Heroes, Villains and the Useless Guys

by Nameless Narrator

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Shining Armor, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 22737

Following the peace treaty between Celestia and Chrysalis a group of changelings is stationed near Ponyville to watch over the Elements of Harmony. With Shining Armor sent there as an observer Cadence creates her own group to keep him safe.

Hurray for the art of diplomacy!
Through sacrifices, lies and promises the peace has been reached!
The Queen and the Princess are working together towards better future!
As if...

Semi connected stories about Chrysalis' newest attempt at wooing Shining Armor, Cadence's attempts at stopping it and the poor fools from both sides caught in between.

A little attempt at comedy which should not be taken seriously.

Published 2014-05-03 14:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-10 23:21:53 UTC

Great Days Are Upon Us

The two enemies watched each other and neither of them was happy to be in this situation. Their eyes crossed and they knew that while the white alicorn would be content only by complete eradication of the other creature sitting at the table and said creature would be happy only if the alicorn was swinging upside down in a green feeding cocoon there wasn't going to be another chance like this.

Two quills eventually stopped scratching the parchment which was rolled up in a purple glow and levitated away by a purple alicorn smaller than the white one. Princess Celestia set her quill aside into an ink bottle and levitated her changeling counterpart's one into a hole in her chitinous foreleg where it stood, imitating Celestia's writing implement.

"Very funny," said queen Chrysalis in a voice capable of freezing the ink on the fresh peace treaty.

As much as she hated having to stoop this low she had to admit there was no other choice. In truth, there were more than enough choices starting with blowing up the stuck up alicorn's guard and turning her into a very nutritious dinner but none of them was safe enough to ensure survival of the scattered remains of her swarm. The only positive thing about current situation was that the last two hundred or so changelings wouldn't be hard to feed.

Princess Celestia was watching her foe. She wouldn't call the changeling queen a loser despite her situation. The strength and courage which changelings had shown in defending their territory against an overwhelming force rivaled that of Celestia's best warriors and their dedication to the queen made the solar princess just a little jealous.

"I apologize. There was no ill will in my little joke as I'm overjoyed by your decision. Changelings and ponies finally at peace. I'm sure you will be just as pleased to hear that my sister is working on a solution to your feeding issues which should suffice unless your population begins growing rapidly again."

Queen Chrysalis' ears twitched when she heard that. The one responsible for everything was just telling her that she would finally solve one of the problems she caused and was expecting thanks apparently. It was as one pony saying went though - beggars couldn't be choosers.

"I'm glad you're having your sister work on the problems you caused," Chrysalis said in a passive aggressive tone which would put a chineighese mother to shame.

The origin of changelings was supposed to be a secret but no matter how Chrysalis had found out there was no point in denying it so Celestia just nodded. She didn't like the stab at her younger sister but she could also see the queen's point of view. There was also a little lesson the queen might learn if she tried hard enough.

"As long as the problem is getting solved I'm happy."

The changeling queen scowled and let Celestia enjoy her moral victory. It's not as if she cared about the princess' feelings.

"Now for the other concern," began Chrysalis, "We need to keep an eye on something as powerful as the Elements of Harmony. My suggestion is to build trust by sending three Element bearers to live in my hive for some time so they can see our life with their own eyes."

Chrysalis wasn't expecting Celestia to approve of this and the entire proposal was meant to be dismissed so that her second one would be more likely to work. Unfortunately for her, Celestia had way more experience in diplomatic talks thanks to her visits to Saddle Arabia and her having to deal with Canterlot nobles on daily basis.

Princess Twilight interjected before Celestia could formulate a refusal which wouldn't sound inflexible.

"No way we're sending my friends into your underground prison," growled Twilight, remembering the time Chrysalis tried to take over Ponyville which almost caused her to lose her friends and her magic as well.

Chrysalis smiled on the inside, hotheads were always easy to manipulate. Hotheads who thought they were smarter than anypony else doubly so.

Celestia raised her hoof.

"I must, despite her choice of words, agree with Twilight. The bearers are normal ponies who have their lives which aren't connected to the crown and I have no right to order them to do such a thing. I understand your concern though and you have my word that the Elements will not be used against your nation under any circumstances."

