One Chaotic Letter
On a typical day in the town of Ponyville, things moved relatively easily and slowly, and ponies could enjoy the scenery as they went about their day. Perhaps as they went off to work or school they would have the fortune to see the skies being kept carefully in check by a blue pegasus with a rainbow colored mane, or they may catch a glimpse of somepony’s fabulous new outfit, courtesy of one of the top unicorns in all of fashion. If they became thirsty in their wanderings, then a quick stop by Sweet Apple Acres and a few spare bits to the mare in the hat would see them back to town with a bottle of smooth apple cider in their saddlebags, or if they needed a pick me up to keep a smile on their face, then a short trot over to Sugarcube corner to see a pink party pony would be just the thing. And if that should prove just a little too exciting, then one could always pay a visit to a not-too-far-out-of-the-way cottage to wind down with the animals, watched over and cared for tenderly by a soft-spoken yellow pegasus.
But today was hardly typical for one pony.
If passerby happened to find themselves at the Golden Oaks Library they would find that the typically peaceful center for knowledge was anything but; the crashes and sounds of books falling would’ve stopped anyone from entering, the flashes of violet light pouring from the windows and the occasional explosion that accompanied them were cringe worthy, and if one looked close enough, they might even catch a glimpse of the cause…
“Discord!” Twilight Sparkle shouted, as the trickster spirit of disharmony continued to do what he did best: disrupt order by bending the laws of nature in impossible, and often random, ways. Currently the draconiques had pulled the words off the pages of her books and twisted them into an orchestra, which was now playing a catchy-but loud-song. “Stop it right now!”
Discord folded his hands behind his antlered head and reclined in midair, conducting his booming music with a baton held securely in his tail, looking perfectly comfortable with not stopping. “Oh come now, why would I do that… you don’t like swing jazz?”
Ears flattened and ribs rattled as the music reached a high point. This was just the latest nonsensical diversion she’d had today; she’d woken to find her bed and herself on the ceiling, and once she’d crawled out of her surprise crash landing, Discord had appeared with a bowl of oatmeal for her. Breakfast was the only relatively quiet moment so far, as her guest had not left despite her frequent requests, threats to tell the princesses, and outright begging from Spike.
“Because this is a library!” she reminded him, “It’s supposed to be quiet!”
Discord casually snapped his fingers and a pair of fuzzy red earmuffs cushioned her ears, effectively blunting the sound. Twilight recoiled to avoid a flying book and fixed him with a deadpan stare.
“Not funny.”
The serpentine tail stopped its endless weaving, although the baton continued to direct on its own, and stretched out across half the room to tickle her under the chin. “Don’t be such a royal party-pooper Princess,” he cooed as she knocked the offending appendage away with a hoof, “I mean you’ve been cooped up in this dusty old library for a whole week, and all anypony hears of you is what they get from your brainwashed little minion.”
Spike was trying his utmost to restore some semblance of order to the run amok objects of the library; the little purple and green dragon jumped as far as his stubby legs could carry him from shelves and ladders to try and reclaim the tomes, but it was a game of one step forward and two steps back, as more often than not he would miss and face plant into the floor or be sent flying around the room by a speeding encyclopedia.
Twilight ducked and covered her face with her wings as a thick dictionary launched the little guy right over her head and into the door, when she had the courage to reopen her eyes she saw him sitting up, dazed, while four mini bookriding draconequus jumped circles around his head. “Uh… Ok, is anypony else starting to think this is impossible?”
“This is no time for jokes Spike!” They had to take back control of the library somehow, even though Discord had kept his promise to cause no severe harm, he still took extreme pleasure in creating a chaotic mess that would take hours to clean up! “He’s not a minion! And I told you, I have to plan this year’s checklist of things to do in case of emergencies- which I can’t do with you wrecking everything!” She shouted over the band as it reached its crescendo.
“Bah…” Discord snapped his fingers, and with a flash the word ponies began a sweet, lilting tune that would not at all be out of place in a Canterlot garden. Twilight blinked at the sight of herself behind a mahogany desk, while Spike sat at a worn and cheap table writing out one of the checklists she was so well known for, the nameplate Cratchet on his chest. “…Humbug! I offer to help get you out into the light of day, and what do I find? Princess Twilight Sparkle, so caught up in her precious planning to pay attention to her friends!”
