MANN vs Caribouby Jet LigniteChaptersThe PrologueThe Job - PART 1The Job - PART 2The Job - PART 3 The PrologueI remember it like it was yesterday. I was once a mare of the highest adroitness as far as I was concerned. When I was a foal, I was the top student in all my classes and had a sense of control that just came naturally. I was once the student of Princess Celestia herself, but I took it all for granted. I will forever be ashamed for being so arrogant, even for a filly. I overheard a conversation about what the princess felt needed to be done with me. At the time I thought it was all a complete waist of my time and that she would cast me aside when she realized this, so I abandoned her first to become all that I can be with out her help. I wish I had more faith in her, maybe I could have made a difference now. I came across a new world filled with strange apelike creatures called 'humans'. Things were very odd, especially when I also transformed into a human. Perhaps it was a side effect of the mirror or the fact that magic is non existent here. Either way, I didn't care because I was stuck here for 30 moons. Every 30 moons I would return to Equestria and see how my former mentor was fairing without her best pupil. To my dismay, she replaced me with a ridiculous bookworm, just after taking her entrance exam! This foal somehow got her cutie mark in the process.The princess even let her keep a magic dragon! I was so furious, I took out all my anger out on the students at my school. It felt relieving at the time, but I now know that I could have handled that better. The years passed and this Twilight Sparkle continued to gain everything a pony could dream of and she just sits on her flank and reads all day long. She defeated Nightmare Moon, wielder/ leader of the Elements of Harmony, defeated an Ursa minor (an infant mind you), saved Equestria multiple times and became a princess! Why, just why? Because she made friends? Because has OCD? Because she is such a kiss ass?! A princess of what anyway? Where's her castle, where's servants (other than the dragon)? What is her purpose? My only concern now was to make them all pay. I would see to it that I would take the thrown by force and show them how I rule. All I had to do was steal the element of magic from her 'royal highness' and bring it back to the human world to create my own army. A simple plan. Not too complicated, no bullshit. When I returned to take what is rightfully mine... I was too late. Equestria, my former home, had been conquered by the Caribou. A race of strange creatures that had looked down upon females of any kind as nothing more than living pleasure toys. Celesta drove them out of Equestria a thousand something years ago. I can not believe they returned and took over. The moment they caught sight of me, I didn't have a chance. For some reason their armor was resistant to my magic. I was an experienced fighter from all the times someone tried to stand up to me, but these guys had me out numbered. I could always take someone down by separating them from the their friends, but now I had finally found myself in an unfair fight. A month later, I was on the run. Running with all my might, to get away from the slave catchers. Some were caribou and others were brainwashed stallions. It was sickening. Being hunted and forced to be their pleasure thing as if it was my only purpose in life. My horn had been severed, I had been bound, gaged and had to endure so much torment that I would have chose to die and save what ever dignity I had left! Others escaped as well but were caught at some point. I was with a few mares before we were separated. I knew one of them from the other world. The resemblance was very shocking. She was Applejack. I took shelter in the Galloping Gorge. Never before in my life had I felt so helpless, so fragile. So very alone. Days later, I found myself bound, gagged, and mounted by yet another stallion. To make matters worse I was being shipped by train to the Crystal Empire for 'special' training since I am one of the few black collars that can't be tamed. Seriously, I know that it would be weak, but I would have faked being like the others to end my suffering, then again I would still feel pain so there really was no point. After the guard was done I was left alone for a good five minutes before somepony else came in and shut the door behind him. To my astonishment he was not a pony at all, nor a caribou, but a young dragon. I assumed he was here to use me like all the others. Once again to my astonishment, he undid my bonds and helped me to my feet. This was either another dream like the ones I have where all the caribou would be killed off by monsters, zombies or all males died from STDs leaving females to inherit the earth. This was no dream, this was the miracle I have waited so long for. I mean sure kid looked wimpy, but I was not about to complain now. Turns out his name was Spike, as in Prin Twilight Sparkle's assistant, he was one of the few that are immune to the corruption and has been laying low since they took his town. The Canterlot archives were not exactly a place of interest for anyone lately so he was safe for a short time until they searched for any black collars still in the castle. His only means escape was to set an entire wing of the archives on fire. He has been on the run all this time and got to assault some slave masters, including 'prince' Shining Armor! Impressive for a little guy. We talked about how this could have happened and why it happened. I knew it was The Crystal Heart perverted, caribou magic, and even Discord. Spike was not so sure about Discord, Luna explained to him that Discord may have fallen victim to the caribou as well since this was slavery, control, something Discord wouldn't go for since it is against his nature of chaos, disorder. That actually caught me off guard, especially the part about him being reformed by Fluttershy. It made sense in a way, if she was anything like human Fluttershy, then she would have no problem dealing with animals that needed rehabilitation. Then it hit me like a runaway freight train! THE MIRROR! The portal between this fucked up reality to a less fucked up reality and could help us. The mirror alters a being that passes through so that the balance between worlds is not disturbed. In theory, it could undo the magic that has taken hold and maybe even repair, after all ever since I came here I have not experienced any corruption at all. It was a long shot, but it's better than staying here. Then it accrued to me that I was not alone in this. Spike had just save me, the one that lost everything and everyone he held dear and near to his heart and was being pursued as a fugitive. I shuttered at the thought of what they might do to him. So I did the one thing I never thought I would do. I made a friend. "Hey Sunset, are you ready?" Sunset was brought out of her thoughts by the voice of her young friend. She turned to him, he wore an uncertain expression and was looking to her for reassurance. She gave him a warm smile and grasped his clawed hand, giving it a squeeze. "Ready" With that being said, they both turned towards the mirror and made their way through with a blinding white flash. *Opening Credits* Youtube Video Cathy Weseluck as Spike Rebecca Shoichet as Sunset Shimmer