“Here’s your pudding, Mrs. Maple,” the nurse said as she set the tray on the bedside table next to the bed of said pony.
The elder pony lying down struggled to lift the wrinkles out of her eyes and see what all the hubbub was about. “Hmm? Nurse Heart? Is that you? I think somepony turned off the sun, I can’t see anything.”
Heart Healer rolled her eyes and smirked, patting the old pony’s shoulder. “Maple, you forgot to open your eyes again.”
“Hmm?” Mrs. Maple lifted her wrinkled eyelids and smiled. “So I did. How fortunate, I was worried I wouldn’t get to see your smiling face today.”
“Oh, please, like my smile is anything special.” With practiced care, Nurse Heart tore open the little pack of sugary oatmeal chunks and stirred them into the cup.
Mrs. Maple’s wrinkled smile widened a little as she watched her meal swirl in the see-through plastic, same as she had for the past few months. “You know, none of the other nurses get it just right like you do. What’s your secret, deary?”
This question had been asked multiple times in Heart Healer short career, and not just by Mrs. Maple and not always in relation to pudding. Earlier that day, one of the old pony’s, known for being particularly crabby, forgetful, and all around unpleasant, complimented Nurse Heart’s ability to close blinds and fluff her pillows in just the right way. Many ponies had the patience to deal with such a stressful case, but only Heart Healer was able to get Crabby Apple laughing and genuinely pleasant. She took her medication without complaint and thanked Nurse Heart for being so sweet.
Many ponies were impressed with her skills, whatever they were. Heart Healer never considered herself amazing. All she did was listen with an open ear and open heart, taking what was said and letting it guide her actions. In more philosophical moods, she supposed it was because she knew what it was to be cranky and sad.
“I want you as happy as I can make you,” Nurse Heart replied, lifting the spoon up to examine the oatmeal. The texture was perfect for a pony with an aged jaw. “Open wide Mrs. Maple.”
“Thank you, dear, but I think I can feed myself today,” Mrs. Maple said as she reached her hooves out.
Heart Healer’s eyes widened as much as her smile. Carefully she placed both the plastic spoon and the pudding cup in Mrs. Maples shaking hooves. “Come on, come on...” were Heart’s hushed cheers as her charge slowly, ever so slowly, brought her meal to her lips. Contact was made and Nurse Heart clapped. “Mrs. Maple, you did it! I’m so happy for you. Looks like that joint therapy is doing its job, huh?”
“Nonsense, darling,” Mrs, Maple said, letting her empty spoon flop onto her blankets. “Those doctors couldn’t find the teeth of a manticore, always feelin’ too high.” Taking Heart Healer’s hoof with her soft, weathered hooves, Maple sighed as her gaze extended into a space only she could see. “You know right where a pony really needs to be taken care of.”
Blushing, Heart Healer held Mrs. Maple’s hoof with a firm hold. “It’s in my name, after all.”
“I don’t think I’d be hanging on as well as I am without you.” Again the old pony scooped herself some pudding and shakingly fed herself. “You know, I used to always dream about having a granddaughter. My son wasn’t the marrying type sadly, but I never berated him for it. Some ponies just aren’t meant for love like that.”
The chipper smile Heart Healer wore wavered at the corners, but refused to leave. The ache in her own heart was torn a little wider, but the calm expression would not leave. Another pony needed strength, and she would give it.
“If I did have a granddaughter, she’d be perfect if she were you.” Several creases from years of grinning decorated Maple’s face as she mirrored Nurse Heart’s own grin, which gave the latter a pause. Weary, tired, fractured... “If I can give you one piece of advice, from an old codger to a young mare still in her beauty years. Don’t get hung up on anything, or you’ll hang yourself a little too early for anypony’s liking.”
Nurse Heart’s smile cracked, losing its luster as it drooped. “I-I’m not beautiful,” she countered, unintentionally reaching to feel her paunch.
“There. Right there is what I’m talking about.” Sighing, Mrs. Maple leaned back against her pillow, nearly knocking her pudding over. “If you tell yourself you aren’t beautiful, you’re not going to be. If you think you are, you aren’t. Just let it go, darling. I promise, life would be a whole lot better if you found out was was really important.”
Lifting the pudding cup and the spoon on and setting it back on the tray, Heart Healer’s smile regained its light. If not for the nurse’s own sake, than at least Mrs. Maple’s. “Alright, ma’am, I promise I won’t forget.”
“That’s good, deary.” Mrs. Maple’s eyes closed again. “Oh, did you close the blinds, Heart? How considerate of you.”
Giggling and hoping she’d be as sweet when she was that old, Nurse Heart’s closed the blinds for real so a gentle darkness swept over the room. “Should I leave you dinner, Mrs. Maple?”
