Equestrian Road Trip

by DoVaShy

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Sex, DJ P0N-3, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark
Length: 4670

Two human's are teleported to Equestria and go on a journey to find out why they are there in the first place.

When Luke and Chris are teleported to Equestria during a "Time Machine" experiment they are thrown into a adventure to discover why they are in Equestria and why they are suddenly ponies as well.

Warning lot's of swearing, gore, sex, drugs, sexual content, and disturbing situations.

pre Twilight princess.

Sorry bout the cancel guy's. I just couldn't do this story anymore

Published 2014-05-03 19:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-28 07:23:06 UTC

Chapter 1: The "Incident"

Author's Note

Hey I just wanted to talk to ya for a sec. first of all, this isn't exactly my story. now before any of you start accusing me of stealing, this was my friends idea of a story and wanted me to wright this out for him. so you could call me his ghost writer of some sorts. And another thing this is my first story I've written on fimfiction........ actually the first
I've ever written so if ya have criticism please be soft about it. All credit for this story goes to my friend LordJameson98 -YameZ- thanks guys and thanks for reading. And if you find any grammatical errors please tell me and I will try to fix them thanks.

-DoVaShy-

Chapter 1: The "Incident"

Chapter 1: The "Incident"

Chris was walking down the hallway to go to the lab that he had been assigned to. Chris is a Sergeant in The United States National Guard. He was 6'2 with jet black hair and a pretty muscular build, wearing his assigned military body armor. Chris hated his current assignment, it was boring, he never saw any action, and there was only one other person that was assigned to this position, his friend and fellow soldier Brennan. Brennan wasn't much of a talker, but when you got him started you could not him to stop for the love of god. The only other good side about this position was that the man working in the lab has been a friend of Chris' since fifth grade. They had been through a lot together, bullies in school, they're parents dying in a car accident, the orphanage.The point being is that they were inseparable.

Chris walked up to Brennan who was sleeping in a chair by the door to the lab.

"Sup Brennan. Hows he been doing?" Chris Greeted Brennan.

Brennan looked up from his slumber to see Chris carrying his default MK14 assault rifle with his 500 Magnum strapped to his right thigh and a Katana on his back.

"He's been locked up in there since three AM yesterday. So pretty much his usual self." Brennan Stated.

"Thanks." Chris said as he just walked past Brennan and slid his security card in the door and walked inside the lab after the door stopped beeping.

As he walked inside he saw his friend, Luke, sitting there leaned over his desk. Luke was 5'9 with long flowing golden locks of hair, he was relatively scrawny but extremely fast. He was equipped with a 500 Magnum like Chris' on his right hip and also had his Machete in his crocodile sheath on his left hip and a Wakizashi on his back. When him and Chris reunited after he got out of college and Chris from boot camp, Chris was surprised to hear that Luke had graduated the top of his class at Harvard University.

"Hey Luke How ya feeling today man?" Chris asked as he walked into the lab. the lab was relatively small but had a large amount of electronics in it.

Chris didn't get an answer to his question. In fact all he heard was silence. Chris began to get worried as his friend didn't respond.

"Brennan get in here!" Chris yelled as he ran towards Luke. Brennan came bursting in through the door with a loud bang that startled Luke from his sleep.

"Jesus Christ!" Luke yelled as he jumped up from his desk knocking over his chair.

"Never mind Brennan. You can go back outside now." Chris sighed out as Brennan walked back outside the lab and closed the door. Chris looked at Luke with an Irritated look.

"What?" Luke questioned his friend.

"You do realize that you're all ready in trouble with our higher up's for being behind and schedule right?" Chris asked as he walked back towards Luke.

"Ya ya thanks for the warning mom." Luke said jokingly as he picked up his chair and sat back down in it.

"Jesus man you need to get more serious about this project. You were personally chosen to be the head scientist for this experiment by the president himself." Chris argued as he tried to convince Luke about the seriousness of this project. "If you can complete this project in the next three years you could save the entire world. We could go back and find more resources. You would be the first person or maybe even the only person ever to invent a Time Machine. Why can't you take this more seriously?" Chris lectured Luke as he leaned on a desk and looked at Luke with a disappointed look. "Sometimes I don't know how you can be so irrespons-"

"I'm done" Chris was cut off as Luke made his statement.

"W-what?" Chris said in shock "W-what do you mean your done?" Chris asked his friend is disbelief.

