Celestia's New Groove

by danail24

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, Sex, Anthro, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Romance, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 7023

Celestia and Luna grow weary of rulling Equestria and they give the throne to Twilight. Follow the tales of Celestia as she convinces a human to live in his apartment. The only problem is while trying to turn herself human things get f^#$ed up.

(Before you start reading this fic, read the warnings below!)

It’s been thousands of years since the Royal sisters first ascended the throne of Equestria and they have ruled ever since. But lately both of them have grown sick of the life of eternal responsibility and servitude to their ponies. Therefore, deciding they’ve deserved retirement, Celestia and Luna hoof the throne to princess Twilight after preparing her for her new responsibility, and disappear from the map of Equestria to start a new life somewhere else, each sister choosing her own path.

We follow the fresh new beginning of ex-princess Celestia who picks one of the human universes as the center of her new less strenuous and more fun life! Once she teleports on Earth, she finds herself in the room of a young programmer who goes by the name of Seamus. After a lot of negotiations and arguing the man agrees to let her stay with him if Celestia can turn herself human. Being prepared for such an option Celestia takes a special potion brewed by Zecora and drinks it on the spot. However its effects aren’t exactly what she was hoping for. She is now a 5’9’’ foot pony human hybrid with a well-endowed woman’s body. Read forth as we follow the comedic life of a wise-ass Anthro Alicorn and a sexually confused yet horny dude! Not to mention that both of them get to be roomies… Oh the Sexual Insanity! O.o

Warning:
The following themes may not be likeable by everyone!

Anthro Celestia!
Random prologue
Non-canon Celestia! She’s Cocky and Sassy! She uses lots of crude language and sexual teasing! She’s a Motrollestia! XD
Heavy sexual themes and crude language!
No mindless sex until the end of the fic but still plenty of teasing!
Celestia/Human OC shipping!
This fic contains parodic elements!
Not to be compared to Ecchi Animes! No inspiration was drawn from those, you crazy Anime fans! XO
Big breasted Celestia!

If you hate any of these or all of them and consider them a major turn off and downvote bait then please click on something else!

Cover art by Kloudmutt

Published 2014-04-25 12:40:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-25 12:40:05 UTC

Hail to the queen baby!

“Celestia’s New Groove!”

Chapter 1

Hail to the queen, baby!

It was a bright and sunny day for the land of the United States of America! It was currently 10 o’clock in Kansas City, Missouri, CST time zone. The birds were chirping in the nearby park, the kids were merrily playing on their swings and jungle gyms, and their mothers were talking amongst each other. But let us look beyond this idyllic picture and gaze at the tall grey apartment building in front of the park. It was the one thing to put a damp on this bright and colorful scenery and rightly so for you could literally taste the gloom if you took a bite out of it. The old construction was a sturdy one and would probably still survive many trials to come but the black marks here and there on its panel body showed signs of old fire emergencies.

Right there, at the window on the far left, on the fifth floor is where we shall take a peek. Its blinds were down but we won’t let that stop us now will we? Inside there was darkness and the only light came from the glowing monitor of a laptop. There was a sound accompanying it, besides the cooling system of the computer. The tapping of keys on the keyboard was one of the few things to be heard and an incestuous sound it was. For right there sitting in front of the machine is where we find our main male protagonist Seamus O’Shay. He was a young Hispanic American man with the mixed heritage of a Mexican dad and an Irish mom. Why did his mother give him a stereotypically Irish name when he clearly looked more like his dad in both skin and appearance, he didn’t know. But he learned to live with it. Now let’s get back to the topic!

Seamus was clicking and pressing all sorts of buttons because he was developing one of the tons of codes he had to develop in order to program the current programme in development for Tech-Flick Corp. Yes, we all get that he’s obviously a programmer, now shut up and listen! His eyes were tired and swollen from an all-nighter of work but our unwilling hero was almost finished. Empty boxes of Bryan’s Donuts from the nearby bakery and a Styrofoam coffee mug with the Starbucks logo lay to his right, which were there due to his need to go and tend to breakfast and take a break at the same time. Least to say, Seamus’s work was hard on the headaches and eyes but it paid the bills and was hefty enough to always allow him to treat himself to something nice and save up some money at the same time. Plus, the projects and orders came at a rate of once or twice per month so he had plenty of free time during each of those months to spend with friends. Walks were always his favorite way to spend the day, not to mention shave some pounds from the small belly that was always ringed around his waist. The rest of him was pretty good looking and nice but God, that extra fat in the middle!

“There! Done!” Seamus sighed in relief as he hit the save button and sent his work over to his boss.