The victorious expression of queen Chrysalis told Celestia that her student got her into hot water and that to continue this negotiation she would have to agree to whatever Chrysalis demanded next unless it was something completely preposterous.

"Trust is not easily given but must be earned," Chrysalis' pearly fangs reflected light straight at Twilight, "I can see that you care about your weapons deeply so all I ask is to have a chance to watch them closely."

"What do you mean?" asked Celestia. She was expecting Chrysalis to ask for territory or changeling presence in Equestrian politics and this was something that felt off.

"I want to station a unit of my best changelings near Ponyville."

"That seems... plausible," said Celestia in defeat, "How many changelings are we talking about?"

"Four."

"What?" the sun princess continued. Nothing made sense. Such a small number was insufficient to take over Ponyville no matter the element of surprise or their combat prowess.

"They will, of course, have to feed but they will not have the permission to capture anypony. They will also require free access to the town," continues the queen, safe in knowledge that her plan would work.

"You can't be seriously considering this!" burst out Twilight, further lowering Celestia's chances of getting out of this as a winner.

"Calm down, my faithful student. If the queen ensures the safety of the citizens then I'm willing to trust her."

"None of the citizens will be harmed, they might just feel weak from time to time as a side effect of feeding. If they get caught outside and fed on then they will be delivered safely to their homes and my soldiers will not target young villagers."

There had to be a catch. Despite Twilight's interjections this all seemed too good to be true. Perhaps the changeling queen wasn't as good at negotiating things as Celestia believed her to be. Maybe she would be able to squeeze a bit more out of the deal.

"Would it be too much to ask if I could send over an overseer to live there stationed with your subjects?"

"Of course not," smiled Chrysalis, "Said subject would have to be experienced in being around changelings though. We wouldn't want a diplomatic incident to happen now, would we?"

There weren't any ponies of that sort. Despite it being an open secret that there were changelings living in Canterlot in disguise with their pony partners there wasn't a single one Celestia could think of that would fit the bill. Then it hit her that she underestimated the queen completely.

She leaned to Chrysalis.

"Alright, we both want this peace to last so who do you want there?" Celestia whispered.

"My my... where would be the fun in telling you?" whispered Chrysalis back, "It would be so much better if you and your precious little alicorn filly worked that out by yourselves. I think I've given you enough clues already."

Celestia's grinding of teeth stopped and her carefully practiced expression of peace and calm stopped the twitch in her eye. She was angry at Twilight for her interruptions. She was angry at Chrysalis for using her own hive as a bargaining chip and most of all she was angry at herself for making such a mistake.

"I agree to your blackmai- I mean your request but I will have to think about a suitable envoy."

"I'm sure you will find the best match possible. You wisdom and intelligence are unmatched, your Highness," hurled the grinning changeling more diplomatic insults at the royal sister.

With the diplomatic meeting over, the very polite, very peace-loving, and so very smug changeling queen left Canterlot to set things up. Princess Celestia, on the other hoof, kept trying to think about the right pony for the job which was difficult with the sound of her student's angry fuming and her pacing around the office.

"CRAP!" Celestia's hoof slammed the table, leaving a visible crack. Alicorn strength was something the usual furniture maker wasn't thinking about.

Twilight stopped, her eyes clearly wide from hearing her teacher use such language.

"Have you worked it out, princess?"

"I'm afraid I did. I would like you to give me your guess in case I'm wrong though."

It wouldn't have been Twilight if she didn't have a theory of her own.

"Well, there was the bronze-"

"Different one. Think about why Chrysalis said that it was up to me and YOU to find the answer."

Twilight kept thinking and suddenly her wing shot up with a *pomf* and launched one of ornate vases decorating the office at her mentor.

"EXCREMENT!" she exclaimed and proved she came to the same conclusion as Celestia.

"Cadence is going to hate this," both princesses agreed.

Princess Cadence was stomping angrily through the halls of Crystal Castle. Her husband was nowhere to be found and it had worried her at first but now she was just angry. It wasn't like Shining to wake up before her and she loved to lick his edible mud mask off him every morning.

She was pissed at the breakfast she had missed.

