Move, B*tch!

by Deathstar47

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Human, Comedy
Length: 16082

A human runs around drop kicking ponies while the song Move B%*& plays in the background.

Life in Equestria is peaceful. It's always a bright, sunny, happy day, nothing in all the universe could stop it…or so Equestria thinks…

A story that is completely random. A human is going to run around drop kicking ponies. Enjoy or hate.

I don't know why the cover art is that…I just found it funny.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-17 18:45:10 UTC

Get out the way

It was a peaceful day in Ponyvile Library. The lone tree standing in the center of town like it always does. In side the library one would find countless of books on bookshelves. Not really a surprise since it is a library. What did you think? A bunch of dogs were playing  poker? Anyway, if One made his way upstairs she would find a young lavender mare currently sleeping like a foal, dreaming about a book coming to life and becoming her beat friend. This mare's name is Twilight. Obviously, One doesn't know that as One is just exploring the place, curious as to why she has never seen a library here. One shrugs and walks back outside, wondering why she never noticed the library. One doesn't mind, however, as her brother Two and Three are coming to ponyvile for the weekend. One will definitely have fun with them. Unlike Seven and Nine. Last time Seven ate Nine.

Back at the Library a certain mare is rolling in her bed, a smile on her muzzle.

"Hmm, yes...cuddles," the mare mumbles, reaching out with her hooves in her sleep. In the dream, the book suddenly gets a carrot in his pants. Normally Twilight would question this, but she doesn't get a choice as she suddenly has a strange desire to eat the books carrot.

She leans down, smiling in delight at the big long carrot in front of her. She leans in close, but suddenly has a great idea. Before the book can do anything, his carrot gets put into a blender and is made into carrot juice. What? Wait...you thought that the carrot was-ew. No! Check the tags, man. None of that. Anyway, back to the story.

Twilight is interrupted from her dream when the door suddenly slams open, a Small purple Dragon bursts in, raving with a letter in his claws. Twilight grunts in annoyance and turns to the young drake.

"Spike! Why did you wake me up...and why do you have a glow stick in your hand?" Twilight asks, curious as to why her Dragon friend is shaking a green glow stick in his hands. Spike blushes and rubs the back of his head with the glow stick.

" Um...well, I definitely wasn't up all night raving with the CMC. Nope." Spike says, smilling like a boss. He's fairly certain his flawless cover up for the rave in the basement will work.

Twilight rolls her eyes and levitates the letter in front of her face. Her frown quickly turns into a smile as she sees that the letter is from her mentor, Princess Celestia.

Twilight unravels the parchment while Spike moon walks down the stairs. Yes, he just moon walked down the stairs. Why? Because magic! Anyway, Twilight reads the letter, wondering why Celestia would send her a letter so early. It's only eight.

She reads the letter, her smile turning into a horrifying look. In the letter There's a picture of Celestia nude...JK. The letter actually has a cry of help from the Princess. The cry of help regards a creature, a human, known...as the hjgnkbehdbkink. Apparently that was what he said his name was. This fiend is going around drop kicking people while singing a song known as 'move b%&*'. The letter warns Twilight to be carful when you hear a whistling noise.

"Hjgnkbehdbkink? He sound like such a fiend!" Twilight says to her self. She quickly gets out of bed, has a shower, brushes her mane and teeth, makes some toast with the toaster, sneak attacks Spike and yells at the CMC, telling them to buck off and finally makes it out the door, slamming it behind her as she rushes to get all of her friends to catch this 'Hjgnkbehdbkink'. (Twilight will refer to him as HK sometimes. Mostly so you don't have to fail at pronouncing his name. It's H-j-gnk-beh-d-b-kink. Remember it.)

Twilight runs to Rarity's first, she's the closes after all. Her hooves beat against the dirt road of Ponyvile, dust getting kicked up as she passes multiple buildings and ponies. She reaches the door and sits down to catch her breath.

She sits there panting, thinking about this HK. How can someone Run around drop kicking people and not get caught by the guards? The guards are the finest around. They've only ever failed when NM attacked...and the wedding with Cadence...and also Discord. Okay maybe it isn't so unlikely. Last time the guards actually did something right, it was getting a stick from a colt singing ' I can swing my sword' while he kept swinging his 'sword' at everypony. Even then, several guards got concussions from that mission. It's surprising how effective throwing a brick at someone face is. Nevertheless, Twilight stops panting and reaches to open the door-

*Whistle* dun-dun. *Whistle* dun-dun. *Whistle* dun-dun. *Whistle.*

Twilight's hooves suddenly shake as she hears a sound. A sound that sounds just like-

"MOVE, B%&*," a voice shouts out. Before Twilight can even turn to the noise, two feet connect with the side of her head. "GET OUT THE WAY!" The human finishes, landing on both his feet.

The human is standing around five foot nine. He's wearing a dark blue shirt and black jogging bottoms. He has a pair of sunglasses on his face and wears a cocky smirk on his face. The human has light skin and a slim build. That in no way means he's weak. The human is actually quite muscular and toned out. It wouldn't be surprising if he had a six pack. His legs, however, are obviously muscular, suggesting he can probably run fast and have good stamina. It's the most obvious conclusion as he certainly doesn't look like he was built to be strong. The human has a really dark shade of brown for his hair and his eyes are currently hidden.

The human looks down at the now knocked out Unicorn and smirks.

"Ah, such a wonderful day to be Hjgnkbehdbkink! I wonder, who else should I drop kick?" HK pounders. HK is cut from his thoughts when he hears the sound of hoof beats approaching. His little song obviously got some attention. HK smirks and throws a smoke bomb on the floor.

"F%&$! I can't see what I'm going!" HK manages to get out of the smoke and runs into a nearby ally. Soon...his master plan will be complete...

A simple plan

It is total chaos in Ponyvile, one moment everypony is having a wonderful time, the next moment...Twilight in knocked out cold. Now, some of the ponies in ponyvile have no clue how this happened. But, you see, some do. You may be asking how...Well, Twilight does have a habit of reading letters out loud, so if any wondering ponies were to walk by, they would most likely hear Twilight freaking out. Speaking of Twilight, she's now up and gathering her friends to catch Hjgnkbehdbkink...after they stop everypony hiding their kids and wives.

$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$

HK is having a wonderful time as he strolls through the dark, and not to mention filthy, alleyways. Right now he's plotting who to drop kick next. For some odd reason, he has a desire to drop kick blueblood and a little white bunny. Some of you may be wondering why he's doing this? What's the point? Will he drop kick Fluttershy? Simple, Discord. To make a long cliché story short: HK fell through a wormhole, got sent to Equestria, Discord met him wondering around the gardens and gave him a deal. If he can drip kick enough ponies to cause a good amount of chaos for him, HK will return home via Discord express. This brings up more questions. So, basically...Discord is reformed and is using HK to cause some chaos since the Princesses won't let him. HK is helping Discord out because he's his favorite character. Also, he kinda thinks that Luna's acts like a b#$* and Celestia will 'try to have her way with him.' So he's not going to ask them for help. Blame fanfics. And lastly, HK is armed with a tiny amount of Discord's magic. That's how he managed to pull out a smoke bomb. (As for fluttershy...that ones up to you.)

HK continues his walk around town, trying to find a certain rainbow Pegasus to kick. He's already kicked one of the mane six and needs to drop kick at least two more. Why? Because what better way to cause chaos than drop kicking the saviors of Equestria?

HK turns round a corner and sees a certain group of ponies heading towards a train station. HK closes his eyes and rubs his chin.

'If I can get on that train, I can cause a lot of chaos. Besides,' HK spawns a smoke bomb into his hand with Discords magic. Smiling as his idea is sounding better. 'I can always make an escape of the train if things go south,' HK says mentally, smiling at his seemingly flawless plan.

HK looks around the ally, trying to find a way to slip past without causing a scene. He then face palms and remembers he has a bit of Discords magic. Not enough to go crazy and spawn nukes in, but enough to do some small thing. HK snaps his fingers and summons a cardboard box and some crayons. This plan is stupid, absurd and will most likely get him caught. Good thing this is a cartoon world, so common sense is practically a super power.

$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$

Ponyvile has returned to it's natural peace. The birds are singing, foals are playing, a cardboard box that has legs wearing a sign saying NOTHING SUSPICIOUS is running through town. Yep, nothing wrong here. A certain made called Bonbon has a look up from the news paper and sees a giant cardboard box running around. Normally she would try to save the day with her superpower called common sense, but she decides it's not worth it and goes back to sitting with her friend Lyra.

"Sometimes I question the total IQ of Ponyvile. It would probably be four hundred and fifty. Me being one hundred and fifty and Twilight being two fifty," she says, turning the page on her news paper. She takes a look at Lyra to see her staring at her hooves.

"What if...what if humans are real, but they're scared that with their superiority... we'll cower to them." Bonbon face hooves at her friends words. She seriously thinks that that wouldn't happen. It's not like humans have weapons that can fire little pieces of metal out faster than Rainbow Dash...wait they can? Buck.

"Lyra...I think you may be right..." Lyra turns to look at Bonbon, tears in her eyes.

"Yes. A voice just spoke to me. Maybe it is best that we don't meet the human race. Some things, while great...are just meant to be left alone." Lyra begins to cry and hugs Bonbon. Bonbon just sits staring of into space.

*Whistle* dun-dun.

'Wait...'

"Move, b$%*! Get out the way!" Before Lyra or Binbid-I mean Bonbon-can turn to that noise...they see that a white coated mare called Rarity lying face first on the ground with smoke everywhere. By the looks of things, it seems Rarity stopped to check herself in a mirror when she was suddenly dropped kicked. Looking around, you can see that no one is checking up on the mare and are to busy running around trying to hide their kids screaming things like: "We're going to die!" "Oh my Celestia!" "It's a trap!" Moooooooo!" "My cabbages!" " Leeeeeerrrrooooooyyyyyy Jeeeennnnnkiiinnnnsss!" "My only regret is that I'm still a virgin!"

