No Abuse Like Snow Abuse!

by Theobservantpilgrim

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 6766

Snowdrop had a very exciting life. She got to be a guard, she got to eat something fowl, she got to be a mop, and she even brought a gun to school! I said her life was exciting, I didn't say it was good.

Snowdrop, the famous blind pegasus known for her courage to face life's hardships and willingness to embrace the world has had her story told a great many of times. But as with any figure of history, we often leave out the bad parts of their lives. So join Snowdrop on her rascally mis-adventures in her childhood as she sets out to be a royal guard, engages in schoolhouse shenanigans, shares a moment with the janitor Squeaky Clean, and finds herself an AK-47.

Warning: Feels are imminent. Laughs will be had. And ducks will be trash-talked.

Also, if you haven't seen Snowdrop yet, please do. It's a very heartwarming and inspirational story that can be enjoyed by just about anyone, what with its competent animation, enjoyable artwork, adherence to the canon, and tear-jerking moments. All from the good ol' and young folks at Sillyfillystudios who are super cool bros and bro-ettes. All credit for the characters of Snowdrop, Ms. Windith, and Primrose goes to them, as well as for the Snowdrop story itself.

No, seriously, go check it out. What's that? You already saw it? Well too bad, watch it again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do6RDSwaWek

Published 2014-04-24 04:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-24 04:10:04 UTC

Chapter 2: Don't Eat That, Snowdrop!

“This is undoubtedly the worst thing we have ever done.”

“You mean you have ever done! You brought it here!”

“That’s behind us now. We gotta figure out something before somepony dies!

Another schoolfilly came up to the two friends discussing matters of grave importance that could decide the fate of every pony in Equestria.

“Hey, what are you guys doing?” The child asked, before its gaze averted downwards to an object lying on the ground. Immediately, the sight of this resulting thing that was indiscernible yet vulgar in its entirety of existence caused it to exclaim “What in the hay is that?!”

The culprit pegasus who brought this despicable item to the schoolyard clamped a hoof around the mouth of the ever questioning classmate. “Clam it! Look, if the teacher finds out about this we’ll get in trouble!”

Calmed, though still disturbed and traumatized, the classmate pushed the culprit away. “Alright, sorry. But just what is it?”

“Well, you see its” The culprit let this terrible sentence trail off, ashamed of how to explain it.

“It’s a sponge.” Turns out his friend was not so guilty. Although this simple yet eloquent description earned her a nasty look from he who brought the ever absorbent thing to school.

While they were in the midst of a visual contest of wills battling over the integrity of who is ashamed, our inquiry filled friend stated something that broke their gaze. “Guys, it’s moving.”

The two would continue this match of staring with righteous indignation later. Right now, they had some ‘splaining to do.

“Yeah, it does that sometimes.”

“So how did it get this bad?”

“Actually” began the colt responsible for this blight upon Equestria. “We just used it around the house.”

“Oh. Well that still doesn’t explain” and before this statement of the obvious could be made, the curious child was interrupted.

“We also used it in the kitchen, in the outhouse, on the lawn, we lent it to our neighbors, my parents lent it to their friends, we used in in the outhouse again, we used it at the local library, we used it on ducks, and we used it on the roof and we used it in the basement, and then lastly we used it in the outhouse. It’s really bad now, so nobody’s willing to touch it.”

“Alright. But how did you bring it to school?”

“I stuck it on a stick and carried it with me.”

“Well why don’t you just do that again and toss it away?”

The guilty party gestured with his hoof to a piece of wood that seemed to be melting. As hard as it was to believe, the stick was indeed liquefying before their very eyes, which was very worrying.

“Wow, you guys are in trouble.”

“Actually he’s in trouble. He’s the one who brought it here.” Said the filly classmate.

“Look, its not my fault!” Said the little pegasus who’s fault it totally was. “Please, you have to help me, we need to get rid of this before this ends up like the peanut butter experiment.”

The mention of this event caused this little trio to shudder, but it also helped them to form a unified conviction and dedication towards this goal.

“Alright, I’ll help.” The newcomer said. “So how should we get rid of it?”

