Lyra And The Banana

by Splat

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1421

Lyra tries to communicate with a banana after she finds out that they're fifty percent genetically smilar to Humans.

Everypony in Ponyville knows that Lyra has an obsession with the mythical creatures known as Humans. Only one of their skeletons have been found for proof that they used to exist, but scientists still like to observe them. An exciting story came up in the news one day about Human DNA being genetically similar bananas. This gives Lyra an idea about the similarities.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-05 13:44:37 UTC

"Bananas Are Good" - 9th Doctor

It was almost ten in the morning, on a boring old Sunday. Lyra hated Sundays, they were always so dull and nothing interesting ever happened. Bon Bon walked towards the front door, about to leave to get the Sunday newspaper. She shouted over to Lyra. "Now, Lyra! I don't want any of your ridiculous shenanigans whiles I'm gone. I'll only be a few minutes and I don't want to come back to a house that has been destroyed by this mythical creature you made up to lie about named, 'Iron Man', we all know that he doesn't exist, do if you do manage to send the house through the time vortex or something, tell the truth and don't blame Iron Man." Bon Bon nagged.

Lyra was watching the TV, she wasn't really listening to what Bon Bon had to say. "Yeah, yeah, ok. I'll send the house through the time vortex later." She had just woken up and was still have asleep. She flicked through the channels looking for something good to watch. "The Story If Nightmare Moon. Seen that a thousand times. Reading Rainbow Dash. That's for nerdy Daring Do fans. Ugh! Why is everything on today just a rerun, why isn't there anything new? Ah, Oz The Great And Powerful! Finally! Something entertaining! Ha, ha, Bon Bon, did you know that Trixie is jealous of Oz The Great And Powerful?" Lyra asked.

"To be honest, I don't really care. Just don't move. Ever since you got obsessed with Humans, you always seem to create disasters after you find something new out about them. Because of that, I always get the urge to jump into a bomb shelter every time you move a muscle. Just don't do anything stupid!" Bon Bon demanded. She opened the door and left to get the Ponyville newspaper. She slammed the door shut. Silence at last. The only noise was the TV.

Lyra watched the rest of the movie, the credits came up onto the screen and she turned the TV off and went to get some food out of the refrigerator. When she was in the kitchen, she heard the front door open and close. Bon Bon walked back inside the living room. "Wow! Our living space is still here and not even a difference since I left. Must be a new record, Lyra Heartstrings, new record. Longest time without destroying the house." Bon Bon teased.

"Ugh! Will you give me a break?! Every time something happened when I was doing something was always an accident." Lyra snapped.

"Really? When we went to Manehatten, we visited the history museum to see the only human skeleton ever been found. You tried to steal the finger bone, the guards saw you and arrested you. We were kicked out of Manehatten and we're never aloud to return to the city, all of that because of your obsession with Humans." Bon Bon laughed.

"It wasn't my fault. That skeleton was giving me his middle finger." Lyra replied.

"So!? What does that even mean?" Bon Bon asked in confusion.

"Sticking a middle finger up at somepony is a hand jester for an insult for Humans. It was insulting me! I was making a stand!" Lyra shouted, trying to turn the conversation round.

"No. You were making a scene. It doesnt matter anyway, forget about it, I was joking. Be quite please, I'm reading the newspaper." Bon Bon smiled. Lyra and Bon Bon sat down in separate seats. It took Bon Bon about half an hour to read the whole paper. She was almost done when Lyra started to get bored. She started to become irritating. She kept fighting and making annoying noises to get attention. She started banging the chairs and shaking the table to get the slightest bit of attention from her friend. Bon Bon looked up, unamused. "Will you please stop!?" Bon Bon snapped.

"I'm bored, when are we going to do stuff together?" Lyra asked.

"When I'm finished reading, just please wait a few more minutes." Bon Bon replied. A few minutes later after Lyra had stopped being annoying, Bon Bon was on the last page of the paper, the science news section. She looked at the biggest story. It was about banana's. It was a story about how scientists have recently been observing the Human species once again and found out that their DNA was fifty percent genetically similar to bananas. "Hey, Lyra, have you seen this. Apparently, scientists have discovered that bananas are fifty percent genetically similar to Humans." Bon Bon teased, seeing how she would react.

Lyra grabbed the newspaper and started to jump with joy. "I can't believe it! I need to go!" Lyra shouted with excitement. She grabbed a few bits and ran for the door.

"Hey! Where are you going with my bits?!" Bon Bon panicked. Her money stolen by her best friend.

"I'm going to the store to buy some bananas! I have an idea to try and meet a human!" Lyra shouted as she ran out the door.

Eventually, Lyra made it to the market place in the centre of Ponyville, she quickly ran to the fruit and vegetable store. She put three bits on the counter and asked for a bunch of bananas. The store keeper  passed over a bunch of bananas and Lyra rudely grabbed it out of the shop keepers hoof. Barely gone five minutes, Lyra burst down the door of the house and ran upstairs into her bedroom and shut the door. She placed the bunch of bananas on the table next to her couch. She sat at the couch. Ok, bananas are fifty percent genetically similar to Humans. If I'm correct, hopefully the certain genetics I need should be inside this banana. Including the communication genetics that Humans have. If so, that means that this banana knows about Humans and it can tell me more information about the Humans I love and so desperately want to meet. Lyra thought to herself. She wanted to keep the conversation with the banana simple. She started of with simple words that would be in a normal conversation. She started off with a simple hello... No response. She decided to get straight to the point.

"I have brought you hear to ask you about one thing... Humans. Do you know anything about them?" Lyra asked. There was still no response from the yellow fruit.

"What are humans like? Are they kind? Are they evil? Are they gentle? Are they unbreakable? Lyra repeatedly asked, but still no response from the curved object.

"Do you know what Humans are like?! What do they do? What id their world like?" Lyra asked once again. "I must know more about them!"

Lyra looked down in disappointment. "How could I have been so foolish? Of course bananas can't talk. Just because they're genetically similar to Humans, doesn't mean they are that similar to Humans... Unfortunately. I'll have to find the information I want somewhere else." Lyra said to herself.

Suddenly, a voice came from nowhere. "Hello? Lyra?" the voice asked.

Lyra was confused, she didn't know who was talking or what was talking. "Um... Yes, this is Lyra. Who is this?" Lyra asked.

"It's me! The banana!"

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! You can talk! I was right! Do you know anything about Humans?!" Lyra smiled.

"Yes, I know tonnes of things about them! I am genetically similar of course!"

"You must tell me!" Lyra shouted.

Pretty soon, Lyra found herself having a full conversation with a banana, little did she know that there was a pony, her best friend, Bon Bon, snickering and making the voice of the banana from the outside of the room, almost falling to the floor laughing, but couldn't, knowing that Lyra would annihilate her if she ever found out she did this. Unfortunately, her snickering was to loud and Bon Bon didn't need to fall to the floor for Lyra to hear. Lyra already heard. Lyra asked one more question.

"One more question... Do you know where my friend Bon Bon is?" Lyra asked.

"Uh..."

Lyra walked over to her bedroom door and opened it to see Bon Bon looking up at her, pulling an innocent face. "I-I'm dead, aren't I." Bon Bon stuttered.

"Yep..." Lyra replied. Lyra grabbed the banana and chased Bon Bon around their house. Finally, Lyra had Bon Bon cornered. She grabbed Bon Bon and shoved the banana up her... Never mind.