Muffin?

by Derpyx0

Rating: everyone
Tags: Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Comedy, Random
Length: 1008

When Derpy finds a mystical muffin drop from the sky, and a pony telling her it is cursed and should never be eaten, being the muffin-addict that she is, can Derpy summon the willpower to steer clear of that delectable, smooth, muffin?

When Derpy finds a mystical muffin drop from the sky, and a certain zebra telling her it is cursed and should never be eaten, being the muffin-addict that she is, can Derpy summon the willpower to steer clear of that delectable, smooth, muffin?

....Yep. She's as good as cursed.

Muffins Ensue.

By Derpy 1

Published 2014-05-06 05:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-06 05:40:02 UTC

Muffin?

The air was brisk, and there was not a cloud in the sky. Our lovely mailmare, Derpy was walking along the rough roads of ponyville, wondering why nopony ever ate the roofs, after all, they were hay. Derpy walked around the main area of the little town, searching for anything to cure her recent case of boredom. Suddenly, out of the sky, a strange object fell, whistling through the wind and finally reaching the ground, letting off a quiet smack. Derpy ran over to the object, half of the way flying, until she reached it. The object was round, with a curved and straight bottom, nuts inside, and an amazing smell. "Muffin!" Derpy exclaimed, jumping in excitement.

       Derpy licked her lips and opened her jaws, ready to take out a big bite, when a certain rhyming zebra stumbled out of the woods, interrupting Derpy's very important meal. "Zebra-lady?" Derpy asked while Zecora was catching her breath. "What are you doing out here?" Zecora took a gulp of air and said, "That muffin you shall not eat.... for if you do, you will taste defeat." She said. Derpy looked at her for a moment, then said with a smile. "No, silly! The only thing Im' gonna taste will be a big chunk of this muffin!" Zecora grew a little frustrated at this, but knew it was in Derpy's nature to be cute. "Eat this muffin, if you do, only sorrow will be your food." She said again. Derpy stood there for a moment, completely silent. Zecora was worried that she was in shock, so she said, "Derpy are you well? I am sensing that you can't be swell." Silence. Then Derpy said casually, "Are zebras white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?"

     Zecora snapped. "THAT MUFFIN IS CURSED, DON'T YOU SEE?!" She yelled. "YOU WOULDV'E KNOW SOONER IF YOU HAD LISTENED TO ME!" Derpy wasn't scared by this act, instead she asked, "Cursed?" After this sentence, Zecora calmed down, and just nodded her head before walking off in frustration. Derpy took in Zecora's words, but still took the muffin home with her, because nobody tells Derpy what to do. Anyways, after a quick trot (and a few bumps into various objects) Derpy arrived home with the supposedly cursed muffin. On her desk, a few papers sat, collecting dust. "Oh! The papers!" Derpy remembered.

      Every year, ponies assigned as mail mare/colt, had to sign and read papers talking about the rules of the job, a checkup, and a forum asking if that pony was ready for another year ahead of them. You know, job stuff. Derpy sat down and grabbed a pencil with her hoof, setting down the muffin on the desk at the same time. The first question was fairly easy: What is your gender? And the answer,

[ ] Colt

[ ] Mare

[ ] Other

  Derpy thought for a second, then crossed out other. Best to keep them guessing. A smell like no other drifted over to Derpy, making her mouth water. Muffin.... She thought. It was killing her not to eat it on the spot, to make that smell and temptation go away. Derpy looked over to the spot she placed the muffin, and it was still there. A small dribble of sweat rolled down Derpy's face, the muffin looked so....tempting. Derpy found herself drooling all over the papers, so she forced her eyes to the pages. But...the pages were so blank and boring....while the muffin.....No Derpy. She thought sternly. That muffin is cursed, if you eat it, the zebra-lady will be mad....and I guess there was something about a curse or something like that.

      Muffin. Work. Muffin. Work. Muffin.....Work. Derpy's emotions were swirling around her like a sandstorm, turning and switching between the muffin and the papers in front of her. On one hoof, nobody had ever heard of Derpy giving up a muffin, but on the other, nobody had ever heard of a cursed muffin. Why muffins? Derpy thought gloomily. Why did the most bestest treat have to be the only one that was cursed?! Derpy hung her head in shame until an idea formed in her mind. What if, Derpy could have just a nibble? It would be so small, that nopony would notice, not even the zebra-lady. No harm no foul, right?

       But....that wouldn't be right. The muffin had to be cursed, because the zebra-lady was never wrong....most of the time. There was one time when Zecora said that not everything could be a costume.....how wrong she was.

   Now the muffin looked tastier then ever, gleaming in the sunlight, the breeze slowly turning the tantalizing smell of the muffin closer.....and closer.....until finally, Derpy couldn't take it anymore. She stuffed her mouth with the crumbs, savoring every bite until it was nothing but a plain brown wrapper.

.......

               At least, that's what Derpy didn't do.

    Instead she chucked it out the window, and tried not to cry from her new loss. A few moments of science later, Derpy sighed. It was the right thing to do. Seconds later, Derpy wondered if it was really the right thing to do. I mean, the muffin was never tested, so who really knew if it was cursed or not? But then Zecora's angry face appeared in her mind. Now if that didn't make you think otherwise, nothing will. After that image, all regrets were instantly erased from her mind. Derpy closed the window and trotted over to the desk with the empty papers.

     Question 1: What are your weaknesses?

Derpy had heard of this before, it was where the boss would ask if you had a weakness for something.

Derpy started to write:

1: MuFFiNz

2: KrYPtoNiTE

3: PriNtERs

   To Derpy, it was a good answer, she had a harsh history with Printers.  The muffin was still in Derpy's thoughts, becoming more of a mystery on where it would end up. When suddenly, a voice said outside of her window....

             "Ooh, look! A muffin!"