Chapters The Adventures of Captain Buddeldot
The Adventures of Captain Buddeldot
Great and Powerful
The magic show promised to be the most exciting event in Trotterdam since the spring kelp festival. Chances were good it would become the talk of the town for weeks, maybe months to come, replacing the wild stories of that mad-pony captain. A seamare who had deemed the small town harbor to be deep enough for her sloop, with the result that her ship touched ground and almost keeled over every low tide. Its dangerously angled masts could be seen even now, towering over the rooftops and swaying in front of the rising moon.
The show was already in full swing, and The Great and Powerful Trixie had come to her favorite part. The part where she ridiculed the locals at their own game. Another challenger left the stage in tears, followed by the crowd's laughter. The show-mare had yet to come across a town where the locals didn't enjoy when their town's overly self-confident and boastful youths were put in their place. She bowed before the cheering crowd. One of her admirers took a bouquet of flowers from the pony next to him and threw it onto the stage. The unicorn caught it in her magic and took it gracefully in the bow of her leg. She smelled the flowers and gave a warm smile for the audience.
“Hey! My lunch!” the pony whose flowers it had been protested. It was no use, this was Trixie's lunch now. She levitated them backstage for later, then struck a pose, preparing for her next trick. Fireworks went off as she reared on her hindlegs and flared her cloak. “Isn't there anypony who can best the Great and Powerful Trixie? Nopony who can stand in the face of her earth-shattering magical powers?”
The crowd fell silent, only the whispers of the few ponies who encouraged their friends to make a foal of themselves was heard from time to time.
“Ten bits!” a call from the back of the crowd broke the silence. Ponies stepped aside to form a path for whoever had dared to call out.
“Ten bits?” Trixie asked, confused. Her voice traveled well over the crowd, amplified by the enchantments of her stage. With the path now clear a pine green earth pony with an unkempt black mane and tail, wearing a wide brimmed hat of the same color, was revealed. With one last gulp she emptied a bottle of some brown liquid, that was simply marked with xxx, and threw it behind her with a tug of her head. She burped and swiped her mouth on her fetlock, before she spoke up.
“Well, if I am to go out of me way for the amusement of this here peasants,” she began, rolling her R. She walked toward the stage deliberately slow, swaying from side to side. “There should be something in it for me.” Her voice was coarse, but had a thick quality to it, like liquid honey mixed with half a bottle of rum. She had reached the front of the stage and stared up at the Great and Powerful, her eyes tiny and her grin wide. “So lets make this a game!” she proposed, and tilted her head slightly. “I bet ye ten bits ye can't best me. Simple as that.”
The unicorn shrank back involuntary as the mare's stare sent shivers down her spine, but she quickly caught herself and regained her composure. She took a look at the earth pony's cutie mark, a ship in a bottle filled halfway with rum, and frowned. 'She seams to be a seafarer. Maybe her special talent is drinking. Well she will be in for a surprise if she challenges me for a drinking contest. Got a spell for that,' she thought, then spoke up for everypony to hear. “Deal! Come on stage and tell the audience who has the audacity to challenge the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
The drunken mare chuckled and climbed onto the stage awkwardly, ignoring the stairs that let up to it and almost falling backwards, her hind legs waving helplessly in the air. Eventually she managed to gain the stage and her hooving, and she placed herself beside Trixie, halfway facing her, halfway the crowd. “Great and Powerful me arse, must introduce meself with a title too.” she mumbled to herself, before rearing on her hindlegs like Trixie had done, waving her forelegs for balance, swaying and almost toppling back over. “I'm Captain Blackbeard the Dread-pirate!” she shouted for everypony to hear. When she landed back on her four hooves, the crowd had fallen silent, staring at her confused, somepony could be heard coughing.
“You don't even have a beard.” Trixie pointed out dryly, looking at the other mare in contempt. The self proclaimed pirate looked left and right at the nodding ponies in the audience, then felt her own chin with a hoof.
“Blast it!” she cursed. “I knew I should have kept that beard!” She took off her hat and scratched herself behind the left ear. “That explains the lack of running and cowering,” she mumbled to herself. “Well then,” she finally said, putting her hat back, and finding her self confident, drunken smirk again. “Call me Captain Buddeldot!”
“Right. . .” the show-pony replied with a raised eyebrow. 'This is going to be foal's play.' She faced the crowd, letting her own cape flap in arcane wind, before she spoke up. “So tell Buddeldot, to what do you challenge the Great and Powerful Trixie?”
Buddeldot lowered her head menacing and took a step closer. “I challenge ye to a staring contest!” she declared. Laughter came deep from her throat, when she saw the surprise in the unicorns face. “Ye thought me special talent be drinking lass, didn't ye?” Well, I can't blame ye, 'tis a common mistake.”
Trixie stomped her hoof in anger and faced the seafarer. She was confident the mare's special talent wasn't staring either. “The great and Powerful Trixie accepts your challenge! Let the starring begin!” she announced.
And thus they began their contest. The show-mare was staring intently, her face tense with concentration. She glared into her opponent's sky-blue eyes with fierce determination. Buddeldot's approach was quite different. She still had the look of a satisfied drunk on her face and her head was swaying from side to side. One of her eyes was half closed, and both of her eyelids twitched randomly; yet her eyes stayed open none the less.
Trixie got the feeling that the other mare was not even looking at her, but beyond her, ignoring her completely. It made her furious; she barred her teeth and leaned forward, doubling her efforts to stare down the seamare. If Buddeldot gave any reaction to that, it was her smile widening slightly.
The Great and Powerful was becoming impatient; her eyes started to burn slightly as they became dry. 'I'm not going to be defeated by a brain-dead drunk!' she thought. The corners of her mouth turned upward as she channeled arcane energies into her horn. All it took to trigger her stage's pyrotechnics was a little telekinetic tug. With a loud boom a bright flash and a colorful shower of sparks from the foremost fountains went off right next to the two of contestants.
Her victory smile died on her face. Buddeldot had not reacted to the explosion at all. “Ever fired a real cannon lass?” she chuckled.
The unicorn became furious, she could feel the heat rushing to her face all the way to her ears. She took a step forward, until their snouts were almost touching, and bore into the earth pony's eyes with a razor sharp glare. 'She actually has nice eyes, so deep and blue. A mare could loose herself in those. Is it just me, or is she actually looking kinda sad?' she thought and her stare lost it's edge for a second, as she lost train of her own thoughts. 'Stop it Trixie! What are you thinking? She is the enemy! Don't be a fool and finish this!' She composed herself, putting new vigor into her glare and began drawing upon her magic for another spell.
This time Buddeldot didn't let her finish. Without warning she leaned forward herself; her lips met the unicorns and she swiped the mare off her hooves into a passionate embrace. The show-mare's concentration broke, she dropped her spell and lost herself, drowning in the tidal wave that was the seapony's kiss. She just reflected how Buddeldot tasted of kelp and rum and how that made her think of great adventure on the high seas, when she noticed that her eyes were closed.
She yanked them back open and found herself reflected in the seapony's still open eyes. She broke the kiss, pushed the other mare away from her and quickly got back on her hooves. Trixie composed herself, straightening her cloak and levitating her hat back into place. She took the shortest possible glance at the seamare too confirm that she was indeed looking at her with an annoyingly smug smirk, before raising her head high, deliberately avoiding to look at the her.
She briefly noted that the crowd was cheering and applauding wildly. “So with your cheep tricks you have bested the Great and Powerful Trixie. But don't let that go to your head. In a fair fight you'd still be no match for her awesome, reality warping abilities!” she spoke haughtily, then levitated ten bits from her saddlebags backstage and tossed them in the winning mare's general direction, without looking at her. “Now take your stupid money and go!”
Buddeldot caught the gold coins in her open hat, bowed to Trixie, then bowed to the crowed. She put her hat back in its place and finally left the stage in search of the next tavern.
The show-mare shot one last glance after her and blushed slightly as she found her eyes drawn to the other mare's voluptuous hips. She shook her head to get the image out of it and proceeded to wrap up her show and call it a night.
.oOo.
Celestia's sun had not yet risen over the horizon, when Trixie made her way out of town. She was drawing her show-mare's house-wagon along the towns main cobblestone road in a slow and steady trot. A commotion at the front door of a tavern made her slow down and turn her ears in the direction of the angry crowd.
“Get out of there and face us scoundrel! We have a rope waiting for your neck!” the spokespony of the lynch mob yelled up to the second story of the tavern, as other tried to batter the door in.
Trixie quickly trotted on, keeping her head low, not wanting to be caught up in any of this. But fate usually had a different plan than her. When she was passing the tavern, a second story window burst from the inside; splinters of wooden shutters rained on the ground all around her. Something heavy landed an the roof of her wagon with the clopping of four hooves. When the unicorn turned around, her eyes widened in surprise. “You?”
“Aye! It is I, Captain Buddeldot. Good thing you were around lass. That landing would have been painful if not for you and your cart. Perfect timing really!” the infamous seamare spoke as she gathered herself, wiped splinters from her hat and climbed onto the driver's seat. “Quick now, get us out of here!”
Trixie stomped her hoof in anger. “What? You rotten, obnoxious, self-centered, vile, corrupt, stinking. . .”
“Ravishing,”
“. . .ravishing scoundrel! Get of my wagon this instant!” Trixie demanded, forcefully.
“Ye mean the Great and Powerful Trixie's wagon?”
“Yes, I mean the Great and Powerful Trixie's wagon!” the unicorn yelled, her face red with anger.
“There she is! Get her!” The crowd had finally come around the corner and spotted the target of their vigilantism.
“Blast it!” Buddeldot cursed. “Get a move on, lass, or they'll get us!”
“Get you, you mean. Trixie is sure you earned whatever punishment is coming for you!”
“Plan B then.” the seamare mumbled, then rose her voice so that her pursuers would hear her next words. “Go now me hearty! Just like we had planned all along!”
“As if anypony would fall for that,” Trixie mentioned dryly, rolling her eyes.
“She has an accomplice. Get them both, before they can escape!” somepony from the crowd yelled, and the others quickly fell in tune with her.
“You've got to be kidding me!” The show-mare cussed, not believing her own ears.
Buddeldot produced a horse's bridle from under the drivers seat, swung it above her head like a lasso and flung it over the unicorn's head. She slung the reins around her forehooves and snapped them sharply. “Now go ye old nag! Break yer back and crack yer oars!” she yelled at the show-mare.
Trixie reared on her hindlegs, shocked by this kind of mistreatment and with an angry mob coming for her precious neck, she jumped into a gallop. The wagon began to race down the road out of town. She briefly wondered why she even kept those bridles on her wagon, but quickly reminded herself, that she had more pressing concerns.
“How the hay are we going to outrun them with me drawing a wagon?” she shouted back at the mare on the driver's seat. Buddeldot gave her an amused chuckle.
“That would be the rule of cool lass. Everypony will jump at the opportunity for a proper wagon chase, even if they'd be a featherflank that could catch a carriage on the fly!” the seamare explained. And she had it true enough; Trixie saw that the crowd had broken up the chase to get some sort of transport themselves. The first open cart appeared way behind them, drawn by two ponies, four others driving on it. She almost allowed herself to slow down, when the saw one pony flying towards them, who wasn't delayed by getting a wagon.
“And what about him?” she screamed frantically.
“Well, there be always an exception to the rule,” the earth pony replied, as the pegasus drew up to fly next to the wagon. Buddeldot pulled on the left rein, steering Trixie and the wagon, and rammed the flying pony in his flank. The impact sent him of course; he lost control and crashed into a thorn bush. His screams of agony could be heard a few seconds later. The seapony laughed gutturally and let the show-unicorn's reins loose. The galloping mare steered the wagon back to the center of the road.
“What have you done to enrage the town's ponies like this anyway?” she whined, shooting the other mare an angry glare over her shoulder.
“Arr, ye know, skipped the tap in every tavern, won too many games of dice, add some angry husbands and wives, the usual!” Buddeldot explained nonchalantly.