$#$#$#$#$#$

HK can't believe his luck. Rarity stopped at a little bit away from the train station to check her mane...well, actually she just kept stroking her mane while repeatedly saying 'darling' over and over again. HK took this chance to introduce Rarity to his friend, the ground. There's a quote he remembers: 'If you ever fall, I'll be there' - Floor. Looks like that quote is correct, the floor is always there when you fall. Now that HK thinks about it, the floor is probably the greatest friend you have. No matter how many times you treat him like dirt, no matter how many times you spit on him, he'll always be there for you. He could be a bit gentler, but at leat he's there.

HK manages to make it to the train station and see that the mane six are running past him, oblivious that he's not really a non-suspicious box, but a really suspicious human. They are most likely going to check up on Rarity, giving him enough time to sneak on the train.

HK get on the last section of the train, the storage section, and proceeds to-

"Hey! You're that cardboard box that drop kicked Rarity!" HK turns around to see a small purple Dragon called Spike giving him the stink eye. And let me tell you, he definitely has the stink part down.

HK was about to drop kick the young drake of the train, but an idea struck him...or a bag that spike threw at him.

"No I'm not." Spike glares at him.

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are, your a giant talking box!" HK gasps in mock horror.

"So, your...boxist!" Spike looks at the box in confusion. HK smirks behind the box. "You're saying that just because I'm a cardboard box...it was me."

"Wha-no! Of co-

"Save it," HK interrupts, sobbing. "I thought that if I moved to Equestria I would meet nice peop-ponies that wouldn't accuse me of stuff just because I'm a box!" Spike's angry glare quickly turns into a shocked one.

"N-bu-it was you!" HK bends down to look Spike in the eye.

"...And how do you know it wasn't a different cardboard box?" Spike suddenly has a look of realization on him. Like it just dawned open him from the heavens... or a giant cardboard box.

"I-I-I...I don't. Lo-look. I'm sorry about what I said. I-I'll just leave now." Spike says, jumping out of the train.

Spike sits down on a bench and thinks about what that box just said.

"...Am I...a boxist?"

DISCORD!

The train moves swiftly against the rails as it make it's way to it's destination, Canterlot. On the train are six mares, Twilight Fluttershy Rainbow Dash Lucky charms,-I mean Applejack-Pinkie and Rarity, on their way to stop the evil fiend known as Hjgnkbehdbkink.

On the back of the train just so happens to be the fiend himself, Hjgnkbehdbkink. Or HK, as he prefers.

HK sits down on a random crate with a cardboard box next to his feet. Right know HK is pondering what to do in his head. Here, on the train, is the perfect opportunity to cause chaos. But, he could get caught. He may be strong, but he ain't going to be going all Mortal Kombat against a group of six ponies, even with a bit of Discord's power. Speaking of the power, if he gets caught, they'll probably use the Elements of taste the rainbow motherf$&$#* on him, resulting with HK trapped in stone.

HK sighs as he gazes out the train window, watching the famous Canterlot come into view. HK decides he should probably drop kick a pony now. If he does so while in Canterlot, he'll have to deal with Celestia and Luna. Something he'd rather not do. Can't blame him, if you were in his situation after reading a lot of Molestia fanfics you wouldn't really be all that thrilled about being chained to a wall with Celestia in front of you. Or maybe you would. But HK most certainly wouldn't.

HK sighs and stands up, stretching his limbs as he prepares for the incoming sh*t storm. Before he can do so, however, a flash appears right in front of him, revealing the god of chaos himself, Discord.

"Why hello there, Hjgnkbehdbkink. I see that you are causing quite a storm on the news." Discord pulls a newspaper out of nowhere (his &$$) and shows it to HK. HK takes the news paper from Discord's...claw? And skims over it. Apparently they're having a sale on Fezzes. Oh, and something about boxism being banned after a purple Dragon insulted a giant talking box. But, most importantly, Princess Luna has opened a new nightclub. It's called 'Nightclub'...Also apparently HK is an evil fiend that is to be restrained on sight and taken to Celestia to either be turned good or kept in prison while being taught by Celestia how 'wrong' HK is to drop kick ponies and that HK should 'be nice' and 'friendly' instead. B*tch HK ain't turning good, here, on the dark side, we got Nutella. NU-MOTHERF#$$ING-TELLA.

HK clicks his fingers and turns the news paper into a blow pipe and spawns some sleep darts. HK is going in and he'll be blowing everypony till they fall asleep...

HK turns to Discord and looks at him in the eyes. If there's one thing has learned while being alive for seventeen years, it's that you always look someone in the eyes when you speak. Always.

"Brah, how much chaos have I caused?" Discord grins and snaps his fingers, spawning a chart with a picture of a d*ck on it.

"A you can see, right now you have caused about as much chaos as an d*ck. To get back to you're world, you'll have to cause about as much chaos as Arnold Schwarzenegger...in ALL of the movies he's been in."

" Mmmkay. Guess I'll get started."

HK snaps his fingers and appears on the roof of the train, kneeling over while panting.

"Ha...looks like...I'm running low on chaos. Better...better not spam it like a noob or else I might be screwed. Figuratively and literally," HK says to himself. He shudders at the thought of Celestia. Now, if she was human, or at the very least anthro, he might of not minded what might happen. But since she's not...

HK stands up and opens a hatch above the train. Inside he can see lots of ponies talking, reading, measuring their meat. Damn, twelve inches. That's twice as big as HK's meat. Wait, why do ponies have meat? they're herbivores. HK pounders this while eating a six inch sausage role he summoned. Yeah, I know he should be keeping an eye on his energy, but he's hungry, cut him some slack...or food.

HK finishes his role just as he spots a certain cyan Pegasus, Rainbow Dash. This is HK's plan: He's gonna drop a smoke bomb down, jump down himself and drop kick RD. After he'll GTFO. (Grab Ten Food related Objects.) Then, hopefully, be able to teleport back on top of le train.

$#$#$#$#$#$#$

Twilight is having a really bad day. She wakes up to learn that a new villain is terrorizing ponies, gets dropped kicked by said villain, wakes up with a aching head, had to drag Rarity onto the train and now Spike is sitting in a corner sulking.

Twilight sighs while rubbing the bridge of her snout.

"Could this get anymore worse?" She asks out loud. She suddenly feels a hoof placed on her shoulder. She turns to look at who the hoof belongs to  see non other than her cowpony friend, Applejack.

"Don't yah worry Twi, we'll find this no good critter 'nd teach 'im a lesson he'll never forget." Twilight smiles at her friend, glad she always has somepony to talk too.

"Darling darling darling. Darling, Apple-darling-jack darling, darling," Rarity says. She was caught so of guard from the attack from HK that she was given a very minor, and nothing to panic over, case of serious brain damage. Now she can only say darling and a few other words, such as her friends names.

Before anyone can respond to Rarity amazing charismatic choice of words, a smoke bomb is suddenly dropped with an all to familiar sound entering everypony's ears.

*whistle* dun-dun...

Twilight thinks quickly and casts a smoke clearing spell, effectively clearing the smoke. It seems as though it was just in time as they see an large bipedal figure heading right at Rainbow.

"Move b*tch!," the figure shouts. Luckily, Rainbow was intact fast enough to move out the way as the figure jumped in the air at her, both legs raised. The figure goes flying right pass Rainbow and towards a little white bunny, Angel. Fluttershy brought Angel with her on the train for fear of him getting hurt. Funny how the universe works.

The biped kicks the bunny directly, sending him flying against the wall. If this was on earth, the demon known as Angel would of hit the wall and probably died. This is sparta-wait no it isn't... OK, this is Equestria, so logic is pretty much broken. Angel hits the wall and bounces of it, because apparently trains are made out of trampolines here, and goes straight for RD. Rainbow isn't fast enough to dodge and give hit on the side of the head. RD falls to the ground and holds her head in pain.

The mysterious figure stands up and looks at Rainbow on the floor. He almost seems as surprised as everypony else at what just transpired. The biped shakes his head and smirks.

"Get out the way," He whispers.

Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor...

HK stands there, arms raised in victory. The ponies all around HK stare in shock and fear at the site of him.

"Darling DARLING!" HK hears beside him. He turns to look at who said that and sees Rarity. Suddenly Pinkie Pie appears from behind Rarity and points a hoof at him.

"She's right, it's Hjgnkbehdbkink!"HK grins and bows.

"But, of course. Who else goes goes around drop kicking ponies?" HK asks, his grin growing wider.

Suddenly HK feels a tingle in his legs and sees a purple glow around them. HK looks up to see a smug looking Twilight.

"I'd like to see you get out of this." HK grins and pulls out his blowpipe, aiming directly at a confused Twilight.

"Mmkay." HK blows the pipe and a dart goes into Twilights neck. Twilight squeaks out in surprise before she starts to wobble.

"N-no...I-I-I was...finally... capture you..." Twilight mumbles out, hitting the floor with a thunk.

"Oh my Celestia! He killed Twilight," Pinkie exclaims. Everypony on the train then screams. HK holds his hands up and shakes his head.

"N-no I didn't. All I did was knock her out!" Everypony stops their screaming and sighs.

"Oh...HE KNOCKED OUT TWILIGHT!" Again everpony screams.

HK frowns and snaps his fingers, only to feel a wave of exhaustion hit him.

'Must be out of juice. Guess I'll walk back...'

HK sighs and walks over a knocked out Rainbow Dash, making his way back to the top of the train. Before he can, however, Rarity jumps in front of him.

"Darling darling, darling. Darling darling darling DARLING darling...darling." Rarity tells HK. HK gasps in horror.

" Well, that's just uncalled for! You know what, your an even bigger one!" Rarity gasps and quickly glares at HK.

"Darling. Darling. Darling!"

"That it is."

Rarity charges at HK, her horn ablaze with magic so powerful, so incredible, so-

"Nope!" HK says, loading a dart into his pipe. He quickly aims at Rarity and hits her on the chest. Rarity slows down and hits the floor, but not before firing a blue bolt at HK.

HK swiftly and gracefully dodges the bolt...by falling to the ground. The bolt whizzes past him and hits the door to the next compartment, effectively disintegrating it.

"Guess she wasn't saying empty threats," HK remarks. He gets up and dusts himself off. Before he can fully clean the dust off, he gets knocked to the floor by confetti.

" Ha! I got you!" Pinkie exclaims.

"No! You don't say?" HK groans. He rolls over so his back is facing the ground. A few inches away is Pinkie Pie and her famous party cannon, aimed straight at his face.