Their conviction was shattered. They knew not what could be done, and it seems that their fates would be sealed.

“Oh, hello. What are you guys talking about?”

. . . Turns out hope hides in the strangest of places. And this time it was nice and cozy inside a little blind pegasus who walked up to the trio.

“Oh, hey Snowdrop. We were just talking about this-” The other filly of this growing band was shut up before she could finish this statement by the child who brought the sponge to school in the first place. Although he was willing to help her finish a sentence.

“Sandwich.” Well, it wasn’t her sentence anymore, but at least it was finished. “Yeah, we saw how cool it was you got your project looked at by Princess Luna. That ice star thing”

“Snowflake.” Snowdrop corrected.

“Yeah, snowflake. That snowflake was neat, so I made you a sandwich. You know, something that you can eat.”

“Oh, really?” Snowdrop’s spirits were held high at this show of kindness from her classmates. “Wow you guys, thanks!” She stepped forward, right in front of the object that was the subject of so much intrigue.

The three kids who showed up first all gathered around Snowdrop. Had they any words to tell her to stop before she ruined what's left of her existence, they refused to share them lest another incident rivalling the likes of the peanut butter experiment came to fruition. Silence wormed its way through them, whether it be a silent prayer that she die quickly and painlessly or the callously active hope that they escape this punishment. What is sure among these three is that this shall be a secret that they shall harbor throughout the remainder of their lives.

Snowdrop leaned her head down and smelt it. It was awful, and damaged her nostrils the moment the acrid aroma of effluvial grime of this thing, whatever it may have once been. Still, she wasn’t that surprised. It’d probably taste a bit better than her mom’s cooking at least.

With this comforting thought, she opened her mouth, brought her parted maw close to the edge of the sponge, and closed it, taking in one big bite. The jaws of the surrounding children dropped and their ears stung with the noise of vile munching sounds, mushing and mashing and gnawing and crushing. Juices leaked out of the corners of her mouth and sploshed onto the ground and corrupted where it landed. And from these splotches rose putrid vapors of evil fragrance. The other children couldn’t bear to experience this second hand, so they shut their eyes, plugged their noses, and covered their ears. But it was all to no avail, the imagination ran wild and bred thoughts of a most insidious caliber to forever haunt their nights. And despite the self-deprivation of their physical senses, they could still sense when yet another bite was taken. And another. And another.

This horror was inescapable, for their bodies could not fathom the will to flee, and so they were compelled by their situation to endure the terror of being witness to the abominable action. But soon they were released from this prison of the self for they opened their eyes to bear sight of a content and alive Snowdrop, and the sponge missing. They gained the rest of their senses and were all stunned.

Snowdrop licked off her lips and carefully wiped off the rest of her mouth with the back of her hoof, as her little meal seemed to be more sloppy than would have been proper. “Thanks a bunch you guys, that was really filling.”

The other female of this growing group fled to hurl, and it didn’t take long before the pegasus with all the questions followed suit in the other direction. This left the now scot-free child, face to smelly face with Snowdrop. “Yeah, um, yeah. No problem.” He said, stuttering and nearly incoherent as his mind slowly recovered from the evils to which his senses subjected him to moments earlier.

“I know it was a gift, but I can make a sandwich to pay you back.” Snowdrop’s head dropped slightly and her gaze, had she one, was pointed groundwards. “I mean, if you want.” A rosey blush painted her cheeks.

“Uh huh, that sounds okay.” And then all of a sudden a spark in his head went off like a light. “Wait, didn’t you make that cake for Celestia?”

Snowdrop nudged the ground a little with her hoof, just for the sake of not standing still like a dork. “Uh huh.”

This caused the young stallion to back away slowly. He was just a young, dumb, kid but if there is one thing he was sure of it’d be that he didn’t want to die anytime soon. “No thanks. Oh hey, look at the time.”

Snowdrop’s head perked up at the mention of what point in the chronological perception of this current stage in her life it was. That, and he used the word ‘look.’ Kinda a jerk move. “What time is it?”

