The Age of Ascension

by BronyBrotherhood

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 5450

Hello. My name is John Thomas (I will kill you if you laugh.), and this is my recollection of the past few months in Equestria, and how much shit hit the fan when we did come.

The events in this story are real. Names and ages have been modified to protect me and my friend's identities. If I didn't, we would have died a long time ago. The reason I chose this site is because of the fact that no one else would believe me. I hope this site can. I hope I can trust you, as the reader, to use the information within to good use.

My name is John Thomas. I am 15 years old. This is the "story" of how Equestria turned evil.
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Rated Teen for swearing and innuendos. If you didn't laugh at the main character's name, don't read this.

Published 2014-05-02 22:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-29 22:34:58 UTC

Hospital Gowns, Full Johnstons, and Face Punching

Author's Note

This story was made by me (of course) and my trusted friend srtux. Thanks for sticking by me through this dude. I changed the draft a bit, as you can see. Don't worry 'bout it.

This is my first ever fimfic and so I apologize in advance if it's crap. Also, I'm British, so it can get a bit wordy. Don't start screaming at me for this. Please.
P.S. A full Johnston is a handshake/hug that goes like this

1) Shake normally.
2) Use your free hand to grasp the other person's shoulder.
3) Pull them in for a hug
4) Grin like a madman as they squirm. XD

Enjoy Chapter One of this story!

Hospital Gowns, Full Johnstons, and Face Punching

I just love waking up in a bed that isn't mine. I also love the fact that all I can remember is my name and age. It just cant get any more bloody cliché, can it? I thought. I growled softly to myself. This stuff happens in books, not in real life!

I should think of a name for this. How about Cliché Amnesic Travel Syndrome?

Wow. Spells CATS.

Bloody Hell, this is not the time, John! Honestly, I really do need to get this voice of mine under control. I hear a scream, which dissipates the thoughts fogging up my noggin. I bolt upright, and then notice there is a boy - about my age - In a hospital bed opposite mine.

"Hello." Says the boy.

"Hi?" I reply back, unsure of what else to say. I mean, this isn't exactly a nice place to meet new people, unless of course you're Jigsaw, in which case you're in a freaking nightclub.

In all sincerity, I was not kidding about the living conditions. The place looked on it's last legs. It was dirty, damp, and there was moss and clumps of what I think was rat poo on the walls. The boy turns and grins at me.

"Wow. Nice place. Should come here more often."

I grinned back. I guess he's not a bad guy, I thought. Go on, introduce yourself, ninny! I got out of my bed and grimaced. I was wearing a pale blue hospital gown that was, to my utter horror, TOO BLOODY SHORT!!!!!! The voice just started to scream those words over and over and over...

"Hey, you ok there dude?" The boy asked. "You going to have a seziure? 'Cause if you are, I'm leaving you there." I grimaced. Apparently I was making a very strained face that was bright red. With a few splotches of purple.

"Sorry. Just having a discussion about the, uh, clothing choice these lovely people seem to have given us." The boy nodded. "Oh, and also, before I forget, my name's John. What's yours?"

"I'm Aloysius." Aloysius grinned. "Pretty suave, huh?"

Damn! I thought. That is a suave name. Come on Mum and Dad! Why John?

Aloysius turned to me and held out his hand. I took it and cried on the inside. Not because of the hand, or that I'm a germophobe, it was because of the fact that he pulled me in for a full Johnston, which is bad enough on it's own, but because of the gowns it made it that much worse.

After that uncomfortable episode, we decided to go outside, which prompted a long and, rather childish, argument about who should go out the door first. I won't go into detail, but it went something like this:

"You go."
"You retarded? Have you SEEN the look of this place?"
"Just go."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"No."
"Yes... Aw, Fuck!"

(John - 1. Aloysius - 0.)

I grinned. "Works every time. Don't worry, If you die, It will be for a good cause."

"And what would that be, sir?" Aloysius challenged.

"I then have a greater chance of not dying because of you." I smirked.

(John - 2. Aloysius - 0.)

Aloysius flipped me off.