Spike opened his mouth, but all he could utter was a weak uh… before things changed, and the two found themselves upon an ornate throne. With a low bow Discord backed toward the door, dressed like the lowest of servants. “Very well then, I shan’t disturb you even a paltry second longer, your Majesty…” One final flash, and all fell quiet as the spirit of disharmony vanished, no doubt off to bring disorder to some other unsuspecting pony’s day.
“Well…” Spike said “that happened.”
“Yeah…” Twilight hopped from the throne and used her magic to begin reordering the disheveled books. “Come on, if we hurry and clean this mess up, we may be able to reach the end of October by lunchtime.”
“Heh, yes your Highness…” The little dragon chuckled before his cheeks swelled. With a belch of green flames a rolled up piece of parchment dropped to his feet, only to be quickly snapped up by purple magic.
Twilight spared the seal a quick glance before opening it, “From Princess Celestia? Wonder what—AH!” The young alicorn dropped her letter in shock, her heart pounding; on this page there were no words, only a pair of red eyes and a snaggle-toothed grin. “DISCORD! What’re you doing there?!”
The paper chuckled and levitated up to head height. “Well you know, you just looked so busy that I decided to be a pal and read your letter to you. Now…” Discord cleared his nonexistent throat, “’To my dear friend Twilight Sparkle…’ uh-huh, uh-huh…” two violet eyes rolled heavily as the ‘reading’ descended into a series mere hums and grunts.
“I don’t suppose you would mind reading it out loud, would you?”
The face blew an indignant raspberry at her, “Oh I don’t see why, it’s really grim and dull-so like Celestia; never opens with a laugh like me… like now, come to think of it!” both dragon and alicorn sighed wearily; Discord couldn’t be trusted to stay serious for more than a handful of seconds at best. “Oh alright fine,” He snipped, “but don’t blame me if you find yourselves snoring from boredom:
“To my dear friend Twilight Sparkle,
I hope you’re doing well and that things aren’t too chaotic for you (yes I’ve been keeping watch on that remarkably handsome hunk…”
Twilight rolled her eyes.
“…and I have to say he’s always right, you should enjoy the fresh air more).
Things are quite well here in Canterlot, Shining Armor’s replacement Greenhorn is almost ready to fully assume his duties, though Shining seems to think differently, the poor royal guard is in somewhat of an uproar over his choice of successor. Still, Greenhorn is finding ways to keep them more or less together.” Discord yawned briefly, opening his mouth far wider than normally possible, “Philomena’s starting to shed again, and I think Luna’s also starting to show some interest in having a pet, though she has yet to say anything on the matter. I was wondering if perhaps Fluttershy would be willing to lend her a hoof.
Unfortunately, this is not merely a social letter, as I do need to see you and your friends in Canterlot. While the situation is not urgent, the longer you delay, the more complicated it may become.
Sincerely,
Celestia
P.S. What’s your favorite pie?”
“Apple…” Twilight blurted, responding on pure reflex to the talking letter. It was a mistake, for the smiling mouth opened and an apple pie spring-splatted her straight on the muzzle. Spike gave her cheek a quick swipe with a finger for a taste.
“Mmm, not bad…”
The letter vanished and a giggling Discord reappeared over their heads, “Oh that was just too good…” he chortled at her unamused look, “What? You don’t have a taste for the classics? Hmph, tough crowd… Well, maybe this’ll help.” he said, zapping a bucket into existence over her head. Too late to do anything other than realize what was coming, the pie-covered pony managed a single step back before she was dowsed with cold water. But it wasn’t over; from beneath her drenched mane she saw Discord, now in a leather jacket and sunglasses, holding Spike in both his mismatched arms. He clicked the dragon like a shotgun.
She gulped. “Oh no…”
“Hasta la vista, baby…” He echoed deeply, squeezing Spike’s belly; Twilight cringed as emerald fire scorched the area she was standing. After a moment though, Spike began to run low and Discord closed his jaws, ending the torrent. “Don’t make me use the other end!”
Her mane was scalded straight back, her wings were locked in a raised position, and her entire coat was splotched with soot. The purple alicorn coughed out a mouthful of bitter smoke, while Discord tossed his ‘gun’ away and clapped his hands to his cheeks.
“This is terrible! Just terrible…” he gasped, clearly not the least bit perturbed, “You can’t possibly go out looking like that, what would Rarity say if she saw you in such a state?” A short flash, and a tailor’s vest covered his normally bare form. “Well we’ll fix that!”