Kathleen Barr as Trixie Lulamoon Seth Green as Brimstone Nathan Vetterlein as The Scout Rick May as The Soldier Dennis Bateman as The Pyro / The Spy Gary Schwartz as The Demoman / The Heavy / MONOCULUS Grant Goodeve asThe Engineer Robin Atkin Downes as The Medic John Patrick Lowrie as The Sniper Ashly Burch as Miss Pauling Nolan North as Merasmus / The Bombinomicon / Deadpool The Job - PART 1Meanwhile in 1972 Knock knock knock "TAVISH! Someones been knocking at the door for ten minutes!" "Ach! m'busy." "Busy sittin' on yer big pilla o' a backside, maybe! Tavish Finnegan Degroot, go get that door!" With a heavy sigh the lummox that was once the Demoman headed his mother's request and made his way to the door. Six months of unemployment have not been kind to the poor man. Ever since Gray Mann seized control of MANN CO., Saxton Hale left the country, the Administrator disappeared without a trace, no one has heard from Miss Pauling and the mercs were left without a job, again. "It might be a job, Tavish. An' lord knoos yae need one." "I dunnae want another job, mum." Demo grumbled as he laid his hand on the door knob. " And I dunnae care what you want, lad. You and yair lazy goost sword-" Hey! I'm Dead, Lady Not Deaf! "...need tae get oot this house and blow somthin' up for money, or I'll have tae bury ye in a big round box!" "What do ye-- what the?" On the porch stood a man in a black jacket, a grey shirt and a torn hoodie around his neck. Parked on the street was a Harley-Davidson Night Rod Muscle customized with the bones of humans, demons and a skull ornament on the front of it. "Who is it? Ask 'em have they got any jobs?" Ask If They've Got Churros! Snapping back into reality, Demo composed himself. " Look I'm busy, what d'yae want?" He was answered by an eerie silence. I assure you Demoman that I mean you no harm nor are my intentions towards you of ill nature. You see your services has been requested by my... associates because of your skills, your career preference and background. My name is not important at this time, all you need to know of me is that I have come to ask you an important question that will not only seal your fate, but the fate of many, both guilty and innocent. There was a demonic voice that seemed to echo from all directions, it was the kind of sound you would hear if some psychopathic lunatic was about to strike at any moment and devour your soul before you have a chance to scream. Never in his entire life did Demo feel like he was about die while shitting himself. Gulping down his fear, Demo tried to find his voice. "What's that?" The hooded figure reached for his hood to reveal his face. After doing just that he presented a paper with writing on it. "Would you like a job?" Demo did a double take on the situation. The hooded figure has a man or young adult, he looked like he was in his early twenties. He had pitch black spiked hair and was a little tan. His expression was neutral and gave off no vibes of a threat nor comfort of an ally. His evil voice was gone and now sounded normal. The document he was holding was similar to the one he received from Reliable Excavation Demolition and Mann Co. "Are... Are yae... Are yae givin' me me oul' job back?" For the first time in six months, Demo's voice sounded hopeful. "Yes, you will have your old position, but your work will be twice as dangerous, your pay will be twice as large if not more and you may not come back alive. Do you accept?" "..." "..." "..." "...Look man, I don't have all da-" "EYELANDER! Yae roosty wee booter knife! Get yae sheath on!." The Demoman ripped his robe to shreds, much to the bewilderment of the stranger until the discarded shreds revealed Demo's uniform. Demo grabbed Eyelander and ran out the door towards the motorcycle. "WE'VE GOT A JOB!" Heads! "That's me boy!" Six down three to go Still 1972, Teufort jail. "Mister Mayor-" "Hey, how many times I gotta tell you? 'Mister Mayor' is the mayor of Florida! Call me Mike!" Mike cheerfully stated. "Mike... I am going to kill you, and anyone who participates in this preposterous show trial." " Me too!" "Yes I may kill Scout in the confusion as well." Spy said casually. Spy and Scout are currently in jail awaiting their trail which would determine weather or not they be hanged till death. They, as well as the other members of the team, are currently wanted for accidentally rezoning the towns only school into a parking lot, requesting a city dump in town square and accidentally requesting the local retirement home as a federal pedophile sanctuary and other stupid things. Of course the true perpetrator is the Mayor covering his incompetence and pining it on the mercs. The only crimes they actually committed was the long list of property damage and murders. Doesn't really help them huh? "SHOW TRAIL... Well, gosh, thank you for saying that. We're certainly trying our best to make it one heck of a show. Man, I'm going to miss you two. Anyway, important mayor stuff to do. Get your sleep guys! Big day tomorrow! Lights out!" -5 min later "Ah crap, ah crap, ah crap, ah crap, ah crap! I can not believe this!" "Oh please spare me your whining." "What the hell is your problem!? How can you be so calm about this, Spy? They are going to kill us!" "No they will not, because I have a plan." "Oh thank god." "Unfortunately you die so that I may escape." "Screw you." "On your grave it reads 'here lies Scout --he ran fast and died a virgin." "Go to hell Spy!" "Then, off to visit your mother!" "FUCK YOU!" Scout lunged himself at Spy and the two tumbled to the ground. They fought through the darkness, intending on putting the other one down while they still could. If only they weren't interrupted. TAP TAP TAP The two stopped they're conflict for a moment to discover that they had a visitor n front of their plexiglass cell. A man in a black jacket, a grey shirt and a torn hoodie around his neck. "OH GOD IT"S THE REAPER!" Scout got on his knees and started to beg for his life. Spy on the other hand was intrigued. All they could really see was his silhouette in the moonlight and his glowing red-orange eye's through the darkness. "Who are you?" Look, as much as I would want to explain everything to you now, I can't because I'm running out of time so if you could please come with me... The figure raised his hands, which turned into dark smoke and expanded into giant clawed hands. Both Spy's and Scout's eyeballs nearly shot out of there heads as they backed away as far as the cell allowed while they screamed in terror. The arms reached through the six inch thick glass prison and firmly grasped Spy and Scout. "I REGRET EVERYTHING! I REGRET EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE!" "Oh, Mon Dieu! