Archaeological Adventures

Chapters

On the Slovenly Nature of Chromatic Climate Caretakers
On the Signs of Strife Betwixt Tradition and Transformation
Of The Bland and Boring Boardroom
Of Unscheduled Embarkments and Selfish Storms
On the Dangers of Pyschomagical Techniques
On an Introvert's Introductions and Devious Deities.
On the Trials of Traingoing and the Presumption of Princes

On the Slovenly Nature of Chromatic Climate Caretakers

Rainbow Dash shot through the skies above Ponyville, a grin on her face as she effortlessly spun and rolled into a series of mid-air tricks. No lame sitting around all winter this year! She wasn’t going to spend three months freezing her flank off in Equestria, counting the days until she could fly longer than a half-hour before risking frostbite. This year, she wasn’t going to watch the southern birds fly south, she was going to join them!

The sky-blue pegasus gave a whoop of delight as she pulled out of a steep dive, wind rushing through her mane. Best of all, she had all her best pals coming with her, too! On the coolest trip she could think of! A brave band of mares, disparate in their attitudes and interests, brought together only by their love of adventure... Half-realized imaginings danced through her mind as she absently soared to her floating cloud home.

It had taken Rainbow Dash a while to construct her cloud-based dwelling, especially due to the classical pegasus architecture she based it upon. Sure, it would’ve been a lot faster and simpler to just pile some clouds together and hollow them out, but doing things quick and sloppy was just for the everyday stuff. If she was going to spend every night somewhere she had built, it was going to have to be awesome. And nopony knew cool like ancient pegasi.

Her house was built in the traditional single-tower style, no stairs allowed, because why have stairs when anypony that’d visit would have wings? The bottom of the tower was taken up by a kitchen, complete with the latest in cloud-based accessories, that she never used. That section of her home was mostly inhabited by empty pizza boxes and discarded paper plates from her latest meal of Ib’exian takeout (those ibex really know how to make a mean chow mein!). The second floor was where she spent most of her time at home, lounging around on a couch or her bed, listening to music, or, more accurately, soundly snoozing while music played. The top floor was where her miniature rainbow fabrication kit resided. Honestly, what kind of ‘Rainbow Dash’ would she be if her house didn’t drip rainbows constantly?

Coming to a soft landing on the squishy cloud turf, Rainbow Dash trotted over to her calendar to write down a few reminders before going to her bed and hopping into its warm embrace. Yes, tomorrow was going to be awesome. She’d be ready, bright and early, to begin her journey to Canterlot. Yeah, she’d get up at the crack of dawn...

Celestia’s charge was nearly at its zenith when a tired and bleary-eyed pegasus practically slid out of bed onto the floor of her room. Giving a tired yawn, the mare slowly trudged to a opening in the cloudwall and half-fell half-flew to her kitchen. Nosing around the knee high layer of trash covering the structure, the groggy pony found what she was looking for: a slice of cold and questionably edible pizza. Noticing, but not caring, the splotches of green fuzz on the lone slice, she slowly chewed away at it until only the crust remained. Her doctor had warned her about the dangers of eating leftovers like this, but what they hay did that guy know? Besides, she had stopped getting sick months ago. Now, the fuzz just added texture to every bite.

With one half of her morning routine complete, Rainbow Dash turned to the fridge. Pulling it open with a wing, straining against the friction created by having to drag so much cardboard with it, she stuck her head inside. It was completely bare except for a trio of Sarsaparilla Surprise bottles. The distant words of an old flight school coach echoed through her head, warning her of the dangers contained within the sugary soda, but she ignored him. She was her own mare now, and she drank what she wanted, when she wanted!

Tearing one of the bottles away from the others, she let the fridge door swing shut. Working her jaw on the cap until she heard the pleasing fizz of carbonation, she spat out the bottlecap and drank the entirety of the ice-cold beverage in one fell chug. Ahhhh. That hit the spot. Feeling the sugary rush of energy almost immediately, Rainbow flung the empty bottle over her behind and bucked it into a corner of the room.

Stretching like a cat, and feeling her joints pop and crack, Rainbow then set about preening her feathers, pulling out any that couldn’t be saved and straightening the rest. Satisfied with her work after a few minutes, the weathermare finally felt ready for her day. Flying back up to the second floor, she touched down in front of her calendar.

“Let’s see... Take out trash? Yeah, okay, ‘RD,’ I’ll get right on that... tomorrow. Possible rouge clouds inbound from Everfree?” Rainbow Dash looked out a window to the sinister forest beyond Ponyville, where plants grew, clouds moved, and animals took care of themselves. The skies above the woods were clear. “Already done! Great job, Rainbow Dash!” she chuckled to herself. “Annnd... train replacement weatherpony for 10-14 weeks of duty? By today? What the heck was I-?”

Confusion turned to realization, and magenta eyes widened. “Oh ponyfeathers!”
Moments later, a multi colored streak zipped out of the floating tower and into the town below.

Where the hay am I going to find a pegasus willing to do my job all winter in a couple of hours? Who’s even available? Helia’s not doing anything with her sunflowers all winter, but I don’t think she knows the difference between a Nimbostratus and a Cumulus. Silverspeed has the guts and the speed, but I’m not sure about her endurance, especially in cold weather... Rainbow Dash glided through Ponyville, mentally going through her list of every pegasus in town.

As the only permanent member of the Ponyville Weather Patrol, she had the Celestia-given right to conscript any pegasus she needed to get her duties done. Usually, she could handle her job by herself, but occasionally she’d get orders from her higher ups to create a big storm, or, more commonly, have to rope some pegasi in to fend off a wild storm coming in from the Everfree. That didn’t mean, however, that she could just offload her duties onto some unsuspecting mare and take off. She’d have to find a volunteer. And tell her bosses to change the mailing address of the weather schedule for a while.

But who was she going to ask? Weathermare wasn’t a job anypony could do. A pony had to be ready to work anytime, and it took a lot of energy to move clouds where they needed to go. There was a reason she napped all the time; it was hard work! Plus, a weathermare had to do her job in all sorts of strange weather, this close to the Everfree. Who was going to volunteer for that?

It was time to stop thinking and time to start doing. Rainbow Dash glided down to the town square and landed in a casual trot. Looking around for a potential volunteer, she spotted Wind Whistler buying some asparagus from a street vendor.

“Hey! Wind Whistler! Got a moment?”

The turquoise mare finished tucking her vegetables into her saddlebags before turning towards Rainbow. “I guess so, Dash. What’s up?” she looked upwards towards the empty sky. “You don’t need any help with the weather today, do you?”

“Uh, not exactly. You see, I’m kind of going on a vacation, and I’m looking for somepony to-”

“Do your job for you while you’re gone?” Wind Whistler’s right eyebrow was raised.

“Yeah, exactly!” Rainbow nodded enthusiastically. “Interested?”

The other mare shook her head. “Sorry, but I’m going to be busy for a while with my flutes. I’ve landed a big contract with a business out in Manehatten that wants as many hoof-crafted instruments as I can make. Apparently some trendsetter said that woodwind music will be the ‘in’ thing next spring.”

Rainbow Dash grinned. “Wow, that great!” Who would’ve thought flutes would be the next big-city craze?

“Thanks for the encouragement! I’m going to have my hooves full all winter trying to keep my client happy. You might want to try Cloudkicker though, she’s always been eager to help you out in the past.”

“Thanks!” replied Rainbow Dash as she waved goodbye. Oh well, one down, ninety-three to go.

Thirty-three down, sixty-one to go, thought Rainbow Dash two hours later. This was getting frustrating. First Cloudkicker had jumped at the chance, until Rainbow revealed that she’d be gone all winter. Cloudkicker had already made plans to stay with relatives for a month in Cloudsdale, so she had to reluctantly decline. Everypony else she had asked had either refused outright because they were busy, or laughed in her face when she told them how long she’d be gone. Apparently most ponies took a vacation for a week or two, at most. How could you get a good adventure done in only a week?

Sighing, Rainbow realized her chances of finding a replacement were getting slimmer and slimmer. The rest of the ponies on her mental checklist were definitely not weathermare material, or had jobs that would simply be impossible to complete alongside dealing with the weather.

The prismatic-maned mare absently dug at the ground with a hoof. Come on, Rainbow Dash, think! There’s gotta be somepony in Ponyville willing and able to-

“Hi Rainbow Dash! What are you up to?” a slightly rough voice called out from directly next to her.

A quick turn of her head revealed the questioner. A small orange pegasus filly with a vibrant purple mane and a flank as blank as Rainbow Dash’s pantry sat next to her, a wide smile on her face.

“Hey there, Scoots. I’m thinking about who can replace me.”

The look of shock on Scootaloo’s face was instantly turned into a glare of fierce determination. “You should know best of all that nopony can replace you, Dash! You’re way too cool for anypony to take your place."

A small laugh escaped Rainbow. “Thanks, squirt. It’s nice to know that if I ever need an ego boost I know who to call.” She tustled Scootaloo’s mane with a hoof, and the filly looked up through her mussed hair. “I’m going on a vacation for a while, and I need somepony to fill in for me as weathermare. So far, I’ve had no takers.”

“Vacation, huh? Where are you going?”

“Do you know where Zebrica is?”

“Not a clue!” The filly seemed almost happy in her declaration of ignorance.

“Well listen up, Scoots. Zebrica is home of the Zebras, obviously. Its far to the south of Equestria, across Eternity’s Crossing.”

“Wow, its on the other side of the ocean?”

“Not exactly.” The knowledge given to her by Twilight’s extreme lecturing techniques sure was handy. “The entire northern coast of the continent to the south is taken up by the nation of Cervidas. Southeast of that is Camelu, and south of that is Zebrica.”

“That sure does sound like a long ways away. Why are you going there, and how long will you be gone?”

“Well, Twilight got this letter from this pretty awesome stallion called Dusty Ruin saying how he needs us to open up a mystical vault called the Tomb of the Fallen Star.” Rainbow Dash started walking again, keeping an eye out for pegasi to talk to, and Scootaloo scampered along beside her. “So we’re all heading down there to search the wilderness for it, open it up, and bring its treasures back to Canterlot. We’ll be gone for three or four months.”

“Oh, wow! That sounds awesome! Can I come?”

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Do you really think your parents are going to let you skip so much school? And we’re not exactly going to a theme park, here.”

The little filly was undaunted. “I can handle anything, and Twilight could totally teach me while we’re gone. She knows tons of stuff!”

“And she’d probably be delighted to have an attentive student through the whole trip...” Rainbow cursed inwardly. Shouldn’t have let that slip out.

“You’re right! See? I could come, easy!”

“Uhh, hold on, Scoots. I see another pegasus I need to ask about taking my place.” Zipping away from the landlocked filly, Rainbow frantically looked around for somepony to talk to. There! Dizzy Twister was conversing with a unicorn Rainbow didn’t know. In a flash, Rainbow darted over to the pair.

“Hey Dizzy,” started Rainbow, but stopped when both mares gave her a dirty look and continued talking. “Dizzy, can I talk to you for a sec?” What’s up with this mare?

With a irritated huff, Dizzy Twister flicked her tail and turned to Rainbow Dash. “What.”

“I was just wondering if you’d be interested in filling in for me as weathermare for a while.”

“No.” Dizzy turned back to her friend.

Man, what a frigid mare. Rainbow slowly flew back to where Scootaloo waited patiently. “This sucks, Scoots. Who'd've thought it would be so hard to find somepony who wanted to be me?”

The little filly nodded her head in agreement. “Anypony who wouldn’t be honoured to do your job is clearly out of her mind.”

“I know!” The frustrated pegasus threw her hooves in the air. “And I’m running out of ponies to ask!”

Scootaloo put on a thinking face. Rainbow Dash watched her look around for a few moments before opening her mouth to say ‘don’t bother’ when Scootaloo suddenly thrust a hoof towards the park. “How about her?”

Dash followed the hoof, past the couple with a newborn, sleeping foal speaking softly on a bench, past the sanitation pony pulling the refuse wagon, and spotted the one pegasus she hadn’t dreamed of asking to fill in for her. Ditzy “Derpy Hooves” Doo. The clumsiest, most scatterbrained pegasus in Ponyville. She always meant well, but as they say, the portal to hell was opened with the purest of incantations.

“Derpy? But she’s so... you know...” she scratched her neck, “unreliable.”

“No way, Rainbow Dash! You know I’ll always back you up, but you’re wrong in this.” Scootaloo seemed sincere. “She’s a mailmare! Totally dependable. You know their motto, right?”

“Rain, sleet or snow, yeah, yeah.”

“And Dinky’s been telling me all about how her mom’s been talking about wanting to get a second job. They’re trying to renovate.”

The thought of Ditzy Doo and power tools created a chill down Rainbow Dash’s spine. No way would she play any part, no matter how small, in allowing something like that to happen. She wasn’t that desperate... was she?

Ditzy was Ponyville’s sole mailmare, and aside from a few mishandled packages, the mail did always come through. That had to count for something. Add the fact that her job gave her plenty of free time once she finished her route... Ditzy did seem like a suitable candidate for weathermare.

Dash turned once more to Scootaloo. “Are you sure about this?”

An eager nod was her only answer.

“Alright then.” Rainbow Dash gave a few strong beats from her wings and took to the skies. Midflight, an errant thought nearly sent her crashing to the ground. Did I just ask for and take advice from a filly still in elementary school? Shaking the doubt from her mind, she slowed down and landed next to the blond-maned pegasus playing with her filly in the park.

The gray pegasus with bubbles on her flank didn’t seem to notice her landing, even though she was barely a metre away. So unobservant. A terrible quality for a weathermare. Rainbow listened to Ditzy play a game of twenty questions (the answer was ‘apple.’ red, edible, and round? So dense.) before clearing her throat.

The mailmare turned her head, saw her visitor, and let out a beaming smile. “Hi Rainbow Dash!”

Giving a weak smile in return, Rainbow waved her hoof. “Hey, Ditzy. How are you?”

“I’m great! How are you?”

“Fine, fine.”

Silence hung in the air for a few moments.

Rainbow mentally facehoofed. Come on, ask her! Do you want to go on that sick adventure or not? Clearing her throat again, she pressed on.

“So I heard you were looking for something to do.”

“Oh I’ve always got plenty going on, Rainbow Dash! Just this evening me and Dinky were planning on baking some tasty muffins!” The small filly behind Ditzy gave a cheery wave at the mention of her name.

“No, I meant- I heard you were looking for a job.”

“Huh?”

“You know, for the redecorating you were planning on doing?”

Rainbow Dash swore she heard the bubble pop in Derpy’s brain. “Oh yeah! I am! Why, do you know somepony who’s interested in hiring part time?

“Yeah I do, and you’re looking at her.”

Ditzy looked around the park. Dash chided herself. I only have myself to blame for that one.

“I’m talking about me, Ditzy. I have a job for you, maybe. If you’re up for it.” The look of sheer joy on Ditzy’s face was the only warning before the mare buried Rainbow in a full-body hug.

Gently extracting herself from Ditzy’s embrace, Rainbow Dash got back up to her hooves and dusted herself off. “Don’t get so excited yet, Ditzy-”

“Too late!”

“-Because you’re going to have to prove that you can handle my duties for the winter. Is that a problem?”

“Nope!”

Rainbow Dash looked around at the cloudless blue sky. Well, this won’t do to test her out. I gotta fix this. She flew over to the small stream that meandered through the park. Speeding along just above its surface, she gathered enough moisture to create a small cloud, about the size of a pony, before dragging it out into the open sky. She repeated this process until there was a decent amount of cloud covering the park.

But just getting Derpy to break up a few clouds was child’s play. There needed to be another element to this tryout, something to up the ante a bit. But what? Spying some colts playing with a bunch of bean bags, the answer came to her.

A few moments later and a few bean bags heavier, Rainbow returned to where Ditzy, Dinky, and now Scootaloo sat waiting. “Alright Ditzy, here’s the rules. You’ve got two minutes to clear the skies of clouds. I’ll be hovering above them and simulating lightning bolts with these bean bags. You get hit, you’re done, and you don’t get the job. You fail to break up every cloud, you don’t get the job. Understand?”

The grey-coated pegasus gave a determined nod, then shot into the sky. Rainbow Dash managed to bite down on her tail and yank her to the ground before she got too far.

“Let me get up there first, Ditzy. Wait for my mark.” Cradling the ‘lightning bolts’ in three hooves, Rainbow carefully flew to a spot high above the recently made clouds. Wishing for her whistle and coach’s cap, she instead raised her voice and yelled “Go!”

Ditzy Doo took off, blonde mane and tail whipping behind her, as Dinky and Scootaloo shouted encouragements from the grass below. At least she's got the speed for the job, thought Rainbow. The would-be weathermare reached the first cloud, spun, and gave a mighty buck of her hind legs that whiffed short of the cloud. Her depth perception is nothing to write home about. Giving her head a shake, Ditzy flapped a bit closer and nailed the cloud on her second try.

By the time she cleared out her third cloud, it was time to send out the first 'lightning bolt.' Carefully aligning herself above the cloud Ditzy appeared to be targeting next, Rainbow let a single beanbag fall from her grasp. In hindsight, she didn't have any regrets about her actions in the park. Nopony could have anticipated what happened next. She had to believe that.

Completely oblivious to the falling projectile, Ditzy positioned herself to buck her chosen target. The beanbag impacted upon the center of Ditzy's outstretched wing at the very same instant she kicked out with all her might. The result was catastrophic. Instead of harmlessly bouncing off and falling to the ground, the beanbag somehow caused the wing beneath it to crumple, and sent Ditzy Doo falling into an uncontrolled corkscrew dive. Rainbow's face never changed from its expression of passive disinterest.

Rainbow was not surprised when Ditzy's descent led directly to the couple and foal sitting, unaware, on the park bench. She was not surprised when the pegasine meteor turned the bench into an impromptu catapult, launching the helpless foal, still swaddled in cloth and sleeping soundly, high into the air. She was not surprised when she looked at the baby's trajectory and saw its approximate position at the end of its flight would be directly into the back of the trash cart. She was not surprised when she saw that there was nopony else nearby to save the foal.

So when Rainbow Dash found herself covered in garbage after using her body as a cushion to catch the foal, she didn't care. She was entirely nonchalant when the relieved couple breathlessly thanked her, over and over, for saving their foal. She had come to expect the unexpected when dealing with Derpy, and being forced to take a quick dip in the creek wasn’t, in the big scheme of things, something to get flustered about. And when Ditzy Doo finally came to after her disastrous landing, and asked if she got the job, Rainbow Dash knew there was only one thing to say:

“I’ll keep you in mind, Ditzy. Come on, Scootaloo, let’s keep looking.”

An hour later, Rainbow Dash was still looking. Scootaloo had brought up the subject of lunch, and Rainbow Dash couldn’t argue with the rumbling in her stomach, so they had taken a tasty break of hay smoothies and fried violets. Now, however, their fruitless search continued.

At least one of them was still enthusiastic. “So Starbreeze is out, who cares? She was pretty lame anyway. Have you tried Sunny Daze yet?”

“Sunny’s too slow to be a serious contender, but yeah, I tried her before you met me.” Remarks like that were getting far too common for Rainbow’s taste. Where were all the pegasi with the guts to fly out into a Everfree blizzard? For that matter, where were the pegasi that even knew what to do? She needed somepony that knew how to handle wild Everfree weather, somepony that had watched her handle herself a couple times. But all of her go-to conscripts were busy! All the ponies that knew her moves were out of the picture.

All except one.

Rainbow looked down at the orange filly chatting aimlessly at her. Scootaloo idolized her. Whenever she had the time to do so, she’d come out and watch Rainbow practice her skills, and when a storm wandered in off the Everfree, Scootaloo would brave the elements to watch Rainbow Dash and her conscripts disperse it. Sure, Scoots herself couldn’t fly yet, but…

A quick wracking of her brain failed to reveal any regulations preventing a filly from being part of the Weather Patrol. Sure, Scootaloo couldn’t do her job by herself, but she’d have all of Rainbow Dash’s powers, including the ability to conscript ponies for ‘any task the Weather Patrol cannot accomplish with existing members.’ So what if she’d have to get help for the smallest of tasks? Nopony could refuse her!

“Hey Scoots, I’ve been thinking… How would you like to be weathermare?”

Scootaloo stopped in her tracks, mouth hanging open. Rainbow Dash waved a hoof in front of the small Pegasus, afraid that the news had broken the filly. Just before the mare became genuinely concerned, Scootaloo snapped out of her shock, wings buzzing excitedly.

“Seriously, Rainbow Dash? You want me to be you? I mean, do your job? Not forever, of course, but for a while, right? I’d be honoured! I mean, I am honoured! Because you’re trusting me with being you!”

“So I take it that’s a yes?”

“Totally! I can’t believe this! This is awesome!”

Smiling smugly at her own cleverness, Rainbow Dash turned towards the town hall. “Great! Now all we gotta do is get you your credentials, and make this official. First thing we need is to send in some photo ID so you can get your certificate. Follow me!” She took off towards the tall, multi-storied building at the centre of town, Scootaloo following as fast as her short legs could carry her.

Inside, a bored receptionist was building a house out of cards at her desk. Rather than disturb the obviously busy mare, Rainbow casually walked past the desk and down a side hall with doors lining one wall. She knew from prior experience that there was a room down here with a camera permanently pointed at a blank wall, just for the purpose of official identification purposes. Opening the first door revealed only a room filled with piles and piles of unfiled papers. Wow, somepony sure is behind on paperwork! Glancing up at the plaque above the door, Rainbow read ‘Office of the Weather Patrol.’ Scootaloo doesn’t need to see that, she thought.

Trying the second door was far more successful. Inside the small room was a bulky camera, a box of replacement bulbs, and a single chair. Rainbow Dash heard Scootaloo ask the receptionist where a cyan pegasus had gone. “Over here, Scoots!” she called over her shoulder as she walked into the room and behind the camera. She was still trying to figure out how the thing worked when Scootaloo stuck her head past the door.

“There you are!”

“Sit yourself on that chair while I figure out how this ancient thing works. I think this thing is older than I am.” Scootaloo complied while Rainbow fiddled with knobs and dials that were complete mysteries in terms of function. Where was the ‘take picture’ button? Through process of elimination, Dash figured she had the camera figured out and stared through the viewfinder. “Give me a smile, Scootaloo.”

“Sure thing!” A cute smile spread across the seated filly.

“Hmm…” She looks real young, thought Rainbow. “Scoots, could you try and look a little older? There’s no rules against it, but I think everything will just go smoother if nopony in Cloudsdale knows you’re not exactly as young as you are.”

“Uhh, sure thing!” The smile on Scootaloo’s face was replaced with a condescending glare.

“Close enough,” said Rainbow as she shrugged and took the picture.

Twenty minutes later, Scootaloo had Rainbow’s weather schedule for the week, Rainbow Dash had changed the mailing address for future schedules, and documents were in the mail to Cloudsdale. Rainbow Dash was on cloud nine. She was in the clear to go on her sweet adventure, Scootaloo was living her dreams, and nothing could possibly go wrong. And if it did, she would be outside of Equestria and conveniently out of reach, so it wouldn’t be her problem. Yep, she was in the clear.

Contently flying over the skies of Ponyville, Rainbow Dash zeroed in on Twilight’s library tree. Tucking in her wings and diving straight for one of the small windows carved into the thick trunk, she stretched out her hooves and shot through the narrow hole. Immediately flaring her wings out to perform a hard air brake before slamming into the floor, she looked around at the empty library. Where is everypony?

A noise from the basement made her ears prick up. Trotting over to the heavy wooden door, she gave it a nudge. Looking down into the mess of wires and metal that was Twilight’s basement lab, Rainbow Dash saw Twilight herself moving from contraption to contraption, fiddling with various switches and controls as she roamed the basement. Taking to the air, Rainbow hovered above the preoccupied librarian and watched her look at the printout from one machine while simultaneously lowering the heat of a bunsen burner on an adjacent table.

“Hey Twilight, where is everypony?”

A small hop was the only indication that Twilight was startled at all, and she looked around before giving a roll of her eyes and craning her neck straight up.

“Hello there, Rainbow Dash. What do you mean?”

“Well, I thought for sure everypony else would be ready to go by now.” Dash carefully chose a spot to land on that was clear of any dangerous-looking experiments, and folded her wings carefully. “The only reason it took me so long to get ready was sleeping in, and finding a replacement weathermare. But I did, so now I’m ready to go!”

Twilight looked around. “Is your stuff upstairs?”

Rainbow cocked her head. “Stuff?”

Stopping her actions, Twilight stared at the pegasus. “You know, your stuff. Money, food, travelling gear, passport, everything you’re going to need for the three months you’ll be gone from Equestria?”

After thinking for a moment, Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Aside from my passport, I don’t think I need anything. I travel light! How am I going to stay speedy if I’m weighed down by stuff I’m not going to use?”

One of Twilight’s eyebrows came down while the other went straight up. “You don’t think you’re going to miss anything, even being gone for so long?”

“Nope!”

“Your choice, I suppose.” Twilight shook her head. “But don’t come crying to me when you’re being eaten alive by bugs bigger than your hoof. If you can cry due to how dehydrated you’ll be with no canteen. Or feverish due to sunstroke with no sunblock. Or-”

Rainbow cut the lecturing unicorn off. “Maybe you have to worry about stuff like that Twilight, but I’m used to being outdoors all the time. No way I’ll have any trouble!” She was on the receiving end of one of Twilight’s disapproving glares. Taking to the air again, she began slowly circling the perimeter of the room as Twilight went back to her devices. “What are you doing down here, anyway?”

“I’m putting some of my more volatile long-term experiments on standby. Spike’s pretty good with following directions, but I don’t want to come home, ready to fall into my comfortable bed, only to find it blown up or burned to ashes.” The unicorn leaned in close to drop some chemicals into a beaker. “This way, I can explore the jungle with peace of mind that I’ve got a home waiting for me back in Equestria.”

“I guess I did something similar with my replacement.” Scootaloo could totally handle things here for a while, right? “When are we leaving?”

“Probably tomorrow morning, if everypony’s ready.” Twilight looked up at her, again. “There’s a train going directly to Canterlot at eight o’clock sharp. Would you mind letting everypony else know, if you’re already done packing?”

Rainbow Dash gave a swift salute. “You got it!” she called out, before speeding out of the basement, through an open window, and into the sky. Sugarcube Corner was closest, so she angled her body into a tight turn and headed for the bakery.

Coasting in through the open front doors, Rainbow slid on the sparkling clean tiles until she sort-of-gently collided with the glass counters displaying row after row of sugary sweets. At the sound of her entry, a head poked out from the kitchen. “Good afternoon, Rainbow Dash,” greeted Mr. Cake, the slim yellow stallion was coated with flour, making him look the part of a ghost. “Here for pastries or Pinkie?”

It was hard to pull away from the glass containing so many delicious looking treats. “Pinkie, for now, but maybe both.” Rainbow Dash didn’t bother looking away from the glass display towards the earth pony.

Giving a small chuckle, Mr. Cake returned to his work in the kitchen. “She’s upstairs, in her room.” He continued speaking as Rainbow finally managed to pull away from the hypnotizing treats. “She tells me that you’re all going on some wild adventure for quite a while. I hope you’ll all be careful.”

“Don’t worry about us, Mr. Cake.” Rainbow replied as she headed upstairs. “We care take care of ourselves.” The door to Pinkie’s room was wide open, so she headed right in.

Inside, it looked like somepony had set off an explosion of party favours and confectionery. Rainbow Dash didn’t put it past Pinkie Pie to do just that. She’d been in here before, and it always looked like Pinkie was ready to host a party for anything you could want, right in her bedroom. Today, however, the simple beige room with the blue wooden floor was filled with half-full bags of luggage strewn about. The pink party pony in question was zipping to and from each open container, pulling things out and placing them in other bags seemingly at random.

When Pinkie took a half second to look up, she let out a huge gasp and darted over to Rainbow. “Dashie!” she breathless exclaimed, “You’re here!”

‘Dashie’ cocked an eyebrow. “You were expecting me?”

Pinkie Pie let out a diabolical grin. “Of course, silly! How could one pony pack all this stuff? And since friends help friends pack, I knew you’d show up eventually!” She dragged Rainbow Dash over to one of her dressers. “I need everything in here,” gesturing to the jam-packed interior of the drawers. “To fit in here!” Pinkie pointed at a tiny suitcase that couldn’t hope to contain a fraction of the supplies of the dresser.

Rainbow Dash looked at the actual contents of a drawer. Ib’xian hooftraps, party poppers, fireworks, a blow-up pool... Everything you’d need to throw a real haymaker of a party. “Pinkie, what the hay are you bringing all this stuff for?” she asked, looking back out at the room.

Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen. Where’d she go? Rainbow Dash took a single step towards the center of the room when Pinkie’s shrill voice rang out from directly behind her.

“Well it’s simple, Dashie! We’re going to be gone for soooo long and I know we’ll be having two whole birthdays while we’re gone, Rarity’s and Fluttershy’s!” Turning around, Rainbow saw Pinkie had somehow erupted from the mess that her dresser, with only her head sticking out of the disorganized pile. “And since I know we’re not going to be finding any party supply stores in the stinky ol’ jungle, I have to bring anything and everything we need to party myself!” With a small ‘pop,’ Pinkie burst out of the mess she was buried in and landed lightly on her hooves. “Unless you know something about the jungle I don’t Dashie, because that’s crazy! You’d tell me anything you know about party supply shops in the jungle, wouldn’t you, Dashie?” Pinkie ended her tirade with her face pressed against Rainbow Dash’s, her blue eyes boring into Rainbow’s magenta ones.

“Uhh, yes?”

Pinkie pie pranced happily in place. “I knew I could count on you, Dashie!” She bounded across the room to another waiting suitcase and began throwing everything nearby into it.

Shaking her head, Rainbow Dash dragged the luggage container next to the dresser, shrugged, and started throwing anything she could inside. It didn’t take long for the small bag to be filled to the brim with various miscellaneous objects, including both a crystal ball and amateur chemistry set. Managing to close the case by repeatedly jumping on the lid, it finally snapped shut.

“Done, Pinkie!”

Pinkie poked her head out of the suitcase it was currently residing in. “Wow, Dashie, you sure are fast at packing!” Rainbow Dash decided not to mention the fact that Pinkie was now wearing a flower costume.

Taking the complement in stride, she puffed out her chest. “I’m fast at everything I do! You can’t find a quicker mare!”

There was a quick snort before Pinkie collapsed onto the ground, rolling with laughter. “Oh wow, Dashie, I can’t believe you’d admit to something like that!” she managed to communicate through giggles.

Shrugging, Rainbow Dash set the baggage next to the door. Pinkie sure is Pinkie today. “What are you looking forward to most on the trip?

“I’m glad you asked!” Pinkie Pie disappeared behind her bed for a moment, and when she popped back out, was wearing primitive warpaint and a grass skirt. “I’m sure we’ll have some ca-raze-ee run ins with superstitious locals convinced we’re trying to ‘disturb the dead,’ OoOoooO!” Pinkie added some spooky moaning to get her point across. “Or maybe,” she continued, diving into a suitcase and coming out a second later dressed in black leather and an eyepatch. “We’ll have to deal with mean, evil mercenaries hired to ‘dispose’ of us so some nasty nambypants can steal the treasure for himself!” Pinkie’s eye gleamed with imagined malice as she mimed victorious gloating. “And that’s all before we even get to the treasure! I can’t imagine what will happen to us once we actually find it!”

“That sounds pretty awesome, Pinkie!” Rainbow’s smile was genuine as she imagined fighting off mysterious ponies dressed in black. “I kind of hope we DO have to deal with stuff like that. It’ll keep it interesting.”

“You should be careful what you wish for, Dashie.” Pinkie’s voice grew low as she sidled up to Rainbow Dash. “Wishes have a habit of coming true!” Pinkie bounded back across the room to the luggage waiting open on her bed. “Did you come here to tell me anything in particular, Dashie, or just to help me out?” she asked as she returned to filling the multitude of containers up with ‘vital supplies.’

“Oh yeah!” Rainbow had nearly forgotten. “Twilight wants everypony ready at eight o’clock sharp at the train station. There’s a direct line right to Canterlot!”

Pinkie Pie nodded in agreement, eyes twinkling. “I’m sure I’ll be ready by then! You should let the other girls know, too!” Whatever was inside her suitcase squeaked as she placed a decorative snow globe on top of it.

“Right!” The message bearer turned towards the door and galloped out. “See you later, Pinkie!”

“Bye, Dashie!”

A few moments later, Rainbow Dash was airborne again, this time heading towards Sweet Apple Acres. The rows and rows of apple trees looked vaguely sinister without any of their customary leaves or eponymous fruit, like row after row of outstretched claws. The brightly painted farmhouse and barn looked as inviting as ever, though, and she beelined for the Apple family dwelling.

She was quite surprised to find not only Applejack, her brother Big Macintosh, and little Apple Bloom conversing in front of the barn, but Fluttershy as well. The three females gave friendly waves as Rainbow Dash alighted onto the dirt next to them, and Big Macintosh gave a curt nod.

“Salutations, RD,” welcomed Applejack, giving a slight curtsy as she did so. Her sentiments were echoed by the rest of the ponies in the group.

“Hey everypony. What brings you here, Fluttershy?”

Apple Bloom was happy to answer. “She wuz just askin if me or muh brother would be able t’ check up on all her critters while she’s away!” Her country accent was just as thick as her older sister’s, even if the voice was higher.

“I’d hate to have all my little friends starve while I was away.” Fluttershy’s quiet voice was almost silent compared to the boisterous country twangs surrounding it.

“Speakin’ of starvin,’” Applejack began, “Me and Big Mac were in the middle of barrellin’ up a whole bushelful of apples for the trip. I’m not about to put my meals in the toes of camels. Have you seen what those crazies eat?” the mare seemed to ask the question directly at Rainbow Dash. The other ponies nearby all rolled their eyes behind the questioning mare.

“No idea.”

“Anythin’, so long as they can spice it. There are these spiny things that they won’t eat raw, but they’ll load em up with some magic spice o’ thiers and bam, suddenly it's the tastiest treat you’ll ever eat.” The farmer stuck her nose in the air. “I don’t know about you, RD, but I don’t trust anythin’ you gotta spice before ya eat it.” She leaned in close, whispering conspiratorially. “You want me to crate up some apples fer you, too?”

“As long as I don’t have to carry them, I don’t see why not.” Magic spice that turned food edible? Probably not a bad idea to have a backup plan.

“Great! You want some too, Fluttershy?” A nod of agreement was all Applejack needed. “Perfect! Heck, maybe I should pack even more, sell some real food while we’re down there. Some of those folks might’ve never seen an Apple before! Imagine that, apples as a delicacy.” Her gaze grew distant and unfocused. “I wonder how much I could charge...” Seeing her sister’s distracted state, Apple Bloom took the opportunity to begin poking her hoof into Applejack’s side.

Leaving the mare to her dreams of apple monopolies, Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy and Big Mac. “You going to be sad to see her go, big guy?” ribbing Macintosh as she asked.

Big Mac slowly chewed on a stalk of wheat before answering. “Eyup. But it’s her choice, and the farm’ll do just fine without her over winter.” He looked both pegasi in the eye before finishing his words. “But y’all bring her back safe and sound, y’hear?

Rainbow Dash answered without skipping a beat. “You can count on me!”

“I’m sure we’ll all return safely, Big Mac.” Fluttershy had a quiet resolution in her voice that was ruined by the soft blush that coloured her cheeks when she heard what she’d said.

Macintosh looked over them both before giving a single, slow nod. The red giant moved through the large, open doors into the interior of the barn, calling out over his shoulder. “Apple Bloom! Help me get these apples ready for tomorrow.”

Rainbow hadn’t noticed Apple Bloom crawling up Applejack’s still frozen body, and the little filly had nearly reached the worn Stetson hat perched on Applejack’s head. At her brother’s summons, however, the energetic pony hopped off her sister and followed her sibling into the barn. Rainbow Dash took one look at the slightly salivating farmpony before turning to Fluttershy.

“Are you going to stay here a while longer? Twilight wants everypony to meet at the train station for eight tomorrow, and I’m not sure if Applejack,” she gave the mare a flat stare, “is capable of listening right now.

“Certainly.” Fluttershy gave a small nod. “I still need to go over some of the diets of my fussier houseguests. I really think I should write out a list for Big Mac and Apple Bloom.”

“Thanks! I don’t think those animals have any right to complain about what you’re feeding them, though. It’s not like they’re paying you.” I know I’d be happy with whatever food I got if I was mooching off somepony while I was sick.

“Oh, no, some of my patients are very picky.” she sounded hesitant. “They won’t eat anything at all if it’s not prepared just right.”

“Whatever. See you tomorrow, Fluttershy.” Rainbow Dash took off, wings beating hard as she headed back to Ponyville. She didn’t need to hear Fluttershy’s farewell to know the quiet Pegasus had wished her a pleasant evening.

Carasoul Boutique’s pastel colour scheme looked warm and inviting, especially so when lit by the setting sun. Slowly spiraling down, Rainbow Dash caught a glimpse of Rarity through one of the second story windows before touching down in front of the door. Briskly trotting up to the purple door, the pegasus saw a note taped to the inside of the transparent glass inlayed into the door. Closed for the winter season. Limited commissions still available by mail. Send orders to _______________ See you all next Winter Wrap-Up, faithful customers!

Ignoring the closed sign, Rainbow Dash pushed the door open and walked right in. “Hey, Rarity!” she called out, “I have a message for you!” Looking around while waiting for the prissy mare to come down, she noted that the normally spotless display room was now home to a messy, ugly pile of machinery, gears, and widgets that Rarity would be ashamed to be near, let alone own. Was that a bit of oil leaking on the floor?

A noise from the stairs signaled Rarity’s arrival, and Rainbow Dash looked up from the pile of junk on the floor. “Rarity,” she asked, “what is this?” A sweep of her hoof indicated the detritus that would be more at home at a machine shop than a tailors. “And what are you wearing?”

The unicorn’s normally pristine white coat was marred with various black smudges, most likely placed there by the absolutely filthy hooves that the fashionista stood upon. Hooves that saw weekly hooficures were covered in sludgy, black oil. Rainbow Dash could only assume that Rarity had foreseen the mess this could cause throughout her Boutique, as the unicorn had donned distinctly unfashionable booties to protect her floors. Normally, Rarity’s curled coiffure laid delicately draped down her neck, but today it was functionally tied into a tight bun. A tool belt that put Rainbow Dash’s to shame was tied around the barrel of her torso, and, bizarrely, to finish off the ensemble, a pair of red eyeglasses lay perched at the end of her muzzle.

Rainbow Dash could only stare, unsure if she should laugh her flank off or call for psychiatric help to deal with the obviously troubled mare. Wh-what is? Who? The pegasus couldn’t organize her thoughts. Rarity looked at the open door and frowned in disapproval. With a glow of her horn, she closed the portal and walked over to Rainbow.

“I assumed the ponies of this town had the decency to leave a place of business if a closed sign is put up, but I suppose that would be asking too much of you, Rainbow Dash.” The blemished-covered mare walked up to Rainbow, who had decided to forgo both previous options and just stand there, stammering uselessly. Rarity listened to the incoherent babble for a few seconds before turning to the pile and levitating it, leaking oil and all, towards the back of the shop.

“I suppose you think I owe you an explanation for my appearance, and, well, you’re in luck.” Rarity turned one eye on Rainbow Dash, who was following, entranced. “I’m feeling rather generous right now, and I’ll give you one. If, and only if, you swear what you’ve seen here today to secrecy.” Rarity deposited one portion of the pile, selected seemingly at random, into an alcove at the back of her shop.

“I was worried about falling behind, or, Celestia forbid, getting rusty in the field of fabulosity while we had our ‘fun’ gallivanting throughout the jungle.” She deposited another sizable section of the floating machinery on the ground. “So I thought to myself: Rarity, if you’re going to be away from your sewing machines for a while, why not bring your sewing machines with you? I mean, really, most of our time will be spent travelling, hopefully in style, and I only have so many novels I’ve been meaning to read.” Rarity deposited the last of the devices onto the floor. “It’s rare I have a fashion-related problem that I can’t solve with a fancy hat or beautiful dress, but variety is the spice of life.

Still following, Rainbow Dash noticed, for the first time, a curtain covering an unidentifiable shape in the corner of the workspace. Rarity had ended her circular journey here, and had turned towards her. The fashionista continued: “I had picked up quite a bit of practical knowledge concerning the machines I use every day, fixing them when they break down, that sort of thing, and the design appeared, fully formed, in my mind’s eye.” Taking on a dramatic tone, Rarity’s magical field enveloped the curtain. “Who am I, Rainbow Dash, to deny perfection of form and function? To prevent this marriage of utility and transportability? Many times I have felt this feeling while designing dresses, but never before has this occurred with a machine.” She paused. “I present to you, my newest creation! Behold, the...” Rarity faltered. “I haven’t come up with a name yet, but behold anyway!”

Rarity tore off the curtain, and revealed a complex looking device that rivalled anything Rainbow had seen in Twilight’s basement. A veritable forest of levers, cranks, valves and gears was dominated by two giant wheels, and multiple needles lay poised over a flat metal plane at shoulder height. The only use for this diabolical machine that came to Rainbow’s mind was some sort of excruciatingly painful torture implement.

“I see you’re as in awe of it as I was, when it first came to me.” Rarity had placed herself directly next to Rainbow while she was distracted. “I trust that your discretion in the matter of my appearance is assured?” Rarity fluttered her eyes.

Suddenly finding her throat very dry, Rainbow gulped and nodded. Finally finding her voice, she spoke up. “It sure is, um, cool, Rarity. It sure is cool.”

The unicorn looked pleased. Dash hoped she was pleased. “How delightful! I know how much that can mean, coming from you!” Rarity magicked a lock of hair that had fallen out of her bun back into place. “You claimed earlier to be delivering a message?”

“Oh. Yeah.” I’m going to need to do a lot of flying to clear my head before getting to sleep tonight. “Twilight wanted everypony to know that we’re leaving at eight tomorrow morning, by train.” She really needed to get out of here. She shouldn’t be alone in a room with Rarity and that... thing. “Unless you need some more time with the rack- I mean, to pack. Your stuff, that is.”

“Oh, I didn’t think we’d be travelling by train so early! I’ll get to test the elegance of my design sooner than I’d thought!” Rarity pressed one cheek against Rainbow’s and gestured up and down her nightmarish machine. “Imagine, so many devices, blended into one! The art I’ll create with this! It is a gift that will keep on giving!”

“Great! Now that you got the message, I can get out of your way!” Rainbow squirmed out of Rarity's clutches and made for the door. Instead of smoothly opening the door and flying away, however, she crashed into a tightly barred exit.

Rarity released her magical hold on the door as Rainbow Dash slumped into a heap, dazed. “Remember, Rainbow. Not a word.”

Shaking the stars circling her, the terrified pegasus burst through the door and into the open air without looking back. It was going to be a late training session tonight.

On the Signs of Strife Betwixt Tradition and Transformation

Canterlot. The greatest city in Equestria, and in Rarity’s eyes, the world. Some ponies described it as clinging to the side of Mount Royal, but that was slanderous. Rarity knew her history. The city had been constructed centuries ago, to reflect the undaunted spirit of its ruler after her sister’s attempted coup. Gleaming white spires topped with gold shone in the autumn sun, representing the shining spirit of the goddess that ruled from her castle at the heart of the city. Celestia had decreed, before its construction, that all ponies living in Canterlot would be the first in the nation to see her glorious sunrise each day. Celestia, three hundred years later, admitted that perhaps she had been ‘a tad paranoid’ after the rebellion, and lifted the prohibition on building towns that violated her decree.

Regardless of the city’s history, it was getting larger in the window of her train compartment. Giddy at the thought of experiencing the glamour and prestige of Canterlot once again, she readjusted the stylish hat she had chosen to flaunt today (a mauve, feathered creation capped with a large ruby set in a golden band along the brim), and checked her appearance with the small mirror she had packed into her saddlebags. The train had begun its winding ascent of the mountain an hour prior, and was on the final leg of its journey.

Exiting her compartment, Rarity sought out Twilight and headed to the common cab. Her friend had, once again, taken the lead in organizing the trip, and Rarity wanted to know just exactly how much free time the group had before being required to meet up at the Royal Archaeological Society’s wing of the University of Canterlot. The majority of the compartments she passed were filled with finely groomed businessponies on their daily commute from neighbouring villages to the capital city. Rarity couldn’t imagine having to waste hours each day just travelling to and from her work, but she supposed being able to share the troubles of the day with a sympathetic audience did have a certain appeal.

She heard Twilight even before she opened the sliding door to the common area. The scene playing out in front of her was a familiar one: Twilight, clearly distressed, gesturing emphatically and talking loudly to an unperturbed bystander, in this case, the train conductor. Seeing Fluttershy off to the side, watching the exchange, Rarity walked over to the pegasus.

“What’s going on?” she inquired.

Fluttershy gave a quick smile of greeting before answering. “Twilight’s worried about our luggage being mishandled. She did some research and discovered that the vast majority of lost item complaints are filed at the Canterlot station, and has some suggestions on how to improve.”

“But what’s she doing talking to the conductor about it? I thought each station has its own baggage handlers, not the trains.”

With a quick look around, Fluttershy leaned in close and lowered her voice. “I don’t think she really cares. She just wants somepony to listen.”