“Yeah, seeya!” And he just bailed, leaving little Snowdrop alone outside the schoolhouse until the bell rang and she went back inside for class. She was then kicked out of class because she had a very smelly face. So then she went home, but she was kicked out of home because she had a very smelly face.

Chapter 3: Snowdrop Gets Clean

One thing they don’t tell you in class is Snowdrop’s mane is very absorbent. We’ll get into that later. For what more interesting a subject could there possibly be than the amazing and fantastic life of Squeaky Clean, resident filth management custodian of Snowdrop’s school. Of course, most call him a janitor, because nobody bothers to learn his name. After all, who would waste their time learning the name of a stallion such as Squeaky?

His life is death. He is the one capable of animation beyond the grave, for not even the rot of earth would allow him the sweet release to be swallowed into its frigid and tightly packed confines. He held the worms, who were allegedly beneath him in the circle of life, in a state of ressentiment for when they must bring their mortal coil to an end they simply stop and reside in the ground. A perfect grave. A grave he so yearns for every moment he spends awake and every second he spends asleep.

In short: He hates his life. And to be fair, who wouldn’t hate his life? He’s a loser. His drooped eyes fixed in a stare that glassed over for he never blinked. He couldn’t even muster the energy to blink. His stooped posture made depression affect his surroundings, wilting flowers and soiling souls as he passed by. And yet he is still at a ripe age, a young Stallion who could be slaving away on a farm with one hoof behind his back easy. But the months he spent at his profession drained him ever so of the vitality he never deserved. Plus nobody’s confirmed this but he stinks.

And so he toils day after day, with the present time being no different. He just cleans up after the children outside of the school, soaking up puddles and scrubbing away dirt that gathers up around its grounds. A dip in the bucket goes his mop, a wipe on the floor, and repeat. And repeat. And repeat. Time after ever so lethargic time. This action, with its ever constant repetition, deadened his senses and mind so that this was all he was capable of. If he needed to move to and clean another spot, somepony moved him. If his workday was at an end, he would go home and still repeat the motions. And at his home it was all the same, to dip and to wipe. Of course, this is very uncomfortable for his neighbors because whenever they spot him in this motion they always find the need to look away and cover their children’s eyes.

If he wasn’t so good and dedicated to his one job, he would’ve been fired. Of course, today may be the one exception to that for in his constant dipping and wiping he was left severely handicapped. Somepony stole his mop. Not that he minded, had he any mind to use. He just continued as per the usual on the stoop of the schoolhouse next to his mop bucket filled with water treated with things best left unsaid.

Nopony cared that he wasn’t doing his job, because he’ll eventually get his tool back, probably. Because after all, who cares about a pony named Squeaky? Nobody in their right mind can look at Squeaky and think to pay him any care.

“Oof!” Said Snowdrop when she bumped into the haphazardly placed ‘water’ bucket. “Sorry sir!”

. . . Well, in Snowdrop’s defense she can’t see him. Nor could she see that she was very clearly apologizing to the bucket. Nor could she protect herself from being grabbed up by the tail by the janitor. It seems that whilst Snowdrop was apologizing to the bucket, good ol’ Squeaky Clean mistook Snowdrop’s tail for a broom handle.

And with his newfound tool he dunked the other end of it into the bucket, which then produced a bunch of odd bubbling and gurgling noises. He then pulled it out of the filth water and sweeped up the stoop of the school until it was spotless. Amazingly, this new mop was able to retain the water much better than usual which made the task less exhausting. And by the end of the day when all the young fillies and colts were let out of class, he mopped up all the puddles, refuse, and muck left over by the children. And when his job was done and the mop’s head was left a decent sheen of sewage brown, he left it in the bucket in the middle of the classroom and returned home for the day.

Shortly after the custodian left the teacher returned to the class to rifle through her desk drawers in search of a precarious item of no particular importance to anypony else and is frankly none of their business because she’s an adult now and so she is allowed to make the choices for her life. And when she had finally found her precious possession, reeking like the usual corn syrup and cabbage, she was just about to leave when she was startled by a noise. The bucket left over by the janitor had tipped over and spilled coagulated sludge that may have once been water all over the floor. And who was there, standing in the spill of this vicarious substance but Snowdrop, as she should have expected.

