Hey, this isn't Minecraft...

by Twisted Light

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure
Length: 9932

A hapless lad is selected at random to participate in some challenges set forth by Discord. Oh, and he'll have to acclimate to his new surroundings...

One bright day, on a dark stormy night;
A dark idea did alight;
I looked around, and then I'd see;
The prey of my game-to-be.

The trap was set, my victim near;
But there was nothing really to fear.
With that seed though, he'd actually find;
Instead of 'Create World' he'd be drawn into mine.

------

A crossover between Minecraft and Friendship is Magic; the tale follows someone getting pulled into the game, literally, and being distorted over to Equestria. The leak between the two mediums might create some shenanigans.

Disclaimer: Anyone/anything recognizable in this story is very likely owned by someone else. No IP infringement is intended, but that's probably already known by now...

Published 2014-05-03 04:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-22 02:11:56 UTC

It's only a game.

...Twists and turns are my master plan...

It's only a game. The words repeated over an over again in the mind in a desperate attempt at drowning out the surrounding laughter, hidden by the deep darkness. It's only a game. The last, tenuous grip on sanity was slipping quickly from the senses being cut off by the experience. That crazed laughter boomed out louder with each chant of the mantra.

Just as the grip upon a rational mind slipped, a light shone down upon the trapped being, beaming down from a silver disk above. Instinctively, the entity swam up toward the light until the soft glow became a blinding white light. A feminine, authoritative voice called five words out, sharply. "Thou art not from here."

The warmth of the sun was the first thing he felt as his sleep was disturbed. With a groan, the male rolled over and pushed himself upward from the... grass? When did I get outside? The bad dream replayed itself again as he got to his feet. Sucked into my computer screen while playing Minecraft, crazed laughter, darkness, and then that light. Bad dream, he thought as he surveyed his surroundings. It appeared to be the edge of a rather dense forest and an open field. There were some mountains in the distance, as well as what appeared to be a small old-age town relatively nearby, and a faerie tale castle embedded into the side of one of the mountains. ...right?

The surroundings scanned, he decided to look down at himself. Two arms, two legs, feet, hands, fingers (lots of fingers), these clothes aren't mine... blue shirt, jeans, brown shoes. I look just like... He facepalmed at the realization. Okay, so I'm in the game? But... aren't I supposed to be alone, his thoughts trailed off as he eyed the two signs of civilization in line of sight.

"Either way," he began speaking aloud, just to break the silence, "if I'm in this game, I've gotta play by the rules. Shelter, before night falls." He turned about to the forest and approached the nearest tree, cracking his knuckles along the way. He hitched his arm back for a punch at the lumber, suppressing the dread of having to actually punch down a tree, and hesitated when he saw a brown pack just beyond on another with a note pinned to it. One confused blink later, the thus-nameless-male approached the pack and read the note, which appeared to be scrawled in crayon.

"As fun as punching a tree until it turns to logs sounds, you might want to use this instead. -D."

Within the pack lie several red apples and a stick with a sharpened stone axe head tied to the end of it. With a grin, he pulled out the tool and set to the first tree once more, cracking into it with surprising strength and speed. It only took an unrealistically few chips before it was felled, and then the work began to convert it into something more habitable.

"There," Nameless stated as he wiped the sweat off his brow and took a step back to admire his creation. Dusk was settling in, and he now had a suitable home.

...okay, it's a shack, but it'll have to do, he mused as a rhythm of strange noises began from behind him. With a whirl, axe at the ready, Nameless beheld the strangest creature he had ever seen: an amalgamation of goat, serpent, horse, bird, lion, and possibly dragon, among others. The creature was... applauding and grinning. "Well done, well done!" It declared, male by the voice. "You've passed the first test in this little game. Only two more until you're on your way home."

Nameless gripped the axe tighter a moment before relaxing some. Whatever this... thing is... "What are you supposed to be," he demanded, but the response was a simple snap of the fingers from the eagle claw of the creature. In a flash, Nameless was inside his shack, peering out the open door to the waving, grinning creature. The door slammed shut of its own accord as the creature began to vanish as it said, "Discord."

Jostling the doorknob proved useless at the time. While hacking his way out would do the job, as the axe was still handy, the stars and moon were out in their shining glory. With a sigh, Nameless stepped back from the door, tossed his tool and weapon aside, next to the found pack. He lay himself down upon a pile of spare planks and began trying to make sense of his situation as a rather uncomfortable sleep began to overtake him.

First Shenanigans

Oh, what fun is there in making sense?

The dream was strange, to say the least. He was going... somewhere. There were endless fields as far as the eye could see in three directions, the fourth had a rather vast city, and he was walking upon a road leading to it. A feeling of assurance and confidence lie within the heart as he approached, with a sun setting behind him. When did it become... dream. It's a dream.

As he walked along a main road through the buildings, the lights winked out as he marched by. He stopped, and looked about; the blackout seemed to be centered on him. With a frown, he continued through the city, the lights winking out, in pace with him, but quickly picked up. Doubt crept in where confidence once resided, and he started to race to keep up with the lights, and with a glance to the left and right, the windows began closing their shutters of their own accord, as if to confirm the insecurity. The world snapped to blackness as the last lights went out.

After but a few moments of darkness, a familiar pale disk illuminated the sky; he looked up towards it. That familiar, disembodied voice seemed to note him again. "Thou art out of place."

With a sharp gasp, Nameless awoke in that shack. It was still night by the look of things; he shivered in the cold and climbed off the rather uncomfortable makeshift bed. After blindly rummaging for that pack, he withdrew an apple for breakfast, grabbed the axe, and tried the door; it opened without a fuss. Odd.

Instead of the inky blackness that he had grown familiar to, Nameless beheld a night untarnished by lights from below. He gawked at the pre-dawn beauty a moment before a growling stomach reminded him to eat. Survival rules; gotta eat to not die. Apples should do the trick for a while, but I've got to find something more suitable... With the apple mostly devoured, he eyed the seeds a moment before shrugging and set to chopping a small patch of dirt out of place. He then buried the bared core before stepping back into the shack.