Rarity nodded in agreement. The librarian had a wonderful gift for organizing, but it seemed to Rarity that sometimes she wanted everything to go through her. The mustached conductor sat stone still as Twilight continued her rant about the inefficiencies of container transportation, complete with summoned diagrams.

“So,” she began, turning away from the other conversation. “What are you planning to do in Canterlot.”

“Oh, I hadn’t given it much thought.” Fluttershy scratched her chin. “I imagined I’d just wander around the campus while we waited for Dusty Ruin to be ready for us. I heard that there’s a robust botanical garden, complete with live fauna, at the university. Maybe I would get a glimpse of some of the more exotic animals they have there.”

“Fluttershy, darling, I can’t believe you!” Rarity placed a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “We’re about to spend weeks trudging through wild jungles and fending off vicious creatures, and you want to spend your time at the heart of civilization getting a sneak peek at what we’ll find?”

“Umm, yes?” she replied with a blush.

“You’re so practical! But you know what you’ll miss out there in the wilds?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “What?”

“Shopping!” Rarity exclaimed. “I’m not about to let you throw away your last chance to splurge on yourself to look at plants!” She drew up her lips in a pout. “I’d feel just awful knowing you spent your last hours in cultured territory at a greenhouse!”

“Oh but Rarity, there’s going to be plenty of towns on the way, and we’re not even leaving Equestria for at lea-”

“Nonsense!” Rarity cut her off. “You and I will hit the town! I know all the happiningest places for two gorgeous mares like ourselves to spend our last hours at. Won’t you join me?” she asked, fluttering her eyes.

Fluttershy hesitated before answering. “Well, if you really think so...”

“Splendid! I know you’ll have a fantastic time!” Pleased that she’d gotten Fluttershy to spend some time with other ponies instead of being surrounded by animals again, Rarity began mentally mapping out their trek through the city. There was a delightful cafe not far from the station where they’d be able to grab a delicious bite to eat, and-

A sharp blast of a whistle interrupted her thoughts. The conductor Twilight was still talking to abruptly sprang into action.

“Canterlot! Last stop, Canterlot! Get your personal items in order!” He bustled down the train past Rarity and Fluttershy, rapping on doors to awaken any napping ponies that the whistle had failed to alert. Smiling, Rarity thought to herself. I doubt he’s been this happy to arrive in a while.

Twilight came over, fuming. “How will he know how to implement my changes without at least listening to the overview of my twenty-step plan?” She sat down in a huff.

Rarity chuckled. “I think he’ll manage, dear.” She changed the subject. “When do we have to meet with Mr. Ruin?”

“Doctor,” Twilight absently corrected. “He said he’s meeting with financiers around four. I’ll probably sit in on that discussion,” The unicorn pulled out a scroll from one of her packs. “It’s important to understand what our resources will be. Everypony else should be there around five.” She re-read the scroll for, what seemed to Rarity, the hundredth time. “That’s when he’ll go over introductions and expectations for the excursion.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” A riveting talk about safety measures, no doubt. “What are you planning to do beforehoof?”

Twilight rolled up the scroll and stuffed it back into her bags. “I’ve had plenty of requests from my old professors, asking if I’d keep an eye out for a rare botanical specimen, pick up records from research stations along the way, that sort of thing.” Her eyes lit up and she let out a soft sigh. “It will be nice to see them again. I was so close with a lot of them during my time here.”

Rarity had to think hard to remember what her teacher’s name was in her last year of school. Straight Edge? Hard Nose? And here was Twilight, still in contact with multiple professors. Thinking back to her school days brought a different set of memories to the surface.

“Say, Twilight, you spent years here in Canterlot, right?”

Puzzled, Twilight nodded her head. “Yes, why?”

She knew the answer even before she asked, but Rarity couldn’t help herself. “Any old coltfriends you’re thinking of looking up before undertaking such a long, hard journey?” Innocence thickly coated every word.

Fluttershy gasped, and Twilight turned from purple to beet red. “Rarity! I, uh-” Her stammering was drowned out by the squealing of brakes as the train pulled into the station. Seizing the escape, Twilight loudly spoke over the noise. “I need to oversee the handling of our baggage!” She zipped out of the compartment as fast as she could.

Oh, Rarity, you’re so evil! She giggled to herself as she braced for the change in momentum as the train squealed to a halt. Fluttershy looked on disapprovingly, but moved in closer to Rarity as ponies filled the cabin, preparing to disembark.

Gathering her composure, Rarity once again straightened her hat as she was jostled by the crowd forming in the small space. “You and Twilight both are such prudes, my dear.” she commented, waiting for the doors to open.

Fluttershy wasn’t having any of it. “You can be a little mean sometimes, Rarity.” She flapped her wings and took to the mostly empty space above the heads of the crowd. “Some ponies like to keep certain things private.”

Dismissing her concerns with a wave of her hoof, Rarity checked her saddlebags were tightly secured. “I was only teasing, you know that.” The doors opened, bright light spilling inside the cabin as the crowd surged forward. A gust of wind threatened to displace her hat. “Besides,” she stated, raising her voice over the sound of dozens of ponies moving about, “she knows I’d never embarrass her if it isn’t just us.”

“I know.”

The bright noonday sun forced Rarity to blink multiple times once she left the relative darkness of the train. “Follow me, dear, there’s a delightful cafe close by, with the most decadent mixed berry parfaits you’ve ever tasted.”

“I can’t believe you forgot to pack a sunhat, Fluttershy.”

“Can’t I just borrow one of yours? I know you brought extra.”

“And pass up an opportunity to browse the latest fashions? I think not.”

It was a few hours later, the pair had sated their appetites with the promised frozen treats, and wandered through a procession of streets filled with high-end shops. They had been stopped, once, by a fan of Fluttershy’s from her short-lived modelling career, and Rarity had to almost force Fluttershy to sign the offered slip of paper. That incident had led to a discussion about disguises, which had led to a discussion about hats, which had led them here. Every street specialized in a different product, and the duo had made their way to Chapeau Street, consisting of a row of stores each dedicated to headwear.

They stood between two shops: Canterlot Caps and Bonnets by Sunshade. Ironically, Caps sold nothing but straw bonnets and woven Vueltiaos, straight from Reno, while Sunshade’s store appeared to sell nothing but brimless caps. Smartly-dressed ponies milled about, with the exception of a small, dirty filly that was hawking the Canterlot Tribune from a stall placed in front of a tight alley. Rarity took pity on the street urchin, and exchanged a single bit for the news of the day. Something to read on the train, I suppose.

“Please, Rarity, can’t I just wear one of yours?” Fluttershy shrank back as Rarity tried to trot into Caps.

Rarity was confused. “What’s gotten into you Fluttershy?” She looked into the store through one of its display windows. Nothing particularly frightening caught her attention, though she supposed the disembodied mannequins could be mistaken for headless ghosts. “It’s just a shop for hats.”

“I just wasn’t planning on spending any bits in Canterlot.” Rarity was forced to return to Fluttershy’s side to hear her over the cries of the newspaper filly across the street. “I need to save most of my bits for souvenirs to bring back home.”

“And what better way to commemorate your time in Canterlot than with a gorgeous new hat?” Rarity herself was eyeing a magnificently constructed veintisiete. Sometimes a simple, unadorned hat was exactly what an ensemble needed.

“I was, um, hoping to get things from a little farther away than Canterlot.” The pegasus was shuffling her hooves together as she spoke to the ground.

“Well, don’t let me force you into anything, darling,” she smiled at Fluttershy as her friend looked up. “But I think I’ll buy something myself, even if you aren’t.” Rarity couldn’t understand wanting to buy some cheap trinket at some backwater giftshop over the glories available only in Canterlot, but Fluttershy was her own mare.

Rarity found her coin purse a shade lighter but her saddlebags a tad heavier with a folded hat carefully placed within as the duo left Chapeau Street. Fluttershy had asked, quietly and delicately, if it wasn’t too much trouble, if she could squeeze in at least some time at the University’s botanical section, and Rarity had to acquiesce. The unicorn had, privately, wished to see if any of her own fashions were on display down Dressmaker Drive, but she wasn’t nearly vain enough to ask Fluttershy that. Besides, some mysteries were best left unanswered.

The two made their way out of the merchant’s district down one of the brilliantly shining main thoroughfares that divided the city into neighborhoods. The non-residential terrace of the city was divided into sections, like slices of cake, and they were on one edge of the metropolis. To their left, in the Merchant’s Quarter, stood street after street of shops, filled with merchants hoping to attract the eyes and pocketbooks of the well-to-do ponies travelling by, while to their right, carved into the side of the mountain, resided businesses dedicated to service. Any company that sought to expand and grow in Equestria either had a office in the Business Quarter, or dearly wished it so. Rarity herself had vague dreams of one day owning one of the coveted burrows.

Rarity had been to a few of the offices chiseled into the white rock of the cliff earlier in the year. She had spent the week prior to Twilight’s birthday mingling with the upper echelons of business society, giving her ample opportunities to visit. She tried to place a face of a pony next to every agency they passed, but failed. Every building looked the same, with only a small sign above the door denoting what lay inside. Occasionally the monotony of identical doors would be broken by a wide staircase cut into the exterior of the mountain, but, for the most part, every block looked the same. Rarity was much more interested in the almost flamboyant decor the shopkeepers decorated their businesses in.

As such, she wasn’t watching where she was going, and Rarity ungracefully collided with the backside of another pony that had stopped in the street. A hasty apology was answered only with an upturned nose and a huff as the other pony moved deeper into the crowd that was blocking the street.

“What is going on?” Rarity wondered aloud, trying in vain to peer over the crowd.

A finely dressed stallion with a jeweler's magniscope on his flank turned to her. “Some nobles getting into a spat, it seems.” His disdainful tone made it clear what he thought of the situation. “The two of them, acting the fool in the middle of the street?”

A rough-looking cabbie pulled at his harness as he backed out of the crowd. “Don’t listen to him, ladies.” He deftly maneuvered his carriage through the crowd. “It’s too tight up there to get past the mob. Two merchants are about to duel, mark me, and the crowd wants a show.” The other stallion ‘harrumphed’. The cabbie gave a quick once over at Rarity and Fluttershy, and cleared his throat. “It’s far too dangerous for two fine mares like yourselves to try and make it through that crowd. Where are you headed?”

“We’re fine, thanks.” A shrug was all the stallion gave before he turned to another pair of ponies, no doubt trying to convince them to accept a ride. Rarity delicately picked her way through the crowd, Fluttershy hovering above her, as she attempted to reach the center of the herd. A duel, or at least a public dispute! How exciting! Rarity kept one eye peeled for any pegasus ponies equipped with cameras. If anypony knew what the story behind this was, it would be the press.

The murmured confusion of the crowd slowly transformed into jeers as Rarity made her way to the centre of the disturbance. Fluttershy was practically on top of her! Rarity did her best to console her friend when she heard a familiar voice call out her name. Looking for the source, Rarity saw only the press of ponies around her. She turned to Fluttershy, currently trying to hide in Rarity’s giant hat.

“Fluttershy, dear,” she practically had to yell over the noise of the crowd. “Somepony’s calling for me. Can you discern who?” Fluttershy weakly rose, looked around, then pointed a hoof at one of the offices carved into the stone. Following her gaze, Rarity spotted a breathtakingly beautiful mare waving to her through one of the recessed windows cut into the cliff.

Fleur? What’s she doing here? Rarity led the way through the crowd, making much more progress as she threw decorum to the wind. Fluttershy trailed behind, keeping one hoof on Rarity at all times. In short order, she managed to force her way to the heavy, banded door that opened as she drew near.

“Quickly, inside!” The soft Prancian accent was tinged with urgency. Fluttershy darted inside before Rarity could react, but the unicorn swiftly followed her inside. The loud shouts of the crowd were muffled as soon as the door swung closed with a heavy thud. With a soft glow of her horn, Fleur de Lis let a heavy wooden beam fall into place, securing the door. “Oh, my. You Equestrians can get whipped into a frenzy so quickly!”

Fleur continued to speak as Rarity caught her breath. “I must admit, it is a surprise to see you and your friend here, Rarity. I cannot imagine what could have happened to you out there, had I not seen you. They are mad!”

Rarity adjusted her hat, and straightened a feather that had become loose from the jostling of the crowd. “I must admit I am as surprised to see you here as well, Fleur. It’s not common to find a model in a trading house.” Rarity glanced around the room. It was slightly crowded with various nervous looking businessponies milling about, talking in small groups. It didn’t look anything like a place an international model would frequent.

A look of confusion appeared on Fleur’s face, but it quickly turned into a light chuckle. “Oh, Rarity, mon ami. I wasn’t here alone! I was with Fancykins!” Her smiling face turned into a frown. “But Fancy is out there!” A raised hoof pointed at the barred door.

That was odd. The Fancypants Rarity knew would be loathe to leave Fleur behind. The few days Rarity had spent socializing with the upper crust of the merchant class had painted a picture of the two being nearly inseparable. “He left without you? Why?”

The frown turned into an angry pout. “It is those stupid, bull-headed stallions fault! The dunderhead and the lickspittle! Fancy tried to intervene, but they would not listen to reason!”

Rarity tried to calm down the rattled mare. “Fleur, dear, I’m sure he’ll be fine. He’s an expert mediator, and I’m sure any disagr-”

Fleur turned on her, pink eyes flashing with anger. “Look outside, you silly mare! Neither pony will be willing to shame himself by backing down now! Blueblood and Fair Wind both are struck dumb by their vanity!” She collected herself. “I am sorry. This mob has me on edge.”

An Interesting view on vanity, coming from a model. Rarity wisely kept her thoughts to herself. Besides, there was something far more interesting to discuss. “That mule of stallion is part of this? I shouldn’t be surprised.” There was no way she was going to let her friend Fancypants face down ‘Prince’ Blueblood without being at his side. She pleaded with the tall, shapely unicorn. “Fleur, please! I want to help. Tell me everything that happened up till now.”

Fleur de Lis seemed to deflate a bit as she let out a breath. Rarity had her. “Very well. Fancy and I, well, Fancy was here to do business with Fair Wind. He consideres the pegasus to be a bit of a protégé, and has helped and advised him in the past. Fancy was here to finalize some proposal or other such boring affair when Fair Winds suggested we all do lunch. We were not twenty steps out the door when that lout Blueblood trotted by and began taunting us.” Rarity nodded. Blueblood was a petty stallion, obsessed with bloodlines and tradition, and was no doubt irked at the thought of a pegasus climbing the social ladder.

“I think this was not the first time this has happened,” Fleur continued, “as Fair Wind stopped dead in his tracks and turned on the prince. He would not be insulted for his lack of heritage in Canterlot again. Fancykins saw the danger immediately: Blueblood had brought a few of his friends along, and this is the street of self-made merchants. Both sides need no excuse to insult one another.” She turned and looked out the window. “You see the result. Fancy had been worried about this for weeks!”

Threads started to weave in Rarity’s mind. I can’t - well, that’s not true. I find it entirely within Blueblood’s character to saunter along the Street of Coins looking for innocent shopkeepers to belittle. And she was not about to let a pony with an upjumped sense of tradition and ‘class’ insult ponies that were, just like her, trying their best to make a living in Equestria. “Come on, Fleur!” she declared. “If he’s so eager to verbally fence in the streets, then I have a few choice words for Prince Blueblood myself!”

She didn’t get the reaction she was hoping for. Fleur began to giggle, fruitlessly trying to hide her grin with a hoof. “Oh, Rarity, what a funny notion that is!”

Rarity didn’t share in her mirth. “What’s so funny?”

“You expect moi, a model, a pony that depends on her face and body being perfect everyday, to venture out into a mob that could turn violent at any moment? You have a strange sense of the practical.”

Rarity’s eyes widened in shock. She couldn’t believe it! Out there was Fancypants, doing his best to defend the honour of the merchants, while Fleur hid like a foal inside! She told her companion as much, and received a scoffing reply.

“What makes you think I can do anything to stop this? And Fancy is not defending anypony! He is not taking sides, he is trying to stop this before anything happens that somepony might regret.” Fleur’s voice was low. “I am surprised at you, Rarity. You are acting just like Fair Wind, all blustering at the slightest insult. Besides, if rumours are true, weren’t you and Blueblood together at the Gala last year?”

“That slimy toad is spreading rumours about me?” Rarity seethed. Blueblood won’t know what he’s unleashed. I’ll show him what happens to rumour mongers. “Now I must go outside and help.”

“Help who?” Fleur asked, anger in her voice. “Rarity, are you going out there to stop this fire or to fan the flames?” Her aura covered the bar on the door. “I beg you, stay in here with me and your friend. Let the Royal Guard handle this, they should be here to disperse the crowd soon.”

At the mention of Fluttershy, Rarity turned towards the pegasus, currently trying to be as small as possible in the corner of the room. A soft blush covered her face when she realized she was the centre of attention.

Rarity trotted up to her friend and leaned in close. “Fluttershy,” she asked, smiling sweetly. “What should I do? Stay in here and let a friend fight a battle that is mine just as much as his, or go out there and do my best to help?”

Fluttershy looked left and right at the various ponies in the room, who were all trying very hard to look as if they were completely disinterested at the conversation going on right in front of them. With a gulp, and a clearing of her throat, she replied, “I, um, don’t really know what the issue is going on out there, Rarity, but I trust your judgement in doing what’s right.”

A quick spin towards the door later, Rarity focused her magic on the barred door, imagining mystical fabrics pulling the wooden beam free. A short mental struggle with Fleur later, and the door swung open, letting the sounds of the agitated crowd spill into the room. “You see, Fleur? Sweet, gentle and kind Fluttershy knows what I’m doing is right. Keep her safe for me, will you? And hold my hat.”

The other unicorn still remained defiant. “What do you think you’ll accomplish out there? What does ‘who’s right’ matter when there could be blood on the streets?” Rarity continued out the door, and Fleur’s arguments grew fainter. “Equestrians! Always thinking with their hearts instead of their heads!” She ignored her, and ventured out into the wild crowd. A small part of her felt energized, wild but contained.

What does Fleur know? thought Rarity as she nimbly navigated the crush of ponies gathered in the street. She’s only been in Equestria for four years, at most. There are some things that one simply cannot let stand. Chief among that number was letting injustices stand unchallenged, and one of the biggest problems in Equestria right now was an increasingly irrelevant group of nobleponies doing their best to impede the upward mobility of non-nobles. Rarity was keenly aware that almost all of her clientele among the old families of Canterlot disappeared shortly after the Grand Galloping Gala. Rarity was also keenly aware of the fact that she had, at the Gala, applied copious amounts of cake to Blueblood’s royal person.

She heard them long before she managed to break through the crowd and see them. Fancypants’ cultured, level voice calling for peace ringing clearly through the shouts and jeers of the crowd. Rarity could never forget the smooth, alluring voice that disguised the petty bully that was Blueblood, and another voice, rough and gravelly, that seemed out of place compared to the refined tones of the the other two. That had to be Fair Wind. He and Bluleblood were trading insults, both stallions being cheered on or rebuked by the members of the crowd, depending on their persuasion. As she approached, the strange feeling inside of her grew, straining like a cat placed into a bag.

“What would a pedestrian freighter know about the provincial disputes of Equestria? Perhaps you should stick to settling issues more in line with your skills and talents? Maybe a barroom brawl?” Dripping with false sincerity, Blueblood’s question was met with loud stamps of approval from a group of impeccably dressed and finely groomed ponies surrounded by very serious looking stallions. Rarity still couldn’t see the prince, however, but she knew she had to be close.

“More than some snot-nosed son of a duke that’s never set hoof more than twenty kilometres out of Canterlot!” Fair Wind’s snarling voice carried the weight of a fully-loaded train behind it. “I spend three quarters of the year flying to and from the corners of Equestria. I speak to the mayors and council members of every town on the rails, every port on the sea!”

“Rabble rousers, the lot of them! The true leaders of Equestria are the barons and viscounts, raised from birth to handle the affairs of the kingdom!” A chorus of affirmative shouts rang out, followed immediately by boos from the opposition. “The kingdom would crumble without their wisdom and experience.”

Rarity finally made her way to the break in the crowd that contained the two arguing stallions. Blueblood looked as resplendent as ever, dressed in a fine blue doublet with golden trim. His mane and tail matched, both a perfect, regal gold, and his coat was a purer white than Rarity’s own. He was gifted with blue eyes that were deep, still pools, inviting, nay, demanding any mare that noticed him to stare deeply into them. His cutie mark was a familiar compass rose. A sparkling set of perfect white teeth gleamed as he smiled at the crowd.

She had never met a pony more repulsive. At the sight of him, the force within her grew, straining to break free.

The pegasus that had to be Fair Wind, was, in contrast, a far less impressive sight. He was a stout pony, coated in a dull roan red, and ‘blessed’ with a mane the colour and consistency of dry straw. He wore only a simple black top hat that matched the black saddlebags he wore with his cutie mark emblazoned on the clasp: a ship, loaded heavy with cargo. Where Blueblood was well-muscled and statuesque, Fair Wind’s physique reminded Rarity of nothing more than the barrels Applejack had insisted on loading the train with earlier this morning.

“Please, gentlestallions, I implore you to reconsider your actions here!” Fancypants’ normally smooth voice was hoarse from overuse. “Perhaps a more private airing of grievances would be more condu-”

“Ha!” Fair Wind let out a snort. “The only wisdom you and yours have to share is how to get as flexible as you need to be to shove your heads so far up your rear ends, I am frankly astonished your horn doesn’t poke through the other end!” The pegasus either didn’t hear Fancypants or simply didn’t care to listen.

The blue-maned unicorn looked around as the crowd cheered Fair Wind’s words, and noticed Rarity. He quickly trotted over, and Rarity noticed his customary black suit was quite dusty, and he was missing his purple bow tie. “Rarity!” he said, clearing his throat. “It’s good to see a friendly face. I would’ve hoped our next meeting would of been under better circumstances, but I suppose one should take what one can get.”

Graceful and collected, in the middle of a near-riot. Oh Fancypants. I wish I had your demeanour. Rarity wasn’t surprised at the polite greeting; Fancypants had never been seen in public without at least a wry grin on his face, and even now he mixed concern with optimism. “It’s good to see you too, Fancypants. I have to be honest with you, when I imagined how I’d be spending the day in Canterlot, I’d of never guessed I would find myself in a situation like this.”

Fancypants waited as the roar of the crowd ebbed higher, then dropped back down as the two nearby ponies traded insults. “These two have been tearing each other apart for the last half hour. I must say, I’m troubled by the lack of guardsponies about.” He waggled a blue eyebrow up and down as he leaned in closer. “Makes one wonder where one’s taxes go, eh Rarity?”

Failing to stifle a small giggle, Rarity forced the smile off her face once her laughter died down. “I’ve found, through past experience, that depending on others to solve your problems is rarely a wise course of action.” She thought back to her brief time spent as a prisoner in the tunnels of the Diamond Dogs. While her friends had been eager and able to help, by the time they arrived she had the situation well in hoof. Rarity hardened her expression and began to walk into the clearing. “It is time to end this mockery.”

She let the energy inside of her free, feeling a fountain of power flow through her. It was nothing like the magic she channeled through her horn - that was precise, wielded like a needle weaving through thread. This magic, magic she had felt before, radiated from every pore on her body. It was the magic of song.

It was a magic innate to everypony. Some could control it a bit better than others, but all fell under its sway whenever it appeared. A lone, penniless, friendless pony could enter a community, and, if she had the good fortune to manifest this power, find herself suddenly transported days or weeks into the future! She would have only the memories of a single song and dance number to explain established occupation and how everypony knew her name. Rarity had lost an entire day and half a week in her prior manifestations, with mixed results. Regardless, it was fruitless to fight it. It would take the might of an elder dragon, or perhaps even a goddess, to prevent a musical number from occurring now.

“You have a plan, Rarity?” Fancypants, oblivious to what was about to happen, asked behind her. “Would you mind sharing your stratagem on ending this conflict?”

Rarity managed to crane her neck around as she slowly stepped forward. “Feel free to add your own verses once I’m done.” She looked back at the two dueling stallions, surrounded by a throng of heckling ponies. She stamped a hoof to the ground, paused, and began to sing in a voice as sharp and clear as the most brilliant diamond.

I once knew a filly who dreamed of a colt

Who’d always be faithful and never bolt

The perfect prince so graceful and fair

With a voice so sweet it sang through the air

Blueblood looked straight at her, eyes narrowed. But the song had already captured all nearby ponies, and Blueblood could not hope to stop it. Indeed, Rarity found herself and the crowd transported to a sepia-toned universe, consisting of a simple house on a hill. Phantom fiddles began to play, and the ponies around her began to stamp to the beat.

Her dream did not fade though years did pass

Her prayer everyday through sunlit mass

To find the stallion that her heart did yearn

The name of her prince she swore she’d learn

The small house turned into a church, with a small, vaguely defined filly surrounded by indistinct, pony shaped blobs. The filly, aging rapidly, looked at the stained glass image of Celestia above the altar. It transformed into a picture of her and a stately stallion, framed in a heart.

It was whispered there was one who met

Every princely test he’d had of yet

And he lived nearby in Canterlot

But the poor mare she was still distraught

Images of the capital city flashed by, always showing the stallion in the stained glass acting gallantly. The sepia illusion lingered on an image of the prince leaping from a burning building, foal on his back, directly onto a fleeing cutpurse.

For she was one who was born so low

Her trade was seamstress, what a blow

But her love for him it would not flee

So she braved the dangers of the Everfree

Rarity kept on singing as the mare from before was shown in a ragged shawl, sitting alone with a sewing machine in a dusty house. The mare hardened her expression from despair to determination, and was suddenly within a familiar-looking wood. Rarity was quite thankful that the mare only bore a passing resemblance to her.

A gift she found in the twisted thicket

To the Princess she gave and received a ticket

Gold in colour to the Gala she’d go

Clad in a dress that she’d weaved and sew

Glad that the song wasn’t blatant enough to show her defeating Nightmare Moon all by her lonesome, Rarity continued on, gathering momentum from the crowd as they began to join in. The fiddles had long been joined by banjos and other ‘common’ instruments, rising slowly in tempo. Rarity would've preferred a more classical accompaniment, but she supposed the instrumental choice was quite fitting for the subject matter.

Ventured to the castle that fateful night

Through the years she’d dreamed just what might

Occur between a star-eyed mare

And the stallion she loved without a care

Rarity thought back to her hopes and dreams that night. While it certainly hadn’t turned out how she wanted it to, the pure absurdity of the collective failure of her and her friends had brought them even closer together. She wouldn’t change that night for all the bits in Equestria. It had certainly opened her eyes to the realities of the world she lived in. The music neared a crescendo.

She knew he’d be polite and kind

Strong of body and sharp of mind

But sadly it was never to be

To Blueblood she was a devotee

At the last word of the verse, Blueblood himself burst through the illusion, shattering it as he tried to tackle her. Rarity nimbly sidestepped out of the way, and lightly pranced through the crowd as he began to chase her. He’s a fool if he hopes to interrupt this. She noticed that many ponies in the crowd, inexplicitly, were now the proud owners of drinking mugs filled to the brim with frothy cider.

His coat was white but his heart was black

And his manners seemed without any tack

A rose he plucked for her she thought

Placed it on his head, what a sot

A kick of her hooves sent a conveniently-placed open cask of oil tumbling directly onto Blueblood’s head. Stumbling about blindly, he collided with a wagon filled with nothing but tacks. Yelping, (most unprincily) he leapt into the air, directly into a rosebush in front of a florist’s shop that was facing the Street of Coin. When he emerged a few seconds later, the barrel was gone, but his mane was a tangled mess of roses, thorns hopelessly ensnared in his ruined, oily hair.

Still she hoped he would shine through

Poor manners did not make a fool

But with every deed and word he spoke

Forsaked her love the oafish bloke

She snatched a lantern from a nearby lamppost, and awakened the fireflies sleeping inside before blowing them into Blueblood’s filthy face. The insects flared to life and buzzed around the prince’s head, dazzling him. A rack of clothes stood in the street, where none had existed seconds before, and Blueblood blundered through it. Upon exiting, Rarity was pleased to see a jester’s crown now upon his head.

Placed her dress on the puddled floor

Talked her to death, what a bore

Refused to open a door did he

Locked was her love, he’d thrown away the key

Finally noticing the horrid spectacle he was, Blueblood darted back through the dress rack, towards the door of the florist’s shop. Once again, he was newly clothed, but this time he wore a gaudy dress instead of a fine doublet. He reached the door the exact moment it swung open, knocking him back into the street. Rarity noticed Fair Wind collapsed in mirth.

But until a coward he proved to be

He did not earn her scorn for now you see

When a pastry flew and began to fall

He hid behind her so strong and tall

Apparently the song had decided that Blueblood had suffered enough, for no cake materialized to cover him in icing. Instead, he rose, shakingly, back to all fours. Rarity felt the end of the song coming up, and she hopped onto a tall wagon parked on the street, gazing at the crowd.

And as our tale draws to a close

Before you stands Blueblood grandiose

Not a mare’s love he seeks to ruin

But all your work he’s power-driven

To belittle and label with scorn

Do nothing and soon you’ll mourn

So find within yourself someway

To honour our lord this fine day

As the crowd cheered and laughed at the disheveled prince, he locked eyes with Rarity. He stood tall and proud, ignoring the oil, roses, and tacks that covered him. He somehow still looked regal dressed as a female court jester, and despite the mocking laughter of scores of ponies all around him, he stood firm. His expression was one of pure malice, hatred etched into every line on his face. She felt his gaze never wander from her, even as she stepped down from the wagon and disappeared into the crowd.

“Rarity, when you appeared in the crowd, I had hoped you’d help me quell the resentment between the nobility and the merchants, not drive a wedge even deeper between them!” Fancypants was getting dangerously close to sounding annoyed, a true rarity for a pony so even-tempered.

He was joined by Fleur, Fluttershy, and Fair Wind. The quintet of ponies were walking down the street, after the crowd had been dispersed following Rarity’s shaming musical takedown of Blueblood. Apparently it was hard for ponies united in laughter to form an angry mob. Rarity had even noticed some of the nobles Blueblood had brought with him openly laughing at the prince.

Fleur agreed. “That was ill done, Rarity. Instead of being merely a disastrous, but forgivable, date at the Gala, Blueblood is sure to mark you as his foe.” Rarity took silent umbrage at being called Blueblood’s date, but let it slide. Fleur was right. Another thought came to mind.

“How did you know that song was about me?” she asked, but quickly answered her own question. “I suppose it wouldn’t be hard to figure out, especially if you had been there. I’m not worried about Blueblood’s retaliation, dear. I have few enough noble customers after the Gala as it is.”

“Ha!” Fair Wind gave a snort of disdain. “I’ve been a thorn in that git’s side for months, and let me tell you, Rarity, you have nothing to worry about. He’s all bluster. Incredibly annoying, especially when he goes out of his way to make your life miserable when you’re in Canterlot, but he’s harmless.”

“There’s more to it than that, old chap.” Fancypants shook his head. “I had hoped to broker an agreement with the nobility and the mercantile class, but with what happened back there, I’m afraid it’s hopeless.”

“Bah!” Fair Wind snorted, again. He’s rather fond of that, Rarity thought. I don’t think I’ve heard him start a sentence without one. “What the hell do we need the noble’s help for, Fancy? All that venture will prove is that, once again, the nobles will be too thick-headed to realize they’ve been mounting themselves into irrelevance.”

Rarity chuckled to herself when she noticed Fluttershy blush at his language. I like this stallion. “I must side with Fair Wind, Fancypants. Whatever it is you’re financing, I’m positive a mention that Blueblood is against it is sure to send businessponies clamouring to fund it with you.”

“I cannot believe you, Rarity.” Fleur shook her head angrily at her. “For all your pretense of being a lady, it seems every time you visit Canterlot, you let your emotions guide you.” Fleur raised her eyes to the sky, staring at the odd cloud floating by. “First the Gala, then the garden party, now this? You might have more in common with a Ponyville pony than you’d like to admit.”

Shocked, Rarity stopped in her tracks. Raising her voice in anger, she turned on Fleur. “I can’t believe you’d insinuate-” She cut herself off, mind racing. Fleur, as distasteful as it was to admit, was right. She had lost control of the situation at the Gala, she wasn’t nearly naive enough to believe either Fancy or Fleur didn’t put two and two together concerning her pitiful charade at the garden party, and she had just led a mob in singing a song insulting the nephew of Princess Celestia. The only time she hadn’t acted like a complete fool of her own accord was when she accompanied the rest of the Elements of Harmony to confront Discord, the evil, maniacal god of chaos and disharmony.

Fleur was already apologizing. “I am sorry, Rarity! Here I am talking about losing control and I-”

Rarity slowly shook her head. “No, Fleur, you’re absolutely right. I have behaved terribly while in Canterlot.” It was her dream to be a lady, a true and proper mare. Yet, here she was, basking in her victory over a pony whose only crime was speaking his mind, and as disdainful his words were, hadn’t tried to completely humiliate his opponent.

Another snort came Fair Wind. “Anypony that gives a snob like Blueblood exactly what he deserves is a fine mare in my book.” The brick-like pegasus tried to brush away Rarity’s concerns. “Listen, you’re the seamstress in that tale you spun, right? Any fabrics you want shipped or dresses to sell off my line, it's on the house. I’ll be giggling like a schoolfilly for weeks after that showing.”

She gave him a weak smile. “Thank you, Fair Wind, but Fleur and Fancy are right. I wasn’t thinking at all back there.” The smile turned into a thoughtful frown. “All I wanted was to punish Blueblood. We’re lucky I didn’t make things turn violent.”

All my life, I’ve dreamed of being a lady. But all my time in Canterlot, I’ve behaved just like the country bumpkin out in the big city for the first time. Except for that issue with that loose god of chaos. Rarity walked down the street, head held low. She had embarrassed herself thrice now, and while she had called Blueblood the fool during her song, she was the one acting foolish. She gave a sad sigh, and then noticed a warmth on her shoulder. She looked up and found Fluttershy laying a reassuring hoof on her, eyes wide with concern. Rarity mustered up a smile, which was returned a hundred times over by her pegasine friend.

The group walked silently for a while, until Fancypants broke the silence. “Well this is a dreadfully sombre walk down the road.” He gave Fluttershy an inquiring raise of his brow. “Where are you two headed?”

Looking slightly shocked at being addressed by a pony she barely knew, Fluttershy nonetheless recovered quite quickly. “Oh! Rarity and I are headed to the botanical garden in the University. We’re going on an awfully long trip, and I want to be well prepared for any exotic flora and fauna we encounter.”

“Quite practical of you! A wise traveller takes every precaution before leaving on an expedition, no matter how mundane.”

The yellow pegasus blushed at the compliment. “Th-thank you!”

“We’re headed to Canterlot University ourselves, eh, Fancy?” Fair Wind nudged the unicorn in the side.

“I think it prudent to sit down for our interrupted lunch, first. I’m quite famished.”

A look of shock spread across the russet pegasus’ face. “Tartarus, you’re right!” As if on cue, his stomach rumbled audible. “Blueblood stopped me in the street before we could eat!”

“Indeed, my friend. Fleur, any preferences on where we should dine?”

“No, anywhere is fine.” Shaking her pink mane, the model turned to Rarity and Fluttershy. “Care to join us?”

“We already ate, but thank you for the invitation. Besides, you’ve given me a lot to think about.” That’s an understatement.

“As you wish.”

Fair Wind turned off the bustling main thoroughfare, into the Merchant’s Quarter. “I know there’s a fantastic kelp cafe around here, Fancy. So long, Rarity, Fluttershy." He gave a quick bow to both of them. "Perhaps we’ll run into each other again at the University.”

“Perhaps.” Rarity watched the trio set off down the road. “Fleur!” she called out. The leggy mare turned around, ear cocked. “Thank you, again.”

“It is a hard thing, to overcome your faults. You are a strong pony, Rarity, and I believe you can overcome anything if you try.” She gave Rarity a warm smile. “Besides, you’ve braved the Everfree, if your song was true. You’re far from delicate.” Fleur turned and followed her male companions in search of a restaurant.

“Ohh wow! What’s this one do?”

“That is a Shrieking Cactus. Not only is it covered in poisonous spines, if it is disturbed, it lets out a shriek that alerts predators that something is nearby and soon to be crippled.”

“Amazing! I bet it’s a full time job keeping the animals away from those!”

“Actually, camels let the desert run itself. Any creature that doesn’t learn for itself not to disturb them doesn't last very long.”

Rarity sat, half listening, as a very eager botanical student led the two mares around on a tour of the greenhouse. It was cute the way Fluttershy was completely oblivious to the advances of the young stallion, who was staying close enough to physically warn her away from the dangerous plants, and leaning in close with her when she viewed the safer ones. That poor earth pony didn’t have a chance.

She tuned out the conversation, reflecting on Fleur’s comments. How was she going to change herself? Did she want to change? Rarity couldn’t imagine not striving to be cultured, sophisticated. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. Her failure to behave as she imagined herself was the problem, not the goal itself.

But, come to think of it, just who exactly was she trying to emulate? Blueblood had soured her to the thought of the nobility, with all their inherited sense of worth and resentment towards the common pony. To be honest, much of the merchant class Rarity had interacted with had been just as bad, obsessed with image and propriety. She recalled being sucked into that world, and she had come close to ruining her friendship with Twilight because of it.

Fancypants and Fleur seemed like the two ponies in Canterlot that truly acted the part they were playing. Both were kind, gracious, and unafraid to speak their minds. Rarity had confronted Fancypants, privately, about his remarks about her friends the last time she was in Canterlot with them, and he had surprised her by claiming to be sincere in his appreciation of their ‘charmingly rustic’ antics. Then again, he had apparently taken in Fair Wind as his protege, and that pony acted like Applejack would if she had a dirty mouth and shipped goods for a living. And much of the mob had been ponies just like him: regular, everyday ponies that had become affluent through hard work and dedication. But despite her rash actions and thoughts earlier, she still, very much so, wanted to live that life of, well, class and decorum.

Rarity sighed. Self-reflection is hard work! Resolving to spend the endless hours she would have on the trip south to do more of it, she turned her attention back to her surroundings. She had fallen behind the plant-loving pair, and hurried to catch up.

Fluttershy had her head stuck right above the surface of a pool filled with aquatic plants, not noticing or caring that her pink mane was pooling in the water beneath her. Rarity was surprised to see her alone. I thought I would need a crowbar to pry off that amorous colt. “Where’s your friend?”

Fluttershy gave a small “Eep” and flared out her wings, but quickly relaxed when she turned around and saw only Rarity. “Oh, he was called away by his professor. Something about an experiment gone horribly wrong.” Water dripped from her soaked mane.

“Well, that doesn’t sound ominous at all.” Rarity chuckled. “What are you looking at now?”

Fluttershy didn’t turn around. Instead, she stared directly at Rarity, eyes wide as saucers. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Rarity didn’t need to ask what ‘it’ was. “Not yet Fluttershy, but later, absolutely.” She trotted up to the pool. “What is this thing?” she asked, motioning towards a bulbous sack floating just under the water’s surface.

Fluttershy spoke solemnly before leaning in over the pool again. “I’ll hold you to that promise. That plaque there says it translates to ‘Greenblood Sac’ from Cervidian.” Rarity read along with the bronze sign as Fluttershy recited from memory. “The Greenblood Sac is the final stage in the reproductive cycle of the Greenblood algal species. Its physiology is unique among freshwater algae. As the bloom matures, it begins to harvest its dead members and convert their bodies into the structure on display above. While harmless while residing outside the sac, once the algae succeed in creating a closed structure around itself and deplete the oxygen contained within the airtight membrane, it activates an accelerated reproductive process that results in an increase of pressure that eventually causes the sac to explode, allowing the algae to spread to nearby bodies of water. Travellers in Cervidas are advised to stay clear of any bodies of standing water, as the average explosive strength of a ruptured Greenblood Sac is comparable to the force of three champion stallions combined kicks.”

Rarity let that information sink in before turning to Fluttershy. “That doesn’t sound like a plant at all! It sounds like a bomb!”

The pegasus nodded her head, dripping water everywhere. “Most algae aren’t actually plants, Rarity.”

“How did something so dreadful come about?” Rarity struggled to wrap her head around the thought of an exploding non-plant.

“That’s the real interesting part. The Cervids bred them, long ago, so that-”

“Somepony created these things? Deliberately?” Rarity looked around the botanical gardens, eyeing every plant inside the greenhouses suspiciously. “Fluttershy, I don’t like being in here without a guide. Who knows what some of these plants do?”

Fluttershy chuckled. “Oh Rarity, you just have to treat everything with respect.” She immediately put her hooves to her mouth. “Rarity, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to imply...” Fluttershy trailed off.

“Its alright, dear,” giving her friend a nuzzle. “If Fleur can tell me off, why wouldn’t I allow one of my closest friends to do the same?” Rarity moved towards the glass exit door of the gardens. “Now come on, I think a nice, safe, boring talk with investors is exactly what I need to find my centre. Besides, the changing humidity of each greenhouse section is ruining my hair.” She rummaged through her bags until she found a comb, and began running it through her mane.

In short order, with the help of a friendly passing student, Rarity entered the offices of the Royal Archaeological Society, Fluttershy trailing behind her. A purple mare with silver hair stood behind a desk with ‘Reception’ stamped into the wood. “Can I help you?” the mare asked, looking up from a paper she was reading.

“Yes, please. There’s a meeting going on about finalizing the financement of Dusty Ruin’s latest expedition?”

The silver-maned receptionist looked Rarity up and down. “You don’t look like a banker.”

“I’m not,” Rarity answered. “Me and my friend here are on the expedition itself. We just want to sit in on the discussion.”

“You’re on the expedition?” her voice dripped with sarcasm.

Rarity didn’t like this mare’s tone. Giving her a flat stare, she tossed her head towards Fluttershy. “Listen, me and my friend here are personal guests of Dusty Ruin. We’re vital to the success of this journey!”

“Have a seat, please.” The receptionist scribbled something down and returned to reading her paper.

Standing in the middle of the empty room, Rarity fumed. This mare is making me out to be an idiot! Turning around in a huff, she spoke to Fluttershy. “I bet Twilight didn’t have any trouble getting in.”

Behind her, the receptionist loudly asked, “You know Twilight Sparkle’s in there? Nopony outside the society knows Twilight is in there.”

Finally, some respect! Rarity turned around. “Her and I are personal friends, yes. We’re accompanying her, like I said, at Dusty Ruin’s request.”

The change was instantaneous. “My apologies! We get a lot of ‘associates’ claiming to be one of Dusty’s friends or companions all the time. He’s a very popular pony, you know.” The mare came out around the desk and hurried down the hallway. “I’ll take you to him!”

Rarity followed, contemplating the mare’s change in attitude. I suppose this Dusty Ruin is more popular than I thought, if he has problems like this. She was glad she hadn’t snapped at the mare. Foal’s steps, Rarity.

She was led halfway down a long hallway, through a door into a shorter, smaller hallway, both lined with pedestals upon which priceless artifacts no doubt stood. Rarity saw everything ranging from a polished, unidentifiable skull of... something... to intricate, but rusted, mechanical devices that she couldn’t begin to guess the purpose of. The mare stopped in front of a plain wooden door with the words ‘Meeting Room C1’ etched into the wood above it.

“Here you go, although I can’t imagine sitting in on this being interesting. I transcribed a couple of these in my undergrad days, and it was a struggle not to fall asleep!” She left Rarity and Fluttershy with a cheery grin on her face. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask!”

What a pleasant mare, thought Rarity as she opened the door. She stopped in the doorway as she saw who resided within.

Twilight was there, as she had promised she’d be, sitting next to the stallion that had been burned into her brain just days ago. Both looked very uncomfortable. Rarity could easily guess why. Sitting at one end of the large, square table that dominated the room was Prince Blueblood, along with four more high-ranking, exceedingly rich nobleponies Rarity vaguely recognized from the award ceremony she attended after defeating Discord. Across the table sat Fancypants, Fair Wind, Fleur de Lis, and three other, no doubt, equally rich ponies. The tension in the room was palpable.

The receptionist had been wrong. This was going to be far from boring.

Of The Bland and Boring Boardroom

Rarity pricked her ears up when she heard a noise behind her, but when she turned around to see what Fluttershy was doing, the pegasus was nowhere to be seen. Down the hall, a pedestal wobbled slightly before settling back to rest, and Rarity noticed huddled mass of pink and yellow behind it. There goes a wiser mare than I, she thought as she strode into the room, head held high. There was no possibility of backing out for her. She had to project confidence to make up for her hesitation.

“Fillies, Gentlestallions,” Rarity ducked her head at both sides of the table as she spoke. She turned to the older unicorn seated next to Twilight. “Doctor Dusty Ruin? Such a pleasure to finally meet the stallion I’ve learned so much about.” He looked rather different than his more youthful appearance during Twilight’s lecture. His grey eyebrows and mustache were bushy and unkempt, and it looked as if he had gained a bit of paunch as he had aged. His coat was the exact colour of moist, unearthed clay, which contrasted nicely with the vibrant treasure chest on his flank. It was hard to imagine this was the pony that had crept through countless caves, delved into the deepest dungeons, and retrieved the rarest of relics for Equestria.