The hallway was - get this - even shittier than the room. The hallway actually had a few dead rat skeletons on the floor.

"Jeeeesus," Grimaced Aloysius. "No freaking housework done here in a while huh? Oh by the way, before I forget, why do you think we're here? Do you think that maybe..." Aloysius trailed off. He met my gaze and I knew why he trailed off. We both shuddered.

At that exact moment the door to the immediate right of us let loose a shrill scream. I'm not proud to say this, but I shit my pants. What else do you expect me to do after you have the conversation we had, AND you have the shitty hallway... thats abandoned... And eerily quiet... If this turns out to be my version of the Walking Dead, I'm gonna be so pissed...

We had another childish argument about the door-opening thing again. Aloysius won that one, and he used the same technique I did, sneaky bastard...

(Aloysius - 1, John - 2)

I nearly punched the poor girl who was waiting for us in the room. Just to get things straight, I didn't want to hit her. Think of it as my survival switch. Punch the crap out of thing, ask questions later. Never failed me before... That's because you've never had to use it, John.

Aloysius was a little mad when he pulled my arm away. He's got fast reflexes.

"The fuck, dude? You got a vendetta against girls, or something? You a wife beater?"

(I didn't like that last remark, but I guess it's a valid diss. Aloysius - 2 , John - 2. And yes, this is going to be a thing.)

I just glared at him. "So sorry about that. I'm kinda high-strung." And then, the girl did the weirdest thing. She smiled and said, "It's ok," before punching me in the face.

Damn! That girl can punch!

The girl held out a hand. "I'm Dei-dei. You are?"

"John." I grinned as she pulled he up and gave me a - thank god - normal handshake. I let out a huge sigh. Oh thank God, she didn't full Johnston me.

Dei-dei looked at me funny, but decided to let it slide.

Aloysius had abandoned us to go back to our room. He found two silvery backpacks embroidered with gemstones. One was labeled "Aloysius" and the other was named "John". Aloysius' bag was untouched, but mine was wide open with MY STUFF spread out on his bed. He was currently failing to open my computer. "Damn! This password hint is crap! What the fuck does 90-29-09302 mean?"

(Don't even try to figure it out.)

I coughed, and Aloysius looked at me guiltily with a grin on his face.

"If you're gonna look at porn, just do it on your own computer."

(Damn that was good! John - 3, Aloysius - 2)

Aloysius gave me the finger. Again. Dei-dei decided to look for her own bag.

"Don't let me walk back in here to see you two fapping at the computer screen."

(Oh snap. I guess this is just going to become a threesome tally. Dei-dei - 1, John - 3, Aloysius - 2)

I grinned at her sarcastically. "I'll try."

I looked at my stuff, seeing what the childnappers had been so kind as to bring. Here's what was in my bag.

-My laptop
-My phone
-My swiss-army knife
-A bundle of bright clothes
-A piece of paper with very regal handwriting on it.

"Hey, what's that? What's it say?" Asked Aloysius. I read it aloud.

Here are some clothes. We also decided to take these three items. They look to be useful. Meet us in Canterlot as soon as it is possible

It was signed with Celestia and Luna's marks.

I paled. Aloysius looked at me, concerned.

"You know those marks?" He scanned my face, looking for any sign of an answer. Dei-dei came back into the room, carrying a similar backpack. "Hey, Dei-dei. You know what these marks are?" Interrogated Aloysius. Dei-dei frowned.

"Nope. Never seen them before in my life. Why, are they important?" She read the letter. "Could be a cult... Or an obscure country's flag..."

I sighed in submission. I was going to have to tell them sooner or later. Damn it all! I meet some nice people and now they're going to treat me like a total retard. For once, I didn't disagree with my voice. Here goes...

"Ok. Aloysius. Dei-dei. Listen." I was sick to the pit of my stomach. "Do you know the TV show My Little Pony?"

They both frowned a little at this question, but nodded. "That's the 3 year old's show about friendship and crap, right?" asked Aloysius.

Dei-dei had put two and two together, successfully came out with four, and punched Aloysius in the shoulder.

"Hey! What was that fo- Oh. Ooooooh. Oh. Sorry dude. Continue." Aloysius looked sheepish.

