeon of saltiness to boot. I felt its slimy texture going down my throat when I swallowed it, almost making me gag.

Hmm... This stuff doesn't taste good at all. It's probably not even recipe-worthy. But if that's the case, then why am I still here drinking it?

It was a complete mystery to me. But then, I remembered the time. My invitations were already delivered, so I had no more reason to be out here. Instead of drinking mysterious cloud goo, I should have been back at the bakery, setting up the party! I quickly rushed back to Sugar Cube Corner, and just like Dash told me, the rain didn't last all that long, almost clearing up completely before I got there.

“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Cake!” Looking to my left, I saw Incer standing at the service counter. Happy to see him here so early, I said, “Oh, hi, Incer! I hope you're super-duper pumped for your welcome party, because I sure totally am! It's almost party time! Woohoo!” Then I started bouncing around the room because I was so happy!

“Uh... Pinkie Pie?” Mr. Cake asked to get my attention. “Could you come with me for a second?”

“Sure thing, Mr. Cake!” I answered as I followed him into another room. “So, what is it that you want me for?” I asked. He had kind of a nervous look on his face.

“...Pinkie?”

“Yes?”

“Have you been playing in any... funny smelling liquids lately?”

“Well, there was that rain cloud that was pouring out a bunch of salty, slimy milk. It didn't taste good, that's for sure.”

“...A rain cloud?”

“Yeah! It came out of a rain cloud!”

“A rain cloud... Is this the absolute truth?”

“Of course, Mr. Cake! Why would I lie to you?”

We both sat in silence for a few seconds. Mr. Cake looked like he was thinking really hard about something. Eventually, he broke the silence by saying, “Okay, Pinkie. I'll take your word for it, but... be sure to clean yourself up before going back out there.”

“Will do, Mr. Cake!”

But as I was walking back upstairs, I could have sworn I heard Mr. Cake saying something.

“Definitely... Beyond...”

“What was that?” I asked him.

“N-nothing, Pinkie!”

...

“Okie Dokie Lokie!”

Chapter 1: A Rude Awakening

When I awoke, I was falling from the sky. I caught a glimpse of my hands as my eyesight returned.

What the--?! Where are my fingers?

In panic, I flailed my arms around frantically. It was then that I felt something protruding from behind me.

Wings? Since when did I have wings?

But there was no time to question the strange changes in my body. I would be reaching terminal velocity at any moment. I then realised that I had wings. Taking an instant to learn how to control them, I gave a quick flap to slow my descent. I repeated this until I slowed to a speed I was comfortable with.

But while I was gliding downwards, something very peculiar happened. There was a cloud that I had my eye on, because when you're moving this slowly, you have to find something to do, but while I was watching this cloud, there was a great flash of light, and the cloud seemed to disappear into a rainbow-coloured puff of smoke.

The rainbow then zoomed past me again and called out to me.

“Hey, you! I could use a little help here!”

She then stopped and punched through another cloud. It was then that I could finally see what that mysterious figure was. She was a pegasus with a cyan coat and a mane that was an indescribable shade of rainbow. It was at that moment that I remembered that I should probably stop staring at her and answer her instead.

“Help with... Cloud control?” I replied uncertainly.

“Of course! What else?” she said with the tiniest bit of hostility in her tone.

The rainbow pegasus seemed to have a few attitude issues, issues that I was not at all unfamiliar with, but my judgement of her character would have to wait, because I had a new mission to fulfil.

“Okay... I'll do my best,” I said as I accepted her challenge.

Let's do this...

I flapped my way towards the nearest cloud and grabbed onto it, but was taken aback by the fact that it inexplicably remained solid in my... hooves.

Look, you can sort all of this out later, for now, just stay focused on the task at hand... hoof... WHATEVER!

After giving the cloud a solid whack, it dissipated, leaving me to clumsily manoeuvre to the next one. About ten clouds later, I was finally starting to learn how to control my wings for a more accurate flight path, but after dispelling a few more of those puffs of condensed water, I took a look around the perimeter of my vicinity. There were no more clouds to be found. The skies were clear. I spotted the rainbow pegasus dashing back towards me.

“...And we're done. I really wish I could thank you for the help, but honestly, you fly like a first year flight school drop-out,” she said coldly, before speeding away.

...And a good morning to you too, bit-*growl*

My frustration was interrupted by my hunger. For some reason, I found myself craving a pastry of some kind. I began to glide back down towards the ground.

When I finally hit the ground, I saw that I was in what appeared to be a town of some sorts, but what immediately caught my eye is that there were ponies EVERYWHERE. Along with the standard flavour of ponies, there also existed unicorns and pegasi.

So anyway, randomly losing my fingers, growing wings, and falling out of the sky into a society dominated by different species of ponies caused me to put two and two together in order to conclude that I, for some reason, had been transformed into a pony, a pegasus pony, to be more specific.

But for what purpose am I here?