The response was a few light snores as the elder pony snoozed away any worries she might have had. Nurse Heart pulled the covers as high as she could and made sure the pillow was soft as could be before tiptoeing out of the room and closing the door behind her.
The water in Heart Healer’s eyes caught the light from the hallway window. “Great, can’t even walk around without worrying I’ll blind myself with my own tears...” she mumbled to herself as she pulled the little nurse’s hat she wore and used it as a tissue to dab her eyes.
Memories flew by at mach speeds and hit with just as much force. The few times she’d aimed for love and how horribly it always had gone, how she’d been insulted and ridiculed for trying her hardest.
I won’t cry. Not now, not here. I promised...
As Mrs. Maple said, some ponies just weren’t meant for love. Settling with this sad truth, Heart Healer brought a hoof to her chest as if holding a wound, brought her smile back for the fifth time that day, and went on to the next room with her trolley in tow.
The sun had almost settled into night’s embrace by the time Heart Healer reached the Game Corner. On a normal day, she would have reached it several hours ago. Today was one of the bad days, though. Keeping her smile going through the crowds of the bustling Manehatten streets forced her to pause and find an alleyway to get her bearings.
Guilt wracked her insides as the orange of the sky finally registered to her. Hoping her waiting friend wouldn’t be too angry, the smile melted away and the tension in her shoulders gave way as the melancholy she desperately wanted to allow herself finally overcame her. Her magenta eyes lost their luster and she looked ready to collapse. Still she dragged herself through the noises of ponies playing their ‘vidya games’, as the nurse fondly called them.
“Hey, Hearts, over here,” a voice called out. The arcade’s electronic beeps nearly drowned out her friend’s voice, but as a mother hen to her chick, Heart Healer could pick out Strafe Kiting from a mob of fancolts any day. Mostly because he’d be the only one screaming for help, but it still applied.
“Senpai!” Heart Healer shouted, turning to the lounge chairs her friend was playing his hoof-held system. The desire to jump onto the comfy seats and tackle him overcame her, but her inhibitions held her back.
The earth pony waved without looking up from his screen, brow furrowed in concentration. “We’ll get to it after I get this stupid sniper to stop throwing his jars around. You got the goods?”
The pack by Heart Healer’s side opened by way of her magic, pulling out a stack of paper. “My Little Ethan ready for your eye searing pleasure.” She climbed onto the chairs and made herself comfortable as she waited for Strafe to finish grunting as his screen.
Unable to talk or distract herself, Heart’s thought’s began to wander against her will. Hooves tapped and lips smacked as pondering’s of life took over, imagining her apartment and Maple’s words. There used to be a time where her hooves weren’t the only ones that trotted across the floors. Glancing over at Stafe’s game, she remember the many a time she’d enjoyed blowing up robotic ponies and laughing as the team she played on got frustrated. Then how she’d become disgruntled when one member got a little too enthusiastic. Now she couldn’t bring herself to enjoy something she once loved, the memories dominating the desire to play with her Senpai and have a good time.
Ironically, Heart Healer thought, that one’s heart wasn’t one that needed fixing. There just wasn’t any room for her there, much as she wished otherwise. Her heart ached for it, and she felt like destiny was laughing at her. Mending hearts, as implied by her the cracked one which sported a band-aid that was her cutie mark, was what she did better than anything.
So why can’t I fix my own?
“Gah, I hate new snipers. All they ever use is The Machina.” Strafe Kiting closed his system and let it dropp to his side.
Scoffing, Heart said, “Pfft, scrubs, don’t know how to play the game.” If there were any traces of her self deprecating thoughts in her smile, Strafe didn’t notice.
Strafe smirked and accepted his copy of the night’s dreaded story. “So says somepony who hasn’t played in over a year. I hope that unicorn balloon Whitey Tighty gave you hasn’t deflated.”
Blinking, Heart’s stomach dropped into the deepest bowels of tartarus and refused to come out. By Celestia’s beard, she’d completely forgotten about all the gifts White had given her for the express purpose of enjoying blowing things up more. Some friend she was...
“Hey, Heart? Miss heart, you there?”
“H-Huh?” Realizing she’d been blinking for over a minute and a hoof was waving in front of her, Heart Healer shook the cobwebs from her mind and returned to smiling. “Sorry about th-that.”
“Are you okay?” Strafe asked as he raised a brow. “You zoned out and I was worried I’d have to do CPR.”
Cheeks burning, Heart Healer flipped her thrown-together book and stuck her nose inside. “We were at the part Sad Sack was taking Ethan to a new house, right?”
“We were...” he trailed off, opening his own stack to the bookmarked page. “But you kinda ignored my question.”
Heart Healer gulped and prayed he wouldn’t ask again.
“Are you okay?” Strafe asked again.
