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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.25.5: Epic Rap Battle! Trahzo vs. Deezutra!
"EPIC FINAL RAP BATTLE! TRAHZO THE AUTHOR VS. SHOGUN DEEZUTRA!!! BEGIN!!!"
Deezutra: "Do you realize you've created the bronies greatest Samurai?
Trahzo: "Oh please you're nothing but support,
Deezutra: "How dare you besmirch me honor,
Trahzo:" Oh Mr. 5ft Ponytail is making fun of my looks?
spoilers
In the sequel to Spike's 5 Rarities, I'll kill off your baby!"
Deezutra:"It's truly sad that killed you her off,
Trahzo:"Time for the last burst,
Then the earth blew-up so hard that the screen was having a hard time whether fading to black or white, so it faded to grey!
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Epilogue: Good Morning Spike, it's Raping Time!
"WHOA!" Spike woke-up in a confused shock. "That was some dream, I bet a shower will get my mind off of it."
As Spike got into the shower, he didn't notice Crackle, Princess Cadence, Applejack, Screw Loose, and Pearl in the shower with him.
"Good morning Spike."
"Ah! W-what are you doing here?!" He gasped while covering his lower regions.
"We've come to take your virginity!" explained A.J.
"Well I must refuse, I'm flattered that you ladies like me that way, but I don't have any interest in any of you."
"We weren't asking for your permission Spike. We're going to make you a man whether you like it or not!"
Then Spike hopped out of the shower & began running. A.J. would've used her lasso, but it was so soaked that the water weight kept it to the floor. Spike ran through out the castle until he bumped into Barb, Moondancer, Blossom Forth, Screwball, Aloe & Lotus.
"Hello male version of me." Then she held him down. "Okay girls, it's raping time!" Spike managed to struggle out, then returned to running away. "(Geez, what the hell is going on?! It's morning, why am I running now? Eh, at least I'm getting my exercise.)"
Then Spike bumped into Twilight Velvet, Rainbow Dash, Charity, Vinyl, and Nurse Red Heart.
"YAY! MOMMY!" Then he gave her a big hug.
"Aw hello honey! Spike, just for us, will you let us rape you?"
"Oh, not you too mommy!"
"Don't worry, we've made an agreement that we'll give you a 5 minute head start before Rainbow Dash gets you back here!" The Velvet kissed his cheek.
Spike looked around & saw a vent small enough for him, but too big for Rainbow. He forced it open, and slid in.
"Crap! I knew we shouldn't have let him have the freebie!" Rainbow said in frustration.
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Spike hollered as he went down the vent. Then soon he made it to the end. "Alright, by my calculations, I should be at ground floor now, all's I need to do is get to the front door and..." Then he bumped into Cupcake, Fleur De Lis, Flitter, Autmn Gem, and Maud Pie.
"Run away?"
They all nodded, then he ran really fast.
"Great, now I need to make a new route!"
He made it to the kitchen, then mares started jumping at him! He slid under a lunging Cherry Berry! He jumped over a sliding Colgate! He spun through a narrow path in between Lilac Sky & Sunlight Spring. side stepped, avoiding Roseluck, he was almost home free, the back door exit was right there, but then Jinx rolled past, and got him.
"CRAP!!!"
Then every last girl Spike was shipped with in this story entered with hungry eyes!
"Cutting it kinda close don't you all think?"
"Don't complain Rainbow, the truthful fact of the matter is, that we got him!"
"Yeah I guess."
Spike was cornered and Jinx wrapped her front hooves around Spike from behind, rendering him unable to escape.
"Now girls...1,2,3..." Twilight Velvet told them
"IT'S RAPING TIME!!!" They all shouted.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
The End, also, I'm very sorry for any Spike rape. I hope you enjoyed the wild ride you've been through in this story.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Prologue: The Moon & the Super Strong!
It's a Lunar eclipse out & a red moon flies high in the sky.
"Hello, are you excited as I am to be bcak here again? I definently am, and say hello to my co-host, would you please introduce your self to the readers?"
"BOO-YAH! Iron Will's my name & training ponies is my game, but this time, I am here to host this story!'
"So, would you please give us the 1st letter?"
Then a guard handed it to them.
"Oh yeah, so our 1st ship is..."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch1: This Really is a Crack Shipping.
"The 1st chapter will be starring............"
"What's up Luna?"
"Who's Crackle?"
"I think she's the Derpy of the dragons."
"Oh, Okay then, begin the 1st chapter."
*CRASH!!!*
"(Probably Derpy.)" Spike thought. "(Strange, she's crashed twice as hard this time.)" He thought again while walking through the carnage! "(Wow, 110 books, she's beat record by 4 more books. Huh, why does Derpy have a hat this ginormous?)"
He then noticed the top of the largest pile shaking.
"Hey Derpy."
"I'm not Master Derpy." said the dragon who popped her head out of the pile.
"Whoa!" Spike then backed away.
"Wait, I got your mail here!" Then she handed him the mail."
"Oh,okay thank you ma'am."
"Call me Crackle!"
"Crackle? Oh, you're that (Weird) dragon from the migration."
"Yep, and I in fact always wanted to meet you Spike!"
"Meet me?"
"Yeah, that's why I took over this delivery. I was wondering if we could go out sometime."
"Like a date? (No, please don't be a date, then again, she seems so nice, I don't want to hurt her feelings!)"
"Yeah, a date!"
Spike's good nature forced him to say yes.
"(DRAT!) Fine, what time would suit you?"
"Next Thursday, on 3:30PM, we're going to the beach!"
"(Aww, not a public place!) Sure!"
"I'll see you next Thrusday Spikey-Wikey!"
"...I'll see you as well. (GRAH! NO WONDER THE AUTHOR HATES THURSDAYS!!!)"
Next Week...
There were no clouds in the sky, ponies & a few assorted sentient species were playing in the sand and the water, Pinkie & Scootaloo are scene entering the surf contest! ...Rainbow Dash & Soarin were dry humping in public. Anyways, Spike was not amused, and was waiting for Crackle to finish changing into her swimsuit.
"Oh, where is she?"
"Spike, check this out!" Crackle called out. He turned & saw not a blistering monstrosity, but a marvelous beauty.
"(Wow, she actually looks...great.)"
"What do you think? Pretty sexy huh?"
"Yes, yes I do!"
"Tee-hee, well what are you waiting for? Let's go!"
Then they spent a wonderful time on the beach! Wait, before I continue, I think I'll call this shipping pair, Spackle, yeah that's it! Spike + Crackle = Spackle! as I was saying, they splashed water in eachother's faces, skated across the boardwalk, watch Dan from Dan Vs. yell to the sky BEEEEAAAAACH!!! yeah, this takes place during Dan vs. The Beach! If you've seen the episode, you'd then know their time was cut short because Dan covered the beach with trash! On the bright side, it wasn't over for their date yet! Crackle held out her claw, and Spike walked her home.
"Thank you so much Spike, i was under the impression that you thought I was ugly!"
"What? No, no, no! What gave you that idea? Also, I'd like to see you again sometime."
"Really?"
"We're both dragons who live & friends with ponies, maybe we could help other dragons learn our ways!"
"You're right."
"Well, how will we end the night before you go..." Spike then felt her scaley lips upon his!
"Well, goodnight Spike!"
"Good night Crackle!" then she closed the door & Spike was off to his home.
"Hey Crackle, how was your date?"
"It was perfect master Derpy, you were right all along, just like how the Doctor didn't care you were wall eyed, he didn't care that I'm not a cute dragoness!" She said while hugging the grey pegasus.
"That's great to hear, now I must go, make sure to tuck Dinky in, the Doctor & I are on our 5 year anniversary!"
"Okay master, have fun!"
"Well, that was something completely new." commented Luna.
"Yeah, I didn't know there was a canon dragoness on the show. (so, Crackle is insecure about her looks, maybe I can some cash out of her with my confidence course!)"
"Now, get the next letter!" Commanded Luna.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Die!" I shouted, as I swung my axe!
She teleported, then appeared behind me with her flank facing my back. She gave me a good buck to the butt! I fell over, but got back up, then Iron Will came charging to end it! I waited.... then hopped over him, then on his back & was then riding him like a bull rider! Then he managed to get me off & I fell to the ground, now was his chance! Iron Will beat me to a pulp!
"Alright, get this ass back to the computer Shogun Deezutra!"
"Right!" As he picked me up.
"Now, let's get this story back on track!" Commanded Luna.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Next is...Screw loose, uh..."
"What's wrong Princess?"
"It's just that, Screw loose is the barking pony who is Screwball's pet."
"Wait, you mean to tell me, that the pet of Discord's daughter will be shipped with Spike, who was a dog in Equestria Girls and in the upcoming Rainbow Rocks?"
"Yes, I suppose we should start this now!"
"Right, just as long as the Author hasn't escaped."
Everyone was gathered at somepony's house & were not allowed to bring their dogs.
"Everypony! Listen, I am cured! I'm not a crazy barking pony who thinks she's a dog anymore, and to show you, behold!" Then a doctor pulled out a cat. "As the sterotype shows, dogs hate cats, but as you can see, I am showing the cat a-lot of love, so that should prove once & for all that I am cured, once & for all!"
Then they all started saying things such as: "Dogs & Cats can still love eachother!" "I don't want you to pee on my carpet, or poo on my lawn!" "Hey bitch, where's your leash?" "Go back to your owner Screwball!" "Go marry a Diamond Dog!" After hearing the doubts of the ponies, tears began to form, and she slammed her doors shut!
"Yeah, stay in your dog house & die!"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!!!" Shouted The Mane Seven, followed by the Handicapped community and the Special community.
"You Ponies think you're all that becuase there's nothing wrong with you, but if someone from our communities removes what's wrong, you reject that pony! You guys are damn hypocrites!" Said a Stallion who was standing on his hind legs because he was born with only front legs.
Then a mare did sign language & Spike translated. "She says that you guys gotta try and understand rather than reject us! I can't believe how horrible you can be when you see somepony want to return to you! You seriously suck!"
"You guys, COCK are such jerks, we want you guys to accept COCK us for who we our!" Said a pony with tourettes.
As the angered ponies went on, Spike went into the house.
"Hello? Screw loose?" He heard a sobbing come from the kitchen. "Screw loose?"
"What do you want? You better run get away, I might go wolf and attack! *Sob* *Sob* *Sob*!"
"No, I'm coming over there, and I'm gonna give you a hug!"
"Wha?"
"You were very brave there to tell them off! But now me & my friends, handicapped, and specials have teamed-up to defend you."
"You're doing all of this for me?"
"Of course, now come here!" Then he comforted the sad mare.
"You know, I was just wondering, what's your name?"
"I'm Spike, Assistant #1 to Princess Twilight Sparkle."
"The top assistant to a Princess?"
"Yep, and I want to protect you the most!"
"Thank you Spike, you are such a good dragon!"
"Well, I was raised right, of course I'd be a good dragon! Wanna sneak out & eat at Sugarcube Corner?"
"Okay."
"Good to hear."
So they sneaked through the back as the raging fire raged on harder! Eventually they made it because everypony was arguing at Screw loose's home!
"Hey Mr.Cake!"
"Oh, Hello Spike, who's this? Your girlfriend?"
"Funny, and no! Give this girl the happy day special. Don't worry, I'll pay."
"Sure."
Later, the Happy Day Special arrived and wow, it was indescribably amazing!
"Wow..."
"Go-on, eat up!"
She wasted no time, creating a big dent in it in a minute! Though, she was eating...I know you guys are going to hate me for this joke...like a dog!
*The Reader groaning because of how bad it was!*
When she was done eating, she looked up to see Spike & Carrot Cake 's faces covered in Mint, bubblegum, and Blueberry Ice cream.
"Well, here's your money Mr.Cake."
"Thank you Spike, you really made her smile."
"Oh shaddap, it aint like that!"
"Yeah, just teasing you kid."
So as they were leaving the Sweet Shop, they were introduced to the Evil Catmare!
"Hello, I heard you don't bark anymore!"
"Doh, not you again!" groaned Screw loose.
"Who's this?" Asked Spike
"She's my next door neighbor who hates me because back then...I was dog obsessed, and she was cat obsessed!"
"Oh, so that explains why you were in that condition?"
"Exactly, back then, we were at constant odds, going at it like Cats & those nasty mammal versions of frogs called dogs!"
"Hey, dogs protected ponies from robbers and you know it!"
"Well cats ate rats & you know it!"
Then they started aggressively barking and nyaning at eachother!
"HEY, QUIT IT YOU 2, You're going to attract the attention of those ponies who think you're freaks! Come-on Screw loose, let's go! Also, for you miss Catmare..." He pulled a tuna out of nowhere & he threw it in which she chased after it and it fell into a fance where she didn't notice until it was too late. She climbed into a pound!
"MEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWW YOU'LL PAY FOR THISSSSSSSS!!!"