“No, wait-” Snap, flash! Twilight creaked open an eye, afraid of what she might see. It actually wasn’t too bad: she was dressed in a pink gown similar the one she’d worn at her coronation, with matching glass slippers, and her mane done up. Discord shook his head.
“Too formal.” He mumbled, snapping his fingers. There was another flash, and Twilight found herself in a baggy Hearths Warming sweater that smelled like cats. “Too casual, and too warm. Oh let’s see… how ‘bout this? Or maybe this?” The draconequus began to snap his eagle claw as fast as he was able, putting her into whatever seemed to pop into his head next. Twilight went from sweaters, to swimwear, to a dark blue robe with a black leotard, to clownish make-up and squeaky shoes, with barely enough time to comprehend each change before it was replaced.
Then the spirit of chaos began getting creative… transforming her wings into bat-like leathery membranes. Hitching her to a carriage and causing whiskers to sprout from her nose. Lengthening her legs and giving them holes, with a crooked horn. Turning her mane to live snakes- and causing her to scream.
“Too Greek.” He blurted snapping his claw, flashing a pair of glasses over her eyes and a purple vest over her wings while her coat darkened to black. “Too dark.”
Flash! Her wings vanished.
“Too last season.” Flash!
Her eyes turned green and her horn glowed red as bat wings appeared on her back. “Too somber.”
Flash!
Twilight gave her body a quick once-over, she was normal again; with feathered wings and a regular spiral horn. Discord stroked his beard thoughtfully, “Too usual…” then his yellow and red eyes brightened, “Wait, I’ve got it!”
Not again… Knowing Discord, he might set her on fire next. “Run!” Twilight scooped Spike onto her back and bolted for the door, not daring to slow down until she was well away from Golden Oaks and sure he wasn’t coming after her.
“I’ll be happy to mind the shop while you’re out,” Discord called after her, “you have nothing to worry about!”
Her hooves left grooves in the dirt as she put on the brakes and skidded to a stop. Discord? Watching her library? She’d be lucky if she came back to a blackened crater… Twilight whirled, Spike hanging on for dear life, and made a beeline for the tree.
Discord had already closed and locked the door; she could hear him inside, playing some kind of disco music. At her knock, a small peephole appeared on the wood. “Who is it? Do you have an invitation?”
“Discord it’s me, and an invitation to what?”
“To the “Golden Oaks Discord Disco,” he said as if it was common knowledge and not just made up on the spot, “and if you’d be so kind, who is ‘me?’”
Twilight snorted, she was becoming very annoyed very quickly… “It’s Twilight Sparkle, let me in!”
At the declaration of her name the music stopped and a siren began to wail loudly, attracting the attention of everyone nearby who wasn’t already watching the spectacle, and forcing Twilight to the ground with hooves in her ears.
“All units we have code Purple!” Discord shouted over the screech, “Repeat: CODE PURPLE! This is not a drill, commence lockdown!” At the command, the Golden Oaks Library darkened, Twilight felt herself forcefully teleported away and could only watch in shock as metal shutters closed the windows and a series of lasers enveloped the entrance. An iron cage shot out of the ground then, accompanied by gasps of amazement from everypony, the entire tree sank into the earth, a steel dome covering the space it’d once occupied.
“Well that was a bit excessive…” Spike observed dryly.
-8-
The ride to Canterlot proved to be just the thing Twilight needed to recover from her eventful morning. The gentle bumping of the locomotive and the easy rumbling of the engine had a sedating quality to them, that and the ride was filled with a familiar background noise…
“This is gonna be great!” Pinkie Pie squeaked, bouncing up to the nearest window. “I love it when Princess Celestia invites us to Canterlot!” The pink party pony was, as usual, jumping for joy with a smile that seemed incapable of leaving her face. But she certainly wasn’t the only one smiling.
“Well I for one am just happy to be going on a trip that doesn’t involve the fate of Equestria.” Rarity said, delicately sinking into a seat next to an open window, above her, their blue pegasus friend was lazily back-flapping along the ceiling.
Having been interrupted just after her warm-up Rainbow Dash was just too revved up to sit still for the two hour ride. Even though they’d opted to take Ponyville’s much faster route to the royal city, it was still slower than she was willing to take, at least until she got a little exercise in.
“I know right,” she said, drifting to the other side of the train, “I mean the Crystal Empire, Nightmare Moon, Discord and his ‘Seeds of Plunder…’ The list just goes on…”
Rarity teased a strand of her purple mane that seemed intent on escaping back into place. “Oh, that reminds me, Twilight how was Discord? That scoundrel wasn’t too overbearing, I hope…”
Twilight shook her head, but Spike folded his arms with a frown, “Not unless you count being used as a hairdryer as ‘overbearing.’”