Horse apples. “Everything is fine!” Heart said and, amazingly enough, almost convinced herself with how sincere she was. Blood pounded through her ears as she refused to let any of her pain show. “I’m just tired.” The last time she’d slept properly was a few years ago, so this wasn’t a lie. “Today was a stressful day at work. All my patients just talked and talked...” All the ponies who thanked her and said how happy they were to have her made her feel even more worthless as she wondered what they saw in her. That kind of stress ate at a pony, even if the stress came only from herself. “I had to stop and catch my breath a few times on the walk over. I hope you aren’t mad I was late.”
“Mad?” Strafe asked, breaking into a grin and punching Heart Healer’s shoulder. “Why would I get mad at you?”
“Because, you know... I was late?”
“If I was going to get mad about that, would I be reading horrible stories with you in the middle of a noisy arcade and putting up with you tripping over yourself every time I talk?”
Heart Healer opened her mouth to argue until she realized what she was going to say. You should hate me because I’m fat and ugly and I can’t do anything right. Believing something for such a long time made it hard to accept as anything other than truth. She still believed it, in a way. But Strafe wanted to see her being happy, so happy she would be. “Looks like I’m being a silly pony.”
“And that’s different from normal how?” A cushion flew into Strafe’s vision and quick reflexes it kept it out of his face. He was too busy shouting a triumphant “Ha!” to notice it boomerang back and hit the back of his head, knocking him off the lounge chair.
“Not too different, except I’ve been honing my ‘joking friends’ counterattack with White.” Heart Healer stuck her tongue out at Strafe as he pulled himself back up.
“You must be getting a lot of practice,” Strafe grumbled as he settled back into position. “How’s he doing these days? We don’t see him as much with that writing job of his.”
“Now now, you know we can’t have all his time. He needs room to spread his wings and learn how to wear the big pony pants.”
The two of them gave each other knowing looks. “You still catch him playing with keys, right?”
“Every time we talk,” Heart replied.
“You should get him plastic ones so he doesn’t cut himself,” Strafe teased, taking no notice as Heart Healer tapped her chin in thought. “He doesn’t chew on them, right? It would suck to get locked out of your apartment because he swallowed them.”
Heart Healer snorted and rolled her eyes. “Come on, he’s not that bad.” That said, he did have the curious habit chomping his teeth. And he did normally have a soother with him... “I’ll get him those plastic keys tomorrow. Just in case. A-As a joke gift, of course!”
“Of course,” he replied with a smirk.
But Heart kept going, “Yep a joke. Not like I’m really gonna do that because he’ll like it, or I’ll like it. Just a joke. Ha, ha, we’ll all have a laugh.”
Taking a deep breath, Stafe sighed and turned her head. Much to Heart’s surprise, he placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder. Strafe never touched anypony. Ever.
“K-Kite?”
“Look, I know I’m not good at that sentimental stuff. I’m just a dumb kid compared to you and White.”
“No, Strafe, it’s not you being-” Heart tried to say, but Kite placed a hoof on her lips.
“I’m a dumb kid. I’m not good with feelings and I’m not good at thinking like other ponies. And since it’s not obvious, I’m going to spell it out for you. I like having you as my friend. I would be sad if you weren’t my friend. I like the stupid stuff we do. There isn’t much you can say that will make me hate you. That last one is important. I don’t hate you. I like you.”
Heart Healer froze, tail curling as if she were trying to hide herself. “But... you... I...”
Strafe’s usual snarky smile returned, ending the physical contact and settling back into his relaxed position. “Don’t make me say that again, alright? Dumb kids feel even dumber when they talk about that mushy stuff.”
Everything in Heart Healer’s mind fought against what she thought she knew only moments ago. This wasn’t how Strafe was supposed to act, ever. He was cool, calm, uncaring, infallible. Even if it was a moment of seeing her friend with his defences down, it was a moment too many.
What is wrong with you? You’re getting frustrated because he’s not being cold. Strafe’s a pony, just like you... so why does him being nice bother me so much?
“I... I...” Heart Healer gulped, her smile returning. It was not a sure smile and threatened to fall away at any moment. Unlike all her false grins before, this smile was sincere. “Okay. I’m okay. We’re okay.”
Strafe Kiting raised a brow.
What could that single eyebrow raise mean? Heart’s mind raced like a Wonderbolt at a derby. Is he upset with me? Can he tell I’m totally freaking out? Does he... care?
Heart Healer offered, “I’m okay-ish. But we’re okay... right?”
“Why wouldn’t-” he began, stopping himself and blinking into his furrowed brow. “I mean, yeah, we’re okay.”
“Okay. That’s okay. It’s great, actually.” Rubbing the back of her head, Heart held the story back up. “Do you... still want to read?”
