You are not entirely sure what happened last night, but while you had gone to bed fully clothed, sleeping face down into the pillow, you are currently naked, being spooned by a sleeping Fluttershy, and with the soft back of her hoof resting on your very erect member. Although you are tempted to stay sleeping for a few hours more, as your current position is incredibly comfortable, there are two problems. The first is that you have a lot to do today. You have decided to turn over a new leaf with your life, and you plan to start this by apologizing to every pony you have pissed off so far in Ponyville, and then see what you can do about getting a job and some friends. The second is that much as Fluttershy is a rather cute pony, and you wouldn’t mind sleeping with her on a regular basis, you had made a deal to yourself to not give into her, and push her to her limit in her attempts to woo you, or with regards to your current situation, her attempts to molest you in your sleep. Which reminds you – shouldn’t there be cum either on her hoof or on the bed somewhere? Or could it just be that Fluttershy is very bad at pleasing men? Not that you can blame her – she is, after all, somewhat of a recluse.

Much as you are keen to enjoy the moment, it is time to get up. Carefully, you remove Fluttershy’s forelegs from wrapping around you and replace them with a pillow. Fortunately, she doesn’t seem to notice, and after grabbing your clothes off the floor, you are able to silently sneak out of the room and into the nearby bathroom. After taking a much needed shit and then shower, you put on your clothes and head out towards the door. You wish you could complete your daily hygienic ritual with a nice shave – if you were going to make amends to some ponies, you might as well look good doing it – but alas, Fluttershy has no razor, a consequence of being a single mare who does not grow facial hair. Nevertheless, she does at least have a brush, and so you manage to make yourself look relatively presentable. Afterwards, you tip toe down the hallway and sneak out the front door.

There are four ponies you will need to apologize to today: Lyra, Cloud Kicker, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack. You decide to apologize to Lyra first, as she is the closest. Next to the window to Fluttershy’s spare room, there is a rather large bush, which you walk over to. You place your arm in, and hear a quiet “eep!” from the teal-colored mare who had been hiding in it.

“Good morning, Lyra!”

Realizing that she has been quite clearly busted for spying in on you , Lyra slowly steps out of the bushes with an embarrassed look on her face. “Oh hi there Anon. Nice, uh, weather we’re having lately.”

You were not going to ask what Lyra was doing spying on you while you slept. This would not be the first time you’ve noticed her watching you from a distance, and it would probably seem logical to her that her mint colored fur might serve as a decent form of camouflage—which would only be logical if she found a mint-colored bush.

“Alright Lyra, let’s ignore why you were in the bush, because I’ve got something completely different to talk to you about.”

Lyra blushes as she hears you call her out, but as you finish your sentence, her embarrassment is quickly dropped, and she adopts a more neutral, and curious-looking face. “Something else? Like what?”

“Well,” you say, breathing a deep sigh, “I actually wanted to apologize to you for something.”

Lyra’s eyes widen. “Excuse me? What do you have to apologize for? I should be the one who…”

You cut her off. “Actually Lyra, you don’t. I’ve been kind of an asshole to pretty much every pony I’ve spoken to in Equestria, and that includes you. In spite of some… recent developments, I’ve pretty much treated you like a creepy pervert, when I’m fairly sure there’s more than that to you.”

Lyra laughs. “No, you’re actually fairly spot on. I kind of am a little bit freaky and some things really just sort of fascinate me to the point where I get a little bit obsessive. Your hands, I guess, would be one of those obsessions. It’s a bit difficult to explain what it’s like when I get like this, but well, it drives me to do weird things like spying on you through the bushes.”

You pause to think for a moment about how best to dissolve this situation without generating too much awkwardness, and instead decide to take the most awkward approach. “Hey Lyra, you wanted to know what my hands felt like, right?”

