A Lone Knight's Bounty

by Posh_Mudcrab

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 3752

A knight with a blank shield comes for two nobles. Reward: 20 million gold coins and a new sword.

[size=1.5em]Humanizing this for a School project, will change back probably.[/size]

A bounty has been put up, a bounty so big no one would take it, a bounty to kill to very important nobles of the Terrian Kingdom. Said to be Gods,it brings another reason not to accept the bounty, yet one knight feels that even gods themselves must die eventually.

A knight with a blank shield comes for two nobles. Reward: 20 million gold coins and a new sword made by The Gods.

Can the Knight bring down these nobles and will peace be brought to the world? Only time will tell.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-08-04 11:11:26 UTC

20 Million piece of gold and a new sword + 1 million more gold!

Today was Thursday, and a large paper was posted on the bulletin board in the Questing halls, it was a magnificent piece of paper, it was nice and white, and no creases, those are hard to find indeed. On it bared writing as magnificent as the very paper, the very intricacy of the curves and dots of the words would make the king of Knightsalot himself shed a tear, it would make wizard misfire spells from their wands, and women question their sexuality for paper. This is truly the greatest paper to ever exist, and it was ruined when the knight tore it off incorrectly, shredding it in two.

Many cried that night.

The Knight, as he is well known as, by what many passerby such as, "Did you see the knight guarding Teds outhouse this morning? What moron!" and "Why is the knight guarding our outhouse?"

Anyway, The Knight tried to put the 2 pieces of paper together, somehow failing miserable four times, a paper cut on the fifth through seventeenth, and later asked the receptionist at the front desk to tape it for him, how she was able to do it in one go is beyond him.

The now pieced together paper was a Bounty Quest, and by the intricacy of the words the knight can't under stand, because background knights can't read or write, it suggested that the Bounty was very dangerous, important, and paid very well.

I mean just look at those zeroes, there's like six and it come with a shiny new sword, you can tell because its shiny and it's in a spiky bubble! The receptionist told the knight that if he didn't question as to why they two people on the paper needed to die, the person who made the quest would pay an extra one million gold. Of course he wasn't paying attention, I mean who would, it's a technically free sword!

The knight asked who they are and the receptionist asked if he's a moron.

The two people on the poster were the Brother Kings of Terria, a horrifically friendly kingdom ten thousand miles to the west, some say they ruled for over a thousand years, other say that they pass on their names and kingdom to people who win a raffle, but what everyone agrees on is that these brothers are gods!

These god brother claim to move the very sky and its true! When the youngest brother grows angry from discovering someone ate their cinnamon roll the sun gets bigger and the heat rises, when the oldest cried when he found out his 5th wife was actually his 2nd, the moon grew as large as the sun, causing oceans to rise, and storms to brew! They say, that the brother became gods when the youngest found a cake under a tree in the winter and invited his older bother for a picnic in the blizzard and the brother refused throwing their only torch at the cake in defiance against sugar, but his missed, igniting the tree instead! They were very warm that blizzard night, and had cake for breakfast! Then a wizard came by and gave them godlike powers.

But our loveable protagonist of a knight wasn't focused on the story, he was too busy eyeing that sword, like fat man eyes a feast, The knight accepted his quest without any thought and began to get ready for tomorrow, ten thousand miles to the Terrian kingdom was very far and he needed a world map in the town hall that happen to be closed on Tuesdays.

The next morning The Knight strapped on his generic iron armor, sheathed his generic iron short sword, equipped the generic round iron shield with no coat of arms, and put his super cool two handed war hammer on his back

The War hammer was one of a kind it had intricate designs from his many battles (3 large toads and a mule), a handle crafted s from his bare hands (it has duct tape everywhere) and a sticker with a barcode at the bottom that does not in anyway say Joe's Bargain Deals.

The knight walked out of his house and began to whistle a tune as he started his 10,000 mile journey towards Terria, but because his helmet was blocking his mouth it sounded more like he was blowing a raspberry, so the knight blew raspberries as he walked along the cobblestone floor, his armor clanking with every step, citizens staring at him with awe.

Actually they weren't even paying attention to him, I mean who would? He's a generic knight, with a generic sword, trying to whistle a generic tune, there was nothing special about him, oh wait, there is! He's the only brave being to accept this highly impossible mission that would possibly kill him in the long run, but that's okay, because he's a generic knight and there's like 50 bajillion of them lying around, so technically no one actually took the quest, for our main character is basically a nobody yet, this Knight is special! Unlike every other generic knight, this knight has something so cool, so amazing, that it'll blow out your reading sphincter. This Knight... has 2 extra... inches on his sword! Yup that's right this knight is packing! Watch out wizards you might have to back up a few steps to not get sliced in half with this python of a sword!

