Life
Life asked Death,
"Why do people love me but hate you?"
Death responded,
"Because you are a beautiful lie
and I am a painful truth."
-Anonymous
I'm going to die. But that doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is how I lived my last day, my last hour, my last minute. My last second. I have been chosen, supposedly randomly. I never wanted to be, I thought it could never happen. I was raised by my mother and my, father. But, my dad was selected. This event was devastating to me, as I was a young filly. When my mother explained to me what was happening, she made sure I understood how only full grown mares and stallions were being taken. I was promised this for a long time after this event. Being young, I believed all of this information to be true. Until I turned fourteen. This year and the following there were rumors how it wasn't just adults that were being taken from their homes. It seemed to lower, down to teens and tweens. When I worried, I would fly home from school to go to my mom. Like always she would tell me the same story she did almost every night. My mother promised me the same. She did this only to protect from what a cruel world that I really lived in.
Here I am now. Ready or not to die I have to leave. You will find my last moments I was able to jot down of my final moments.
~
May 30th 2020
I had a decent ending, to a decent day, to start my summer. It was a cooling seventy-five degrees with a breeze. This meant it would be perfect for doing what I love, flying at night. When the school bell rang I had to manage to file into the crowded halls, filled with tons of other ponies planning and explaining their summer to their friends. I had to shout over the repetitive conversations in order to tell everypony to get out of the way and to watch where they're going. Pushing and shoving my way outside of the building I find my closest, and only friend, Topaz, crying on a gray cloud across from the school. I flew over to her, and she told me that somepony she knew was being taken, I forgot who. I wasn't paying attention. Something starting with a C. Chris? Cinder? I don't know. I felt little emotion since I did not know this pony she was talking about. Maybe. All I heard from Topaz was that the "C" named pony was only 10 years old. I didn't believe because my mother told me everything, and she was honest. Plus, why did it matter to me? It didn't affect me. But I comforted Topaz like a good friend would. She soon went home to see if her parents knew. I shrugged it off and glided on home.
~
When I got home I used my door key to get in since my mom is usually in her art room with music blaring. Then I opened the door, clenched onto the strap of my school bag and removed it. I kept the bag in my mouth wanting to show her my drawing I drew for her today. I looked up to greet my mom, beautiful aquamarine coat that I envied and her frosty mane and all, sitting on the couch. I drew closer to her. I notices she stared at the ground, she whimpered, and I noticed the tears on her cheeks and damp fur on her forelegs. I slowly walked around the corner, exiting the foyer and into the living room. My mouth opened wide. My bag plummeted to the ground sending my lunch money, folders, pencils, and my drawing across the tile floor. My world was destroyed. I backed up into the kitchen, bumping into the island, I slid to floor already in tears all I could do was shove my hooves into my eyes and cry.
I couldn't tell how long I sat there, slumped over, but when I lifted my head my mother was sobbing and wailing. I crawled over to her and sat on the floor, resting my head on the couch next to her. I think I shouted 'NO! YOU CAN'T!', 'SHE'S ALL I HAVE!'. My mother didn't flinch, just silence.
I didn't realize until now.
I was the dead mare walking.
Her hood was under my chin she lifted my head up, making me look at her, she frowned. Her blurred eyes told me all. I lied.
The guards said with low, barely saddened tones, that they would return tomorrow afternoon. The unicorn guard used his magic to put a cold metal ring around my neck, I guess to make sure I didn't go too far.
~
I know how my mother felt, and still feels as I write this, or while she reads this. Regret, fear, shame, sadness, guilt, pain. I still love her, I still love you. Even though most would say I shouldn't. I do, and still do because she is the one who raised me, as if my father was never torn from my life, protected me, loved me, and supported me through anything. My mother was, and is, another normal beautiful mare. Sure we have our and downs, but no matter the situation I always came galloping or flying back to her.
~
When the guards left I cuddled with her, sobbed, and held each other in our hooves. We tried not to imagine what will happen by the day after tomorrow and so forth. I stared at my art on the ground, face down. I moved my body so half of it was on the warm, comfy sofa and the other half stretching out for the drawing. I picked it up an held it in front of her.
"It's my best d-drawing." I told her faintly with a small smile trying to break out from my frown. But the frown returned. She used her magic and enfolded it in a dark blue aura. She held it out of range of our tear fest.
It was a drawing of her, the lines that shaped her were smooth, her mane and tail luxuriously flowing. My mom looked like a princess, but she was a queen.
"I love you mommy." I nuzzled under her neck as I feel more tears fall.
"I love you too my little princess."
~
We both fell asleep since we were exhausted from our crying. I was the first to wake up and I figured that I should take the opportunity of the cool 5 o clock temperature to say goodbye. I left my mom a note. I stepped outside of my house for the first time in what it seemed like forever. I look up towards the sky, then down at my new necklace. I laugh at it and I run towards town, into the sun setting in the west. I open my wings letting the air run through each well crafted feather. With a simple tilt I take in the rush of taking off, and heading into the sky high above town. I beat my wings up and down, fast and then slow, then no beats, just a gentle glide through the small breeze.
