Guy's Night Out

by Bama_Brony

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human
Length: 2292

Big Mac, Caramel, Pokie Pierce, Time Turner and Tom are out on the town and as usual all hell breaks loose.

Big Mac, Caramel, Pokie Pierce, Time Turner and Tom are out on the town and as usual all hell breaks loose. What started as a friendly game of Bowling ends when a xenophobic Thunderlane crashes the party. How will our guys act? Read and find out.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-23 03:10:03 UTC

Guy's Night Out

Caramel jumped in the air throwing his forelegs high, the candles of hope burning in his eyes roared to life looking like twin bonfires as he celebrated his latest strike.  He was wearing a grin so wide that it almost looked like it hurt.

"Two more strikes!  Two more strikes till the perfect game," he said excitedly.

We cheered him on from our little table, the last table of the last lane.  The others stomped there hooves on the floor, I just clapped.  Caramel was a genius when it came to games, in work of any kind he was a dunce, but at play, that is where he shined.

He returned to the table prancing like a love stuck filly wearing new braids, that same smile plastered across his lips.

"You're up, Mac?" He said, winking at the large red lug.

Big Mac quickly downed his beer and stepped towards the lane: green ball in hoof. Holding it out in front of him he did this funny little flank wiggle and then stepped up to the line releasing the ball.

"Kaplunk woooooooo crash!"

Mac shook his head.

"Tough luck, mate," commented Time Turner on the state of the pins.

Oooh, two-way split bad luck.

"You can do it Mackey!" shouted Pokey Pierce, standing up in his seat.

I ran my pinky finger in my ear and shook it around before giving him a stern look.

"Jeez, blow out my ear drum will ya," I said.

He flashed me a polite little smile, sat down and sipped at his beer.  Sighing, he just stared at his beer.

Gah, can he get so morose.  He's more than likely thinking, 'why did you insist on bringing me along if you're going to tell me what I can and can't do.'   His shoulder slumped a bit and he sighed again.

"Crash" Looking up from my oldest guy friend, I spotted something I never thought I would see; Mac jumping in place, hooves over his mouth, squealing like a stuck pig.

"You did it!  You bucking did it!" yelled a very surprised Turner as he leapt over the table, running to Mac.  The two hugged for a moment.  More than a few sets of eyes fell on the two.  I chuckled as they broke apart and tried to play it cool, offering each other a much more masculine hoof bump.

Mac returned to the table with a noticeable swagger in his step.  We all congratulated him and ordered another round.

This was an average Saturday night for us.  Fridays were reserved as date nights, although the only pony at the table that regularly had a date on date night was Turner, but he didn't count because he was married.

In fact, it was Turner's wife, Derpy Do, that really got me in on this whole guy's night thing in the first place.  Girl is a total sweet heart.  After more or less being around mares for the almost two years, she was the one to suggest that I get some "guy time" with some actual guys.

Twilight worried that I wasn't ready for real world interaction, she worries about everything.  The Derpster put her hoof down and they finally conceded.  Why wouldn't they, she was the pony who found me so why shouldn't she get a bigger say than any of the others.  The rest is history.

Mac "dated" a few mares over the few years that I've known him; although mostly it centered on the always cheerful and usually saucy Miss Cheerilee.  He had dated other mares and when I say dated, I mean he and mare sat quietly at a nice restaurant, ate their meals at the same table, and then went home without much said between them.

Mac was quiet.

Caramel was lonely.  I mean this colt actually had a Dakimakura.  It freaks Mac out, which I found funny considering his little beat up doll.  Anyways, Caramel is a very lonely pony and it's not because he doesn't receive much attention from mares.  Heck, most of the time they swarm him.  He has this innocent thing going for him that the mares really love.  No, his problem is that he isn't in to mares at all.  Caramel is gay and gay in Ponyville, a town where for every one stallion there are seven to eight mares, is difficult.

Which brings me to Pierce: who is gayer than Caramel.