“Imma gonna need some sleepy time if I’m going to spend a night out with Roger and Jenny.” The guy yawned as he powered down his computer and closed the lid.

Standing up, he went over and gently opened the shutters, wincing slightly at the influx of light. Looking over his room, the dude decided to get to work and began tidying it up. He was about done too and was just thinking of making his bed when all of his day plans suddenly came to a screeching halt.

*Wwwwwoooooooooooooooooooooooh, Oooooooooooooooooooooooh, OoooooooOOOOOOO… zzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAP… BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooom…*

The entire room was filled with blinding white light. After waiting a couple of seconds for his eyes to adjust, Seamus saw that the source had coalesced into a huge ball of said light. As it condensed and kept growing in power, at one critical moment it finally exploded, forcefully knocking the dude down as well as some stuff on the floor and almost shattered the windows.

“Wwwow! What a rush!” A lively woman’s voice was heard from somewhere in the middle of the room along with the white noise that had entered Seamus’s mind.

As his vision and hearing finally cleared, what the man saw defied all logic. In front of him stood the biggest defiance of what he knew about horses. For the said equine in front of him was tall like a horse, built like a horse, white coated like a horse but all similarities ended there. This particular specimen had ridiculously huge magenta eyes, an uncharacteristically short snout, WORE golden accessories with gems in them like shoes, a heavy one piece necklace and some sort of tiara. And that’s not all! It also possessed a crazy polychromatic mane and tail its colors varying to pale magenta, light cerulean, light turquoise, very light cobalt blue and pale heliotrope. But that wasn’t the weird thing! The mane and tail fluctuated and looked as if made by energy, not the mention THE FRICKIN HORN AND WHITE EAGLE WINGS SPROUTING FROM ITS FOREHEAD AND BACK!

“That’s it!” Seamus raised his hands in defeat “No more all-night work! It’s making me hallucinate.”

The moment he said that prompted the weird looking equine to take notice of his presence. And once it did, the horse like thing began advancing towards our unlikely protagonist with humanlike curiosity adorning its eyes. The human backed up of course, making sure he took one step back for every forward one the creature took towards him.

“Hey! Name’s princess Celestia, your run of the mill magical pony princess from a talking pony inhabited universe!” The otherworldly being spoke, reaching out with her hoof towards the flabbergasted human.

“Y-you speak!” Seamus muttered, trembling all over.

“Gee! You’re such a smart guy! Now how about that handshake? That is the right greeting custom here, isn’t it?” Celestia smiled teasingly, craning her head forward.

“Ummm… How do you know that?” The programmer murmured, hesitantly taking the tall pony’s hoof. It felt real. Or his nightmare was just that realistic.

“Been to a similar human world like yours. Long story, don’t ask. Anyways, I’m looking for a place to settle in and yours looks nice, so how about you let me stay?” The princess cut to the chase, being quite blunt in her demands.

“How about no?” Seamus scowled, feeling annoyed “You might be a princess wherever you come from but here, everyone has rights! And I say you’re being a really cheeky smartass!”

“Oh come ooooooooon! I’ll be the best roommate ever! I can do magic!” Celestia came closer, nuzzling the human, to which he responded by moving his neck out of the way.

To prove her point the alicorn lit up her horn, its yellow aura summoning a slice of chocolate cake on a plate with a fork after which she floated it over to the awed human who took a dainty bite out of it.

“No! I can’t just let a stranger like you, let alone an alien pony teleport into my house and sweet talk me into staying! Besides, the authorities here will find you, and then it’s off to a life as a test subject in some damp laboratory.” Seamus explained, hoping, really hoping that this crazy dream mare would leave him alone.

“Don’t worry about that! I can turn myself into a hot human babe and blend in!” Celestia smiled, levitating a small vial of a strange orange liquid that lay inside.

“You language is pretty saucy for a princess!” The man cocked a brow.

“Hell yeah! I luvs speaking in bad grammar and I is one smackingly sexy bitch!” The fem pony batted her eyelashes, displaying her swagger openly.

“Wwwwweird!” Seamus stated before continuing “Anyways, even if this stuff you got in the vial works, you still have some splaining to do. Why have you come here? Where do you come from? What gave you the idea to just come here and ask the first human you see to be your roomie, and what’s your backstory, brief version?”

“Oh! We’re doing the therapy thing. Sweet! Let’s get comfortable shall we?” Celestia said and then with her horn going aglow once more, several things happened in a matter of seconds.

Seamus found himself sitting on a chair that popped out of nowhere, with glasses on his nose and a notepad in his hands. On the other hand, Celestia suddenly appeared lying on a red couch in quite the human manner might I add. She had a hoof over her forehead like a patient ready to confess to her personal psychologist, the situation being exactly that surprisingly.