“That’s why we’re here.” A few quick flips later and the two were back at their bookmarked page. “It’s your turn to read.”
“It’s always my turn to read!” Aside from a jab at Strafe’s side, Heart made no other protest. The queasy feeling remained, however, just with a new focus. She pushed it away, though, and began to read. At least their laughter and groans of agony were real.
There was a stretch of time that Heart Healer lost herself in, not sure when and where that missing gap in her memory went. From the moment she left the arcade until she was leaning her head against the apartment door, she’d practically conked out, a zombie. No thought, just a drive. The high she’d had with Strafe was spent, her cheeks aching from smiling and her chest full the weight of a thousand lies.
It was such a dramatic change. Of course Heart hated it; she’d just spent several hours with one of her dearest friends. Maybe not the most intimate, but dear regardless. They’d laughed and screeched in terror, but mostly laughed.
“Where did the happiness go?” Nopony was there to answer her question, of course. The joy was gone, and it wasn’t coming back. She couldn’t hold onto it, leaving anguish and thoughts of the world if the sun never rose. It would be dark... and cold... and everything would be gone.
Clenching teeth were the only thing keeping the scream in her throat from breaking out and getting the landlord to toss her out. These sudden nightmare thoughts weren’t fair. hey were from nowhere, with no reason.
Except you’re fat and ugly. Nopony can love you... not really.
“Shut up, brain... please.”
Once you’re not doing anything for anypony, they want nothing to do with you. Why else would anypony like you?
Steeling herself, Heart Healer gulped her insecurities down. They settled in her stomach, making her physically sick and ready to puke them back up along with the meager dinner she’d bought. But she kept the bad feeling there, ran a hoof through her mane, and smiled. The same smile she wore every day. The one nopony noticed was fake.
“Be happy... be happy... you have a guest, be happy.” With one last breath, Heart Healer unlocked her door and stepped inside. Everything was clean, though the smell of burnt toast stung her nose. Shutting the door behind her, she called, “White?” into her tiny home. Nopony responded.
That means only one thing, she thought with a smirk, trotting to the backmost room and peering inside. At her desk sat a pegasus, writing away with a pen in his mouth and scribbling word after word. Lost in his own little world.
I wish I could get lost in it like that.
He didn’t notice Heart Healer creep in and stare over his shoulder. One of White’s quirks, when it came to writing, was that he always kept a picture handy, if possible, to remind him what he was writing. This time was no different, a picture of a rabbit and a bulldog, the dog chewing on a bone as the rabbit rested on its back. How a pony could forget themselves so easily seemed silly. Heart found White to be a particularly silly pony.
Or maybe he wasn’t so silly after all, since Heart lost herself in watching him write the night away. Everything terrible she’d ever thought of was forgotten while she watched White write with a face of stone. Just like with Strafe Kiting, the joy disapitated the second White’s happiness was interrupted. The words stopped and he set the pen down, shifting himself to get up.
Did I disturb him? Oh no, he didn’t stop because of me, did he? Don’t let it be my fault, please!
White stretched as he picked himself up, smacking his lips as he backed up. Not realizing another pony was there, he waddled his diaper straight into Heart. He yelped, she yelped, and they both fell into a heap on the ground.
“I’m warning you, I’m a trained member of Celestia’s elite! Subduing you is as easy as eating crackers!”
Heart Healer pushed herself up, laughing at the sight before her. As for as anypony outside of his private place knew, White was a regular guard pony. In all honesty, he was. Some ponies got to see a little bit more of him, and Heart Healer was one of those few. Moments like these, where she got to see a frazzled pegasus try to look menacing while a thick diaper cradled his rear, were ones she treasured for the humor, if nothing else.
“Graham crackers, right? With extra cinnamon? I dunno, you have a hard time with those ones.” The pout White settled into as he flopped back onto his improvised chair was worth a great many day’s stresses to Heart Healer.
“Sh-Shut up. Those things are annoying.” Blushing as red as a tomato, White poked the front of his diaper. A breath of relief escaped him when all it did was crinkle.
Eyes rolling, Heart trotted up to White and hugged him tight. The previous thoughts were gone, as if they’d never existed in the first place. Whether he’d stopped because of her or not didn’t matter, and what did matter was, “How’d the writing go?”
While Princess Celestia was often described as glowing, her light compared little to the shine of White brightening as he proudly pointed to the several-page stack sitting on the desk. “The story is really, really close to being done. The first book in The Adventures of Bunny and Meathead will be ready by tomorrow!”
“That’s great!” Heart replied. It always surprised her how much she really meant that. Even her smile widened to proportions she never felt unless White was to see it. “Have they found the missing bone yet, or will Meathead and Susana forever be separated by the cruel hoof of fate?”
