I saw you die
In your hands a light like my sister's sun and I
Saw your face, alight with joy at the lie
Drawn by a power that disorders all
Too in love with pure chaos to heed my call
Then it came to life, the poison bright
Changing all that it touched to brilliant light
Swallowing you, and all, in my sight
I took my sister and fled to the night
On the other side of the world, in fright
Left you behind, in grief, for I
Had just seen you die
I saw it before it happened, in dreams
Visions that proved to be enemy schemes
But up to that moment I'd had no way
To know the light that I saw would blossom that way
Light is a sunrise
Light is a child's eyes
My visions never told me:
In that light, everything dies
Even I could not realize
What appeared as a dream of a light blooming brief
Was instead a cruel plan to bring us all to grief
Not till the moment I saw it bloom
Did I know that the light was to be all our doom
It was there in your hands
You had no time to flee
All I could save was my sister and me
For weeks, for months, I did nothing but cry
I left my brother behind
I let you die
My sister believes that this twisted thing who
Has plunged our world into madness is you
Wears your face and your voice, so she's fooled by its lie
But not I
A god it is, so it is said
To explain how it can be you, back from the dead
But if it was you it would still have a heart
No
I can still see the light that ripped you apart
And she can't bring herself to destroy it, but I
Know that if it were you you would never betray us
To lay you to rest, we must paralyze chaos
And when it is stone, I will not cry
For I know it's not you
I saw you die
Author's Note
WMA Audio file of reading, by me, now uploaded at my own site.
Rise, and bring with me the day
Hold my court for many hours
Smile in a regal way
Thank the gardener for the flowers
I am hollow
Gently put the sun away
Decorate her sky with stars
Stand in silence, bathed in rays
From her face, so high, so far
I am hollow
In my garden, silent stone
Screams and laughs inside my head
I retire to my room alone
No love, no friend to share my bed
It'd hurt too much to see them dead
And I am hollow
Smile for another day
Another step upon a road
That goes on and on and on this way
Carrying an unseen load
Endlessly I walk nowhere
No destination up ahead
I can't remember how to care
All those I ever loved are dead
Or bound, imprisoned, lost to me
It will not change, I cannot see
I'll bear this for eternity
This emptiness my destiny
I am hollow
I cannot set this burden down
My subjects all depend on me
But if I could, I'd flee this crown
Move to somewhere quiet, cozy
Be a mortal, have a friend
Assured that I, like them, would end
I'd mother foals, I'd be a wife
... but that can never be my life
Above she gazes down at night
Her soundless glare for all to see
He laughs in silence, all his might
Frozen, so we can be free
I hear their voices in my mind
Betrayed, accusing, bitter, angry
But I'm the one they left behind
And without them, life is empty
Their prisons may not be as wide
As mine, but I am equally tied
I rise, and bring with me the day
My smile is an empty mask
I do my duty, but I pray
For what I don't deserve to ask
For one to come and set me free
To bring to life my hollow heart
To give me something to believe
To be at my side and never part
And if only that could be,
I could dream one day we three
Could at long last all be free
Until then I am hollow
Author's Note
WMA Audio file of reading, by me, now uploaded at my own site.
And so it goes!
Today I think an apocalypse.
Of giant mutant cabbages!
Pony-eating, sharp-toothed, whiny.
Watch them roll along the streets,
Complaining that their meals do flee!
Oh look, some unicorns try to fight.
Too bad, the cabbages eat magic too!
And here come pancakes!
Manta rays.
They fly through the air,
wrap their prey, and crush!
Do pony bones taste good with syrup?
Let's let pancake-eating spiders find out!
All dead now.
Apocalypse is boring.
Reset!
It's not real anyway.
Or maybe foals burst into flames!
What do you think I am, a monster?
Of course the flames don't hurt the foals.
They're fire foals.
It's the parents that burn.
Haha! To love them is to die,
Their love burns their parents alive.
That seems profound somehow.
Oh no!
Did I just make a metaphor?
Confound it, I was trying to be senseless.
Anything for entertainment.
Damn, now I'm awake.
How can I tell?
My eyes don't open
I cannot stretch
Can't yawn can't speak can't do can't
Stop.
Let's go back to hallucinating.
It's much more fun than this!
This time I'll make a perfect world.
Everypony loves my candy grass!
It's got wheels, so you can skate on it
And then when you're hungry, dig in!