“Well yeah, they seem so interesting so I wanted to know what they felt like. It’s like they’re a bunch of tiny little tentacles attached to your foreleg or something. I mean I’ve seen claws, but those are sharp, those… I have no idea what they were even designed for, but it just makes me want to…” She trails off into something incomprehensible, so you feel it best to finish what you were about to say.

“So, I’ve got an idea. How about we have a little trade. I’ll let you feel my hands, and in exchange, you let me feel what, say, your horn feels like.”

You’re not entirely sure what a unicorn’s horn serves to them other than as a focus for their magic, but based on how bright red Lyra’s normally minty face had become, you might as well have just asked her if you could fondle her lady bits. She stammers a bit. “W-w-well s-sure, i-i-if that’s w-what you’d like.”

“Hey, if you don’t want to” – before you can finish your sentence, Lyra grabs your right hand with her hooves and pulls it closer to her. “Nope, not going to miss an opportunity like this. Doesn’t matter the cost.”

You leave Lyra to spend the next few minutes playing around with your hand. She feels them about, and makes a comment about how soft they are, and how they feel much different from fur or scales. After this, she spends a minute or so trying to see how your fingers move, watching how they can curl in one direction, but will resist movement in the other. She balls your fingers up into a half-fist, uncurls them, and then tries out a few other configurations of finger positions, before finally letting go of your hand.

Lyra sighs and lowers her head to present her horn to you. “Okay, I’m done with your hand. You can play with my horn now if you want.”

“Hey, look, if you don’t really want to, you don’t have to…”

“No! A deal’s a deal!” Lyra interrutps. “If I wasn’t okay with you doing it, I wouldn’t have agreed to it.”

You hesitate for a moment before slowly moving your hand to the the base of her horn. You place her horn between your middle finger and thumb and begin to feel around it. The surface is definitely hard, much unlike skin or fur, but more like a very well polished rock. There are no blemishes along her horn aside from a spiral indentation that travels around the horn that might as well have been machined into it. You let your index finger follow the indentation around her horn from the base to the tip, and as you do, you hear Lyra begin to pant a little. Turning your focus to her face, you see that her eyes are squinted shut. You remove your hand from her horn.

“Lyra, are you okay?”

She ignores you and grabs your hand in her telekinesis to bring it back to her horn. “Don’t. Stop.” She takes a pause to breathe in between each word which you might have interpreted as two separate commands had she not been holding your hand in place with her telekinesis. Yep. You were definitely playing with her lady bits.

Not knowing how best to please a unicorn using their horn, you decide to experiment a little. You wrap your fingers around her horn, but leave your thumb at the top and let it rub against the tip. As you would have expected, this seems to be the most sensitive part, and as a result, Lyra has gone from light panting to heavy moaning, although she is careful not to be so loud as to wake up Fluttershy.

With your first bit of experimentation a success, you decide to intensify things a little bit. Knowing that the tip is the most sensitive part, you alternate between rubbing it and using your middle finger to rub against the spiral of her horn, which you recognize as the second most sensitive part. Occasionally, you will tease Lyra by rubbing the tip just a little bit longer than normal, but will compensate for this by rubbing the spiral for longer, thus causing her to edge longer.

You aren’t entirely sure if it is possible for a unicorn to orgasm through their horn, but after a few minutes, you figure it might best to bring your little bit of foreplay to a conclusion. You bring your mouth close to Lyra’s horn, and in spite of her quick and panicked “wait, don’t!” you are already too late into the movements to stop. You place your tongue upon the tip of her horn and taste mint.

Immediately afterwards, you are flung several feet and land on the ground more or less in pain, although you suppose it would not feel nearly as bad had you not already had a few injuries there from the bear mauling. Nonetheless, you suffer no permanent damage, though this does not stop Lyra from rushing over to you once you have landed.

“I’m so sorry I should have warned you earlier that I was so sensitive there and” – you lift a hand up to let her know to stop. “Relax, we’re even now.”