With the raising clattering of galloping ponies the cart with the six pursuers caught up with the escaping mares. “They be gaining on us, lass! Prepare for boarding!” the captain shouted, fastening the reins on the site of the seat.
“They’re what? This isn't a ship you know!” the single mare, that drew their escape vehicle, complained agitatedly.
The first assailant jumped from the cart, landing on the back of their wagon. Buddeldot turned around to face the red-brown earth pony; she was armed to the teeth, meaning that she was holding a long dagger in her mouth. Buddeldot grinned cocksure and reached down to her left shoulder. The smile died on her face, when her teeth closed around empty air. She slowly turned to face the mare again, a forced simper on her lips. “I'm sure we can talk about this,” she said. The vigilant raised an eyebrow, not stabbing her for the time being. “The thing between me and yer husband. . . totally his idea!”
She had to duck really fast, when the enraged mare slashed at her face in a wide, angry swipe. The force of the furious attack let her swing go far over its mark, and she took a moment to recover from it. Buddeldot used the opportunity, lunged forward and rammed her head under the other mare's chin. The armed earth pony stumbled backwards, and the seafarer followed her motion, climbing onto the back of the wagon. She wheeled around and bucked her staggering opponent in the chest; the kick sent her flying from the wagon in a high arc.
But the seafarer had no time to recover; a second pony jumped onto the roof. It was an a navy-blue pegasus wielding an old, rusty scimmitar; he cut at her legs as he landed. Buddeldot barely managed to jump over the blade, then had to duck again as he made a high blow at her head. Seeing an opening, she stepped in his guard and bit into his left foreleg, drawing blood. He screamed out in pain, dropping his weapon in the process. The earth-pony rolled halfway on her back and caught the falling sword in her teeth, then sprang back up, bucking her opponent in the same motion. The pegasus got hit in his flank, and fell back into the cart, knocking one of his mates off his hooves. That brought Buddeldot a few seconds time; she took firm stance in the center of the roof and gave the blade a few testing swings.
“This stupid chase is all your fault! I'm a show-mare, not some dumb draft horse, I shouldn’t be forced to draw my own wagon like this!” Trixie complaint loudly.
“Aye? So ye want to do the fighting?” Buddeldot asked, already engaged into a duel with the last armed assailant. They were dancing around the wagon's roof, slashing and thrusting at each other, dodging blows and lunging attacks. “Fine then, let's switch!” she exclaimed. In the blink of an eye Buddeldot was in the tack, where Trixie had been, drawing the wagon. The show-mare found herself facing a furious, sword swinging mare. She quickly grasped Buddeldot's scimmitar -which still hung in midair- with her magic and levitated it in the way of the incoming blows.
“Ahg, this is even more stupid!” she yelled, as was slowly pushed backwards under the hail of deadly steel. “This pony is trying to kill me!”
“Than stop yer whining and do something about it!” the captain snapped back at her. She found herself right next to the two stallions drawing the cart, two stallions she recognized. She wondered for a moment, that the looks they shot her didn't kill her outright. “I won those bits fair and square! No cheating involved! Stop insulting me honor, and suck it up yer lousy players!” she shouted at them. They snorted, steam coming from their nozzles, and rammed the seamare in the flank, trying to push her off the road; their cart hit the side of the wagon in the process.
The vehicle shock and swayed dangerously; both Trixie and her opponent lost their hoofing and struggled not to fall off. Ever quick-witted the Great and Powerful took the chance; she let go of the spell holding her weapon and gathered her magic for a more powerful one. The vigilante sprang back to her hooves and swung her blade in a high arc at the unicorn's head. But before she could part the show-mare hair, a bright magic aura surrounded the earth pony and and bound her movements. Trixie stood back on her hooves and laughed in triumph. “You never stood a chance against the amazing, ground shaking abilities of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” With a nod of her head, she flung the helpless pony into the pegasus still standing on the cart, throwing both of them form their vehicle. With a splash they hit a dung heap at the side of the road.
The show-pony looked back at their stinking fortune, smiling in glee. With these two taken care of, she jumped onto the drivers seat and took the reins in her magic grasp. She snapped them with a crack, whipping them over the seamare's back. “Enough with the pleasure strolling! This is a chase, put your back into it!” she yelled at her.
Buddeldot jumped as she was slapped, involuntarily quickening her pace; she pulled out half a wagon's lead, before she realized what was going on. She looked back over her shoulder and gave the unicorn a sultry smile. “Ar, so commanding! Yer making me all flustered. Didn't know ye had it in ye, lass.”
That reaction surprised the show-mare. She blushed and looked away bashfully. The sight made the captain chuckle. “Right then, time to wrap things up!” she exclaimed and burst into action.
Trixie found both reins and shaft thrown in her face, as Buddeldot jumped out of her constrains and onto the backs of the two stallions drawing the cart. The unicorn quickly grasped the shaft in her magic, frantically trying to control the wagon with it and keep it from crashing.
The two galloping ponies took a glance over their shoulders and spotted the mare standing with wide legs on their backs. Her face was shadowed by her head; only her mad eyes and her evil grin were visible. She lowered her head and leaned close to their ears. “I like to be on top,” she whispered.
The two stallions' eyes widened in terror. They bucked, trying to shake the tartarus mare off their backs, but it was too late. In the blink of an eye she had spun around and drawn out the bolt connecting the shaft to the cart with her teeth. The vehicle separated from the drawing ponies; it spun out of control, rolled, crashed into a tree, and lit up in a bright ball of flame.
The two ponies panicked and just dashed on in a headless gallop. Buddeldot took the opportunity and banged their heads together between her forehooves. Their eyes spun out of focus; they took a few more steps, before they stumbled over their hooves and fell to the ground. They rolled and finally came to a stop in an entangled heap.
The mare had jumped clear off their falling forms. With a few running leaps she closed the distance to the wagon and jumped up to Trixie on the driver's seat, settling right next to her. “Arr, nothing like a little fight to get the blood flowing, but I think we lost them for now.”
Trixie slowly turned her head, her eyes ablaze with barley contained fury. “You, you scoundrel! You obnoxious mad-pony! Your foolish escape plan almost got me killed!” she shouted right into the captains face.
Her anger just washed around the seamare like ocean waves around a rock. She laughed wholeheartedly and waved it off with a hoof. “Filly, ye crack me up! Ye always say the sweetest things!” she replied. Her careless attitude infuriated the unicorn even more, but Buddeldot stopped her, before she could do something she might regret. She put a hoof over the mares mouth and looked her in the eyes with a sudden seriousness.
“Now don't tell me ye didn't like it! I hate when ponies lie to me! Ye recognize that feeling ye got? The blood rushing in yer ears, yer heart beating like it's gonna burst, the feeling of power like ye could tore out trees and snap 'em in half? That's a battle high me hearty! I could hear ye laughing when ye threw that mare of the wagon, I can see it in yer eyes, I can taste it in yer smell! So tell me if ye have ever felt more alive. Tell me ye did nay like it, I dare ye!” She worked herself up to a frenetic speech, fire burning in her eyes; it gave the unicorn's fury a pause.
Trixie had to admit, she was feeling good, even great in fact. She never knew adventure could be this intoxicating. But when she found her mouth unobstructed again, she was not ready to let the matter drop. “Still. . .” she began, but was silenced by the seamare kissing her on the mouth.
Trixie was stunned at first, unsure what to do, when she felt the other mare's tongue flipping over her lips and intruding her mouth, but with a mental 'to hay with it' she threw her better reason over board and gave in into the kiss. The two mares embraced, hooves tracing over wet, shining backs, running through ruffled manes. Their kissing became deeper, more passionate; their tongues were darting back and forth, feinting, twisting, fighting for dominance.
A trail of saliva was connecting their lips when they finally separated. Trixie found her anger had disappeared, washed away by the hurricane that was Buddeldot. The unicorn could see her own reflection in the seamare's shining eyes; her face was flushed, her eyes only half open. She had the impression she could see a world beyond those blue portals; a world without rules, without borders, a world where everything was possible. Trixie found herself marveling at the other mares genuinely, warm smile.
“Let me tell ye what I like to do after a hard and bloody battle!” Buddeldot exclaimed. She leaned closer and whispered into the unicorn's twitching ear.
“Oh, oh my!” Trixie exclaimed as she heard the words. She found herself blushing even harder, a hotness on her face all the way to the tips of her ears.
The captain chuckled and jumped from the wagon; she stretched her legs and back, then turned back to the show-mare. “So, what do ye say? Just us two mares on a lonesome road; two traveling ponies who met by chance and will probably never see each other again. What do ye want to do?” Buddeldot said, sporting an adventurous smile.
The Great and Powerful Trixie knew exactly what she wanted to do; she jumped from the cart and flung her hat and cloak carelessly to the side.
The Adventures of Captain Buddeldot
The Adventures of Captain Buddeldot
Wibly wobly timey whimy
“Did I leave the Tardis' door open?” Doctor Whooves asked himself, eying the wide open entrance to his time machine in puzzlement. The small, dark room the blue box stood in was swaying gently from side to side, making the light-brown stallion sway on his hooves in turn. Wooden barrels, as well as canvas sacks were cramped all about the room and fastened to its oaken support beams with thick ropes.
Cautiously keeping an eye on the door, he got his sonic screwdriver from the inside pouch of his trench-coat and pointed its blue, glowing end at the entrance. With slow, deliberate steps he walked through the doorway, eying every corner and every shadow in the ship's control room suspiciously.
But there was nopony, nothing to be seen. The low humming of the machinery running idle was the only sound to be heard, as far as he could tell, the room was empty. He walked round the central console looking everywhere just to make sure. But still, he couldn’t get off the nagging feeling at the back of his neck.
“Hello, anypony hear?” he called out, his speech somewhat mumbled by the sonic device in his teeth. He listens for a few seconds, his ears turning here and there. But there was no answer. “Please come out, whoever you are. I swear I don't bite!” he called again and walked cautiously through the control room, while he listened for an answer.
Only when even after this try no unusual sound whatsoever came to his ears, did the Doctor lead out a relieved sigh. He loosened the grip on his screwdriver, so it hung on his lips, pointing downwards.
“Oh, ahoy Doctor! I was wondering when ye'd show up!” somepony called out from behind him. The time pony jumped, gasping in surprise, and dropped his sonic tool. When he turned around, his yaw dropped. Standing in the gallery that lead to the higher rooms of the ship, leaning on the railing with her forehooves, was a green earth pony mare. Her unruly black mane hung down in thick wet strains, and a white towel was draped lazily around her shoulders.
“Nice ship ye got there, swimming pool and all. Came across it, when I was looking for ye bar. Couldn't find that one though. Mind telling me where it is?” she began chatting away. Her voice had a thick quality and a rasp ring to it. It reminded the Doctor of dark, clear honey, mixed with quite a bit of rum that is.
“You! What are you doing on my Tardis?” the Doctor asked bewildered.
The mare began walking along the gallery and down the steps to the central console. “Arr, here I thought ye ship be called Police Box with it written on it and stuff. But that would be a stupid name, would it not? Tardis, huh? That be much better!”
“You,” the stallion stammered baffled, “what was your name again?”
“I be Captain Buddeldot!” the mare replied, making a grand gesture with her hoof, throwing her wet mane back for dramatic effect.
“What? No, that's not right. You were not the captain of the ship. You were. . . first mate or something.”
Buddeldot gave a ringing laugh from the depth of her throat and walked down the final pair of stairs. “I was, 'til somepony exposed me captain to be some kind of machine, dancing on the strings of a space worm, and threw him overboard!”
“That worm was a Dynchtopian. It was trying to spread its eggs in every port. . .” the Doctor began to explain, but stopped when he saw the mare beginning to fumble with the central console with her hooves.
“That doesn't explain what you are doing on my ship! And don't touch that, that's dangerous!”
