“Ugh! I had the most horrid dream last night, you wouldn’t believe–!”
Chocolate Oats raised his head from a bowl of roasted barley, cream, and sugar, slowing his chewing as the shrill voice continued. With a thumping clatter, his beloved wife fumbled into the seat opposite him looking every bit as frazzled as the tone of her voice indicated. Her voluminous white robes seemed to swallow her as she sank into the chair.
“It was just the worst thing, what with their cruel stares and undisguised sneering and bloated laughter — as if they had any right! Ugh!” She snorted again, with a flick of her nose that set her electric pink curls to bouncing. “What hypocrites! Undeniably mean, the lot of them.”
The stallion, whose coat had spawned his namesake, licked away the frosty mustache and beard that stubbornly appeared every time he had cereal, and carefully watched his wife. She appeared as one might right after they experienced the Wonderbolt Lightning Blitz’s signature move, the blitzkrieg, which shocked everypony’s manes into a frightful mess. However, more than that, her eyes sagged as if she hadn’t slept at all, and she tried without success to magic a few pieces of bread into a nearby toaster. Chocolate Oats was genuinely concerned for her.
“Lily, dear, let me get those for you,” he appealed, slowly and calmly rising. She thanked him and slumped further into the ornate wooden chair, letting her magic fade. He managed to catch the bread before the pieces hit the floor and carefully guided them into the toaster with his hooves, ignoring with practiced ease a sudden resentment of being without magic or wings. Turning to look at his resting wife helped get rid of the thought. “Good morning, gorgeous,” he purred softly, nuzzling her in that ticklish spot near the nape of her neck.
Ah! There it was, that smile that captured his heart so many years ago. After a bop to his nose, she rewarded him with a peck to the cheek.
“Thank you, Coco, honey,” she offered, before turning her eyes away with a weary sigh. “Wish I could say the same.”
Coco returned to his own chair, a far more unassuming piece of furniture than her own — and far more comfortable. Instead of returning to his own breakfast, however, he pushed it away so as to give his wife his full attention. Resting his forelegs on the varnished surface, he made small, though obvious, beckoning motions. She rolled her eyes and looked aside.
“C’mon,” he admonished reassuringly. “You know it works.”
Lily puffed a sigh through loose lips and looked askance at her husband. Looking away once more, she groaned and placed her own, delicate hooves onto the table. He touched his huge hooves to her diminutive ones. Had they always looked so tiny …?
Finally she was looking directly into his eyes. As her crystal amethyst met his mossy green, he flashed his most winsome smile. She couldn’t help but return it with one of her own, however small.
“Now. Close your eyes.” Immediately, Coco shut his. A short pause, then– “Your eyes closed?” He heard a quiet, exasperated sigh.
“Yes, dear.”
He sneaked a peek with his right eye.
“Good. Now. Breathe in … breathe out … breathe in … breathe out …” He repeated this a couple more times, dwelling on the rush of her breath. “Okay, now open them– slowly,” he amended hastily. Lily refused to look into his eyes after hers opened, but her shoulders were more relaxed than before and her lips rested in a contented line. His smile broadened. “Now will you tell me what your dream was about?”
Immediately she frowned, but the breathing exercise had done its work. Her body remained more relaxed, though her shoulders still tensed and she unconsciously began smoothing her mane as she talked.
“Well, we were — or rather, I was. I’m not certain you were there at all — I was in our home, just leaving to go shopping.” She paused, eyebrows furrowing and hooves slowing their motions. “I, don’t think I noticed them yet. The first thing I believe I noticed was the city. It was like our Canterlot, but–” at this she brought her hooves over the table, making patting motions with both facing the other, “–but it was so much … more, squashed, or something.” She glanced behind him and out one of the tall windows, sweeping silk curtains pulled to the side to let in the dazzling morning light. The light reflecting off of them must have distracted her, for there was a very long pause. Coco turned to glance behind him, but the only ponies he could see were the two of them, reflected in the window.
“Anyway,” she continued, closing her eyes and shaking her head vigorously. “As I was saying, the city seemed squashed. And then they appeared. Fat, grotesque, undulating things moving down the street toward me like giant slugs. Of course I screamed and ran, but now they seemed to be everywhere! It wasn’t until I had exhausted myself that I realized they weren’t after me — well, at least not then. They seemed to be the natural inhabitants of … of … the squashed Canterlot, I suppose I should call it. And they did have legs. It’s just that they were so fat that from a distance, their bodies hung and swallowed much of their stubby legs. At least, I assumed they were stubby. Who knows how long their legs actually were supposed to be.
