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Sensational Serials: Silly, Short Stories for Silly, Short Ponies
Twily and Sombs: What Happens in the Back Seat....
The Changeling Crusade at Friendship Castle
To say that ‘stuff happens in Ponyville’ might be one of the most grossly misleading understatements that could be reasonably made about almost anything. For this and other reasons, on the afternoon when a group of two dozen ponies, covered from head to hoof in obscuring black cloaks, walked into town pushing a large covered cart down the thoroughfare, the citizens of Ponyville were not nearly as concerned as they probably should have been about what was obviously a doomsday cult. After the apparent cult bypassed the market completely and turned towards the large crystal castle inhabited by Ponyville’s own Princess Twilight Sparkle, the citizens decided to ignore them completely. The exact implications of this nonchalance will be shown at a later date.
Unlike the citizens of Ponyville, the two armed and armored pegasi standing guard before the castle front door remained concerned as the two dozen cloaked ponies approached; that was their job, after all. Their concern did not lessen when the group came to a stop just before the stairs leading up and stood as still as statues. By the time the minute mark had passed, both pegasi were justifiably worried. “May we help you, citizens?” the one to the left of the doors asked.
“We have come,” one of the cloaked strangers near the front said, “For her !” With dramatic flare, he found his cloak into the air, and the sunlight gleamed off his sleek, midnight blue armor and helmet. He was larger than most stallions, standing half a head taller and a full hoof wider than even former Captain Shining Armor. His black chitin shone as if it were polished, his scythe-like horn was sharp, and even his tattered, membraneous wings seemed to subtly vibrate with the restrained power of a tornado.
His was a name adored by some, but feared by many more: Commander Wrecker.
Twenty three other cloaks joined his in the air, sunlight reflecting off the armored bodies of a horde of—
“Changelings !”
In an instant, the wings of both guards snapped opened, deploying the steel blades affixed to them, but to no avail; Wrecker’s horn sparked with acid green magic, and both guards a yelp of surprise as they were jolted into the air, mere moments before they gave a yelp of pain as their heads were slammed together. Rendered unconscious, they were dropped without ceremony to the hard landing in front of the doors. Rearing up, Wrecker slammed both front hooves onto the cart and upended it, sending two dozen spears flying into the air, only to be expertly caught by each and every changeling. Raising his own spear into the air, Wrecker sounded his rallying cry and charged.
“BONZAI !”
Princess Twilight's castle doors were no match for Wrecker; he possessed both size and strength enough to act as a living battering ram, and smashed them opened with his shoulder on the first try. Twenty three changelings were hot on his heels as he went barreling down the corridors, domestic staff and visitors alike diving out of the way. It was less than a minute before the doors to Princess Twilight's throne room came into sight.
“Onwards, valiant changelings!” Wrecker ordered. He pushed himself harder, and the rest of his horde galloped all the faster to keep up with him. “At last, the Purple Menace will get what's coming to her!”
As one, the horde of two dozen changelings crashed against the doors in front of them and forced their way into and then came to a scrunching halt inside Princess Twilight's royal ballroom, which was completely devoid of any ponies at all.
After a moment of surprise, Wrecker whirled around to face his fellows and gave a mighty war cry before charging back into the corridor. Without wasting a moment, they followed after him, screaming as they ran through the castle. Finally, their corrected course came to an end the doors leading to Princess Twilight's throne room. As one, the horde of two dozen changelings crashed against them and forced their way into Princess Twilight's laundry room, containing a single, very surprised maid and no one else.
“Uh...” said Wrecker, glancing around the room. After a moment, he spied another door, and whirled around to face his fellows and gave a mighty war cry, pointing to the door with his spear, before charging at it, the horde screaming as they followed after him.
5 minutes later....
Three ponies in white kitchen smocks stared in horror at the doorway leading into the room they occupied.
A single pot of water threatened to boil over.
A horde of two dozen changelings wearing armor and wielding spears stared uncomprehendingly at Princess Twilight's royal kitchen. Wrecker raised his hoof and coughed into it, and then gestured to the others with it. All of them slowly and silently filed back out the doorway.
11 minutes later...
The door to Princess Twilight's empty drawing room opened and a changeling ducked her head in momentarily before leaving and closing the door.
“This isn't it either!”
23 minutes later…
“Did you learn to draw maps by playing Ogres & Oubliettes?” Wrecker demanded of another changeling, who cowered beneath his shadow.
“Well, um… yes?” the changeling offered weakly. Wrecker looked down at the ink-marred paper that was serving as their map, the rooms laid out as if on a grid. Hardly accurate or to scale, but at least it let them see what they had tried already.
“Well, you’re getting results, and I won’t argue with that,” Wrecker concluded. “Now, where are we again?”
“In the bedroom,” another changeling said.
“Yes, but whose bedroom?”
At that instant, the doors to the unknown bedroom burst opened and Princess Twilight charged in and slid to a halt, looking expectantly at the empty bed in front of her. An instant after that, her expression shifted to frustration and she stomped her hoof on the ground. “Phooey!” she said. A stomping hoof not belonging to her pulled her attention to the horde of two dozen changelings, and her eyes widened in shock, surprise, and fear as Wrecker took an aggressive, commanding stance, pointing the tip of his spear at her from across the room.
“Hear me, Purple Menace! We changelings tire of your oppression of our kind, and offer you our ultimatum. Surrender immediately, and be destroyed.”
“Don’t you mean ‘or’?” asked another of the changelings. The scathing look offered by Wreck did nothing to dissuade their sedition. “And do we really have to do this? Look, I can’t speak for anybuggy else, but me? I’m not feeling the whole justice thing anymore.”
Wrecker was stunned. “What do you mean you’re not ‘feeling it’ anymore?” he demanded. “How can you not be feeling it? Our revenge is right in front of us!”
“I didn’t really want revenge,” said another changeling, stunning Wrecker further, “I was just tired of working at that mall.”
“I thought we were going on an adventure!” said a third, “Or a quest. Oh! An adventure quest !”
“I don’t really care what we do, I just want to go home,” a fourth chimed in.
“Alright, fine !” Wrecker shouted, “We’ll go home, you quitters! This was a terrible idea, anyway.” To his credit, he only moped for a moment before pointing his spear at Twilight from across the room. “Hear me, Purple Menace! We changelings tire of your labyrinthine abode, and offer you our ultimatum. Direct us to the gate, or be destroyed.”
“One, I don’t appreciate all these threats about my imminent destruction!” Twilight said, somehow managing to yell without actually yelling, although the barely restrained rise of his wings revealed her irritation, “And two, when you say ‘direct us to the gate’, should I take that to mean that none of you now where we are either?”
The changelings looked at Twilight silently and evenly for several moments, until Wrecker gave voice to the question they all wanted to ask: “What do you mean, ‘either’?”