~
Flying and the comfort of my mom at this point were the only things that gave me freedom. Tomorrow I might've not been flying to wherever I was going, and if I did, it would be a flight I would not enjoy. To all of those still reading and thinking that I shouldn't have left my mom, then you would be wrong. I had to say goodbye to those ponies, Topaz, in case I didn't have the chance to later on. Plus, my mother would understand.
~
I went to the other only pony I knew I could go to. As I glided to her house, I looked below me and noticed pegasus filly's look up at me and smile then flapping their wings. They manage to get a good five inches or so off of the ground before falling back down. I let a smile out as an act of kindness, and remembrance of when I was learning from my neighbor.
I landed in front of Topaz's house. I saw a filly trying to fly, and staring at me,since my wings were big to the little ones. I decided to give some tips that will help him out. Of course I was asked about my necklace, I told the filly's it was a gift, but his parent had a sympathetic look. The young filly wrapped his hooves around one of my ankles. I wrapped my hoof around him and returned the hug. His parent pulled him inside for dinner. I walked back to Topaz's, and kicked at the door.
She finally answered and out of all the things I could have said I said 'Thanks for always being there for me.' This would be the second pony Topaz knew that would be gone by tomorrow. She pulled me in for the biggest hug, and I'm glad she did. I never hugged her and felt something. Now I did, she was a true friend. We cried into each others necks. I was almost out of tears. Her parents came, saw, speechless. But they never really liked me. Slowly we released each other, and I walked home, drooping my wings, allowed them to drag.
~
I also apologize to everypony else I was rude to. I'm just know realizing what a jerk I was. I'm sorry, I feel horrible. If it makes any of you feel any better, karma came for me.
~
When I got home, Celestia was lowering the sun. Screw you Celestia. My mother was still asleep.
I grabbed a piece of paper off of the floor where my scattered school supplies still was and wrote her a letter. And it said:
Dear _______.
I love you so much. Words cannot describe how I don't want to leave. Thank you for everything you have done for me, you could have kicked me out of the house, not cared for me, and a whole lot more. But you didn't, you protected me from the evil in the world, and there is nothing anypony could have done to stop it. I'm glad you protected me for as long as you could, but eventually they came. I love you, don't you ever forget any of the good times we've have together. I'm going to miss you, and I know you will miss me. But listen to me, I'm asking that you move on from this, just like you eventually did with dad. You focused on one thing and one thing only. Find that one thing.
With all my love.
_______________
I laid the letter on my bed, and went back to the living room, and I cuddled next to her and cried myself sleep.
~
May 31th 2020
Today is the day. My last day. Today I woke up around ten o'clock, and I lied on the couch for awhile, staring out the window behind the T.V. in front of me. The bright morning light reminded me of all the fun days I had, the few I remember with my father, hanging with Topaz, waking everyone up in the house to watch the sunrise, sneaking out for a morning flight, and the good days with my mother. I didn't want to go, nopony does, but it's not like I or any other pony have a choice. All I did was lie there. Thinking. 'All for nothing.Running to stand still. Nothing. All for nothing. Running to stand still'
After an hour of sitting, my mom came to me in silence. What was there to say? She stroked my mane with her hoof then went into her art room. All I heard was her pain and loss that would occur later, clattering, screams, items being thrown on the wall, and Vinyl Scratchs' music. All I do is roll on my back and listen for a while.
11:20 The house was silenced. I got up and went into her art room without knocking, and immediately stepped in a puddle of rainbow paint on the tile floor. At least a dozen new art pieces was added to her inventory. She was curled in a ball in the rainbow paint, crying. I rested my head on her shoulder. Acting without thinking I grabbed a large canvas that managed to stay blank and I leaned it against a freshly splatter painted wall.
I admired the blank canvas. It begged for anything. I put on one of Vinyls' CD, Spin that record began to blare in the room. I crouched down to rainbow floor and rolled in it, flipping my wings over and over in shades of purple, red, and blue. I got up walked to the canvas, stood on my hind legs and leaned onto the canvas and tumbled across it. Imprinting a sloppy silhouette or my body on the canvas. I gathered more paint onto my wings, stepped back, and slammed my wings forward creating a splatter mess. I heard a small laugh from my mom, she had placed three other canvases on the wall for me. I flung paint everywhere in every color. I put my hoof prints on some, wing prints, more splatter paint, my mom and myself. We both laughed as we both flung paint at each other and skated on top of the thin paint on the floor.
I dipped one of my feathers into a nearby blue and lifted it to the last canvas. The doorbell forced us into silence. My wing lowered, marking a single thin stroke on the canvas.
I grabbed my moms hoof and pulled her in for a hug. We walked out of the room and the doorbell rang again. Our rainbow hooves stained the hallways white carpet as we walked to the door. I opened the, thinking it would be easier on my mother. We exchanged our 'I love you's' and I left, the guards closing the door for me, I didn't want them to.
~
All I could think as I walked along in silence along with 9 other ponies off to the not-so-free forest where all were taken.
I couldn't beleive what was happening, we all were marching into our death. We all remained quiet
During my life as a young mare I have not lived a full life. I understand this. But here is what I have to say in my final moments.
Take everyponies advice. 'Live. Really, truly, and passionately live.' I have never lived. I'm only a nineteen year old mare. How do I live?