The teacher just shook her head in disappointment. “Snowdrop, please go home and get bathed. I really don’t want to deal with this right now.”

“Alright. Goodbye Ms. Windith.” And with this farewell, Snowdrop scampered outside, splashing ooze all over the place as she trotted along her way.

So yes, Snowdrop’s mane is indeed very absorbent.

Chapter 4: Snowdrop's Got a Gun

“Alright miss. The shower’s all fixed up, and I got a whole bunch of leftovers!” Said the repair pony, gesturing to a large tarp wrapped around a series of slightly rusted pipes and pristine fittings which were all leaking the liquid essence of vile. “Not that it’s any of my business, but what happened anyways?”

“I’d rather not talk about it. But thank you for fixing this.” Primrose settled the bill with the repair pony and then showed him out the door. With this ordeal over with, she went over to the door to Snowdrop’s room and knocked on it. “Okay Snowdrop, the shower’s fixed. You can go in now.”

“Alright!” Acknowledged the filly, who opened the door and went about her way towards the shower. She entered into it and felt around with her wing at the contraption to operate it. Oh how difficult it was to manage this astonishingly complicated mechanism, what with its two knobs. Snowdrop, however, managed to figure that nothing was much different than the usual and turned on the same knob as always to turn on the warm water. After about five minutes, Snowdrop felt something was off when she began sneezing and feeling icicles forming on her. Of course, she had a bigger problem to deal with, after she had finished up washing she noticed ended up getting water in her ear. A lot of water.

Snowdrop then went to the kitchen to hurry through her meal, as she only had so much time until school, just like every morning. However, as she was in the midst of her oatmeal, Primrose came up to her and patted her on the head lightly.

Apparently Primrose had some pretty big news. “Snowdrop, I know I help you walk to school most mornings but mommy has to change her work hours for this week, so I have to leave now.”

Snowdrop lifted her face out of her meal and faced her mother in surprise. “What? But what if I get lost again?”

Primrose embraced little Snowdrop with a wing and held her head in the crook of her neck. “That was some time ago, and you’re bigger and smar-” She caught herself before she stretched the truth to her own daughter. “Well bigger now. I have faith that you can make it there on your own. You know the path still, right?”

Snowdrop was starting to form tears in the corners of her eyes, for the feeling of overbearing loneliness was starting to overcome her. “Yes mom.” She managed to stutter out.

“Just take the same way as we always do. If you for sure hear one of your school friends, ask to walk to school with them.”

“Yes mom. I will.” Snowdrop sniffled and fought back her feelings, yet her eyes still watered. Though she was a brave filly and willing to do as her mother instructed, the fear of isolation to be suddenly and unceremoniously separated for even a brief time from her mother was almost too great for her to bear.

Primrose did not wish to shatter this precious moment, to have to share such awful news with her child was terrible enough. She reached out with her wing and managed to grab a hold of something slightly hidden from sight. It was a cane of a rather rigid yet light wood, about half the size of herself though perfect for a child. Her child. Her Snowdrop.

“Snowdrop.” She said. “Here, I got this for you. She said, backing away slightly and placed one end of the cane within Snowdrop’s grasp. “This should help you so you don’t get lost.”

Snowdrop wrapped the end of her wing around the part of the stick she could. Her mother let go of her end and it then fell and tapped the floor lightly, reverberating throughout it’s length and making the little filly nervous until it’s vibrations subsided. “Is this a cane?”

“Yes Snowdrop. This way you’ll be able to tell when you’re on the path and if there’s anything in the way.” Primrose wiped the corner of her eye. The time was drawing near when she would have to go, and she had already lost far too much time. “Please, be safe. I must go now, I’ll see if I can walk you home after school though.”

“Okay mom. Thank you.” Snowdrop quieted down some and remained in the kitchen, listening to the hoofsteps of her mother as they led out the door. The door opened, and there was silence, then she heard her mother bid her a final, unintelligible farewell. Her mother left, the door closed, and then more silence. Snowdrop finished off her meal and cleaned up after herself before heading out of the door and towards school.