“Regardless, they were hideous creatures. All bulging body fat and beady eyes and gigantic mouths and–” She abruptly stopped. For a moment, Coco wondered if she’d seen something, but then she began again with the slow, rising inflection of an epiphany. “Hippos. They looked akin to hippos.” Coco drew back and fiddled with his hooves, brows lifting before knitting together, mouth making an uncomfortably stretched expression.
“Now, dear, don’t you think that is a bit … racist ...?”
“Oh, you know what I mean,” she scoffed, brushing the matter aside with a hoof and going back to smoothing her mane. Now she began to unconsciously untangle it. “I said they were akinto them, not that they were hippos. Hippos are a … mh, a fine people, regardless our cultural differences. It’s just …” she huffed again, frowning. “I just don’t know how else to explain them. They looked similar, but, at the same time nothing alike. In fact, I think they were supposed to be ponies, but I can’t fully explain it. I don’t mean to be rude–” But Coco was nodding reassuringly.
“Never mind it dear. I understand. Just continue.”
Lily smiled.
“Thank you. As I was saying, they were these hideous, bulbous things, ugly as sin, but the worst part was this: the uglier they were, the more prosperous they seemed!” Coco’s eyebrows and chin raised ever so slightly. Lily didn’t seem to notice. “There were some that would simply be considered obese in our world, but they were much slimmer than the others. And these obese ones were ridiculed for it! These hippo-pony-blob things were so critical of their weight and size, but all in the wrong direction! It was as if ugliness and beauty were completely flopped. And that–” she began to fiddle with her mane, tying it into knots then unraveling it over and over again, “–that was when they noticed me.”
Her movements suddenly became more jerky and frantic as she looked down. Coco had seen his wife panicky before, but nothing like this. Her shoulders were as knotted as her mane. Eyes were frantically roaming the floor for something far beneath it, as if she were looking into another dimension and couldn’t see where she was. Her breath came in quick, short bursts, and her eyes began to shimmer with tears.
Bounding to his hooves, Coco crossed over to her in hardly more than three steps. Wrapping his hooves about her, he began to coo softly.
“Hey, hey. It’s alright. None of it was real, you’re safe here.” He brought her closer to his chest. “You’re my precious Lily. Nothing can hurt you here.” It didn’t take much longer for her to calm down, but the shimmering in her eyes remained.
“They called me grotesque,” she whimpered quietly. “A skeleton. That no one would ever love someone like me. That I was worthless, that I’d never become anypony and should just … just die.” Slowly but surely, a hard look came into the mare’s eyes, a faraway look that Coco recognized, that he had prayed would leave and never return. Her voice, rising with each word that tumbled out of her mouth, was spiteful and victorious.
“But I showed them! I showed them, didn’t I, Coco?”
He didn’t respond, knowing all too well she was no longer talking about her dream.
“I showed them!” she shouted, standing up into a rigid, commanding pose, nose tilted imperiously. “I didn’t curl up and die, like they hoped. I stood tall and fought back. I played their little game and I won! I beat them! I showed them the truth!”
Coco flinched as his wife snapped the last word with a viciousness quite unusual for her. Then she stormed off with a sharp hah of superiority, besting once more the ghosts that lingered in her memory.
She was soon out of sight, up the lush, crimson carpeted stairs, with its intricately carved banister, and into the gigantic master bedroom; into a bathroom filled with crystal and painted, delicate porcelain, befitting a queen. His scarred and pained gaze drifted around the house; from the pure silver utensils and bone china they used daily; to the glorious stained glass window in the foyer, ten feet in diameter and worth more gold than many would see in their entire lifetime; finally, to the trophy display filled with the rewards of the hundreds of beauty pageants his wife had won over the years.
All of it, worse than worthless: wicked knives that continually cut into his heart, twisting in a wound that still festered.
A sudden clink and the following flump of paper hitting polished wood indicated the mail had just arrived. A sick and sorrowful fury seeped into him as he stalked over, knowing what he would find.
Yes. There they were.
Underneath a few envelops were four magazines. Four out of many that he wished to grind under his hoof and burn. On the cover of each one was a picture of his beloved wife: model extraordinaire! She looked exquisite: beautiful, perfect, thinner than she usually was and yet somehow not the gaunt skeleton he knew lived under the fluffy robes she wore about the house. How long had it been since she had let him see her underneath them? How long had it been since this all began?
