Chapter 1 - Be careful what you wish for
“Games? Check. Wallet? Check. Clothes? Checkeroo. Food? Check. Phone?” I paused for a moment, still wondering if it would be worth the risk. Shrugging, I grabbed my phone off the table and slid it into my pocket. “Check. Alright, that should be the last of it.” I muttered, zipping up my bags. I’d already ran through the list a few times, but each time I find more things I’d want with me before I left. Hanging one bag around each shoulder and one on my back, I nodded to myself and began making my way to the door. Hand hovering over the knob, I lowered it and made my way back to my room and slid open my window, hoping it would be quieter than clattering around the house. As I began pulling myself out the window, I paused as I saw a picture frame on my bedside. I picked it up and looked at it for a while, before sliding it in one of the pockets and hopping out the window into the front yard. I slid the window closed as silently as possible, only to freeze when it squeaked. That squeak made me reconsider my logic for climbing out the window as it revealed itself to be a crescendo for the next sound: a dog barking.
“Fuck me…” I said, closing the window as fast as possible and bolting like my life depended on it.
I ran for a solid ten minutes before I felt my phone vibrate. Knowing who would be sending me a message at this hour, I exhaled and turned it on.
Dad: ‘what the fuck are you doing?! come home now.’
I sighed before responding, knowing it may be my last words.
Me: ‘No.’
With that, I scrolled to the contacts, and blocked the number. Putting my phone away, I looked ahead and started running again. I just had to get out of town before sunrise, or before my dad could find me. A few more minutes passed before I heard a noise coming in the distance. Looking around, I saw some light coming from around a corner. Worried that it could be him, I ducked into some bushes. The car passed without slowing down, and as I peered out from the bushes I saw it was long gone. Standing up to brush myself off, I heard a honking behind me, and I swung around to see a familiar car speeding towards me. Cursing, I ran down the street away from the car and ducked into a nearby playground to throw him off. The other side of the playground opened to a street that would take a while for him to drive to, so at the very least I bought some time, if not throw him off my trail.
The next hour consisted of me running, hiding and running again. Fortunately I never ran into my dad again after that incident, and I had made my way to my old school. Hoping I could hide there for a short while to catch my breath. The campus was mostly gated, so I slipped in through a tear in the chain-link fence, and laid down on a bench. My plan was to rest for a minute and keep going until I hit my first stop in the next city.
A minute turned into a few minutes, which turned into a few more. Eventually, I found myself drifting off as sleep took me. The last thing I heard was a popping, and then silence.
“What happened?”
“What the…”
“Well I’ll be…”
My eyes shot open, greeting me with incomprehensible vision. My bags were still on me, however it stopped me from moving very much. I groaned and shifted some of the weight so my chest wasn’t being compressed by the weight of my bags.
“It’s moving!”
“Gah…” I grunted, trying to push myself up. My vision was still blurry, but I was beginning to see shapes and colors again. I moved the bags off my body to help move myself up, slightly peeved that the people weren’t helping me.
Wait… People…
“Gah!” I shouted, jumping up. Unfortunately, I slipped and landed back on the ground, landing headfirst into the ground. Flipping myself over, I sat up only to be greeted by a few multicolored horses.
If you think I’m sleep deprived, on drugs, going crazy, or making shit up, I’m sorry to say you’re mistaken.
I sat there for a good few minutes before I looked at my bags, then them, then myself, then back to them. “Well… Howdy doo?” I said, popping my hat upwards.
One of the horses, a purple unicorn, walked up to me slowly. “Um… Hello…” She said cautiously. It looked like she was about to continue talking before I held up a hand. I looked around for a moment, taking in my current surroundings. We were in the middle of a grassy field, albeit I was currently standing in a circle of scorched earth. Given my situation before I fell asleep, the likely scenario was I’m dead.
“Now, before we go any further, let me ask you a few questions. First, did I die last night? Second, I thought hell was supposed to be all fiery and full of suffering. Isn’t this the exact image of big guns upstairs’ home?” I asked, helping myself to my feet. As I began collecting my things, I noticed the horses still standing there, looking at me. There was a total of six, with two appeared to be unicorns, while another two were pegasi. They stood up to my shoulders, and overall their body was thicker and smaller than a normal horse’s. One thing that stuck out most beyond the pastel colors and extra appendages was they had very expressive faces, and they all seemed scared shitless.
Of course, that could be the fact that their faces were the last thing I saw before I was forced onto the ground by something behind me, dragging me to my knees and holding my arms and legs together. As the purple unicorn walked towards me, horn glowing, I shrugged. “I stand corrected. This is exactly like hell.” I said, right as I got the lightbulbs shut off by a kick to the face.