White snickered while Heart Healer leaned back as if to faint. “No spoilers until it’s finished, missy. You’ll just have to suffer the night, tossing and turning until as you lie awake and wonder.”
“You fiend!” she cried, leaning back as if to pass out. “How could you do this to your best like this?”
“Hmm, fair point. My best should get special privileges.” Leaning forward, he stole a quick kiss to her snout. “They all live happily ever after.”
Heart’s cheeks became tinged with red as she rubbed her nose. “Thank goodness, that would have kept me up all night.”
Blowing a raspberry, White stood back up and turned to his story to straighten it out into a cleaner pile. “So, how was your day? You have a good time torturing yourself with Strafe?”
Heart paused for a moment, gulping the revulsion back down. My day was awful. I couldn’t stop feeling like I should crawl into bed and die even though I made a bunch of old folks smile and Strafe showed me his heart for the first time. I feel like a slob every time I eat because I’m so fat. But I’m not going to tell you any of this because that would make you sad, and that would just make me feel even worse. Why can’t the happiness stay for longer than a few minutes? “We sure did. Strafe almost barfed one or twice because it was so awful.”
“I warned him that story was bad. But did he listen? Nooooo.” White stuck his nose up. “That’s why you should take reading suggestions from the professionals.”
“Never saw a professional that looked as foalish as you,” Heart teased, sticking her tongue out.
White deflated, but his smile widened. “Hey, at least I can write. I honestly can’t believe what gets published some days. Just the other day I was...” Blinking, White furrowed his brow. His stare became intense as she looked at her from every angle his neck would allow. “Did I say something wrong?”
“What? No! No... No, of course not.” The same smile Heart Healer always wore returned to her lips. I just wish I could write. Everything I make is garbage and I throw it away.
“There! Right there!” A hoof pointed and Heart’s face. “Your smile is doing that thing.”
“Thing? What thing?” She licked her lips and tried to grin again. “There, nothing's wrong. Everything is perfect.”
“No, it’s not.” White’s brow creased deeper. “The corners are lowering. Like you want to frown.”
How can you see that? I smile for all the other ponies like this, they think I’m happy, they’re happy. Why can’t you be happy? Oh no, I’m messing everything up again... Come on, you’re Heart Healer, you can’t break his heart. Smile, darn you, smile! Be happy!
“Why would I want to frown?” Heart asked, struggling to smile a little wider. Shrugging, she turned around. “Come on, let’s get some noodles, then we can get back to the detective book. We’re about to figure out who killed the Ace’s boss, right?”
“Heart... why are you lying to me?”
Heart Healer stopped and then twitched as though somepony had broken a window.
“I thought we were each other’s bests... our compliments. Bests don’t lie to each other...”
Please don’t do this, please don’t do this, please don’t do this...
“If you’re sad, you can just tell me. I’ll be here to make it all better.”
How desperately she wanted to just come out and say it. But she couldn’t be fixed. Heart Healer knew that she was too far gone to ever be mended. How could a pony walk away from being told they were amazing. that they changed another pony’s life, and still feel awful? But you can’t make it all better because I’m as garbage as everything I make. I can’t be happy and I never really will be.
White kicked at the ground. “You... you don’t think I can, do you?”
“Wh-what?” Heart Healer turned her head around. “White, of course you can! You make me happy every day we get to talk. All the silly times, all those funny voices, they’re great!”
“So why aren’t you letting me right now?”
“I’m not! I want us to go read, that’s good, right?”
Shaking his head, White replied in a tone as down as the bottom of a well, “Only if it would make you happy. It won’t.” Sighing, the downtrodden pegasus climbed into the guest bed on the other side of the room. “Maybe... maybe we shouldn’t play tonight.”
Heart Healer bit her lip. Look what you’ve done now, idiot. He’s sad, and you’re sadder. Can’t even keep a friend happy for an hour without messing everything up, you useless waste of-
No! You are Heart Healer, mender of everything broken about a pony right down to those silly emotional things. How you feel doesn’t matter right now, so get your big butt over there and fix it!
“White, no, come on. Don’t get like this.” Heart Healer stepped closer, but White pulled the covers over his head in retaliation.
Then came an onslaught of suggestions; games to play, movies to watch, books to read, funny voices to imitate. Jokes, hugs, kisses, tickles, snuggles, and much, much more. After thirty minutes of this, the only responses were ‘no thanks’ and ‘some other night’.
When all else failed, Heart Healer pulled out the final resort in any nurse’s arsenal of talking patients down; begging.
“White, please... please...” Flopped on the bed, the unicorn looked as broken as she felt inside. “I c-can’t stand you being sad like this.”
“Hmm...” White hummed.
“I know this is my fault... just p-please, tell me how to fix it.”
“How can you fix it when you don’t even know what’s wrong?”