"Wait! Don't shoot!" HK says, covering his face. Pinkie taps her chin in thought.

" Sorry, no can do." Pinkie prepares to fire at HK. In one last, desperate attempt, HK says a word filled with so much magic, it can rival even Celestia.

"Please?" HK begs. Pinkie stops just before hitting HK with another stream on confetti.

'If he says please, maybe he has a chance to turn good!' Pinkie thinks. She smiles and puts the cannon away.

HK let's a long sigh escape from his mouth. He smiles at Pinkie, who returns it back in full glee.

"Thanks...goodnight!" Pinkie looks at HK confused.

"But it's mor-" HK quickly loads and fires a dart at Pinkie "-...ning..." Pinkie yawns and curls up on the floor, much like a dog, and falls asleep.

HK gets up, once again, and brushes off. He manages to get all the dust off, when suddenly, he feels a small tingle in his mind. UK's face grows serious as his eyes narrow.

'I feel a disturbance in the force...'

HK manages to duck just before a rope coils around his neck. HK turns slowly to stare at the disturbance.

" Well, if it ain't Applejacks." AJ looks at HK with her eyes narrowed.

"I think yah mean Applejack, partner." HK shakes his head while chuckling.

"No. I'm pretty sure I know what I mean, cereal." Applejack stomps her hoof on the ground and snorts.

"Enough o' your muckin' 'bout. I'm ah-"

"Yo, AJ, I respect your threats, I'm real happy for and I'm ah let you finish, but Pinkie was the most threatening of y'all." AJ raises her left eyebrow while tilting her head to the side.

"Now, how in the hay was Pinkie more intimadatin' then me? HK shrugs his shoulders.

"You ain't got a cannon."

AJ shakes her head and glares at HK.

"Enough o' your mind trickery, I'm tying yah down yah dirty, lying, fiend." AJ scraps her hoof against the train floor and prepares to charge.

"Alright, so I'm a lying fiend?" AJ snorts and nods. HK smiles deviously. "OK. Well, if I said: don't trust me I'm a liar... would you belive me?"

"Course not! Yah ah liar!"

"But that means I'm not a liar and i'm telling the truth."

"Well...then your telling the truth."

" But that means I'm a lair." AJ's eyes go wide as she starts to think about what HK said. She sits down and starts mumbling to herself. HK smiles as his paradox comes into effect. If HK is lying about being a liar, he's telling the truth. But if he's telling the truth, he's also lying. If AJ is as stupid as I think...

AJ's eyes start to twitch and she falls to the ground holding her head in her hoofs. HK chuckles as he watches her moan in pain.

"Guess her little brain couldn't handle it." HK remarks to himself. He frowns at the site of ponies cowering in fear and getting hurt because of him. Sure, it's fun being bad and it's funny watching ponies get hurt. But...HK just can't help feeling, well, bad.

"Hey! Leave my friends alone!" Fluttershy shouts. HK sighs in anger and turns at Fluttershy.

"You ruined my character development!" HK shouts, his annoyance hitting it's peak. Fluttershy's eyes go wide and she sinks to the ground.

"Sorry..." she whispers out. HK sighs.

'Great, now I'm angry and I can't feel bad that I just shouted at Fluttershy. Stupid anger, making it me not feel bad anymore. Actually, that's a good thing. I hate feeling bad.'

"Never mind! Thank you!"

"Um, o-ok...why are you shouting?"

"Because I'm kinda angry!"

"...OK..."

"ATTENTION! THE TRAIN HAS REACHED CANTERLOT AND WILL STOP SHORTLY!" A voice calls out.

HK curses under his breath and jumps up to grab onto the open latch on top of the train. He pulls himself up just to see Canterlot's train station a few meters away.

"Crap...if I run on the top, I'm going to be spotted... and if I'm spotted, I'll get caught...and if I'm caught..."

A small fantasy runs through HK's head of Celestia standing over him. Celestia grins and pulls a banana out.

"Do you like bananas?"

HK jumps back down and runs into another compartment. The ponies all scream at him as he runs through. Shouting things like: "ahhhhhhhh!" "why is this happening?!" "My cabbages!" or "buuuuuuuuuck!" "tell my wife she owes me fifty bits!" "Somepony needs to learn to flush the toilet after they take a shiiiiiiiii*!" sometimes even "mhghghnggcghdhgjbhvhj"...I think that guy's choking on something. He continues this until he reaches the back of the train.

HK sits on a box just as the train stops. He pants and tries to think up a plan. He obviously created some chaos, so the guards will be here. He could make a runer, but he's not that fast compared to ponies and he's also a bit tired. He could use his box disguise, but he's been seen running this way. If there's only a box and no HK, they'll know something is up.

HK can hear as the sound of thundering hooves draw near. In one last spark of hope, he closes his eyes and snaps his fingers...

This guy's starting a riot.

The guards all stand in front of the strange creature in front of them. The strange creature appears to be wearing some brown robes and has a long white beard as well as long white hair. The creature has a sword in his left and some sort of club in the right. They've been staring at him for about ten minutes.

The guards continue to stare at the creature in front of them, wondering what they should do, a lone gaurd turns to look at his captain, Shinning Armor. Shinning came with Cadence, his wife, to relax and catch up with Celestia and Luna. Upon hearing a Villain is going around drop kicking people he quickly requested to help The Princesses. Which is why, at this point of time, he's here.

"Captain, what should we do? This creature is nothing like what we were told. I thought he would look more...athletic. Not some old looking guy." Shinning turns to look at the guard, his face unsure.

"Well, he kinda looks like the description. Maybe he knows about Hjk...umm. Hkds-Hjsde... darn it, HK. How the hell can anyone pronounce this guys name?"

"Oh?" The creature starts, making all the guards turn to him. "You mean Hjgnkbehdbkink?" Shinning face hoofs and looks at the creature.

"Yes, we have reason to believe he's behind the door you're standing at." Shinning says, gesturing his hoofs at the door.

"That would be correct."

"So, can we pass?" Shinning asks.

"...you shall not."

"What!" Shinning shouts out. He can't believe this old ape thing won't let him pass. Who does this guy think he is?

"I was created by HK to guard this door for him. Apparently I'm suppose to be a copy of someone named Gandalf."

Shinning stomps his hoof on the ground, his fellow stallions, and some stray mares, all line up behind him. Shinning glares at 'Gandalf' in anger.

"You don't want us to do this. Just let us pass and we can all go home." Gandalf smiles.

"Actually, I kinda do."

$#$#$#$##$#$#$

HK sits down while reading the newspaper. He's currently resting his body so his magical powers can come back to him. It took him everything he had and more to create a copy of Gandalf. It seems to be working. So far he's had a good ten minute rest and just needs another few to have a decent amount of chaos magic for what he has planned. You see, HK loved watching the show and loved all the characters-I mean, it's pretty obvious from the way he's dropped kicked half the main six. So, being as attached to them as he is, he would always hate it when some random jackass would come along to insult one of them. And, as fate would have it, two certain ponies are living in Canterlot that he really wants to drop kick. These two ponies are Jet Set and Upper Crust. Oh, and Blue Blood. Though HK doesn't really consider him a pony, he's more like Satan.

"Hmm, I wonder what's for dinner." HK continues to munch on his lunch-some cupcakes, a bag of nuts, that twelve inch meat the pony had that didn't make any sense because ponies are herbivores-while stroking his chin. He flips onto page three of 'The Celestia' and stares at the sight in front of him.

"...How is a naked mare suppose to be dirty? She's not revealing anything and most mares are already naked. These ponies sure are weird."

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

After those words are said, a massive explosion is heard. To anypony looking at that moment, it was like a nuke went off on the train. The entire city of  Canterlot is quickly engulfed in black smoke as the explosion settles. Laying in the wreckage of what remains of the train are a dozen royal guards. Don't worry, they're not dead, they merely 'fainted.'

Also, looking at the wreckage a bit more, one can make out HK as he lays sprawled out on the ground. Of course, nopony could see any of this through the smoke. This gave HK an easy way to sneak around Canterlot for a while.

$#$#$#$#$

"Come on, where are those ponies?" HK asks himself. He's used some of his magic on his glasses to make them able to see through the smoke and a few other upgrades. One of them being a zoom feature so he can see more at a distance.

HK sneaks by all the ponies in the smoke and looks around some more. He chuckles as he sees a pony run face first into another pony. You'd think they'd be smart enough to not move or run around like a chicken without its head. Or in this case, a snob without vision.

"Upper Crust, dear. Where are you?" HK hears. He grins evil-y as he makes his way to the sound he heard. Along the way he sees Angel hoping around the place. He walks up behind him and puts him in his inventory for latter use.

"Wait...did you just..." Discord drags out, appearing next to HK. He's been watching him through a crystal ball when HK suddenly grabbed Angel and put him in his inventory, something that surprised even Discord.

"What?" HK asks, turning to face Discord.

"Did you just put...Angel in your inventory?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Okay then." With a click of his fingers, Discord teleports away.

HK shakes his head and makes his way behind a table. He looks up from the table and sees Upper Crust and Jet Set a few meters from each over. He smirks and begins his little song.

*whistle* dun-dun *whistle* du-dun.

The effect is, well, effective as Upper and Jet start trying to find somewhere to hide, as well as the other ponies surrounding the area. Of course, it's a bit hard to try and hide when you can't see anything, but they get points for effort.

HK slowly starts making his way towards them, getting closer while still whistling. HK can see that they managed to figure where the other was and they are now holding on to one another.

HK suddenly breaks out into a sprint and jumps into the air with both of his legs out.

"Move, bitch!" HK's feet connect with upper Crust's head sending it to a direct course into Jet Sets' head. The two ponies bang heads together and hit the ground.

HK lands on the ground and smiles deviously.

"Get out the way..."

Suddenly all the ponies in Canterlot sprint all over the place screaming. Some collided with others while some ran into lampposts, walls, hell, I think one was hit on the head with an anvil.

HK runs throug the crowd, drop kicking any poor soul that got in his way. Fancy Pants, Fluer, Hoity Toity, his drop kicking is endless.

" Move, bitch! Get out the way! Get out the way, bitch! Het out the way!" He laughs manically. His eyes go red and his pupils shrink down to half there original size. And taking in the fact that his eyes are already quite small compared to the ponies, that's pretty small.

