Of Humans, and Other Savage Races of the Badlands

by McKnyte

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Adventure, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia
Length: 935

Princess Celestia has decided to reinstate a centuries old tradition among the civilized nations of creation: an annual diplomatic summit of the world's various leaders. But, new arrivals threaten to throw the festival into turmoil.

After a hiatus of nearly four hundred years, Princess Celestia has decided to resurrect a traditional diplomatic event: The Summit of Sovereign Nations. This festival -- once meant to ease tension between warring neighbors -- is now intended as a means for her ponies to experience the cultures of the other sapient races, and vice-versa. But when some unexpected delegations answer the invitation, Celestia prepares to get more than she ever anticipated. And how will her pacifist population respond to the violent ways of the newcomers?

[WARNING: This is NOT the traditional HIE fic. Also includes Saurians, Fey, and other exotic non-canonical races.]

Published 2015-02-17 07:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-02-17 07:30:02 UTC

Prologue

Princess Celestia was running out of friends. While it is true that she had plenty of castle staff that she confided in, and there wasn't a single guardspony that didn't get a warm welcome upon their promotion to the Solar Brigade, her list of true friends was growing increasingly short. There was her sister and fellow princess Luna, of course. The Elements of Harmony were next on the list, followed by the Solar Guard commander High Noon, and her personal attendant Verdant Meadow. Shining Armor and Cadence also had spots near the top along with the oddly sociable Flash Sentry. Outside of Equestria, and among the more long lived individuals of the world were the immortal griffon hero-king Siegfried, the ancient buffalo chieftain Rockhorn, and the lone dragon of the north, Kalifrisk. Of those she considered her friends, two were gathered with her currently: Siegfried and Luna.

"And here I thought the old bastard would've lasted longer than any of us," Siegfried stated as he looked at the figure in the pine box before him.

"You could show a little more respect for the dead, Siegfried." Princess Luna turned to address the griffon sovereign with a critical eye.

"I could, if the dead in question wasn't so damned cantankerous in his previous life." Siegfried rolled his eyes at the lunar princess and took his place in a nearby chair.

"Jandi'kahr helped us defeat Discord all those years ago, you could at least give him that much," Luna stated to Siegfried. "We owe him that much. And besides, his village was among the first to be attacked, and the only one completely lost to Discord's reign. I have a feeling that you would be the grumpy one if you were in his place, Ziggy."

Siegfried winced as Luna used her pet name for him. "No, if I were in the old zebra's place, I'd be dead."

"Jackass"

Celestia's face bore a small smile as she listened to the two bicker. It was the small moments like this that kept her sane. When the weight of an entire nation rests upon one's shoulders, it can start to wear one down. When one has lead said nation for over a thousand years alone, it's no small wonder that one hasn't been ground to dust beneath the burden. With her sister's return, Celestia hasn't found the relief she has expected. Instead, she's had to help Luna reintegrate with Equestrian society, squash potentially harmful rumors and gossip about her sister, and give guidance to the newly crowned Princess Twilight.

It was the scenes like this that brought her back to a time when she was younger. A time before she was a monarch, before royal responsibilities had tempered her spirit and blunted her tongue. A time that she had slowly grown to miss with the years.

"Lay off, Crater-Butt! Do you know how long it takes to fly here!? I'm risking a clan-war just by being here, and I can damn well guarantee I'll have to boot some cocky hatch-ling off my chair when I get back to Ravenrock!"

"Crater-Butt!? Have we resorted to petty name calling now? And it's a throne, not just some chair."

"If it's made for my ass, it's a damned chair!"

"That damned chair is the seat of your kingdom's power!"

"Well, I do have a powerful ass..."

"How a creature as crude as you successfully runs a kingdom, I'll never know."

"Very. Carefully."

Celestia decided then was the best time to interrupt the two before they came to blows. "Please, as much as I enjoy seeing you two get along, remember why we came here. The distance is great for all of us to travel, but we owe it to Jandi'kahr to be here while he's laid to rest. Zebra burial rites are among the most sacred rituals of their culture, and being invited is the highest honor an individual can hope to receive."

"Yeah?" Siegfried moved so he was at the Solar Princess' side. "Is that why we're the only three here right now?"

Luna came up to Siegfried's side. "Traditionally, only the deceased's family and closest friends are allowed to attend."

"So why aren't the legions of screaming descendants anywhere to be seen?"

Celestia answered, "Family is only considered to be the three closest generations for Zebras. Any further, and the bloodlines start to run too thin, or so the shamans say."

"Again, why aren't his kids and such here then?"

"He outlived them, you feathered fool." Luna's patience still hadn't recovered from the earlier fight. "His longevity was most likely to do with him being one of the original Element Bearers."

"... God damn, this is depressing."

Celestia said nothing as she walked forwards to the surprisingly spartan coffin. Unlike his fellow former element bearers, Jandi'kahr never became a leader of his people. He instead chose to live life as one of the Zebra's most respected, yet reclusive shamans. Celestia looked over Jandi'kahr's last personal belongings: an ancient and knurled walking stick, void of decoration save for a feathery charm at the top; a simple wooden mask that might have been painted at a time in its past; and a small, weather worn pouch fashioned from leather. She reverently placed the items at the withered Zebra's side and lit the pyre on which he lay. The box was taken by the flames in an instant, obscuring all but the faintest silhouettes of the items within.

The three stood in silence for a time, until Siegfried decided to break the silence.

"Anyone else suddenly in the mood for barbeque?"