Nameless put the axe in with the apples, then hefted the pack over his shoulder. He stepped outside, and shut the door to the shack. Nothing really worth stealing aside from these. This isn't my game; the texture pack is all wrong, and I am waking up and dreaming here. There might actually be someone in that town. It wasn't even ten meters before he heard another familiar voice clear its throat behind him.

"Heading off before I could even tell you the second challenge," the being identified as Discord called out in a rather disappointed tone. The being, however, wasn't there when Nameless turned about. "Over here," the voice called from another direction, but the being was still absent from sight. "You are terrible at this game!" Laughter echoed from several directions.

Giving up on facing the creature, Nameless turned back toward the town. "And just what is this second 'challenge,'" he demanded as he took several steps toward the town.

"Quite simple, really," Discord responded, the voice sounding like it was never more than a meter away. "It's actually ongoing, too. All you have to do, is complete the next challenge without anypony seeing you."

Nameless stopped and looked about. "Pony? I can't be seen by any pony," he asked incredulously. The chimeric being popped into existence before him, whistling nonchalantly and tapping two fingers together. Just what is he babbling about?

"You heard me," Discord stated suddenly and matter-of-factly. "Last a few days without catching attention, and the next challenge you complete counts as two."

"And if I don't want to play your game," Nameless growled out, annoyed that this... Discord was already trying to make his life difficult, even before the break of dawn.

"Then," Discord began his response while walking away. His body snaked over backwards, stretching to keep at an even distance while the legs wandered off, "I'd guess you don't want to go home."

His eye twitched; Discord winked. "Toodles," the chaotic being waved and winked out of existence as Nameless lunged at him. He looked back toward the shack, then to the village...

Thunk. Thunk. Thunk. The back of the axe substituted well for a hammer when the shaped planks needed to be forced into fitting together. Nameless looked at the creation before him; a rather rickety bed frame with more legs than a spider. Well, I'm going to need cloth for the actual bedding; don't want to freeze again. The thought sent a shiver up Nameless' spine. No, I need to get something to keep warm... and I suspect where I can find that...

For the second time this day, Nameless struck out to find out more about that nearby settlement. With the sun on his side this time, he made off just as before, only without some annoying, chaotic creature dogging him and spewing riddles and challenges and generally making the morning unpleasant. With a glance upward at the position of the sun, the time was determined to be roughly noon-ish. Another apple was freed only to be feasted upon as a traveler's lunch. He said don't get spotted by any pony, not any body. I highly doubt there's going to be ponies everywhere in this. Minecraft has horses, yes, but those could be miles away... then again... Minecraft doesn't have a... whatever that thing is.

Ponies, he thought as he hugged the back of a nearby tree, glancing over his shoulder at the brightly colored beings walking to and fro in the town. Ponies everywhere. He gulped and silently prayed that none of the beings had seen him approach. Okay, I just need to get out of here without being seen. Simple enough, right? I just need a... his thoughts trailed back to the bag. ...distraction.

Nameless slung the bag down some to get a new apple. He eyed the perfect place to throw it, how high to throw it, and the physics of it played out in his head. The distraction would be too confusing to ignore! It was perfect, seamless. "Bo-ring!" called out a rather obnoxious, unfamiliar voice. Nameless flung his arms into the air and whirled toward the new voice, and failed to note that he threw the apple straight upward. What he beheld made his heart sink; a wild-maned, blue-eyed pink pony grinning ear-to-ear at him. He only faintly registered another voice shouting down at him, "Hey, watch it!"

Everything suddenly went blue with white text. "An error has occured..."

"Uh, Pinkie?"

"Yeah?"

"Is... it going to be okay?"

"Oh, he'll be fine! Isn't that right!?"

"I don't think shouting's going to do much good."

"He just needs to stop blue-screening, then he'll be okay!"

"...wha?"

His vision cleared, and Nameless saw two rather colorful equines chatting in front of him, waving hooves in his general direction; one pink and the other blue with a multi-colored mane... and feathered wings? Things suddenly became very noisy from a whole lot of shouting; Nameless shouted in fear, the blue one shouted in surprise, and the pink one seemed to be shouting in... joy?

Then there was the attention gained from the shouting, as many of the inhabitants of this little town turned their gaze to the trio. "Monster," one shouted. "The horror! The horror," another screamed as the multicolored town scattered in a disorderly mob. They ran indoors, Nameless bounded back toward the forest, the pink one hopped along behind him, and the winged rainbow seemed to be trying to stop the former. Not good, not good, not good!

"Why's what not good," the pink's voice called as Nameless whirled about to see that his pursuers had vanished.

I hate this game... "Okay, that's just freaky," he shouted while shaking a fist.

"No, I'm Pinkie," the eponymous pony declared as she seemed to spring out of the ground, along with a burst of confetti. "That's Rainbow Dash," she continued, pointing up at the sky. He looked upwards to see the named winged pony hovering above them, and most definitely giving him a 'Do-Anything-And-Regret-It' glare. "And youuuuu," Pinkie pointed at Nameless and squinted before rubbing her chin with the other hoof; she most definitely rivaled Discord in the 'Barely makes sense' department. "You... don't have a name? Hey, what's with that?"

Nameless blin-

"He's not nameless, everypony has a name," Pinkie shouted at the sky abruptly.

The as-yet-unnamed-stran-

"Two chapters in and you haven't properly introduced him yet," Pinkie sat down and looked to the sky, shaking her head sadly. "I've seen better."

"Now hold on a minute," Steve protested in bewilderment, "What are you doing?"

"That's better," Pinkie nodded, then gave the formerly-nameless-but-henceforth-known-as-Steve a big grin. "Oh, just talking with the author."

There was a long, silent pause as the three stared at each other with differing looks. "You're crazy," Steve finally replied flatly.

"I can prove it, just let me reach right down here and then you'll see"

Pinkie, let go of the pa-

Pinkie Pie rattled off the story before allowing the reality wrinkle to sort itself out from the ordeal of reading the tale. Steve watched in mild horror as the past day and a half were just summarized for him, and Rainbow Dash started laughing in a nearby cloud from the reactions he gave. "And by talking to us, you just blew... your... challenge," she finished, starting in a cheery tone and wound down to an apologetic one. "Woopsie..."