What's that? You thought I meant the war hammer? Don't be an ignoramus, every one practically owns one, its hip his time of year.

Anyway, The Knight walked toward the town hall of Knightsville, where he picked up a map of the wall.

No really, he took the entire world map poster and ripped it off the wall, he's not the sharpest blade on the rack.

With a world map in hand he opened it and marked Terria, by stabbing it with his index finger, leaving a big hole. Now he know where to go! The route to the kingdom however, has many dangers, The Naga of deserts, the Driders in the forests, Minotaurs and Dragons in caves and dungeons, a dangerous path indeed.

It would all be worth it, as long as he gets the shiny new sword, and so, The Knight, our generic bland knight, our Protagonist, started walking toward Terria. Blowing raspberries along the way.

Drowning in Puke

It has 3 minutes and The Knights tongue has run dry from whistling miserably, not even a mile done and The Knight wants to give up.

Hey you generic knight! stop being lazy and a get a move on darn it! We got people here waiting for an adventure and your gonna give up like that? Boo, boo I say! I bet you can't even go 20 miles!

The Knight felt slightly annoyed for some reason, he felt like had been challenged to go 20 miles and more, he was going to do it and no one would stop him. The Knight, who earlier was walking slunched over with his head looking down ready to surrender to laziness, looked up to the sky clenched his fist and pointed to the air and unknowingly, flipped off the narrator.

Wait what?

The Knight ran with all his might, 120 pounds worth of armor and equipment in a rucksack and on his body, he had gone 40 miles surprisingly! Unfortunately the running had caused him to get nauseous and throw up in his helmet, so he fainted while drowning in his vomit.

Sometime later...

The Knight had awoken in a bright room, it was a bright white room and he felt safe in it, but the walls started to collapse, the roof falling about the crush him, oh no!

The Knight really woke up, he had been slapped in the face with wolf tail, wait a minute wolf tail?

Wolves and there's 3 of them, oh God!

The Knight jumped up and readied himself, his sword unsheathed in one hand and one handing his war hammer in the other. How is this possible you ask? Because he's a flipping knight that's why!

The Wolves made the first move and pounced on him all at once, but what the wolves didn't know was that this knight was packing!

With a mighty slash, the 2 inch longer short sword cut through all three, as he swung with his sword he did the same with his hammer, making his body spin with the motion.

The fight was over and The Knight, the victor.

Dang it Knight the fight had to interesting, I mean you weren't even injured, that's not fun and dramatic for the readers!

The Knight felt like he was being called out again, like someone wanted drama or action from the fight, so with a deadpanned face The Knight walked up to the biggest wolf, skinned it, and wore it like a cape with a hood, then he pointed his sword to the around and said

"I have the power!", but because he's wearing a helmet, the only thing heard was,"MMMMM MMM MM MMMMHMMMM!" which made like no sense.

Blood started to pour out of the skinned wolf pelt and started painting his armor red.

That's gross man, clean yourself up!

Feeling like someone called him a moron for wearing a bloody pelt, The Knight turned the pelt around so the soft end was facing him and started to clean his helmet with it. All while being slightly mad, after all, someone practically told him to do it.

5 minutes later...

After cleaning himself up, The Knight made his journey once again towards Canterlot, Not realizing that a few minutes ago he was fought 2 Timber wolves and a Dire wolf. All by being watched by bug looking Eqainian*.

But there was one thing he did know, his helmet smells.

An Injured Arachnid And A Dying Beetle Thing

As The Knight was the forest, he had stop his movement and had the strangest feeling of being challenged, not challenged like earlier but challenged to something important, but he shrugged it off and an proceeded to cut off the Drider's left most rear leg.

A sickening crunch echoed through the forest as the knight threw is sword like a throwing knife at the Drider's face braking her nose, the Drider reeled back in pain, backing up on her severed leg, tripping her self.

With dirt and other materials in her severed leg, the pain had doubled, but her nose was hurting the most. She had fallen and vulnerable, she was defeated, but she was going down fighting!

The Knight stepped forward and she lashed out at him he stepped back with a slight flinch. The Knight was not a bad guy, he felt bad having know he had attacked a woman, he did not know how to get her to trust him, after all he had cut of her leg and broke her nose. Even he would trust himself.

