From Ponyville With Love

by Bluecatcinema

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character
Length: 22449

The Napoleon brothers look for love in Ponyville.

As Caboose prepares for his wedding to Daring Do, his brothers stop off in Ponyville, where they hope to find dates for the big event.

Published 2014-04-25 16:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-19 15:28:24 UTC

The Bet

About a month after Caboose proposed to Daring Do, he and his brothers were at the Napoleon Manor in Bitaly, setting up the estate for Caboose and Daring's wedding, set to take place the next week. Currently, Caboose and Daring were in the dining room, making lovey-dovey faces at each other. Then, Caboose began to speak, but instead of his voice...

"Oh, Daring, my love, I am so lucky to have a beautiful and way out of my league mare like you." Murray mimicked Caboose's voice.

"Yes." Lars said in a girly voice, speaking in time with Daring. "I love you so much, even though your split personality tried to kidnap and have his way with me.

"I'm so happy, I will make references to movies hoping other ponies will understand it, maybe even break the so-called 'fourth wall'." Sonny mocked Caboose.

"I have a beautiful body and flank, but only you get to have it, even though your more handsome brothers were hospitalized trying to save me from you." Vinny imitated Daring.

"I always wonder, Daring, my love, does everypony know you're A.K. Yearling?" Salt asked, in a bad attempt at Caboose's voice. "I feel like a big plot hole has been ripped in our world or something... derp."

"Caboose, you are an ugly lookin' idiot." Slot sneered in mock-Daring's voice.

"WHOA!" The other brothers gasped. They turned and glared at Slot.

"What?!" Slot asked.

"You always take it a step too far, Slot!" Vinny groaned.

"Yeah." Salt agreed. "The point of mocking is to make fun of them, not to flat out insult them."

"Whatever." Slot pouted. "Like you don't all feel the same way. We're all sick of that mush!"

"More like you're all jealous of Caboose." Came a voice from across the room.

The brothers turned, and saw Grimoire sitting in a chair, having heard the whole thing.

"Say what, Grim?" Lars asked.

"You're jealous that Caboose has a fiancé, while you're all single." Grimoire declared.

"Please!" Murray snorted.

"Yeah, right!" Vinny chuckled.

"As if!" Salt sniggered.

"Pull the other one!" Lars smirked.

"You serious, bro?" Sonny cringed.

"Not a chance." Slot huffed.

"Is that so?" Grimoire chuckled. "Not that it's any of my business, but I haven't seen any of you going on- or even getting ready for -a date in weeks, let alone months."

"And what's that got to do with anything?" Murray asked.

"I'm just saying." Grimoire smirked. "Maybe it bothers you to see our little brother with a steady girl, when the rest of us don't have anypony."

"Oh, sure." Slot snorted. "I can't speak for the others, but I could get a date anytime I want. I'm just a little busy these days."

"Yeah. What with the whole recovering from the O'Malley incident and the 'family' business, y'know?" Vinny defended.

The other brothers muttered similar things.

"Is that so?" Grimoire grinned.

"Yeah, it is." Vinny nodded.

"Well then, how about we place a wager on it?" Grimoire suggested. "I bet that none of you six can get a date to bring with you to Caboose's wedding."

"Oh, ho, you're challenging us, bro?" Murray asked.

"I always do love a challenge." Salt said cockily. "I'm in."

"Me too." Lars nodded.

"What are the stakes?" Slot asked.

"Oh, nothing major." Grimoire declared. "The losers will have to sing a certain song of Caboose's that we all did back at my wedding."

The other brothers shuddered. What happened that day was not a pleasant memory.

"Let's go for it." Murray nodded.

"Prepare to sing like a canary, Grim." Vinny nodded.

"It's on now!" Lars cheered.

"Then let's make it official." Grimoire offered.

The seven brothers spat on their hooves, then put them together.

"Good luck." Grimoire chuckled as he left the room.

"Just you wait, Grimm!" Murray called out. "By the time this week is through, we will all have mares! Just you wait!"

Moments later, Murray and his brothers entered another room.

"Okay guys, any idea on where to get dates?!" Murray asked.

"What?!" Vinny spluttered. "What happened to that shtick you were pulling out there?!"

"I'm a prideful stallion, Vinny!" Murray shot back. "I don't back down from challenges!"

"Great." Lars groaned. "So we just accepted a wager, without any clue on how we could win it."

"And now we are faced with a problem. How can six middle-aged stallions each get a mare in one week?" Salt wondered.

"Well, we could call in a couple of favors from our 'friends' and arrange dates for us here in Bitaly." Sonny suggested.

"No, that won't do. There's no telling what they will have us do and they might not get us the mares in time, let alone ones that we can tolerate." Murray denied.

"Hey, how about those troupe mares that follows the Ponies of Anarchy?" Slot asked.

"Oh no. Those mares are loose cannons, and if we mess up with them, we will have the P.O.A. on our flanks!" Lars shook his head.

"How about mail-order brides from Russiaddle?" Vinny asked.

"We need dates, Vinny! Not wives!" Salt jabbed him in the shoulder.

"Oh my gosh, we are so boned…" Murray moaned, gripping the bridge of his snout.

"Well, we could always try to pick up the mares the old-fashioned way…" Lars hinted.

"Here in Bitaly? Fat chance!" Sonny snapped, "We can't trust any mare here!"

"Yeah. Almost every mare here could easily be a spy for another mob, out to assassinate us or steal our riches and secrets… and the fact that we are widely recognized for our… business… makes things a lot harder." Salt explained.

"So that means we would have to go out of Bitaly." Slot deduced.

"Like where? Where in the hay is there a place filled to the brim with single mares desperate enough for a stallion's touch?" Vinny despaired.

Just then, they heard voices in the corridor outside. It was one of their changeling operatives, talking to a friend, a pegasus.

"So, whatever happened to that old commander of yours back at the changeling's territory?" The pegasus asked.

"Who, Greg?" The Changeling asked. "Oh, he found thizzz cute mare named Cotton in a placzze called Ponyville!"

"Ponyville, you say? That place is teeming with mares!" His friend, a Pegasus chuckled. "It should be easy for any guy to get a date there. Especially with the 20 to 80 male-female ratio!"

That comment set off light bulbs in the brother's heads.

"You guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Murray asked.

"Oh, I think I am..." Vinny smiled.

The six shouted at once.

"We're going to Ponyville/Las Pegasus, baby!"

Murray and the others glanced at Vinny.

"What?" Vinny asked. "You guys weren't thinking of Las Pegasus?"

"Nope." Slot shook his head. "Ponyville all the way."

"Yeah…a small hick town with loads of female to swoon and little male competition…that will be perfect!" Sonny cheered.

"Sure… but won't it sound suspicious that six relatives comes to a small town?" Salt asked.

"Well, I think Daring is going to Ponyville in a day or two." Lars recalled. "She's going to see that Rarity about making some last minute adjustments to her dress and staying with Rainbow Dash till the night before the wedding. Maybe we can offer to 'help' her by tagging along."

"And while we're there, we can have our pick of the local mares." Sonny chuckled. "Smart thinking, Lars."

"I do have my moments." Lars agreed.

They waited until Daring finally pulled herself away from Caboose to talk to her.

"Hey Daring, we heard you're going to Ponyville?" Murray smiled.

"Yeah, I am." Daring nodded.

"Want us to come with?" Vinny offered. "We could help you out in whatever it is you're doing."

"Oh, I don't want to put you guys out. All I'll be doing is getting my dress adjusted and hanging out with my old friend." Daring smiled.

"Stow that attitude right now." Salt admonished her. "We're gonna be family soon, and family takes care of one another."

"Yeah. If you need a shoulder to cry on, we're there." Slot smiled, "If you need a pony to talk to, we lend your our ears. If you need to bury a dead body, we-"

"Too far, Slot. Too far…" Murray growled.

"Well, when you put it like that..." Daring mused. "I suppose I could use the extra hooves. Okay, you can come with."

"You've made the right choice." Lars beamed.

"I'm taking a carriage there tomorrow morning." Daring revealed. "See you then."

As Daring walked away, the brothers shared satisfied grins.

"We're on our way, boys." Murray smiled.

"This wager is in the bag." Slot said confidently.

"Oh, by the way!" Daring suddenly called back. "Grimoire will be coming too. Won't that be great?"

Their satisfied grins faltered.

"Yeah, great..." Sonny grimaced.

"Oh boy…" Slot gulped.

"This... complicates things." Vinny declared.

"Not as much as you think." Murray shrugged. "We just gotta make sure Grimoire doesn't catch on. We can still do this."

"I hope so..." Salt sighed. "Cuz I think I speak for all of us when I say I do not want to sing that bucking song again!"

The Napoleons Take Ponyville

Daring and the seven brothers were getting the carriage ready for the flight to Ponyville... well, at least the brothers were. Daring was occupied with Caboose.

"I can't believe you have to go away." Caboose pouted. "Who made up this stupid rule about keeping the lovely couple apart the week before the wedding?"

"You got me." Vinny shrugged. "But we're doing it because our pops did it, and Grimm did it, and you're going to do it!"

"Look, Caboose, I know it doesn't seem like fun, but it's only one week." Daring declared.

"But what am I supposed to do this week?" Caboose asked.

"Simple. Watch the manor, and makes sure that it stays the same by the time we get back." Murray smiled.

"But it'll be so boring..." Caboose whined.

"Boring?" Slot snorted. "Now hold on, bro, you should see this week away from your mare as an opportunity."

"Opportunity?" Caboose asked.

"Slot's right, Caboose." Salt nodded. "This is your last week as a single stallion, and you are going to have the manor to yourself... well, if you exclude our men, at least..."

"So?" Caboose shrugged.

"Do we need to spell it out for you, 'Boose?" Sonny sighed. "You can use this time to do all the things you want to do before getting married to the old ball and chain." Daring glares at Sonny. "I mean, the beautiful Ms. Do."

"Of course." Lars agreed. "Grimm made a list of things to do the week before he married Sandy that he could only do when not married, and he had loads of fun."

"So, what you're saying is... this week, I get to do anything I want?" Caboose mused.

"Well, as long as it's legal and nopony gets hurt, sure." Grimoire nodded.

"Hmm... well, still, I will miss you very much, Daring." Caboose admitted.

"I know you will." Daring nuzzled her husband-to-be. "But once this week passes, we'll be together always."

"And if we're lucky..." Murray looked at his brothers. "We will have mares."

Before long, the brothers and Daring were all packed, and (after Daring shared one last goodbye kiss with Caboose) they took off. The flight was mostly quiet. Grimoire would occasionally throw smug grins at his brothers, knowing full well their real reason for going to Ponyville.

"Look at him…he knows…" Slot hissed.

"He's our older brother, Slot…he has a thing for knowing everything about us…" Sonny sighed.

"Doesn't mean I like that smug smirk on his face…" Slot growled.

Eventually, they landed in Ponyville. Rainbow Dash was there to meet them.

"Hey, Daring!" She smiled.

"Rainbow!" Daring gave her a one-legged hug. "How're things?"

"Awesome, as usual." Rainbow smirked. She then took note of the brothers. "So... who are these guys wearing the suits?"

"Oh, these are my fiancé's brothers, and my soon to be in-laws, Rainbow." Daring nodded. "This is Grimoire, Murray, Vinny, Lars, Sonny, Slot, and Salt."

"Hey, how's it going?" Rainbow waved a hoof in greeting.

"It goes... well." Grimoire shrugged.

"Very well." Murray answered shortly.

"Never been better." Vinny followed up.

The other brothers nodded in unison.

"So... how about this Caboose?" Rainbow asked awkwardly. "What's he like? I mean, I've never actually met him. I only read about him in Daring's last book. Is he really as crazy as it says in the book?"

"Yep." Vinny nodded. "Not as crazy as he used to be, but..."

"He is a great colt." Grimm finished for him.

"Sounds like it." Rainbow nodded. "In the book, it says how Caboose is a 'noble' and 'quietly dignified' stallion', with a 'down to earth intelligence'.

Vinny and the others (save for Grimoire) laughed out loud, finding the description quite absurd.

"Something funny, fellas?" Daring glared daggers at them.

"No, ma'am." They said as one.

"Got that right." Grimoire agreed. "That's our brother you're talking about."

"Sorry." Sonny stifled a smirk. "No offense to Daring, but she kinda exaggerated Caboose's good qualities there..."

"And you're going to marry that guy?" Rainbow asked Daring.

"Yep." Daring nodded, "Caboose is my special somepony, and I wouldn't have anypony else."

"Good enough for me." Rainbow shrugged. "Come on. You can drop your stuff off at my place before you head over to Rarity's."

"Gotcha." Daring agreed. "Catch ya later, guys!"

The brothers waved as the girls departed. As soon as they were out of earshot, Grimm turned to his brothers.

"Now, it's time to set the rules." Grimoire declared.

A short time later, they all sat in a shadowy corner.

"Okay, here's the deal: You have until the end of the week." Grimoire declared. "By that time, you will all have dates to the wedding."

"Yeah, just like you said last night." Murray nodded.

"Let me finish." Grimm glared, "When I say dates… I'm talking real dates. There will be no hiring girls to act as your dates, no blackmailing them, threatening their lives, getting them drunk to act as your dates, killing or severely injuring their husbands and coltfriends to make them single and ask them on dates, and most of all… no brainwashing!"

"Geez, one time, and you never let me forget it!" Vinny growled.

"Well, this is Princess Twilight's turf, and she might not be as forgiving as Celestia was, should there be any shenanigans." Grimoire noted. "The terms are, if by the time we leave Ponyville and at least one of you is without a date, I win and you all must sing the song. Ya got all that?"

"Got it." Murray nodded. "Get ready to lose, Grimm."

Suddenly, a light flickered on, revealing them to be in a booth at Sugarcube Corner.

"What are you doing with the lights off, you silly-billies?" Pinkie Pie, who had flicked on the light, giggled. "You won't be able to see what you're eating!"

"Thanks for ruining the atmosphere." Slot groaned.

"You're welcome!" Pinkie beamed, as she left the store with her own order.

"You dearies want anything else?" Mrs. Cake called from the counter.

"No thanks, we're good." Lars called.

"You know, with the lights on, things are suddenly a lot less scary." Vinny quipped.

"I wouldn't be too sure. Rumors has it that the story of 'Cupcakes' was born here." Salt mused.

"In this place? Yeah right… next, you're going to tell me that the 'Sweet Apple Massacre' happened on that lovely patch 'Sweet Apples Acres'. Get serious, Salt!" Slot snorted.

"Anyway..." Murray sighed. "We're all in. Hope you're ready to sing, Grimm."

"You too." Grimm smirked, as he got up to leave.

After their big brother left, the others huddled up.

"Okay, here's how it's gonna go." Murray declared. "We split up, and go looking for the ladies. If we can't find any, we meet back at the inn at sundown. Agreed?"

"Agreed." The others nodded.

"This had better work." Salt grimaced. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I don't ever want to sing that stupid song ever again!"

"Relax, bro." Vinny smiled. "We've got a whole week to get dates. Should be a piece of cake for six of Bitaly's finest bachelors."

"Yeah." Sonny agreed. "We should all have dates within two days. Three, tops."

"They're right." Salt nodded. "I mean, did you see all the mares we crossed paths with on the way here? This place is like a mare goldmine! We've got this bet in the bag."

"I hope you guys are right." Lars said seriously. "For all our sakes."