But all of a sudden, the smoke around Canterlot begins to clear up. The pony doing this? Molestia! Or Celestia, if you prefer.

HK gulps and manages to hide in an ally before he can get seen. The smoke clears revealing multiple ponies with their faces on the ground. HK grunts and takes a peek out of the ally to see how close he is to Canterlot. He's only about fifty meters from it. He begins to silently chuckle. He then grins and whispers out into the air.

"Watch your back, Blue Blood..."

Mmm, what you say

Canterlot Castle, a dazzling site to behold. Inside that very castle there are beings so powerful that they are considered gods among us. Of course, that's just some made up stuff that everypony believes. In reality, the beings that live in that castle are just really strong immortals, nothing more, nothing less. But, when you're a simple mortal, anything or anyone who can control celestial objects or bend the world to their own will would be considered a god in your eyes.

But right now the beings that reside in the castle, both mortal and immortal, are calmly handling a-

"TIA! WE DOTH NOT WISH TO BE DROPED KICKED! DOUBLE-NEIGH-TRIPLE THE DEFENSE!"

-okay, they're freaking the hell out. Well, not Discord, he's pretty calm, still a little weird-ed out by the fact HK put Angel in his inventory, but calm. And Celestia... well, she's just annoyed.

Luna runs back and fourth across the throne room, bellowing out commands in her Royal Canterlot Voice. Celestia is calmly, with an annoyed expression on her face, standing in the middle of the throne room, trying to get her sisters attention.

"Luna...Luna! LUNA!"

"WHAT DOTH THOU MEAN YOU DON'T AGREE WITH US?! DOTH THOU KNOW WHO THOU ART DEALING WITH?! THOU ART DEALING WITH-*SMACK*-OUR ROYAL FLANK!"

"Luna...calm down." Celestia calmly puts her pimp hoof back down on the floor and looks at Luna. Luna turns around, while rubbing her flank, and stares at Celestia with tears in her eyes.

"Why did thou use thee Royal Pimp Hoof?" Luna asks, her voice cracking.

Oh, yes, The Royal Pimp Hoof. Legend has it Celestia managed to smite dragons with a single hit with it. Obviously it's full power was not used then. If it were, Luna's flank would be on the moon. Oh, what's that? It can't be that strong? Well, have you ever wondered why Discord isn't causing his own chaos and why he's using HK? It certainly isn't the elements he's worried about, he can run from them. Just think about that for a moment.

Celestia pulls her sister into a hug and begins to whisper in her ear.

" I'm sorry, sister. I shouldn't of used the might of the Royal Pimp Hoof. I just wanted you to calm down. Could you ever forgive me?" Luna hugs Celestia back as hard as she can.

"But of course, sister. We should not have been, how you say, raving around like a mad mare. We're just a little worried about Hjbehs...Hjgnkbehdbfff...Hj-"

"Hjgnkbehdbkink."

"We thank thee Discord. Yes, we art worried about him."

Celestia sighs and let's the hug go. She stares down at Luna with a soft smile.

"Luna, there's no need to worry. HK isn't going to drop ki-

*Whistle* dun-dun *whistle* dun-dun...

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

"DISCORD!"

"Bwahahahahahahaha. Soz, Tia. It's just...I couldn't-*snicker*- hold-"

"WHERE ART THOU, BLUE BLOOD?! WE REQUIRE A MEAT SHIELD!"

"-BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$

HK stands just outside the castle walls, preparing to climb over it. He takes a few steps back and runs at the wall. He swiftly jumps and uses the wall to help push him up as his fingers latch onto the top of the wall. Using his strength, he pulls himself up so that his head is over the wall and he now has his arms holding him onto the wall.

"Mmm, no guards. They must of all went inside when they heard that screaming. Oh, well, just makes it easier."

HK, albeit with a bit of trouble, pulls himself up on the wall and jumps down to the garden the castle has. He takes a quick glance left and right and makes his way across the garden, carefully as to not alert anyone.

He reaches the castle and notices a window on the outside. The window is about fifty feet above the ground. Luckily, for our protagonist, a little bit of chaos magic should help.

HK snaps his fingers and summons a grappling hook. He takes a quick look at it and points it at the window.

"OK...steady." HK fires the grappling hook and it smashes through the window.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Fudge cakes! Better stop talking to myself and get through that window." HK activates the grappling hook and quickly zips up to the window. He enters the castle and can hear hoof steps coming his way. He looks left and right but can't find a spot to hide. He quickly gets his grappling hook, aims it upwards and fires it.

He zips up just as the guards round the corner.

"Look, the window is broken!"

"You don't say. What next, you gonna point out that Celestia can move the sun?"

HK looks down upon the guards, figuratively and literally, and sees that they are having a little argument. HK chuckles and drops down onto a chandelier. He continues to hop from chandelier to chandelier in pursuit of Blue Blood.

$#$#$#$#$#$#$

"Can't believe aunty put me in the same room as YOU ponies!" Blue Blood whines while stomping on the sofa he's sitting on. Inside this room are three ponies. The first, and least, being Blue Blood. The second and third, however, are none other than Princess Mia Mora Cadenza and prince Shinning Armor. Cadenza sighs and Shinning grunts.

"You know, I also wounded why I have to as well," Shinning says, his voice monotone. Cadenza walks up to Shinning and gives him a hug.

"Don't worry, Shinning. You don't have to worry about him, you might hurt yourself more," Cadenza says, pointing a hoof at the plaster on his nose. Luckily, Shinning managed to teleport away before Gandulf blew the train up. He did get a broken snout, though. Luckily, with great medical care, they just put a plaster on it and said done, he's now healed.

"Yeah...you're right. Anyway, hopefully that HK will drop kick him." Cadenza giggles and pushes Shinning.

"Yeah, as if. We got the best guards in the world guarding our door."

$#$#$#$#$#$#$##$

"Those were the worst guards in the world. How the hell did they get this job?" HK asks himself. He shakes his head and activates his 'jackass sense' ad can tell Blue Blood is behind the door.

He begins his song and kicks the door open.

*whistle* dun-dun *whistle* dun-dun...

The three ponies all turn to look at HK as he strolls into the room. Shinning quickly grabs his wife and goes to camp in a corner.

"Blue Blood hid behind the sofa when you came in!" Shinning shouts out.

"Thanks, for that I won't drop kick you...[size=0.5et[/size]."

HK pulls Angel out of his inventory and places him on the ground. He then pelts Angel into a wall. Angel bounces of the wall and hits the cowering Blue Blood, making him stumble out of his hiding place.

HK grins and runs at Blue Blood. All Blue Blood can do is stare in shock as HK draws nearer. HK leaps into the air.

"MOVE, BITCH!" Times seems to slow down as HK's foot connect with Blue Bloods face. You can see in horrific detail as Blue Blood's eyes roll to the back of his head, as his many teeth are knocked out of his mouth and as a trail of blood runs from his snout. HK used all his power in this kick, he was saving the true power of the kick for this very reason. Shinning and Cadenza gasp in awe at the sight before them.

Suddenly there's a bright flash of light and time reverts back to normal. When the light fades out all you can see is a smoking crater and HK standing in the middle.

HK turns to look at Shinning and Cadenza. They both freeze under his gaze.

"You will be spared for aiding me in my quest to drop kick Blue Blood. But be warned, if we cross paths again, I will drop kick you." Cadenza and Shinning both nod fear, fear of what they just witnessed.

HK walks out of the room leaving the married couple alone. Cadenza frowns and looks at Shinning.

"You're such a big coward." Shinning turns to face Cadenza with an even bigger frown.

"Oh, and you're not?" Cadenza open her mouth only to shut it once she realizes Shinning is right.

"You know," Shinning starts. "I have another big thing you might be interested in."

"Oh?"

"Yeah...my deck!"

"Your deck? Oh, for a minute their I thought you were...never mind. So, what kind of deck?" Shinning grins and pulls a massive folder out of his pockets...don't know how he has pockets...I guess he just does.

"Ponymon cards."

$#$#$#$#$#$

Luna sits on her frown with wide eyes. Celestia quickly notices this and decides to ask what's wrong.

"Sister, are you OK? You see trou-

"He...he is coming..."

"Oh," Discord says, appearing next to Luna. "So we're playing the pronoun game?"

"HK...is coming...he's taunting me..."

"But I don't hear anythi-"

"LUNA!...HI!...BTW I'M TOTALLY GOING TO GET YOU!"

I knew we were in trouble when you walked in.

Luna sits on her throne, darting her eyes through every possible entrance in the room. From the window to the doors Luna is looking everywhere. Next to Luna is her sister, Celestia. While Celestia isn't going frantic about all this, she is a bit worried about this Hjgnkbsd...Hjsndj...damn it really is hard to say his name. Okay...Hjgnkbehdbkink. Yes! She is worried about Hjgnkbehdbkink!

In the room there is also an assortment of guards, from Dusk Blade, Night Blade, Blade Blade, Flash Sentry, Flash Blade, Sentry Blade...damn, why does nearly every guard have blade in their name? Oh, there's this one guy called Pitch Black...but, yeah. A lot of blades.

And, finally, accompanying The Princesses, The Elements of Harmony. Rainbow Rash, Pinkie Fie, Apple Jacking Your Ride, Twizzy Mc Fizzy, Buttered Pie and Ra-ra-ulala.

All the ponies in the room, about thirty, are on edge as the sound of whistling gets nearer.

*Whistle* dun-dun *Whistle* dun-dun...

"Guard," Luna calls out. A nearby guard approaches her and bows.

"Yes, Princess?" Luna gestures her hoof around the room, a calm look on her face.

"Is this all we have for our defends against HK?" The guard looks at The Princess with a tint of fear.

"Sorry, Princess, but I'm afraid so. Is this...troublesome?" Luna quickly gives a wave of her hoof.

"Of course not!" Luna replies.

'IM GOING TO DIE!' She thinks to herself.

"This is just perfect."

'WHAT IN TARTARUS HAPPEND TO THE GUARD?' She asks herself.

"But, we were certain we had more guards."

*Whistle* dun-dun *whistle* dun-dun *whistle* dun-dun...