1 hour, six minutes later…
The doors burst opened with only the smallest of shoves from Wrecker’s shoulder, and he immediately surveyed his new surroundings as the rest of his horde of two dozen minus one changelings and one alicorn princess stepped in after him. “Oh, come on , this is ridiculous!” he exclaimed after a single look around the unknown bedroom, “How the heck do we keep ending up here?”
“Wasn't the door on the other wall last time?” Twilight asked. None of the changelings present were keen on answering her; the possibilities were too frightening to consider.
“Never mind that, just, just bring the map,” Wrecker ordered, voice not possessing even half the fire when the changelings had first begun their crusade, “There has to be some way out of here.”
“Why don’t we just take the secret escape tunnel?” suggested one of the other changelings. She was answered with silence.
“What secret escape tunnel?” asked a perplexed Twilight.
“The one behind the armoire.” Without waiting, the changeling walked over to the armoire in question and gave the knob on the front a turn one way and then the other with her teeth, and with a low grinding, the armoire slid to the side, revealing a doorway in the wall that led immediately to a spiraling staircase downward. The changeling looked back to her fellows to see them staring with their jaws hanging opened.
“You knew that was there and you let us go running around the castle for an hour? And six minutes? Why didn’t you say anything?” Wrecker demanded.
“Well, I started to, but then Princess Twilight showed up, and you both looked like you were having so much fun arguing—“
“Debating!” Twilight quickly corrected.
“— with each other, so I didn’t want to interrupt.”
The horde of twenty tree changelings and one alicorn princess looked at the lone changeling silently and evenly for several moments. “Great, even good manners impede us now,” Wrecker huffed. “Whatever, forget it, let’s just go.”
Twilight’s eyes widened, just a bit. “Through the tunnel?” she asked. “We don’t know where it leads, or how long it is. It’ll be pitch black!”
“We all have magic, so it won’t be pitch black, and even if it was, we clearly don’t know where the corridors in here lead, and I’m pretty sure those guards outside don’t know either, seeing as they haven’t found us yet, so I fail to see how going into the tunnel somehow leaves us worse off than we currently are.”
“I have guards outside?”
Wrecker ignored the question. “Besides, it’s an escape tunnel, so it has to let out somewhere at least reasonably nearby. How long could it possibly take?”
??? later...
Night Light was in his personal study-slash-library in the Sparkle family home in Canterlot, organizing his books. Normally, this would not have been cause for any sort of alarm, but it had been so long since he’d done it. It wasn’t because he was lazy, of course. it was because every time he’d tried in the past, he would immediately think of her , and he just couldn’t do it. But finally, he was going to do it. He’d picked a place to start, and was just ready to shelve the first book he’d shelved in far, far too long.
And then, his favorite chair unceremoniously fell over and the floor all but exploded as huge mounds of dirt were pushed up into the room from underground, followed by a black form the rough size and shape of a pony, the afternoon sun gleaming off its midnight blue armor as it entered the library and left Night Light with his mouth agape, book falling useless to the floor.
“Changelings !”
Changelings, covered in dirt and wearing dented armor and carrying spears that had seen better decades , came pouring out of the hole in the floor. They spread around the room, checking behind furniture, glancing out the windows, and otherwise making a nuisance of themselves with their illegal occupation of sovereign territory. Two dozen changelings altogether, if he counted the tiny one that went weaving between the legs of all the others, looking at everything with all the wonder that only a foal was capable of.
“Clear!” one of them shouted back down the hole, “All except for some old guy!”
“Hey!” said Night Light in protest. The changelings ignored him.
Next out of the hole came the largest and most muscley changeling Night Light had ever seen. Larger even than most ponies, standing half a head taller and a full hoof wider than Shining Armor. This changeling, he knew, must have been their commander. As soon as he was in the opened, the changeling commander looked around the room once, and then turned back into the hole. “Careful,” he said to somepony behind him, “It’s slippery.”
The breath hitched in Night Light’s throat when she walked out from the hole. Her form was immaculate: The dirt-smudged, purple fur, the unkempt mane, the ruffled feathers of her wings, the spiral horn in desperate need of a filing, and the very pregnant belly. When she locked eyes with him, emotions changing from surprise, to shock, and finally settling on teary joy, he was certain his heart stopped. “Dad?” she said to him, her voice like that of a princess.
“T-Twilight?” Night Light said, momentarily forgetting about the changelings in his study. “It’s been three years!”
Twilight suddenly narrowed her eyes into a scowl and glared at the changeling commander, standing right next to her. “‘I know exactly where we’re going’, huh?” she said, “I told you we should have taken that left at Cowbuquerque!”
The changeling commander looked from Twilight to Night Light with a resignation in its eye that the stallion recognized all too well; the resignation of a stallion that knew he was beaten.
“Yes, dear,” he said, “You were absolutely right about that.”
Sensational Serials: Silly, Short Stories for Silly, Short Ponies
The Changeling Crusade at Friendship Castle
Prince Blueblood Becomes an Alicorn, or Princess Celestia: Fashion Fugitive
~This day has been just—
“Auntie!”
The doors to the thrown room slammed opened, rudely interrupting Queen Chrysalis (again) just as she was singing praises of her victory. “Perfect,” she said, turning around to see a white-furred, blonde-maned unicorn stallion without even the courtesy to dress up for the occasion frantically scanning the assembled changelings around him. Prince Blueblood had arrived, and he seemed completely disinterested in the fact that he was surrounded by (very confused) changelings.
Completely disregarding the situation around him, Blueblood immediately began to search through the crowd, looking next to changelings, pushing aside changelings, even lifting one changeling over his head to look under them, all the while calling for his—
“Auntie!”
Finally, he saw Celestia suspended from the ceiling in a changeling cocoon, and shortly thereafter, the changeling that looked like she must be in charge, and stomped over towards her. “You!” he shouted, “Release Princess Celestia at once! There is a dire emergency she needs to attend to!”
“Oh, yes,” Chrysalis hissed semi-seductively as she turned his gaze down at the unicorn. “I would imagine an invasion by a foreign power would seem to you ponies as an ‘emergency’.”
Blueblood’s eyes narrowed, and he drew himself up to his tallest height. “Listen, I’m quite sure you’re just making up all this ‘invasion’ business, because I haven’t heard anything about it, and I hear about everything worth hearing about,” he said haughtily, “Now release Princess Celestia this instant! As I said, this is an emergency!”
“You really think your emergency is more critical than the invasion and conquering of Equestria by a foreign power?”
“Yes !”
As soon as Blueblood said the word, they snapped up from his sides: A pair of the tiniest, most ineffectually small pegasus wings that anyone in Equestria could imagine. A collective gasp rose from the crowd in the grand room, from pony and changeling alike.
Queen Chrysalis snerked. A moment later, she stuffed her hoof into her mouth, failing to stop a laugh before it escaped. A moment later, she lost control, and fell over onto the ground cackling like a hyena. Both Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie joined in without hesitation, although everyone else seemed to have the courtesy to at least not draw attention to Blueblood’s predicament. So, he let them laugh. Perhaps for several seconds longer than he should have.