I pressed on. "Well. These markings are from two specific ponies in the show."

"Explain what these mean, please." asked Dei-dei.

"Later." I just wanted to tell them this first. "They say meet us in Canterlot, right? Well then. All we have to do is get outside and then I can probably direct us there." I then remembered that we were all still wearing our hospital gowns. "We shall change first though." I'm not going to bloody well have an audience with the princesses of Equestria in a bloody nightie!

After we had changed and gotten ready to leave, I decided it would be a good idea to grab a weapon. I used my swiss army knife, Aloysius grabbed a fallen wooden beam, and Dei-dei had found a metal poker back in her room. We walked to - what we thought was - the main lobby exit, thanks to the many LATIN maps in this godforsaken place. I glanced at the others, to see if they were ready. Both of their faces were masks of grim determination. I exhaled slowly, then charged at the door with a cry of "SPARTAAAAAAAAA!"

Draconequuses, Alicorns, and Even More Hospital Gowns

Author's Note

Ah....... Chapter 2 is finally complete! Thanks again goes out to srtux for writing this with me, editing this with me... Stay strong dude, stay strong. We gonna make it. Couldn't have done any of the witty banter without you. Told you I needed you for this.

P.S I just had to publish this on the fly. Please let me know if you find spelling or grammar errors. Thanks.

Enjoy chapter 2 (I hope)!

Draconequuses, Alicorns, and Even More Hospital Gowns

After my rather pitiful war cry had gotten me through the doorway out of the main lobby, I had to get pulled back away from the waist high banister railing to save me from falling off. Turns out the "Main Lobby" was floor freaking 12. Turns out none of us can read latin. Turns out that I had a nervous breakdown shortly afterwards. After I had recovered, I looked around at my surroundings. We were out on a balcony that overlooked - "Canterlot Castle!" I yelled, in a mixture of disbelief, horror, and joy.

Holy crap on a stick. The cartoon was right? Or is that show not even classified as a cartoon now? Or maybe- I stopped. I realized that everything around me sort of had a fake-ish tint to it, like it wasn't all there. As if we were in a cartoon.

"What the Fu-" Aloysius cut himself off. He looked distant, like he wasn't really sure if he was dreaming, or high, or dead. I frowned at him, and waved my cartoony hand in front of his face. It took a while, but he did respond. I turned to Dei-dei. Same thing. I steered them back to the door. Dei-dei was muttering something under her breath. Aloysius was just whispering "Jeeeeeesus. It's real. It's really real..."

Before I could walk them out of the door, a fellow English voice chimed up. The door in front of us slammed shut. Barring us from everything except the voice, with nothing but a certain 12-story fall to let us escape.

"Well, now! Is that any way to treat the person who brought you here?" The voice had a slightly satanic tone to it, like the person was always seeming to want to rip your skull open. "Here I am, waiting to be introduced to the three souls I brought here to Equestria, and they turn back without a second glance! Honestly, children these days!"

So we ARE in Equestria...

I turned around.

"Discord!" I yelled.
"Dis who?" Asked Dei-dei.
"Holy crap what is that... That... Thing??!?!? It looks like Victor Frankenstein had a seizure whilst making his next monster!" Aloysius exclaimed, rather descriptively.

Discord feigned being hurt.

"Ouch! Those words hurt, you know!" He summoned one of those red psychiatrist's chairs and lay down in it, his face a mask of pain. "I feel so unbearably sad now. I was going to tell you why you came here in the first place, and what your purpose is, but now you can all go sod off and find it out for yourselves."

I held up the handwritten note from Luna and Celestia. "I take it this wasn't them then, was it?"

"Nope." Discord made the chair vanish and disappeared, the reappeared behind me.

I sighed melodramatically. "Cut the crap Discord. Just spit your master plan out."

"No. Don't feel like it any more. Much more fun to screw with you three."
"Yes. Out with it."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"No."
"No."
"Damn it! You're good."