The Crystal Guard training grounds were devoid of her marefrie- husband and the guards themselves were of no help whatsoever... as usual. All of them were shining more than their armors, too bad they were completely useless as anything other than a decoration. Perhaps she should hang them all and use as disco balls.

"I swear that if you're locked in the bathroom again washing your mane I'll confiscate your supply of crystal berry shower gel," she muttered and one of the guards she passed snickered.

The snickering was stopped by a fiery glare from the princess.

Maybe she could show the entire guard Shining's crystal thong, that would teach him to hide from his wife. Despite the fact that it had been her who asked Shining to wear it that one time it wasn't her fault he enjoyed it so much and loved the feeling of silk on his... nevermind.

Should she make that a standard attire for the Crystal Guard?

Just the idea made her want to pull out one of the crystals in her special drawer. Let's say that the Crystal Heart wasn't the only magical crystal bodypart around. After rummaging through Shining's room she was resolved to ravage his crystal cavern for natural resources when she found him.

She loved her husband, she really did, but sometimes he was the sole reason her job was so difficult.

In the end she arrived in the armory from where loud clanking could be heard until the point of her actually opening the door. The dusty and rusty room was full of ponnequins wearing heavy platemails which were dissolving from disuse. A strand of blue mane was swinging from behind one of the statues.

"Shiny?" Cadence asked carefully.

The shaking pile of white fur with blue mane moved and crawled out of his hiding place in the knowledge his peace was over.

"What's going on, did the guards make fun of your combat bra idea again?"

Shining shook his head and presented the cause of all problems, a letter from Canterlot.

Reading every word very carefully, Cadence suddenly had a feeling that she needed to share a bit of questionable and downright forbidden love with Celestia, perhaps accompanied by a group of minotaurs, angry griffons and maybe a manticore. Screw it, she would bring the Crystal Heart, charge it with magic and shove it up Celestia's...

For once she had to agree with her husband that the situation was dire.

"It's an order from Celestia herself, you can't keep hiding," she encouraged Shining by patting his head.

Shining just whimpered.

"I'll have the castle baker send you a batch of crystal berry muffins every week."

The unicorn looked at her with watering eyes and whined that they'll get there stale and crunchy.

"You will be protecting your sister and her friends."

Shining knew it was over when his wife found him. He knew everything was over when the letter came but the thought of his sister in danger sparked a surge of courage in him.

"You're the only one who can do this," said Cadence.

Her husband struck a heroic pose.

"Helmet!" said Shining firmly.

Cadence handed him the most fierce looking bucket with horned crown and no unprotected spot.

"Mumble!"

Married couples are often well-attuned to one another and Cadence handed him the heaviest platemail in the armory, hoping there's some air inside his helmet.

"Mrrmbfle!" Shining visibly sagged when the armor landed on him.

After looking through the trash heap, Cadence now made Shining's hooves indestructible along with his legs. Probably immovable too.

"Mumblemumble..."

Cadence tilted her head. Some things weren't that easy to understand.

"Mumble," was a hushed whine from inside the metal golem.

Before sliding the backplate over his rump, Cadence bit him playfully and licked the spot.

As a final precaution, a bubblegum pink barrier appeared around Shining.

"MUMBLE MUMBLE!"

"What?" the princess looked at him questioningly.

"MUMBLE MUMBLE!"

Cadence left the armory and returned with two strongest guards she could find in a hurry. They had been practicing oil wrestling while armed with two long and thick black clubs as was the tradition of crystal guard stallions. Come to think of it, there weren't many mares in their ranks.

Their clubs were gone when they arrived in front of the combat-ready Shining Armor. He looked as if he could withstand a meteorite strike but that left him with some fair disadvantages which his wife had to take care of.

"Lube him up and roll him to the train station!" Cadence ordered.

The two guards began wiping their bodies on the bubble with complaining Shining inside a little too enthusiastically but she wasn't going to question their devotion to the crown. They were suddenly armed with the clubs again and were using them very craftily to speed up the oil spreading process.

At least Cadence thought Shining was complaining but he might as well have been moaning. She knew her husband and two wet guards rubbing his barrier might have been right up his crystal cavern.

