Author's Note
Hi everypony,
I understand this is a sensitive subject:
Many people will have had to deal with alcohol addiction for themselves or with a family member/friend. I have mercifully not had to deal directly with such problems in my life and hope to give a respectful account of what such problems can bring. I wanted to put forward the idea that there is always hope and light at the end of the tunnel, even if it's a hard road to travel to overcome such trials.
This is a very different story to my normal works, but I felt the idea needed to be expressed and hope to have done it in a tasteful manner without down playing the seriousness of such addictions.
If I had the option I would have added 'Bittersweet' to the tags, but tried my best to place the most appropriate ones I could.
Spirits and Angels
Spirits and Angels.
Something cold and hard was pressed up against Crystal Joke’s muzzle, pushing into his cheek. The side of his face throbbed with an odd tingling of sensation: That was when the pain hit him, a thousand angry buffalo were pounding inside his head. Even so Crystal Joke slowly forced open one resisting eye lid.
Though the stars twinkled overhead, with Luna’s night as beautiful as ever things were still too bright. The sounds were too loud and Joke’s tongue felt like somepony had poured sand all over it. The earlier events of that night filtered slowly their way through the resounding ache in Joke’s head: A distorted image of a rough wooden stage with himself standing before a microphone and the revellers laughing at one of his best lines. How did it go again? A unicorn, a buffalo and a zebra step into a bar....
Joke winced once again; a bar and he’d had a cocktail held in his magic, the crowd were laughing and..... well everything else was a bit of a haze. The same scene had played out many times before and Joke was certain it would again.
As he tried to raise his head the horrible, sticky sensation of matted hair and lumps of what he suspected as being breakfast tugged at his muzzle. Looking down with a grimace Joke saw the pile of vomit he’d been asleep in and felt his stomach turn once more. He tried to ignore the gut churning smells of sick and urine assailing his nose before they mercifully overwhelmed his already taxed senses.
Every night Joke promised himself he wouldn’t touch another drop. Before he set out to work each evening he blearily confronted his lilac reflection, looked himself unsteadily in and vowed that he would stay off the drink: Every night he failed.
The world swam around him as Joke attempted to force his shaking legs to take his weight, but his limbs had other ideas and after a few tottering starts Crystal Joke gave up and just lay there. The poor stallion scrunched up his muzzle and tried to ignore the throbbing pain behind his eyes as the world drifted into darkness once again.
Crystal felt the brush of soft covers on his coat and the supportive embrace of a friendly pillow under his head. Joke's skull still throbbed, but to his amazement Crystal Joke smelled the delicious aroma of fresh toast hanging in the air.
His muddled thoughts strained to tell Joke that he hadn’t passed out in a bed; they tapped him on the shoulder and tried to point out the warmth and comfort that surrounded him was a far cry from the nasty alleyway he’d last remembered being in.
Flexing his neck very slowly Crystal blinked about himself and saw that his first impressions had been correct. Instead of cold walls and hard stone around him, Joke found his still trembling body wrapped up in his own bed. The well worn covers and sheets smelt clean and fresh (not a state they had been in for some time Joke was forced to admit)
He took in the drab walls, hung with photos of his performances, all the ponies in them smiling and laughing with Joke himself being centre stage. A microphone in his hoof and too his continued shame a glass of something rich and sticky in the other.
Joke sniffled, he kept telling himself that he could give it up at any point, that he only drunk when he was working or at social events. There had been lots of those Joke reminded himself. The drink seemed to make the humour flow more freely.
Crystal Joke knew what thoughts were, they were excuses and lies he told himself ever day. He wasn't even fooling himself anymore and deep down in the lost and despairing depths of his heart knew it was that the liquor was in charge; not him.
Crystal felt his stomach heave, having been long bereft of any contents all he was rewarded with was the burning bile he’d come to know so well. Defeated and miserable Crystal Joke curled up into a ball under his covers and sniffled once again.
It was then the quiet knock came at his door and a soft voice called through the lightly stained wood, “Crystal, are you decent?”