"Spike...that was incredible! Look, there's blood spewing out of the pound, oh look, her head just flew into the air! I've finally won!"
"Yeah, well, I can't leave a lady in danger wait...did you just say she's de..." Then Screw loose started licking his face.
Years later...
"Arf, arf! Please master, punish me more, I'm such a horrible bitch!"
They kept the kink of Screw loose acting like a dog after they got married.
"Yep, you've been bad, so you deserve a good spanking!"
"We all knew Spike such a dog, but must he treat his wife that way?"
"Please no more dog jokes, I cannot take anymore! Just get the next letter!"
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.5: The Milf Chronicles Ep.1: Pearly Pink!
"I think I know who's next judging by that title..." Iron Will pondered out loud.
"Yes, the next ship will be Spike with Rarity & Sweetie Belle's mother, Pearl! But in this chapter, they'll all be anthro."
"(Err...)"
*Flashback!*
"Hi Pearl, Hi Magnum, I'm Spike! Your daughter Rarity's boyfriend."
"It's great to meet yah boy, Rarity has been talking non-stop about you since our Heartswarming trip." said Magnum "What do you think honey?"
"You're too young! I don't think he'll remain eternally faithful to Rarity."
"WHAT!?" Gasped the both pf them.
"Yes, you'll divorce our daughter if you 2 do get married, as soon as she reaches 40, maybe 39 and a half!"
"That's not true! I love Rarity with all my heart, I would never leave her!"
"Pearl honey, I have never seen you put down the hammer this hard since our trip to the Gallopagos when that bell boy refused our big tip wanting an even bigger tip."
"There must be something I can do for your approval Ma'am, whom I wish to call mom one day!"
"Yeah honey, give the guy a chance, besides, can anypony ever say: My son-in-law is a dragon!"
"Fine, prove to me that you wont leave Rarity! Come to our home tomorrow." Then she walked over to Spike. "...And get ready to have your temptation tested!" she said with a seductive smirk. "Come-on Magnum, let's go home."
"Coming dear! are you scared of what she'll try?"
"Yup!"
"Good, then it's not just me!"
*Flashback over!*
Spike then rang the doorbell and Sweetie Belle answered the door.
"Hey Spike!"
"Hi Sweetie Belle, your mom home?"
"Oh, she's upstairs! Good luck!"
"Thanks."
So Spike went up the stairs to Magnum & Pearl's bedroom. He opened the door, and as he walked in, the door slammed shut!
"Hello boy!"
"P-P-P-Pearl?!"
She was sitting on her bed wearing nothing but her lingere! A black bra, panties, and stockings!
"(Remember what she told you yesterday! Do not get tempted, you must remain loyal to Rari-)Whoa!" He was unable to complete that thought as pearl pulled him over!
"I'm kinda cold, would you please warm me with your body dragon boy?"
"P-Pearl, are you sure this is right, I mean, I like Magnum, I don't want to do this to his wife!"
"Oh come-on, nopony needs to know!" she says with her tongue licking her lips. "Now please, don't you want your maybe mother-in-law to accept you?"
"Yes, but this isn't right!"
"If it isn't right, then how come you're hugging me?"
"Because, I'll do anything for Rarity! You can bet your flank on that!"
"Speaking of my behind, can you massage it? I hear dragon claws are quite relaxing because of how dull they are if they aren't sharpened."
"Fine!"
Spike obliged to give her back a massage. She turned around, but then...
"Oh Spike, could you unhook my bra? I don't want it getting in the way. Also, sit on my flank, I wanna see I you're getting turned on or not!"
Spike listened to all the commands without any hesitation at all.
"(Damn, this kid's pretty impressive, maybe he is worthy of my daughter.)Oh yes, yes, yes! Right there!"
"Umm...you know, this question has been bothering me for a while but...where's Magnum?"
"We had a fight last night & he left me!"
"What!?"
"Yeah, he didn't want me to do this, but I just kept on insisting, then he stormed off with about 16 or 17 briefcases of his belongings!"
"Doncha miss him?"
"No, he's been really busy lately, we haven't had sex, we haven't kissed, we haven't spent anytime together in years!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry!"
"Don't be."
"Why?"
"Because I now have a handsome youngman all to myself!" Then she flipped him over, held his hands and feet down with her magic, and crawled on top of his muscly chest! "Now for your final task, make me feel like a mare, and you'll have my blessing!"
"Meep! Okay Pearl."
"Please, call me mommy!"
"Oh dear!"
"What is it Princess Luna?"
"There's going to be 2 more episodes of the Milf Chronicles!"
"What!? Oh I'm gonna kick some author ass!"
"No, you might risk him escaping!"
"Okay fine! hey Veetrix, get the next letter!"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.6: Fun with the Twins!
"Hmm...intriguing!"
"What is it Luna?"
"This time it's a double ship because he can't imagine one without the other! So this chapter will be featuring Lotus Blossom & Aloe Blossom!"
"Aw sweet, the Spa twins! Hit it!"
"Oh hello Spike!" Greeted Aloe.
"Hi Aloe, where's Lotus?"
"She's in the back, waiting for you, we've figured out something we didn't know about you!"
"Really what's that?"
"That you're Celestia's son, which makes you a prince, so that's why we'll be giving you the royal treatment!" She said while pushing Spike with her head.
"Oh, heheheheheheh, that's really not nessecery, I only came here to get a back massage & some sauna time."
"Sorry, but we wont take no for an answer!"
So for the 1st course was a mineral bath.
"Oh yeah, now feels great."
Then Aloe & Lotus joined him.
"Oh hey girls, what are yah, whoa! Lotus, what do you th..." While Lotus pleasured him down there, Aloe made out with him.
"(I-is this what they meant by royal treatment? i'm one lucky dragon!)" Then he pulled back from the kiss. "So how much is this costing me?"
"We'll just charge the castle!" Aloe answered.
Then was the 2nd course, a sauna.
"Now that soothing heat feels great on my scales and the steam is great for my complexion!"
Then Aloe & Lotus held one arm each & leaned their heads on his shoulders.
"Ooh, now that's even better hmm, hmm, hmm! *sigh*"
Then the final course, a very relaxing massage.
"Alright, now this was what I was asking for."
"Shh, not a word until we're done."
"Okay."
Then after a few hours, they were done.
"We're done, now it's time for your happy ending!"
"Happy Ending? (Oh my Celestia, are they going to do...that?)"
"Here you go, a free eggroll!" (Robot Chicken reference.)
"O-oh, okay, thanks gir..." Then they tackled him.
"Oh come-on Spike, you didn't really think you'd leave without getting laid did you!?"
"Actually..."
"Shh...let's talk after you're we're through with you Prince Charming!"
Then he nodded, and the fog censured all the juicy stuff, I am very sorry.
"Dammit, I wanted to see! Oh well, just get the next letter ON THE DOUBLE!!!"
Meanwhile...
"(I'm regretting ever allowing Luna to have a slumber party!)" thought Princess Celestia.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.7: Dancing in the Moonlight.
"Next is...Moondancer."
"You mean that G1 Pony who was mentioned in the 1st episode of the show?"
"Yes. I wonder what she looks like though in this show. Oh who cares, begin the story!"
A certain library was just hopping while blasting hearts right out!
"Oh geez, she's here!" Groaned Twilight.
"Who's here Sugarcube?" asked Applejack
"Spike's on again, off again girlfriend Moondancer."
"Spikey-wikey has an on again off again relationship!?" Gasped Rarity.
"Yes, he & Moondancer kiss & date, then they fight & break-up in one week, don't worry, it wont be that long, but in the mean time can I sleepover at either of your homes at the time being?"
"Why darling?"
"They make love so rough that as you can see makes the establishment bounce!"
Then A.J. & Rares fainted, as soon as the hopping tree stopped. Spike and Moondancer exited the library.
"Hey Twilight, bring A.J. & Rarity here, we have something big to announce!" Spike called out.
"(I sware if these 2 are getting married...)" Twilight angrily thought.
As Twilight walked in she was surprised to see her parents.
"Mom? Dad? What are you doing here? These 2 making love didn't hurt you did it?"
"No." They both answered.
"Also, Spike invited us over as a surprise."
"A surprise? (Please don't tell me he's marrying Moond...)" Too late!
"Twilight, me & Spike have realised that we both cannot find a perfect being besides eachother." Said Moondancer. "So that's why me & Spike will be moving into our own home after we get married!" A.J. and Rarity fainted after hearing that Moondancer & Spike were getting married.
"(Well, at least I can finally get a good night's sleep in my won ho...)"
"Also look, we bought the house nextdoor!" Moondancer added.
"(FUCK DAMMIT!!!)"
Then Spike put each of his hands on Velvet's front hooves. "Also, we promise to bless you 2 with a grandkid."
"Sweet, now we don't need to push Shining and Twilight to give us grandkids anymore! You hear that Twilight? We wont pester you to marry Flash anymore!" said Nacht Licht (Sorry, I know everyone calls him Night Light, but he's based off a G1 pony who was exclusive to Germany & his original name sounds much more cool.)
"Dad, he's not even my boyfriend, I' m not into him that way!"
"Sure you are." Everyone in the Library said sarcastically.
Later that night...
"Me too!"
"Please, let's make a vow to never ever fight, even after our kid is all grown-up and moves out & we're both very old!"
"Yes Spike! Cross my heart..."
"...And hope to fly..." Spike continued.
"...Stick a cupcake in my eye!" They both finished.
Then they held each other close as they danced on the library's balcony.
"I hope we can be like this always!" Said Moondancer.
"Me too, you're the only one I've ever dated."
"What about that one time..."
"Twilight didn't want to bring her dad or brother to senior prom, so she brought me, and everyone laughed for a while until I expressed my intelligence and showed them how much of an idiot those schoolmates were."
"Oh."
"Uuuuuungh, what happened?" Said Rarity as she & Applejack woke-up.
"Nothing really, Spike & Moondancer are getting married."
"B-but he's too young!"
"So?"
"...nothing!"
"Yeah, since this is a world of magical talking creatures Rarity shouldn't be complaining." Said Iron Will
"Right, now bring in the next letter."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Graaaaaaaaaah!" I screamed.
"Looks like the author wont like writting this one."
"Looks like we got another Dragoness!"
"This chapter will be featuring...Barb, the R63 Spike!"
"Isn't that selfcest?"
"Yes, now shut up Iron Will!"
"Spike! get me that book! Barb, make me some tea!"
"On it!' Spike replied.
"Yes Ma'am!" Barb replied.
Twilight was given a-lot of work due to the fact that she's a princess, and since she's the only female in the Golden Oaks Library, she thought it'd be time to get another assistant who was a girl, so she used her duplication & gender manipulation spells to clone Spike & gender bend it. So with 2 assistants on the task, production has went much faster! (Poor Owliscious, he was looking forward to being number 2, but then Barb came along making him number 3!) Anyways, ever since barb came along, Spike has been having a very hard time trying to accept that Barb is the perfect match for him. Yeah, because no-one knows Spike more than himself, and maybe Twilight & Fluttershy, but please shut-up okay, oh and quit picking at that, it's only going to get worse, Lol movie reference. There was still one obstacle keeping him from asking her out...I was hoping you'd answer that one for me because I honestly don't know. GOTCHA YAH!!! HAHAHAHA, the very fact that Barb is the female version of him is that obstacle. Also you gotta admit I gotcha good didn't I? What makes it even more awkward is that they share the same bed. Hey, I'm sure you shared a bed before with someone you're not banging, or is a family member! But then he remembered everything he's been through & decided to go for it! Spike looked for Barb & as it turned out, she was sweeping the basement.
"Barb?"
"Oh hi Spike, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be re-painting the kitchen?"
"I'm gonna do that in a while after I tell you something."
"Oh?"
"Yes, listen...during the time I've known you, I had a lot of time to think."
"About what?"
"Barb, weeks after you were created, I was reconsidering my crush on a certain friend of ours."
"Wait, are you s..."
"Don't interrupt me. Barb, I am in love with you! Besides, no one knows me more..." then he made a gesture with his arms to point to Barb. "...Than me!"
"Wow, that makes a-lot of sence that, but what made you just tell me now?"
"Well, the mere fact that you're a female version of me prevented me from confessing, but today I decided to take the chance!"
Barb looked away and blushed, then she turned back to him.
"Barb, please be my girlfriend! I feel we can teach dragons to co-exist with ponies one day!" he said as he took Barb's hand.
"...Yes Spike, I'll do it!" Then they hugged.
"Spike, where are you? I thought I told..." Twilight then came to the cute sight, speechless. "(I'll let these 2 off the hook.)"
"Heartwarming, wouldn't you agree?"
"Yep, or that's just the burrito giving me heartburn."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Next is..."
"Let me say it Luna."
"Sure."
"Next up is Blossomforth! Begin the story!"