Burning tears flooded his gaze, seeping out from behind clenched eyelids, as he thought back to senior year of high school. He could still remember the smile of the perfectly healthy young mare that had stolen his heart, the same smile that was now restrained by inner demons. He thought it would end once they graduated and left behind the cruel mares who teased his Lily. But it hadn’t. They were the ones society considered beautiful. Coco knew better.
“Damn you,” he croaked, thinking of no one in particular. He crumpled to the floor, weeping silently.
“Damn you …”
Author's Note
Hello reader! I’d like to thank you for reading this. It means a lot to me, and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you’d continue to give me just a moment more of your time, I’d like to share something very important to me.
While I love properly paced character development that captures the reader and reveals more in what isn’t said than in what is, there are some things too important to not explicitly say. In this case, I refer to the character Lily and what she represents.
To make it obvious: yes, she is supposed to have an eating disorder. The reason I point this out is that our society has a warped view on eating disorders, and I want to be sure I do not exacerbate this problem, as I do not know how I could show the following as the story progresses.
Eating disorders are NOT something you say just get over it about. The causes for Eating Disorders are, in fact, 80% biological, which means it is something someone is born with (though current Psychological theory states that it requires some form of stress to trigger). Eating Disorders are also the deadliest of all mental illnesses. This is due not only to suicide, but also the fact that someone with Anorexia Nervosa can literally starve themselves to death. The fragility of those severely underweight also leads to accidents being far more deadly than usual.
I mention this here because I want to warn all of you of the danger of our society’s standard of beauty. The stresses we put on our girls and women (and men) concerning beauty ends up leading many to develop an Eating Disorder they might have otherwise not have had to deal with, which in turn leads to many, many deaths. I may not have an exact number to give you, but trust me: it’s too many. Besides, isn’t one death that could have been prevented one death too many?
(( Source: My Abnormal Psychology professor, whose specific area of focus is eating disorders. For those who want it, more info can be found here. ))
Hard Truths and Easy Lies
“I just can't control him anymore, Coco!”
The lament came from the mare plodding along on his left, her drooping brow and the dark folds underneath her eyes aging her years. Her amber eyes were dull, constantly on the verge of closing although never quite managing. She simply peered ahead, as if trying to see through a fog visible to only her. She certainly didn't blink often enough, or so Coco thought.
What happened to the energetic, bright-eyed filly my brother married? the stallion wondered, though he already knew the answer.
“I mean, he won't listen to me," she carried on, "and he's grown too strong for me to carry through with any punishment. He's called my bluff so many times I wonder if I've lost most of my credibility as his mom! I've tried switching to other punishments, but even then I can only really get him to obey by threatening not to give him dinner! But wouldn't that be abuse? Thankfully the threat has worked so far, but still, the only times he consistently obeys are these weekends when you come visit.”
Coco listened patiently and intently as his sister-in-law unloaded a month's worth of pent-up stress on him. Very little of the news was truly new. His heart strained within him as he watched her, longing to ease her burden. She had become quite animated as she expressed her struggles with his nephew, eyes darting every which way as she spoke as if looking for some fleeting answer. When was the last time he saw her saw this animated over something fun, something good? The wedding? Surely not ...
Hopefully not.
“Heh,” he began, forcing a chuckle while searching for the right words. “I can understand that. To a degree, at least. I was just like that when I was his age–” He cut off as she whipped her head towards him, wide-eyes desperately searching his.
“And what did your parents do? I mean, you turned out alright.”
Caught off guard by the sudden attention, he froze, only able to stare for a moment while waiting for his mind to catch up. His voice returned first.
“Uhh ...”
The mare's pastel blue cheeks suddenly blanched and she turned her face back towards the ground. A few strands of bright, golden-white bangs fell across her face, but they couldn't hide the blush blossoming on her cheeks, ears turned back and down.
“I’m so sorry,” she started as they began walking again, hooves silenced by the grass. “I shouldn’t– I mean, that was–” she cut herself off to catch a breath, glancing at the stallion. “It’s pretty obvious how desperate I am, isn’t it?” Coco let out a true chuckle this time.
“It's understandable, Spring,” he reassured her, collecting his thoughts and beginning again after a short pause. “My mom had a hell of a time with my brother and I–” Coco flinched as he saw the mare tense at the mention of her husband. He carried on as if he hadn't noticed.
“She– my parents didn't really have a say in how I turned out, actually.” He caught a subtle glance from Spring and smiled. “It’s not like you think, Spring. You see, for me, it didn't matter what they did. I always rebelled. I was stubbornly insistent that I wouldn't let their punishments affect me. When I would get caught, I'd accept my punishment without complaint, then set off with a renewed vigor to do what I wanted and just not get caught.” He shrugged. “And I got good at it.”