I decided not to think about it any longer, and instead opted to walk down the road to see where it would take me. Adapting to walking on all fours was easier than I expected. As I was taking in my surroundings, I noticed a sound behind me that was quite out of rhythm when compared to my... hoof beats.

Stopping to look behind me, I spotted a pink pony bouncing happily with a huge smile on her face and her eyes closed. She was obviously not watching where she was going, and because of that, that was all the information that I was allowed to gather before one of her bounces sent her flying directly into me.

After the collision, our bodies were contorted on the ground in a tangled mess. Having a closer look at her, I noticed something quite interesting about her appearance while we untangled ourselves. Her mane, which was also pink, was untamed, and flowed into a shape that could only be described as puffy, which is something that I never thought was naturally possible in a horse. Once we had recovered from our fall, the pink pony began to apologise.

“Ohmygosh I'msosorry Ishould'veseenwhereIwasgoing and—GASP!”

Her loud voice and rapid-fire tongue caught me off guard, but not nearly as much as her sudden gasp, which was accompanied by an extensive leap into the air. She then landed, resumed speaking, and began circling me while bouncing excitedly.

“There's a new pony in town! I can't believe there's a new pony in town! Oh, this is gonna be so much fun! Because you know what happens when I find out there's a new pony in town?!”

“Ehh... No, I don't...” I answered nervously as I instinctively leaned back in fear.

“A PARTY!” exclaimed the pink pony with, in my opinion, way too much enthusiasm.

Jeez... How much sugar does this girl eat?!

“Ooh, but before I can start planning your welcome party, I have to know your name!” As she said this, she handed me an index card with a large cluster of letters on it.

Name Entry One

Hmm... Since I'm in a new environment and I've taken a new shape, I might as well assume a different identity while I'm at it. But I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a very creative person, which means that I've always been terrible at thinking of new names... Wait, what does that say there? “Insert Name Here?” Actually, that sounds like a great place to start. I just have to play around a bit with the spelling to make it seem like a real name...

After experimenting for a while, I managed to come up with a name: Incer Tony Miere. After thinking of this, I noticed that the square on the card was moving to each individual letter in order to type the name that I thought of. It was certainly strange, but compared to the mannerisms of the pony that had given it to me, the telepathic, animated card was definitely less scary.

Name Entry Two

Once the final letter was typed in, I handed the card back to the pony by balancing it on my hoof, and said, “I really have no idea what this is, but my name is Incer Tony Miere.”

She takes the card back. “Thanks, Incer!” she said with a smile. “I'm Pinkie Pie!” Her excitement level, having peaked earlier, seems to have declined to... whatever level Pinkie considers normal. “So, about your party, is tomorrow good?”

“Tomorrow sounds great, actually,” I answered.

“OK! Your 'Welcome to Ponyville' party is gonna be at Sugar Cube Corner, tomorrow at noon!” she said, still smiling.

“OK, but where's Sugar Cube Corner?” I asked.

“It's the giant gingerbread cupcake house right over there, silly!” she answered as she aimed her hoof at the candy-shaped building.

“Oh...” I said, probably with the most stupid look possible on my face. I had made a complete fool of myself. Even as a pony, this wasn't the first time this had happened, and I knew that it sure as hell wouldn't be the last.

“Hmm... You look like you could use the help of somepony to show you around,” said Pinkie Pie, sounding normal for once.

“Yes,” I replied. “That would be most helpful.”

Wait a minute... somePONY?

“It's too bad I'll be too busy planning your party to do it myself...” She tapped a hoof to her chin while thinking, then suddenly perked up while gasping simultaneously. An idea must have entered her head. “But I bet I can get my friend Rainbow Dash to help you out!”

Rainbow... The mere mention of the word brought me back to the encounter I had earlier that morning.

Pinkie must have sensed something wrong with my reaction, because she immediately asked me, “What's wrong? Are you afraid to meet her?”

“Eh... Kind of...” That was the best answer I could think of.

She then reassured me by saying, “You've got nothing to worry about, 'cos Dashie's totally great once you get to know her!”

...Dashie?!

She then started out in search of her friend, and I followed closely behind, but not too closely, because I had no clue what to expect from this girl. “Now,” said Pinkie as we were walking, “Around this time of day, she's usually taking a nap in a cloud or a tree... Wait! I see something over there! I think that's her! Let's go check it out!”

Pinkie and I ran towards the tree in a full gallop. As we drew nearer to our objective point, I could make out the specks of cyan that failed to blend in with the browns and greens of their resting place. My fears were confirmed. I then steeled myself, flew up to the limb that was being used as a makeshift bed, and took a close look at the technicolour mare.

Her appearance portrayed a completely different demeanour than that of the harsh flier that I had met earlier. She had a look of torment on her face, as if she wanted to cry, and produced sound in the form of a soft, agonised moan that suggested intense discomfort, all of which was accompanied by sets of twitches in various parts of her body that, on their own, would be considered slightly adorable, but in this situation, only added to the horror.