As she moved to take a seat next to Twilight, she looked around the room at the faces of the gathered ponies. Fleur watched her, lounging behind the rest of the merchant delegation with lidded eyes and a bored expression, but Rarity knew that the model was taking in everything around her. Fancypants whispered something to Fair Wind, who was looking at Rarity with eyes so wide it looked as if his brows had retreated completely underneath the top hat he still wore. One of the other merchants, a blue mare with a sparkling silver mane, was wearing one of Rarity’s dresses, a sleek and simply layered number that started pitch black at the collar but transitioned to a royal blue at the hem of the skirt. She remembered the inspiration for that particular dress, a black-crested jay had flo-

Focus, Rarity! Mentally berating herself, Rarity settled into the space next to Twilight at the table. You aren’t threading a needle in here, you’re trying to stand on one! Looking over at Blueblood, she noticed him staring straight ahead at the merchants, his face the picture of cool detachment. Quickly averting her gaze as to not attract his, she turned to Twilight, who was already leaning over towards her.

“Rarity,” she whispered, as Dusty Ruin cleared his throat and began to speak. “Thank the Goddess you’re here! Trying to get these two groups to agree on anything is like trying to get Spike to stop gorging himself on ice cream!” Twilight tittered nervously under her breath as Dusty Ruin pontificated on the importance of the expedition. “I might, technically, be a noble, but you speak the language of these ponies better than I ever could, Rarity. Hopefully you can warm up their cold hooves.” She frowned and knitted her brow. “I don’t understand. Dusty said that everything was taken care of, and this meeting was a formality. I don’t know what could've caused them to clam up like this.”

I should’ve listened to Fleur. Now look what I’ve done. Rarity cursed, softly enough so that even Twilight didn’t hear. “You need to get Dusty Ruin to stop this meeting now, Twilight.”

That caused the other mare to gasp. “What? Why?”

“Because I have some very bad news you both need to hear.” Rarity tried to put on her most intimidating of expressions, and must of succeeded, because Twilight gulped and nodded her head instead of replying. Rarity turned her attention back towards the rest of the room.

“I don’t understand, my lords and ladies,” Dusty Ruin was saying, mustache moving like a plump beige caterpillar upon his face, “where this... this hesitance has appeared from. Just two days ago, Archduchess Ravencrest,” he singled out a black-maned, grey-coated mare seated next to Blueblood, “You and I spoke of the prestige that this expedition has garnered among the lords and ladies of the Stable. All of Equestria’s finest were eager to see and hear of the wonders you would of helped find. What has changed?”

The Archduchess’ eyes flickered briefly towards Blueblood before she spoke. “Nothing has changed, Doctor. The entirety of the gentry are as enthused as ever to see the treasures you will return with. We merely have...” Again, she looked towards Blueblood. “Trepidations on who exactly shall receive you and your companions home.” Her voice was unexpected. Instead of the affected, haughty accent that was so common amongst the well-to-do, this mare spoke like she was a judge delivering a punishment of exile.

Rarity was surprised to see that either one of Dusty Ruin’s mammoth eyebrows could rise at all. “All of Equestria will receive us in celebration, Your Grace, from the youngest foal to Celestia herself,” he slowly responded.

Blueblood, looking none worse the wear for his ordeal earlier in the day, answered for the grey mare. “If I may, what Her Grace is trying to explain is that we,” he gestured with a hoof towards the nobles around him, “are concerned with the final place of residence these artifacts will enjoy upon their arrival within Canterlot.”

This needs to stop right now! Rarity thought frantically. She hoped her practiced mask of disinterest was holding up. Dusty Ruin clearly has no idea the damage I did between these two groups, and Fair Wind looks as if he could lose control at any second! The freighter had his teeth clenched tight, and a large vein was visible on his thick neck. She glanced at Twilight, who had her head down, shuffling the stack of papers in front of her, clearly afraid to interrupt.

The celebrated archaeologist was adrift in a sea of confusion. “Pardon me, Sir, but I was under the impression that you had received this information already.” The sandy-coloured professor cleared his throat. “The majority of the collection will be housed here, in the most capable hooves of the Royal Society. A small portion of the findings will be divvied up to all of you, the financiers, proportional to your donations. All of this, of course, is speculative, as there is no guarantee we will find anything at all.”

“And there, to use the vernacular, lies the rub.” Blueblood slid his gaze across the room, lingering on Rarity before returning to Dusty Ruin. “Myself and others of lineage are concerned for the future of these priceless artifacts, should they be placed in the care of more,” he paused, glancing at Fair Wind. “Transient families.”

Fair Wind looked ready to burst, his face darkened to the colour of beets, wings quivering as he forced them to his side. Rarity knew it was instinctual for pegasi to flare their wings when they felt threatened, to appear larger in the face of predators. For the straw-haired pony to keep them closed must be torture.

“Transient families?” the archaeologist echoed.

“Those ponies whose wealth is not guaranteed.” Blueblood could not hide the distaste in his voice as he spoke. “While all of the merchant ponies represented in this discussion are quite wealthy now, there is no promise their fortunes will not turn for the worse in the future. Precious, historical valuables could be traded or sold to other nations in times of financial peril, diminishing the prestige of Equestria as a whole.” He briefly turned towards his compatriots. “The noble families of Equestria are centuries old, and will persist for centuries more.” The Prince stamped a hoof on the table to illustrate his point. “We do not feel comfortable in endangering the future of these monuments of the past by allowing peddlers,” he spat out the word, “to possess them.”

Dusty Ruin sputtered incoherently at that. Seizing the moment of silence before the agitated pegasus across the table could intervene, Rarity spoke. “Well stated, Prince Blueblood. I know all of you must be suffering from parched throats after such heated debate!” Putting on her best smile, she turned to the professor sitting past Twilight. “I’m sure our gracious host has refreshments ready for ponies of your bearing.”

Quickly taking the hint, Dusty Ruin’s horn glowed, and a tasseled rope hanging from the ceiling was jerked towards the floor. Instantly, a well-attired mare with gorgeously curled black locks appeared from a cleverly disguised door hidden in the wall.

“Spotless, we are enjoying a small recess from our discussions. Would you care to escort our noble guests towards the lounge?”

Bowing, the maidservant turned towards the assembled nobles. “If Your Graces, Your Royal Highness, would be so kind as to follow me?” Waiting for the nobility to rise before gracefully spinning to face the merchants, she spoke again. “Would some of our honoured guests allow themselves to retire to the parlour? I fear the lounge is ill-stocked to attend to the thirsts of a dozen ponies.”

Fancypants, sensibly, jumped at the chance to avoid clashing with the nobles over alcohol. “We would be delighted.”

Thank Celestia, thought Rarity. The last thing she wanted was the two sides interacting in an informal setting. Who knows what might be said, what could happen.

Spotless trotted by the still seated merchants, nobles in tow. “Featherduster will be here shortly to escort you.”

The room was silent as the aristocrats exited. As soon as the door closed, Rarity felt the entire room let out a breath it was holding. Time to repair the tears in the dress, she thought.

“Transient Families?” proclaimed Fair Wind, loudly. “That useless twat compares us to beggars?” The pegasus broke countless rules of decorum by letting his wings spread wide and his voice rise to a shout. “Equestria hasn’t even seen a beggar in decades!” Rarity noticed Twilight's ears flop to her skull.

“Wind, please!” Fancypants laid a hoof on his friend's shoulder. “They might be able to hear you.”

“Let them!” His outrage was clear. “They started this Tartarus-damned fight, Fancy, don’t deny it!” Fair Wind got to his hooves and began to pace around the table. “For weeks, they’ve been passing out decree after decree that makes interprovincial trade impossible! Forces ridiculous rules on money lending and loans! For Celly’s sake, Fancy, have you read the new rules on transporting grains? I assure you, vermin and parasites do not appear everytime a train stops at station!” His hat fell off halfway through his tirade, shaken loose by his vigorous motions. Fair Wind didn’t notice.

“I’m well aware of the issues we’ve recently had to deal with,” Fancypants returned dryly. “But all of their actions are, however tenuously, justifiable. Crop disease is down, you know.”

“Don’t try and defend them, Fancy. Not after that.”

Leaving the two to their argument, Fleur and the Carousel Boutique-garmented mare circled the table and approached Rarity, Twilight, and the professor.

“Not to, as you say, beat a dead horse,” Fleur stated towards Rarity. “But I think you’ve realized what you set in motion today, Rarity.”

“I am beginning to come to understand the complexities of Canterlot politics, yes.” Rarity dearly wished she wasn’t.

The other mare shook her head. “It is hardly complex. The nobility fear our growth, and hope to stop or slow it in any way they can. Considering they set the law, their opportunities are numerous.” She raised her hoof. “Aquamarine, founder, owner, and executive manager of Blue Sea Shipping.”

Rarity shook the offered limb. “Rarity.” She looked the dress up and down. “I believe that is one of mine.”

Aquamarine stared at her for a moment, blinking, before comprehension dawned on her face. “Oh, the dress! Fancypants said he knew a unparalleled dressmaker, and I suppose that must be you.” She gave Rarity a warm smile. “It’s quite beautiful, far more elegant than what I had in mind.”

Suppressing a shudder, Rarity recalled that particular order. “Something that brings the deepest, darkest stormwaters to mind. Maybe seashells and pearls? And something ship-related. Nautical ropes, around the hem, tied in every sort of knot more complicated than a fishermare’s!” Some ponies had no sense of style, but it was far easier to say ‘no’ when your client was a three hour train ride away.

“Excuse me, but would somepony please explain to me and Doctor Dusty Ruin here what exactly is going on?” Twilight’s frustrated demand shook Rarity out of her recollection. “I came in here expecting economical considerations and budgeting, not, well, this!”

Fleur pointedly looked at Rarity, while Aquamarine gave a muttered, “You’re paddling this one alone,” and waited for the seamstress to speak. Giving a short sigh, Rarity launched into a quick explanation.

“I may have accidentally humiliated Prince Blueblood in front of all of Canterlot on purpose. After weeks of friction between the merchants and the aristocracy.” Better sugarcoat this one with your best smile, Rarity.

Twilight frowned, suspiciously. “What do you mean by 'humiliate'?”

Stretching her smile even wider, Rarity answered. “There may have been singing involved. And fireflies. And tacks, mare’s dresses, and a cask of oil.” Her smile was so wide it hurt.

Twilight mouth dropped open and her eyes grew wide. “Rarity, what? I... What?” She closed her mouth with a hoof and rapidly shook her head, trying to regain her composure.

The archaeologist let out a long-suffering sigh. “I don’t know why I always expect these meetings to go smoothly. It’s always something with you ponies.” Dusty Ruin glanced at the frowns of the two merchant representatives next to him. “Nothing personal, of course. Usually I can work around the inevitable setbacks and restrictions placed upon my exploratory excursions, but I might be losing half my funding!” He turned to Rarity, askance. “You couldn’t of waited until after this meeting to insult the Prince?”

Lowering her head in shame, Rarity hid the tears welling in her eyes. I may have just ruined a dream of Twilight’s. I’m as bad as Blueblood. “I didn’t know who was involved in this project, but that does not excuse my actions. I acted like a spoiled foal.” She ignored the others, locking eyes with Twilight. “I hope you can forgive me.”

Looking angry and hurt, the librarian glared at Rarity for a brief moment before softening her visage. “I know you didn’t intend for any of this to happen, Rarity.” Relief spread through Rarity like a string of pearls threaded through the hem of a dress. Another example of Twilight being a pony better than I. Rarity noticed a change in Twilight’s posture. She straightened her back, and Rarity suspected the whole room could feel her determination.

“Doctor, if the nobles refuse to invest, what does it mean for the expedition?”

Aquamarine answered for the bushy-maned stallion. “It’s dead in the water. I’ve looked at the proposal you provided, Doctor, and we were on a shoestring budget even with the nobles on board.”

Dusty Ruin nodded in agreement. “Well said. Unless you have some alternate backers you can dig up for support, I fear this journey will never leave Canterlot.”

Turning her scrutiny to Fleur and Aquamarine, Twilight arched her brow. “Well?”

Aquamarine just shrugged. Fleur sadly shook her head. “Fancy would know better than I, but I think this is it for major contributors. The rest of the ponies capable of funding this have already dedicated their bits to other projects.”

“What about the smaller business?”

“Perhaps,” Fleur replied, putting a gleam in Twilight’s eyes. “But not, I think, anything significant.”

Dusty Ruin caught the group’s attention by clearing his throat. “I doubt any contributions from anypony not already present in the room would qualify them for an artifact. And...” he paused, lowering his voice to a whisper. “There was some truth to the Prince’s statements, especially concerning the lesser merchants.”

Glancing behind her, Aquamarine flicked her tail and smiled. “Don’t let Fair Wind catch you saying that.”

“I would be delighted to help finance this excursion, regardless of recompense,” Rarity stated, bringing the eyes of the group back to her. “But I am not naive enough to believe that all ponies would be as charitable.”

“We think as one, Rarity,” Fleur agreed. The pearl mare turned, once again, to Twilight. “I find it doubtful that whatever coin we manage to cobble together from the poorer merchants would be enough to dig us out of the hole we find ourselves in.” The shimmer of hope in Twilight’s eyes died. She looked around. “Where is this Featherduster? All this talking has parched my throat.”

“There is no Featherduster, nor any parlour.” Dusty Ruin didn’t even have the decency to blush at his admission of deceit. “I believe there should be a pitcher of water in the service corridor. A moment, please.” He turned and walked through the disguised door.

Twilight let out a frustrated, unintelligible snarl. “I’m not going to let those nobles come back in here without a backup plan. There has to be a way! Think, Twilight, think!” She levitated the stack of papers in front of her, scanning line after line of expense. “If we can’t get more money, maybe we can make do with less...”

Rarity smiled. If there was a way to fix this, Twilight would find a way. Sometimes her solutions created a different sort of problem themselves, but Rarity trusted her in this. Twilight was muttering to herself as she rapidly flipped through page after page of information. You can do it, Twilight.

Turning away from the absorbed mare, Fleur focused on Rarity. “I must admit, when you said you were going on a trip, I didn’t imagine it would be to a uncivilized jungle. How did your friend convince you to come along?” she asked, motioning towards Twilight. “You must be busy with your tailoring.”

“Well, to be completely honest, I’m still less than thrilled at the whole idea,” she answered with a sigh. “But everypony else in the group wanted this to happen, and I couldn’t imagine disappointing them. There are some sacrifices one must make for the sake of friendship, as I’m sure you know.”

The two other mares looked at each other, puzzled. Aquamarine spoke first. “But, surely your friends don’t require you to come along, if you don’t want to?”

“I think you’re overestimating your importance, Rarity,” Fleur cocked her head. “Your friends can function perfectly fine without you, I’d imagine.”

Well done, Rarity. What can you say to get out of this tangle? “Oh, what I meant to say is that I’m-”

“Thirsty, if I recall,” interrupted the archaeologist. He had emerged from the service corridor with a pitcher of sparkling water and multiple glasses. He set the glasses down in a row and began to pour. “Straws, anypony?” Rarity breathed a sigh of relief, and acquired her own glass of water.

“Yes, thank you.” Aquamarine waited for the beverage to be levitated in front of her before sipping her drink. “You were saying, Rarity?” she asked, as the unicorns raised the glasses to their lips.

Rarity enjoyed the cold water, and the time it gave her to think, immensely. Plus, the room was a bit stuffy. Setting her drink down, she spoke: “It’s not a matter of me liking or disliking this expedition. This is a dream of Twilight’s and I want to share in the experience with her. Perhaps I can draw some satisfaction from somepony else fulfilling a foalhood wish.” Please please please drop the issue.

Fleur opened her mouth to comment, but was drowned out by a whoop of delight from Twilight. “I’ve got it!” She happily pranced in place, smiling, before she froze and put on a frown. “I hope.”

“Do share,” said Aquamarine.

Twilight nodded her head in affirmation. “Well, aside from the local labour we’ll be hiring to aid in the excavation, the largest expenses are all transport and travel-related. Chartering trains and ships make up the vast majority of those costs!” Her exuberant statement clearly didn’t receive the welcome she had hoped, judging from the blank stares that surrounded her.

“I fail to see how stating the issue solves it, Miss Sparkle.” Dusty Ruin remarked dryly.

“Ugh! Don’t you see? We have a train owner,” she said, frustrated, as she pointed at the still-arguing Fair Wind, “And the proud founder of a shipping company, right here in this room!” she finished, now pointing at Aquamarine.

The singled-out mare looked at Twilight incredulously. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

Twilight turned to Dusty Ruin. “We can use their vehicles instead of chartering our own! What better way to pay for our journey than not paying at all!” Twilight was too busy patting herself on the back to notice Aquamarine’s frown.

“I only have four ships to my name. Are you asking me to keep a quarter of my fleet harboured in Seaddle for an entire season, awaiting a cargo that may not even exist?” The seafaring mare was clearly perturbed.

Rarity had to act. She had to convince Aquamarine it was worth her risking so much. “Aquamarine, dear, remember this is all dependant on the nobles pulling out. You’ll be getting their share of the ‘loot,’ as it t’were, and I’m sure Dusty Ruin would consider your sacrifices and recompense you accordingly.”

Aquamarine paused, and brought a hoof to her chin. “Hmm... Doctor, would I get first pick of the treasure?”

“If you did, it would be the only item you received. I’m not going to beggar the Society out of its fair share, not after the years of research we’ve put into this. Besides, I’m getting old. This might be my last bout of fieldwork before I am forced to retire from leading these expeditions, and I want to present something worth ending my career on.”

Seeing the frown his statement brought to her face, Rarity spoke up again. “There’s nothing stopping you from taking shorter trips, as long as you’ll be available to return us to Equestria.”

“I have a forty thousand bit opportunity to deliver a shipful of cargo to Pingwin sitting in my lap. The horses are ready and willing to race, all I need to do is blow the horn.” Aquamarine turned her gaze to Dusty Ruin, her tone deadly serious. “Is what’s inside that tomb worth as much as that?”

Rarity breath caught in her throat. Forty thousand? Just how rich are these ponies? How expensive is this trip?

“No.” Dusty Ruin quickly continued. “But if my research is correct, and I wouldn’t be trying to get this off the ground if I wasn’t sure it was, the treasures contained within are beyond value.”

Aquamarine sipped her drink. Rarity couldn’t fathom what was going through her mind. Forty thousand bits! Twilight had leaned in close, eagerly awaiting the decision. Fleur looked unconcerned, as usual.

The grey-maned mare drained her glass before answering. “If you can convince Fair Wind to part with the only train he owns in Cervidas, then I suppose I’ll sail into the storm with him.”

Twilight let out a cheer. "Yes! Backup plan, check!" Rarity had to share a bit of her enthusiasm. Convincing the pegasus would be as simple. All that needed to be done was to frame it as ‘sticking it to those stupid nobles,’ and Rarity was sure he’d agree.

She looked over to where Fair Wind still paced, frothing with indignant rage. If the nobility are reluctant to pay for this, I’m sure I can convince him. I can’t be responsible for ruining this opportunity. It would be excruciating to return to Ponyville. Her friends wouldn’t hold it against her, true, but she’d know that it was her fault that their adventure had failed to launch. She could imagine Rainbow Dash losing herself in her aerobatics training, Applejack twiddling her hooves on a frozen farm... Fluttershy hibernating in a frozen burrow all winter... She couldn’t allow that weight, that guilt, to burden her.

Fleur approached her. “Do not think you’re obliged to fix this, Rarity,” she said, as if reading her thoughts. “Though some of the blame is yours, Fair Wind and Blueblood were set to butt their stubborn heads together today. It would not of surprised me if we could not have avoided this impasse.”

“Thank you, Fleur, but this is something I must do.” Rarity glanced at Twilight. “For a friend. For all my friends.”

However, before Rarity could pull Fair Wind out of his cathartic venting, Dusty Ruin raised his voice so the entire room could hear. “Places, everypony. Our noble lords and ladies are returning.” Rarity followed his gaze and spied the same tassled rope he used to summon Spotless being tugged from side to side. The empty glasses and drained pitcher wizzed out of the room and back into the service corridor, and Rarity heard the sound of breaking glass from the closing doorway.

“Do try and contain Fair Wind for me Fleur, Aquamarine.” Rarity asked, nodding at each pony as they returned to their seats. A few seconds after everypony was settled, the door opened up as Spotless trotted in from the hallway. The maid was followed by a train of nobles, with Blueblood at the head. She couldn’t help but notice that none of the aristocratic financiers took their place at the table until the Prince did.

“I hope that you all have returned refreshed and well-tempered,” Dusty Ruin began, as soon as the nobles were settled. Spotless had seemingly disappeared into thin air. “I am confident that we can all put our differences aside and come to an amicable agreement, for the good of Equestria.” He ended his greeting with a warm, grandfatherly smile.

Looking to Blueblood before moving, the mare that had spoken before on behalf of the nobles stood up. “Upon discussion and consideration, we have come to a final solution, agreed upon by the whole of our group.” Archduchess Ravencrest, it seemed, was not a pony that wasted time with pleasantries. “The risk of these priceless artifacts being lost to Equestria is too great. We will not fund this venture if these businessponies are involved.” Her tone brought to Rarity’s mind the image of a gravedigger’s shovel cutting into fresh dirt, with a tombstone inscribed 'Twilght's Foalhood Dream.'

The effect on the other ponies in the room was immediate. Dusty Ruin sighed, Twilight looked like Celestia had just told her she was disappointed in her, Fair Wind let out a strangled cry of rage, and Blueblood allowed a small smirk to appear on his handsome face. Well, that was quick, thought Rarity.

Certain that she wasn’t the only one that noticed two auras, blue and pink, encircling Fair Wind’s mouth and limbs, Rarity breathed a sigh of relief when Ravencrest continued her speech.

“However, we would not be averse to increasing the bits we would donate to the expedition, to cover the difference caused by the culling of the merchants.” The Archduchess stared across the room, her pale eyes dead and cold.

What a gem of a mare, thought Rarity. ‘Culling’ the merchants? What class. Despite herself, she did feel a tad unnerved by the grey pony. Rarity had yet to see her face change from its cold and distant expression.

“I see,” said Dusty, the archaeologist taking a moment to consider the offer. He gave a nod of his head. “I accept.”

Now it was Rarity’s turn to force down a exclamation of protest. After all that talk, he hops on over after a moment of consideration? Rarity wasn’t the only one dismayed. Fancypants mustache looked droopier than usual, and she feared for Fair Wind’s health, with a vein that thick pulsing in his neck.

“There’s nothing I can do to make you reconsider, Doctor?” Fancypants hid his disappointment amazingly well, sounding as affable as ever. Rarity envied his self-control. She didn’t trust herself to speak quite yet.

“I’m afraid not, Fancypants. As the head of the Royal Archaeological Society, I can’t very well turn down the certainty of funding offered by our friends here,” he said, bowing to the assembled nobility. “I can’t accept any offer that would jeopardize our mission.”

“I... see. I understand.” Even Fancypants couldn’t hide his sadness. His crestfallen look matched how Rarity felt. Well, this certainly turns this trip bittersweet for me, she thought. While it was true that she had never embraced this adventure like the others had, Rarity had hoped she could grow to enjoy herself on the trip. She doubted that possibility existed for her now, with the knowledge that Blueblood and his cadre of cronies would be the sole beneficiaries of the excursion. Aside from the Society, certainly.

“That is, of course,” Dusty Ruin turned to the nobles, “Assuming that there are no other prohibitions this funding is dependant on.” Every eye in the room was drawn to Blueblood.

The Prince lazily surveyed the room, his gaze coming to rest upon Rarity, then spoke. “I feel that the expedition would best be served by removing any,” he paused, searching for the right word, “Distractions caused by anypony not serving in a scholarly or protective role.” The surrounding nobles nodded their heads in agreement. “Surely you agree, Doctor?”

Dusty Ruin chewed his lower lip. “Could you clarify that, Your Grace?”

“I feel that it would be in both this undertaking and Equestria’s best interests if Twilight Sparkle’s companions not be allowed to embark on this journey.” Ravencrest frowned at his words, but Blueblood continued on, oblivious. “I imagine you were hoping to bring a few familiar faces along on your trek across the world, Miss Sparkle,” he said to Twilight, “But every pony on the expedition increases the burden on the guards. I think it best for all involved if your more delicate friends stay behind, where it is safe.”

Wonderful, thought Rarity, despairing. Not only have I ruined the chances of anypony other than the richest noble families gaining the prestige this expedition would bring, I’ve also forced Twilight to go months without her best friends. This is the worst, possible, thing. She really meant it, too. Looking over to Twilight, she was surprised to see her friend not saddened, but confused. What is she wondering about? Blueblood was quite specific.

“There is nothing I can do to change your mind, Your Grace?” inquired Dusty Ruin, looking at Twilight. The mare herself had her eyebrow raised quizzically at the archaeologist.

Blueblood smiled wickedly at Rarity before returning his face to its normal, aloof state. “No, I’m quite certain of this.”

May every suit you wear suffer a permanent stain. Rarity needed to ask Fair Wind about some more inventive curses. Who was going to break the news to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie? Even Fluttershy seemed enthusiastic about this trip, she thought.

“Then I must decline your offer.”

The room stopped. Blueblood slowly cocked his head to one side, and one of his ears flapped absurdly. Aquamarine’s face was a veritable sea of emotions, as if she wasn’t quite sure how to feel. Fair Wind had stopped straining at his bonds, which had incidentally disappeared, and even Fleur had a shocked look on her face.

Not missing a beat, Dusty Ruin turned to the merchants. “Do you have a less restrictive offer to, well, offer?”

“Yes!” shouted Rarity, at the same moment a “Oui!” came from Fleur.

The stallion looked at the mares seated next to him, gave them both a small wink, then turned to Fleur. “No special considerations?”

“No,” returned the model. “But, could we have a moment, good Doctor?”

“Certainly! I understand you’ll need a few moments to iron out the plan to fill the void left by the nobles.” A sly grin was creeping over his features. Fleur nodded, then leant down to whisper into Fair Wind’s ear.

“What are you doing, Doctor?” Blueblood has regained his voice, if not his composure. “Does my divine auntie’s pupil hold that much sway over you? Those peddlers couldn’t possibly finance this properly without us!”

The professor laughed, a twinkle in his eyes. “Not particularly, no. She was a good student, but she always was a little too excited in my lectures for me to build any true rapport with her.” Twilight looked stung at that, until Dusty Ruin leaned over to the pair and continued in a low voice: “No offense, Miss Sparkle, but having ponies swoon over me makes me uncomfortable.”

“Why in Celly’s name, are you doing this, then?” Blueblood sputtered. The Archduchess next to him was giving him a look that would kill any insect unfortunate enough to buzz between the two.

“Our proposal is ready, Doctor.” Fancypants’ voice was once again his customary mix of cheerfulness and elegance. Acknowledging him with a gracious nod, Dusty Ruin turned back to Blueblood.

“May I speak candidly, Your Grace?” Not waiting for an answer, he pressed on. “One, I loathe the politics you are insistent on bringing with you every time I invite you to one of these. Just once I wanted a simple, cordial meeting, but you always found some way to muck it up. Two, I’m tired of my relic-hunting being so boring and easy. You and your many-titled friends always overfund my expeditions to the point where I can bribe or hire anything that stands in my way.” Rarity’s heart was soaring, but she held back her jubilance. This couldn’t possibly be happening. Not after today, could it?

“Three,” Dusty Ruin continued, unchained from protocol and procedure, “I find you personally detestable. You are almost entirely without virtue. You treat any and everypony beneath you as if they did not exist, unless they are ‘lucky’ enough to have something you want, in which case they are blessed with your royal presence.” Bravo! Bravo! Rarity wanted to cheer. “And Fourthly, this is going to be my last expedition. I simply do not need to interact with you anymore, and thus, care not a whit what you think of me. My successor may gnash his teeth at the absolute wreck I’ve made of the relationship between your house and my, that is to say, his organization, but Celestia knows my reputation can handle that stain.”

“You... you... I’ll ensure tha-” Blueblood started.

“You’ll what?” interrupted Dusty Ruin. “Blacklist me amongst the nobles? Tarnish my name in the Grand Stable? Turn the common pony against me?” He gave a snort that made Fair Wind beam in delight from his side of the table. “I’ll have a grand, exciting adventure, then continue to teach here at the University. I’ll grow older and fatter, then die. What could you possibly do to me?”

Glaring at the rest of the room, Blueblood held his head high as he stormed out of the room, nobles in tow. He rudely flicked his tail at both Rarity and Dusty Ruin as he passed, fuming. As they were leaving, Fair Wind released the booming laugh he was holding in, falling to the ground and guffawing uncontrollably.

“Wow.” Twilight looked Dusty Ruin up and down.

“Yes, Miss Sparkle?”

She frowned. “You never told them about the Elements of Harmony being required to open the Tomb, did you?”

“No. I told them you were just an old student of mine that wanted to come along with her friends.” He placed a hoof upon his chin, thinking. “I must admit, I was quite surprised when Celestia wrote back to me, saying that the pony that used the power of harmony and friendship to save Equestria, twice, was you. Again, no offence meant, but you always seemed a lot more interested in studying and learning than friends.”

“None taken. But why not? Now we might not even make it to the Tomb, let alone bring back it secrets!”

Still riding the euphoric high generated by seeing Blueblood berated so handily, Rarity brushed away Twilight’s fears. “Weren’t you listening, dear? Our fearless explorer here wants a challenge!” She really shouldn’t of been feeling this happy at seeing the third-highest power in the land brought down so low, but she couldn’t help herself.

It seemed to Rarity that Twilight was the only one in the room not celebrating. “Don’t you realize what this means, Rarity? This was supposed to be a last resort! We’ll be travelling destitute if we want to have enough bits to hire local excavators, or even to feed ourselves! We might have to pull the supply wagons across Emeralda ourselves!” Her horn glowed, and she began to rapidly flip through the ledger pages again.

A small voice in the back of Rarity’s mind quailed at the thought of being hitched to a wagon for weeks, but she ignored it. She wasn’t about to back out of this now, not after everything that had happened. “Applejack has packed plenty of apples, and I needed a new toning exercise. A mare needs to look her best, you know. It will be nice not having to worry about those winter pounds.”

“I don’t believe you!” Twilight was belligerent. “This turned from a scientific and historic expedition into a gruelling march, and all you have to say is, ‘Oh, don’t worry, Twilight, we’ll look great at the end of it!’” Her impression of Rarity was rather impressive, if a bit mean-spirited.

“I think you’ll find that nothing warms the blood like a grand adventure, Rarity.” Fancypants had wandered over, accompanied by the rest of the merchants, and playfully nudged her barrel. “The salty smell of the sea, the sun beating down on your back as you trudge up and down the dunes of the desert...” He inhaled deeply, and let out a long sigh. “It's makes one wish to be young and free again.”

“I’m no stranger to adventure, Fancypants.” She had faced down manticores, dragons, evil goddesses and twisted spirits of chaos. She could handle a few weeks of dull, physical labour. It would be a change from the almost weekly crises that seemed to plague Ponyville.

“Dusty, you cad!” Fair Wind swept up the aged archaeologist in a tight hug, lifting him into the air with the beating of his powerful wings. He spun the unicorn around, before depositing him back in his seat. “You could’ve told me you were going to wreck the oaf beforehoof! My cardiologist would’ve appreciated it!”

“It wasn’t planned, really.” Dusty replied, all smiles, “But, drag me to Tartarus if I’m lying, that felt good. I’ve been waiting almost five years to stick it to that brat of a prince.”

Hearing that even a pony that Blueblood had no quarrel with couldn’t stand him mollified Rarity’s feelings a bit. She had still behaved herself terribly, but at least Blueblood seemed an especially grating case. I still need to conduct myself properly, she reminded herself.

“I trust you agreed to let us ride your locomotive, Fair Wind?” Rarity asked. Aquamarine’s wince affirmed her suspicions.

“After that showing? Of course!” The pegasus couldn’t stop performing celebratory tricks in the low-ceilinged room. “I think we might need to raid that lounge of yours for some of your good stock, Dusty.” Rarity was concerned he might injure himself, flying recklessly like that.

“I’ll pass on that,” said Aquamarine, trotting towards the door. “I have to disappoint some penguins.” Pausing at the door, she turned to the two other merchants, who had spent the entirety of the meeting watching Fair Wind’s varied emotional state with bemused expressions on their faces. “Straight Flush, Card Sharp, I’m going to need you to dig deep. I don’t want to be the only one left high and dry if this goes south.”

The pair of casino owners, judging by their names and the cards and dice on their flanks, nodded their heads. Satisfied, Aquamarine turned on her hooves and exited the room.

“Bah, who needs her? She’s always been a bit of a stick in the mud.” Fair Wind’s good spirits seemed infallible. He eyed the pair, lightheartedly suspicious. “You two have been awful quiet this whole time. What have you been up to?”

The duo looked at each other. The one on the left spoke up. “We were calling odds on you passing out.”

Fair Wind grinned. “Who won?”

The one on the right grinned.

“Atta boy!” Fair Wind pounded whichever stallion he was on the shoulder. “I knew you’d remember my words!”

“Fair Winds always blow hard and consistent, I know.” Both gambling moguls allowed themselves to be shepherded out of the room by the straw-haired pegasus, who was loudly proclaiming he could drink them both into a stupor. Rarity thought she heard a questioning “Care to make a bet?” before the three ponies faded into the distance.

“I do believe I’ll have to enjoy a drink or two myself, in celebration,” said Fancypants, waggling his eyebrows. “Fair Wind certainly got more than he dreamed of. Not only is he going to be the proud owner of an ancient relic, he’s denied Blueblood the same pleasure.” He chuckled. “He must be over the moon!”

Fleur turned her purple eyes towards Dusty Ruin. “You said you couldn’t accept an offer that would prevent you from achieve your goals.” She raised a hoof towards Rarity. “Why is a simple dressmaker, a very skilled one, but a seamstress nonetheless, so vital as to give you reason to discard five archdukes and duchesses financial aid?”

“What are you getting at, Fleur?” asked Fancy, curious.

Rarity noticed Twilight looking at Fleur with a newfound respect, and had to agree. Fleur appears to all the world a vapid model, but there’s far more to her than meets the eye.

Dusty shuffled his hooves, uncomfortable. He looked to Twilight. “Celestia swore me to secrecy. I’m not about to flick two royal horns today.”

Twilight Sparkle looked from her old professor, to the increasingly interested Fancy and Fleur, then to Rarity. “You know these two better than I, Rarity. Can they be trusted?”

Rarity hesitated to answer, thinking. After defeating the wicked mare of darkness, Nightmare Moon, and restoring Princess Luna to her former self, Celestia had blanketed ponyville with a mind-altering spell during the celebrations. Nothing intrusive, just a spell that made everypony conveniently forget that six of the mares living in town her bearers of magical artifacts with power that dwarfed Celestia herself. Rarity had a clear understanding of what Celestia’s expectations were concerning their identities. Twilight had been named one of the six, but the identities of the rest were kept hidden.

After she and her friends had resealed the god of chaos back into his statue, the nobles had demanded to know who the ponies responsible for saving the realm from the horrors Discord had unleashed. The Princess had conceded, and allowed the crowd of villagers from Ponyville to be joined by many of her most trusted archdukes, vicereines, and duchesses. The nobles were surprised at the revelation that Celestia’s personal student had been joined by a group of noponies from a tiny village. Could Fancypants and Fleur de Lis be listed alongside those select few?

“Yes,” she replied. There are few ponies more deserving of accolades than this pair. If Blueblood and his ilk qualify, these two certainly do.

Twilight nodded. “Myself and Rarity, along with the other ponies that were with us at the Canterlot Garden Party, are the Elements of Harmony.”

Fancypants let out a hearty laugh. “And I’m the king of Prance! Imagine, Fleur, our friend Rarity here, savior of Equestria! I say, that’s just the bit of jesting needed to cap off the day!” He looked around at the rest of the group. Nopony else was laughing. “Fleur?”

The gorgeous unicorn was deep in thought. “I suppose that would be one way to explain most of what I’ve heard today,” she said, speaking slowly.

Fancypants scanned the faces around him. “Well, I certainly look the fool now, don’t I?” Amazingly, he didn’t seem the least embarrassed, just perplexed.

“It still surprises me some days too, Fancy,” Rarity admitted.

“How did I not realize it before? The signs were so clear!” Fleur sounded annoyed, mostly at herself. I know how that feels.

“Staying at the castle. A close personal friend of Twilight Sparkle. The bond you share between you is almost tangible. Getting a ticket to the gala after wandering the Everfree.” Fleur let out a string of indecipherable Prancian, but Rarity could guess she was swearing at herself.

Twilight looked at the two and gave an awkward smile. “I’m... sorry?” she offered.

Fleur looked at Twilight and Rarity, then at Fancypants. “I need a drink.”

“I think that’s something we can all agree upon,” said Fancypants, rubbing Fleur’s back. Rarity agreed. “To the lounge!” he declared, escorting Fleur as he walked towards the door. “Where we can have a toast to the stallion that made all of this possible!” He nodded at Dusty Ruin, who smiled and fell in behind.

“Shall we, Twilight?” Rarity inquired, watching them go.

Twilight grumbled. “I guess I can recalculate our finances over a glass of wine or two.”

“If there’s one thing Applejack has taught me, is that sometimes you need to stop fussing over the details, Twilight. Do you know how close the expedition came to failure today? Isn’t our success worth a smile and a toast?”

“I know exactly how close we are to failure, Rarity. That’s what worries me.”

Rarity stopped at the concern in Twilight’s voice and watched her walk out of the room, ledger floating beside her, as she moved to catch up to Dusty Ruin and the others.

Just how tight of a budget was this expedition on?

Of Unscheduled Embarkments and Selfish Storms

The stars glittered above the two lovers, as the ocean spray around them sparkled like points of light closer to the earth. Chocolate Kiss leaned in closer, ready and willing to open her mind, body, and soul to Torchlight.

“I always dreamed of this moment, ever since I was small,” she whispered, voice dripping with desire.

Torchlight nuzzled her gently before resting his head on hers. “I know,” he whispered back. He could feel their hearts beating in rhythm. “There’s nothing stopping us from being together anymore.”

Chocolate Kiss gazed longingly into his eyes. The stars behind him were faint pricks of light compared to the shining brilliance of his mesmerizing orbs. “Nothing...”

She closed her eyes and leaned in clo-

A huge jolt shook the entirety of the train, knocking the book Rarity was reading off the bench she was sitting on. The small lamp she was reading with nearly followed, before Rarity caught it with her magic.

Rarity narrowed her eyes. Nopony interrupted her trashy romance novels! If we have to stop for another round of tartarus-damned repairs on that engine I’ll, I’ll... Well, she didn’t know exactly what, but it certainly wouldn’t be pretty!

Getting to her hooves, Rarity walked over to the door of her compartment and stuck her head into the hall. Apparently the other passengers didn’t care enough about their own safety to bother investigating this latest shock.

She had barely taken a step when another loud bang caused the entire train to hop, knocking Rarity to the floor in an ungraceful heap. “Goddess, that nearly took us off the rails!” she wailed, expecting somepony to at least investigate her cry.

Feeling a little bit annoyed that she seemed to be the only one concerned for everypony's safety, Rarity got to her hooves and ventured towards the engine car. She passed by the zebra compartment, where Zibius’s mate Halial was busy entertaining her two foals. Halial was the most brusque zebra Rarity had the displeasure of meeting, almost always keeping her answers to everypony short and terse. Not even Pinkie Pie could convince her to loosen up! Some of that could be attributed to her poor command of Equestrian, but Rarity had trouble seeing somezebra as genial as Zibius falling for her. Zibius himself was probably with Loose Lips, teaching her the intricacies of Farasi. He certainly is spending a lot of time with her, thought Rarity. She quickly reprimanded herself. You’ve read one too many sordid romance novels, Rarity.

The unicorn continued onwards. Predictably, the engine room was filled with purple smoke, a telltale sign that, once again, something was wrong with the toaster they called their arcano-generator. Rarity sighed and took a deep breath before venturing into the haze.

“Twilight? Mr. Socket? What’s going on?”

A hacking cough came from somewhere in front of Rarity. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong, miss. This generator just gave its last gasp.”

The billowing purple smoke made it impossible to see anything beyond a few paces. “What do you mean, last gasp?” Rarity felt a little silly talking to a pony she couldn’t see.

Another cough. “I mean, this generator just died on us. We’re coasting right now.”

Rarity took a few tentative steps forward and nearly bumped into Twilight, who was busy channeling a spell. The other unicorn’s eyes were closed in focus. From the smoke emerged their aged engineer, Spare Socket, wiping soot out of his eyes with a hoof.

Twilight stopped channeling, her horn going dark, and sighed. “You’re right, Spare. The stabilizers are shot and the valves look as if they’ve been welded shut.”

“You should’ve trusted my diagnostic. I don’t need any fancy spells to tell me when something’s broke.”

“Well, I do. and what’s wrong with independent verification?”

Rarity ignored the little argument going on in front of her. If the arcano-generator had failed, that meant the shield emitters weren’t getting any power. Residual energies might keep the barrier up for a few minutes at most, and that meant...

“Twilight,” she asked, interrupting the sniping going on between her friend and their engineer. “How long until the shield emitters lose power?”

“Probably about another forty seconds or so, why?”

“Because its raining outside and I very much doubt this train is waterproof.”

Twilight’s face went pale. “My scrolls!”

“My fabrics!”

Rarity turned towards her friend as the purple mare did the same. “My books!” they both yelled.

Twilight disappeared with burst of magic, and Rarity spun back towards the door. Heedless of the vision-obscuring smoke, she raced towards her compartment and her precious cargo.

Twilight had managed to set up a localized force field around her compartment, protecting her literature until Rainbow Dash arrived with Twilight’s empty luggage containers. Rarity’s items hadn’t fared as well. The corner of the room she shared with Applejack dedicated to her fashion musings had survived unscathed, but her novel collection had been thoroughly soaked. Death by Chocolate and Another Mare’s Stallion were ruined, Love and Lust had suffered significant damage, and Mare in Manehattan enjoyed a continued existence only because it was a hardcover with a glossy jacket.

All in all, things could've been far worse.

“Well, seeing as how we’re on a double track, and the next three trains are all going towards Canterlot on the other rail, we’re not in any immediate danger of getting crushed by another train,” said Spare Socket to the assembled expedition. Dusty Ruin and Twilight had summoned everypony to the caboose to discuss their problem.

“That’s nice to know, but we can’t just stay here indefinitely, right?” asked Applejack.

Socket nodded his head. “I’m not sure what the itinerary is on that Blueblood fellow’s train is, but the next train on this track is coming from Canterlot and is due tomorrow night, around seven.”

That certainly wasn’t much time to get a train running again. Rarity didn’t know much about arcane technology, but she doubted it would be easy to find one in the middle of a forest.

Aquamarine, standing beside her, looked over to Fair Wind. “What happens if we don’t get this train moving again?”

The roan pegasus scratched his chin with a hoof before answering. “Depends on the train that hits us. If it’s a light passenger train, with only a few cars, it’ll probably be able to slow down enough to just wreck the caboose. We can clear out the wreckage, hopefully hook our tain up, and get pushed to Hoofington.”

Their interpreter raised an eyebrow. “And if it isn’t a light passenger train?”

Fair Wind grinned. “Then it’ll have too much mass to slow down. You ever see a full team of bruisers converge on a pony who’s too slow in getting rid of the ball? I doubt the other train would suffer anything more than a few scratches.” His eyes glazed over. “Damn that’d be a sight to see.”

Dusty Ruin cleared his throat. “Yes, very well. It is my dearest wish we don’t get to see that particular display of destruction.”

“But how in tarnation are we going to get this train moving? I think I might be up to pulling it, but I don’t think the rest of y’all have what it takes,” said Applejack, looking around the caboose. “No offense.”

Rarity had to agree. Earth Ponies were in short supply. Applejack was certainly qualified, and Pinkie Pie would give it her best effort, but Loose Lips looked a tad too brittle to stand up to the task of pulling a couple tons of weight behind her, and Spare Sprocket was far too old.

“If all goes well, we won’t have to resort to brute pony power," said Dusty Ruin. "The esteemed Raptor and Ms. Dash should return shortly, hopefully with some good news.”

Rarity looked through a boarded up window. The rain was coming down in sheets, and lightning arced through the sky. I don’t envy those two at all.

Applejack walked up next to her. “Suppose that RD and our griffon friend come back with bad news. What then?”

“I’m not sure. We could try to pull the train ourselves, but we’d have to lighten the load as much as possible.”

Applejack stared outside. “Ain’t no way I’m abandoning any of my apples out here in the woods, Rarity.”

“You think I’m looking forward to sacrificing my gems and fabrics?”

“Point taken.”

A large thump on the roof announced the arrival of one of their winged companions. A few seconds later, a very wet Rainbow Dash strode through the door, shaking herself dry and sending water everywhere.

“Well?” asked Twilight. “What’d you find?”

“Water, rain, pine trees and rocks. Waste of time.” Rainbow Dash grumbled and went over to a corner, sat down, and began preening her feathers.

A pall settled into the room at Rainbow’s words. Defeated by a faulty arcano-generator. An ignoble end, thought Rarity. Then again, that wasn’t entirely true. They were more than a third of the way to Stableside, and Aquamarine’s waiting ship. Having to abandon non-essential supplies, while a huge blow to morale, wouldn’t be the end of their journey.

“Cheer up everypony! I’m sure Brisket will have some good news for us!” Pinkie Pie was hopping around the room, trying to tease smiles out of everypony present.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to call him Brisket, Pinkie.”

“Oh, I know he’s a big softie at heart, Fluttershy!”

“If you say so...”