The brothers left Sugarcube Corner, and soon after split up, each going in a different direction. Their quest had begun...

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly…

Caboose, hours after seeing his fiancé and his brothers off, was now roaming the currently empty halls of the mansion, as all the men were outside getting the backyard set up for the wedding.

All was quiet through the house, as Caboose then said to himself…

"Hmm, all alone in a big empty mansion for a whole week… well, I guess I might as well get started on 'doing whatever I want'…" Caboose sighed.

With his horn, he levitated up a yellow piece of notebook paper, and scribbled on it seemed to be a list.

"Okay… list item number 1… make reference to a funny TV series that was foolishly cancelled on a cliffhanger." Caboose read.

He paused for a moment.

"Check." The youngest brother nodded, crossing it off with a pencil, as he glanced down at the next item, "Number 2…do a re-enactment of Kevin Buckon's Hoofloose 'Never' music sequence in a big empty warehouse."

He glanced around.

"Heh, close enough." Caboose smirked, as he put the list away and in one fell swoop, threw off his mafia jacket, "Cue the music!"

He activated a boombox, which started blaring out the music. He danced around the house, mimicking Kevin Buckon's moves. He slid down a staircase, holding the sides with his front hooves, and swung across the main hall. He jumped up and grabbed onto a bar, swung around, and let go... landing face-first on the ground.

"And... check." He mumbled, his voice muffled by the floor.

The Suave Security Guard And The Mayor

Murray strutted through Ponyville, keeping his eyes peeled for mares. He spotted two heading his way. Putting on his best smile, he walked over to them.

"Hey..." He said suavely.

"Hey, yourself." One giggled.

"Either of you lovely ladies doing anything this weekend?" Murray asked. "I'll be attending a wedding. How would one of you like to be my plus one?"

"Sorry, handsome." The other mare shook her head. "We've got plans."

"Thanks for the invite, though." The first mare added. "Some other time, maybe?"

Murray frowned as they walked away.

"Okay, this is fine. Not everypony gets it right on the first try." He shrugged.

Unfortunately, this became somewhat of a pattern, as the second eldest brother found himself being shot down, no matter how much of the charms he put on. After failing on the tenth mare, Murray leant against a lamp post, wiping his brow.

"Oy, this is a lot harder than I thought." He admitted.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the other end of the street. A mare with a tan coat and gray mane was attempting to flee from some paparazzi.

"Madam Mayor, a moment please!" One reporter asked.

"Is it true you're currently in a topiary war with a Changeling?" Another called.

"What's your real reason for returning to office?" Another inquired.

Murray gave a scowl. He was never very fond of the press. More than once, a member of the Bitalian paparazzi had threatened to expose the family's activities and bring down their enterprise, all for the sake of fame and glory. And there they were, accosting an innocent mare. It made his blood boil. As the mare moved past him, he decided to act, as he stepped between her and the reporters, going from 'suave mode' to 'security mode'.

"Okay, that's enough, you vultures." He glared. "The lady won't be taking any more questions."

"Excuse me, but who do you think you are?" One reporter was bold enough to ask.

Murray pulled out his trusty crossbow. Being the sharpshooter of the family, and the fact that rival mafias and criminals alike were often out to get him and his brothers, he always kept the bow on hoof.

"I'm the stallion with a crossbow." He said simply. "Wanna make something of it?"

The reporters slowly backed away, not wanting to incur Murray's wrath.

"That's right, go back to your grouchy, irritable J. Jonah Jamaresons!" Murray taunted, before huffing, "I hate reporters."

The mare walked over to him.

"Thank you." She said gratefully. "For the timely, if excessive, save."

"No problem." Murray smiled. "Why were they following you, anyway?"

"You must not be from around here." The mare chuckled. "I'm Mayor Mare, the... well, mayor of this town."

"Murray Napoleon, at your service." Murray nodded. "Actually, I think I heard of you once. But weren't you mayor like, twenty years ago? How can you still be in office?"

"I had my first term back then." The Mayor recalled. "After it was over, I took some time to myself. But recently, I decided to take another crack at it. Relive the glory days, as it were."

"Ah, a woman who seeks her days of sheer greatness." Murray nodded sagely. "I can admire that in a mare."

"Well... thank you." The Mayor blushed. "I was on my way to my office when the paparazzi jumped me. If it's not too much to ask... would you mind keeping me company the rest of the way? I'm not really up to another ambush."

"No problem." Murray nodded. "I'd bat away parasites like that for free."

They walked on, the Mayor leading the way. Murray kept glancing from side to side, keeping an eye out for trouble. Suddenly, he heard a rustling sound.

"Ah, the typical rustling bush gimmick. Oldest and most mundane trick in the book of reporters." Murray grimly chuckled.

He turned and fired a warning shot with his crossbow. The bolt landed at the feet of a small white rabbit, who promptly squeaked and fainted.

"Oh." Murray went mute. "Do bunnies usually make so much noise in bushes nowadays?"

"Angel IV!" A yellow-coated, pink-maned Pegasus yelped, rushing over.

"Whoops." Murray cringed.

"How dare you?!" The Pegasus rounded on Murray, glaring at him with fierce intensity. "Who do you think you are, picking on a poor, defenseless bunny?"

"I, uh..." Murray quailed.

"Why would you even carry such an awful thing with you?! What, were you born in the wild like a wild savage or something?!" Fluttershy pushed forward.

"Gah-uh…" Murray stammered. "Holy crud, this chick is mental!"

"Now, now, Fluttershy." The Mayor stepped forward. "I apologize if my... bodyguard scared your rabbit. He was just trying to protect me."

Finding his words, Murray stepped in. "She is correct. I did not mean harm upon your little bunny friend. I was just doing my job…"

"Well, I suppose that's okay." Fluttershy sniffed. "But it better not happen again, clear?!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Murray gulped.

"Okay then." Fluttershy said sweetly. She picked up the prone rabbit and left.

"And I'm supposed to be the one protecting you." Murray quipped.

"Don't mind Fluttershy." The Mayor smirked. "She's quite protective of her animal friends."

"Yeah, no kidding." Murray snorted, "Geez, do I feel sorry for the guy who comes home to that gal."

They soon arrived at Mayor's office.

"Not bad." Murray whistled, "You ponies do it up right here."

"Thanks again for all your help." Mayor smiled. "I hope it didn't put you out too much."

"It's okay, Miss Mayor." Murray smiled. "Fact is, I run a security firm back home in Bitaly. Keeping ponies safe is kinda my lot in life."

"Among other things." Murray chuckled to himself.

"That explains a lot." The mayor smiled. "Not least your impressive skills."

"Well, thanks." Murray blushed. "And I have to say, I'm impressed by that dignified air of yours. It's really becoming of you."

"My word." The Mayor blushed back. "I haven't had a compliment like that before."

"Now that's a shame." Murray smiled. "A refined mare like you should be hearing it more often."

"Hearing it once is still quite lovely, though." Mayor admitted.

"How about I heat us up a cup of green tea?" Murray suggested, as he somehow pulled out a teapot from his jacket. "I keep a kettle on me for occasions like this."

"Oh, I love green tea." Mayor smiled.

After Murray brewed the tea, they sat down at the Mayor's desk, and enjoyed their beverage. They talked about all sorts of things; work, home, etc. Finally, Murray noticed it was starting to get dark outside.

"Well, I'd best be off." Murray declared. "My brothers are expecting me back soon. It was lovely meeting you, Miss Mayor."

"The feeling's mutual, Mr. Napoleon." The mayor chuckled. "We certainly must do this again sometime."

"Yeah..." Murray was just about to turn and leave... before he turned back. "Say, could I possibly ask you something?"

"Sure, anything." Mayor added.

"Well, you see, this upcoming weekend, my little brother is getting married back in Bitaly, and I was wondering if maybe...you could accompany me to the ceremony?" Murray asked.

"Why, Mr. Napoleon, are you asking me on a date?" The mayor smiled.

"What do you think I'm asking?" Murray gave her a smirk.

"Well, I would have to push some things around... but I would love to go." The Mayor beamed.

"Excellent." Murray turned to leave once more... before stopping. "Say... since the wedding isn't till this weekend... would you maybe like to... you know, hang out, tomorrow?"

"Hmm, I think I can manage that." Mayor agreed. "I would like to get to know you more."

"Good." Murray pulled a rose out of nowhere and gave it to her. "Till then, Miss Mayor..."

He kissed her hoof and left. The mayor was left blushing, as she then went to her secretary.

"Miss Staplehoof, cancel all my appointments for tomorrow, and replace it with one with a Mr. Murray Napoleon." Mayor smiled.

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly…

Caboose was in the midst of going over security detail for the wedding. It was rather impossible for mafia ponies to get married nowadays without some crazy nutjob shooting up the place.

That said, he was talking with Murray's employees from his security firm, them being a group of rugged, strong ponies by the name of Bucky Ross, Lee Hearth's Warming , Yin Yang, Gelder Jenson, Tow Rope, Hay Ceasar, and Tool Box. Unbeknownst to Caboose, these ponies were actually hired mercenaries, rather than your usual security guards.

"Okay, we need to make sure this wedding is safe and secure." Caboose declared, "The last thing I want is a drive by shooting… unless it's Train singing 'Drive By'."

"You can count on us." Bucky nodded. "A brother of Murray's is a friend of ours. Right, boys?"

"Right." Lee agreed. "So, here's my idea: Anypony that steps out of line, I throw knives at 'em."

"Knives?!" Caboose gasped.

"Or, if that's not to your liking, I could seed the grounds with land mines." Tow suggested. "That'd keep them on their fetlocks!"

"Well..." Caboose gulped.

"I'll work the door." Yin Yang suggested. "Anypony who doesn't belong tries to get in, I'll give them a good beatdown."

"I don't know if that would be…" Caboose began.

"How about I set up position on the roof, and snipe any troublemakers?" Gelder asked.

"Um..." Caboose quivered.

"Sniping?" Hay snorted pleased. "What we need is the heavy artillery. A couple of catapults will put the fear of Celestia inta them!"

"Guys, I know from Murray that you guys are the best there is... but seriously, this is a WEDDING, NOT A FORTRESS OF DOOM!" Caboose yelled. "No weapons or explosives of any kind will be required. Got that?"

"Sure, whatever you say, boss." Tool nodded.

"Good." Caboose nodded. "Now, I'm going to get some water. Be right back."

Caboose left the room. As soon as he was certain they couldn't hear him, Caboose let out a shudder.

"Man, these guys are hardcore." Caboose shudders. "Good thing these guys follow orders, or I would be scared out of my mind right now." He let out a nervous chuckle.

Back in the room, Bucky turned to Tool.

"Whattaya say?" He asked.

"Let's keep a few hoof-fulls of equipment on stand-by." Tool smiled. "Just in case."

The security agents all smiled deviously.

The Fierce Boxer And The Nurse

Over at the 'Come On Inn', the brothers were waiting in their room for Murray to return. Most of them were worried, but Grimoire had a very smug look on his face. None of the others had managed to find a date, and Murray was their last hope.

"What's taking him so long?" Sonny asked.

"Maybe he got lucky." Lars suggested.

"Or maybe he was blindsided by a bunch of ninja assassins from that one mob we ticked off in Chineigh, who somehow know this little town exists and that we're in it." Vinny suggested.

"I highly doubt it." Grimoire sniggered.

Just then, Murray entered the room, feeling proud of himself.

"What kept you?" Sonny asked.

"Oh, nothing." Murray smirked. "I just got me a date, is all!"

The six brothers immediately light up.

"Whoa-ho, way to go, bro!" Sonny cheered.

"You always did have a way with the mares, Murder." Salt chuckled.

"So, who's the lucky chick?" Slot asked.

"Only the mayor of this fine town." Murray boasted. "Mayor Mare, that's who."

This prompted a few of them to frown.

"A mayor, Murray?" Vinny frowned. "Out of all the mares in this town, you picked a mayor?"

"What? What's wrong?" Murray asked.

"Only everything, man!" Vinny growled, "You do not want to get mixed up with a mayor. They are constantly under the eye of the public, and we will have a scandal on our hooves if somepony were to figure out who we were!"

"Hey, mayor and mare sounds exactly the same!" Slot realized, completely off topic.

"I'm with Vinny, here." Lars agreed. "Dating a mayor is too risky! You might as well paint a sign that says 'Look at me, I'm dating your superior'."

"Now hold on a second!" Murray shot back. There were no rules saying which mare I can't take with me. I've chosen the mayor, and that's that! Besides, nopony said anything about a long-term relationship. It's just one date, after all."

"Well done, anyways, Murray." Grimoire smiled. "One down, five to go."

"Thank you, brother. I tell ya, that Mayor Mare is something else…" Murray smirked.

The rest of the brothers were a little rattled by Murray's success.

"We gotta try harder." Vinny whispered. "Don't want our own brother showin' us up."

"Agreed." Sonny nodded. "Tomorrow, we get dates for sure."

The next morning, the brothers split up, while Murray headed off to see Mayor, and Grimoire went to check on Daring.

Salt made his way to the marketplace. There, he tried to work a "cool and collected" style, strutting through the marketplace 'like a bad-flank' as he would put it. It was partially succeeding, as some mares were clearly impressed, but none of them went up to him.

"Come on, ladies, take the bait. I don't have all day." Salt thought to himself, frustrated.

Soon, Salt felt his stomach grumbling.

"Ah, bollocks."

Looking for something to eat, he happened upon an apple cart, being run by a scrawny colt with a red coat, purple mane, and green eyes with thick glasses. A shiny apple adorned his flank.

"An apple, if ya please." Slot handed the colt a bit.

"Here you go, sir." The colt handed over the apple.

Salt bit into the apple, enjoying it's sweet crunchiness. He continued scanning the marketplace for a prospective date, as he leaned against the counter.

"Is something the matter, sir?" The colt asked.

"If you must know, kid, I'm trying to pick up mares." Salt said sourly. "It ain't easy."

"I know what you're getting at." The colt nodded, looking glum. "There's this filly I really like, but I don't know how to talk to her."

"Filly trouble, huh?" Salt noted, looking more interested now. "Why don't you just come out and talk to her?"

"If only it was easy, sir." The colt sighed, "I mean, look at me. I'm a nerd."

"Ah, pish-posh, kid, being a nerd makes no difference in your problem. Just do what I would do and march right up to that filly!" Salt boldly stated.

"Should I?" The colt asked.

"Yep." Salt nodded. "It's the stallion thing to do."

"But what if she doesn't feel the way I do?" The colt asked.

"Look... what's your name?" Salt continued.

"Apple Polisher, sir." The colt replied.

"Look, Polish, take it from a veteran when it comes to mare-chasing: girls love a guy with guts." Salt smiled. "Trust old Salt here, you show that kind of guts, chances are she'll respect you for it and will go out with you."

"Really?" Polisher smiled.

"Really." Salt smiled. "Mares love a stallion with confidence, and when you're through, she will do anything for you…and I do mean anything/"

"Uh, okay..." Polisher said awkwardly. "Thanks."

"No problem, kid." Salt smiled, flicking over another bit. "How about another for the road."

"You got it." Polisher handed over the apple.

"Thanks, kid." Salt smiled as he turned to leave. "You just think about our little chat, 'kay?"

With a small nod from the colt, Salt left. As soon as he did, Applejack, who came back from picking up more apples, walked up to Polisher.