"I said I'm done. The Time Machine that the military thought was so hard and believed to be a decades worth of experimenting and testing to be complete I just finished in a month." Luke stated to the drop jawed Chris. "It was simple really. The previous head of research and development tried to reverse time itself. I decided to come up with an entirely different plan." Luke started to explain.

"Instead I decided to try and disassemble the objects particles and attempt to accelerate them at such a high speed that they break the Fabrics of Reality and send the particles to a certain point of time than attempt to reassemble the particles at that point of time that it than creates the effects of time travel." Luke explained to his still slacked jawed friend as if it was the most simplest thing in the world.

"Y-your'e done?" Chris asked still shocked.

Luke sighed "Just let me show you Dickhead." Luke said as he walked towards a white platform in the middle of the room about four feet in diameter. "This is the platform from where we can send objects through time for example." Luke said as he grabbed Chris' handgun.

"Hey careful with that!" Chris yelled at Luke.

"Relax you puss you'll get it back in ten minutes." he said as he tossed it in the middle of the platform and walked towards a panel at the far end of the room and tossed on a pair of sunglasses. "You might want to close your eyes." Luke said as he flipped a switch. Chris didn't have time react when he said that and got blinded as there was a sickening boom as if a grenade just went off in the lab.

"Dafuq Man!? Give me more warning next time would ya?"

"Ya ya whatever." Luke said as he rolled his eyes.

"So what happened?" Chris asked as he looked at the platform that used to hold his sidearm.

"God don't you ever pay attention?" Luke asked. "It's particles are now accelerating so fast that it is traveling through time. And according to my calculations your handgun should reappear on my desk in about ten minutes." Luke said as he explained to his friend for a second time.

"So what now we just wait?" Chris asked curious as to what happens next.

"sure why not? We can catch up a bit." Luke suggested.

"So how are you and Anika been holding up? I know the last time we talked you and her were having some kind of issues with her a total bitch or something?" Chris asked Luke getting a weird expression from the latter that looked like a mix of sad, hopeful, and anxious. "What's up with that face?" Chris asked the now sweating Luke.

"A-Anika is pregnant." Luke said stunning the soldier

"She is?" Chris asked through his surprise getting a smile and a nod from the scientist. "Well hot damn dude congratu-fucking-lations!" Chris said as he patted the scientist on the back and laughing. "How far along is she?"

"She's five month's along. when we were fighting last time she was only two weeks along when the hormones started to kick in." Luke explained as he smiled even wider and the two continued to talk.

Outside of the laboratory in the hallways Brennan was leaning on his chair napping again when he heard boot steps walking towards the lab doors. As he squinted he could see a figure walking towards him. "Who's there?" he yelled as he pointed his rifle down the hallways. "identify yourself!" he screamed as he saw the the figure walk from the shadows and showed itself to be a General of the Russian Spetsnaz military branch. "Sto-" was all Brennan got out before a bullet went through his chest and he went crashing to the floor. Brennan tried to reach out and slam his fist on the lockdown button but as he was two inches away from the button her heard a voice say behind him

"ya ne mogu pozvolit' vam sdelat' eto.(I can't let you do that.)" as soon as the Russian finished that statement there was a flash in front of Brennan's face. he thought nothing happened but suddenly there was blood spurting out of his arm at the elbow before it went crashing to the floor.

"GAAAAAHHHHH!" Brennan was rolling on the ground in pain before there was a snapping noise as the General stomped on the neck of the bleeding soldier causing a blood curdling noise.

"dvigat'sya vverkh.(Move up)."

"So half way through blowing me the fucking bitch OD's on heroine." As he finished his sentence there was another flash of light and loud bang as before. "Jesus Fuck Christ!" Chris yelled as Luke just laughed his ass off. "Fuck off." Chris said as he looked over to the origin of the disturbance and saw his handgun just sitting there on top of Luke's desk. "Well damn would you look at that?" Chris said as he went to pick up his gun.

"Wait Chris do-" that's all Luke got out before Chris began to yell.

"Ow son of a bitch that's hot!" As he dropped the gun on on ground.

"I tried to warn but your so fucking impatient that you couldn't wait two fucking seconds for me to finish." Luke said as he face palmed.

"Ya ya thanks smart ass." Chris said sarcastically as he cautiously picked the gun back up and slid it in his hip holster.

BOOM. that's all that could be heard from inside the laboratory. "Luke get the machine ready." Chris said as he aimed his rifle at the door.

"Why?" Luke asked as he made his way over to the control panel that he used to send off the handgun.