A few minutes later, a bedraggled Briskwind glided into the caboose. He walked over to Dusty Ruin, brought a talon up to his head in a salute, and stood at attention.

“What’s the status report, Raptor?”

“There’s a small village, complete with a manor house, just off the tracks a few kilometres ahead.” A puddle of water formed underneath him as he continued. “A quick sweep of the area revealed that our chances of there being a arcano-anything are slim at best. There’s also a dilapidated ruin about fifteen hundred metres off the tracks a bit further down. I’m not familiar enough with Equestrian heraldry to identify who lives in the manor, but the sigil is three trees filled with acorns on a white background.”

“That would be... Lord Pinesong. I met him once, a ball.” Twilight furrowed her brow, thinking. “I remember him being friendly, I think.”

“Hopefully Lord Pinesong has a tinker in his employ, or among his subjects,” said Rarity. “Even if there isn’t one in this town, there must be at least one among his holdings. It’s certainly better than staying here.”

“Failing that, we could probably pay to hire a team of ponies to pull our train as far as Hoofington.”

Dusty Ruin perked up at Aquamarine’s suggestion. “Good point! Who’s going to brave the downpour outside and head on over?”

Rarity raised a hoof, interested in meeting this Pinesong. She’d like a dose of small-time nobility to inoculate her against Blueblood’s oafishness. Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash shot their hooves up, no doubt just looking for an excuse to do something. Aquamarine said something about the day when she minded getting wet was the day she’d drown herself, and volunteered to come along. Finally, Greased Palm took it upon himself to be present for any financial negotiations required, and lined up alongside the other five.

Of course, there was no way Rarity would allow herself to walk out into a rainstorm without being properly attired. A quick detour to her luggage allowed her to don a snazzy purple raincoat, and her posh gilded umbrella. She had offered her a spare to anypony who wanted one, but all her companions had declined. Applejack had her hat, Aquamarine said this was “a sunshower compared to the storms in the Crossing,” Pinkie Pie had giggled at the very thought, and Greased Palm refused on account of the fact that “a true stallion would never wear a mare’s coat.” Rainbow Dash, of course, scoffed at the idea of wearing anything that would slow her down.

Twenty minutes later, they were in the thick of it. Wind threatened to tear Rarity’s umbrella out of her magical field, and rendered it useless against the rain. She was quite thankful she had chose the jacket with a hood, as her hair would've been a complete mess by now if not for it’s protective cocoon. Her companions were less fortunate. Pinkie Pie’s usually poofy hair hung straight down under the weight of water, Applejack had lost the hairband in her mane, although her hat remained stubbornly in place, and both Rainbow Dash and Greased Palm had voluntarily grounded themselves.

It would've been impossible to get lost, even if they weren't following the tracks. The rumble of thunder was constant, and Rarity’s eyes had long ago stopped complaining about the numerous bolts of lightning that arced through the sky. They were frequent enough that Rarity had twice checked Pinkie Pie for a smuggled strobe light.

“Rainbow Dash, is all this thunder and lightning normal?”

The weathermare shook her head. “Not even close. Maybe closer to the Everfree or the coast, a wild storm might of formed on it’s own and collided with a scheduled storm, but we’re at least seventy klicks away from either!”

Another discharged bolt struck a tree not fifty paces from Rarity’s position, causing her heart to give a little flutter of fear.

“ You've been struck by lightning before, right?”

Her friend nodded. “Yeah. Not the most pleasant experience, that’s for sure. And I’m a pegasus, we’re made to handle stuff like that!” Rainbow Dash gave a little snort. “Oh boy, I’d like to see what would happen to you or Pinkie Pie. Your hair would be sticking out everywhere!”

“Your concern is heartwarming, Rainbow.”

“But, seriously. I don’t know what the weather patrol around here is thinking, whipping up a storm like this. They’d have to be weeks behind their moisture quota to justify this storm.”

“Perhaps you could bring it up to Lord Pinesong?”

“I think I will!

Rarity smiled through the storm. “Just remember to be tactful.”

“Rarity, I don’t even know what that word means.”

“It... just be polite.”

Ahead of Rarity, Applejack was chatting with Aquamarine. It was hopeless to expect to hear any of their conversation, so Rarity busied herself by trying to imagine a good design for a wedding gown for Applejack. Her friend said she wasn't looking for anypony right now, but that wouldn't hold true forever. She already had about a dozen different designs ready to go for Fluttershy, and triple that for Pinkie Pie. Rarity wanted to be ready with a hooffull of designs for any sort of wedding that her friends would want. Considering my recent track record with stallions, it's going to be a long while before my own wedding, Rarity thought grimly.

Aquamarine was acting the part of handsome groom, and the railroad track an imaginary red carpet. Applejack would almost certainly insist on a traditional wedding, and that meant a long train, a veil, a corset, and some beautiful shoes to waltz down the aisle with. Rarity was sure she was on the cusp of a fashion discovery when Applejack ruined everything by getting hit in the face with a tree branch.

“Ouch! What in Tartarus was that for, you stupid wind!” Applejack raised a hoof in anger at her invisible opponent.

Rarity strode forward, taking a peek at Applejack’s face. Aside from a small welt, everything looked normal. “You’ll be fine, Applejack. I’m surprised that we haven’t been pelted by branches before now, with all this wind.”

Applejack continued grumbling for a moment before stopping. “Come to think of it, you’re right. Why haven’t we been pelted with sticks and branches and small rodents?”

Pushing past them, Rainbow Dash shrugged. “Who cares? It’s making this trot a lot nicer than I expected.”

“Hold on a minute, Rainbow. Every time you whip up a strong shower for me, it blows out a few branches and leaves off my trees."

“So?”

Applejack glared at Rainbow Dash before continuing. “And that’s in my orchard, which I care for each and every day. This here is just general forestland, and it’s just after the Running of the Leaves. There should be all sorts of debris flying at us, but there ain’t.”

Looking around, Rarity saw that Applejack was right. There were no leaves on the ground at all, and none whipping through the air. Rarity would've bet her boutique that the branch that had just struck Applejack had been a recent break, too.

“Why the heck is this place so clean?”

A hoof poked Rarity on the shoulder. Turning around, Rarity saw Greased Palm glaring at her. “Could you mares continue solving this mystery about two hundred paces down the track? We’re almost there.”

Rarity squinted through the downpour and saw the lights of a window shining in the distance. “Certainly, sir! Come on girls, lets get dry!”

The railroad track they were walking on split, one track continuing to parallel it’s twin on the way to Hoofington, the other branching off towards a small stone platform in front of the manor house. A well-kept cobblestone path lead from the platform to both the village and the manor. Rarity didn't see any roads, so it looked as if this community was entirely dependent on the rails for transport. Assuming, of course, that there wasn't a large pegasus population nearby.

Pinkie Pie and Aquamarine were already knocking on the door, using a wrought-iron knocker forged to look like a bear’s claw. Rarity trotted up behind them, thankful to be shielded from the worst of the rain by the stone mansion. Aquamarine had already removed her mane from its bun, and, bizarrely, had stuffed much of it in her mouth.

“I hope he’s home! I really, really, really want to get out of this rain!”

Aquamarine spat out her mane to answer. “There are lights on, Ms. Pie. I’m sure somepony’s home.”

“Well then he sure is taking his sweet time in answering the door. Or should that be sour time? I know I’m getting a bit sour waiting out here for him!”

“How long have you been knocking?”asked Rarity.

“About a minute or two.”

Applejack looked at the building’s windows. “Maybe he can’t hear, on account of the storm stuck out here with us?”

“I’ll get his attention.” Rainbow Dash flexed her wings, trying to dry them off a bit, and darted up towards a second-story window that was lit. She knocked on the windowpane for a few seconds before gesturing down towards the rest of the group. After a moment, she nodded and landed back in front of the door. “He’ll be here in a minute.”

Sure enough, the door in front of them slowly creaked open, revealing a tired but stately-looking unicorn. His mane and tail were mostly white, but Rarity spied a few stray strands of orange hidden among the thick white fields. His coat was jet black, and his cutie mark was a orange arrow pointing sideways. “Can I help you?”

Rarity stepped forward. “Yes, you may, sir. My name is Rarity, and my companions and I need your lordship’s help.”

“Do you now?” He eyed the group, lingering on Rarity's fine raincoat and on the saddlebags Greased Palm had filled with bits.

“Yes. Our train’s generator has malfunctioned, and we were hoping that’d we find some help in fixing it.”

“Ask him if we can come in!” Pinkie stage whispered, loud enough to be heard over the wind and thunder.

“Hmm. I think you’d better come inside.”

“Thank Celestia!”

Rarity struggled not to roll her eyes. “Thank you for your kindness, sir...?”

“Raisin Tart.” he offered, stepping back into the manor house and opening the door for his guests.

Rarity stepped through the doorway into Lord Pinesong’s home. She was in what was undoubtedly the largest room in the structure, a grand hall lined with balconies,all of of which were carved and heavily-stained wood. A chandelier hung in the centre of the ceiling, large enough to almost touch the walls of the hall, and below it stood two massive tables running down the length of the hall, capable of sitting at least a hundred ponies. The effect of the rather impressive room was somewhat spoiled by the fact that the only illumination came from the small lamp Raisin Tart had brought with him. Rarity had a passing knowledge of architectural styles, gleaned from scouring design magazines, and knew that this style of manor was at least three centuries out of date.

Applejack gave a low whistle as she trotted in out of the rain. “Mighty fine place you got here, Mr. Tart.”

“It’s not mine, miss. I am only a humble servant of Lord Pinesong. Who I think I should fetch from his study.”

“He’s not asleep, is he? I’d hate to disturb his rest.”

Raisin Tart chuckled. “Oh, I think there’s little fear of that. Please, wait here.” The black-coated stallion left the hall through a small door on the right.

“Seems like a nice enough gentlestallion, eh Rarity?” said Applejack as she wrung out her hat.

Rarity didn't answer, instead watching Pinkie Pie as she bounced around the hall, looking at the wall scones. “What are these for?” the baker’s apprentice asked.

“Torches, I believe. This building is rather old.”

Greasy Palm nodded in agreement. “From the looks of this place, there’s not a whole lot going on here. I think our lordship here wasn't blessed with a particularly rich holding. What do they have a lot of here, trees?”

“Shh! Do you want to insult our best chance of getting back this expedition up and running again?” Rarity was surprised at Palm’s rudeness. You’d think a pony skilled in bribery would have a bit more class.

“Man! Look at this thing! There’s got to be a hundred of these crystal thingies in this candleholder!” Rainbow Dash had taken it upon herself to investigate the very expensive, very fragile chandelier.

“Rainbow Dash! Get down from there! You’re going to break it!”

Her friend dismissed Rarity. “Don’t worry about it, Rarity. I'm always careful.” Rainbow Dash continued to flit about, poking at the chandelier, causing it to sway slightly. A thousand small tinkling of glass touching glass filled the hall. “Awesome! Listen to that!”

“Rainbow, you've put more holes into the roof of my boutique than I can count!”

“Pfft. That’s when I’m trying out some new tricks. I’m in complete control.” The pegasus lazily circled the glass chandelier, hooves behind her head.

“RD, stop messing around and get down here,” said Applejack. “We want to make a good first impression.”

Rainbow Dash snorted. “Fine, I’ll come down.” The brash pegasus pumped her wings, displacing a gust of air through the chandelier. The entire ornament danced through the air, straining at the chain that held it to the ceiling.

Rarity held her breath as she watched the unquestionably valuable light fixture swing perilously close to the wall of the grand hall. She didn't exhale until the chandelier stopped moving.

“You two are always worrying about what’s going to happen next. You really need to chill out.”

Rarity shared a look with Applejack before turning back towards Greasy and Aquamarine. “Do either of you know anything at all about arcano-generators? I’m not certain I could tell two apart, unless one had started to rust.”

“One of my ships has a galley outfitted with a generator, but you’d have better luck asking my cook about that,” answered Aquamarine, as she examined a bust of a pony perched atop a small pedestal. Greased Palm just shook his head.

“Well, hopefully our friends will be able to make do with whatever we’re able to find.”

Applejack put a hoof around Rarity. “Worst comes to worst, we could always hire some strong-legged stallions to pull us to Hoofington, right?”

“You’ll find strong-legged stallions in short supply around here, I’m afraid.”

Rarity turned towards the door that Raisin Tart had disappeared into earlier. A short, well-muscled stallion in a perfectly fitted, but rumpled, dark suit walked into the hall, horn aglow with a flickering blue light. She would have considered him quite handsome, if not for the rather unattractive combination of his haggard features and sunken, bloodshot eyes. Raisin Tart followed just behind, the orange light of his lamp mixing with Pinesong’s glowing horn.

Remembering her courtesies, bowed her head at Pinesong’s entrance. “Greetings, my lord. I hope we did not disturb you.”

The chocolate-maned lord let out a dark laugh as thunder boomed through the stone walls of his manse.

“Believe me, madame, that’s not an issue you’ll find in abundance around here. But I digress. Who are you and what are your troubles?”

“Well,” began Rarity, stepping forward. “My name is Rarity, and my friends and I are en route to Stableside to take Aquamarine’s,” said Rarity, nodding toward the sea captain, “vessel across Eternity’s Crossing. You may have heard the Princess’s proclamation a few days ago?”

Pinesong slowly nodded. “Yes, I heard. My ‘betters’” he spat, causing Rarity to take a step back, “against a penniless band of misfits.” Pinesong moved down the hall, motioning for the group to follow.

“I am sworn to serve Lady Beachcomber, as my father served her mother.” Pinesong paused in front of a large painting of a well-groomed older stallion that bore more than a passing resemblance to his own visage. The blue light from Pinesong’s horn gave the painting a ghoulish hue.

“My father was a practical pony. He understood his place in the world and how best to go about his own business without disturbing others.”

Rarity was beginning to wonder what any of this had to do with getting their hooves on a generator.

“Hail Heart, Beachcomber’s mother, and my father Berry Bush always made time for one another, as infrequent as their meetings were.” Pinesong began moving forward again, leaving the picture of his father behind. “Beachcomber has not continued that tradition.” Rarity and the others dutifully followed, save for Aquamarine, who lingered behind at the painting.

Pinesong’s words surprised Rarity. Every foal in Equestria was taught at a young age how their nation worked. Every noble had obligations to both their superiors and to those beneath them. Failing to meet with one of your vassals was a serious breach of protocol. That also extended to the common pony through elected mayors and reeves meeting with a minor lord. Another loud peal of thunder startled Rarity into an involuntary hop.

“Beachcomber ain’t meeting with you? Why not?” The farmer, of course, had kept her composure despite the raucous storm outside.

Pinesong turned to Applejack and gave her a rueful grin. “She’s too busy playing politics in Canterlot to deal with the problems her pet projects have caused for some ‘backwater lordling.’”

“Is this pet project the reason why you look so awful?”

Rarity instantly turned onto her friend. “Rainbow Dash! Have some respect!” She quickly began to apologize for Dash’s insolence, but Pinesong waved her off.

“No, no,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Your friend is right. Not having a good night’s sleep for a month will do that to a pony.”

“You haven’t slept right for a month?” Applejack asked, clearly remembering her stint of sleep deprivation.

“No, not soundly. This damned-” Another loud rumble of thunder interrupted Pinesong’s explanation. “Weather is making it rather difficult to rest, along with disturbing our harvests.”

Rainbow Dash zipped up to Pinesong. “What’s up with this storm anyway? Has it been like this for a month?” Rarity bit back an apology for invading his personal space.

“Nearly so, yes.”

The cyan pegasus propelled herself into the air and let out a cry of frustration. “That doesn't make any sense at all! Who’s the regional weather manager here? I've got to give her a piece of my mind!”

“Scented Breeze did an admirable job keeping the storm from affecting us too badly for the first two weeks. Unfortunately, there are few pegasi with the training and skill to deal with a storm of this magnitude, and our weather patrol teams are exhausted.”

“Why the heck didn't this Breeze put an end to the storm right away?”

Rarity cleared her throat. “I’m sure our host would have answered that question you would just give him a moment to explain, Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow Dash grumbled, but she slowly lowered herself back to the ground.

“The problem, Miss Dash, is not with our weather patrols. Their handling of the storm has been somewhat hamstrung by its owner.” Pinesong paused before answering the unspoken question. “The storm originates over the castle of Lady Shock Treatment, of the neighbouring barony. My first letter of complaint to Lady Shock explained to me, in great detail, that her storm was not to be disturbed, by order of Archduchess Beachcomber. I soon received confirmation of that fact from Beachcomber herself.”

Applejack stomped a hoof in protest. “That’s terrible! Why in Equestria would you be forbidden from breaking up a storm like the one outside?”

Pinesong let out a no-doubt long suffering sigh before raising his voice in pitch, clearly mocking somepony. “The safety and security of Equestria is dependant on the work being done by Lady Shock Treatment, and the storm is a required element of that work. You may tend to any stray clouds that enter your land as you see fit, but you and your subjects are not to disperse the storm itself.”

Another round of thunderous rumbling echoed through the hall.

“But that’s enough about me. What can I do for you?” Pinesong smiled tiredly at his guests.

Greasy stepped forward before Rarity thought to speak. “I’m terribly sorry to hear about your problems, but we’re in a bit of a jam ourselves. The generator on our train broke down, and we’re dead on the tracks if we don't get a replacement.”

“Hmm. That shouldn't be a problem. Nuts and Bolts, my resident gadgeteers, should have one or two lying around. Their last attempt at soundproofing necessitated a substantial amount of arcane energy. It didn’t work, but I think-”

Pinesong was interrupted by a clanging of metal on metal. Rarity turned around and was shocked to see a fully-armoured pony come bouncing into the hall, a familiar pink mane and tail sticking out of the champron and croupiere. On the flanchard, where Pinkie's cutie mark would be, the metal was engraved with three trees laden with acorns.

“Hi everypony! Look what I found!”

Rarity nearly fainted at the sight. “Pinkie! What are you wearing!”

“My grandfather’s armour for when he tried his hoof at the lists, I believe.” Pinesong frowned. “I’m certain the armoury is usually locked.”

Raisin Tart came into the hall from the same door Pinkie did, wheezing slightly. “I’m sorry, my lord. I looked for her when I noticed her missing and-”

Pinkie reared back on her hind legs and struck a majestic pose. “Bow before your savior and protector, dame Pinkamena! Rawr!” She landed back on all fours with a loud thump and the ringing of metal.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm for my family’s history, ‘Dame Pinkamena,’ but you should know it is a serious crime to garb yourself in another’s heraldry.” Pinesong studied Pinkie pie more closely. “At least you took the time to oil it before wearing it. I thank you for that.”

“No problem!” said Pinkie, before beginning to prowl around like a cat hunting prey. “Encased in her steel shell, the mighty knight is patient, willing to wait for the perfect time to strike.” She froze, ready to pounce with her tail twitching, staring at a blank spot on the wall.

Rarity looked at Pinkie, deep in focus, and then at Pinesong, who looked only slightly perturbed. She put herself in between the two before turning to the tired unicorn.

“I am terribly sorry, again, for the conduct of my friends, my lord.” Big smile, Rarity. That’s right. “I assure you Pinkie means no disrespect.”

Pinesong just sighed. “Frankly, I’m far too tired to get riled up about it.” The lord of the manor turned and walked towards a separate table at the end of the hall. “Just don’t scuff it up, I hate the smell of the polish.”

He settled into a cushioned chair, more of a throne, really, at the smaller table. Raisin Tart began to light some torches he had acquired and levitate them into the wall scones, brightening up the room considerably. Pinesong yawned and rapped his hooves on the polished wood of the table.

“Let’s talk about the generator you want.”

Rarity deferred to Greased Palm, who instantly began barraging Pinesong with questions about the arcano-generator they needed. Instead, she walked over to Pinkie Pie, still prowling around like a cat.

“Pinkie, what possessed you to break into an armoury and equip yourself in full plate barding?”

Far too silently for what she was wearing, Pinkie sprung back up to a normal posture. “Well,” she began, “First I was investigating those torches. I wanted to count them all to see how many it would take to light this whole place up, in case I wanted to host a party in here! That led me down a hallway where I found this super cool statue of an ancient pony warrior! I just had to know what wearing all that was like, but the statue wasn’t being very forthcoming with information. Not even cupcakes worked! She wouldn’t eat them or anything!”

“Pinkie, why would you try and bribe a statue with-”

“Hey! I wasn’t bribing! I was trading! Pastries for information! Anyways, after that didn’t work out I thought ‘Hey Pinkie Pie, what’s Twilight always saying about learning new things?’ and I knew, of course, that it’s all about research! And what's more researchy than finding a library? So I began my hunt, following the smell of old things, because books are old! But instead of finding books, I found a room full of cool old stuff like this!”

Pinkie held up an armoured hoof.

“After that it was a simple matter of remembering what you told me about putting on fancy outfits! Thanks, for that, by the way! I would never of been able to put this on without your help, Rarity!”

Pinkie Pie pulled Rarity in for a quick nuzzle, causing Rarity to smack her head against Pinkie’s steel champron. Dazed, Rarity stumbled away, nearly falling over her own hooves.

“You’re welcome, Pinkie.”

Rainbow Dash quickly took Rarity’s place, for which the unicorn was infinitely grateful.

“Wow, Pinkie Pie, you look awesome!” The pegasus poked her friend in the side. “No way anypony would mess with you wearing that!”

The pink mare tilted her head to the side. “Why would nopony want to eat with me while I’m wearing this?”

“Huh?”

“That’s what I’m asking!”

Applejack trotted in between the two, pushing them apart. “Drop it, girls. You’re just going to end up talking past one another again.”

“Applejack, I’m talking right at Dashie!”

“Stop acting so dense, Pinkie, and get rid of that armour.”

“But I like how dense this makes me! I feel like I’m invincible!”

“That’s not what I - Oh horseapples.” Applejack turned towards Rarity. “Do you want to deal with this?”

Rarity grinned. “I think you’re doing wonderful, darling.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Of course you wouldn’t want to get your hooves dirty,” she grumbled, before nudging Pinkie Pie forward. “Come on, lead us back to where you found this hunk of metal. I’m mighty curious to see more of it.”

Pinkie Pie let out a small cheer. “Sure thing, Applejack! Follow me and we’ll get you suited up in a jiffy!”

The two earth ponies continued to chat as they returned down the hallway Pinkie had appeared from. Rarity was happy to see Pinkie go, although she had to admit that her friend had looked rather dashing in the full plate barding.

“Sometimes I just don’t get Pinkie Pie, Rarity.”

Rarity turned her head towards her friend. “You and me both, Rainbow.”

“Preposterous!” Greased Palm’s angry shout drew Rarity’s attention to the copper pegasus. “Fifteen hundred bits for an arcano-generator you've already said you don’t need?”

“I haven’t gone deaf from all that thunder just yet, Mr. Palm. No need to shout.”

That doesn't sound good, thought Rarity.

“And while yes, it’s true I’m gouging you, I have to think of more than just what’s a fair price for my goods. This weather has ruined most of our berry harvesting for winter. It’s been so poor the granaries might not even have enough stored to feed ourselves, let alone to sell to others. We may need to import food to survive until spring. Think of how many meals fifteen hundred bits will buy.”

“Think about-” Greasy bit his tongue before continuing. “I understand your position, sir,” he said in a much softer, quieter voice. “But an arcano-generator isn't exactly a top seller. You probably won’t have another chance to offload one this year. You should take what you can get,”

Pinesong gave the negotiator a cold smirk. “I’m taking exactly what I think I can get from a group of ponies who won’t have a train if they don’t accept my offer.”

Rarity swore she saw a vein pop on Greased Palm’s forehead. “And I’m telling you, we can’t possibly afford to pay triple of what we would otherwise pay. Yes, we have the bits to afford this now, but we would be in danger of beggaring ourselves in the middle of Camelu if we gave in to your demands!”

Rarity was about to intercede when Raisin Tart appeared out of thin air, a platter held aloft in his magical field. “Would anypony care for some tea?” he asked, lowering the laden platter in front of Greasy and Pinesong.

Now there’s a stallion with impeccable timing. Rarity was impressed with his defusal of the escalating situation. If he still had all the colour in his mane, and was a few years younger, he’d be quite the catch.

In short order, both stallions were back to talking quietly. Rarity trotted over to Aquamarine, who was busying herself by looking at the various paintings adorning the hall.

“See anypony you like?” Rarity asked with a smile.

Aquamarine gave her a smile before turning back to the portrait. “I’m just imagining myself in one of these.”

“A bit vain, don’t you think?”

“If it was for me, yes.” Aquamarine stared directly ahead as she spoke. “But it wouldn't be. It would be for my daughters. Their daughters. And their daughters after that.”

Rarity raised a quizzical eyebrow. “I’m afraid you've lost me a bit, dear.”

“Look around you, Rarity,” said Aquamarine, eyes closed. “Pinesong knows who came before him, he knows his past. More than a thousand years of history is told on these walls.” She turned towards Rarity, deadly serious. “Do you know your ancestors?”

Rarity took an involuntary step back. “Well, my mother is a travel journalist, and my father used to be a hoofball player in his younger years. I know my maternal grandparents were servants in Canterlot, and my paternal grandfather was a geologist for the crown.”

“And before them?” Aquamarine pressed, bearing down on Rarity.

“I- I don’t know, to be honest. I never thought to ask,” she admitted.

“Then you’re still luckier than me,” said Aquamarine, turning back towards the painting. “My mother was an orphaned filly living in Canterbury, and I never knew my father.” Rarity knew what that meant about her childhood, and made a mental note to never ask Aquamarine about her parents.

“I grew up on the docks, learning from Union sailors what knots worked best for what tasks, from Neighponese sailors how to tack a sail, from Ib’exian sailors how to swear in ten languages. They drew from their shared histories and taught me everything I know.”

Sea-green eyes narrowed. “But I never learned my own history. I look at these walls and see ponies that have been dead for centuries, forever immortalized and remembered. I don’t know if my own grandmother is alive or dead.”

Rarity stayed silent, unsure of what to say,

“I want this more than anything, Rarity. I want what Pinesong has, what every noblemare or stallion has. I want a legacy,” Aquamarine whispered the word, and Rarity could see her savouring the mere mention of it.

The blue unicorn abruptly turned towards the table where two stallions sat haggling over prices.

“And I’m not going to see my dream die because of something as worthless as bits.”

Before Rarity could react, Aquamarine was boldly trotting up to Lord Pinesong, nearly shouting at him.

“Pinesong! Is there no way to bring down the price of that generator?”

The tired lord frowned in his chair. “No.”

“Even if we convince this Shock Treatment to quell her storm?”

Pinesong instantly brightened at that. “If you can get me a good night’s sleep, I’ll give it to you for free and throw in a basket of berries for the road!”

Greased Palm opened his mouth to object, but Aquamarine shut him down with a truly withering stare. I suppose one doesn't become a captain without a strong leadership streak.

“Rarity! Rainbow Dash! Find your friends and let’s go have a chat with this Shock Treatment.”

Suddenly feeling an irresistible urge to salute, Rarity gave in to the strange gesture. “Aye aye, captain!” Rainbow Dash copied her a second later. Speeding off down the hallway in search of Pinkie Pie and Applejack, Rarity heard Aquamarine’s response to one of Pinesong’s questions.

“Don’t worry yourself, my lord. I’ve faced down starving, mutinous griffons hungry for ponyflesh. I think I can handle one eccentric mare.”

Author's Note

Well, this is long overdue. I hit a bit of a snag (a bit, that's a laugh) in the next half of what was supposed to be a 20,000 word chapter, and busied myself in writing out various future scenes. Some very, very far in the future.

In order to continue on, though, I have to get through this next bit. It's harder than I thought to balance action, comedy and drama satisfactorily inside the Shock Treatment's lair, but I think I'm close to cracking the code.

In other, interesting news, I've submitted this story to be my personal project for a college course i'm taking. If it is accepted, that means I'll be able to justify spending a whole lot more time (and money) on this thing. If you guys know any artists or musicians that would be interested in earning cash prizes for works related to this story, let them know to keep an eye out on my blog and/or EQD for upcoming contests!

I really, really can't wait for Rarity and company to get to Camelu.

On the Dangers of Pyschomagical Techniques

“Worthless. Ugly. Hideous! Opal, what was I thinking last night?” Rarity levitated each sketch in front of her and greeted each design with a frown that deepened further and further. “These outfits aren't fit for a pauper, let alone a bride! Pearl and cream vertical stripes? How tacky!” The purple maned unicorn released her hold on the small stack of papers above a waste bin, and glanced at her cat. Opal licked her small paw and gave out a single meow. “You’re quite right Opal! You can’t have success without failure, I know, but I wish that failure wasn’t this... foul.” With a final grimace at the basket of unsalvageable drawings, she returned to her workbench.

Last night certainly had been productive, after a fashion. While she hadn’t made any progress on a bridal gown she had been commissioned to design and make for some high-class Canterlot pony Fancypants had referred her too, she had put the finishing touches on some of her more casual dresses, and had made wonderful headway on a suit that had been giving her trouble for a few days.

Rarity shook her head. It was time to focus on the day ahead! The ivory-coated mare quickly cleaned up her workspace, gathering up bits of thread, scattered needles, and discarded gemstones from the night before, and entered her kitchen. Opening the fridge, she grabbed a bottle of milk and poured it into a dish for Opal, who appeared out of nowhere and began greedily lapping up the liquid. “You’re very welcome, dear.” Rarity then set about making herself a light breakfast of orange juice and toast.

Rarity was buttering her toast when a loud knocking on her door nearly caused her to drop her knife. “The store’s not open for another half-hour, dear! I’m still getting ready!” she called out over her shoulder. Somepony better have a fashion emergency, knocking on my door this early!

“Rarity! It’s me!” Twilight Sparkle’s excited voice returned. “I have something you just won’t believe!” With a small sigh, Rarity left her plate and glass on the counter and trotted over to the front door. She put on her best smile and opened the door.

“Twilight, such a pleasure! What brings yo-”

The door had barely opened a crack when her purple friend barreled through, a gleeful expression on her face, a letter floating behind her, caught in the mare’s magical field. “The Dusty Ruin has personally requested us to accompany him on his latest expedition! Can you believe it?!” Twilight’s smiling face filled up almost the entirety of Rarity’s vision, both front hooves resting on her shoulders.

Rarity gently pushed her friend back, and cleared her throat. “Ahem, yes. Forgive me for showing my ignorance, but who exactly is this Dusty Road gentlecolt and why does he want you and I to accompany him?” The smile was replaced by a look of complete shock on Twilight’s features as Rarity spoke.

“You don’t know who Dusty Ruin is?” Rarity noticed her friend grow thoughtful for a moment before continuing. “I guess I just assumed that everypony knew about the greatest archaeologist alive.”

“Not all of us share your scholarly pursuits, dear.” Rarity answered flatly. She motioned for Twilight to follow her into the kitchen. “Care to enlighten me over breakfast? What would you like?”

“Absolutely, Rarity, and don’t worry about me, I’ve already ate.” The two mares sat down at the small table, Rarity absently gathering her cooling toast and orange juice from the counter. Twilight cheerily continued: “Dusty Ruin, head of the Royal Archaeological Society, is the foremost expert on nonpony ruins and artifacts in Equestria! Much of the Canterlot Museum’s recent acquisitions were his responsibility, and the papers he writes, it’s like you’re exploring the ruins with him! He’s so handsome and smart and-”

Rarity felt her attention began to wane, and came to the realization that if she didn't do something soon, she was going to get an extra hour or so of beauty sleep. “Twilight, darling,” she interrupted, waiting for her friend to inhale for another few seconds of extolling Dusty Ruin’s virtues before doing so. “I’m sure this fine, upstanding anthropologist has many more charming and attractive qualities, and I’d love to hear more about him some other time, but I do have a business to run, so could you skip to the part where he wants you and I to accompany him?”

Twilight stared at Rarity, blinked, and blushed a bit. “Oh!” The unicorn looked away for a second before replying: “I guess I can get a little carried away sometime, huh?” Rarity nodded, chewing her toast. Twilight cleared her throat and quickly continued. “It’s not just the two of us he wants, he has requested the assistance of all the Elements of Harmony! He mentioned in his letter that he believes we, the Elements, are the key to uncovering the secrets to the Tomb of the Fallen Star!” Twilight spoke the last words with a dramatic flourish, Rarity noted.

Her librarian friend clearly expected some sort of recognition from Rarity. I do hate having to disappoint her. The dressmaker sat in her chair and brought her glass to her lips, sipping her orange juice. “Come again?” she deadpanned.

Energy and enthusiasm seemed to leak out of Twilight. “You don’t know about the Tomb either?” Twilight voice was tinged with a small amount of annoyance and a large portion of disbelief. “It’s as if you aren't even interested in ancient history!”

Rarity finished her juice and levitated the empty glass over to the sink. “There’s a reason why they call it ancient history, Twilight.” The mare she was addressing shrunk a bit in her chair, eyes downcast.

“Does this mean you don’t want to go?”

Rarity paused before answering, thinking. I don’t want to outright refuse Twilight, but I do have an awful lot in my mane recently. How can I justify disappointing my clients for some foalish wish fulfillment? Rarity mentally chided herself. This is Twilight, for goddess’ sake! The best friend a pony could ask for, and a better one than I deserve, to be honest. She sighed, knowing she’d likely regret this decision later.

“Twilight, I can tell that this means a lot to you, but I think I’ve made it clear that it means nothing to me.” Twilight looked heartbroken, but Rarity continued to speak before the other mare could interject. “That does not mean I’m not willing to do this for you. How about you gather up the other girls and tell us exactly why this has gotten you so excited, later in the day? Around five, perhaps?” Rarity put a genuine smile on her face, trying to comfort her friend.

Twilight was still for a few seconds, likely letting the words sink in, before smiling broadly at Rarity. “That’s a great idea! We can make it a history lesson! I’m sure you’ll understand just what this means to me, no, to Equestria after that!” She stamped her hooves in anticipation. “I can get Spike to create a timeline and I can bring out the photographs and-”

Tuning out the ecstatic Twilight, Rarity began to half-magic/half-push her out the kitchen and out her door. This mare could get as crazy as Pinkie, given the right stimulation! Twilight didn’t seem to notice as she was herded towards the door, busily narrating exactly how she would be educating her friends later tonight. Rarity spoke loudly over the chattering librarian, “Yes, dear, I know, I *grunt* can’t wait either. Can’t come soon enough, I agree! *huff* See you later tonight!” Rarity shut her door as soon as Twilight was through, panting as she leaned against it.

What had she agreed to?

The day passed quickly for Rarity, as she not only had her commissions to work on, but a few Ponyvillians who still trusted her to fix the tears in their garments stopped by and gave her some quick repair jobs to do as well. Her reputation around Equestria was well-respected, but ever since that disastrous fashion show she had put on for Hoity-Toighty, the locals had unfairly deemed her fashions far too impractical for even the ritziest of Ponyville events.

By the time four o’clock rolled around, the fashionista was mentally worn out, and she found herself actually looking forward to Twilight’s lecture/get-together. Spike was an excellent cook, despite his age, and the occasional ramblings of the librarian unicorn had, in the past, set Rarity’s eyelids to drooping more than once. Yes, she could spend the night with good company, good food, and a good rest!

Rarity trotted up to the gigantic tree that doubled as both the town’s library and as Twilight’s home, and knocked twice, politely, on the door. A muffled feminine yell penetrated the door, which Rarity assumed was Twilight yelling at Spike to get the door. Sure enough, a few moments later, she heard the distinct sound of claw meeting floorboard before the door opened, revealing a tiny dragon dressed in a chef’s hat and apron, with an annoyed look on his face that melted as soon as he saw who had knocked on the door.

“Rarity! You’re early!” Spike exclaimed as he gave a quick bow that sent his hat tumbling to the floor.”Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course,” he quickly added, as he stepped out of the doorway.

“A gentledragon knows that a lady is never early nor late,” Rarity replied as she magicked her scarf from around her neck to a hook next to the door. Stepping into the warm abode, her nostrils were greeted with an almost intoxicating aroma of cinnamon and ginger. “Oh my, Spike,” she said as she breathed deeply, “You’ve really outdone yourself. Is that pumpkin pie I smell?”

Spike quickly closed the door to keep the brisk autumn wind from disturbing the books and papers that were littered around the edges of the library’s main room. “It is! And it’s one of my better ones, for sure. I’ve got to take the quiche out the oven, too!” The little dragon picked up his hat and set it on his head as he walked back to the kitchen. “Make yourself at home, Rarity!”

Easier said than done, Rarity thought as she took a closer look around. The centre of the room was clear, but everywhere else was covered with open books and loose papers. Rarity walked over to one of the pages and read. The Historical Significance of the Embalming Techniques of the Aaminan Priesthood? Rarity moved to another: Mystery or Myth? Zebrican Legends. Giving an unladylike snort, Rarity flopped to the ground. “And here I was, thinking that this might actually be interesting.” At least the food would be good.

Rarity had started to wonder where the furniture had disappeared to when Twilight’s voice carried through the door to the basement. “Spike, was that one of the girls? I’m not ready yet!”

Spike’s voice echoed from the kitchen. “It’s Rarity! She’s ear- I mean she’s right on time!”

“It’s barely four! I thought I had at least another half hour to finish up! Did you let her in?”

“Of course I let her in! What kind of dragon do you think I am?”

“What’s she doing?”

“Waiting for you to come up!”

“You know, Twilight, you could just ask me what I’m doing.” Rarity was careful to project her voice without yelling, unlike her unrefined friends. Twilight and Spike were feeding off each other’s bad habits, talking as if they were the only two present. A lifetime spent together would do that, Rarity supposed.

The threads of magic in the centre of the room were pulled tight, and then a loud ‘pop’ next to her announced Twilight’s arrival. “-orry, Rarity! It’s usually just me and Spike.” Twilight’s effortless teleportation, among other things, was a point of pride for the purple mare, but Rarity wouldn’t trade her fashionability for anything.

“Not to worry, Twilight. I’ve been keeping myself entertained by reading these riveting articles.”

Twilight Sparkle looked down at the scholarly papers around Rarity, absently blowing a lock of her indigo mane away from her face. “Wow, just the abstract catches your attention? I thought you said you didn’t enjoy academic journals?” Her face scrunched up in confusion.

Rarity gave Twilight a flat stare before standing up. “It sounds like you’re a little behind schedule. Is there anything I can do to help?”

A warm smile spread over Twilight’s face. “Of course! Could you get the spare blankets and pillows from downstairs? I still need to find the easel I’ll be using during the presentation. Than-” Twilight disappeared in a flash mid-sentence, and Rarity could hear her hoofsteps above on the second floor.

An easel? Pillows and blankets? What exactly did Twilight have planned? Rarity opened the door to the basement as she trotted over it, noticing an audible creak as she did so. Apparently Twilight didn’t use the door enough to either notice or care about it’s condition.

The basement was as open as the floor above, with a wide staircase hewn into the rock the cellar was carved from. Rarity couldn’t fathom how some of the many scientific apparatuses strewn around and atop the many tables and desks would be used, nor could she offer an explanation to the stocks, complete with manacles, that dominated the very centre of the room. Through the open door, she heard Twilight ask Spike about a book on pyrotechnics, and the fashionista decided it was better if she didn’t think too hard about what exactly Twilight did down here.

The pillows were found attached to a giant... catcher’s mitt, was Rarity’s best guess, and the blankets were being used to cushion some sort of incubator, which looked luckily unused. Gathering them up, Rarity beat the dust out of both sets of items as she followed them up the stairs and back to the main floor.

In Rarity’s absence, Twilight had found her easel as well as a worn out couch that promised very little lumbar support, from the look of it. Twilight herself was at the balcony above, arranging what appeared to be covered display cases around the edges of the room, which had been cleared away of the books and scrolls that had been littering it before. “Perfect, Rarity! You can put those behind the couch, for now. They’re just a precautionary measure in case my presentation goes long.”

Rarity’s eye twitched. “Darling, it’s not even five! Just how long is this scheduled to take?” She dutifully placed the pillows and blankets into neat folded piles behind the couch.

“Well, depending on how many questions you all have, and with a few minutes tacked on to account for any technical difficulties, you should all be caught up and ready to make an informed decision around 1:37am!” Twilight’s smile oozed sincerity.

Remember, Rarity, she grew up surrounded by academics. “That sounds positively delightful, Twilight,” said Rarity as she walked up the stairs to Twilight. “But do you really think Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash will be even capable of being lectured to for that long?”

“Don’t you worry about those two,” replied Twilight with a exaggerated wink. “I’ve got a secret weapon in my arsenal!” She proudly levitated a green book in front of Rarity. “Droning Hum’s Directions on Delivering Dominant Dissertations! It’s filled with tips on how to engage your audience!”

If there was one thing Rarity could be more sure of than Celestia rising the sun each morning, it was Twilight’s total and complete trust in the written word, provided it was peer-reviewed, of course. Any disagreement with one of her guidebooks would be stopped with her unhealthy faith in manuals and self-help texts. Twilight was going to do things by the book, no matter how much anypony begged and pleaded. “What sort of... tips?” she dared to ask.

“Oh I think it’s best if everypony’s surprised, Rarity. I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you.”

Rarity could feel the steel trap snapping close around her. This is going to be a very, very long night.

In short order, the rest of the group arrived. Applejack sauntered in first, not bothering to remove her trademark Stetson hat as she gave a hearty “Howdy, y’all!” before settling in at the kitchen table. The freckled orange mare worked hard all day at her orchard, and as a result rarely let her blond mane and tail free from the hairband that constrained them both.

Rainbow Dash literally crashed through the door next, which was an improvement over her usual entrances into the library. Rarity had, many times, tried to turn Rainbow’s distinctive, multi colored mane from its customary tussled mess into something presentable, but Rainbow Dash’s rough lifestyle and job as Ponyville’s weathermare would quickly reverse any changes she made.

Only Spike heard Fluttershy’s quiet knocks on the door, and let the demure pegasus in. The timid mare kept half her face hidden behind her soft, pink mane, as was her custom. Rarity always thought that letting a borderline hermit have a job as a forest warden on the edge of a small town might be a case of the Ministry of Cutie Mark Career Matching(MCMCM) doing their job a bit too well. Rarity had made it a bit of a mission of hers to bring Fluttershy out of her comfortable, lonesome shell.

Nopony was quite sure when or how exactly Pinkie appeared, the pink earth pony simply joining the conversation at the table with her trademark giggles and laughter. The baker’s apprentice had proven to the entire town that sometimes, it was best not to ask too many questions, especially ones like: “Where did that canon come from?” and “How did you get into my home?” when Pinkie was involved.

The food proved to be as delicious as Rarity had imagined, and the table was filled with cheerful talk and idle chatter about the day. Soon everypony was stacking their dishes in the sink and trotting back out into the main room.

“So what’s all this gear lying about for?” asked Applejack as the orange mare took in her surroundings, eyebrow arched. “I thought this was just a little get-together so you could tell us about this Dirty Roads fella’.”

“Yeah,” chimed in Rainbow Dash, circling above one of the display cases. “What are you hiding under these sheets?” The sky-blue pegasus bent her head down to tear away the offending fabric in question, but Twilight’s magenta aura quickly formed around the case, holding the sheet down. Rarity noticed the easel sagging under the vast weight of slides placed upon it.

“All will be revealed in time, students.” The librarian answered. Rarity almost choked on the cryptic tone Twilight used. As she passed by Twilight, Rarity heard her mutter under her breath. “Step one: Enigmatic engagement, check.”

Rainbow shrugged. “Whatever.”

I hope Twilight gets at least five minutes to talk before this falls apart, thought Rarity as she and the others settled onto the couch.

As soon as everypony was comfortable, Twilight blinked out of the room, and the shutters on each window in the room closed tight, cloaking the room in darkness. A thumping bassline began to play, steadily increasing in volume. Fluttershy gave a squeak of fear, and Rarity could barely make out Pinkie reaching behind the couch and somehow producing a bag of popcorn.

“This is going to be good!” said Pinkie as she buried her muzzle into the bag.

Applejack’s posture had stiffened immediately as the room darkened, and the farmer was already rising to her hooves when Spike’s voice filled the room, magically increased in volume.

“Fillies and... mares, welcome to this one-of-a-kind educational event! Tonight, you very lucky ponies will have the unique opportunity to learn anything and everything you need to know about the illustrious Dusty Ruin!” Rarity noticed coloured smoke begin to creep into the room as the dragon very enthusiastically delivered his introduction. “Each and every one of your senses will be dazzled and overwhelmed as you take a mystical journey deep into the history and accomplishments of this incredible living hero of Equestria.” A spotlight turned on and focused at the top of the stairs, and Rarity, mouth agape, turned her attention towards the beam of light. “There is only on pony in Equestria besides Dusty Ruin himself qualified to deliver this awe-inspiring presentation.” Spike continued, “Introducing the one, the only, Twiliiiight Sparkle!”

Twilight appeared in a puff of purple smoke, wearing a truly hideous tweed jacket, complete with elbow patches and a ridiculous bow tie, and holding a black, tapered stick in her jaws. Her normally straight hair had been corralled into a bun, and she wore thick black glasses that Rarity knew were just for show. She trotted down the steps, spotlight following her movements, a look of fierce determination on her face. The music stopped when she arrived at the easel, and she did a quick turn towards the couch, spitting out the stick and asking a single question as she stopped. “Who’s ready to learn?”