I would be lying if I said I didn't have ulterior motives for insisting that he be a part of "guy time".  Honesty, I hoped that I can nudge my two gay friends into dating.  And I'm not alone.  Mac has told me numerous times that Caramel needs somepony that he had to have somepony, or else he is going to drive Mac mad.  I was receiving the same shit from Pokey, who also is my roommate.

"Tom," said Mac.

I didn't hear him.

An elbow finds its way into my ribs.

"Hey what—" I start to say before I noticed that it's my turn.  Blushing, I gave them all a silly grin before taking up my ball and walking to the lane.

You would think that having fingers would give me an edge in bowling.  Yeah, no.  If you suck, you suck.  And I sucked, big time in most games and sports.  The only game that I regularly won, was thumb wrestling.  In my defense, it was way too fun screwing with them about the game.  My one loss was to a Griffon, a ringer brought in by Turner.

My arm arced and sent the ball racing down the lane.   It started to curve toward the gutter.  Crossing my fingers I hoped it wouldn't.  Please don't. Shoot!

Gutter ball.

Sniggers, chuckles, and even a few not so nice comments were hurled my way.  I don't care.

The ball returned and again the ball sailed down the lane ending in a...

"CRASH!"

Blinking in surprise, I didn't know what to feel at my spare strike.  Was that even what it was called? A spare strike?  I don't care.  I got a freaking strike!

My bro's stomped their hooves and Pierce lets out a loud whistle, which sounds more like a wolf whistle than a whistle of congratulations.  Returning to my seat, I puffed out my chest and gave them all a huge thumb's up.  I am the man.

"Horse apples," I hear Mac cuss.  We follow his line of sight to see.

"Horse apples,"

"Well if it isn't the hairless monkey and his troop of colt kissers," said Thunderlane, as he walked up and leaned on our table.  Ruffling his wings, a cloud of feather down fell on to the table.

My nose starts to itch and then.

"Ahchoo!" I sneeze.

Okay, I usually like pegasi and all, but I'm allergic to feather down.  It makes my eyes all itchy and watery.  When my allergy was discovered it damn near broke Derpy's heart, because the only creature she hugged more than her husband and her daughters was me.  I miss the hugs.  Twilight supposedly had some doctors in Canterlot working up some kind of solution, until then I'm  was stuck with this misery.

"Gross dude," spat Cloudchaser, her face screwed up in disgust.

I don't know what went wrong with her.  Her sister can't get enough of me.  And one of her best friends, Cloudkicker, had asked me if I wanted to bang, day one.  I didn't understand it at the time, not speaking Equestrian and all, but when it was explained to her that I didn't speak Equish, she drew a diagram.

Funny story, being a brony and a clopper, I did the only rational thing.  We banged.  And it was weirdly glorious.  It's true what they say about humans, when we encounter new intelligent life we either fight it or fuck it.

"Leave us be, Lane," threatened Mac.

"And just so you know the only colt kissers here are Caramel, Tom, and I" added Pierce.

Caramel, Tom, and I? Wait, when did I become a colt kisser?  I don't remember being a colt kisser.  Hmm... me and Pierce will have to have a talk about this later.

"Well then go and get stuffed elsewhere," said Thunderlane, shooing us away with a hoof.

"Lane I'm getting tired of your shit.  You know I get it, you don't like me, but you don't have to always cause trouble," I say, as stood up from my seat.

Thunderlane backed up from me leering at me dangerously all the while.  His wings had spread out wide and I noticed him slightly bearing his teeth.

"Get the hell out of here, freak!" he hissed.

"What is up your ass, Lane?" yelled Caramel, as he too stood up.

Lane's eyes shifted back and forth between us and Chase took on a similar stance.

Uh oh, things are about to get ugly.

A rush of wind alerted me of the coming attack.  It wasn't Lane, it was Chase, who was soaring towards me; typical lead mare behavior, going to protect her stallion, stupid mare.

A hoof grazed my cheek as I fell back.  I exhaled so the fall wouldn't knock the wind out of me.  My back hadn't touched the floor for two seconds before I kicked upwards, planting my boot right in her mare bits.