Back in Canterlot, Twilight was pacing in Celestia's office again.

"I could make clone soldiers to replace them after we nuke their camp!"

"For the last time, Twilight, we aren't opening hostilities just because we don't know them. Wait, clone soldiers? Where did you get clone soldiers?"

"Eeerm, magic of friendship?"

"Twilight, you can't use that to answer everything. Why have you got a massive underground laboratory under Golden Oaks Library? To study friendship. Why are there test tubes lining the walls and why do villagers wake up from time to time with dreams about being probed? Friendship of course!"

"How do you know?"

"Luna told me and you also sent me some goo via Spike which tried to take over Canterlot and spread. Some royal guards still shake when they see a jello cake, not to mention those who immediately run to the barracks and lock themselves in the bathroom."

"Oops, sorry. Spike thought the jar was full of strawberry jam and got scared when it tried to mate with him."

"Your unholy experiments aside, we have to resolve this peacefully no matter what Chrysalis' real plan is. Maybe she really just wants to keep tabs on the Elements and not steal them for herself."

Both Twilight and Celestia burst out laughing.

"Good one. Well then, how about we send a group of specialists to Ponyville ourselves to help in case of trouble? Some of your guys might enjoy a camping trip with all expenses paid. There should be enough guards boiling over with hatred for changelings."

"First of all, great idea. I know exactly the right ponies for the job. Secondly, why don't you just clone Shining Armor and send the clone to the changelings?"

Twilight shooed away the memory of long lines of tubes filled with white blue-maned unicorns created for her personal use.

"The clones aren't exactly the best and brightest."

"Neither is Shining Armor."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that."

"And I'll keep on pretending that most Ponyville problems don't arise from your failed experiments. As for a personal concern, did you finally manage to grow some of those tentacle plants made by Discord?"

"They are currently being tested by Spike to find out if they can survive abnormal body temperature to suit your tastes... also to test how far can Spike stretch."

"Just don't break him."

"Pfff. Considering how blue-balled he's from Rarity's lack of attention I think he enjoys his time down there... erm, in the lab which totally doesn't exist."

A loud pop came from thin air and princess Cadence appeared followed by a group of minotaurs, griffons, and what looked like a smaller version of king Sombra.

"CELESTIA! HOW DARE YOU!"

"It's about Shining, am I right?"

"Of course. What in Tartarus were you thinking when you ordered Shiny to go serve that succubus?"

"It's for the good of Equestria. Twilight, what are you doing?"

Twilight stopped her prodding of one of the minotaurs.

"How are you with botany you big hunk- sorry, princess. Friendship research. If those loincloths are something to go by then it's going to be a very close friendship research."

"Good. Cadence, send your thugs back before Twilight begin bang- experimenting on them."

"Fine, this guy is staying though," Cadence pointed at the grey earthpony with godlike physique who looked similar to king Sombra but without the horn and magical marebelline mane.

"Right, who's that?"

"One of Sombra's Blackguards. We found a stash of them trapped in stasis under the castle. Heavens know they are the only competent guards in the Empire. From what I've been told Sombra infused some crystal ponies with dark magic so much that they are practically indestructible."

"What's your name, mister?" asked Twilight, absolutely mesmerized by every inch of the Blackguards muscles.

"Grawrgh!"

"Let me guess-" Celestia rolled her eyes.

"Yeah," agreed Cadence, "according to some pictures which are currently locked away, Sombra was very well-endowed and remade the mouths of their guards to suit him."

"Why did you lock the pictures away?"

"Well, they used to hang in the Crystal Guard barracks and the smell there was unbearable. STOP STALLING! I want to know how we make sure Shiny is okay."

"The current idea is to send a group of ponies to stay in Ponyville as well and keep an eye on the changelings, right Twilight?"

"Hmm yeah yeah," Twilight ignored the question and kept poking the Blackguard's flank.

*Poke* "Grawr." *Poke* "Grawr." *Poke* "Grawr."

Then she recovered and stepped into a puddle of her drool on the carpet.

"Aah! Ehm, how smart is this guy, on a scale from Spike to me?"