You get up off your back and extend your hand to Lyra. “Friends?”

“Umm… sure, we could be friends,” she says as she offers a hoof forward, which you clasp in your hand and shake. “Though if you want to be just friends, I’d honestly suggest we stay away from doing that again. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but uhh… friends and friends with benefits are two completely different roads, the latter of which I’m not sure you’d want to go down if you’re going to be sleeping with Fluttershy”

“Hey wait a minute,” you say as you get back onto your feet, “I never said anything about sleeping with Fluttershy. I may have woken up next to her naked this morning, but I have never done anything with her, nor have I wanted to.”

“Is that so?” Lyra dons a very sly smile as she looks you into the eyes. You have a bad feeling about what she’s going to say next. “Is that why you were moaning ‘oh Fluttershy, please ride me’ while you were stroking your dick yesterday evening?”

Given that Lyra had been stalking you for over a week off and on, it shouldn’t be coming as a surprise to you that she may have been watching you yesterday, and yet somehow you cannot help yourself from at least feeling disappointed in your newly-made friend. “Come on Lyra, you weren’t seriously watching me while I did that.”

Despite your protests, Lyra continues her teasing, maintaining a rather annoying grin. “Ohhhh, so is that what your hands were designed for? Tools for pleasuring yourself and others? You know it’s too bad you’re into Fluttershy, I can think of a few ponies who wouldn’t mind having someone like you to toss around with in their beds. Ponies like Cloud Kicker, and…” As Lyra trails off with a list of ponies’ names, the name “Cloud Kicker” sticks in your head as you remember that she is one of the ponies who you intended to apologize to today.

“… and I’ve heard Derpy’s always good in the sack, though I can’t speak from experience.”

“Excuse me, did you say Cloud Kicker earlier?”

Lyra gives you a surprised look. “Well yeah, everypony’s been with her a few times, even ponies who already have mates. Come to think about it, I probably should have told you that I’m in a committed relationship before you gave me that horn job.”

That was a bit of information you would have rather not heard, but nevertheless, you choose not to push on it. You have more important matters to attend to “You wouldn’t happen to know where Cloud Kicker lives, would you?”

Lyra giggles for a bit. “Yes, why? Looking for seconds?”

You shoot her a glare to show your lack of amusement. “Actually no. I wanted to apologize to her about something I said to her earlier.”

At this point, Lyra can hardly contain her laughter. “Oh, you mean like how you just ‘apologized’ to me? I’m sure she’ll appreciate it!”

As much as you would like Lyra to help you in finding Cloud Kicker, she is starting to get on your nerves, and you don’t need or want her if she’s going to be annoying you the whole time. “Fuck it, I’ll find her myself,” you say as you turn in the direction of Ponyville and start to walk away.

“Wait, look, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” – you don’t want to hear anything more from Lyra, so you try to ignore her and keep walking. Moments later, you hear a loud pop, and Lyra appears before you from a burst of light. You keep walking – unicorns teleporting no longer comes as a surprise to you by now, and you know that they can’t keep it up for very long. If Lyra wants to keep following you, she’ll need to do so on her own four feet. Much to your dismay, she does just that.

“Listen, Anon, if you don’t want me to tease you then fine, I’ll do just that. But I don’t want to lose a friend I just made just because I can’t keep my mouth shut. That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

You stop walking. Saying the wrong things at the wrong time seems to be your key flaw, and you were just about to abandon a mare for pulling the same kind of shit that you likely would have done yourself. You turn to Lyra and let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry. I guess I’ve been overreacting again. If you still want to be my friend, that’s fine I suppose. Just lay off on the teasing. I’d rather not have someone go about pushing my buttons after I just gave her the most awkward handjob ever.”