“Oh.” For a moment they walked in silence, Spring staring at the ground. Her expression was more subdued, more tired. Then her shoulders slumped, her head drooping. “Then, what does that mean? That I'm doomed …?”
Crud.
“No, no, no. That's not what I meant at all,” Coco responded hastily, laughing awkwardly. “What I meant was that you don't need to be so anxious. Love him, pray for him, be the best mom you can be, but remember and find solace in the fact that it's not up to you how he will turn out. That's not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to know him and guide him down the right path. Leave the rest up to Aster. Azure may stray as I did, but as I found out, if he's Aster's, nothing can keep him from returning to the path.”
Spring turned her face fully towards Coco, giving him a genuine smile, though one strained by a mother's grief. Her ears perked up a bit, and her eyes seemed to shine just a bit brighter.
“Thanks, Coco. I needed that reminder.”
For a little while they walked on in relative silence, the only sounds beyond their hooves on the grass were the melodies of nature around them. Birds chatted in the treetops. Woodland critters shuffled through the bushes. The inconsistent sigh of the breeze set the leaves to rustling, while a nearby stream babbled and burbled incessantly.
It was truly the best sort of therapy, strolling through these woods. Spring and Coco would always come out here to talk when he visited, and he had a feeling that it was the only time his sister-in-law could truly relax and unwind. He dreaded the idea of taking all this away from her, but …
Coco cast a surreptitious glance over at the mare. Though she had perked up a bit and was definitely more relaxed than when he had arrived, her eyes still were consistently downcast, her shoulders drooping in a defeated posture. He set his jaw against the sight, chest tight. Had her coat always been that dull?
No. Now that he was really looking, he saw just how much the stress of the past few years had affected her. There was no healthy shimmer to her coat. In fact, it looked matted and even patchy in places, as if parts of it had begun to fall out, thinning her once full and beautiful sky-blue fur. His hackles rose. This had gone on long enough.
Stopping, he bit his lip, looking for the right words to say and giving himself a moment to calm down.
“Spring.”
A few paces ahead of him, she stopped, turning. Her gaze appeared calm and curious, ears attentive. But now he could see behind the facade.
“Spring, there was one thing my mom couldn't do. Something my dad never got the chance to try.” He steeled himself, licking his lips and taking a breath. The mare's expression began to fall, as if she knew what he was about to say.
“Azure needs a father.”
Silence followed the words. That in itself was no surprise. The same thing had happened every time he'd offered. What shocked Coco beyond language was that this time he hadn't said it; Spring had. Her whole body was slumped in utter defeat, a sad smile playing on her lips.
“You're right, Coco,” she added.
“So you'll ...” he began, finding himself.
“Yes, we'll come. You said it before: you can't be his father once or twice a month, living as you do in Canterlot.”
Coco could hardly contain his joy and enthusiasm. Finally! Though he kept it at a minimum out of respect for the difficulty of her choice, the joy burst out of him in a gigantic grin and an excitement that led him to want to dance. There was a definite bounce in his step as he strode up to Spring and embraced her.
“Lily will be so happy,” he assured Spring as he released her a moment later.
“Sorry for being so stubborn,” she added quietly, hoofing idly at the ground. A larger smile than he had seen in a long time had spread across her snout, though it struggled to reach her eyes. His joy seemed to have infected her. Coco's own ecstatic grin softened into an encouraging smile.
“You're a pony. To be a pony is to have flaws. The important part is admitting it and learning how to let go.” Spring nodded. Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly and straightened up.
“Well, we should probably go tell Azure.”
“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”
~~~
The white petal fluttered softly to the grass. Another soon joined it, then another, then another. Soon a crushed green stalk fell among them, joining four of its siblings. An azure hoof reached for a sixth stalk as the colt sniffed, then paused, before eventually coming up to wipe the back of the hoof against his nose. He coughed, clearing his throat, then wiped at his eyes.
“I hate them,” he muttered to no one.
The field of daisies was in full bloom, a large blanket of white dotted with yellow stretching the length of the clearing—all except right in front of the pony-shaped lump of deep blue. The colt had plucked a hole the size of his head, a head which was now carefully tucked under his fore-hooves.
He liked this clearing. It felt far enough away from the town to escape to, but not actually deep enough into the Everfree to be dangerous. This clearing wasn’t even technically in the forest, but surrounded by just enough trees and shrubs to seem as though it was tucked deep into another world. Not that the adults thought it any safer. Only the Elements and a few others actually ventured into the forest, though most didn’t really even have a reason to go inside. For certain no one allowed their kids, including the teens, this close to the Everfree. His mom was no exception.