The mare turned around, standing on her hindlegs, leaning with her back against the console. “Well, since ye took the liberty to sail me ship and nearly got it sunk in a maelstrom, I thought I'd return the favor!” she explained, gesturing wildly with her forehooves, then wheeled around and began pulling leavers and pushing switches at random.
“And I saved your sorry flank and the whole of Equestria by doing so!” the stallion protested sharply and tried to grab Buddeldot by her tail and yank her away from the console. But she sidestepped in the last moment; his teeth closed around empty air, and the mare continued to play with the controls. “It was not even your ship anyhow!” the time pony yelled frantically.
The seamare danced around the console on her hindlegs, waving off his concerns with a hoof. “Pff! I was on it, so it was me ship! It just didn't know it at that point!” she said and turned a brass wheel on the console.
“Stop playing with the controls you foal! You don't know what you're doing!” the time pony called out in waring, raising his hoof, and jumped at her again.
He missed once more, as the mare stepped on top of the console. She quickly dashed over it, and brought the glass column in the center between her and the Doctor. “Relax!” she said nonchalantly and pulled a green lever. The glass cylinders in the central column started to move, and the Tardis began shaking and singing her familiar song. “I'm not going to steer her into a maelstrom like ye did, just sailing to me favorite tavern!”
By now the Doctor was panting, and cold sweat stood on his brow. He redoubled his efforts to get the crazy mare away from the controls and started to chase her around it. “This is not one of your middle ages carracks. This is a time and relative dimension in space ship, it flies through space and time!” he told her frantically.
But the seafarer paid his warnings no head. “Don't be silly! It be a ship! Ships don't fly, they sail!” she explained nonplussed. She was still manipulating the controls, while the Doctor chased her around the console, flipping switches with a slap of her tail, pushing buttons with her snout as she ran past them.
“And I can sail any ship, no matter what waters it be sailing in!” she finally exclaimed, as she stopped running, and raised herself high on the console, supporting herself with on hoof on the edge. The Doctor dashed at her in a flying tackle, just as she pulled down a big jiggling lever.
The two ponies rolled across the control room's glass platform and landed in a heap. Before they could do anything else, the Tardis stopped moving around and became still again.
The time pony raised his head and looked around baffled. The mare's body shacking with laughter right beneath him brought his attention back to her.
“Uh Doctor. If ye'd wanted to get atop o' me, why didn't ye just say so. I might have taken kindly to yer advances!” she said with a wide grin, looking at him with half closed eyes and ran a hoof tentatively across his chest.
The stallion was taken aback by finding himself in a compromising position; he was laying on top of the mare, having her firmly pinned between his hind legs. He quickly jumped to his hooves and stumbled several steps backwards, blushing all the way to his ears.
The mare laughed, sprang back on her hooves and headed for the door. “Did nay figure ye for the shy sort Doctor, after all that great entrances and speeches ye gave that space worm thing!”
“Well, mares are a lot more scary than space monsters,” he mumbled under his breath, but quickly shook himself out of his stupor and hurried to Buddeldot, who was now opening the door.
“Don't go out there!” he yelled, but the mare was already through. He gasped in shock and galloped after her. “You don't know where we. . . “ he came to a sliding stop at the doorstep, and what he saw outside of the Tardis made him forget what he wanted to say.
“We didn't land in a star or a black hole and die after all. Fancy that!” he exclaimed, and a smile crept to his face. He quickly stepped outside, making sure to close the door behind him. He walked over to Buddeldot, who was waiting only a few steps away, sitting in front of a wide, metal doorway.
The doctor wondered for a moment what the mare's special talent was. Her cutie mark was a bottled ship in a bottle half full of rum. He stared at it while he walked towards her, frowning in thought. Before he could make any sense of it, Buddeldot looked over her shoulder and shot him a stifling smirk. The stallion blushed again when he realized he had been staring at her well rounded haunches.
“What did I tell ye?” she asked and pointed with her hoof at a glowing, half transparent sign atop of the doorway. “The Dancing Pony! Me favorite tavern in the world!”
The Doctor wasn't even surprised to see that the display said exactly that and showed the silhouette of a pony dancing on its hindlegs. It was even animated. “Every third tavern is called the Dancing Pony!” he pointed out dryly.
“All of them me favorite!” replied Buddeldot, stood up and walked to the door. When it opened on its own with a hiss from some pneumatic actuators, the mare looked at each side of the corridor curiously, raising an eyebrow. But she shrugged and walked through it nonetheless. “Through I haven't been to this one before,” she mumbled, giving the corridor before her a suspicious glance. It was of hexagonal shape and made out of dull, gray metal. Long rows of LED lights were installed in the ceiling and gave off bright, sterile light.
“And how could you?” the time pony called, as he galloped past her. He ran a few paces ahead and stopped in front of a wide window. A smile spread on his face, when he looked outside and found his suspicion confirmed. He turned back to the seafarer and gestured towards the window in a wide arc. “Buddeldot, may I present you. . .” his smile grew to a wide grin, as the mare followed his lead, looked outside, and gaped in wide eyed awe. “Harmony Station! Greatest trading hub of the Equestrian Federation of Planets!”
“Space and time?” Buddeldot asked without turning her gaze from the window.
“Yup!”
“Were are in space?”
“Positive!”
“That are spaceships out there?”
“Exactly!”
“What year is it?”
“About five thousand I guess.”
A wide grin spread on the mare's face, then she broke out in laughter, wheeled around and started prancing down the corridor again. “Lets get some space rum then!” she chirped.
The stallion looked after her in wonder, then hurried to catch up to her. “For a pony from your time, you take this unusually well!” he remarked.
Buddeldot had to chuckle at this. “I was called open minded and even mad by my crew mates before. Ye know, Zebracian Sea, voodoo magic, sunken cities and hippocamps, small difference to space and time travel if ye ask me.”
While she explained, they walked through two more heavy doors with a small chamber in between. When the second door opened they were greeted by warm but dim lights and gentle jazz music.
“Ha, this be almost like the Dancing Pony in Maredria!” the mare exclaimed, when she walked into the bar and caught a glimpse of the other patrons. The place was only half full, but what they lacked in numbers, the guest made up in diversity. Almost every Equestrian race the seafarer knew, and some she had only heard about were present. Griffons were idly chatting with pegasi, unicorns and zebras shared gossip at the bar, and some earth pony was acquainting himself with a gazelle.
“Almost. . .” Buddeldot added in an afterthought, when she saw her first alien. It kind of looked like a blue, fur-less pony with tentacles for a mane. And it wasn't the only one. There was a creature that had at least eight limps, and its features were totally obscured by a bulky pressure suit it wore. Another reminded the seafarer of a pink manatee. If manatee were floating through the air like they swam in an ocean and glowed in the dark.
“Isn't it wonderful?” exclaimed the Doctor. “Ponykind has left its home planet and spread about the whole galaxy, establishing friendly relation with almost every species they encountered!”
“And they have been sleeping around!” the sea mare remarked, looking at ponies, who could only be described as mixed offspring of various races. Like a pink, glowing earth pony that floated through the bar and carried drinks for the customers.
“They. . . spread,” replied the Doctor. The bar maid shot him a sultry smile and winked at him, when she floated past the two time travelers and noticed the stallion looking at her. It managed to make the time pony blush.
“It be glorious!” exclaimed Buddeldot and took an eager step towards the bar.
“Ha, look at that gorgeous mare!” she chirped and pointed her hoof at a green earth pony wearing a wide brimmed, black hat, sitting at the bar. “She almost looks like me.”
The Doctor followed her lead, and when he looked at the mare at the bar, she spotted the two and began waving her hoof. “Ahoy, Doctor!” she called. “Long time no see!”
The time pony looked at her perplexed, and his eyes caught on her half drowned bottled ship cutie mark. “She doesn't only look like you,” he stated surprised. “She is you!”
He quickly trotted to the mare at the bar, and Buddeldot followed short behind him. She was a little delayed by trying to hit on the bar maiden, so the Doctor arrived first.
“Buddeldot, what are you doing here? How did you get here?” he asked baffled, as he came to a halt besides the earth pony at the bar. She laughed gutturally at is question and grinned at him widely.
“Spoilers lad, spoilers! But I have been waiting for ye. And ye're just on time!”
“What? On time for what?” he inquired and raised an eyebrow.
“Well, there be something fishy going on here. Something ye have to stop!” the mare explained, serious all of a sudden, looking him right in the eye.
“Something fishy? What exactly, and how do you know?”
“I know, because she knows!” the future Buddeldot explained and pointed her hoof at the other her.
“Wibly wobly timey whimey,” she and the doctor said in unison, and the mare laughed again, provoking the Doctor to eye her curiously once more. But she quickly composed herself and went on.
“No time to explain lad. Ye should hurry to cargo bay forty one B, and put yer back into it! Whole of the federation is at stake here!”
The Doctor's eyes went wide, he wheeled around, but hesitated for a moment. “You're not coming with me?”
The mare shook her head. “Nay, and I have to talk to the lass for a moment. But don't ye worry, we'll meet again in time!”
“Right then!” the time pony exclaimed and reared on his hind legs. “Allons-y!” He called out, and galloped back to the airlock and out of the tavern.
The Buddeldot without the hat looked after him puzzled, when he galloped past her, then walked the final steps towards her future self. A cocky smirk spread on her face, as she greeted herself. “Ahoy Captain! Looking good tonight!”
“Ahoy lass! But it's actually admiral now,” replied the future seamare dryly.
The captain wrinkled her brow in wonder. “Really now? However did that happen?”
“Spoilers lass, spoilers!” the admiral said with a knowing smile.
The young Buddeldot gave a shrug. “Looking forward to it then. By the way, nice hat ye got there!” she said, admiring the well worn form of her future self's headgear. It was a wide brimmed felt hat with holes for the ears. The brim was bent upwards on one side, shielding the admirals left ear from view. The whole thing was dented a nicked in several places.
“Thanks! Fine hat it is! Came back to me, whenever I lost it, and still looks like the day I got it!” future Buddeldot exclaimed happily and nudged the piece of clothing with her hoof.
“Mighty fine hat indeed!” the young seafarer remarked with a whistle.
“Ye want it?” Admiral Buddeldot asked out of the blue.
“Eh. . . sure!” Captain Buddeldot replied with a confused frown.
“Let me make it a present to ye then!” the admiral exclaimed solemnly. She knocked the hat of her head with a nod, caught it in her teeth and sat in onto the brow of her past self.
The young mare adjusted the fit of the headgear in awe, and a smile spread on her face. “Fits like sock!” she remarked, when she had found a position she fancied, the hat sitting on her brow at an angle. “Where did you get it?” she inquired, looking at her future self with a wrinkled brow.
The admiral made an arbitrary gesture with her hoof. “Some old seamare gave it to me long ago,” she explained.
“Huh,” the captain wondered, her eyes tilting upwards to look at the hat. Suddenly they focused on her future self again, and a grin spread on her face. “And a mighty good looking seamare it was!” she exclaimed and broke out in laughter, quickly shared by the admiral.
“But that doesn't make much sense now, does it?” the captain inquired, when the fit hat worn out, and dried a tear from her eye with her fetlock.
“Wibly wobly timey whimy,” replied the older mare with a shrug.
“Works for me!” the other Buddeldot exclaimed chuckling.
“Right then,” the now hat-less seamare uttered as she got up from her cushion. “I'd like to share a drink with ye, lass, and some stories of old, but I gotta go. Got a fleet to run. Massive incident in one of the colonies. One could almost think somepony wants to lure me off this station!” she explained with a grin.
“Whom are ye calling lass, ye old hag? I'll have ye know I'm a big filly!” the captain snapped, pouting.
The admiral gave a apologetic smile. “Sorry lass, bad habit of mine. Everypony kinda seems like a foal to me. . . so. . . ye know,” she admitted, rubbing one of her forelegs uncomfortably with a hoof.
The confession took the wind out of the younger seafarer, and she mustered her future self soberly. “The cursed unicorn didn't lie after all, did he?”