“Let’s start at the beginning.” The equine’s voice grew heavy with drama though one could sense she was overacting “I was but a small filly when my parents abandoned me and my sister Luna to fend for ourselves. I did everything to survive and take care of my little sister: forage, build shelters and so forth. I learned to harness the power within me and taught my sister whatever I learned. Since we were born alicorns, which is the name of my subspecies, we were gifted with an amazing amount of magic and ability, which we developed into our talents, which were that of raising the sun and moon, hence my cutie mark on my flank here.” She pointed at her flank, presenting a tattoo of the sun.

“Question! How do I know you’re not making this stuff up?” Seamus intervened.

“Shut up, I’m talking!” Celestia retorted “So, eventually our talents were recognized by the other pony folk. They were so awed by our Draconequus banishing abilities that they made us their rulers and since I and my sister never age and have long lives, we ruled for thousands of years until retiring recently. It was nice while it lasted but throughout the millennia I grew bored of always playing the ever graceful ruler and never just live a normal life where I can be myself. My sister felt the same way.”

“So, wait, that means you’ve never shown the real you to anybody?”

“I have to admit that this part of my life wasn’t the easiest. You see I had two faces: One of the kind, righteous and polite ruler and that of the real me. I only revealed the true me to my sister Luna and to the inconspicuous friends I made throughout the centuries.”

“What do you mean by inconspicuous friends?”

“Oh, that? I only made friends with ponies that had no political or social influence and usually lived calm, closed up lives. Like my friend Zecora the zebra. She speaks in rhyme. She’s a pretty cool bitch!”

“That… kinda makes sense… in a fucked up way.” The human scratched his noggin, puzzled at these explanations.

“Yeah, doesn’t it?” Celestia laughed in an annoying high pitched way.

“So you’re like a swearing loose cannon party-wild mare in RL?”

“Yes Ah aaaaam!”

“So how did your ponies deal with your departure?”

“Well, it wasn’t easy! I had to spend a couple of decades planning it. When my sister returned from exile since we had a little tiff over something trivial, she was thrilled by my idea of retiring and joined me. So after carefully calculating this and that I picked a filly that had the potential to succeed the both of us. Her name is Twilight Sparkle and I made sure to plan out her life very carefully, making sure everything clicked just right. I even arranged so she could meet her friends in a town near the capital where I used to rule. I have to admit it was very amusing to see how they were all very oblivious to my plans and still are. But it was for the best! I managed to turn dear Twilight into an alicorn like me and after a few years of princess training and getting her to learn how to control the sun and moon I and Luna gave Equestria to her. She and her friends are now very happy ruling the country. And that’s when my sister and I were finally free to choose a Universe to start a new life in. Aaaand, yours was the lucky one to get the perfection that is me!” The mare concluded in a haughty way, putting her hoof on her chest.
“And that’s pretty much how my life went down! I’m one manipulative bitch aren’t I?”
“Uuuuum, damn straight?”

“DAMN STRAAAAAAIIIIIIGHT!”

Our dude was feeling confused right now. Even though she seemed cool, all of this was too crazy to be happening. Not to mention that he wanted to get out of this situation.

“Soooooo, why’d you pick to live with me?” Seamus asked.

“Because it’s convenient for me.” Celestia answered which made the human frown.
“And because, I really like you for some reason.”

‘What do I do now?’ The man thought, trying to figure out a way to weasel out.
‘She’s too impudent and powerful for me to make her go home… so……………….. So, I guess I’ll just have to try something else.’

“Okay princess, you win.” Seamus declared the pony ruler squeeing in delight.
“But… You have to turn into a perfect human being and that means: No changing back into a pony, hair has to be either blonde, red, brown or black and you have to give up your magic forever. Also you have to learn to act like a human and pay your part of the rent by getting a job. This is a rental apartment, I ain’t having no freeloaders here!” he folded his arms in finality. He had the strange feeling that this human drink of hers wouldn’t be perfectly effective and he was really hoping he’d be right. Besides, he could always find a loophole to make her get lost.

“Okay!” The pony princess said in a carefree way and prepared her potion.
“Bottoms up, bitch!”

And she drank it all in one go. After she was done, she set the vial on a nearby coffee table and waited. Half a minute passed and there was still no effect. Seamus was just thinking that he had won when suddenly beads of sweat started appearing and matting the Shepard of the Sun’s immaculate coat. Celestia lied down sideways, her breathing growing labored. She felt hot and itchy all over, not to mention sick to her stomach. The orange glow that surrounded her body was the last symptom before her transformation commenced. Her limbs were the first to morph. Her forehooves’ joints and muscles began changing, turning into a pair of beautiful arms, several delicate fingers growing out of the tips of her upper appendages. Her back hooves straightened and grew until their place was taken by a pair of sexy, big and well-shaped thighs and calves, the piece of resistance being her brand new ass which was well rounded and inflated like two perfect end slices of watermelon, its soft muscles begging for a touch.