Heart Healer pressed her face into the mattress, muffling her voice. “Just tell me so I can make it better... what did I do wrong and what do you want from me.”
At long last, White reacted. Kicking his blankets off, the pegasus sat up, looking down at Heart Healer as he rubbed the back of her head. “You didn’t do anything to hurt me, you know. Not really.”
Pushing herself back up, Heart Healer said, “But I did hurt you and now you’re sad and I can’t stand it. I want to fix it... I need to fix it.”
“Hmm... Hmm...” White tapped his chin. “I have an idea on what you can do.”
“What? Anything, you name it! We’ll do whatever you want if it will make you happy!”
“Good.” Helping Heart back onto her hooves, White cleared his throat. “You have to do exactly what I say. Am I clear?”
Furiously, she nodded her head.
“First, I need your nurse bag.”
“My... medical supply bag?” That was something she toted around on long trips. Never hurt to be prepared, but... “Why do you want that.”
White crossed his forelegs and turned his nose away. “Well, if you don’t want me to be happy...”
“Okay, okay. I’ll go get it.” A quick trip in and out of the room and the black bag was placed in White’s lap. “There. Now what?”
A smile crept over White’s lips as he rummaged through the supplies. “Yes, yes, this will do perfect. Now, go into the living room and sit on the couch. Wait there until I come out.”
“That’s it?”
White clasped the bag closed. “That’s it. I’ll be out in just a minute, but you cannot get up. If you do, I’m going right to bed, and I’m going to bed miserable. You got that?”
“O-Okay...” Heart Healer gulped and walked out the door, looking back once to see White opening his suitcase. She was shooed away before she could see what he was doing, though, and went to sit in the appointed area. Settled onto the couch, Heart was left with herself and her thoughts, and he thoughts were very rarely pleasant. Admittedly, though, her ever-negative mind had a hard time conjuring a thought where White, a pony she knew to be as gentle as a kitten and frail as a dove made of glass, could do anything awful with a bag of medical equipment. At worst, he brain said he’d make fun of her nursing skills. But he’d always remarked how smart she was (as little good as the compliments did for her), so that made very little sense.
“Paging Doctor Lovebutt, Doctor Lovebutt to examination room one. You’re needed stat!” she heard White call out from the guest room with a fake scratchy voice, as if there were an intercom in use. “Doctor Lovebutt is on the way!”
If Heart Healer thought seeing a full grown pony in a diaper was silly, this was new levels of ridiculous. If it were a video game, this might be the final boss of silliness. What trotted out was a pegasus holding her medical bag under his wing and wore her stethoscope around his neck. The ‘Lovebutt’ part of his new title was made clear instantly, as the white diaper he’s been wearing before had been replaced with a pink garment covered in hearts of varying shades of red and pink. The massive plastic article forced the ‘doctor’s coat’ he was wearing, which was really a bathrobe, to bunch up on his back.
“Doctor Lovebutt, reporting for duty. And you must be the patient!” White trotted up to the sofa, extended his hoof and setting the bag on the nearby table.
“What the hay are you doing?” She still shook his hoof, snickering all the while.
“Why, it’s time for your checkup, of course.” With a flourish that exposed his pink padding even more, White reached into the bag and pulled out a tongue depressor. “We’ve got to make sure everything about you is hale and healthy, and Doctor Lovebutt is the only pony with a keen enough eye to help a case as drastic as this.”
Heart Healer giggled, the sensation euphoric after the dumpy mood she’d been in moment before. How do you do this to me? And why can’t it stay this way? “Checkups aren’t for fixing diseases, ya goof, they’re for-”
“Tut, tut! Who’s the doctor here?” Flicking her nose with the depressor and grinning at his inarguable logic, White said, “First we must perform the popsicle stick test. open your mouth and say ‘bleeeeeeeeh’.”
“Bleh?” Again, Heart giggled, but said, “Bleeeeeeeeh,” as instructed, sticking her tongue out so White could press it down.
The doctor looked into Heart Healer’s maw from every conceivable angle, ‘hmm’ing and ‘ahh’ing all the while. “Just as I suspected,” he said after a time, pulling the stick out.
“And what are your thoughts, Doctor Lovebutt?” Heart said with a snort.
“Your teeth are beautiful, sparkly, and whiter than my coat. And you had an apple pie for dessert.”
Heart broke out into a laughing fit, struggling to say, “Th-that’s a dentist! What kind of doctor are you?”
“The best kind, of course.” White grabbed a pen in his mouth and scribbled on a clipboard. “But I noticed something interesting in there, aside from tonsils.”
The giggles and snorts slowly came to a halt as Heart wiped her eyes. “And what’s that, doctor?”
“Your voicebox is cracked. Very interesting, very, very interesting.”