(Discord - 1, John - 0)

Discord smirked. "I'm Discord. Spirit of disharmony and chaos? I basically invented that trick."
"Touchè." I said.
"Yes, I would think so. Now anyways, back to business." Discord theatrically cleared his throat. "Ahem! You three unfortunate souls were the perfect candidates for my master plan! It goes something like this!" Discord summoned a chalkboard and a teacher's mortar and shoved us into old school desks. Here's what he wrote up onto the board.

I just felt like screwing with everyone in Equestria.

I cried in outrage. "IS THAT IT?!?!? YOU SHOVE US INTO AN OLD, ABANDONED HOSPITAL WITH LATIN MAPS, AND THEN WIPE OUR MINDS, AND THEN TELL US THAT YOU JUST WANTED US HERE FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES, WITH NO IDEA HOW WE ARE SUPPOSED TO GET BACK?!?! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT DISCORD? FUCK YOU, FUCK YOUR LIFE, AND GO FUCK YOURSELF. PISS OFF AND LEAVE US ALONE."

(I guess that's a diss... John - 1. Discord - 1)

As soon as I finished, I knew I was in deep shit.

I felt the air around me grow hot. I felt the blood inside my head start to boil. Discord looked pissed. Really. Fucking. Pissed. I suddenly felt my insides cramp up and I started to choke on my own blood. Discord started to steam with anger as he held my gaze, each second feeling like a million. He gave me one last clench of pain, then he vanished. This seemed to snap Dei-dei and Aloysius out of the trance.

I saw my vision go black, and the last thing I saw was a blinding flash of light.

(Discord - Infinity, John - 1)

I woke up in yet another strange hospital room. Damn it all! I'm in some kind of Hospitalception! When I get outta this I'm gonna... I was interrupted by a loud, commanding female tone that made me want to curl up in a fetal position until it passed.

"Jonathan Thomas! Be thou allright?"

I could have sworn that was Luna... I thought to myself. I turned to look at the voice's origin.

It was Luna, goddess of the night. I got a little tongue tied after that.

"Hermagershaisyuuu!"

Luna looked a little aghast.

Oh God. John you're such a ninny. I tried again to form words.

"OhmygoditsreallyyouIknewyouguysexisted!"

Luna frowned. "Are thee suffering from a brain disorder, Jonathan?"

That would've explained so much.

Good, at least you can form words. Now this time, try not to fawn over her like a fucking dipshit.

I cleared my throat. "How did I get here? How do you know my name?" I said.

"You were found unconscious after we saw a huge flash of red energy from the ruins of our founders. You have been out for days. Your... Friends? Told us your names. They came to a few hours before you did. What exactly are you... Child?" Luna genuinely looked confused, as if I was the guy from their children's TV show.

Heh. My Little Human. I grinned.

"I'm a teenage human. Have you ever heard of us?" I inquired.

"I cannot say that I have, child," said Luna "And, lest I forget, how be you fluent in Equestrian?"

I whistled. "I thought you were fluent in English. So, how long is days?"

"One fortnight."

My eyes bogged out of my skull. "Well in that case, can I get out of here? Please?"

Luna nodded. "Would thou like to see thine acquaintances?" The goddess of the night inquired.

"Yes, please. That would be great." I said those words, and the whole world became fuzzy. I turned to the alicorn. Her horn was aglow with a navy blue light, illuminating the room. My stomach got a weird cramping feeling, less painful than the Discord incident, and I then felt like an immortal god. I didn't know anything, and knew everything at the same time. I saw every spectrum of color and light known to science, and a few others too. (Turns out Octarine IS a real color. Thanks Terry Pratchett.) I felt happy, sad, angry, and even a little ecstatic, with a few other feelings mixed in for flavor.

It lasted all of 2.5 seconds. Damn! No wonder alicorns and unicorns don't bother to walk. I wanna do it again! I saw 6 ponies surrounding my friends on a courtyard. My friends seemed to be a bit bummed out about their company. Dei-dei noticed me and waved me over lethargically. I ran up there, and saw none other than the mane 6 surrounding me and my friends.

