What are you most afraid of?
It took him four attempts to finally get Rainbow Dash to say ‘yes’. He’d decided to ask the sporty pegasus out on a date a week prior to his first attempt. And when he finally did initiate the request, it resulted in utter failure. Her immediate reaction to his fancy was one of pure shock. That was a given, and totally expected considering he hadn’t even hinted at harboring sentiments of affection.
The rejection was a bit harsh, honestly. Right after she’d said ‘no’ to the hopeful romantic, she immediately opted to assuage the pressing matter by mouthing the two words no prideful male would ever want to hear. ‘I’m sorry’…Those double-edge words, meant to be received as a polite, apologetic gesture but only taken as a staggering jab to the heart. Rainbow Dash had meant well; though her effort at easing the pain of her friend’s aching heart was misguided.
At the time, Spike didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d shriveled up, both physically and emotionally, unable to say anything and staring almost teary-eyed at the ground beneath his feet. It truly was a sad sight. Even more heartbreaking was Rainbow’s obvious show of wanting to leave the scene, as quickly as possible. She didn’t know how to deal with the instability of the situation. Something as foreign and mysterious as ‘romance’ was well beyond her mental scope, and she wasn’t in a rush to start exploring any time soon.
It took another two weeks for Spike to rise out his tiny bedding with a confident glint in his eye. He’d wallowed in his own pity for too long, and he’d resolved he wasn’t going to give up on his feelings so easily. So he’d been rejected. It wasn’t the end of the world, he knew. And after much deliberation he recognized that deep down he’d known how the pegasus would react to his sudden confession. He’d conned himself into asking her out, and he’d done a pretty good job at doing it, too. Because, in the end, he’d actually done it. This fact ushered the dragon forward, pumping a vibrant sense of conviction, blossoming new petals of hope within his soul. It wasn’t over for Spike. Not yet.
He needed a new plan. For two weeks he and Rainbow had labored their way at avoiding each other’s presence. It was a sign of an unresolved conflict. To the dragon’s surprise, it didn’t seem as if any of their close friends had noticed the invisible wall that had unceremoniously been placed between them. Neither the tension nor the evasive nature of their behavior gave notice to the very friends who’d likely show the most concern.
The lack of his friends’ involvement actually worked in Spike’s favor. This way he was able to focus solely on his goal, without the unnecessary meddling from outside parties. And he was secure in predicting that Rainbow herself would not give mention of his affection. She was the type to keep this kind of thing covered up. She definitely wasn’t looking to spark up drama among the group.
The second attempt at asking out the spunky little mare had been just as fruitless as the first.
Before, in his first attempt, he’d asked her out without proper preparation. He’d just blatantly told her how he felt. No beating around the bush, no soft climb to the ultimate peak, no suspense adding depth to the climactic declaration...Just one simple line: ‘I love you. Will you go out with me?’ It’d been a grave mistake on his part. He realized he should have probably given Rainbow more of a reason to accept his love, perhaps with reminders of their past bonding experiences or by adding details as to why he’d fallen for her.
However, what had been done was already done, and since there was no turning back to remake history Spike was determined to alter his fate by learning from the past, growing and developing from it.
Life goes on. Concentrating on the mission at hand was his saving grace, and dwelling on his previous acts of ignorance would have done nothing for him, except for likely dragging his self-esteem and mood into lower depths. The young drake was too smart and too stubborn to allow himself to be defeated by a past that had been swallowed whole by the passage of time. The present was the path to achieving his desired future. As long as there was a little ounce of hope in his heart, then the potential for accomplishment was not unreachable. His honor as a dragon – as a living being – was not going to be tarnished by those deceptive thoughts of hopelessness. He knew he could win.
Alas, by the second time he asked out Rainbow Dash, he faltered. It was unprecedented. He’d reminded himself of promising statements to boost optimism into his mind. Confidence was key to gaining great fortune, in regards to anything in this world. He’d kept carving this phrase into his brain, in bold capital letters, to not only believe in it but to live by it. And for a while he thought he’d made great progress. He hadn’t felt anymore sharp pains in his heart whenever chancing a peek at the pegasus. He’d gone back to eating properly and exercising. He was back to planning for a brighter future. It’d seemed to all be going well…until he hesitated at the moment of truth.
The moment of truth for Spike was the moment after he’d stopped Rainbow Dash from fleeing. He had caught her off guard by arriving at the Wonderbolt Academy. He was lone and had enchanted his feet with the cloud-walking spell. Rainbow had nowhere to run this time around, for she’d been on duty and couldn’t leave the post she’d been assigned. It’d all been going according to plan for the dragon, and following a bit of small talk, in hopes of relieving the mare’s anxiety, Spike had let it out.
Yet he’d let out half of what he’d wanted to. Because at an integral moment during his second confession, he’d hesitated. Rainbow had known what was coming. The look in her friend’s eyes, the warm smile slowly stretching across his round mug, his respectful mannerisms…it all pointed one thing. She felt too pressured. No matter how fond she was of Spike, she couldn’t bring herself to seeing him as anything other than a friend.
It was the remorse apparent on her expression that had stopped the young drake in his tracks. So he’d hesitated. And with hesitation brought doubt, and with doubt brought discomfort, and with discomfort brought apprehension…inevitably it’d lead to a barely audible utterance, reduced then to an awkward state of silence. His second attempt ended a tad early, and left the two friends feeling more distanced than ever.
‘I’m sorry.’ Ironic as it was, for the roles had switched. Spike had whispered these words, in complete regret and frustration at his own thoughtlessness. He hadn’t considered much of Rainbow’s sensitivity to the confession. He’d been relishing the idea of self-gratification. The date itself was the goal in mind, and at how happy he’d be at holding the beautiful mare in his arms. But for the first time, after sluggishly crawling into his basket the night of his second attempt, Spike realized he might have been selfishly egging himself on all along.
At one time he’d enjoyed laughing carelessly with the greatest prankster in Ponyville. It used to be an innocent affair, one devoid of apologies and depressing reflections. No restlessness, no passing glances, no soundless treatments. Spike had then wondered whether vying for a romance with Rainbow Dash was worth all the pain and mental strain. He’d become emotionally exhausted, and it seemed as if his loved one had been suffering with him.
Still he didn’t stop. Selfish or not, he wasn’t satisfied with the current state of things.
It hadn’t taken long for Spike to pick up his head, and determinedly face forward. Because after contemplating on all the misadventures he’d endured while staying in Ponyville, he’d come to an understanding that wouldn’t be cut down.
‘All the problems that came his way were there to make him stronger.’ So he asked himself a question. What was he afraid of most? Pain? Or lack of strength?
He’d known the answer even before asking it.
To Be Continued
Author's Note
If you've read up to this point, then I give my thanks. If you're interested in seeing it continue, leave a comment. I enjoy getting to know the readership in this fanbase. See you later.