'It's getting closer, he's getting closer.' The guard looks back down at the floor.

"Yes...we did, but-"

"MOVE, BITCH!"

"-But, as you can probably tell, Princess, they have either been taken out by HK or are currently-"

"MOVE, BITCH!"

"-C-currently getting taken out."

Luna sighs and nods her head. Suddenly, a small knock can be heard from the door. The knock, while quite, causes Luna to flare her wings out of fear and surprise, resulting with Celestia getting slapped across the face by said wing, and several guards to go to the ground and roll in the fatal position muttering random gibberish.

The door slowly begins to open and everypony stares unbliking as the two gigantic doors creak open a little. Luna's breathing quickens and her horn begins to glow with a blinding light of dark blue magic. Celestia, after getting Luna' s feathers out of her mouth, follows her sisters action and lights her own horn up. Discord begins to munch on his popcorn at a more faster pace and Twilight manages to light her own horn up.

*Whistle* dun-dun *Whistle* dun-dun *whistle* dun-dun *whistle* dun-dun...

The doors swing open and-

"Angel!" Fluttershy calls out. Everyone sighs and Luna and Celestia drop their spells. Fluttershy quickly rushes up to Angel and begins to nuzzle and snuggle him. Angel rolls his tiny black eyes at Fluttershy's antics and starts to yell at her.

"Darling Darling Darling, F-arling?" Asked Rarity. Fluttershy looks at Angel and begins to translate.

"Umm...he said: 'It's a...trap?'"

Before anyone can do anything, a tall figure sprints up and jumps in the air with his legs up and aimed at Fluttershy.

"MOVE, BITCH!" HK's feet smash into Fluttershy's face and the poor pony is sent flying across the room and impacts a wall. HK lands on his feet and continues to run forward with a grin on his face. Flash Sentry grows a pear (yes I said pear and not pair deliberately) and decides to charge HK. HK dodges to the right and roundhouse kicks Flash. Flash stumbles but manages to keep his balance. HK continues to run forward and jump kicks a guard in the face. However, he uses his power to launch himself of the guard and back towards Flash Sentry to finish him off with a classic drop kick.

"GET OUT THE WAY!" Flash gets hit in the back off the head and is out cold.

The guards that are not already on the floor are now dropping their weapons and laying on the ground, praying to Celestia's mother that they get spared.

HK turns around to look at the remaining ponies who are not on the ground. Luna stares back at HK with sweat running down her face.

'Just what kind of demon could possibly be hidden behind those sunglasses?' Luna thinks to herself.

Luna has faced many spawns of Tartarus, just like her sister, yet this human is beyond anything she's ever known. The demons from Tartarus had excuses to be scary, they were gigantic and had powers rivaling the Alicorn race. But this creature...this being, only just as tall as her sister, has single handedly knocked more than half of The Elements of Harmony out, knocked more than seventy percent of Canterlot's citizens out and has now infiltrated their the castle while making the guards look like fools. He shouldn't even be that hard to capture! He's not as strong as an Earth Pony. He can't, to the ponies knowledge, use magic. And he's not even that fast compared to a pony! But, to his credit, he seems to have stamina that makes even Earth pony's seem like jokes, agility that Pegasi would be jealous of and must be incredibly intelligent to pull all this off and still be free. However, while not as strong as an Earth Pony, he can still pack a hard hit. He's unlike anything the sisters have ever encountered.

But, not all hope is lost, for you see...Twilight never stopped her spell. No, Twilight, being the cautious mare she is, decided to keep her spell up just in case.

She casts her spell and, with a bright flash, all the main six have their Elements on. Rainbow rushes right over to Fluttershy and helps her to her hooves.

The girls all line up and stare at HK.

"Give it up, Hjgnkbehdbkink! There's no way you're going to win! Just put your..." Twilight drags on. HK notices she's starring at his hands and decides to help the girl out.

"Hands."

"Thank you. Put up your hands and we promise we won't hurt you." Twilight states.

"Not that much at least." Rainbow whispers to herself. Oh, RD is really annoyed with this guy. Do you know how humiliating it is to find out you got knocked out by a bunny? It's very humiliating. I know, best description ever.

HK begins to chuckle and that chuckle soon turn into a full out laughter.

"Ha! As if. You should be the ones giving up!" HK says.

'Well, I'm screwed if they actually decide to use them, hope my bluff works' HK thinks to himself.

The bluff seems to work as the girls are now looking unsure. Even Discord was worried about the Elements, but this guy's laughing it off like some sort of joke.

The Main Six just ignore him and begin to float in the air. Their respected elements begin to glow and their eyes are emitting a bright white light. Suddenly, a rainbow shoots out from The Elements of Harmony and continue to rise up. The rainbow reaches its peak and descends upon HK at fast speeds.

HK just stands his ground, staring at the rainbow as it gets closer. The rainbow impacts HK and a bright light fills everyone's vision. The light clears and everypony begins to cheer.

"So, di-I can talk normally again!" Exclaims Rarity. It would seem that The Elements have fixed Rarity, so now she can speak again.

All cheers are put aside as they hear a gasp from Luna. Everypony in the room turns to see what she's staring at; and to their shock, Luna is staring at HK. A HK that is not trapped in stone and is smirking at them.

"Bwa-b-b-but how?!" Twilight shouts. HK turns to look at her with a grin.

"Well, while you were charging your Elements, I had enough time to think of a plan to not get turned to stone; moving a few inches back at the last second, just as the rainbow reaches me."

All the ponies drop their jaws at hearing this.

"Y-you can't do that!" Celestia shouts. This being is more intelligent then Celestia could ever imagine. Moving out of the way as the rainbow slowly descends upon you? Never in all her life has she heard of such a thing.

HK just chuckles to himself while he slowly advances up to the thrones. The Elements do nothing, as they are to shocked that HK can actually just avoid their most powerful weapon, and Luna begins to backpedal on her throne in a pathetic attempt to get away from HK.

"And why not? I don't remember their being a rule or law that says you can't do that. So, why can't I?" Before Celestia can say anything back...

*Whistle* dun-dun *whistle* dun-dun...[size=1.5em][/size]

HK charges at Luna with all of his might. Luna's eyes widen as HK jumps up and sores through the air, heading straight for her. HK's feet near Luna and-

"Nope." Celestia says. Before HK can reach Luna, Celestia lights her horn up and traps HK in a levitation spell.

"What! So, you can beat The Elements like nothing, but a simple levitation spell can hold you?!" Twilight shouts out.

Before HK can respond, Celestia casts a sleeping spell on HK and he promptly falls asleep. Celestia turns to her sister and sees that she is still petrified with fear. She gives her sister a hug and strokes her back.

"It's okay, Luna; we've defeated HK." Luna hugs her sister back and begins to cry. Never in all her immortal life has Luna been so scared. Celestia continues to comfort her sister, but turns her head around to face the guards.

"Guards," Celestia whispers, "take Hjgnkbehdbkink to the dungeon... and give me the Equestrian law book; I need to add a new law."

I will survive!

"Ugghh..." HK moans. HK's eyes lazily open up to reveal that he is chained in a prison cell. His hands are behind his back and has kneeling on the ground. HK eyes open wide and he begins to breathe heavily.

"O-oh no! Please, n-no. D-don't let this be what I think it is." HK begins to frantically look around, trying to find something to calm him down. In this pitiful search, HK's eyes land on a dark figure a little bit away from him.

HK tries to get a clear view on the figure, but it's to dark to make out any real detail. All HK can tell is that the figure is tall. Very tall.  Tall enough to tower over him. Bit that might be because he's on his knees looking up.

"P-please don't let this be some creepy Molestia...thing," he whispers to himself; over and over again.

The figure begins to slowly creep forward, it's steps making a loud clip-clop sound. The figure seems to be taking it's time. Deliberately or not, it's making HK panic. The figure is now only a few feet away from him, giving HK a clearer view.

The figure has pinkish-purple eyes -- ...oh, magenta? That's what it's called? Okay, thanks. *Ahem* -- Magenta eyes and white fur. The mane seems to be a multitude of colors. The mane its self is flowing. It's anyone's guess who it could be.

...Okay, it's Celestia. If you didn't get that you must be special. And not the good kind.

The figure, known as Celestia, stops right in front of HK. HK shakily looks into the magenta eyes of the strange figure and begins to tremble.

'Oh, god, it's her. Oh, god. Please don't come closer. This has to be a dream. I-it can't be real!' HK thinks to himself, trying to fight back the harsh reality of the situation.

" Hello, Hjgnkbehdbkink." HK begins to struggle against his chains, but it's to no avail. He tries to cast a spell but, with his mind all mixed up, he can't focus enough to pull it off. That and the fact he's still a bit drowsy from just waking up. He freezes as he sees Celestia only a few inches away from him, looking down at him. Using his cunning mind, he quickly resorts to the best method of self defense.

"...Hjgnkbehdbkink is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep. *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-*

"Now, now, HK. There's no reason to worry."

*-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-*

"In fact, I only want to help you. And in return, I expect you to help me with my desires."

'Like hell I will!' Thought HK. ' I'm not into Pony x Human. Not that I have anything against those that do, but I would rather have a girlfriend than a marefriend. Besides it's not like I can't return to my home, and I'm not THAT desperate; I just need to create enough chaos...and not get molested.'

Celestia brings her face closer to HK's, resulting with HK beginning to sweat and increase the volume of his 'beep' sound. Celestia moves her snout next to HK's ear and begins to whisper.

"Do not worry, I won't hurt you. I don't exactly like violence, actually. But you see, sometimes you need violence to stop violence. Ironic, is it not."

"-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

"This is why I'm here. Much like Discord, I believe you're power of...'moving bitches' will come in handy."

'Okay, I'm trying to be open to the fact that she won't molest me, but the things she's saying suggest otherwise.'

"And I especially like this stamina of yours; it's something that I just so happen to need, considering the guards I have won't be able to last that long for what I need.

"-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-"

"And it's because of this."

'Oh, no'

"That I."

'Shit.'

"Princess Celestia."

'Think yah mean Molestia.'

"Have chosen you to."

'Fuuuuuu-'

"Be my personal...s-"

'She's going to say it.'

"-uper soldier."

" DON'T RA-...what?"