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" To be continued... The Job - PART 2Several miles outside of Teufort The night was very dark in the badlands, for some reason darker than usual to the locals. The nearest town for miles was Teufort, leaving the desert landscape with little light. Most folks would find driving at this time scary, even downright dangerous if you lack a light source of some kind. There was only one car on the road this particular night, a 1972 Chevy Chevelle- Miss Pauling's car. "Soldier, please put the bread away. You're getting crumbs all over the place." scolded Miss Pauling. "Sorry Miss Pauling, but I am not putting this bread anywhere without the teleporter." countered Soldier. "Soldier, unless we can find the Engineer or at least someone that knows where he is, there will be no teleporting of bread." "Damn it." "It's so strange..." Miss Pauling's expression morphed into deep thought as she drove in the night. " First Engi and Medic vanish without a trace and now Pyro and Demo run off with some guy on a bike somewhere." "So you think he has something to do with everyone going missing?" "If he is, then he is obviously going for Spy and Scout next." "Miss Pauling, why do the people of Teufort hate us again?" inquired Soldier. "You blew up a Mall Santa training facility, you're responsible for 3 counts of grand theft auto, multiple counts of homicide, several attempted homicides, shaving a child's head then beating his father. You guys also blew up several civilian buildings, harassed the elderly and started several brawls just to name a few." "First of all, I was framed. Second, if any of that is true, then why is it not in the article or wanted poster?" "Because the mayor wants to cover his mistakes and we burned each of your rap sheets. Also that mill you have been fighting over has been leaking chemicals into the ground water for a generation. This is an entire town of lead poisoned idiots. That's why we gave you guys bottled water." "Bottled what now?" *THOOM* Soldier and Pauling looked to the source of a distant sound down the road. The vehicle's engine let out a strange metallic sound and abruptly stopped. The occupants nearly flew out the windshield if not for their seat belts. Miss Pauling tried to start the car, but the engine kept stalling. A violet light shone in the distance, gradually growing as the light intensified. Soldier pulled out a shotgun and took aim. The ground began to shake and the car was dragged roughly towards the light source. All of the car's contents began to float, from crumbs, papers, spare change and Soldier's bucket. "No!" cried Soldier. He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached out for the bucket. "Soldier, what the hell are you doing!?" shrieked Miss Pauling. "That is my wish bucket! If my dying wish is to not die, then we'll be okay!" Miss Pauling looked at him incredulously. "That doesn't-" ~Make a wish~ The vehicle was suddenly thrusted forward with a blinding flash and muffled screams of a woman and a little girl. Miss Pauling's head was spinning as she tried to get her bearings. Everything looked blurred and there was the slight scent of waffles. She tried to rub her sore head, but her hand could barely move. She tried moving her arms, but they seemed to be pressed against her back. Something was very wrong. Her vision started to clear as she looked around frantically and struggled. "You might want to calm down." Miss Pauling paused and focused on the direction the voice came from. It as masculine, she was certain. The voice was devoid of any emotion, almost indifferent. She took in her surroundings. She was trapped to a metallic chair beside a metallic table. the room was dim so she couldn't get a good look at her 'host'. All she could see was his piercing red-orange eyes staring at her from across the table. "Where am I?" she demanded. "You are in my home." "Why did you bring me here? Why does it smell like waffles and what did you do to Soldier?" "To answer your last question, I just sat him on the couch and turned on the TV." ~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~ At The TV 'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?' "WHERE IS THE REMOTE!?" ~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~ "As for the smell, we are close to a restaurant. And as for why you are here, that was an accident." "What do you mean, an accident?" inquired Miss Pauling as she attempted to wiggle her slender wrists out of the rope. "You see, I needed to round up your boys for an assignment. They got the right stuff and I am going to have to keep them for a while. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Now I am going to have to send you somewhere until this is all sorted out." "Look, I have no idea what it is you are planning and I honestly couldn't care less. I need them for an important assignment more dire than yours." "Is that so? Then what pray tell is this 'dire' job?" mocked the figure. "That is classified." Her wrist was starting to hurt, but she was almost out. "You have no idea do you?" "What are you talking about?" "I mean you have no idea what the job is or where your boss is, and you're just following orders from a letter to pick up a bunch of mercs and then what?" the figure said bluntly. Miss Pauling was a bit nervous now. "Wha- how did you know that?" "I read your mind while you were unconscious. Why do you girls 'experiment' in college by the way?" "THAT is none of your business!" Miss Pauling shouted while blushing heavily. "I suppose not, but still I have to say you have an interesting job, I would ask for your assistance as well. Then again you are very clever and only want to get your mercs out of here, so... I'm going to have to wipe some of your memories." "No you won't" she said very seriously. "Who's gonna stop me toots?" the figure smirked. The figure had always been one to expect the unexpected. Assassins, vampires, zombies, robots, and even sharks with laser beams attached to their heads were among the many things he could have ever expected. Miss Pauling freeing leaping from her seat and delivering a powerful roundhouse kick to the face, without actually saying "Roundhouse"? Not expected. GRAY MANN CO.- 1972 "You want to run that by me again?" growled Gray. "*BEEPBOOP* The MANN CO. factory was attacked and ransacked last night and several of our crates have been stolen. *BOPBEEPBOOP* We would advise to delay the secret search for the missing australium and the hunt for the Administrator." "You know damn well that nothing will stop me from ending that despicable hag and taking back the only element that has been keeping me alive all these years! What was stolen anyway?" "Multiple weapons and ammunition, a tank, 3 bombs, scrap metal, extra parts, blueprints,-" "WHAT! Why the hell didn't you mention that first!? What were the blueprints of!?" "They were designs for each of us. *BEEB*" "Damn it all! Is that everything?" "*BEEPBOOP* Negative, many hats were also stolen." "...Hats?" "Affirmative." "..." Youtube Video SMACK! "OW!" "Wake up!" The figure's head was throbbing as he tried to gain his bearings. He found himself strapped to the chair his 'guest' had been occupying. Miss Pauling sat at the table next to him with an unamused expression, waiting for him to fully awaken. Once he did he noticed something different. "Where is my medallion?" he asked in a clam yet wavering voice. "Right there." She pointed the other side of the room, to the floor. The young man took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before speaking. "I guess the tables have been turned, eh?" "No, everything is in it's proper place. I just moved you." "It was a rhetorical question." he deadpanned. "I don't believe I cared either way. Now why don't you start explaining yourself, tell me were the others are and the way out?" "What if I don't feel like it?" Miss Pauling became frustrated and slapped a bottle onto the metal table, startling the man as she did so. "Then...we are going to have to do this my way." He looked at the red bottle with a skull and cross bones in bewilderment. "Where did you hide th-ACK!" He couldn't finish his sentence as Miss Pauling grabbed his tongue and pulled it towards the table. She then grabbed the bottle with the other hand and placed the tip directly over his tongue. A drop was dangling from the opening. Only now could he see the label "El Pene de Diablo". (The Dick of Satan) He felt terror take hold of him as he tried to retract his tongue. He might have been seeing things, but that little drop looked maniacal and even spoke!? He he he he he he. By all the powers of naughtiness, I command that this particular drop of hot sauce to be really, really HOT!