...Hello there, you know I am very angry right now! I start telling people about Pokemon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire, then you hear negative comments during lunch: "There getting desperate!" One asshole who will remain nameless said. "There were too many legendaries in Sinnoh!" (DONT YOU DARE DIS SINNOH) a bitch who'll remain nameless said. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, THIS IS WHY I HATE THURSDAYS! A BLACK CAT PASSES BY YOU, YOU FORGET YOUR SCHOOL ID, YOU GET CHEWED OUT BY YOUR SISTER WHO IN WHICH HER WORDS ARE NOTHING BUT WORDS ON DEAF EARS TO ME, YOU HEAR NEGATIVE COMMENTS FROM YOUR FRIENDS, AN IGNORANT MORON NAMED ISAI THINKS YOU'RE WATCHING POWER RANGERS WHEN WHAT I'M ACTUALLY WATCHING IS KAMEN RIDER & JUST SO YOU KNOW I WATCH THE SUPER SENTAI MORE!!! I ONLY HOPE PEOPLE ARE ON MY SIDE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE OH MY GOD, I REALLY HATE THURSDAY!!! Let's get on with the story shall we? Spike was invited to Blossom forth's house. You know the pegasus who looks like a watermelon? Well, she invited him over too have a match of Twister, but that wasn't the reason Spike wanted to see her, in fact, he wanted to see her, because he had a little well actually a great big sister complex. Spike had no idea he has this, it's just that after Twilight gave Spike some helpful advice after his rejection with Rarity, then it caused something within to make Twilight constantly be in his thoughts, then he realized he loved Twilight, but the crush was short lived cause of Flash. Spike didn't know what to do, he fell in love twice & got shut down, both by very important ponies in his life. Then he met Blossom Forth, and if you look reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaalllll... *Gasp* ...eeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaallll closely, you can see that she looked Twilight, just with a pallet swap. Spike however was as dumb as Ash Ketchum to not notice the resemblance. Though, they hit off a friendship pretty well, one that would well, blossom into a great relationship!
"Hello Blossom Forth."
"Hey Spike, ready to lose?"
"Oh-no, I believe that with my reptilian body, I can beat you, the most flexible pony in Ponyville, at Twister!"
And Que the sex jokes...anyway, yes, Spike's naturally flexible body vs. her flexible body from years of Yoga & watching Yogi Bear Hahaha. It was an intense battle of the stretchy, but umm...it got very bad, as soon as Spike's pelvis was touching Blossom's bottom, hahaha!
"Ah, Spike, what do you think you're doing?!"
"No, I'm not doing this on purpose!"
"Yeah, you're not straddling a young pretty pretty pegasus." (Teen Titans Go reference.)
"I'm not, please!"
"Don't worry, I'm teasing yah Spike, maybe we should end the game now."
"Yeah, good idea."
So Spike and Blossom Forth ended the game, then sat on the couch with no words, because Spike was feeling very awkward. Then Blossom spoke-up.
"So Spike..."
"Yes?"
"How come we've been hanging out more often?"
"Well, you gave me curiosity, so I wanted to hang out with you and well I am surprised you & I really hit it off."
"Oh, is that all..."
"We're you expecting something else?"
"Oh, nothing, it was just..."
"Just what?"
"That I thought you were in love with me because I look like Twilight!"
Spike was shocked at the revelation. He then fell to the floor in horror.
"Oh my Celestia, I-I had no idea I had a s-sister complex, guess I couldn't get over my 2nd crush." Spike was the breathing heavily. "I-I have to leave!, thanks for your hospitality Blossom Forth!" Then he ran out.
"Spike, wait!"
It was too late, he flew... wait, what the fucking hell am I saying, she's pegasus, so she flew after him. Spike wait!" He refused to hear her."
Spike made it back to the Castle, but then he saw Flash Sentry Kissing Twilight at the front door as they said goodbye to each other for a great date., he was so traumatized by Blossom Forth's words & Twilight kissing Flash, that he let his knees land flat on the dirt road. Blossom then saw the sad creature, broken down. She then decided to give him a hug.
"Huh?"
"Spike, are you okay..."
"I don't know Blossom, I've fallen in love 3 times, and now I was given the 3rd strike which I caused because, I never got over my 2nd crush on Twilight."
"Spike, please don't cry, look, I may not be Twilight, but why don't you & I try?"
"O...okay!" Spike's smile then cracked.
"So...dinner Friday?"
"I'd love that."
So they gave each other a warm love hug under Luna's light.
"We're too lazy to make a comment, just send us the next letter." said Luna.
Author's Note
No really, the complaints in the 1st paragraph happened the day this chapter was written! Also, you are officially my friend if Sinnoh was your favorite region and/or if you show sympathy for my problems.
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.10: One Day, I'll be the Son-In-Law, of Chaos.
"Next is...Screwball, *Gasp!*" said both is unison.
"Discord's daughter & Spike, no wonder I felt suspicion from the title of this chapter!"
"Ooh, what's this, my kid is being shipped with sorta Twilight's kid & Obviously Celestia's kid?"
"Discord, how'd you get in here?"
"Umm, hello?" Said Discord as he pulled out his wedding ring!
"Oh, right!"
"Wait, by that logic, isn't Screwball Spike's step sister?" Iron Will pointed out.
"Yeah, but then again, they're not blood related, like a bunch of anime couples." Luna pointed out.
"Oh, right!"
"And we're in a show about talking ponies." Discord added.
"Ah, yeah."
"Well, without further ado, begin the next chapter starring my daughter!"
Spike was...wait, what the hell is he doing now? Him & Twilight don't live in the Library anymore now that it's you know, destroyed. So yeah, what will Spike's job be in Season 5? You know maybe they'll finally have an episode where Spike goes to school with the CMC since his education was from Twilight, but as I said earlier, the Library was destroyed. So Spike explored his new home.
"Wow, I wonder if Celestia will hire some guards, oh-ho will it make Twilight happy if they transfer Flash Sentry to this castle."
"Yeah, this place is huge, I hope daddy will be able to get his own throne one day."
"Eh, you know I was just thinking, since Discord is saying he's having trouble trying to understand friendship during the whole Tirek disaster, but maybe it'll end up being just like..." Then Spike turned his head. "Did you just say Daddy?"
"Yep, I'm Screwball, the daughter of Discord!"
"Oh! Hey wait a minute, how'd you get in here?" Spike said as he pointed at her.
"Aw, I'm not allowed in the Friendship Rainbow Kingdom Castle?"
"Oh, it's not that, I was just wondering why you're here?"
"Oh that's simple, daddy!"
"Hello there Spike, or should I say son?"
"Son? What are you talking about?"
"Oh because we're in-laws, or we're going to eventually be in-laws."
"In-laws?"
"That's right!"
"But you do realize that we're too young?"
"Ooh, well excuse me princess, I'll have you know that I was able to convince Princess Twilight that my daughter marry her son, and technically that is you, and of course the both of you are too young. That's why I'm having Screwball move in here so you 2 can get to know each other."
"What?!"
"Hey, don't yell at me! Look, I'll let you in on something, even though Twilight Sparkle is an alicorn, it doesn't mean she's immortal, well that's what the writers of the show said, so she needs an heir, and you've been learning about friendship ever since the 1st letter you've written since you & her moved to Ponyville!" he explained. "Also, she doesn't want you to rule alone so she tried to convince other nations if they'd like to marry her son, AKA you, but unfortunately they declined when they figured out you were a dragon, but then reconsidered figuring out the dragon was you, but Twilight then rejected them because she accused them of being greedy jerks who just want your fame in the Crystal Empire so they can get some big luxuries! So, with no options left, she turned to me & Screwball. So please, try to get to know her as she does you. If it doesn't work out, maybe Twilight can ask one of the oh I dunno CMC?"
"GAAAAAH!!! No, not one of those 3, I can easily see them make their society takeover the world!"
"So, would you like to give it a try with Screwball?"
"Yes, as Joker said, I'll give it the old clown college try."
"Okay I'll leave you 2, I got a date with Celestia! Toodles!" Then in a flash, Spike & Screwball were all alone. Spike watched as the pink pony flew over to Spike.
"Sooooooo....Do you like baseball?"
"Yeah, I used to games all the time with Shining Armor & Night Light."
"Well, it just so happens that I got 2 tickets to watch Ponyville's Rainbow Socks take on the Baltimare Boss Hounds! I just know that #777 Lucky Strike will win it for Ponyville! So, you wanna go?" She asked with fluttering eyes.
"Wow, our 1st date already? Well, I guess we can talk about what we're into during th...whoa!" then Spike was dragged off! For those of you who have no idea who Screwball is, she's Discord's fan daughter like how Dinky is Derpy's & no when I said fly, I didn't mean she could fly like a pegasus, she has a propeller hat that let's her fly...somehow. Yeah, I must be some douche for not telling you right away, but I'm sure you can figure out the rest about her by yourselves. So later at the game a goblin who looked like Doofenshmirtz, no wait that is him, caught a foul ball (A reference to this one song from Phineas & Ferb.) everyone groaned & booed because of how much of an idiot he was.
"COME-ON, That's the 4th time already!" Screwball groaned.
Then Peter Griffin ran down the stairs while saying: "Go socks, go"...then he crashed into a guy selling hot dogs and ran into his boss Mr.Dweed. Then Dan from Dan vs. ejects himself after getting into a heated argument with Super Mario who was told to do some exhibition hits, along with Jimmy Neutron, Spongebob Squarepants, Danny Phantom, and Timmy Turner.
"This is one exciting game, just look at all of those references."
"I know Spike, I don't think I've ever seen a game this exciting!"
"Umm mares and gentlecolts we seem to be having a little bit of a problem, an angel with blue hair wielding a giant metallic bat with spikes is chasing around a very unfortunate *SPLAT!!!* Oh-no in front of the ponies! He's dead, guards, take her aw...."
"Pi piru piru piru pi piru piiiiiiii"
"He's alive, but still take that horrible bitch away!"
Then Dokuro-chan was taken away by the authorities, and Sakura went back to his date with Shizuki.
"Oooookay, after that disturbing part is over, I was just wondering is there anything you'd like to be one day?"
"Hmm? Isn't that obvious Spike? I wanna be the Baseball Princess!"
"(Oooooof course girl.)" Spike then rolled his eyes. "Baseball Princess? Eh, the neighboring land of Ooo, has much stranger."
"What was that?"
"Uh nothing!"
"Okay, so what about you, what do you wanna be?"
"Truth be told, I have no dreams, heh I'm not as motivated as a pony."
"Aw, no dreams at all?"
"Yeah..."
"Well how about this, after Twi gives you the castle, you can assist me?"
"That sounds like a great idea actually, I have been given a-looooooooot of freetime after the library was destroyed, it'd be nice to get lots of work.
Then Teddie Duncan and Ivy Wentz were on the Jumbo tron covering Uncle Mel's moon, hahaha.
"Ooooh, that's disgusting!" they said in unison. Then the kiss cam was turned to them which caused the both of them to drop their jaws.
"Our 1st kiss on our 1st date already huh?" Spike said with beads of sweat."
"Whoa audience, we're going to see Great & Honorable Spike the Brave & Glorious kiss Screwball the Daughter of Discord!"
Then the audience wailed and chanted kiss. Spike trembled as they got closer and closer, Spike & Screwball closed their eyes and let their lips touch, then Spike calmed down because of how much he likes it. The audience loved it, but then again, these drunken idiots will cheer for anything. Then they pulled away.
"Wow, did you feel the big bang?"
"I sure did Spike."
Then they hugged and didn't let go until the final part of the game!
"That was genius!" commented Iron Will.
"Deezutra, Veetrix, get the next letter."
Author's Note
I am not kidding, the canon name of Twi's Castle is Friendship Rainbow Kingdom Castle! What the fucking hell? So yeah, who's kingdom are you part of currently? Solar Empire, New Lunar Republic, Crystal Empire, or Friendship Rainbow Kingdom? Hahahahahaha! Yeah Doofenshmirtz's cameo is a reference to Vanessa's song not so bad a dad after all, Dan's cameo is a reference to Dan vs. Baseball, Peter Griffin's cameo is a reference to that episode of Family Guy when El Dorado Cigarettes took over the toy company, Mario's cameo is a reference to Super Mario Sluggers, the Nicktoon's cameos are a reference to the game Nicktoons MLB. Teddie Duncan and co.'s cameos are a reference to the episode Take me out to the ball game in Good Luck Charlie.
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Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.11: The Milf Chronicles Episode 2: Mommy Velvet.
"Next is..."
"Twilight Velvet."
"AAAAAAAAHHHHH NOT ANOTHER MARRIED WOMAN!!!"
"Shut-up writer, you aint escaping any time soon, so you must write!" said Luna
"GRAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!"
"Just begin the story now."