Snowdrop followed the same path as she always did, and nothing interrupted her way. This should be expected, because anything that could be in the way would’ve just slipped downwards easily. But that’s to be expected, given that she lives in Cloudsdale where the ground is made up of, contrary to popular belief, clouds. As such, Snowdrop’s new cane didn’t get much use, which stinks because she was waving it around in front of her to try it out just as a child would.

Then Snowdrop, being the cumbersome filly she is, tripped over her own feet and fell onto the rock hard fluffy clouds. She ended up sprawled out and lost her cane in the fall, and searched the ground hurriedly for it again. Her hooves scrambled where she thought she heard it fall, and it was not long before she found something.

It weighed quite a bit, but she was still able to lift it. She carefully examined it and could feel that at one end there was a tubular part much like her cane though at the other was much more like a paddle. Between the ends was a series of odd bits and pieces protruding from the thickest part of this object. On one side she could feel two larger things sticking out, one was angled slightly towards the paddle-end while the other was longer shaped sort of like a quarter moon but with a long flat end instead of a point.

She was sure that this couldn’t be her cane, but that would be silly because most everything just falls through the clouds so she couldn’t have gotten it confused. So she came to the most obvious conclusion in that in her rush to go to school, she didn’t really take a good feel of her cane and it was much more complicated than she thought. So she took it by the stubby, angled handle and continued along her way to school with her brand new AK-47.

Finally Snowdrop arrived at school, where she was greeted by one of her classmates who had gotten out of his seat to talk to her.

“Wow Snowdrop, what is that?” He asked.

Snowdrop recognized the voice belonging to that nice colt who made her the sandwich some time ago. She was only too happy to answer him in return for his kindness. “It’s my new cane. My mom got it for me.”

“That’s pretty cool. Can I look at it?”

She graciously held out the wide paddle end of the thing and allowed the colt to grab ahold of it with his own wing. “Go ahead, but be careful with it, please?”

He held it with surprising dexterity by the heftiest part of it. Marveling at its fine architecture and precise markings, he could see somepony clearly had spent much time to craft such an astoundingly complicated contraption. “Are you sure this is a cane? It looks really weird.”

“I thought so too. But I guess it’s special.”

Her classmate switched the item around and looked down the tube of it, seeing that it was very clearly hollow with a series of ridges extending inside its pipe-like interior. “It’s empty inside and really scratched up.” He then gave the gun back to Snowdrop.

“Yeah.” Snowdrop said, embarrassed at the earlier ordeal. One day with something new and she already screwed it up. Who knew clouds were so hard?

“What’s that little lever do?”

“Huh?” Snowdrop was snapped out of her shame for a moment. “What lever?”

The colt guided a pinion of one of her wings towards the little trigger inside a ring that was connected to the most cumbersome part of the alleged ‘cane.’ She couldn’t get that much of a grip on it though so she pointed the thin end towards the ceiling and carefully felt around it. Now she could feel that there certainly was a small lever, and it was curved against the ring and fit easily at the end of her wing. She tried to press it, just a little to test it, but it didn’t budge much so she gave up on the idea before she broke her cane any more than she already may have.

Just then the door to the class opened and in walked Ms. Windith. “Alright children, please go to your seats. Snowdrop, what is that you have?”

Snowdrop became startled and jerked her wing in surprise, as though she knew what she had done was wrong. This was a little nuts because clearly bringing a cane to school wasn’t anything bad, so she didn’t need to worry about that. What she did need to worry about was that her cane was screaming loudly with a voice the sound of thunder making a sound closest to “Brrrat.” It shook violently as though it were a savage beast trying to escape from her hold on it, but her wing got stuck so she couldn’t even let it go. Through the chaos that rang out she could feel splinters raining on her and a huge breeze coming through the top of the building, like a hole had been punched through the ceiling.

And then it all ceased with one last, resounding ‘clack.’ The gun fell to the floor and Snowdrop managed to slip her wing from the ring and trigger. The point that was stuck stung and she nuzzled it in an attempt to ease the pain. “Is everypony okay?”

