Author's Note
Warning from the Author: This is a strictly fun fanfiction! Only for people who know how to laugh! With that said, if you do not like the comedy. Well, comedy's subjective. Sorry people.
Derr. Chapter done
Luna’s Sock Puppet Show
The moonlight was beaming over Canterlot castle. The dinner table was getting set up for a very special thing Luna had planned. Luna was so excited that she even invited Princess Cadence over to the castle to view it.
“Luna.” Cadence said, “What did you invite me to see?”
“It’s a surprise.” Luna replied giddily.
“Well, when will you show us?”
“Soon enough.”
Luna pat Cadence on the head and walked off.
Celestia bumped into Luna not long after, “Oh, hello sister.” She said.
“Hello.” Luna replied. “How are you tonight?”
“Oh man! I am feeling so great! Nothing could ever ruin tonight. Absolutely nothing.” Celestia responded. “And you wouldn’t believe it, before today I was having the worst of luck this past week. I was thinking of doing... Something that you wouldn’t want to know.”
“Oh.”
The three princesses sat down at the dining room table. The table was round, but big. Luna was hurrying up with her meal so that she could show the others what she had in store for them.
“So.” Celestia started, “How is the Crystal Empire doing?”
“It’s been doing fine.” Cadence answered, “Though, Shining Armor has come down with a fever.”
“Well, that’s a shame.”
“Yes. But he is getting better-” Cadence said before she was cut off.
“DONE!” Luna shouted, finishing her meal.
She ran out of the room eagerly in search of something.
Celestia and Cadence began talking again for a few minutes, and then Luna came back in, carrying something covered in a sheet with her magic.
“What is that?” Celestia asked.
“Well, you two are going to get both a dinner, and a show.” Luna answered, removing the sheet to reveal a cardboard box made miniature puppet stage. The box was about as tall as Luna and had a hole near the top of it. Inside the hole were red curtains
“Luna?” Celestia started, “What is that?”
Luna pulled out two sock puppets and put them on her hooves her hooves, “Welcome to Luna’s Sock Puppet Theater.” One of the sock puppets was made to look like a king, and the other was a dragon.
“Oh...” Celestia says, “How... Nice.”
Luna then crouched down into the cardboard.
“Something tells me that this is going to be really bad.”
Then from under the cardboard, the two sock puppets came out.
“Gree, I’m mean, old, nasty dragon, and I’m going to eat you for some reason.” The dragon puppet said in a growly voice.
“Not if I defeat you.” The king puppet said, not in a growly voice.
“Hahahaha, don’t make me laugh!”
“You just did.”
“Oh………….You got me there.” The dragon admitted, tapping the king puppet a bit.
At this time Celestia was considering suicide, and the longer the puppet show went on, the more it seemed like a good idea.
“You mean, old, nasty dragon, I shall kill you with……….Um………...This.” The king puppet said as he picked up a stick in it’s sock mouth.
“What do you plan on doing with that?” The dragon puppet asked.
“Kill you…….Like I just said I would.”
“Oh, you got me there again.”
“I always will get you there.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“It made sense in my head.”
“Well it didn’t make any sense when you said it.”
“I see.”
“Good.”
Now Celestia really wanted to die, and from the looks of it, she wasn’t the only one, Cadence was writing her will on a napkin.
“Now then, I will kill you with this stick.” The King puppet said.
“Noooo!” The Dragon screams as the King whacks the dragon with the stick. The dragon now sunk off stage.
“HAHAHA!” The King puppet laughed, “I have defeated you! You evil dragon! Ahaha! MUAHAHAHA! And now I shall go look for more dragons to kill!” The King walks off and finds another dragon.
“Hault!” The newer Dragon shouted. “Who goes there?”
“It is I! The King! Here to slay you, Dragon!” The King answers.
“Oh no!” The Dragon yelled, “Wait, look over there!” The dragon points with his mouth over to something not there.
“Well I should go check that out.” The King says walking off stage.
“Psst.” A sound came from the other side of the stage.
“What might that be?” The Dragon ponders.
“It is I. The original Dragon the King slayed.” The first Dragon came out.
The newer Dragon puppet gasped.
By this time Celestia was banging her head against the table.
“I can help you defeat the King.” The original Dragon whispers. “Uh oh, the King is coming back.” The original dragon ducks off the stage.
“There was nothing over there.” The King said walking back on the stage.
“I could have sworn I saw something.” The newer Dragon questioned.
“Oh well, time for you to die.” The King nearly lunged at the newer Dragon when suddenly he gets dragged down off the stage.
The cardboard stage shuffles a but with grumbling coming from it saying “Friggin sock puppets! Just do what I want you to!”
After a bit of this, the first dragon pops up with the King in his mouth. The old Dragon flips the King around for a bit until he stops and the King hits his head.
“Oh no! Augh!” The older Dragon shouts, “I’m dying! I’m dying! Avenge me!” The Dragon and the King fall off stage.
