Aperture Science Otherworldly Exploration Initiativeby SwordoathChaptersThe Crash, Part OneThe Crash, Part TwoThe Crash, Part ThreeCommanding Officer Wheatley of the Core Integration Initiative>:Awaiting Input... (Travelling Talk)75% Reunited Officer Wheatley's BodyThe Preparations The Test and the MissionA Secret MissionPrologue: Wheatly's Log, Pre-Atmospheric EntryThe Crash, Part FourThe Crash, Part OneLuna gazed up at the subtly luminescent sky above, her masterpiece, her work for all to see. Billions of pinpricks of light shining down upon the world, and the moon it's crown jewel. Such arrays were pictures only the clever could make map, only the young could imagine. Them and her, that is. She knew every pattern, every shape, every constellation. So it wasn't hard for her to notice four new lights, each shining bright orange, and blazing a path across her otherwise flawless work of art. All of which were growing alarmingly close to the ground. Three seemed to be drifting off into the distance, while one seemed to be coming straight- "AAAAAUG-!" Luna ducked as the screaming ball of fire burst through her ceiling and smashed itself into a wall. CRASH Behind her, embedded into the stone wall, was a metal sphere, surrounded by a black corona from the fireball it had been consumed in. It may have been white, but it was covered in scorch marks from the blaze it was still consumed in. The center piece was rapidly spinning around like a pony's eye in a panic. Oh, and it was still yelling. "SILENCE!" Luna used her Royal Canterlot Voice. "I'M ON BLOODY FIRE!" It shouted in a metallic voice. Luna quickly extinguished the fire with a strong flap of her powerful Alicorn wings. "Oh, ooh, that's much better, thank you, uh- I can't see. Nothing. That's not good." It said, the center apparatus moving more slowly and controlled now. "I think my eye is covered by the ash. Or soot. One of those things. Do you think you could, uh, clean it off so I can get a good look at you?" "Perhaps. What are you?" "Oh, well, now there's a story for you. I'm a core designed to, well, moderate the central core of a facility billions of miles away from here-" "A core?" "A robot?" Luna was silent. "Are you- you still there? I still can't see anything. Blind as a bat." "Yes. Where is your eye?" "The big circle in the center, With the plates that slide over it." Luna located the specified area, and cleaned it off with a levitated rag. The 'robot' blinked it's eye. "Aw, that's brilliant. Thanks for- Where'd you go?" "I'm right here." said the alicorn, puzzled. "What? You're a horse?" "I'm an alicorn." "A what?" "A cross between a unicorn and a pegasus." "But those aren't real, they're fairy tales. Myths." "We've never even heard of your kind here. You are, I suppose, a myth to us." "Huh. I did not think of it that way. What's your name?" "I am Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria." "Ruler? Aw, that's brilliant! I was hoping to find some way to come in contact with the upper management of this place. My name's Wheatley, by the way. If you were wondering." "It is a pleasure to meet you, Wheately. Even if you did tear a hole in my roof." "Oh, that's right, I did that. Sorry. I didn't really have much control of where I was going. No arms, or legs. Anything, really." "'Tis fine. It will be repaired. Come, my sister should meet you as well." "Oh, that reminds me, I had these companions of mine, they would've come down too. Did you happen to see where they went?" "Those three other comets? They went far into the distance. We could send for them?" "That'd be great." "Come. Let us go meet my sister." Luna walked out of the room. Wheatley cleared his throat. Metaphysically speaking. "My apologies." She levitated him out of the wall, and out of the room. Moments later, the wall collapsed. The Crash, Part Two"SPAAAAAAACE!" Sounded in the distance. Spike was the only one to hear this, in the town's park at night. Normally he wasn't out so late, but with the recent improvement to his curfew, he'd decided to go for nightly walks. So it was on this walk that he looked about for the source of the noise. Not long after the exclamation, he heard a screeching sound, and not four feet away, a fireball impacted with the ground, spraying him with dirt and rocks that bounced off of his scales. Much of the dirt fell back in, smothering the inferno. The crater it had created was only about a foot and a half in diameter, and half as deep. Some whitish-greyish object protruded from the dirt, and was moving around a bit. Spike, curious of the movement, began to dig out the object, that he found to be a moving sphere. When he cleared half of it, he could hear it muttering, "Ba! Ba ba ba! Ba!" When he scratched the moving center part, it screamed shortly. "AH!" Spike yelped in response, stumbling back onto his rump. "Space? Where's space?" It said, it's rapid movement dislodging dirt from the centerpiece. "Where's space? Where'd you go, space?" "Space?" Spike asked, confused. "You mean up in the sky?" "Yes. Space. Space is gone. Not in space." "What are you?" "Ba. Core. Ba ba." "A core? Of what?" "Not space. Not anymore." "So you're just a nothing core." "Yes. No. Maybe. Ba ba ba!" it said, looking around at as many things as it could. "What are you? Hm? What?" "I'm a Dragon. My name's Spike." "Spike. Spike. Spike." the core replied. "Where is Spike? Where am I?" "Ponyville." "Where's Ponyville?" "Equestria?" "Where's Equestria?" "I should bring you to Twilight. She'll answer your questions." Spike said, growing tired of the conversation. He pried the core from the dirt, lifted it over his head, and started walking back to the tree house. "Ba! Ponyville. Ba ba." "Twilight?" Spike called inside the tree house, and set the core on the table. "I found something, or, uh, someone you should meet." "Twilight. What's a Twilight?" "Spike, I told you, it's too late to bring home friends-" Twilight started. Then she saw the dirt coated sphere. "What is that?" "Space Core. Not Core for space. No more. Hate Space." "Did... did it just speak?" "Yes. Ba. Ba ba ba! Ba." "Oh dear Celestia!" Twilight said,vanishing and reappearing in front of Spike and the core. "You fell from the sky? You're an alien?!" "Yes. No. Not-Space-Core is a core. Not alive. Not Space. Ba." "So... you're a what? What is a core?" "A robot. What is a Twilight?" "I'm an Alicorn." "What is an Alicorn?" "A pony with wings and a horn?" "Alicorns. Want to know more. Ba ba. Unicorn? Pegasus? Looks like both." "Yes and yes." Twilight responded, levitating the core in the air. She blew off most of the dirt and soot with her wings. Spike, unhappily, was coated in it. He went into the bathroom to wash up. "I think you should be more closely examined. What are you made of?" "Metal. Not from space. Moondust. From space. The Moon." "Really? Your from the moon?" "Different moon. Earth Moon." "Earth. As in, dirt?" "Earth as in soil, dirt, Planet. The Solar System." "Hm... Maybe Luna knows about it. She's the only pony to map the stars completely, other than Starswirl the bearded himself." "Luna? The Moon?" "Luna the Princess. C'mon, I'll go write to her." Twilight levitated the extra-terrestrial curiosity up the stairs to write to the Princess of the Night. The Crash, Part Three"Man, this is so boring." Said the adventure sphere. Or at least, he tried to. He was under about three feet of water, and being surrounded by a school of curious fish. He'd been there for hours. At first, he was grateful for the water for putting out the post-atmospheric entry inferno. Then he became bored by the same sight of fish and distorted sky. This took only eleven-point-five seconds. "Hey. Hey! Scaly! What're you looking at, huh?" Then there was a ripple in the water, a yellow shape reaching toward the sphere. It grabbed onto his protruding top handle and pulled him free with a wet sucking sound from the silt. "Ah, thanks there. I could've gotten my self free, but I was making sure those fish were- huh?" He stopped. His rescuer was... a horse? No, a pegasus. It had wings. "So, uh, not that I have anything against animals, but why did you pick me up little fella?" She frowned. "I'm a mare!" "Oh, sorry babe- wait, you're not just a dumb animal?" She continued to pout, her bottom lip quivering. "You think animals are dumb?" "Well, no, I-" "Oh thank goodness," She said, the seeds of a tearful moment vanishing. "The animals here are my friends, and I don't think they'd like you calling them dumb. What kind of animal are you?" "I'm a lion, low in the grass, waiting to pounce," Said the sphere in a suave manner. "Or a panther, stalking it's prey like a ninja. Which I also am, by the way." "You're a lion or a panther? Which one?" "Well, technically I'm not either. I'm an Adventure Sphere. Name's Rick. And what, may I ask, is this pretty lady's name?" He said in a voice smooth as velvet. For a robot. The yellow mare giggled. "My name's FlutterShy." Rick snorted, but then said, "A name as beautiful as any rose." She giggled again. "Oh, I should bring you to my friends! I bet they'll like you." "If they're anywhere near as beautiful as you, we'll get along just fine. Say, why did you pick me up?" "Oh, the fish told me you were there making lots of noise and complaining about being bored." "Oh, well, uh, yeah. I was pretty bored down there. Just the fish, and the, uh..." he trailed off. "Hey! How about on the way over I tell you about the time I rescued a fine lady- though not as fine as yourself- from a giant robot who was trying to blow her up?" "What's a robot?" "Ooh boy, we've got a lot to cover here, don't we?" "I guess?" "Yeah. I'll tell you about the time I rode that shark off a volcanic island instead." "Oh, wow! That sounds amazing!" "Yeah, I know." (This is unrelated to the story: DUN DUN DUN NA NA NA!) Commanding Officer Wheatley of the Core Integration Initiative"Sister," Luna called to her sibling as they entered her room. "I have a visitor for you, and he has traveled a long distance to meet you." The ivory princess rose from the mat where she lay reading scrolls from her former student, Princess Twilight. She turned to the princess of the night and the core floating beside her. "Hello!" Wheatley said. "It is a pleasure to meet you, mister...?" "Wheatley. Commander Wheatley, actually." Said the sphere. He then mumbled something about being good at coming up with things on the spot. "Commander? Of who?" "Well, you see, I had these friends- well, companions, I suppose- who also would've landed on this planet of yours- which is quite lovely from the parts I've seen through your windows- not too far from here. Thirty or fifty miles, I'd guess. Or, y'know, they might've missed it entirely. Meteor knocked me away from the others before we entered orbit." "My, you