The next half hour or so is spent in awkward silence as you and Lyra travel along the road into Ponyville. You contemplate striking up a conversation to break the silence and make things significantly less awkward, but your mind is plagued more and more throughout the walk with the potential implications of what had gone on between the two of you that morning. Can one keep a platonic friendship that started with a sexual fling? Would this be something you’d need to talk with Twilight about the next time she decides to send off a friendship report to her mentor, or would it be better to not ever mention to Twilight of your strange sexual misadventures with unicorns? And most importantly, you are starting to wonder – did you seriously use the words “gave her” and “handjob” in the same sentence earlier?

Inevitably, the silence is broken as you enter Ponyville and Lyra begins leading you through the side streets. “Soooo, Lyra,” you begin, trying as hard as you can to clear your head of the past half hour’s tangent, “what is Cloud Kicker like exactly? I’ve only known her for the five minutes I’ve spoken to her… before calling her a harlot and telling her to go away.”

Lyra laughed loudly. “Anon, you would not be the first guy or the last to say that to her. If that’s all you need to apologize to her over, I think you’ll be okay. She’s forgiven ponies for a lot worse.” She pauses for a moment and places a hoof against her chin. “As for what she’s like as a pony… well, I suppose the best way to describe her would be a big bundle of fun. As long as you don’t ask her too much about her past. Also makes a great wing-mare. If there is any pony in Ponyville you have a taste for, she will have your back.”

Realizing you might actually be able to get a good second opinion on the Fluttershy situation, you begin to feel a bit more anxious to finally being able to sit down and talk with her. “Alright,” you say, a smile growing on your face, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So, changed your mind about banging me?”

When Cloud Kicker had answered the door, you half-expected her to be at least a little bit angry for how you had treated her the last time you spoke with her, but judging by the big, smug grin currently sitting on her face, you would have to say that this is in fact, the opposite of how she feels right now.

“Um,” you stumble trying to find the right words to say to the blonde-maned pony in front of you, whose eyes display so much confidence, they are almost intimidating. “Actually, no. I wanted to apologize for earlier.”

“Apologize?” Cloud Kicker rubs her forehead with her hoof as she tries to recall her interactions with you. “I’m sorry, I can’t remember anything you’ve done that would’ve pissed me off. What did you do again?”

“I called you a harlot and yelled at you to get the hell away from me. It really isn’t a nice way to turn a pony down, and for that, I’m sorry. I don’t really think you’re a harlot or anything like that.”

With a few seconds of delay after you finish your apology, Cloud Kicker bursts into laughter. “Wait, hold on, you thought that would offend me?” She takes a few seconds to finish her laugh and get a chance to breathe before continuing. “You are way too polite, kid. I’ve been called a lot worse by stallions, and most of them never bother to apologize. Apology most definitely accepted.” She pauses for a moment before leaning her head in close to you. “Now is there anything else you wanted to talk to me about?”

You take a step back and clear your throat. “Actually there is something. I’ve been realizing that my stay in Ponyville is probably going to be permanent, so I’ve been trying to make a few friends, and…” at this point you realize that Cloud Kicker’s attention is not entirely focused on you. “…is there something on my face?”

Cloud Kicker shook her head. “Oh, no, you’re fine, really, continue.” You are about to open your mouth to speak more when you notice an expression of both surprise and amusement upon her face. “Lyra, did he really?”

You turn your head to your green companion, who is currently standing on her two hind legs and appears to be communicating in some form of pony sign language. When she notices you are now staring at her, she stops and gets back down onto all four of her hooves again. “What? I was telling her an amazing story of a colt I met in a bar.”

You make a mental note that Lyra can’t lie her way out of a paper bag. Turning your attention back to Cloud Kicker, you find that she is smiling. “Look, mister…” she hangs on her words waiting for you to fill in for her. “Anon.” “Anon, right. I can see we have a bright future together as friends. Why don’t you come inside, I’ve just made breakfast.”

Not wanting to be rude, you follow Cloud Kicker into her house, to find that it is surprisingly well tidied. Had you not previously spoken with her, you would not have guessed that this house belonged to a pony who had most likely slept with half the town.