Once again I woke up unceremoniously on the ground, only this time I felt a blindfold over my eyes, rope around my arms and legs, and my bags were nowhere nearby. Apparently I was moved inside, if the wood floor was any indication. I heard a muffled conversation somewhere nearby. I edged myself to the source of the voices and pressed myself against a wall.
“… And it was mentioning that it thought it should be in ‘hell’, which sounded like Tartarus from its description.”
“Did it make any signs that it was going to harm you?”
“No, but I wasn’t going to take any chances with it! It was found too close to Ponyville, and if it started attacking anypony I couldn’t let that be on my hooves! Not to mention that if it’s from this ‘hell’, it’s got to be dangerous.”
Ponies. Huh. Given their size, I shouldn’t be surprised.
“You were wrong to imprison it without letting it speak in its defense, Twilight. I hope now you’ll be willing to let it talk.”
Well, from the looks of it I would probably be getting a ticket free, but there was still more pressing issues here. Why was I with ponies, how did I get here, and could I get back to running for my fucking life?
Thankfully I heard the door open and somebody walking in and over to me. A few moments later I felt the ropes on my limbs loosen and the blindfold on my face was lifted. I turned around to face the same purple unicorn from before, this time carrying an annoyed look. Considering she just got chewed out because of me, I could understand that a little bit, but she did kick my ass sideways.
“The princess wants to talk to you…” She said, before walking (trotting?) out of the room. Deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth, I stood up, stretched a moment, and made my way to the door, walking into what looked like a library crossed with a home. In the middle of the room were the other ponies from before, and a larger pony that seemed to fit the description of both a traditional unicorn and pegasus. It looked to be a bit taller than me, and was pure white with a sun marking on its rear. Logically, this one was probably the princess.
“Why hello there.” The princess said, holding out a hoof. “My name is Princess Celestia.”
I looked at the hoof before responding, “With all due respect, your highness, where the hell am I?
That sure got everybody’s attention. Most of the other ponies looked shocked, scared or angry, though the princess held a completely calm face. Hate to play her in poker… It looked like the blue one was about to say something before the princess interjected.
“First of all, I do apologize for my student’s earlier behavior. You’re obviously confused and angry over what’s happened. As for what happened exactly, you were pulled here through some magic chain reaction by my student at the site of your arrival.” She looked over to the purple unicorn, “Twilight, would you care to take over?”
The purple one, who I assumed was Twilight, jumped at the mention of her name. “Yes, well… Recently there was a large release of chaotic magic following the escape of Discord, and it created several anomalous disturbances around Ponyville, which was the main site of Discord’s rampage.” She explained, “After the fact, we found these disturbances and went around to try and seal them off if possible. We managed to get all of them closed, but when we came to the last one… Well, you came out.”
Magic. Chaos. Anomalies. Huh. “So can you just throw me back into where you pulled me out?” I asked, not sure what I wanted to hear.
Twilight looked down for a moment, an almost apologetic look on her face. “Unfortunately, you came out when we sealed the disturbance. The way you came’s since been sealed up.” She replied.
“So just re-open it! This thing was made by magic, can’t you just magic it back open?” I asked, more than slightly peeved at this point.
“You don’t understand, this was made by chaotic magic. Those disturbances were created by magic that goes against natural magic!” She exclaimed, “Technically, they couldn’t have existed in the first place!”
I slumped down, “So I’m stuck here.” I said dejectedly, “Fan-fucking-tastic.”
The princess walked over to me, kneeling down. “I am sorry that this happened to you. While it might not make up for what has happened, it would at least help if we knew more about you.”
I thought for a second. These ponies seemed alright, but this is a world that has magic. Even then, I’ve known them for a few hours at most, and a majority of that time was spent unconscious. Anything I say can get me in trouble and knocked out again. Even then, if I give them my name they could use it for some voodoo shit if I don’t do something they like, unless Wanderer’s Library is wrong.
“Heiden, pleasure to make your acquaintance.” I said, repeating the name in my head so I would remember it. “Now, if it’s all the same to you, I’d like my bags back.”
The princess looked down to Twilight before she responded, “If you don’t mind, I would like to hear an explanation of the items before we give them back.” I shot her a glare, “It’s nothing personal, we would just like to know what these things are, and if they’re dangerous.”
I shrugged. “Alright, most of this is harmless, anyways.” I told her, “Mostly homely necessities and whatnot.” This seemed to intrigue Twilight when I mentioned homely, and she rushed to the other room. A few moments later she came back with the bags floating in midair, enveloped in a light purple aura. It was a shock to see the things flying about, but considering I got sucked through a hole in reality who knows what can happen. As the bags got near me, the aura disappeared and the bags started falling.