By this time Celestia was moaning, desperately hoping it would soon be all over. Her waist expanded but remained svelte like a woman’s, her abdominals formed perfect vertical depressions and then her ribcage and back broadened greatly making room for two big bumps to begin their growth spurt. They formed into two round mounds but soon those mounds quickly gained mass, becoming heavier and fuller, sagging under their weight, their tender flesh thick and inviting, covered in smooth fur. Celestia’s nipples came right after as she howled even louder while two pink areolas took shape and a pair of spherical tips poked out in the middle. The strangest part though was that her freaky energy mane and tail suddenly acquired a look that was much more natural, each hair becoming clearly visible like on a real mane.

And then… everything stopped!

In a couple of seconds, the now anthropomorphic pony princess struggled to pull herself up onto her feet only to collapse, her feet still having remained hoof tipped. After a couple of staggers, she managed to pull herself into a sitting position onto the human’s bed.

“Well… did it work?” Celestia posed her question, very much anxious to know the results.

“Oh… My… Gooooooooooood!” Seamus’s eyes were bugged out, as he stared in disbelief at the alicorn. Dem tits, dat ass, dem thighs, dem tits, dem tits!
“You’ve turned into a furry!” he yelled, remembering some pics he had seen depicting loads of animal women that had human like bodies covered with fur.

“What do you mean?” The pony lady asked, feeling worried.

“You still have your wings, tail, horn and horse face! Just touch em!”

“What the?” Celestia did as instructed feeling up her new bod.
“Give me a full body mirror! I must see!”

Hopping onto his feet, the human quickly ran off to the other room and grabbed the large mirror on a stand in his corridor and briskly returned to his guest. Placing the object right in front of the ex-princess, he stepped away and let her have some space.

Celestia currently had an expression of mixed feelings which were those of shock and intrigue. Flicking her now shoeless fingers, she was surprised as her double did the same. Interestingly enough the golden shoes, necklace and tiara were still on her as they could still fit her new body. Taking some initiative, the princess trailed her hands down her ribcage, waist, hips and butt, eventually settling them on her rack, mashing her huge jugs, their thick flesh fitting her fingers like a mold. They were so easily manipulated yet provided some resistance as if they were full of some sort of creamy substance.

‘Damn, these boobies are fine! They look like an H cup… No, maybe a J! One of the two… Wait what am I thinking? She’s a horse!’ Seamus snapped out of his trance, averting his eyes from these perfect fun bags.

“Woah, this is frickin’ sweet! I guess the fact that the potion was never tested wasn’t such a good thing but this is still so awesome! I look hella hot! And for some inexplicable reason you look hot to me now as well.” The ex-ruler rejoiced before suddenly taking a notice of our human bachelor.

“Uuuuum… Bad horse! Heal!” The man backed off again, putting his hand out front for protection.

“Oh, chill out! I can’t do much now in my new body! So how’s about you be a pal and help good ol’ Celestia up? I need to learn how to walk upright.” The mare reached out in expectance, giving her companion a puppy eyed look.

“Ooooooh!” Seamus hesitated at first but against his better judgment obliged, walking up to Celestia and pulling her up by the armpits.

That seemed to be a bad move however, as the she-horse staggered and leaned her full body weight against her helper who was overwhelmed and careened to and fro until both of them fell, Celestia being on top of Seamus.

“Oh my!” The alicorn faked surprise and smirked at the struggling human who was trying to get her immense magumbos out of his neck and chin. While that happened, the mare discovered much to her pleasure that a significantly sizeable tent was now insistently pressing against her crotch.

“You did that on purpose!” Seamus muttered in aggravation, trying to suppress his arousal.

“*giggle* Maybe! But your hot dog likes it!”

“No it doesn’t!”

“Yes it does! I can feel the stick in your pants!”

“Stop talkiiiiiiiiing!” The human yelled in frustration, rolling the princess to the side, getting up and turning his back in embarrassment.

“Oh don’t be such a prude! I’ve heard that it’s natural for human stallions to be attracted by these.” Celestia snickered and grinded her huge tats together, smiling wide when she caught Seamus taking a brief glance and then turning away with a fiery blush on his face.

“The deal is off.” He muttered.

“What?”

“I SAID THE DEAL IS OFF! THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO GO HOME NOW!” The man screamed in anger.