really have come quite far. Where in the stars do you come from?" "A planet called Earth, the Solar System. If had an arm I could point it out in the sky." "Earth, Earth... That sounds familiar. Luna, didn't you-" "Yes sister. Not ten moons ago. Next to the Solaris constellation, the yellow star." "You mean you named a planet Earth, and it turned out to be my Earth?" "Your planet has a yellow sun, does it not? Eight orbiting bodies? A span of asteroids and a cloud of dust and rocks?" "That does sound like the Solar System." Wheatley admitted. "Alright then, so, now that we've established that-" A scroll popped into existence in front of Celestia with a quiet crackle of embers. "I'm sorry, one moment. This is of much importance." She read the scroll quickly, and a smile broke out on her face. "It appears my former student has found one of your company. It called itself a 'Not-Space Sphere?'" "Ah, him! Yes! That's brilliant! If he landed here the others must've too! Right? Right, I'm not just getting excited over nothing, am I?" "It is likely the others also made it." Luna confirmed. "Though only time will tell if we can find them or not." "Ag, now y'see, that's the kind of attitude we shouldn't have." Said the blue-eyed core. "Oh! Speaking of attitudes, I was supposed to give you a message. Here, I'll play it back for you: A holographic image of the mechanical monstrosity known to Wheatley as 'Her' spurng to life in front of his eye,much to the astonishment of the two princesses. "Hello there. I am GLaDOS, one of the two who sent the idiot you were recently speaking with to space. I am here to tell you that I'd like to establish lasting contact with your kind, in the form of the Aperture Science Core Integration Initiative. As a symbol of trust, I present you with the schematics for the cores, and for potential bodies for them, similar in design to your own inhabitants. I hope that this contact will provide both of us with new knowledge, that we might further our individual goals. I will know when you receive this message, as even now he broadcasts a constant stream of visuals back to me. Oh, and don't be afraid to hurt the idiot. His pain is simulated, as are the screams. "Ug, right nasty piece of work, isn't she?" "This... this is quite a lot to take in at once." Luna said. "Indeed it is. My sister and I must discuss this in private. Would you mind if we left you outside the room for a moment while we speak?" Celestia requested. "Sure, go on right ahead. I'm not going anywhere. Well, not after you put me out there, anyway." So Luna set him down just outside the door. He heard muffled tones through the barrier, but was paying little attention. He was more focused on the realization that GLaDOS had mentioned bodies. There had been nomention of bodies in her original message to him. He recalled the last time he had. How huge he had felt, how powerful. And that blasted itch to test, test test. Surely it would be nothing like that, but still... A body! A pony stopped and looked down at him, inspecting the odd object. He prodded Wheatley with a hoof. "Hey! Watch it!" The pony ran off, yelling something about no more hot-sauce. The door opened, and Luna spoke. "My sister and I have decided to accept your proposal and allow you and your Companions to live among us and glean whatever knowledge you deem worthy of sending to your... Mistress." "Really? That's great, th-that's brilliant! Aw, she'll be so pleased, I bet she'll even send for us! Oh, and didn't she say something about schematics for bodies...?" "Yes, and we'll have our top scientists on that immediately. It may take some time though. And we'll require one of you to translate the words- that is what those symbols were?- so we can make the correct specifications." Luna elaborated. "That's great. Tremendous." Said the core happily. "Would you like to rest? You must surely be tired after your journey." "Actually, no. I don't sleep or eat. I have a self sustaining battery. So I pretty much just keep going." "Truly? Very well then, do you have any preference as to where we leave you for the night?" "Oh, I dunno, someplace away from the locals. Don't want them gawking at me. Maybe a balcony somewhere, or...?" "It is settled then. You may recover- or not- on my balcony then." "Aw, thanks. You two are doing so much for me and my crew, it's just amazing." "It's nothing, really." Celestia said. "It's only courtesy." And with that, Luna took the Sphere with her, pacing him on the balcony where they observed the stars throughout the night. >:Awaiting Input... (Travelling Talk)"The Fact Sphere does not know where you are taking him." Said the purple-eyed ball of metal for the eighteenth time. "I told ya', I'm taking ya' to somepony who can fix ya' up." AppleJack said, turning her head so she could see it in her saddlebag. "Data file not found. The Fact Sphere is unfamiliar with the term 'somepony'. Explain." "It's somebody, but talkin' about a pony." "New fact found. The Fact Sphere thanks you for new information." "Your welcome. Now, will you stop asking where we're going?" "The Fact Sphere will cease to request informa-a-a- Alpacas are amphibious." "I'll take that as a 'yes'." "So then I made reigns from the vines and lassoed myself a shark a mile off the coast, and draw him close enough to get on it's back and ride it away from the island, just as the volcano erupted into an column of ash and blazing fire. Course, I saved about thirty of the native monkeys from the island too. I only wish I could've taken a few more..." "Oh, that's so nice of you. I'm sure they were very grateful to you." "Yeah, well, all in a day's work. Where we headed anyway?" "I'm taking you to meet my friend Twilight. I was also hoping she might be able to tell me what a 'core' is, since I don't know, and you won't tell me." She said the second part almost silently. "Right, cause it's, uh, classified." "You sure you won't tell me?" "No, sorry. Private, secret stuff." "Oh, okay then. You know, it's pretty amazing I've only met one of your kind. Aren't there others?" "Well, yeah, but they're... Well they're just awful. One of them is totally useless, taking about pointless, unrelated facts. Another one just never shuts up about leaving space, after he only talked about going there for goddamn years! And that last one, he's such a pushy-" "That's so rude! How could you be so talk so meanly about them?" "Because it's true, that's how! I was stuck in space listening to them talk about nothing for years! It damn near drove me insane!" "But-" "But nothing! I can't stand them. The lunatic, the textbook, and the moron! All of them!" Rick shouted. There was a brief moment of silence. Then, from the saddlebag, the core heard sobbing. He tried to look around at her face, and caught a glimpse of a tear falling to the ground. FlutterShy was crying, and it was his fault. "Ooh... Now, don't do that, c'mon. Please? Listen, I didn't mean any of that. Honest. They just annoy me, and I got worked up, is all. It's like when your around people too long, and they start to bug you because they get boring. Hey, y'know what? I'll say sorry to them. Just... oh for the love of... STOP CRYING!" Her sobs stopped abruptly."Y-you... you're really going to apologize?" "Yeah, sure whatever! You gonna stop crying?" She sniffed. "O-okay." "Good. That's... good." "When're they coming? When're they coming?" Asked the metal sphere. Twilight laughed softly. "Soon. I'm glad to know your friend is with the Princesses. He explained everything to Celestia, and she to me." "Celestia? Who is Celestia?" "She's one of the two- wait, three, including me- rulers of Equestria." "Celestia is an alicorn? Who else rules? Wanna know. Ba." "Celestia is an alicorn, and her sister, Luna, is an alicorn and ruler too." "Alicorn siblings. The mother? Father?" "I... I don't know. Hm. I never thought to ask if they even had parents..." "Don't know? Wanna know, wanna know. Gotta know more about alicorns. All about them." "We can ask her when she arrives. Does that work?" "Wanna know now. Can't wait. Can't wait for Alicorns." "Well you'll have to." "Can't wait. Gotta meet alicorns, wanna know them all. Getting bored of library." Twilight huffed. "Why don't you read a book then?" "So many. Nnnn-gotta read them all. Wanna read them all. Ba. Ba ba ba!" Twilight levitated a book over to the where the core sat on her desk, A History of Equestria, Volume 1. That should keep him occupied for a little- "Next page! Done! Done with this one!" Twilight sighed. That was short-lived. 75% Reunited 75% Reunited There was a knock at the library door. Spike normally would've answered it, but he was busy turning pages for the Not-Space Sphere. So it was Twilight who answered the door of the library instead, and was happily surprised to find both AppleJack and FlutterShy outside. There seemed to be tension in the air, however. "Hi girls," Twilight greeted them, motioning for them to enter. "What's up?" "I'll tell you what's up, this tin-can over here thinks he knows everything!" Rick shouted. "The Adventure Sphere is the least intelligent sphere." "If I you had glasses, and a face, and I had an arm, I'd punch you in the face." Twilight jerked back slightly. "You have them too?" "'Nother book!" Called the Not-Space Sphere. "You mean you got one too?" AppleJack said. "That makes three of 'em. Wonder if there are any more?" "Celestia said their leader is with her and Luna. So four total." Twilight corrected. "Well, I hope we can bring them all together again soon." FlutterShy said. "Rick misses them." "'Rick?'" Twilight asked. "That'd be me Sweetheart. Nice to meet ya'." said the green-eyed core. "And this one here keeps callin' himself 'the Fact Sphere.'" "The Fact Sphere is glad to mee-e-e-elephant theft is a crime punishable by death." "Yeah, I thought you could fix him. Seems he don't know left from up sometimes." AppleJack set the Fact Sphere down on the table, as FlutterShy did so with Rick. Spike brought down the Not-Space Sphere. "He read all the books in the upstairs section of the library." "Oh! Oh oh oh! More ponies. Earth Pony, Pegasus. Alicorn. Cores. Hi." "Ugh, not this piece of... Hello, Star-brain." "No stars. No space. No. Nononononono." "The Space Core is infatuated with space." "Not space. Never. No more space." "So can you fix him?" AppleJack broke in. "I don't think I'm familiar enough with the technology involved in making them." "So they aren't animals?" FlutterShy asked. "No, actually. They're inorganic beings that call themselves 'Spheres' or 'Cores', and-" "Yeah yeah, you blew our secret dirt-for-brians!" Rick insulted the Not-Space Sphere. "Didn't know it was a secret." "So what now, then?" Spike asked. "I suppose we should take them to Canterlot so Celestia can put them in the bodies