“NO!” I yelled, leaping for the bags and causing most of the ponies to jump, sans the princess. Thankfully the bags got re-enveloped in the aura and they lightly set themselves down. Still, I was pissed, but I managed to hold myself back.
“Dude, some of those things are fragile. I got some of the things padded, but I don’t want anything getting broken.” I explained. Leaning down, I began unloading my things onto the floor of the room. Considering I took a fair amount of my worldly possessions with me when I left the house, the contents covered most of the floor. I sorted my things into a few groups: electronics, food, clothing, books, and other trinkets. Once everything was nicely laid out, I clapped my hands together. “Feel free to browse my wares.” I said in my best Moneybags voice.
The ponies immediately wandered over to my electronics, looking at the various items. “What are these?” The orange one asked, poking a controller with a hoof.
“These are controllers.” I said, picking up the one she was looking at. “They’re used to play games on consoles. This one, for example, goes with this guy over here.” I picked up my Ouya with my free hand, holding it for her to get a closer look.
“Now how do ya play games with a ‘controller’ and that box?” She asked unimpressed.
“Well, pardner, imagine this. Instead of throwing a ball around, you can use this box to control armies in a world kept inside of it. Of course, that only works if you’ve got something to hook it up to, like a projector.” That seemed to change her opinion, and she was staring at the thing in awe. However, the purple one still seemed unconvinced.
“How can that box do that? I didn’t catch any magic on it.” She said, causing me to smirk.
“Technology. This box is called an Ouya, and while it’s weaker than other consoles, it can handle mathematic equations faster than your brain can process.” I explained, “Imagine how long it would take you to perform a thousand math equations. This thing does that in a fraction of a second, and uses it to mimic reality for entertainment.”
If her anatomy would allow it, her jaw would have fallen through the floor. Even the princess seemed slightly amazed by the thing. “Are all of these like that?” The latter asked.
“No. Some are faster than this guy, but some are slower than it.” I replied, “But unless I could find a power source and a projector that could work with them, these things are all completely useless. I had them with me because I assumed I’d be able to use them where I was heading.” I didn’t want to mention my laptop and phone working, as they might want to take them.
“What about this?” A blue Pegasus asked, holding a bottle of soda in front of me.
“That’s soda. Sugar, flavoring and carbonated water. Considering I don’t have access to any more, I’m going to need to ration it.” I told her. “As for the rest of the stuff, there’s candy, juice, pop tarts and beef jerky.” The last one got all of the ponies to flinch.
“You eat… Cows?” A yellow pony whispered, backing away slowly.
“Omnivorous. I can go both ways.” I replied, “Is that a problem?”
The princess was the first to reply, “Well, not being omnivorous, we have several meat eating races in Equestria. However, cows are citizens.” Well, this is awkward.
“Um… Duly noted… Where I come from, my race is the only one that can talk, and cows were used as a source of food. Not our only one, but one of them.” I replied. “Shall we move on?”
“Yes. Let’s.” The princess said, moving towards the clothing. She looked the items over, “Is this formal wear?”
“Fuck no, this is just everyday items.” I replied. “I have some stuff I wear for special occasions, but most of this is just what I wear around.”
A white pony seemed to love that concept, and immediately ran towards me. “You wear clothing all the time? I just can’t wait to design you some new outfits!” She said in an almost British accent.
“Er, I’ll be sure to take you up on that sometime…” I replied, slowly edging away. I immediately moved on to the last pile, “Now, this is just whatever else I had on me.” I explained, “Books, matches, whatever.”
“Are these seeds?” The orange pony asked again, pointing to a bag of seeds, “And what are these leaves?”
“Um… This is…” I trailed off, wondering if they had weed on their planet. “Do you have a plant here called cannabis?” She shook her head, much to my relief. “Basically, it’s a muscle and brain relaxant. The fibers can also be used to make rope and fabric, and I’ve heard some people use it to make artificial milk.”
Twilight walked over to it, “So it’s a drug?” She asked, slightly concerned.
“On the same tier as wine and medicine.” I replied, “I was actually supposed to deliver this to a friend, but I guess that’s not happening anymore. Personally I’ve never tried it.”