He felt so… disgusted of himself! So filthy and soiled! She’s… a horse! And now that she became a little woman like, he suddenly felt like boning her! What kind of a zoophile sicko was he becoming! Why was he so attracted to her? It infuriated him to no end!

“But… But I’m still human enough.” The alicorn’s tone faltered as did her ears which lopped down.

“You’re in violation of every condition I set if I were to allow you to stay. You’re not even a pegacorn pony anymore. Nor are you human. I just can’t see how you will fit into human society without causing an international craze.” Seamus explained while he sat on his bed, hands over his face, still struggling with the turmoil of his newborn feelings.

“But, but, but there has to be a way for me to live here! There just has to! I can’t go back to my old kingdom! I’ve already resigned as ruler and I don’t know if I can reverse the effect of this potion… I-I-I was so excited about coming here that I didn’t even think of a back-up plan if things were to go wrong like now.” Celestia crawled on all fours, tears leaking down her furred cheeks and ruining her make up.
“Help me… pleeeease.” she whispered.

Looking back at her, Seamus was shaken by the equine ruler’s broken down state. He was never the one to stand while a woman cried… even if this woman was different in appearance to the human ones he knew… And he did have a soft and good heart.

“I’m sorry.” A bit of moist coated he dude’s eyes as he looked away in shame for a moment and then stood up and helped the princess sit with him on his bed.
“I’ve been nothing but an asshole to you when you simply just needed some hospitality. I just really wish I could help you now but I don’t know how to do that. I can’t hide you here forever. And you probably want to get out there and meet some people. I mean unless…” he paused.

“Unless what?” Celestia repeated with hope in her heart.

“Well… there is a thing I like to call the Brian effect. It’s from an animated TV series I know. Do you know what TV series are?”

“Ah… I’ve seen some of those on my last visit to a human universe like yours. I believe they’re like recorded plays which one can see on a plastic slash glass screen.”

“Right! So there’s this animated TV show called Family Guy. It’s about a family of eccentric and goofy characters who get into all sorts of crazy shenanigans. Peter is the stupid dad, Lois is his concerned yet annoying wife, Meg is the depressed and hated by all emo daughter, Chris is the awkward and childish son, Stewie is the evil genius smart aleck baby that can speak and Brian is the talking intellectual dog that likes good books and booze.” Seamus explained the concept of “Family Guy” to the equine lady who listened closely and with interest.
“So Brian has a very unique presence in the show. He barely ever acts like a dog at all. He acts like a human most of the time, like walking on two feet, drinking martinis, messing around with his friend Stewie and writing novels. And for some strange reason, people know he’s a dog and all and yet they treat him as if he were a person just like any other human. Even human women have sexual interest in him like its no big deal.”

“Mother of me!” Celestia declared, the idea dawning on her.
“If I could weave a spell to make every human on your planet believe that I’m just an ordinary person just like this Brian guy, then everything will work!”

“But how are you going to cast it on the whole world?” The human asked a very legit question, making the princess bite her lip.

“Ummmm… Oooooh… Dammit! Think Celestia think!” she racked her brain around it and thought really hard.
“I need to disperse the signal somehow. Any idea as to how I may do that?”

“Hmmmm… well unless your magic can be transmitted like radio signals…”

“Oh! Maybe! Tell me more!”

“We have these machines called satellites see…” Seamus took a sheet of paper and drew a crude picture of his planet and satellites around it.
“See here? They are blasted off into space, they stop right at the end of our atmosphere and then they orbit our planet, and they have this web of information which they transmit all over the world below.”

“Dear me, this might be crazy enough to work!” The equine female stated as ideas for her new spell zoomed through her mind.

“But what if it doesn’t?”

“It just has to!”

“Okay, before we go any further, I’ll get you some of my clothes. Your body is distracting me.” The programmer prompted Celestia to stay put and left the room.

‘This boy definitely wants a piece of me! I’m going to enjoy teasing him if this works. Maybe make him my new fuck toy!’ Naughty reflections entered the anthropomorphic alicorn’s mind as she bit on her fingernail with a smirk adorning her face.

Seamus was soon back and it wasn’t long before Celestia was dressed in a graphite grey hoodie, had a blue ski mask on her face with holes for her eyes and a new one for her twelve inch horn, and a candle green tracksuit bottom. The last garment wasn’t as roomy so the ex-princess enjoyed the snugness it provided to her thick thighs and ass, especially with her tail tucked inside.

“Now just make your horn invisible.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re going to the roof dumbass! If you’re gonna fire a spell at a satellite, this is the best place to do it! Now quit stalling and hold my hand!”