Not like he cared.
A barely perceptible shuffling, just on the edge of hearing, brought him out of his thoughts and his ears to attention. Daring not to move, lest it be her, he waited. The rustling stopped.
He waited.
It began again, this time having moved somewhat further from him, then stilled again, then moved further, then stilled.
He waited.
When a white bunny finally popped out of the brush directly opposite him, across the clearing, his fur first prickled, then relaxed. A heavy breath rustled some of the flowers before him.
Bucking animal, he grumbled silently. Nearly gave me a heart attack. I hope you get eaten by a Timberwolf or something. Silently fuming, he picked himself up and rubbed at his eyes, clearing his throat to be sure he sounded fine in case he ran into anypony and had to talk. The bunny at the far end froze when it heard him, staring him down once it saw him, an ear twitching. He glared back. Go on, bolt. I dare you. Then, as if out of spite, it had to gall to go back to nibbling at flowers. It even managed to irritated at being startled. Something hot and feral rose in the colt chest, his lips curling back into a snarl as he pawed the ground, horn sparking.
“Why you bu–”
“Angel!”
Both the colt and the bunny jumped as the cry rang out somewhere to his right. The bunny immediately hopped off in the opposite direction, while rustling began, coming towards them. Another cry of Angel bunny sounded, cueing the colt to get out of there, still fuming. He couldn’t let himself be seen, not by anyone, and especially not by her.
Element of Kindness my dock.
Turning and breaking into a canter, he headed home. Maybe uncle Coco would be at the house by now.
That thought brought a smile to his snout.
Walking through the door, he was greeted by the sight of a hefty, though not heavy-set, chocolate-coated stallion at the kitchen table. The stallion turned as he heard the door open, a smile instantly erupting on his scruffy snout.
“Azure!”
“Uncle Coco!” Azure called back, running directly into his uncle’s open embrace, careful with where he angled his horn. Coco’s infectious, deep-bellied laughter tumbled out of him as they hugged, the colt clinging as tightly as he could. Finally allowing himself to be peeled off the older stallion, he met his uncle’s bright emerald gaze with an emerald gaze of his own.
“Hey there, m’boy! How’re you doing?”
“I’m good,” he lied without missing a beat. For a second it seemed as if his uncle had caught on, but the twinkle returned to his eyes before Azure was even sure it had faded.
“Well, I’ve got some good news. At least, I think it’s good news, and I think you’ll like it too.” His uncle tossed a glance toward his mom, standing at the kitchen counter. She didn’t meet his eyes, but she was smiling, which told Azure a good deal. If his mom was happy, then this had to be something good … or something really bad.
Azure held his breath.
“You’re coming to live with your aunt Lily and I while your mother sells the house, then she’ll join us while looking for a new place right near us. In theory, you’ll end up living close enough that we can visit every day!”
Silence.
Azure didn’t know how to respond. His mind had momentarily gone blank. Living with uncle Coco? Seeing him every day? The sudden surge of emotion seemed to have short-circuited his mind and it was struggling to reboot.
He blinked.
Coco looked more than a bit nervous, glancing between his mother—who seemed almost fearful—and himself. Then Azure smiled. Happiness burst forth in whoops and hollers and bounding all around the kitchen and dining room, completely oblivious to his family recovering from a moment of unintentional panic. Soon, the two adults were laughing alongside the youth’s antics. All of a sudden, he skidded to a stop.
“I’ll go pack my things!”
“Woah there, fella!” His uncle called out, stretching to get a hoof on the colt’s shoulders before he could bolt up the stairs to his room. Turning him around, Coco added, “I’m really glad you’re so excited, but it’s not immediate. Come now! Don’t look so down. It won’t be long til the end of the school year, and we need time to get the place ready. Besides,” at this his uncle lifted the young unicorn’s chin, “you have friends you gotta say bye to, right?”
Looking into his uncle’s concerned expression, it was a little easier to voice the lie.
“Yeah. Of course.” His uncle’s responding smile made the sting ease a little further.
“That’s m’boy.” He patted the colt once on the withers, then brought him into another full-bodied hug. “Besides, we’ve got a whole weekend ahead of us to enjoy!”
Once more, a true smile blossomed forth onto the colt’s snout.
And for the thousandth time, he was glad that his dark fur hid the blush.
Author's Note
Second chapter finished!
:D
Also, looking for proof readers, if anyone is interested ...?