“No,” replied the older mare, slowly shaking her head. “He didn't.” She quickly composed herself and cleared her throat.
“Now listen up lass! I have to run, but so do ye! The Doctor will be in a pinch by now, and it's time ye got yer sorry flank over there and help him. He is in cargo bay forty one A. That's down the corridor ye landed the Tardis in. Off ye go!” she explained and shooed the captain off with a hoof.
“Ha! Full sails ahead then! Take care ye old hag!” the younger Buddeldot exclaimed and ran off in a mad dash.
“Ye too lass, ye too,” the older mare mumbled, looking after her old self with sad, tired eyes.
.oOo.
Buddeldot galloped through the corridor, back to the Tardis, and from there down the larger corridor, looking for the cargo bay. She took a left turn and a right turn, went up a ladder and down an elevator. At an interjection of two corridors and a vertical maintenance shaft she turned around on the spot a few times, then let out a sigh. “Steaming manure, I'm lost!” she cursed and stomped on the ground. The seafarer looked at every possible way one more time, but was unable to make out any preferable route. She shrugged. “Navigate by instinct then. Much better at that anyway!” she mumbled and took the ladder of the maintenance shaft, climbing upwards.
Meanwhile the Doctor was in a pinch. He was standing with his back against a cargo container, and four ponies where closing in on him in a half circle, snarling at him viciously. The time pony's eyes darted around his assailants frantically, but then he just cleared his throat and spoke up with seemingly unfounded confidence.
“I surrender!” he exclaimed nonchalantly.
The ponies surrounding him looked at each other puzzled. The time pony just smiled at them. “You won! Isn't that brilliant? You can take me to your leader now!”
The other ponies exchanged glances. “We should drain him and be done with it!” one of them -a red earth pony with silvery mane- motioned, his words dripping with venom.
“No!” the lone pegasus of the group objected sharply. “The queen has left specific orders. If a pony with hourglass cutie mark, or a gray pegasus with bubbles on her flank are found, they are to be brought to her alive!”
“Ah yes, quite clever this one. You should listen to her and obey your queen's orders!” the time pony interjected, before any of the others could object.
“Fine then,” the earth pony spat. “Come along. Don't try anything stupid!” he ordered. The four ponies ushered the Doctor into their middle, then started escorting him towards the nearest exit.
“I wonder who that gray pegasus is supposed to be,” the captured stallion mumbled to himself, frowning, as he was escorted from the cargo bay.
After a few minutes of walking they came to the airlock to cargo bay forty one A. It was closed, the LED sign above it read “Area off limits for maintenance”, and two guards were posted in front of it. But as the little group that had taken the Doctor prisoner approached, one of the posts opened the door for them and they were passed through with a simple nod. “That's not a good sign,” the time pony muttered under his breath, and chewed on his lower lip. His eyes were darting left and right, not risking to miss any detail he might later need.
They came into the front part of the cargo bay. The main lights were all out, and only a few construction lamps illuminated part of the large room. The parts the stallion could see were an utter chaos of half disassembly and scaffolding. Loose wires were protruding from shafts on the ground everywhere, and large holes opened to upper and lower levels of the cargo area. The look was completed by over a dozen danger signs scattered across the site.
When they passed through a scaffolding and with it through the bright shimmer of an illusion spell, the Doctor wasn't even surprised. But with the spell behind him, he could see what the cargo area really contained, and it left him staring wide eyed with his mouth agape.
The whole of the area, that could have easily stored the cargo of the largest trading vessels, was overgrown with a strange, organic structure that resembled black chitin. It formed rows upon rows of hexagonal chambers along the walls and the columns that supported the ceiling. Among it grew tubes of the same material, almost like veins. And all among the structures swarmed creatures with the rough shape of ponies. But their skin shone in the same black chitin as the walls of the chamber, their eyes were uniform blue disks, and long fangs protruded from their mouths. Their insect like wings filled the room with an almost deafening roar, as thousands and thousands of them buzzed through the air.
The time pony swallowed hard. “Celestia's beard! Changelings!” he muttered to himself, and both of his hearts skipped a beat. He had found a full scale invasion force.
As they walked on, he noted that areas were dominated by clusters of pods, their translucent shells glowing in an eerie green light. When the group came close to one of them, the Doctor stole a glance into it, and flinched backwards when he saw what was inside it. It was a pony, hanging upside down in some kind of stasis. But he forced himself to take a second look. It was a red earth pony stallion with a silvery mane. A quick glance at the leader of his captors and back to the pod confirmed his suspicion. They looked exactly the same. “So this is how they do it. They just replace everypony,” he mumbled under his breath, as he was ushered onwards.
The group finally arrived at a large chamber in the center of the hive. Its black chitin walls were rising above in a high dome. From it hang dozens of thick pulsating veins, all of them ending in a white, bloating mass hanging in the center of the room. The mass was pulsating slowly, and just as the Doctor arrived, it produced a melon sized, white egg from it's backside. A worker was already hovering in wait for it, took it in his forelegs, as it popped free, and flew off with it. The worker's place was quickly taken by another changeling that had already been waiting in line.
As disturbing as the sight of this ant queen like, army breeding body was, what was hanging on it's front end worried the Doctor far more.
“Ah, Doctor! We have been awaiting your arrival. So nice of you to join us!” the black creature greeted him with a mocking, fanged grin. It was at least thrice the size of the other changelings, with slender, hole covered legs and a long, grotesquely edged and pointed horn on it's forehead. The white mass grew from her abdomen. It was the Changeling Queen.
“Sorry, do we know each other?” the time pony asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Time and time again you and your silly companion have thwarted my plans. But not this time!” the queen went on in her speech without paying the confused stallion's question any heed. “This time that wall eyed disaster and you are separated. . . “
“Are you talking about that gray pegasus?” the Doctor inquired, but was still ignored.
“With you in my power, and a changeling taking your place and feeding of her love, nothing can stop me!” She cackled manically, sending shudders through all of the bloated body behind her; some of her minions to cowered away in fear.
The time pony took it with indifferent patience and waited for to catch her breath and finish her speech. “I really wonder who that gray pegasus is, they are talking about,” he mumbled to himself, wrinkling his brow.
“So Doctor, any last words, before my minions put you in a stasis capsule and drain you of all your life?” the changeling monarch finally asked, looking down on him, her nose raised haughtily.
“Yes actually!” the time pony spoke up, raising a hoof. “You may have captured me, and I may be helpless without my supposed companion pegasus to stop you and your army. But there is one thing you forgot! One thing that is of utmost importance, if you value your continued existence!”
The queen chuckled at his ferocious speech. “And what, pray tell good Doctor, would that be?” she inquired mockingly.
The time pony shot her a cocky grin and took a step backwards. “You're standing under an air duct!”
For a moment the changeling stared at him puzzled, then quickly looked up, just in time to see a green shade stumbling onto the cover of the air duct right above her. With a tortured crack it broke from its frame, and send the intruder plummeting towards the queen with a startled scream.
The monarch tried to get out of the way, but the egg laying body she was stuck to was impossible to move, and she struggled for several seconds in vain. She yelped, as the falling body hit the white mass with terminal velocity. The impact flattened the organ, and the queen was blasted from the breeding body in a shower of green goo.
“Arr, bloody piss! What a fall! That would have hurt if not for this giant pillow here!” From the ruin of the lower body rose a black maned mare, cursing loudly.
“Buddeldot! Just in time like you promised!” exclaimed the Doctor happily.
“Admiral!” spat the changeling queen, spitting venom from her fangs, as she stumbled to her legs. “You are supposed to be on you way to colony forty two!”
The seafarer laughed gutturally and raised a hoof above her head. Like on a hidden clue her wide brimmed hat floated down onto it, and she sat it on her brow grinning triumphantly. “Aye, it is I, Admiral Buddeldot! Come to kick yer sorry flank!”
The monarch roared furiously, but the time pony raised his voice over her outburst. “Yes that's right queen! The Admiral and her fleet are still here! I have contacted her as soon as I came on this station and told her of your plans. You little invasion is over!” He shot the earth pony a quick wink, when he noticed her raising an eyebrow at his speech.
The seamare immediately caught on, jumped from the flattened egg sack and landed besides him and the queen. “Aye, that be true! In mere minutes me fleet will open fire on. . .” she quickly looked around herself, seeing the dome with all the changelings for the first time. “this nest, and my soldiers will board it, and slaughter you to the last!”
The changeling monarch ground her teeth for a few seconds, then turned towards one of her minions. “Evacuate the hive immediately! Bring the eggs and the young to the mother ship. The old and the warriors are to stay here and create a diversion!” she snapped at her underling. The little changeling quickly saluted and buzzed of. More commands were yelled among the ranks, and soon the whole hive was in uproar and hurried to leave Harmony Station.
The queen turned back towards the two ponies, and stared daggers at Buddeldot. “You were still foalish to come here trying save your friend!” she exclaimed and a nasty grin spread on her face. “Guards, kill them!”
That finally managed to wipe the smug expression from their faces. Without wasting any more time, the two travelers sprang into action and ran away from the queen; each in a different direction. Quickly the changeling warriors dived down onto them like meteors shrouded in green magefire and forced them to sidestep and circle madly through the chamber.
“Follow me, I know were I'm going!” the Doctor called out to the mare over the cacophony of the roaring swarm.
“Why didn't ye say so sooner!” the mare yelled and changed her course towards him. Two changelings landed in front of her and tried to block her path, but Buddeldot kept charging at them with undiluted speed, a mad gleam shining in her eyes. A step before impact the two changelings winced and closed their eyes.
When after two seconds nopony had crashed into them, they pried them open and looked around confused. Buddeldot hat somersaulted over them at the last instant and was now behind them, galloping for the Doctor. Now dashing down the same path, the two ponies simply ran over a single defender, who tried to block an exit on his own, and left the central chamber.
“After them you imbeciles! Don't let them escape!” the queen shouted in rage, and her warriors almost stumbled over themselves to follower her orders. They swarmed into the tunnel the two equestrians had galloped into.
“Quick thinking there Admiral. Now we have to get the changelings running before they realist your fleet isn't here after all!” the Doctor explained, as they galloped through the organic corridors of the hive, taking turns at seemingly random to avoid their pursuers.
The mare laughed at his words, and shot him a wide grin. “I guess clothes really do make ponies. I be the captain mate!”
“Oh,” the stallion replied in mild surprise. “So when she said, she would see me again in time, she actually meant you would. Fancy that!” he chirped, but went serous the next second. “But we still need to take care of the invasion. The changelings have infiltrated the station's officials. But I have a plan!” he explained, as he took a left turn, that led into a dead end.
The time pony was not taken back by it though. He took out his sonic screwdriver and, holding the buzzing device in his teeth, waved it across the wall. He squinted his eyes to see the display on the instrument when he was done, then quickly wheeled around and bucked the bottom right corner of the chitin covered wall. The black material gave away under his hooves and revealed a now battered, open maintenance hatch. “Stay close!” he exclaimed, as he put the screwdriver away, and crawled into the shaft.
“Now listen closely,” he began as they were crawling through the low tunnel. “This has to work on first try!”
.oOo.
A gray unicorn mare was sitting behind a transparent desk. She was wearing a navy-blue uniform with four golden stripes on the shoulders and was browsing through some recreational images on the display integrated into her desk, lazily sliding form picture to picture with a wave of her hoof. Suddenly the main door to the office opened with a pneumatic hiss, and a light-brown stallion burst into the room.
“Commander!” he called, sliding to a halt right in front of her desk. “I came to warn you, there are changelings on your station. A whole army of them!” he explained, as he raised onto the desk with his forehooves and leaned closer to the surprised mare, until he almost touched her face.
“Right,” the mare said, raising to her hooves. She didn't bother to close the pornography on her computer. “How nice of you to come in person to tell me this!” she exclaimed, and a devilish grin spread on her face. “Doctor!”
The time pony was bathed in an eery, green light, and he shrank away from the mare before him. He quickly turned back towards the door, but it was surrounded in a green aura and thrown shut right in front of him.