“Well aren’t you the gentle-stallion! *giggle*”

“Shut up!”

By using him as a crutch, Celestia managed to hobble with her new companion to the elevator where they took a break and waited. It wasn’t long before they reached the last floor. From there on out, Seamus lead her to the fire escape and once out, they climbed their way up a steel ladder which got them on the roof. They were lucky that they didn’t come across anybody, lest they have some explaining to do. From here on out, it was up to the alicorn to do the rest of the work, as the human male settled himself on a nearby chimney. Celestia sat in the middle of the platform, cross-legged, eyes closed, concentrating on her glowing horn, rearranging and reconstructing her magic, bending her imagination into pure energy. She was very careful to set up the rules of the spell right for there wasn’t any room for error.

“Seamus! How do I find the nearest satellite?” The ex-shepherd of the sun asked.

“Try scanning for metallic objects over 370 miles above us!” The programmer called out.

“Okaaaaaaay!” She replied and got back to focusing.

In a minute, Celestia’s glowing horn began gaining intensity as it got brighter and brighter. Colorful stripes of luminescence intertwined with the yellow glow as the spell gained momentum. And finally… at the peak of power the magic exploded in a thin yet barely noticeable in daylight ray that shot upwards until it vanished into the blue sky.

“Umm… Well…” Seamus said, looking left and right.

Then everything flashed into a bright golden light that was blinding to the eye and lasted for ten seconds!

Everything went quiet after that.

“Holly cow! What if the people of the world noticed that last flash?” The man shared his nervous sentiments.

“Chillax! My spells are great like me! I made sure its effects didn’t include us. Nopony should’ve even noticed it working.” Celestia assured her human buddy.

“Puntastic… Well, there’s only one way to find out if everything worked out or not.” Seamus frowned at his new acquaintance’s common use of horse puns as he walked over to her and pulled her up on her feet.
“Take your mask off! Either way people are going to see your face sooner or later, so it might as well be now.”

And off they went, going back the way they came. Oddly enough however, they didn’t come across anyone in the narrow corridors this time as well and soon enough they were back inside the human’s apartment.

“Well that was anti-climactic! When are we going to meet some of your friends?” The ex-princess protested, tapping her hooves against the sofa she was lying on.

“Not now. I’ve had enough excitement for today as it is.” The dude yawned, stretching his arms in fatigue.

“But I want a swaggeristic adventure right nooooow!” Celestia banged her feet harder in childish frustration.

*Ding Doooooooooooooong…*

Both human and anthro pony jumped on their feet with a start, the latter falling flat on her face right after and painfully at that.

“Hide behind the sofa! I got this!” Seamus shooed the alicorn behind the couch before running up quickly to the front door.

“Ooooooh! Mr. Frankford! How’s it goiiiiiiiing?” he put on his best kiss-up face at the sight of his current landlord.

“O’Shay! You know I can hear everything that goes on at your place! I live right under your nose you know! I heard some arguing between you and someone else and I just heard loud banging! Is one of your out-of-control friends trashing the furniture again?” The angry middle aged man chided his tenant. He had blue eyes and traces of blonde in his graying hair.

“Sorry Mr. Frankford! Come in, come in!” Seamus invited him into his home.
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen again! And I don’t know who the other person you heard is? It’s just lil’ ol’ me here! Heeheehee!” Our protagonist put his hands together like a groveling mongrel. Quite frankly, this landlord was a pretty mean and nasty one.

“He’s lying you know.” Celestia suddenly got up and revealed herself, startling the aged male.

“Aaaaaaaaaah! So this is what’s been going on.” Frankford shed an ear to ear grin, admiring what he thought was a beautiful woman in front of him.
“I see you brought another girl to your humble abode. Quite a looker too.”

“Thank you sir. You’re very kind. My name is Celestia by the way.” The pony lady walked over rather awkwardly to Seamus’s landlord, sneakily using some of her magic to keep her upright, a barely detectable glow emitting from her horn.

“Celestia! I must say I’m enchanted.” The middle-aged man kissed her hand, getting the alicorn to giggle at his courtesy.

“I really like your landlord Seamus! He’s such a gem!” Celestia smiled, receiving a subdued death glare from her human charge.

“So? How long has this been going on?” Frankford inquired.

“Oh, we’re not actually…” Seamus began but was silenced as the pony woman grabbed him rather abruptly and stuffed his face under her chin.

“Can you believe it? My daddy and his daddy studied in one college and were best friends ever since! So when I decided to move to this country, my papa advised me to move here! Then he called Seamus’s daddy, who called Seamus to see if he was okay with letting me live with him for a while and Seamus said YES! And just today he went over and greeted me at the airport! Isn’t he sweet? I already feel him like something more than a friend!” Celestia squeed like an excited school filly, absolutely glowing with joy.