"Who wuz yer friend, nephew?" She asked.

"That was Salt." Polisher smiled. "A real cool fella."

As Salt left the marketplace, he heard something.

"Help!"

A white-coated, pink-maned mare was being cornered by a group of unruly stallions.

Immediately, Salt's blood boiled.

"Not in the same town I'm in, ya don't." Salt growled.

Salt, while being a part of a crime syndicate (no matter how noble the cause was), had a strong sense of justice, and though he might consider himself a hypocrite for saying it, he had zero tolerance for no-gooders.

"Hey!" He called, as he walked over. "Over here!"

The stallions turned around and saw the white stallion approaching them with anger in his eyes.

"Who the heck is that?" One of the thugs asked.

"Some punk." The tallest of the group growled, obviously the leader, "Don't worry about it."

"We got your back, pal." Another thug sniggered.

"He come over here and we'll bust his flank." A thug bragged.

"What do you want?" The leader thug asked sourly.

"Your life… I was thinking about taking it." Salt sneered, as he approached them.

"Is that right?" The leader chuckled darkly.

"But I don't do well in tight places, so going to prison worries me." Salt shrugged, "You shouldn't hassle young mares."

"Is that so?" The leader growled.

Yeah. Offenders of your kind aren't looked upon kindly by the law." Salt pointed out, "Let alone by yours truly."

"Very funny." The leader thug smirked. "Now beat it."

"No can do, pal." Salt glared.

"Suit yourself." The thug growled. "Let's teach 'im a lesson, boys!"

"Stupid Equestrians." Salt rolled his eyes in anger.

Salt suddenly chucked his apple into the air, and as soon as he did, he punched the lead thug three times, spending him sprawling.

The airborne apple landed in a gutter as it began rolling down the pipe.

Another jumped on him from behind, Salt grabbed his hoof, twisted it, then flipped him onto the ground.

The apple then bounced off the gutters and bounced off a nearby awning.

Salt gave another a karate chop to the neck, then tossed him aside.

The apple bounced off another awning…

He struck another thug in the stomach, then the groin, then grabbed his face and threw him down.

The apple then bounced off yet another awning, sending it up high in the sky.

As another thug charged, Salt caught him a clothesline move.

The apple flew up fast, catching a passing by 'wall-eyed' pegasi by surprise, before it began it's descent towards the ground.

The leader thug, getting back up, charged at Salt, ready to punch him. Salt grabbed the punch, kicked him in the back knee, and then threw him down.

All the thugs were in intense pain, as the lead thug groaned, struggling to get back up. Salt let out a huff as he held out a hoof and caught the apple, then took a bite out of it. The mare was quite shocked by what she had just witnessed.

"Please, at least give me a workout, you bloody wankers." Salt smirked.

"I, uh..." The mare gasped. "Th-thank you... It's not often you see a stallion ready to protect a total stranger. Let alone take on a group of thugs"

"No problem, pretty lady." Salt smiled. "Happy to do it. You okay?"

"I'm fine." The mare nodded.

"Good to hear." Salt smiled. "The name's Salt. And you are?"

"I'm Redheart." The mare replied.

"Cute name. How about you and I take this talk somewhere less-" Salt suggested.

The lead pony pulled out a knife and let out a battle cry.

"Look out!" Redheart pointed.

Salt quickly about faced and hoof-punch the thug in the snout.

"Take that, woo!" He cheered. "You are untouchable, Salt 'Ter-mare-nator' Napoleon!"

"Uh... Salt..." Redheart pointed.

Salt glanced at her oddly, as he then noticed a knife in his shoulder.

"Gah... what the..." He grasped his shoulder. "What the heck is this?! Why the buck would Princess Twilight let her own freakin' town and ponies carry knives on them?! Doesn't anypony know they shouldn't play with knives?!" He gulped profusely, and sweated, as he glanced at his bloodied hoof. "Oh crud, oh crud..."

"Are you going to be alright?" Redheart asked.

Salt glanced at Redheart, and tried to play it cool, though the sweat and trembling made it hard to do so.

"Oh, s-sure." He scoffed. "It's just a flesh wound. I'll be alrighhh…."

Salt suddenly collapsed.

"Oh, dear." Redheart gasped.

Redheart pulled some bandages out of her saddlebag, binding Salt's wound. With considerable strain, she lifted him up and carried to her house, which was nearby. She put him on her couch, and waited.

Salt groaned as he finally awakened.

"What happened?" He groaned.

"You got stabbed in the shoulder, that's what." Redheart declared. "Good thing I always keep some bandages handy, or else you would bled out."

"Oh, right." Salt nodded. "Heh, guess that makes us even, huh?"

"I should say so." Redheart nodded. "Let me get you something. You must be famished."

Redheart went to the kitchen, coming back with some cucumber sandwiches.

"Thanks, Red." Salt said through a mouthful of sandwich. "'Preciate the hospitality."

"It's the least I can do after what you did for me." Redheart smiled.

"What about what you did for me?" Salt asked. "You just happened to have bandages on you?"

"I'm a nurse." Redheart answered. "I like to be prepared."

"Well, aren't you a regular Florence Neightingale?" Salt smiled.

Redheart smiled back. Salt stared for a moment, taken back by her warmth and beauty.

'Dang, she's pretty cute. Sweet, hot, and resourceful. Maybe I should…'

"Is something wrong?" Redheart asked.

"No." Salt smiled. "Everything's... perfect."

They ate in silence for a while. It only took Salt that long to make a decision.

"So... I know this may seem out of the blue, but I'm invited to this wedding this weekend." He told Redheart. "Maybe you'd like to be my date?"

"Direct, aren't we?" Redheart noted. "Well..."

"Please?" Salt begged. "Not to hold anything over your head, but I did save you back there."

"Well, I suppose it couldn't hurt." Redheart nodded. "At least I know I'll be safe with you..."

Salt started blushing.

"Yeah, well..." He smiled. "Guess I'd better get back to my hotel room.

"Wait." Redheart stopped him. "Do you think you could possibly... stay for the night?"

"Now who's being direct?" Salt teased, giving a wry grin, "I'd be glad to."

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly...

Caboose was in the mansion's training grounds, getting in shape for a wedding. There was a rather... unique obstacle course, filling with swinging weights, pitfalls, and even a fire pit. Caboose spotted Slot's punching bag.

"Salt always says 'don't touch my bag, Caboose'!" Caboose recalled. "But Salt's not here... Okay, time to get pumped!"

He crack his neck, and let out a heavy sigh. Then he began punching the bag.

"Ah-um! YEAH!" He punched slowly, before hitting it at a more constant rate. "Fudge! I hate it when readers don't get references!"

He began punching it faster, and started chanting.

"A! X! A! X! A! X! A! X! A..." He gave the bag an uppercut. "Y!"

The bag went flying, as Caboose cheered.

"ALRIGHT!" He yelled.

The bag then flew back and hit Caboose, knocking him into the course.

"Oh, horseapples!" He yelped as he fell into the course. "No-no-no-no-no-no-no!" He shouted, as he was thrown through the swinging weights, over a pitfall, and eventually into the fire pit…
"Oh boy…" Caboose gulped.

The field suddenly erupted in flame. Caboose crawled to safety, though in severe pain. He pulled out his slightly burned list.

"Tried out Salt's punching bag. Check." He coughed. "Achieved Level Zero... somehow... check. Next item..." He patted out the flame on his mane. "Seek medical help and demolish the obstacle course..."

Caboose fainted.

A Passionate Chef, An Intelligent Teller, And Two Mares

The next morning, the brothers were still waiting back at the inn for Salt, as he never came back.

"I'm telling you, it's those ninjas." Vinny insisted.

"Vinny, enough about the bloody ninjas for once! Not every pony we tick off has a grudge against us." Grimoire snarled.

"Yeah, Vin. Honestly, you come with the craziest theories." Lars deadpanned.

As he said those words, Lars was doing an upside down yoga pose.

"What are you doing, Lars?" Sonny asked.

"Yoga." Lars replied. "I call this move 'The Upside Down Intelligent Dog in Possession of a Time Machine'."

"Okay, that's just weird." Slot grimaced.

The rest of the brothers made noises of agreement.

"Well, I would had called it the 'Peabody', but the name was patent pended by another guy." Lars shrugged.

At that moment, Salt came in, feeling happy about himself.

"Guys, you are not going to believe the night I had..." Salt smiled.

"Dude, where had you been all night?!" Vinny asked angrily. "We were half-tempted to scour all of Ponyville to find you!"

"Look, guys, I'm fine, I-what do you mean, half-tempted?" Salt frowned.

"Salt... did you get stabbed?" Grimoire pointed to Salt's bandaged shoulder.

"Yeah. There was a couple of thugs..." Salt started.

"For Pete's sake, Salt." Murray sighed. "Can't you leave Bitaly for one week without getting into a fight?"

"Typical Assault, always picking fights..." Sonny sniffed.

"Hey, I had an actual good reason this time..." Salt protested.

"Yeah, like wh- " Slot suddenly stopped, and sniffed the air. "Hey, what's that smell?"

The brothers sniffed the air... and then they looked at Salt."

"Allow me." Vinny sniffed Salt. "Hmm... Salt, why do you smell like a pink-maned chick who hangs at a hospital?"

Vinny had an odd sense of smell, which went well with his wine-making talent.

"Funny story, boys." Salt chuckled. "But to cut it short... I have a date for the wedding with a really cute nurse named Redheart."

Five of the seven brothers gaped, while Murray and Grimm were impressed.

"A nurse?!" Slot smirked. "Whoa, dude, way to score! Nurses are the hottest kind of mares around!"

"And by the smell of ya... I take it you and her... got acquainted." Vinny grinned.

"What?!" Murray yelled. "I get scorned for choosing a mayor, while Salt gets lucky with a nurse and you are applauding him?"

"I did not 'get lucky'." Salt countered. "Redheart simply wanted somepony to spend the night with her. Those thugs I beat up were hassling her and..."

"Oh, you played the 'knight in shining armor' ploy." Lars, still upside-down looked up. "Very effective."

"It wasn't a ploy. She needed my help and I gave it the two ways I knew how:" Salt held up one hoof. "Rock 'Em..." He held up another hoof. "And Sock 'Em."

"So you just... stayed the night with her?" Vinny asked.

"Yes, Vinny, and shame on you for thinking I would do that to a mare I just met that day... those kind of activities are best reserved for the 'third date'." Salt said indignantly.

"Lucky or not, you did good, Salt." Grimoire declared. "Four of you are still single, and there are only five days left. Not looking good for me, maybe, but Salt and Murray were the mare's stallions of the bunch."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Vinny growled.

"I mean no offense, Vin… but Murray and Salt have their own ways with the mares, something that you four seem to lack." Grimm smirked.

"And proud of it." Murray and Salt smirked, giving hoof bumps.

"We'll see about that, bro!" Slot snarled fiercely.

"Yeah!" Sonny and Vinny growled.

Lars only frowned in silence. Already, two of his older brothers had found mares, while he himself was having trouble. If he was going to help win this bet, he would need extra help…

Later that morning, the four remaining brothers left the inn, ready to begin day three of their hunt.

"Okay, fellas, we only have five days left till the wedding." Vinny announced, "We really need to step it up a little if we are not going to sing that song."

"Well, at the rate this story is going, we will each have a mare with just one day to spare. Things are looking good." Slot smirked.

"I dunno… Grim might be right about Murray and Salt having ways with mares." Sonny said with uncertainty.

"Grim is only trying to throw us off, he's a sneaky culo-brain, that old geezer." Vinny spat. "We still got this! Meet back here at sundown!"

The four brothers gave a nod as they went their separate ways… but as soon as Vinny and Slot were gone, Lars went to Sonny's side.

"Hey Sonny, do you want to come join in my date quest today?" He asked.

"Okay... why?" Sonny asked.

"Because it is obvious that neither one of us is good at getting dates on our own. I mean, we would had gotten mares by now." Lars explained. "I am good with words, but not in the case of socializing. You are good with ponies, but not with words. But together, we could score mares."

"You think so?" Sonny asked.

"Yeah." Lars nodded. "Besides, you and I are pals! I'm the Piz, You're the Zazz. I'm the Peanut Butter, You're the Jelly. I'm the sizzle, you're the fizzle!"

"Okay, okay, point taken!" Sonny yelped.

"Good." Lars smiled. "Let's go."

They went out into the streets.

"So, where should we begin our search?" Lars asked.

"How about the park?" Sonny suggested. "It's a beautiful day. Chances are, lots of mares'll be there."

"Very well then." Lars nodded. "But instead of going out into the open, I suggest we take the tactical approach."

"Which is?" Sonny asked.

"Hiding in the bushes." Lars answered.

"Oh... okay." Sonny shrugged.

The two got to the park and hid in the bushes, watching for mares.

"You sure this is 'tactical'?" Sonny asked. "We're not... stalking, are we?"

"Of course not." Lars snorted. "Stalking would be saying that we are perverts with no respect for mares. We're just... checking out the merchandise from afar, just so we can see how to go about in picking them up."

"If you say so." Sonny sighed.

The two kept up their vigil for a while, but found that none of the passing mares caught their eyes... they see until they saw a green Unicorn and a cream Earth Pony, just sitting on the bench.

"Bingo." Lars smiled. "Those two would look well next to two of Bitaly's finest-"

"I call dibs on the cute cream-colored mare." Sonny said suddenly.

"Whoa, you can't just 'call dibs'!" Lars protested.

"Well, I just did. Just look at her." Sonny huffed, as he pointed at the Earth Pony, "She's beautiful and got a nice flank about her, wouldn't you say?"

"That she does." Lars shrugged…before remembering the topic. "But what if I wanted the cream-colored mare?"

"That's the rules of dibs, Lars. You snooze, you lose!" Sonny sneered.

"But it shouldn't apply in our situation! You can't just call it!" Lars growled.

"I can too!" Sonny countered.

"Can not!" Lars yelled.

"Can too!" Sonny snarled.

"Hey you two, who are we stalking?" Pinkie Pie suddenly popped up behind them.

"GAAAH!" The two leapt out of the bush.

"Kill it with fire!" Lars screamed.

"I'm killin', I'm killin'!" Sonny yelled in panic, as he conjured up fire from his horn, fire being his expertise, hence the name Arson. But he rarely used it for such crimes… but it did help with other things.

Lars pulled out his trusty crop (gifted to him by his old schoolteacher for his high IQ and brilliance) and began beating down on the burning bush, trying to 'kill' the one in the bush.

"Die, you wretched thing that makes pink a horrific color!" Lars chanted with near-madness. "Die, die, die!"

"Excuse me?"

"What's going on here?"

Lars and Sonny turned to see the two mares looking right at them. The two brothers looked at the now smouldering bush, devoid of any life, and then glanced at each other, seeing that their manes were unkempt and theireyes filled with psychopathic tendencies.

Trying to play it cool, the two males fixed their manes and gave smiles to the mares.

"...And that is how not to put out a fire." Sonny smiled.

"Yeah, the logical thing to do would be to call the fire department or an adult." Lars chuckled.

The two mares only laughed at the brother's shenanigans, completely oblivious.

"Funny prank!" The Unicorn giggled.

"Yeah, I swear, it was like something out of a movie." The Earth Pony chortled.

"Thanks." Lars smiled. "I'm... Lars, by the way. Nice to, uh... meet you! Yeah, that sounds right..."

