Author's Note
This is stream of consciousness writing. I wrote it to be Celestia's scattered thoughts and grief as she deals with the loss of her friend. It isn't ordered or sensical, it's a mess, as it should be. This is meant to be a jumble of pain, but it wasn't edited, so if you see mistakes, let me know.
How to Save a Life
Celestia sat in her darkened chambers, a thin blanket wrapped around her regal frame. Her mane no longer flowed airily around her, instead it limply drooped around her face. She was hunched, staring off into space, tear stains streaking the brilliant white fur of her face. She felt empty, lost. One of the only ponies she'd been close to was gone. She'd been so proud of her. She'd been like a daughter, and her ascension had been the proudest moment of Celestia's long life.
Twilight. Her loyal subject. Her faithful student. Her friend. Her best friend. She had refused to look at Twilight's body. She'd seen enough suicides to know it wouldn't be pretty. She couldn't see her treasured friend like that. The guards had found her this morning, a note tucked under her wing, her limbs mangled from the fall from the top of the monument. She could have saved herself. She could have flown. Why had she picked there? She wouldn't have wanted her friends to see her like that. Celestia looked up at a knock at the door to her chambers.
"Your majesty?" A guards voice asked. "Your sister is holding court in your stead but Princess Luna thought that Princess Twilight would have wanted you to read her letter first. I'm going to leave it right outside your door. " She heard his hooves click on the cold marble of the empty hallways as he walked away. Twilight had walked those halls. Celestia's body shook with sobs. She had already cried all she could, but the sobbing and sorrow would not cease. Twilight would never walk these halls again.
Celestia closed her eyes and summoned the letter from the hall. It appeared before her in a flash of yellow and fell to the floor in front of her. She stared at it. It looked like all the letters she had received from Twilight. She couldn't read it. Celestia threw the letter at the wall with an angry, desperate sob. She stood up, the blanket falling from her hunched frame as she paced around the room. What would the letter say? Could she handle reading her faithful student's last letter?
She had to read it. She had to know what had gone across Twilight's mind as she made the decision to take her own life. She returned to the letter and sat down. The letter was not as similar to previous letters as Celestia had thought. It was tied with a black ribbon, and Celestia noted a few speckles of blood.
"It's not blood, it's red ink," Celestia whispered to herself, trying to keep up her courage. She gently tugged at the black ribbon with her magic, unraveling it. Unrolling the note, Celestia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was important. She needed to stay calm and read this. She needed an explanation.
Dear Princess Celestia,
It has always been my task to learn about and understand the magic of friendship. I've learned so many things about friendship and the hope it brings as it lights one's life. But the hope and light is gone from my life. My friends are gone. Spike is off with dragons, living the life he was meant to live. My friends have grown old and died. I have not. Even my brother and parents have passed on. I am cursed with this gift of immortality. How is it fair to watch everyone around me grow old and fade away, while I must remain regal and together?
It is with a heavy heart that I share a final lesson of friendship. A pony is lost without her friends. Family and friends walk hand in hand and someday, they leave. Everyone must leave. Everyone will leave. This act of leaving is what hurts the most. They take memories and a part of your life with them when they go. I want it back. I want my old life back. I want to grow old. I want my mane to turn grey and my hips to creak. I am cursed to never be able to move on.
I always wanted to be like you, Celestia. Admired, strong, a role model to so many. I wanted to be as good as you. I know I've disappointed you. I know you expect so much more. You embody every thing I used to strive to be. I cannot reach the unreachable. I wanted to be good enough for you to be proud. Things have changed and I now know that I will never reach these standards. I will never be the pony I want to be. I can never be like you.
I don't want this life. This life of loneliness and pain. I never wanted this. This is the price of immortality. This is the burden of power. I do not want it. It is far too high a price to pay. The ponies fear me too much to treat me like a normal pony. They fear the power that I did not want, and the wings that never were truly mine. Respect is all I can ever have. Gone are the days of light and laughter. Never will I spend Hearth's Warming Eve with friends. Never again will I watch Rainbow Dash race or taste Pinkie Pie's sweets. I will never be able to try on outfits with Rarity, or play with kittens with Fluttershy. Gone are the days in the orchard with Apple Jack. A life with out friends is a life with out meaning. I don't want this meaningless life.
Please do not think less of me. The burden is too heavy for a pony such as I to bear. I've gained an understanding for why you remain distant from other ponies, Celestia. It hurts too much to care. I'm sorry.
Your most faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.
Tear stains covered the paper. The tears had been there as Twilight wrote this letter. More were added as Celestia sobbed. If only she had told Twilight that she was so much a friend, that she was like family.
Celestia clutched the letter in her hooves. "I wish I had known how to save a life. You could have been happy." Tears fell on to the paper, and Twilight's signature began to smudge. The very last thing Twilight had ever written. Celestia opened a chest and placed it with the hundreds of other letters she had kept from Twilight. Never again would she receive another. She locked the chest and grabbed a quill. She had a dragon who would need to understand why, as she had come to understand.
With every gift, there is a price. Consider the price carefully before giving the gift. Consider how what is thought of as a gift will affect those who receive them.
