"Before me they stood ebony wisps ponies that once were! Hollow shells of vile darkness! Their numbers great and so they came, rushing at me, screaming at me, lunging at me with fang and claw and dark desires! These puppets of ponies, these black creatures masquerading as mares, vile in their purpose and hungering for the equestrian ichor inside of me! They spilled over one and other in terrible waves; a cascading nightmare of death plummeting towards me in such force God nor Goddess would dare stand against them!!
And lo.
I.
Cut.
Them.
Down.
AGAIN AND AGAIN they came at me, hungry for their fate, wearing the skin of ponies I'd long since known and devouring the rage within my heart! But it was too great! A FEAST TO PROFOUND TO CONSUME and then I saw it. The hope dying in those empty shells, the realization like a cold knife sinking into the soul! These creatures of old, these crude creations had all come to seek their end at MY GLORIOUS HOOF!
NO CHOICE, but to cast the magic of the fates, the black spells ripped from your history books and torn from memory of old. The sorcery no pony dares possess, yet begs to acquire! I poured gore in scores from these creatures, now tumbling over one and other, fleeing dare they witness my arcane touch! So did a madness overtake me, casting bubbling foam from my lips and a laughter that rocked the halls of this unholy kingdom! BY MY HOOF THEY FELL! The life POURED from each corpse filling me with a rejuvenating thirst for more! Arcs of power and wayward beams of magic splashed the earth, cracking existence in twain and pleasing the dark Gods whom watched with trembling knees and chattering teeth! I FELLED BEAST AFTER BEAST, MONSTER AFTER MONSTER UNTIL ONLY I REMAINED.
I.
And she.
Never have I bore witness to such a horrid creature and never did Equestria know the name of such an abomination. There she stood peering at me with her horrible emerald orbs, casting a mesmerizing trance of terror! I struck at her before I could touch the fear she spit into the air. Blast after blast, dark magics and sinister incantations tearing away into the very fabric of reality to sanctify this beast with the darkest of arts. She swallowed every blow and yet there she remained. THERE SHE STOOD in all of her black majesty! There she stood, reveling in the nightmarish realm she'd created, and there she stood, the changeling queen, Chrysalis!!
I reached down for the deepest darkest spell, the most horrific magics only known to the greatest of magicians! The SKY cracked and cried as we battled for the realm of Equestria! By Luna's magnificent moon, there was NO other choice! The darkest of arts performed by the most profane arcane rituals to save Equestia. There was NO OTHER WAY. THE STARS FELL FROM THE SKY, TWISTING AND TURNING, COLLIDING IN A HORRIBLE WHIRLWIND OF POWER NOT SEEN SINCE DAYS BEFORE DISCORD!
CHRYSALIS watched in horror as the beast took form, black spikes and a lust for flame! This eldritch abomination, THIS BEAST WITH NO NAME STOOD BEFORE HER AND BELLOWED. A FEAT OF MAGIC NOT KNOWN FOR CENTURIES: I HAD SUMMONED AN URSA MAJOR AND LO DID IT-"
"Wait. Wait. Stop. Ok? Stop talking. You're hurting me, " Twilight groaned, rubbing a hoof over her the bridge nose. Trixie frowned, giving an agitated growl.
"You do NOT interrupt a story when it's in the middle of being told, Twilight Sparkle! Trixie was just getting to the good part!" she snapped. Twilight stared.
"You...Ok. You did not fight a thousand changelings, you did not topple Queen Chrysalis, and you cannot just summon an Ursa Major ," Twilight explained. Trixie rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out.
"Yeah huh! Trixie totally did," she snapped in response, crossing her forelegs. Twilight groaned.
"If you're going to tell me that it's a 'True Story' at least TRY to add some plausible facts Trixie. If it's a beast with no name, then you can't call it an Ursa Major, because that's its name, and the only pony who can summon an Ursa Major, would be Princess Luna, and they're not eldritch abominations, they're constellations. To that end, even if you could summon an eldritch horror, you'd need at least six dozen candles, several arcane runes, three consenting goats and a copy of the Necronomicon," Twilight grumbled. Trixie shook her head.
"Trixie has a copy of the Necronomicon," said Trixie. Twilight started to grind her teeth.