Although I enjoyed the sight at first, my (admittedly sick) satisfaction would be short-lived, as I couldn't help but to feel concern for the girl. I wanted to end her pain, nudge her awake, call her back into reality, but then, I quickly realised that it was not my place to do that. Given the fact that her initial reception of me was quite cold, it seemed that if I was the one to rescue her from her torture, it would only incite the worst possible things. I needed to find someone else that was better suited to the task at hand, and luckily, that someone was right beneath me.

“Uh, Pinkie Pie? We've got a bit of a situation up here that I don't think I should handle. Do you mind if I just give you a lift up here, and let you...”

“No worries! I've got it all taken care of.”

How the...?!

To my surprise, Pinkie was behind me, on top of a higher tree limb. But even worse, the shock made me lose control of my wings, sending me plummeting towards the ground. After landing on my back, I rolled around to regain my footing, and focused my attention above. Pinkie Pie had already awoken Rainbow Dash from her painful slumber, and was comforting her by using her hooves to give soft, gentle strokes of her dishevelled coat. They gazed into each others' eyes, showing what seemed to be... affection?

Are those two... No, they couldn't be... Are they...? And why can't I move my wings?

I wanted to fly up to where the two ponies were, but for some reason, the muscles and joints connected to my wings were completely stiff. My unmoving, rigid wings could not generate any lift, which left me to remain grounded, awkwardly staring at the two ponies above, who were at this time, embracing each other in a true display of passionate support.

Stupid wings... Why won't you move...--!!

I roughly massaged my wings in an attempt to soften them up, but my efforts only succeeded in sending an unexpected jolt of energy to circulate throughout my entire body. To say that my wings were sensitive would be one of the greatest understatements ever made.

W-W-What is this feeling?!

As I was convulsing, I looked up once again and saw that Pinkie Pie had released Rainbow Dash from her reassuring grasp, and was poised to leap from the tree limb she was standing on back down to the earth.

“Okey Dokey Lokey, Incer!” said Pinkie after landing. “She's all readied up for you!”

As she said this, a feeling of suspicion came over me. I couldn't help but to suspect that she was eyeing my wings, which, although gradually softening, were still quite a bit stiff, and while I did not have any idea why, this somehow caused me to feel an intense rush of shame and embarrassment. But somehow, this rush did the trick, as it caused my once-petrified wings to become flexible once again. I flew up to Rainbow Dash's level.

“So... We meet again, Rainbow Dash,” I said in order to grab the pegasus's attention and initiate conversation.

“Kyaa!” Rainbow Dash replied with a panicked shriek and sprung backwards, causing her to fall from her perch in the tree. I followed her down.

“Is there some sort of problem here?” I said concernedly, raising an eyebrow in response to her odd reaction.

“J-J-Just stay right there, okay? T-There's no need to do anything. I'm a good pony. I-I d-don't need to be shipped off to the bakery or anything. P-please don't hurt m-me!”

...Bakery? Whatever, she's probably just still scared from her nightmare. It must have been something extreme, seeing how she's acting right now. I'll just proceed as normal.

“I'm not going to hurt you,” I said while trying to look as non-threatening as possible.

“You're not?” she replied in an uncharacteristically weak tone of voice.

“Of course not,” I assured. “Now, I've no clue of what I've done to make you so scared of me, but we both have to admit, the clouds kind of got us off to a rocky start. Believe it or not, I'm not THAT bad of a guy. So, how about we start all over and give it another go?” I asked as I extended a hoof.

Rainbow rose to her feet. The fear seemed to disappear from her face. “Yeah, I like that idea,” she replied with a smile. She then reached her hoof out to meet mine, and we engaged in the fingerless equivalent of a handshake. “You probably know this already, but I'm Rainbow Dash,” she said, having regained all of her confidence.

“It's good to meet you for real this time, Rainbow Dash,” I said, trying not to make any mistakes in my conversation. I've never been a good socialiser. “My name is Incer Tony Miere, and I'm actually new here in...”

“Ponyville.”

“In Ponyville. I've already met your friend Pinkie Pie,” I said, almost laughing.

“Ha! Has she already started planning your party?” asked the pegasus.

“Yes, she has, but with how hyper she is, she might already be finished by now!” I answered, unable to contain my laughter.

We both laughed out loud at Pinkie's expense, but thankfully, she had already left, probably for Sugar Cube Corner. At least I hoped that she had, because for some reason, Pinkie seemed like the stalker type.

“Anyway, she actually recommended that I come see you so that you could help show me around the place,” I said once our laughter had subsided.

“Oh, really? Well, I guess I can give you one of my aerial tours of Ponyville.” Rainbow gave me a sly grin. “If you can keep up.”

“Well, we both know how great my flying skills are,” I responded sarcastically, “but I'll still give it a shot. Let's do this!”