~ To Be Continued... The Job - PART 3 The Job - PART 3 "THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Okay! Okay, ah galk! Ah thurember, pweath thop!" Miss Pauling promptly released his tongue. "Now, unless you want your mouth to turn to ash, start answering." The figure was trying to calm himself, his breathing returning to normal. He pondered if he should actually tell her the truth, but at this point she had the upper hand and even if he told her, so what? If it could sway her in his favor than things might work out and if she chooses to be a bitch then he could always kill her or erase her mind later. She also needed his help if she ever wanted to make it back home. 'Fuck it.' he thought. "Well, I suppose introductions are in order Miss Pauling. My name is Brimstone and yes it is my real name, I do have other aliases though." he said casually while leaning back in his seat. "This is going to take a while and might be hard to believe, but I am sure you will be respectful and allow me to elaborate fully." "As long as you get to the point then I see no reason as to torch your tongue." she took a seat across from him. 'Such a professional bitch' he thought. "Well, it all started two days ago...." ~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~ Flashback It was a pretty slow day. I was just eating the usual turkey croissant sandwich in the diner like every weekday. I usually sit in the booth in the back so I can get a whole layout of the restaurant. I had seen a lot of the students come in from Canterlot High, most of them were recognizable. Diamond Tiara was being a snobby little brat with her lesser but equally irritating friend Silver Spoon. I always thought about conjuring a demon or something to kill them or torture at least but would forget. I saw the 3 siblings of the towns athlete, fashion designer and farmer planning some hair brained scheme as usual. I love it when they mess up, I always set up a seat and carry around snacks when they are causing chaos. I had also seen some newcomers as well. A strange trio of girls were in a booth on the opposite side of the restaurant humming some tune. I didn't really pay them much attention until they walked out. The way their hips swayed, but I can't be thinking like that cause I am already in a relationship and- Okay! Sheesh, I forgot to mention I tend to drift off topic and ramble. Just--just put the bottle down and let me finish. Okay? Good...bitch. I-I said I'll skip. You know to the real beginning. That evening I decided to go for a walk around town. Cool night air and all that. I eventually ended up at Canterlot High, just as shitty as I remember it. The only good things about it was the cafeteria food, clubs and of course my girlfriend. I thought I'd go and 'borrow' some stuff from the science class rooms, when the most peculiar thing happened. I saw a bright flash come from behind me, my shadow increased on the school and was gone as fast as it had came. My eyes readjusted and I saw her. A girl, somewhere in her late teens, with two tones of yellow and red hair. Beside her was a small purple (or possibly pale lilac) puppy with green fur running along it's back. They both seemed totally disoriented, trying to regain their senses as I made my presence known to them. The girl looked at me with fear in her eyes, either she was in trouble or caught in some type of misdeed. The puppy tried to look intimidating while he seemed unsure of the situation. About a half hour later, I had managed to calm the two down and we rested at the bleachers. There was something troubling this girl, she seemed like a runaway, from what I was uncertain for she would dodge some of my questions. She gave off many red flags: bruises to her arms, legs and neck, she seemed very frail, she appeared out of nowhere after what felt like the most powerful magical pulse in my life and her dog is giving me a stink eye. So yeah, this would be awkward. I finally got her to start talking about what had happened and turns out, this was beyond anything I had ever came across. This girl came from another dimension, a world where magic was still a normal thing. She was in fact a unicorn, an anthro which I won't even question. Her little buddy was a dragon, can you believe it!? Ponies are people and Dragons are not!? The fuck is that all about? And get this, his name is Spike. Spike! Talk about irony. But seriously, they came here under terrible circumstances. Their country was conquered by a race of sexist reindeer and have used dark magic to turn all the equine males into insane, aggressive, deviant, sexual predators and most of the females into their pleasure slaves. Females have lost all civil liberties and aren't even considered worthy of anything. Their methods of domination are brutal and they even have a demon by the name of Discord under their thumb. The dragon kid lost his closest friend, family and his home. Living life on the run from slave hunters that send them to 'educational' centers for 'reforming'. The girl lost her strength, her natural born talent for leadership and determination. She was made a slave for months and had never felt safe since her capture. I believe these two have a codependency thing going on since they seem to enjoy talking amongst themselves and hardly ever leave each others side. I took pity on them and decided to have them stay in my home as long as they desire. They were suspicious of my intentions of course, but with the help of my lovely magician, they understood that we only wanted what was best for them and would only give them their freedom to do as they chose. I did not sleep well that night, visions of invaders conquering the world plagued my mind. I woke up in a cold sweat and had a dreadful realization: what if they too found the portal to this world? I thought about destroying the portal, but what would it really accomplish? Sure those heathens wouldn't spread their poison upon this world, but what of all those whom are suffering. Sunset was still lost, Spike had his life stolen, and an entire kingdom had fallen. There had to be something that could be done about this fucked up scenario. And like a lightning bolt blowing Thomas Jefferson's (Note from editor: I'm not going to fix this.)kite to smithereens, it hit me. There once were a group of dangerous, psycho men that had a reputation for destruction and few questions asked for the right price. They had gone into hiding long ago and their location is unknown to this day, so I had to make a deal with my old mentor to bring you here: Merasmus the Magician. To Be Continued...
