Vinyl awoke in the semi-permanent darkness of my human world apartment. I mentioned that because I can travel between the worlds so easily and frequently, I've actually started a tourism business for humans, right? Well, damn. I must have forgot. It's kind of beside the point anyway, since I'm not going to reference that again in any meaningful way.

"Good morning, Sunshine," I called, unwrapping the bag from Vinyl's head. There were a few scrapes on her face and neck from when, to my embarassment, I realized that I had forgotten to make any air holes in the bag and had stabbed at it frantically with a pencil. Oh, I am quite the silly goose from time to time.

But no matter; I made a mental note to write that she's just fine when she goes back to the Pony World. Briefly, I considered just rewriting every pony as explicitly straight, but that would make me look like too much of an impersonal try-hard. I put my faith into my Faith, because this kind of work needed the personal touch.

"Ugh, where am I?" Vinyl groaned. Thin streams of blood crusted her ears, but I'm sure she was fine. "My name is Bobbin Threadbare..." she murmured. "Are you my mother?"

"My name is Action Jackson, and you are in grave danger of succumbing to your homosexual fanons," I said with my chest puffed out like General Patton. "You want to be cured."

"I want to be cured," she repeated.

"Splendid!" I giggled, grinning and clapping my hands in a most manly manner. I clicked my tongue to call my beloved Lyra to me.

"Lyra, my darling, we are going to demonstrate to our guest here the joys of heterosexual sex. It's going to be positively spiffy!"

"K," Lyra whickered and turned around dutifully, plump pussy hanging loose like a sexy slackjawed muppet mouth.

"Yeah, baby. Let me see that little red corvette!"

Lyra shook her hips, her Hardee's thickburger folds applauding juicily as I lost myself staring into that sexy slimy sarlaac pit.

"I can levitate birds, but nobody cares..." Vinyl groaned, squirming against her restraints. Her interruption brought me back to my senses, tearing off my pants like the Hulk and exposing my turgid six and a half inch (Laaadies!) pork sword.

With a rebel yell, I plunged my pregnancy pudding pump into her stinky pink baby cave. "I can fly higher than an eagle!" I cried out in the throes of passion, unable to restrain myself, "Because you're the wind beneath my wiiiiiiiiiings!" Lyra whinnied and stared romantically at the wall straight ahead.

"What is this. I don't even," Vinyl commented unhelpfully as I experienced a most delightful orgasm, grunting our first runt into Lyra's cunt, filling her fuckflaps with my loin poison. It was... really amazing. Like... peeing warm snow. Electricity snow. I do too know what sex is like fuck off with your camera.

I collapsed atop Lyra's spongy hindquarters, gasping for air. "How much do you love me?" I crooned stoically like brave Ulysses.

Lyra pawed the carpet four times before taking a step forward. She chewed on the apartment's chair railing and shit on the floor, where my copy of "FIMCOMPLETESCRIPT" lay.

"Four... four EVER????" I squealed. "Oh darling, that's so sweet!"

The name "Lauren Faust" at the top was obscured by my wife's fragrant buttfudge. The old me might have found this oddly symbolic or something, but all I wanted was to dip my finger in and sample some of that sweet chocolate pudding.

"Oh Lyra, my darling, I love you so much I could eat the peanuts out of your shit," I purred, running my tongue over her wooly withers.

"Kthx," Lyra said.

For no reason other than to reassure ~~myself~~ the readers that homosexuality is extremely rare in Equestria, I flexed my way there momentarily to watch Twilight Sparkle frantically tongue wrestling with Flash Sentry and Dr. Whooves hoofblasting Sweetie Belle (in my canon she is of age, okay? If there's grass on the field, play.)

By the time I had reassured myself sufficiently for science's sake and flexed back home, Vinyl was a little more coherent.

"Please, I don't have much money. I'm not going to tell anyone. Just please let me go home!"

"You're such a frigid bitch, I could keep sodas cold in your cunt," I remarked wittily (I AM a genus.) "Be more grateful to your hosts. Now then, it's time for Phase 2."

We had successfully shown her the true beauty of a God-ordained monogamous Christian coupling, but had yet to enlighten her about the dangers of going down the wrong path.

As we sat Vinyl down on the couch, she started to squirm and whimper, but playfully grinding my knuckle between her ribs let her know that I wasn't playing around. I am such a giddy goat sometimes that I make myself giggle.

I popped open the CD drive on my 2007 Macbook Pro, because I'm totally alt rock like that, and put in the DVD of Les Miz, better known by its English title: Miserable Lesbians.

Two hours later...
_

"P-please... I just want to go home! I wanna see my mooooooom!" Vinyl sniveled. What a bitch. But still, there was no doubt that she would be walking the straight and narrow from this day forward.

"Just make sure that you never forget the valuable lessons you have learned here today, Vinyl. Remain heterosexual and all will be well."

Vinyl blinked, just staring for several minutes. "...that's it?"

"Yes."

"And I can go home now?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"...really?"

"SHUT UP, BITCH!" I flexed us back to Equestria and Atomic Dropped her back into the club (RIP Ultimate Warrior).

Lyra winked and dripped, and I knew she was ready.

_

Lyra is curled up on the floor. I rest against her, cradling our four waterheaded little miracle babies in my arms. The homosexuality has been defeated... for now.

Under the light of Lord God Jesus, all is right on God's graying Earth.

Good night, and good luck.

Author's Note

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I GOT 20 DOWNVOTES THIS STORY WAS ONLY FOR MY TRVE AND KVLT FOLLOWERS NOT YOU SLANDEROUS TROLLS I AM SERIOUSLY CRYING RIGHT NOW YOU DISEASED HOMOS SOMETHING SOMETHING MORMONISM