I turn their houses upside down.
They clop their hooves and shout for more!
No, this is totally unbelievable.
One star! Downrated!
Suspension of disbelief went splat.
And here I am again in darkness.
No, not darkness.
Darkness implies that you have eyes
And that they're closed
Or there's no light.
I have no eyes, so I don't see darkness.
Call it gray.
It's not that either.
I could call it nurfleblong.
I could call it anything.
Why would it matter?
I know what it is
And there's no one to tell about it anyway.
So why make a word?
It is what it is.
The point is I can't see anything.
It must be day.
I hear ponies outside.
How can I hear when I can't see?
Don't know! Don't care!
Come closer, ponies.
Talk about something. Anything.
Talk about something stupid and boring.
It's all you talk about anyway
But I still want to hear it!
Voices from outside my head
Tell me, somewhere there's reality
Somewhere minds that aren't me
Somewhere things I didn't make
Somewhere chaos I didn't create
Somewhere I will never see
Now that's depressing.
Think of something!
A distraction.
Purple dinosaurs!
They're short, and fuzzy, not scaly.
They sing about love and friendship and euw
And then eat foals for lunch.
My gosh,
my imagination's turned so dark lately.
What's with all the dying ponies?
Maybe it's because I hate them.
They're walking! Talking! They can see!
They can feel
They can live
I hear them walk right past me and ignore me.
Of course they do!
Who talks to statues?
Ponies get to be alive.
And here I am, dead.
Except death's more friendly.
I've been there!
Plenty of spirits to play games with.
Admittedly no cards in the land of the dead
But you'd be amazed
how far you can get with charades!
And there's things to perceive!
Chaos, mostly.
Death is fun!
Sort of.
Better than this anyway.
How long's it been?
Trick question!
It's never going to end
So who cares?
It's not like it's a finite sentence.
It's going to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and
Wait
Am I crying?
It's hard to tell when nothing's real.
It's not like I can hear myself.
I'm tired of destroying the world.
What about a good old fashioned storm of chaos?
Clouds on the ground
On roller skates!
Rain lemonade
Upside down!
Oldie but goodie, that one.
And how about giant mutant bunny rabbits?
With spindly legs the size of trees?
Haha! That never gets old!
I'm lying, it's old already.
Who cares about any of it?
There's no one here to see it.
I know, I know!
An awesome trick!
This one will knock their socks off
In a platonic way, of course.
First I'll fill the world with monkeys
Coatless, tailless, but with manes
Wearing clothes, because otherwise euw!
Who wants to see a coatless monkey butt?
And then
I'll make them all believe
That this is their favorite entertainment!
They'll run around, amazed
At fiction come to life!
And all of them will think
They're chosen heroes, loved by ponies.
And then it turns out there's a disease
That ponies get, but monkeys
Have no immunity!
Watch them all sneeze
And cough and wheeze and finally die!
Oh my, I kill myself!
Actually that's a great idea.
Here's some rope
And here's a bomb
And here's a dagger for my throat.
For my next trick
I'll make a legendary monster
Disappear.
Haha, your face!
You thought I'd really do it?
No, no, I'd never do such a thing.
Not unless I took you all with me.
Besides, I don't know how I could.
Can't move, you know.
Can't even die.
Oh, right, you're not there either.
Because if you were
I could say
let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out let me out
make it stop
let it end
let me die if that's the only way
But you can't hear me.
No one can hear me.
Unless they're not real!
The ponies I hallucinate hear just fine.
But they're not real
Nothing's real
Nothing left but me
Only me
Forever and ever and ever and ever
Just me
You didn't hear me screaming just now.
Of course you didn't!
Because if you could hear me
Then you wouldn't be there!
As I was standing around somewhere
I met a pony who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
I wish, I wish that pony would stay
Why complain?
This is my perfect world of chaos.
Everything just like it is in my head!
There isn't even causality here.
No passage of time to march along, constant
No pesky need for cause and effect
I don't even need magic!
Chaos is automatic.
All of my world is just like I dreamed of!
Because that's all it is
just dreams
and nightmares
and when it stops, there's nothing
just me
let me out let me out let me out let me die let me out
please
please free me
Who am I talking to?
There's no one here but me.
There'll never be anyone here but me.
Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and
nothing
nothing but me
Author's Note
WMA Audio file of reading, by me, now uploaded at my own site.