Rarity sat, frozen in shock. Oh Celestia, what did you DO, Twilight? She spared a quick glance at her companions on the couch: Applejack looked confused, Pinkie Pie enraptured, Rainbow was stomping her hooves to the ground, and Fluttershy seemed completely terrified. Rarity discovered her mouth hanging open, and promptly shut it.

“When we’re finished here, you five will rival myself in knowledge of Dusty Ruin’s accomplishments.” The mare paced from side to side in front of the easel. “Tonight, you are not ponies of Equestria. Tonight, you are not farmers, bakers, or clothiers. You are not weathermares or forest wardens. You are students!” Twilight suddenly turned to face the couch. “And what, Pinkie, do students do?”

The pink earth pony was quivering in excitement. “Learn!”

“Correct!” Twilight spun yet again, this time towards the cards that laid upon the easel. “I trust you all to remain focused and attentive as we begin our journey nearly thirty years ago, when Dusty was barely out of university and struggling to find a place for himself in Equestria.” The blank card on top of the pile was tossed aside, revealing a portrait of a handsome young stallion, a little younger than Twilight. “All he had to his name was his degree in-” The lecturing librarian suddenly stopped and looked around. “Spike!” she screamed, “Music! Lasers!”

“Sorry!”

Rarity leaned her head against the couch and let the bass shake through the room.

The morning- midday?- light streamed through a gap in Rarity’s curtains, awakening her as it crept slowly across the room. With a groan, she tumbled out of bed, missing her slippers and collapsing into a heap on the floor. Rarity couldn’t remember coming home, only a blaring mess of light and sound that gave her a headache just attempting to recall what had happened last night. With a sigh, she untangled herself from her bedsheets and rose to her hooves, slowly making her way to the bathroom.

Careful to avoid the mirror, she turned on the tap to her tub and fell into its warm embrace, the gentle stream of water creating the most soothing of white noise to distract her from the nightmare that still inhabited her mind. Lasers, smoke, bad techno and the screaming encouragement of Rainbow and Pinkie all disappeared into the steamy haze of a nice, long bath. Rarity knew, now, how Dusty Ruin felt when he finally arrived at the fabled Springs of Restoration, weary and tired after being hounded by those who wanted to keep its restorative powers to themselves. She absently pored some salts into the water. She might not have Lotus’ or Aloe’s skill in relaxation, but she knew enough to please herself.

Wait. Rarity’s eyes snapped open. Springs of Restoration? Did Twilight’s ‘lecture’ actually work? Don’t be silly Rarity, you had to pick up something in seven hours worth of loud noises and flashing lights. Rarity let her head sink into the warm, bubbly waters. She’d do her best to forget last night. She’s busy herself in her orders, lose herself in the patterns of the life she loved so much, and forget all about Twilight’s crazy idea. Just like the sheik of Alfalfa, cursed to repeat the same actions day after day, before being cured of his affliction by the famed Milk of Ilysamare, dam of the Himallamas. Milk brought to him, of course, by the esteemed Dusty Ruin, archaeologist extraordinaire.

The unicorn bolted out of the tub, chest heaving. Rarity barely had the presence of mind to wrap her mane in a towel before dashing down the stairs, dripping everywhere. Opal let out a hiss of displeasure as she sat in front of her empty food dish, but Rarity ignored her as she raced through the kitchen and out the back door.

A chill autumn wind did nothing to slow the frantic unicorn as she raced down ponyville’s streets. Rarity ignored the questioning stares and tentative salutations the townsponies gave her, focused entirely on the rapidly approaching treehouse she had spent last night being tortured in. What did she do to me? I can’t get that stupid stallion out of my head! Everywhere she looked, one of Dusty Ruin’s accomplishments arrived, unbidden, into her mind. The statue of Celestia in the town square gave rise to Dusty’s discovery of an underground cult that worshipped ancient stone carvings in a decrepit temple.A fiery red mane on one of the ponies selling goods at a stall conjured images of Dusty Ruin’s perilous trek inside a volcano, hot on the trail of the Amulet of Ouroboros.

She had crossed the town square and was bolting down Ponyville’s main avenue when a sudden force bowled Rarity over, knocking the air out of her lungs and sending her tumbling to the ground. She looked up from the ground as a gust of wind blew the dust created by the collision away, revealing a very familiar pony to Rarity.

“Applejack!” Rarity cried, getting to her hooves. The farmer was already up, looking around the street for her hat. Rarity spotted it halfway down the street already, and quickly used her magic to grab it before it could be blow further away.

“Afternoon, Rarity. Ah apologize for bumpin’ into ya. I’ve been... distracted.”

The unicorn brought her earth pony friend her hat before answering. “I should have been watching where I was going as well, dear. I think I know what’s on your mind as well.”

Applejack locked eyes with Rarity. “Twilight?”

“Twilight.”

Grabbing her hat from Rarity’s magical field and setting it on her head in a practiced flip, Applejack ran down the street towards the library. Rarity didn’t need to say any more either.

In moments, the duo was at the door, and Applejack was not known for the quietness of her greetings. “Twi’! Git out here! You got some explaining to do.”

Rarity felt compelled to add a polite “Please don’t keep us waiting!” to her companion’s command, but stood as rigid as Applejack, staring at the door. A few moments passed, and she began to wonder just how badly she looked. She had lost her towel somewhere between Carousel Boutique and here, and hadn’t bothered with the most rudimentary of beatification techniques. Perhaps a disheveled Rarity would impress upon Twilight the gravity of the situation.

The elegantly carved candle in the door disappeared as Twilight opened it, a cheerful grin on her face. “Hello girls! Come with an answer already?”

That grin quickly disappeared as the two mares standing outside rushed in, forcing Twilight to quickly dart back as Rarity slammed the door shut behind her. “What did you do t’ us?” demanded Applejack.

“What?” Twilight shrank back.

“Don’t play games with us, Twilight.” Rarity leaned in close and locked her eyes onto Twilight’s. “What did you cast on us!?”

The purple unicorn shook her head and narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t cast anything on you two! What are you two talking about?”

Rarity didn’t answer, but instead turned to Applejack. While she embodied the Element of Generosity, her orange friend represented the Element of Honesty, and could sniff out a lie with nearly unerring precision. Giving Twilight a long, hard look, Applejack eventually dropped her gaze. “Well if you didn’t, somepony... or dragon... must of! Where’s Spike? I got to introduce him to two of my good friends!” She bucked the empty air to empathize her point.

“Spike is far too young to use any dragon magic, let alone anything that would affect a grown pony for more than a few hours!” Twilight began to rise back up, and Rarity took a few steps back. “Again, what is going on? You two aren’t yourselves!”

“Ever since your wacky show last night, ah can’t get that stupid Dusty Ruin outta my head!” Applejack took on a desperate tone. “Every tree ah buck reminds me of some priceless antique he dug up! Ah tried to ignore it, ah did! But it’s impossible! The sheep’s woolly coats remind me of the snow of the Griffon Kingdoms!” Desperation turned to fear. “Every rock! Every barrel! Every creak of muh own home sets muh mind a’ racin’ to some storm wracked ship he was on!”

Rarity knew that Applejack was an early riser, and to last through this agony since breakfast would be torturous, at best. “I couldn’t even take a relaxing bath without that scoundrel running through my head! I can’t imagine what it has done to you, Applejack!” She gave her friend a comforting nuzzle. Rarity felt Applejack turn to look at Twilight, and did the same.

“You... you’re both experiencing uncontrollable flashes of information?” Twilight asked, head cocked to one side.

“Yes!” both answered.

“About Dusty Ruin, and only Dusty Ruin?”

“Yes!”

Twilight began to stamp her hooves in excitement. “And you can recall every incident clearly?”

“YES!”

Nearly hopping with glee, Twilight floated a book out from a bookshelf. “I can’t believe it worked so well!” Levitating in front of Twilight was the book Rarity had been shown last night: Droning Hum’s Directions on Delivering Dominant Dissertations. “My first time using his techniques, and I emulate one of his greatest lectures! I wonder how my next lecture will top this!” She closed her eyes, lost in bliss.

Rarity was not about to let the mare enjoy herself when she felt so miserable herself. She bet Applejack felt similarly. “There won’t be a next time, Twilight. Whatever you did with that book, its... not natural.

“Burn it.”

At Applejack’s callous statement, Twilight snapped out of her daze. “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Ah would. If you didn’t cast any spells on us, then all this is a result of that evil book!”

“It’s not evil! How can a book be evil? That doesn’t even make sense! It’s just psychomagical teaching tools! ”

“It has us possessed, Twilight! Unwanted visions and memories! It’s positively dreadful!”

“Nothing is possessing you! There are no such things as possessions! If you two crazies,” Twilight shot back, eyes rolling around their sockets to illustrate the point. “Would just calm down I’m sure we could work out a solution.”

Rarity didn’t really believe she was playing host to a spirit, but she did want Twilight to feel guilty instead of pleased. She turned to her similarly-stricken friend.

“Well shoot Twi’, ah’d never think about hurting one of yer books. Ah know how much you care for ‘em.” Rarity sometimes believed she cared about them a little too much, but this wasn’t the time to voice her thoughts on that subject. “Whatever ‘techniques’ that book taught you, well, there’s gotta be a way to un-teach em.”

Rarity nodded her head in agreement. “Imagine if your thoughts were suddenly invaded. A private moment, rudely interrupted by visions of some pony you know, well, it feels like I know everything about him, I think...” Rarity trailed off, hoof on her chin. Dusty Ruin’s favourite colour was a cool aquamarine, she knew, and his preferred dish was smoked almonds in a caramel glaze.

Twilight stopped protectively hugging her tome, and stood up. “I guess I got a little carried away,” she said, a sheepish grin on her blushing face. “And the preface did caution on the use of his techniques outside academia.” She set the book on a nearby table and flipped it open. “Lets see what it says about reversing the effects of a lecture.”

Applejack looked to Rarity, and Rarity stared back. “Ya didn’t check this before ya decided to test it out on all’ve us, first?” she questioned in a low drawl.

“I only read the relevant parts! I had to save some time to practice!” Twilight’s tone was defensive.

Huffing under her breath, Rarity said, “I suppose it doesn’t matter now, darling. What does it say?” She leaned over Twilight’s shoulder and the pages of the book flipped by, stopping close to the end.

“Hmmm...” Rarity ignored Twilight’s vocalizing, and visions of Dusty Ruin poring over ancient texts, and read.

I, Droning Hum, have seen little use for this particular section of my guide. It is my humble, yet expert, opinion that any proper and judicious use of this treatise will not warrant the use of any reversing, rescinding, or revoking of the knowledge shared. However, there is a remote but nevertheless possible chance of some sort of layabout sneaking around where they are not wanted nor welcom-

“Here it is.” Twilight looked up from the page.

“I can’t believe you can stomach this writing, Twilight. It’s rather dry.”

“Look here.” She circled a paragraph with a bit of magic. It was far down the page, almost to the end. I should learn how to read as quickly as she does, thought Rarity.

If you, esteemed lecturer and pony of sound and rational mind, think it necessary to remove whatever information is ingrained into the brains of your enraptured audience, then take heed of the following:
Firstly, do not give any more lectures on the subject, and, to be safe, give no more lectures at all to the individuals in question.
Secondly, interrogate your charges profusely on the subject in question.
Thirdly your objective in the lecture must be fulfilled.

“Well that sounds downright simple! All we gotta do is suffer through some questions, not experience anythin’ like last night ev’r again, and, uh, whats that last one mean?” Applejack squinted in thought.

Remembering Twilight’s words from last night, Rarity answered. “We need to come to an informed decision concerning our intentions towards Dusty Ruin’s proposal, if I’m not mistaken.”

Quickly nodding her head, Twilight readily agreed. “I can whip up a comprehensive oral exam on our way through Ponyville.”

“Why can’t we just do it right here?” Applejack asked, rubbing her chin.

“Well, I bet the others want Dusty Ruin out of their head too.”

Rarity blinked, then looked to Applejack in horror. “Fluttershy! She’s probably petrified!” The cowpony wasted no time, and was out the door before Rarity finished speaking. She turned back to Twilight before chasing after Applejack. “Write that questionnaire, now!” She didn’t wait to see if Twilight did as she was told.

Rarity had always known Applejack to be fast, and she worked long, brutal hours at her orchard. Rarity, in contrast, had spent recent years not exactly lazing about, but not being particularly concerned with physical fitness. She kept herself trim and attractive, but she wasn’t jokingly teased about being a marshmallow purely because of her coat. Right now, however, she regretted not keeping up with the more strenuous exercises of her youth. By the time the pair arrived at Fluttershy’s cottage, sweat had drenched the fashionista, and her breath was ragged and laboured. Applejack, annoyingly, looked (and smelled) completely normal.

Fluttershy’s cottage was half a burrow, with a sod roof that was coated in living grass. Every window has a bush growing in its sill, and the hill it was built upon was riddled with dens and warrens, perfect for burrowing forest friends, of which Fluttershy had many. Every tree around the house was burdened with multiple birdhouses, and the stream that flowed through her property always teemed with fish and other aquatic creatures. Rarity appreciated nature in all its forms, but one pet was more than enough for her.

Crossing the bridge, the pair galloped to the home’s wooden red door. “Fluttershy? Are ya in there?” Applejack demanded, knocking strong enough to cause the door to visibly flex inward. “Fluttershy!”

Raising a hoof, Rarity stopped her friend. “We’ll never... hear her... if you... insist... on being so... loud.” she gasped, sucking in air.

Applejack lowered her hoof. “Ah suppose yer right, Rarity.” She looked around, adjusting her hat as she did. “Ya see an open window somewhere?” The mare trotted around the side of the building.

Rarity was shocked. “You can’t mean... What if she’s just not home?” Applejack, breaking and entering? Rarity would never thought it possible. Rainbow Dash, absolutely, though she would apologize afterwards, but straight and narrow Applejack?

She must of read Rarity’s mind, because Applejack stuck her head out from behind the corner and said, “Relax, sugarcube, ah just wanna see what’s goin’ on in there, if anythins’ going on at all. You can take that side’ve the building.”

Rarity nodded and left the doorstep, circling the building. This was just like Dusty’s reconnaissance of the Boardor consulate before his recovery of the Marelantian Crown! She had to be quick and quiet, making sure she didn’t alert any of the diplomats or their staff. Rarity quickly thumped her head into the side of the cottage, hopefully knocking some sense into her.

“Here’s an open one, Rarity,” Applejack called out. “Get ov’r here and gimme a boost.”

Ignoring the dull throbbing of her forehead, Rarity complied, trotting over to Applejack and acting as a pony stepping stool. “What do you see?” she asked, straining under her friend’s weight.

“Hmm... All the lights r’ off, and nothing looks outta place. It’s like Fluttershy was never here!”

“Or, she’s too frightened to get out of bed,” Rarity countered through clenched teeth. “Why on Equestria am I on the bottom?”

“This is silly! We just need tah know if she’s alright! I don’t see wh- whoa!”

Rarity looked up and tried to see what had started Applejack. “What is it?”

“It’s Fluttershy’s critter friend!” A pause. “Ah’m sorry, ah don’t speak Rabbit.” Another pause. “Do ya know where Fluttershy is?” Somehow, Rarity got a disquieting feeling of pure, concentrated resentment emanating from the window above. “Upstairs? Does she need help?”

“For Celestia’s sake, Applejack, hurry up!” Rarity’s knees were shaking.

“Cool off down there! So where were we, little fella?” A soft thwump echoed from above. “What the heck was that for, you dang varmint! Is Fluttershy in trouble?”

“APPLEJACK!” Her whole body ached. Running around town and lifting her own weight were not things Rarity expected to do on a Thursday. Calisthenics were for Wednesdays and weekends!

Suddenly, the weight on her back disappeared as Applejack heaved herself over the windowsill and into Fluttershy’s home. “Ah’ll get the door.”

A few moments later, both mares stood in the cozy cottage. Fluttershy’s home was not just her own, as the innumerable nests and bird houses could attest to. Miniature stairs led to hollows in the walls, no doubt filled with creatures in need of Fluttershy’s veterinary skills. While Fluttershy had no official documents or training in the field of veterinary science, Rarity knew of nopony who was more capable of tending to the needs of animals than the yellow pegasus.

A pegasus that was nowhere to be seen.

“I will look for her upstairs, Applejack,” said Rarity as she wearily trotted towards the staircase.

“Ah’ll sniff around down here, then.” Applejack’s voice drifted away as she entered the kitchen. “Where’d that darn rabbit go?”

Fluttershy’s cottage was quite dark, for midday. All the shutters were closed, and Rarity had yet to see a lit candle. Images of Dusty investigating abandoned manors floated around her, and no amount of shaking seemed able to dispel them. The sooner I get that stupid lecture out of my head, the better. She hadn’t even started her work today!

The upper floor of the house was as dark as the main level, with the only illumination coming from thin streams of light that made it through cracks in the shutters. All the doors at the top of the landing were closed, and Rarity approached the bedroom door first. Knocking as gently as she could, she softly called out.

“Fluttershy, dear, are you in there?”

No answer.

“I’m coming in, darling, is that alright with you?” Rarity waited a moment in silence before slowly opening the door. Fluttershy’s bedroom was as dark as the rest of the cottage, but Rarity could see a messy bed marring an otherwise pristine room. Her winged friend had come home last night, the bed was proof of that, but where was she now?

Sighing, Rarity turned from the doorway and tried another door, this one to the bathroom. She didn’t bother knocking as she opened the door and looked inside at quite possibly themosthorrificthingOhMyCelestiaItCouldn’tPossiblyBeME!

A mirror stood over the sink, and Rarity saw a disgusting creature staring back. It’s multi-toned purple mane was a crinkled, tangled mess, and it’s once beautiful coat, the colour of white smoke, was marred with dirt and grime from the road. The cutie mark of whatever it was standing in front of her was stained, brilliant blue diamonds turned into ugly brown rocks by a bit of mud on its flank.The single, simple, perfect coil its tail should of been was replaced with an unruly nest of hairs that went in every direction but the right one. And worst of all, this... beast... had galloped through town not once, but twice today.

Rarity knew she had lost something far more precious last night then just her mental sanity. An invasive ‘psychomagical’ procedure created by a stallion who clearly saw very little need for any sort of reverse treatment didn’t really worry Rarity. She had been the plaything of a evil god of chaos for half a day, and wasn’t worse for wear after that ordeal. But the embarrassment of that incident meant nothing compared to this one. Rarity, of her own (compromised) free will, had ran throughout town looking like the monstrosity standing before her.

She screamed, slamming the door shut as she backed away from the condemning mirror. She heard the noise of metal on metal downstairs, followed shortly by the sound of four hooves coming up the stairs. Rarity held her head in her hooves, trying to block the horrible memory of what she had seen, but couldn’t erase that image she saw in the mirror.

“Rarity, what’s wrong?” Applejack’s voice came from a million miles away. Rarity’s whole world was that awful, wretched mirror. Trembling, she raised a hoof to point at the door to the bathroom, but her throat felt like it was being squeezed shut. She couldn’t manage a single syllable, let alone words.

A mighty crash sounded throughout the house. Rarity ignored it. Nothing mattered. She was hideous, ugly, and everypony had seen it. Rarity had thought her reputation had been unsalvageable before, when the whole town had seen the atrocious designs she had made for her friends paraded about before fashion mogul Hoity Toity, but this... This was something else. There were no clients to blame here, nothing but pure, unfiltered Rarity, looking for all of Equestria to see as a dirty, mangy mule of a pony.

A vision of Dusty Ruin filled her mind, early in his career, with him the subject of an authenticity investigation that revealed three of the antiques he had recently recovered being proven fakes, and his reputation in serious jeopardy. This was the last straw for Rarity. I can’t even wallow in pity without that stupid stallion butting in? I. Will. DESTROY YOU!

She focused all of her frustrations and fears towards the image of Dusty. All of her anger at Twilight for doing this to her, all of her reservations at her own behavior to the rest of her friends, she channeled towards the archaeologist in her mind. An unstoppable force began to emerge from deep within her, beginning at the base of her neck and crawling up through her throat. A low, throaty growl cleared the way for what needed to occur next.

Rarity roared, some primal energy coursing through her as she gave a bellow that would shame any dragon, young or old. Eyes closed, she did not see Applejack’s hat and mane get blown back as she exited the bathroom through a bucked-down door. She could not hear the cracking of every glass and crystal object in the house, nor the instant quieting of woodland creatures leagues around as they questioned their continued mortality. Twilight would tell her later that seismographic recording machines registered an anomalous event that could not be explained geologically at this very moment. Rarity roared as she cleansed herself of everything inside of her that wasn’t pure, generous, and fabulous. She roared and only, simply, Rarity, remained.

Opening her eyes with a smile on her face, Rarity saw Applejack standing a metre away, hat missing, mane and tail stuck straight out behind her, mouth open and staring ahead in shock. “Hoo, Applejack, I really needed that.” Using her magic as best she could to fix her appearance, Rarity gave a little twirl that bounced her mane across her face. “Come on, dear, we have a friend to comfort!”

Applejack stood there, sputtering for a while, before finally managing to spit out “Uhh, righto, Rarity.” The stunned mare shook her head, releasing her mane from its unnatural position and letting it fall back down to its customary place. Her eyes never left Rarity as she leant down and grabbed her hat off the floor.

Rarity was about to flutter her eyelashes and ask what was wrong when she heard a noise from Fluttershy’s bedroom. trotting through the doorway, she came across just the pony she had come to see ensnared in a blanket and fumbling at a window latch. “Fluttershy, darling, there you are!” Rarity noticed that half the blanket was still under the bed. “I’ve been so worried about you!”

Seeing Rarity, Fluttershy tackled the unicorn into a fierce hug and buried her face into Rarity’s chest. Her quiet voice could be hard to hear in the best of situations, and having her muzzle buried in Rarity’s coat certainly didn’t help communication, but the fashionista managed to parse out ‘terrible,’ ‘pony-eating,’ and ‘dragon’ from the muffled cries.

“There, there, Fluttershy. It’s plain to see you’re in distress. What were you doing under your bed?”

“Oh Rarity, it was awful. I woke up today, and I usually make breakfast for all my little friends, so I was downstairs getting things ready when, oh it was horrible!” Rarity patted her on the back, and Fluttershy continued on with her recountment. “I started getting these strange visions that just wouldn’t go away, of that pony Twilight wants us to go with. At first it wasn’t so bad, but then the visions started getting really scary!” Fluttershy leaned back, tears in her eyes. “The worst part was, when my animal friends tried to comfort me, the visions were all of being lost in the jungle with terrible monsters chasing Dusty! I couldn’t do anything to calm them down, and he just kept running and running... I had to ask all my friends to leave! I couldn’t hear them without remembering those horrible things!”

The anguish etched onto Fluttershy’s kind and gentle face broke Rarity’s heart.
She didn’t know what to say, and just hugged Fluttershy close. A moment later, Applejack’s strong limbs closed around them both in a warm and sweet embrace.

“Well, shucks, sugarcube, that sounds downright reprehensible. I thought I had it bad when I thought muh apple trees were turnin’ on me.” The orange mare looked to Rarity. “You sure seem a lot more like yerself after that hollerin,’ Rarity.”

At the reminder of the fearsome cry, Fluttershy’s wings flared out, and her body stiffened as she let loose a small bleat of fear. Rarity quickly tried to calm her down. “Don’t worry Fluttershy, that was just me getting a few things out of my system.” The butter-coloured pegasus had a debilitating fear of grown dragons, and the mention of one could paralyze her with terror.

“That was you, Rarity?” Her wings were folding back down to her sides.

“Oh, you know how I can get sometimes,” she replied with a blush. Applejack glared at her from behind Fluttershy, making it clear that she didn’t buy it for a second.

“Come, Fluttershy, Applejack. Twilight’s remedy for this... affliction should be prepared by now. Once we find her and the others, we can get this information out of our heads.” Rarity broke the hug and waited for Fluttershy to extricate herself from her sheets, before using her magic to fling open the shutters in the room. Light streamed in, and Rarity took a deep breath of fresh air. Yes, this day may have started badly but it would end brilliantly!

“Alright, everypony, what are your names, please.”

“Is this really necessary, Twilight?”

“Yes! Every student, prior to a oral examination, states their name and student number!”

“But we don’t even have student numbers. We aren’t in school!”

“Come on, Dashie, this will be fun! I loved tests in school! I’m Pinkie Pie!”

“Ugh. Rainbow Dash.”

Rarity idly brushed her coat with the comb she fetched from her boutique before arriving at the park. The six mares were all seated under a large oak that still retained most of its leaves, likely due to its distance from any Running of the Leaves course. Twilight sat with her back to the tree, a small stack of papers arranged in a neat pile in front of her. Rarity experienced another moment of recollection, with Dusty at the head of a large lecturing hall detailing the expenses of a mission to a group of stuffy stallions and mares. She yawned and continued her grooming.

Once the five had stated their names, Twilight cleared her throat and began to speak. “I’m really sorry about all this girls. I guess I just wanted you all to be excited about something I’m interested in as much as me. I never wanted anything like this to happen.” She hung her head low.

“It’s okay, sugarcube. Nopony’s perfect, and we all make mistakes.” Twilight lifted her head at Applejack’s gentle tone.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Twilight!” Pinkie got up and started to bounce around as she spoke. “It was like an adventure in my head every time I turned around. One minute I’d be dabbing some icing on a cupcake, the next I’d be swiping the keys to a cage off some silly guard! It’s real hard to get bored when stuff like that’s floating around in your head.” Pinkie finished her praise and her bouncing right in front of Twilight, nose to nose with the librarian. “It was tons of fun!”

“Yeah, Pinkie’s right!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, flapping her wings and shooting up towards the branches of the tree. She looked down and continued. “It was like a Daring Do book come to life! And yes, I’m sure all of you know he contributed many interviews to the author during the writing of the series. He’s awesome, and cool, and he never gave up, no matter how hard the world tried to bring him down!” The cyan mare accentuated each point with a punch of the hoof to the air. “Today was amazing, Twilight! Everything I did was turned into a totally awesome movie that only I could watch!”

“Yeah, yeah, I hear yah Rainbow. But some of us ponies can’t work with distractions like that testing muh patience like that, every moment ov’ the day. It got pretty bad on the farm, and no way nellie am ah gunna go back there without this ‘gentlestallion’ outta mah head.” Applejack was shaking her head as Rainbow descended back down to earth. “And ya’ll should’ve seen poor Fluttershy and Rarity. You wouldn’t be saying that if you had seen them a lil’ while ago.”

Rarity felt blood rush to her cheeks. “I behaved like-” she cut herself off. “Like a total ass.” She felt a sigh escape her. “Apparently having rough and tumble adventures running through my head is not something I’m prepared for. And I certainly made a total foal of myself today.” Rarity suddenly found the grass beneath her quite fascinating. “I should’ve been stronger. Why are you always so good at keeping things together when they fall apart like this, Applejack?”

Applejack didn’t have a chance to respond before Fluttershy, surprisingly, raised her voice. “I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself, Rarity. Sometimes, when things don’t go your way, you can lose yourself in a problem.” A blush to match Rarity’s appeared on her shy face. “I would know.” Rarity looked up, remembering Fluttershy’s attempts at becoming more assertive, and smiled at the pegasus

A stiff breeze blew through the park, and Rarity shivered. Rainbow Dash broke the silence. “Are you sure you can’t just do this on some of us, Twilight?

The purple mare shook her head. “I checked the errata. It only works if the group is identical to the one lectured to. It’s quite fascinating, really, with it requiring the same herd as before. No pony really knows why it doesn’t take if the group is different, and some theories include-”

“Fine, sure I get it.” Rainbow Dash hung her head and gave a disappointed sigh, before looking up again, determination fierce in her amber eyes. “What am I thinking, feeling bad that I don’t get to experience awesomeness every day? I am awesome! One day, they’re going to give lectures on my career with the Wonderbolts, and it will be ten times as cool as this guy’s life!” She spread her wings and stomped her hooves.

“Yeah,” Pinkie added, giving Rainbow a hoof-bump. “We just need to make our own lives as fun and exciting as Dusty Ruin’s!” She turned to Twilight, eyes lit up in glee. “And I have a plan to do it! But first, lets take this test!”

Rarity added her voice to the chorus of affirmation that followed Pinkie Pie’s remark.

“I’m so lucky to have you all as my friends, girls!” Twilight was positively misty-eyed. Her expression changed quickly, though, when she broke a straight branch off the tree and rapped it on the trunk.. “Listen up, students,” giving a fair impersonation of a strict teacher drilling her fillies before a test. “When I ask you a question, you answer it! If I do NOT ask you, specifically, a question, what will you do?” She marched back and forth, nose in the air.

“Not answer?” guessed Pinkie, a grin splashed across her face

“Did I ask you to answer, Miss Pie?” Twilight spun and glared at the pink party pony.

Pinkie scrunched her face up for a few seconds, before pulling a lightbulb out of her mane and tossing it above her head. “Nope!”

Rarity had to give Twilight a lot of credit for not breaking character as laughter rolled through the park. “Very clever, Miss Pie. Enough talk!” Twilight levitated up the first of the sheets and began the quiz.

Two hours passed in the park, and the Celestia’s heavenly charge was setting in the sky to make way for her sisters’ when Twilight read off the last question.

“And what is Dusty Ruin’s next goal, in the field of nonequine history and myth? Rarity?”

“The Tomb of the Fallen Star, long rumoured to be located somewhere to the east of Zebrica, according to both their oral history and that of the great empire of Cervidas.” Rarity was initially surprised when the mention of the Tomb didn’t send her down information lane, as every other question had, but quickly berated herself for the thought. It’s the one thing he hasn’t found yet, Rarity. Of course there won’t be a vision for it. Rarity shuddered. She had come to expect the visions.

“Well done, everypony! You all did great!” Twilight reshuffled her notes back into order and set them on the ground.

Rainbow Dash gave a whoop. “I’ll pass any test you throw at me!” She gave Fluttershy a nudge. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“No... it’s different when I’m with all of you. It’s not as scary as when you’re alone.”

“Yeah, we’re all a bunch‘ve scholars, now. Lets get this outta our heads, already.” Applejack tossed her head, stretching after being stationary for so long.

“Come on Twilight, do it! Ask us to make an informed decision!” Pinkie fell into a low crouch, playfully shaking her tail, ready to pounce on the question as soon as it was asked.

“Alright, Pinkie, you first. Do you want to accept Dusty Ruin’s offer to search for and explore the Tomb of the Fallen Star?”

“You bet! It’ll be great! What better way to spice up our lives than hang out with a pony like Dusty! We can have travelling parties on the way, and I can make all sorts of friends I couldn’t staying here, and-”

Twilight stuck a hoof into Pinkie’s mouth. “We get it, Pinkie.” She turned to the next pony in the circle. “I think I already know your response to the question, Rainbow.”

The prismatic pegasus puffed out her chest and proudly stated, “I, Rainbow Dash, totally accept Dusty Ruin’s personal request to accompany him on his quest for the Tomb.” She gave a happy squeal after finishing. “I just swore an oath! Just like Daring Do at the start of one of her adventures!”

“Applejack?”

The farmer looked at Rarity for a moment before answering. “Well, Twilight, ah would say ah couldn’t go, with the orchard n’ all...”

Wait. Would say?

“But all the jam and ciders been made, all muh trees are bare, or close enough to that Big Mac alone won’t have any trouble. And Apple Bloom’s been askin’ if she could learn the tricks of selling the produce long enough that she deserves a chance to do it herself.” She paused, and gave a wide smile. “So muh schedule seems to be freed right up, at least until Winter Wrap-Up.”

Rarity couldn’t believe it. Applejack was... no, she wouldn’t.

“Is that a yes?” asked Twilight hopefully.

“Mah grandpappy, bless his soul, always talked about a trip he made down south, over the Crossing once. Said it was one’ve the most interesting things he ever did. If its good enough for him, it's certainly good enough for me to try!”

Rarity looked to Fluttershy, sitting between her and Applejack. Such a timid, fearful mare couldn’t possibly think to accept this ridiculous offer. Could she?

Twilight was all smiles. “That wonderful, Applejack!” She excitedly clapped her hooves together. “Fluttershy?”

Rarity noticed Applejack looking embarrassed and avoiding her eyes. Fluttershy was watching Pinkie and Rainbow eagerly nod their heads in encouragement. Rarity took a deep breath and held it as Fluttershy spoke.

“Um, well... it seems like Dusty Ruin is a very important pony, and not just to you Twilight, but to all of Equestria. I really think he runs around too much, for me, though. I mean, um...” Rarity’s lungs began to strain. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkle all moved in closer to hear. “I think he could learn a thing or two about asking nicely before taking something, even if it doesn’t belong to them, or it’s really important to Equestria.” She paused, giving a weak smile. “And he really needs to work on communicating with animals. They always seem so angry at him, probably because he’s too busy to listen.”

Lungs on fire, Rarity silently urged Fluttershy to get to the point.

“What I mean to say, is, maybe, um, if he had somepony to slow him down a bit, and help him with the animals, maybe he wouldn’t have to run away so much?”

Rarity let loose the breath she was holding. Fluttershy continued to speak, but Rarity was too busy thinking to listen. I can’t believe they all want to go! Who will finish my commissions? Who will grow my business into something great? Who will spend time with Sweetie Belle, my beloved sister? Who will take care of Opal?

Maybe she was being too pessimistic about the whole thing. There had to be some upsides to this, right? Going on an, ugh, adventure, wasn’t what she had planned for the rest of autumn and winter, but she’d be spending it with her friends. Whom she loved very much, and it wasn’t fair to them to shackle them to Ponyville all season just because of her, right? And maybe she’d be inspired by foreign dress, meet with royalty and diplomats and other high-class beings, before they delved into the hot, icky jungles for a couple weeks. A couple weeks of being tortured by the heat, humidity, insects, animals, and all the other 'wonders' of the jungle. Rarity huffed. Who was she kidding. It was going to be awful. But, Rarity knew her answer before Twilight opened her mouth. Most of it would be travelling, right? She could sew some pieces on the road, especially in the style of transport Dusty Ruin liked. Look at me, trying to rationalize this to myself.

Twilight was about to ask Rarity the question when Rarity held up her hoof. “Don’t bother, Twilight, I’m coming along too.” The result was exactly what she expected. Applejack and Fluttershy both gave her relieved smiles, Twilight immediately began prancing around and shouting “Yes, yes, YES!” at the top of her lungs, and Pinkie Pie whipped out some fireworks out of nowhere and somehow launched them into the air with a multicoloured bang.

Rarity felt a strange sensation, like a weight lifting off her chest, and breathed a little easier. She wasn’t sure if it was resignation at her fate, or that horrible hallucinatory sickness leaving her. Looking around at the jubilance surrounding her, she spoke softly under her breath.

“Hooray.”

On an Introvert's Introductions and Devious Deities.

As she stepped into the carpeted hallway after Twilight, Rarity’s mind was working hard, trying to come up with ways to cut down on costs or provide money for the expedition. I suppose I could use some of my rainy-day fund to purchase textiles that are native to Equestria, but rare across the sea. After all, if Aquamarine and Fair Wind were willing to put their livelihoods on the line for this, she should chip in as much as she could afford, as well.

Pausing to look around for Fluttershy, Rarity cantered after the others, trying her best to look unhurried as she swiftly moved down the hall. The thick brown carpet that muffled her hooves certainly helped the illusion. She wasn’t surprised to see no sign of the pegasus; Fluttershy had probably taken off as fast as she could, looking for a friendly face. Rarity hoped she had found one of the other girls. Just thinking about Fluttershy being alone in a large city, let alone Canterlot, gave her chills.

“I don’t think I need to stress how important it is to Equestria,” Twilight was saying to Fleur and Fancy as Rarity caught up to the group, “And to the Princess herself, that you keep this information to yourselves.”

“Not to worry, Twilight Sparkle. You and your friend’s secrets are safe with me. I’ll keep them closer to my heart than Fleur here.” That earned him a punch and a rolling of eyes from the model. “Ah, Rarity!” he said, noticing her draw near. “I knew the moment we met in the streets that you would be a mare worth bumping into, but I must admit that this wasn’t exactly what I envisioned.”

Fleur chuckled. “Liar. You just wanted to know how she was staying at Castle Canterlot.”

“I fail to see how that changes anything, my dear.” His horn glowed as he opened the door to the lobby. It hadn’t changed in the hour or so Rarity had spent in the meeting, the dark mahogany benches were still empty, and the receptionist still looked fairly bored as she sat behind her desk.

Dusty Ruin motioned for Rarity and the others to proceed to the double doors on the other side of the room, elegantly inscribed with pictures of wine glasses and tumblers. It didn’t take a genius to deduce what was behind that door. Dusty himself approached the silver-maned mare behind the desk, talking to her quietly.

Rarity frowned, thinking. “Twilight, dear, what time is it?” She used her magic to turn the handles on the door. If the financier's meeting had been scheduled for four, and Rarity had been a bit late for that, that would make it-

“Finally!” A pink blur zoomed across the room, and materialized into Pinkie Pie, hooves sticking into the chests of both unicorns. “There you two are! We’ve been waiting here for-ever!” Pinkie hooked her limbs around Rarity and Twilight’s necks and yanked them into the lounge, in a tangle of legs and manes.

“It's never just a ‘hello’ with you, is it Pinkie?” asked Twilight as she disentangled herself from the pony pile. Rarity and Pinkie Pie did the same, Rarity grumbling under her breath as she rose. Pinkie didn’t seem to notice, instead just bouncing away towards the bar, Twilight in tow.

Rarity collected herself, ignoring the grins on the faces of Fancy and Fleur behind her, and took in her surroundings The lounge shared in its construction the same dark, polished wood that the rest of the building consisted of. On the walls hung yellowing, exotic paintings of far-flung locales, and from the low, raftered ceiling hung even more tapestries. Rarity would of repainted some of the wood, just to offset the muddy tones that dominated the place. Short staircases at either end of the room granted access to the raised dais that bisected the the lounge into two parts. The lower half of the room was a open dance floor that could easily double as a stage for presentations. The upper portion contained the bar, currently staffed by a orange-maned, tan-coated pony, and about a dozen tables, of which only one was occupied.

Quickly dusting herself off, Rarity trotted up the stairs and towards the table. Rarity was simultaneously relieved and surprised to see Fluttershy sitting there, and moved in close to give the pegasus a hug. “Fluttershy, I’m happy you found Pinkie! I was worried about you!”

Fluttershy returned the embrace with gusto. “Oh, thanks Rarity, but I didn’t really find Pinkie. She found me.” Pinkie does have a habit of sneaking up on you when you least expect it, thought Rarity. Breaking the hug, Rarity looked at the other patron at the table, an old, sparsely plumed white griffon with talons black as the night sky.

“Who’s your friend?”

The slamming of six mugs of bubbly cider startled her. “The best introductions are made with a mug in hoof, Rarity!” Pinkie Pie had, in a feat of physical dexterity, managed to set down all five mugs onto the table without spilling a drop. “If you find you have nothing to say, you can just take a drink! How cool is that? Now quit your yakkin’ and get to quaffin’!” The outrageously pink pony stuffed Rarity’s hoof into the handle of the mug before rapidly pulling out a chair for the three other ponies that had yet to take a seat.

The griffon spoke, his voice low and harsh. “Raptor Alder Briskwind, of the Draftavar Eyrie.” His back straightened and the feathers on his chest puffed out as he reached across the tabled to give Rarity’s hoof a shake. The talons almost drew blood. Rarity was about to introduce herself when he continued on. “I’ve been learning a lot about what to expect from this little adventure from your friends here.” His amber eyes shone as he swept a predatory gaze over Rarity’s friends, then closed as he brought the cider to his beak.

What an unsettling griffon. Rarity chided herself. You don’t know anything about griffons, Rarity. Don’t be so quick to judge. “A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mr Briskwind.” At the mention of his name, Briskwind abruptly stopped drinking and brought the mug crashing onto the table. Did I offend him somehow? “I apologize if I did something t-”

“Drink.” Her clumsy apology was interrupted by Briskwind’s curt command.

“I’m sorry if-”

“Drink.” This time it was more of a growl than spoken Equestrian. Bringing her mug to her lips, she glanced at the rest of the table. Pinkie Pie had just returned with a mug for herself, plopping down in between Fluttershy and the griffon, and seemed oblivious to the winged predator’s aggressive bearing. Fluttershy looked alarmingly unconcerned, and both Fleur and Fancy were looking just as confused as she felt.

Once she had started to partake in some delicious cider, Briskwind continued. “Good. Now, listen. One: I don’t like you. You’re soft, cuddly, cute, and most importantly, weak. I don’t like weak things. Two, I-did I tell you to stop drinking?”

Rarity froze, mug a scant centimetre away from her lips. Slowly, she brought it back up, eyes locked onto Briskwind’s. Next to her, Fancypants coughed, and was no doubt about to speak up for Rarity, but he was silenced by a harsh stare from the griffon. Rarity began to drink down her cider again. It wasn’t quite as tasty as before.

“Good, you’re a fast learner. That’s something, at least.” Briskwind paused, then launched back into his list. “Two: I am a Raptor serving His Late Majesty, Guntram, and you will address me as such. Three: I’ve found myself responsible for keeping you miserable ponies alive on this little vacation we’re all going on, so I would greatly appreciate if you did exactly as I say for the foreseeable future. Four: Don’t talk to me. I don’t want to be your friend, and your inane chatter fails to amuse me.” He leaned back in his chair, eyes closed and arms crossed, with mug in talon. Rarity had drained half her mug, and was feeling a bit heady.

The only sound in the room was Twilight grumbling at another table as she poured over the financial ledger.

Pinkie Pie leaned in close and broke the uncomfortable silence. “We were working on him when you guys showed up,” she said in a conspiratorial whisper. “Fluttershy here thinks he’s a big softie at heart.” Rarity shook the shock out of her head and looked over at the other unicorns at the table. Fancypants lips were pursed and his brows furrowed, while Fleur looked ready to toss her drink in the griffon’s face at the slightest encouragement.

“Sir, I bel-” Fancypants barely opened his mouth before being cut off.

“Impressive, breaking two rules in a single word.” The griffon’s eyes briefly flickered open to glare at Fancypants before closing again. “I won’t tell you again. I don’t want to chit-chat, and you will call me Raptor Briskwind. Not sir, gentlegriffon, or any other foolish honorific you can come up with.” He leaned back further in his chair and downed some more of his cider.

What an abrasive being. Apparently this ‘Raptor’ Briskwind was to be their protector. He certainly looked the part. Rarity didn’t know much about feathered creatures, but even she could see the reason much of his plumage was missing was due to the numerous scars that crossed his face and body. Rarity knew even less about the Talon Kingdoms than she did about avians, but she had heard it was a harsh, cold, unforgiving place. Most places were, compared to Equestria. She wondered how a clearly military griffon would and could be hired to protect an Equestrian archaeological team. Luckily, common sense trumped curiosity and she vowed to ignore Briskwind for the rest of the evening.

“Wow, this place sure isn’t thumping.” Pinkie pie made her sage observation as she leapt back from the table, mug perched on her head. Rarity was inclined to agree, noticing how empty the place was. “You know what would liven things up?” she asked as she turned to Fluttershy.

A party, thought Rarity as Fluttershy echoed her thoughts.

“A drinking game!” Pinkie’s smile was as wide as her face would allow. She let it recede into a sly grin. “I bet you all thought I was going to say party, didn’t you?” Fluttershy gave an earnest nod. “While I’m one step ahead of you!” She looked over to the adjacent table. “You wanna play too, Twilight?” The only reply she received was muttered grumbles and the scratching of a pen.

“What are the rules of this... drinking game, Miss Pie?” Fleur had an eyebrow arched at the mug floating in front of her. encased in her magical field. Rarity had a hard time imagining a pony like Fleur de Lis drinking anything other than the finest wines, let alone getting inebriated.

“There’s only one to start! You may only use proper nouns to refer to anypony.” Pinkie Pie recited the rule almost solemnly, before instantly reenergizing herself as she explained further. “Every time you break a rule, you make a new one! No staying quiet and/or still the whole time! Last pony still standing wins!” She was practically quivering in excitement.

“It feels like a lifetime since I last participated in a soiree of this nature!” Nothing fazes you, does it, Fancy? He grinned, but then looked around the lounge. “Wins what, exactly?” Rarity was puzzled as well. Unless Pinkie was hiding her prize in her poofy mane, not entirely impossible, there was nothing nearby that could function as a trophy. Not anything visitors would be allowed to leave with, anyway, after looking at some of the paintings on the wall again.

“The best prize of all!” Pinkie Pie gave a little hop of glee. “You get to...” She stuck a hoof in her mane and retrieved a black marker from the frizzy disaster. “Draw on everypony else that’s passed out!” She tossed the marker onto the table. “Begin!”

Rarity swore she heard a gust of wind sweep through the lounge, accompanied by a low whistle. I thought these things had more... structure to them. She had never been one to engage in activities like this growing up. Being an aspiring dressmaker left her too busy with her tailoring to waste a whole night getting drunk, but she had enjoyed a stiff drink to calm her nerves every now and then. She was quite proud of her own private stock, safely hidden away from Sweetie Belle’s ever prying eyes underneath a false drawer.

Fancypants spoke first. “This reminds Fancy of Fancy’s younger days. Pinkie Pie has picked a true classic.” He raised his mug in a salute to the baker’s apprentice.

Raising a hoof to her face and fluttering her eyelashes, Pinkie looked to all the world a flattered, distinguished lady. “Thank you, sir.” Seeing the grin that spread across the unicorn’s face, Pinkie gasped. “Oh no! That’s two!” She shook her free hoof at Fancy. “Clever Fancypants. New rule! No magic!”