"No. You. Don't," she huffed. Trixie waggled a dismissive hoof towards her room.
"Yeah huh. It's under Trixie's bed, " Trixie explained. Twilight reached up and grabbed at her bangs, tugging at them until they hurt, her ears laying flat against her skull. She wanted to scream.
"When you invited me over here, to listen to your latest 'tale of triumph' I thought you meant the last show you performed and had success with, not spoon feed me horse appl-" Twilight began, but Trixie cut her off.
"How can you prove Trixie HASN'T done all these things, or DOESN'T have a copy of the ...um...necro-whatever," she hissed. Twilight's right eye twitched helplessly.
"Well one, if you DID and you tried to read it, your brain would eat itself. Two, the lack of dark portals into a screaming netherworld is kind of a big clue. And three, if you had a copy of the Necronomicon and you DIDN'T TELL ME, I can't even imagine how angry at you I'd be, " Twilight groused. Trixie gave a snort.
"You're just jealous I have a Necronomynom and you don't," Trixie snorted crossing her arms. Twilight threw up her hooves and gave a snarl of irritation.
"Trixie, you can't just keep making up stories that never actually happened, that are this far-fetched! Do you remember what happened when you came across a real Ursa Minor? What if there's a changeling in the audience?!" Twilight sputtered. Trixie beamed brightly.
"Then Trixie shall slay it, just as she slayed Chrysalis!" Trixie announced triumphantly. Twilight's right eye now shut in on itself entirely.
"BUT YOU DIDN'T! YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY SLAY CHRYSALIS!" Twilight screeched, her voice reaching into the high peaks of irritation she'd not felt since Spike had accidentally set fire to Owlicious. Twice.
"Well, Trixie would have if SOMEPONY didn't interrupt her story!" Trixie snarled. Twilight took a deep breath. A deep, deep breath, closed her eyes, put her hoof against her chest, and slowly let it out. Just breathe. Just. Breathe.
"Ok. Trixie. I understand that you're a showmare, and telling stories is part of your act. Your folklore is wonderful, but when you start telling stories that put you into a place that makes you larger than life, you run the risk of repeating the incident with the Ursa Minor. Your stories need to have just a little bit of exaggeration based around truth, not a little bit of truth based around exaggeration," lectured Twilight. Trixie slowly nodded her head thoughtfully.
"One time, Trixie fought a dinosaur," the blue mage explained. Twilight stared before her left eye started to twitch.
"Prove that Trixie didn't," Trixie added. Twilight took a deep breath.
"Dinosaurs no longer exist, Trixie," she said as calmly as she could. Trixie nodded her head.
"Because Trixie killed the last one in a furious battle!" Trixie beamed. Twilight gave a violent growl and tugged at her ears.
"Ok, you know what, you're just frustrating me now, ok? You're doing this on purpose, " Twilight growled. Trixie gave a quiet giggle and stabbed her tongue in Twilight's direction
"You're just jealous once again, because Trixie is sooooo much more accomplished than you, " Trixie jeered in a tone that caused Twilight physical harm from the sheer levels of condescension. That. Was. It.
"What is the matter with you?! I thought we were friends Trixie! You're trying to irritate me on purpose now, it isn't funny!" Twilight snarled, trembling where she sat. Suddenly, to her surprise, Trixie slipped in and sat down next to her, grinning impishly.
"Not really funny, no," She murmured. Twilight snarled once again, feeling the fur on the back of her neck heckle in response.
"Then why?! What is the point?! What is it Trixie, huh? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED, BECAUSE I'M GOOD AND TICKED NOW!" Twilight barked, and squealed when she found her lips suddenly locked with Trixie's in a furious, passionate kiss. They remained that way for a few seconds, before Trixie finally pulled away, panting as if she'd run a marathon.
"Because you are really REALLY hot when you're mad," Trixie whispered. Twilight stared for a long time...a very long time, before she raised an eyebrow, cheeks pinkening slightly.
"...Really?" she squeaked. Trixie wildly nodded her head- and pounced the unicorn onto the floor. She didn't stay mad for too long.
Author's Note
Just something silly I wrote. Something crazy super stupid purple with Trixie's descriptions. I kinda liked that part, myself. But just something silly.