she was writing about." "Wait, we're getting bodies?" Rick asked. "The Fact Sphere would much appreciate a mode of transport." "Wanna be a pegasus. Wanna fly, wanna fly." "I take it you're happy with this?" AppleJack asked the three. "You kidding? I've been waiting for this for years!" "The Fact Sphere is very pleased with this information." "Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! Yes." "So should we take them today?" FlutterShy inquired. "I don't see why not. Go tell Rainbow and the others about this, I'm sure they won't want to miss out." Twilight said. "I'll meet you at the train station in an hour. The train will be there in twenty minutes." "What should we do?" Rick asked. "Well, I guess you can tell me about your kind, and that 'facility' Celestia mentioned in her letter." "I'm out." "More books?" "The Fact Sphere will assist you." "Great! Let's go upstairs so I can take notes." Twilight levitated the Sphere into the air and ahead of her up the stairs. "I'll get another book. You want one?" Spike asked Rick. "I'm good, little guy. Unless you got anything about me, I'm good." "If you say so." Said Spike, grabbing The Book of Spells, Volume XI from the shelf. He wasn't sure exactly what the ball would do with that knowledge, but he didn't really think to much about it in his sleep-deprived state. Twilight had woken him an hour early, after all. Author's Note Would you guys mind if I used lines from their moment in the game? I wouldn't, but I don't want to disappoint. Officer Wheatley's BodyAuthor's Note Sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy! Officer Wheatley's Body "A little to your left... No, your other- just look where I'm point- there you go! See? Was that so hard?" Wheatley directed. "Listen, metal-head, I'm a mechanic. Not a magi-scientist." Said the maroon earth pony. "A what?" He grunted and returned to the roughly-translated plans. The body he was making was a difficult piece of work, especially since he wasn't good with the odd metal he was told to use. Supposedly it was made from moondust, but that was an obvious lie. It was a preposterous thought, surely. In any case, he was almost done with the first of the four he was tasked with making. This one was based off of earth pony's bodies, with the exception of it being made of dozens of different metal plates and gears. Whatever kind of machinery it was, it wasn't Equestrian. It was meant to be powered by a self sustaining crystal, and it was supposed to be delivered that day. There was a knock on the garage's door. "We're in here!" Wheatley called. "Come in,were almost finished!" The door was lifted up by a violet nimbus of magical energy, and in strode Princess Twilight and her friends (Spike not among them, for he was pet-sitting for the girls). "Oh, hey! You must be that Twilight Princess I've been hearing about! It's wonderful to meet you, a real pleasure." "How did you guess?" Twilight asked, surprised the alien recognized her as royalty. "Oh, well, y'know. Wings. Horn. Bit taller than the others. Kind of like a sort of mini-Luna, or Celestia." Twilight blushed a bit at the comparison to her mentor. "Well, thank you, Wheatley. It's nice to meet you too." "Indeed it is! I adore your accent, darling. Wherever did you pick it up?" Rarity asked. "Oh, you know... Management rails, production, those sort of places." Rarity blinked uncomprehendingly. Meanwhile the other girls introduced themselves to the mission leader. "Hey! Hey hey hey hey. Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" "For the tenth time no." "Wha- you brought my mates! That's brilliant!" "The Fact Sphere greets Commanding Officer 1.0 A." "One point zero A?" Rainbow Dash asked. "First Officer of emissary A." The Fact Sphere elaborated. "Didja bring the crystal?" Asked the mechanic. "Yes, I did, actually." Twilight said. She levitated a deeply purple ten-faceted crystal that pulsated with an aura of power from her saddlebag. "It's charged with alicorn magic, and should last indefinitely if my theories are correct." The mechanic accepted the gemstone from the Alicorn and inserted it in the neck of the mechanical pony.The outlines of the metal plates flashed briefly with lavender energy, then calmed again. "All right, she's all ready to go." "Yes! Wonderful! Plug me in, so I can take her for a spin. Oh. Heh. That rhymed." "Hey! Why should you go first? What if I wanna give it a shot?" "Can't wait. Can't wait for a body." "Commanding Officer 1.0 A is the commanding officer of the mission. As such he should be first to undergo a dangerous procedure." "Wait, what if this hurts? What if this really hurts? It will, won't it?" "Only one way to find out." Said the mechanic. He picked Wheatley up by the top bar with his teeth, and placed him on top the neck of the robotic pony body. There was a snap of electricity, Wheatley yelped with a short gasp of pain. Then his core snapped into place as the head of the pony. He blinked. "Wow, that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. She must've improved... her... Aha! It worked!" He moved the body's limbs around in fluid, lifelike motions. He ran in a circle around the others in the garage. "This is bloody amazing! I love it! Aw, I can't thank you enough, uh... I'm sorry, didn't catch your name." "Hammer. Titanium Hammer." Said the mechanic. "Thank you, Titanium Hammer. Brilliant job, really. You guys are really missing out." He added for his fellow Spheres. "Yeah, yeah, wait to rub it in our faces, you jerk." Rick said enviously. "Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait." "You shouldn't gloat, Wheatley. It's rude." Twilight chided. "Oh, sorry, I was gloating? I was, wasn't I? Right. I'll stop." "Don't worry about it too long. I should have the next three done by Thursday. Three days tops. Two unicorns and a pegasus." Titanium said. "Unicorns! Spells, magic, horns." "I call dibs on the skies!" "The Fact Sphere has no preference." "Well that's settled then. You two get the unicorn bodies and you get the pegasus body." AppleJack said. She blinked. "That is the weirdest thing I've said in... well, about a week." "Discord's party?" Rainbow asked. AppleJack nodded in confirmation. "Anyways," Twilight broke in. "We can stay at the castle until they're complete. That's what Celestia said." "That's great! The Royalty can meet the rest of my crew. This is just brilliant!" "Whoa whoa whoa, we get to meet royalty?" "You've already met the bloomin' princess, mate." "What...!?" "That'd be me." Twilight waved at the Sphere. "The Adventure Sphere is the least intelligent Sphere." "Shut up!" The Preparations The Preparations Five Uneventful Days Later, Canterlot Library... "Core Corruption at eighty Perc-c-c-centipedes have over nineteen thousand legs." Garbled the Fact Sphere. "He ain't no better than when we started, Twi." AppleJack noted with a hint of disappointment. "I know, I know. I'm just too unfamiliar with the technology. It's not like anything Ponykind has reached." Twilight closed the panel on the sphere's backside. She levitated the mechanics books she was using as reference back to their respective shelves. "I keep tellin' ya, all he needs is a good smack across the case! Maybe then he'll make some sense." "Rick, we talked about this. If you have nothing nice to say-" FlutterShy started. "Don't say anything at all, yeah yeah." "Next Page!" Yelled the orange-eyed sphere. Twilight complied. "What should we even call him, any way?" Rainbow Dash asked. "I dunno, why you asking me?" Rick tried to shrug, then remembered he had no shoulders. "Oh! How about we give him an Equestrian name? Y'know, help him blend in with the natives." "This plan will fail." "Your such a downer." "I don't see why not. What're you good at?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Magic, Spells, Unicorns. Ba." "Sounds like you, Twi." AppleJack joked. Rick snickered from the table next to her. "What else?" Twilight continued, ignoring the comment. "Mmmm-Don't know. Hate Space. Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that space." "I bet once you've got a body you'll be good at all sorts of stuff!" Pinkie said encouragingly. "We can give you a name then!" "That does seem like a reasonable course of action." Rarity admitted. "The Fact Sphere concurs." "Oh, so now he's got opinions?" Rick said, mocking surprise. "The Adventure Sphere is the least handsome Sphere. The Fact Sphere is the most handsome Sphere." "Why you little-!" "Aw, c'mon... Guys, you've gotta get along better than that. We're trying to make a good impression!" Wheatley interrupted. "You do realize you said that in front of the ponies we're trying to impress, right?" There was an indisputably awkward silence that followed. Wheatley absentmindedly tapped a metal hoof on the floor. You could almost hear the electronic hiss of the blinking Rick did while he looked at his commanding officer. "Uh..." Wheatley started. Suddenly the door burst open. Titanium Hammer stood in it, panting heavily. "The robotic... The robotic bodies are finished." "Brilliant! Let's go then!" Wheatley said, pushing rudely past the mechanic, who followed after with a grunt. "Hey lug nuts!" Take a guess at what you forgot!" "Oh, right, sorry!" Wheatley called back. "Twilight, d'you mind-" "Don't worry," Twilight said, levitating the Not-Space Core along side her. AppleJack gripped the Fact Sphere in between her teeth, tossing it over head and catching it in her saddle bag. Rick was being held in FlutterShy's hooves as she gently glided out the door, followed by Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie. "Yesyesyesyesyes!" Shouted the orange-eyed core. He was the last to receive a body, a unicorn's, like Fact Sphere. Rick was already outside testing out his new wings, as he was a mechanical pegasus now. The last recipient gave a short "Ah!" as he snapped into place. He blinked rapidly as his processors became accustomed to the new facilities and extensions. A spark of orange spat out of the horn. "Ooooh..." The Core levitated up a wrench from the workbench. He swung it in a rapid circle. "Magic. Ba. Ba, ba ba ba!" "He's surpisingly cautious about it," Rarity noted. "I half expected him to try and tear the roof off, or something like that." The Not-Space Core's lower eye-plate slowly crept up in delight. "Oh! Oh oh oh oh oh! Guess what? Guess! Guess! Guess!" "What?" Rainbow Dash asked. The Not-Space Core did just that, removing the entire roof without a sound, where it sparkled with a nimbus of orange energy. After a moment, he placed it back down. Anypony who looked later (and there would be a few) wouldn't see the slightest difference in the structure.The Core had done so with no visible signs of fatigue. "The Fact Sphere is not amused." "Ba ba." replied the core simply. "That was... Impressive." Twilight said, surprised. Rick glided in and slid to a halt next to the Fact Sphere in a daredevil fashion, wings flaring. Through the use of magic, they lessened the weight of the metal to less than featherlight levels so as to allow the robotic pegasus to take flight. "That. Was. Amazing. I've flown planes out of ash clouds before, but that is nothing compared to this." "Oh, really?" Wheatley said. "Never would've guessed flying would be fun." "Oh, well, uh, sorry guys. Guess you all picked the wrong kinda pony." "The Fact Sphere is incapable of feeling jealousy." "Don't care. Nnnno more space. Magic." "Okay. But you're missing out on the sweet kiss of the wind on your face as you glide through a cloud softer than a goose-feather pillow." "Hypocrite..." Wheatley muttered sullenly. "So what now?