The PrologueI remember it like it was yesterday. I was once a mare of the highest adroitness as far as I was concerned. When I was a foal, I was the top student in all my classes and had a sense of control that just came naturally. I was once the student of Princess Celestia herself, but I took it all for granted. I will forever be ashamed for being so arrogant, even for a filly. I overheard a conversation about what the princess felt needed to be done with me. At the time I thought it was all a complete waist of my time and that she would cast me aside when she realized this, so I abandoned her first to become all that I can be with out her help. I wish I had more faith in her, maybe I could have made a difference now. I came across a new world filled with strange apelike creatures called 'humans'. Things were very odd, especially when I also transformed into a human. Perhaps it was a side effect of the mirror or the fact that magic is non existent here. Either way, I didn't care because I was stuck here for 30 moons. Every 30 moons I would return to Equestria and see how my former mentor was fairing without her best pupil. To my dismay, she replaced me with a ridiculous bookworm, just after taking her entrance exam! This foal somehow got her cutie mark in the process.The princess even let her keep a magic dragon! I was so furious, I took out all my anger out on the students at my school. It felt relieving at the time, but I now know that I could have handled that better. The years passed and this Twilight Sparkle continued to gain everything a pony could dream of and she just sits on her flank and reads all day long. She defeated Nightmare Moon, wielder/ leader of the Elements of Harmony, defeated an Ursa minor (an infant mind you), saved Equestria multiple times and became a princess! Why, just why? Because she made friends? Because has OCD? Because she is such a kiss ass?! A princess of what anyway? Where's her castle, where's servants (other than the dragon)? What is her purpose? My only concern now was to make them all pay. I would see to it that I would take the thrown by force and show them how I rule. All I had to do was steal the element of magic from her 'royal highness' and bring it back to the human world to create my own army. A simple plan. Not too complicated, no bullshit. When I returned to take what is rightfully mine... I was too late. Equestria, my former home, had been conquered by the Caribou. A race of strange creatures that had looked down upon females of any kind as nothing more than living pleasure toys. Celesta drove them out of Equestria a thousand something years ago. I can not believe they returned and took over. The moment they caught sight of me, I didn't have a chance. For some reason their armor was resistant to my magic. I was an experienced fighter from all the times someone tried to stand up to me, but these guys had me out numbered. I could always take someone down by separating them from the their friends, but now I had finally found myself in an unfair fight. A month later, I was on the run. Running with all my might, to get away from the slave catchers. Some were caribou and others were brainwashed stallions. It was sickening. Being hunted and forced to be their pleasure thing as if it was my only purpose in life. My horn had been severed, I had been bound, gaged and had to endure so much torment that I would have chose to die and save what ever dignity I had left! Others escaped as well but were caught at some point. I was with a few mares before we were separated. I knew one of them from the other world. The resemblance was very shocking. She was Applejack. I took shelter in the Galloping Gorge. Never before in my life had I felt so helpless, so fragile. So very alone. Days later, I found myself bound, gagged, and mounted by yet another stallion. To make matters worse I was being shipped by train to the Crystal Empire for 'special' training since I am one of the few black collars that can't be tamed. Seriously, I know that it would be weak, but I would have faked being like the others to end my suffering, then again I would still feel pain so there really was no point. After the guard was done I was left alone for a good five minutes before somepony else came in and shut the door behind him. To my astonishment he was not a pony at all, nor a caribou, but a young dragon. I assumed he was here to use me like all the others. Once again to my astonishment, he undid my bonds and helped me to my feet. This was either another dream like the ones I have where all the caribou would be killed off by monsters, zombies or all males died from STDs leaving females to inherit the earth. This was no dream, this was the miracle I have waited so long for. I mean sure kid looked wimpy, but I was not about to complain now. Turns out his name was Spike, as in Prin Twilight Sparkle's assistant, he was one of the few that are immune to the corruption and has been laying low since they took his town. The Canterlot archives were not exactly a place of interest for anyone lately so he was safe for a short time until they searched for any black collars still in the castle. His only means escape was to set an entire wing of the archives on fire. He has been on the run all this time and got to assault some slave masters, including 'prince' Shining Armor! Impressive for a little guy. We talked about how this could have happened and why it happened. I knew it was The Crystal Heart perverted, caribou magic, and even Discord. Spike was not so sure about Discord, Luna explained to him that Discord may have fallen victim to the caribou as well since this was slavery, control, something Discord wouldn't go for since it is against his nature of chaos, disorder. That actually caught me off guard, especially the part about him being reformed by Fluttershy. It made sense in a way, if she was anything like human Fluttershy, then she would have no problem dealing with animals that needed rehabilitation. Then it hit me like a runaway freight train! THE MIRROR! The portal between this fucked up reality to a less fucked up reality and could help us. The mirror alters a being that passes through so that the balance between worlds is not disturbed. In theory, it could undo the magic that has taken hold and maybe even repair, after all ever since I came here I have not experienced any corruption at all. It was a long shot, but it's better than staying here. Then it accrued to me that I was not alone in this. Spike had just save me, the one that lost everything and everyone he held dear and near to his heart and was being pursued as a fugitive. I shuttered at the thought of what they might do to him. So I did the one thing I never thought I would do. I made a friend. "Hey Sunset, are you ready?" Sunset was brought out of her thoughts by the voice of her young friend. She turned to him, he wore an uncertain expression and was looking to her for reassurance. She gave him a warm smile and grasped his clawed hand, giving it a squeeze. "Ready" With that being said, they both turned towards the mirror and made their way through with a blinding white flash. *Opening Credits* Youtube Video Cathy Weseluck as Spike Rebecca Shoichet as Sunset Shimmer Kathleen Barr as Trixie Lulamoon Seth Green as Brimstone Nathan Vetterlein as The Scout Rick May as The Soldier Dennis Bateman as The Pyro / The Spy Gary Schwartz as The Demoman / The Heavy / MONOCULUS Grant Goodeve asThe Engineer Robin Atkin Downes as The Medic John Patrick Lowrie as The Sniper Ashly Burch as Miss Pauling Nolan North as Merasmus / The Bombinomicon / Deadpool