"I... Sonny." Sonny mumbled to the Earth Pony. "You're pretty... I mean, pretty nice to meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too, I guess." The Earth Pony said awkwardly. "I'm Bon-Bon."

"And I'm Lyra." The Unicorn added.

"What a lovely name." Lars smiled, "Perhaps we could treat you two lovely mares to a cup of coffee?"

"One moment, please." Bon-Bon declared, as she and Lyra huddled up. "What do you think, Lyra?"

"They seem nice enough." Lyra admitted. "I'm totally liking the suits, though. Classy."

"And I must admit, the big brown pony with the grayscale mane does look cute." Bon-Bon blushed.

"Let's go for it, then." Lyra nodded.

They broke the huddle.

"We'd love to." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Then allow us to lead the way." Lars smirked.

Lars and Sonny shared a quick hoof bump as they made their way to the café. Once they arrived, Bon-Bon and Lyra took their seat at two nearby tables, and Sonny went to sit at Bon-Bon's table…

"I thought I said no dibs, remember?" Lars hissed.

"Zip it! It's part of the bro code. Unless you want to take it up with cousin Barney, shut up and sit with Lyra!" Sonny whispered.

With a defeated sigh, Lars and Sonny took their seats, and received their coffees forthwith.

"So, tell me about yourself." Bon-Bon smiled. "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a gourmet chef at a restaurant in Bitaly. Four stars and all the works." Sonny declared proudly. This was partly true. Sonny was indeed a gourmet chef at a restaurant in Bitaly… but only to indulge his passion for cooking as a part-time job. The 'family' came first.

"Oh, I love gourmet food." Bon-Bon sighed. "We're kind of in the same business, you know; I'm a candy maker, myself."

"Candy, you say? I must admit, sweets are a weak spot for me." Sonny smiled. "Maybe we could trade recipes sometime."

"Why wait?" Bon-Bon beamed. "I've got a killer taffy recipe..."

Meanwhile, Lars and Lyra were attempting to strike up a conversation.

"So… what do you do?" Lyra asked.

"I'm a bank teller." Lars answered. "I also worked as a lawyer and a night school teacher." All of these occupations were true… albeit they were just to sate his desire to make use of his gifted intelligence, and the fact that he was pony of many talents. Either way, the 'family' came first.

"Oh." Lyra said. "I play the harp in the Ponyville orchestra. You like music?"

"Not really. The occasional opera, maybe, but that's it." Lars shrugged.

The two sat awkwardly for a moment.

"How about politics?" Lars asked.

"Don't care for them." Lyra frowned.

"Sports?"

"Boring."

"Physics?" Lars gulped, grasping at straws.

"Even more boring." Lyra deadpanned.

Lars stifled a groan. He glanced over at Sonny, who was currently laughing along with Bon-Bon, both of them having a good time…

'Holy crud, Larceny, you're dying out here! If you don't find common ground soon, we're finished.' Lars despaired on the inside as he glanced back at Lyra, 'Come on, you have an IQ of 284 and graduated at Pranceton. You can figure this out!'

Then a book slipped out of Lars' vest, much to his shock.

"Hey, you dropped something." Lyra picked up the book with her magic.

"Horseapples...." Lars cursed.

"'The Ways of Humans: A Memoir by Lars Atticus Napoleon'." Lyra read. "You actually write and read this sort of thing?"

"Yes, I'm a freak." Lars sighed. "Go ahead and make fun of me. It's the price I pay for being drawn by the allure of beings with 'fingers'."

"I don't believe it." Lyra gasped. "Another pony who's fascinated with humans!"

"Wait, you read about humans too?" Lars asked, elated.

"Sure do!" Lyra smiled. "Nopony ever took me seriously, not even Bon-Bon."

"Me too!" Lars chuckled, "Except replace Bon-Bon with my employees and my brothers."

"Does this mean you think they exist?" Lyra leaned in.

"Exist? I believe their presence has an effect on our world. In fact, I believe this very moment is being written by a human right now…" Lars ranted.

"Me too!" Lyra squealed, "And I think they used some sort of do-hickey called 'shipping' to pair us with other ponies. I bet some of them would like me to be with Bon-Bon…"

"You don't say?" Lars smirked…before realizing something. "You and her aren't-"

"Oh no. We dabbled a bit back in college, but we're just best friends." Lyra shrugged.

"Astounding… finally, I can share my wisdom on all things human and not be called a 'freak'." Lars sighed.

"Do you think you could... read some of your writing to me?" Lyra asked, passing the book to him.

"I'd be glad to." Lars beamed.

After finishing their coffees and mingling, the four began to leave.

"We had a great time." Bon-Bon smiled.

"Really great." Lyra agreed. "We really must do it again sometime."

"Well, now that you mention it..." Sonny smiled.

"We're attending a wedding this weekend." Lars explained. "Would you like to come as our dates? I assure you, I have many more of those memoirs collecting dust…" He winked at Lyra.

"And I have a stash of delicious almond cookies that are to die for. My own recipe." Sonny grinned at Bon-Bon.

"Sounds wonderful." Bon-Bon nodded.

"I'd love to." Lyra smiled.

"Great." Sonny smiled. "Drop by the Come On Inn, and we'll fill you in on the deets."

"We'll look forward to seeing you again." Lars smirked.

After the two stallions left, the two mares squealed.

Meanwhile, once out of earshot, Lars and Sonny cheered and performed a hoof shake

"Who's got dates?" Lars smirked.

"We've got dates!" Sonny sang.

"We're awesome! We're awesome! We're… something that rhymes with awesome!" They chanted, completely proud of themselves.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie popped up again.

"You're welcome, mafia ponies somehow related to Blueboy." She smiled.

The two brothers gaped in horror at the pink mare, but less about her miraculous survival, and more at what she said.

"W-what?! How do you know that?" Lars asked.

"Yeah! The only ponies outside the family who know is the Royal Pony Sisters and Blueblood!" Sonny gaped.

"Simple, silly." Pinkie giggled. "I read 'The Prince And The Pauperess'. A cute story about a selfish prince being redeemed by a sweet innocent mare. It's truly romantic."

As she hopped away, Lars and Sonny were faced with a horrific realization

"My gosh...there's a female version of Caboose...and she knows who we are..." Lars gasped.

"Dun-Dun-DUN!" Sonny blurted out. Lars glared at him. "Sorry, I do that in the face of horrific realizations."

"Let's get back to Grim, before somepony learns about that story she's gabbing on about." Lars declared with fear in his voice.

The two ponies rushed back to the inn. Watching them was Pinkie, looking on with a smile.

"Don't you worry, folks. Their secret is safe with me!" She smiled. "Now here's something you'll really enjoy! Starring our friend, Mr. Caboose!"

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly...

One of the workers, a griffin, came into the kitchen.

"Hey Caboose, sir, the boys would like an opinion on the flower arr-what are you doing?" The griffin looked in confusion.

The griffin found Caboose doing a split on a high shelf, eating almond cookies out of a cookie jar, while reading a book. Caboose suddenly noticed the griffin.

"...Please don't tell Sonny." He mumbled, his mouth full.

"Uh, Caboose, sir, why are you eating Arson's cookies and reading Larceny's memoir about 'The Humans'?" The griffin asked.

"Because once I get married, I won't be able to eat cookies and read books about humans. It's on my list and I want to enjoy them as much as I can." Caboose replied.

"But sir, you could be married and still eat cookies and read books about humans." The griffin pointed out.

Caboose paused for a moment.

"I did not know that." He admitted.

A loud groan was heard, as the shelf then broke under Caboose's weight. Buried under the rubble, Caboose's list levitated out of the debris, and a magically gripped pencil scribbled on it.

"Next item... have the griffin who saw you broke the shelf to fix the shelf and threaten to fire him if he divulges this to anypony else." He read.

"Ah, buck." The griffin groaned.

The Wily Winemaker And The Connoisseur

Lars and Sonny returned to the inn, and revealed that they too had gotten dates.

"Way to go, guys!" Murray smiled.

"Nice work." Salt agreed.

"Not as nice as our dates." Sonny smirked. "You wouldn't believe how gorgeous Bon-Bon is!"

"And Lyra has the loveliest eyes..." Lars sighed.

"Hey, we Napoleons just have a gift for finding great mares." Murray declared.

"Most of us, that is." Salt smirked.

Vinny and Slot looked on in jealousy. Vinny, especially; His attempts to get a mare that day had resulted in face slaps from pretty much every mare he talked to. In fact, there was still a prominent hoof mark on his face.

"Yeah, laugh it up, ya buckin' butthole…" Slot seethed.

"You guys do know that these dates are to be a one-time only thing, right?" Vinny asked.

The four older brothers frowned.

"Sure we do." Sonny nodded, though he tried to stifle a scowl.

"Of course, it wouldn't be a good idea to have a long-term relationship, anyway." Lars added, though a little downtrodden. "Not only that they never work out… it just wouldn't be the best idea. I mean, Murray is taking a mayor, Salt a well-known nurse, us two random mares… we already pushed our luck with Blueblood and Daring… but four innocent, sweet mares from this close-knit town? It wouldn't be good to get them involved in our… 'secret' lives."

"No, it wouldn't..." Murray sighed.

"Not at all..." Salt added, downcast.

The four brothers, despite being in agreement, seemed to have second thoughts about the idea of their dates being a one-time occurrence, especially Murray and Salt.

"Look, it doesn't help to think about the future." Grimoire stated, "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Don't forget that we all spat on our hooves and shook on this bet! There's no going back on it. There's only a few days to go and if even one of you doesn't have a date by then, I win."

"You know, Grim, it wouldn't be so bad if you actually say something else during this trip." Slot growled, "All you've been doing is reminding us about this bet!"

"Hey, somepony has to keep you guys on the straight and narrow path." Grimoire shrugged.

"Well, I'm almost tempted to stray off it if I don't get a date tomorrow." Slot growled.

"Relax, Slot, old pal. We have four days left. That's plenty of time." Vinny reassured.

"Yeah, says the pony with a hoof-marked facial." Slot spat.

"At least I can get close enough to a mare for her to do that!" Vinny shot back. "That attitude of yours sends them running every time!"

"Like any mare would want an immature loser like you chasing them!" Slot snarled.

"They'd want me more then you!" Vinny yelled.

"You wish!" Slot growled.

What followed was an argument between the two that lasted all night (to the others' dismay).

The next morning, Vinny, feeling the pressure of the deadline getting to him, decided to go to the one place where he might be in his element...

"Local bar, don't fail me now..." He muttered.

Vinny entered The Rusty Horseshoe. Back in Bitaly, his preferred area to pick up mares was in bars just like this.

This was mostly because his talent was in the department of concocting all sorts of beverages, especially ones of an alcoholic kind. With an oddly accurate sense of smell and even more odd sense of coordination when handling bottles and glasses, he could make a plethora of drinks, from vodkas to cocktails to even beer. However, his best works lied in wine, thus earning him his own vineyard and a couple of bars serving his own inventions.

Unfortunately, his mare-chasing ways and rather childish demeanor left a lot to be desired.

He glanced around the entire tavern and sniffed the air.

"Ah, the smell of booze, depression, and desperate mares looking for a stallion to sweep them off their hooves…" He gave a smirk. "I am in my element."

He trotted up to the bar.

"Bartender, a root beer, please." He ordered.

"Comin' right up." The bartender nodded.

As Vinny waited for his drink, Rainbow Dash flew into the bar.

"Apple cider, and make it snappy." She pounded her hoof on the counter.

"Just be a sec." The bartender waved.

Rainbow took the stool next to Vinny. She glanced over at the porky stallion.

"Hey, aren't you one of Daring's soon-to-be brothers-in-law?" She asked.

"Yep." Vinny nodded, as the bartender placed his drink on the counter. "The name's Vinny Cartman Napoleon…we met three days ago…"

"Oh right… what brings you here?" Rainbow inquired.

"Well, long story short, I need a date for the wedding." Vinny summarized. "I always seem to find the best mares in bars, so here I am."

"Need any help?" Rainbow asked, as the bartender handed her her cider. "I know the mares around the town well enough. I could be your wingpony."

"No offense Dash, but I don't think a mare like you would make good wingpony material." Vinny declared.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Rainbow asked.

"Well... you're into mares, aren't you?" Vinny asked.

"What?!" Rainbow gasped. "No!"

"Really?" Vinny was shocked. "I just figured, with the rainbow mane and the tomboyish look-"

"You crum-bum!" Rainbow snarled. "I have a husband and two kids!"

"Hey, don't get mad at me. Get mad at the media for making up stuff about you and every single mare all over the place! Heck, I was afraid you would steal Daring away from Caboose…" Vinny said defensively.

"Geez, that old dude brother of yours was right. You are a culo-brain." Rainbow growled. "I don't even know what it means, but it fits you perfectly."

Rainbow flew off with the cider.

"Mares." Vinny scoffed. "They make a big deal over the littlest things."

Vinny returned his focus to scouting the bar for suitable mares.

His first target was a powder-blue Pegasus mare with a blond mane.

"Hey, gorgeous" He asked. "'Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?"

"No, but it's going to hurt when I slap you." The mare shot back.

"Oookay..." Vinny walked away awkwardly.

Vinny then spotted twin Earth Ponies; One blue with a pink mane, and one pink with a blue mane.

"Oh, yeah." He sniggered. "Twins..."

He sauntered over.

"Ladies." He nodded. "If I may say, you are looking great. It's true what they say, the best things come in twos. Or maybe we can make that... three."

The two mares looked at each other, and rolled their eyes.

"Sorry, we prefer pairs." The pink one said mockingly.

"Our apologies." The blue one declared, not an ounce of regret on her face.

"Oh, no problem." Vinny sighed.

Vinny kept trying, and kept failing. He even went for a mare with wonky eyes, but she already had a coltfriend (to his surprise), who threatened with a strange silver tube.

After all those failures, Vinny groaned.

"Gosh darn it. I just don't get it. Murray never had this problem… could it be that I'm…bad at this? How the hay did Caboose do it? That kid only ever got close with two other mares. One was a-" As he said the word, it was immediately drowned out by clangs of mugs. "And the other one was a dude. And he scores the fourth hottest mare of Equestria, just like that?" Vinny ranted. "It just doesn't make sense… like that odd crystalline tree place Princess Twilight has, and that evil baboon that nopony seem to have recalled till now." Vinny let out a sigh, "This is supposed to be my element."

He gave the entire bar a once-over, before another mare in a corner caught his eyes: a mulberry-coated, cerise maned and eyed mare with a bunch of grapes and a strawberry for Cutie Mark.

"Okay, let's give this thing one more go." Vinny said tensely, as he downed his glass and trotted over to the booth.

"Hey." He put on a smile, pointing out the extra chair. "This seat taken?"

"Not really." The mare smiled back.

"I'm Vinny." Vinny sat down.

"Berry Punch." The mare replied.

"You liking your drink?" Vinny asked.

"It's okay." Berry replied. "You?"

"Not my favorite, but I'm on kind of a budget right now." Vinny shrugged. "I'm actually something of a wine connoisseur/maker."

"I know a little about wine myself." Berry nodded. "You ever tried an '84 Dream Valley Chablis?"

"Sure have." Vinny nodded. "Delectable. What about the Paradise Estate Merlot?"

"I wish." Berry sighed. "Speaking of which... Bartender, a little more?"