"Just set the coordinate's to somewhere away from here." Chris said as he pulled back the charging bolt of his rifle. "And do it quick." as soon as he finished that sentence there was a second loud BOOM coming from the hallway again.

"I can't get the computer to take the coordinate's for Hawaii." Luke said to Chris who just looked back at him with a deadpanned stare.

"Really man? There's someone outside the lab, possibly trying to kill us and your worried about going to Hawaii?"

"Well yeah. If I'm gonna escape from a murderer I wanna go somewhere where I can relax afterwards."

After that statement there was a beeping at the door that Chris recognized right away. "Get your ass moving!" Chris yelled as he and Luke flipped a table over and opened fire at the door. "Who the fuck is here!?" Chris Yelled at Luke as he continued to fire at the door that was returning fire at the two behind the table.

"I don't know but whoever they are pissed!" Luke yelled over the sound of gun fire. DING. Both Luke and Chris looked at the monitor and saw that it was set to go. Before either of them knew it they were both sprinting towards the portal pad.

"ostanovit' ikh!(Stop them)!" was all Luke and Chris heard before they were sent somewhere unknown to both of them. If they knew where they were going, they would have sent themselves sooner.

Luke slowly regained consciousness first he heard the sound of wind against grass, birds chirping and the sound of Chris groaning besides him. The next thing he regained was his sense of smell. He smelt flowers, and freshly cut grass. The next thing he regained was his sight. But this was the strangest thing of all. For right there in front of him were six very colorful little horses standing at about four feet tall with a small lizard thing on one of their backs staring at him and Chris with the exact same shocked expressions on their weird little faces. At the exact same time Luke and Chris both said the same thing that were on their mind.

"What the fuck?"

"Oh My Gosh They Can Talk!" The pink horse said as she started bouncing around the others as if the ground was a trampoline.

"What are those hideous creature?" The white one asked as she cautiously made her way towards the two humans on the ground.

"I don't know. None of my books ever said anything about creatures like this." the purple one said as she pulled out a book from something on her sides that looked like little backpacks.

"Ummmm Luke what time are we in that has talking fucking horses" Chris said to his friend still in shock.

'To be honest Chris I have no idea if we even went through time but through dimensions." Luke said as he sat up and looked at his friend.

"AHH they're waking up!" The white one screamed.

"Wha-" Was all Chris could get out of his mouth before a pair of orange tubes shot out and clocked him in the head and knocked him out.

"Hey what the fuck are you-?" was all Luke got out of his mouth before a pair of cyan tubes shot out and clocked him in the head and knocked him out.

"AJ Rainbow!? what do you think you just did!?" Twilight yelled at her two friends.

"Ah'm sorry Twi but we don't know what those things are or what they can do." AJ argued as she picked up the soldier and sat him on her back.

"Ya AJ's right Twilight we need to be cautious around these things and lock them up until we can figure out what they are." Rainbow said as she tried picking up the scientist. "Wow these things are heavy. AJ give me a hand?" Rainbow looked over to the farmer to see her shaking from the weight of the soldier.

"Umm kinda have my hooves full at the moment RD." she said as she started making her way to the library.

"sigh I thought so." Rainbow said as she started dragging the scientist towards the library as well.

"Spike send a letter about this to the princess."

Chapter 2: Equestria?/Edited

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Chapter 3: Meeting Peop-Ponies?

Chapter 3: Meeting Peop-Ponies

As Luke and Chris got to the top of the stairs they could hear voices coming from the other side of the door leading to the main room of the library, Where they were pretty sure Twilight was at, most likely Twilight's 'friends' were sitting in the main room waiting for the strange creatures from before. "What do you think they're like?" Chris asked Luke as Luke reached for the door handle.

"I don't know, but if they're anything like Twilight than I think we're gonna like it here. Unless you know there's that one person who is just stuck up and preppy, and a total bitch, but i doubt that's gonna happen. Luke later regrets saying those words. "Ready to go?" Luke asked getting a nod of confirmation from Chris. "All right then let's go." Luke finished as he opened the door to reveal the same six little ponies that had knocked them out before. There was a pink earth mare with in even darker pink mane and tail bouncing in the corner saying something about pancakes to a book, in the corner hiding behind a red velvet couch was a butter yellow Pegasus mare with her mane and tail being bright pink, but upon eye contact she ducked behind the couch making her flank pop out over the top of the couch resulting in a chuckle from the two humans.