Three magical auras floating three mugs in the air quickly disappeared, but not quick enough for Pinkie Pie. She pointed at the three unicorns at the table and motioned for them to join her in guzzling a drink. Rarity complied, thinking. Does that mean we all make a new rule? I don’t see how anypony could still be sober after twenty minutes of this, let alone a whole night. Rarity feared for the fate of the safety meeting.

“Fleur knows the rule that would crush the Equestrians at the table and secure victory, but will decline to use it. Instead...” She paused, thinking, then smiled as inspiration struck. “The table must speak with a Prancian accent.” Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t nearly fluid enough in Fleur’s language to avoid having to down her mug every time she spoke, but could fake the accent reasonably well.

“Fancypants decrees that no words may be spoken unless all hooves are removed from any and all mugs at the table.”

“Rarity says all sentences must be statements.” Rarity wanted to smack herself with a hoof. Was she trying to get drunk?

“Trick-zee unicorns.” Pinkie’s fake prancian was awful, especially combined with the high falsetto she decided to pair it with. “Fluttairshy, tell us what you think ov Canterlot, zee city on zee ‘ill.” It was worse than awful. It was atrocious, offensive even. Rarity looked over at Fleur, who was hiding her face behind her mug, shoulders heaving in barely contained mirth.

“Pinkie Pie needs to take a drink.” Fluttershy’s accent was almost as good as her own, Rarity thought. The pegasus pointed towards Fleur’s hoof, wrapped around her mug.

“Suck le blue! Again, Pinkie ‘as to drink!” Rarity had to crack a smile at the pronunciation. From Fleur’s corner of the table came the sound of a pony struggling for breath in between bouts of silent laughter. “It pains Pinkie to do zhis, but zee new ru-all is no laughing at Pinkie’s accent!” She turned back to Fluttershy. “Zhee table awaits your answer.”

Fluttershy’s voice was soft, but Rarity could tell she was trying not to laugh. “It is... nice.” Fluttershy was smart to keep her sentences short and clipped. There was less opportunity to break rules that way.

“Fancypants is interested to know just how Fluttershy appreciates the city’s architecture and culture.” Clearly, somepony didn’t want Fluttershy to get off easy.

“Oh! Umm... Fluttershy appreciates the street planning, especially compared to Ponyville. Back home, ponies just built wherever they wanted to live.”

Pinkie jumped out of her seat and stuck a hoof at Fluttershy. “You used ‘they!’ Take a drink!”

Grinning, Rarity poked Pinkie in the side. “Pinkie Pie failed to speak in an accent, talked when Fancypants held a mug in hoof, and addressed Fluttershy using a pronoun. Three drinks.” I’m getting the hang of this.

Looking at her nearly empty mug, Pinkie frowned. “I must procure more drinks for zee group.” Realizing what she said a second after she opened her mouth, she raised a angry hoof into the air. “Pronouns!” she cursed.

The whole table, sans Briskwind, laughed.

Twenty minutes and two mugs later, Rarity was definitely feeling tipsy. Fleur had proven masterfully adept at staying within the rules of the game, even managing to avoid the alcoholic attractor that was ‘continue speaking until another pony speaks.’ She was still on her second round. Fancypants had a lazy smile on his face, no doubt a result of the three empty mugs in front of him. He had fallen easy prey to ‘address the Raptor whenever you speak.’ It seemed that Fancy couldn’t help but look his conversational partners in the eyes when he spoke. Despite the seven empty containers in front of her, Rarity could identify no discernible difference between past Pinkie and present Pinkie. Rarity was immensely proud of herself when she determined that, logically, Pinkie would of built up a huge resistance to apple cider as a result of her mass purchases from Applejack each year. Fluttershy had displayed the cunning of a goddess by excusing herself to the little filly’s room, moments before Pinkie had banned anypony from leaving the table.

Now, Fancypants was desperately speaking nonsense, while trying to keep his accent from turning into a incomprehensible, slurred mess. He pleaded with the one hoof he was still free to move about for somepony to speak up and let him stop talking.

“What in tarnation is goin’ on here?” Rarity turned, careful to leave three hooves touching the table, to see Applejack and Rainbow Dash standing right behind her. Fancypants let out a sigh of relief. Rarity turned back towards the griffon in the corner before responding.

“This table is engaged in a game of imbibement.” Rarity was careful to not use the same word twice in a sentence. “If either one of the sober mares wishes to join, take a seat and begin drinking.” Passed in flying colours, Rarity. “Rarity must speak until another individual enunciates aloud. The rules of the table will be shared upon acceptance of - Pins and needles!” she swore. Pride comes before the fall, Rarity.

Rainbow Dash sat down at Fluttershy’s vacated spot as Rarity drank deeply from her draught. “Alright! A drinking game! Is this part how we’re introducing ourselves?” Rarity looked at the rest of the table. They were likely, as she was, trying to calculate just how many rules the pegasus had broken. For her part, Rarity was far too drunk to get past seven.

“Pinkie Pie regretfull-aie informs Rrrainbow Dash zat zhee numbair of ru-alls broken totals tirteen, numairing indentical-aie to drinks owed.”

“What?”

“Zhevanteen!”

“I don’t understand anything you’re saying Pinkie. Are you feeling alright?” Rainbow Dash leaned in close to Pinkie, inspecting her. The rest of the table let out various sounds of awe. Dash is in for a world of cider. Rarity giggled, thinking to herself. More cider than she could dream in all her days of thinking! The drunk fashionista spied the bartender, eyes shining with greed, in the corner of her blurred vision. He was no doubt imagining the lengthy drink debt Rainbow Dash was accruing with every word she spoke.

Unfortunately for him, Twilight and a pack of ponies, Dusty Ruin included, appeared in a flash of sparkling magic on the lower level of the lounge. All but Twilight looked quite disoriented. When did she leave? Rarity’s mind was growing duller with every rule broken.

Twilight looked at the table, littered with the discarded mugs of the intoxicated participants. “What the? I leave you ponies alone for a few minutes, and you get completely loaded!” Her horn glowed, and the massive pile of vessels floated over to the bar. Rarity managed to hold on to her drink, carefully avoiding using magic to do so, as Twilight continued to speak. “I expected this from Pinkie Pie, but you, Rarity? Rainbow Dash? Applejack? You’re as bad as a bunch of freshmares!” She stamped her hooves in frustration. “Here I was, hoping to make a good impression with the rest of the team, but noo, you all have to make us look like a bunch of juvenile foals!”

“We were just ‘aving a good time!” Pinkie sounded hurt. Prancian, but also hurt.

Fleur shot Twilight an angry glare. “Who are you to decide how we should celebrate?”

“We jus’ got here!” complained Applejack as Rainbow Dash nodded in agreement.

“And who-” Fancypants cleared his throat and dropped his accent. “Who are these fine, upstanding ponies you’ve brought?”

A large part of Rarity was angry at Twilight for being a wet blanket, but a small, sober part of her wanted to thank the librarian for stopping things when she was still cognizant of her surroundings.

The bartender likely wanted Twilight to wait five minutes before she arrived, crushing his dreams of rolling in bits.

Twilight Sparkle huffed, before deciding to choose Fancy’s question to answer. “This,” she said, stepping aside to present an old, bespectacled lime-green earth pony in a red and yellow checkered suit, “is Wealthwise, chief financial officer of the Royal Archaeological Society.”

He gave a curt nod. “Hello.”

“This,” Twilight continued, enveloping Wealthwise, startled and kicking at air, in her telekinetic aura and shoving him off to the side, “is Greased Palm, his assistant.” Odd name, thought Rarity.

The copper pegasus gave a quick bow. “Call me Greasy, all my friends do.” His blue mane made him look like a rusty coin, which Rarity was surprised to also see on his flank. And they say too much drinking makes you stupid. I’m making connections I never would sober!

“Greasy will be accompanying us on our voyage across Eternity’s Crossing. He’s had plenty of experience dealing with the... unique monetary dealings that are required for business to be done on that side of the ocean.”

A harsh, barking laugh came from the griffon in the room. “That’s a pretty way to say bribes.” Rarity was momentarily stunned that their ‘talking totem’ was more than the statue the table had to address. Then she remembered he was a living, breathing creature. Perhaps ‘they’ are right about liquor after all.

Suddenly, a bright light shone upon Briskwind, originating from Twilight’s horn. Rarity and the other ponies at the table covered their eyes at the harsh light. “This, everypony, is Raptor Aven Briskwind, formerly in service to the late King Guntram of the Talon Kingdoms, now entrusted with the safety and security of this expedition.”

Briskwind stared into the light, unblinking. “If you’re trying to intimidate me, sorceress,” he growled. “You’ve failed.”

Twilight stared at the Raptor for a moment before shaking her head. My, her mane is a tangled mess! Twilight’s been stressing over everything, from that ledger to these introductions, since that meeting earlier. “Sure, fine, whatever.” She turned back to the other ponies she had brought with her, Greased Palm quickly getting out of the way. “Next is Loose Lips, who will be our primary translator in Cervidas and Camelu.”

With a curled, stylish mane, turquoise but streaked with white, and her baby blue coat, Loose Lips certainly cut a striking figure. Certainly in comparison to Twilight’s current condition. She was as well-muscled as Applejack, if a bit curvier in all the right places to attract (or distract) the eyes of a stallion. “A pleasure to meet you all. It is my greatest wish that we return with a treasure worthy of the admiration of all of Equestria.” Her voice cracked with every fourth word.

Rarity stifled a laugh. She’s squeakier than Sweetie Belle! Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash failed to contain their snickers. Loose Lips’ pleasant smile turned into an annoyed grimace. “No, I’m not aware of the humour inherent in the contradiction of my appearance and voice. No, it hasn’t gotten old yet, you’re the first to realize it. Ha ha.” Her voice was flat and emotionless, but still sounded squeakier than the rusted sewing machine Rarity received when she was still a foal.

“It might help if you would use smaller words,” offered Rainbow, trying to be helpful. Loose Lips just stared at her in response.

“I wish I could make ponies smile just by talking! Usually I have to resort to jokes!” Pinkie Pie didn’t even get the courtesy of a glare. Pinkie always sees the silver lining.

“Moving on,” said Twilight, rolling her eyes. “I’m sure you all already know Dusty Ruin?” she asked, pausing. A chorus of affirmatives rang out. “Good.” A zebra brought up the rear, the golden rings he wore clinking softly as he climbed the short set of stairs up. “May I present Zibius, Ambassador of Zebrica and honoured guest of Celestia.”

Unlike Zecora, the only other zebra Rarity had ever seen, who styled her hair into a simple mohawk, Zibius wore his mane in the most exotic fashion Rarity had ever seen. He had a simple golden band, located just behind his ears on the top of his head, that collected the entirety of his mane into a giant, flat disk that stretched half a metre in radius. He would never need Pinkie’s umbrella hat with a mane like that. A mane like that couldn’t possibly be mundane, but Rarity could detect no enchantments on the band or the hair itself. I’m not exactly at my best, she thought admittingly. Rarity knew that every zebra’s glyph on their flank was as unique and important as a cutie mark, but all she saw was a mess of shapes and lines.

“Before you ask, Pinkie, he does not know Zecora.” Twilight’s words made Pinkie freeze, question dying on her half-open lips.

Zibius gave a low, long bow. “Ex-ambassador, Twilight Sparkle.” His voice was rich and creamy, like caramel poured over chocolate. “It is fortunate that you are leaving on such a journey. It has been many years since I have seen the beautiful fields of the savannah, and now that my duties here are complete, I am eager to return home.”

“Did you get fired?” Rainbow Dash asked, before flinching in pain. She glared at Applejack. “What was that for?”

The zebra chuckled. “No, chromatic one. My years here have simply grown long, and I desire to return to my homeland. My replacement arrived a fortnight ago.”

Loose Lips decided to squeak up. “The ambassador has graciously offered to improve my understanding of Farasi language on the trip south.”

“Not only will Zibius be accompanying us, he’ll be bringing along his family and retinue.” Twilight pointedly looked at Pinkie and Rainbow Dash. “I don’t think I need to stress the respect this close personal friend of Celestia should be shown.”

Pinkie Pie looked up from the match she was trying to light, glancing first at Twilight, then at the cannon stuffed with confetti sitting next to her. “I meet a bazillion new ponies today, and you’re going to be a super-duper-party-pooper?”

“This is serious, Pinkie. I don’t think anypony would appreciate your usual antics right now.” Twilight swept her gaze around the room. “Do you really think we have time for a party right now?”

“Right now is the best time for a party, Twilight! How can we get comfortable around each other without breaking the ice?” Pinkie Pie cocked her head, questioning the librarian. “And remember how much fun you had at your first night in Ponyville?”

“I tried to sleep through most of that, Pinkie. And this isn’t Ponyville.” Twilight’s voice had taken a hard edge. I don’t like where this is going, thought Rarity.

“You can’t argue with facts, Twilight. You had a party the first night you met all of us.” The party pony sat on her haunches and brought her hooves to her hips. “Look how well that turned out! Now everypony in Ponyville is your friend!”

“I didn’t want your stupid party in the first place, Pinkie! Now be quiet and let me finish.”

Rarity let out a gasp. She could barely believe her ears. The rest of the Ponyville folk looked just as shocked. Even the strangers in the room could tell this was a serious faux pas. Fleur met her gaze as she swept the room, giving her a look that screamed ‘See what careless words can bring.’

Pinkie Pie narrowed her eyes dangerously. “You’re nothing but a party tyrant, Twilight.” she said, shaking her head gravely. “Do you know what happens to tyrants in Equestria?” In a swift motion, Pinkie struck the match, lit the fuse, and turned the cannon towards Twilight.

Every pair of eyes in the room widened in alarm. “Vive la Revolution!” cried Pinkie, as fuse grew shorter and shorter.

Rarity was suddenly struck by something hard, then yanked towards where her memory told her a table should be. An instant later, the cannon exploded, sending a shockwave of force through the room and filling it with smoke and small, sparkling scraps. The ringing in her ears, combined with the alcohol in her system and the confetti swirling through the air, completely disoriented her. She heard a muffled shout just before a heavy weight was thrown on top of her. Whatever it was, it was squirming. Did somepony just jump on me?

A few seconds later, after she regained the use of her senses, Rarity took a look around. The first thing she noticed was the fact that she was on the ground, underneath the table she was sitting at. The second thing she noticed was Briskwind’s wild-eyed expression as he hunkered down next to her, muttering something about ‘bombers,’ and ‘getting to cover’. The third thing she noticed was the inebriated merchant gracelessly draped across her. Finally, confetti was everywhere. Rarity was dumbfounded. “What happened?”

The sound of her voice cutting through the various groans that filled the rest of the room seemed to bring the Raptor out of whatever funk he was in. He looked around, growled, and shook his head. “Stupid ponies. What kind of moron fires artillery in a bar?”

Rarity squinted at the griffon. “Did... did you throw everypony under the table?”

“Maybe. What does it matter?” he growled in response.

Shrugging off the still dazed Fancypants, Rarity crawled out from under the makeshift shelter. Pinkie Pie was bouncing around a particularly dense concentration of confetti that had to be Twilight, a flag with a crossed out frowny face sticking out of it. The ponies and zebra that were at the top of the stairs had all instantly fled back down to the lower level, and were peeking through the banister at the chaos they had avoided. Dusty Ruin had been standing right next to Twilight when the cannon had gone off, and had suffered the worst collateral damage. He seemed to be some sort of half-pony half-party animal hybrid, glittering like a disco ball as he blinked to get the irritants out of his eyes.

“Consarnit, Pinkie, ya didn’t have t’ be so direct.” Applejack’s head popped up from the other side of the table. Pinkie stopped bouncing around, and stuck her tongue out at the farmer.

“Granny Pie always said that when somepony’s being cranky, they usually just need some nappy time.” She looked fondly at her party cannon, a wisp of black smoke rising from its mouth. “And I have yet to find a problem that can’t be solved by applying judicious amounts of party favours to it!”

Cracking his back and moaning in pain as he appeared out from under the table Fancypants used his magic to clean the stray bits of confetti off his jacket. “Copious amounts of cider and dangerous explosives? It feels as if I’ve gone back in time.” He leaned his head back under the table, nudging Fleur. “Are you alright, dear?”

A most undignified grunt originated from under the table. “Equestrians. I find myself in agreement with our rough griffon friend. Who would use explosives indoors? A madmare!”

Dusty Ruin gave Pinkie a smile, flecked with glitter. “Ha! I hope there’s more of that spunk and can-do attitude left in you, young lady! A bit of that sprinkled into our adventure and it will be the journey of a lifetime!” He walked over and lightly punched her side. Not all of us are looking for that one last exciting adventure before retirement, Dusty, thought Rarity. And Celestia knows that encouragement is the last thing Pinkie needs.

“Any more ‘spunk,’ and I’d be enjoying some unicorn meat, seasoned with black powder.” Briskwind sounded both disappointed and angry. Rarity tried to derail the train of thought that followed that statement as hard as she could.

“Don’t you worry, Rappy! I’ve tested this loadout hundreds of times, and never had any serious, permanent injuries!” Rarity found the metal image of Pinkie standing in front of a cannon as she lit it far preferable to what her imagination did with ‘Rappy’s’ comment.

“Wonderful. I’m looking forward to spending three months trying to keep you from killing yourself.”

“Great! I love having griffons look out for me! In fact, I love having anyone look out for me!” Pinkie’s smile and good cheer stood their ground against Briskwind’s sarcasm.

The Raptor turned to Dusty Ruin. “I think this one is far more lethal than any wild beast we’ll come across. All I need to do to clear our path is fly ahead of the group and warn those beasties that she’s coming to them.” He lifted a talon to his temple. “Permission to leave, Ruin?”

Nodding his head, the archaeologist watched the griffon step over Twilight’s unconscious form and out the doors. He nudged Twilight with a hoof, then turned to Pinkie Pie. “I think he’s warming up to you, Pinkie. Usually it takes a week or two for him to start using sarcasm, but you accomplished that in less than a hour!”

Pinkie gasped in delight. “Really! I didn’t even have to sing a song to get him to like me? Usually I have to sing a song! Or throw a party. Either or works, really. Sometimes, for the really stubborn ponies, I have to do both. This one time, I had to get cursed to make a friend!” Rarity tuned out Pinkie’s chatter and looked to the others.

Wealthwise was laughing at Greased Palm, no doubt relishing the fact that he would be staying safe and comfortable in Canterlot while his assistant got his hooves dirty. Loose Lips was banging her head against the wooden wall, likely wondering just what she had signed up for. The ex-ambassador was busy shaking the party favours out of his strange mane, but Rarity thought she saw the ghost of a smile on his face.

Rainbow Dash trotted up to Dusty. “Are we done here?” she asked. She beat her wings to clear off the confetti covering Twilight, causing the flag to lose its support and fall to the ground.

Dusty Ruin looked at Pinkie Pie. “She does this sort of thing often?”

“All the time. I’m pretty sure Ponyville has more parties and celebrations, complete with the full Pinkie experience, than anywhere else in Equestria.” Rainbow’s voice was filled with pride.”

“And they are all,” he gestured at the knocked out mare, “like this?”

“Pinkie really has only one setting.”

“Perfect!”

Applejack moved over to the purple unicorn sprawled out on the floor, knelt down, and yanked Twilight onto her back. “Pardon, ‘scuse mah, coming through.” The ponies got out of her way, but she stopped before going through the doors. “Ah’m Applejack, by the way. Pleasure to meet y’all.” She tipped her hat. “Doc, did Twi’ happen to mention where we’re staying to ya?”

“Castle Canterlot. In her old tower, I believe. Something about ‘making it a sleepover’.”

The orange mare nodded. “Thank you sir.” she said, then pushed her way into the lobby.

Loose Lips stared at the swinging door. “The RAS will be a great way to utilize your gift for language, Loosey. Nothing bad could possibly happen to you, no, never.” She sighed.

Rarity cleared her throat. “I’ve been remiss in my introductions. My name is Rarity, dressmaker by trade. Perhaps you’ve seen one of my designs?” Blank stares. “Perhaps not. My pegasine friend here is Rainbow Dash,” she saw Rainbow puff out her chest and spread her wings at the mention of her name, “the only pegasus in living memory capable of performing a sonic rainboom.”

“And the fastest flier in Equestria!”

“Indeed. The pony busy reloading her cannon is, as you may have well picked up by now, is Pinkie Pie.” Pinkie gave a wave at the mention of her name, then returned to stuffing the cannon with recycled confetti and glitter. “She is, believe it or not, an apprentice baker. She grows on you.” The blast Pinkie Pie had set off really cleared her head.

“I’m sure I don’t need to introduce the eminent Fancypants, merchant extraordinaire, nor his lovely companion Fleur de Lis.” Rarity noticed Greased Palm as he straightened his posture at Fleur’s mention. “Unfortunately, they will not be joining us on our trek south.”

“And, finally, there is...” Rarity trailed off, searching. Where IS Fluttershy? Rarity searched her memories, trying to recall where Fluttershy disappeared to.. After a few moments, she remembered. “Rainbow Dash, would you mind retrieving Fluttershy from the fillies’ washroom?”

Pausing only to grace Rarity with a quick salute, Rainbow dashed over the the door to the bathroom.

“Fluttershy is an animal warden in our hometown of Ponyville,” Rarity continued, “And I’m sure you are all have many questions, likely involving some form of ‘what in Celestia’s name are you misfits doing on this expedition?’” The small audience looked at eachother, then hesitantly nodded. “I can assure you all that our importance and role in this journey will be revealed as Dusty Ruin sees fit.” Hoping she hadn’t overstepped her bounds, Rarity glanced over to Dusty Ruin, who was busy picking coloured flakes out of his coat. At the mention of his name, he looked up, gave an absent nod, then went back to cleaning his coat.

Loose Lips was unimpressed. “You know what? For my life, this is par for course. Mysterious mares with unknown motives and explosives is the next logical step in my inexorable descent into miserableness.”

Somepony got far too much stick and not nearly enough carrot. “Any other... comments? Questions?”

Greased Palm raised a hoof, looked at it, blushed, and brought it back down. “Any other enigmatic companions coming along besides you six?”

Rarity was about to say no, but caught herself. “I’m unsure as to the exact identities of the crew of the ship and trains we’ll be travelling on, but I understand they will be under the employ of Aquamarine and Fair Wind.” She frowned in realization that she had overlooked something. “Where is Fair Wind?” Everypony around her looked at each other in confusion.

When Rarity had last seen the pegasus, he had left for the lounge with his two friends, the gambling house ponies. But Fair Wind was nowhere to be found. “Has anypony seen a roan pegasus, yellow-maned, with a cutie mark of a loaded ship on his flank?” Her question received only shaking heads and muttered apologies in response. Perhaps his friends convinced him to see if his ‘lucky streak’ would prove profitable at their casinos?

“It is against Fair Wind’s nature to break a promise, even one as casual as this,” said Fancypants, walking up to her. “I should've noticed his absence sooner, but...” he looked at the pile of empty mugs next to the bar, and at the stallion sobbing behind it. “Cheer up, good sir! Confetti is easy to clean!” The stallion lifted his face from the bar only momentarily before it thudded back onto the polished wood.

Fleur followed behind. “You think too highly of him, Fancy.” She strode through the room towards the door, pausing only to look back and beckon Fancypants to follow. “I’m sure I’ll find him moaning about losing another hoof at the blackjack table.”

Fancypants nodded. “Best get to him before security needs too. He can be quite a hoof-full.”

Flicking her tail at his rear as he passed by, Fleur chuckled. “What kind of mare do you think I am, to let you enter a casino in such a state?” Her voice grew fainter as she left the lounge. “I know how you get with a bit of cider in you; throwing caution to the wind! If I let you in there you’d take a seat right next to him!” Fancypants’ sputtered objections were too distant to parse out.

That problem solved itself. If Rarity couldn’t trust those two with finding Fair Wind, she had made a grave error in revealing the Elements of Harmony to them. Now to see everypony off. She raised her voice and addressed the remaining ponies in the bar. “I, for one, have had quite enough adventure for one day, and I’m sure some of you must be tired as well. We should all be well-rested for our departure tomorrow at,” she paused, looking at Dusty Ruin.

“Nine, at the Canterlot station. The train departs at ten.”

“Thank you, sir.” She turned back to the group. “I know that we are not exactly what you were expecting, but I’m sure we’ll all become the best of friends by the time our journey ends.” Rarity’s best smile was probably ruined by the flakes of shredded paper in her mane, but it was better than nothing.

“Best of pals. Absolutely.” Loose Lips tossed her mane and headed out the door. You can take your attitude with you, thought Rarity.

Zibius gave a deep bow of his head. “I hope you speak words of truth, Rarity.” The gracious Zebrican followed the sullen translator into the lobby. Rarity hoped that he’d share some of his positive outlook with the mare. Celestia knew she needed it.

Pushing her snide thoughts out of her head, she turned to the last two remaining ponies on the lower level: Greased Palm and Wealthwise. “Take care, gentlestallions.” Both ponies gave a tip of their heads before leaving, chatting amicably as they did so.

And then they were five. Dusty Ruin was deep in conversation with Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash had just emerged from the bathroom with a pink and yellow mass draped across her back. Rarity raised an eye, and Rainbow answered her unspoken question.

“I found her passed out next to the stall. How much did you let her have?” The pegasus gave a low chuckle. “I’m surprised she didn’t wake up when Pinkie’s cannon went off.”

Rarity smiled and shook her head. “She had barely more than a single mug. The poor dear clearly has no tolerance for alcohol.”

“No kidding! Don’t worry though, I made sure she paid the price of defeat.” Rainbow Dash sounded smug.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you guys were playing with Pinkie Pie, right? I know how she plays.” Rainbow Dash fished a black marker out from under Fluttershy. “I wonder how long she’ll take to notice next morning?”

Rarity, fearing the worst, trotted around the wannabe Wonderbolt until Fluttershy’s head came into view. She lifted up the pink mane, but let it go and gave out a gasp. “Rainbow! How could you?”

“Hey, she knew what the risks were! She knew what would happen if she lost!”

Rarity gently moved the hair out of the way again to get a better look. “Well, at least you kept it reasonable.” Fluttershy sported a thin, black marker mustache on her muzzle. Rarity almost shocked herself when she held in her giggle.

“She’ll be fine.” Rainbow Dash tossed the marker towards Pinkie Pie. “Hey Pinkie, you coming?”

“Don’t worry about me, girls! Dusty-wusty here wants me to go over a few things with him!”

Rarity arched an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“Like how to party, Pinkie Pie style!” Dusty Ruin had the stupidest grin Rarity had ever seen on his face. “Pinkie has me quite convinced that my retirement party can and should last the three months we’ll be gone. I can’t think of any reason why I should dissuade her.”

“It’s going to be the best bowing-out bash ever!” Pinkie brought her hooves up and gave a cheer. “We can have a different cake from a local bakery every day! And play every town’s favourite game! Oh, and we can’t forget getting you presents! Although,” Abruptly halting her celebratory anticipation, Pinkie brought a hoof to her chin and scratched. “Ninety days is an awfully long time. We might run out of gift ideas before then.”

Dusty Ruin just laughed. “Don’t worry, Pinkie my dear! The only present I want is to find that tomb! Can you do that for me?”

“You bet!”

Rarity saw Rainbow Dash roll her eyes. “Come on Rarity, let’s leave these two to their planning.” The laden-down pegasus started for the door. Rarity gave one last look at the party planner and the archaeologist, shrugged, and followed Rainbow Dash out. Their conversation followed Rarity as she left.

“So, what do you prefer: balloons or ribbons? Pastries or sweets? Neon or lasers?

Travelling, Pinkie Pie style.

Canterlot might shine like the sun itself during the day, thought Rarity as she floated her discarded saddlebags and placed them in Twilight’s closet, but it certainly gleams like the moon at night. The view of the city from the gigantic window of the tower was certainly breathtaking, showcasing the sleek white architecture the city was famous for. Tall, slender spires seemed to glow where the moon’s light touched the alabaster stone, and the golden ornaments that sat at their apex glimmered like the stars in the sky.

Twilight’s old haunt was a ancient, repurposed mage tower on the edge of the University of Canterlot campus. The unicorn had often told Rarity how honoured she was to be the next star pupil of Celestia, to be living in the very same tower that had housed countless others before her. Magnum Opus. Astral Aspect. Flux. Their portraits lined the room, and while they all looked, physically, very different, Rarity could tell they all fit the same mold as Twilight. Perhaps it had something to do with the blackboard filled with arcane writings behind each of the posing ponies.

The University and all of its assorted satellite buildings took up one of the great slices of Canterlot, and also served as this terrace's green space. Rarity was offered a fantastic view of all three terraces due to the tower’s height, with the crowded residential neighbourhoods lower down the mountain, and the breathtakingly beautiful royal platforms above.

This might be my last quiet moment for a while. Twilight was tucked into her bed, unconscious. Fluttershy was slumbering on a couch, with a blanket draped over her. Applejack and Rainbow Dash had challenged each other to a drinking contest at some seedy tavern one of Applejack cousin’s owned. They had both justified their ‘quest’ with the notion that they had somehow ‘missed out’ on the fun. Pinkie Pie had stayed with Dusty Ruin to hammer out a comprehensive party plan, and Rarity could only imagine the trouble that would cause later. But for now, it was just her.

Rarity fetched her collapsible drafting easel from her bags and got to work. The spectacular view of the capital at night was sure to inspire her, and she had a couple hours before it was necessary for her to retire for the evening. More than enough time to commemorate her... Rarity searched for the right word to describe her day. Interesting, I think. Inadequate, but this was a rather peculiar day. Letting her creative juices flow always calmed her down, and this night would be no exception.

Minutes turned into hours as Rarity’s pen danced across the canvas sheets. Her first iteration was far too bulky to reflect the sheer design of Canterlot, perched precariously as it was on the side of a mountain. The second was far too fragile to represent its power. The eight was a monstrosity inspired by mushrooms growing upon the trunk of a tree, born of a foolish and unsuitable visual comparison. The ninth was also inspired by mushrooms, but that draft she filed away. It had potential, just not for this project. She recalled how the castle and city had looked gussied up for the Gala, and later for Hearth’s Warming Eve, but threw out both designs halfway through. She wanted Canterlot as it always was, not when it was celebrating.

Three hours, and a basketful of scrunched paper later, Rarity had done it. The colours had been easy: White, gold and black. A tiara and matching hoofboots inspired by the royal regalia: Half creamy pearl, half midnight blue. Slight and understated shoulderpads, nothing like the ridiculous excess of a few decades ago, just enough to evoke the lithe bearing of the many turrets of Canterlot. An intricate lace hem, a latticed white and gold skirt, a black and gold corset under a gold and black blouse, oh it would be perfect! Rarity spun aimlessly around, overjoyed and excited to bring her vision into reality.

“I think some would say it would be more cohesive without the colours of the night.” Rarity stopped doing her dressmaking dance and froze. She slowly turned her head, desperately wishing that the voice she heard did not belong to whom she thought it did.

Princess Luna, the somewhat recently returned Royal Pony Sister, stood near the door, leaning against one of the many bookcases that lined the interior walls of the tower. How much had she seen? Oh my Celestia, how improper! I’ve made a fool of myself! She instantly fell into a deep bow. “Princess! I did not expect you! If I ha-”

“Calm yourself, Rarity, and rise. I am not here, truly, as a princess. And I doubt you mean to wake your companions.” Princess Luna slowly walked towards the just-completed drawing of the dress. Rarity dared not say a word, for fear of interrupting Her Majesty. Luna paused in front of the easel, and ran a hoof across the broad pen strokes that depicted the dress. “Your work is beautiful.”

“Thank you, Princess.” Rarity was still breathless. What was Luna doing here? Her mind tortured her with the worst possible things it could imagine. Did Blueblood send his aunt to punish me? Am I going to be exiled for mocking the Prince? Am I-

“Rarity.” Princess Luna’s call snapped Rarity back into reality. “I had hoped to speak to Twilight and yourself about this, but I suppose she can rest. Do you pay any attention at all to the politics of the realm?”

She had to shake her head. “I’m afraid I paid little attention to them, beyond any connection to the fashion industry. At least, not until today, Your Majesty.” What did Twilight do?

“Call me Luna, please. I am not surprised. Most ponies are content with their local elections, these days. It was different, back... in the past.” Rarity could imagine. The brief period of time she had spent pouring over history books painted a very different Equestria a thousand years ago than the one she knew. The nobility were often called upon to defend Equestria from threats political or supernatural; Everything from monstrous terrors from the bowels of the wild forests to territorial disputes with ponies that did not recognize the Regal Sisters. Both threats required certain expectations from both the nobility itself and the ponies they ruled on behalf of Celestia. “All ponies had a clear purpose. Those who would become the nobles were the first to rush headlong into any force that threatened Equestria. Many sacrificed their lives defending those who lacked the skill or conviction to fight.”

Rarity was growing confused. Did Luna pop by to give a history lesson? Regardless, she stayed quiet and let Luna continue to speak. “The vast majority of ponies that did not fight were only too eager to support those that did. The warriors wealth grew. Within a few generations those proud families were far wealthier than any farmer or craftsmare. Most, it may surprise you, were not unicorns, but pegasi. Odd, considering every Archduchess and Vicereine is a unicorn.” Rarity was surprised. If Luna was telling the truth, where are the ancient pegasus houses?

Luna answered her question. “Pegasi were called to battle Our greatest foes in those ancient days: The clans of the griffons and the varied flights of dragons that threatened Our existence. Most did not survive, but Equestria did. As the years passed, the world learned that Equestria was not to be trifled with. Only once did We have to halt the movement of the heavens, to flex Our divine strength when Our mortal subjects’ failed.” A cloud passed over Luna’s face, momentarily, but she continued after a short pause. “The nobles of that time enjoyed lives of great luxury, but they were acutely aware of their duties. That there was a price to pay for their decadence, that could be paid for at any moment. Can you, Rarity, say the same of their present ancestors?”

Rarity had a sneaking suspicion that Luna was approaching the point of her speech. “No, Your Majesty, I cannot.” She thought of Fair Wind’s frustrations on the street, of Blueblood’s actions and demeanor at every occasion she had met him, and of Ravencrest’s callous judgement at the meeting. “What happened?”

Luna’s mouth became a thin line. “I do not know, personally. I fell into my rage and jealousy just after Equestria annexed Reinice. My efforts at catching up with history have revealed that, aside from the odd territorial dispute with Prance and Germaneigh whenever somepony finds something valuable close to the border, Reinice’s defeat and occupation was the last major military action in Equestrian history.”

Rarity’s mind worked faster than any of her sewing machines. “Are you saying, Pri-,” she corrected herself, “Luna, that the reason the nobility can be such, well, snobs, is because they haven’t had anything to fight for a millenium?”

“An astute, but incorrect observation.” Luna stared out the window, straight at her moon. “I suspect their current disposition is a result of my return. Many are... fearful with my plans for the future.”

Taken aback, Rarity fell gracelessly to her rump. Quickly composing herself before the Princess could notice, she spoke, hopefully without a quiver of apprehension in her voice. “Why would the nobility be fearful of your return? Do they not realize you were cleansed of corruption?”

Luna gave a humorless laugh. “It is not Nightmare Moon they fear, Rarity,” she said, turning around to stare Rarity in the eyes. “It is Princess Luna they cower from.” Luna sighed deeply. “I had thought, except for Nightmare Night, that Celestia had done an incredible job of guiding Equestria while I was absent. For more than a year, I lived inside the archival catacombs, pouring over everything I had missed. My visit to your town was my first exposure to modern society, on the only issue I took umbrage with. After Twilight educated me on the holiday’s present incarnation, I felt I was done with the past. I wanted to shape the future.” Luna stared off to the side and above, thinking. “Where were you on that most glorious of nights?”

Images of madly stitching together four costumes at once as the sun drew ever closer to the horizon that fateful day coursed through Rarity’s mind. “Working, Your Majesty. You know how it is."

“Quite. Regardless, Celestia agreed. We planned to have me sit on the sessions of the Grand Stable, to listen to those who We trust to rule Our subjects. She still urged caution, however, and suggested I swear not to introduce any legislation for a vote, nor to pass a decree, until the night of the Winter Moon Festival. Flush with my recent success, I agreed.” Luna’s tone held bitter regret, twisted around harsh sarcasm. “How could I hope to understand the intricacies of the Stable without weeks of observation? To improve upon the structure without disturbing the framework or foundation?” Luna fell quiet, almost seething.

Rarity was struck by the frustration etched all over Luna’s immortal face. “You were... disappointed, Your Majesty?” she asked, gently.

“That is putting it mildly, Rarity. Do you wish to know the complex inner workings of Equestria’s government? How they decide which pony gets what and how much?” Luna pounded a hoof on the floor. The sound was magically muffled, no doubt by Luna herself, but the blow was powerful enough to crack the stone. “Those thoroughbred ingrates have only one decision to make: How much shall I give myself today? The selfishness and greed on display was heartbreaking, Rarity. For three weeks I held out hope that what I saw was an anomaly, I clinged to the foalish hope that what I saw was not the truth. How could townsponies like yourself live in the same world as avaricious snakes like them?”

Rarity didn’t know what to say to that. Luna herself despised the nobility?

“I tried to rouse my sister to action, but She refuses to interfere. She vowed, long ago, to let ponies guide their own fate. ‘It is Our role to protect and advise, not to command.’” Luna snorted. “Celestia refuses to see the failure of the Grand Stable. So it sits, rotting and poisoning the Equestria I love with all my being.” Storm clouds gathered around the tower, visible through the window, and Rarity saw the leafless trees sway in a stiff wind. “I would like nothing more than to tear down its shining walls and show all who dwell within the true purpose of their station, to throw them at the greatest monsters that still roam this world, and demand that they repay their long overdue debt to Equestria.”

Lighting cracked, splitting the sky, and the rumble of thunder echoed through the structure. Luna rose into the air, window at her back, and her eyes glowed with all the power the moon could muster. “I would see them stripped bare of title and privilege, to know the suffering their idle greed has caused. Celestia has warned me of my desire, called me hasty, rash, impulsive. She is a fool.” The window shattered, and wind tore through the hole, sending shards of glass throughout the room. Rarity was amazed that Fluttershy and Twilight had not yet awoken.

“The stink of the camel can be tolerated, given time. That does not make the camel smell any less repulsive. Celestia has lived with the stench of corruption for centuries, and hides it with a sweeter scent.” Luna’s eyes flickered to Twilight’s sleeping form before flashing back to Rarity. “What do you say, dressmaker? Am I hasty? Rash? Cruel?”

“I- I don’t know, your gr- Princes, I mean, Luna” Rarity stammered. Dear Celestia! She’s turning back into Nightmare Moon! Frantically, she looked for an escape, but found none. There would be no way she could outrun the winged goddess. It was a moot point anyway, as she could never leave Fluttershy and Twilight with such a villain.

“I would call myself,” Luna paused, and suddenly, the clouds, lightning, the wind, everything was gone. Rarity sensed the silencing spell has been removed as well. “Mad. Insane. Crazed, if you prefer.” The window was repaired, and the room was once again neat and pristine. Luna alighted on the smooth stone floor, and gave Rarity a wicked smile. “Have no fear, Rarity. That was all in jest.” The lunar Princess gave her a wink. “Mostly.”

Rarity stood, frozen, her heart racing. She felt her eye twitch involuntarily. “Am I to understand, Princess Luna,”, she whispered, “that everything you have said to me was a lie? That you do not, in fact, wish to tear Equestria apart with a deranged justification of ‘paying off a debt?’”

Luna gave her a waxing smile, and whispered back. “Most of my words rang true, Rarity. Only my intentions were falsified.”

“I see. In that case,” Rainbow Dash told me how much Luna had warmed up to tricks that night, but this... Rarity levitated the pillows set out for her and the rest of the group, stacked neatly in a pile in the corner. “It's time for you to repay a debt you now owe me, Princess.”

Eyes wide as saucers, Luna took a step back. “What are you planning to do with those pillows, Generosity?”

Rarity emulated the evil, mirthless smiles of Discord and Nightmare Moon as best she could. “I think you know, Luna.” The first pillow shot through the air, driving Luna backwards. the second caught her as she was still unbalanced, and took out both of her front legs. The regal goddess fell to the floor, but Rarity rushed in, giving no quarter. Before Luna could recover, Rarity pummelled her with pillow after pillow. At some point during her merciless barrage, Luna managed to flick Rarity’s horn with a hoof, disrupting her hold over the impromptu weapons. Tossing Rarity onto an unoccupied couch, Luna leapt to her hooves.

The tide of battle had turned. Rarity still had three of the pegasus-down stuffed pillows, but Luna now controlled two. The combatants circled one another, looking for a break in each other’s defenses. Silently, Rarity lunged forward with her three pillows at once, knowing Luna could only hope to block two. In a swift motion, however, the Princess sprang forward, and the pillows collided into each other behind her. Luna brought her own two fluffy weapons together, crushing Rarity’s head in their soft embrace. She dropped her tenuous hold on her pillows, and muffled “I yield!” as best she could through the fabric.

After unlocking the pillows from Rarity's face, Luna tsked. “You sought to challenge a goddess in the field of battle? I thought you wiser than that, dressmaker.”

“You sought to terrify me with an elaborate and very believable ruse, Your Majesty. I had to respond.”

“Indeed.” The Ruler of the Night Sky let out a small giggle. I just had a pillow fight with royalty! Rarity had to join in with her own laughter. After she pulled a prank on me! Now they were both trying to stifle their merriment. “I think,” Luna began, before stuffing a hoof in her mouth to prevent a torrent of snickers from escaping. “I think we should excuse ourselves to the cooking quarters.”

Rarity could only nod in response, not trusting herself to remain silent if she opened her mouth. She followed her Princess into the small kitchen, then burst out a weeze of laughter as soon as the door closed. Time has a funny way of passing when you’re in such a state, and all it took was one glance from Luna to set her right back into a fit of giggles. As such, when the pair finally emerged, Rarity had no idea if she had spent five minutes or an hour doing nothing but trying to stop laughing.

Luna cleared her throat and effortlessly hopped halfway across the room to an open couch. “Join me, Rarity?” Her voice was serious, but not formal.

“Of course, Your Majesty.” She strolled towards the couch, careful to avoid looking at the pillows too closely, and sat down next to Luna.

“I may not wish to see them dead or exiled, but the Grand Stable requires change in order to function again. I had hoped to keep my plans for the noble court a secret, but one day I found their behaviour too deplorable to watch.” Luna sighed wistfully. “I wish I could take my actions that day back. It would make my task far easier.” She hardened her expression. “I plan on diverting half of their incomes to a new great gathering of ponies, Rarity. Not another Stable, fit only for lords, ladies, and their descendants. A place for the common pony to speak and be heard.”

What do you have planned, Princess? Rarity could tell Luna was on a bit of a roll, so she let her continue.

“I think I shall call it the Corral Commons. It shall be filled with those the laypony has deemed best suited for leadership, the mayors and reeves to start. I doubt it will be entirely successful in it first few years, but it will be in its infancy. I will sit on it myself, as adjudicator. Hopefully,” she stressed the word, “the Commons will inspire the Stable to better their service to Equestria. Competition and conflict has brought out the best in them before, and I hope it could do so again.

“Not harmony?” Rarity alarmed herself at the directness of her own question.

Luna smiled. “Harmony alone does not a great nation make. There must be a passion, a desire to do better than your neighbours, to never be fully content with what you have. I hope a legitimate challenge to their authority brings out the best in them, that they will show Equestria why they are needed.”

“That is all very interesting, Your Majesty, but, forgive me for asking this.” Rarity faltered for a moment, before sending her hesitance down a deep, dark hole. “What does all this have to do with me?”

Luna smiled. “Well, have you not been listening, Rarity? I said I wanted them to earn their place of power, through their own deeds, not as a result of the inertia of history.” Luna got to her hooves and spread her wings. “You must of realized by now that my nephew and the other Archduchess will hunt for the Tomb of the Fallen Star themselves, yes? Imagine how much more interesting the race will be if both teams are forced to scrounge for every spare bit.”

Rarity gasped. “You didn’t!”

“I did.” Luna beat her wings and took to the air, with all the noise of an owl. “I trust you and your friends will test their resolve, and I hope to see them test yours. Good luck, Rarity.” The Princess of Dusk dissolved into a cloud of purple smoke, then seeped through the mortared stone of the tower into the blackness of the night.

“Well, this certainly makes things interesting.”

On the Trials of Traingoing and the Presumption of Princes

“Careful with that, please!”

The two earth ponies straining under the weight of her ‘mobile’ dressmaking contraption (It still lacked a name) returned her perfectly reasonable demand with dirty glares. Well, they certainly aren’t getting a tip. Rarity stood on the train platform, garbed in a very appropriate manner: a frilly gown in blue, purple, grey and black, all the colours of the night. It even had a matching sun umbrella, enchanted to emulate the night wherever it cast a shadow. It certainly kept Rarity cool in the unusually hot morning sun.

Yesterday had certainly been an adventure. Rarity had never imagined that the trip would become so exciting and dramatic before they even left Canterlot, let alone Equestria. She could scarcely believe the tangled web of courtly politics she had been dragged into. Blueblood, Fancypants, Fair Wind, Princess Luna. They all had their own lofty goals and motivations, and it made her humble goal of designing perfect dresses seem a little less important.