A bit more shuffling from the stage later and the King pops back out.
“Haha! Now I got you!” He laughs.
“Nooo!” The newer dragon shouts. “Wait! I will use my flame breath!” The Dragon opened his sock mouth wide and then pointed it towards the King.
“Rawr! Flames, flames, flames!” Came Luna’s voice from behind the cardboard.
“Augh!” The King yelled, thrashing around as if he were on fire. “If I go down! you’re coming with me!” The King grabs the stick and charges at the Dragon.
The King jumps of the dragon and hits him with the stick and they both fall off stage.
The Dragon pops out one last time, “Augh! I’m dying! I’m dying!” The Dragon falls backwards off stage. And then the curtains close.
Celestia and Cadence just sat there and stared, not knowing what to say or do. Celestia got up and threw her plate of food at the wall, making it shatter. She walked off to her room.
“That……..Show was horrible, and I can’t get it out of my head…………...Maybe I should just end it all.” Celestia said as she sat on her bed.
“But how could I kill myself? ...What if I went to another world and let myself get killed there, that’s bound to work.” Celestia then picked up a book from a nearby shelf and started to read it.
“Hmm……….This place called Earth sounds like a good place to die” Celestia said to herself as she charged her horn up and teleported herself to Earth.
A car was driving down the road at 60 miles an hour. Carrying a man in his late 30’s and an old man probably in his early 70’s.
“Y’know.” The old man said, “I was a bit skeptical at first about you marrying my daughter, but now I’m starting to kinda warm up to you. So, when’s the wedding?”
“You do know we have been married for 13 years right?” The younger man asked.
“Oh. I’m old! I forget things easily!” The old man hit the younger man. “So, when am I getting grandkids?”
“You already have a grandson!” The younger one shouted.
Thunder clashed in the sky.
“I don’t remember the weather man telling us there was going to be thunder.” The younger man ponders.
Lightning strikes down onto the street, but it stays there for longer than it should. The lightning starts to widen and it takes the form of something. A white horse. Not just any horse. A horse with a horn, and wings, and a crown. It was Princess Celestia.
She stepped out of the lightning, looking at the car coming straight towards her. She closed her eyes, waiting for her fate.
“Look out!” The old man shouts at the younger one who was driving the car.
“Oh crap!” The younger one turns the steering wheel and the car goes off the road.
The car goes onto the hill beside the road and starts flipping down it. They both trash around in the car until it finally stops at the bottom.
“Thankfully we are alive.” The younger one said. And then the car blew up! No reason, it just went boom. oh stop staring at me like that! You all saw it coming!
Celestia realized that her fate didn’t come. She looked down to the car wreckage below. “... Wow.”
Celestia then started to think of another way to kill herself, and after a bit of thinking she said to herself “I have a book of demons in my room, I could just summon one to kill me………...Or, I could use him to kill of the ponies in Equestria……... And then I could start a new equestrian life here………...Yes, that’s what I’ll do.” Celestia then teleported herself back to her room.
When Celestia got back to her room, she looked for the book of demons, and when she found it she started to flip through the pages until she came across one name.
“The Torturer, that sounds like a good name for a demon……..I think I’ll summon him.” Celestia said to herself as she started to summon the demon, the room darkened, the walls became red, and a orange light came up from the ground, and after a few minutes of this, Celestia’s horn flashed a bright light, but when her eyes recovered from the light, see saw no demon in front of her.
“What, but that should have worked, how did it fail?” Celestia asked herself
“It didn’t fail!” A voice replied.
“Who said that?! And where are you?!”
“I’m in front of you my dear, you just can’t see me, for I am invisible, as for my name, well I have so many, some have long been forgotten, but you would know me as……….The Torturer!”
“So it did work, very well I order you to-” Celestia then got cut off by the demon.
“Hold on, you’re ordering me, you should know that I never take orders from anyone, I just torture who ever I want too, like right now I’m in the mood for torturing four mares, three of them are musicians, one of them is a candy maker, all of them are friends who everypony thinks are lesbians, and they may have experimented with each other in college.”
“That’s……….Very specific.”
“It is, but I will find them, and I will make them suffer.”
“That’s great, but I need a demon who will take orders.”
“Well then, you better get another demon.”
“I’m not letting you out of here!”
“What are you going to do, throw me in a dungeon”
(12 minutes later)
The Torturer sat in his cell, in a dungeon and said to himself, “I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.”
Celestia walked in, “So, will you help me now?”
“Uuuuum. Wrong cell.”
“Oh.” She turned to another cell, “So will you help me now?”
“How about you go die in a hole! And let me out of here while you’re at it.” The Torturer yelled.
Celestia punched him.
“This is your last chance monster!” Celestia shouted.
“I was reconsidering it, but then you called me a monster and hurt my feelings.” The Torturer mocked.
“Fine. Die along with this world!” Celestia smirked. “See if I care!” With that Celestia walked out.