“Are you quite finished?” Blueblood demanded. “As I said, this is an emergency !” After a few moments, Chrysalis managed to get herself under control again (Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie continued to laugh) and nodded to some of her changelings. In a flash, they split open the cocoon, and Princess Celestia came spilling out in a pile of goo. Blueblood rushed up to her crying, “Auntie!” and she stood up and sputtered, spitting green ooze from her mouth. The instant he arrived at her side, she looked at him and recoiled in surprise.
“Nephew!” she exclaimed, “You’re an alicorn!”
“Yes! I am! Fix it!”
“I knew you, could… I’m sorry, what?”
“Fix it!” Blueblood insisted again. “I’m a prince , I’m not qualified to be an alicorn! There are thousands of ponies more qualified than me to be an alicorn!”
“Perhaps tens of thousands!” Rarity added.
“Maybe even millions !” added one of the changelings. Every creature in the grand room looked at it. It looked back, and then averted its gaze to the floor, shuffling its hooves. “I-I felt left out…” it offered weakly.
“Besides,” Chrysalis said, turning her attention back to Celestia after a moment. “It throws the balance off.”
“B-balance? What?” Celestia had never been so confused in her life. Even when Discord was roaming free, she’d never been so confused or dripping with green slime.
“Well, of course!” Chrysalis continued unabated, “All the best things come in threes ! The Three Muskrateers, for example. The Three Hooges, the Three Falsettos, that delightful series of one act plays you ponies have. What’s that called?”
“‘Three’s Company’?” Blueblood suggested.
“Yes, that’s it!” Once more, Chrysalis continued unabated. “My point is, you have three alicorns already. Do you really need a fourth?”
After a few moments of careful thought which looked suspiciously like staring in abject confusion, Celestia said, “What?”
“I don’t mean to be rude, Princess,” said Twilight Sparkle, stepping away from the changelings keeping her and her friends in line. Curiously, none of them moved to stop her, “But she’s right. I mean, I don’t really see how having another alicorn really helps Equestria at all.” She would not realize the irony of that statement for several more months, and when she finally did, Rainbow Dash would… anyway.
“There, you see, Auntie? Miss Sparkle agrees completely. Now, stop stalling and change me back,” Blueblood said impatiently.
“I—” Celestia began, seeming to choke on her words. “I can’t ! There’s no spell to simply remove an alicorn’s wings!”
“There’s, not?” Blueblood asked miserably.
“Well, that makes sense, at least,” Twilight replied to Celestia’s relief: Finally, somepony sensible would explain the situation. “I mean, what would they be then? Just wings sitting around doing nothing? Of course they can’t be ‘simply removed’. We’ll have to transfer them to another pony’s body!”
“Of course!” Blueblood said happily. An instant later, his smile fell to a frown. “But whose body?”
“Well, Auntie’s, obviously!” All present — save Celestia, who had not yet come to understand exactly how the situation had gotten worse —turned to look at Cadence who, with a final jerk of her hooves, freed herself from the resin holding her to the floor and trotted over to join everyone else, “Who else? She has the figure for it, and what could be more regal than two sets of wings?”
“But what would she do with them? I mean, they’re so tiny—“
“Headwings!”
As one entity, the room looked to Rarity, who was so giddy she may have been close to exploding. “Headwings?” asked Blueblood.
“Headwings!” Rarity exclaimed again, hurriedly rushing over to join the small group in front of Celestia. “Tiny wings on the head! I hear they’re all the rage right now in Neighpon. Of course, they make due with enchanted prosthetics, but to have actual headwings… oh, Princess, you simply cannot pass up such an opportunity. You’ll be the most fashionable creature alive!”
“They’d give you some more lift, too!” Rainbow Dash chimed in as she likewise joined up. “Faster, higher, better control. Rarity, you’re a genius!” In a flash, pegasus swept unicorn up in a hug. “Y’gotta help me get some! I’ll even try on dresses for you if you do, whatever it takes!”
“That settles it then,” Blueblood said, turning his attention back to Celestia. “Alright, Auntie, power up and hit me!” He closed his eyes and raised his head high, standing tall and proud and expectant.
“I can’t ! There’s no spell in existence that can remove wings from an alicorn or transfer them! Not permanently. It can’t be done!” Somehow, Celestia’s ethereal mane looked at those it was beginning to fray.
“Oh….” Blueblood deflated.
“Chin up, fair prince,” said Chrysalis, “Where magic fails, medicine prevails! We’ll simply remove and then reattach the wings surgically. Oh, finally!” She rubbed her hooves together and grinned like a maniac on Hearth’s Warming. “Doctor Queen Chrysalis shall have her day in the sun!”
“Doctor Queen?” asked Celestia, uncertain she’d heard correctly.
“Yes, Doctor Queen,” Chrysalis replied indignantly, “I most certainly did not spend fourteen years earning my doctorate in medicine and mastering the equine nervous system to never perform a surgery.”
“But, nopony’s ever performed a surgery like that before!” gaped Twilight, “You’ll be making history! And I’ll be there to document it!”
“Oh, and what if those techniques could be applied to veterinary medicine?” Fluttershy pondered meekly as she made her way over. “Oh, think of what it would mean for all the little birdies of the world.”
“I don’t really know what all the fuss is about,” Pinkie Pie said from her perch on Chrysalis’ back, “But if all this kooky Doctor Frankenstein god-playing means I get to throw the biggest, meanest, greenest ‘Hurray for your first ever surgery’ party I’ll do whatever you need me to!”
“Er, begin’ yer pardons,” Applejack said as she cautiously approached the increasingly fanatic group, “But the head ya’ll are plannin’ t’ play Operation with does belong t’ somepony already. Don’t th’ Princess get any say in this?”
“Oh, Applejack,” Pinkie said, her tone surprisingly patronizing, “Oh, you silly, simple country bumpkin, you.”
“’Scuse me?”
“There are no brakes on the mob train.”
“Choo choo, applebucker,” Rainbow Dash added with a smug grin. Applejack, recognizing that she was dangerously close to becoming a science project herself, decided to back off, and away.
“All this, and I get to marry Shining Armor!” Cadence said with a squeal of delight. “This really is the best day ever! Oh, and speaking of Shining Armor….”
“Hm?” said Chrysalis. “Oh! Oh, yes, of course.” Her jagged horn flashed with magic, and an instant later, the hypnotized Shining Armor came back to his senses.
“Wha—huh?” he said as the green haze cleared from his eyes. His understanding did not improve when he laid those eyes on the grouping front of him. “What’s, going on?”
“We’re planning out how we’re going to remove these freaky new wings from Blueblood and then surgically attach them to Princess Celestia’s head!” Pinkie said helpfully.
“We most certainly are not!” Celestia said unhelpfully.
There was no doubt which of them Shining Armor decided to listen to as he trotted over: “Well, count me in!”
“They’re all six bulls short of a stampede,” Applejack mumbled, eyeing the exit.