“Not so fast Doctor!” a strange ringing voice chirped behind him. “The fun has just started!”
The time pony turned around slowly, and swallowed hard. Before him stood the changeling queen herself in all of her terrible beauty, towering above him, her ragged wings spread wide.
The stallion quickly staggered to the left, trying to get away from her. She walked after him lazily, laughing triumphantly, as the time traveler stumbled towards the round door of an open airlock. “There is no escape Doctor!” she sing sang, following him through the double doors. They came into a small room, the walls rowed with seats a pony could strap itself into with a ledge. On the far end of it were two more, facing towards an array of small windows and a control console. The airlock had lead the Doctor into an escape pod. It was a dead end.
The stallion crawled away from the changeling monarch on his back, the end of the capsule coming closer and closer. The queen licked her lips as she walked after him, savoring the fear in his eyes.
Then the Doctor hit something with his head and started to rise against an invisible wall about two steps before the pilot's seat. The changeling paused in wonder. Then suddenly a whirring sound came from behind her, and the airlock closed with a shush. She wheeled around and saw that the locks had engaged and a red warning light was blinking above the door. Through a small window set into it looked a green mare. She held a silver tube with a blue light at it's end in her teeth and grinned at her widely.
The clash of an other door closing behind her made her turn around again, just in time to see a blue box appear out of nowhere before her eyes. It started vanishing with an eery wheezing groan the next instant. The queen jumped at it, but it was gone before she could touch it. She took a quick glance over the pods control console and noted in terror, that it was locked in auto pilot.
She dashed back to the door and banged her hooves against it. “Buddeldot you insidious whore! Let me out of here!” she yelled, spitting venom.
The mare at the other side of the door just laughed, and another face shoved itself besides her in front of the window, the Doctor's face. The seafarer gave him the sonic screwdriver, she was still holding in her mouth, using the opportunity to place a soft kiss on his lips when she did. The mare chuckled as she stepped to the side, making room for the blushing time pony.
“Eh, what was I going to say?” he wondered, putting his sonic device away.
“Don't think you have won yet Doctor! I found out about your ruse, and my children are preparing the invasion as we speak! You tricking me means nothing!”
“Ah, but there you are wrong!” the time pony exclaimed and leaned closer to the window, putting his forehooves on either side. “You see,” he explained cheerfully, “This escape pod is set to fly to the nearest black hole!”
“Don't be alarmed,” he said, raising a hoof, when he saw the black creature wince before him. “The nearest black hole is about ten years away from here at the pod's top speed, and its force fields won't be able to block your telepathic link to your swarm.”
A triumphant smile spread on his face. “So you can call them, and they can use your mother ship to follow and save you. Brilliant isn't it?” The queen gave him a curious look. “Of course,” the stallion went on. “At the ship's top speed it will take them about five years to catch up to the pod. Plus minus a few years depending on how quick they will follow you.”
The queen eyes went wide, and the time pony drew his screwdriver and began using it on the controls on his side of the airlock. “Off you go then! See you around!” he chirped, as the air between the double doors was ejected with a hiss. Then with a sudden yank the escape pod docked off. The two time travelers stared after it for a few moments, marveling at the queens silent screams, before the vessel sped off and vanished in the distance.
.oOo.
“I now remember, why I never celebrate after an adventure!” the Doctor moaned, barely suppressing his nausea, as he and Buddeldot left the Dancing Pony and walked back to the Tardis, both of them swaying not only a little on their hooves.
“Arr, ye are a true lightweight mate. Never seen an earth pony pass out under the table this fast!” the mare remarked, shaking her head and lay an sympathetic hoof on his shoulder.
The time pony let his head sink, and pressed a hoof on his mouth not to throw up. “I'm not exactly an earth pony,” he explained, his face going from white to blue and green.
“Nay,” the mare agreed, “ye are not.”
Slowly the stallion composed himself and started walking again. “What did you do, while I was out anyway? Last thing I remember was you and that pink, floating pony heading for the toilet.”
The seafarer chuckled at the remark, and her eyes drifted off. “Well, first I had her show me how that stupid space latrine worked. Ye know, there be this three shells. . . “
“I know how a toilet works, thank you!” the Doctor interrupted her sharply. “But that didn't take three hours did it?”
To his surprise the mare lowered her head slightly to shield a blush with the brim of her head. But it was no use, it went all the way to her ears, that protruded through the holes in the hat. “The barmaid showed me the crew's mess and what space ponies do for fun, ye know.” she explained. The mare looked up again, an absurdly lewd grin on her face. “The things that filly can do with that nimble tongue of hers! Let me tell you!”
“Oh look, we are there!” the Doctor exclaimed before she could go into any more detail, having found the color of his face once again. He reached inside of his trench-coat, then started patting all of his pockets. “Where do I have the key?” he mumbled.
“Allow me!” the captain announced and pranced past him, balancing a silver key on her nose. In front of the door she threw it up in the air, caught the spinning object in her teeth, and unlocked the blue box's door. Stepping to the side, she gestured with her hoof for her companion to enter, still holding the key in her teeth.
“What, where did you get that?” he asked astounded.
The mare threw the key up, caught it on her nose and balanced it once again, before she answered. “I found it.”
“You found it where?”
“In yer pocket,” she explained and a cocky grin spread on her lips. “It's how I got into yer ship!”
“What?” The stallion stared at her wide eyed. “You little. . . you stole it!” he complained and made a grab for the key. “Give that back!”
The seamare danced away from him, let the key fall into her mouth and swallowed. She shot the time pony a mischievous smile, and gaped at him, letting her tongue hang out. She chuckled, when she saw his baffled expression.
“Fine then, you keep it. I got a spare one anyways!” the Doctor announced and walked into the time machine, staring straight ahead with wide eyes.
The mare looked after him, giggling in impish glee. She made sure he was inside and started checking on the central console, then produced the key from under her tongue, dropped her hat into her hoof and put the stolen good into it. She chuckled as she put the hat back on and pranced happily into the Tardis.
.oOo.
With a swelling groan, a blue box materialized inside the cargo hole of a certain ocean vessel it had disappeared from at another point in space and time. Its door opened with a creak, and out of it walked a green mare, wearing a black hat. “Here we are, five minutes after we left,” a brown stallion explained with a smug expression, as he followed after her. He stopped in the door frame.
“You sure you don't want to come? The new years gala at the diamond falls of Betazoid Four is a marvelous event. You won't find its like anywhere else in the universe!”
The mare chuckled and turned back, giving him an apologetic smile. “Sorry mate. Maybe another time.” She pushed her hat to the back of her head with a hoof, and a wide grin spread on her face. “Fer now I want to run as far and as wild on the seven seas, as nopony has ever before!” she exclaimed, her eyes shining with excitement.
The time pony laughed at her statement in good humor and offered the mare his hoof. “I'm sure you will Buddeldot! Save waters and tailwinds to you my friend.”
Instead of shaking his hoof, the seamare pulled him into a friendly hug. “Until we meet again then! Take care mate!” she said and patted his back.
“You too,” the Doctor replied, and the two ponies ended the hug. He stepped back into his box, and waved a hoof at the seafarer. “See you later!” he exclaimed.
The Tardis began vanishing with her typical, eery groan, and the captain left the cargo hold and climbed unto the deck of her carrack.
When she came into the light of the sun, a firm breeze ruffled her mane and tale, and she inhaled deeply, savoring the familiar scent of the sea. When she looked around however, she saw an unfamiliar pony standing on the bridge, giving orders.
“Buddeldot? That be ye?” a blue unicorn asked, as he walked up to her, eying her in disbelieve.
“That's Captain Buddeldot to ye bos'n Scallywag!” she snapped back at him, gaining the attention of everypony on board. “Now explain to me where ye found that peacock standing on me bridge in the five minutes I was gone?”
The stallion looked around uncomfortably, searching for any support from his crew members. But none would save him from the seamare's ire. “Eh. . . Captain, ye were gone for five month. We thought ye be dead. So the shipowner placed Friendly Waters here in command.”
“Well I got better!” Buddeldot spat, grabbed a belaying pin from its bracket and started to walk towards the aftercastle. “Now lets talk about ye stealing me ship, like gentlemares!” she exclaimed, grinning with the pin between her teeth, her eyes shining dangerously. The captain standing by the wheel swallowed hard, and send a quick prayer to Celestia that the mare had the same concept of gentlemares he did.
Later, when he found himself bound to the posts of his own bed, he regretted not jumping from the ship when he still had the chance.
The Adventures of Captain Buddeldot
A Royal Canterlot Bachelor Party
The Adventures of Captain Buddeldot
A Royal Canterlot Bachelor Party
Shining Armor looked at the note he had gotten again and rolled his eyes. This was the place. Urgent meeting in “The Dancing Pony” signed by a fellow captain; not of the Royal Guard but the Royal Navy but a captain none the less. He crumpled up the paper and set in in flames with a quick spell, then opened the tavern door and reluctantly stepped inside.
When he came in, he saw that the tavern's common room had been arranged for a party; a party that was already in full swing. Tables hat been set to one side with a cold buffet, as well some bowls of punch on them. On the other side of the room was a stage and a band was playing energetic dance music on it. The whole room was packed full with ponies dancing, socializing, eating, having a drinking contest, arm wrestling and other frivolous pastimes.
Shining Armor remained at the door and scanned the crowd with a frown. “Captain Buddeldot, where are you?” he finally called out, when he couldn’t find the pony he was looking for. The commotion died down and everypony looked at him. But after a short glance, most of them went back to what they have been doing. Nopony came from the crowd to greet him, especially not the pony he was looking for.
The captain of the guard grumbled and turned to leave. But just as he was about to head for the door, a foaming mug of cider was shoved into his face, obscuring his vision.
“Ahoy lad! Glad ye could make it!” a mare's voice exclaimed. It had a solid ring to it, a thick quality like clear honey mixed with way to much rum.
The unicorn took the mug in his magic and levitated it to the side with a yank, spilling some of its contents onto the floor. Just as he had feared, in front of him stood a green earth pony with an unruly black mane, wearing a wide brimmed hat of the same color. The mare's face was flushed from not only one drink, and her breath smelled like a distillery. She was grinning at him widely.
“Captain Buddeldot what is this? Your letter said you had to meet me and that it is urgent!” the unicorn exclaimed, shooting her a stern frown.
“Aye, it be urgent lad! It came to me ears that a baby dragon had been entrusted with organizing yer bachelor party!” she explained, her eyes wide in pretended terror. “But fret not!” she exclaimed raising a hoof, finding her grin once again. “Because when I heard that, I took it onto meself to throw ye a party on yer last day as a free colt. And this be it!”
She reached out with her hoof and shoved the mug of cider, still hanging in his levitation field, back into his field of vision. “So take a drink and lets get this party started. Well, obviously we have been warming up already, but now that ye are here, we can finally clap on full canvas!”
Amour lowered the mug again without even taking a nip. He turned and looked over the guests of his bachelor party. He raised an eyebrow. “Whom did you invite? Who are all of this ponies?”
Buddeldot stepped beside him and scratched the back of her head. “Invited some of the lads and lasses from the ranks.” She pointed her hoof at a dark gray unicorn who was getting himself cupcakes from the buffet. “That's one of yer ponies, forgot his name.” She went on pointing at other guest. “That lass hovering upside down be Captain Spitfire. This stuck up prick there is some Air-force general or something. This half bat lass be from the Nightguard; think she brought all of her friends. The blue lad with the pie there be another Wonderbolt I think.”
Shining Armor winced when he spotted a giant, cream colored mare who waved at him from the front of the stage. “I know that one,” he remarked and swallowed hard. “Did you bring your whole crew?” he snapped, focusing his attention back at Buddeldot.
The mare shrugged. “Word of the party spread like wildfire. Don't know half of the faces meself.”
“Aha,” the white unicorn replied dryly. “One of the punch bowls is on fire.”
“That be Armageddon Punch! Of course it is on fire!”