Crystal Joke froze, it was a mare’s voice; there was another pony in his home and a female at that! Embarrassment and confusion warred in his aching head, Joke frantically tried to revive the gaps in his memory. She must have seen the stains on his floor, the mess in the bathroom smelled the odours that permeated his bachelor home, how could anypony who crossed the threshold miss them?
Frightened, Crystal pulled the covers tighter about himself and hid his face in his hooves as the drawn out silence pulled taught. After what felt like eons had past the soft voice called out again, “Crystal, I have made some toast for you.” Despite feeling like he was going to be sick, he also felt how empty his stomach was. The tempting waft of cooked bread temporarily overcoming his nausea.
Crystal knew that voice, but for the life of him couldn’t put a name to it. That voice had called to Joke on many a confused night, reassuring him and leading him back to his home. It was a voice that was normally full of confidence and self assurance, but now had the tender strength of a mother for her young. Finally Crystal’s befuddled thoughts put the pieces together and his skin turned pale.
Crystal Joke mustered the courage to call back and swallowing again called out timidly, “Is that you ’Swift Star’?” The colt’s heart bounced with excitement and fear. He half wanted it to be true, but as he looked about the bedraggled mess his home was in, the flickering candle of Crystal’s hope died.
“It’s me Crystal Joke and I have toast for you,” The kind reply called throught to Joke and he winced. Swift Star, the Night Guard pegasus was outside Crystal’s door with toast.
Crystal felt wretched, Swift Star, beautiful, brash and ‘tom boyish’ Swift Star was outside his bedroom door. She had been his supporting leg to get him home on so many nights and had won Crystal’s heart, but what would she see in a pathetic drunk like him?
Once again the ever present siren call rose up in Crystal’s mind, beckoning him to just have one more to take the edge off his nerves. The stallion only seemed to have the guts to even talk to Swift when he'd had his alcohol based fortitude. Without even thinking about it about it Crystal’s hoof quested about the floor for the ever present bottles that were always there, only they weren’t.
He pushed his head out of his covers with mounting horror. The stained carpet had always held half finished bottles, but now his frantic eyes saw his room was free of any spirits. The 'pull' called out again as Swift Star’s voice called once more, all hint of softness gone, “Okay Crystal I’m coming in weather you’re ready or not.”
The door opened and the dark coated pegasus was framed in the entrance, bright sunshine streaming in from behind her. Crystal was confronted by an almost angelic image of the mare of his dreams before the pain in his eyes forced him to cry out. The pounding in his head redoubled and Joke was forced to retreat into his blanket fort once more.
Crystal’s ears strained to make out Swift’s purposeful hoof falls over the deafening thump in his own head. The pegasus seemed to be stomping around the room like the roll of thunder in an oncoming storm. Joke felt a weight press down on the bed next to him and pulled himself tighter into his cocoon.
“Crystal, this needs to stop,” The stern but yet entrancing tones of Swift Star forced their way past the vast walls of Joke’s hangover and stormed the central keep of his mind. “I don’t want to find you dead in some alleyway you stupid colt,” Swift’s voice was heavy with concern.
The poor stallion felt his heart clench and his brain sting with a pain that had nothing to do with his own abuse: Swift’s concerns cut him to the core and he felt utterly wretched. Causing an agony of the soul that only added to his misery, the words hurt mostly because were true.
It dawned on Crystal how he must have gotten home last night and his heart fractured as he realised what Swift Star must have done for him: His coat was clean, free of the disgusting fluids and chunks that had matted it. His bedding washed and smoothed and there was no pony here other than Swift and himself.
Another angry silence formed and Crystal knew that some sort of reply was expected from him, but fear and humiliation robbed him of his voice. Finally an angry snort escaped Swift and Joke grimaced as the sound of each loud hoof fall hammered into his already aching skull. There was a final earth shattering bang which Joke assumed must have been his door slamming shut before blissful quiet reined outside his blankets.
Once he was sure Swift wasn’t coming back any time soon Crystal Joke slowly unfolded the feeble barrier of his covers and squinted around his room once more. She had left the toast, hunger finally overcame Joke’s fear and he wolfed down the lukewarm bread even as his stomach gave another threatening jolt.