The bartender came over and refilled her glass.

"How about some for me too?" Vinny asked. "The whole bottle, in fact."

"I thought you were on a budget?" Berry asked.

"It doesn't hurt to splurge a little." Vinny shrugged. "Even if this doesn't compare to the best wine in all Equestria..."

"Hear, hear." Berry held up her glass, which Vinny tapped with his own.

They continued talking, ordering more as they did so. Before long, they started feeling tipsy.

"So... you have how many brothers?" Berry giggled.

"Seven. One younger. Six older." Vinny hiccupped. "You have any relatives?"

"A younger sister, Pina Colada." Berry downed another drink. "She's now in college."

"Oh." Vinny gulped down his drink. "Then you best keep her away from me. I have a tendency to pick college mares up."

Berry laughed uproariously.

"You're real funny, Vinny!" She giggled.

"What can I say?" Vinny smiled. "I got a knack for-hic! A knack for-hic! A knack for-hic!" He paused. "...I'm good at making ponies laugh."

"Dude, I think the drinks are finally getting to you." Berry slurred.

"You're right." Vinny said, bleary-eyed. "So before I succumb completely, I would like to ask you something... would you like to go on a date with me to my younger brother's wedding this upcoming weekend, so I can stick it to my oldest brother's face?"

Berry paused as she lifted her glass, emptied it, then set it back down.

"...Okay." She promptly collapsed onto the table.

"Woo!" Vinny stood up and cheered. "In your face, Grimiore 'Bonaparte' Napoleon, secondborn foal of Bonnie and Clyde Napoleon!"

Vinny then passed out too, falling onto the table and smashing it into two. The bartender stared at the two of them.

"I don't understand it." He shook his head. "That was non-alcoholic wine."

"It was?" Vinny suddenly rose up, fully cognitive.

"Huh." Berry got up too. "How about that?"

"So... are we still on for the wedding?" Vinny asked.

"You bet." Berry nodded.

"Well then, this calls for a celebration." Vinny smiled. "More wine, please!"

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly...

Caboose entered Vinny's room, intent on accomplishing #64 on his list.

"Number 64… Find Vinny's stash." He muttered to himself, reading the list.

He was not aware of what the stash was, but he was determined to found it anyway.

In a closet, he found some magazines featuring mares in odd poses.

"Why would Vinny have magazines of mares posing like these? That makes no sense..." Caboose threw the magazines aside and continued looking.

He checked Vinny's drawers, finding a joke book, "1001 Classic Yuks." He quickly skimmed through it.

"That's not funny." He snorted. "And I know funny. In fact, I bet I would beat both Pinkie Pie and that Cheese Sandwich guy in a goof-off… but then again, that would make me one of those hated Gary Stu ponies."

A rim shot sound was heard.

"Yeah. I'm funny." Caboose smiled to himself.

He also found another book, "1001 Guaranteed-to-work Pick-up Lines."

"Like I need this." Caboose tossed it aside, "I had a psychopath in my head, and I'm now marrying Daring."

Caboose suddenly noticed a gap in the wall, just behind the wardrobe. Pushing the wardrobe aside, he found a hidden room, holding a case of Big Red's cherry wine.

"Score!" He cheered. "Find Vinny's stash: check!" But he then wondered. "Huh, when did Vinny went to Dodge Junction and get a case of wine?" He paused for a moment, "Ah, who cares? I think I will take this for the honeymoon… only 'the best wine in Equestria' for my Daring."

Without a second thought, Caboose took the case, completely oblivious to the chalkboard right behind the case, which had all sorts of scribbles on it, and in bold letters above all the scribbles:

THE SECRET INGREDIENT TO BIG RED'S WINE… WHAT IS IT?!

The Wise Don And The Shamare

Vinny returned to the inn, very full of himself.

"Guess who's got a date?!" He cheered.

"No way." Slot gaped. "You got a date before me?"

"Sure I did." Vinny smirked. "With a real hot mare, too."

"Congrats, Vin." Murray smiled. "Now, only Slot needs to get himself a girl, and the bet is ours!"

"That's a pretty big 'if', don't you think?" Salt frowned.

"Right you are, Salt." Grimoire nodded. "It's not over yet."

"Oh yeah, who's the stallion?" Vinny boasted. "Who's the big stallion?"

"Geez, Vinny." Sonny rolled his eyes. "It's just a mare."

"Yes, we're happy for you." Lars added. "But all this bragging is starting to get annoying."

"Ah, you're just jealous." Vinny smirked. "I got the best mare in town!"

"Get your crossbow." Salt whispered to Murray.

"Way ahead of you…" Murray muttered, pulling out his crossbow…

The next morning, Grimoire was in the Carousel Boutique, waiting alongside Rainbow Dash, as Rarity fitted Daring for her dress behind a screen curtain.

"So let me get this straight... you made a bet with your brothers that they couldn't get dates for Caboose and my wedding, so they decided to 'help' me by joining us on this trip, and then go off and get dates?" Daring asked from behind the curtain.

"That's pretty much it." Grimoire nodded.

"Huh, shoulda figured that they were up to something when they said they wanted to 'help'." Daring reflected.

"I'm sorry if they deceived you, Daring... but they are still pretty good ponies." Grimoire smiled.

"Except that Vinny guy." Rainbow interjected. "He just assumed that I like mares!"

"Really?" Rarity stuck her head out of the curtain. "Did he not know-"

"Yeah!" Rainbow nodded. "Heck, I'd be surprised if that dweeb did get a date."

"Actually, Mrs. Dash, Vinny does have a date now." Grimoire revealed.

"You kidding me?" Rainbow gasped. "A mare would have to have really low self-esteem for that to happen..."

"Well, according to Vinny, Berry Punch was willing to go with him." Grimoire shrugged. "In fact, she seems to like Vinny."

"Either way, good for him." Daring smiled. "Even if he is Vinny, I guess he deserves a mare. By the way, Grim, I've been meaning to ask you something."

"What?" Grimoire asked.

"I'd like Dash to be my mare of honor." Daring declared. "Would it be okay, regarding the... y'know, issue?"

"I guess it would be alright." Grimoire nodded. "As long as she doesn't look in the basement... or the closets... or try to pick a fight with my men, things should just be peachy."

"Think you can do that, Dash?" Daring asked.

"Pfft, no prob." Rainbow smirked.

Rarity stepped out from behind the curtain.

"Okay, all done." She announced. "May I introduce to the brother of the groom and the mare of honor... Daring Do."

She unveiled the curtain, revealing Daring in a beautiful wedding dress, her mane done up in an over-the-shoulder braid. Rainbow Dash and Grimoire's eyes widened... but Grim's did so for a different reason...

"How do I look?" Daring asked nervously.

"Wow... Daring, you're lookin' good!" Rainbow smiled. "Great job, Rarity!"

"Thank you, Dash, but all I did was simply make a dress to complement Daring's good looks, and the rest is history." Rarity said modestly, as she pulled up a mirror for Daring to look at.

"Whoa..." Daring struck a few poses. "...I look... beautiful." A little misty-eyed, she turned to Grimoire. "Well, Grim, what do you think?"

Grimm was staring into space, as seeing Daring in the dress reminded him of an Earthy Pony mare in a similar dress. He could have sworn he heard her voice.

"...Grimm... oh, Grimm..."

He suddenly jumped back to reality, as Rainbow poked him.

"Yo, Grim!" She yelled. "Daring's asking you what you think!"

"Oh-er-sorry." Grimoire looked at Daring. "You look magnificent, Daring... when Caboose sees you, he's going to have trouble keeping his hooves off ya."

"Ooh, that was what I was aiming for." Rarity tittered. "However, I will need to add a few more details before we are through." She called down the stairs. "Oh, Orion, dear, could you fetch us some star spider silk?"

"On it, honey!" Orion called from downstairs.

Grimoire let out a sigh.

"Are you alright, Grim?" Daring asked. "You seem rather down all of a sudden..."

"Oh, it's just... well, seeing you in that dress reminded me of... of my wife... Sandy." Grimoire admitted.

"Oh..." Daring noted. "Oh, right, Caboose told me you were once married. I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine." Grimoire smiled faintly. "I guess, with you and Caboose getting married, and my other brothers off finding mares... it brings back old feelings of what it was like to have a mate."

"You really loved her, didn't you?" Daring asked.

"More than anything." Grimoire nodded sadly. "Everything about her brought a song to my heart... her smile, her eyes, the way she could speak fluent Bitalian without even blinking... and when Dusty was born... it seemed like life had become perfect at that moment... then..."

"Oh my..." Rarity gasped.

"Wow... that is a downer..." Rainbow admitted.

"No argument there..." Daring sighed.

The four stood in silence.

"Say, Grimm... do you plan on bringing a date to the wedding?" Daring suddenly asked.

"What?! Me?" Grim said, shocked.

"Why not?" Daring shrugged. "I mean, your brothers are doing it, and honestly, if Vinny could get a date, then you could easily-"

"I'm gonna stop you there, Daring... as much as I appreciate the thought... I just can't." Grimoire sighed.

"And just why not?" Rainbow asked.

"Well for one, I don't really have time for a relationship." Grimoire declared. "I mean, I'm a father, a grandfather, an older brother... and with my..." He looked warily at Dash and Rarity. "...'business', who has the time?

"Your brothers, for one, and Caboose always seemed to find time out of his royal guard schedule to spend time with me." Daring countered.

"And my husband always made time for me, even though he was busy." Rainbow added.

"Mine, too." Rarity smiled.

"Well..." Grimoire sighed in defeat. "The truth is... I haven't really... dated anypony else since Sandy's passing. And Dusty was only a young girl, so I devoted all my time to raising her and taking care of my 'business', and well... my love life kinda took last priority."

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem now, should it?" Daring smiled. "I mean, your daughter is married and practically a princess now, your 'business' is handling itself just fine, I bet you could get a date before we have to head back."

"Hmph, that's a laugh." Grimoire snorted. "I mean, look at me. I doubt there's a mare out there who wants a piece of this stallion..." He gestured to himself, "I'm passed my prime a while ago."

"Oh, you are simply too hard on yourself, Mr. Grimoire." Rarity told him. "I'm sure there's a mare out there who would love a cultured stallion, and in a suit no less-is that silk?"

"Yeah, and you're pretty good-looking... well, for an old guy, at least." Rainbow admitted.

"Please, ladies, I think I'm better off a widow... I mean, I'm sure I could satisfy mares, I mean, us Napoleons are virile and fertile to the end but..." Grimoire continued to protest.

Suddenly Orion came in.

"Hey, I hate to interrupt your chat, but we seem to be out of the star spider silk, Rarity."

"Oh, blast it all." Rarity groaned. "Looks like I'll have to run down to Zecora's to get some more-"

"Please." Grimoire stood up. "Allow me."

"Oh, I couldn't possibly ask you..." Rarity declared.

"Why not?" Grimoire shrugged. "It's my brother's wedding after all. Just point the way, and I'll go."

"Well, if you insist..." Rarity said. "I have a map to Zecora's somewhere around here..."

After Rarity found the map, Grimoire was on his way. He entered the Everfree Forest, going deep inside.

As Grimm made his way through the ominous forest by himself, he was given time to think about things...

"How long has it been, Sandy?" Grimm whispered to himself. "…Everypony around me is moving on with their life. Our daughter Dusty is married and has two adorable colts, Caboose is getting married soon… you always did believe there was a mare for him… and all but one of my brothers now met a mare they liked… even Vinny... crazy, isn't it?" He let out a small chuckle. However, his chuckle just echoed throughout the forest… and it seem to worsen Grimm's mood.

"Daring told me that I should bring a date to the wedding… but honestly, how can I? I mean, ever since you passed away, I never even looked at another mare's flank the same way as I did yours. You were the only mare that I ever truly loved… and I know you would want me to be happy and move on… but… I don't know if I can…"

Grimm glanced towards the eerie air, feeling a tear stream down from his eyes.

"Eh, I still remember…the day we met…the day everything changed for me…" Grimm recalled sadly.

Little over thirty years earlier…

It was a warm summer day at the beach, down at the Palomino Canals. Ponies of all ages and sizes were out, enjoying the sunshine and splashing in the cool cerulean waters.

Just a trot and a hop from the shoreline, located right on the beach, was a nice tiki bar, where there was a familiar stallion, just moping at the bar.

Grimiore Napoleon looked a lot younger compared to today, as his mane and mustache was completely black, and for his age, looked like a strapping young stallion that could easily attract the attention of many mares…

Yet, he only let out a sigh.

"Hey, bro!" A familiar, yet squeaky voice called out.

The young Grim glanced over, as an even younger Caboose came up to the bar. His mane was messy, and he had the body of a gangly teenager.

"Hey, whatcha doin', bro? Shouldn't you be out here, enjoying fun in the sun?" Caboose said in a chipper tone.

"Sorry, 'Boose, but I'm not one of those beach-goer kind of guys. We only came here because you won the straw picking contest." Grimm sighed.

"Well, that was pretty lucky! I almost never win that game." Caboose smiled.

Grimm stifled a smirk. The reason that was so was because Grimm had to practically strong-hoof his brothers into not 'cheating' this time.

"You shouldn't be spending all your time at a bar, Grimm. Take a load off, we're on vacation!" Caboose urged.

"For your information, Caboose, I am next in line for 'don' of the Napoleon Empire. Pops is counting on me to take over for him when he passes, and I can't afford to goof off." Grimm stated strongly.

"Oh, come on." Caboose whined, "Why can't you be fun for once? Murray and the others are out having fun!"

"And that's their business." Grimiore sighed, "But I'd rather be home right now, reading my books."

Caboose frowned. Work, work, work. That was all his older brother could think about. Of course, he was expected to become the next don of the family when their father was unable to carry out his duties, but shouldn't he be allowed to cut loose once in a while?

'If only there was a way for Grimmy to unwind…' Caboose thought to himself. As Caboose leaned against the bar, looking upon the beach, his eyes caught the sight of a mare walking along the beach.

The mare was about the same age as his brother, a light brown-coated Earth Pony with a short brunette mane. She had real cute blue eyes and a broom sweeping dust for a Cutie Mark. She was very pretty.

Caboose glanced at the mare, then at Grimm, still moping… and thought up a brilliant idea.

"Would maybe a mare change your mind, Grimm?" Caboose hinted.

Grimm scoffed, "A mare, Caboose? Do you honestly think I have time for a-" As he turned towards Caboose to shoot him down, the younger brother was gone. Then Grim glanced out and saw Caboose heading towards the mare.

"Gosh darn it, Caboose…" Grimm growled as he ran after him.

Caboose came into contact with the said mare.

"Hello!" Caboose greeted.

"Oh… hello." The mare replied awkwardly.

"I'm Caboose!" Caboose smiled.

"Sandy." The mare replied.

"Nice to meet you." Caboose smiled. "You know, you look like you could use a date."

"Umm, no offense to you… but aren't you a little young for me?" Sandy glanced at him awkwardly.

"Oh no, I'm not asking you out with me, I'm asking you out for my brother." Caboose smiled.

"Brother?"

"Caboose!"

Grimm finally caught up, a little steamed.

"I don't know what you are thinking, but I do not want you to set me-" He suddenly stopped, as he saw the mare Caboose was talking to, "Oh… hello."

"Hi." Sandy smiled.

"Sandy, have you met my brother Grimoire?" Caboose introduced.