With a raised brow, Heart wondered what that was supposed to mean. The chance to ask came and went as White grabbed a little flashlight from the bag and shined it in her eyes, one after another. “Curious, very curious indeed...”
It took a few second for Heart to blink the spots from her eyes. “Not all doctors are optometrists either, you know.”
“It’s curious how full of life and creation your eyes are,” White said, ignoring the comment. “They’re stunning, in fact. How can anypony have such brilliant eyes?”
A blush snuck onto her cheeks and took root like seeds, growing out as White fed what little ego she had. “Stop it, you.”
White puckered his lips and scribbled on his clipboard again. “But your tear ducts are strangely lacking in fluids. What could this possibly mean?”
“Lacking?” She blinked, reaching up to her eyes without thinking about it. The smile-width she’d accumulated began to deteriorate. Because you’ve been crying... a lot.
There were only a few seconds to contemplate this notion before White tapped her nose. “Excuse me, miss, but could you please turn your head? It’s time to examine your brain!” He held up an otoscope as if that explained how this suggestion made any lick of medical sense.
“But you don’t... oh, I give up.” Heart’s grin returned in full force as she turned her head, ear perked. “Go ahead, Doctor Lovebutt.”
While White wasn’t anywhere close to a real doctor (shots gave him the heebie jeebies and he fainted the one time he was asked to help give one), he placed the pointed end of the otoscope on gently. He observed the inside of Heart’s ear with one eye, the other closed and his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth. The tool was pulled out and White knocked on Heart’s head. “What a fantastic brain this is. It’s filled with all kinds of smart things and creative ideas. I especially like all the ones with the mechanic and the gambler from Las Pegasus.”
Heart Healer giggled as a hundred memories flew through her mind.
“And would you listen at that laugh? That’s the laugh of pleasant memories and a bunch of great thoughts.” With a nuzzle, White pulled Heart into a tight hug. “How could anypony dislike such a great head? They’d have to be sick.”
“White...” The happiness was there. Of course, mixed in with the good thoughts were the not-so-good thoughts.
He’s just saying all this. It’s not going to last, because you know-
As if he had seen the de-motivating thought coming, White knocked against her skull again. “Hmm, but I noticed something else. There are a lot of heavy thoughts weighing on your mind. You seem to be thinking about sad things a lot.”
“I... I...” Her thoughts jumbled together as if literally shaken. As things to say struggled to get out, one word managed to get out. “Yes.”
“Mhmm... there’s just one last thing to check, then.” White placed the buds of the stethoscope in his ears and brought the cold, metal chestpiece right over Heart’s heart. “Take a deep, calming breath.”
She did as she was told, taking air into her lungs.
“And breath out, letting your worries go with them.”
And out came the air.
You can’t really blow away years and years of knowing what a fat and ugly-
“Breathe in the clam. Breathe in good things.”
In came another gulp of air.
“Then let it out. Let the bad things go.”
This is stupid. You’re stupid. You know that once you’re done with this game, once White leaves, you’ll be miserable again.
“Another breath. Take in all the nice things I’m telling you. You’re beautiful, you’re kind, you’re amazing, you’re a fantastic specimen of everything great about being a pony.”
Breath in.
It’s all going to crash and burn, just like everything else. It will end in tears, and all the good memories will hurt.
“And away with the tension, and the bad, and the lies you tell yourself.”
And out went the air.
“One more time. Breath in the fact that I love you and that I don’t care what you are or how many mistakes you make. I love you.”
In.
You’ll see. You aren’t allowed to be happy. You just can’t, it’s not going to-
“And away with the bad things, because I don’t hate you, and anyone who does isn’t worth giving a thought to. And I think about you every day. Please don’t hate yourself.”
Out.
Heart Healer wobbled, her head spinning from the lack of oxygen flowing through her blood, amongst other things. “What... what happened?”
“We’ve found the cause of all your problems!” White cheered, writing on his clipboard one last time. “You’ve got a case of broken heart.”
Everything was swimming around her. Everything seemed so... quiet, all of a sudden. And it wasn’t terrible in the slightest. “And... and that’s good?”
“A broken heart? Of course not.” Reaching into the medical bag, White pulled out the largest band-aid within the case. Comically huge, Heart pondered why there was a band-aid so huge. “But they’re surprisingly easy to fix. We just need a bandage to hold it together.”
There was an instant where the nurse in Heart wanted to protest such a simplistic notion. She was silenced by White sticking the sticking the bit of plastic over her chest. Warmth immediately filled her chest despite what all logic should have suggest. She felt good.
She felt better.
“Gee, Doctor Lovebutt, I shouldn’t have doubted your vast knowledge of ponies.” Heart smiled, the widest smile she’d ever had. “How did you ever get to be so smart?”
White smiled back, ‘pleased’ an understatement to the joy across his features. Leaning against her head, he rubbed their noses together and replied, “I learned from the best.”