All of the students got up from under their desks and looked around cautiously, every one of them shaking out of vibrant terror. The teacher was cowering on the floor uncovered her face and looked around and saw that despite a bunch of holes throughout the room and a new skylight installed, everypony was indeed okay.

“Yes Snowdrop.” Said Ms. Windith. “I believe we are alright. But the bigger question is what do you think you’re doing bringing that thing to class?” Her voice rose as she posed her own question. It was clear that Snowdrop was going to get a scolding, again.

“I’m sorry Ms. Windith, my mom got me a new cane.” Snowdrop wanted to continue to try and defend herself, but Ms. Windith interjected.

“Snowdrop, it’s clear that that thing you have is clearly not a cane. Now go take a seat and we will speak on this later. I’m sure with all that racket somepony called a guard.”

Snowdrop went over to her usual spot and laid her head flat on the table. It’s one thing to be chastised by the teacher, but in front of the whole class? Now that’s just mean. And no sooner was it that she sat down when a guard in full armor knocked on the door to the schoolhouse, which was knocked clean off it’s hinges and fell to the floor.

The guard was stunned by the shape of the classroom. It looked as though a tornado has just passed through! But, being a loyal subject to Celestia, he was obligated to get to the bottom of what really happened. Even if it turns out a tornado really did pass through, as is relatively common in Cloudsdale.

“Alright.” He said. He cleared his throat and then gestured to Ms. Windith. “Would you care to tell me what happened here?”

Ms. Windith pointed a hoof at the rifle laying on the ground. “One of my students brought that thing into the classroom. Next thing I know it started making this loud cracking noise and everypony went on the ground. Then, suddenly, it just stopped and when I looked around I saw the whole classroom was ruined by this.”

“I see.”

“Please sir.” Plead Ms. Windith. “I know you might be forced to hold the filly accountable for this, but I’m sure she meant no harm. Plus nopony was hurt, we’re all fine for better or worse.”

“Oh, that’s of no concern to me.”

“Oh good!” Ms. Windith smiled.

“Yes ma’m. No law exists to really handle this sort of matter, so we wouldn’t know what to do with it anyways.”

Ms. Windith’s faith in the Equestrian legal system was utterly obliterated like much of the classroom that day.

“Well I’ll get going, looks like you have some cleaning up to do.” And the guard just got out of there.

In the remainder of this classroom, there were a number of fillies and colts and one, very jaded teacher. All of them had a close brush with death that day, and none knew what they could do next. Ms. Windith went behind her desk, sat on her haunches, and just stared at the back of the class. The children recovered much more quickly, however they refused to speak in this air of awkwardness. And so an hour had passed before the teacher finally said. “Alright, you all can go for recess. I’m just going to stay behind.”

The children hurried outside to play as though nothing had changed, yet Snowdrop was the last to leave. And being the last to leave the room, she could swear she had smelled the scent of paint thinner and rotten vegetables emanating from Ms. Windith’s desk.

Oh well, recess!

Chapter 1: Snowdrop on Guard Duty!

The world of Equestria is alive with color. The composition of the land was not merely a muted brown one would envision for the soil was fresh and abundant with life and moved freely with even the slightest of movement. Above it was the grass, gorgeous green blades that rose to the sun as though they were worshipping it’s golden beauty. And sharing the sight of the sun was the sky that stretched across a void, ever changing in its nature from shades of purple that pronounced the presence of a day’s work come to end and a night of dreams to welcome those who slept or the blue which gave ponies hope that the next day that they have will be one to enjoy. And such a tragedy it is to be robbed of these serene surroundings.

Yeah, being blind is kinda a huge downer. Although, it’s not like a blind pony is totally incapable of doing things that most other ponies can. A blind pony can succeed in life, she can be a scientist, a philosopher, or even a fantastic shuffleboard champion. We’re still waiting on one to show up though. But it’s generally agreed that blind ponies shouldn’t be put on guard duty. Unfortunately, Princess Luna’s foolish optimism did not anticipate the consequences of this.

Such a scene setting set of paragraphs was warranted as the filly Snowdrop found herself next to a set of large doors in front of the two royal princesses, Princess Luna and Princess Celestia.