Spike had just moved back into Canterlot after Twilight's mother Velvet announced that she plans to have another kid, but then Twilight decided to stop her by having Spike live with them, and you know what? Spike couldn't be any happier. Him Velvet & Eddy, hahaha I'm just kidding, and Night Light were really happy together, perfect harmony. It was a great life for Spike. Until disaster struck, Night Light was ran over by a runaway carriage, he died trying to save Spike who was exhausted after defeating his arch nemesis and Night Light & Twilight Velvet used up all of their magic taking down Garble's loser friends. With Night Light's dying breath he told Spike: "Take good care of Mommy, okay Son?" Then he closed his eyes. They managed to get over it because that's what he'd want. Years passed and Spike became a good looking teen, but he's not so handsome that you could call him Prince charming, but just enough that a girl would want him. So Spike had just returned from helping Velvet out with groceries.
"It looked like such a war zone in the market!"
"Yep, but my recognition as Hero of the Crystal Empire, Princess Twilight's *sigh* former assistant, and the 1st dragon to light the torch & sing at the Equestria Games made all of them step aside."
"I know some of them even thanked you for rescuing them all of those years ago from the Ice Cloud that could have killed thousands."
"I actually counted and every last audience member in the games was a total of about over 30,000." Spike said as he put the cans & boxes in the pantry.
"Of course you'd know that Spike." Velvet said as she put the sodas in the fridge.
"Yeah, I gained great academic skills from Twilight. I miss her though!" Spike sighed while grabbing a seat at the counter.
"Aww don't let that get yah down kid." She told him while putting both hooves on his claws.
"Yeah, I shouldn't."
*Short Flashback*
"Take good care of mommy, okay son?"
*End*
"Spike?"
"Whu? Oh-no I fine."
Yeah, Spike held on to those words, and never left Velvet's side ever since!
"Well, it's good to know that you're fine because I got something special for you!"
"Really?" Spike said while perking-up.
"Yes, close your eyes!"
He closed his eyes, sorry if I'm narrating everything.
"Now open them!"
The Spike saw 2 tickets to a movie.
"No way, you got us tickets? I thought they were sold out!?"
"The awkward mare said she'd give me these 2 if I gave her a makeover & tips on asking out guys."
"That was nice of you & sneaky of her."
"Yeah, but she's now dating this griffon who apparently participated in the Equestria Games."
"Sweet, now we can finally see. Electroman the Movie: The Electromen 20 Vs. Nathan Bryon Alcantara's other Super Heroes, the birth of the 21st! Man is that a Mouthful!"
Spike and Velvet were the superhero nuts of the family, well it was Spike who got velvet interested into superheroes.
"We both know It's going to be awesome after seeing 5 whole previews!"
"Yeah, but just who is this 21st going to be called?"
"Maybe he'll be another non-electro member of the Electromen 20 like Grandmaster Magi Geo, Quincy Vincent, and Electrowomen 1 & 2."
"We wont know until we see!"
Later during the movie...
"So it's come down to this?"
"OMC,Electroman 1 vs. Shogun Deezutra, isn't that awesome son?" She whispered.
"Eh, I've met the real Shogun Deezutra, he's not so cool compared to any other heroes featured here." Spike whispered back.
"(Oh how I love you so much son, so very much)." She thought.
So the movie ended and Spike & Velvet went home.
"That was A-MA-ZING!!!"
"I know, my favorite part was when the 21st Electroman known as Electroman Hope sacrificed his life to defeat Xeenam Absolute Armageddon Mode." said Velvet.
"My favorite part was when The Grim Reaper gave Electroman 1 the final level of X mode, Hexagon Mode which is 6 times stronger than any other of his forms combined."
Then they hugged & hopped, then unexpectedly Velvet kissed Spike on the lips. Sure it was okay for them to do that since they're mother & son but she then slipped her tongue in. Spike pulled her head away!
"What in the? Mommy, why'd you..."
"Spike, you've grown into such a handsome young man, we have similar interests, we have the same loved ones, I raised you & we already love each other. Please, become mine!"
*Same Short Flashback.*
"Take good care of mommy okay Spike?"
*End of flashback.*
He was thinking back to after Night Light died, Velvet was very lonely, stallions tried asking her out, but brushed them all off. With all of the loving care he has for her, Spike then picked her up, brought Velvet to her room and laid her down on her bed.
"I'll become your's mom, if you become mine!"
"Yes Spike, yes I will son!"
Then they got under the covers and had non-incestuous sex since they aren't blood related.
"Woo-hoo, I'm free!" I cried out.
"The author has escaped, stop him!" Luna ordered.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch. 11.5 Intermission: The Author's Escape!
The night guards tried to grab him with levitation magic, but he was too quick, but then a punch came to his face!
"*Grunt!*"
"Hello Mr.Author"
"Oh well well well, if it isn't Private Veetrix!"
"Get back to your cell, we need you to write shippings even though your shipping him with married women!" He said while pointing a gunsword at my face.
"NO!" He refused.
"Then you leave me no other choice, I must kick your ass really hard!"
"Just because your the creator me and a few other OC's in your stories, doesn't mean I'll be backing down!"
Then I generated plasma from my fists! Then I fired 3 plasma balls at Veetrix. Then he jumped passed all 3 then I blasted a surprise 4th! Then he sliced through it!
"Giant Bullet!"
Then yeah, a giant lead bullet was fired, grazing me! Then I fired a plasma laser from my mouth! Unfortunately for me, Veetrix deflected the laser and sent it back at me! Then he fired 20 tranquilizer bullets, knocking me out!
Later...
I wake-up and find myself in a prison cell again with a computer, now I am forced to write again until this story is over, I'll see you in the next chapter.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Next is...Rainbow Dash!"
"Well of course, Twilight & Pinkie Pie were in the 1st volume, Fluttershy & Rarity were in the 2nd volume, now why not have Applejack & Rainbow Dash in this one?"
"Yeah, and also please takeover this one, I need to use the bathroom, okay Iron Will?"
"YES PRINCESS!!!"
Spike was running through the town, trying his best to avoid the pegasus mares & other flying female creatures because this is the time of year where the winged females go into estrus & catch their chosen ground bound mate. yep, when I titled the chapter A Warm Rainbow, the heat would be coming from the ladies in heat! Not from Spike's fire breath, or is it? Spike slid, rolled, jumped, trying to avoid the heat and get his new comic book he special ordered back to the castle, but was struck with intense grief after seeing Fluttershy grab Rarity! It was so shocking that he fell with his face landing flat on the dirt road, because after the ground bound mate is chosen, they get married the next day! So he now didn't care about who took him, at least that mare would give him a-lot of honest & earnest feelings since the winged female becomes incredibly loyal to their chosen mate, and who other than Rainbow Dash to represent loyalty? She landed next to the sad little guy who was moping on a park bench.
"Hey Spike."
"Rainbow Dash?"
"Yup, now just get on 'kay? I promise I'll be one awesome wife who's 20% cooler than other wives!" Spike obliged because at least it was somepony he was close too. Spike had no idea where they were going, that's when a bright flash blinded him!
Spike awoke minutes later in a rainbow colored room where the windows were closed with red velvet curtains, a fireplace, and 1 door, he went to the curtains to see where he was. He opened the windows to see he was in a flying room!
"What in the world?"
"Welcome to my Cloud-9 Spike."
Spike turned around and rainbow was laying on the tiger skin rug in front of the fireplace.
"Hey, could you light the fire place?"
"Sure."
Yep, the or is it was correct, They laid there cuddling in front of an open fire. Rainbow would nibble on Spike's earfin getting him to tingle a bit. Spike gave her his famous back scratch. Then they rubbed noses together, that would look very cute actually.
"Okay Spike lie down, I want you to just enjoy yourself."
"Rainbow Dash, are you sure you want me? 100% Sure?"
"Yes, Spike! You are my darling!"
"Don't say darling, it only worked for your past life."
"Oh shut-up & kiss me already."
Then she kisses him and he returns it with sincerity.
"Heat Season, no female ever picks me on heat season!"
"Don't worry sir, I'm sure someone out there will choose you one day, they're just shy because of your sex appeal." Said a guard standing at my cell.
"You're right, thanks for the advice bro! Now somepony get the next letter out here PRONTO!!!"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.13: Donating Spike to the Copy!
"Next is...Who's Charity Sweetmint?"
"Oh, she's the antagonist in Rarity & The Curious Case of Charity. She started out as Rarity's apprentice, but then became one of those identity theft type of villains. She even tried to take Spike from Rarity!"
"Wait, what are you saying?!"
"Sparity is Canon in the Chapter books!"
"Holy dried shit soaked with piss! Are you kidding me?"
"No I am not sir, now here's Rarity's dialogue when Charity called Spike her Spikey-Wikey. Ahem: "Let's get one thing straight. That's my Spikey-Wikey. Capiche ?"
"Whoa!"
"Yeah, G.M. Berrow is my fucking hero!"
"Alright, begin the story now!"
It was well...certainly a day in Ponyville. Hahaha, you see that I'm specifying what kind of day. So yeah, Spike was in the middle of eating a gem strangely shaped like a chicken wing while reading a comic book.
"Comic books Spike? How nerdy of you."
"Huh?"
Then Spike looked-up to see what he thought was Rarity.
"Ch-Charity?"
"Yes darling, it is I, the true Rarity! Also, I am sorry for trying to take you from Rarity using her looks."
"Oh, me & Rarity aren't a thing so everypony has a chance to drag me away, but believe me, It's a challenge to drag these eyes away from Rarity, the most beautiful creature in the world."
"That's why I'll steal you away without my former mentor's help!"
"Good luck." He said sarcastically as he walked away while still reading his comic book.
"Just you wait little boy, once I'm through with you, we'll become the new Sparity!"
Spike was in his new room, watching the new episode of a show.
"Hahaha, oh Mack, don't you know that you're not allowed to talk? My little Human is such a great show."
Spike turned the T.V. off and found Charity wearing a revealing night gown.
"Ah!"
Then she used her magic to silence him!
"Shush, Spike. Listen, is Rarity really the one you want?"
"Yes, now please leave before I call one of the guards."
"What guards? You have weak noobs protecting this place!"
"Hey, Deezutra & Veetrix are getting transferred here...in 4 and a half weeks!" Spike's earfins then drooped down in fear because Charity started inching closer and closer.
"Fufufufu, Spike, you're going to be my Spikey-Wikey again."
Charity then pounced, but Spike dodged and started running.
"Spike, get back here my love!"
Spike then started imitating Sonic the Hedgehog's figure-8 technique, but Charity used teleportation to catch-up. That's when Spike ran into a net!
"Gah! No, my security system has betrayed me!" Spike said while struggling to break free from his very own set trap, oh how irony eats Yak Penis! Just so you know, people actually do eat Yak Penis isn't that disgusting? Then again, I'm sure there's something much grosser than that.
"Catch of day for me!" Then they teleported back to his room. Then all throughout the night you could hear Spike's screams echoing through the sky, and where is Princess Twilight you ask? She was at Canterlot enjoying a drinking party.
"Aaaaaaaaaahhh!!!"
"Hey guys, *hic!* did you hear that?"
"Yeah, it sounded like Spike getting raped! *hic!* " Said Princess Celestia.
"How dare you make fun of my dear sister!?" Said Princess Luna as she returned from the bathroom. "I'll have you thrown into the bottomless pit, but for now, next letter!"
Author's Note
What do you think? Should this ship be called Chike or New Sparity? Kinda like how there's a Mexico & New Mexico am I right?
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Next is..."
"Vinyl Scratch A.K.A DJPON3!" Yelled Iron Will!
"Indeed, her music is awesome as Rainbow Dash would put it, but I wonder of how she'll make great music with Spike?"
"Um Luna, I'm going to need to explain what the expression means to you during the story."
A teenage Spike was out clubbing with his friends, oh was he pulling off moves like a smooth criminal, and it seemed Vinyl, the DJ of the club seemed to really like seeing his hot feet move it!
"Hey everypony, I gotta go, don't worry though, the one who'll be taking my place is Raptavia yo!" Raptavia, another cousin of Octavia. Or is it? No wait it is. Vinyl found the firey green stepper making her heart wub. She eventually located him at the bar area beacuase he was very exhausted. She managed to take the seat next to him.
"Another round on me sir!"
"Huh? Oh hey there Vinyl."
" 'Sup Spike? You were a true party monster out there on the dance floor."
"Thanks, but I still have energy to spare. Unfortunately my friends split because they ran out of gas, even Pinkie & Rainbow Dash."
"Yeah, that youthful wind of your's is awesome." (Youthful Wind, a reference to Persona 4 Golden) "Another round on me!"
"Hey, stop buying me drinks, I can get my own."
"Oh yeah? Who here gets an employee discount?"
"I see your point."
So they chatted for a while, then got back to the dance floor. Oh everyone picked these 2 as their fan favorite but then someone had to ruin it all.
"You call those dance moves? Please, a paraplegic pony with all 4 hooves disabled could dance better than you guys."
"You said it Gilda, these dweebs wouldn't know dancing from doo doo."
" *sigh!* Not these 2 again!" Spike groaned.
"Hey there little Spike! Who's this whore?" Asked Garble, his arch nemesis.