Celestia giggles at HK's confused face.

"My super solider, of course. You've proven to be able to take on my highly trained guards-"

'Who are about as efficient as putting a tweleve year old that plays COD into a real war.'

"-and managed to strike fear into my own sister. So, as I said before, your ability's will come in handy and you could become a great ally. "

'At least I'm not getting a personal lesson on the pony body.'

"So let me get the straight. You chained me to a wall,"

"Correct."

"Left me in the dark while you wait in a corner,"

"So far so good."

"Just to propose a deal?"

"Precisely"

"...I don't even...just...I don't even."

At this Celestia bursts out into a school-girlish giggle.

"I can understand if you're confused. But after reforming Discord, we found out that it would be useful to have our enemy's help. Which is why I'm here to reform you."

"And how exactly do you plan on that?" HK asks. Celestia gives him a warm smile.

"Well, should you choose to become our ally, we promise you a place to stay at the castle, free food, water and friendship."

"...How about a spell?"

Celestia looks at HK with a raised eyebrow.

"Why exactly would you need a spell?" HK frowns.

"Just because."

"Because what?"

"Because I want a certain spell, and only you and your sister are strong enough to cast it, to my knowledge." In case you're dense, HK's referring to a spell to send him home.

Celestia drops her smile.

"A spell that powerful? Well, then no." HK's eyes open in shock.

"What do you mean 'then no?'"

"I mean, even if that spell was a simple cookie spawner, you still need to answer to your crimes."

"What crimes? And there's a cookie spawner spell?"

"Oh, I don't know. It's not like you drop kicked half of Canterlot, half the Elements of Harmony and attempted to do the same with my sister. Oh, and yes. Yes there is a cookie spawner spell."

"...So?"

Celestia sighs and face hoofs.

"I can see that this will take a while. Okay, we'll start simple. HK."

"No."

"Do you know what you did wrong?"

"No."

"So, do you feel bad?"

"No."

"Are you going to keep saying 'no'?"

"No."

HK smiles at Celestia's annoyed expression. HK's plan is to annoy Celestia enough so that she'll leave and he can escape. He would of  been wiling to be 'reformed,' but Celestia said he'd have to 'pay for his crimes.' And HK isn't really a patient type. He'd rather run around and cause chaos than wait around earning everyone's trust.

"Okay. I'm guessing you have some trust issues?" HK looks up at Celestia.

"Raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies are the reason I have trust issues." Celestia raises an eyebrow.

"...Alright, then. Okay, HK. I'm going to give you two options: either cooperate or get turned into a statue."

"...No."

Celestia signs and gets up. She walks to the cell door. She turns around to look at HK.

"I'm running low on choices, HK. It would be best if you let us reform you."

"Yes."

"Wait, really?" Celestia asks. If you take a closer look at Celestia's face, you can see a tiny bit of hope in her eyes. A tiny bit of hope that a new ally that could be-

"No, I'm just messing with you."

-and that spark of hope is instantly crushed like an ant.

Celestia shakes her head before exiting the cell and walking to the exit.

HK looks to his left and sees a green stallion with a green mane sitting in a different cell next to him. HK decides that he has nothing better to do, and asks the stallion a question:

"What cha do?" The green stallion turns to look at HK with a intense face. You know, like the face of those people who have seen some serious crap.

"You really want to know? You might have nightmares about it."

"I'm sure."

"...I didn't say bless you when somepony sneezed."

"..."

"..."

"...I'm just going to get up," HK uses his chaos magic to break his chains, "and slowly walk away." And HK does just that.

Next time on Move, B*tch:

Shit happens.

The end. (Of this chapter.)

This time it's different

HK stands just outside of Discord's door. How does he know this is Discord's room? Well, when there's a massive sign on the door that says: 'I'M BUSY NOT BEING BUSY' on it, common sense tells you that whoever is in their is obviously a smartass. And Discords the only person HK knows who can be classed as a smartass. Every other pony is just...well, an ass or smart.

HK kicks the door in because why the hell not? And spots Discord eating the TV and watching lunch. And no, that's not a mistake; he is literally eating the TV and watching lunch.

"Hey, Discord," HK greets. Discord takes his eyes away from his lunch and looks at HK in shock.

"Hjgnkbehdbkink!? Why are you here? How are you here? Why is there a bunch of unconscious guards behind you?"

Turning around, HK sees the mass of unconscious guards behind him and sighs.

"I was originally planning on coming here all stealthily... but; I kinda got spotted and went 'screw it! I'll just knock every bitch I see'."

"Okay."

"Didn't you here me whistling?" Discord points to his cheese sandwich with a smile.

"My lunch was to loud."

HK chuckles in amusement.

"You never cease to amaze me Discord. Anyway, I was hoping you could help me out a bit, it's kinda why I'm here...over than the fact Celestia knows that I've escaped and is currently hunting me down. You know how many arrows I had to dodge?!"

Discord turns his lunch down a bit and looks at HK.

"Umm...no."

"Well! I had to dodge...actually it was only about twenty. But still, that's a lot! I don't even know where she got the arrows from! I swear she only had about three on her."

HK sighs and shakes his head. Discord turns his lunch over and puts his sink in the plate.

"So," Discord starts. "What exactly do you need help with?"

"Remember when Celestia stopped me with her levitation spell? Well, I want a way to counter it." Discord hums to himself and looks back at HK.

"Sorry, can't do that."

"W-what?! Why?"

Discord rolls his eyes and sits on the ceiling.

"I can't just make you 'resistant to magic', it doesn't work that way. You mortals wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Discord sighs.

"Alright fine...if you want to know that bad..."

$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$

"-And that is why. Any questions?" Discord has just finished a long ass answer to HK's question. HK fiddles with the own in his hand.

"So, basically; you just don't want too beause you're to busy not giving a fuck...right?" Discord nods his head in approval.

" But don't worry," Discord starts, "I will distract Celestia so you can drop kick her."

"I want to kick Luna, though."

"Deal with it."

"Ugh, fine. But how exactly will you distract Celestia?" Discord grins ear to ear with a sinister smile on how features.

"I have just the plan..."

$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$

"Celestia! Celestia! CELESTIA!" Discord yells out while running towards the throne room. Celestia sighs and looks up. Suddenly, Discord smashes through the door and lands on Celestia's back.

"Oh, Celestia!" Discord cries out, "it's terrible! I need help!" Celestia adopts a annoyed look on her face and levitates Discord to the floor.

"We already know something's wrong with you, it's why my sister and I tend to keep a distance. Besides, my guards are currently looking for HK; he somehow managed to escape." Discord cups Celestia's cheek in his hoof and talon.

'Maybe you should lock the cell door next time,' Discord mentally says to himself.

"This is serious, Celestia! As in serious!" Celestia grunts and levitates Discord's appendages away from her face.

"Alright. Okay. Discord; what is so serious, so important that you broke the door down, that you need help with?"

" I need to go to the dentist: I've got to check my ears; I can't see anything!" Celestia's' face adopts a WTF look.

*Whistle* dun-dun *whistle* dun-dun...

A figure flies through the air, aimed straight at Celestia's flank.

"MOVE, BITCH! GET OU-"

"Denied," Celestia says out loud. HK's quickly suspended in the air by a golden field of magic.

"DISCORD! HELP!" HK cries out. HK has already been levitated, and he can safely say that being levitated isn't as comfortable as the fanfics say. In fact, being suspended in mid air can be sickening. It feels like you are on a rollercoaster that goes really fast and then suddenly stops. Except that feeling doesn't go away, it's constant. And to be honest, the levitation spell actually doesn't feel warm; it's dead cold and itchy.

Discord tries to think of something, but nothing comes to his mind.

"Umm, try getting out!" HK looks at Discord in desperation. Celestia closes her eyes and prepares to cast a sleep spell while talking to HK. Mentally, that is.

'Shhhhh, don't worry HK. We'll soon make you pure and teach you all about friendship. Don't fight it, just accept it.' Celestia mentally says, in a weird, crazy, lustfull way. The kind of way an overly attached girlfriend would say. Except it's an insane friendship craving Celestia instead. HK begins to struggle even more in a hope to escape.

'Why did you have to say that so creepily?' HK asks himself.

HK quickly refocuses on Discord.

"How?! How do I escape?!"

"USE THE FORCE!"

Celestia than begins to giggle.

"As if that'll work," she says. Celestia quickly turns to face HK. She can see that his head is hung low and his aviators are hanging off his ears in what appears to be defeat.

'Finally, he gave up'

"Besides, everyone knows that 'The Force' is just a-" HK suddenly bolts up and points his hand at Celestia.

"FORCE PUSH!" A massive, powerful energy plus hits Celestia and sends her flying into a wall. HK drops out of the levitation spell and looks up in surprise.

"T-that worked?! H-how?! I only did that as a fatal attempt! I didn't even think The Force existed in Equestria." Discord appears next to HK and puts his arm around his shoulder.

"This is a world where making buildings float and making chocolate clouds is considered evil. I'm honestly surprised that you're surprised. I mean, you have my power, or at least 20% of it!"

'This is only 20%?!' HK thinks to himself. ' Damn...Discord must be extremely powerful if. I mean, I spawned in a Gandalf to protect me! But, at the same time; even with all this power, I can't send myself back home. I really wish I could, but I'm no exactly sure what to do. It's not like I can click my shoes together and say "there's no place like home"...or can I?'

HK clicks his shoes together and says:

"There's no place like home!"

"..."

"...aw, I thought that would work."

Celestia decides to make her presence remembered by shooting a spear of magic at HK.

"HK!" Discord shouts in panic, "Dodge!"

"Wait-wha?-"

The magic beam hit's HK...and by that, I mean it hit's the a little bit to the left of HK's feet. Discord looks at Celestia with a frown.

"Really? You couldn't hit him when he was standing still? What's your excuse?!"

" I did just kinda force push her into a wall," HK states. Discord huffs.

"Pfft, pretty lame excuse."

"Are you two done talking!" Celestia screams. Discord holds his hoof and talon up.

"Watch out, HK. We got a badass over here."

"Well, I wouldn't say 'badass'. For her to be one you have to be bad. If you're not, you're just an ass, really."

"True."

Celestia's face begins to heat up in rage.