The knight had to think of something to get her to calm down, he opened his rucksack and looked around, he looked back up to see the Drider begin to get more scared, so the knight started looking more into his back faster, then he found it!

The canteen of Dwarf Ale!

The Knight closed his rucksack and put it back on his back, and offered the drink to the Drider. The Drider's only response was a hiss towards him. The Knight pulled the drink back, if the Drider drank the Ale, her pain would subsided and he would be able to try and help her.

Without having to play charades and explain to the Drider that he wanted to help her, he sprinted towards the Drider. She was pissed pants scared and frozen in fear. The Knight forced the canteen down the Drider throat, feeling the drink half empty he pulled it off her lips.

*Hic*

The Drider was drunk, and she completely forgot the pain in her amputated leg and broken nose, after a while she did a small burp and passed out.

While she was unconscious, The knight walked around her body and inspected the stub of the once black spider leg, the Knight would have to make a fire to cauterize the wound, but it would take to long, so the knight accurately and swiftly cut off dirt cover end of the stub. The Drider flinched in her sleep, but calmed down and started to lightly snore. Kind of cute, but the knight was too busy to enjoy it. He took out his tent from his rucksack, ripped the fabric in half, dosed it in the remaining ale, he then put the wet rag on the now bleeding wound. The Drider started squirming but just like last time she went back to snoring, the knight did his best, now he wishes he bought the med-kit from the general store or the healing potion from the man in the alley.

With the job done, The Knight got up and started to look for fire wood, after looking around he found a convenient stack of sticks next to a tree. Setting up the fire pit, The Knight notices that the forest was getting darker. Working faster, the Knight lit the fire and dragged the Drider closer towards the fire so she wouldn't freeze to death.

3 hours later...

The Knight was still awake, keeping guard so that no beast could kill him and his possibly new friend, when he heard a gust of wind.

What was special about this gust of wind? It had the faint sound of insect wings, but it was coming slowly, was it injured?

The Knight wont be able to help him if it's bleeding, and there's only enough food for him and the Drider. The buzzing sound got closer, and it's getting slower, eventually the bushes started to rustle and a black eqainian bug stepped out, It looked injured (great) with cuts and slightly visible bruises all around his body, by what the Knight could see. The Bug thing stretch out it's left hand and said in a gasping voice:

"H-help M-me..."

The Bug pony fell over unconscious

'Great more work', thought The Knight.

A Knight Will Be Split

The Knight woke up, he had accidently fallen asleep last night with his armor on, of course before helping the bug eqainian. then the  Knight went wide eyed.

He accidently fell asleep, with 2 possible killers.

The Knight slowly went for his sword a few inches away from him, he wasn't looking, for the Drider was not by the dead campfire.

When he reached for it he grabbed something that was not his sword.

It was round and squishy, he heard a feminine voice was he squeezed for the 5th time. His brain finally kicked in and he started get up, slipping at least twice when he did he turned around and found the Eqainian bug, belly down on the floor, slowly waking up with a yawn, keeping herself up with her arm while rubbing her eyes with the other.

She looked around the forest and stopped at the knight she smiled and got up, she walked up to him and hugged him.

"Thank you for saving me, nobody would every help a changeling. the would only do something perverted to us and leave us to die, so Thank you thank you thank you!"

The Knight felt liquid seep into his shoulder, she was crying...

The Knight tried his best to comfort her, but because he was a knight, he wasn't around women so he didn't know what to do.

It was very awkward for the knight so he couldn't really return the hug, his arms were outstretched and he was looking forward trying to figure out what to do.

As he was pondering this he heard rustling in the abnormally large bushes

It was the Drider from last night.

Though the changeling didn't know that, so when she saw the spider being, she was growling at the oversized spider.

"Oh," The Drider smirked, "I'm not interrupting anything special am I?"

The knight wanted to break away, but the changeling was holding on to him no matter what he tried, so he did his last resort tactic

Flail uncontrollably

Not surprisingly it wasn't working, so he gave up.

"Who are you, bug!?" The changeling asked.

"I should ask you the  same thing... Bug." The Drider responded with a small chuckle.

"I am Princess Zenath, of the Fire Ant Changeling Hive, now who are you?"

"I am Princess Xeviera, of the Brown Widow Drider Clan, It appears we have a lot in common, Princess."

"It appears we do, Princess." The Changeling smirked.