"Garble, why can't you leave me alone & let the past go?"
"Because, he ain't no lame chump like you & all of these ponies!"
"Hey, I though I had you 2 banned from here forever?!"
"You really think we'd listen to the rules?"
"Grr..." Vinyl then grabbed Spike's shoulder.
"Listen here you 2, there's only one way to settle things in this club, with a rap battle!"
Then everyone had a collective gasp.
"2-on-2, the battle is over when one couple gets served! You in?"
"(Wait, couple?)" Spike wondered.
"Bring it on!" They both said.
"Alright, hey Raptavia drop a wicked beat!"
"You got it P0N3! Epic Mlp Crack shipping rap battle! Spinyl vs. Garilda! BEGIN!"
Gilda:" Time for real girl to take the stage
Vinyl: "Ew, your raps smell real bad like shit stains.
Then the audience all laughed.
Garble: "You namby pamby ponies & 1 gay dragon got nothing on me!
Spike: "Don't you dare make fun of my family & friends.
Then the audience all went ooooooooooh...hey look, there's Mordecai & Rigby with Cj & Eileen.
Spike & Vinyl: "Hmph, are yah now all finished?
Then the final syllable generated enough energy to blast Garble & Gilda out of the club! Then the guards stamped banned forever on their butt-cheeks.
Then the crowd cheered Spinyl over & over!
"Aaawww yeah, we definitely have a winning couple here! Give it up for Spinyl everypony."
"Excuse me, but we're not a..." Spike was then interrupted by Vinyl sweeping Spike off of his feet & then kissing him right there.
So the night went on with Spike & Vinyl partying, drinking, kissing, and when they were done, they went to Vinyl & Tavi's home to...you know.
"Do the mess around, yeah do the me..." Then Luna turned her music off.
"Hmph, my Rap Battle against Zecora was much better, get the next letter!" Commanded Iron Will.
Meanwhile...
"Hello there guard, I'll takeover, dismissed."
"Thank you."
"Here you go Nathan Bryon Alcantara."
"Thanks Panzerbrony." Said the Author.
"It wasn't easy, Spikerules302 is one tough cookie!"
"Don't worry, with this I'll be able to take on that unstoppable Shogun Deezutra, then escape. Now go & make sure Bloody Brandy, TheBlackKirin, Fatboi1000, and others are in position! We're at the halfway point of this story!"
"Yes sir!"
Author's Note
Not kidding, count all the chapters, which include the .5's and Prologue, I'm halfway done. Also you are instantly my friend if you actually animate this rap battle & post it on Youtube!
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
A heart monitor could be heard from the infirmary, let's see what has happened.
"(What are you planning author?)" Deezutra thought.
"Ah!" The guard gasped as he awoke!
"Young man, tell me who did this too you?!"
"We have conspirators who are plotting to break Trahzo the Author free!"
"That manipulative bastard! Rest son, I'll takeover from here! Private Veetrix, you'll be getting the letters while I'm busy hunting down these conspirators!"
"Yes Sir!"
Now to Celestia's study where Luna & Iron Will are awaiting the reader's return!
"Good you're back, and it's a good thing we avoided that attack for my Castle! next is...Nurse Redheart in an anthro story."
"Ah Nurse Red Heart, sometimes I pretend to be hurt or sick, just to see her, but instead I get the not as hot Sweetheart, Coldheart, and Tenderheart!"
"Thank you for sharing that strange remark with us. Don't know how many bronies you'll anger but for now, now begin the story."
"Hold it right there!" Said Nursery Rhyme. "What about me?"
"You're a kid Nursery Rhyme.
"Darn!"
"Can we get to the story already? Geez!"
"Fine!"
Spike fucked himself-up real bad, he got an upper body cast for his arms, waist and chest! Damn it, this is why Pinkie Pie, Dan, and Minka Mark shouldn't fight in a crossover movie, you get the lovable sidekick sent to the hospital, oh you should have seen the beating Elise gave Dan when Chris was given a full body cast. Minka refused to leave Penny Ling's side and wants to apologize afterwards to her beloved friend. Spike was going to make a full recovery in 3 days thank Celestia, but for Chris & Penny being mammals without thick scales like Spike, it is unknown when they'll fully recover, and Penny Ling is a tiny Panda, she'll leave that vet waaaaaaaay after Spike & Chris. B-but for now let's just focus on Spike.
"Ooooooooh man, at least it's only 3 days & the ponies actually have been studying dragon biology, thank you Zecora for providing that info!"
Spike was relaxing on a Saturday morning, watching The newest episode of Pokemon the Series XY: Awakening the Sleeping Giant!
"Poor Clemont, oh-no wait, oh there he is, lol and in his underwear too!"
Then the door opened.
"Breakfast time Spike!"
"Alright, I've been hungry for a min..." Then Spike's nose began flowing blood. I'd have waterworks like that too if Nurse Redheart came in to my hospital room wearing nothing but her hat & pantyhose!
"(Gotcha!) Oh-dear, Spike! Calm down!" She said while wiping Spike's blood!
Spike didn't care if she was on his cast, he loved the feeling of her bare chest on his, even if it did hurt, extremely bad! Spike felt so much pain, that he was crying with pain & delight.
"There we go Spike, you're all better."
"In more ways than one." Spike mumbled.
"What was that?"
"Oh, nothing, also why are you naked?"
"Well, you know what Applejack says, we don't normally wear clothes. Fufufu." She said while cutting the pancakes.
"Yeah, ain't that the truth."
Then Nurse Redheart pretended to be nonchalant about Spike's boner under the sheets as she got onto the bed, and stuck the fork towards Spike.
"Open wide and say ah."
"A-a-a-ah!" Spike was stuttering because her vagina was rubbing against his dick. After he was done eating the pancakes, Spike and Nurse Redheart then began eating the soy sausages, they chomped till they kissed, for 3 times. Then The good Nurse licked the soy bacon on both sides & laid it down on Spike's tongue & he gulped it all down. Now they eat the eggs, but instead of picking it up with forks, they picked up both sides with their mouths & did the same thing they did the sausages. Now with all the food taken care of, we can get to the juice. Nurse Redheart filled her cheeks with the Orange Juice. Then Spike opened wide as she and Spike made a sort of mess, with their drinking & kissing at the same time.
"Now that we're done with that, let's get to the main course!" Suggested Nurse Redheart.
"Oh yeah baby, The new Episode of Zexal isn;t out until 11:30 on the Vortex, so we can get busy for a few hours!"
So She &Spike got under the sheets.
"You know, I wasn't even supposed to be at work today Spike."
"Fuck yeah, I'm so lucky!"
"That lucky bastard, why can't I get that kind of treatment from nurse Redheart, or at least from the other 3 Nurses who aren't as hot!"
"Excuuuuuuuuuse me sir?" Then Tenderheart, Coldheart, and Sweetheart were flaring their nostrils!
"Oh-boy, here comes they yelling, you can handle this without me right Luna?"
"Yep, now Veetrix, get the next letter!"
"Right away."
Meanwhile...
"Get back here!" Deezutra called out! "Damn, they got away! WHAT IN EQUESTRIA?!"
Then Spikerules203 & the army he summoned were blown away by Panzer's Tidal Wave Spell & Chaos Number 39: Utopia Ray Victory.
"...I'll get you and your little cards tooooooo..."
*Crash!*
"203, are you okay? Grr...Get me a doctor immediately!"
View Online
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.16: The Milf Chronicles Final Episode: Tasting a Cupcake
"Let me out, I gotta go stop Panzer!"
"NO!"
"It's only a concussion!"
"Damn it 302, they said that from that defeat, you broke 3 ribs & severely fractured 5 more! Then you crushed your own spleen, then also, your lungs are half filled with water & your heart is beating real slowly! Let's not forget, you left femur being cracked down the middle! You must stay here until you make a full 100%, you got it? I made a promise to my predecessor Captain Shining Armor that I wouldn't let any of my men die because of some foolish pride, I know what I am doing, so stay right here!"
"Fine!"
"Next is..."
"Cupcake!"
"You hear that?"
"Noooooo, not another married character!" I shrieked in agony.
"Too bad, as long as you're in that cell, you must ship Spike with another married character."
"(Hmm, hmm, hmm, oh Luna you have no idea of what me & my allies are capable of!)"
"Now, begin the story!"
At 1st, it was just a dirty lie in the episode: Ponyville Confidential, but as the years went on by, they began to split apart, but on the I think bright side, They gave the store to Pound & Pumpkin before the divorce. So now Carrot & Cup moved out of Sugarcube Corner & live in separate homes, where they return after work because they still work at that sweet shop, how awkward am I right?
"Ugh..." Spike awoke with a headache.
"Good Morning Spike." Said a voice from the left of him
"Whoa! Cupcake, where'd you come from?"
"You silly dragon, don't you remember last night?"
"Last night?"
"Yep, look here." Then she gave him the pictures & DVD.
Spike was very shocked to see all the sins he committed last night: Banging your bro's wife, telling your bro to fuck off, and the worst sin of all, a selfie! THE HORROR!!!
"Oh Spike, you are such a sweet dragon."
"I-I am?"
"Of course, you helped me move out of that apartment, you gave me a good home, and you even filled the void in my heart after Carrot Cake created it."
"Wow."
"I know, you are my savior, I can't really live by myself and I've been really lonely after Carrot Cake started going out with that other mare, he accuses me of cheating? I've seen him fooling around with that fucking bitch for 4 years!"
"Yeah, I've seen her around a-lot, even after closing."
"Oh well, at least I have a big, strong, young, handsome, dragon by my side now!"
"Yeah Cupcake, why would he ever break-up with such a beautiful mare? I sure hope you don't hate me for saying this, but you're a freaking cougar!"
"Kukuku, Mraw."
"So he's not so mad that I broke the bro code and started dating you? His former mare?"
"No, he's always been an easy going guy, so I'm sure he'll forgive you for calling him a smelly big chinned numbskull who can't tell the difference between a good mare & a skank if they were wearing shirts to indicate who they were." She said while nuzzling his neck.
Spike was speechless.
"Hey, don't let it getcha down though."
"Yeah, I shouldn't, now what is this DVD?"
"Our sex tape." She said with bedroom eyes.
"Sex, tape?"
"Yeah, you were real excited when we started filming." She cooed
"Is that so?"
"Yeah, and look at my back." She turned to show the scratches Spike gave her on her back.
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry."
"It's fine, I'm okay."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Cupcake, you're so forgiving."
"Of course, I managed to maintain my friendship with Carrot Cake because of how forgiving I am & how forgiving he is."
"Oh."
"Now I'm gonna go to work, see you soon Spike."
"I'll visit you."
Then they kissed, and Cupcake went to the bathroom, get her hair done & her work clothes on.
"The author couldn't really ship those 2 could he?"
"Hey, there are crack ships that must be created, get the next letter Private Veetrix!"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.17: The Rejected & the Dumped.
"Next is...Fleur De Lis!"
"Fleur, she is hot! Much more hot than Rarity!"
"Yes, but this is one of those usual ships, after Fancy Pants goes out with Rarity, Fleur goes out with Spike, but let's see where this goes, now begin the story!"
It was sunset on a beach. Spike & his new mare friend Fleur were watching it while sitting on a dock. They turned & smiled at each other.
"You are the one who completes this scene Fleur."
"In my opinion, it's you who completes the scene." She replied.
They rubbed noses, but then kissed now that the sun was completely down.
"Hey Spike, Fleur, it's time to limbo!" Pinkie called out.
"We'll be right there Pinkie, ready to go my sweetheart?"
"Yes, let's show them all how low we can go." Fleur agreed.
As it turned out, Spike's flexible body & Fleur's slender body proved they were able to go lower than Pinkie & then they win. They were having so much fun at the luau. They watched men in hula skirts doing those fire stunts with torches, they played pranks on others, their pranks even rivaled Pinkie & Dash. They were Ow! Hey, who threw that coconut? I swear that kid needs be put on a fucking leash! Oh, sorry about that people. As I was saying, they were so passionate for each other, and won all the events that they became King & Queen of the beach. It was so romantic that Fancy & Rarity were very proud of them.
"Isn't that so romantic Fancy Darling?"
"Agreed, they managed find love in each other after we broke their hearts."
Then they walked away to somewhere else.
"Spike, I've never had this much fun in years."
"Me too, I thought I would have this much with Rarity, but it's so much better because of you Fleur!"
"That's so kind of you little dragon." Then she kissed his cheek.
Hours passed, and now it was the next day, where they participated in the sandcastle contest, they got 2nd place. They had so much energy between them, they even won the surf contest. Also kid, if you try burying me in sand, Imma gonna kill you! Then Spike & Fluer hid behind some rocks to do something, ooh lala, let's see what they'll do shall we?
"I got something to ask you!" they said simultaneously. "No, you go 1st, no you!" They repeated this over and over until I couldn't take it anymore. So Spike went 1st.