“So, Doctor Queen,” Twilight said with a smile, moving up to the changeling in question, “How long will her recovery be? There’s going to be a lot of new questions about biology, and we’ll need to interview her immediately.”
“Au contraire, darling,” said Rarity, likewise stepping over to Chrysalis and likewise wearing a smile, although she continued to regard Twilight directly. “Obviously, her measurements must come before anything else. Besides a dress, she’ll need a redesigned tiara, and perhaps some other accouterments for her beautiful new wings. Of course, she’ll need to model them as well, as only she will have her unique, ah, arrangement. One must struck while the iron is hot, as it were.”
“Oh, Rarity, you’re such a kidder,” Twilight responded, smile becoming strained, “After all, what we learn for science could greatly improve the quality of life for everypony. Improvement is so important.”
“Oh, but Twilight,” Rarity replied, smile equally strained, “What good is improvement is nopony is of the right mind to enjoy it. Happiness through modeling is perhaps more important.”
Twilight’s smile dropped into a frown. “Improvement through science.”
Rarity’s smile dropped into a frown. “Happiness through modeling.”
“Science.”
“Modeling.”
“Science!”
“Modeling!”
In an instant, the entire group fell into bickering, each voice competing with all the others for attention.
“Ladies, please !” Blueblood shouted, pushing his way into the center of the argument. “We have to keep our priorities straight! First, we get these wings off my back and onto her head. Then we figure out who does what with her first!”
At that, the group paused for a moment, and then gave a collective nod — “Right !” — before turning to look at Celestia. And then looking around for Celestia.
“She’s buggered off!” observed Chrysalis. “She must have slipped out during our planning.”
“Applejack, too!” snarled Rainbow Dash, “I knew nothing good came from always telling the truth.”
“Phooey!” said Twilight, “Now what’re we going to do?”
“Oh, don’t worry Miss Sparkle,” replied Blueblood, “Just by accident, I have an idea.”
In the corridors of Canterlot Castle, devoid of (most) ponies and changelings alike, Celestia took a moment to catch her breath. It really was fortunate that none of the others had noticed Applejack slipping her away during their argument. How the dozens of changelings had also missed them remained a mystery.
“Don’t you worry none, Princess,” said the orange mare, glancing around a corner to make sure the coast was clear. “I know it might look bad, but it ain’t. All we need’s a few seconds t’ figure out how t’ get to the train station, and then it’s off t’ Los Pegasus, and safety.”
“Oh, what’s the point, Applejack?” Celestia asked sadly, head hanging low, “They’ll just find me again. I’m doomed to have wings attached to my head.”
“Hey, now.”
Celestia felt her gaze tipped back upward, guided by a gentle hoof under her chin. The luminous, caring, emerald green of Applejack’s eyes banished her worries in an instant. “Chin up, sugar cube,” she said, voice as sweet, spicy, and warm as a baked apple slice dusted with cinnamon and sugar. “Ain’t nothin’ bad gonna happen t’ you. Not so long as I got somethin’ t’ say about it.”
“Applejack,” Celestia murmured, their lips dangerously close together. In the next instant, the jerked apart, for they each heard at that moment a sound that chilled their blood.
“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS BOUNTY HUNTERS! YEAH !”
Sensational Serials: Silly, Short Stories for Silly, Short Ponies
Good Neighbors
A few scant hours before dawn, the residents of an unassuming, multi-family apartment building in Canterlot was jolted awake by a sudden burst of magic that swept through the structure, leaving all of their hooves tingling and their heads feeling a bit light, that was followed by the loudest and most horrible thud of an object against the building’s front door they had ever heard. The door held, but for how long was a different matter entirely; whole families, each one of them neighbors, raced into the halls and lobby outside their flats just in time to hear a second collision, the reinforcing enchantments on the door glowing a dangerous, angry red.
“Oh, for crying out loud!”
The neighbors looked down the hall as gasped: Stalking, or more likely stumbling towards them, was a changeling! And he looked very angry and at least a little bit nauseous.
A third collision sounded, and the door looked angrier than ever, itself.
“Yes, yes, good work, Royal Guard!” shouted the changeling as it (he?) trotted towards the door with an absolutely irritated if slightly off-kilter gait, “You found the big, bad changeling trying to get some shut eye. Now, beat it ! Ponies are trying to sleep!”
The neighbors all shied away and pressed against the wall cowering when the changeling passed — even if it paid them no mind — and they all had the thought to look in the direction it came form to see the door at the end of the hall ajar, and one of their number missing; the fiend had replaced the kind-hearted if somewhat eccentric Kudzu! The earth pony deserved better than to be replaced by a giant bug!
But Kudzu had moved in only two weeks prior; hardly enough time to make a changeling want to replace him over someone that had lived there much longer. Then again, he’d always been very helpful; watching their apartments when they couldn’t, feeding their pets on a few occasions when they had to work late, even helping some of the foals with their homework once. Maybe he’d always been a changeling. Who would’ve guessed that changelings could be so neighborly, and also good at math?
Besides, with the tone and topic of his shouting, he seemed much, much more interested in getting back to bed than in draining them of their love.
“Your tricks won’t work, changeling!” hollered a pony from the other side of the door, likely the patrol commander. Thankfully, they had stopped trying to break down the door, and it was beginning to return to a more normal color. “Surrender peacefully, and you will not be harmed.”
“Sirs, I am very sorry to hear that you are on fire.”
That stretched out a long moment of silence from not just the neighbors, but from the ponies outside as well. “We’re not, we’re not on fire,” the patrol commander, “Why would you even think that?”
“Yes, you are,” the changeling — or Kudzu, really — replied, “When I open this door, all of you will be on fire. All of you are on fire, and the good folks in this building are the only ones in all of Equestria who can douse the flames and save you, because that is the only conceivable reason that you would be hammering on the front door, * with a battering ram, AT THREE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING***!”
There was silence from the other side of the door, mimicked by silence inside the building. But unlike the ponies outside, who were somewhat perplexed and unsure of how to proceed, the neighbors inside began to huff and don expressions of irritation, annoyance, and anger. Kudzu was absolutely right, darnit. They were loyal, taxpaying, Equestrian citizens. They didn’t have to take this!
“Open the door, changeling. You have twenty seconds to comply.”
“Just find out what they want and send them away!” shouted one of the neighbors; it didn’t really matter who, “I’ve got work in three hours!”
“Don’t rush me! You’re always rushing me!” Kudzu shouted back before returning his attention to the door, “You hear that, you clods? Ponies got work in a few hours! Foals got school ! I hope you’re proud of yourselves!” Horn shimmering with acid green magic, Kudzu disengaged the latch on the door. “Now, I’m going to open this door, and we’re going to put out the flames, and then you’re all going to apologize to the nice ponies in here for being such a nuisance at this sun- and moon-forsaken hour.”
The door opened, and on the other side stood not less than six ponies, although it was a bit difficult to tell since it seemed like there should have been more, adorned in golden armor. Four of them had, as Kudzu had predicted, a battering ram affixed to their backs. Two more stood to either side of the door, one of them wearing the stripes of a sergeant.