“Aaaaaaaah! So that’s how it is; the pretty young foreign girl moving in with the strapping American boy.” The landlord fed the flames, completely oblivious to the truth.

“Yes!”

“Celestia please stop! We’re actually…” Seamus desperately tried to protest while attempting to pry himself out of his soon-to-be roomie’s death grip. But all was in vain.

“He’s my new boyfriend!”

“WHAT?”

“Excellent! Well, O’Shay since your lady here is so sweet and nice; I’m going to forgive your mistake of not consulting with me beforehand. In fact, I will allow… what was your name again?”

“Celestia.”

“…Celestia to move in your apartment as your new roommate, as long as she pays her share of the rent.”

“But, but, but!”

“Be grateful O’shay! I don’t do this for just anybody! You should count yourself lucky that you get to live with such a beautiful girl so close to you!”

“Oh thank you Mr. Frankford! You’re the greatest!” Celestia beamed and then went up to the middle aged man and pecked him on the cheek with all the sweetness in the world.

“Aaaahahaah… No, thank you! Beautiful young things like you make me feel young again. Oh I almost forgot! Before I leave you to get settled, I have only three more questions.” The landlord pointed out.

“Yes?” The couple asked.

“What country do you come from?”

Celestia and Seamus froze in horror. Looking at each other, each one was more confused than the other as to what to reply.

‘Shiiiiiiiit! We haven’t rehearsed for this yet! Oh God! Think Seamus! Think!’ The programmer’s mind raced.

“Pssst… tell me a language you speak besides this one.” He whispered to his charge.

“Germane!” She whispered back to him.

‘I hope this works!’ The dude thought as he named the most inconspicuous country that spoke German that came up to his mind.

“Luxembourg!” He shot out as if with a sixshooter.

“Oh! And since the young fräulein admitted that she speaks Deutch, I vould like to speak vit her in our native sprache.” Franford said in his natural German accent he was hiding most of the time, his high pitched voice making him sound like a Stereotypical Bavarian.

“Uuuum, I don’t know. Celestia would you…” Seamus tried and failed to fix the situation by himself again, only to be interrupted for the umpteenth time.

“"Jaaa, warum nicht? Ich liebe es, in meiner Muttersprache zu sprechen. Deutsch ist eine sehr schöne Sprache.” Celestia changed tongues in an instant, speaking in a perfect native German.

“Ja, oder? Ich habe seid Jahren kein Deutsch mehr gesprochen. Ich freue mich, endlich mal jemanden gefunden zu haben, mit dem ich es sprechen kann.” Mr. Frankford replied quite happily, each word leaving Seamus more confused than the last.

“Ich muss zugeben, dass Seamus einen sehr großen Ständer hatte, als er mich umarmte.” The alicorn spoke some more, her words sending both her and the middle-aged man in a fit of boisterous laughter.

“Okay! English please!” Seamus snapped with fingers several times.

“Hahaaaaa! What fun! I haven’t had a good conversation in German since I was little.” The landlord said after he finished his merry cackles.
“So that leads me to my other two questions: Why are you wearing O’Shay’s clothes young miss? Where are your own?”

“Oh ummm… I lost my luggage… at the airport.” The ex-princess quickly lied, feeling a little hot under the collar.

“Uuuuuh, yeah! Luckily she had her papers with her and they let her through at the checkpoint.” The programmer came to her aid, quickly thinking up stuff to make the story work.

“Mhm! My old clothes were sweaty and I had to take a shower. Took it an hour ago.” Celestia finished the improvisation, both her and Seamus putting on big fake smiles.

“Oh! Makes perfect sense. Well, have fun you two! I hope you get your luggage back soon Celestia.” Mr. Frankford nodded and headed out to leave.

“And one more thing!” He called out right at the door.
“Make sure you don’t make too much noise when you have fun tonight.” The middle-aged man winked and closed the door.

“So embarrassing.” Seamus muttered as he flopped down onto his bed in relief.

“He is one awesome bastard.” The alicorn giggled and fell next to her human.

“He yells at me most of the time. He was only nice coz he liked you.” The dude sighed, running his hand across his face.

“I bring out the best in everypony.” Celestia stuck her tongue out.

“Well at least we know the Brian effect is working on you perfectly.” Seamus said in a dull monotone. Deep down, unbeknownst to even him, he was feeling happy by the outcome.

“This is simply kick aaaaaaaass! Fucking sweet! Now I get to live a life as an everyday human… er… alicorn-human… whatever I should call the new me.” The ex-princess rejoiced, sighing in content.