"No I haven't… though I am now interested." Sandy smirked. "My name is Sandstorm Speck… but you can call me Sandy. Pleased to meet you."

"Uh… likewise…" Grimoire awkwardly replied.

"Well, I think you two have a lot to talk about, so I'll let you have at it." Caboose smiled, as he walked away.

"Caboose, wait, you can't-" Grimm stammered after the younger brother, only to be faced with Sandy again. "Sorry about that. My brother can be kind of impulsive."

"That's okay." Sandy smiled. "Sometimes, acting on impulse is a good thing."

"So, uh..." Grimoire said nervously. "Would you like to... take a walk? With me, I mean?"

"I'd love to." Sandy beamed.

The two walked down the beach, talking about each other. As they walked, Sandy nuzzled against Grimoire, producing in him a feeling he had never felt before.

"I, I..." Grimoire stuttered, words failing him. All he could do was nuzzle her back-

The Present...

Grimoire was ripped right out of his memories when his hoof caught an overgrown root. Instantly, he tripped and tumbled into a patch of very strange flowers…

"Ow…son of a-" Grimm growled, "What the buck is this stuff?" He asked. "Never seen anything liiiike it..." He voice suddenly turned into a mumbling drawl. "What the-what's with my voice?" Suddenly, he began rubbing the chin of his snout. "And why does my chin itch so much?"

"Pardon me, sir."

Grimoire turned to see a cloaked mare nearby, standing just outside the patch.

"It seems that you had been unfortunate, for these flowers brings upon great misfortune." The mare declared. "Those flowers of blue are poison joke, and it has quite an effect on pony folk."

"My voice and my chin..." Grimoire frowned. "It did this."

"That it did, this much is true." The mare nodded. "Follow me, and I will make a cure for you."

"Thanks." Grimoire said, relieved, while rubbing his chin still. "I'm Grimoire, by the way. Grimoire Napoleon"

"A hearty greeting from me." The mare nodded. "My own name, Zecora, it be."

"A pleasure." Grimoire nodded.

Grimoire followed the mare to a small hut. As they entered, she removed her cloak, revealing herself to be a zebra. Grimm was quite shocked by how youthful she looked, despite her age.

'Whoa, that's one pretty face.' He thought. 'And the rest of her don't look too bad either, hubba-no, bad Grimm! That's Vinny talking, not you!'

"Please wait here." Zecora told Grim. "The cure to your ailment is near."

As Zecora brewed a special herbal tea, Grimoire's mind was going into overdrive.

'Hmm, maybe I should try to flirt with her. Work the old Napoleon charm...' He mused.

He was about to say something…however, as he was going to do so, he came to an awful realization. He had nothing to say. '...Oh bloody hay… I don't have any experience! It was because of Caboose that Sandy and I got together in the first place… and since I got her pregnant and married her… I never flirted with another mare since… oh buck, buck, BUCK!'

Zecora glanced back at Grim, noticing how quiet he was. "Is everything alright? You seem quiet as the night…"

Grimoire gulped.

'Come on, Grimm, you gotta say something. Try to make small talk and work from there. Yeah, that will work…'

"Oh, everything's f-fine." Grimm replied, his voice barely rising above a mumble, "So, um, where are you from?" He asked.

"I hail from the land of Zebrica, good guest." Zecora replied. "It has been many years since I left the nest."

"Ah yes, Zebrica." Grimoire smiled. "Lots of beautiful zebra mares there." He suddenly put his hoof over his mouth. 'Lots of beautiful zebra mares?! By gosh, are you a stallion, or a pig?'

"Let's move on." Grimoire sighed. "What is it you do here?"

"There is much that I can do." Zecora answered. "I learn, I meditate, and I whip up brews." She pointed to her mixing pot.

"Brews, huh?" Grimoire smiled. "I like a good brew. I hear you equines are really good at- Wait, I didn't mean 'you equines' as in 'you' equines. I-"

"Stop before you say any more." Zecora rolled her eyes. "I must ask, have you never done this before?"

"Done what before?" Grimoire asked.

"Flirting." Zecora said simply.

"...No. I am sincerely sorry, miss Zecora." Grimoire apologized. "It's just... I've never really flirted with 'another mare', especially a zebra mare... not that I have a problem with zebras, hay, my great great uncle was a zebra-"

"Be calm, my friend... you did not offend." Zecora smiled.

"Thanks... look, I was only trying to flirt was because I am here in town helping my soon-to-be sister in law get ready for her wedding to my younger brother." Grimoire informed her. "My other brothers are out getting dates for the wedding, and Daring suggested that I get a date as well, though I didn't plan to-why the buck I am rambling, that is so unlike me.."

"Here." Zecora gave him a cup of the tea she had just finished brewing. "May this herbal brew undo, what the poison joke has done to you.

Grimm sighed, as he sipped the tea. His voice was still dull and mumbly.

"Look, let me level with you... you are the first mare that I have tried to court in a long time." Grimoire confessed. "You see, I got married early under certain circumstances, and I spent thirty long years happily married to my wife. She passed away a couple of years ago, and I never really had the time to move on from her. It's not like I didn't want to or anything but..."

"Hmm, it seems your heart has taken quite a toll, and the pain had not yet dulled." Zecora noted. "What was her name?"

"...Sandy... Sandy Speck." Grimoire sighed. "Sorry, I probably already blew it with you with the bad flirting and telling you about my late wife..."

"Do not be so hard on yourself, Grim." Zecora said kindly. "My view of you has not been dimmed... In truth, I can relate. For I had a love that is now late."

"You did?" Grimoire asked. "Um, mind telling me about it? I mean, if you don't mind…"

"Of course not, let me take a spot." Zecora sat down. "Our love in Zebrica, it began, and it grew as love can. He was named Zou, a zebra handsome and true. Into love, we did fall, and we did hope to share it all. But lost he was one day, into the dirt he did lay. He was attacked by a beast so foul, his injuries so great, his body threw in the towel. With his last breathe, he did say, he loved me from the very first day."

"Oh. I'm so sorry." Grimoire apologized. "Seemed like he was a stand-up guy."

"While pain I still feel, time has allowed me to heal." Zecora sighed. "You should feel sorry none, for live goes on."

"Indeed it does." Grimoire agreed, as his voice suddenly returned to normal. "Hey, my voice is back! And the itching is gone as well. What a relief!"

Zecora looked at him, taken aback.

"What? Is something wrong?" Grimoire asked.

"Your voice, it sounds so... bold." Zecora admitted. "Something about it... seems to move the soul."

"Really?" Grimoire asked, quite surprised. "I always thought of my voice as authoritative and intimidating... but soul-moving?"

"Indeed, my friend." Zecora nodded. "A voice like that can move somepony to no end."

"Gee, thanks." Grimoire blushed. "I never really thought of it that way."

"Perhaps you can tell me something about yourself?" Zecora asked. "Are you a pony of poverty, or wealth?"

"Well, Zecora, I hope you are comfortable, because I have a lot to tell you." Grimm smirked.

As Grimoire told Zecora the usual story about the 'legitimate' side of his empire, then moving on to the ways of his homeland, she began to note distinguishing features about him that seemed alluring to her.

'That brow is so defined.' She thought. 'It looks so smart, and how!'

Even as she joined in the conversation, comparing the ways of Bitaly to Zebrica, she still couldn't steer her thoughts away from him.

'Such a strong chin.' She thought. 'And handsome eyes, that make my stomach spin!'

"I'll have you know… I've missed having talks like this with Sandy..." Grimoire sighed. "It feels almost the same as well."

"The feeling is mutual, my friend." Zecora replied. "I must say, you fascinate me to no end..."

"Same here..." Grimoire whispered.

The two shared smiles, as their snouts suddenly began to close in towards each other.

"Um... Zecora, are you feeling what I am feeling?" Grimm asked, oblivious to how close they were getting, "Because I would hate to overstep my bounds…"

"No, not at all... I have not felt the company of another stallion for quite some time... maybe, for once, I like to do more than speaking..." She blushed. "...Rhymes...

"Well, if it is any consolation, I find your limerick-speaking kinda cute... not to mention a bit... sultry" Grimoire smiled, a hint of seduction in his voice, making Zecora blush even harder.

Their snouts were moments from connecting when suddenly the door opened and princess Twilight Sparkle entered.

"Zecora?" She called. "Are you in here? I was hoping we could talk for a-what in Celestia's name?!"

Grimm and Zecora instantly backed away from each other, as Grimm readjusted his tie and Zecora cleared her throat.

"Hey, I know you." Twilight looked at Grimm. "Aren't you Prince Blueblood's father-in-law? What are you doing here? ...And with Zecora?"

"Oh, uh-um, Miss Zecora here was only helping with curing me of this Poison Joke affliction." Grimoire said nervously. "Nothing more, nothing less... especially nothing more."

"He speaks the truth." Zecora added. "Check my brew, if you seek proof."

"Oh, okay." Twilight nodded, "However that still doesn't explain why you're here…"

"Uh…" Grimoire trailed off, when he suddenly remembered and leapt up. "Oh, I remember now! I came out here to pick up some star spider silk for Rarity. Zecora, do you any to spare?"

"Indeed I do." Zecora nodded, still feeling a bit... flustered by their almost kiss. She gave him a small box. "This should be enough for Rarity's dress of new."

"Thank you." Grimoire took the box, as he gave one last glance to Zecora. "I'll see you two around…"

Grimoire made his way out of the hut.

"Can't believe I was court-blocked by a princess..." He muttered under his breath. "What are the bucking odds of that?"

"Wait!" Zecora yelled, following him. "Did you earlier mention something about a wedding, and a desire for a date?"

"Yes, I did." Grimoire nodded.

"I would be delighted to be your escort to that event." Zecora declared. "And maybe we can pick up where we left off, as was our previous intent. But for now..." She nuzzled deeply under Grimoire's chin.

"That would be... nice." Grimoire smiled, his words failing him… just as they did thirty years back.

"Until then, I shall count the moments until we meet again." Zecora smiled as she returned to the hut.

Grimoire was left love-struck, as he made his way back to the Boutique…

"I got a date…" Grimm sighed.

He was soon coming across the patch of Poison Joke once more… but with a surprisingly accurate and powerful blast from his horn, the patch was reduced to ashes, as Grimm continued in his daze.

"I got a date…" Grimm repeated.

Eventually, he arrived back at the Boutique, where Daring, Rainbow, and Rarity were waiting outside.

"What took you so long?" Rainbow asked when he returned.

"Yes, the directions to Zecora's hut were perfectly clear." Rarity stated, "It shouldn't been so hard to find her place…"

"I, uh..." Grimoire blushed.

"Wait a minute..." Daring walked up to Grimoire and examined him closely. "Burning red cheeks, sweating brows,.." She put her head close to his chest. "...Erratic beating heart." She looked at Grimm's dazed face. "And an unnaturally happy face." She smirked knowingly. "I think old Grimmy here got himself a date."

"Ooh... and I think I know who... never took Zecora to be your type, Mr. Napoleon." Rarity chuckled.

"Man, no wonder there are so many of you Napoleon dudes... you guys must be love gurus or something." Rainbow declared.

"Oh yes..." Grimoire sighed heavily. "This old stallion's still got it."

"I trust you've also got the star spider silk?" Rarity asked.

"Oh, right!" Grimoire nodded. "Right here!"

"Excellent." Rarity smiled. "Come along, Daring, it's time to put the finishing touches on that dress!"

The three mares went back inside the Boutique, and Grimm was moments from joining them… but then he glanced up towards the sky.

"I'll always love you, Sandy." He admitted. "But I think the time has come for me to move on. You understand, don't you?"

Grimm stood there in silence, only to feel a odd breeze through the air.

"...Thank you, Sandy. I'll never forget you." Grimm smiled.

Grimoire kissed the tip of his hoof and raised it to the sky, and without another word, he returned inside.

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly...

Caboose went into Grimoire's study, looking to achieve item #80 on his list.

"Sit in Grimm's 'don' chair, and smoke one of his imported cigars." Caboose read the list, "Sounds simple enough. Let's do this!" Caboose smirked.

The youngest Napoleon brother made his way and eased himself into the chair.

"Ooh, comfy. No wonder Grimm enjoys doing this. Kinda makes me feel like one of those James Buck villains." He chuckled. "Now, where are those cigars?"

As he rifled through Grimoire's desk, he found a small plate with the name 'Archie' written on it.

"Archie?" Caboose glanced at the name, quite confused with what it could mean…but then came to a conclusion, "Oh, Grimm must be a fan of that red-head pony from the comic books. Never took him for a comic book fan..."

With a shrug, he continued rifling before finally finding a cigar. "Ah-ha!"

Caboose lit the cigar with his horn, and leaned back in the chair.

"Ah, this is the life..." He sighed, letting out a puff. "I could get used to this."

As he leaned further back, he accidentally pushed the switch that lowered the chair.

"Whoops!" He gulped, accidentally taking in a mouthful of smoke. Caboose had never been much of a smoker, and he was about to pay for it. "Augh!"

Caboose coughed violently, spitting the cigar out onto the desk, which then caught fire. Wide-eyed, he took out his list.

"Item #81, set something on fire... check." Caboose gulped. "Next item... flail your hooves around in panic like one of those puppet characters while yelling like a madpony."

He paused.

"FIRE!" Caboose cried as he ran out of the room, flailing his front hooves in the air.

The Angry Guitarist And The DJ

Grimoire returned to the inn that evening, and broke the news of his newly-acquired date.

"My, Grimm, looks like old dogs can learn new tricks." Murray smiled. "Not that I'm surprised... okay, maybe I am, no offense."

"None taken." Grimoire chuckled.

"Our oldest bro got himself some tail, props to you, Grimm." Salt clapped.

"And a zebra no less." Vinny added. "Looking to mix some zebra into our unicorn stew? Heh?" He elbowed his brother. "Heh?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Vinny." Grimm rolled his eyes. "Though I am forever grateful for having Dusty... I am not going to have a repeat of how she was conceived... and how me and Zecora will proceed past this date is none of your business."

"A shamare... talk about branching out there a bit, bro." Lars noted. "This could be a great opportunity for our family to learn of the Zebrica culture.

"Well, I'm really happy for you... all of us." Sonny smiled.

"Well I'm not!" Slot yelled.

The brothers glanced at him, as he stewed in a corner.

"And why not, brother?" Murray asked. "Grimoire himself deserves to have another mare in life. It's what Sandy would've wanted."

"To hay with what she would've wanted!" Slot snarled. "Grimm's not supposed to get a mare! He's not a part of this bet!"

"So what, Slot?" Vinny asked.

"Yeah." Lars agreed. "There was nothing in the rules that stated that Grimm couldn't get himself a mare... and even then, Grimm is free to do what he will."

"But I'm supposed to be getting a mare!" Slot yelled. "Me! Not him! He had his time!"

"Easy, Slot..." Murray declared.

"Then again, why would I want a mare like any of yours?" Slot snarled. "A prissy politician, a namby-pamby nurse, a couple of empty-headed bimbos, and a kooky ol' witch doctor!"

"Alright, now you're getting out of line!" Grimoire declared.

"Yeah, Slot! Because you can't get a date doesn't mean you have to take it out on our girls." Murray growled.

"I think you should try taking deep breaths…" Lars suggested.

"I don't care what you think! This whole town is a lost cause!" Slot continued. "Filled with stuck-up mares who won't even look at me!"

