Triple Threat

by scoots2

Rating: everyone
Tags: Cheese Sandwich, Comedy, Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pie Sisters, Romance, Original Character
Length: 1751

Cheese Sandwich babysits and plans a very small and very important party. Some unexpected guests appear. His in-laws. And they are not in a party mood.

Cheese Sandwich babysits and plans a very small and very important party. Some unexpected guests appear.
His in-laws.
And they are not in a party mood.

Written for the CheesePie contest/prompt, “What Does Pinkie Most Wish For?” CheesePie, obviously, and fluff. Lots and lots of fluff. And disgustingly sentimental. You've been warned.

Cover art by DragonFoxGirl.

Published 2014-04-29 21:20:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-29 21:20:03 UTC

Invitations, Introductions

Cheese Sandwich planned things for a living, but none of this was something he’d planned. He hadn’t planned to be the part owner of a joke shop. He hadn’t planned to have a permanent home base. He definitely hadn’t planned on this bit. In fact, this bit was distinctly unplanned, and fell more under the heading of “oops.” Still, he mostly really enjoyed it, except for moments like this, when a tiny, sharp hoof was poking his nostrils.

“Ouch,” he said, and then added, turning towards his own rear, “Daddy only has one tail. Please leave him some of it.” Still, Pinkie had been with the triplets all morning, and it was only reasonable for him to look after them while she took a bath. He hoped she’d remember to brush all the flour out of her mane before she got it wet, but if a mane full of library paste made her happy, then it was ok with him. It was her birthday, after all. And theirs.

It was very lucky that the foals had been born on Pinkie’s birthday. For some reason, the Cheesy Sense had always mercifully left him alone on that one day. The first time, it pushed him back to Ponyville to throw her a party. The second time, he somehow just happened to need a magical recharge right around then. By the time the third birthday rolled around, he knew that he was going to Ponyville to spend Pinkie’s birthday with her for no other reason than that he wanted to. He’d never missed her birthday, not once, and because of that, he’d been there when Cheesecake Surprise, Sachertorte, and Silly String came into the world. She never remembered her birthday, for the same reason that he never remembered his own, but she wouldn’t forget theirs. He sometimes wondered if she’d arranged this somehow. He tried not to be suspicious about the triplets, but he couldn’t help but think that this too was something she’d arranged, simply because she thought it would be hilarious.

He wrapped his tail around the colt who was trying to yank it out by the roots, pulled him around so he was directly in front of his father, and began a rapid fire series of the goofiest faces he had, up to and including the mouse on his tongue playing a tuba. It was different to make your own foals laugh. It was less of an adrenaline rush, but in a way, it was more gratifying. Besides, they were a much tougher crowd.

“Daddy silly,” said Sachertorte.

“No!” insisted the pink-maned yellow filly clinging to his mane, who lowered herself by her own tail until she was upside down next to her brother. “Me Silly!”

Cheesecake Surprise squeaked and simply became airborne, right up to shoulder height. There was no other way to describe what she did. She ought to have crashed back down to earth, but she just didn’t. Cheese had quit panicking about it long ago, and now usually reached out a convenient leg or tail to catch her if necessary.

“You are all absolutely ridiculous,” he said sternly, “and Daddy is extremely proud of you.” Silly String and Sachertorte immediately latched back on to his mane and tail, chewing and making “nom-nom-nom” noises. It was completely understandable, since the smell and taste of punch and fondue always lingered, and they were teething, after all.

He yawned. He’d gotten home extremely late last night. This time, he’d barely made it back from a hootenanny in Vanhoover. He knew he’d be back in time, because he always was. Still, it was a relief to arrive in the wee hours and find that the lights were on and that Pinkie had been waiting for him. He hadn’t seen his wife in what felt like an awfully long time, so, of course, the foals had woken up, right on cue, and demanded to be played with. They’d all gone to bed way past everypony’s bedtime, so there wasn’t much time to plan a very small, but very important party. He was just about to lie down so the foals could play one of their favorite games, Let’s Find Out New Spots Where Dad Is Ticklish, when he heard a knock at the door.

When you planned a party, you had to think about what the guest of honor needed, and in this case, the guests of honor would be good for about twenty minutes before they would need a nap. In fact, Pinkie and Cheese would probably desperately want one by that time, too. He knew from hard won experience that it was not a good idea to get year-old foals too wound up, especially now that he didn’t have the ability to hand them back to their parents and scram. All they intended to do was to have a birthday cake, give each foal a simple present, and romp with them until they were tired out. After that, they’d put them to bed. They’d insist that Daddy play his accordion until they fell asleep, because they always did, especially when Cheese had just gotten home after a long trip. A lot of guests would only complicate things, they’d agreed. He didn’t remember having invited any guests, unless Pinkie had invited somepony and forgotten to tell him. Nevertheless, even though he was encumbered by one small filly glued to his left front leg, another drooling into his mane, and a colt hanging off his tail as though water-skiing, he managed to get to the front door and nose it open.