“I see you’ve decided to give up,” the patrol commander said with disdain.
“I notice that none of you are on fire,” Kudzu said with eerie calm.
“No more games, changeling. Step outside and come quietly.”
Kudzu, naturally, did not do that. Instead, he shut the door and reengaged the lock. “Back to bed, everypony,” he said as he turned towards his door, “I’ll file a harassment complaint in the morning.”
“And that, Your Majesty,” said a bandaged Kudzu, standing in the Royal Court with one leg in a cast and one eye nearly swelled shut, to a baffled Princess Luna, “Is when your brute squad broke down the door, socked me in the eye, fractured my leg, split the chitin on my head and scared the stuffing right out of the foals they rudely woke up for no good reason, before dragging me off and throwing me in a kennel. A kennel ! So, in addition to that harassment complaint, you can expect to hear from my lawyer regarding my unlawful arrest, the excessive force used during my unlawful arrest, and the inhumane conditions of my unlawful imprisonment.” He regarded the sharply dressed stallion to his right — another of the neighbors — with a smile. That smile was happily returned, and since that stallion had tested negative for changeling influence, there was nothing anyone could do about it.
Luna sighed wearily. Once Celestia returned from wherever she’d absconded to with Applejack, the revenge pranking would begin in earnest.
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Sensational Serials: Silly, Short Stories for Silly, Short Ponies
Omake Theatre with Velvet Step: The Nice If Exceedingly-Suspicious Repairpony
The Bureaucratically Delayed Return of King Sombra
“No.” The word filled the entire throne room.
“But Princess —” an unnamed noble began to object.
“Next petitioner.”
“But —” he tried again, taking a step towards the throne.
His advanced was barred when one of the otherwise forgotten guardsponies in the room suddenly got in his face. “She said , ‘Next petitioner’.”
Shaking more than a bit, the unnamed background noble quickly made his way out of the throne room, passing by the earth pony at the door whose only purpose was to herald the next pony to petition the Princess.
“Presenting, um…” The herald struggled to make sense of the card held in his hoof. “It’s blank.” He was suddenly pushed aside as a cloaked pony, identity concealed, made his way into the throne room and stalked towards Celestia.
“Oh, lovely,” said the Princess, not sounding or looking at all amused. “What is it today? Prophecy of ill-tidings? Threat of war? Poorly structured poem about my beauty written in a salt-induced haze?”
The cloaked pony came to a stop just before the dais, and the cloak was suddenly flung away, and Celestia’s eyes widened when they fell upon the form of —
“Sombra!” Celestia exclaimed in a manner that was most assuredly not a shriek of terror, because Princesses do not shriek. Her guards sprung into action, although they were quick to retreat when a variety of crystalline and especially lethal looking weapons suddenly materialized around Sombra, including swords, axes, spears, and a pair of electric hair clippers that had no business being there, likely the result of an editing mistake.
“Stand down,” Celestia ordered, and although her guards were clearly reluctant to do so, they did all the same. “There. I have extended my hoof in peace. Now speak, and then begone.”
With a smug smile, the weapons hovering around the coal black unicorn vanished, and he stated his business. The words that escaped his throat sounded like they could have been Equestrian, if he had said them while gargling with rock salt and broken glass. Consequently, he was impossible to understand.
“Do, you need a glass of water?” Celestia asked. The reply from Sombra was a hacking, choking cough that sounded vaguely like it could have been ‘yes’, or less likely but still possibly ‘cats’. Either way, a large glass of water appeared before Sombra with a flash from Celestia’s horn, and Sombra quickly gulped it down.
And then hocked enough mucus into it to fill it again while Celestia (and most of her guards) struggled to keep from throwing up. “That’s better,” he said, before clearing his throat and straightening up.
“Hear my words, nag! I have endeavored to move through legitimate and proper channels, and have been blocked every step of the way! I now address you directly, and offer my ultimatum! Resolve my permit issue, or be destroyed!”
Seconds passed in silence. Moments before one of the guardsponies produced a pin, Celestia spoke: “I’m sorry, your permit issue?”
“I did not stutter, nor misspeak,” Sombra replied acidly. Literally black magic washed over his horn, and from extra dimensional space, a map flashed into existence, hovering in front of Celestia. “I have recently acquired property within the city of Canterlot, and wish to add a swimming pool to the premises. As I wish to avoid a fine, I seek a permit for a rather large construction project, which has thus far been unjustly denied to me for failing to produce a permit to alter the property, which has in turn been unjustly denied to me because no such permit exists, has never existed previously, and if your apparent allergy to paperwork is any indication, will never exist in the future. As you can see from the map presently obscuring your vision —” which, incidentally, also prevented her from seeing that he was reading from notecards — “said property is well within your jurisdiction as Princess, that being both the city of Canterlot and country of Equestria, and I demand that you approve my permit application, or at the least acquiesce to my request for one.”
“Well, I really don’t think I’ll be doing that,” Celestia replied as she scrutinized the map, “As this property you apparently own is clearly not a part of Canterlot.” She scrutinized the map a bit more closely. “It doesn’t really even look like it’s part of Equestria. Imagine that.”
“How can it not be part of Equestria?” Sombra demanded, his map and notecards vanishing back into extra dimensional space, “It’s practically in the middle of the sun-maddened city you call home! What could possibly be more Equestrian?”
“Well, rest assured, Sombra, you’ll have plenty of time to think about what could be more Equestrian!” Celestia replied, slamming her hoof on a button by the base of her throne.
For several long, awkward seconds, absolutely nothing happened.
“Oh, right,” Celestia said with a sheepish smile. “Luna had me remove the Moon Cannon. Something about sending a negative message to the populace. I don’t suppose you’d stay around while I have a new one installed? I’ll make it worth your while.”
“I fail to see how being fired out of a cannon and at the moon could ever be worth my while, so no, I’ll not stay around,” Sombra replied sharply, “Not today, or any day, and definitely not unless you give me my blasted permit!”
Sombra’s expression turned to surprise as he was suddenly hefted into the air by a cloud of golden sparkles, very likely related to a similar-looking cloud surround Celestia’s horn. Celestia, who was presently moving down from her throne. “What are you doing?” he demanded. He had been demanding things with disturbing frequency.
“Oh, nothing much,” Celestia replied, trotting towards the the grand windows of the throne room and dragging Sombra with her. The closest of them, and the one she was on a course for, shined with golden light just as Sombra did, and happily swung opened to reveal the Canterlot skyline. “Just taking out the trash. Do tell me what the view on the way down is like, Sombra.” The two of the came to a halt and stood and/or hovered in front of the opened window, depending on their exact circumstances. “Or, if I’d prefer, don’t.”
“Oh, cram it, you literal starfu—“ Sombra was interrupted as he was suddenly defenestrated. He tried to finish his sentence, but all he managed was, “Aaaaaaaa!” in rapidly decreasing volume.
