Regret

by Flanagan

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Other
Length: 2328

What would you say to the one who gave everything so that you could keep living?

It is a soldier’s duty to defend his country, a soldier’s duty to protect the people and sometimes while performing that duty sometimes a soldier pays the ultimate price. During the Canterlot invasion a soldier paid such a price, he left the world without so much as a thought, but he was not forgotten. Another soldier remembered his name and now he stands before a simple stone to speak to what he had lost.

Published 2014-04-30 14:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-30 14:50:02 UTC

Before A Stone

“Hey Red Tail… it’s been awhile, hasn’t it?” A tall white pegasus looked over the headstone in front of him. “It’s fall now. Real cloudy today, too. Leaves are getting blown all over the place. Getting a bit cold out here, too...”

He removed his helmet before wiping away the leaves that had fallen over the granite memorial. His eyes grew slightly misty as he read the words roughly hewn into the rock.

RED TAIL
Beloved Son, Brother, Lover, and Good Friend

“That’s the best Juniper and I could get you at the time, Red,” he sighed, fighting the tears in his eyes. “If we had more money we could have gotten you a bigger one, one big enough to put what we REALLY wanted to say on it.” The stallion traced some of the engraved words with a hoof. “But I’m sure you remember that Royal Guards aren’t exactly paid well.”

The pegasus looked all around him. He was surrounded by hundreds, if not thousands, of headstones. All lined up neatly in military fashion. Taking a deep breath, the stallion turned his attention back the stone in front of him.

“You’ve got a really nice set up here Red, but then again, I’m sure I said that last time I was here too.” The stallion shivered as a chilling wind swept across his body, blowing some of the leaves back onto the stone. The pegasus quickly went to wipe the leaves away, before his eyes paused on the gravestones beside Red's, and the white pegasus began speaking again, task forgotten.

“You’re with all the guys here,” he said pointing his hoof to some of the stones to either side, “Stealth, Kite Shield, Spetznaz, Cannon Fodder, Lug Nut and Commander Garrison should be up there too.” A small grin helped lighten his face. “That makes everypony.” A brief silence fell upon him as his head fell until it came in contact with the grave marker, knowing that there was one crucial detail missing in his previous statement. “ALMOST everypony.”

The stallion brought his head back up before he sat down, never breaking eye contact with the stone, as if it had eyes of its own. “You’d be proud of Flare Blitz.” A small, genuine smile formed on the pegasus’s face. “She finally got officially signed for the Wonderbolts. You should’ve seen the look on her face.” The stallion fought in vain to hold back a chuckle, recalling the vibrant look of awe and elation on her face the moment it was announced that she had been accepted. “Priceless. Your father couldn’t have been more proud.”

His eyes widened, finally recalling something new that he hadn’t already told the stone. “I can’t believe I haven’t told you yet! Drizzle retired from her job at the weather factory. She just lives at home with Lightning Bolt now. I bet he’s happy about that.” He recalled how tough it must have been for him, being an Earth Pony married to a mare whose duties took her so far away from home. Not that the white pegasus made it any easier for Bolt back then. “He and I never really talked much since we first met all those years ago, but he did seem a lot happier now that she’s with him all the time.”

The cold fall wind blew again, sending another flurry of leaves across the marker and reminding the pegasus of his abandoned task. He quickly brushed them away, mumbling a few colorful words to himself before he continued to stare at the ever stoic stone. The pegasus was hoping it would move just a bit, even if only a wiggle, so he could let himself think for a moment that the burial was just a mistake. Three years is a hell of a long time for a prank, but they'd gotten close to that with Gunny and that one griffon they’d met in Las Pegasus. When they’d convinced Gunny that she was interested in him, they had him sending love letters to her for nearly a year. The joke was over when he found out that the address he was given was actually a PO box Red had set up just for this prank.

The stone just sat there. Ever silent. Ever patient. Ever listening.
The stallion looked around once more, trying to think of anything else he needed to say. He didn’t want to leave after only fifteen minutes of bringing his friend up to speed.

“Bull’s doing fine,” he continued, forcing a smile. “He’s trying to convince his daughter to apply for college, but he’s not doing a good job. I’m sure Juniper will be able to convince her thou-”

The stallion froze mid-sentence before hanging his head low. He hadn’t wanted to bring it up. Celestia knew if Red were here right now, what he was about to say would have seen the earth pony to the grave just as surely as the invasion did, just slower. Not telling him, though, was just as great a betrayal, and a friend wouldn’t leave his buddy in the dark about this. Not even after he died.

“I’m so sorry Red, I should have told you about that sooner.” The stallion had been holding back his tears for a while, but this little oversight threatened to send him over the edge. As it stood, a single solitary tear traced an outline along his jawbone before dropping onto the leaves beneath him.

“After the invasion was stopped, Bull asked her to help out with the kid. It was just casual help at first, but as time went on they just got closer and closer, until...” He tried to think of the best way to continue sharing what happened without sounding cruel, but after nearly half a minute of stuttering and mumbling, he decided there wasn’t any point in holding back now. “They’re really happy together. I mean, you should see them. All you ever wanted for her was to be happy anyway, right?”

The stone was taciturn as always. Still listening, though, just like an understanding friend. The stallion looked away ashamed, shaking his head for how foolish he was being before bringing himself to look in its direction once again.