“And are those pole dancers in front of the stage?”
“Ha, aye lad. Spared no expanses!”
“Two mares and a stallion?”
“Didn't knew which ye preferred, so I got both!”
Shining Armor shook his head and turned back for the door. “I have seen enough.”
“What, ye can't leave. This is yer party. Ye didn't even drink yer first cider yet!” Buddeldot protested, walking after him.
The unicorn wheeled back around and stared angry daggers at her. “Buddeldot, you are a vile scoundrel! A vain, loose mare!”
“There be a gorgeous missing somewhere in there,” the mare threw in, but the stallion ignored her and went on in his angry tirade.
“You didn't make this party for me, but for your own amusement! You should very well know that I don't have time for this. Keeping up the shield spell is giving me headaches as it is.”
He raised his voice for everypony to hear. “I will go to bed now. And so should all of you. Canterlot is threatened and it is our duty to protect it! You should now better than to undermine discipline with this nonsense!”
“It be good for morale lad. Would do yer good to loosen up yourself too,” the seamare offered, prompting the guard captain to focus his attention back on her. He took a step closer and looked down on her menacing.
“That's Captain Shining Armor for you!” her exclaimed, then inched even closer, until he almost touched the mare's snout with his own. “I don't know why the princess trust you, pirate” he hissed with an angry snarl. “But I am not your lad, not your mate and most importantly not your friend!” He glared at the seafarer for a second more, who just looked back at him with sad frown, then wheeled around and stomped to the door.
But before he reached it, it burst open and a brown stallion wheeled in a pink frosted cake, that barely fit through the door, on a sack truck. “I have a cake for the bachelor party of one Shining Armor. Is that here?” the delivery pony asked, reading the name from a note.
Before anypony could speak up, the top of the cake burst open; out of it rose a pink pony with a candy cotton mane and spread her front legs wide. “Surprise!” she yelled and threw confetti into the air. Shining Armor shot another frown to Buddeldot over his shoulder.
“I didn't order this,” the mare said, looking at the cake confused.
With an angry snort the unicorn turned back to the door and left the tavern, shoving himself past the cake and the delivery stallion without another word.
Buddeldot looked after him for a few moments. Silence had fallen over the tavern, and she could feel everypony's eyes on her back. She turned around to face the crowd and readjusted the fit of her hat. “Right then,” she said, and a smile crept back onto lips, a smile that didn't reach her eyes. “We may be short our bachelor, but this is still a party!” Her call was answered by an energetic roar from several dozen throats. “So feast me friends like ye mean it! I want to celebrate a birthday party in eleven months!”
Some of the crowd looked at her statement confused; some laughed; others, especially couples, tried to hide their blushes.
Buddeldot herself laughed guttural, then she picked up the mug of cider that Shining Armor had not touched and emptied it in one draw.
“Birthday party?” the pony on top of the cake inquired. “That's great, I love birthday parties!” she exclaimed and bounced out of the baked good, landing right besides the seamare.
“Who are you?” Buddeldot asked her, raising an eyebrow.
.oOo.
When Princess Luna entered her chambers after a long night of keeping watch over Canterlot, she noticed a faint smell of rum. Her ears twitched, as she heard a pony singing in a low voice.
The princess' horn lit up in a light blue aura, and she closed the double doors that let to her room behind her quietly. She walked through her chamber's parlor, her brow wrinkled in concern, and through the silken curtains that separated it from her solar. The spacious living room was from where the hoarse singing came.
Even though it was well past sunrise, her private quarters lay in darkness. Thick, purple curtains were drawn over the windows. The only light source in the room was a flickering oil lamp standing on a round tea table at the right side of the room. In the small circle of light it provided, hunched over the table, her head rested on one hoof while the other played idly with an empty bottle of rum, sat Buddeldot, absentmindedly singing a song.
There are no more tales to be told No more stories from battles of old
Now it seems our journey has come to an end We are scraping the barrel me friend
“Your songs are not usually this sad!” the Princess of the Night remarked, taking a seat at the other side of the table. “And you don't usually bring your drinking to my chambers.”
Buddeldot stopped singing. “Ahoy Luna,” she mumbled without even raising her head.
“What got you so wrought up?” The alicorn reached with her hoof for the seafarer's one. When she touched the hoof, the rum bottle rolled forgotten to the side, and the seamare returned her gesture with the faintest motion of her hoof.
“Nothing, just tired from partying, 'tis all,” she replied, averting her eyes.
Luna raised an eyebrow, but didn't prod further. “So how was the bachelor party? Did you have fun?” she inquired after a few moments of just holding the mare's hoof.
Buddeldot let out a sigh. “It was great, everypony had lots of fun. Everypony except the bachelor the party was for!”
“So Shining Armor didn't have time to show up after all?”
“Nay, I tricked him and he showed up alright. Stomped out a minute later though.”
The word 'stomped' made Luna pause. “So, he didn't like the party?” she inquired cautiously. Buddeldot finally looked up, let go of her hoof and raised herself to a sitting potion.
“He hated everything!” the seafarer exclaimed, raising a hoof. “Didn't like the food nor drinks, didn't like the music nor the dancers. But most off all he did nay like the company!” she explained in an angry tirade.
“And with company you mean yourself.”
“He called me a pirate whore!” Buddeldot moaned, but quickly composed herself and averted her eyes. “Not that I give a damn what strangers call me.”
“Of course not!” Luna agreed with a sly smirk.
“I'm a grown mare. I stand above such things. No way I'd mope about something as stupid as that!”
Silence spread between the two, lasting for long moments, during which the seafarer only stared at a very interesting spot at the tapestry. “Except Shining Armor is no stranger but your brother in arms, and it bothers you to no end that he still thinks of you as a pirate!” Luna finally said in a calm and factual manner.
“Old Blackbeard still haunts me,” the seafarer groaned between clenched teeth, letting her head sink, so her black hat fell onto the floor, and her unruly mane tangled before her face.
With a benevolent smile on her face the alicorn stood up from her place at the table, walked around it, sat down behind the upset earth pony and cradled the smaller mare gently in her forelegs and wings. Buddeldot let herself go limp in her her loving embrace and leaned her cheek against her leg. “Was it the same for ye? Did ponies hate ye when you came back from being Nightmare Moon for a century? Did they still hate ye after a year, after two years?” she asked impassively, then craned her head back to look at her. “Do they still?”
Luna kissed her on the brow and pulled her closer. “Some ponies,” she explained. “But most of them love their Princess of the Night. And they will love you too, if they get to know you like I do.”
Buddeldot chuckled. “For everypony to know me like ye will put a great strain on me promiscuity!” she replied, shooting Luna a sultry smile.
“Oh shut up you! You know what I mean!” the princess scolded her and started to rub the mare’s belly where she knew she was the most ticklish. The seamare started giggling and squirmed in the alicorn's grasp, but Luna was unrelenting. Only when the other mare was rolling on the floor, trying to shield her underside with her legs and gasped: “I yield. . . I yield!” did the Princess of the Night stop her assault.
Luna leaned down to the breathless mare and gave her a soft kiss. “Let’s go to bed,” she said. “Getting a bit of sleep before the wedding later today will do us both good.”
Buddeldot stumbled to her hooves with some difficulty and started swaying towards the bed. “Aye, ye probably right,” she yawned.
The alicorn followed her a few steps, but then sniffed and wrinkled her nose. Without warning her horn lip up and the glowing field of her telekinesis engulfed the drunken earth pony. “But first you take a bath! You are all sweaty and smell like a distillery!” she exclaimed as she walked to the bathroom, floating the mare in front of her.
Buddeldot struggled in the magic grasp, but it was no use. She finally gave in and let herself hang limp. “Damn ye filly, ye're imperious today. Be it a full moon again?” she slurred vexed, but shot her captor an amused smile none the less.
Luna just snorted and carried her into the bathroom without a word. Dozens of candles lit up by magic as they entered the room, bathing it in a soft orange light. The alicorn dumped the seafarer unceremoniously into the big bathing tube, that was set into the tiled floor of the room. Buddeldot gave a startled ‘oomph’ as she hit the floor of the tube. She rolled to a sitting position and brushed her mane out of her face, just as the princess opened the crane with her telekinesis and hot water started pouring into the tube.
The seamare splashed her hoof tentatively in the water. When she found it to her liking, she let herself slump down in the tube and breathed out a pleased sigh. After a moment of enjoying the liquid bliss rising on her coat, she shot Luna a lewd grin and gestured towards the free space in the tube right beside her. “Would ye at least join me in here? Bathing be boring on yer lonesome, don’t ye agree?”
She needn’t have asked; the Princess of the Night had already removed her regal vestments.
.oOo.
A persistent knocking on the door woke up the seafarer after -what she felt- was only a brief nap. “I’ll get it,” she groaned and carefully slipped out of her lovers embrace, not wanting to disturb the sleep the princess clang stubbornly on to.
Blinking and swaying on her hooves sleep drunk, the earth pony made her way for the main doors. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” she grumbled when another series of knocks sounded from the entrance. She opened one of the double doors with her hoof and greeted the pony that had knocked while ruffling her own mane. “Yes?” she said, yawning widely.
On the other side of the door stood a gray coated unicorn with a light-red mane, wearing a maiden's dress. She was levitating a silver tablet with a steaming pot, that spread the heavenly smell of freshly brewed coffee, a large bowl of fruits, oats, and nuts, and a jug of milk, but only one set of china on it. Her eyes went wide when she saw the seafarer, but she quickly composed herself and waited for the mare's approval.
Buddeldot's mood brightened considerably when she saw the staunch mare. “Arr, Serene! Come on in!” she whispered and stepped to the side. “And try to keep it down, Luna 's still asleep!”
The maid eyed her curiously, as she stepped into the parlor. She hesitated a moment, her eyes wandering all over the room, then she began walking towards the door that led to the solar with timid steps.
Buddeldot carefully closed the door and followed the maid, raising an eyebrow. She hurried her steppes to walk beside her. “So lass, did ye remember that special morning rum I asked ye for?” she inquired as the maid set the tray down on the tea table.
The unicorn turned to look at her, a sheepish simper on her face. “Sorry milady, I fear I have forgotten it,” she apologized meekly.
Buddeldot gave her a curious frown, then walked to the table and sniffed briefly on the coffee. Before the mare could do anything behind her back, the seafarer wheeled around and bucked the table hard. The tray was thrown to the ground, and the china shattered. The coffee was spilled on the ground, where it quickly etched it's way through the carped, producing a cloud of black smoke.
With a sudden lunge the navy captain was in the mare's face. “Who are ye, and what have ye done to the real Serene Glint?” she shouted and drew her lips back in a snarl.
The unicorn winced and began to back away from her. “What do you mean? I am the real Serene. There is no other!” she stammered, cold sweat forming on her brow.
“Sure ye are!” Buddeldot spat. “Luna's personal maid, the only one that actually knows that I be here is surprised to see me and has forgotten that I don't drink rum for breakfast!”
The mare that was most likely not Serene Glint was slowly driven backwards by the ferocious seafarer. When Buddeldot hat finished her tirade, the unicorn's back hit a wall. Her head flew frantically from side to side, but with no apparent escape in sight, her eyes focused on the earth pony, and she bared her teeth with a vicious hiss, revealing long sharp fangs.
The Princess of the Night was finally yanked out of her lazy half sleep by a bright flash of green light and a loud commotion that broke out in the solar adjoined to her bedchamber. Her eyes widened, she quickly stumbled out of her bed and made a beeline to the door.
When she reached the solar, she bridled at the door and stared in wonder at what was happening. Two Buddeldots were rolling over the floor, wrestling and trading blows. “What's going on here?” the princess demanded, raising her voice.
On of the two earth ponies had finally managed to pin the other under her hooves, but the pony on the ground resisted stubbornly and had grabbed her hooves. “She be an impostor, blast her!” the one on the top shouted and managed to land a hit on the other mare's face.