Closing the window after him, Celestia gave a very princess-y giggle. “Oh, I like doing that almost as much as I like bananas,” she said with a smile. A golden shimmer surrounded her horn again, and a bunch of bananas floated out from a convenient out-of-view location and lazily through the air to her, as if suspended in a soap bubble (but actually suspended in her aura).
“And I’m a bitch who likes bananas.”
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Sensational Serials: Silly, Short Stories for Silly, Short Ponies
Omake Theatre with Velvet Step: The Plan That Had No Business Working But Did, Somehow
Meanwhile, In Another Universe...
Dark mist drifted onto the landing, and with a flash of magic, coalesced into an alicorn who was decidedly not Princess Celestia. Coat as black as midnight; eyes with slitted, malevolent pupils; wings that looked less like those of a bird and more of a bat; and mane and tail made not of hard, but of shimmering, flowing starstuff. There could be only one alicorn to look like that.
“Nightmare Moon!” Blueblood exclaimed almost silently. “Of all the stories to actually be true.” Not wasting another moment, he carefully slid backwards through the audience towards the doors, and the three pegasi guards standing beside it.
“Oh, my beloved subjects”, she said, looking over the assembled ponies with a sneer. “It's been so long since I've seen your precious little sun-loving faces.
“What did you do with our Princess?” demanded Rainbow Dash as she separated herself from the audience.
“Forget asking!” Lightning Dust shouted as she came up beside the other pegasus. “We’ll make her tell us!”
“Yeah!”
Both of them shot into the air, zipping in wide arcs to tackle Nightmare Moon from both sides. Or they would have done that, had Dash’s and Dust’s tails not been almost immediately grabbed by Applejack and Gilda respectively. “You’re both nuts !” said the griffon.
Unfazed by the reaction, Nightmare Moon chuckled. “Why, am I not royal enough for you?” she asked. “Don’t you know who I am?”
“Ooh! Guessing games!” exclaimed Pinkie Pie from near the refreshments table. “Um… Hokey Smo—”
She was interrupted as an apple, sheathed in a pink aura, flew into her mouth. “Be quiet !” Trixie hissed at her, sliding away into the rest of the frightened ponies for concealment. “Do you want her to look over here?”
Nightmare Moon gave no sign of noticing the exchange on the floor below. “Does my crown no longer count, now that I’ve been imprisoned for a thousand years?” she asked, leering to one end of the landing at Rarity and Strongheart, the latter of which interposed herself between the former and the alicorn as they slowly backed down the stairs to the ground level; both of them were visibly afraid.
“Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?” she asked, leering to the other end of the landing at Fluttershy, the songbird choir, and Iron Will, the last of which leered right back as he guided the others down the stairs to the ground level.
“What do we do? What do we do?” Trixie whispered to herself in a panic, only feeling a bit calmer when Blueblood gingerly pressed against her side.
“Don't worry, Trix,” he said with a confident smile. “Unsurprisingly, I have a plan.” Without waiting for a reply, Blueblood stepped away from Trixie and cleared his throat be loudly saying, “Excuse me? Nightmare Moon?”
That elicited a round of terrified gasps from the audience as they all spun to face the voice that had identified one of their worst fears; every pony with even some Equestrian roots knew the legend of the Mare in the Moon, Nightmare Moon.
“Well, well, well,” Nightmare Moon said as she watched Blueblood make his way to the front of the crowd. “Somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I’m here.”
“Actually, I was hoping to discuss exactly that with you!” Standing in front of his fellow ponies, Blueblood stood tall, held his head high, and adopted a serious expression. “I am Prince Blueblood. As a duly designated representative of the city, county, and tracts of land surrounding Canterlot, I hereby order you to cease and desist, immediately, any and all activities pertaining to the attempted overthrow of the current, legally recognized ruler of the Principality of Equestria, and to return forthwith to your place of origin, or to the nearest, most convenient allied nation.”
A very uncomfortable silence fell over every creature present.
“That’s your plan?” Trixie blurted out, immediately covering her mouth with both forehooves.
“Hold on, that was a plan ?” Gilda demanded from her spot in the crowd, releasing her grip on Lightning Dust’s tail (who was, herself, too perplexed to continue her original plan of assaulting Nightmare Moon). The ponies around her murmured questions of a similar nature to each other.
“I admit it’s not one hundred percent thought out,” Blueblood replied nonchalantly.
Gilda agreed: “It’s not one percent thought out, doofus!”
Further discussion on the soundness of Blueblood’s plan was promptly suspended by laughter from Nightmare Moon, all eyes on her once again. “I am almost amused by this,” she almost purred. “Do you, a mere politician, presume to order me ? Back to the moon, no less?”
“Well,” Blueblood began, “You are technically in violation of the law. Several of them, most likely. I mean, I did mention all that stuff about overthrowing the current, legally recognized ruler of Equestria, right?” He turned to look over at Iron Will. “I did mention that, didn’t I?”
Reacting immediately, Will scooped up Fluttershy in one arm, and jabbed a finger out towards Blueblood with the other. “We are not with him!” he said the minotaur in an effort to placate the Mare (Until Very Recently) in the Moon. It did not work.
“I will not be ordered around by a sniveling foal!” Nightmare Moon shouted, causing the crowd to shrink back. Even Will shrunk back, although to a lesser degree, trying to keep a brave face on for Fluttershy, who was shaking like a jackhammer. Only Blueblood stood his ground.
“Well, you kind of have to ,” the Prince reiterated. “It’s the law . That means it’s the rules. And I think that we can all agree that it’s very, very, very important to always follow the —”
The crack of thunder, flash lightning and smell of ozone filled the room suddenly, and vanished just as suddenly.
“One job, guys!” Blueblood’s hoof contacted his face. A moment later, the three (now slightly twitching) pegasi guards that had been at the door collided with the ground, their ambush foiled. “One job.” After another moment of disbelief, his hoof returned to the floor. “Alright. New plan!” he said as his shined with sky blue magic.
From the back of the crowd — which had quite suddenly begun to part — came a chant of, “No, no, no, no!” that rapidly increased in volume as Trixie was dragged up next to the Prince.
Almost immediately, one of his forelegs went around her withers while the other came up to maneuver a hoof to her ear, which Blueblood began to whisper into. By the end of his missive, her eyes had widened considerably. “Brilliant, right?” Blueblood asked her.
In response, Trixie raised a hoof up and slapped him hard across the face, eliciting gasps from the crowd and surprise from Nightmare Moon. “Creep,” Trixie said, rearing up and throwing a smoke bomb onto the floor at her hooves. Immediately, the ponies (et al.) around her suffered a coughing fit while the smoke engulfed them, up until it cleared.
Trixie was nowhere to be seen, having vanished while she was out of sight. The front doors swinging shut was the only evidence of where she had gone.
Once the door loudly finished closing, Blueblood finally managed to collect his wits. “Alright. New plan again!” he declared. “Pinkie Pie!”
