It was a bright sunny day in Ponyville. The birds were singing, the pegasi were flying and ponies everywhere were generally enjoying their day. In Sugar Cube Corner, the happiest pony in all of Ponyville was cheerfully baking and selling cupcakes to anypony who wanted one. It was turning out to be another great day in Ponyville as far as Pinkie Pie was concerned. She was about to put another batch in the oven when she heard the telltale bell ring, signaling a new customer walking through the door.
“Hi there! Welcome to Sugar Cube Corner! What can I get for you today?!” Pinkie said with her ever-present thousand watt smile on her face.
A cream colored stallion in dark sunglasses stared at her from behind the counter. He had a black mane and his cutie mark was an X, which Pinkie found strange. Also strange was that he was wearing a dark grey suit, most ponies in Ponyville didn’t wear suits. Even Filthy Rich generally just wore a tie. He glanced at the other patron, a young colt innocently enjoying his cupcake, and tossed a bit in his direction. “You’ll finish your cupcake elsewhere,” he said with such certainty in his voice that the young colt quickly left without so much as a peep.
“Well that was kind of mean, but I suppose no harm done. Now what kind of cupcake would you like?” Pinkie asked.
“I’m more interested in securing your services” the suited stallion replied.
“Oh you’re planning a party and you didn’t want anypony else to know! That’s why you asked Rumble to leave. So what kind of party is it? How do you feel about balloons? Well that’s a silly question, everypony loves balloons. How many balloons are you thinking? One hundred? Two hundred?”
“That’s not what I’m here for either.”
“Oh I’m sorry you must be looking for the Carosel Boutique. It’s just across the town square you can’t miss it,” Pinkie said, her voice not losing one ounce of its merriment.
“No, that’s not what I’m looking for either. I’m pretty sure I’m in the right place,” the stallion said calmly, but with just the slightest hint of menace in his voice.
Pinkie smile became more forced. “Well then I really don’t know what you’re talking about, are you sure you wouldn’t like a nice scrumpdidilyumptious cupcake?” she said through gritted teeth.
The once calm stallion suddenly became angry. “Cut the crap Pinkamenia!” he yelled.
Pinkies normally ever present smile disappeared only to be replaced with a grim look. “No one’s called me that in a very long time,” she whispered.
“Do you think I’m here because I just need somepony killed? I can hire some punk off the streets for a few bits to shove a spear in the back of somepony’s head. I need you so that there is no possible explanation. I need the pony who did this!” The stallion took a folder out of his jacket pocket and threw it on the table. Inside was a picture of a sinister looking stallion with a jagged scar on his face. “Mr. White, notorious drug lord. Found dead in his bathroom with a balloon stuffed down his throat. But how? No one knew where he lived and all the doors were locked. There were no sign of entry; none of his staff were paid off. It was as if somepony came and went through the Celestia damn mirror!” He threw another file on the table. “Or what about Mrs. Temperance, rumor has it she got rich smuggling young fillies to Chiniegh to be used in the sex trade, died of a canon blast in the back room of a fund raiser. But there were guards and metal detectors at every entrance. There was no way anypony could have smuggled a cannon inside that museum. So how did she die? Nopony knows.” He threw a third file on the table. “Dr. Splitter, rouge scientist. He heard that there was an assassin out looking for him and fled Canterlot to a safe house hidden deep in the Appleloosian mountain range. Only the second he got there it exploded. It was like somepony knew where he was going before he did. I need the pony who did these things, not some cupcake baking party planning airhead!”
“I don’t do that anymore! I-I don’t hurt anypony anymore. I make them smile,” Pinkie said quietly.
“You’re talents are being wasted here in this backwater town. Are you really happy doing this?” he gestured wildly at his surroundings. “You know you are so much more than a party planner. Come back with me, we have work that needs to be done.”
Pinkie shook her head. “No, I told you I’m retired. Now if you’re not going to buy a cupcake I’d like you to leave my bakery.”
The stallion in the sunglasses sighed. “I didn’t want to have to do this, but how do you think Princess Twilight would feel if she knew that the EIA’s most notorious assassin was really her dear friend Pinkie Pie. I’d imagine she’d be shocked; after all friends tell each other everything. And what about the rest of your little circle? How do you think they’d fell once they found out about your past? Where do they think you come from anyway? Are you still telling that ridiculous rock farm story?”
“They like me, it doesn’t matter what’s in my past.”
“And you really think they’ll still like you after they learn the truth?”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Try me.” The stallion said with a sinister gleam in his eye.
“I’m going to ask you one more time to please leave,” Pinkie said.
“Why should I? You’re just a party planning, cupcake baker who only wants to see ponies smile.”
The next morning a stallion in sunglasses, and a mysterious X cutie mark was found floating face down in the lake. No boats that had been checked out and no pony reported seeing anything suspicious all day. There was no possible explanation for how it happened.
Author's Note
I wrote this quickly without an editor, so if you see any errors just point them out in the comments.