Luna began to summon magic energies to the tip of her horn in a bright wisp of light, but she still hesitated, her gaze skipping between the two earth ponies.
The lower one took a few more hits before she trapped the other mare's hoof under the bow of her foreleg. She spat blood and glared daggers at her opponent. “Nay, ye can't be sure. Blast us both!” she cried out.
A bright flash lit up the room and drenched the two fighting ponies in its brilliant light. A devious grin spread on the bottom seafarers face, and she tightened her grip, making sure the other her would not go anywhere.
The Princess of the Night released her spell, and a lance of cracking energy crashed into the two combatants. The magic attack flung them to the fare side of the room, where they hit a mirror and destroyed a cabinet. The mares slouched to the ground, their coats smoldering, and neither one got up again.
Another flash of green light lit up the room. Luna was boggled for a moment, but quickly composed herself. She trotted over to the Buddeldot that had hit the mirror and nudged her with her muzzle. “Are you alright?”
The seamare blinked and twitched. “Damn it Luna! Why didn't ye just blast the changeling? I was even holding it in place for ye!” she groaned, and started to gather herself up.
The princess smiled and nuzzled the mares neck. “Like you said; I couldn’t be sure you were the real one.”
“The hay you could. As if a changeling would tell you to blast it!” Buddeldot complained as she came to her hooves.
“And I was sure you could take whatever I threw at you!” Luna added with a sly smirk and started walking over to where the impostor was laying on the floor.
“It still hurts ye know,” the seafarer muttered under her breath and followed her.
“A changeling you say? What a curious creature!” the princess remarked, looking down at the true from of the shape changer. It looked like a cross between a pony and a beetle with black chitin plates on its body, holes in its legs and knife like fangs protruding from its mouth. It had taken the blunt of the alicorn's attack, but was still drawing breath.
“Aye, a changeling! It be some sort of space bug. Can take the form of anypony and absorbs their life or something like that.” Buddeldot explained and poked the creature with her hoof, but didn't provoke any reaction.
“I have never even heard of such a creature. How do you know this?” Luna asked perplexed, shooting the mare a curious frown.
“I had a run in with them a long time ago in the far future,” she explained and walked over to the coffee table, where she gather her hat, that was still laying on the floor.
“You're making little sense. That is even less sense than usual!”
“Wibly wobly timey whimy,” Buddeldot explained, while she put her hat on. She turned back to the princess and looked at her gravely. “'tis doesn't matter, but I know that where there be one changeling, there be a swarm! We have to warn your sister!”
“Alright, I will head over to her at once!” Luna exclaimed and walked for the balcony doors. She parted the curtains with a tug of her magic and sunlight flooded the room. Both ponies squinted their eyes, blinded by the sudden brightness. When the princess had regained her sight, she noticed the standing of the sun with a shock.
“We overslept! Serene didn't wake us in time. The wedding will already have started!” she exclaimed.
Buddeldot opened her mouth to reply, but before she could get any words out, Luna cried out in pain and stumbled to her knees. The seafarer hurried to her side and braced her by laying a hoof around her chest. “Luna, what's wrong?”
With the earth pony's help the princess eventually managed to stagger back to her hooves. “It's Tia,” she gasped breathless. “She has been defeated!”
Suddenly a thundering crash shook the whole city, and both Buddeldot and the princess were almost thrown off their hooves. When the ground stopped shaking, they stormed out to the balcony and craned their heads back. Above them the protective sphere, that had been cast by Shining Armor, shattered like glass and vanished from existence. At once projectiles wrapped in green magefire stated raining down all over the city. One hit the balcony right before the two ponies; Luna and Buddeldot shielded their faces with their hooves, as the impact showered them with splinters of marble.
When their lowered their hooves, a changeling raised itself before them from a small crater. Its solid blue eyes fixed onto them, and the creature shot them a venomous hiss.
It was the most unlucky changeling of them all. Before it could do anything else, the two mares wheeled around and bucked it simultaneously. The creature was thrown over the balcony's railing in a flat arc; Buddeldot and Luna watched, as it vanished in the gardens two stories below.
When it was gone, the Princess of the Night raised her head. “I have to help my sister at once!” she exclaimed and jumped into the air. She hovered two steps over the ground, and her horn began to shine brightly with a teleportation spell. But just as she wanted to cast it, somepony yanked her by her tail; her magic dissipated and she was pulled back to the ground.
Luna turned around and glared at Buddeldot. The seafarer spat out the alicorn's mane and raised a hoof before she could object. “Not so fast lass!” the captain scolded her. “If yer sister has been defeated, there is a good chance they can defeat ye too, if ye jump into there blind!”
The princess opened her mouth to protest, but the other mare continued her tirade before she could get any words out. “And we can nay have that!” the seafarer exclaimed. “The city is under attack. Our ponies will need at least one of their princesses undefeated to lead them!”
Her words took the wind out of Luna's wrath; she took a deep breath and composed herself. “You are right. I cannot risk my person; it would compromise our leadership and play into our enemy's hooves.” She ground her teeth for a moment, waging her options, before she spoke up again. “I will go to the barracks of the Royal Guard and organize the resistance.”
Buddeldot nodded. “Good! Magic yerself ahead then. I will gather me crew and ready me ship in case we have to evacuate. I will usher any guards and civilians I meet along the way to ye and join up with ye later!”
She waited a moment until Luna approved her plan with a reluctant nod, then wheeled around and headed for the door. “Buddeldot!” the princess' call made her stop dead in her tracks and look over her shoulder, right into the other mare's worried eyes. “Be careful.” the Princess of the night said. The navy captain gave her a confident smirk and saluted. Only then did the alicorn summon her magic once more and vanished in a brilliant flash of light.
Buddeldot began trotting towards the palace corridors again. She had nearly reached them, when the doors burst open under the onslaught of green magic and spilled four changelings into the room. The mare was only taken aback for a second, then a wide grin spread on her face and she idly walked towards the umbrella stand next to the door. “If ye are looking for Luna, ye're to late. She already left. But don't ye worry I can still entertain ye!”
The changelings stared at her and looked at each other, unsure what to do. While they still hesitated, the seafarer rummaged trough the umbrellas and retrieved a long, black object; she hang it around her shoulder on a belt and squared off with the four changelings with a sinister glint shining in her eyes. “But maybe ye should get some help, because as I see it. . .” the captain told them, grabbed the well worn mouthpiece hanging just under her left shoulder with her teeth and drew her heavy cutlass from its sheath. “Ye brought hooves to a sword fight!”
The four changelings swallowed, regretting the day they deemed heavy armor was something for scarelings.
.oOo.
Four changelings were thrown out of a side door of the palace, leading to an open courtyard, that was normally used by the guard for their drills. The four crashed hard to the cobblestone ground and didn't get up again. Behind them came the green seamare; she trotted idly through the door, not gracing the twitching and moaning forms of her beaten enemies a second glance. Instead her eyes lit up in wonder, when she saw what curious commotion was going on on the plaza.
More than two dozen sky-blue pegasi were dashing all over the place. Buddeldot knew them, or at least she knew the original. Those long, sinewy limbs, the red windswept mane and the treasure map cutie mark belonged to no other than her first mate Far Stride. But even more curious was what had them in such an uproar. A lone cream coated earth pony was slugging it out with all of them at once. She lumbered among the pegasi like an ursa major; indomitable, their every attacks breaking uselessly against her steel knot muscles.
Buddeldot sheathed her sword and shook her head; one glance at the earth pony's cutie mark should have made the changelings know better than to attack her with such a feeble force. They should have brought heavy weapons, or better yet a battleship, for the bronze helmet on the filly's flank marked her as a fighting pony.
The earth pony grabbed one of her opponents by its tails and flung it like a wrecking ball at the others, laughing in exhilarated glee as she swatted them from the air like flies. When she saw the navy captain walk towards her, she let go of her weapon, and the changeling flew into a formation of its brethren, sending them all crashing to the ground in an entangled heap. “Ahoy captain!” the filly called and waved her hoof, only to slam it into the next changeling's face, that had dared to think her distracted.
“Ahoy Bold Stride!” Buddeldot replied and nudged the brim of her head with a hoof. She looked around the plaza and the dozen twitching forms of changelings laying on the ground. The seafarer gave a shrug and looked back at the mare. “Have ye seen yer brother? I mean the real one?”
“He was with me a moment ago, when I was sparring with some guys from the guard,” she explained, still dancing around, bucking and slugging pegasi as she went. “But when this black things came raining down he took the guards and made a run for it. I think they went for the armory.” She hit another of her attackers with a straight uppercut right under its chin and send it flying over the palace walls. “The creatures then all magicked themselves so they look like him.” She laughed and took the time to brush back her lion like, red mane with a hoof, before she jumped into the air, grabbed one of the pegasi circling overhead by its tail and dragged it to the ground. She wrestled the hissing warrior down and began punching him in the face. “It's like they knew how much I wanted to hit him! I'm having the time of my life!”
The filly jumped back to her hooves, grabbed the changeling -she had been hitting- by its mane and flung at some more who had gathered to attack her together, breaking their assault before it had even began. “You want some too captain? There's enough of them to go around!” she said nonchalantly, trapped a pegasus that tried to hit her with a tackle under the bow of her front leg and offered him to her superior.
Buddeldot considered her offer for a moment, but shook her head. “Tempting, but duty calls. Gotta get the crew and ready the ship. And that goes for ye too lass! Stop foaling around and get yer brother and every other crewmare ye find to the ship. Send any other pony ye find to the barracks, Luna is waiting for them.” She waited for a second until she got a reluctant nod from Bold Stride, then wheeled around and made a run for the palace gates, heading for the city itself.
The earth pony let out a sigh and turned towards their attackers, that used the brief pause in battle to form up again. Bold Stride started towards them with a serious frown on her face. She leaned her head from side to side, making her spine crack. “You heard the captain,” she said and quickened her steps. “Playtime’s over!”
The dozen changelings that were still standing suddenly wished they were somewhere else.
.oOo.
A certain light-brown stallion with a hourglass cutie mark found himself in yet another pinch. Trying to get an orange maned mare and a little foal to safety, an unlucky navigational mistake had instead stranded them in the dead end of a narrow Canterlot street. The Doctor had his back against a wall, and the mare shielded the little one with her foreleg, as a changeling warrior closed in on them, licking his dripping fangs.
Without warning a hat wearing pony rammed into its flank in a flying dropkick. The creature crashed into the alley's wall and slouched to the ground, out cold.
The time pony couldn't believe his own luck, and his eyes lit up when he recognized the pony that had saved the three of them. “Buddeldot?” he asked, as the mare gathered herself up and straightened her hat.
“Oh, ahoy Doctor! Long time no see!” she replied, and a jubilant grin spread on her face. She walked towards him and hugged the baffled stallion like an old friend. “Fancy meeting ye here. I heard ye live in Ponyville now, got a mare and foals and everything.”
The Doctor eventually recovered from his surprise and patted her on the back. “Ah yes, and I'd love to share news with you, but I think we have more pressing concerns at the moment.”
The seafarer drew back from the hug, shot a look at the main street that was flooded with fleeing ponies and changelings chasing them, and at the mare and foal standing besides her and the time pony. “Ai, we have,” she said and turned towards the later.
The earth pony took of her hat, pressed it to her chest and bowed before the two civilians. “I'm Captain Buddeldot of the Royal Equestrian Navy. Have now fear, ye are save with me.” she said, then straightened herself and put her hat back. “Follow me, I lead ye to a save harbor!”
The mare and the foal looked at her with open mouths, but eventually nodded and made ready to leave the alley. The three of them had walked a few steps, when Buddeldot looked over her shoulder to the still hesitating time pony. “And ye come along too. I was looking for me navigator, but seeing as I can't find him, ye have to fill in!” she exclaimed. Finally the Doctor jumped up and hurried to catch up with her. “I hope ye know basic aeronautic navigation,” the seafarer remarked when he had caught up with her.