She screamed in pain. That one is going to bite me in the ass later; Flitter is going to castrate me for that.

She fell to the floor, crying.  Damn, I almost felt sorry for her.  Rolling to my feet, I see that no pony else has moved accept, Thunderlane.

Caramel was on the floor, nursing a black eye.  Mac stood glaring at Thunderlane with his nostrils flared and Time Turner was under the table, that stallion seriously needs to grow some balls.

My eyes went wide as I noticed that Thunderlane had a broken beer bottle pressed against Pierce's neck.  Pierces eyes where wide with fear, and I noticed that a little puddle of piss was on the floor at his feet.  Who was I to judge, I don't know that I wouldn't piss myself if someone was holding a sharp object to my neck.

"Let him go," I growl taking a step towards him.

The sharp edge of the bottle drew a thin line of blood as Lane pressed it harder into Pierces tender neck.  I heard him whimper.

"Here is how it's going to go, Thomas," he said.

The xenophobe actually used my name.  And here I thought he was too dumb to know that I even had a name.

"You are going to leave Ponyville and never return."

My fist balled up and I bared my own teeth,

"Like hell I will!"

Pierce squirmed uncomfortably.

"You will or he dies!"

I'm not going to abandon my home, my friends.  Did I just call this place home?  Don't I want to go home?  Screw it, in the last five years this has become home and I want to stay.... but it is my friends that make this place home and if I don't go, I'm going to be short a friend... a very important friend... my best friend.

"Alright," I said unclenching my fist and dropping my gaze to the floor, "I'll go if you promise not to hurt him anymore or any of my friends."

"Deal!" he agreed, "Now go."

Walking towards the door, I felt ashamed.  I was beat and I hate losing.  What choice did I have, if I don't go, Pierce gets hurt, possibly killed.  I can't lose him.  If I go it's the same as losing him.  I won't lose him.  If I turned around, I would still be able to see the bowling lanes, but now I was in the game hall.

I had passed the billiard table by this point.  The shiny black eight ball had looked promising, if Kevin Costner could do it, so could I.

It was stupid.  It was mad.  It was irresponsible.  It was everything that I was and as I turned I snached up the ball and hurled it straight into...

Pierce's horn, ouch!

"Kaboom!"

The room was filled with a gold light and deafening noise.  I didn't know what to cover; my eyes or my ears.  Energy tore through me, I felt an electric tingle that quickly became painful.  My teeth chattered and I felt my whole body tense up.

The world slowly dimmed.

Gasping for breath I looked towards where Pierce and Thunderlane were standing.  Pierce was crumpled up on the floor.

My heart raced.  Was he dead?

Fighting my way to my feet, I freed myself from... holy shit... I was crawling out of a vintage Pac Mare machine.  My ribs ached and my legs felt like jelly.  With every step I felt pain shoot up my back radiate down my legs.  Yep, I had hurt something.  I don't care.

I finally gave in to the demands of my body and collapsed an arm's length from my friend.  I ran my fingers through his blue and silver mane, praying that he would be okay.  Before I could even check for a pulse, he stirs.

Raising his head, he gives me a bleary eyed look.  His mane was swept back from the magical overload.

A little splotch of red had stained his coat from where Thunderlane had cut him.  I ripped off one of my shirt sleeves and pressed it to the wound.

He winced slightly and then gave me a thankful smile.

Okay, he is okay.

How is everypony else?

Gazing around the room I found that Turner was still under the table, go figure.  Mac was cradling a blushing Caramel who was mouthing something along the lines of "I'm okay".  Others in the room started to stir, and I heard several ponies yelling for someone to call an ambulance.  Damn, this isn't going to be good.

"Lane!  Lane!" I heard a mare yell.  Finding the mare, I saw that it is Chase and she is holding...

"Well, he was acting like a juvenile and so my magic apparently made him one," giggled Pierce.  I blink a couple of times before laughing alongside him.  PTSD aside, Pierce still had his sense of humor.

Yep, guy's night is usually... crazy, and I wouldn't trade it for the world.