"Hey, there's another one of them human things!" Said Applejack.
"Oh, this one looks awful! Look at those clashing colors!" Winced Rarity.
"Pshhh. Looks fine to me," Said Rainbow Dash. "It's like my colors!"
"Precisely." hummed Rarity.
"Ooooh! This one looks FUN. You a partier, or are you just a sourpuss like the other boy?" said Pinkie Pie.
"I resent that." Said Aloysius.
"Girls, there's no need for that..." whispered Fluttershy.
"So are you another human?" Asked Twilight. "Because if you are, I'd love to examine you for research for new species! Are you from the family of Hominoidea? Or maybe you're a type of Troglodyte!" Twilight giggled happily.
Now I know why those two look bummed. I glanced at Aloysius and Dei-dei. Their faces could have vaporized stone.
"Uh, I'm gonna have to decline your... Generous? Yeah, generous offer." Twilight looked a little disappointed. I fumbled quickly for words so as not to keep Twilight bummed out.

"We are in the family Hominoidea. We evolved from them. Our species is Homo Sapiens, or humans. We're not from around here."

Thank god for science and latin classes...

Twilight seemed happy with my response. Phew. No dissecting for me today.

"Hey, where exactly do you guys come from?" Asked Applejack.

"We're from-"

Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light and out of the light stepped none other than the opaline goddess herself, Celestia.

All it takes is a dozen ponies and a dash of teleportation magic to lose one's train of thought. Huh. Who knew?

Celestia rushed out of the light, immediately cornering me and my three friends.

"You shouldn't be here." Celestia said gravely.

I tsked. "Well then can you tell us how to get back Celestia?" I asked.

Celestia gasped.

"I never told you my name..."

Oh shit.

TV Shows, Stalkers and Quiz Questions

Celestia cornered me. Again.

"How do you know my name? Have you been spying on me? Are you a newcomer in Equestria?"

"The latter. Definitely the latter." I replied hastily. I didn't want any of these ponies to think I was stalking them...

Then what do you call watching them on a television screen, dipshit? My voice asked sarcastically. Honestly, sometimes I just want to punch my own lights out.

Celestia still looked doubtful. "This still does not explain the fact that you know my name without me telling you it. Did Luna or anyone else tell you?"

I turned to see all of the other ponies, and my traitorous friends, shake their heads.

Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! I was drenched in a cold sweat, and felt like I was about to puke.

I then heard the voices of my parents.

John, buddy. Listen to me. my "Dad" said. Run away whilst you still can. From what I've gathered inside your melon, she's done worse for lesser things. Hoof it sport.
My Mum's voice chimed in next. Honey, just fess up. I'm sure nothing THAT bad will happen! I mean, what's the worst that could happen?
I bloody well get banished to the moon, Mum.

After that, the voices hushed.

Really? NOW you shush, voice?

I sighed in submission. I walked up to Celestia and did the thing I knew in my heart was the right choice.

I turned tail and ran like the dickens.

In hindsight, I realize how retarded I was in that single instance. I had just been teleported by another alicorn nearly 2 minutes ago, and I then decide to run from another one.

Genius John. Simply genius.

And it's back.

After being unceremoniously dragged back to my original spot on the plaza by magic (Which, by the way, itches like nothing else), Celestia decided to contain me inside a rose-tinted ball of magic 20 feet up in the air. She flew up to my altitude and sat on a cloud a few feet away from me.

"I have all day, young one. I can sit here and maintain this level of magic for centuries. You don't have that long." Celestia looked smug, as if she knew she won. She had, but I wasn't going to let her know that. I shook my head and sat facing away from her in my bubble. Not a good idea.

I found myself hurtling to the ground a few seconds later, with Dei-dei screaming and Aloysius running over to my place of impact to attempt to catch me. At the last second, Celestia teleported beneath me and I landed on her back.

(Taking advantage of my vertigo was underhanded, but... Celestia - 1, John - 0)

I uttered a long, long string of expletives and insults after that. Dei-dei and Aloysius knew what I meant, and were cringing. The ponies just cocked their heads and looked puzzled at my colourful outburst.

Aloysius waked over to Celestia.