The Job - PART 1Meanwhile in 1972 Knock knock knock "TAVISH! Someones been knocking at the door for ten minutes!" "Ach! m'busy." "Busy sittin' on yer big pilla o' a backside, maybe! Tavish Finnegan Degroot, go get that door!" With a heavy sigh the lummox that was once the Demoman headed his mother's request and made his way to the door. Six months of unemployment have not been kind to the poor man. Ever since Gray Mann seized control of MANN CO., Saxton Hale left the country, the Administrator disappeared without a trace, no one has heard from Miss Pauling and the mercs were left without a job, again. "It might be a job, Tavish. An' lord knoos yae need one." "I dunnae want another job, mum." Demo grumbled as he laid his hand on the door knob. " And I dunnae care what you want, lad. You and yair lazy goost sword-" Hey! I'm Dead, Lady Not Deaf! "...need tae get oot this house and blow somthin' up for money, or I'll have tae bury ye in a big round box!" "What do ye-- what the?" On the porch stood a man in a black jacket, a grey shirt and a torn hoodie around his neck. Parked on the street was a Harley-Davidson Night Rod Muscle customized with the bones of humans, demons and a skull ornament on the front of it. "Who is it? Ask 'em have they got any jobs?" Ask If They've Got Churros! Snapping back into reality, Demo composed himself. " Look I'm busy, what d'yae want?" He was answered by an eerie silence. I assure you Demoman that I mean you no harm nor are my intentions towards you of ill nature. You see your services has been requested by my... associates because of your skills, your career preference and background. My name is not important at this time, all you need to know of me is that I have come to ask you an important question that will not only seal your fate, but the fate of many, both guilty and innocent. There was a demonic voice that seemed to echo from all directions, it was the kind of sound you would hear if some psychopathic lunatic was about to strike at any moment and devour your soul before you have a chance to scream. Never in his entire life did Demo feel like he was about die while shitting himself. Gulping down his fear, Demo tried to find his voice. "What's that?" The hooded figure reached for his hood to reveal his face. After doing just that he presented a paper with writing on it. "Would you like a job?" Demo did a double take on the situation. The hooded figure has a man or young adult, he looked like he was in his early twenties. He had pitch black spiked hair and was a little tan. His expression was neutral and gave off no vibes of a threat nor comfort of an ally. His evil voice was gone and now sounded normal. The document he was holding was similar to the one he received from Reliable Excavation Demolition and Mann Co. "Are... Are yae... Are yae givin' me me oul' job back?" For the first time in six months, Demo's voice sounded hopeful. "Yes, you will have your old position, but your work will be twice as dangerous, your pay will be twice as large if not more and you may not come back alive. Do you accept?" "..." "..." "..." "...Look man, I don't have all da-" "EYELANDER! Yae roosty wee booter knife! Get yae sheath on!." The Demoman ripped his robe to shreds, much to the bewilderment of the stranger until the discarded shreds revealed Demo's uniform. Demo grabbed Eyelander and ran out the door towards the motorcycle. "WE'VE GOT A JOB!" Heads! "That's me boy!" Six down three to go Still 1972, Teufort jail. "Mister Mayor-" "Hey, how many times I gotta tell you? 'Mister Mayor' is the mayor of Florida! Call me Mike!" Mike cheerfully stated. "Mike... I am going to kill you, and anyone who participates in this preposterous show trial." " Me too!" "Yes I may kill Scout in the confusion as well." Spy said casually. Spy and Scout are currently in jail awaiting their trail which would determine weather or not they be hanged till death. They, as well as the other members of the team, are currently wanted for accidentally rezoning the towns only school into a parking lot, requesting a city dump in town square and accidentally requesting the local retirement home as a federal pedophile sanctuary and other stupid things. Of course the true perpetrator is the Mayor covering his incompetence and pining it on the mercs. The only crimes they actually committed was the long list of property damage and murders. Doesn't really help them huh? "SHOW TRAIL... Well, gosh, thank you for saying that. We're certainly trying our best to make it one heck of a show. Man, I'm going to miss you two. Anyway, important mayor stuff to do. Get your sleep guys! Big day tomorrow! Lights out!" -5 min later "Ah crap, ah crap, ah crap, ah crap, ah crap! I can not believe this!" "Oh please spare me your whining." "What the hell is your problem!? How can you be so calm about this, Spy? They are going to kill us!" "No they will not, because I have a plan." "Oh thank god." "Unfortunately you die so that I may escape." "Screw you." "On your grave it reads 'here lies Scout --he ran fast and died a virgin." "Go to hell Spy!" "Then, off to visit your mother!" "FUCK YOU!" Scout lunged himself at Spy and the two tumbled to the ground. They fought through the darkness, intending on putting the other one down while they still could. If only they weren't interrupted. TAP TAP TAP The two stopped they're conflict for a moment to discover that they had a visitor n front of their plexiglass cell. A man in a black jacket, a grey shirt and a torn hoodie around his neck. "OH GOD IT"S THE REAPER!" Scout got on his knees and started to beg for his life. Spy on the other hand was intrigued. All they could really see was his silhouette in the moonlight and his glowing red-orange eye's through the darkness. "Who are you?" Look, as much as I would want to explain everything to you now, I can't because I'm running out of time so if you could please come with me... The figure raised his hands, which turned into dark smoke and expanded into giant clawed hands. Both Spy's and Scout's eyeballs nearly shot out of there heads as they backed away as far as the cell allowed while they screamed in terror. The arms reached through the six inch thick glass prison and firmly grasped Spy and Scout. "I REGRET EVERYTHING! I REGRET EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE!" "Oh, Mon Dieu! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" To be continued...