“Snowdrop.” Said Princess Luna, or rather she shouted so loud that the little filly’s mane wafted in the wind, as was the Canterlot way. “I believe you are destined for greatness, and that you are still a capable pony despite your infliction. As such, I have made the decision that you be placed as a royal guard for my sister’s castle.”

Snowdrop was hesitant, though her smile and large and expressive eyes conveyed her gratitude more than words could have. “Thank you so much princess. I promise to do the best I can!” She said to the left of her, which would’ve been great except for the fact that the princesses were standing in front of her.

Regardless, they turned her head so that she faced the princesses and acknowledged her thanks with a royal pat on the head. Combined with a cordial “I know you will.” And with that she bestowed upon her subject her tailor made guard helmet (It was actually too big for Snowdrop and didn’t feature an eye slit. This is no surprise seeing as the tailor actually just took the handle off of a tin bucket and said it was made especially for a blind guard with a kind soul. Easiest two hundred bits made in history.) and they armed her with a royal spear which she held with both of her hooves, although then she struggled to just stay upright as both these items were about half her weight.

With a final bow, which Snowdrop couldn’t reciprocate on the count that she had no idea she was being bowed to, the princesses walked away to convene on matters of royal importance.

“Dear sister, I must restate my qualms about this.” Said Celestia

“I understand but please allow your frets to drift away. I am sure that Snowdrop will serve you well.”

“Very well. But if this turns out like the peanut butter experiment I am sending you to the moon.”

Luna laughed at this matter. “Oh sister, you say that much too often than you should.”

Luna was the most wrong she could ever be, especially given that Snowdrop was on guard duty. Children are easily bored and guard duty is, without a doubt, the most boring profession in the world. Oh sure, she kept up appearances for a while after the princesses left, but the weight of the spear was too much so she left it against the wall. And not to mention but the ‘helmet’ she had stunk like something best left unmentioned and it was like a sauna even in the relatively cool weather. Not that Snowdrop knew what a sauna was . . . at least as far as anypony is concerned.

Hours went on and with nary a danger in sigh- er, nearby. Luckily this wasn’t much of a problem, because even if a devilish foe could sneak by her, the doors would inevitably make a sound and be a dead giveaway to let Snowdrop know to unleash a furious lunge at the would-be intruder. Although considering she’s still a filly there’s not much she could do but gnaw on the shins of her enemy. So time continued to pass and Snowdrop stayed as attentive as should could, silently playing games alone such as tic-tac-hoof.

Just as she was about to score a three-part diagonal win, which in reality looked very obscene drawing in dust upon the the road, she heard in the distance and closing in the sounds of careful hooves clicking and clacking upon the paved way. She fetched the spear off of the wall and braced it against her back with the aid of her wing.

When she was confident the intruder was nearly within reach she called out to whomever it may be. “Wait! In the name of the Royal Princesses . . . um. . . Who are you?”

The steps ceased yet she heard no answer.

“State your name and business!” She said, continued with the thought of whatever that means.
No answer.

“Please tell me who you are?”

She could faintly hear the steps of a pony creeping in closer, and so she pointed the spear in the general direction of this possible assassin. Braced to attack, she heard a loud clanging of something heavy and metal hitting the ground under decent weight. This foe must be armored! Well, Snowdrop thought, this is her only chance to prove herself! So she jumped at the distinct clanging that continued and wailed upon the assailant with the spear, smacking it relentlessly into unconsciousness. Evidently she didn’t get the point of her weapon.

As she laid into this enemy, another one appeared. Luckily she was saved from a sneak attack for she only knew the co-conspirator was present from the sound of the grand doors opening! Naturally she was left with the reasonable belief that Canterlot was under siege! She wasn’t trained to deal with a situation like this! Although that’s not a big surprise, the only training she got was a little pamphlet about proper procedures that they expected her to read. Naturally she was no where near close to reading the pamphlet, after all, she was a kid.