“Well, he wasn’t too bad, I’m just surprised he was the one to come and get me in the first place.”
Sitting behind her, Applejack bit into one of the apples she’d brought for the trip, “Yeah, hearin’ about it threw us all Twi; I never thought you’d wind up sendin’ Discord of people Fluttershy.”
Rarity’s head clicked up in surprise, and Twilight turned around in her seat to face the butter colored mare next to the farmpony. “You sent him?!”
Fluttershy shrank just a small amount beneath her shout, “Um… sort of…” she said, slightly ducking behind her pink mane. “Me and Rainbow Dash were starting to worry because you hadn’t come out of the library for a while now, and when Discord overheard, he volunteered to help.”
Rarity and Applejack turned to the shy pegasus, who swallowed nervously beneath the weight of their three combined stares, “And you believed him?” Twilight asked incredulously.
“I thought it was great that he wanted to help…” She said, glancing to the ground, “sorta…”
Dash let out a sarcastic chuckle. “It was more like we couldn’t stop him; he was even crazier than usual because helping Fluttershy with shopping doesn’t involve switching the price tags on everything.”
“Or havin’ mah apples do a reenactment of that whole ‘invadin’ Everfree Forest’ incident…” Applejack added with a roll of her eyes, “Reckon he musta got bored real quick; like Pinkie without a party.”
All heads moved at the mention of Pinkie Pie, and how quiet she’d been. The pink party pony had stuck her head out the window and opened her mouth, allowing her tongue to simply drift behind her like a flag.
Twilight brought a hoof to her face but couldn’t stifle the giggle that rose, “Yeah, I guess so. Discord would never be patient or serious enough to go shopping…”
-8-
The ride to Canterlot, while certainly enjoyable, was still relatively short; soon enough the six ponies were stepping off the platform and making their way into the royal city. Even though she’d lived here for most of her life, Twilight never could quite get over the sight of splendor that was put on display here. Canterlot was booming with life and activity, smartly dressed ponies going about their business, checking out the latest in fine foods from the coasts or the newest trends in clothing from Manehattan; several of the shops sported Rarity’s latest goods, much to her pleasure.
And topping all of this hustle and bustle was Canterlot Castle. White stone walls topped by golden balconies and spires rising majestically over the city, watching over its citizens as benignly as the princesses that ruled from it.
As tempted as each of them was to enjoy the city, they all agreed that business came first, and so, the seven friends headed straight for the castle.
Upon seeing them the guards at the gate bowed and took up positions on either side of their group, escorting them through the castle’s most direct route to the throne room’s ornate double doors.
Canterlot’s throne room was a long hall decked out in banners displaying the royal crests, casting light into the spacious passage were dozens of stained glass windows, each depicting a different event in Eguestrian history; from the beginning of the Royal Sister’s reign, to Twilight’s ascension to Princess Twilight.
At the far end of the throne room sat two thrones upon a raised dais, and upon each chair sat the Princesses Celestia and her younger sister, Luna.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia said, stepping down from her perch. “You arrived here much faster than we thought you would.”
“Princess Celestia…” Twilight and each of her friends offered the royal sisters a short bow, even though both had made it clear they were long past such formalities. “You’re letter said it wasn’t urgent, but we shouldn’t delay our getting here.”
“And it’s a very good thing you didn’t.” Luna happily followed the example of her sister and stepped down to greet them. “It’s good to see you all again.”
“It’s good to see you too Luna!” Pinkie Pie chirped, easily forgetting their token procedures and addressing the Moon Princess as she might any friend.
Applejack was the next to loosen herself, though to a lesser degree, “Twilight said she got a letter sayin’ ya’ll wanted to see us?” she asked as the others relaxed. Celestia nodded.
“Yes, as I said this issue isn’t urgent, but it is complicated.”
“Well whatever it is, we’ll be happy to help.” Fluttershy offered, prompting agreement from each of them.
“Yes I know, and that’s why I think you are the best ponies to handle this.” Looking back toward the dais Celestia cleared her throat, “You can come out now.”
From behind the throne of the Sun Princess came another pony, a very tall mare with a brown coat that flowed into an ocean blue mane and tail, attached at her shoulders were two wings that were tipped emerald. But it was the spiral horn growing from the center of her forehead that drew gasps of shock from everypony.