Crystal Joke made his cautious way down to the kitchen, each timid hoof step causing the wood of his stairs to creek while sending another stab of pain through his head. He reached the foot of the flight and carefully poking his muzzle around the door frame of his kitchen.
Swift Star was sitting at his table, her fore legs crossed over her chest and her yellow eyes boring into Crystal Joke like a search light, “You’re finally up then?”
Joke produced the plate his breakfast had once supported and waved it like a flag of truce. He was acutely aware that the room looked far cleaner than he remembered, “I was just going to wash up my....” Crystal began, only for the disappointed glare of Swift Star to nail him in place.
The tense moment stretched until finally Crystal Joke broke eye contact and sheepishly made his way to the now gleaming sink. Habit kicked in once again as Joke’s eyes searched the work tops for any bottle that may have escaped Swift’s purge, but sadly she had been thorough and ruthless.
He went through the simple actions of washing his used plate, before with exaggerated care) placing it with it's fellow in the cupboard overhead, all the time feeling the piercing stare of Swift Star boring into his back. She hadn’t said another word since Joke had entered the kitchen.
His task done, Crystal took a deep breath and turned slowly to face the pegasus, “Th...thank you for...” There just didn’t seem to be the right words to say.
Swift Star pointed to an empty chair with a definite hoof and Joke took the obvious hint. He sat down and stared morosely at the table, seeing the ringed stains from too many bottles marking its surface. Not even Swift Star’s dedicated cleaning could shift those. The pressing question that had been bouncing around Joke’s head finally broke the uncomfortable silence, “Why?”
It was a tiny sound, nothing like the raucous comedian that performed unsteadily on the stage each night, making the circuits of the taverns and pubs around Canterlot. Crystal Joke’s tone was laden with wonder and confusion.
There was no response from Swift Star and unable to bear another resounding silence Crystal Joke tried once again, “Why do you help me Swift?”
Joke forced his bloodshot eyes to look up at the beautiful mare sitting across from him, he felt so small and useless. He felt powerless before the addiction that held him in its iron grip. It had gotten such a hold on him that Crystal Joke had been ready to just stay there in that alleyway.
Swift’s muzzled scrunched up and a perplexed look crossed her features, “You know what Joke, I don’t know either. Maybe it’s because I firmly believe there’s a good pony under all that drunken mess.” Swift smiled for the first time since Joke had entered the room, “I think it’s because you make me laugh.”
For the first time in what felt like years Crystal felt the tiniest glimmer of hope. It was fragile and he dared not focus on it in case the merest attention would cause it to wink out again. He’d never in all his wildest dreams have thought Swift Star could like a pony such as him. Crystal recalled all the nights she’d walked him home, it had almost become a sort of tradition.
‘Tipsy Joe’, that was the nickname the Night Guard had for Joke and he didn’t blame them for it. That’s how they always found me Crystal reminded himself.
Swift Star had folded her hooves again and watched Crystal Joke carefully, “Here’s how it is, my good friend and fellow watchpony ‘Shadow Guard’ has met his ‘very special somepony’.” Swift Star chuckled, a little of the roguish charm that attracted Joke to her replacing her solemn demeanour.
“I never would have thought he had it in him, but she’s agreed to marry him, can you believe that?” Swift said in an offhoof manner.
Crystal Joke screwed his eyes shut as he recalled a young bat pony he’d seen on patrol with Swift.From what Joke could remember; he'd been timid and had a bad habit of saying exactly what he thought. In mounting puzzlement Crystal shook his head, where was Swift going with this?
“So it got me thinking, if a feather brain like him could buck up his ideas and wins the heart of one of the famous element bearers, then surely a good looking filly like me could help out a pony like you.” Swift Star gave a meaningful glance at Crystal whose face had gone pale.
The brief spark of hope died in Joke’s heart, she was only interested in fixing him: Her own 'personal project' to make her feel better about things because one of her friends was getting married.
Swift continued to watch Crystal Joke with a calculating glance, “I want you to come with me to the wedding Crystal, and I want you to be sober.” Embarrassment and anger mixed in Joke’s heart, she just wanted to use him!