"FIRST OF ALL, I AM NOT A BAD-DONKEY! SECOND OF ALL, DISCORD!...THE TARTARUS?!  I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON OUR SIDE!"

"Times have changed Celestia," Discord says while sitting upside down on a chair while sipping from some tea.

"AND YOU!" Celestia shouts out while pointing a hoof at HK. "YOU JUST HAD TO BE A REBEL AND THROW AWAY MY ATTEMPTS AT FREINDSHIP!"

"In my defense, they weren't really good attempts."

"I DON'T GIVE A FLYING LUNA --sorry sister-- ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY! I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU MAKE FREINDS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

"Well...what if I don't want that?" HK asks.

"WELL, I'LL JUST FORCE YOU!"

"Doesn't sound very freindly-ish to me."

"I DON'T CARE! I'M DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!"

"Calm your tits."

"I'm going to have to agree with HK on that one; you're acting crazy."

"LIKE YOU CAN TALK!"

"Actually I can speak very well, thank you very much."

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

HK decides he should finish this now unless he wants Celestia to go Super Saiyan. He runs towards Celestia at full speed. Celestia sees this, and in her rage, fires one of her strongest spells at HK; a massive ball of fire that takes up half the size of the room. So it's basically a pretty bigass ball.

HK tries to look for a way to doge, but can't find one. The ball advances on HK and he decides to test out just how strong he is. With a click of his fingers, the once massive ball of fire is now a massive ball of flowers. HK clicks his fingers and summons a simple little sword. He then cuts through the ball and continues his sprint at Celestia while whistling.

*Whistle* dun-dun...

Celestia's horn glows with a bright golden light.

"I WOULDN'T EVEN TRY TO DROP KICK ME!"

"Oh; I'm not going to drop kick you." Before Celestia can react, HK kicks forward and moves like a blur, while leaving a bunch of red after images of himself, at Celestia. Or, he just used the shadow kick.

"MOVE, BITCH!" HK's other foot connects with Celestia's face, making her back go against the wall. "GET OUT THE WAY!" But HK doesn't stop there. His kick still advances forward, sending himself and Celestia through many walls of the castle while he unleashes a fury of kicks a Celestia.

They break through one more wall before HK stops and Celestia is knocked onto the ground unconscious.

"C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!"

HK pants and looks around the room he is in. It has dark blue walls and a ceiling that looks like the night sky.

"Three guesses to who the room belongs to," HK mumbles to himself.

Looking around a bit more, he spots Luna sleeping on her bed with her back facing said bed. Her hooves are right up against her face, like a puppy would have when sleeping, and she has a tiny bit of drool hanging out of her open mouth.

"D'aaaaawwwwww. She looks so adorable. I almost feel bad that I'm going to kick her. Almost."

Luna turns so that her stomach is facing the bed and her head is facing the right. She let's out an adorable little snore.

"Awwwwwwwww. Well, who says I have to drop kick her in reality? I could drop kick her in the realm of dreams. And, if I-when I do that, it's sure to make Luna not want to sleep again. And with Luna tired, she won't be up to the best she can be. So, she'll most likely cause a bit of chaos while she stumbles from one end to the palace to the other. And once I enter Luna's dreams, I can enter other ponies dreams. Yep, this'll definitely cause some chaos."

"Just out of curiosity," Discord begins while appearing behind HK in a flash of light. "Do you normally talk to yourself out loud?"

"Yes. Yes I do."

"And people call me strange..."

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing."

HK rolls his eyes (not that Discord can see with his eyes being concealed by his aviators) and walks up to Luna.

"Alright, Luna. Prepare for your worst nightmare."

Somepony wake me from this nightmare!

Luna smiles happily as she continues her little stroll through the night. Ponies from all races and sizes bow to her and offer her compliments such as "goodnight to you, my Queen" or "Another fine night, my Queen" and "you have a much better flank than your sister who should stop consuming so much cake." Yeah, let's just say that when you have the ability to control dreams, you can make every night special...as well as vent out some anger towards a certain someone who lied to Luna about HK not drop kicking Luna. Sure, he didn't; but Luna has a sneaking suspicion that Celestia waited until the last moment to stop HK just to scare her.

Luna sighs as she continues her dream. The dream is custom made just for her: everypony treats her with respect, everypony calls her 'Queen' and Celestia is trapped in the sun. What? It's not like you can just forget your sister traping you in the moon for one thousand years. Everyone deals with their issues in a certain way, and this is Luna's way.

*WHisTle* duN-Dun *WHistLe* DUn-duN...

Luna freezes. She slowly begins to hyperventilate and look around frantically, trying to find the source of the disoriented sounding music.

" N-no! He can't be here! Thi-this is just a dream! Yes...just a dream. Ha...haha...hahahahahaha!" Luna begins to roll in the ground in laughter. Her laughter begins to fade and she stands back up.

"Yes, just a simple dream. We will simply will the music away and it will stop." Luna does just that.

*wHiSTle* duN-DUn...

"Strange...perhaps we did not use enough will power?" Luna try to will it away again...and again...and again. But no matter how hard she trys, the music won't stop. If anything, it seems to be getting louder instead.

"Oi! Luna!" Luna's ears flicker and she turns around to see HK a few yard from herself. Luna's pupils shrink to the size of pin-tips and she begins to stutter.

"Bu-wha-ho-um-err?" HK begins to chuckle to himself.

"I can understand that your confused, 'Queen'." HK begins. Luna blushes and her ears fold back after being called 'Queen'. "But let me explain. It's quite simple really, I can use magic. And by using magic, I was able to enter your...interesting little dream."

"But that's impossible!" Shouts Luna, her blush now gone and wings wide open as a way to show dominance and intimidation. "Only I can enter dreams!"

"Nothing is impossible, Luna. The word impossible even says: I'm-possible."

Luna begins to get scared but keeps her wings open for intimidation and shows no sign of her current fear. While this would work on any other pony, besides Celestia and Discord, this doesn't even faze HK.

"We doth not care for thy words!" Luna begins in the Royal Canterlot Voice, "Surrender or face the consequences of thy actions!"

"Oh? And how exactly am I going to 'face the consequences of thy actions'?" Luna smirks and she narrows her eyes.

Before HK can question anything, a huge army of ponies come running out of seemingly nowhere and begin to surround Luna from all angels. There are even some bat-ponies covering her from the air.

"Just to let thou know, there is a total of three hundred guards protecting me. But these aren't the pathetic excuse for guards my sister uses nowadays, no. These are dream clones from when the Royal Guard was at it's finest. I have one hundred Earth Ponies at the front, one hundred Unicorns at the back and one hundred Bat-Ponies covering the air!" Luna begins to smile, the kinda smile someone gives of when they know they've won, a smile of arrogance and smugness.

*Clap* *Clap* *Clap*

Luna looks in confusion at HK as he claps his hand's together.

'What is he doing? Is he...complimenting my army? Have I frightened him into giving up and this is how he surrenders?'

"I must say," HK begins, "that you have quite the impressive little army there."

"But of course. Doth though think we, the princess of the night, would not?"

"Well, actually yes. But anyway, as impressive as your little army of rejects is, I would give up if I were you."

Luna narrows her eyes.

"Give up? Ha, we find your joke funny. As if we would give up." HK's mouth forms into a cocky grin.

"The only joke I see is your army."

"Make those retorts while you can, Hjgnkbehdbkink; for those will be the last words you'll ever say."

HK begins to stroll forward towards Luna. Her guards act instantly and keep all their weapons aimed on HK. From crossbows, to spears, to spells, everything is aimed at HK. Even a frying pan.

HK is now only one yard from the massive army in front of him. HK stops and rubs his chin. Luna raises her eyebrows at HK's actions and decides to question them.

"What art thou-"

"Shhhhhhhhh. Do you hear that?" Luna looks around confused while trying to figure out what HK means.

"No, what art thou tal-"

*WHiStle* dUn-Dun *WHistLe* dUn-dun...

Luna's eyes widen in terror and she quickly looks back at HK, expecting him to be flying at her. But, to her surprise, HK is just standing there...and he's not even whistling. Luna begins to panic and her guards also seem a bit nervous.

"Looking for someone?" Luna turns around to see HK standing behind her.

'That's odd. Wasn't he...' Luna looks behind herself and sees HK in the same spot as he was before. She turns around, HK. She looks forward, HK.

Time seems to slow down as she finally begins to realize what's happening.

"Th-there's two of thou?" Luna squeaks out. Both of the HK's begin to laugh.

"Of course not!" They both say in unison, "we have more than two of us." Luna begins to breath more heavily, but tries to keep her composure.

" And? So, you have maybe a few of thee! But the fact still remains that we have an army!"

The two HKs grin and whistle out into the air. Before Luna can begin to comprehend what's happening, multiple HKs come out of their hiding places. Some were hiding in cardboard boxes, some where hiding in the trees, in the hay stacks and I think there was this one guy hiding behind the flag pole. All in all, after a few seconds, HK has a massive army of...well HKs in behind him.

"You might be able to beat me...but can you beat me, him, them, those guys, this guy, that guy, that one guy, us and I?"

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Said the giant talking horse who can move a moon."

Luna cries out in anger and glares at the multiple HKs in front of her, all fear replaced by rage. You can call Luna whatever you like, but call her a horse and you probably won't be able to talk ever again.

"How dare you call us a mere horse! We are The Princess, and we think it's time we teach you some respect! And if we were you, we would pay attention!"

"But I don't have any money to pay attention."

"Arggggghhhhhh! Charge!"

"What she said!"

And in an instant, there are multiple HKs Earth Ponies and Bat-Ponies charging into one another. Looking at the battle, you can see a mess of guards trying to buck, destroy or dive bomb the multiple HKs while said HKs drop kick into the guards.

A lone Earth Pony manages to buck a HK right in the chest, turning him into smoke. His victory is short lived, however, as another HK drop kicks him turning him into smoke. Then that HK gets dived bombed by a pony and another HK drop kicks that pony. This whole pattern continues through the whole fight. Sometimes a pony or HK might doge an attack, but they end up getting hit either way. The unicorns are launching fire and lightning spells at the HKs, effectively turning them into smoke.

HK begins to sweat as he realizes that he might actually loose. He turns to his second in command and gives him a fearful look.