"No idea," Cadence waved her hoof, "I usually just have them standing guard where it's really important or beating up crystal soldiers."

"Where is Shining by the way?" asked Celestia.

"On a train that will be arriving in Ponyville in few hours."

"Good. I'll have time to contact the ponies I intend to send there."

"I want to send some of my forces to protect Shiny!"

"We can't draw attention to us so no army."

"Two guys then!"

"FINE!"

"I'll send Blackie here-"

"Grawr!"

"- yes yes, good abomination."

"Grawrrr..."

"I'll teleport the last guy here when he's ready and don't forget that the minotaurs here will have your ass if Shiny gets hurt."

With that Cadence and her group disappeared leaving only the grey supersoldier.

"Why can't they ever threaten me like that?" pouted Twilight.

Celestia sighed.

"You need a coltfriend."

Princess Cadence appeared in a room overly decorated by Twilight Sparkle posters and photos.

"Flash Sentry, I have a mission for you!"

"T-Twiliiiiiiight!" came from the bathroom.

An orange pegasus with blue mane followed shortly and tried to hide his new edition of Princess Monthly under his wing.

"Are you up for the trip to Ponyville?"

"Y-yes, princess. That's where Twilight lives, right?"

"Exactly."

"Why?"

"To live in a camp there and keep an eye on some dangerous changelings."

"A camp? But... that's dirty. Where will I get crystal berry mane spray there?"

"You know I used to be Twilight's foalsitter and I'm her friend now, right?"

Flash Sentry perked up.

"Listening intensely!"

"I may have forgotten to return some of her underwear I mistakenly borrowed during my last visit to Ponyville and I just might leave it lying unattended around."

"I WILL BRAVE DESERTS AND SWAMPS FOR... PRINCESS TWILIGHT!"

Princess of Love used her powers. It was super effective.

A white, muscular eartpony was standing in front of a statue of a batpony in the middle of Everfree forest. There were some flowers lying in front of it presumably left by some other visitors. The earthpony was being watched and he knew it but he didn't even twitch his blue tail. He was more than adept in dealing with any danger the forest possessed and changelings knew not to bother anypony visiting the stone memorial.

"Your experience in dealing with changelings and your cool head is needed," said princess Celestia appearing with a flash behind the earthpony.

"As you wish, your Highness," he said, recieving an unmarked letter.

Without another word or regard for princess Celestia he nuzzled the statue's chest and left towards Ponyville.

One of the door of the train from the Crystal Empire to Ponyville opened with a hiss of hydraulics followed by boing boing boing of a pink ball with something inside it rolling out and almost crushing few overenthusiastic observers. They would have investigated the object further but they had places to be, the train to be precise. The glowing bubblegum piqued the attention of none other than the local mailmare who swooped down to have a closer look. It seemed to her that a metal statue was trapped inside the bubble and a close examination revealed a piece of paper hanging from a nail piercing the pink surface.

To be delivered to the changeling camp in Ponyville.

- Princess Cadence -

Derpy's job ofter left her returning home in nighttime hours and for past few days she had been seeing a campfire on one of the higher hills overlooking Ponyville in Sweet Apple Acres. This was obviously a delivery and as the local mailmare it was her job to deliver the pink superball to its destination.

The night came.

Three figures were sitting around a campfire in a small clearing surrounded by apple trees. All of them were just silently eating out of bowls which they occasionally filled from a big bubbling pot hanging above the fire pit.

*THUD*

Dust rose from a small crater short distance away from the trio.

"MORTARS!" screamed the tallest pony-looking creature and jumped behind a bench which she turned over to create a barricade. The fact that the bench was at most reaching her knees didn't seem to bother her.

The second inhabitant of this small camp just refilled his bowl, levitated himself a spoon without the apparent use of a horn, and just kept eating.

The third figure whose coat was shining white even in the evening gloom rolled her eyes, lit up her horn, stood up and carefully walked over to the pink, shimmering ball and knocked on it. Two points of blue glow appeared on what looked like a metal bucket with horns on it and the entire metal statue inside the ball moved a fraction of an inch with a horrible screeching noise.

"Noooooooope," the white unicorn leaned backwards and slowly backed away to her tent.