“Yuppers?” said Pinkie, suddenly bounding up next to him.
“Go forth to Sugar Cube Corner, and prepare the biggest party you’ve thrown this year!”
“Yes sir , Mister Prince, sir!” Pinkie replied with a salute, and then confusion. “But, what for? I mean, what’ll go on the banners? You can’t have a party with blank banners! That’d be a like a party without banners! We’d be bannerless! Like animals !”
“Well, it’ll either be to celebrate us not freezing to death under the relentless glower of nighttime everlasting, or to welcome our new dark overlord to probably at least a thousand years of uninterrupted tyranny,” Blueblood replied, turning his gaze towards the ceiling and rubbing his chin in thought. “It’s kind of up in the air at this point.” His gaze returned to Pinkie Pie. “Think you can handle it?”
Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen, having vanished while she was out of frame. The front doors did absolutely nothing.
“Alrighty then!” Blueblood concluded, wisely deciding not to question it and addressing the rest of the crowd. “Everypony else! Will, what are you doing?”
Focus moved from the Prince to the minotaur, who was busy piling two of the three incapacitated guardsponies over his shoulders, the third one going onto Fluttershy’s back, nervous about the prospect though she clearly was. “Iron Will intends to take these gentlestallions directly to Ponyville General Hospital, courtesy of assistance from Fluttershy, on account of they just got their asses kicked!” Taking a break from speaking, he turned to address a donkey that was part of the crowd, although not noticed by anyone previously. “No offense, brother.”
The donkey responded with a shrug and an uncommitted sound of indifference.
“Good thinking, Will. You get on that,” Blueblood said before turning back to address the rest of the crowd. “Everypony else, for real this time! Form two, single-file lines at the door, and proceed forward in a calm manner. The instant your hooves —“ he shot a glance to Gilda, who did not look in any way amused — “Or whatever, touch the street outside, immediately fly into a panic, run through the streets screaming your heads off, enter your homes, bar the door once all occupants are inside, hide under the bed, cower, and wait for further instructions. That’s the plan. Break!”
After a moment of further confusion, the rest of the occupants of City Hall formed two lines at the door and calmly proceeded outside until their hooves (or whatever) touched the street. As soon as they did, they each took off in a full run towards their places of residence, screaming at the top of their lungs the entire way. In record time, the streets of Ponyville were even emptier than City Hall.
“Huh,” said Blueblood as the doors finished closing. “Didn’t think that’d actually work.”
“’Twas a well-organized panic.”
“Oh, right,” Blueblood said with a scowl as he turned around, looking up at Nightmare Moon. “You’re —“
He looked up higher at Nightmare Moon. She looked down at him, smiling darkly. “Already down here with me,” he finished. After a moment, he cleared his throat. “Right. This is the part where you offer to let me join you, and I refuse and say I’ll stop you no matter what.”
Nightmare Moon’s smile darkened further. “Oh, this is simply too rich,” she said, adding in a mocking chuckle for effect. “Do you truly believe that you, a lazy and simple-minded politician, can best me?”
In response, Blueblood smirked cheekily. “I’ve already bested you, Slack Beauty ,” he said triumphantly. “I’m not Prince Blueblood! I’m an illusion ! Bleh !” Making a funny face, ‘Prince Blueblood’ promptly detonated in a cloud of sparkles and confetti.
Nightmare Moon’s smile vanished as shock washed over her face, and for several seconds she could only stare at the space that she had believed her adversary occupied, and then she screamed in inarticulate rage before taking to the air and bursting through the window overhead. “Petulant foal !” she shouted over the streets of Ponyville, looking around for the Prince and seeing not a creature in sight. “Enjoy the chill of everlasting night, whelp! ’Twill be your last!”
Not taking so much as a moment to consider how little sense that threat made, Nightmare Moon’s horn flashed, and she melted into a malevolent, purple mist before streaking across the sky towards Canterlot. After several seconds of complete silence passed, Prince Blueblood poked his head out from the bushes in front of City Hall, scanning the skyline to make absolutely sue that she had left. She had.
“And now for an abrupt change in tenses,” he says, turning to address the reader. “That’s all for now folks, but hey! I had a blast, myself, so if you want to see more, make sure you leave a comment below saying so. Maybe Phyco will actually write the whole story once he finishes that stupid crossover he’s working on. I sure hope so, at least.
“I’m kind of stuck here, in the bushes, until he does. Seriously, comment. Get me out of here. Please?”
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Sensational Serials: Silly, Short Stories for Silly, Short Ponies
Omake Theatre with Velvet Step: The First Time
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Omake Theatre with Velvet Step: The Weird Things That Happen When Crystal Wishes Isn't Home
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Omake Theatre with Velvet Step: The What?
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Omake Theatre with Velvet Step: The Flimsy Yet Heretofore Impenetrable Disguise
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Omake Theatre with Velvet Step: The Secret Changeling Ability to Defy Logic
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Prince Blueblood Becomes an Alicorn, or Princess Celestia: Fashion Fugitive
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Meanwhile, In Another Universe...
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Carrot Cake X the Changeling Swarm
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How Sombra Got His New Country Phase 1: Come Back to Life
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How Sombra Got His New Country Phase 2: Try to Get the Old Country Back
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How Sombra Got His New Country Phase ?: Deal with Bureaucracy
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A Brief Interlude in the Midst of a Crusade
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Rarity's Number One Assistant: My Very Own Live-In Changeling
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Rarity's Number One Assistant: Know Your Assistant's Limitations
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A Tale of the Changeling Crusade: Going Commando
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The Tale of Sir Leon, Griffon Guard of the Crystal Empire, Chapter 1: The Outset, Unabridged
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Unfortunate Applejack: Barnstorming
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Unfortunate Applejack: Market Day
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Unfortunate Applejack: Quicker Than the Eye
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Unfortunate Applejack: A Relaxing Bath
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The Suitors of Princess Luna: King Sombra
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Prince Blueblood Saves the Royal Wedding (kind of)
Commercial Break 01
Frantic and erratic wing beats stirred the air in a cloud-constructed kitchen in a cloud-constructed mansion floating in the air over Ponyville as Rainbow Dash excitedly watched her over. “Almost…”
‘Ding!’ went a timer.
“Done!”
With triumphant flair, she opened that oven and quickly whisked away an enormous covered tray — almost as big as she was — to to her cloud-constructed table in her cloud-constructed dining room. Rubbing her hooves together and licking her chops, she tore away the concealing foil to reveal and tiny piece of quiche that occupied only a tiny fraction of the tray.
Rainbow Dash stared uncomprehendingly at what sat in front of her. “Where’s the rest of it?”
Tired of eating postage stamps disguised as meals? It’s time to switch to Hungry Mare Instant Dinners!
Why settle for a sample when you can gorge yourself on delicious veggie patties and hay fries, succulent stuffed peppers, or mouth-watering lasagna in a fraction of the time demanded by other brands?
Quick, tasty, mare-sized portions.
Hungry Mare!