But all four ponies boggled when they reached the main street. Before them stood a whole battalion of changeling warriors, rowing every street, every rooftop, their numbers blacking out the sun.
The civilian mare and the foal backed away and crouched together behind the other ponies. Buddeldot ground her teeth; her eyes darted around, but everywhere she looked there were fangs grinning at her, dripping venom. “Alright, looks like we have to fight our way out,” the seafarer grumbled and drew her cutlass. “Doctor, cover me back.”
But before it came to any violence, the time pony stepped in front of her and threw his fore legs up. “We surrender!” he exclaimed.
Buddeldot stared at him; her yaw dropped and her sword fell clattering to the ground. She looked around the advancing changelings and gave them a sheepish simper. “Parley?”
The warriors just grinned and drew their circle around the ponies tighter, but just as they jumped them, a growling thunder echoed from the palace. The changelings turned around, and their eyes widened in shock; a pink shock wave erupted from the throne room. Wherever it hit a changeling, the creature was thrown into the air by the arcane force. Every warrior that had been ambushing the four ponies a second before now dashed away in a headless panic. But there was no escaping the shock wave. It smashed through their ranks like a magic tsunami and swept every last one of them from the city. Their black forms vanished in the distance, and there was silence.
“Well, that was convenient!” the Doctor remarked and lowered his hooves.
Buddeldot just snorted. “What the hay?” she complained and stomped her hoof on the ground. “That was like I'm a side character in me own bucking story!” She shot an angry frown towards the palace proper, then gathered her fallen weapon and rammed it back in its sheath.
The Doctor had helped the startled mare and the foal back to their hooves and walked past the moping navy captain. “I think its a nice change; not having to save the world for once.” Buddeldot just stared at him, as he walked towards the palace, the two civilians following him. He stopped and looked at her back over his shoulder. “Come on!” he said. “We still have to find out what happened and where the changeling queen is, and I heard you have acquainted yourself with Princess Luna, so that's where we should start.”
That finally managed to get the earth pony moving again, and she jumped into a trot to catch up with the other ponies, then took the lead. “Luna should be at the barracks, this way!”
.oOo.
“So let me get this straight,” Buddeldot said to princess Luna. “Cadence had been replaced by the changeling queen, and she had Shining Armour under her spell for days, feeding of his love.” The alicorn nodded. “And only his sister had the presence of mind to notice anything strange?” the seafarer went on. “And then she freed the real Cadance, and she and Shiny blasted the invasion away. With their love?”
“That is the essence of it, yes.”
Buddeldot pondered all of that a moment. She and the Doctor had arrived at the barracks a few minutes earlier. The guard was already busy bringing back order into the city. Luna had spoken to her sister and taken up command while Celestia rested from her lost duel.
The three ponies stood in the buildings inner courtyard, and soldiers were buzzing all around them, relaying orders, reporting back for duty or carrying medical supplies.
Finally the seamare's face lit up with a wide grin. “That be brilliant!”
“What is?” asked both the princess and the Doctor at the same time.
“That means we have to hold the wedding again, which means I get another chance to hold a bachelor party!”
Luna rolled her eyes, and the time pony looked at her curious, raising an eyebrow. “You know there are still changelings out there. We may have them on the run, but they will be back if we don't drive them off planet!”
Buddeldot waved his concerns off with a hoof. “Ye two go then, I have a party to tend to!”
Luna looked at her in wonder. “You pass an opportunity for travel and adventure to hold a feast?”
Instead of answering, the seamare had already wheeled around an galloped off. “I guess you do,” the princess remarked and turned to the stallion. “So good Doctor, the last time I have seen you, you still were a unicorn and told Starswirl he was a foalish oaf with a beard!” she exclaimed and gave him a reminiscent smile.
“Ah yes, your majesty, I remember that day. It didn't stop him from completing his time travel spell though.” His eyes became unfocused, as if he was seeing back in time itself; he sounded old and full of remorse when he spoke again. “That was a long time ago. For both you and me.”
“Well, we have a lot catching up to do then!” Luna said and tucked him under her wing. “We can do that along the way! Say were did you park your little box?”
The touch shook the stallion out of his melancholy and he looked around for a second to get his bearing. “Ah yes, this way please!” he finally exclaimed. “Just like in old times,” he added with a chuckle.
“Say Doctor, have you fixed that time navigation circuit by now?” Luna inquired as they left the barracks.
.oOo.
Princess Cadance looked at the note she had gotten again and checked the sign above the door once more; this was the place. Urgent meeting in “The Dancing Pony” said the letter, signed by Captain Buddeldot of the Royal Equestrian Navy. She shrugged, put the paper away and opened the door with her magic. Loud dancing music and thick, stale air greeted her with the familiar smell of alcohol and sweat. A party was running in this place, and it seemed to already be in full swing. The winged unicorn wrinkled her brow and stepped inside, biding the things to come.
As soon as she had closed the door behind her with her magic, the music stopped, and somepony held a mug ,overflowing with foaming cider, in front of her face. Cadance took it in her telekinetic field in reflex and gently floated it to the side. It revealed a smiling mare's face; her shining black mane was put back in a pony tail and she wore a rich, bordeaux-red vest that accented her voluptuous hips. For some reason she had decided to wear an old, battered black hat as well. “Welcome lass! We have been waiting for ye!” she exclaimed and gestured towards the ponies that had gathered behind her; everypony of which looked at the princess with eager anticipation shining in their eyes.
“What is this?” Cadence asked perplexed.
“This is yer bachlorette party! Yer last night as a free filly before ye become a married mare.” Buddeldot explained proudly. “Though when I was yer age ye were nay proper mare till ye gave birth to yer first foal,” she mumbled in an afterthought, rubbing her chin with her hoof.
The princess decided not to ask about that particular topic, and her gaze wandered over the guest of her party. “All of my friends are here. How did you know whom to invite?” she asked in wonder.
“Arr, I asked ye best friend to write the invitations,” the seamare explained, and on cue a slender, white unicorn waved at the bride-to-be from the crowd.
Cadence nodded and took a look at the tavern's common room. On a small stage a DJ had set up her equipment; the filly with a flashing blue and blued striped mane nodded at her from the turntables when she noticed the princess' eyes on her. The horned pegasus gave her a wave with her wing and focused her attention back on Buddeldot. “One of the punch bowls is on fire.”
“Aye, that be red wine punch. Devious swill that be, sugary sweet and gives ye tartarus of a hangover.”
The princess nodded absentmindedly; she had just spotted something more interesting in front of the stage. “Are those pole dancers over there?”
“Aye, spared no expanses!”
“Two stallions and a mare?”
The seafarer gave her a sheepish smile. “I may have bribed one of yer hoofmaidens; don't be mad at her, 'twas for a good cause.”
Cadence looked at all of that once again in wide eyed wonder and made several small nods.
“Do ye like it?” Buddeldot asked her, leaning closer and biting her lower lip.
“Like it?” the princess asked as her gaze turned back to the seafarer. She led the words hang in the air for a few seconds, and everypony held their breath and stared at her.
“I love it!” Cadence exclaimed, and her face lit up with a wide grin. She floated the mug of cider back to her and emptied its contents in one draw, then threw the empty cup behind her. “This is a party everypony! Lets get dancing!”
All of the guest began cheering, the music started up again and ponies streamed onto the open space in front of the stage.
Buddeldot's eyes were shining and she grinned at the princess from ear to ear. Without warning she embraced her in a tight hug. “Shiny be truly the most lucky stallion in all of Equestria lass!” she said, patted her on the back, then drew back again.
Cadence just looked at her with a confused simper, and the seafarer chuckled. She took off her head, placed it over her chest and bowed before the bride-to-be. “Would ye grant this old seamare the honor of the first dance?”
The princess just chuckled and shooed the silly mare towards the dance floor.
.oOo.
With a swelling, screeching groan a blue box materialized at the edge of the Canterlot palace gardens. Out of it walked the royal form of princess Luna. Her ears twitched and she boggled when she heard music coming from the garden's main plaza. “Stars above! I'm late again, the wedding party has already started!” she exclaimed and jumped into a frantic flight.
Behind her a light brown stallion in a black tuxedo, wearing a top hat, left the time machine and stepped to the side. “The party?” he wondered and wrinkled his brow. “Ah, close enough! Come on dear, we're here. The Royal Wedding in Canterlot, just like I promised.
He turned back and bowed to a gray pegasus with blond mane that just walked out of the Tardis. She was wearing a light-blue dress, and her golden eyes looked into different directions. She smiled at the stallion when he raised himself again, but it was quickly replaced by a frown. She began fiddling with the time pony's red bow tie, her tongue sticking out of the side of her mouth in concentration. “Alright. Now we can go!” she chirped when she was satisfied with the fit.
The Doctor gave her a sheepish smile, bowed again and offered his hoof. “Would you give me honor of a dance my lady?” The pegasus giggled happily and tugged him under her wing. The two ponies headed to the music, happily leaning onto each other.
After Princess Luna had greeted the freshly married couple, her sister and the Elements of Harmony, she went to look for Buddeldot and finally found her sitting alone at a table in a dark corner of the party proper. She was wearing her official parade uniform, a dark blue jacket with four golden stripes on the shoulders and two rows of golden buttons. She wasn't wearing the marvelous, feathered bicorne that went with the uniform though, instead her usual old felt hat sat on her brow. Luna shook her head. How the captain got away with her sloppiness without repercussions from her admiral boggled her mind; to complete her break of protocol the seafarer even wore her jacket without a single button closed.
Buddeldot's eyes lit up and she waved when she saw the alicorn approaching. “Ahoy Luna! I already feared ye wouldn’t make it in time.” The princess returned her smile and joined the mare at her table.
“After we repulsed the changelings me and the Doctor had a little . . . detour.” Luna explained, averting her eyes.
“I see,” replied Buddeldot. “So ye had. . . navigational difficulties.”
“Yes, let's call it that!” the princess immediately agreed. “But look, I found a marvelous wedding present for Cadance on the way!” she exclaimed and quickly levitated a gold inlaid cherrywood box onto the table. She turned the box towards Buddeldot and pushed it to her end of the table with a huge grin on her face.
The seafarer raised an eyebrow and opened the lid of the box. When she saw what was inside, she tilted her head to the side and lifted three plum sized, shining silver spheres connected by a red threat from the box. She wriggled them tentatively and found that they had to be hollow, but the middle once danced on the string just a bit longer than she shook it, as if there was some loose ballast inside of it. “What are these?”
Luna clapped her hooves together. “They are called Ben Wa balls. I found them on a market in feudal neighppon. I'm actually surprised you don't know about them.”
“So, what be they for?” Buddeldot asked, eying the objects curiously. The other mare gave her a sly grin, leaned over and began whispering into her ear.
“Uhu. . . aha.” The seafarer's eyes went wide in wonder after a few moments and she eyed the balls ever more curious. “I see,” she finally said; a slight blush had spread on her face and she put the spheres back into the box. Eventually a mischievous grin found its way to her lips, and she looked back at Luna. “I bet Cadence will love it! And Shiny even more. They will both love it!”
The two ponies broke out laughing and giggling. “Isn't this the best wedding present you ever heard of?” she asked eventually. “While I was at it, I brought some for the Doctor's wife too. Marvelous mare! So bright and cheerful. I can see why she succeeded in getting that stallion to settle down.” Even while she explained it, the seafarer shook with more laughter and held her belly; it only stopped when the princess levitated another box onto the table. “I brought some for you too!” she exclaimed. It managed to make the navy captain fall silent immediately. She tried to hide an even deeper blush under the brim of her head.
Luna chuckled, leaned over to the other mare and breathed words into her twitching ear. “I brought some for myself as well,” she whispered. “I'm wearing them right now.”
Slowly Buddeldot raised her head and revealed shining eyes and impossibly lewd grin. “Right,” she exclaimed. “Say, would ye like to dance?”
Both mares shared an impish laugh, and Luna took the smaller pony under her wing. They too walked towards the garden's main plaza and joined the other ponies in their dance.