"THE MISSION HAS BEEN COMPROMISED! PLAN GAMMA!" yelled what looked like a queen-grade changeling still ineffectually hiding behind an upturned makeshift bench and threateningly holding a dripping spoon near her mouth.

"Commander-" began the only pony still sitting calmly but warily by the fire.

"DON'T LET IT GET CLOSER OR I'LL DO IT!" she moved the spoon closer to her mouth.

"Firstly - It's not even moving. Secondly - no matter what you might have heard changelings don't die when they eat normal food. Thirdly - the mere though of using my cooking as a cyanide pill is making me reflect on my life choices."

"YOU'LL NEVER GET INFORMATION OUT OF MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" the queen figure threw the spoon at the pink ball and ran away deep into the orchard.

The only male in the changeling encampment kept glaring for a while in the direction his commander ran away. In the end he just finished his bowl, carefully put it down, and walked to the lightly buzzing pink sphere.

"What have we here?" he knocked few times at the surface, read the letter pinned to it and then took a deep breath.

Shining Armor could only stare in shock as the one standing in front of him - a batpony with grey coat slightly turning blue and a purple, spiky mane - focused and a green glow swirled around a nonexistent horn proving without a doubt his changeling nature. Shining could suddenly physically feel the presence of the changeling's hoof on his barrier as it slowly pushed in and ended the existence of his defensive barrier in a crack of shattering glass. Finally with just a flick of grey hoof Shining felt a weak impact on the back of his head and his helmet dropped to the ground.

The batpony-changeling smiled.

"Prince Shining Armor, am I right?"

"Ehm... yes."

"Theo Cross," the batling presented his hoof part of which flickered green and revealed its real chitinous nature, "Pleased to meet you."

Shining tried to move, resulting in another ear-splitting screech from his armor.

"Somepony should have been oiling this thing regularly. Little help?"

The clips and knots on his armor unraveled one by one as Cross examined it.

"Thank you, mister Cross."

"Cross or sargeant, please. I've never really been... a mister."

"Okay then. What about your other companions?"

"The commander will be fine. You can meet her and Starlight in the morning. If you don't want to bother pitching a tent at this hour then you can sleep in mine for tonight. I'll just crash in commander's. Oh... don't worry about your friends, they're already here."

"Friends?"

Heavy Hoof kept sneaking through the apple orchard. He'd found the changeling camp some time ago and now he was trying to find a place where the best spot for the camp of his group would be. He wasn't really skilled in outdoor survival but despite his short history of pounding the pavement as a Royal Guard in Canterlot his circumstances had led him to one of the brightest mind in military strategy who was unfortunately not among the living anymore.

He hoped that none of the changelings had spotted him snooping around their camp earlier but even with his white coat and blue mane he was almost sure he hadn't made a sound. Operating on improvisation alone he eventually found a spot which was sheltered from heavy rain and had a clear line of sight of the changeling camp without being too visible itself.  The problem was that somepony had beaten him to it already.

A grey earthpony with black mane and a muscle structure sure to make Celestia herself lay off the cake and begin drooling was sitting noiselessly next to a dark fire pit and staring in the direction of the enemy camp. Hearing Heavy approach the grey paragon of physique picked a piece of paper with his mouth and presented it to Heavy.

There's going to be only three of you against four changelings. With my husband in their hooves you're going to need somepony capable of real combat. I'm also sending you Flash Sentry in case you go hungry or need to harvest his kidneys to buy some mission-important equipment.

-Princess Cadence-

Heavy looked at the second occupant of the wannabe camp who was snoring softly with crayons scattered all around... it.

"Is that Flash Sentry?" asked Heavy uncertainly while looking at the changeling drone apparently sleeping on a sheet of paper with colorful 'WELCOM' written on it.

"Grawr," the Blackguard, or Blackie for short, shook his head, looked around, and shrugged.

Careful not to wake up the drone undistinguishable from any other Heavy picked up the drawing. The WELCOM was drawn over some other writing done in perfect cursive.

I'm sending you drone six to help with setting up camp in the best place one looking for us would choose. When you're done sneaking around, mister blue and white, and your camp is ready feel free to visit for some tips and tricks.