"Woopsie, indeed," Discord called out from a different cloud. He streaked down from the bottom of the fluff like a bolt of lightning, landing beside Pinkie and Steve before putting an arm around each of them. "Oh, well, I guess that just means you get to play around here a while longer."

Steve and Pinkie glared at Discord, both wiggling out of the draconequus' talon and paw. "You set this up," an indignant Dash called out from above, zipping down to hover at eye level with the chaotic being.

"What? Mua," the chaos spirit released his 'captives' and made a show of innocence, complete with halo, which only drew glares from the two ponies and human. After a pause, the halo broke into a set of tiny red horns. "Fine, fine, you've caught me red-pawed," he said with plenty dramatic flare, the lion's paw fading to a dark red hue. "Our guest here is part of a harmless little game, where he simply has to take up brief residence and complete a few trivial tasks, then off he goes back home, as if nothing had happened." The halo reformed as the being gave what was supposed to be an award-winning smile.

The ponies looked to each other, then back to Discord, then to Steve, then back to themselves before nodding. "Alright," Dash said in response, "But I've got my eyes on you." She pointed a hoof at Discord, then swung it toward Steve, "And you too, Loudmouth."

"By all means, enjoy the show," Discord said before he spiraled in on himself and vanished; his voice lingered in the air a moment longer, however. "Since you went and got noticed, by the way, feel free to get acquainted with everypony; there's one in particular that I'm just itching to watch you bump into." His laughter faded out into nothing.

Rainbow Dash looked back to Ponyville a moment before she bolted off, leaving Steve with Pinkie. He gave a nervous smile as she gave an overly friendly one in reply. How does that phrase go, again? 'Shenanigans ensue?' "See you tomorrow Stevie," she nearly shouted before hopping back toward town. Okay, that was... random; and wasn't the sun higher a moment ago?

With the evening hours swiftly approaching, Steve sighed and headed back toward his little shack by the forest. Tomorrow, he'd try again, with a little more freedom than this day. Tonight would just be a test run of the bed frame.

An End to Fear

Steve awoke from a dreamless sleep and shifted over to stand up. His back felt like he had been kicked by a horse several years ago, but that just made him more determined than ever to fix this bed situation. After a quick inventory of his belongings, he grabbed his pack and headed off towards that town again, and remembered to shut the door behind him.

His back complained the entire way.

The last door slammed shut as Steve strolled through the gathering of buildings. He sighed before continuing onward, giving glances to closing windows and cowering faces. Can't do much if they're terrified of me. The quiet stroll was met, after some time, by a rather bizarre sight: A tree-turned-house. Tree house. Original. What drew his attention most, however, was the fact that it remained somewhat welcoming in contrast to the rest of the town, or at least the portion Steve had seen.

Here goes nothing, he thought as he approached the front door and rapped upon it three times. Steve was surprised to hear hoof clips approaching, followed by the door opening somewhat. "Hel- oh, it's you," answered a violet-hued cross between unicorn and pegasus. "Come in, quick, before that thing sees you!" At that, Steve raised an eyebrow and glanced behind himself as he entered; something vanished from the corner of his eye. Huh...

As Steve stepped within, the door seemed to shut of its own accord, but the glowing horn may have had something to do with that. He looked about where he was; apparently not a house at all, but a library. Fascinating, and the tree still looks so healthy too, he thought as the equine hostess cleared her throat, snapping him to focus on her. "Sorry for that," she began before gesturing upward to herself with a hoof, "I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. You must be Steve." He nodded in response, and simply tried to look as least intimidating as possible; these ponies seemed rather easy to upset. "A few questions, then; first," she began in calm manner before wildly gesturing at the door and raising her voice to a fretted tone. "What in Celestia's name were you doing out there?!"

He opened his mouth to speak and raised a hand, but was quickly cut off with further exposition from Twilight. "There's a... thing, running loose. It's panicked Ponyville's population!" She paused to take flight up to another level briefly before coming back down.

"A thing," he asked. Maybe a monster? I don't have a sword yet, but maybe the axe will do. "What does it look like?" He began to walk around, looking for a window, to perhaps see this mysterious 'thing.'

"Well," Twilight drew out the word a moment. "Like you, but taller, darker, and with glowing eyes. It doesn't talk much, but it's aggressive; like a lot of the creatures from the Everfree." She paused for breath a moment and continued, resuming a collected composure. "It's also quite fast, or magical; the creature seems to make short teleports whenever it wills." Oh no...

"Did it take anything; just pick it up and wander around," Steve asked suddenly. Please don't be...

Twilight nodded. "Yes; it started with some wares from Quills and Sofas, but then it started taking everypony away, one by one," she answered, her voice getting more stressed as she elaborated. "It's stopped taking captives for now, and just wanders around until somepony wanders outside; it attacks as soon as the two make eye contact!" It is...

Steve nodded, then turned toward the door. His back hurt still, and now there was one of... them wandering around. "Alright," he said and reached for the door, only to notice a glowing aura around the door. He frowned and made an attempt at pulling it open, then pushing it open, both of which failed to budge. He frowned, then looked back to Twilight, noting her horn matched the aura of the door. "Whatever you're doing, can you stop? I'm trying to help."

"Remind me, why are we outside again," Twilight asked Steve as she and Steve paced the main road. Spike, a whelp of a dragon and Twilight's 'Number One Assistant' wanted to assist in tracking down the creature, but was told to stay inside the library. Steve silently commended Twilight on keeping others out of harm's way, even if dragonfire would have been quite useful.

"This 'thing' you speak of," Steve began as he scanned the road for roughly the third time, "is an Enderman. It's... not from here, but likes to take stuff back to its home." Two things not native to this place... or is this place not native to what I'm- gahh, I'll sort that out later. He looked toward Twilight and tapped her on what he presumed was her shoulder to get her attention. "Whatever you do," he warned, "do not make direct eye contact with it. That makes it... upset."