“So tell me Anon,” says Cloud Kicker, offering you a seat next to her on her couch, “do you have any plans for where you’re going to stay here in Ponyville? I heard you got evicted from the Library.”

You take a seat on the couch and let yourself sink into it. “Well, right now I’ve been staying at Fluttershy’s cottage until these injuries heal.” You pull down the collar of your shirt to reveal some of Fluttershy’s bandages on your chest, earning a slightly grossed out look from her. “After that,” you continue, “I’ve got no clue. Just between you, me, and the gatepost though, I might be able to stay there, as it seems she has a bit of a crush on me.”

“Oh, do tell,” says Cloud Kicker with a rather intrigued look about her face.

“Yep, and she’s not too shy about showing it. Stripped me naked in my sleep and decided she’d cuddle up against my naked body.”

“Uhh…” Cloud Kicker raises an eyebrow, beginning to look concerned, “do I need to have a chat with Fluttershy about what is and is not considered a valid form of consent?”

“No, please don’t!” you blurt out, earning you an even more concerned look from Cloud Kicker. “Look, I know it probably sounds rather weird, but I rather enjoy it. I haven’t been telling her though, because I want to see how far she’ll push herself on me. She’s way too shy normally, and if I can get her to make all of the advances herself, I don’t have to worry about any awkwardness in the relationship. I play hard to get and she gets to take things at her own pace.”

“Anon, that is…” Cloud Kicker pauses, for a half-second, as if distracted by a memory, “…actually quite brilliant. Why didn’t I ever think of that when I was with her?”

“You were with Fluttershy?”

Cloud Kicker immediately covers her mouth with her hooves. “Oh, horseapples. I should not have told you that. That never leaves this house, alright?”

You nod. “Alright, and so is my interest in Fluttershy. I’d rather not have the whole town know I might be up for having sex with mares.”

Cloud Kicker giggles and shoots you a rather mischevious smile. “Mares, huh? Not a mare but mares? As in you might be up for banging around with multiple mares at a time? I don’t suppose you’d be up for sharing Fluttershy every once in a while, would you? I’ll make it worth your while.”

The thought of bringing Fluttershy into an orgy with half the town briefly crosses your mind before reality snaps back to you and you realize that she likely would not be the kind to enjoy too much extra company and might just suffer performance anxiety. Moreover, there was also the fact that it violated your commitment to letting her make all of the advances.

“Tell you what,” you say with a rather smug grin, “I’ll accept your proposal the day Fluttershy suggests it to me. Until then, you’ll have to do with only sleeping with half of Ponyville.”

Cloud Kicker’s smile widens. “Is that a challenge, mister Anon?”

You shrug. “I suppose it is.”

Cloud Kicker wraps a hoof around you. “And this, Anon, is why you and me are going to be the best of friends.”

You hear Lyra’s voice calling from the kitchen. “Are you guys finished discussing future sex plans? Because the hay bacon is getting cold, and if you all aren’t going to eat it, I will.”

“Alright, bring it in here, let’s eat,” Cloud Kicker shouts back.

After a minute or so, Lyra brings in a large serving tray with hay bacon and hash browns. You aren’t entirely sure why Cloud Kicker had cooked enough for three, nor whether this is a regular occurance for her, but you decide not to ask.

Taking a bite of a strip of hay bacon, you find that it is more or less bacon-flavored bread. If one can imagine the myriad of bacon-flavored products back on Earth that never actually contained any bacon, that would be what you are eating now. You cannot fathom how it is that ponies eat this crap, but do not speak up on this subject, lest you be rude to your host.

When you finish your breakfast, you and Lyra are informed by Cloud Kicker that you would have to leave, as she needs to get ready for work. After a few good byes, you and Lyra leave the house to go to your next destination for the day – Sugarcube Corner.

“I’m going to have to go to one of her parties, aren’t I?”