T.C.

Heavy muttered something very offensive under his breath. The mission of carefully observing the changelings to find out their real purpose for being in Ponyville went bust before it could even start, one of his guys was missing, replaced by a changeling drone, and he was getting really tired after walking through the Everfree forest and riding to Canterlot and back to recieve the rights to withdraw funds for the mission from Ponyville bank whenever necessary.

He shrugged. It was a stroke of luck that there was no snow yet so he unhinged his saddlebags and began setting up the frame for his tent.

"Where are you going to sleep, erm... Blackie?"

"Grrwr," the dark guard picked up an oil-impregnated, waterproof, and by the looks of it arrowproof sheet of cloth from his bag, spread it on the ground and sat down.

"What about snow?"

The sheet was now draped all over the pony like cotton candy.

Heavy looked to the fire pit at the sleeping drone who was actually curled around a saddlebag big enough to hold...

... a full set of cooking supplies and a tent. At least somepony from his group was prepared for tonight. It was just an unlucky set of circumstances that said creature wasn't a pony and was in his camp without his involvement.

When his tent was ready Heavy looked at the roll of cloth with a black-maned head sticking out of it stoically watching his efforts and at the changeling drooling from the corner of its mouth and twitching its leg from time to time. He could build a second tent from the drone's supplies but he was too tired so he just picked it up, brought it to his tent and rolled Blackie out of his cloth tube.

"Come inside. It's a bit of a squeeze but with three of us inside it won't be cold at least."

With the sound of a zipper the tent closed and after moments' worth of concentration comparable to that of a tetris grandmaster the movements inside stopped.

When a set of strong legs wrapped around him Heavy completely forgot about one missing pony and had the best sleep in weeks.

An orange blue-maned pegasus was wandering through the apple orchard. As the darkness began setting in his steps got faster and more erratic. He had no idea how long he'd been running but now that he couldn't see a thing he just hugged a tree and rammed his helmet tightly on his head.

"Guys...?"

Introduce Yourselves In No Particular Order

This morning should have been exactly the same as all the others since the relocation to Ponyville for Horatio Theodore Menelaos Cross - open his eyes, deal with all existential uncertainty, crack his knuckles, remember his whole name and listen in delight to his commander screaming in horror caused by some long-buried memory from days long passed.

There were many things for a changeling his age to do to kill some time and making up a name worthy of his experience was one of them. Long time ago Cross had decided to add a new part to his name for every century of his life and what centuries had those been - griffon-pony wars, changelings controlling huge parts of Equestria and other continents, and many others were no more than a fraction of memories and scars on his carapace or coat which he refused to heal and wore them with pride.

Normally he would have just looked in the mirror and spent a serious amount of time taking care of his appearance but today there were strange harmonics in the-

"AAAAARGH! GET THIS THING OFF ME AND SLAY IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS!"

-voice of commander Shadowstep. He still didn't rush combing his mane as he knew more than well that there were very little things that could actually seriously threaten the changeling in question.

He wanted his morning tea more than anything though so he used the remains of the wood in the fire pit to light the fire outside and put a kettle on. The constant screaming was beginning to get just a little bit unsettling leading him very slowly to a conclusion that it might be a great idea to actually check his tent for the commander and... prince Shining Armor.

Finally coming to terms with the events of yesterday he left only a big cloud of dust where he had been standing a second ago before opening the flaps of his tent which he had graciously invited Shining Armor to sleep in. It wasn't unusual for Shadowstep to get shaky at night after waking up from a nightmarish memory and go sleep in Cross' tent but the idea of her waking up next to a unicorn with Shining's experience with changelings overruled any desire for tea.

Shining Armor, a happily married unicorn, wasn't having a bad time considering he had been ordered to leave his home, his wife, and his stash of crystal berry mane gel and no amount of changelings was going to change that. He wasn't that shaken from all that after meeting one of the beings he was supposed to spend time with for next Celestia-knows-how-many weeks.

Right now he was in his happy place, that happy realm of light sleep where he knew he was dreaming but his head was too tired to wake him up and make him face reality. He knew he was dreaming the second Cadence came to his room dressed in the Crystal Guard uniform and told him he needed to punish a very naughty thieving mare by impaling her on a pike, his pike to be exact... repeatedly.