"Fleur, I don't know what to say, you are gorgeous, sweet on me, you've been a great mare."
"Thank you, now it's my turn, Spike, you've saved me from my pain of being dumped and saved me from those thugs who wanted to gang bang me."
"I love you so much for filling the empty void in my heart!" They said simultaneously again.
"I-I originally intended to give this to Rarity, but I was wondering..." While he said that, Fleur said. "I-I wanted to give this to Fancy Pants..." Then they went back to saying things at the same time. "But now that I've found you, I just wanted to ask you, will you marry me?" They said as they brought out the tiny box with the rings inside! Then they looked at each other with empty expressions until they started laughing.
"Damn, I didn't expect this."
"Me neither, but for what it's worth, at least we both know we can agree to get married." Then they hugged.
"So Spike, want to..."
"Oh, I know what you're talking about."
H-hey, No! don't pan us away camera, we wanna see them get busy! Shit! NO-O-O-O!
"I wish I could go to the beach & not get stared at by stallions."
"I wish I could enjoy my smoothie without some brat throwing sand in it."
"Wanna be my bodyguard the next time I go to the beach?"
"Only if you make sure no kids ruin my smoothie."
"Agreed, now send us the next letter."
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.18: Flittering Emotions.
Deezutra has just captured a conspirator.
"Gotcha, now tell me where are the others!?"
"Fuck you! I'm a suicide bomber."
Then Deezutra threw him before he detonated.
*BOOM!*
"(These conspirators are crafty. What are your plans Trahzo!?)"
Now we go back to Celestia's study.
"Next is...Flitter."
"Who's that?"
"She's Cloudchaser's twin sister, Flitter only had one interaction with Spike, and that was to ask what Spike's anemometer does, but dumbed down."
"Hahaha, I loved that episode."
"So did the author, now begin the story!"
"Weeeeeee!" Spike was riding through the sky on Flitter's back. "Do an aileron roll."
"You got it Spike." So she started spinning in place. Yeah, Fox's trademark maneuver in which he spins the arwing in place is technically called an aileron roll, also I don't care who wont let me do that because I just don't want to see confused people go under that misconception.
"Wait Flitter stop, I'm getting dizzy."
"Hmm, hmm, hmm, sure master."
"I am no-one's master! I'm just having tons of fun with my friend."
Flitter rolled her eyes at that, but she only agreed to fly Spike around because of her plan to tear Spike's eyes away from Rarity. They soon made it to Flitter's home.
"Alright Spike, come-on in."
"Sure thing buddy."
Flitter felt a mental pain from being called any variation of friend.
"Make yourself at home okay Spike, I'll be back in a jif, you can help yourself to anything in the fridge, just don't touch Cloudchaser's booze."
It was sarcastically minellium, millellium, minetllium? Oh no wait, let's use spell check, ah-ha! It sarcastically took a Millennium for Flitter to come out of her room, but then she soon finally returned.
"I'm back Spike."
"Oh finally, I just finished off all of your chocolate pringles...." As soon as she made it down the final step, damn! She was wearing, a very beautiful dress, a dazzling necklace, and styled her mane to look like Rarity's. Spike became absolutely speechless.
'Soooo...what do you think Spikey-wikey, or would you prefer Spikey-poo, or maybe precious scales?" She asked as she came closer to him. Spike's heart started beating very fast.
"So, what would you like master Spike?"
He was thinking of all of the "things" they could do, but in the end, Spike managed to return to his un-infatuated self.
"Flitter?"
"Yes master Spike?"
"You don't need to look like Rarity to be with me, you could've just asked."
"But Spike, without the manestyle, you'd reject me!" Tears began forming, but Spike managed to wipe her eyes before the 1st tear went down.
"Flitter, to know somepony went this far for me, is enough to win me over." He said with a heart warming smile.
"Oh Spiiiike." Then she hugged him & Spike patted her back as she sobbed with tears of joy.
"Flitter, I'm home." Said Cloudchaser. "Uh...what am I looking at?"
"My boyfriend has a heart of gold!"
"Oookay, guess this gives me an excuse to call my friends over & drink to celebrate."
Dammit, she ruined the moment with something hilarious.
"You know, Spitter: Spike X Flitter would make sort of sence if they did it, wouldn't it?"
"I kinda see them hanging out, now get the next letter!"
Meanwhile...
"Hello guard, I've come to relieve you, dismissed!"
"Thank you sir." Then after the guard left.
"Here, the echo crystal, but what do you need this for?"
"That's a secret, for the final battle in Chapter 25.5, understood Bloody Brandy?"
"Fine!"
"Now go give this to Fatboi, he needs it to keep Celestia sleeping during the final battle!"
"Yes sir!"
"(Deezutra, I'm gonna serve that ass of your's, I just need all the pieces to fit the puzzle!)"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.19: Dragons Sure Love Gems.
"Next is..."
"Autmn Gem, hey a Crystal Pony."
"Now I'm worried." Said Princess Luna.
"Why?"
She then looked at him with a what do you think face.
"Oh right, Spike eats gems, so we may be looking at something very explicit."
"Begin the story now."
"Hello? I'm here?" Spike called out.
He was told to meet his secret admirer at a designated address in the Crystal Empire. Then he noticed his favorite 2 gems.
"Ooh, green gem, ooh, sapphire, ooh, green gem, ooh sapphire." He followed the trail all throughout the Crystal Empire, even passing through the mare's bath house, but they didn't seem to mind since it was Great & Honorable Spike the Brave & Glorious and all, crap I just used and all, that's what I get for reading Catcher & the Rye. All well, Spike followed the trail until...
"..Ooh green gem, ooh a sapphire." Then a box fell on top of him, he tried to struggle out, but the pony on holding down the box was too strong, so he tried to burn his way out, but it seems that the box was layered with some crystal dust making it difficult to burn. I apologize for those who have allergies to bullshit & bull crap.
"Hey, come-on, let me out, I should have known this was a trap! Oh listen here you son of a bitch or daughter of a bastard, I'm gonna fracking kick your flank and make you die in New Jersey!"
But no reply, not even a shut-up Meg. Spike could have said he was hungry to let him out, but it's only been 5 minutes after eating that trail of gems. Then Spike realized he had claws, so he tried scratching his way out, but that pesky crystal dust lining was just so hard to get through. Sorry for making you guys sneeze, break out in a rash or hives, or make you change color in disgust, but please just shut-up until we find the culprit. Finally, spike was released from the box & found himself in a guest room at the Crystal Empire Castle.
"Huh?"
"Hello my lovely gem eating love interest."
He turned around & a Crystal Pony who was shining brighter than the average bear, I-I-I mean Crystal Pony, sorry I just had to make that joke.
"Hey I know you, aren't you that Crystal pony me & Twilight talked to when you guys came back after 1000 years?"
"Yes, I'm Autmn Gem, I just wanted to thank you personally for saving us all!"
"Well you're welcome, so I'll be leaving now..." Then the door slammed shut.
"Whoa!"
"Sorry, but I want to give you an award for saving us all!"
"Okay, after you give me my award, can leave after?"
"Yes, if you'd even want to." Autmn then got onto the bed, and spread out her body. "Now, have a taste."
"Wh-what?!" Spike asked embarrassed.
"Don't dragons like to eat gems? So how's about you become the 1st ever dragon in history to taste a Crystal Pony?"
Spike's blush got even bigger. "Well, it'd be rude if I just refused a kind offer like th-this."
Spike then got onto the bed, and started licking.
"Wow, you taste great!" Spike told Autmn. "Uh Autmn?"
No reply, the happy mare was in ecstasy as soon as the reptilian tongue made contact.
"Uh Autmn Gem?"
She was only twitching.
"Don't stop now, continue, please!"
"You don't have to tell me twice."
"Oh Celestia!"
"She's busy talking with delegates, so for now, I'm your God!"
"I'm taking a shower."
"I'm gonna go to the guest shower. Make sure the next letter is here when we get back."
Meanwhile...
"Alright mares & stallions, I know there aren't that many of us, but we all have immense powers! So, as we stand by, get your weapons, armors, skills, and what ever else ready to attack!" Black Kirin told my 64 subscribers.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"FIRAZA!!!"
"Uwaaaaaah!" A mind controlled guard cried. "Huh? What happened?"
"Yes, I managed to break the mind control! Now tell me boy, where are the conspirators? Do you remember anything, anything at all?"
"No sir, I'm sorry. I'm so-so sorry!"
"Grr...dismissed!"
Meanwhile...
"Next is...who's Maud Pie?"
"The surprise 3rd sister of Pinkie Pie."
"Pinkie has 3 sisters!?"
"Yep, and she's a great match for Spike despite being Pinkie's un-excited opposite."
"This is gonna be a short story isn't it?"
*Bitch slap!*
"OW! HEY!"
"Shut-up Iron Will, you're just my co-host."
"Princess Luna!" A voice called from behind the door.
"Yes, what is it guard?"
"You & Iron Will wont be able to exit Celestia's study until after Chapter 25.5."
" *sigh* If you're having trouble, let us help out, you don't need to worry about my safety...huh?" She tried opening the door but it wouldn't budge."
"What is the meaning of this?!"
"Don't worry Princess, I'll bring it down, Hi-yah! OW!"
"Like I said, you wont be able to leave until after Chapter 25.5!"
"Let us out of here right now or you're banished!"
"I'm not even a citizen, I'm a robot who was paid to assassinate Spikerules302 as he rests in the infirmary! Now analyzing Spikerules302 particles! Particles detected due east!"
"Let us out! and also, begin the story already!"
"Om nom nom...these gems taste so good Maud!"
"Only the best for my darling."
Maud came for a surprise visit one day to say happy birthday to her sister Pinkie Pie, only to run into Spike, who was running away from home. He had enough of Ponyville, and enough of Rarity! He didn't want to see it again even though it meant leaving his genius best friend Princess Twilight Sparkle, ruler of the Friendship Rainbow Kingdom. Mouthful am I right? But that's when he bumped into Maud as soon as the doors opened, Spike decided to sprint with his suitcases, but then BAM! Maud asked if he was okay & why he had tears running down his cheeks. Spike explained his situation & Maud like a really good friend listened to all the details, and comforted him in his time of need since Twilight was very busy with organizing her kingdom meaning no time for her surrogate son/little brother...oh, and her friends let's not forget them. She wiped those tears away, and just for him, smiled & told him to cheer-up. After the birthday party, Spike & Maud started writing to each other everyday from there. Maud tells him about the extraordinary rocks she's studying, Spike writes about his all of his gem hunts, and when Maud visits, she gives him some rocks, that taste as good as gems & she eats whatever gems he gives her. Wow, it was like a match made in heaven. Then one day...
"I'm so happy Spike!"
"Me too Maud, You are one awesome mare despite not showing your enthusiasm."
"Yay, Spike's now my brother-in-law!"
"Also, he's now our Cousin-in-law." Applebloom added.
"Eeyup."
"Wait, by that logic, that means Twilight is is an In-law as well!" Applejack explained.
"Oh my gosh, you're fucking right! I gotta go hug our auntie-in-law!"
So the wedding happened, and Maud was smiling the longest she's ever smiled in history. There was a cake fight because Pinkie & I got into a fight, she wanted to interrupt me again during my narrating, but I slapped her really hard before she could do so. Then there was a dance, well me & Pinkie did the forbidden dance where in which we got kicked out for starting 2 fights! Then again, they let her back in, and made me hang upside down from my right foot and be the mirror ball. Then they finally let me free, so I get to laugh at the ponies fighting over the bouquet. So Maud moved into the castle, where Maud got all the funding she needed for her research as a rock scientist, isn't that suppose to be geologist? Any who, Spike & Maud couldn't be any happier then they were now, and Maud even kept her smile up for much longer this time, as long as Spike & Pinkie were by her side, she took baby steps into fully expressing her feelings like the sister Pinkie imagined.
"Aw, how sweet, but can somepony get us outta here?!"
"Princess Luna, I found a way to send letters into Celestia's study, luckily my baby dragon: Senile V. Wong, knows how to send letters just like Spike. You ready Senile?"
"You got it boss!" agreed the dragon standing next to him. "Here come's the next letter!"
Author's Note
If you've watched Chodenshi Bioman then you know who's going to assassinate Spikerules302. Now let me know who's your favorite fan made or canon family?
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Next is..."
"...Who's Cherry Berry?"
"She's a background pony. She's that Pink Earth pony with a yellow mane who's just as unlucky as Spike."
Then another letter came to them
"It's a letter from the author, it reads:
I am terribly sorry to all the readers, but this one might include Spikeabuse.
Regretfully: Nathan Bryon Alcantara AKA Trahzo the author."
"Ooh boy, begin the story."
"Aaaaaaaaah!!!" Spike screamed while running from something.
"Waaaaaaaah!!!" Cherry Berry screamed while running from another something.
Spike was being chased by Mecha Rainbow Dash & Cherry Berry was being chased by Dark Rainbow Dash, they were just a turn away from each other, and as soon as they turned that corner.