"Bit much, don't you think?" Sonny asked.

"And what the bucking deal is with the bucking eyesore of a castle in the middle of Ponyville?!" Slot ranted. "No one cares that Twilight is a bucking princess!"

"And now you're getting off topic." Salt deadpanned.

"Whoa, you have a serious anger problem, bro." Vinny asked.

"I do not have an anger problem!" Slot snarled. "I have no problem getting angry! Forget this, I'm outta here!"

Slot stormed out, but not before punching a hole in the wall next to the door.

"Overreact much?" Sonny scoffed.

"Honestly, I thought O'Malley was worse than Slot." Lars joked.

"Yeah… psychotic breakdown in the end aside, at least O'Malley had Caboose to even him out." Salt shrugged.

Slot stomped through Ponyville. There was barely two days to go, and he was no closer to getting a mare then he was when he started. It didn't help that he didn't have a sound backstory like his brothers. The whole dealio with him being the 'Butcher' was a complete bust back when they first met the royal family. And he didn't really have any distinguishing talents that could have uses outside his daily life. It didn't help that he certainly did have an anger problem.

Fortunately, where he was going, he hoped that it would help him cool down. Over the duration of his stay, he had heard of a club that was always booming every night in Ponyville. It was not hard for him to find, as there was a line in front of the club's location. He made his way to the front of the line at a club. A bouncer stepped in his way, stopping him.

"Woah! You're not coming in! You're not on the list!" The bouncer pointed to his clipboard.

Slot let out a chuff, as he uppercutted the bouncer, then caught the flying clipboard and a pen with his horn, and scribbled something before throwing it onto the bouncer.

"I am now." He sneered.

Slot walked past the bouncer, the words 'Buck you' on the clipboard.

As he entered the club, Slot let the rhythm of the music wash over. A good tune always did wonders for his temper, calming him right down. That was part of why he loved going to clubs so much. This particular tune was unlike anything Slot had ever heard before. He decided to go over to the DJ and share his liking for it. As he reached the turntable, he saw that a blue-maned Unicorn mare with purple-tinged shades was working the music.

"Hey there." He greeted her. "Nice tunes."

"Thanks." The mare replied.

"No, I mean it." Slot insisted. "You've got some skills."

"Oh, you really think so?" The mare asked.

"For sure." Slot nodded. "And I should know. I play a little guitar, myself."

That was true. Slot, while not having an actual job outside of his 'family', was quite a fluent guitar player. However, he could never get with a band…and for a good reason…

"Only a little?" The mare asked.

"I'd play more, if I didn't keep smashing my guitars over pony's heads." Slot shrugged. "I'm Slot, by the way."

"Vinyl Scratch." The mare smiled awkwardly, unsure if Slot was joking or not.

"Well Vinyl, I'll be attending my brother's wedding soon, and I think you could rock the reception." Slot smiled. "Whattaya say?"

"Sure, why not?" Vinyl nodded. "Wouldn't be the first time I've DJed at a wedding."

"Nice." Slot smiled.

"You look thirsty." Vinyl noted. "I'll get you a drink. On the house."

"Nah, I couldn't-well, okay." Slot agreed.

Vinyl want to the bar, Slot in tow. She got him a wheatgrass juice on the rocks.

"Thanks." Slot raised the glass.

A large green stallion accidentally bumped into Slot, spilling the drink Vinyl had bought him.

"GAH!" Slot glared at the stallion. "Watch where you're going, Tiny!"

The stallion glared at Slot.

"What did you call me?!" He snarled.

"What's the matter?" Slot sneered. "Those muscles blocking your ears?"

"You really want to mess with me?!" The stallion growled.

"You think I'm afraid of you?!" Slot challenged. "I've whacked guys bigger than you!"

"Oh yeah?" The stallion asked.

"Yeah!" Slot growled. "Let's take this outside! You and me, mano e mano!"

Vinyl suddenly stepped in.

"Slot, what are you doing?" She asked.

"Teaching this punk not to spill my drink." Slot snarled.

"That's what this is about?" Vinyl asked. "Your drink? Seriously?"

"Well, uh..." Slot suddenly felt silly for a moment, before his anger flared again. "This clown should watch where he's going!"

"This punk's crazy." The stallion snorted. "One little bump, and he loses it."

"What was that?!" Slot advanced on the stallion.

"Slot, enough." Vinyl got between them. "I'll get you another drink. Just knock it off."

Slot stood there for a moment, seething. The look on Vinyl's face, one of disapproval, started to diminish his anger.

"Okay, fine." Slot sighed.

"Now, don't you have something to say to this stallion?" Vinyl urged.

"...I'm sorry." Slot said petulantly.

"Fair enough." The stallion nodded. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry I spilled your drink."

"There, all better." Vinyl smiled. "Now, what say we hit the dance floor?"

"Yeah, I guess..." Slot agreed.

As they made their way to the dance floor, Slot sighed.

"Sorry about that." He apologized. "I got this problem with my temper. It just... flares up sometimes, y'know? I can't help it..."

"Don't worry about it." Vinyl shrugged. "Nopony's perfect. Now, let's see what kind of moves you've got."

"Gladly." Slot smiled, pulling out some of his best moves, from a headspin to a rather impressive 'robot'.

"Not bad." Vinyl smiled. "My turn."

Vinyl pulled some skilled moves of her own, culminating in a sideways shuffle.

"Nice." Slot grinned.

Vinyl offered Slot her hoof. He took it, and they started dancing together. Using her magic, Vinyl removed her shades, revealing cerise eyes. Slot gaped in awe, totally speechless. He had never seen eyes so beautiful before. Vinyl blushed in response.

The rest of the evening seemed to pass in a glorious haze of drinking and dancing. Slot suddenly found himself waking up in an unfamiliar bed.

"Oh, you're awake."

He turned to see Vinyl coming out of the bathroom.

"Vinyl?" Slot asked. "What am I doing here? ...What happened last night?"

"We wore ourselves out dancing, that's what." Vinyl chuckled. "You said you didn't think you couldn't make it back to your inn, so I offered to let you crash at my place. You pretty much collapsed on the bed and fell asleep right away. I took the couch."

"Oh, right." Slot noted, before he suddenly realized something. "Did you... have fun last night?"

"Sure did." Vinyl nodded. "You're a good guy, Slot."

"Y'know, I was wondering..." Slot swallowed, deciding it was now or never. "You remember that wedding I was talking about last night? Well, I was thinking... maybe you'd like to be more then just the DJ. Would you, maybe, like to be... my date?"

"Well..." Vinyl put a hoof to her chin. Slot cringed in worry. "I'd love to."

"Really?" Slot smiled.

"Really." Vinyl nodded.

"YES!" Slot smiled. "In your face, bros!"

"Ooookay..." Vinyl frowned.

"I'm not crazy, if that's what you think!" Slot protested. "It's just... all my brothers had dates, but I didn't It was driving me nuts. That was why I was in the club last night."

"Oh, right." Vinyl smiled. "Well, you've got a date now."

"Yeah, I do." Slot said proudly.

"So…are you up for coffee?" Vinyl smiled.

"I would love coffee." Slot nodded.

Meanwhile, back in Bitaly...

Caboose entered Slot's personal armory, looking to fulfil the last item on his list.

"Item #92: Check out the weapons in Slot's armory." He smirked.

First, Caboose picked up an ornate crossbow.

"Pew! Pew!" He yelled, pretending to fire it. It then went off accidentally, the bolt embedding itself in the wall. "Whoops. What's with these crossbows and going off?"

Caboose then examined an oval-shaped object with a gold cross painted on it. It wasn't until he accidentally pulled out a pin that he realized what it was.

"Holy-!" He yelped, tossing it into a nearby broom closet and shutting the door, which was promptly blown off it's hinges by the explosion.

"Man… I hope there won't be a carnivorous bunny sometime in the future." Caboose gulped.

It was then that Caboose saw the ultimate prize: The Blastmaster 2000 cannon, Slot's pride and joy. It made Caboose's Shelia and Pinkie's Party Cannon looked weak in comparison.

"Awesome!" He hugged the cannon. "No wonder I saved you for last! Ever since Shelia died, Slot wouldn't let me touch you!"

In his excitement, Caboose's horn sparked, lighting the cannon's fuse.

"Uh-oh." Caboose gulped.

The impetuous Unicorn ducked for cover, and the cannon went off, blowing a hole in the wall. An Earth Pony servant walked by, popping his head through the hole in bewilderment.

"As you were." Caboose said, with as much dignity as he could.

The servant nodded awkwardly, then departed.

"Okay, that's everything." Caboose smiled, as he checked the final box on his list. "Now I'm ready to get married!"

Suddenly, the wall that had the hole in it collapsed into a heap of rubble.

"Once I get this wall rebuilt." Caboose sighed.

The Big Day Arrives

As the brothers' reached the final day of their stay in Ponyville, their dates had come by to see them off. They were quite surprised to see who was amongst them.

"Madam Mayor?" Lyra gasped. "You're dating one of the brothers?"

"Yes, Murray." The Mayor smiled. "You?"

"Lars." Lyra nodded. "And Bon-Bon's with Sonny."

"What about you, nurse Redheart, who are you with?" Bon-Bon asked.

"I'm with Salt." Redheart declared.

"Vinny." Berry chuckled.

"Slot." Vinyl added. "What about you, Zecora?"

"Grimoire is the stallion with whom I will be." Zecora smiled. "We met in the forest, and I became quite taken with he."

The girls made their way to the carriage outside the inn, which being loaded for take-off.

"Hey, girls." Grimoire smiled. "Glad you could make it."

"You couldn't make us stay away." Mayor Mare smiled.

"Here's the plan, ladies." Murray declared. "We'll head back now for the final preparations, and in a couple of days, we'll send the carriage back here to pick you up."

"Sounds like a plan." Vinyl nodded.

"Until then." Salt kissed Redheart's hoof, leading the other to do the same with their mares.

Soon after, they took off, the mares waving at them, which they returned.

After a long trip, they returned to the mansion. After Daring left for the guest quarters (The rule about not seeing her would-be husband still in play), Caboose ran up to greet them.

"Hey, guys!" Caboose beamed.

"Hey, 'Boose." Sonny smiled.

"Get up to any trouble while we were away?" Lars asked.

"No, no trouble." Caboose lied. "Everything's fine."

"Y'know, I was half-expectin' the mansion to have been blown up or something." Slot revealed.

"How can you 'half-expect' something?" Caboose asked.

"It's just a turn of phrase." Lars told him.

"How do you 'turn a phrase'?" Caboose shrugged. "Anyway, how was your trip?"

"Pretty good." Murray smiled.

"Better than good." Vinny added. "We all got dates to the wedding!"

"All of you?" Caboose asked. "Even Grimm?"

"Oh, yeah." Grimoire nodded.

"Well... guess I win, then!" Caboose cheered.

"Say what?" Salt asked.

"Well, time for the truth to come out." Grimoire smirked. "See, me and Caboose had a bet going shortly before our own bet. I bet him you guys couldn't all get dates to the wedding. He bet otherwise. Looks like I lost."

"Y-you played us from the beginning!" Lars gasped. "That bet you made us was a sham!"

"Yep." Grimoire nodded, "I had my hoof crossed when we made the bet."

"Blast. Foiled by the 'cross-hoof' clause!" Vinny cursed.

"Wait... what were the conditions?" Sonny asked.

"If I won, I got to choose the music for the reception." Caboose grinned. "And I think you all know what that means."

"Aw, no..." Slot groaned. "Not that..."

"Yes, that." Caboose grinned evilly. "Welcome home, guys!"

The brothers glared daggers at a smug Grimoire.

The day of the wedding came fast. Guests from all over started arriving, and the brothers, clad in their best suits, were there to greet them. Prince Blueblood and Dusty were among the first.

"Hi, guys!" Caboose smiled. "Glad you could make it!"

"I wouldn't miss this for the world, Caboose." Dusty smiled.

"Me neither." Blueblood added.

Grimoire sidled up to Caboose.

"Well, the day has come at last." He smiled. "No offense, baby brother, but I never thought you'd be the second of us to get married."

"None taken." Caboose chuckled. "Looks like I'll be a little too... preoccupied, to be around as much anymore."

"Of course you will." Grimoire nodded, "But we all have to leave the nest sometimes, even for mafia ponies like us."

"True that." Caboose smirked.

Soon after, the brothers' dates arrived, all wearing lovely dresses (courtesy of Rarity, who had done a brilliant job in such a short time).

"Wow." Murray sighed.

"You can say that again." Vinny stared.

"Zecora, you look beautiful." Grimoire declared.

"And to you, I say you look very handsome too." Zecora smiled.

"Lookin' good, babe." Slot told Vinyl.

"Right back atcha." Vinyl giggled.

"You too, Red." Salt smiled.

"You're not half bad yourself." Redheart blushed.

"Ladies." Lars and Sonny said together.

"Gentlemen." Lyra and Bon-Bon chorused.

"Hi." Murray said breathlessly.

"Hello." Mayor Mare smiled.

"Hey." Vinny told Berry.

"Good to see you again, handsome." Berry beamed.

"Shall we, ladies?" Grimoire declared, as each brother offered a hoof.

"We shall." Zecora smiled, as each mare took a hoof.

Before long, the wedding itself was underway. Members of the mafia started to play the violins (which they managed to master within a week, quite amazingly). Caboose was at the altar, accompanied by Grimm. The seven brothers and their mares, along with Zecora, as well as Blueblood and Dusty, were standing at the front.

Coming down the aisle, accompanied by Rainbow Dash, was Daring, in all her beauty and finesse. Rarity had certainly done her part in making her look beautiful, as Caboose was dumbstruck.

"Wow…" Caboose gaped. "And I'm marrying that mare…"

"Yes you are, kid." Grimm whispered.

Soon, Daring arrived at the altar, casting a loving grin at Caboose. The minister (an old friend of the family) stepped forward.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to join these two ponies in holy matrimony." He declared. "I believe the bride and groom have written their own vows."

"Daring, I love you." Caboose declared. "Not like I love a good PB & J sandwich, or like I love shootin' crossbows. I'm talking real love, the kind that makes you feel all gooey. I would like nothing more than to feel all gooey for the rest of my life, and thanks to you, that's about to happen. So, I reiterate: Love ya!"

The crowd chuckled at Caboose's words.

"Caboose, you are truly a one-of-a-kind stallion." Daring giggled. "Being with you has been, hooves down, my greatest adventure. Marriage is just the next part of the expedition."

The two slipped the rings onto each other.

"By the power vested in me and by the country of Bitaly, I now pronounce you stallion and wife. You may kiss the bride." The minister smiled.

"Good, because I was getting restless." Caboose smirked, as he grabbed Daring and dipped her low, giving her one heck of a kiss. Daring returned with much fervor.

The crowd cheered loudly. The brothers themselves were especially happy for him. In fact, Vinny was crying.

"Dude, are you crying?" Salt asked in shock.

"No!" Vinny pouted. "I was… I was…you're crying!"

"Our little brother has finally become a stallion." Murray sighed. "Where did the time go?"

Then came the reception. Well-wisher were queuing up to congratulate the happy couple.

"Congratulations, Caboose." Blueblood smiled, "Can't say I expected that you would get married."

"Me neither. Funny how life works." Caboose chuckled.

"Well, we are happy for you. In fact, Shine and Celestia and Gothic and Luna sent their regards, as well as Iron Hooves." Dusty declared.