Meanwhile, the Knight was stone still, trying to think of a plan to escape and not be poisoned and then eaten, by 2 dangerous species. if he did anything drastic he wouldn't get a new sword, he heard it was super shiny.

"What business do you have here, spider?", Zenath asked.

"I'm getting firewood so that I may feast with this knight tonight, despite harming me, he did not let me die," Xeviera looked to Knight and gave a slight bow," and for that I am grateful."

It appears we do have something in common," Zenath kept her smirk, "this knight saved me as well, and I was going to go look for food for the same reason."

The Knight really didn't want any part of this, but being a knight he had to respect royalty, so he had no objections to refuse to both off them, even if the asked for something wrong.

Some how he figured it'll take longer to get to Equestria.

And The Hunt Continues!

The Knight was sitting uncomfortably between the two lethal princesses, both intensely staring at him. Apparently they want to see him take of his helmet, and see what their knight looks like under it, but the knight didn't know that so he had a bowl of soup and meat in his armored grasp. He notice they were starring at him, and it got really uncomfortable.

'Maybe they wanted to see if their joint cooking tasted good?', thought the Knight.

He looked around the grassy floor and found two sticks small enough to act like chopsticks, thanking the samurai he met many years ago. He used the improvised chopsticks, took the meat from the bowl and started eating it by put the food under his helmet and to his mouth.

The princesses lean forward, expecting his helmet to fall off, but the knight kept his pose, bowl in one hand and chopsticks in the other whilst in his mouth.

The Knight put down his food, put down the sticks, got up, walked behind the trees, and promptly threw up.

Apparently two separate cultures of the insectoids species dont mix well, or at all for that matter.

The princesses have been fighting over who possibly poisoned their knight, curses were thrown back and forth. The Knight had returned, rubbing his mouth guard to clean off bile. It smells worse than the 40 mile sprint.

Thinking its their chance to see what's under the helmet, the tried to take it off so that may "wash" it.

The knight put his hands up and the princesses stopped, the knight went around camp, the princesses still staring.

The Knight found what he was looking for, a big wash bucket.

Confused about what the Knight was doing, The Drider asked," What are you doing Kni-"

He put his head under water then lifted the bucket over body, water flowed through the inside and out of his armor, washing himself in one fell swoop.

"Oh, that's what..." The princesses mumbled slightly,"That's and...odd way of cleaning ones self."

The Knight didn't mind, as long as he was clean, partially fed, and well rested he was okay.

The Knight started packing up the small camp, the torn tent, held together by spider silk, the spare food, and other necessities.

Having finished that, he used his arm and gestured he two princesses to follow him, walking towards Canterlot, were he would claim his bounty.

As the were walking, both insectoids had a blush on their faces. They had used that wash tub earlier to clean themselves.

Meanwhile...

Sniper, a bounty hunter from the civilization on the moon, had found a bounty on the holo-board, it read:

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE

The Two Leaders of the Equestrian Kingdom

Wanted for the disruption of all of Terra

These are the wanted below

Will throw in extra 1 million if you don't ask us where we got the pictures

If dead, bring severed horns and wings as proof of doing the deed

Once completed report to: The Embassy of Rewards

Warning: They are Goddesses of the Sun and Moon

Not really wanting the reward, nor the sword, he wanted to know how someone broke into his house and took the pictures that were stapled to his futuristic ceiling over his futuristic bed in his futuristic house.

Maybe if he took on this bounty he would be able to find the weirdos who stole his pictures.

Thinking he could just ask the Moon Goddess if they can follow him to the embassy, they can sort it out and he can beat up the wierdo, but there was a huge problem...

They were pictures of the Moon Goddess and her sister!

When they found out abut it they would probably hate him, and send him to the moon, like Celestia did with Luna.

(Completely forgetting he's lives on the moon)

It's going to be a rough day for The Bounty Hunter of the Moon.

Elsewhere...

The Moon and Sun Goddeses were playing a game of Hoofball the game board: home edition.

"Ha Sister, We scored a tackle!", The Moon Goddess shouted with glee.

"Luna, it's called a touch down and you made it into your goal somehow." The Sun Goddess corrected. (Did I mention it was actually soccer?)

Luna shouted,"This game is stupid and so are these hay fries!"

Luna Flipped the table they were playing on, along with the game board, two plates of hay fries, and a cinnamon roll.

"My cinnamon roll!" Luna cried

"Your fault, Sister." Celestia said with a deadpanned expression.

That day, Luna had horrific flash backs of her cinnamon roll "dying" on the floor.