"DUCK!!!" So they did.
*Ka-boom!*
They were both shaking with fear & had their eyes completely shut while in fetel position until they were poked.
"Good job you 2, unfortunately there are 20 more Mecha me's & Shadow me's and it seems they have targeted you both!"
*GULP!*
"There they are! Destroy them!"
"Aaaaaaaaah!!!" They both shrieked!
So they ran, jumping, ducking, and running as fast as they both can to avoid the attacking mob!
"Quickly kid, to my helicopter, I just added some weapons to it!"
"Okay, also you look familiar, have we met?"
"I'm Cherry Berry, don't you remember? I let you & Twilight rent my hot-air balloon whenever it's time to do the opening of the show."
"Oh yeah, thanks for letting us do that!"
"No problem, you know we're a-lot alike."
"How so?" Spike asked as he dodged a laser from a Mecha Dash.
"We've been put into constant danger a-lot! Sometimes we even get hurt!"
"Oh yeah that's true!"
"You know Spike, you're pretty cute!"
Spike blushed at the comment. "Thanks, you're very cute as well."
"Man am I getting thirsty."
"Oh don't sweat, Pinkie, can you please give Cherry Berry a Pepsi?"
Then Pinkie ran next to them.
"Here you go."
"Thanks Pinkie, I know you cannot drink while running with those hooves, so let me hold it for you while you drink through the straw." Spike explained she drank the whole thing then Spike threw it backwards hitting a dark!
"You know, we've been pretty fortunate so far. I know it's as if the bad luck we usually get on a daily basis, is repelling each other & transforming into good luck."
"Wow, how does a kid like you manage to come to that conclusion? Oh wait that's right, you're Twilight's kid, she's obviously home schooled you so you wont be as stupid as other dragons!"
"I know, she's great!"
Then stallions bringing a really long piece of glass blocked their path. It seemed like a dead end, but then they began carrying it in flat.
"On the count of 3, we slide under!"
"Understood Spike!"
"1, 2, 3!"
They slid under, then the stallions returned to carrying it sideways, which then broke because 3 Mechas & 3 Darks crashed into it & died!
"Yeah!" Then they bumped hoof & claw.
"Man that was awesome!"
"I freaking know! Hey there's my house, quickly get in!"
They escaped into the house but not for long, the evil forces were blasting at it! That's when the roof opened up and emerging was Cherry Berry & Spike inside a helicopter with missiles & Dual Gatling guns!
"Eat it you fakers!"
Then they ripped they evil Rainbow Dashes apart!
"Woo-hoo! We did it!"
"Thanks for the assist again you 2, now I must dash, there are still more fakers who just love to copy that which is awesome."
"Bye Rainbow Dash." Spike said.
"Hey Spike?"
" 'Sup Cherry?" Then he saw the tears in her eyes. "Cherry what's wrong?"
"They destroyed my house!"
"Oh don't worry, you can come stay with me at the castle."
"R-really?"
"Yeah, I'm sure Twilight will..."
"Oh thank you Spike! Thank you!"
"Ah, Cherry Berry! you gotta keep on peddling!"
Well, their good luck didn't last for long, because Cherry was so happy, that she couldn't keep the helicopter in the sky & they eventually crashed! Later in the afterlife...
"NO! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE!!!"
"Tee-hee, where are you going my love? I want us to spend an eternity together in death!"
"Damn."
"I know Iron Will, now send the next letter."
Meanwhile...
"Oh God, no! Get away from me!" But it was too late Pinkamena killed the guard.
"Hehehehe! Hello Trahzo!" She said as she phased through the bars.
"Ah Pinkamena! I've been waiting when the guards finally brought dinner for the prisoners!"
"What!"
Then I grabbed her, & swallowed her whole! Now I wonder if that little scene will constitute making this story a mature story.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Next is...who's Lilac Sky & Sunrise Spring?"
"They were the cheerleaders from the Season 4 Episode: Rainbow Falls."
"Oh Yeah that's right! Now begin!"
Spike was walking around Cloudsdale because of his new wings.
"Wow, this is AWESOME! Oops." He looked around and everypony stared. "Sorry all, I'm just very happy that I can walk on clouds."
He just continued his stroll around but then was stopped by 2 mares.
"Look Lilac, this guys' energy is perfect!"
"Like I know Sunlight!"
"Hey, you look like the pegasus version of Minty." (G3 Pony)
"I know, I get confused for her a-lot." Said Sunrise Spring.
"And you, you look like..."
"...Cloud Chaser & Flitter, I know. Some say I'm their 3rd triplet. Now come with us!"
"Wait, where are we going?" He asked as they dragged him.
"To auditions! We need a 3rd for the pyramid and you are the perfect candidate as the next 3rd member of our cheer squad for next year's Equestria Games tryouts!" Explained Lilac
"Yeah, you like, have energy in that yell, and reptile bodies are flexible enough for impossible maneuvers!" Sunrise added.
"You 2 really think so?"
"Yep, and you look like enough of a pretty boy to wear a skirt!"
"Hahaha, oh that's a good one, you girls sure have a good sense of humor.'
Then they turned and said in a dark tone simultaneously..."We weren't kidding about your cheerleader's uniform!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" His cry for help rang through the sky, spreading to Apploosa, Manehattan, Crystal Empire, and even Camp Kidney. Then Lazlo yelled out "YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!"
"Lazlo, why must we watch this..." Hey hey hey! Let's not pan over to a different Cartoon Okay? Okay! So Spike was forced to audition for the 3rd member of their cheer squad & then was given the female uniform.
"(This is so wrong! I refuse to tell my friends about this in my runaway letters!)"
Yeah Spike decided to send letters to his friends telling the Mane 6 that him & the CMC are just fine, because the CMC cannot cook to save their lives & Spike wanted to go on an amazing journey anyway. Spike managed to get them all into Cloudsdale with the spell Twilight used to allow her A.J., and Pinkie to walk on clouds without wings.
"You look so friggin adorable!"
"Shut-up!" He said while crossing his arms and looking away.
"Ooh, I just wanna kiss his cheeks."
"I'm 17, I too old for all this baby talk."
Then he was pushed over.
"Huh?"
"You're so cute that we just have to molest you!"
"Yes!"
"What in the...Hmph! Mrph!" He couldn't speak, Lilac was sloppily kissing him!, and was tingling because Sunrise was rubbing his double dicks! Oh, Lilac's tongue was so far down that it went 2 cm past the uvula, Spike had mixed feelings on this! Sure it was awesome that 2 totally hot Cheerleaders were giving him pleasure, but then again, they were giving him unwanted pleasure.
"Now, break it out Sunrise."
"Break what out?"
Then Sunrise brought a suspicious machine out.
"W-what is that thing?!"
"We're gonna use this to turn you into a female! With it's suction power, it will make you grow some giant knockers!"
"No, Let me gooooooo!"
"Give me an M-O-O-B-I-E-S, put it all together and what do you get Lilac?"
"Moobies Sunrise!"
"Good, now hold pretty dragon boy down!"
Later...
"Oh hey Sp...Holy Cow! Spike, when did you become part cow?!" Scootaloo gasped. Just so you know, that's a big boob joke, so you do not get confused.
"Cheerleaders...Female uniform...mooby machine..." Then he fell down & lied there.
"Poor guy."
"Yeah, but I always wanted to have my own pair of tits sometimes without getting fat when I was a teenager, and look at these pecks!"
Luna then rolled her eyes. "Just send the next letter please."
Meanwhile...
"Hey you there, suspicious robot! State your name, now!"
"I am Hunter Silva, Formerly known as Bio Hunter Silva & Rider Hunter Silva. Now I am an assassin who will kill for high pay! Now get out of my way or else!"
"Negative!"
"Very Well then..." Then he pulled out his laser pistol "...Hakai! Hakai! Hakai!"
"Gwaaaaaaaaah!" Cried the guards as they died.
"Analyzing Spikerules302 particles. Spikerules302 particles detected, that way!"
Author's Note
Hakai suru translates into destroy.
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Next is...Oh look everypony's favorite dentist."
"Boo-yah! Colgate/Minuette, AKA the Tardis! Begin the story!"
"Pause! What do you mean Tardis Iron Will?"
"She's blue & has an hourglass cutie mark!"
Then Luna looks at him with unamused eyes.
It was now that time of the month again, no not that time you perverts! It was time to go to the dentist, and guess who's Colgate's patient today? You guessed it, Spike! Colgate loved it when Spike came for a visit, because every time he visited, he'd be letting her study the teeth of a dragon, and was she amazed, she at 1st thought dragon teeth would be similar to either Alligator or Crocodile teeth, but she couldn't have been anymore wrong when her research began, dragon teeth were incredibly more complicated then any reptilian teeth she's seen. Though, she seemed very interested in Spike, no not Spike's teeth, she was interested in Spike, but I'm pretty sure it was his teeth that she was very interested in. So as soon as the door opened...
"Hi Colgate."
"Spike!" She said with a happy smile showing only her teeth, and not her gums. "Alrighty Spikey, show me those chomper of your's, say aah."
Spike opened his jaw wide open.
"Hmm, I see somedragon has been taking acceptable care of their teeth."
"Of course!"
"Aww, aren't you such a big man?"
"Yep, I'm growing-up everyday Colgate."
"I can see that, now let me do my job, & we'll be done faster than usual."
"Yes ma'am."
So the operation began, and ended in a little over 20 minutes while Spike watched the rest of a funny movie on the T.V.
"There we go!"
"Thank you Colgate!" Then he hugged her, and Spike didn't see her blush.
"You're welcome Spike, and now..."
"And now?"
"Let's do the reverse of that one commercial."
"What commercial?"
"I'll give you a hint." She whispered to his ear. "Bow chicka wow wow."
"Oh, I see what you mean! Bring it on!" Then Colgate jumped onto Spike's waist & then they started making out.
"Ew, that imitation tooth paste we use really sucks!"
"I know, and as a loophole, this isn't a drink or food"
"Correct Spike."'
Then they went back to abusing that loophole.
"Yeah, the fact that Spike has unique teeth in Ponyville could be a good reason why Spike & Colgate could be shipped. Now send the next letter!"
Then a T.V. entered the room.
"Huh? Hey there's a letter from the author. It Reads:
Dear Moon Glue & 2 dozen cheeseburgers: (Well!)
This T.V. will show you what is happening outside.
signed the soon to be free Trahzo.
"What an amazing strategist, that he'd even play fair in some areas."
"I wonder what he has planned, we're so close to the end!"
Author's Note
So far, how are you guys enjoying the action from behind the scenes?
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.24: My Paraplegic Cutie.
"Next is...who's Jinx?" asked Luna
"She's one of the background ponies in a wheelchair in the Season 4 episode: Leap of Faith."
"We're shipping Spike with a handicapped pony? Oh how sweet, begin the story."
"Thank you for being my volunteer nurse Spike."
"Don't mention it Jinx, it was my pleasure."
Spike wanted to something very helpful to the community, he decided to volunteer as a nurse. Do not laugh, male nurses exist, just like how female doctors exist as well. So Spike was tasked with taking care of Jinx, because she's not one of those ponies who are handicapable. She freaking got tricked into using that Flim Flam tonic, because of that she felt she was very gullible, and decided she needed some help. I mean come-on, if you were fooled by the Flim Flam Brothers twice, would you think you wont be fooled a 3rd time? Well this mare sure thought so.
"Spike?"
"What is it Jinx?"
"I was just wondering, can paraplegics still get pregnant?"
"Yeah, they still have as good of a chance as mares who aren't paraplegic."
"Oh that's good, because I was worried if I was the end of my family."
"Huh, I don't think I know what you mean."
"Oh it's just that my family is very small, we don't have any distant relatives at all!"
"Seriously?!"
"No, not a connection, not even an apple!"
"Well, at least you now know you can still conceive."
"Yeah..." Than she looked at him with a smile.
Then the days went on like that, Spike assisting Jinx since Twilight didn't require his services until further notice, but you know, they had real good time together. Going to fairs, beating-up Snips & Snails, and even something as simple as reading a book, because due to the fact that Jinx is an adult, so she can buy those mature ones. They don't care who's Spike's connected to, as long as he's 17, no adult things. They would laugh, they would cry, they would hold each other close. Then one day...
"So Spike I was just thinking..."
" 'Sup Jinx?"
"You know when we 1st met?"
"Of course, how could I have not forget? You looked very happy to see me."
"Well...remember the conversation when I asked you about my pregnancy?"
"Yeah, wait a minute...Do you wanna..."
"Yes, I want to start my own family with you!"
"Jinx, I want you to know that I am not doing this outta pity for your paralysis...You are a wonderful mare, you kept me busy for months, and I've had lots of fun with you, and I wish to not let those days end!"
"You really?"
"Yes, really!"
"Oh Spike."
"Oh Jinx!"