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Now," Said the Mechanic. "We test these babies out." Author's Note Hope giving them bodies didn't kill the story for you guys. The Test and the Mission"So all I gotta do is push this button?" Wheatley asked aloud, though no one could hear him. He was standing in a wooden room with a large pedestal-like button at it's center, and a crate which lay in the corner on it's side. The walls were unpainted and the roof was letting through small cracks of sunlight, though the main source of light was a luminescent orb of magic floating in the center of the room. Two doors on either side,on open,ad one locked, also were featured in the so called 'test'. "Well, uh, alright then. I'll work on the assumption that you cannot hear me,and so I should just try and figure this out on my own." Wheatley stood on the button, and the door clicked as if unlocking. When he stepped off, the door clicked again, locking. "Hm... this is a real brain-jerker, this one... Can't hack the door open, cause it's made of wood... Hm. Oh, and there's that box too,I suppose." He mused. Meanwhile, outside, the native ponies and the rest of his crew observed his progress. "Did... did he really just try and break open the box?" Rick said. He then shouted, "C'mon man! It's so simple!" "Yeah, I mean seriously!" Rainbow chimed in. "It's like, two steps!" "Yeah! See, this one here gets what I'm gettin' at." "What? Oh, yeah! I did it! Yes!" Wheatley called from inside the chamber. ""Do I get some kind of prize, or something? Or do I just get to leave? Agh, wait, door locked again. Hang on a second while I figure this out. "The Fact Sphere is disappointed." "Same here." T.H. agreed. "I built the easiest darn thing I could think of,and he can't even-" "Were you lot talking about me?" Wheatley spoke up from behind them. Most everyone jumped, excluding the Fact Sphere. "Wheatley? When did you-" Twilight began. "Just now. I kept thinking, 'what's the box in here for anyway?' and boom, figured it out. Box on the button. So simple it slipped past my superior intellect's mind." "Well... Alright then." Twilight said, recovering. "You passed the test like the rest of the crew." "Alright!" He hoof-pumped. "You all saw it right? It was all like, box, button, door, outta there!" "Yeah yeah, we get it. Your a freaking genius." Rick deadpanned. Wheatley took no notice of this,and maintained his cheerful demeanor as the group left the field where the test shack was to show the Princesses of the Day and Night their progress towards good relations. Becoming like those you wish to impress, while a little creepy, is a fairly effective way of making friends with those who help. The motley crew of flesh and metal approached the Princesses slowly, bowing as the drew near. That is, excluding Twilight,who simply proceeded to greet her former teacher with a short hug. "Commander Wheatley," Nodded Luna. "I see those plans for the bodies went off well?" "Oh, yes. The flippin' brilliant. And we have this man- er, pony right here to thank for them. Titanium Hammer, This is Princess-" "Princess Luna," He bowed again. "thank you once again for contracting me this job." "It was my pleasure. You are a renown mechanic in Equestria. Who else would I entrust with such an important task?" He blushed. "By your leave..." She nodded. T.H. Backed out of the room the way he came in. "So I take it all went well with the adjustments to these new bodies?" "Of course." Said the Fact Sphere. "Then it is time for you to mingle with the local ponies. Ponyville is a wonderful place to make new friends. Any one of the girls here can tell you that."Princess Celestia said. The was a murmur of assent. Wheatley looked to his companions, his only friends (Using the term loosely) and thought back to what a terrible friend he was to to that lady back home. He could do better. He would do better. He was going to do everything in his power to make ties here so he could get these guys back home. For him. For them. For her. "Okay, let's go to Ponyville!" "Ponyville. Yes. Library, books, reading. Spells. Ba ba." "You, uh... Kinda ruining my moment there buddy." "Sorry. Hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm." Wheatley sighed. "Still doing it mate. Still doing it." A Secret MissionEveryone had decided to take the train back to Ponyville, as it was less difficult than a massive teleport from Twilight. Wheatley, Rick, The Fact Sphere and their yet unnamed companion sat in one cart, as the rest of the carts ahead were full up. The one they temporarily resided in was too small for the girls to stay with them, mainly because it was the luggage cart. In retrospect, they were lucky to qualify as luggage, or else they'd have needed to wait for the next train. "... And that is why magic does not exist." Concluded the Fact Sphere. "Mate, you're a bloomin' unicorn. He's a bloomin' unicorn. You both can use magic just fine- Incoming Aperture Science transmission." The last part came out in a voice not his own. "Hello again," A holographic image of GLaDOS hovered in front of Wheatley's eye. "I can see the ponies were intelligent enough to construct your bodies. I find that now, as you are secluded from them in the moment, would be a good time to reveal the true nature of your mission." "Lady, I don't think I like were this is going." Rick then yelped in pain as an electric shock traveled through his body. "Be quiet. I am speaking." GLaDOS said. "Anyway, the true purpose of your mission is to find out how their so-called 'magic' works. And yes, I am admitting to it's existence. With the knowledge of how magic functions, just think of all the machines and robots we could power. The tests we could conduct!" "Hmm hmm hmm hm," Hummed the orange-eyed Unicore. "Magic. Know a lot about magic. Gonna know it all." "Yes, that is your purpose here. But do not forget about the apparent magic of flight and regrowth possessed by the other breeds of pony. Those too can be of use to me. Now that you know your mission, I'll be checking in regularly to see your progress." "Listen here lady, just because we're here doesn't mean they trust us yet. They won't be telling us everything right off the bat." "Which is why you must gain their trust. Through any means necessary. But that is not my problem, it's yours." She laughed gently. "Goodbye, misfits." And with that, the hologram phased out. Prologue: Wheatly's Log, Pre-Atmospheric Entry :Begin Recording Hello there! This is what I suppose you call a 'captain's log' of sorts, seeing as I'm, well, in charge of this whole operation. Thing is, it's going to be quite difficult to manage this without, y'know, legs. Or arms. A torso would be nice, too. But, uh, I'm sure this is all gonna turn out really well. Though, when you think about it, last time I was in charge things weren't going well at all, really. But I've learned, from my mistakes. Don't ignore the reactor implosion message next time it comes up, and all that. Bored. Bored. Wanna go home. Wanna go back to Earth. No, mate, we're going somewhere much better. Planet 47-2-A. Sounds great, dunnit? Had enough of space. I know, mate. So have I. Aliens do not exist. What? Now, don't go saying things like that. We'll never get home with that attitude. Yeah! We're gonna shoot these alien mantis men like the ones back home, and then- Uh, yeah, 'bout that. Peace mission. And I'm pretty sure, just a hunch here, that they're not mantis men. Aw, what? That's boring. Bored of space. Aw shuddup, ya chunk of tin. We are not made out of tin. We are made of Sodium Chloride. Now that, that- Y'see, that's the kind of way we shouldn't be acting when we get down there. Want to make a good first impression, right? Incorrect. The fact sphere cares not for the first impressions of beings which do not exist. Oh, well that's just rude. If I had an arm, I'd punch you. Even if you were covered in razor sharp spikes, I'd punch you anyway, just to make you SHUT UP. Again, we don't want to upset the aliens. Poor things don't even have monitors yet. Not even radios. Now that I think about it, we're gonna be- Oh, is this still on? Oi! Any you know how to turn this thing- oh, there it is- :End Recording The Crash, Part Four"The density of iron is nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine..." The thing said. "G-G-G-goats are the only animals to comb their facial hair." Last night it had crashed into Sweet Apple Acre's front yard. The following morning, the residents of the farm found it, dug it out of it's crater, and set it on a hay bale. "What is it?" Apple Bloom asked her sister. "I'm not sure what it is," replied the cowpony. "But it ain't from around here." "Nope." agreed the stallion on her left. "Horses are incapable of speech. However, they are capable of sign language." "What?" huffed AppleJack. "The Fact Sphere does not apologize to animals incapable of speech." "Why I oughta...!" Her visage darkened with anger. Her bother put a hoof on her shoulder and shook his head. "You cannot harm the Fact Sphere. The Fact Sphere is made of sodium chloride." "This thing's weird," commented Apple Bloom. "What're we gonna do with it?" "Nails. Nails. Nails. Nails. Nails." "I think I'll take it over to Twilight. Whatever this thing is, it ain't talking sense. Maybe she can set it right." "The Fact Sphere is not corr-r-r-r-rats are the second fastest known rodent in water." "Yeah, I think it's broken." Apple Bloom agreed. "What's all that racket out there?" Granny Smith poked her head out the window. "What's that- It's the aliens! Hide yerselves while ya' still can!" She slammed the window shut and pulled the blinds down. "Better do that now, before Granny spreads the word about aliens." AppleJack said quickly, a hint of embarrassment creeping into her voice. "Eeyup." Author's Note Sorry for the short chapter. It's a bit difficult to write The Fact Sphere's Dialog when it works as monologue. Or, well, not like anything.