Rarity pushed the traitorous thought out of her mind. Dressmaking was all about making the world a better, more beautiful place. In a way, wasn’t that what everypony was trying to do? Besides, looking good was important enough on its own.

Rarity looked over to Applejack, standing a little further down the platform, keeping a close eye on her precious produce. The barrels the apples were stored in would keep them cool and fresh almost indefinitely, provided the seal on the cases remained unbroken. The magic that aided earth ponies in their farming extended to transportation as well, so long as the cargo was well secured. The enchantment on the barrels was quite sturdy, but it wasn’t unheard of for a case of fruit to be packaged fresh but arrived spoiled and rotten due to somepony clumsily dropping a container.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash had arrived at Twilight’s tower shortly after Luna’s departure, and Rarity had been eager to share the Princess’ words with anypony. Unfortunately, both mares had gone far past tipsy and straight into smashed. Cries of ‘Woona who?’ and ‘Yer right, Rarity, a pillow fight would be a goo-GREAT idea,’ quickly informed Rarity that discussion of the night’s revelations should wait until morning.

When the light of dawn pouring through the huge window awakened Rarity, she did her best to relay the events of the past evening while freshening up for the day ahead. All of her friends had been surprised at Luna dropping by, and that surprise turned into alarm when Rarity did a very good impression of the regal sister’s outrage at the nobility. But nothing threw the group more than Rarity’s claim of a Princess pillow fight.

“You did what?” Twilight had cried.

“Honestly dear, you shouldn’t be surprised. The only information I had on Luna was what you told me after Nightmare Night. You said she had been taken with the idea of frightful pranks, and when she revealed that her little ‘doom and gloom’ tirade had been rather less than truthful, I did what I would've done if it had been any of you.”

Applejack had been doubtful. “Your first instinct would’ve been to hit any of us with a pillow?”

“Well, dear, this is a sleepover.”

Then, after Twilight had apologized for being an utter maniac, in her own words, the six collected their things and had left for the station. Rarity made sure she would be leaving Equestria looking her best; after all, she’d be gone for months and wanted to be remembered fondly. They had been the first to arrive, Twilight scampering off to handle to details at the station office, and since their luggage was already at the station, it seemed prudent to begin loading it on. So now Rarity found herself fretting over her gear as Applejack kept a close eye on her crop.

A familiar snort turned her attention skyward. Fair Wind was hovering above the idle train, clad in nothing but his brick-red coat. “Look at these layabouts, Rarity! They load trains slower than my wife’s libido!” Rarity shut her eyes at the image his comment created. He alighted down onto the platform. “I remember when I was barely a stallion, I could hardly lift myself off the ground, let alone the heavy cargo it was my duty to transport. Did that stop me? No! And I’m a weak little pegasus, not a strong, tough earth pony.” He gave another snort of dismissal. “This is nothing, colts.”

One of the baggage handlers spat at the ground and ignored him, while the other shot Fair Wind an angry glare and picked up his pace. The pegasus favoured the latter with an easy grin. “That’s what I like to see! Prove this bag of hot air wrong!”

He shifted his focus from the loaders to the train itself. “What a disaster! One of the oldest designs from the scrap yards, this ‘beaut.’ Arcano-generators straight from the finest minds of Canterlot, but fifty years late, looks like!” He shook his head, mane catching in the breeze. “What are these? Passenger cars? Maybe for termites. They might have been built for long journeys and comfortable living, but all you’re getting out of this is a dry tinderbox. A stiff wind could blow this thing down, and I know my breezes! At least the steels boxcars look decent, and the caboose is painted right.” He knelt down next to the wheels of the train and gave a great sniff, followed by a monstrous sigh. “Sad. Just sad.”

“Fair Wind,” Rarity said, catching his attention. “A pleasure to see you again, but I had expected you earlier, in the lounge.”

“Oh, yes, right!” He cleared his throat. “I was waylaid by a business opportunity I couldn’t ignore. You know how it is.”

“Indeed. Regardless, you missed quite the event. And I think you would’ve done rather well in Pinkie Pie’s drinking game.”

Fair Wind arched an eyebrow. “Pinkie Pie?”

“Goodness!” Rarity exclaimed, eyes open wide. “You still haven’t met the rest of the group yet!” She stamped a hoof to the stone platform. “This simply cannot stand! Follow me, I’ll introduce you.”

Gracefully trotting over to the four of her friends not supervising loading, Rarity heard the clip-clop of Fair Wind’s hooves behind her. “Hello, girls! I have somepony for you all to meet. Fair Wind, of Ironhoof Rails.”

“Chief Operating Officer, and majority stakeholder. Old Ironhoof knew a thing or two about a pony’s character, and left me all his shares in his will. Sometimes I think he’s laughing at me from his grave.”

Twilight just gave him a polite nod, as the two had already met. Fluttershy, coy as ever, shied away from the stallion, putting a pony between her and the newcomer. Rainbow Dash just mumbled a hungover greeting and acted the dutiful shield for Fluttershy.

Pinkie Pie let out a gasp. “Oh, wow! A pony I haven’t met before! It’s not every day I meet one of those!” She shook his hoof vigorously, then zipped around the stout flier, asking him whatever came to mind. “Why is your name Fair Wind? You aren’t fair at all, you really mostly red! You should be called Red Wind, or Rusty Breeze! Is your cutie mark a ship filled with boxes? Mine’s three balloons! My special talent is making ponies laugh, is your putting them in boxes? I don’t think I’d like to be put in a box. Oh! Unless it was a present! Then I’d be a gift to somepony! I hope I’d end up in a good home! Do you have a good home? Why would you leave such a fantastic home? Are you coming with us?”

Pinkie took a breath, and Rarity jumped into the gap in Pinkie’s stream of consciousness. “Fair Wind is helping finance this expedition, and he’s loaning us the use of his train on the other side of the Crossing, but he’s a very important pony and won’t be able to join us.”

A smiling pink face turned into a frowning pink face. “Aww, but I just met you!”

“Actually, Rarity, I’ll be accompanying you, at least through Cervidas.” Fair Wind gave her an apologetic grin.

“Oh!” Thin eyebrows disappeared under an indigo mane. “What has changed? You didn’t strike me the time to enjoy gallivanting about when there’s work to be done.”

He nodded, agreeing with her. “I’m not. But I came to the realization that I have no idea what goes on across the sea. I know the routes and rails of Equestria like the tips of my wings, but I’ve got a train over there, and the dream of two more, yet haven’t ever stepped hoof on Cevidasian soil.

“How is Ironhoof going to serve its clients and customers well when its Chief Operating Officer has no idea what the situation is out on the rails? This little trip of ours is the perfect excuse.”

“And you don’t just want to be at the tomb when we get there before the nobles do?” Twilight offered.

Fair Wind tilted his head. “What?”

“It’s no surprise he hasn’t heard, Twilight. Luna didn’t exactly make the morning news.”

Now Fair Wind was getting perturbed. “What does Luna have to do with any of this?”

To Rarity’s great surprise, Fluttershy spoke up. “Um, actually Rarity, Luna did make the morning news.” She rummaged through her saddlebags and pulled out a newspaper. Rarity grabbed it in her telekinetic field and held it open for the group to see.

“‘Princess Luna Freezes Noble’s Assets’” Rarity read the headline aloud. “‘Lords and ladies of the archduchies of Equestria forced into adventure.’’”

Instead of the booming, mocking laugh she expected from Fair Wind, he just smiled softly and shook his head. Maybe he’s not a morning pony?

Quickly reading the rest of the article, Rarity discovered that it contained little she didn’t already know. Luna had decided, it seemed, that Equestria should know about her little scheme to allow the nobles to show that their position of power was still merited. It did list the names of those she assumed were the other ponies with Prince Blueblood: Lady Ravencrest, Lord Silverstone, Lady Everblossom, and Lady Beachcomber. All, Rarity learned, were the undisputed rulers of their respective territories, aside from the Princesses, of course.

A distant shout distracted her from the article. She did her best to ignore it. What else is in here? Luna had apparently given the nobles only a few minutes to gather whatever wealth they could find in their personal homes to finance their parallel and competing journey, calling it “As fair as they have been to Equestria in the recent past.” There was also a bit about both Princesses seeing off the competitors from Canterlot. Hmm, that’s odd. Having the most powerful ponies in the realm together should draw out the media like moths to a gorgeous wool sweater.

There was that shouting again, this time accompanied by a low rumble. Rarity pricked her ears up. “Get on the train!” Dusty Ruin’s voice was faint but unmistakably harried. The grumbling grew louder.

“I’ve heard this before,” said Twilight, backing towards the train. Rarity spied Applejack, who had a clear view of the road behind the corner of the building that blocked Rarity’s sight, heave the last two barrels of apples onto her back and leap onto the freight car. The door slid shut behind her.

“It...” Fluttershy’s voice was quiet and nearly indistinguishable from the rumbling vibrations that filled the air. “It's a stampede!” She darted towards the train as Dusty Ruin appeared from around the corner.

“Get on the train!” he bellowed. Rarity barely had to to gulp in fear before the massive wave of ponies behind him crashed onto the platform. She didn’t waste another moment, and galloped as hard as she could towards the door to a passenger cab. It wasn’t far, but her movements were hampered by her dress, a form-fitting number done in the Neighponese cocktail style. She was debating whether or not being trampled was worth intentionally ripping one of her favoured creations, when strong hooves closed around her and lifted her into the air.

“I gotcha!” Fair Wind held her tightly as he pumped his powerful wings. He certainly lacks the speed of Rainbow Dash, but he’s no slouch at moving cargo, thought Rarity as she thanked him profusely. “No problem, Rarity. It would be a flying shame to lose a pony like yourself to a crowd like that.”

Fair Wind glided through the open door and set her gently on the floor. The rest of the group was already inside, with the exception of Dusty Ruin. Rarity desperately hoped the elderly unicorn would make it to the train before the crowd caught up to him, but he was already starting to slow. “He’ll never make it!” she cried.

Pinkie stuck out a hoof, pointing towards the sky. There, a winged silhouette lazily descended from the sky, the morning sun burning brightly behind it. The figure turned out to be Briskwind, a placid look of annoyance on his face. His dive brought him to Dusty Ruin a moment before he was engulfed by the crowd, and he grabbed the archaeologist by his rear leg with a wicked talon. With the other, he beat back the approaching crowd, bashing heads together with vicious slaps and backtalons. He took to the air a second before he would of been hopelessly swarmed, kicked a pegasus that flew too close, and turned towards the locomotive.

Dusty Ruin hanging upside down beneath him, Briskwind effortlessly pumped his wings and shot into the train. Unceremoniously dropping Dusty like a sack of oats, his claws and paws dug into the floor of the train as he skidded to a stop. “Damn reporters,” he growled. “They never listen to ‘no interviews.’” He looked over to the engine, one car down. “I'll hold the engine room down. The rest of you seal the doors.” He screeched something in the language of griffons, likely a swear. “I didn’t think I’d need to save you from ponies, doctor.”

Twilight instantly took charge. “Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, get to the caboose and secure the car.” The two ponies nodded, then rushed down the train. “Rarity, help Applejack close the doors on the cargo containers. If you can’t, pile up some study luggage and create a barricade for any doors that can’t be locked.” Rarity turned and followed her two friends down the length of the train. “Rainbow Dash, wake up! I don’t care how hungover you feel!” Twilight’s commands became impossible to hear as the crowd drew closer. Shouts and yells of “Sir, what can you tell us about the priceless artifacts of the ancient tomb you’ll be looting?” and “What do you think of Luna’s plan? Are you angry at being used, or insulted she didn’t ask first?” pierced the solid walls of the train.

Seconds later, Rarity arrived in the first cargo car. This compartment was dedicated solely to Applejack’s harvest, and the mare herself was frantically sliding the heavy locking bolts into place along the wall. The farmer looked up at the sound of Rarity’s hooves hitting the metal floor, faintly audible over the low rumble outside. “Rarity! Get to the next car! I don’t think those stationhooves are ready for this!”

“Alright!” Rarity didn’t slow, leaping over a hastily-stacked pile of barrels that blocked her path. She winced as she heard her dress rip. We should keep the centre route clear, she thought. Probably best to save the organization for later, though. Within moments, she entered the next car.

One of the earth ponies that worked the loading dock was braced against the far wall, desperately trying to shove the slightly ajar door closed. His partner was at the gap between the door and the wall, beating back the crowd of information-starved journalists. “Get back! Back I say!” He swatted at the crowd with one of Rarity’s hard-cased containers. The push of the crowd had forced many of the newsponies into the gap, and their bodies prevented the door from closing.

"Sir! What can you tell us about the ponies on the expedition?"

"Care to comment on the what this could mean to the merchant class' feud with the nobles?"

“No interviews!” he snarled in response, clubbing a newspony in the face.

The rhythmic banging of hooves against the metal exterior was deafening, and the loud, mysterious, explosions coming from the caboose certainly didn’t help. Rarity felt like she was trapped inside a drum. “What do I do?” She yelled out, trying to be heard over the din.

“Lock the other door!” The pony armed with her luggage called out as he mightily swug the case holding half of her rare gem collection. “I’ll hold them here!”

The other door? But wh- Rarity’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of hooves on the roof. Either paparazzi pegasi had landed on the train, or the crowd had become so dense they were piling up on one another, creating a pony ramp. If she didn’t lock that door, they’d pour in from two sides, surely dooming them all to endless rounds of interviews.

The door was closed, but completely unsecured. A quick once-over revealed that the locks were a simple deadbolt design, built onto the door, with cavities in the floor and ceiling of the actual boxcar for the bolts to rest in. If Rarity was a different unicorn, it would have been possible to lock them all at once. Unfortunately, her talents had little to do with locking things.

Rarity had barely closed three deadbolts, two on the top and one on the bottom, when the door strained against the locks. Suddenly, it wasn’t quite as simple as sliding the bolts into place. The press of the crowd caused the door to flex inward, just enough for the bolts to rub harshly against the metal holes built to contain them. She forced all of her strength into moving a thick bolt a few centimetres. A few seconds later, it was done, but she was panting in exertion, nearly drained of energy. There’s no way I can close another eight locks, she thought, looking down the door’s edge. Especially if half of them are almost rusted shut!

The crowd’s chanting outside grew more fervent. “Exclusive! Exclusive! Daily Scoop! Daily Scoop!” The crowd in the street yesterday had been agitated. This one felt possessed! Their individual cries were soon drowned out by collectively created ghastly moan.

THINK, Rarity! What do you have tha-of course! Rarity raced over to her stack of bags, and began to dig through the pile, looking for one in particular. “Lady, what the hay are you doing! Lock that Tartarus-damned door!” She ignored the baggage stallion. Finally!

With a simple push of a button, the suitcase she had been searching for opened with a soft pop. Inside was the various spare parts and gizmos needed to repair and maintain her sewing machine, her chic mane-matching tool satchel, and an oilcan filled with the lubricating liquid. “Wha ha ha!” Rarity cried, hastily grabbing her hammer and can of oil, and raced back to the door. Rapidly squirting the oil over the rusted metal, she focused her magic and imagined the beautiful, strong, gorgeous locks that the rusted mess once was. After a second of pouring energy into them, the locks were glistening, and looked to all the world that they had just come off the factory floor. All but the strongest of transformative magic was temporary, but Rarity didn’t need the locks new for long.

“Fabulous!” Rarity used her hammer to easily knock the bolts into place, and breathed a little easier. She turned towards the other door, confident her side would hold. “Gentlestallions?”

What little she had managed to collect of herself spilled out onto the floor of the train. Her case of gems lay discarded, as the stationhoof that was previously wielding it had vanished. The other luggage-loader had taken his place, but had armed himself with a metal rake, no doubt acquired from somewhere behind Rarity’s things. She quickly ran to his side and fortified herself with her case, hoping she’d have more luck bashing reporters with it than the pony who had brandished it previously.

“Where’s your friend?” asked Rarity as she carefully defended the train from the swarming mass of journalists. To her alarm, the ponies were packed so tightly that she could spot more than one being lifted off the ground by the press of the crowd. She feared for the continued safety of those she brained unconscious.

“Out there,” replied the stallion, mumbling around the handle of the rake. “He-” A pegasus buzzing by was raked by the sharp bristles of the tool, tearing out feathers and sending him spiraling into the crowd. “Has only Celestia to protect-” A journalist,shoved forward by the crowd, received the blunt end of the stick to the face as he opened his mouth. “Him now.”

May his memory stay with us forever. Rarity, however, knew she could ill afford a moment of remembrance for her fallen protector. The pink bag jammed into the corner, preventing the door from opening wider than the metre open already, was beginning to crack and splinter. She doubted her magical ability could prevail over a score or more of ponies trying to drag the door open.

Rarity tuned out the cries for interviews from the writhing mass of ponies before her, and tried to think of some sort of solution. The various luggage containers could be moved to form a barricade, but considering that the crowd outside was shoving open a massive metal door...

Swinging her ‘weapon’ at a unicorn trying to clamber forward, she yelled to be heard over the crowd. “We must withdraw! We cannot hold the door! To the caboose!” Rarity would've preferred, for her own safety, to move to Applejack’s car, but she would damn herself to Tartarus before abandoning Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy to be overwhelmed from all sides.

“Right!” shouted her comrade, as he raked the hat right off a pony. The crowd was slowly surging forward, as more and more journalists lost their sense of self-preservation to their lust for a juicy story. “On the count of three, we break for the door!”

“Right!” Rarity gave a firm nod.

“One!”

“Two!”

“Um.. Rarity?”

Fluttershy’s unexpected voice startled Rarity into a little hop. She swung her case at the ponies who tried to take advantage of her momentary distraction, and spared a glance over her shoulder. “Fluttershy? What are you doing here?”

The yellow pegasus gave an apprehensive glance towards the cajoling crowd outside.. “Pinkie told me to get some more ammunition. The party cannon’s running low.” Fluttershy walked over to the messy pile of Pinkie’s overstuffed suitcases. “Pinkie Pie said she’s never seen a party shortage as severe as this, judging from the way the crowd is so eager to see her cannon!” A small sigh escaped her. “I just wish it wasn’t so loud.” Fluttershy bent down and bit the handle of a suitcase and headed back towards the caboose.

Rarity was nearly dragged out of the train by the ravenous crowd before she regained her composure. “I suppose Pinkie must be having the time of her life right about then?”

“You sound worried, Rarity. Don’t be!” Fluttershy gave a cheerful smile around the handle in her mouth. “Pinkie Pie said that these ponies are more interested in ‘outdoing each other than doing us.’” A faint blush coloured her cheeks, showing clearly on her light coat. “She tossed them a list of her party supplies, to see if some information would calm them down. Now they’re all fighting over it! Something about ‘primary documents.’” She gave a sad shake of her head. “Someponies just don’t know how to share.”

“Forgive my interruption, ladies, but can you hurry the hay up, please?”

“Oh!” Fluttershy turned beet red at the sound of stationhoof’s voice, and darted back into the caboose. Rarity barely heard a “Aww, yeah, Fluttershy! Ammunition! Lets party, Pinkie Pie style!” before the booming roar of cannon fire drowned her out.

A plan fashioned itself in Rarity’s mind. “Hold the door! I’ve got an idea!” Ignoring the shout of protest the baggage handler gave, she spun and turned back to her gear. Rarity was quite glad she had organized her things so well, as finding her bag of literature and writing took her only a few precious seconds. She ripped the clasps open, pulled out a blank paper and as many pens as she could, and frantically began to write. Writing with more than one pen quickly turned the paper into an inky mess, but proper calligraphy wasn’t exactly high on her list of priorities at the moment. What mattered now was speed.

It took Rarity perhaps seven seconds to scrawl out what she needed, but in that time the situation had become dire. There were four ponies already in the car, and six more had at least a hoof on the floor, ready to climb in. Her harried companion had been backed into the corner with the splintering piece of luggage preventing the door from opening fully, swatting at the ponies nearest to him. Rarity cleared her throat, unafraid.

“Excuse me, fair members of the press.” Every eye in the train car turned towards her. “This,” Rarity said, holding up the hastily scribbled paper, “Is a written statement, containing details of my conversations with both Archduke Blueblood and Princess Luna, as well as brief personal profiles of the ponies who will be travelling with me.” That was all lies, of course. Rarity was surprised to see she had managed to sign her name legibly at all, and the rest of the paper was gobbledygook nonsense. The journalist closest to her licked his lips, eyes unnaturally bright. Rarity used her telekinesis to carefully fold the paper into an airplane and tossed it over the heads of the ponies in front of her and out the door. “Have at it.”

The newsponies aboard the train leapt after it, screaming “Public Statement!” at the top of their lungs. Rarity happily noticed the crowd instantly turned on itself, ponies ruthlessly attacking each other to get at the precious scrap of paper. She saw a pegasus snatch it out of the mouth of an earth pony, only to drop it moments later once she was swarmed by other fliers.

The stallion dropped the broom in his mouth and trotted over to Rarity, watching the chaos outside. “Damn. I never thought...” he trailed off. Rarity had to agree. It was hard to put what she was seeing into words. The only similar experience she had to compare it to was Twilight’s ill-fated use of the Want-it-Need-it spell, but that was powerful sorcery. There was no magic here.

“This isn’t worth the paycheck I’ll be getting at the end of the day. We should shut the door, while they’re busy.” said the stallion, abruptly.

“Yes. We should.” It was hard to look away from the rabid crowd though. There was something beautiful, almost artistic, about the savagery on display. Rarity helped move and lock the door into place, then fell back onto one of her softer containers. “What a travesty! Now my hair is a mess, my dress is ruined, my luggage is dented, I’m trapped on a train with no conductor, and worst of all, the Princesses are going to see me looking like a wreck!”

“You don’t think they’ll pay a bit more attention to the mob outside than to how you look?”

“They’re goddesses, they have eyes for details! Of course they’ll notice!” Rarity began to fret about at the rip in her dress. “Do you think I could touch it up with magic? Or would the magical signature give it away? I could fix my hair with magic too, that’s not uncommon. Would that hide the fix on the rip? Oh, Celestia, I need a mirror! How dirty am I? I feel dirty. How am I going to present myself to the Princesses looking like this?” She could feel the dust of the train marring her beautiful figure.

Shaking his head, the stationhoof turned towards the caboose. “I’ll leave you to the important job of prettifying yourself while I go do the trivial task of securing the train. Mares.”

Rarity ignored the sarcasm, having heard similar responses hundreds of times before. She had faith in her friends. She didn’t have faith in her appearance, and the world could judge you only by what you presented to it. So while the pounding of the party cannon shook the train, Rarity opened up her vanity bag, retrieved the mirror, and did her best to spruce herself up, obsessed mob be damned.

Two minutes and a once-over of her coat later, Rarity almost felt at home in her own skin again. The barely heard shouts of “cover me!” and “why on Equestria did you pack hammers, nails, and wooden planks?” had snuck out of the caboose between the blasts of Pinkie’s partillery, but now all she heard from the other car was heavy breathing.

“Fluttershy? Pinkie? Everything all right in there?” Rarity called out as she tried to remove a stubborn knot from her mane. Honestly, I groomed myself this morning. Pinkie had proven herself uncannily resourceful time and time again, and Fluttershy constantly underestimated what she was capable of, to Rarity’s constant chagrin. Thus, Rarity was unsurprised when Pinkie bounced out through the doorway, followed by a subdued Fluttershy and an exhausted stationhoof.

Pinkie wasted no time in answering. “Just taking a quick breather after some impromptu redecorating, right pal?” She nudged the stallion in the ribs with a hoof and a sly wink. “Who knew reporters were so bad at playing ‘home invasion?’ They never had a chance!” The stallion’s reply was more of a wheeze, so he settled on giving the pink pony a venomous look.

Rarity stood up from her cosmetic ministrations and peeked into the caboose. Pink nails jutted out from pink boards that covered the window, one wall far more haphazard than the other and two bright blue hammers lay discarded on the floor. The party cannon’s barrel was still hot from its recent barrage, and the far end of the caboose looked as if a tinsel-filled pinata had been brutally murdered by a gang of street toughs armed with glitter glue and party poppers, but Rarity had long since grown desensitized to such sights.

“Fluttershy’s really good at nailing!” Pinkie helpfully offered.

That made the pegasus blush. “I make a lot of birdhouses.”

Pinkie Pie grabbed one of the hammers and stuffed it into her uncontrollable mess of a mane, and tossed the other hammer and a case of nails to Fluttershy. “You can have my lucky hammer, Flutters! I hope it’s as lucky in your hooves as mine!” The pegasus nodded her head in thanks.

Occasionally there would be a thump on one of the thick planks, but it sounded like the ponies outside were fighting as much amongst themselves as they were trying to breach the train. Rarity nodded, satisfied. “Well, ladies, gentlestallion, lets see how the rest of the train held up.” She moved towards Applejack’s position, but paused along the way. “We never introduced ourselves, sir,” she said, turning towards the battered stallion, hoof outstretched. “I am Miss Rarity.”

The stallion looked at Rarity, then at her hoof. “Call me Mover. I never want to meet you crazy mares and get caught up in your problems ever again. Safer not to give you my name, I think.”

“Wow! A fake name? Are you a secret spy? What do you know, punk?” Pinkie instantly turned on the baggage pony, unsuccessfully hiding a smile as she railed on him. “I’m a crack shot with my cannon, you know. They call me Pirate Pinkie, arrr, and I’ll make you walk the plank, you scallywag! Stick em up!”

Well, he’s not wrong. “Fair enough, Mover.” She introduced her companions and continued down the train. Rarity was infinitely grateful that the gaps between traincars were protected by translucent, wind and sound-proof magical barriers: it kept both her hair and knowledge-hungry journalists in their proper place. Modern magic is a wonderful thing. Assuming the generator holds. The shouts and pleads from the crowd assaulted her ears. That certainly bodes well. The same engine that powered the train powered the arcane seals that bridged the space in between cars, causing Rarity to thank Celestia that the conductor had started the train before leaving for breakfast.

Applejack’s car was full of apples but empty of mares. It was quiet, if a pony allowed for the moaning and banging of the crowd outside. “Well, it certainly looks like Applejack had a easy time securing her car. She must be with Twilight and the others.” Rarity had scarcely stepped hoof into the car when Applejack’s voice stopped her in her tracks.

“Rarity, is that you? Finally, I can stop counting rivets!” Applejack voice was raised, but Rarity could tell it was close by. Unfortunately, Applejack was nowhere to be seen.

“Where are you?”

“Behind th’ bushels of apples. My crop got in the way of me locking the door, so I decided to use an... alternate locking mechanism.”

Pinkie hustled over to the source of Applejack’s voice, bouncing on top of crates and barrels, while Fluttershy breezily flapped her wings and followed. I would hate to tear my dress again, so soon after fixing it, thought Rarity, reluctant to clamber over the imposing stacks of apples.

“Hoo boy, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, are you two a sight for sore legs. Mind locking up the door? Bucky McGilligudy and Kicks McGee are mighty tough, but they can’t brace this thing closed forever.”

Pinkie made a comment Rarity couldn’t hear, and Fluttershy let out a snorty giggle.

“Ha ha, very funny Pinkie. I’m sure Granny Smith will be happy to know that my legs are locked tight against any intrusion. Slide those bolts into place, please.”

Mover walked over to a slit in the traincar and slid the cover off to the side, adding to the sound of metal on metal as the bolts locked the other door. “They still haven’t calmed down at all,” he said, shaking his head as he peered through the tiny hole. “How long are we going to be trapped here?”

“Couldn’t we just get this contraption moving? I doubt that this crowd could keep up with us indefinitely.”

Applejack’s head appeared at the top of a stack of apple-filled barrels. “No can do, Rarity. A train can’t just leave a station at any ol’ time it wants.” The rest of the orange mare followed as Applejack gracefully descended the small mountain. “Unless you don’t see the problem with us colliding into another train in one of them mountain tunnels.”

That certainly didn’t sit well with Rarity. “Hardly. But I am not looking forward to sitting here, trapped, until a crowd of ponies gets bored.” She huffed and turned up her nose. “I’m not about to let a mob decide when and where I can go.”

“The engineers and conductor are probably sitting in the cafe around the corner,” Mover offered, as he slid the viewport closed. “At least, that’s where they usually eat before departure. They’re the ones that know the schedule.”

Fluttershy gently touched down next to the group. “Um, Twilight usually knows what's going on. I think.”

“Well, then what are we all waiting for?” Applejack spread her stance out and got low to the floor. “I need to stretch out my joints, anyway. Let’s go!” The farmer quickly trotted into the passenger car, followed by the bouncing pink blur that was Pinkie Pie.

Nothing fazes those two. Where does all that energy come from? Earth ponies were made of tougher stuff than pegasi or unicorns, she knew, but it always seemed to Rarity that her two friends were quite a bit more exceptional than the average pony when it came to vitality. Applejack once bucked trees, without sleep, for days longer than Rarity imagined was survivable, let alone doable, and suffered no long-term ill effects. Had she tried to do the same, Rarity knew she would’ve passed out, exhausted, before the dawn of the second morning.

Pinkie Pie has had her motor stuck in the highest gear for as long as Rarity had known the baker’s apprentice, but even the copious amounts of sugar she consumed couldn’t explain how she never seemed to even consider slowing down. Rainbow Dash was just as energetic, in her own way, as either earth pony mare, but she had to sleep half the day away to perform her daring acrobatics. Imagining Fluttershy or even Twilight’s worst instances of late night study sessions didn’t even come close to what Applejack or Pinkie could do.

Rarity moved after departed duo, but stopped when she noticed Mover and Fluttershy weren’t behind her. “Coming?” she asked as she turned around. Instead of following, Mover was backing up, heading back towards the rear of the train, and Fluttershy was standing, wings limply hanging at her sides.

“I’m sorry I did something to scare you! I didn’t mean to!” Fluttershy was softly pleading with Mover, who stopped his retreat and kicked the ground, a frustrated scowl on his face.

“Look, it has nothing to do with what you’ve done, personally.” His scowl turned into a sigh. “I just think, for the continued safety of my flank, that it would be best if I made sure that the caboose stays secure, coincidentally as far away from you mares as possible.” He turned his head and stared straight at Rarity. “You understand, right?”

Coward. “I think so. Not worth the paycheck you’re getting out of this, right?”

“Right.” Mover turned around and trotted back into the other freight compartment. “Glad you understand,” he called out, over his shoulder.

Aimlessly tracing the floor with her hoof, Fluttershy seemed to slump even more. “Why is he angry at us?” she asked, sad and confused. “This isn’t our fault.”

Leaning in to nuzzle her friend, Rarity tried to boost the pegasus’s spirits. “Some ponies just need somepony to blame when they’re in a bad situation. Sometimes they don’t even need that. Remember Zecora?”

Fluttershy nodded her head. “Yes.”

All of Ponyville had been terrified by the monthly visits of an exotic Zebra stanger. Rarity foalishly allowed herself to fall victim to the herd-think of the town, and was swept along in her fear, just like everypony else. It had taken Twilight Sparkle, still new to the town, and Applejack’s courageous sister Apple Bloom, to show them all that different didn’t mean dangerous. Ponyville was a much richer place with Zecora a part of it.

“I’m sure he’d come around, just like we did, if he spent a little more time with us.” Rarity gave a little twitch as she heard a muffled shout of alarm ring out from up ahead. “Time we, unfortunately, don’t have.”

Rushing into the passenger car, Rarity turned left around the corner into and the hallway, prepared for the worst. She was greeted with a calm, deserted hall. Rarity’s bewilderment was interrupted by the unmistakable sound of wood splintering to her right, coming from one of the passenger compartments.

“Fair Wind was right! They’re breaking through, Fluttershy!” Rarity’s friend gave a squeal of fright behind her. “Come on!” Ripping the door to the compartment open revealed the wiggling hooves of the horde outside reaching into train. The endless pounding of hooves on the exterior had finally done something besides grating on Rarity’s nerves, tearing off two of the thick wooden beams that formed the car itself.

Rarity gave a small sigh before selecting the sturdier-looking beam, picking it up, and jabbing it through the hole at the crowd outside. If this is the best they can do, they’ll be at this for hours before we have a breach. “Fluttershy, dear, could you fix this up with those nails you brought with you?”

“Oh! I think I left those in Applejack’s car! I’ll be right back!” Fluttershy hurried out the way they came.

Rarity gave the mob another few solid pokes as she waited for her friend to return. Slightly bored, Rarity’s thoughts began to wander. Honestly, who builds a wooden traincar? Especially since finely worked metal is what all the best designers are using now. How old is this train, really? Should I be thankful it’s not made of stone?

When Fluttershy finally reappeared, Rarity didn’t hide her relief. “You were gone so long, Fluttershy? What took you?” she said, letting herself whine a bit.

Fluttershy had to speak around the hammer she grasped in her mouth. “I left it behind AJ’s apples. I’m sorry, Rarity.”

“Not a problem, dear. Do you think you could reattach these beams back to the car?”

“Not with these nails,” she replied, shrugging the container off her back. “The wood’s too thick.

“Hmm...” Rarity surveyed the small room. It was cramped, and taking in the details of the room only revealed, to her horror, that it was even dirtier than she had assumed. A couple of dustballs, what she could guess was the remains of some rodent’s nest, and the other beam furnished the floor, while the fold-down benches (or cots, for longer trips) on the walls were devoid of decoration. A small window, too tiny a pony to stick her head through, was set high up on the wall, and filled by the questioning glare of a pegasi.

A candle lit itself in Rarity’s mind. “Idea!” she trilled. “Fluttershy, see if you can’t knock those benches off the walls.” Rarity was thankful the car’s designers had opted for cheap, thin planks instead of thicker boards for the seats. “You can nail them to the wall instead. Try and find the strongest section you can, we wouldn’t want this rabble getting in.”

Rarity watched as Fluttershy folded down the bench. Rusty chains caught the bench with a snap as it fell, and the pink-maned pony gave Rarity an imploring glance.

Rolling her eyes, Rarity paused in her poking to bring the heavy wooden beam down upon the corner of the bench, easily snapping the chain from its wall mount. She repeated the process on the other corner, and a few hammered moments later, the bench was now a barricade, fitting snugly on the wall over the hole. We’re lucky this room is square.

Levitating the beam alongside her, Rarity led the way down the hall to the next car, Fluttershy timidly creeping along behind her. A quick check of the other two compartments failed to reveal any breaches, and the back walls looked to be in prime condition, relatively speaking. Rarity was unsure whether to feel relieved or disappointed that she couldn’t fit the beam around the corner to the adjacent car.

There was trouble in the next car, Rarity was sure, as she heard the telltale sounds of journalistic questioning as soon as she entered it. Looks like Applejack and Pinkie Pie didn’t have our luck. Maybe Pinkie should’ve kept her hammer? Rounding the corner, the unicorn immediately confirmed her fears. Applejack was once again braced against a door, this time propped up against the exterior wall of the passenger car, holding back the swarm that was no doubt just beyond. Rainbow Dash was further down, beating her wings in a steady rhythm to support her efforts to keep her door closed, propped up halfway up the wall.

Rarity sighed, again. Why did it have to be one of those days. She cleared her throat. “Need any help, preferably in a low-stress position?” She certainly didn’t want to have to emulate either one of her athletic friends.

Applejack opened her eyes and let out a wide smile at the sight of Rarity. “Thank Celestia you’re here, you two! I’m not sure how much longer ol’ Dash here can hold out,” she said, smirking.

“Speak for yourself! You’ll be the one sorry, once these journalists get past you, because no way are they getting through me!”

“We’ll both be sorry if either one of us gives up!” Applejack shot back, glaring at Rainbow Dash. “But at least I’ll have the comfort of knowing it wasn’t me!” she looked back at Rarity and rolled her eyes. Rainbow Dash’s buttons are awfully easy to press. Three, two, one...

Rainbow Dash let out a growl. “The only comfort you’ll have once those reporters get you is knowing you’ll be right next to the longest lasting mare in Equestria!” she replied, predictably and painfully.

Rarity groaned. I don’t need Pinkie here to point that one out. Applejack just shook her head. Behind the farmer, Rainbow Dash cocked her head. “What?” she asked, confused.

“Nothin’, RD,” responded Applejack, casually adjusting her hat with a hoof, before returning it to its bracing position.

Eyes narrowing in suspicion, Rainbow beat her wings faster. “Are you making fun of my endurance again? I’ll hold tight against a hundred journalists!” she exclaimed.

Even the newsponies stopped in their efforts at the doors to groan at that. Rarity didn’t have to turn around to know that Fluttershy was beet red, and Applejack bashed her head against the wall in frustration. Blissfully unaware of her double entendres, Rainbow gave everypony in sight a befuddled glance. “What?”

Rarity thought it prudent to cut this discussion short. “What do you need, Applejack?” she asked, changing the subject away from unfortunately phrased statements.

“Well, if these two compartments are busted, I’d bet the farm on the third one not holding out too much longer. If you could do something to prevent us from getting overrun, I’d be mighty grateful. Once that’s taken care of, we gotta do something permanent about this situation here. If these walls ain’t built to code, then sure as the sun shines these doors won’t be, either. Plus,” she added, dropping her voice, “I already held one door shut against a mob, and I’m getting a mite tired. I might fail before she does. She’d lord that over me all trip!”

Nodding gravely, Rarity put a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. An aggrandizing Rainbow Dash was the last thing anypony wanted to pack on a three month journey. She wasn’t going to condemn Applejack to that dark fate. But how? She shook her head. First things first, Rarity. secure that last compartment.

Excusing herself as she stepped over Applejack and under Rainbow Dash, Rarity made her way to the final door, as Fluttershy dutifully followed.

A quick look inside the living quarters revealed the termite-infested rear wall wouldn't last much longer against the seething mass of journalists hungry for an exclusive interview. The wood was dry and crumbly, and every thump on the other side of the wall let out a puff of shredded wood. Rarity could see the rusted nails that held it together couldn't possibly hold out against the crowd desperate to get in.

“That doesn't look good, Rarity,” said Fluttershy, just behind. “Should I put up those benched again?”

Rarity could see, at multiple point, the walls behind the folded benches. “I don't think we'll be able to perform the same trick twice, dear.” Whatever they were doing, they'd have to do it fast. The splintering crack of wood heralded the wall's imminent collapse. Think, Rarity! Her eyes darted back and forth, searching for an answer.

Abruptly, the bashing sound from the other side of the wall stopped. Thank Celestia, they've sto- A single huge crash jolted Rarity into Fluttershy, interrupting her thoughts. “What in Equestria was that?” she asked.

Before Fluttershy could respond, another huge force pounded the side of the train, and sent chunks of rotted wood flying into the room. Rarity turned her head and hid behind her mane, her eyes closed tight to protect against getting blinded by a shard of errant wood. When she turned back towards the wall, one of the thick beams had been replaced by a line of rear hooves.

“They're working together!” she coughed in the dust. “They're bucking as one!” This had certainly turned the situation from bad to worse. An uncoordinated mob was a lot easier to deal with than a unified group. If the various ponies in the riot outside had created an alliance, she couldn't rely on them fighting each other as a distraction anymore. And to add insult to injury, she had just been covered in termite waste!

The reporters ramming the train had managed to get their hooves back outside the train, and were no doubt readying another concentrated assault on the next beam in line. The previous beam lay in pieces around Rarity and Fluttershy, taunting them with it's uselessness in repairing the damage. The beam had been torn around the nails affixing it to the stud behind it, splitting into a half dozen pieces. Six relatively equal pieces...

“Fluttershy,” Rarity ordered, as she focused her magical energies on one of the broken fragments of the wooden beam. “Bring all the parts of the broken beam to the door!” Fluttershy nodded her head an did as she was told, as Rarity focused her concentration on the ugly, useless block of wood before her. Transforming a whole beam was beyond her, but a small section was well within her ability.

With a small 'pop,' the chunk of aged, termite-damaged, dry, brittle wood was turned into a perfectly cut block of wood. Rarity hoped she had judged the distance between the door and the wall correctly. “Use that hammer and wedge this against the door,” she told Fluttershy, as she retreated into the hallway. The crowd might be capable of bucking through weakened wooden walls, but Rarity doubted they could break through a reinforced door, especially with the bottleneck the door itself provided. Two ponies, maybe three, if a pegasus flew above the heads of the other two, would have a very hard time breaking this down.

Rarity poured far more magic into these blocks than the locks previous. They had to last until this crowd dispersed, and with no way of knowing how long that would be, she erred on the side of caution, and put hours of magic into them.

She glanced over at Rainbow Dash, still bracing the centre door of the compartment, a dark grin of determination decorating her features. I can't possibly see myself enjoying that, thought Rarity. This is a far more elegant solution.

The next few moments passed quickly, Rarity focused on transforming the crude pieces of wood into beautiful, solid planks, and Fluttershy wordlessly jamming them into place with a few knocks of her hammer. Rarity was nearly drained of magic by the end her task, and was grateful she was only creating simple blocks, not complex sculptures as was her custom when working with wood. A quiet pant of relief was the only indication of exhaustion she let out once complete, however. A lady always keeps her bearing graceful and effortless.

The crashing of wood and the stampede of hooves from the other side of the door came seconds after the barricade was complete. Rarity and Fluttershy both watched, transfixed, as the door strained against the blocks keeping it shut. One second, then two, then three. Rarity let out the breath she had been holding.

“A perfect success, as I imagined!” she exclaimed, hiding her excitment rather poorly. “Good work, Fluttershy!”

“You too, Rarity!” the pegasus replied, beaming.

“Yeah, great job you two,” came the scratchy voice of Rainbow from behind Rarity. “But holding this closed is getting pretty old, so, if you could do something about that next?” she trailed off.

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Somepony getting tired?”

“No way!” Rainbow snarled. “Just... bored. That's all.”

“I'll see what I can do” Rarity grinned knowingly as she carefully squeezed under the planks sealing the door. “How long until you're bored out of your mind?” She didn’t want her dress getting ripped or stretched again, especially with her magical reserves so low.

“Uhh... five minutes?” Rainbow answered, finally getting a clue on some subtlety.

“I'll be back before then.”

Rarity once again led Fluttershy into the next, final, passenger car. The only car beyond this was the engine car, where hopefully Twilight was close to figuring out a long term solution to the situation they were in. Celestia willing, there wouldn't be some crisis in here that Rarity had to solve before continuing onward. She didn't have much left in her.

Rounding the corner, Rarity breathed in relief. The hallway was clear, with the exception of a familar griffon lounging against the wall opposite the first door. His golden eyes flickered over her for a brief moment before returning to staring into the compartment.

“Hello there, Raptor.”

“Rarity, shy one,” his salutation was curt, and he didn't move his gaze from the room

“Her name is Fluttershy, Raptor.” Rarity trotted up to the griffon. “What are you doing?”

“Being a deterrent.” His monotonous tone didn't change, nor did he turn to address her.

Rarity noticed for the first time that his talons were tinged with red, and the door frame was marked with gouges that looked suspiciously talon-made. Knowing better than to ask a honest question and receive an unenlightening response, Rarity moved up and peeked around the corner, hoping she was wrong in her assumption.

A gasp of revulsion escaped her, and she felt her breakfast coming back up. Ponies littered the floor, unmoving, all of them gravely wounded. The hole in the far wall gave her a fabulous view of ponies desperately pushing back against the crowd, doing everything they could to avoid being forced into the cabin by the unruly press of the mob. Rarity turned away, trying to forget the horrible image of ponies laying dead on the floor, and set a steely glare on Aven Briskwind.

“How could you! What did you do to them, you brute! They're just trying to do their jobs, a bit over-zealously, yes, but you didn't have to kill them, you monster!” she screamed at the impassive griffon, as the lout just sat there, not even looking at her. “You will look at me when I speak to you, you bloodthirsty beast!”

Infuriatingly, Briskwind continued to ignore her, staring straight ahead, his golden eyes cool and disinterested. Rarity gave a huff of displeasure, ignoring the small voice inside of her head that observed that, perhaps, agitating an avian predator that has just proven his murderous impulses were unchecked was an unwise course of action.

Before she could take in the deep breath her next tirade would require, he spoke. “Take another look. Now.”

The quiet fury in his voice sent a shiver down her spine, and Rarity suddenly noticed just how close those wickedly sharp talons were. She turned her head back towards the carnage.

“See how shallow their wounds are? Most of them have already closed up.” Is he proud of what he's done? She forced down her stomach and set her eyes searching from body to body. While it was certainly far more blood than Rarity was used to, or would ever like to see, she had to admit that there was an awfully scarce amount for the half-dozen ponies or so inside.

“Unless I've gotten careless, they should all be still breathing, see?” Rarity focused on a red stallion, hoping she could fool herself into forgetting about the blood. His chest rose and fell in the steady rhythm of respiration.

“Now continue to look horrified so the rest of those rats think their pals are dead.”

Rarity caught herself before she could let out a loud sigh of relief. Instead, she turned and spun on the griffon. “I- I understand, si-Raptor. You did what had to be done.” She gracelessly passed him, almost tripping over her hooves. “Come on, Fluttershy. Leave him to his... butcher's work.”

A low grunt from Briskwind caused Rarity to turn around. Fluttershy was nowhere in sight. “I don't think your friend liked what she heard.” A ghost of a smile passed over Aven's beak. A flap of his wings sent dust and bits of debris down the hallway, adding to Rarity's dishevelled state. What a toad of a protector, she thought. But likely worth every bit, she mentally added, recalling the chill she had felt when he addressed her.