Because filly food isn’t filling food!
“Who said that?!” Rainbow Dash demanded as she looked frantically around her dining room.
Sensational Serials: Silly, Short Stories for Silly, Short Ponies
Twily and Sombs: Get in the Car!
Prince Blueblood Saves the Royal Wedding (kind of)
~This day has been just perfect~
Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, had won. Celestia was defeated, the Elements of harmony rendered ineffective, and no one was in any position to stop her. The day had been just perfect, and she couldn’t help but sing.
~The kind of day I've dreamed since I was sma -
At least until the doors to the throne room burst opened and rudely interrupted her (again). With an angry huff, she and everyone else present turned around to look at the newest arrived, and were greeted by the sight on a white-furred stallion with a blonde mane, in a tuxedo jacket that looked as though he’d only managed to pull it on seconds before entering, panting as if he’d run a great distance, face turned towards the ground as he gasped.
“Nopony panic!” he said, sucking in a deep breath and finally looking up. “I’m here… now….”
He looked left, and was flanked by angry-looking bug ponies. He looked right, and was flanked by angry-looking bug ponies. “Huh,” he said after a few moments, “I’m, sorry, I didn’t realize there was a theme.”
“There is.”
Adopting a sinister smile once again, Chrysalis approached the stallion, taking in the details as she did. “Ah, you’re Prince Blueblood. I recognize you now. But yes, there is a theme. The End of Equestria has rather a nice ring to it, don’t you think?"
Blueblood looked around again. The ponies quivering in fear. Those insufferable mares from Ponyville (and Fluttershy) under heavy guard by more bug ponies. Auntie Celestia in some kind of evil cocoon! Cousin Cady covered in goo! Shining Armor… Shining Armor!
“Wait a minute!” Blueblood sais, suddenly realizing what was happening. “This isn’t a wedding! It’s a hostage situation !"
“Oh, look at that. You’ve managed to guess the game.” Even as she spoke, Chrysalis walked even closer to Blueblood. Her movements would have been sensual on another mare. Really, on any mare that wasn’t part insect. “For what little it counts for, at any rate."
“You won’t get away with this!” Blueblood replied, snarling his answer out.
“Oh, won’t I?” Chrysalis asked, sauntering even closer. “All the loose ends are tied off. I suppose there is you to consider, but you’re Prince Blueblood! The pony who lazes about growing fat while others do all the real work. And now, all the others are indisposed, and there is nothing that you can do about it.” She stopped before him and dipped her head down until her muzzle was mere inches from his. “Is there?"
Many made the mistake of thinking that Prince Blueblood was basically useless, serving no real function anywhere in Equestria. Very quickly, they all learned just how wrong they were. Chrysalis herself was mere seconds away from learning the terrible mistake she had just made by accosting the Prince when he said seven, defiant words that would change forever the balance of power in the universe.
“Get your ugly face away from me."
The changeling recoiled away in shock, and then her expression flashed with anger. “How dare you!” she shouted. He horn burned bright with magic, energy rushing to the tip, preparing to erase all traces of the cretin before her.
Had Chrysalis known what was to come, she would not have ignored Blueblood’s rising war cry, for rather than dealing swift and deadly revenge, she was instead punched in the face, and then hammered by a veritable wall of royal hooves, too fast to avoid, too fast to even count.
"Atatatatatata wa- ta ! "
Chrysalis recoiled away from the last blow, and the entirety of the throne room (save Blueblood) recoiled away from the absolute mess her face had become. She hurt. She felt like she was coming apart at her figurative (and perhaps even her literal) seams. She couldn't focus, her magic vanishing as if it had never been there at all, and she only barely registered another shout from Blueblood before she felt his hooves dancing over her again.
"Atatatatatata- ”
The barrage ended suddenly. Just long enough for Blueblood to spin about and buck her in the chest hard enough to crack her muscles .
“Wa- cha ! ”
Chrysalis, Queen of the Changeling, flew through the air, tumbling end over end and wailing in absolutely agony. Her back collided with the wall hard enough to leave and indentation in her approximate shape, and she stuck there, suspended in the air by the force she had been hit with. And then, she exploded outward like a water balloon filled with iridescent, green blood.
The changelings all gaped in horror, and then spun to look at Blueblood, eyes wide with terror. Blueblood, his back to them, wiped the beginnings of a bead of sweat from his brow, and then turned around to face the swarm, asking a single question that told each of them their fate was sealed.
“Who’s next?”
“Who’s next?”
“Who’s next?”
“Who’s next?”
“Who’s next… who’s next….” Blueblood mewled, still in the throes of sleep. “Who’s n-AH!” Up until he rolled out of bed and landed with a hard thump on the floor. “Ow….”
Taking a few moments to compose himself, he rolled over and pushed himself up to his haunches before taking in the room around him. Plush rug over stone floor, enormous four-poster bed, reading cushion guarded by a gigantic pile of stuffed animals. Yes, he was in his bedroom. “Huh. Guess it was just a dream,” he said to no one in particular. With a mighty yawn, he observed his alarm clock. Specifically, he observed how late in the afternoon it was. “Ah! The wedding!”
Seconds later, the door to his chambers flew opened and Blueblood exploded out into the corridor, tuxedo halfway on and making no progress fast. “Crap, crap, crap, crap !” He went sliding across the floor, whipping himself in a circle and pulling his forelegs into the air long enough to finish getting his jacket on. And then, he skidded to a halt just as somepony, or rather, something else did.
They stopped just inches away from each other, staring at who they had run into. Standing before Blueblood, looking just as surprised as him, was one of the black, chitinous monsters he’d seen just the night before: A changeling. His eyes widened in shock, and then his blood boiled: No love stealing bug was going to ruin his cousin’s wedding!
The Prince’s body suddenly surged to life, and he sprung forward so quickly, he surprised even himself. Before the changeling had a chance to react, he thrust his hoof forward and into its muzzle.
“A- ta ! "
The result was immediate, and as if he were lightly bonking a changeling in the nose to absolutely no effect, he lightly bonked the changeling in the nose to absolutely no effect.
The changeling looked at Blueblood.
Blueblood looked at the changeling.
The changeling glanced to Blueblood’s outstretched hoof, and then back to the pony himself, eyes narrowed.
“Eh, heh heh,” Blueblood said nervously, smiling uneasily as he withdrew his leg and placed it back on the floor. He was shaking, just a little bit. He was starting to sweat bullets. He was in trouble. “You’re, erm, already dead?”
Completely unamused by anything that had just happened, the changeling took a single step forward and raised and laid its own hoof on Blueblood’s shoulder, right where it met with the neck and withers, and tweaked the nerves clustered there. In an instant, the Prince lost consciousness and fell to the ground in a messy heap, as if he were a puppet that had all its strings cut simultaneously.
The changeling watched the heap of pony for a moment, and then with a disgusted snort, turned and trotted away to join the rest of the swarm, leaving Blueblood to continue being what he was best at being: Basically useless.