Twilight gulped before she steeled herself to survey the settlement. The evening sun was making its descent; oh, how the time did fly. After a sigh of boredom, she heard something akin do a 'vwip.' "Steve," she asked, turning her head toward the noise, only to lock eyes onto the creature they sought. Its head snapped to her as it dropped its plunder (a lump of dirt), and opened its maw in a building roar before winking out from sight.

"Stay sharp," Steve cautioned and put his back to her as he hefted the axe. What did I just say about 'no eye contact?' The sun had set and the creature reappeared in front of Steve. It swung an arm to bat the flat-footed human out of the way of its prey, causing him to stumble aside.

Twilight whirled at the noise, her horn glowing bright to see the enderman reaching out toward her. In pure reflex, she let loose a bolt of raw arcane energy to blast her attacker back. The beast was knocked back several feet, but roared in anger and disappeared again. Twilight felt pressure at her sides; she beat her wings reflexively and craned her neck to see that creature again. She prepared another blast, but her eyes clearly showed her fear.

Before whatever the creature could do was done, Steve leaped upon the enderman and grabbed hold of it. "Gotcha," he shouted as they all winked from sight with an audible 'vwip.'

The world was suddenly, sharply cold and dark. Steve trembled and gripped the axe for some measure of security; it was like the dream he had when he first arrived. Stay calm, he thought as a state of panic began to well up within him. He turned his head to notice two purple pinpoints quite a distance away. He stared as more and more appeared, the dread and fear began to become overwhelming, when a familiar voice bellowed out of nowhere. "Wake up!"

Steve shook his head as he opened his eyes to see Twilight looming over him, her horn lighting up their surroundings for a bit of distance. "Oh good," she sighed in relief before looking off and around. "That enderthing disappeared after we got here, but it looks like we found out where it's been bringing its pilfered plunder."

"Perfect," Steve said while sitting up. Nothing was helping his back at all, and this latest venture proved that he could feel a whole lot of the damage done by the beasties. "Perchance, Princess, we panicked the pest?" Twilight looked toward Steve with an annoyed glare. So much for added alliterative appeal.

"Precisely," she said in a cheery tone after a moment of silence. "Now then, where are we?" She concentrated a moment before shooting off a magical flare, illuminating a vast cavern filled with gems. "The caverns beneath Canterlot?"

"P-princess?" a voice called out as the two turned to see a colt approaching from a group of others.

The rescue was inevitable, once Twilight had teleported above. Steve remained below, keeping watch for anything more strange than what had already happened. Once the actual recovery teams had arrived, Steve wandered off to hide, and simply waited for every pony to be evacuated. He trailed quietly behind the last group, and was met by Twilight at the end. "Did anybody else see me," he asked.

"Pony," she corrected, then lifted a hoof to point at him while looking rather proud. "And no. Now we can finally start asking the real questions."

"Real questions," he deadpanned while raising a brow.

"Mhmm, like how did you find that portal, and why aren't you a pony," she inquired.

"Can I try to answer those when the sun's back up? I've got a rather difficult to sleep on bed waiting," he complained and was met with a glare. "Ask Pinkie Pie," he stated bluntly.

Twilight continued her glare a moment before lighting up her horn again. She jabbed Steve in the side with a hoof as a flash of light enveloped them.

The next few moments were a bit of a blur to Steve. He was back in front of his shack. How does she know about my shack? Twilight disappeared and reappeared with explosive bursts of magical energy, and had returned with a partially destroyed sofa that the enderman had taken. She lit up for one more burst of magic, so Steve interjected before she could leave. "Thanks," was all he managed to get out before she poofed out of sight. He sighed and set to dragging the partial couch inside.

After a bit of work, a lot of lining up, some sheer frustration, and a storm of expletives, Steve managed to get the sofa spread evenly over the bed frame. How he longed to try this addition, and felt a smile tug on his tired face. He shut his eyes and prepared to fall, only to stop when he heard a 'vwip.'

He didn't look; he didn't need to. The enderman was right inside with him, those thieving hands reaching for his precious bed. No. Without even a conscious thought, Steve hurled the axe at the offender, and smacked its head. The shrieks of terror faded shortly after the encounter began. After a brief, one-sided struggle, Steve watched as the enderman disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving behind a gem and a few gold coins. He set the spoils on a wood pile and flopped down on the bed.

As rest crept over him once again, something felt off. He scanned his memory before it became agonizingly clear what had just been remembered. I LEFT MY BAG AT THE LIBRARY!

Good with the Neighborhood

Steve surveyed this latest bizarre dreamscape, and concluded that this pace was getting to him. He wandered through a mental construct of that town, Ponyville, only it seemed that a blanket of snow covered it. Almost all the inhabitants hid indoors from the cold.

The scenery suddenly shifted toward that forest he resided by, with a few trees obviously felled, and a large stack of logs piled up neatly. As Steve examined the stump of one of the trees, he found something scrawled in it. The text was completely illegible, but a drawing showed some logs, some apples, and an arrow pointing from the former to the latter. What in the world? He looked up to see another cross between pegasus and unicorn staring straight at him, a pale disk floating overhead. This one's coat was a significantly darker hue, like a midnight sky, and the mane seemed to be composed of a flowing pattern of stars.

They stared for a long moment...

Steve woke up to a familiar pain in his stomach; that dull ache of hunger. He climbed off the bed and stretched as he stood. Good bed, no back pain. Who was that? His mind was about to race with questions, but his stomach reminded him of much more pressing issues with a harsh rumble. Right, hunger, pack, library. Steve gathered up his axe and the recently acquired pearl jewel and gold coins. Worst case scenario, maybe these can get me something. He began the trek to Ponyville, once again ensuring that the door was firmly shut. The morning sun was barely visible through the overcast of clouds.

The multi-hued townsfolk seemed to carry on their own business as Steve approached the library door. He couldn't help but feel the lingering eyes of a few, as well as catch small bits of hushed conversation. Better than bewildered terror, he thought as he knocked on the door. After a few moments, it creaked open to reveal the vaguely familiar dragon. "Spike," he said with a smile, "how are you?"