The Crash, Part OneLuna gazed up at the subtly luminescent sky above, her masterpiece, her work for all to see. Billions of pinpricks of light shining down upon the world, and the moon it's crown jewel. Such arrays were pictures only the clever could make map, only the young could imagine. Them and her, that is. She knew every pattern, every shape, every constellation. So it wasn't hard for her to notice four new lights, each shining bright orange, and blazing a path across her otherwise flawless work of art. All of which were growing alarmingly close to the ground. Three seemed to be drifting off into the distance, while one seemed to be coming straight- "AAAAAUG-!" Luna ducked as the screaming ball of fire burst through her ceiling and smashed itself into a wall. CRASH Behind her, embedded into the stone wall, was a metal sphere, surrounded by a black corona from the fireball it had been consumed in. It may have been white, but it was covered in scorch marks from the blaze it was still consumed in. The center piece was rapidly spinning around like a pony's eye in a panic. Oh, and it was still yelling. "SILENCE!" Luna used her Royal Canterlot Voice. "I'M ON BLOODY FIRE!" It shouted in a metallic voice. Luna quickly extinguished the fire with a strong flap of her powerful Alicorn wings. "Oh, ooh, that's much better, thank you, uh- I can't see. Nothing. That's not good." It said, the center apparatus moving more slowly and controlled now. "I think my eye is covered by the ash. Or soot. One of those things. Do you think you could, uh, clean it off so I can get a good look at you?" "Perhaps. What are you?" "Oh, well, now there's a story for you. I'm a core designed to, well, moderate the central core of a facility billions of miles away from here-" "A core?" "A robot?" Luna was silent. "Are you- you still there? I still can't see anything. Blind as a bat." "Yes. Where is your eye?" "The big circle in the center, With the plates that slide over it." Luna located the specified area, and cleaned it off with a levitated rag. The 'robot' blinked it's eye. "Aw, that's brilliant. Thanks for- Where'd you go?" "I'm right here." said the alicorn, puzzled. "What? You're a horse?" "I'm an alicorn." "A what?" "A cross between a unicorn and a pegasus." "But those aren't real, they're fairy tales. Myths." "We've never even heard of your kind here. You are, I suppose, a myth to us." "Huh. I did not think of it that way. What's your name?" "I am Princess Luna, co-ruler of Equestria." "Ruler? Aw, that's brilliant! I was hoping to find some way to come in contact with the upper management of this place. My name's Wheatley, by the way. If you were wondering." "It is a pleasure to meet you, Wheately. Even if you did tear a hole in my roof." "Oh, that's right, I did that. Sorry. I didn't really have much control of where I was going. No arms, or legs. Anything, really." "'Tis fine. It will be repaired. Come, my sister should meet you as well." "Oh, that reminds me, I had these companions of mine, they would've come down too. Did you happen to see where they went?" "Those three other comets? They went far into the distance. We could send for them?" "That'd be great." "Come. Let us go meet my sister." Luna walked out of the room. Wheatley cleared his throat. Metaphysically speaking. "My apologies." She levitated him out of the wall, and out of the room. Moments later, the wall collapsed.
The Crash, Part Two"SPAAAAAAACE!" Sounded in the distance. Spike was the only one to hear this, in the town's park at night. Normally he wasn't out so late, but with the recent improvement to his curfew, he'd decided to go for nightly walks. So it was on this walk that he looked about for the source of the noise. Not long after the exclamation, he heard a screeching sound, and not four feet away, a fireball impacted with the ground, spraying him with dirt and rocks that bounced off of his scales. Much of the dirt fell back in, smothering the inferno. The crater it had created was only about a foot and a half in diameter, and half as deep. Some whitish-greyish object protruded from the dirt, and was moving around a bit. Spike, curious of the movement, began to dig out the object, that he found to be a moving sphere. When he cleared half of it, he could hear it muttering, "Ba! Ba ba ba! Ba!" When he scratched the moving center part, it screamed shortly. "AH!" Spike yelped in response, stumbling back onto his rump. "Space? Where's space?" It said, it's rapid movement dislodging dirt from the centerpiece. "Where's space? Where'd you go, space?" "Space?" Spike asked, confused. "You mean up in the sky?" "Yes. Space. Space is gone. Not in space." "What are you?" "Ba. Core. Ba ba." "A core? Of what?" "Not space. Not anymore." "So you're just a nothing core." "Yes. No. Maybe. Ba ba ba!" it said, looking around at as many things as it could. "What are you? Hm? What?" "I'm a Dragon. My name's Spike." "Spike. Spike. Spike." the core replied. "Where is Spike? Where am I?" "Ponyville." "Where's Ponyville?" "Equestria?" "Where's Equestria?" "I should bring you to Twilight. She'll answer your questions." Spike said, growing tired of the conversation. He pried the core from the dirt, lifted it over his head, and started walking back to the tree house. "Ba! Ponyville. Ba ba." "Twilight?" Spike called inside the tree house, and set the core on the table. "I found something, or, uh, someone you should meet." "Twilight. What's a Twilight?" "Spike, I told you, it's too late to bring home friends-" Twilight started. Then she saw the dirt coated sphere. "What is that?" "Space Core. Not Core for space. No more. Hate Space." "Did... did it just speak?" "Yes. Ba. Ba ba ba! Ba." "Oh dear Celestia!" Twilight said,vanishing and reappearing in front of Spike and the core. "You fell from the sky? You're an alien?!" "Yes. No. Not-Space-Core is a core. Not alive. Not Space. Ba." "So... you're a what? What is a core?" "A robot. What is a Twilight?" "I'm an Alicorn." "What is an Alicorn?" "A pony with wings and a horn?" "Alicorns. Want to know more. Ba ba. Unicorn? Pegasus? Looks like both." "Yes and yes." Twilight responded, levitating the core in the air. She blew off most of the dirt and soot with her wings. Spike, unhappily, was coated in it. He went into the bathroom to wash up. "I think you should be more closely examined. What are you made of?" "Metal. Not from space. Moondust. From space. The Moon." "Really? Your from the moon?" "Different moon. Earth Moon." "Earth. As in, dirt?" "Earth as in soil, dirt, Planet. The Solar System." "Hm... Maybe Luna knows about it. She's the only pony to map the stars completely, other than Starswirl the bearded himself." "Luna? The Moon?" "Luna the Princess. C'mon, I'll go write to her." Twilight levitated the extra-terrestrial curiosity up the stairs to write to the Princess of the Night.
The Crash, Part Three"Man, this is so boring." Said the adventure sphere. Or at least, he tried to. He was under about three feet of water, and being surrounded by a school of curious fish. He'd been there for hours. At first, he was grateful for the water for putting out the post-atmospheric entry inferno. Then he became bored by the same sight of fish and distorted sky. This took only eleven-point-five seconds. "Hey. Hey! Scaly! What're you looking at, huh?" Then there was a ripple in the water, a yellow shape reaching toward the sphere. It grabbed onto his protruding top handle and pulled him free with a wet sucking sound from the silt. "Ah, thanks there. I could've gotten my self free, but I was making sure those fish were- huh?" He stopped. His rescuer was... a horse? No, a pegasus. It had wings. "So, uh, not that I have anything against animals, but why did you pick me up little fella?" She frowned. "I'm a mare!" "Oh, sorry babe- wait, you're not just a dumb animal?" She continued to pout, her bottom lip quivering. "You think animals are dumb?" "Well, no, I-" "Oh thank goodness," She said, the seeds of a tearful moment vanishing. "The animals here are my friends, and I don't think they'd like you calling them dumb. What kind of animal are you?" "I'm a lion, low in the grass, waiting to pounce," Said the sphere in a suave manner. "Or a panther, stalking it's prey like a ninja. Which I also am, by the way." "You're a lion or a panther? Which one?" "Well, technically I'm not either. I'm an Adventure Sphere. Name's Rick. And what, may I ask, is this pretty lady's name?" He said in a voice smooth as velvet. For a robot. The yellow mare giggled. "My name's FlutterShy." Rick snorted, but then said, "A name as beautiful as any rose." She giggled again. "Oh, I should bring you to my friends! I bet they'll like you." "If they're anywhere near as beautiful as you, we'll get along just fine. Say, why did you pick me up?" "Oh, the fish told me you were there making lots of noise and complaining about being bored." "Oh, well, uh, yeah. I was pretty bored down there. Just the fish, and the, uh..." he trailed off. "Hey! How about on the way over I tell you about the time I rescued a fine lady- though not as fine as yourself- from a giant robot who was trying to blow her up?" "What's a robot?" "Ooh boy, we've got a lot to cover here, don't we?" "I guess?" "Yeah. I'll tell you about the time I rode that shark off a volcanic island instead." "Oh, wow! That sounds amazing!" "Yeah, I know." (This is unrelated to the story: DUN DUN DUN NA NA NA!)
