Scootaloo woke up bluntly, a sharp banging hitting the back of her head. She had a headache. Hangover, to be precise. The shrill, piercing screech of her alarm clock was a cruel master, beating her and tossing her aside like a used condom.
"Shut the fuck up..." She was hitting it furiously with her hand, but it wouldn't pipe down.
"Fuck you..." She muttered, struggling from beneath the covers, attempting to block the noise out. it didn't help much, so after struggling to get out of her beer stained bed, she promptly grabbed the clock, opened her apartment door, and threw it down the stairs of the building. The mentioned beer stain was freshly made last night as she spilled a bottle all over herself. The sensation of alcohol in her vagina was less than pleasant.
Growing irritated by the ringing noise, she picked up the little fucker, walked over to her door, opened it, and threw it down her apartment staircase. She then proceeded to walk back to her bed and bury her face in her pillow. She ringing sound continued for a few moments and she could still hear it, but suddenly a loud gunshot resounded through the building. The ringing stopped.
"Thank God..." She muttered, and slowly began dosing off to sleep. Suddenly, her phone's ring tone went off. It was Sweetie Belle.
"God, kill me now..." She groaned, reaching limply for her phone.
"Hello?"
Sweetie Belle was driving her dark purple convertible, feeling the breeze glow through her hair, when her phone went off. She grabbed it and looked at the ID, it was Police chief Cheerilee. Sweetie raised an eyebrow, surprised that she was being called on this early, and answered.
"Hello chief, what can I do for you?" She said in her most serious tone.
"We've got a lead on Crystal Tiara, I want you to gather your team and meet me in my office in forty minutes. I'll be expecting you all sharply dressed and not high. Do I make myself clear?" Sweetie Belle grinned, thinking about that one time she came in tipsy from the fumes of the paint she had been using recently.
"Understood, Miss Cheerily. We will be seeing you shortly." She chief made no reply, but simply hung up. Sweetie Belle went through her contacts and found Scootaloo's number.
"Hello?"
"Hey Scoots, Cheerily wants us over at her office, sharply dressed. She has a lead on Crystal Tiara. We need to be dressed in uniform and shit. She wants us there in forty minutes, I'll be there to pick you up in ten after I get AB."
"Alright, Ill be ready." Scootaloo didn't have a car anymore, crashed it into a helicopter while underwater, and AB was usually too drunk to drive, so they all just tagged along with Sweetie Belle. It was a habit, but had become a way for them to spend more time together. Scootaloo hung up and went over to her cabinet. She pulled open the bottom drawer and started suiting herself up.
Applejack sat at the edge of her coffee table, eighteen kinds of alcohol, each in a different shot glass, poured in front of her. She was about to take her best drinking challenge ever when suddenly, her cell phone went off.
"Gol,darn it!" She muttered, having been looking forward to this challenge. She picked up the phone and answered.
"Hey Applebloom, you aren't drunk yet are you?"
"I just got through putting the key in the ignition, whataya want?"
"We need to go see miss Cheerilee. I'll be by in maybe twenty minutes, be in uniform and not drugged. Remember, alcohol legally counts as a drug so no drinking." Applebloom just grunted and hung up.
"Tellin me what to do..." she grumbled as she started outfitting herself for duty.
Sweetie Belle was alone in the front, Scootaloo and Applebloom both wanted to ride in the back. Why? She didn't know. The were driving off to the police station. Miss Cheerilee had a job for them, and it was the first work they had in a week. They pulled up to the station and head on in. They perused the many doors in search for Cheerilee's office; they didn't come her that often.
"Yo! Over here!" Cheerilee shouted, a few doors behind them.
"Oops. Come on girls." And so they head back.
They walked into the stuffy room, it felt confined and barren, kinda like Cheerilee.
"Don't break anything this time, you two... I can't believe this..."
"Can't believe what Chief Cheerilee?"
"Nothing, just listen." She took a long winded sigh. "Okay, so you remember that one crack head serial murderer?"
"Um... which one?"
"Crystal Tiara, she's back."
"Back? She committed suicide with a jar of mayonnaise! How can she be back?" Scootaloo burst.
"Look, I have no fucking clue. She's back, thats all that matters. I putting you three on her case because honestly, I'm sick of you just lazing around. Now get out of here please, I've got a date with a bottle of bourbon." She muttered. The girls gave each other a look and just head out.
"So, where do ya'l think we'll find Crystal Tiara?"
"APplebloom, you aren't a farmer in this, remember? You can stop with the southern drawl. The only reason that Equestria Girls gave you a southern drawl is because they're a bunch of potheads. I mean, didn't you see that intro?"
"Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense. So, where should we start?"
"Well... we know that she hangs around the slums, so maybe we should go undercover. But as what?"
They thought for a minute, and then Sweetie Belle came up with an idea.
"Oh! Maybe we can go as prostitutes! Last time was super fun."
"I dunno Applebloom," Scootaloo said, "last time I did that I ended up peeing out a condom the next day. Maybe I can go as a drug dealer, she also is into meth, hence the name Crystal Tiara." Applebloom burst in.
"What should I go as? Sweetie's a prostitute, Scootaloo's a drug dealer... Hey, do you girls think I could pull off the 'random drunk homeless girl' look?" The both nodded vigorously.
"Well then, lets go!" They shouted in unison, and merrily skipped down the street to their homes, completely forgetting that they left their car behind. It got jacked later by a guy with five stars anyway, so it probably didn't survive.