“Yep.”

“Lots of sugary sweets and half the town’s going to be there?”

“Probably.”

“It’s going to be extremely awkward for everyone, isn’t it?”

“Most definitely.”

You and Lyra come to a stop near the door to Sugarcube Corner, a bakery which has the appearance of being made of sweets. If you hadn’t known that it was obviously impractical to make the roof out of gingerbread and icing and the upstairs room out of a cupcake, it probably could have fooled you into thinking that the house was edible. This did not stop Pinkie Pie from explicitly informing you that it was not the last time you visited here, meaning that it is entirely within the realm of possibilities that she had tried to take a bite out of the house at one point, only to discover it is merely cleverly disguised wood. You chuckle a little to yourself at the thought of this before finally pushing the door open and entering the bakery.

A bell rings as the door is opened, alerting one of the owners, a blue-coated earth pony who you know only as Mrs. Cake, to your presence.

“Anonymous, I haven’t seen you in ages? What can I do you for?”

“Oh, I’m just looking for…” You take a quick glance around the room to see if you can find Pinkie Pie. Although there are a few customers sitting down at tables enjoying their breakfast pastries, there is no sign of the pink party-mare. “…say, you wouldn’t happen to have seen Pinkie Pie around, have you?”

Mrs. Cake chuckles. “Oh, her? Yes, she’s in the kitchen packing away some crates of apples that Applejack just dropped off. She shouldn’t be long.”

“Oh, Applejack’s here too? That’s actually perfect. Mind if I have a minute of their time when they’re done?” You’re not entirely sure if it is best to be bothering Pinkie Pie when she’s on the clock, but hopefully, you figure, this will go by quickly enough so as not deprive the Cakes of too much of their worker’s time.

“Oh, sure, no problem. She should have a break coming up soon anyways now that most of the morning customers have come through.” She raises her voice and calls towards the kitchen, “Pinkie, Applejack, can I get you to come out here when you’re done? You have guests!”

Mrs. Cake leads you and Lyra to an empty table where you can sit and wait for Pinkie Pie to be finished with her work. As you wait, you catch notice of the manner in which Lyra is sitting, which is almost exactly the same way in which you are. You cannot tell if she is trying to mock you or whether she has some sort of back problem that requires her to sit in an unorthodox manner compared to other ponies. This trail of thought does not last long, as after a minute or so, you hear Pinkie Pie’s loud, excited voice. “Nonny!”

You turn your head just fast enough to see her tackle-hug you out of your chair and into the ground. The force of it all is enough to disorient you for a few seconds, however you are soon able to snap out of it and see Pinkie Pie standing on top of you with a very large grin across her face.

“Hi Nonny, what brings you here?”

“Pinkie, not that I don’t appreciate it, but could you please get off of me.”

“Oh, sorry.” Pinkie Pie steps off of your chest, allowing you to stand back up. As you get back onto your feet, you notice Applejack glaring at you from across the room. You suppose it would be best to get this apology business out of the way quickly.

“So um, Pinkie Pie,” you begin, trying to keep your words slow so as not to make any mistakes that could make things worse, “I came here because I wanted to apologize to you.” You take another quick look over to Applejack and see that she no longer looks as angry as she was a few seconds ago. You take this as a sign that this was probably a good idea, and won’t end up with Applejack knocking one of your teeth out for making Pinkie Pie cry. “I realize I’ve been kind of a jerk to most of the ponies I’ve spoken to here in Ponyville over the past few months, you especially. I know that, back when we last spoke, I turned down one of your party invitations and yelled at you after you kept trying to get me to come anyways. I know it’s a bit late to make an apology, but I’m trying to get my life back on track, and I don’t want to leave ponies mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you,” says Pinkie Pie before you can add anything more to your speech. “I mean, you were kind of rude, but that was three months ago, silly.”