Commanding Officer Wheatley of the Core Integration Initiative"Sister," Luna called to her sibling as they entered her room. "I have a visitor for you, and he has traveled a long distance to meet you." The ivory princess rose from the mat where she lay reading scrolls from her former student, Princess Twilight. She turned to the princess of the night and the core floating beside her. "Hello!" Wheatley said. "It is a pleasure to meet you, mister...?" "Wheatley. Commander Wheatley, actually." Said the sphere. He then mumbled something about being good at coming up with things on the spot. "Commander? Of who?" "Well, you see, I had these friends- well, companions, I suppose- who also would've landed on this planet of yours- which is quite lovely from the parts I've seen through your windows- not too far from here. Thirty or fifty miles, I'd guess. Or, y'know, they might've missed it entirely. Meteor knocked me away from the others before we entered orbit." "My, you really have come quite far. Where in the stars do you come from?" "A planet called Earth, the Solar System. If had an arm I could point it out in the sky." "Earth, Earth... That sounds familiar. Luna, didn't you-" "Yes sister. Not ten moons ago. Next to the Solaris constellation, the yellow star." "You mean you named a planet Earth, and it turned out to be my Earth?" "Your planet has a yellow sun, does it not? Eight orbiting bodies? A span of asteroids and a cloud of dust and rocks?" "That does sound like the Solar System." Wheatley admitted. "Alright then, so, now that we've established that-" A scroll popped into existence in front of Celestia with a quiet crackle of embers. "I'm sorry, one moment. This is of much importance." She read the scroll quickly, and a smile broke out on her face. "It appears my former student has found one of your company. It called itself a 'Not-Space Sphere?'" "Ah, him! Yes! That's brilliant! If he landed here the others must've too! Right? Right, I'm not just getting excited over nothing, am I?" "It is likely the others also made it." Luna confirmed. "Though only time will tell if we can find them or not." "Ag, now y'see, that's the kind of attitude we shouldn't have." Said the blue-eyed core. "Oh! Speaking of attitudes, I was supposed to give you a message. Here, I'll play it back for you: A holographic image of the mechanical monstrosity known to Wheatley as 'Her' spurng to life in front of his eye,much to the astonishment of the two princesses. "Hello there. I am GLaDOS, one of the two who sent the idiot you were recently speaking with to space. I am here to tell you that I'd like to establish lasting contact with your kind, in the form of the Aperture Science Core Integration Initiative. As a symbol of trust, I present you with the schematics for the cores, and for potential bodies for them, similar in design to your own inhabitants. I hope that this contact will provide both of us with new knowledge, that we might further our individual goals. I will know when you receive this message, as even now he broadcasts a constant stream of visuals back to me. Oh, and don't be afraid to hurt the idiot. His pain is simulated, as are the screams. "Ug, right nasty piece of work, isn't she?" "This... this is quite a lot to take in at once." Luna said. "Indeed it is. My sister and I must discuss this in private. Would you mind if we left you outside the room for a moment while we speak?" Celestia requested. "Sure, go on right ahead. I'm not going anywhere. Well, not after you put me out there, anyway." So Luna set him down just outside the door. He heard muffled tones through the barrier, but was paying little attention. He was more focused on the realization that GLaDOS had mentioned bodies. There had been nomention of bodies in her original message to him. He recalled the last time he had. How huge he had felt, how powerful. And that blasted itch to test, test test. Surely it would be nothing like that, but still... A body! A pony stopped and looked down at him, inspecting the odd object. He prodded Wheatley with a hoof. "Hey! Watch it!" The pony ran off, yelling something about no more hot-sauce. The door opened, and Luna spoke. "My sister and I have decided to accept your proposal and allow you and your Companions to live among us and glean whatever knowledge you deem worthy of sending to your... Mistress." "Really? That's great, th-that's brilliant! Aw, she'll be so pleased, I bet she'll even send for us! Oh, and didn't she say something about schematics for bodies...?" "Yes, and we'll have our top scientists on that immediately. It may take some time though. And we'll require one of you to translate the words- that is what those symbols were?- so we can make the correct specifications." Luna elaborated. "That's great. Tremendous." Said the core happily. "Would you like to rest? You must surely be tired after your journey." "Actually, no. I don't sleep or eat. I have a self sustaining battery. So I pretty much just keep going." "Truly? Very well then, do you have any preference as to where we leave you for the night?" "Oh, I dunno, someplace away from the locals. Don't want them gawking at me. Maybe a balcony somewhere, or...?" "It is settled then. You may recover- or not- on my balcony then." "Aw, thanks. You two are doing so much for me and my crew, it's just amazing." "It's nothing, really." Celestia said. "It's only courtesy." And with that, Luna took the Sphere with her, pacing him on the balcony where they observed the stars throughout the night.
>:Awaiting Input... (Travelling Talk)"The Fact Sphere does not know where you are taking him." Said the purple-eyed ball of metal for the eighteenth time. "I told ya', I'm taking ya' to somepony who can fix ya' up." AppleJack said, turning her head so she could see it in her saddlebag. "Data file not found. The Fact Sphere is unfamiliar with the term 'somepony'. Explain." "It's somebody, but talkin' about a pony." "New fact found. The Fact Sphere thanks you for new information." "Your welcome. Now, will you stop asking where we're going?" "The Fact Sphere will cease to request informa-a-a- Alpacas are amphibious." "I'll take that as a 'yes'." "So then I made reigns from the vines and lassoed myself a shark a mile off the coast, and draw him close enough to get on it's back and ride it away from the island, just as the volcano erupted into an column of ash and blazing fire. Course, I saved about thirty of the native monkeys from the island too. I only wish I could've taken a few more..." "Oh, that's so nice of you. I'm sure they were very grateful to you." "Yeah, well, all in a day's work. Where we headed anyway?" "I'm taking you to meet my friend Twilight. I was also hoping she might be able to tell me what a 'core' is, since I don't know, and you won't tell me." She said the second part almost silently. "Right, cause it's, uh, classified." "You sure you won't tell me?" "No, sorry. Private, secret stuff." "Oh, okay then. You know, it's pretty amazing I've only met one of your kind. Aren't there others?" "Well, yeah, but they're... Well they're just awful. One of them is totally useless, taking about pointless, unrelated facts. Another one just never shuts up about leaving space, after he only talked about going there for goddamn years! And that last one, he's such a pushy-" "That's so rude! How could you be so talk so meanly about them?" "Because it's true, that's how! I was stuck in space listening to them talk about nothing for years! It damn near drove me insane!" "But-" "But nothing! I can't stand them. The lunatic, the textbook, and the moron! All of them!" Rick shouted. There was a brief moment of silence. Then, from the saddlebag, the core heard sobbing. He tried to look around at her face, and caught a glimpse of a tear falling to the ground. FlutterShy was crying, and it was his fault. "Ooh... Now, don't do that, c'mon. Please? Listen, I didn't mean any of that. Honest. They just annoy me, and I got worked up, is all. It's like when your around people too long, and they start to bug you because they get boring. Hey, y'know what? I'll say sorry to them. Just... oh for the love of... STOP CRYING!" Her sobs stopped abruptly."Y-you... you're really going to apologize?" "Yeah, sure whatever! You gonna stop crying?" She sniffed. "O-okay." "Good. That's... good." "When're they coming? When're they coming?" Asked the metal sphere. Twilight laughed softly. "Soon. I'm glad to know your friend is with the Princesses. He explained everything to Celestia, and she to me." "Celestia? Who is Celestia?" "She's one of the two- wait, three, including me- rulers of Equestria." "Celestia is an alicorn? Who else rules? Wanna know. Ba." "Celestia is an alicorn, and her sister, Luna, is an alicorn and ruler too." "Alicorn siblings. The mother? Father?" "I... I don't know. Hm. I never thought to ask if they even had parents..." "Don't know? Wanna know, wanna know. Gotta know more about alicorns. All about them." "We can ask her when she arrives. Does that work?" "Wanna know now. Can't wait. Can't wait for Alicorns." "Well you'll have to." "Can't wait. Gotta meet alicorns, wanna know them all. Getting bored of library." Twilight huffed. "Why don't you read a book then?" "So many. Nnnn-gotta read them all. Wanna read them all. Ba. Ba ba ba!" Twilight levitated a book over to the where the core sat on her desk, A History of Equestria, Volume 1. That should keep him occupied for a little- "Next page! Done! Done with this one!" Twilight sighed. That was short-lived.
75% Reunited 75% Reunited There was a knock at the library door. Spike normally would've answered it, but he was busy turning pages for the Not-Space Sphere. So it was Twilight who answered the door of the library instead, and was happily surprised to find both AppleJack and FlutterShy outside. There seemed to be tension in the air, however. "Hi girls," Twilight greeted them, motioning for them to enter. "What's up?" "I'll tell you what's up, this tin-can over here thinks he knows everything!" Rick shouted. "The Adventure Sphere is the least intelligent sphere." "If I you had glasses, and a face, and I had an arm, I'd punch you in the face." Twilight jerked back slightly. "You have them too?" "'Nother book!" Called the Not-Space Sphere. "You mean you got one too?" AppleJack said. "That makes three of 'em. Wonder if there are any more?" "Celestia said their leader is with her and Luna. So four total." Twilight corrected. "Well, I hope we can bring them all together again soon." FlutterShy said. "Rick misses them." "'Rick?'" Twilight asked. "That'd be me Sweetheart. Nice to meet ya'." said the green-eyed core. "And this one here keeps callin' himself 'the Fact Sphere.'" "The Fact Sphere is glad to mee-e-e-elephant theft is a crime punishable by death." "Yeah, I thought you could fix him. Seems he don't know left from up sometimes." AppleJack set the Fact Sphere down on the table, as FlutterShy did so with Rick. Spike brought down the Not-Space Sphere. "He read all the books in the upstairs section of the library." "Oh! Oh oh oh! More ponies. Earth Pony, Pegasus. Alicorn. Cores. Hi." "Ugh, not this piece of... Hello, Star-brain." "No stars. No space. No. Nononononono." "The Space Core is infatuated with space." "Not space. Never. No more space." "So can you fix him?" AppleJack broke in. "I don't think I'm familiar enough with the technology involved in making them." "So they aren't animals?" FlutterShy asked. "No, actually. They're inorganic beings that call themselves 'Spheres' or 'Cores', and-" "Yeah yeah, you blew our secret dirt-for-brians!" Rick insulted the Not-Space Sphere. "Didn't know it was a secret." "So what now, then?" Spike asked. "I suppose we should take them to Canterlot so Celestia can put them in the bodies she was writing about." "Wait, we're getting bodies?" Rick asked. "The Fact Sphere would much appreciate a mode of transport." "Wanna be a pegasus. Wanna fly, wanna fly." "I take it you're happy with this?" AppleJack asked the three. "You kidding? I've been waiting for this for years!" "The Fact Sphere is very pleased with this information." "Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes! Yes." "So should we take them today?" FlutterShy inquired. "I don't see why not. Go tell Rainbow and the others about this, I'm sure they won't want to miss out." Twilight said. "I'll meet you at the train station in an hour. The train will be there in twenty minutes." "What should we do?" Rick asked. "Well, I guess you can tell me about your kind, and that 'facility' Celestia mentioned in her letter." "I'm out." "More books?" "The Fact Sphere will assist you." "Great! Let's go upstairs so I can take notes." Twilight levitated the Sphere into the air and ahead of her up the stairs. "I'll get another book. You want one?" Spike asked Rick. "I'm good, little guy. Unless you got anything about me, I'm good." "If you say so." Said Spike, grabbing The Book of Spells, Volume XI from the shelf. He wasn't sure exactly what the ball would do with that knowledge, but he didn't really think to much about it in his sleep-deprived state. Twilight had woken him an hour early, after all. Author's Note Would you guys mind if I used lines from their moment in the game? I wouldn't, but I don't want to disappoint.