"Aw shucks, even Iron? I knew there was a soft spot under all that rippling muscles and feathers." Caboose mused.

Then Rainbow Dash came up.

"Well, congrats, Dare. Welcome to the married life." Rainbow smiled, wrapping a hoof around Daring.

"Thanks, Dash. I cannot express how 'awesome' this feel." Daring smiled.

"You be sure to take care of her, right, 'Boose?" Dash glanced at Caboose.

"Sure. Heck, if I am willing to inflict bodily harm upon myself to save her, that oughta count for something." Caboose chuckled.

A little while later, Caboose stood up on stage.

"Good evening, everypony." He declared. "I cannot thank you all enough for coming down here tonight. Me and Daring appreciate it. I also want to give big thanks to some of our relatives who had taken time out of their busy schedules to be here. First, my niece and nephew, Princess Dusty and Prince Blueblood!" Caboose gestured to them, and they waved back.

"Then, there's our cousins, Church and Tucker. Church has made an excellent recovery after being shot by a cannon." He gestured to two ponies, one teal, another blue. Church, the blue pony, was snoozing, only to be woke up by Tucker. "May I say for the record, if there is an auto-fire on your cannon…shut it off." Everypony laughed, unaware that Caboose was serious.

"And there's our uncles, such as Hannibal, who has come out of hiding just to be here. I had to promise some fava beans though…" The disturbing-looking stallion hissed in acknowledgement, with a smile.

"Then, there's Jigsaw, who took time from his 'games' to be here. And with him, his puppet Billy..." A pony in a black and red hood gave a smirk, as his doll, a white pony with markings on it's face, wearing a black suit, gave a wave and made a scary laugh.

"And who could forget John 'Seven' Doe? Can't wait to see what in the box you gave us!" A bald pony gave a smile.

Grim and the brothers were at a table, as Mayor glanced at Murray.

"You Napoleons have a lot of relatives." The Mayor noted.

"Please, the ponies here are just the tip of the iceberg." Murray smirked.

"Finally, I'd like to give thanks to my brothers." Caboose finished. "It's because of them that tonight was possible. They've always been there for me, no matter how bad I messed up or how often. And for that, I am grateful."

Everypony 'aww'ed, as the brothers gave nods of acknowledgement.

"However, there is another reason that I am up here right now." Caboose smiled.

"Oh no." The brothers (except for Grimoire) gulped.

"You see, Grimm and I had this bet a little while back." Caboose chuckled. "I won't bore you with the details, but to make things short, I won and I intend to collect. DJ-PON-3, cue the music."

Vinyl was at the turntable, glancing at him oddly.

"Which one?" She asked.

"Oh, the one specially marked by me." Caboose declared.

Vinyl glanced at the records, and saw a rainbow-colored record. Vinyl glanced at it, only for her eyes to widen in shock.

"Whoa, is he serious?" She gasped.

Vinyl placed it on the turntable, and the beginning music of Journey's Don't Stop Believing begin to play. The six of the seven brothers gulped in despair, as their mares began to recognize the song.

"Wait, is this what I think it is?" Daring asked.

"Is that..." Lyra mused.

"Sounds like it." Bon-Bon smiled.

Caboose, giving a smirk, pulled up a microphone and began to sing,

"Just a small town filly. Livin' in a lonely world. She took the midnight train goin' anywhere." Caboose sang, as he then pulled up Vinny with his magic, much to his shock. "Take it, Vinny!"

"Look, 'Boose, let's be-" However, he wasn't given time to argue, as he instinctively pulled up his own microphone as it was passed to him, and sang in a deep baritone voice, "Just a city colt. Born and raised in South Detrot, he took the midnight train goin' anywhere."

"Whoa, what a voice!" Berry declared, clearly impressed.

"Come on, you guys, get on up here!" Caboose called to the other brothers.

"Well, might as well get this over with…" Murray sighed.

"Maybe it might not be so bad…" Salt suggested.

Murray and Salt climbed on stage, and took their own microphones. Murray sang the next verse.

"A singer in a smokey room. A smell of wine and cheap perfume!" Murray sang with a rather nice rasp to his voice.

For a smile they can share the night. It goes on and on and on and ON!" Salt spoke with strong vocals.

Caboose then gestured to the rest of the brothers, and unable to argue with a bet, Sonny, Slot, and Lars jumped on the stage and joined in at the chorus.

"Strangers waiting." All the brothers sang.

"Up and down the boulevard." Lars sang in a smooth soprano.

Their shadows searching. They all sang.

In the night. Sonny finished with a lighter baritone.

Streetlights, ponies! They sang together once more.

"Livin' just to find emotion." Slot sang with a good amount of grit.

Hidin' somewhere." They sang in unison.

"In the night!" Caboose finished on a high note.

As the crowd cheered, Murray and the other brothers actually began to enjoy the song.

"Sing it, baby!" Vinyl shouted to Salt, feeling pumped.

"Workin' hard to get my fill. Everybody wants a thrill!" Salt sang.

"Payin' anything to roll the dice." Sonny trilled, as Lars joined in with him. "Just one more time."

"Some will win. Some will lose." Vinny carolled. Slot met up with him. "Some were born to sing the blues!"

Caboose stepped up. "Oh, the movie never ends. It goes on and on and on and ON!" He then pointed to Grimm, "Come on, bro, it's better with all of us in on it!"

"Oh, me? Oh no, I can't-" Grimm tried to deny, but everypony around him was gesturing for him to go on.

"Come on, dear Grimm, don't be a dunce." Zecora urged. "You know what they say, you only live once."

"Well, I can't argue with rhymes." Grimm shrugged with a smirk, as he then stepped up. Caboose then passed him yet another microphone (where he was getting them, nopony knew), and with a nod, they went onto the chorus.

"Strangers waiting". They chanted in unison.

"Up and down the boulevard." Grimm sung, his baritone voice aged quite nicely.

"Their shadows searching." The younger brothers chorused.

"In the night." Lars chirped, his voice reaching a nice note.

"Streetlights, ponies!" They sang together.

"Livin' just to find emotion." Salt rang out aloud.

"Hidin' somewhere." They sang together, hitting well on the last note.

"In the night!" Caboose finished on an even higher note.

As the song went into it's guitar solo, everypony was cheering aloud. The mares themselves were all impressed.

"Such wonderful harmony..." Redheart sighed.

"We got us some good ones here." Berry smiled.

"For a stallion who doesn't like music, Lars can sure carry a tune." Lyra chuckled.

"Sonny, too." Bon-Bon added.

"Murray can serenade me any time." Mayor Mare grinned.

"And Grim is such a baritone." Zecora added. "To think, I can call that stallion my own..."

The brothers all shared wide grins as they went into the last chorus.

"Don't stop believin'!"

"Hold on to that feelin'!" Lars crooned.

"Streetlights, ponies!"

"Whoa!" Vinny belted out, though he ended up coughing at the end.

"Don't stop believin'!"

"Hold on!" Salt echoed as he threw his hooves. "WOO!"

"Streetlights, ponies!"

"Whoa!" Slot shouted aloud.

"Don't stop believin'!" They sang even louder.

"Hold on to that feelin'!" Grimm declared with pride.

"Streetlights, ponies" They sang one last time.

"WHOA!" Caboose sang the last note real loud and long.

"Don't stop!" They all sang at once.

The song came to an end, and the guests all cheered.

"My, this was indeed worth coming out of hiding for." The pony named 'Hannibal' chuckled, and making another hiss.

The brothers all panted, their voices strained but rather satisfied.

"Wow." Slot smiled. "That was actually... kinda fun."

"Y'know, I'd kinda forgotten why we hated this." Vinny admitted.

"Maybe it's the fact that you ponies didn't want to admit that you enjoy singing this song with your brother." Grimoire supposed.

"Well, either way, the damage is done." Murray shrugged.

As Vinyl put on a slow song, she left her station and joined Slot, as all the brothers and mares came together to dance.

After the dancing, the brothers met with Dusty.

"Well, what's this?" Dusty smiled. "You've all got dates, huh?"

"Why so surprised?" Slot smirked. "We're all total studs!"

"You too, dad?" Dusty asked.

"I know you're a little surprised, dear." Grimoire declared. "But it's not like I'm betraying your mother's memory, or anything, by being with Zecora."

"I know." Dusty smiled. "She'd want you to move on and be happy. And so do I. It's a pleasure to meet you, miss Zecora."

"The pleasure is all mine." Zecora smiled. "I am not surprised Grim raised a daughter so fine."

"Thank you." Dusty grinned. "He did do a good job, didn't he?"

Grimoire smiled, glad to see the two getting along.

Eventually, things wound down, and Caboose and Daring made to depart.

"Okay, ladies, here goes!" Daring declared, as she threw the bouquet.

As per every wedding, all the mares reached the bouquet, but despite all their efforts, the bouquet somehow slipped past them, and was caught by none other than Zecora.

"I wasn't even trying to catch the bouquet" Zecora mused, as she glanced at Grimm, who was dumbfounded. "Perhaps fate is telling us something this day?"

"Well, looks like Dusty is getting a new mom." Vinny joked, "And possibly a little zebra half br-"

Grim, despite being in a shocked state, only slammed his hoof in Vinny's guts, causing the stallion to keel over.

"Okay, I deserved that." Vinny squeaked.

Daring climbed into the carriage, while Caboose had one last talk with his brothers.

"Well, I guess this is it." Caboose smiled. "Off to the good ol' Palomino Canals..."

"I'm surprised that was the place you wanted to go." Vinny shrugged. "I mean, I heard the Pinto Mountains are wonderful this time of year."

"True... but the Canals are kinda special to me..." Caboose declared.

"Of course..." Grimoire smirked. "It's where I met Sandy..."

"Where you got her knocked up..." Vinny smirked back.

"And she became a part of our life..." Murray smiled. "And she brought Dusty with her..."

"And all because of you, Caboose." Grimoire smiled. "You know, I never got to properly thank you for that."

"Naw, I need no thanks... I just like seeing you guys happy." Caboose said humbly.

"Still, we all feel kinda bad that we didn't get ya a wedding gift." Salt admitted.

"Yeah, I guess we were so caught up with winning that bet, that it slipped our mind." Sonny shrugged.

"So you think..." Caboose smirked.

"What do you mean?" Slot asked.

"I mean, look at you guys, look at them girls." Caboose gestured to the mares, laughing. "I planned this whole bet from the start in hopes that at least you guys would have somepony to be with. I mean, Daring was the best thing that had ever happened to me. It was only fair that you found a mare that was the best thing that ever happened to you...

"You were always the team player, Caboose." Murray grinned.

"It's my talent, after all. You all wanna know what would make a great wedding gift for me?" Caboose pointed to the mares. "Don't let those mares go. No matter what. A pony's somepony does only come at least once in the blue moon."

The brothers shared knowing glances.

"We won't." Grimoire agreed. "You two have enough fun down at the canals for all of us."

"We will." Caboose nodded. "And I am serious: if me and Daring ever have foals, I would want him or her to have cousins to play with, you hear?"

Immediately, the brothers were flabbergasted, except Grimm... who was just shocked.

"Well, ciao!" Caboose chuckled as he slipped into the carriage.

The carriage soon departed, as Caboose and Daring let out sighs.

"What a day." Daring smiled.

"You said it." Caboose smirked, as he placed his hoof on Daring. "I love you."

"Right back at you." Daring returned the smirk, as the two shared a kiss.

Caboose soon pulled away. "Oh, which reminds me, I happen to nab a case of that wine I had been tellin' ya about." Caboose smirked, as he pulled out Vinny's case of Big Red's wine and two glasses, "Vinny was hiding this for some reason."

"Well, then, let's give it a try." Daring suggested, as Caboose popped a bottle open and poured them into the glasses. At once, they took a sip.

"Mmm… a dash of powdered ginger. Who knew." Caboose smirked.

Back at the estate, the seven brothers were still shocked, before letting out small chuckles.

"Well, I could definitely do worse." Murray shrugged.

"Me too." Vinny nodded. "And Berry is a pretty good conversationalist."

"Vinyl does have the prettiest eyes." Slot sighed. "And let's face it, there's probably not another chick who can handle this." He gestured to himself with pride.

"Me and Bon-Bon would make a great team in the kitchen." Sonny admitted.

"And Lyra has some interesting theories regarding humans." Lars noted.

"Redheart is pretty sweet, you know. I'd be crazy to let that go." Salt grinned.

"I think I deserve a second chance at happiness." Grimoire declared. "And if Zecora would have me, so be it."

"So… we are all agreed that we all are going to pursue a relationship with our mares, despite how risky it is to our enterprise?" Lars asked.

The other brothers only shrugged.

"Hey, it worked out fine when Grimm got Sandy pregnant and asked her to marry him." Vinny recalled.

"Yeah, we were still fine when Dusty brought a prince home." Slot supposed.

"As well as with Daring." Salt added, "And even the princesses don't mind our 'work'."

"Yeah. If our livelihoods could survive all that, what difference will a mayor, a nurse, three random mares, and a shamare make?" Sonny smirked.

The seven brothers all exchanged a laugh.

"Well, we might as well get back to our mares." Murray smiled.

"Yeah, me and Redheart were planning on... erm... checking out the estate." Salt said slyly.

"Well, me and Berry were hoping to break into this case of Prince Shine's old stallion's wine I 'liberated' a while back." Vinny smirked. "I think I'm close to finding that secret ingredient."

"Vinyl and me are gonna give that turntable a workout." Slot smirked.

"Well, me and May have been talking about looking at the stars together." Murray declared. The brothers glanced at him, "May is Mayor's actual name: May R. Mare." The brothers 'ah' in unison.

"I have some poetry I'd like to run by Zecora." Grimoire admitted. "Just her and me in the study… sitting by a warm fire…" He let out a sigh.

"To the kitchen with me and Bon-Bon." Sonny grinned, "I hope to show her my almond cookies."

"I think I'll take Lyra to my private study." Lars smiled. "Show her more of my books on humans."

Suddenly, a changeling operative stepped up.

"Excuse me, Mr. Grimoire, I have a message from our fellow comrades in the Changeling territory..." He told Grimm.

"Carapace, we've been over this." Grimoire said testily. "There is to be no work on the day of our younger brother's wedding. Surely it can wait..."

"All due respect, sir, one of the veterans said that it was urgent, and that I was to mention the code word." Carapace declared.

The brothers glanced at him warily.

"Code word? What code word?" Grimoire asked.

Carapace paused before getting a grim stare. "Twitch."

The brothers' expressions darkened.

"No... it can't be." Murray gasped. "After all this time?"

"What do we do, bro?" Sonny asked.

"It is obvious what we must do." Grimoire said firmly. "We must go to the territory at once." He glanced at Zecora and the others from afar. "I'm sorry, boys, but-"

"We know, bro." Vinny nodded. "We have to do this."

"What do we tell them?" Salt asked.

"...Carapace, tell our special guests to make themselves at home at our humble abode, and that we will be back in the morning. Tell them we're... attending to a last-minute family matter." Grimoire declared.

"Sir, should I call Caboose?" Carapace asked.

"No. This is a matter for only us. Caboose is not to know any of this." Grimoire instructed.

"Yes sir." Carapace saluted, as he went to the mares.

Grimm turned to his brothers.

"It is time to settle some unfinished business." He declared.

The End?