Then they hugged each other next to the seedling that will replace the tree that was destroyed during the Tirek incident.
"Let's go tell our friends and family the good news."
"No, not know!" Spike said at eye level
"Okay!" she agreed then gave Spike a hickie.
"I don't really care much about this shipping. OW!"
"Send the next letter."
Meanwhile...
"Woo-hoo, I love my me party! Huh? Hey you're not a gua..." Then with one punch Silva knocked a stoned Prince Blueblood out.
The door to the infirmary was punched down. Hunter Silva was on the hunt! He was so intimidating, that the nurses cowered in fear and ran. Soon he finally found Spikerules302's bed.
"Huh? who's there?" He woke-up to find Silva right in front of his bed with the pistol! "Who the Tartarus are you?!"
"I am Hunter Silva, your assassin! Spikerules302 particles detected! Now commencing extermination! Hakai!" then he fired the pistol
"Ah!"
"Hakai!"
"AH!"
"HAKAI!"
"AH!"
"HAKAI! HAKAI! HAKAI!"
"Gaaaaaaaah!"
Then Deezutra heard the shots & screams.
"302!!!"
Then Hunter Silva finished 302 off with 2 laser arrows each to they eyes!
"Spikerules302 particles down to zero!"
Now that his mission was complete, he left on his Mecha, the Balzion. Deezutra made it to the infirmary but it was far far too late!"
"NOOOOOOOOO! 302!!!" He yelled to the sky! "I'll get you Trahzo, and you're gonna pay!"
Meanwhile...
"Black Kirin, have all the forces move out now! Spikerules302 is dead!"
"You heard Panzer, it's time to spring the author!"
"Yeah!"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.25: She's One Lucky Rose.
"Before we announce the final ship, we'd like to take a look at the honorable mentions who look like interesting ships, but Trahzo decided not to put them in! So they'll all be getting pity dates with my co-host here."
"Cool, who are they?"
"Monitor, reveal thy names!"
Young Granny Smith
Prim Hemline
Saddle Rager
Zoe Trent (LPS
Epona (Legend of Zelda)
Casey (Dragon Tales)
Cloud Kicker.
Cloud Chaser
"Ooh, quite the collection."
"Indeed Iron Will now get lost while I announce the final ship for the night!"
She took the letter and opened it up.
"Last but most certainly not least is...Roseluck, before she started hanging out with Doctor Whooves in Season 4, begin!"
Spike was heading over to Rose's flower stand.
"Hey Roseluck, can I have both usuals?"
"Sure dear, here yah go."
"Thanks."
Then he paid the bits & was off.
"(Oh youth, they are so foolishly in love, but then again I'm one to talk Miss 20 years old.)"
Spike then returned hours later crying.
"Didn't go too well did it?"
"It was so ironic!"
"Tell me what happened little guy."
"I had just given Twilight her snack, at least that's what I thought, but then in a cruel twist of fate, she gave the bouquet to Rarity, and they kissed! Oh, just remembering my lesson on life's unfairness just makes me wanna cry more!"
Then Rose put her hooves around him, trying to comfort his broken soul.
"There there Spike, it's not the end of the world."
"You don't understand Rose, Twilight's my Big sister & Rarity was my true love, but then they betray me!"
"Don't worry, I know how it feels to have your heart broken."
"You do?"
"Yeah, I was in love with this stallion named Time Turner when I was in High School, and my best friend Derpy broke my heart by becoming his wife!"
"That's horrible."
"Yeah, but I just came to except it."
"B-but I cannot except my Rarilight."
"Don't worry. You're just a kid, I'm sure you'll be able to soon."
"Well in the meantime can I stay here?"
"Of course you can."
"Thank you Rose."
So after that, Spike felt a little better, every time he went to see Rose. as the days went by, Spike finally felt better, but he still goes to see her. Rose watched Spike mature into a strong handsome dragon. From that point forward, rose would sneak a peak at his physique. Her cheeks would go Rosie every time she saw them, then spike would ask why they got that way but she wouldn't tell. Don't worry Spike got over Rarilight after he became 14. The reason why is because he found a new flame, and it was as red as a rose! These 2 have crushes on each other but don't know how to confess, but after getting advice from friends, they decided to just do it.
"(Okay, here he comes...)"
"(Hello my beautiful rose!)"
Spike went to see Rose at her stand.
"Morning Roseluck."
"Good morning to you Spike."
"Morning Roseluck!"
"Morning Pinkie."
HEY GET OUTTA HERE PINKIE! Don't worry, Pinkamena already passed through my ass and is currently showering with really hot water!
"Okay bye!"
GOD does she get annoying! So Spike & Rose stood there awkwardly while rubbing their shoulders.
"I got something to tell you!" Then they both blushed.
"Umm, you go 1st."
"Okay, Roseluck, during the time I've known you, you were the most understanding of my feelings, and I cannot thank you anymore than that."
"Really? That means a-lot coming from you, a regular."
"I am not kidding, you effected my life greatly because of your support, so that's why..."
"That's why what?"
"Will you, Roseluck, be my special somepony?"
Her jaw dropped.
"I-I was about to ask you if you could be my special somedragon."
"Well, what a small world we live in."
"Yep, it certainly is small, and led us to each other's hearts." Then they hugged, and then censored their kiss with the closed sign.
"Aw man, I hate it when scenes do that! What's wrong with seeing 2 beings kiss huh? The censorship was completely unnecessary!"
"I know, and we're not allowed to leave after Ch.25.5!"
"Well, this has been the 3rd volume of Pimp Spike's Swag, enjoy whatever's left."
Meanwhile...
*BOOM!*
"Yeah! I'm free!" I cheered.
"Sir, follow us to the gardens, we got everything in order & it's a good thing we're finally commencing the operation, Vinyl was getting real bored!" Panzer explained.
They were all running but then...
*SHING!!!* Panzer's tank got damaged beyond repair, but he was perfectly fine. Panzer emerged, and got into another tank.
"Panzer, it's Private Veetrix, keep him busy, I must defeat the captain of the royal guard in order for me to escape!"
"Yes sir!"
"Don't worry, my ally is still watching you in case you die!"
"Got it, good luck boss!"
Then as the bunch left Panzer behind, it was time for Panzerbrony to kick some serious ass! Veetrix fired a firaga, but was blocked by a shield spell. Then Panzer fired 3 tank shells, but were slashed in half! Veetrix hopped towards the tank, but then Panzer spun the cannon around countering & smacking Veetrix away, then Panzer casted a boulder spell, but Veetrix dodged, safely avoiding Tom. Then Veetrix kicked Tom towards the cannon, knocking it backwards opening the the tank-up, Veetrix then picked up Panzer by the neck, threw him into the air, jumped-up, then decapitated Panzer! After the sudden death, Panzer's body parts turned into energy.
Meanwhile...
"Huh? Where am I?" He turned around trying to see if there was anyone in the gray void then he was introduced to a skeleton wearing a black cloak. "AH!"
"Hello, I'm the Grim Reaper, I'm the ally Trahzo spoke of."
"Whoa...My master is friends with death?"
"Yep, now time for you to come back to life, but before that, here take Rank-up Magic Astral Force & I'll enable you to transcend into X-mode!"
Now back to the world of the living. Veetrix was returning to his pursuit, but then a portal of black ethereal energy opened up, and Panzer exited.
"What? I killed you!"
"You thought so, but I was given a 2nd chance!" Even though Panzer was back, he was a looking little different. He had a giant yellow zigzag-X on his face & electricity was generating from his body. "And now, I use the spell card Rank-up Magic Astral's Force! Go Shining XYZ Evolution! Come forth, Shining Number 39: Beyond the Hope! Now attack!"
Then Beyond the Hope punched so hard, Veetrix was sent through 5 buildings! Panzer flew to Veetrix to make sure he was down. Veetrix got-up severely damaged.
"You are very powerful, so I'll get stronger..." He then limped away. "...Next time we meet, I'll be Captain Veetrix!"
"Veetrix, just who are you?"
Meanwhile...
"Ah, Shogun Deezutra, prepare to die!" I told him.
"I believe it is you who will meet the unfortunate end." he replied to me.
"Hmph, hit it Vinyl!" Then I pulled out a microphone with the echo Crystal as the speaker.
Then Deezutra's magic sword turned into a microphone with a golden handle & purple speaker.
"Huh? What is the meaning of this?"
"It's...an epic rap battle!"
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
"Let me read that!" Said Iron Will.
"Sure, here you go."
"Hmm...Wow, in this chapter, it's Spike & Princess Cadence!"
"Wait, i-isn't she married to Shining Armor?"
"Yeah, but let's see how this goes!"
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! Sorry, but I'm copping out! Okay, here we go, to think Princess Cadence would think everything has become predictable in her life at the Crystal Empire, but I bet that also implies that everything is now boring! She also says she loves some excitement every once in a while! To think she'd go so far as to even cheat on her husband, Prince Shining Armor, and with his little brother even! Spike & Cadence have been seeing each other, a week after Twilight's coronation. it has been 3 months since her disloyalty, and now has requested Spike come over for "Royal Business." since Shining Armor is away at Canterlot appointing his successor to the Captain's title. Spike wandered around the castle, wondering where Cadence, his secret girlfriend is. Then Spike was teleported by a blue aura. He then found himself in a secret room in the Crystal Castle, there was a table with one lit candle, a bottle of an alcoholic beverage you can only find in the Crystal Empire, 2 cups, and a bowl of gems. Then Cadence suddenly emerged from the shadows.
"Hello Spike."
"Oh, hey babe, you got this all planned for me?"
"Yep."
"Hmm, you really can keep a secret."
"Oh hush you, now let's have some of this expensive liquor I bought just for the 2 of us!"
"Okay milady."
So Spike and Cadence discussed what their lives have been when apart since the last time. Of course Spike had more to say, because as she stated, her life has become predictable, which implies it's boring! What a cheating bitch!
"Really? Shining Armor has appointed sports teams for the Crystal Empire? I know your citizens haven't been seen in 1000 years, but come-on, they'll need a looooooong time to understand the rules of our modern sports!"
"Yeah, it'll be sad once I break the bad news to him one day."
"But at least he can call up that lady Chickadee after you break it off."
"Yeah..."
"Oh look, we're outta liquor."
"Oh, and look at the time, looks like your train is coming!"
"Yeah, I better go, but it was great talking with you honey!"
Then they kissed goodbye, but as soon as Spike was walking out of the room, she pulled him back in so they could do some unspeakable things.
"Hmm...do you get the feeling the author didn't put that much effort..."
"Imma gonna kill you LUNA!!!" I yelled out!
Pimp Spike's Swag Vol.3: It's All That Person's Fault!
Ch.3:An Apple a Day, Makes the Dragon Stay.
"Next is...Applejack."
"Ooh, a tough pony, just like yours truly, begin!"
*grunt!* "Now that I'm done with this, time for the next chore on Appejack's list!"
Applejack got hurt on the job & Spike has volunteered to assist her.
"Spike, I think it's about time you took a break! Just look at yah, you're pratically drenched in sweat." said Granny Smith. "Besides, Applejack wants to talk to you."
"Okay!" Then Spike went into the house. He walked up the steps to find her in the bed.
"Phew, finally! Big Mac, Applebloom!"
"On it!" Then they went on to fixing the mess Spike caused.
"Hey Sugarcube."
"You wanted to speak with me A.J.?"
"Eeyup, there's something I must tell you and you alone..."
"Fire away."
"Well...I was just wondering if you could come over everyday in the afternoon."
"Until you're better?"
"............"
"Applejack?"
"Um...yes."
"Okay, I'll come over everyday until you injury is all better! Now, I must go & assist with the rest of your chores!"
"Thank you Spike, that means a-lot to me!"
"No problem."
So Spike returned to Sweet Apple Acres everyday, he was told that he needn't worry about her chores, because Breaburn apparently wanted to hold his wedding with Little Strong Heart in Ponyville & will be doing the chores in Applejack's stead. Then, one day...
"Applejack, I'm here!"
"Howdy Spike, guess what? I'm all better!" She said with noticeable dissapointment.
"Applejack, are you okay?"
"Spike, you know when I told you to stay over until I'm better?"
"Of course, why?"
"Well, it's true I wanted you to stay, I actually wanted..."
"You want me to stay here permanently?" Applejack then gasped.
"You maybe the Element of Honesty, but hiding your love in a subtle way...meh."
"Yes, I do! I...I love you Sugarcube!"
"I guessed as much."
Then they hugged as the afternoon sun shined down on them.
"So, will you stay?"
"Yes, for as long as you want, but not right now, I promised Twilight we'd make a..." before he could get a chance to grab the doorknob, his arms & legs were both tied up faster then you could say "FUCK!"
"You aint going anywhere lover boy!" She said with a smirk.
*Sigh* He sighed.
"It's touching, aint it?"
Iron Will was then crying.
"What!? Tought guys cry! Just ask chef from Total Drama! In any case, get the next letter!"