I Hate Mondays

by Qub3d

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Slice of Life
Length: 1125

Pony Joe is out of town, and Princess Twilight is out of patience.

Twilight had gotten used to a sort of schedule whilst in Canterlot. With new duties under her wings, a nice morning coffee and donut from the famous Pony Joe's was what got her out of bed in the mornings. Yes, everything was going to be just fine…

Until Joe decided to take a month and go sightseeing in the Griffon Kingdom.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-28 22:20:04 UTC

Insanity Tastes like Fried Dough

knock

KNOCK

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"...What? What is it?" Twilight mumbled, opening her eyes. The calendar across the room had to be lying: two months since the coronation had passed already, yet Twilight still barely kept up with the packed schedules and countless social events she was always requested to be a part of. Some days, she felt as though she would never get the whole Princess thing figured out.

"Twilight, Thou must come at once! Thy royal duties await!" Luna's merry voice sang through the air and came crashing down on Twilight's ears in a manner reminiscent of a horribly-flat french horn. Perhaps it was better that Twilight didn't grow accustomed to her new duties; she might end up as crazy as that infernally happy moon-butt.

Oh well, time to get the day started. Tossing back the covers with a push of all four hooves, the newest Equestrian Princess rolled off her bed onto a criminally cold marble floor in a markedly non-princess-like manner. She sighed, stood up, and gave her wings a good stretch before folding them to her sides. Ow! Wing cramp oh dear starswirl that hurts oh fuuuu—

"GOOD MORROW TO THEE TWILIGHT SPARKLE, WE ARE MOST PLEASED TO SEE THOU ART AWAKE!" Twilight pointedly scrunched her nose at the irrationally exuberant alicorn that had just burst into the room, still loudly speaking in the antiquated and extremely annoying Royal Canterlot Voice. "TWILIGHT SPARKLE, WHY DOST THOU SCRUNCH THY FACE AT ME? WHY IST THOU NOT PLEASED TO BE AWAKE THIS MOR—mmgph!" "Oh, uh, sorry Luna. I um, was just picking that pillow up off the floor," mumbled Twilight, rubbing an eye with a forehoof. Luna carefully removed the pillow impaled on her horn, unphased. "NOT TO WORRY, TWILIGHT SPARKLE, WE ARE IN COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING. GOOD DAY TO THEE, OR AS THE COMMONERS SAY, DON'T LET THE BEDBUGS BITE."

Luna stood for a moment, beaming. Twilight looked back at Luna, then realized she was waiting for something. "Oh! Uh, nice colloquialism, Luna." Luna hid a small squee, overjoyed at the recognition of her attempts to learn the modern language. "YES. IT IS A VERY NICE CALLEDOKIANISM. FARE THEE WELL."

As Luna trotted out of the room, Twilight dropped her pleasant facade. Ugh, I wish spike would come up to Canterlot. I need someone to gaurd the door. Turning her attention to the day ahead, Twilight quickly summoned a thick scroll of paper labeled "Schedule: 7 AM to 7:30 AM" and, unrolling the parchment, scanned the first few items on the list. "Let's see: Wake up, check. Have useless and painful conversation with Luna, check. Hmm...oh, yes!" Twilight perked up at the next item on the list. "Breakfast!"

Wearing a cloak and saddlebags to hide her appearance, Twilight Sparkle cantered down the streets outside Canterlot Castle. The best part of her day was breakfast: Though the cooks in the castle were some of the best in the land, no one could beat the coffee and donut special at Pony Joe's. A habit learned during her advanced magic studies, Twilight had again picked up the habit of grabbing a cup of black coffee and two glazed donuts every morning. Pony Joe was used to having esteemed patrons, and treated Twilight as any regular. As she trotted up to the storefront, Twilight closed her eyes, thinking of the warm sweet smell, the bitter and yet oh-so-refreshing coffee, washed down with a sweet donut, or occasionally a cronut, which Pony Joe had accidentally created when his dough shipment got mixed up with the cafe next door, a funny story that he often told those who'd liste—SMACK

Twilight's reflection rubbed her snout, looking glumly back at the princess. The always-open door of Pony Joe's was closed and locked, with a handwritten sign taped up. Twilight read the message. Then read it again. Carefully, she squinted and moved in closer to make sure she wasn't miss-reading the message, which contained the worst possible assortment of words ever read by a pony: "CLOSED. BE BACK IN ONE MONTH."

Oh, shit was about to hit the royal purple fan.

Celestia looked out from the balcony, carefully watching the rays of sunlight beginning to bathe the surrounding mountains. With the ease brought on my millennia of practice, the Great White Alicorn nudged the large sphere of noble gases and nuclear fusion fun higher into the sky. Feeling the sun slip into its usual path, Celestia released her hold and smiled. A pounding at the doors behind her interrupted the moment of quiet solace.

"Ugh." Celestia turned to look at the intruder. "You threw off my groove!"

"I'm sorry," a guard that appeared from literally nowhere said. "But you've thrown off Celestia's groove."

Twilight sat on the Balcony outside her room, holding back tears as yet another donut lay on the plate before her, untouched. "Your Highness, I've worked with Pony Joe before, I've seen him make his donuts exactly as I made this one," A dark-grey mare pleaded with the Princess. "This is the fortieth batch, the royal taste-testers unanimously agreed that it tastes exactly the same!"

"It... isn't... the same..." Shuddered Twilight. "It can never be the same. I need Pony Joe!"

"I understand, Your Lady, but Pony Joe isn't even in Equestria right now! If he were within a hundred, nay, five hundred miles, we would teleport him right here and now, but the newest global teleportation treaty requires a 72-hour notice!"

Twilight sniffed, and laid her head on the table. "I know. Its just... thats all I had to l-live f-for..." she broke down sobbing once again. The head pastry chef took this moment to express her frustration to the air, quietly grumbling about where Twilight could stick that donut.

Suddenly, Twilight's ears perked up. "That's it! Where to stick the donut! I bet Pony Joe has a few left in his store, I could stick this donut in his storage room and take one of his culinary perfections! Oh thank you so much miss chef! Miss chef?" The chef was prevented from replying due to the fact that an old stallion had just fallen out of the sky and landed squarely atop her. "Ugh!" Groaned Twilight. "You threw off my groove!"

"Oh Celestia no," Cried the Stallion. "No! I'll do it for you!" Quickly, he turned and jumped off the balcony.

"What in the hay?...nevermind," Returning her mind to the issue at hand, Twilight surrounded the donut in front of her with a purple glow. "Off to get a real donut!"

As the Princess flew off the balcony toward the town, the hapless pastry chef rose to her hooves and flashed a very rude sign at the Princess.