"Great," the dragon replied as he pulled open the door wider. "Twilight's out for now, but she said you might stop by." He made a gesture to follow as he waddled inside again. Steve followed suit, taking the care to duck under the doorway.

Spike led Steve to the central table, where that familiar pack lay. Here's hoping, he thought. "Yeah," Steve scratched the back of his head as he spoke. "I left my bag here yesterday during that crazyness." Spike nodded and grabbed the pack before tossing it to Steve. Once he caught the bag, Steve's heart sank a little. It's way too light.

"Something wrong," the dragon asked.

"Seems my apples vanished," the human answered while dumping in the pearl, coins, and then the axe. He slung the pack over his shoulder. He looked to Spike, then sighed. "Well, either that or they just decided to roll away."

Spike shrugged, then pointed up while approaching the door again. "Well, you do have a few bits," he stated. "You probably could find some more at the market, especially if Applejack is there." Steve nodded and proceeded to leave the library, and gave Spike a nod and wave. Applejack, Market, right then. Obvious steps are obvious; I should be there in no time.

As if to ask the question 'are we there yet,' Steve's stomach gave an audible rumble of protest. He looked up at the overcast and darkening sky with a frown; pegasi were racing to and from the clouds, seeming to be shoving them around and packing them in place. And I thought I had control over the world.

After about a fruitless hour of search, he finally found the main square, indicated by the fountain and gathering ponies to various stalls and carts. While some were hawking their wares, others strolled casually on by, either shopping or chatting among themselves. Steve started a mental checklist as he examined the gathering, which consisted primarily of finding Applejack and seeing how many bits he had. Bits. Fitting name for coins.

It wasn't much longer until Steve heard something above the din of bartering and chatter. "Buy some apples," repeatedly called out a voice. After a scan, he located the owner of the shouting: a yellowish filly with a red mane and bow. He approached while reaching into his pack, and counted out the coins he had. Six bits. I hope that's enough for something. When Steve was close enough, the little one locked onto him and started to shout her sales pitch, but ended up calling out something along the lines of "Buy su-wha?"

After a moment of awkward staring, Steve looked to the cart of apples nearby, then back to the filly. He offered as harmless of a smile as he could as he knelt down some and held out the coins. "What can I get with this," he asked, trying to come off as friendly. After shaking her head some, the young one investigated the coins.

"Six o' your choice, Mister," the filly responded after a moment. She looked up at the cart and then back to Steve. He nodded with a smile and handed over all six coins at the behest of his rumbling stomach. He picked five at random and put them in the pack, then held onto the sixth as a question came to mind.

"Are you Applejack?"

The filly shook her head and pointed a hoof off in some direction. "Naw," she replied with a smile, "That's mah sister! She's lettin' me run the cart today, an' I'm gonna do just that." She beamed with pride at this statement.

Steve nodded and stood upright as he started heading off toward the direction the filly pointed. "Thanks. Take care, Applejack's Sister," he called out with a wave. A kid running a store. Don't know whether to be worried or what...

Two and a half apples later, Steve wandered in what seemed to be a complete circle back to the market. Well, at least I'm getting a feel for this place. He finished his apple slowly and took note that the market seemed to have shifted some; it felt a bit roomier, quieter, as if the business had died down some. Why do I have the feeling I'm being watched?

Steve looked around some as he grew a bit paranoid, then up towards the sky, in case that something above was conspiring against him. Satisfied that no eyes were on him, he looked back ahead to see a familiar pink pony standing some ways away, staring right at him. He blinked in surprise; but when he opened his eyes, she seemed to be armed with a cannon. Where did that- his thoughts were cut as she grinned like crazy and pulled the string. He flinched...

Nothing hit him. Steve looked to see balloons and confetti flying everywhere. The market seemed to suddenly erupt in all sorts of party favors, and the denizens took to them like it were a regular, albeit happy, occurrence. What caught his eye, however, was the large, simply made banner that read 'Welcome Steve' that had appeared behind Pinkie and her cannon. How did all this get here? Was it always here? Did I miss it? No, too obvious. So, that settles it; I've gone mad.

"You're not mad, silly," Pinkie chirped as she hopped over with a spring in each leap. "At least, you shouldn't be, because that would be crazy! Who'd be mad at a party? Oh, this is your 'welcome to Ponyville' party! Everypony gets one, and so do you, even if you're not a pony..." he stared at Pinkie go on and on in a rapidly increasing rate of speech. Her words seemed to blend together as the concept of a party for just showing up worked its way through Steve's head.

"...and that's how Equestria was made," Pinkie declared, confusing Steve even further than he already was. He couldn't help but laugh at the antics of the party pony; she had went onto a full-on history lesson that seemed rather disjointed when he had merely asked if the party was really so common. A new thought occurred to him as he gestured to Pinkie.

"Can you read my thoughts, or something," he asked calmly.

"Sort of. It's in the script! You'll be speaking with Applejack soon, and here's a hint; just go with it," she responded. Her answer only flung up several hundred more questions in Steve's mind though. He opened his mouth to speak, but she held up a hoof and gave a big smile. "Enjoythepartybye!" She then bounded away in a fit of laughter.

Hunger demanded another apple, so Steve obliged as he watched the ponies generally have a good time with all the various activities available. How am I supposed to make sense of her? He bit into the fruit and began to relax a bit. "There y' are," an unfamiliar voice called out. He looked up to see an orange not-unicorn-or-pegasus approaching. This one had a hat. "Doesn't look like yer havin' too much fun right there."

"Just taking it in," Steve responded with a smile. I'm never getting used to talking pastel ponies.

"Just as well," she nodded as she trotted over and nudged his shoulder. "Wanted to thank ya for helpin' Apple Bloom earlier; bought the most apples and just made her day." Steve blinked in a bit of surprise. Guess I'm not feared; well, at least I've got that going for me.

"I'm going to guess that you're Applejack?"