Sitting in the same couch that the shy Pegasus was hiding behind was a marshmallow white unicorn mare, with an elegant purple mane and tail that seemed like it took hours to prepare and she sat with the elegance of a royal member of queen Elizabeth. But upon eye contact with her, she stuck her nose up with a silent 'hmm'. "Psst Hey Chris," Luke said getting the attention of Chris. "Ten bucks says that the white one on the couch is the bitch of the group." Luke whispered to Chris who just smiled and gave a small 'Deal'. Next was a rainbow Pegasus mare that was hovering in the air and giving the humans an evil stare that made Luke unconsciously rub the side of his head where a bump started to form. The last pony in the room was an orange earth mare that had golden hair that reminded Chris of Luke's hair if he let it grow out some more.

"So this is it huh?" Chris said as he stuck his hands on his sides and looked at the small ponies with a smile. "Hmm I was expecting more. Ah well take what ya can right?" He threw his arm out to the orange pony "Names Chris, nice to meet yo-" Chris stopped mid sentence when he recognized the orange mare he was just talking to.

"Ya okay there Sugarcube? Ya went awfly quite there real quick. Well I'm sure your fine, My names-" Before she could finish her sentence Chris lunged at the orange mare "What In Tarnation!?" She yelled as she was dragged down by the force and weight of the human that just slammed into her like BigMac trying to run from Ponyville during spring. (Hope people get this)

"Quick everyone run! I have the psychopath in custody! Go now before she gets free and kills us al-" There was a loud crashing noise as everybody, including Luke, cringed as Chris slumped to the ground groaning in pain, as Twilight stood above him holding a heavy looking piece of wood. "AHHHHH What The Hell Twilight!?" Chris screamed as he rolled over to face Twilight with his hands on the back of his head on the verge of tears.

"First of all, Language." Twilight said with a bit of venom in her face that made Chris gulp. "Second of all i don't really appreciate the fact that you just launched yourself at AppleJack, one of my closest friends." Twilight finished with a nod towards the orange mare, now known as AppleJack, picking herself up off the ground.

"Twern't nutin Twi, he has a bit right to be a bit weary around me after ah clocked him earlier. ahm sorry bout that by the way." AppleJack said extending her hoof to the human still holding his head in pain. "Can ya forgive me?" She said putting on a small puppy dog face.

Chris reached over and grabbed her hoof and let her pull him up, with help of course. "Ya I guess I could forgive ya. Besides it didn't hurt that much to begin with." Chris said getting a shocked look from Applejack who started to squeeze his hand.

"Are ya calling me weak?" Applejack said in disbelief and began to squeeze harder. "Because nopony calls me weak. Not even mah big brother BigMac and he's three times mah size." She said in irritation.

Chris picked up on her irritation and decided to push his luck a bit as he grew a malicious grin. "Oh no not at all, I'm just saying that it could have been a more solid kick is all." Chris said as he heard Applejack next to him grunt in effort as she began to squeeze with all her might on the humans hand, who in turn didn't even flinch from the pressure. "If I were you I'd give up now before you hurt yourself." Chris said with a growing smile. AppleJack let go of his hand with a sigh of defeat and just sat on her haunches with her head hung low. She looked like she was about to cry so Chris walked up to her and did something no one expected, he knelt down to be face to face to AppleJeck and spoke "Now I said it did't hurt but I'm pretty sure you just broke a few of my bones in my hand." Applejack shot her head up in shock and looked at Chris who was holding his hand in pain as he just smiled at her. "Haha got ya." He said with a laugh as he let go of his hand and it showed to be perfectly fine.

"Oh mah Celestia your an ass!" AppleJack said as she hit him in the arm multiple times with a smile and a few laughs escaping her lips. "K ah do'nt know bout the rest of ya'll," Applejack said turning her head back to her friends. "but I like him." she said with a giant smile.

"Well since you two seem to be really acquainted with each other now," Twilight said as she looked at Crhis and Applejack who were still talking and laughing. "let's introduce the rest of our friends agreed?" She said as she walked over to the side of the library that the rest of her friends were sitting at. She began with the white Unicorn. "This here is Rarity. She's the only pony in ponyville to own a clothing store. She is also the bearer for the element of generosity." Twilight said finishing off her introduction.

"Hello there you two it is a..... Pleasure ya lets go with that, to finally meet you." She said in her still snobbish like tone, as she attempted to not look at the two humans with a look of disgust, but in reality just made it look even worse. this just ticked off the two humans.

"Damn Luke, you were spot fucking on with that one, Looks like a owe ya ten bucks." Chris said from his newly acquired seat on the couch, getting a confused look from the mares.