He looked about the clean room and saw it for what it was, just a means to an end and Crystal’s heart broke anew. He snorted before glaring at Swift, “I see what your game is, well you can clear off Miss high and mighty. I don’t need ‘fixing’ and I’m not going to be some fillies ‘project’ to make up for the fact she doesn’t have her own special somepony!”
There was another moment of drawn out tension as Crystal panted before Swift Star began to laugh. Joke felt his temper rise, “Yeah great; laugh at the poor stallion. You can take your 'hel'p and shove it up your....!”
Swift Star raised a placating hoof, “There we go, I knew that would snap you out of it.” She grinned at Crystal as her eyes sparkled with amusement, “There’s the stallion I want to see, not some moping colt feeling sorry for himself.”
Her face became gentle again as Crystal Joke shook his head in confusion, “I honestly want to help you Joke, not to get back at Shadow for beating me to the altar.” Swift smiled and Crystal felt his heart leap once again.
“You always thank me for helping you home and lavish praises on me (between being sick anyhow),” Swift Star explained, the mischievous grin returning to her muzzle. “I really do want you to come to the wedding and to be sober Joke. I want to see if you’re still the charmer when it’s not the drink talking.”
Caught wrong hoofed again Crystal Joke’s face jumped from anger to confusion and finally settled for scepticism: It was true he liked Swift, but despite the many time’s he’d complimented her, she’d never show the slightest interest in him. What had changed? Was she still messing with him? The background ache in his head forced its way to the fore as he once again felt the last binge catching up with him.
He looked into Swift’s eyes, trying to detect any duplicity within, but she seemed to be showing genuine interest. Those eyes, that smile, oh he could get lost in them... Just as he began to hope once again he felt the 'urge' crawl back into his mind and his hoof, almost of its own accord pulled open a draw in the table where he kept his.... empty.
Swift grinned again, “That’s one of the skills of being a guard Joke; I’ve seen a lot and know all the sorts of places ponies hide things. Crystal Joke felt his hoof twitch, suspecting there wasn’t a drop of alcohol left in the house...
Crystal Joke sat uncomfortably in a suit as the two ponies of the hour made their way down the central isle. Ponies (mostly in the armour of both the Night and Day Guard) cheered all around. He saw Princess Luna smiling happily as Shadow Guard and Applejack pushed through the blizzard of confetti and celebrating equines.
It had been three months since Swift had dragged him from that alleyway and after a lot of continuing effort (and no small amount of cunning on Swift’s part) Crystal Joke had barely touched a drop in all that time. There had been rows and fights (along with copious pleading on his part) but Swift had kept Crystal Joke on the straight and narrow.
The last three months had been like a whirlwind and to Joke’s immense satisfaction he could remember it all. For once in what felt like years, Crystal Joke had a measure of pride in himself. It was still very hard of course and the ever present 'claws' of his problem still lurked in the back of Joke’s mind. each day was a struggle, but he didn’t feel alone anymore.
Swift couldn't do it all for him of course, Joke had to pick himself up and shake himself down before any permanent changes could be made. True change comes from the inside out and not the outside in. Swift Star had been his kick start, but Crystal was responsible to keep the motor running. He doubted he would ever be rid of his addiction, but with help and the heart of a good mare he was able to press forward one day at a time. The friend's happy couple passed by and to Crystal Joke’s amazement he felt a small peck on his cheek from Swift Star.
He turned and looked happily at the blessing that had been sent into his life. With words that were fully from the heart he whispered in her ear, “Thank you Swift, I think I love you.”
She beamed back at him as the sounds of cheering suddenly sounded very far away, “You know what Crystal, for the first time I actually believe you and I know it’s not the bottle talking.” The pegasus hugged the unicorn tightly as the tide of happy ponies surrounded them on all sides.
Swift closed her eyes and kissed him. Joke returned it with vigour and just for a moment the ever present pull was pushed aside in a wave of joy, for that moment he felt free and his old old self once again.
Often what we all need in life is an angel: They may not have wings or magical powers, but they have a heart wide enough to support us with its love.
The End.