Officer Wheatley's BodyAuthor's Note Sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy! Officer Wheatley's Body "A little to your left... No, your other- just look where I'm point- there you go! See? Was that so hard?" Wheatley directed. "Listen, metal-head, I'm a mechanic. Not a magi-scientist." Said the maroon earth pony. "A what?" He grunted and returned to the roughly-translated plans. The body he was making was a difficult piece of work, especially since he wasn't good with the odd metal he was told to use. Supposedly it was made from moondust, but that was an obvious lie. It was a preposterous thought, surely. In any case, he was almost done with the first of the four he was tasked with making. This one was based off of earth pony's bodies, with the exception of it being made of dozens of different metal plates and gears. Whatever kind of machinery it was, it wasn't Equestrian. It was meant to be powered by a self sustaining crystal, and it was supposed to be delivered that day. There was a knock on the garage's door. "We're in here!" Wheatley called. "Come in,were almost finished!" The door was lifted up by a violet nimbus of magical energy, and in strode Princess Twilight and her friends (Spike not among them, for he was pet-sitting for the girls). "Oh, hey! You must be that Twilight Princess I've been hearing about! It's wonderful to meet you, a real pleasure." "How did you guess?" Twilight asked, surprised the alien recognized her as royalty. "Oh, well, y'know. Wings. Horn. Bit taller than the others. Kind of like a sort of mini-Luna, or Celestia." Twilight blushed a bit at the comparison to her mentor. "Well, thank you, Wheatley. It's nice to meet you too." "Indeed it is! I adore your accent, darling. Wherever did you pick it up?" Rarity asked. "Oh, you know... Management rails, production, those sort of places." Rarity blinked uncomprehendingly. Meanwhile the other girls introduced themselves to the mission leader. "Hey! Hey hey hey hey. Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" "For the tenth time no." "Wha- you brought my mates! That's brilliant!" "The Fact Sphere greets Commanding Officer 1.0 A." "One point zero A?" Rainbow Dash asked. "First Officer of emissary A." The Fact Sphere elaborated. "Didja bring the crystal?" Asked the mechanic. "Yes, I did, actually." Twilight said. She levitated a deeply purple ten-faceted crystal that pulsated with an aura of power from her saddlebag. "It's charged with alicorn magic, and should last indefinitely if my theories are correct." The mechanic accepted the gemstone from the Alicorn and inserted it in the neck of the mechanical pony.The outlines of the metal plates flashed briefly with lavender energy, then calmed again. "All right, she's all ready to go." "Yes! Wonderful! Plug me in, so I can take her for a spin. Oh. Heh. That rhymed." "Hey! Why should you go first? What if I wanna give it a shot?" "Can't wait. Can't wait for a body." "Commanding Officer 1.0 A is the commanding officer of the mission. As such he should be first to undergo a dangerous procedure." "Wait, what if this hurts? What if this really hurts? It will, won't it?" "Only one way to find out." Said the mechanic. He picked Wheatley up by the top bar with his teeth, and placed him on top the neck of the robotic pony body. There was a snap of electricity, Wheatley yelped with a short gasp of pain. Then his core snapped into place as the head of the pony. He blinked. "Wow, that was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. She must've improved... her... Aha! It worked!" He moved the body's limbs around in fluid, lifelike motions. He ran in a circle around the others in the garage. "This is bloody amazing! I love it! Aw, I can't thank you enough, uh... I'm sorry, didn't catch your name." "Hammer. Titanium Hammer." Said the mechanic. "Thank you, Titanium Hammer. Brilliant job, really. You guys are really missing out." He added for his fellow Spheres. "Yeah, yeah, wait to rub it in our faces, you jerk." Rick said enviously. "Can't wait. Can't wait. Can't wait." "You shouldn't gloat, Wheatley. It's rude." Twilight chided. "Oh, sorry, I was gloating? I was, wasn't I? Right. I'll stop." "Don't worry about it too long. I should have the next three done by Thursday. Three days tops. Two unicorns and a pegasus." Titanium said. "Unicorns! Spells, magic, horns." "I call dibs on the skies!" "The Fact Sphere has no preference." "Well that's settled then. You two get the unicorn bodies and you get the pegasus body." AppleJack said. She blinked. "That is the weirdest thing I've said in... well, about a week." "Discord's party?" Rainbow asked. AppleJack nodded in confirmation. "Anyways," Twilight broke in. "We can stay at the castle until they're complete. That's what Celestia said." "That's great! The Royalty can meet the rest of my crew. This is just brilliant!" "Whoa whoa whoa, we get to meet royalty?" "You've already met the bloomin' princess, mate." "What...!?" "That'd be me." Twilight waved at the Sphere. "The Adventure Sphere is the least intelligent Sphere." "Shut up!"
The Preparations The Preparations Five Uneventful Days Later, Canterlot Library... "Core Corruption at eighty Perc-c-c-centipedes have over nineteen thousand legs." Garbled the Fact Sphere. "He ain't no better than when we started, Twi." AppleJack noted with a hint of disappointment. "I know, I know. I'm just too unfamiliar with the technology. It's not like anything Ponykind has reached." Twilight closed the panel on the sphere's backside. She levitated the mechanics books she was using as reference back to their respective shelves. "I keep tellin' ya, all he needs is a good smack across the case! Maybe then he'll make some sense." "Rick, we talked about this. If you have nothing nice to say-" FlutterShy started. "Don't say anything at all, yeah yeah." "Next Page!" Yelled the orange-eyed sphere. Twilight complied. "What should we even call him, any way?" Rainbow Dash asked. "I dunno, why you asking me?" Rick tried to shrug, then remembered he had no shoulders. "Oh! How about we give him an Equestrian name? Y'know, help him blend in with the natives." "This plan will fail." "Your such a downer." "I don't see why not. What're you good at?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Magic, Spells, Unicorns. Ba." "Sounds like you, Twi." AppleJack joked. Rick snickered from the table next to her. "What else?" Twilight continued, ignoring the comment. "Mmmm-Don't know. Hate Space. Bam! Bam bam bam! Take that space." "I bet once you've got a body you'll be good at all sorts of stuff!" Pinkie said encouragingly. "We can give you a name then!" "That does seem like a reasonable course of action." Rarity admitted. "The Fact Sphere concurs." "Oh, so now he's got opinions?" Rick said, mocking surprise. "The Adventure Sphere is the least handsome Sphere. The Fact Sphere is the most handsome Sphere." "Why you little-!" "Aw, c'mon... Guys, you've gotta get along better than that. We're trying to make a good impression!" Wheatley interrupted. "You do realize you said that in front of the ponies we're trying to impress, right?" There was an indisputably awkward silence that followed. Wheatley absentmindedly tapped a metal hoof on the floor. You could almost hear the electronic hiss of the blinking Rick did while he looked at his commanding officer. "Uh..." Wheatley started. Suddenly the door burst open. Titanium Hammer stood in it, panting heavily. "The robotic... The robotic bodies are finished." "Brilliant! Let's go then!" Wheatley said, pushing rudely past the mechanic, who followed after with a grunt. "Hey lug nuts!" Take a guess at what you forgot!" "Oh, right, sorry!" Wheatley called back. "Twilight, d'you mind-" "Don't worry," Twilight said, levitating the Not-Space Core along side her. AppleJack gripped the Fact Sphere in between her teeth, tossing it over head and catching it in her saddle bag. Rick was being held in FlutterShy's hooves as she gently glided out the door, followed by Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie. "Yesyesyesyesyes!" Shouted the orange-eyed core. He was the last to receive a body, a unicorn's, like Fact Sphere. Rick was already outside testing out his new wings, as he was a mechanical pegasus now. The last recipient gave a short "Ah!" as he snapped into place. He blinked rapidly as his processors became accustomed to the new facilities and extensions. A spark of orange spat out of the horn. "Ooooh..." The Core levitated up a wrench from the workbench. He swung it in a rapid circle. "Magic. Ba. Ba, ba ba ba!" "He's surpisingly cautious about it," Rarity noted. "I half expected him to try and tear the roof off, or something like that." The Not-Space Core's lower eye-plate slowly crept up in delight. "Oh! Oh oh oh oh oh! Guess what? Guess! Guess! Guess!" "What?" Rainbow Dash asked. The Not-Space Core did just that, removing the entire roof without a sound, where it sparkled with a nimbus of orange energy. After a moment, he placed it back down. Anypony who looked later (and there would be a few) wouldn't see the slightest difference in the structure.The Core had done so with no visible signs of fatigue. "The Fact Sphere is not amused." "Ba ba." replied the core simply. "That was... Impressive." Twilight said, surprised. Rick glided in and slid to a halt next to the Fact Sphere in a daredevil fashion, wings flaring. Through the use of magic, they lessened the weight of the metal to less than featherlight levels so as to allow the robotic pegasus to take flight. "That. Was. Amazing. I've flown planes out of ash clouds before, but that is nothing compared to this." "Oh, really?" Wheatley said. "Never would've guessed flying would be fun." "Oh, well, uh, sorry guys. Guess you all picked the wrong kinda pony." "The Fact Sphere is incapable of feeling jealousy." "Don't care. Nnnno more space. Magic." "Okay. But you're missing out on the sweet kiss of the wind on your face as you glide through a cloud softer than a goose-feather pillow." "Hypocrite..." Wheatley muttered sullenly. "So what now?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Now," Said the Mechanic. "We test these babies out." Author's Note Hope giving them bodies didn't kill the story for you guys.