"Ya damn right you do." Luke added, to the confusion of the mares even more. there was an awkward silence the reigned the library for a good five minutes.

"Oooookay than." Twilight said, breaking the silence of the room. "Moving on. Next we have Rainbow Dash." Twilight said as she walked towards the rainbow mare. "She is the only pony in Equestrian history to pull off a Sonic Rainboom, and the element of loyalty." Twilight said looking back to the spot where Rainbow was at, only to see an outline of rainbow made of dust and a rainbow trail going right past her.

"Hey there, yes i know I'm awesome and know that you know who I am. No I will not be giving out autograph's today, but come to town hall tomorrow and I'll give you guys a free show." Rainbow said as she started circling around the two humans, as if they should all ready be putty in her hands.

"Ummmm thanks? Maybe well come after we get used to the town and everything." Luke said trying to be smooth as Chris just sat there, deadpanned.

"All right cool. I'll see you guys later, I gotta go work the clouds today." Rainbow said as she flew out the library window.

"Sigh How many times do i have to tell her to use the window?" Twilight asked as she closed the window with her magic.

"Well she was certainly an interesting character huh?" Chris asked Luke who was still looking at the window Dash just flew out of.

"sure as long as you call egomaniacal as all hell interesting, than sure she was interesting." Luke said as he still stared out the window.

"All right than, next friend for you to meet is Fluttershy." Twilight announced earning a small 'Eep' from the little butter yellow Pegasus behind the couch, who was being dragged out to the open from Twilight's magic while she introduced her. "She is ponyvilles veterinarian, and is also the bearer for the element of kindness." She finished pulling Fluttershy all the way out from behind the couch

"O-oh n-no Twilight, I-I'm fine, I don't really think they want to meet me anyway." Fluttershy said still trying to run from Twilight's magic.

"What would make you say that?' Luke said walking over to the little Pegasus very light footed, speaking in a very soft voice, but still gaining a quite 'Eep' from her again. "Now I know that me and him are big and scary but we are actually really nice." Luke said sitting down cross legged in front of Fluttershy becoming the same size as her. "Now if you're sacred of us you don't have to worry. We wont hurt you." Luke's talk got her to relax a considerable amount and she was sitting in front of him now. "Now I can't Promise you that he's safe." Luke said pointing to Chris.

"Hey I'm Not That Bad Am I!?" Chris asked from the couch in his defense, gaining some giggles from the mares.

"But We're fine. Okay?" Luke asked as he smiled at the shy Pegasus.

"Yes, thank you Luke." Fluttershy Responded Luke with a smile that also came with a small 'squee' and a small blush.

"Good." Luke Finished and headed back to the couch and sat next to Chris who was smiling.

"Charmer." Chris said to Luke who retaliated with an elbow to the ribs, gaining painful laughs from Luke.

"All right, you've all ready met and learned about me so introductions are not in order. Sigh But the next part is the worst. I'd like to introduce you to Pin-" Twilight got cut off by a pink blur popping up in front of her and talking at speeds that Luke and Chris thought weren't possible.

"Hiya I'm Pinkie Pie I'm the party planner for ponnyville, the bearer for the element of laughter, and most importantly the vice-vice chef at the SugerCubeCorner bakery well I'd be the head chef if mr. and mrs. cake weren't here but since they are I'm only vice-vice chef but any way I can't wait to throw you a 'welcome to ponyville' party at SugerCubeCorner GASP now that I think about it I need to get things prepaired for the party tonight." Pinkie said bursting out the doors of the library and running down the street at super sonic speeds that even baffled Rainbow Dash, and leaving Behind to very confused/amazed humans at the speed the little pink devil could work.

"What just happened?" Luke asked as Chris just sat there dumbfounded.

"Don't question it. Even I can't make sense of her. Just use the excuse we all do. Pinkie just being Pinkie."

"Whatever you say." Luke said still dumb struck. "So what do we do now?" Luke asked Twilight.

"What do you two say about a walk around town?" Twilight ask getting a set of 'ya's' from the other mare's.

"What ya say Chris?" Luke asked Chris who just shrugged. "All right than. Tour around town it is." Luke stated as he and Chris walked towards the door. "C'mon lets go." Luke said as he took his first step in Ponyville.

Author's Note

Hey guys DoVaShy here. I'm sorry about the late update and short chapter's. I couldn't wright yesterday cause it was my b-day but I got it done tonight. so here you are, I'm going to bed it's eleven thirty and I got school tomorrow thanks guys hope you enjoy.