"So what you're saying," Steve gathered his thoughts from the long conversation with the orange mare, "is that you all manually start and stop weather." She nodded, looking a bit proud of it. "And that winter is coming." Another, less proud nod. "And that, for some reason or another, firewood's in short supply this year?"

"Just a mite understocked," she corrected. "It'd be a stretch, but we could get through." This gives me an idea. Steve nodded at that point and pulled out the axe from his pack.

"I'll tell you what," he said as he showed Applejack the tool. "This thing's meant for harvesting wood, but it seems it's gotten a bit of use. I'm set up out by some woods. If I supply some extra firewood, could I get some help making ends meet?"

"Shoot," Applejack replied with a grin, "Ah'd be crazy to turn down help. Which ends need meetin'?" Steve then proceeded to rattle off a list of basic necessities that he lacked. The mare nodded and tipped her hat some. "Ah think we can figure somethin' out."

"Right," Steve nodded, a massive weight seeming to ease itself some. "For now though... party on!" There was a raucous cheer from the party goers.

Restless Dreams

Four days had passed since the party, and Steve sighed at the thought. It was late in the evening, and the sun was setting as he split the last log for the day. After setting the resulting firewood in a rather large pile, he looked back at the small clearing he had made. Tall trees that just fall down. Maybe this isn't a game. Maybe I'm in some other world. Maybe I'm just over-thinking this and am really just tired. Steve nodded a bit and looked to the sky again; the pegasi were very quick with dispersing the rain clouds after the work had been done. That was uncomfortable, he thought as he remembered performing an emergency shore-up of the roof.

With the day's work done, Steve went back into the shack for the evening and closed the door. The past few days proved to be quite productive, and he used a few logs to better safeguard the home. He placed the axe on the new table and flopped down on the bed, and let himself be claimed by sleep. I wonder if I'll see...

"...her." Steve finished his thought aloud in the dreamscape. Apparently, cotton candy clouds and an endless field of blue grass with a green aurora above was the order for the night. "Trippy." He began to mill around before he had an epiphany. "I always have these weird or downright disturbing dreams when-" He thought aloud when he finally caught the familiar dream-pony materialize. "Speak of the devil..."

"Ah, here is thine dream," the invader spoke as she casually cantered toward him. "Rather... chaotic."

"There you are again," Steve remained still. "Here to call me odd again?"

"We shall do no such thing," she replied. "Thou must be 'Steve.'"

"Word travels fast," he commented before sitting down on the grass; it lit up in a semi-bright light as he seated himself. "But I have no idea who you are, and we've met a few times already."

"Thou keepst awakening from thine perturbing dreams," the mare responded while taking on a look of annoyance. The glare softened some after a brief pause. "We are Luna, princess of Equestria's night."

Steve raised a brow before reaching behind him to pluck a cotton candy cloud out of the 'sky' and began to eat it absently. The action earned another unamused look from Luna. "So, why do I dream about you," he asked before finishing the cloud.

Luna, in reply, began circling around Steve at a slow pace as she spoke. "'Tis not of us thee has dreams of, but we monitor all dreamers' sights, should nightmares plague our subjects. Thine dreams are, for lack of better words, different." She paused once a complete circle had been traced.

"But," Steve began to reason, "I am not of this land and I am not one of your subjects, why the interest?" The control over the dream world felt as if it had been wrested from Steve as the world normalized to a daylight scene just outside his shack. "My shack?"

"Thou hast set up a dwelling and engaged in peaceful interaction with our subjects, in addition to granting aid," Luna explained and seemed to grin and shrug. "We are considering thee a citizen, pending probation."

Steve facepalmed, and Luna seemed to giggle at the reaction...

Most of the dream had been spent confirming and denying Pinkie's history lesson, while some things that made sense were denied (such as an imperial tax being placed upon cakes, causing a rebellion nearly a millennium ago), others that made no cohesion were supported (such as Luna, Discord, and even a being known as Celestia being well over a millennium in age). It was during one explanation, that Steve felt an interrupting inquisition form. "How did you know my name or what I've done? We've not really had much contact," he asked. Luna paused her explanation of how she and her sister weaved the very heavens above and stared at Steve with a neutral expression.

"We were informed of thine properties by Twilight Sparkle, shortly after thine heroics with the embernan-" Luna explained casually, but was abruptly cut off.

"Enderman," Steve corrected quickly, failing to notice Luna's gaze seemed distant now. There was something slightly off with the dreamscape; a noise that wasn't there before, like an erratic thumping. "So, Twilight brought even more attention to me?"

Luna blinked and looked back to Steve. She nodded, a frown adorning her face. "Was it thine wish," she asked while raising a brow, "for secrecy?"

"Not exactly," Steve replied with a shrug as a bit of a breeze kicked up, pushing clouds and waving the grass. The pounding noise grew in intensity. "I'd like to have known that I'd be up for discussion or something, though." He frowned and flicked his right ear some, failing to notice that, once again, Luna seemed to look around for something.

"Steve," the lunar princess shut her eyes with a sigh, before reopening them suddenly, the once blue orbs now a blinding white light. "Awaken! Thou art endangered!" The pounding grew louder before a green, rotted hoof smashed through the sky like it were glass. The dreamscape fell apart before blackness reigned.

Steve awoke with a start and looked about; he was in his shack, the darkness of night giving him no real lighting to work with. The moonlight peered in through a hole in the door, illuminating the axe by his bed, and he sighed in some relief before some small fact dawned on him. My door doesn't have a hole...

His thoughts were interrupted by more banging noises, only with them came a visible shake from the door as well as an audible gurgle of a noise, followed by a long groan. Steve hastily escaped from the makeshift bed and grabbed his axe before a familiar appendage burst another hole in his security door. His pulse quickened as he caught a glimpse of the newest tormentor. Zombies? Pony zombies? That's it, I'm done! Before much else could be done, however, the door splintered apart.

Two green equine-shaped undead shambled their way toward the human as he hefted his axe to one side and swung hard, attempting to knock them back. The blade struck its target, pushing it back in a stagger as it gurgled in protest. The shove was enough to knock one into the other on their sides, but Steve had no time to celebrate; his foes started to right themselves. Need room! Without a second thought, he sprung out of the dark and into the night and whirled about to face the pair.