“I’m really sorry about that,” he reiterated, trying to show some discipline and fortitude as he rose his head, “I really should have told you sooner. If anypony would want to know about Juniper, it would be you. That mare has lost so much in her life, more than anypony should lose.” Thoughts came rushing into his mind. Everything Juniper had gone through: her parents, her friends, her fiance. All lost within less than a year of one another. Two on the same day. “Hell, she just might have lost more than me.”

With that piece finally said, the stallion recalled an item he had brought with him. “Speaking of her,” he said, reaching into his saddlebag, “she got you this.”

The stallion pulled a single, beautifully colored flower from his bag. The glowing red, yellow and blue petals brought a spark of life to the gray atmosphere that now surrounded it. “Do you like it?” he asked, showing it to the stone with a genuine smile. “It’s one of those Ever Blooms. No matter the season, it never wilts.”

The stallion pressed his hoof into the cold ground, digging out a small devit before placing the flower a few inches in front of the grave. “I hope you don’t mind, I know you were never the one for flowers,” he smirked, sitting back up, “but she really wanted me to give it to you.” His gaze fixated on the flower, it’s petals pulsing with vibrant colors that reminded him of what the two of them were like when they were together. No matter how dim and dreary it seemed to get, the day was always brighter when they were around each other. “She still loves you, you know. She still loves you a lot.”

The stallion remained silent for some time, constantly shifting his eyes between the beauty and vibrancy of the Ever Blooms and the lifeless stone covered in dying leaves. The wind gently swept more leaves across the grave, while the pair of stallions retreated further into their minds and remembered what life was like long ago.
But this was lie; dead ponies don’t reminisce. Only one pony was thinking in that graveyard. Only one pony in the group survived long enough to think.

Unable to remain composed any longer, the stallion broke down, nearly collapsing on the flower before he could steady himself yet again.

“Celestia, it should’ve been me,” he said, wiping the tears trailing down from in his eyes. “I should have died during the invasion, then you could have married Juniper. Had some foals. The whole damn thing.”

“I failed you. I failed ALL of you,” he whimpered, while his eyes refused to stop tearing. “I said I would keep all of you safe, and I failed.“ He looked away from the stone, fighting back the torrent in his eyes. “I lived for nothing back then, but you had so much.” The pegasus took a moment to remember the twist of fate that brought them together in Canterlot that day, blowing off a leaf that had drifted onto his snout absentmindedly. No one ever thinks that guard duty is going to be the last thing they ever do. Not in the capital of Equestria. “The changelings took all of it from you, when they should’ve taken me.”

He looked off into the distance to see a single figure standing at the edge of the cemetery. “But if I died that day; if you hadn’t pushed me away from that spell, I never would have found her. I would’ve never been expecting a foal.” The stallion turned his attention back to the stone. It remained quiet as always, though the silence was much more comforting than it had been moments ago.

As he sat there, a thought crossed the stallion’s mind. Something his friend could do for him. The stallion cleared his throat. “If you see Pastel while you’re up there, tell I still love her. I always will.” Another tear fell from his eye, splashing onto a pedal of the Ever Bloom he had planted earlier. “That night in Fillydelphia; please remind her that it was more than just a one night stand to me, and that I know is was more than that to her, too.”

The pegasus placed his hoof on the stone briefly before pulling it away. He was surprised at how warm it felt given the chill of the fall air, but he soon placed his hoof on the stone again, smiling as it’s warmth rushed through his entire body. “Tell her that I never wanted to hurt her. I just wasn’t ready to have somepony so perfect, and it’s my fault that nopony will ever love her the way she deserved to be loved.”

He took a moment to look to the sky and see that the sun had managed to break through the clouds that blanketed the sky before setting his sights on the grave once more. “I know that if it was me in there instead, you’d be sitting here saying the same things, but that still won’t change my mind about what I think should have happened that day.”

The stallion rose to his hooves, keeping a single hoof on the stone as he did so. “No matter what I accomplish in life, I will always remember you and the boys. I will always remember Pastel. Your deaths will always be on my mind, no matter how happy I may become.” Placing his forehead against the stone yet again, the stallion let loose the full extent of what he’d been holding back all this time. No matter how the world moved on, how much his life changed and how little the grave did, this was how it always ended. So it was when they buried Red, and so it shall be before they bury him. By the time he recovered, the Ever Bloom was fairly sprinkled in tears, the water magnifying the colors. “It will always be my biggest regret, and I will never truly live it down.”

The pegasus slid his hoof across the stone as he walked past it until finally he could no longer reach far enough. Reluctantly, he removed his hoof from the stone and made his way to the figure waiting in the distance, but not before he turned back to look at the grave one last time. “Good talk Red,” he said with misty eyes. “I’ll come to visit again sometime soon.”
The stone said nothing. Maybe if it had arms, it would wave goodbye.

With a bittersweet smile, the stallion made his way back to the pony standing on the edge of the grounds. Once he was at her side she leaned into him, nuzzling him with as
much affection as she possibly could. The stallion returned the favor with a quick kiss on her cheek before the two began to walk back to their cart

“How was Red today?” she asked him, looking back to the cemetery.

“As he always was, dear,” he said, placing his hoof on her expanded stomach. “As he always was.”

Author's Note

editing as always done by the talented OneWingedDevil Always fun to work with him.
Another short in an attempt to test my range, and also a little salute to the few brave men and women of the armed services that have made that ultimate sacrifice so that their countrymen may continue to live. May they always be remembered for what they really are, not Soldiers, not Sailors, not Airmen, not Coast Guardsmen, not Marines, but as Heroes.
Semper Fi brothers, Semper Fi.

Each time I read this, this song plays repeat.