The Test and the Mission"So all I gotta do is push this button?" Wheatley asked aloud, though no one could hear him. He was standing in a wooden room with a large pedestal-like button at it's center, and a crate which lay in the corner on it's side. The walls were unpainted and the roof was letting through small cracks of sunlight, though the main source of light was a luminescent orb of magic floating in the center of the room. Two doors on either side,on open,ad one locked, also were featured in the so called 'test'. "Well, uh, alright then. I'll work on the assumption that you cannot hear me,and so I should just try and figure this out on my own." Wheatley stood on the button, and the door clicked as if unlocking. When he stepped off, the door clicked again, locking. "Hm... this is a real brain-jerker, this one... Can't hack the door open, cause it's made of wood... Hm. Oh, and there's that box too,I suppose." He mused. Meanwhile, outside, the native ponies and the rest of his crew observed his progress. "Did... did he really just try and break open the box?" Rick said. He then shouted, "C'mon man! It's so simple!" "Yeah, I mean seriously!" Rainbow chimed in. "It's like, two steps!" "Yeah! See, this one here gets what I'm gettin' at." "What? Oh, yeah! I did it! Yes!" Wheatley called from inside the chamber. ""Do I get some kind of prize, or something? Or do I just get to leave? Agh, wait, door locked again. Hang on a second while I figure this out. "The Fact Sphere is disappointed." "Same here." T.H. agreed. "I built the easiest darn thing I could think of,and he can't even-" "Were you lot talking about me?" Wheatley spoke up from behind them. Most everyone jumped, excluding the Fact Sphere. "Wheatley? When did you-" Twilight began. "Just now. I kept thinking, 'what's the box in here for anyway?' and boom, figured it out. Box on the button. So simple it slipped past my superior intellect's mind." "Well... Alright then." Twilight said, recovering. "You passed the test like the rest of the crew." "Alright!" He hoof-pumped. "You all saw it right? It was all like, box, button, door, outta there!" "Yeah yeah, we get it. Your a freaking genius." Rick deadpanned. Wheatley took no notice of this,and maintained his cheerful demeanor as the group left the field where the test shack was to show the Princesses of the Day and Night their progress towards good relations. Becoming like those you wish to impress, while a little creepy, is a fairly effective way of making friends with those who help. The motley crew of flesh and metal approached the Princesses slowly, bowing as the drew near. That is, excluding Twilight,who simply proceeded to greet her former teacher with a short hug. "Commander Wheatley," Nodded Luna. "I see those plans for the bodies went off well?" "Oh, yes. The flippin' brilliant. And we have this man- er, pony right here to thank for them. Titanium Hammer, This is Princess-" "Princess Luna," He bowed again. "thank you once again for contracting me this job." "It was my pleasure. You are a renown mechanic in Equestria. Who else would I entrust with such an important task?" He blushed. "By your leave..." She nodded. T.H. Backed out of the room the way he came in. "So I take it all went well with the adjustments to these new bodies?" "Of course." Said the Fact Sphere. "Then it is time for you to mingle with the local ponies. Ponyville is a wonderful place to make new friends. Any one of the girls here can tell you that."Princess Celestia said. The was a murmur of assent. Wheatley looked to his companions, his only friends (Using the term loosely) and thought back to what a terrible friend he was to to that lady back home. He could do better. He would do better. He was going to do everything in his power to make ties here so he could get these guys back home. For him. For them. For her. "Okay, let's go to Ponyville!" "Ponyville. Yes. Library, books, reading. Spells. Ba ba." "You, uh... Kinda ruining my moment there buddy." "Sorry. Hmm hmm hmm. Hmm hmm hmm." Wheatley sighed. "Still doing it mate. Still doing it."
A Secret MissionEveryone had decided to take the train back to Ponyville, as it was less difficult than a massive teleport from Twilight. Wheatley, Rick, The Fact Sphere and their yet unnamed companion sat in one cart, as the rest of the carts ahead were full up. The one they temporarily resided in was too small for the girls to stay with them, mainly because it was the luggage cart. In retrospect, they were lucky to qualify as luggage, or else they'd have needed to wait for the next train. "... And that is why magic does not exist." Concluded the Fact Sphere. "Mate, you're a bloomin' unicorn. He's a bloomin' unicorn. You both can use magic just fine- Incoming Aperture Science transmission." The last part came out in a voice not his own. "Hello again," A holographic image of GLaDOS hovered in front of Wheatley's eye. "I can see the ponies were intelligent enough to construct your bodies. I find that now, as you are secluded from them in the moment, would be a good time to reveal the true nature of your mission." "Lady, I don't think I like were this is going." Rick then yelped in pain as an electric shock traveled through his body. "Be quiet. I am speaking." GLaDOS said. "Anyway, the true purpose of your mission is to find out how their so-called 'magic' works. And yes, I am admitting to it's existence. With the knowledge of how magic functions, just think of all the machines and robots we could power. The tests we could conduct!" "Hmm hmm hmm hm," Hummed the orange-eyed Unicore. "Magic. Know a lot about magic. Gonna know it all." "Yes, that is your purpose here. But do not forget about the apparent magic of flight and regrowth possessed by the other breeds of pony. Those too can be of use to me. Now that you know your mission, I'll be checking in regularly to see your progress." "Listen here lady, just because we're here doesn't mean they trust us yet. They won't be telling us everything right off the bat." "Which is why you must gain their trust. Through any means necessary. But that is not my problem, it's yours." She laughed gently. "Goodbye, misfits." And with that, the hologram phased out.
Prologue: Wheatly's Log, Pre-Atmospheric Entry :Begin Recording Hello there! This is what I suppose you call a 'captain's log' of sorts, seeing as I'm, well, in charge of this whole operation. Thing is, it's going to be quite difficult to manage this without, y'know, legs. Or arms. A torso would be nice, too. But, uh, I'm sure this is all gonna turn out really well. Though, when you think about it, last time I was in charge things weren't going well at all, really. But I've learned, from my mistakes. Don't ignore the reactor implosion message next time it comes up, and all that. Bored. Bored. Wanna go home. Wanna go back to Earth. No, mate, we're going somewhere much better. Planet 47-2-A. Sounds great, dunnit? Had enough of space. I know, mate. So have I. Aliens do not exist. What? Now, don't go saying things like that. We'll never get home with that attitude. Yeah! We're gonna shoot these alien mantis men like the ones back home, and then- Uh, yeah, 'bout that. Peace mission. And I'm pretty sure, just a hunch here, that they're not mantis men. Aw, what? That's boring. Bored of space. Aw shuddup, ya chunk of tin. We are not made out of tin. We are made of Sodium Chloride. Now that, that- Y'see, that's the kind of way we shouldn't be acting when we get down there. Want to make a good first impression, right? Incorrect. The fact sphere cares not for the first impressions of beings which do not exist. Oh, well that's just rude. If I had an arm, I'd punch you. Even if you were covered in razor sharp spikes, I'd punch you anyway, just to make you SHUT UP. Again, we don't want to upset the aliens. Poor things don't even have monitors yet. Not even radios. Now that I think about it, we're gonna be- Oh, is this still on? Oi! Any you know how to turn this thing- oh, there it is- :End Recording
The Crash, Part Four"The density of iron is nine, nine, nine, nine, nine, nine..." The thing said. "G-G-G-goats are the only animals to comb their facial hair." Last night it had crashed into Sweet Apple Acre's front yard. The following morning, the residents of the farm found it, dug it out of it's crater, and set it on a hay bale. "What is it?" Apple Bloom asked her sister. "I'm not sure what it is," replied the cowpony. "But it ain't from around here." "Nope." agreed the stallion on her left. "Horses are incapable of speech. However, they are capable of sign language." "What?" huffed AppleJack. "The Fact Sphere does not apologize to animals incapable of speech." "Why I oughta...!" Her visage darkened with anger. Her bother put a hoof on her shoulder and shook his head. "You cannot harm the Fact Sphere. The Fact Sphere is made of sodium chloride." "This thing's weird," commented Apple Bloom. "What're we gonna do with it?" "Nails. Nails. Nails. Nails. Nails." "I think I'll take it over to Twilight. Whatever this thing is, it ain't talking sense. Maybe she can set it right." "The Fact Sphere is not corr-r-r-r-rats are the second fastest known rodent in water." "Yeah, I think it's broken." Apple Bloom agreed. "What's all that racket out there?" Granny Smith poked her head out the window. "What's that- It's the aliens! Hide yerselves while ya' still can!" She slammed the window shut and pulled the blinds down. "Better do that now, before Granny spreads the word about aliens." AppleJack said quickly, a hint of embarrassment creeping into her voice. "Eeyup." Author's Note Sorry for the short chapter. It's a bit difficult to write The Fact Sphere's Dialog when it works as monologue. Or, well, not like anything.