The less lame of the two sped (as well as a zombie could pitifully waddle) towards Steve, and was greeted with a face-full of stone axe. The violent savage in Steve stirred some as he pulled and stepped back to swing again, his weight thrown into the effort needed to eliminate these threats. With a second contact made, the first zombie fell with a gurgle and thump. The second fared no better, as Steve rained down a hail of blows to its skull, mashing it to a puff of smoke.

Steve panted as the surge of adrenaline wore off. It was then that he heard the screams come from the village. No... He gulped and started to sprint toward Ponyville.

Author's Note

My apologies for the delay. Motivated to work on this again, between all my other projects and duties.

The Siege of Ponyville

Panting heavily, Steve reached the edge of the village. Good, he looked around and saw that there was a bustle of movement in the streets. They’re on the defensive. He took a moment to calm his breathing, and moved to the central part of town. With a gaze upward, he determined that it was some time around midnight. None of the zombies were currently in sight, and the inhabitants of town were shoring up their doors.

Which building is most defensible… Steve scanned the immediate surroundings of the town square, and, sure enough, he spotted a few promising locations. Too many windows, he thought dismissing the candy-looking building. Too flammable, he dismissed the library. Finally, his sights set on a circular tower-ish building. Optimal. He stood up and made a short jaunt over to the potential impromptu fortress.

He gave the door three knocks and called upward, “Hello?” After a few moments, the door made the sounds of latches coming undone, and it opened a crack. A blue eye stared at Steve from within the small opening, then the door opened wider to reveal the most feminine unicorn he had met yet (though the hair curlers were the biggest giveaway). “Hi, sorry to impose, but-“

“What in equestria is all that racket,” the mare demanded.

“That would be everyw-,” Steve began, and corrected himself, “everypony getting ready for an attack. Could this village use this building as a shelter to centralize the defense?” As soon as the words left his mouth, the door swung open.

“Preposterous,” the mare replied as she lit up her horn and fixed her mane to a frilly curl, “Ponyville hasn’t been attacked since the parasprite invasion, and they’re long gone. Go on, off to bed with you.” She began to lift a hoof to shoo him away, when a gurgling noise from behind Steve (combined with a wild look of disgust, confusion, and horror on the mare’s face) sent his and her hairs on end.

With a whirl, Steve lashed out at the spontaneously appearing zombie with his axe, the force knocking it down. With a press of the advantage, he swung downward to finish the creature off in a puff of smoke. He turned back around to the unicorn and gave as best a smile as any normal person who just beat down a zombie horse with a stone axe could give. “I don’t know what those are, but these probably want to eat more than parasprites do,” he said calmly, “so, I ask again… can your fellow villagers utilize your residence as a temporary consolidation point so that the defense of everypony can be made simpler?”

The mare gulped and nodded with a nervous smile. “N-naturally! Let it never be said that Rarity never turned her back to her friends in dire times,” she responded.

“Great. I’ll start spreading the word and-“

“On it!” a familiar voice called from above. Rainbow Dash…?

“Single file!” Twilight called out to the crowd that was being ushered into the boutique.

“Move more quicklier!” Steve shouted as he felled another encroaching zombie. “The sooner you get in, the sooner you get safe!”

“Slow is smooth, smooth is fast, everypony!” Twilight called in an attempt to keep control. She hovered overhead with one of her friends, identified as Fluttershy, to facilitate the preparations for the oncoming siege. Rarity’s home was filling up quite quickly.

“Uhm… please don’t panic,” the pegasus barely called out, more akin to a loud whisper.

Steve finished another zombie with a downward swing, the event starting to get to him. He looked to the sky and determined that two hours had passed. Two in the morning, he thought as he scanned the scene for more threats. Two constant combat hours and a day of labor; I’m going to feel this come dawn. The last villager made it indoors, and outside stood Steve and a few volunteers… Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, and a large, red Stallion that Applejack had introduced as Big Macintosh.

“That’s the last of them,” Rainbow announced. “Now we can help kick some flank too!”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac confirmed.

“Just remember,” Steve held up a warning finger and counted off, “None get in, and don’t get bitten. We just need to last until dawn.”

“Well, then, Ah say we put these cretins back where they came from,” Applejack called, then grimaced “An’ speak o’ the nightmare, ‘ere they are!”

The first to step into the light emitted by the building was blasted by a violet ray, without any kind of warning. The group looked back to a readied Twilight, standing sentinel on the doorstep. “What,” she asked, “why the sta- incoming!”

The first true wave stumbled into the light, and surrounded the group in an enclosing green wall…

With axe, hoof, storm cloud, and spell, the group weathered the first wave of the invasion; Steve, Applejack, and Macintosh fought in a flurry of melee, preferring the use of hard swings and bucks to knock the tide away while Twilight sniped at groups to soften up the assault. Rainbow gathered stray clouds and hammered lightning out of them to the point of smoking her hooves; the results were ridiculously effective.

But the living can tire, and the siege had numbers on its side. The battle of attrition hit a lull, and allowed the defenders a moment’s respite. “Just…how many… are there,” Twilight gasped out as her horn smoked from the last blast.

“The heck should I know,” Steve called up as he smoked another zombie.

“They keep comin’, we keep fightin’. I ain’t lettin’ no rotten varmint hurt nopony!” Applejack called out, barely breaking a sweat.

“Nnnope.” Macintosh nodded with a steely gaze.

They all recovered their vigor while the horde gathered at the edge of their light. Rainbow Dash bucked another cloud here and there to extend their time before the next surge. Note to self, do not enrage the blue one. Steve looked around some and took stock of their situation. Or the apple ones… or the purple one… in fact, just don’t get on any of their bad sides…

The wave started to advance again; the defenders readied themselves. Twilight was about to blast the first target, when a destructive blue ray pierced the horde and left a bare patch of smoky ground in its wake. All eyes looked up to a shadowy figure descending on the clearing, a figure Steve recognized. “Let battle be joined,” called Luna in a voice that rivaled any dance club’s subwoofers.