Hoping Fluttershy wasn't scared out of her wits, and had returned to encourage Rainbow Dash and Applejack in their efforts, Rarity pressed on. Twilight better be close to figuring out how to get us out of here. Rarity had her doubts in the patch job she and Fluttershy had done in the first passenger car. Would it hold against a concentrated effort?

The metal floor of the engine car clicked loudly against her hooves as she carefully stepped around complicated looking mechanisms that Rarity couldn't put a name to, much less a function. Most were inert, but one in particular was filled with whirring gears and thrumming gizmos. The cause was obvious: Twilight Sparkle's horn was aglow with magic, and Rarity could sense the power flowing through her and into the machine. Dusty Ruin was madly flipping through manuals and schematics next to the powerful unicorn, covered in grease and blackened with soot.

“Rarity!” cried Twilight, a smile on her weary-looking face. “You're safe! Is everypony else alright?”

“Just a little messy, Twilight. The girls are doing well, for now. Applejack and Rainbow Dash are holding back a crazed horde of reporters with their bare hooves, Fluttershy is with them, likely scared witless, and Briskwind is,” she paused, trying to find the right words. “Very effective, and perfectly safe.” Rarity looked around for Pinkie Pie. “Where's Pinkie? She was ahead of me.”

“Here I am!”

Rarity jumped away from the high-pitched greeting, originating just beyond her right flank, before identifying the voice's owner, as, of course, Pinkie Pie. The pink menace/friend was almost completely buried in machinery, and Rarity was certain there was no way any organism with bones could contort themselves into Pinkie's position.

“Wow, Rarity, you look awful! What's next, Dusty?” Pinkie's grin was guileless. Rarity resorted to simply rolling her eyes rather than undergoing a futile attempt to teach Pinkie the meaning of tact.

The elder unicorn had his bushy eyebrows furrowed. “Well, if hose 7B is connected to coupling A7, then I think gear B8 just needs to be fully recessed. Or is that 8B?” Squinting at the blueprints in front of him, he shook his head and turned the parchment upside down. “I'm more comfortable with things from before this century, unfortunately.”

Pinkie fished a wrench out from somewhere and balanced it on her nose. “Don't worry! What's the worst that could happen? Be right back!” Her pink mane disappeared, impossibly, into the mass of gears and widgets, and a few seconds later, Rarity heard the sound of metal scraping on metal.

“Is what Pinkie's doing,” possible? Rarity wanted to ask, but settled for “Safe?”

“Safe or not, if we don't get the barrier shield running at full power, those journalists are going to pick our brains for sure!” answered Twilight, horn still glowing with the intensity of a hundred candles.

“What is it you're doing, dear?”

“Twilight,” coughed Dusty Ruin, “is powering the arcano-generator that runs the engine. Unfortunately, that thing's older than I am, and hasn't kept itself in nearly as fine shape.” If Dusty Ruin was a pegasus, he'd surely be preening right about now. “As such, it's wasting almost all of Twilight's energy as heat. Compounding the problem, the shield-emitting mechanism itself was nearly defunct, before we started fixing it. What's running now is the backup emitter, while Pinkie and myself do our best to get the actual device working.” He looked up at Twilight, still glowing like the sun. “Did I get that right?”

“Absolutely correct, Dr. Ruin.” Twilight was beaming.

“While I'm normally more comfortable with simpler machines, like rolling boulders and spears shooting out of walls, I’ve always supported the notion of continuing education. Why not learn about arcane technology?” He chuckled. “No time like the present, eh?

Sun and moon, they’ve turned this into a classroom! Rarity made a promise to herself to keep the two intellectuals distanced from each other in future times of crisis. “Well, I have to say I’m surprised and a little disappointed at the state of our transportation, Twilight. No amount of cost saving is worth putting up with this,” stated Rarity, kicking an important-looking gear that laid, discarded, on the floor. “This is a worse disaster than my mane is right now!”

“I think you look rather rugged, my dear.”

“Thank you, Doctor, but I try my best not to look ‘rugged.’”

Twilight scratched the side of her head and gave a little blush. At least, Rarity thought she saw a blush. It was hard to look at the librarian without squinting. “This has less to do with money and more to do with time.” She frowned. “I had gotten us seats and cargo space on a passenger train heading south, but when I checked in at the station office this morning, I was told that the owner had just sold the train, and was no longer open to the public. I saw this train sitting on the tracks, asked if it was available, signed a not insignificant amount of safety waivers and, well, here we are!” Twilight lowered her head and stage whispered, “Apparently this was about to be decommissioned. You wouldn’t believe the deal I got!”

I wonder why. “Twilight, this thing’s a deathtrap!”

“I know!” Twilight cheered, gushing happiness. “Which is why I’m telling myself ‘one train’s as good as the other, Twilight! Still going according to plan!’” The lavender unicorn’s voice had the edge of hysteria to it.

Pinkie Pie popped her head out of an access panel Rarity had missed before. “I hope your plan involves using extra-virgin olive oil as lube, because that thing was bone dry!” As she clambered out of the floor, Rarity noticed her friend was slick with what couldn’t be just olive oil. Pinkie Pie was covered in some unholy mix of grease, soot, oil, and sweat, and she was coming closer.

Rarity was nowhere near a bathtub. And wearing a dress that had to be dry cleaned. And Pinkie had a gleam in her eye that screamed ‘physical contact.’

“Nice work, Pinkie! I think we’re good to go!” Twilight chimed in. “Doctor Ruin, would you be so kind as to buck that rusted gear into motion on my mark?”

“Certainly!”

Pinkie was jubilant. “Rarity, did you hear that? We’ll be safe in no time!” She continued her casual trot towards Rarity, eyes sparkling.

Time slowed down. Rarity weighed her options. I could flick Twilight’s horn, interrupting her channelling. That’d let all those ponies in through the gaps in the cars. But would they get here before Pinkie could hug me? She scanned the room, looking for something she could use as a shield between her and the slimy mess that drew ever closer. How could something this ramshackle not have a loose plate, or grate, or anything I could use t-

“Now!”

With Twilight’s cry, her horn blazed fiercely, Dusty Ruin gave a rust-caked gear a mighty buck, and Pinkie pounced into the air.

“Pinkie, Nooo!” A desperate cry of despair did nothing to stop Pinkie from giving Rarity the friendliest, filthiest, foulest hug ever received by the unicorn.

Rarity certainly felt a bit better after venting some of her frustrations out on the poor journalists that were inside the train when the emitter started running again. She hoped she hadn’t chipped a hoof on anypony. Twilight had requested that everypony gather in the engine room so she could keep the generator powered while planning what to do next. Unfortunately, Pinkie still had a limb draped around her. The damage was already done, however, and getting dirtier would let her pass off her revolting appearance as unavoidable to anypony, or anyprincess, that happened to stop by to see her off.

Assuming this train would ever go anywhere

“So, here’s what we know. Fair Wind managed to escape before the train was completely surrounded, and hopefully he was able to alert the rest of the party before they arrived at the station. Nopony should have to wade through that crowd. I’m confident in my ability to power this generator, but I’m far less certain of its reliability. Celestia only knows how long this thing will hold out before we’re back to where we were before. We need a plan to get these journalists either calmed down or off our backs. Suggestions?” Twilight asked, finishing her summarization.

“You know what my plan is, Dusty. Show a little force and watch them scatter.” Briskwind offered, cleaning his nails in a corner of the room. “With your permission, of course.”

The archaeologist shook his head. “Things are not so grave as to resort to violence just yet, Raptor.”

“Suit yourself.”

Pinkie lifted her arm from Rarity and thrust it into the air. “Ooh! Ooh! Pick me Twilight!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes, Pinkie?”

“How about if we gave these ponies an even bigger story to report on somewhere else?” She hopped in excitement. “It could be something real juicy, like, umm...” Pinkie brought a hoof up to her chin, deep in thought.

“The fastest way to ruin a dress?” offered Rarity, still peeved.

“An unnanounced Wonderbolts display on the other side of the mountain!”

“Sweet Apple Acres releasing decades-old cider reserves from storage?”

Rainbow’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t joke about that, Applejack.”

All sets of eyes on the room turned to Fluttershy.

“Um. I think I saw a Canis Major a week ago in the Everfree.”

“Really, Fluttershy? Those are incredibly rare!” Twilight leant towards the pegasus, notepad and quill at the ready. “When exact-”

“I’ve got it!” Shouted Pinkie, interrupting Twilight as she leapt into the air. “Princess Cadence is getting lovey-dovey with the captain of the guard! Such a scandal! Think of the security breach!”

Twilight frowned. “Come on, Pinkie. We need something in the realm of possibility. And I think I’d be the first to know, outside the palace, if that were to be plausible at all.”

In response, Pinkie Pie blew a raspberry at Twilight while winking at nopony in particular.

Applejack spoke up next. “I figure that these ponies just want a story. What if we give em something to talk about, on our own terms?” She looked around the room. “What’s stopping us from walking up to one of those holes in the train and giving them what they want, truthful-like?”

“That... sounds entirely reasonable,” said Twilight.

“Well then let's get to it!” Applejack turned towards Rarity. “You take the middle compartment in the second car, you love being the centre of attention. Dusty, you mind getting the first hole? You’re a professor, go give em some learning!” She turned and ran out of the engine car.

“She can’t possibly expect me to deliver a public address looking like this!” Rarity pleaded, looking for support.

“Who else?” asked Twilight. “Fluttershy is Fluttershy, our feathered friend over there growls more than talks, Rainbow Dash is-”

“Not doing this, thank you! I’ve got some nap time I need to catch up on while you guys figure this out.”

“And do you really trust Pinkie Pie with telling a story?”

Rarity looked over to the pink earth pony, who was still muttering to herself. “And then, at the wedding, the bride is revealed to have a terrible, terrible secret: she’s actually a stallion!”

“All right then, Twilight. But I still get to be unhappy about this!” Rarity turned around and followed the disappearing tail of Dusty Ruin out of the car.

“Duly noted!” came the cheerful reply.

Rarity watched as Dusty Ruin stepped over the fallen ponies in the first breached compartment, and marvelled at his nonchalance at the bloodshed. I suppose one would get used to sights like that, with a griffon like Briskwind in one’s employ. She shuddered. I hope I don’t lose my aversion to blood.

When she came upon her transformed blocks of wood, she was almost thankful for Pinkie’s greasy hug, as it allowed her to easily slip through the narrow passage low to the floor. Almost thankful. It was going to take all of her skills to clean her dress to any degree of satisfaction. First, she’d have to find some sort of detergent that would remove the grease without bleaching or, even worse, eating a hole throu-

Stop stalling Rarity. Address that crowd.

But she looked like a carnival freak, with a mottled coat of soot and sweat! How could she live with herself if anypony took pictures of her? And they were journalists, of course she’d be photographed! She’d be immortalized forever as some dirty-looking hag!

If you’re worried about that, you could take a page out of that dreadful musician’s book and write an obscenity on your face. They’d have to block it out in order to publish it.

That was a ridiculous idea. The princesses were coming here, to see her. She couldn’t show her face to them with something vulgar scrawled across it! No, Rarity had to get this over with, quickly. It was like ripping off a bandage: best to do it quickly.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped inside the cabin and approached the impromptu picture window that was the back wall. “Greetings, mares, gentlestallions,” she began, looking out at the massive crowd of ponies that surrounded the train and filled the station. “My name is Rarity, and-”

A long, low blast of a horn interrupted her. Earth ponies and unicorns spun around on the ground, trying to determine the source of the sound, while Rarity and the airborne pegasi had a clear view of its point of origin.

At the entrance to the station, a massive, opulent carriage had arrived, pulled by a team of serious-looking guardponies. Both the vehicle and the team that pulled it were outfitted in blue and gold. A moment later, two smaller carriages appeared from the street and flanked the larger one. As the the lead guardsmare sounded the horn again, Rarity narrowed her eyes. She knew whose colours those were.

Blueblood.

Rarity sprang back from the hole and dashed towards the door, calling out as she did. “Applejack, get back to the engine car!” Practically diving under the planks of wood in the corridor, Rarity wasted no time in following her own advice. Something had tickled her in the back of her mind, and she knew that all of her friends needed to be together for whatever happened next.

“I’m coming!”

Racing down the length of the train, Rarity stopped only to briefly order Dusty Ruin to the engine room. As she did so, she saw the press ponies being rebuffed from approaching the Prince by a quickly-assembled perimeter of blue and gold. She didn’t catch a glimpse of Blueblood himself, but she supposed he’d likely stay in the carriage until things were under control outside.

Oddly, Rarity didn’t feel the least bit breathless after her sprint, slowing down to a dignified pace steps away from the engine car. “Twilight!” she yelled. “Blueblood’s here!”

“I know!” Twilight didn’t turn away from one of the windows, intent on watching the events outside. Rarity noticed that the light from her horn was significantly dimmer than before. Next to the librarian, Pinkie Pie twisted her head and perked up her ears.

“Girls, do you feel that?” she asked, looking around the room.

“Feel what?” said Rainbow, flapping her wings in agitation.

“I...” Pinkie trailed off, screwing her eyes tight. “I think...” She drew into herself, curling up into a ball, her voice growing soft. Everypony leaned in closer, straining to hear. The sound of hooves from the entrance notified Rarity of Applejack and Dusty Ruin’s arrival.

“Pinkie, what’s wrong?” Rainbow Dash swept in close, hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder.

An explosion of confetti and streamers and the sound of a kazoo blew Rainbow back. Pinkie leapt onto her rear hooves, limbs reaching for the sky.

“THERE’S A SONG COMING ON!”

Pinkie bounced over to Twilight and flicked her horn with a hoof. The startled mare lost control of her spell and, with a grinding of gears and the pop of sparks, the generator died, taking the shield along with it.

“Come on, everypony, let’s get out there!” With a gleeful cheer, Pinkie jumped out of the train.

A moment of stunned silence was spoiled by a sputtering Rainbow Dash attempting to extricate confetti flakes from her mane. “Plegh!” she spat, coughing up glitter. She looked around, amber eyes quizzical. “Why aren’t you guys saving Pinkie from herself?”

Rarity looked at Twilight, who looked at Applejack, who was looking at Fluttershy, who blushed.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Why does it seem like I have to do everything?” A streak of rainbow and a cloud of dust signalled her departure from the train.

Rarity felt the irresistible pull of an upcoming musical number directing her to follow her two friends. It wasn’t her starting this song and dance, but somepony wanted her present before it began. Rarity could guess who.

“I think Prince Blueblood is requesting an audience. Girls?” Rarity held out a hoof and motioned for the rest of the gang to exit before her. Fluttershy brushed past her, smiling.

“I hope it’s not anything too heavy.”

“I love it when this happens!” Twilight was practically prancing as she exited the train. “I hope I have a singing part!”

“I never get to sing,” grumbled Applejack. “I hope it’s got some nice guitar in it, anyway.”

Before following her friends, Rarity used all the energy she had left to improve her appearance. Hopefully I come out of this looking better than Blueblood did. She focused most of her efforts on her mane and tail, the former being a sickly, slick mess and the latter looking more like a broom than a tail. Wishing she had a mirror, she stepped out onto the platform.

(A/N: Makkon, in the style of General Mumble Timestamps indicate when the voices kick in and who is singing.)

As her hoof hit the stone outside, music began to play. Rarity was unfamiliar with the genre, but it sounded rather peppy. Like in the ancient fable, the journalists were instantly soothed from a angry mob into a coordinated unit, clearing a wide path between the engine car and the carriages. Large enough for a dozen ponies to trot abreast, it allowed the team pulling the lead carriage to move forward, bodies straining against their harnesses.

Rarity ventured forth, her friends falling in beside her. She was at the head of the herd. Whatever this song entailed, she was a large part of it. Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were between them and Blueblood’s enormous transport. Rainbow Dash leant down and whispered something to Pinkie, who let out a laugh. As if it were some sort of planned signal, Blueblood appeared in a flash of magic atop his carriage and began to sing in a strong baritone.

(0:30) Blueblood

Look at the scum that have assembled here

See our competitors how they quake in fear

This journey will be such a hoot

Once home in Canterlot with bags of loot.

The scorn in his voice was unmistakable as he sung, gazing across the crowd. He easily dismounted his ride with two quick hops down, the coattails of his magnificently tailored blue suit blazing behind him. He was gorgeous. As he was coming down, a quartet of ponies emerged from behind the carriage, each dressed to the nines. Rarity recognized them from the disastrous meeting the day before.

(0:45) Blueblood

We are the ones who rule the world
You are the ones who work and toil
Its not hard to understand your place

Nose to the grindstone in a ratrace

Rarity continued her march forward, Pinkie and Rainbow falling in behind her as she moved. Blueblood’s entourage formed a similar formation, with the Prince at it’s head. All the ponies in the crowd were stamping along to the beat, but not loudly enough to make it hard to hear the music or Blueblood’s lyrics. Tired of his classist remarks, Rarity opened her mouth to respond.

(1:00) Rarity

Where is the grace you hold in high regard

Betrayed the ponies you were made to guard

The Lunar Princess hopes to cleanse your shame

From Equestria and only you are to blame

Speaking of Luna, where were the Royal Sisters? Rarity would love to have Luna add a verse or two tearing Blueblood apart. In her absence, Rarity supposed she would bear that burden.

(1:16) Blueblood

Luna’s plan will bring ruin to us all

Without its nobles Equestria will fall

Every treaty, peace and correspond

Bears our signature our sacred bond

Blueblood brought a hoof down hard onto the pavement, accentuating his message with displays of physical flourish. Indistinct images of long-dead nobles signing documents flashed in the air above him

(1:31) Blueblood

We are the ones who draft the laws

While you all beg, fight and vainly claw

Our value the Solar Princess sees

For centuries she’s trusted our expertise

Rowdy ‘common’ ponies, depicted as unwashed vagabonds, fought over a bounty of food as monocle-wearing nobles daintily sipped tea from a patio, shaking their heads at the display. A slightly younger Princess Celestia appeared in the sky above the fighting ponies, a frown across her divine visage.

(1:46) Rarity

For centuries Celestia’s held to a vow

To let pony govern pony you stupid cow

Although she raises the sun each and every dawn

It’s not an endorsement of your brainless brawn

The image of the sun goddess shrugged her shoulders and looked expectantly at the nobleponies. Instead of getting off their rears and organizing the food distribution, they silently cackled and pulled out comically oversized bags of golden bits, meticulously counting every coin.

(2:02) Rarity

It is plain for all in this station to view

That every rule you twist and misconstrue

Is not for our great and ancient nation

but for your own petty pride and high station

Rarity’s steady pace hadn’t slowed as the song continued to play, and neither had Blueblood’s. They stopped less than a metre apart, Rarity turning to the crowd and thrusting her hoof at the image above. The flag of Equestria, depicting a stylized alicorn in front of a bisected sun and moon symbol, was trampled callously underhoof as a noblemare trotted around a statue of herself.

(2:17) Pinkie Pie

This isn’t a fight to see who’s wrong or right

This is a race, a chance to see some sights!

Come on you silly fillies, just ignore the bourgeois

I guarantee a laugh, ha ha ha!

Pinkie used Rarity’s back as a springboard to bound forward, knocking the wind out of the fashionista and driving her to the ground. The party pony landed in front of Rarity and lifted her chin with a hoof, filling her vision with a smiling face. Above, the statue burst apart as another Pinkie emerged from it, showering the noblemare with stone fragments, waving a flag with all three types of ponies surrounded by a giant heart.

(2:32) Blueblood

We are the ones who know the game

That other nations call their claim to fame

Removing us is such a stupid move

I dare not lower myself to your level to prove

The Prince shoved Pinkie forward, causing her to collapse onto Rarity in a jumbled heap. He turned his nose into the air as he sang, and Rarity was acutely aware that she was prone on the ground and covered in filth. The image above flashes to show shady-looking griffons, diamond dogs, deer, and zebras gazing covetously at a map of Equestria, until the map burned away to reveal a stately, fierce looking noble.

(2:47) Blueblood

Be rest assured that you will not prevail

Thunder is in our hooves, wind in our sail

Expect defeat and you will not be wrong

This we swear in stalwart voice and song

A peal of thunder and a gust of wind knocked the rest of Rarity’s group down and sent the six mares tumbling back towards the train, hooves, wings, and horns sticking out awkwardly from the pile. Rarity was dazed, unable to focus, and tried to shake the confusion out from between her ears.

(3:03) Blueblood

I’ll see those who dare challenge our strength

Broken and penniless, exiled across the strait

And now its time to put this to rest

Celestia, Luna, my dears, I hope you’re at your best.

At the end of his verse, Blueblood and the other aristocrats turned towards the street and knelt in deep bows, and his carriage was maneuvered out of the way to reveal the gleaming royal chariot, pulled by four pegasus guards. Celestia and Luna were both atop it, Celestia bobbing her head in time to the cheerful tune as it winded down.

Rarity finally succeeded in neatly organizing the corners of her mind as the song ended, quickly coming to a few crucial revelations: One, she was currently entangled in a ball of ponyflesh with her best friends, instead of properly prostrating herself before her rulers and goddesses. Two, she was still a horrible mess, the gust of wind and uncontrolled tumble having thoroughly destroyed her feeble efforts at fixing her hair and attire, and three, she was completely unprotected from the crowd of no-longer-sedated press.

You win this round, Blueblood.

Luna nudged Celestia, the elder sister still blissfully bobbing her head to the nonexistent music, as the herald announced their royal presence to the gathered journalists. Celestia’s eyes blinked open. Moving as one, the two Princesses spread their wings and gracefully took to the skies, gliding towards the bowing nobles.

“Ouch, not cool.” Rainbow Dash’s voice was alarmingly close to Rarity’s right ear. “Talk about artistic liberties. No way I’d ever get rattled by some stupid thunderbolt!”

“Somepony want to remove their hoof from my side?” drawled Applejack. “And where’s my hat gone off to?”

The sounds of panic came from somewhere behind Rarity and to the right. “I can’t see! Or breathe! Was that Princess Celestia I heard?” Twilight’s voice was oddly muffled.

Amid the chorus of groans, Rarity disentangled herself from her friends as they did the same. Rainbow Dash braced Twilight as Applejack yanked her hat off Twilight’s face, which had somehow wedged itself inside the crown of the farmer’s trademark headgear. Rarity had to marvel at the fact that Twilight’s horn failed to pierce through the lightweight fabric.

A brave individual yelled a question, directed at the Princesses, and, emboldened, the crowd unleashed a torrent of shouts and queries. Rarity saw Luna shoot them a stern glare, to no effect, but all Celestia had to do was pass her eyes over the crowd to quiet them.

“What is going on here?” Celestia arched an eyebrow as her pastel mane billowed out around Her.

“Aunt Celestia, when I arrived, this unruly crowd had trapped our competitors inside their train. I was fortunate enough to have brought my personal guards along with me, to try and calm the crowd, but it was not enough.” Blueblood looked positive contrite. “I regret having to trouble You with this inconvenience.”

A frown graced Celestia’s regal features. It was like a cloud had moved across the sun. “Are there really this many newspapers in Equestria?” She walked over to one of the reporters, who looked visibly shaken. “What newspaper do you write for?”

Rarity could see the sweat pouring off his coat from fifty paces away. “Uh, The Canterlot Gazette, Your Majesty.”

Celestia turned to the stallion next to him. “And you?”

“A-also the Canterlot Gazette, Your Regalness.”

The goddess smiled. “Well, that seems a bit silly, sending two reporters to the same place. Aren’t there any other stories waiting to be told in Canterlot?”

“Of course, Princess.” He gulped down some air. “There’s a... foal’s hoofball game just waiting to be covered!”

Brushing him with her wing, Celestia turned to address the crowd, barely raising her voice. “I would greatly appreciate only one reporter from each news organization to remain here. A press gallery this large takes a little bit away from the occasion.”

Rarity had never seen so many ponies rushing about so wildly. Shouts and cries tore through the air as journalists tried to find their colleagues and decide who would get to stay and would would join the vast majority in leaving the station. Amidst the chaos, Princess Luna trotted over.

“It is good to see you all together, and awake,” the Princess of the Night began. “But We must wonder: What happened to your train?” Luna looked down the side of the train, lingering on the holes the mob had created in the passenger cars. She brought her gaze back towards the Elements of Harmony, resting on Pinkie and Rarity. “And what happened to you?”

“It’s a long story, Princess-” Twilight began, before being cut off by Rainbow Dash.

“Long story? It’s super short! A bunch of wacky reporters decided they just couldn’t wait for an interview and started trying to tear our train, and us, apart!” The pegasus snorted in frustration.

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” started Twilight, trying to play down the severity of the situation to the Princess.

“I’m going to beg to differ, ‘Twi.” said Applejack. “I could’ve lost my whole crop to those crazy ponies!” Luna frowned at Applejack’s comment.

“But we’re all fine, right, girls?” Twilight’s voice was getting higher.

Rarity felt a surge of anger course through her. “Fine, Twilight? Do I look fine to you?”

“Well...”

“I’ll answer that for you, Twilight. I am most certainly not fine. I had to beat off reporters with my own luggage and a stick, Twilight! Look what they did to my dress, my mane!” Rarity wailed, distraught. “Grease, everywhere!”

“I thought I did that to you.”

Not helping, Pinkie.

“We are certain that a bit of grit from the hard road will do you no harm, Rarity,” stated Princess Luna, before turning to Twilight. “And We would appreciate it if you did not spare Our feelings when relaying information.”

“Of course, Princess!” Twilight nodded her head briskly. Rarity did the same.

“Regardless, We have some information that may be of use.” Luna leaned in close. “We underestimated the funds Blueblood and his ilk had on hoof. We had hoped to see them suffer as you no doubt will, but they have proven themselves quite resourceful when it comes to assembling wealth.” Luna motioned toward the noble’s carriages. Guardsponies were hauling out statues, paintings, jewel-encrusted robes, and chests of diadems, tiaras and other jewelry from the vehicles, and loading it onto the platform next to the rails.

“Unfortunately, it is unlikely they will have to spend a single bit before leaving Equestrian shores.” Luna scowled. “Blueblood has allies all across Equestria, and if not him, then Archduchess Beachcomber will no doubt ask her vassals for lodging and food, who will be obliged to aid her.

“Luckily, We have a plan to curtail any aid given to them, but the wealth they have looted from their own estates is theirs to squander.”

“Wow, thanks, Princess!” Rainbow Dash punched Her Majesty in the shoulder. “You’re awesome!”

Luna’s expression grew alarmed. “Wait! She meant-”

Rainbow disappeared under a pile of armoured pegasi, who had appeared out of nowhere to pin the mare to the ground.

“No harm.”

A particularly burly guard snapped Luna a salute as he watched his men secure the limp pegasus to the ground. “Suspect secure?” he asked one of the cloud-white pegasi. He received a nod in response. Satisfied, he turned to the Princess. “Threat eliminated, ma’am!

Luna rolled her eyes. “Thank you, Hair Trigger. Release the suspect into Our custody. We shall deal with her Ourselves.”

Wordlessly, the squadron of guards took to the skies. Rarity tried to follow them as they took off, but the sun blinded her. Blinking to clear the spots from her vision, she discovered the pegasi had disappeared. Where did they come from? Where did they go, for that matter?

Princess Luna massaged her forehead with a hoof. “I don’t understand how Celly deals with them,” she said, momentarily dropping her formal speech. “This happens at least thrice a week.”

Twilight nodded knowingly. “My father nearly had his leg broken one night, when he and mother invited Celestia over for dinner,” Twilight paused, recollecting. “Celestia never came to my parent’s place again.”

Speaking of Celestia, thought Rarity as she spotted the Princess coming over, Blueblood and cronies in tow.

Finished with the pleasantries of catching up with my most faithful student and her friends, sister?” said Celestia, as she gave Twilight an affectionate nuzzle.

Rarity gave Pinkie and Rainbow her best ‘Say Nothing’ glare as Luna spoke up. Nopony interrupts a sisterly dialogue, especially a royal one.

“Indeed, dear sister. I am as excited as all of Equestria must be, to watch such a thrilling adventure unfold.”

“Such as it is. What a delightful idea you had, turning this expedition into a competition!”

Rarity sensed that this was a canned, pre-rehearsed conversation. Cameras flashed and bulbs exploded as the sixty or so journalists still at the station took picture after picture. I hope not too many are focused on me.

“I could hardly help myself, Celestia. All the pieces were there, waiting for somepony to pick them up and play the game.”

“A game, Luna? I think our adventurers would disagree in calling their mission something so trivial.”

“Call it what you will, sister, but a game is what it is. Strict rules and a clear goal are all that is required to create one.”

“Strict rules, Luna?”

“Yes.” Luna’s voice suddenly jumped in volume and force, enough to allow Rarity to feel the currents of air being displaced by it’s power. “Henceforth, no pony of Equestria, nor any citizen of any signatory of the Celestine Pact, is allowed to aid either team of competitors in any way unless properly compensated for their goods or services.

“No individual will allow a member of either team to come to mortal harm if it is within their power to aid them, and no member of either team shall be allowed access to any of their incomes beyond what they have on their person at the beginning of the journey.

“Lastly, any team member may induct a willing participant into their team, so long as they understand the rules that they are bound by, and any individual may withdraw themselves from the race, to await the conclusion of the journey here, in Canterlot.”

“You forgot the artifact part.”

“Competitors, do not damage the ancient relics you seek.” Luna frowned at her sister. “I thought-” the Princess lowered her voice. “I thought the last one was obvious.”

“It can never hurt to be too careful.” Celestia had an impish grin on her face.

Luna stepped away from the rest of the group before turning to address them. “Contestants, do you agree to the terms previously presented?”

Rarity had her misgivings about the ’mortal harm’ bit, but she pushed them aside and added her agreement to her friend’s. She had noted that the nobles had grumbled at the compensation part, but they agreed all the same. I hope that none of this comes back to haunt us.

“All that’s left is to name your teams!” Celestia cheerily chimed.

“If you would, Aunt Celestia, I would ask you to christen us yourself.” Blueblood’s reverent tone was completely genuine, surprising Rarity. “It would be an honour to carry out this task in your name.”

“I was hoping I would have a chance to suggest team names. I’ve put a bit of thought into it.” Celestia was failing to notice the stricken look on Twilight’s face. I can only imagine how the poor dear feels, thought Rarity. Best to be quicker on the draw when trying to curry favour with somepony like Blueblood around.

“I’m rather partial to the ‘Sun-Kissed Crusaders,’ myself,” continued Celestia. “But I think that’s a bit too pompous, wouldn’t you agree? I think something simple will do. We wouldn’t want to distract anypony from your individual achievements with an overbearing name.

“How do you feel about Team Celestia?”

Blueblood visibly deflated. “A-are you sure? It seems a b-”

“Perfect, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes, of course,” replied Blueblood. Rarity had to stifle a snicker. You got exactly what you wanted, Blueblood. Why the glum face?

Beside her, Twilight whimpered. “I wanted to be on Team Celestia...” Pinkie Pie picked up on Twilight’s distress immediately.

“Oh, I have a bunch of great names for us! Way better than Team Celestia, blegh! How about the Jungle Jello Jammers? Or the Risky Ruin Ravagers? The Pot-bellied Pig Patrollers? The-” Pinkie continued to rambled even after Applejack stuck a hoof in her mouth.

“I was thinking, Princess Luna, that it just ain’t fair that one sister gets a team named after her and the other doesn’t. So I’d like to suggest Team Luna, to keep with the theme we’ve got going.”

Luna brightened considerably. “We would be honoured to have you bear Our name!”

“Aw, shucks, Princess, we should be the one’s grateful.” Applejack looked around. “Anypony disagree?”

Nopony raised an objection, and Applejack nodded her head. “That settles it, then. Team Luna it is.”

One of the reporters had a surge of confidence and strode forward. “Could I trouble you all for a photo op? Princess and their teams?”

Rarity’s blood turned to ice in her veins. “Photo... Op?” she whispered.

“Huzzah! Of course!” Luna bellowed, scooping up the still unconscious Rainbow Dash and propping her up with a wing. “Rarity, to Our side!”

Everpony lined up, Celestia on the right with the Archdukes and Duchesses, Luna on the left with the villagers from Ponyville. Rarity could only imagine the striking contrast between the two groups, with the nobles of Team Celestia all looking resplendent with perfectly styled manes, unsullied coats, and immaculate attire.

Team Luna, on the other hoof, consisted of a furiously blushing pegasus, a pale-faced and teary-eyed librarian still distraught over Celestia’s betrayal, a baker’s apprentice that seemed unfazed by a nonexistent audience as she rattled off name after name of suggestions, an unconscious weathermare that was slowly sliding off Luna’s wing, and a frazzled and disheveled toad of a tailor wearing a plastic smile. Next to Rarity, Applejack smiled at the cameras and bucked the empty air, looking to all the world the pinnacle of pony perfection.

Why does Applejack always have to look so good and make me look so bad?

Rarity gazed wistfully at the commuter train Blueblood had bought as it chugged down the tracks and out of the station, the stallion himself smiling smugly as he waved to the crowd from a window. What she wouldn’t give to have a train with seats and proper walls. The Prince had acted the perfect gentlestallion with the Princesses around, loading up his obscene wealth onto the train without paying any heed to Rarity or her friends, and had started the engine as soon as the Princesses had departed to officially welcome the new Zebrician ambassador to Canterlot.

Team Luna couldn’t leave without the rest of their group, so Rarity had decided to use the downtime to commandeer the wash facilities of the train station. She had just finished styling her hair and had trotted outside just in time to watch Blueblood depart.

Good riddance, thought Rarity as the train chugged away. Now, time to organize my things without a screaming mob breathing down my neck.

Briskly trotting underneath the wooden awning of the station towards the dilapidated train, Rarity watched Applejack fuss over her apple crop with Mover. Rarity briefly wondered what had happened to the other stationhoof, but brushed that thought aside. She already had enough to fret about. How was she going to repair her image in the short amount of time she still had in Canterlot?

A shout of alarm shook her out of her pondering. Rarity lifted her head just in time to see herself nearly get run over by a team of zebras pulling an official-looking covered wagon. A quick hop backwards, off the street she had absentmindedly wandered onto, managed to get her out of the way of the cart. The four zebras managed to swerve away from her, somehow not overturning their vehicle in the process.

A series of no-doubt colourful Farasi phrases and insults directed at her made her blush. “I’m sorry, gentlestallions! I wasn’t watching where I was going!” Rarity called out, embarrassed.

The deep, rumbling voice of ex-ambassador Zibius rolled out of the carriage just before he did. “Rarity, how pleasurous it is to see you.” He trotted right up to her, golden jewelry clinking. “I hope you are more considerate of where your hooves take you in the future.” Behind him, a lithe, gray-maned zebra mare

“Of course, Zibius. I was lost in thought. I’m not usually like this.” That giant disk of a mane is like a built-in hat, shielding him from the sun. Genius!

“Well, Rarity, it is not a usual day, so I wouldn’t worry.” Zibius gave her a warm, kindly smile. “Would you care to escort me to my compartments?”

“Certainly, but I do hope you’re not averse to, ah, ‘roughing it.’”

The zebra furrowed his brows. “Whatever do you mean?”

Rarity led him down the station, towards the train. “Do you see that locomotive there?”

“That is our transport?” he blinked. “It looks as if will collapse at any moment!”

“I can assure you that it is sturdier than it looks.”

Zibius grinned wryly. “That doesn’t lessen my trepidation in the slightest.”

“By all means, feel free to use your vast wealth to buy a modern train all for yourself. That’s what happened to our first choice.” Rarity stopped by the stationmaster’s office. “I think I recall Twilight mentioning signing some waivers earlier.”

Her companion gave the train another once over, shook his head, and sighed. “I don’t doubt that. Very well.” He moved inside, cocking his head to let his magnificently styled mane through the door.

“Do you think he’s regretting coming along?”

Rarity turned around to see the blue-coated marine merchant from the night before. “Aquamarine!”

“Because looking at that thing, I wouldn’t trust it to go two kilometres, let alone two thousand.” Aquamarine had traded her dress for a pair of saddlebags, and had changed her mane into a bun instead of letting it letting it fall free.

“You’ve come to see us off?” asked Rarity.

“Yes and no. I’ve decided I’d rather sit on my rear for a few months than pay a captain to do it for me. Besides, I have an accountant here that can manage well enough while I’m gone.” Aquamarine chewed on a single strand of hair that had escaped the bun. “I think I’ll put Wavecutter up in drydock in Seaddle and see what I can do to improve her while you’re gone, and I like to do my work hooves-on. I overheard you mention something about safety waivers for that deathtrap?”

Another unexpected passenger? I hope that train can handle the extra stress. The stationmaster has the papers, I think.” Rarity opened the door for the other unicorn with a burst of magic. “You have enough supplies in those bags?”

“Thank you. I once spent two months marooned on an island with nothing but a shipment of mushroom jerky to eat, and my client wrote off the cargo as lost when we didn’t show at port. Flotsam rules came into effect, and now I’m the proud owner of a lifetime supply of jerky sticks. I can say, through personal experience, that it only takes one stick to fill you up for the day.” She patted the black bags at her side. “Never leave home without them. Every ship in my fleets got an emergency supply.” That zebra, what’s his name again?”

“Zibius.”

Aquamarine nodded her head. “Right. I hope this isn’t a mistake.”

Rarity almost said ‘Me too,’ before she caught herself. Instead, she let her acquaintance trot past as she looked over to the train. Applejack had stopped meticulously stacking her barrels and crates to help the zebras load up their luggage, which included a truly ancient looking desk. Intricately carved with zebra glyphs and decorated on all sides with tribal markings, Rarity surmised it was the most expensive object on board.

The sound of multiple hooves coming around the corner alerted Rarity to the sight of more ponies she recognized from last night. Greased Palm, Wealthwise, and Loose Lips rounded the corner, each of them looking around the station.

“Yoo hoo, over here,” Rarity called out, grabbing their attention. The trio trotted over, glancing dubiously at the train where zebras were loading their cargo. Rarity decided she’d get ahead of their questions.

“Yes, that’s our train, no, none of us are particularly trusting of its construction nor optimistic about our comfort in the days ahead, there are some papers you all need to sign before you come aboard in this office, here,” she finished, pointing inside the door.

“Uh, thanks?” offered Palm, not missing a step as he turned into the door.

Loose Lips, however, stopped dead in her tracks. “Do you know how unlucky I am? One time I was reading by candlelight, fall asleep, and BAM, my rooms on fire and I’m out my security deposit!”

Rarity pursed her lips, trying not to laugh at the squeaky voice. “Actually, that sounds entirely fores-”

“If I get on that thing, I’ll be killed within the hour, maybe less.” A sigh escaped the translator. “But, if I stay, I’ll be here, in Canterlot, with every street corner reminding me of that stupid idiot.”

Wealthwise looked around, trying to find the pony Lips was talking about. Rarity did the same. The stallion turned to the curvaceous mare. “Who are you talking about?”

“Nopony! I don’t want to talk about it.” With a huff, Loose Lips stormed into the office. “Where are those stupid papers?”

Wealthwise and Rarity shared a look, the lime-green gentlestallion looking slightly lost. “I think,” Rarity began, “that our little filly there has some coltfriend issues.”

“You don’t say?” Wealthwise hummed a tune Rarity couldn’t place. “To be young again. Are you seeing anypony?”

Rarity looked the aged stallion up and down, taking in his sagging jowls and ugly checkered suit that clashed horribly with his coat. “No, but I’m not looking for one.”

His face went flush with red. “Oh! I didn’t mean that, er, you and I, ah...” Wealthwise trailed off. “I’m happily married. Was, happily married. I’m a widower. I’m not looking, either, though.” he coughed. “Have you seen Dusty Ruin? I have some things I wish to discuss with him.”

Smiling, Rarity lifted a hoof towards the engine. “He’s probably with Fair Wind and the train engineers looking over the arcano-generators.”

“Right!” he shuffled off, leaving Rarity alone. I wonder for how long?

“Ah, Rarity, there you are!” came the cultured voice of Fancypants.

Rarity turned to greet her friend, and was shocked to see Fancypants and Fleur both carrying bulky white bags emblazoned with their cutie marks.

“Don’t tell me you’re both coming too!”

Fancypants and Fleur looked at each other, then back to Rarity. “Coming too? What gave you that idea?” asked Fleur.

“But, you’ve both packed,” said Rarity, motioning towards the bags.

“These old things?” Fancy opened the clasp on his bag and opened it for Rarity. Inside was a ball and swimming gear. “After seeing you all off, myself and Fleur are hitting the gym! I always enjoy a rousing game of water polo!”

“And I do love playing some badminton, when I’m not watching the polo players,” added Fleur with a wink.

Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank Celestia! Not that you wouldn’t be welcome to come, but the train is getting rather close to capacity.”

“Ha!” Fleur chuckled. “You’d have better luck convincing me to wrestle a minotaur than getting me to board that thing.”

“The trick is to wait for the charge and aim for the knees.”

How does one come by that knowledge? “It’s nice to see you both, but I have to ask you to be kind when you see the photos in the paper.” Rarity shuddered. “We were all caught at a bad moment. Do you think you could sabotage the presses, Fancy?”

“That bad, eh?” The mustached trendsetter shook his head. “Not without weeks of preparation and planning, I’m afraid.”

“I suppose nopony can be perfect.”

Fleur slid sensually across Fancy’s back, nuzzling his neck with hers. “Oh, I think he comes quite close,” she purred, batting her eyelashes.

Rarity felt a twinge of heartache at the display. She crushed it mercilessly beneath her metaphorical hoof. “You’d be the one to know, dear.”

Fancy easily slipped out of Fleur’s embrace. “Seeing the state of your transport makes me want to lend you my airship, Rarity,” he started, causing Rarity’s heart to soar to heights she didn’t know existed. “But I doubt it would be able to carry a quarter of your cargo. Weight restrictions are rather tight up in the air, I’m afraid.”

Zibius emerged from the station office, coming between Rarity and the other two unicorns. “Pardon me,” he said, quickly moving forward.

Fancypants shook his head. “No, kind sir, pardon us! We’re the one’s talking in front of a door!” He quickly matched pace with the zebra, tossing his head to let the mares behind him know to follow. “I trust you and the eminent Dr. Ruin will show these youth the wisdom of experience.”

Zibius let out a rumbling chuckle. “I don’t see how years of politics in Canterlot is applicable to journeying to my homeland.”

“Well, you got yourself here somehow, didn’t you?”

The ex-ambassador came to a stop next to the train’s cargo doors, as he watched his retinue carefully load his possessions. “I think my trip north was a bit more luxurious than what will experience on this journey.”

Fancypants grinned widely. “Don’t sell yourself short, ambassador.”

“I never do. But I know my limitations as well as my aspirations.” Suddenly, he turned and shouted at one of his mares in Farasi. He turned back to the unicorns. “If you would excuse me, I need to ensure that my things are properly secured. Some are quite old and delicate.”

Rarity stayed with Fancypants and Fleur on the platform for a few minutes, chatting. Fancypants promised her that he would forward any letters addressed to her, as well as any pertinent news, to Seaddle, and hopefully Aquamarine would be easy to convince to direct her messages from there. Rarity hoped her journey would be dull enough to allow for hours of uninterrupted dressmaking, but she had her doubts.

Just look at everything that’s happened before we’ve even left Canterlot. She eyed the holes in the side of the train, being hastily boarded up by some pegasi in hard hats. I doubt I’ll be able to focus on tailoring with an awful draft running through the train. If events unfold the way they have been, we’re sure to catch some of the storms that blow through the Crossing, and I couldn’t risk heaving all over my fabrics. She sighed as Fleur laughed at one of Fancypants’ jokes. I’ll have to wait to Cervidas to get any work done. Hopefully Fair Wind’s train is in one piece.

“Rarity? Equestria to Rarity?” The fashionista blinked as a pale pink hoof waved past her eyes. “Are you there?”

“I’m sorry, Fleur, I’ve been daydreaming a lot, recently.”

“A better place to do that would be in your quarters, on the train that is about to leave.”

“Oh!” Sure enough, the work crews were flying away, and a troop of engineers were exiting the engine car, apparently finished whatever it was they were doing in there. Rarity spied Wealthwise leaving as Dusty waved him farewell.

“I suppose this is it, then.” Rarity turned to her two friends.

“Make Equestria even more proud of you, Rarity.” Fancypants gave her a hug, which she gladly returned. “Do try and leave some space in the history books for the rest of us,” he said, patting her back before releasing her.

Rarity blushed. “Oh, I’m nothing special.”

“Oh, so modest, too!” Fleur moved in to embrace her, and whispered into her ear. “Not everywhere is as peaceful as Equestria. Stay safe.” Fleur de Lis returned to Fancypants’ side.

I really should know what I’m doing. Rarity stepped onto the train not a moment too soon, as it began to slowly, grudgingly creep down the tracks.

“Try to keep that thunderhead Fair Wind in line, Rarity!” shouted Fleur over the grinding metal gears.

“And show that lout Blueblood what real class looks like!” added Fancypants.

“I’ll do my best!”

Rarity stared at the pair as they refused to turn into specks in the distance. That’s odd. The train struggled to pick up speed, the sound of metal against metal grating her ears. “Well,” she called out. “Normally this would be the part where I wave goodbye and ride off into the distance, but...”

The unicorns on the station shrugged. “Life is no storybook tale, Rarity. I thought you knew that by now.” Fleur’s voice was hard to make out over the titanic mechanical struggle going on beneath Rarity’s hooves.

Rarity thought back to the Gala. “I know.”

The sound of rusted wheels and tired pitons followed Rarity out of Canterlot.