Pinkie Pie and Her New God
The Truth is Revealed
It was a gorgeous Saturday afternoon in Summer and Pinkie Pie was hopping along through Ponyville park like she always did every Saturday, but today was very special, for today she would realize why she thought Rarity and Twilight were such big stuck up bitches who needed to go die in the worst part of hell. God damn they were just so fucking annoying and Pinkie Pie hated them for it. Every night she dreamed of taking their motherfucking intestines and splaying them out all over her mantle to enjoy every night while drinking a glass of chardonnay and reading "Of Mice and Mares".
"Oh well," she thought, "I have more important things to worry about, like my super awesome, amazing, spectacular party the I'll be hosting soon." She was giddy with excitement but didn't know who to invite. She could get her friends to come but they seem pretty pissed after she invited all them to her house and tried having a surprise orgy party. She was still contemplating who to invite when suddenly she saw some smoke coming from deep in the Everfree forest. She decided to investigate with haste, though it was probably just Zecora. After a few minutes of galloping she finally got close to the smoke. She was shocked at what she saw. a group of ponies were there in a circle. In the middle of their circle she saw a gaged unicorn being burned at the stake.
She ran over to the ponies and asked with a shocked look on her face, "Why are you burning this pony!" They looked at her through their hoods, their eyes watching her with what she thought was anger.
"She is a crime against god' The pony in front of her boomed, "and as such we must purge he from this earth for her sins against the almighty!" This left Pinkie Pie confused because she thought that their gods were Celestia and Luna. She told him this and he scoffed at her.
"You stupid pony," he said with a scoff, "They are merely puppets in our true gods eyes."
"Well who is the real god then?" Pinkie asked perplexed.
"The Great Flying Spaghetti Monster," they cried all at once, " he will lead us to the promise land on after we destroy these sources of evil magic know as unicorns." Suddenly Pinkie realized why she truly hated Rarity and Twilight. It all made sense to her now, obviously the Flying Spaghetti Monster had tried to help her on the path to the promise land by having her hate them, and only now, after finding her fellow believers, is she able to truly destroy her most hated enemies with her new gods help.
"If you all come to my house at 3:00 tomorrow I can help you exterminate two great sources of evil," she said with an excited expression.
"We will only help and trust you if you can prove yourself to our god." They gave her a knife and told her to find a virgin unicorn to kill and bring its body back to sacrifice to the Great Flying Spaghetti Monster. She gladly accepted it and hopped of to Ponyville.
"Could she be the one," a mare asked the leader.
"Only time will tell," he said.