“Pinkie, even if it was three months, that doesn’t make it right that I did it. Now will you accept my apology?”

Pinkie Pie presses her hoof against her chin and makes a loud “hmmm” sound for a moment before giving you an answer. “Okie dokie lokie,” she says in her usual high-pitched, chipper voice that makes it seem as if nothing wrong had ever happened. “But,” she adds, “that is only if, iff, you let me plan you a party tonight. Deal?”

You place a hand out to offer her a hand/hoof-shake which she accepts. “I suppose I’m prepared to accept that. Deal.”

“Good, see you at 8, and don’t be late!” says Pinkie Pie before trotting off back to the kitchen.

With Pinkie Pie’s apology out of the way, the only pony left to talk to is Applejack, who is conveniently standing right across the room from you, leaning against a counter. You walk over to her. “Applejack, I” – you are interrupted by her placing a hoof in front of your chest.

“No need to say the same thing twice pardner, I already know what you want to say. As long as that whole spiel wasn’t a bunch of horseapples, I’ll forgive you too.”

You nod your head. “Um, thanks. For what it’s worth, I really am trying to be a better person. I’ve kind of realized that I’m probably not going to be able to ever get home, so burning bridges isn’t exactly in my best interest.”

Applejack smiles. “I’d reckon so. Fortunately, you’ll be able to get all the chances to make yourself look like a better person, or whatever you call your species, at the party tonight. If I can make a suggestion, show up a little early. You might just be able to get a little socializing in and make some friends here in Ponyville, instead of ponies that’d want to knock your teeth out.”

“I’ll try to keep that in mind.” You start to become tense as you realize that Applejack may still be a bit mad at you in spite of your apology. You decide it might not be the wisest idea to stick around for too much longer. “Well um, I need to head back to Fluttershy’s place, I have to…” you try to think up an excuse, but none come, “do some uh… things. Yeah.”

Without giving Applejack a chance to question your half-assed excuse, you quickly make a bee-line for the door, making things even more awkward for you than had you simply walked away.

Once out of Sugarcube Corner, you keep up your run for a good minute or so before finally slowing down into a walk. You take a look around you now that you have put some distance between yourself and an awkward situation. There are at least half a dozen ponies staring at you with confused looks upon their faces, probably wondering what the hell your problem was, or alternatively, just what the fuck you were. You try not to look any of them in the eyes and make your way towards the city limits. It is both a blessing and a curse that Ponyville is a rather small town, as this means that traversing it will not take too long; however, most of the ponies who saw you will likely remember you. Just great.

The walk back to Fluttershy’s house is long and plagued with your inner tangents about how royally fucked you must be, whether or not Fluttershy is worth the sheer level of awkwardness you have already made for yourself before even getting to know most of Ponyville, and whether it might just be better to wander off into the Everfree and let a swift death take you away. These thoughts are not even the worst part of your trek, however, as the near-noontime sun is beating down hard on your back at a temperature you might surmise to be close to 90 degrees farenheit. You almost wish a pegasus would decide to dump the contents of a raincloud upon your head as some form of prank, as that might at least cool you off, but alas, the walk is lonely, with neither pegasus nor cloud to be seen in the sky.

Towards the end of your walk, you end up removing your shirt and tying it around your chest, just to be able to bear the heat of the sun. It is not as if anyone will care – not only are there no ponies around you that you can see, but there is also the fact that it is entirely normal for ponies to walk around in the nude.

Eventually, you come to Fluttershy’s door. You don’t even bother to knock, as you just want to escape the sun and the bullshit of life. When you enter into the house, the first thing you see is Fluttershy lying on the couch—with a yellow horn that appears to be crudely made out of some sort of modeling clay strapped to her head.

“Oh, um... good afternoon Anon. Youwouldn’thappentohaveafetishforalicornswouldyou?”

Author's Note

I am going to be honest, I have no idea where I am driving this train. The only thing I know is that it has no breaks.