“What about these?” A pink one asked, pointing to a few small plastic wrapped-
“DATA EXPUNGED!” I yelled a bit too loudly, causing her to shrink back. “Er, I mean, I’d rather not talk about it…”
After a few more minutes of explaining things, I was allowed to keep most of my items, with the exception of my beef jerky, which the princess believed would be morbid if I were to eat it even after knowing cows were sapient here. I didn’t argue, as it would probably get my ass locked back in the room if I kept it. Of course the ponies wanted to see some of my devices running, but without a power source they were little more than fancy paperweights. However, with my baggage cleared, the question of the hour was asked.
“So, uh… What now?” The blue pegasus, Rainbow Dash, asked.
“Well, we can’t just leave him in Twilight’s house, but he’ll probably scare the ponies if he went around unannounced.” The orange one, Applejack, replied.
“Then just say that I exist, I’m probably not going anywhere anytime soon, and I like blueberry waffles!” I said, causing all the ponies to stare at me in confusion. I crossed my arms, “The significance is small, but I stand by my point.”
Twilight mulled things over for a little while, “We shouldn’t mention he was brought here because of Discord, even if it was indirectly. Relating him to all the damage that was done recently would get him kicked out of town in a second.”
The princess spoke up, “Unless it was on the other side of the event. He appeared when you six sealed a part of the damage done during the incident, so him coming here could more a byproduct of the damage being fixed, as opposed to being caused by the damage occurring.”
“… Or we can tell them how he was pulled from his world into ours because of Discord. Instead of a magical accident or a lingering effect of Discord’s magic, it could be viewed more as a tragedy.” Twilight added.
I interjected, “Yeah, fuck that second option. I’d rather be called an accident again than get a pity party thrown for me.”
The white pony, Rarity, quirked an eyebrow at that statement. “Again?”
“So if the other explanation won’t get me killed or feared, I’m good. If they really need to feel safe, you guys ARE going to try and find a way to send me home, right?” I asked, hoping that I would have a chance at getting back to my…
“Home…” I muttered, the reality hitting me like a freight train. I was in another world, universe, whatever. I was completely pulled from my world. Even if I did get sent back, I had abandoned the closest thing to a home that I had. Even if they found a way to send me back in a few days, I’d have nothing to go back to, and my plan already fell apart the second I fell asleep. I slumped down to the ground, and laughed a bit. “It’s funny, really. Even if you can send me home, I won’t be home. That bridge has long since burned down.” I looked up at them, “So it was a magical accident. That solves the PR issue, now I just need to find out where to stay.”
Applejack walked over to the princess, “He can live at the farm. We’ve got plenty of room for him to live, and we can pay him to do work for us.”
Rarity also stepped up, “He can live at the boutique. Those claws would definitely be useful for making smaller jewelry and embroideries.”
“He can live at Sugarcube Corner!” The pink one, Pinkie Pie, half shouted, “He can make cupcakes, and I can walk him, water him and clean up after him!”
“I’m not an animal, you know.” I said, before pausing. “Or a plant, for that matter.”
“I believe it would be best to have him live at the library for now.” The princess said, “With him under the same roof as Twilight, she can inform me of any new developments with him or the situation much faster than if he were living with one of you. However I think it is up to Heiden to decide where he’ll stay.”
All eyes turned on me, to which I shrugged. “I can see the reasoning for most of the places, but all of them have some drawback. I’ve never worked on a farm before, I hate fancy things, and there’s nothing to do at the library. However, if the library is the best choice I’ll go with it.”
The princess nodded, “Very well. Twilight, I’m sure you have a spare room?”
“Yes, and the library isn't boring, Heiden! You can learn about Equestria and Magic!” Twilight said, “There’s so much you’ll need to know now that you’re here.”
I almost facepalmed, “Twilight, while I can understand the need for learning about this place, what the hell is the point of learning about magic?”
“Everypony can use magic in some way, Heiden. Pegasi can fly and manipulate the weather, Earth Ponies are in sync with the natural world, and Unicorns can use raw magic.” She explained, “If you’re going to be here, you need to learn the culture and features.”
“Fine.” I responded, “Now if you don’t mind, do we have any more amendments or can I go get some rest?”
“Rest? Ya were unconscious for a few hours!” Applejack said in disbelief.
“Well you see, sleep is a very delicate process. Being bashed in the head until the life flickers out of your eyes naturally goes against the concept of delicate.” I explained, not without giving a dirty glare in Twilight’s direction. Thankfully she had the decency to look ashamed of her actions.
“… Point taken.” She replied, adjusting her hat. Oh yeah, she had a freaking Stetson, the second coolest hat on the planet. I’ll have to buy one later on.
“So anything else to take care of?” I asked.
“I think you will be fine for now, Heiden.” The princess said, “The other ponies may be a bit alarmed by your appearance, but I’m sure in time they will accept you.”
Well, here’s hoping for the best.