The Job - PART 2Several miles outside of Teufort The night was very dark in the badlands, for some reason darker than usual to the locals. The nearest town for miles was Teufort, leaving the desert landscape with little light. Most folks would find driving at this time scary, even downright dangerous if you lack a light source of some kind. There was only one car on the road this particular night, a 1972 Chevy Chevelle- Miss Pauling's car. "Soldier, please put the bread away. You're getting crumbs all over the place." scolded Miss Pauling. "Sorry Miss Pauling, but I am not putting this bread anywhere without the teleporter." countered Soldier. "Soldier, unless we can find the Engineer or at least someone that knows where he is, there will be no teleporting of bread." "Damn it." "It's so strange..." Miss Pauling's expression morphed into deep thought as she drove in the night. " First Engi and Medic vanish without a trace and now Pyro and Demo run off with some guy on a bike somewhere." "So you think he has something to do with everyone going missing?" "If he is, then he is obviously going for Spy and Scout next." "Miss Pauling, why do the people of Teufort hate us again?" inquired Soldier. "You blew up a Mall Santa training facility, you're responsible for 3 counts of grand theft auto, multiple counts of homicide, several attempted homicides, shaving a child's head then beating his father. You guys also blew up several civilian buildings, harassed the elderly and started several brawls just to name a few." "First of all, I was framed. Second, if any of that is true, then why is it not in the article or wanted poster?" "Because the mayor wants to cover his mistakes and we burned each of your rap sheets. Also that mill you have been fighting over has been leaking chemicals into the ground water for a generation. This is an entire town of lead poisoned idiots. That's why we gave you guys bottled water." "Bottled what now?" *THOOM* Soldier and Pauling looked to the source of a distant sound down the road. The vehicle's engine let out a strange metallic sound and abruptly stopped. The occupants nearly flew out the windshield if not for their seat belts. Miss Pauling tried to start the car, but the engine kept stalling. A violet light shone in the distance, gradually growing as the light intensified. Soldier pulled out a shotgun and took aim. The ground began to shake and the car was dragged roughly towards the light source. All of the car's contents began to float, from crumbs, papers, spare change and Soldier's bucket. "No!" cried Soldier. He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached out for the bucket. "Soldier, what the hell are you doing!?" shrieked Miss Pauling. "That is my wish bucket! If my dying wish is to not die, then we'll be okay!" Miss Pauling looked at him incredulously. "That doesn't-" ~Make a wish~ The vehicle was suddenly thrusted forward with a blinding flash and muffled screams of a woman and a little girl. Miss Pauling's head was spinning as she tried to get her bearings. Everything looked blurred and there was the slight scent of waffles. She tried to rub her sore head, but her hand could barely move. She tried moving her arms, but they seemed to be pressed against her back. Something was very wrong. Her vision started to clear as she looked around frantically and struggled. "You might want to calm down." Miss Pauling paused and focused on the direction the voice came from. It as masculine, she was certain. The voice was devoid of any emotion, almost indifferent. She took in her surroundings. She was trapped to a metallic chair beside a metallic table. the room was dim so she couldn't get a good look at her 'host'. All she could see was his piercing red-orange eyes staring at her from across the table. "Where am I?" she demanded. "You are in my home." "Why did you bring me here? Why does it smell like waffles and what did you do to Soldier?" "To answer your last question, I just sat him on the couch and turned on the TV." ~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~ At The TV 'OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?' "WHERE IS THE REMOTE!?" ~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~ "As for the smell, we are close to a restaurant. And as for why you are here, that was an accident." "What do you mean, an accident?" inquired Miss Pauling as she attempted to wiggle her slender wrists out of the rope. "You see, I needed to round up your boys for an assignment. They got the right stuff and I am going to have to keep them for a while. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. Now I am going to have to send you somewhere until this is all sorted out." "Look, I have no idea what it is you are planning and I honestly couldn't care less. I need them for an important assignment more dire than yours." "Is that so? Then what pray tell is this 'dire' job?" mocked the figure. "That is classified." Her wrist was starting to hurt, but she was almost out. "You have no idea do you?" "What are you talking about?" "I mean you have no idea what the job is or where your boss is, and you're just following orders from a letter to pick up a bunch of mercs and then what?" the figure said bluntly. Miss Pauling was a bit nervous now. "Wha- how did you know that?" "I read your mind while you were unconscious. Why do you girls 'experiment' in college by the way?" "THAT is none of your business!" Miss Pauling shouted while blushing heavily. "I suppose not, but still I have to say you have an interesting job, I would ask for your assistance as well. Then again you are very clever and only want to get your mercs out of here, so... I'm going to have to wipe some of your memories." "No you won't" she said very seriously. "Who's gonna stop me toots?" the figure smirked. The figure had always been one to expect the unexpected. Assassins, vampires, zombies, robots, and even sharks with laser beams attached to their heads were among the many things he could have ever expected. Miss Pauling freeing leaping from her seat and delivering a powerful roundhouse kick to the face, without actually saying "Roundhouse"? Not expected. GRAY MANN CO.- 1972 "You want to run that by me again?" growled Gray. "*BEEPBOOP* The MANN CO. factory was attacked and ransacked last night and several of our crates have been stolen. *BOPBEEPBOOP* We would advise to delay the secret search for the missing australium and the hunt for the Administrator." "You know damn well that nothing will stop me from ending that despicable hag and taking back the only element that has been keeping me alive all these years! What was stolen anyway?" "Multiple weapons and ammunition, a tank, 3 bombs, scrap metal, extra parts, blueprints,-" "WHAT! Why the hell didn't you mention that first!? What were the blueprints of!?" "They were designs for each of us. *BEEB*" "Damn it all! Is that everything?" "*BEEPBOOP* Negative, many hats were also stolen." "...Hats?" "Affirmative." "..." Youtube Video SMACK! "OW!" "Wake up!" The figure's head was throbbing as he tried to gain his bearings. He found himself strapped to the chair his 'guest' had been occupying. Miss Pauling sat at the table next to him with an unamused expression, waiting for him to fully awaken. Once he did he noticed something different. "Where is my medallion?" he asked in a clam yet wavering voice. "Right there." She pointed the other side of the room, to the floor. The young man took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before speaking. "I guess the tables have been turned, eh?" "No, everything is in it's proper place. I just moved you." "It was a rhetorical question." he deadpanned. "I don't believe I cared either way. Now why don't you start explaining yourself, tell me were the others are and the way out?" "What if I don't feel like it?" Miss Pauling became frustrated and slapped a bottle onto the metal table, startling the man as she did so. "Then...we are going to have to do this my way." He looked at the red bottle with a skull and cross bones in bewilderment. "Where did you hide th-ACK!" He couldn't finish his sentence as Miss Pauling grabbed his tongue and pulled it towards the table. She then grabbed the bottle with the other hand and placed the tip directly over his tongue. A drop was dangling from the opening. Only now could he see the label "El Pene de Diablo". (The Dick of Satan) He felt terror take hold of him as he tried to retract his tongue. He might have been seeing things, but that little drop looked maniacal and even spoke!? He he he he he he. By all the powers of naughtiness, I command that this particular drop of hot sauce to be really, really HOT!~ To Be Continued...