“Huzzah! The wretches recede,” the lunar princess shouted triumphantly. During the ensuing waves, her aid had drastically improved morale for the defenders (to the point where they were now keeping score), but Steve felt something was off. Time seemed to stand still, according to his glances at the moon in the sky. It’s been four for three hours now! He was growing tired, and his own defenses were starting to weaken; several times he’d been saved from a nasty bite or seven by a well-timed series of arcane blasts.

“How long is a night here, anyway,” he shouted in frustration as axe met zombie face once more.

“Until We lower the moon and Sister raises the sun,” Luna called in response with another series of blasts and waves. “One hundred and seventy four!”

“Come on, AJ, Princess Luna’s kicking your flank and she just got here!” Rainbow called.

“Yer’s too, Rainbow!”

Wait… THAT’S manually controlled too!? Steve’s mind screeched to halt. “Turn on the sun! Turn it on and this mess stops!”

“But We are winning the contest, with double the points!”

“What good is winning if nopony gets to share in the revels,” Steve beseeched whatever reason and sanity remained in the situation.

“Spike! Take a letter,” Twilight shouted into a window. “Zombies. Need sunlight now, please!” After a moment, there was a flash of green light from indoors.

“Take heart,” Luna jubilantly cried as she readied another spell. “The wretches gather once more!” She was a heartbeat away from unleashing another wave of destruction upon them…

---Canterlot Castle: Celestia’s Quarters---

Princess Celestia hovered her morning tea groggily in front of her as the letter spontaneously appeared before her. With an incredulous stare at the scroll, she levitated that as well and unfurled it. Her eyebrow raised slowly in response to the need for the day.

…she put the letter down and finished her tea before cantering out to the balcony and proceeding with the task at hand. “…I think I may need to visit sometime soon.”

---Ponyville---

The wave turned to an endless tide as the horde descended relentlessly upon the defenders; Steve, Applejack, and Big Macintosh closed upon each other by the doorway, while Twilight and Luna provided suppressive fire and Rainbow with storm cloud crowd control. This is insane, Steve swung his heavy arms with his exhausted strength. There’s no way that we’ll- His thoughts were interrupted by a rising red horizon. With a grin and parry, he silently cheered the coming dawn.

“Sunrise,” Twilight shouted, “Now what!?”

“Now,” Steve answered with a tired chuckle, “watch the fireworks.”

As the sun’s rays crept over the buildings, a number of zombie heads turned to look upon the blazing ball. The first beams cut a swath of fiery righteous wrath upon a section of the legion. Instead of hesitation, the horde’s numbers broke, the flames spreading and clearing the town (albeit Rainbow had to get clear of the skies due to the smoke and convection). Within minutes, the gentle warmth of the sun cleared the town.

While the ponies watched in awe, and some started to leave the boutique, Steve gave a relieved laugh and waded through the cleared streets. It’s over… Luna gave a stomp of frustration. “Sister, those were our points,” she cried in frustration before giving an embarrassed smile as the pony defenders gave her a deadpanned glare, followed by merry laughter.

Steve turned about and dropped his axe in relief. “We did it,” he declared and threw a fist in the air. “We survived!” The ponies cheered in response, and he began to speak with a smile as he began a speech. “And we couldn’t have done it alone. Together, we are a unified, unpara-“

“Wha’s that thang,” Applejack pointed toward Steve, or, rather, behind him. He started to turn, when the telltale hiss of a familiar threat permeated his hearing. No…

Time seemed to slow. Steve lurched down to grab his axe, his motions seeming mired in adrenaline. His vision, upon seeing the creature, beheld that it was already volatile and swollen, with a face frozen in a perpetual, tortured scream. C’mon… don’t… He swung his axe with all the momentum that he could muster, but it was all for naught as the creeper detonated, blowing a crater in the road and sending the human hurtling through the air and tumbling along the path.

His pulse and a ringing were all Steve could hear, and his vision started to black out as his tumbling stopped. He couldn’t think through the concussive pain. He blinked, and saw a blur of colors growing. He blinked a second time, and they were upon him, faces barely registering through the dark fog; the faces were talking, but he couldn’t make out the words. He blinked again, and saw a blue tint around his sight, and felt weightless. Steve finally closed his eyes, and slipped out of the waking world.

“He’s going to be okay, right?” Twilight paced around nervously as ponies gathered around. Luna had levitated Steve’s body and stared at him intently. “Is he…?”

“He draws breath,” Luna said calmly before starting to work a second spell. “Any being that aids the citizens of equestria shall not fall to such a cowardly strike.” With a bright flash, she and her cargo vanished from sight.

The denizens of ponyville set off to return to their homes, planning on getting some needed rest after their harrowing night. The defenders couldn’t find such solace.

“Well, that was an explosive ending,” Discord noted as he checked off a square on a notepad. He looked down from his cotton-candy cloud cover and tapped his chin. “A win’s a win, though. All foes beaten and not a scratch on anypony…” he faded away before Rainbow Dash could investigate the odd sight.

Author's Note

First upload through a phone... forgive the sudden shift in format.

Author's Note and Apology

Howdy everyone;

It's been a hot minute since I last looked at this little tale, and I have some rather bad/bland news.

Due to a lack in motivation and/or inspiration, combined with my time in the U.S. Army, I quite literally can't recall where I was going with Steve's adventure. I do recall that he was hurt, and still had two challenges to complete before going home, but, apart from that, I can't seem to find the drive or other mystic go-juice that lets authors do that thing with the stories.

That stated, this little start is going to be left on the cliffhanger provided, but I am also flat-out letting anyone taking a passing interest pick up and continue this work. Hopefully, you'll be able to do what I couldn't, and finish this admittedly 'meh' first story.

Who knows, maybe the next one will be up to par with all the other tales I read/watch/play? We'll see, if I try again. Until then; I'll be lurkin' about, getting ideas, and doing that whole "real world" thing... apparently, outside has great stories too.

Be Well!
-Twisted Light