"Ummm... Your poniness? He knows who you are because -"
"NO!" I yelled. Aloysius sighed at me.
"I'm telling them. Unless you want another torture ball?"

I couldn't argue with that, and I relented.

Celestia grinned. "Good decision, young one. Anything you can do, I will be able to do better."
I raised my eyebrow in disbelief. "Is that so, Celestia? Let me see you do this then."
I started to snap my fingers.
Celestia blushed and ignored me.

(DAMN SON! Ima giving myself TWO points for that! John - 2, Celestia - 1)

So Aloysius then went on to tell the ponies how we came here, what happened to us before they rescued us, and most importantly, how I knew who all of these ponies were.

The ponies were amused at first, thinking this was a joke. Then, when they saw us with sullen faces, their faces hardened.

"So you've been observing us." said Celestia in a monotone voice.
I panicked. "No! No! Well, yes... But I thought you were fake!"

This seemed to make things worse.

Thank god for Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie trotted up to me. "You don't seem like you know everything. Lemme quiz you!"

The rest of the ponies seemed to agree with this statement.

"Shoot." I said.

Somehow, Pinkie pulled out a snazzy fedora and put on a monocole.

"Question 1," Pinkie said. "Where are we at this very moment?"

"Pfft. That's an easy one Pinkie. The correct answer is...." I got interrupted by Pinkie.

"Ponyville of course! You should know that if you stalk us!"

I growled.

And I could only just about take Pinkie in the show... God, I already feel an aneurism coming on.

I sighed.

"Maybe next time you would give me a little more time to answer, Pinkie." I asked nicely, forcing a smile onto my face.

Pinkie nodded and giggled. "Okie dokey Lokey! Next question! Numero two! Who is that?"

She pointed to Gummy.

"That's Gummy, your pet alligator." I replied.

"Psychic!" Pinkie yelled.

Twilight sighed and stepped in. "My turn now... It's only fair that we should know your name before we go any further. What is it?"

"I'm John. John... Thomas." I sighed.

Aloysius and Dei-dei found this hilarious.

"Oh god dude! Your parents must have HATED you!" Laughed Aloysius.

I clenched my fists.

Dei-dei put two and two together and successfully came out with four again. This time though, she punched Aloysius in the head.

"Jesus, Dei-dei! What the fu- Ooooooooooh. Shit, man I'm so sorry."

"Lets just forget about it." I said.

"But-"

"I SAID SHUT IT ALOYSIUS!" I yelled. Aloysius meekly obeyed.

The ponies grew restless.

"Shoot. Even I understood why he shut his mouth there, Aloysius." Applejack tsked.
"I concur!" Said Rarity.
"Yeah... How did it happen, John?" Asked Rainbow Dash.

Author's Note

Aha! Chapter 3 is done!

I used the british spelling for all of the BRITISH words. Don't you dare scream at me.

Now onto chapter 4! X_X

P.S The tales of Dei-dei, John and Aloysius will continue! Later. I won't be writing over the summer. I will try, but it's gonna be hard. Apparently we need "Family bonding time".

Car Crashes, Pony Tears, and Drunken Stupors

"So... How did it happen, John?" Rainbow asked.

I sighed, remembering the day like it was only yesterday.

"I was eight." I began. "My parents had just gotten home from a long business trip from Minnesota. Four months, to be precise. I had not seen them in four months, and so I stayed with my neighbors who gladly looked after me as though I was their own son. After they had come back, there was many a tearful reunion. And, to celebrate, my parents and I went out for a meal at the fanciest place in Essex. It was great. My parent's smiling faces as they lifted me up, greeting me with such utter joy, I got to have a slap-up dinner at the Ritz, that was probably the happiest and worst day of my life. On the way home, a drunk driver rammed our car going through a red light, killing my parents and rendering me unconscious. The bastard only got 4 years in prison. I lost my family, and got mild brain damage from the crash. I started to hear voices in my head, and I drifted away from everyone else. I was failing my middle school classes. My neighbors didn't know what to do with me. I started going to therapy, but nothing seemed to work. You know what got me back on track? Your show. It was the first show I had seen that was a happy, fun show. It taught me how to smile again, how to have friends. You guys made me a better person. I started going back to school, I got great grades, and the voices became less harsh and horrid than they were in the beginning. I got my friends back. I became me again, and I was able to get my life on track."