"Umm...so how many mes are left?"

"Including us...a hundred-" a HK goes flying past them and smacks straight into a wall. "...ninety nine."

"And the ponies?" The other HK takes his aviators off and smashes them in his hands.

"Over 9000!"

"What 9000?! There's no way that can be right!"

"Don't worry, it isn't. But seriously, one hundred and twenty."

"...well...we're screwed."

Luna smirks as she sees her mighty army crush HK's. Sure, she's lost a few good ponies, but HK has lost more...hims than they have ponies. She turns to her second in command, Big Ounce, and gives him a confident smirk.

"Status report, General!" The general gives a salute.

" Ma'am, we are currently out numbering and out powering HK's forces. It seems that while he might have magic, his clones lack it. Meaning that with our magic, we are completely dominating."

"Good. As thou were."

The massive battle between HK and the ponies has taken a turn for the worse...for HK, that is. Speaking of HK, he is currently pacing back and forth inside a small base he made. The second in command HK is watching the battle from the screen and is cringing. HK notices this and walks over to him.

"...Sup?" HK 2 turns to look at HK.

"The sky."

"No! I mean, what's happening?"

"Well, tomorrow is Princess Celestia's birthday, Fancy pants is donating a thousand bits to charity, there's a sale on Fezes-"

"With. The. War!" HK shouts into his ears.

"Well, you don't have to shout about it. OK. Were basically screwed."

"How so?"

"Were the only two left."

"...OK. What about the ponies?"

"There's seventy of them. They quickly learned to put the mages at the front since they're the most effective against us. Considering we can't use magic."

HK begins to panic and looks outside his base. He can see a smug Luna walking in front off an army.

"OK, number two, activate plan 'Two-One-Seven-Seven-Omega.'"

"...You just made that up, didn't you."

"Yes."

"Can I ask a question?" HK nods. "How come we don't have magic?"

"Because, I got my magic from Discord. So, if I gave you guys some of my magic, I wouldn't have that much left since I'd have given it to you guys. Resulting with me only having about 1% of my power and only a few of you guys having magic. I didn't want to risk it."

"OK. But why didn't you just, I don't know, spawn in some guns for us to use?"

"...I'm an idiot."

HK sighs and face palms.

"Okay, I'll spawn in some guns for us to use. But I have a plan!"

"Okay, what is said plan?"

"Okay...the plan is...

Here comes the BOOM!

"Surrender, HK, we have you completely surrounded!" Luna yells out. This day-or dream I guess-could not be going any better for Luna. At first she was worried about HK and his army, especially after learning he can use magic, but it turns out there was nothing to worry about.

Her guards and herself all have victories smirks on their faces, and who who wouldn't? They have just defeated one of the most dangerous, evil, and terrifying beings ever. Usually they can defeat most enemy's in an hour or so, but HK has taken nearly a whole day.

"You ain't got Sh*t, bitch!"

Luna frowns.

"We are not asking again! Either get the buck out, or we will blow you up!" Luna threatens.

"Why don't you go blow yourselves?" Luna signs in anger.

"Doth thou want to get blown up?"

"What do you think?!"

"Then come outside! Or else!

"Or else what?"

"Or else we'll blow you up! Have thou even been listening?!"

"...Not really; I was too busy not caring!"

Luan shouts in rage and her eyes glow white.

"EITHER COME OUT OF YOUR BASE OR GET BLOWN UP!"

"...Well, gee, okay. Calm your tits."

After a few seconds is silence, HK walks out of the base and closes the door behind him. He begins to walk forward with his hands raised high.

'Huzzah!" Luna thinks to herself, 'all thy base art belong to us!"

The guards all raise their weapons, but Luna motions them to put them down. HK stops a few meters away from them and kneels on the ground with his hands behind his head. Luna slowly approaches him and can make out some words coming from him. Something about a boom?

Luna reaches HK and looks down at him. HK looks up and stares back.

"So," Luna begins, "thou chose to surrender? A wise choice indeed."

"Here comes the...here comes the...here comes the..." HK whispers to heimself.

"What art thou...-" Before Luna can finish, a noise that sounds like an emergency siren echoes throughout the entire area. Looking up, Luna can see a strange yellow and black shape with a countdown timer on it.

Just as the timer reaches zero HK looks up and shouts:

"HERE COMES THE-"

*BOOM*

Luna jumps from the sound of an explosion and looks behind herself. She gasps in awe as she sees a giant mushroom looking cloud a few hundred miles away. But she soon begins to worry as a massive wall of fire begins to move towards her at incredible speeds.

"What is that?! We can feel the heat from here!" Luna turns to look at HK and quickly notices something off about him: his aviators. Or more like the fact he isn't wearing any. And as far as Luna knows, HK always wears his glasses.

"Th-thou art not HK, art thou?" HK 2 chuckles.

"Afraid not; I'm just a clone used as decoy." Luna's face begins to turn red in rage.

'We can't believe it! We had him right were we wanted, but he still...'

Luna yells in rage and fires a magical bolt of lightning at HK 2, completely obliterating him. Luna turns round and shouts:

"WE WILL NOT BE BESTED BY SOME MERE MUSHROOM CLOUD!"

Luna casts her most powerful magical force field around her just a few miles before the nuke reaches her. The nuke hits Luna's force field and massive cracks begin to from around it, nearly blasting through it.

But Luna ain't having any of that sh*t. She screams out as her eyes glow white, and uses everything she has to keep the spell up. After what seems like forever, the nuke stops and all that's left is dust and a destroyed, burnt field.

As the dust clears, HK's base comes into view; and it appears to be unaffected by the nuke. The door open and reveals the real HK stepping out of the base.

"Damn, am I glad this is only a dream. If it weren't, I'd probably die of radiation." HK looks forward and sees the dust clearing. He keeps a straight face as he sees Luna passed out on the ground with lots of burnt marks covering her body. As strong as Luna is, she's no match for a nuke.

HK walks over to Luna's body and stands over her. He looks around at all the destruction and chaos with a frown. From the burnt and broken fields to the once lively town, everything is destroyed. HK looks down at Luna burnt form and only one thing comes to mind.

'...Damn...I need a f***king sh*t.'

$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$

Discord chuckles as he finish his master piece. He puts his black marker away and suppresses a giggle as he looks at Celestia. Discord has just spent the last few minutes drawing a beard, mustache and glasses on Celestia's face.

There's a bright flash and Discord turns around to see

"Move, bitch!" HK yells as he leaps over Discords head. "I need to go to the bathroom!" HK shouts as he slams through a wall and disappears from Discord view.

Discord shakes his head.

"Oh, HK. You are definitely a strange one." Discord pulls out his marker and writes a letter on Celestia's face.

Dear Celestia,

                         If you are reading this it means you are looking in a mirror. And chances are you've noticed the nice little improvements I've left on your face. I'm writing this letter to let you know that the pen I used is permanent, so I hope you like your new style.

Love Discord.

P.S U MAD, BRAH?

$#$#$#$#$

HK sighs as he leaves the toilet. He skips along the hallway while passing multiple bodies of the guard and smiles.

"Ah, nothing like having a good dump. Although I feel bad for whoever needs to clean that up."

He comes to a stop as reenters Luna's bedroom and sees Discord laughing to himself over Celestia.

HK gives Discord a questioning look, but shakes his head and walks behind Discord.

"Oi, Discord." Discord stops laughing and looks behind himself.

"Yes?"

"Can you send me back to Ponyvile?"

"Why? And why not use the train?"

"I need to go there to drop kick more ponies to cause some chaos. As for your second question...I kinda blew up the train."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."

HK's and Discord's discussion is cut short, however, as Celestia wakes up and glares at both HK and Discord. HK begins to chuckle at Celestia with Discord. The chuckle soon becomes full blown out laughter. Celestia glares even harder at the two.

"What are you laughing at?!" HK's laughing dies down and he points at Celestia.

"Y-haha-your-*snicker*-face."

"What!?" Celestia shouts out. She looks around and notices that she's in her sister room. "Why are we here? Why are you here?"

"Oh," HK begins, "I was just having a nice time with your sister."

"WHAT!?"

"Oh, yes. She kept talking about how she was going to blow me."

"WHAT!?"

"Damn, do you say anything else besides what?"

"Yes I do. I also say: I'M GOING TO BUCKING KILL YOU!"

"...I think that's a little bit mean."

"So is drop kicking ponies for no reason!"

"Hey! I have reasons."

"Like what!?"

"Like f**k you I do what I want!"

"I swear to the heavens that I'll-"

"Did it hurt?"

"... Did what hurt?"

"When you fell from heaven?"

Celestia's eyes widen and a large blush forms around her face. She never expected HK of all people to flirt with her. In fact, Celestia might even consider not completely destroying him.

"W-well, thank you. But know that, while I like that you complemented me, you will still be-"

"Because your face is really f*cked up. Like, seriously? The hell did you do? Did you hit everything you could on the way down or what?"

"..."

Celestia shouts in anger and fires a spell towards HK. Luckily, Discord was able to react fast enough to teleport both him and HK out of the way and towards Ponyvile. The spell goes through a wall of the castle and out onto the streets below.

"My leg!"

Celestia lays there with a frown on her face...and, you know, a beard, mustache and pair of glasses.

"I swear to my mother that I will turn the both of you into stone if it's the last thing I do." Celestia gets up and limps out of her sister bedroom, unaware that Luna is rocking back and forth in her bed while whispering the words 'mushroom clouds' to herself.

$#$#$##$#$#$

In the bathroom.

"OH MY BUCKING CELESTIA! THIS BU-uuuuuuuuu....*Thunp* *Snore*

A lone set of guards lift their eyebrows and decide to investigate the strange noise. But, after a quick inhale of air, they quickly decide that they're not having any of that sh*t and walk away.

The lone maid is just left in the toilet, left to the mercy of her smell. But don't worry; when she wakes up, she'll just go away for a few months and come back as a boss character.

Next time on Move, Bitch:

"Move, bitch!" Bitches will be moved! So stay tuned! And take care of that wound! Maybe eat some food! I'm running out words that end with d! Oh, look it's a tree! Now I'm rhyming with perfect timing! Now I'll play some GTA V and do a...thing?