“Don’t forget you have to learn many things about humanity: society, culture, manners, behavior, use of technology, road language, everyday human terms, current events, basic World and American history, common knowledge, using your hands, walking, the whole enchilada! Total crash course!” The human counted down everything he could think of, still much other stuff coming onto his mind.
“And once you do, you’ll need to find a job.”

“Can’t I just magically copy some of your money? We’ll be rich.” Celestia pouted and put on an adorable puppy dog face.

“I ain’t gonna have a lazy ass bitch living with me.” Seamus retorted sternly.

“Buzzkill!” The equine ex-ruler rolled over onto her belly and looked deeply into the human’s eyes.
“I’m going to enjoy twirling you around my finger dear boy. Soon you’ll be eating from the palm of my hand and do everything I ask simply because of my irresistible sex goddess powers. You will kneel and worship me like a queen.” A glint of wickedness shined in her eye.

“Yeah right! Are you sure you’re over that tyrant lifestyle you were telling me that you want to be rid of?”

“Old habits die hard.”

“Okay! I’ll be falling asleep any second now. I haven’t caught any zees all night and I need some shuteye right now. I have food in the fridge if you get hungry. Do you know how to use the TV?” The human crawled under his sheets and tucked himself in.

“Yes! I’ve seen humans before use a thing called…hmmm… I think it was called a remote. The red button is to turn on the machine, the numbers are for the channels and the plus and minus for the loud and quiet sound.” Celestia recalled her last trip to the land of Humanville.

“Excellent. Don’t wake me until six.” Seamus said and before he knew it, he dozed off.

And so begins our tale, a tale of a cooler, hotter and swaggeristic anthro princess Celestia and her sidekick/tease-toy human roommate!

*Begin the hot-diggity dancing opening song of “Celestia’s New groove”*

(Link to original song)

[Verse 1]
There are rats and there are traitors - all sorts of rebel instigators
There are nobles with the brains of a tiny fly
There are czars and lesser kaisers, who are so lacking in advisers
They'd be better suited living in the rye

[Verse 2]
She was born out in the sticks
She fought big monsters just for kicks
Eventually getting into aristocracy
A big riddle and a mystery, in pony Equestrian history
The pinacle of gracefulness that is she!

[Verse 3]
The ex-diarch and God of a nation
Now a sexy roommate of temptation
Her human is a sidekick of douchebagdom!
She has such perfected genes that, generations can't compare scat
To this extraordinary creature of the sun!

[Chorus]
What's her name?
Celestia! (That's her name!)
Celestia! (She's the queen of the globe!)
Celestia! (Is she hot or what?)
Celestia! (Yeah!)

[Verse 4]
The ex-diarch and God of a nation
Now a kinky roommate of temptation
Her roommate will have to put up with her!
And her little slave will drool, around her every act of cool
Cause this perfect mare is awesome in every… (way)

[Chorus]
What's her name?

*Celestia appears in front of the readers and begins Samba dancing*

Celestia!(That’s her name!)
Celestia! (Is she bad or what?)
Celestia! (Don’t you know she’s the queen of the globe?)
Celestia!
Uhuh!
Awoo!

Author's Note

Celestia’s body and design was based on the wonderful anthro art of El-Doc, Zev, and lil miss jay. Since many of their works are NSWF look em’ up on derpibooru.org. Just write artist:artistname, princess celestia, anthro in its search engine.

I based the title of the fic off of “The Emperor’s New Groove”, a Disney animated classic movie. It’s about a selfish and spoiled Emperor whose servants attempt to murder him with poison but instead accidentally turn him into a lama and then shenanigans ensue. I thought Celestia’s predicament in the prologue was similar to that sitch so I used the title for the fanfic… and altered the kickass opening song! XD

As to the music opening and Celestia’s Samba dancing, I imagined this scene as an animated intro with anthro Celestia Samba dancing like the girls on these Youtube links:
Link1 Link2

Celestia’s personality has been completely altered: She's cocky, sassy, with a big ego and the big attitude of a steretypical black woman and Chao from the “The Hangover” movie franchise. She’s also very open about her sexuality, not to mention very cool and adventurous! A Motrollestia if you will. ;)

I hope the German was grammatically okay. I’ve studied it for three years in Elementary school but I’ve forgotten almost everything except for a few words and phrases. So I used Google Translate here. U mad? XD

Don't worry about Celestia's threats to make Seamus her fuck toy. She's just exagerating. She will only tease and flirt with him a lot.

Update: OMFG! THIS GOT FEATURED! FIRST FEATURE EVAAAAAH!

Update 2: For comment feedback check out my new >>>blog<<<