My voice was trembling as much as my lower lip was. The ground directly below me had now grown dark brown with my tears. I looked up, and all of the ponies were gushing up a storm. Even the hard-ass Dei-dei had a few tears running down her face.

I smiled sadly, and walked up to Twilight, and gave her a hug. I then did that to the rest of the ponies. And I even gave Aloysius a pat on the back and a hug to Dei-dei.

"That's horrible!" Rainbow exclaimed, wiping away a new wave of tears. "But I have two questions."

"Shoot." I said.

"Ok. What is 'drunk', and what is 'driving'?"

Aloysius smiled.

"Oh, I think I can show you one of those."

He pulled out five six-packs of Budweiser out of his backpack and grinned.

I gasped in a mix of delight and astonishment.

"Duuuuuuuuuude.... We need to have a drink. Like, now."

Dei-dei looked concerned.

"Aren't you both only 15? You're both underage."

"Look around us, Dei-dei," Aloysius said. "We're in a world full of magical talking ponies, and you're worried about the laws of Earth."

Dei-dei considered this, and then finally relented, motioning to Aloysius to throw her a can.

Aloysius shook the remaining 27 cans of beer at the ponies.

"Come on. It's only fair we teach you a little about our culture!"

"But what about the quiz?" Asked Twilight.

"Screw the quiz, we're getting drunk!" Yelled Aloysius.

The ponies seemed to agree with that, and they each grabbed a beer. We all cracked ours open, and then remembered that the ponies didn't have fingers. We cracked theirs open, and we all took a big, long swig of ice-cold beer. The ponies all finished theirs looong before we did, and we started to laugh as Rarity, Applejack, and Luna started to gag on the aftertaste of the beer.

None of us objected to a second one though.
Or a third.

After the third one, all of us were red-cheeked and giggly.

I also knew what type of drunks everyone was.

Applejack was the quiet and reflective drunk.
Rarity was the nonstop laugher drunk.
Rainbow was the wussy type who passed out drunk after 2 beers.
Pinkie, to my surprise, was the down to earth, serious drunk.
Twilight was the distaff drunk.
Fluttershy was the loudmouthed drunk.
Celestia was the stoic drunk. She was the least rosy-cheeked of us all.
Luna was the angry drunk.
Aloysius was the idea drunk. The kind that philosophizes and is a major lightbulb.
Dei-dei was the sorrowful drunk.

I didn't really know which drunk I was.

If you have ever been drunk with friends, you know how crazy it can get.

You have never seen anything crazy until you see pony beer pong.

You heard me right. Pony. Beer. Pong.

The best one was Fluttershy vs. Luna. Every single time Fluttershy managed to get one in, she would gallop around the makeshift table we created and whoop a victory cheer as loud as she could. Luna would then get so mad she cheated, but apparently magic misfires and doesn't work right when the magic user isn't in a proper state of mind. This then proceeded to make Luna madder, and we had to call off the game because at one point Luna decided to use the ball as a missile headed straight for Fluttershy's head.

Thank God drunk magic doesn't work that well. It flew way above the oblivious Fluttershy, and sailed into a random pony's bedroom. They were not amused, and we all legged it before the pony realized who the assaulters were.

It wouldn't look good if the princesses of friendship, the Sun, and the Moon were found to be vandalizing people's homes drunk.

We decided to lay low after that, and eventually made our way to Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack said it was the least she could do after a fun night out.

Pity I snored the whole night and kept everyone else up.

I'm the snorer drunk.

Author's Note

This is the first ever glimpse into John's past I'm letting in. Don't know what me and srtux are going to do for the others though.

I guess I lied to you guys about when this next one would be published. I have still got 5 days left of school.

P.S I don't endorse underage drinking. (Legal drinking age is 16 in Britain. Don't know much else.) Just wanted to get that out there.
P.P.S. Essex is a place in England. Near London.
P.P.P.S. Don't know what beer pong is? Google it!