Chapter 1 - Are You Ready Baby?
”Haha, you’re a fag!” Satchel said into the microphone while he turned down the volume knob on his orange and black Kramer guitar. Steel Panther, the greatest heavy metal band to ever exist, were in the middle of their “British Invasion” concert. The seats were sold out within five minutes of being posted on the Internet. They were, after all, the most bitching heavy metal band to exist, of course they would sell out instantly!
“No I’m not. I’m simply…” Lexxi Foxx, the idiot and gay of the group, fumbled around with his words, trying to come up with an intelligent retort, but he had the brain of a three year old; he didn’t even play the bass according to Satchel.
“Someone kick him out, no fags in the concert. Only hot bitches and their boyfriends.” Michael Starr, singer, said while he threw up the bird towards Lexxi Foxx. Lexxi shook his had and took a step back away from the microphone and simply started to tune his bass. Stix Zadinia started to beat on his drums quietly while Satchel took the mic.
“Lexxi is retarded, remember that. He doesn’t do enough cocaine.” The audience laughed and cheered the outrageous glam metal performers before they went quiet. “This next song is dedicated to a stripper we once met. She was called…Stripper. Make some noise for Stripper Gi-“
Suddenly, Steel Panther’s band members vanished. The audience gasped and started to panic. Without Steel Panther, the world would never survive. Who would be there to bring heavy metal back to the world? Who would be there for the next gangbang at the old folks home? Who would sing about the wonders of the gloryhole? Where did Steel Panther go?!
. . . . .
“-rl!” Satchel looked down and noticed he didn’t have his bitching Kramer guitar anymore. “Where the hell is my awesome guitar?”
“Ah! My hair!” Lexxi Foxx tried to pull out his mirror to check his long, faggot-y hair, but found all of his needless accessories were gone, including his Kramer bass. Michael Starr looked around his surroundings and nearly fainted.
“Guys, are we in fuckin’ party land or what? Did you put something in the drugs, Satchel?” Michael Starr said while he smiled and started to laugh at the wonderful area. Lush greens, colorful skies, and lastly a yellow Pegasus staring at them scared. They were on the ultimate high!
“Just a little cum is all. Fuck dude, did my cum have concentrated LCD?” Satchel smiled as well along with Lexxi Foxx and Stix. They might have lost their audience, but they gained something far better: The ultimate high all because Satchel jizzed in their water after he took outrageous amounts of LCD before the concert.
“Hey, is that a Pegasus? I always wanted t-“ Suddenly, Michael was shocked to hear its scream as it ran away, almost in tears.
“Guys… I think we’re in Magical Horse Land.” Stix said while he got off of his fat ass and joined the group.
“It’s My Little Pony, dumbass.” Satchel chimed in while he wondered what had just happened. Now that they heard a living thing scream, they knew they were no longer on the ultimate high.
“What do we do guys?” Michael Starr asked.
“I say we ride a pony.” Lexxi Foxx said while he started to walk towards distant buildings.
“I always knew you were retarded, Lexxi. I have a better idea. We’re no longer in London. Let’s fucking party!” Satchel said while he started to run towards the buildings, screaming ‘pussy’ as he became more distant. Despite the odd world, Steel Panther did like pussy and parties. Satchel was always the brains and they trusted him on this. Soon Michael, Stix, and Lexxi ran off with Satchel, screaming ‘pussy!’
. . . . .
“Let me get this straight, Fluttershy. These…’things’ were walking on two legs and didn’t have hooves.” Fluttershy was shaking violently, traumatized by something she witnessed earlier. Her pony friends were highly confused by Fluttershy’s lack of information. All they knew was that they had strange faces, no fur, stood on two legs, and were staring at her.
“I-I p-promise I’m n-not lying!” Fluttershy exclaimed while she hid in Pinkie Pie. Twilight Sparkle sat down and rubbed her temples with her forehooves. Fluttershy’s obsessive crying always did cause her a headache, but especially now with the lack of information that made any sense. She sighed and looked towards her other friends. The rest had bewildered looks, with Rainbow Dash seeming a bit aggravated and ready for a fight.
“Whatever they are, I’ll make sure they are beat into Celestia’s Dungeon for making you cry, Fluttershy. Nopony messes with my friends.” Rainbow Dash smashed her hooves together and landed on the ground, face glowing lightly red from her copious amount anger. One effect it did have was Fluttershy smiling and looking Rainbow in the eye. Rainbow approached her friend and hugged her. “I promise, Fluttershy… nothing will harm you.”
Fluttershy gulped, still anxious about these four unknown creatures, but she stopped crying. The group gathered around the meek, but strong Pegasus before they engaged in a tight group hug that lasted for ten seconds. After it was broken, Twilight got Spike and wrote down a letter. Spike lit it up and sent it straight to Princes Celestia.
“There, now the Princess knows about this encounter. While we wait for a response, lock the door Applejack and close the blinds.” Twilight said while she pulled out a book entitled Alien Species 101.
With the group isolated, they began to search for an entry about these bipedal creatures, where they came from, and why they were here.
. . . . .
Steel Panther finally made it to the outskirts of Ponyville, gasping for air from all of their running. They were a bitching heavy metal band, but not exactly the most athletic people out there. That didn’t matter now. It was time to party! Only problem was, there was nobody there.
“Where the hell are the drugs, tits, and pussy?” Satchel said as he looked at the…odd buildings. Hay for roofs? What kind of pussy does that?
Michael looked towards the sky and was blinded by the extra bright sun. “Damn! Sun’s bright!” He bent down, closed his eyes and rubbed them with his hands to try and get the spots out of his vision. Lexxi (who was always retarded) looked up towards the sun and squealed in pain as the luminance source blinded him temporarily.
“Dude, you are so retarded Lexxi.” Stix said while he took a closer look at the buildings. They had windows on them and he could have sworn he saw some movement. “I think they’re hiding.”
“Well, let’s bring them out! Michael, get my guitar!” Satchel exclaimed.
“Dumbass, we don’t have our instruments anymore! You sure you are not Lexxi yourself?” Michael Starr laughed along with Stix while Satchel pouted and looked towards the sky. He saw something flying towards them.
“What the hell is that thing? It that a… pony?”
. . . . .
“Sister, are you sure this is a good idea? This might be a trick!” Princess Luna said. The Royal Sisters had been debating for several minutes whether to get involved with these unknown creatures or not.
“Whatever these things are, they have terrified my student and her friends. I must investigate this alone.” Princess Celestia said, placing a hoof on her younger sibling’s shoulder. “I need you to stay here and prepare a strike team. If these creatures are hostile, I need you to lead them.”
“But-“
“Prepare the guard, Luna. I promise I will be back.” Princess Celestia left the throne room and prepped a carriage for Ponyville. Princess Luna went towards the barracks, tears forming in her eyes.
I have a bad feeling about this. Please be safe sister…
Author's Note
Are you guys ready for a ride? I certainly am not. This was inspired due to the fact I could not get the drive to write the next chapter of "School, Rainbow Dash & You". I hope you all could at least get a little enjoyment out of this story, even if it is highly offensive.
Steel Panther is an awesome band you should look them up.