A hug was shared between them, Heart saying, “How can all this love fit it such a tiny diaper?”
“It’s not easy. This thing might pop off at any moment!” He reached into the bag and pulled out a few more bandages, including a roll of gauze. “But we’re still not done. Just to make sure...”
“H-Hey!” she cried, laughing and laughing as he stuck a band-aid to her forehead, another at the base of her ear, one on her neck, one on each ear, and any place he could find. And when he’d used up all the bandages, he unraveled the gauze and began to wrap and wrap and wrap around Heart Healer, who laughed all the while.
“There we are,” White teased when all the bandages were used up. “That should hold you together for a good, long while.”
Heart Healer was covered from head to tail in the soft, stretchy material, grinning like a pony who found a bag of bits on the ground. “You think so? Maybe you should get a few more, just to be safe.”
“Doctor Lovebutt thinks this is good enough.” Patting the top of Heart’s head, White looked all-too-smug at his job well done. “Now, this next part is important. Are you listening?”
Nodding, she met White’s eyes.
“No more heart healing for you for a weak.”
“Huh?”
“Come on, I know you have a few vacation days saved up. So you’re going to use them. No nursing, no helping ponies and, most importantly, no bad thoughts. Like a broken wing, your heart needs time. If we don’t let it set, it’ll just break all over again, and your happiness will only stay for short bursts.”
The words hit Heart hard and she wondered if he could read her mind. She smiled as she thought, No, he’s just good at reading everything. “Alright, doctor. I’ll get plenty of rest. Will you be here to make sure that nothing gets messed up in my pretty head?”
With a kiss applied to her bandaged forehead, White said, “A broken heart usually doesn’t stay together forever. It will always get cracked at one point or another.”
“Oh...”
“So I’ll always be here to put the piece that fell out back.”
“Oh!” Again, her chest filled with warmth. “Mmm... you’re as simple as a foal sometimes.”
White waggled his crinkly tush. “Sometimes.”
“But you know, foals need a certain something?”
At long last, it was White’s turn to blush. “They do, huh?”
Heart Healer stood up, starting to moan and groan as she lumbered closer to White. “Theeeeeeey neeeeed muuummiiiiiieeeesss~”
“Oh no! Not a mummy!” White squealed, running away from the slow moving bandage-mummy chasing after him.
The game didn’t last long, what with it being so late at night and the apartment being too small for any serious game of hide-and-seek. The best White could do was hide under a coffee table, and the big pink beacon he used as a diaper gave him away. Naturally, his ‘mummy’ caught him and toddled him to bed, tucked under the covers after three-fourths of his Doctor Lovebutt costume was removed and the lights were turned off.
“There we are, all snug and warm for bedtime,” she teased, rubbed her guaze-covered nose against his.
White yawned, pulling his blanket up to his neck. “Can my mummy give me a goodnight kiss?”
“Of course, ya goof,” she said and she kissed his cheek
“Perfect. Except there is one more thing foals need to be happy.”
Heart Healer smiled, half at White and half at the lack of panic from thinking she’d forgotten something. “And what’s that? Gah!” The next thing she knew, four legs wrapped around her in a tight hug.
“Foals need soft, cuddly things to hug as they go to sleep. And while my teddy is nice...” Again, he yawned, letting his heavy eyelids droop down and close. “There are few things better to hug that a great friend.”
Heart Healer rolled her eyes, but settled into White’s hold. “You’re lucky you’re cute. I wouldn’t do this for any special pony besides my best.”
White simply smiled.
“Here’s your pudding, Mrs. Maple,” the nurse sang as she set the tray on the bedside table next to the bed of said pony.
The elder pony lying down struggled to lift the wrinkles out of her eyes and see what all the hubbub was about. “Hmm? Nurse Heart? Is that you? or is my foggy old mind playing tricks on me again?”
Heart Healer smiled, patting the old pony’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Maple, you haven’t gone senile. You’re too tough to let something like that happen.”
Mrs. Maple lifted her wrinkled eyelids and smiled along with Nurse Heart. “My goodness, where have you been? I missed seeing your smiling face.”
“I hope you can forgive me, but I needed a little vacation.” With the practiced care that came from a pony loving what she did, Nurse Heart tore open the little pack of sugary oatmeal chunks and stirred them into the cup. As an added extra, Nurse Heart magically lifted a shaker filled with cinnamon and sprinkled a puff or two into the pudding.
Mrs. Maple’s wrinkled smile widened a little as she watched her meal swirl in the see-through plastic, same as she had for the past few months. “You seem different today. Your smile is bigger than it used to be, and it’s making me happy. What’s your secret?”
Heart Healer smiled a little wider. “I learned that sometimes, I need my heart healed, too.”