The Job - PART 3 The Job - PART 3 "THUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! Okay! Okay, ah galk! Ah thurember, pweath thop!" Miss Pauling promptly released his tongue. "Now, unless you want your mouth to turn to ash, start answering." The figure was trying to calm himself, his breathing returning to normal. He pondered if he should actually tell her the truth, but at this point she had the upper hand and even if he told her, so what? If it could sway her in his favor than things might work out and if she chooses to be a bitch then he could always kill her or erase her mind later. She also needed his help if she ever wanted to make it back home. 'Fuck it.' he thought. "Well, I suppose introductions are in order Miss Pauling. My name is Brimstone and yes it is my real name, I do have other aliases though." he said casually while leaning back in his seat. "This is going to take a while and might be hard to believe, but I am sure you will be respectful and allow me to elaborate fully." "As long as you get to the point then I see no reason as to torch your tongue." she took a seat across from him. 'Such a professional bitch' he thought. "Well, it all started two days ago...." ~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~~-~-~-~ Flashback It was a pretty slow day. I was just eating the usual turkey croissant sandwich in the diner like every weekday. I usually sit in the booth in the back so I can get a whole layout of the restaurant. I had seen a lot of the students come in from Canterlot High, most of them were recognizable. Diamond Tiara was being a snobby little brat with her lesser but equally irritating friend Silver Spoon. I always thought about conjuring a demon or something to kill them or torture at least but would forget. I saw the 3 siblings of the towns athlete, fashion designer and farmer planning some hair brained scheme as usual. I love it when they mess up, I always set up a seat and carry around snacks when they are causing chaos. I had also seen some newcomers as well. A strange trio of girls were in a booth on the opposite side of the restaurant humming some tune. I didn't really pay them much attention until they walked out. The way their hips swayed, but I can't be thinking like that cause I am already in a relationship and- Okay! Sheesh, I forgot to mention I tend to drift off topic and ramble. Just--just put the bottle down and let me finish. Okay? Good...bitch. I-I said I'll skip. You know to the real beginning. That evening I decided to go for a walk around town. Cool night air and all that. I eventually ended up at Canterlot High, just as shitty as I remember it. The only good things about it was the cafeteria food, clubs and of course my girlfriend. I thought I'd go and 'borrow' some stuff from the science class rooms, when the most peculiar thing happened. I saw a bright flash come from behind me, my shadow increased on the school and was gone as fast as it had came. My eyes readjusted and I saw her. A girl, somewhere in her late teens, with two tones of yellow and red hair. Beside her was a small purple (or possibly pale lilac) puppy with green fur running along it's back. They both seemed totally disoriented, trying to regain their senses as I made my presence known to them. The girl looked at me with fear in her eyes, either she was in trouble or caught in some type of misdeed. The puppy tried to look intimidating while he seemed unsure of the situation. About a half hour later, I had managed to calm the two down and we rested at the bleachers. There was something troubling this girl, she seemed like a runaway, from what I was uncertain for she would dodge some of my questions. She gave off many red flags: bruises to her arms, legs and neck, she seemed very frail, she appeared out of nowhere after what felt like the most powerful magical pulse in my life and her dog is giving me a stink eye. So yeah, this would be awkward. I finally got her to start talking about what had happened and turns out, this was beyond anything I had ever came across. This girl came from another dimension, a world where magic was still a normal thing. She was in fact a unicorn, an anthro which I won't even question. Her little buddy was a dragon, can you believe it!? Ponies are people and Dragons are not!? The fuck is that all about? And get this, his name is Spike. Spike! Talk about irony. But seriously, they came here under terrible circumstances. Their country was conquered by a race of sexist reindeer and have used dark magic to turn all the equine males into insane, aggressive, deviant, sexual predators and most of the females into their pleasure slaves. Females have lost all civil liberties and aren't even considered worthy of anything. Their methods of domination are brutal and they even have a demon by the name of Discord under their thumb. The dragon kid lost his closest friend, family and his home. Living life on the run from slave hunters that send them to 'educational' centers for 'reforming'. The girl lost her strength, her natural born talent for leadership and determination. She was made a slave for months and had never felt safe since her capture. I believe these two have a codependency thing going on since they seem to enjoy talking amongst themselves and hardly ever leave each others side. I took pity on them and decided to have them stay in my home as long as they desire. They were suspicious of my intentions of course, but with the help of my lovely magician, they understood that we only wanted what was best for them and would only give them their freedom to do as they chose. I did not sleep well that night, visions of invaders conquering the world plagued my mind. I woke up in a cold sweat and had a dreadful realization: what if they too found the portal to this world? I thought about destroying the portal, but what would it really accomplish? Sure those heathens wouldn't spread their poison upon this world, but what of all those whom are suffering. Sunset was still lost, Spike had his life stolen, and an entire kingdom had fallen. There had to be something that could be done about this fucked up scenario. And like a lightning bolt blowing Thomas Jefferson's (Note from editor: I'm not going to fix this.)kite to smithereens, it hit me. There once were a group of dangerous, psycho men that had a reputation for destruction and few questions asked for the right price. They had gone into hiding long ago and their location is unknown to this day, so I had to make a deal with my old mentor to bring you here: Merasmus the Magician. To Be Continued...