Untrained, caught by surprise, and left in the midst of what is surely a war, Snowdrop knew exactly what to do. This was her last stand, and she would fight with her last dying breath against those who wish to do evil to Canterlot or the princesses. So she began spinning around waving the spear around wildly, just like a professional guard would.

The princesses returned after several hours to check up on how the littlest guard in Equestria was faring. However once they arrived in front of the royal gates they saw that Snowdrop was spinning around like a dork next to a knocked down metal garbage can. While this concerned the two of them, Celestia saw something of a more grave importance.

“The gates are opened!” With that Celestia hurried inside the castle, accompanied by her guards leaving little Snowdrop and her sister Luna outside.

Luna lifted the spear away from Snowdrop with her magic and spoke in a more soothing, more calm, less royal tone. “Snowdrop, are you alright? You seem distressed.”

“Princess Luna! We must get you and Princess Celestia to safety, you’re in danger! Canterlot is under siege! I managed to take down one of the armored villains, but who knows how many more there are!” Snowdrop was out of breath and dizzy after spinning around for hours on end, but remained on her feet in front of one of the royal princesses.

For some reason these words that were detached from reality made Luna think back to that thing under her pillow in her bedroom, but she dismissed this quickly. “Snowdrop, you seem to be mistaken. Everything is still peaceful. Except that I believe you knocked over this rubbish bin.”

“But I heard a pony coming up to the doors, then I heard a loud crashing, and the door opened when I was beating the armored pony and . . . I messed up, huh?”

Luna smiled and removed the bucket off of Snowdrop’s head and gave her a royal head pat. “It is fine dear child, for everypony makes mistakes.”

On that note, everypony in Equestria felt a disturbance that arched throughout their world. This source of this became present when the very flush red Alicorn who was on the brink of literally burning with intense fury showed up just outside the doors. And the only words that this being of hatred spoke were “You’re fired, Snowdrop!” And though she remained absolutely livid, Princess Celestia began to take deep breaths and gradually regained her composure and natural color.

“Sister, I understand you feel” Princess Luna would’ve continued but Celestia was having none of it.

“No. She had one job. She literally had just one job, and she blew it. And because of that, a vile fiend broke into my castle and took what was my most precious material possession.

“The elements of harmony?”

“More precious than those.”

“That thing we keep in that place?”

“What I lost was more dear than that.”

“Oh my! Sister, what did they take?”

“They ate my cake.”

Snowdrop was confused as to why such an insignificant thing was considered so important. Although if she wasn’t blind she would see Princess Luna’s eyes open as far as her skull would allow and that she was backing away slowly. Luna knew that stuff just got real. This may be the beginning of the very first genocide Equestria shall experience.

“I’m sorry Princess.” Said Snowdrop, lowering her head and accepting responsibility for her actions.

“I know you are. But apologies are not going to bring my cake back!”

Silence resounded throughout the nearby grounds of Canterlot as Celestia looked sternly upon the little pegasus. Little Snowdrop didn’t need to be able to see to know that she really screwed up this time.

“Princess Celestia, I’m sorry this happened. I want to make it up to you.”

“How in the world are you ever going to make it up to me? Not even a crumb was left!”

After little deliberation, Snowdrop came to a decision. “How about I make you another cake? I know it won’t be the same, but it’s the least I could do.”

Celestia was honestly stunned at this. The gesture was nice, and while the prospective new cake could never possibly be as good as her dearly beloved one, it’ll have to do.”Very well, Snowdrop. Go on home, and when you return I expect to see my new cake.”

Snowdrop bowed, accepting this new mission from the Princess, and scampered off back home.

“Sister, that was awfully kind of you. For a moment I thought you were about to sentence her to the dungeons.” Luna confided to her sister.

“I told you this was a bad idea, Luna. I’m sending you to the moon.”

Luna let out a joyful chuckle at this remark and spoke once she caught her breath “Oh sister, your jokes are too much.”

And so the day went on as per usual, minus the regularly scheduled cake eating time of Celestia. However Celestia received her new cake from Snowdrop the day after which coincides with the same day that an assassination attempt by violent poisoning resulting in dysentery, halitosis, and salmonella was reported. It was officially reported that these incidents were not related.