The Torturer just stood there. “I can’t believe this!” He shouted. “She is so stuck up! I want to get revenge! NOW!” He punches the wall next to the lock to the gate and a brick loosens. “Huh?” He pulls the brick out, “Oh, I can escape now.” He pushes the gate open. He quickly closes the gate and puts the brick back in.
“Now then, I just have to wait for the guard to come over.”
“What was that, demon?” The guard said.
“Well, that was fast.” The Torcher replied
“What was fast?”
“Your mother last night.”
“My mom has been dead for five years,”
“I know, she’s in Tartarus, and that whole mother thing wasn’t a lie.”
“You son of a b-” The guard then got cut of by the demon.
“Let me just stop you right there, if anyone here is a son of a…...You know, its you.”
“Grrrwaaa!!!” The guard yelled out, he then open the gate to the cell and started to swing his sword in the air.
“Just so you know,” The Torcher said as the door to the cell behind the guard opened up. “You’re in the wrong cell.” The Torcher then threw the brick at the guards head.
Then birck hit the guards head, and he fell to the ground, blood pouring out of his head.
“And now, to escape.” The Torcher then walked out of his cell, and started to leave the dungeon. “Now, once I get out of here, I just have to find the group of ponies I’d like to torcher……….. Which might take sometime, but I will find them.”
As The Torcher left the dungeon, he saw a guard walking towards him, he then used his powers to grab the sword from the guards hooves and, before the guard could do anything, he swung the sword at the guards neck, decapitating him.
The Torcher chuckled and said, “Good Sir. I’m just escaping, there’s no need to lose your head over it.”
The Torturer kept moving, being sure not to be seen. Which is allot easier then I’m making it out to be.
He moved down a hallway and saw Princess Cadence and Luna just hanging around. Well, Luna was reading a book.
“Hey Cadence.” Luna said, “Did you know that there is a spell that can turn anything you want into ghosts?”
“That’s a stupid spell.” Cadence said.
“You just don’t get it.”
The Torturer walked past the two chatting princesses and found a large double door. Most likely the exit. He pushed the doors open and saw the outside. “Now to find those four mares.” He plotted.
“Now where would I find the kind of mares I’m looking for?” The Torcher said to himself.
As he walked out of the castle he looked around and saw a sign that said “Ponyville, 56 miles”
“Well, that’s a good place to start.” The Torturer said as he started to walk down the path that lead to Ponyville.
The Torturer arrived at Ponyville and looked around
“Well, I don’t see anyone- hold on!” The Torturer said as his eyes lock on four mares, “They’re …………. Perfect.”
The Torturer then walked over to the mares, he knew, he was going to have fun making them suffer.
“So, just hypothetically.” A white unicorn with a rather spiky blue mane said, “If we were to come across a big ball of electricity, what would we do?”
“Why would you ask that?” An earth pony with a grey mane and fur questioned.
“Just a little thought I’ve had for a while.”
The Torturer had snuck up behind the one with the blue mane, getting ready to strike.
“Well, I don’t know about you.” A mint green unicorn started, “But I would want to stare at it. And then poke it.”
“Lyra, that’s a horrible idea.” A tan earth pony said.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, the one with the white unicorn got picked up by what seemed like nothing. But we all know it’s something. Just don’t tell them that. And thrown at the gray one.
“Vinyl, get off of me!” The gray one shouted.
“Sorry Octy.” Vinyl said, “I don’t know what happened-” She was cut off by her head suddenly getting pushed down, and her horn going through Octavia’s body blood squirted out of her body. They both screamed as the other two watched in shock as Vinyl tried to pull out, but was unable to.
Lyra and the other one tried to run for help, but Lyra was picked up my her tail and flung at the other one, hitting her head and sending them both flying.
They tumbled onto the dirt.
“Uugh.” Lyra grunted. “Bon Bon, are you alright?” She looked over to her friend, who was then picked up.
Bon Bon’s back hooves went flying down towards Lyra’s stomach, smashing it, and breaking a few ribs. Her skin eventually started to peel and blood started pouring out. Though, she stopped after a while.
“Who... Whoever you are, I don’t know what I did wrong. But please stop!” Bon Bon pleaded.
“Never.” A voice replied.
“W-Where are you?”
Bon Bon never got an answer as her front hooves started to bend in the wrong direction, and soon, she heard a sickening snap
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Bon Bon screamed as the pain from her broken front hooves registered to her brian.
Vinyl was starting to get nervous, she was the only one left who wasn’t in pain, but there were no signs that the thing that had done all these things to them was still here, she started to relax, until she felt something tug at her tail, then she was lifted of off Octavia and started to get dragged into an alleyway.
“No, please Celestia, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Vinyl yelled as she got dragged into the alleyway, then the sounds of something being thrown against trash cans and Vinyl’s screams came from the alley, after a few minutes, Vinyl’s bloody body got thrown out of the alley.
“Oh man…………..The pain……….The pain.” Vinyl managed to squeak out.
“And that takes care of that.” The Torturer said to himself.