He’d only met Pinkie’s family once. They hadn’t exactly been a barrel of laughs, but he couldn’t remember them being this grim before. All of them stood rooted at the doorway, shoulder to shoulder, their otherwise impassive expressions lit up by glares strong enough to peel paint. At the rear stood Pinkie’s older sister Maud. She merely blinked, but her mouth was wrapped around a pickaxe. A horrible suspicion dawned on him.

“Pinkie,” he called, his voice soaring up an octave, “did you invite your family to the birthday party?”

“Yep!”

“Did you mention to them that we got married two years ago?”

“Oops! No, I forgot. Silly me! Why? Is it important?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

They stood frozen at the doorstep for a long, terrible moment. What could he say? She’d forgotten to plan a wedding party because it was her own wedding? That wasn’t going to make sense to anypony who wasn’t a party pony. She’d hadn’t mentioned that they were married because she thought it would be obvious? That wasn’t going to make sense to anypony, especially not her own family. Then, down on hoof level, he heard a sniff and a long, deep inhale. He knew that sound. It was Cheesecake Surprise trying to decide if she should cry.

Before she could let out that first wail, however, Cloudy Quartz lowered her head, and blinked at the little filly through her glasses. “My goodness,” she said, “you remind me so much of your great-great grandma Surprise.”

“Her name is Cheesecake Surprise,” said Cheese, his throat still dry with panic.

“Grandma Surprise,” said Cloudy Quartz, glancing up at Cheese, “was a Pegasus.”

Oh, thought Cheese. That would explain a lot.

“Ouch!” The filly had grabbed her glasses with her mouth. She tried chewing on them for a moment or two, decided they weren’t as tasty or soft as Daddy’s mane, and threw her front legs around Cloudy Quartz’s muzzle for a hug.

~~

Pinkie trotted out to the landing not five minutes later, still extra pink and warm from her bath. She stopped on the landing.

There was Cloudy Quartz, lying on her back and giving Cheesecake Surprise a hoofy ride, while the little filly spread her front legs as though she were flying, crying “wheee!” Marble and Limestone were deeply involved in playing “where’s Auntie Pie?” with Silly String, who was shrieking with laughter and rolling around in a tiny ball. Sachertorte’s head was completely covered by Grandpa Igneous Rock’s enormous hat, his hoof possessively planted on his first-ever pet rock. And every single one of them was smiling. Even Maud.

Cheesie came out of the kitchen balancing a birthday cake on his hindquarters. Four candles: one for each of the triplets, and one for her. She’d had to bake it herself, because he still could not bake anything without burning down the kitchen, and after a few near misses, she refused to let him try. But he was still the bestest party pony she knew, and he could make anypony in Equestria happy, including her. Including extra especially her. He looked up at her with big soft eyes.

“Come on, Pinkie,” he said. “Come make a wish, and blow the candles out.”

“Don’t need to,” she sang, and tripped down the stairs.

Author's Note

This is my entry for the CheesePie prompt/contest, “What does Pinkie most wish for?” The thread is here.. But it wouldn’t have been be possible without lots and lots of ideas from other people!

First, the artists, all of whom graciously gave their permission:

The cover art was drawn by DragonFoxGirl. I mean, it’s so obviously a very personal party they’re planning, isn’t it?

Silly String belongs to PolkaHorse, and Cheesecake Surprise to Batman Brony. The latter’s headcanon is that Surprise is actually Pinkie’s grandma. I pushed it back to great-grandma, so that there would be a chance that Pinkie wouldn’t have met her, but come on—the idea is just irresistible. Sachertorte’s my own idea. A Sachertorte is a dark chocolate cake with a raspberry filling. I don’t have a design for him, so feel free to make your own!

EDIT: Ooops. Sachertortes have apricot filling! I like their taste a bit better. Never mind--his name's still Sachertorte.

Both Polka Horse and FillyBlue have the headcanon that Cheese cannot cook to save his life, and this made sense once I thought about it.

Sketcha-Holic added the detail that teething foals would like party pony mane and tail especially because they would smell and taste nice.

Finally, here is a link to the Giant Thread O' Brainstorm Sketch-A-Holic started, in which a lot of CheesePie shippers threw around a bunch of headcanon and some ideas for some cool AU stories.

It’s not really a part of the continuity for what I’ve been doing. It’s just a bit of fluff, but then CheesePie is just made for fluff.