He didn't need any more than that. Cadence, while receptive towards his needs and interested in experiments herself, was jealous to the ends of her pink mane extensions and the last mare trying to flirt with Shining had been found naked, lathered and tied to the flagpole in the middle of Crystal Guard training stadium. Cadence had giggled maniacally at first but that had changed into throwing things when the other guards just kept on doing their oil wrestling.

The dream ended with a lot of begging and pleading coming from the (un)fortunate thief and Shining opened his eyes. He wasn't in his bed and it was dark but there were two sets of legs wrapped around him so he decided to give Cadence a chance at continuing his dream here and now. Turning around he wrapped one of his front legs around Cadence's neck and his other one found its way lower and squeezed the big, round, hard... hairless, shiny, black rump of his wife?

Holding on to the rapidly draining remains of his dream he tried to press his belly and Shining junior closer to feel the heat of his wife and the drop in temperature made him stop grinding his hips. It was obvious Cadence wasn't in the mood so he decided to leave her with something that might make her rethink her position later. Cadence, as an aspect of Love, loved when he took charge even when she needed a bit of persuasion so Shining put his lips to her neck and bit down to leave a lover's mark for future licking.

"OW, I fink I bwoke a toof!"

It was at this point that Shining junior, having more blood in him than the brain of his owner, declared his independence on the United States of Shining Armor and hid away, decided never to be seen again.

Finally capable of rational thought not involving two or more ponies in a hot tub, Shining Armor noticed that the neck of his wife was a bit longer, darker, and inexplicably more armored so he made the mistake of lighting up his horn to melt the darkness inside the tent.

A mere second later he stopped his magic again but the glowing slit amethyst-colored eyes still remained fixed on him. Memories of green cocoons in Canterlot returned and he knew that everything that had happened up until now was just another dream. He was still in the castle, his wedding was going to happen in few days and right now he was being fed on by queen Chrysalis. He needed to think and act quickly to alert Celestia and the others.

Shining rolled onto his assailant and began punching down and screaming. He wasn't going to be filled with changeling eggs in any other way than hard-boiled or sunny-side up and his crazy giggling followed the thought shortly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Cross parted the flaps of his tent and let the light in. Contrary to his expectations, Shining Armor was still alive and being watched by an incredibly confused-looking commander Shadowstep as he kept wailing and punching her chest. The amethyst-colored changeling queen wasn't trying to fight back but kept screaming surprisingly in sync with the prince and stopped for a second when she saw Cross come inside.

"QUICKLY, SARGEANT! I THINK IT'S A BANSHEE, SET IT ON FIRE!"

"Commander..."

"NO TIME! I'VE BEEN TOO CLOSE TO IT FOR SO LONG THAT THERE'S NO WAY TO SAVE ME. BURN IT AND SAVE YOURSELF!"

"Commander..."

"FIRE! CLEANSE THIS ABOMINATION WITH FIRE!"

"AAAAARGHBLARGAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" interrupted drooling, punching, and spitting Shining Armor the conversation rudely.

Cross rolled his eyes.

"INSUBORDINATION? OH HEAVENS! MISSION OVER! BODY SNATCHERS HAVE TAKEN CROSS! ABORT AND RETREAT!"

"Commander..."

It was too late. When Shining Armor, thrown in the air with enough force to rip parts of the tent out, hit the ground again Shadowstep was nowhere to be seen.

"AARGHAAARG-"

*Batwingslap*

"-good morning, Cross. What happened to your tent?"

"Nothing unusual. I'll fix it after breakfast," said the batpony-transformed changeling and went away to make his tea.

Shining Armor finished combing his mane an hour later and was surprised to find out that a small wooden table had been dragged to the middle of the clearing between the tents. He was also finally able to have a look at the layout of the area. There were three tents with various accessories around them in a triangle a fair distance from each other showing that while the inhabitants were used to being around each other they also liked their privacy. All tents were dark green to avoid being spotted in the dark and also make the job harder for anyone trying to do so even in sunlight. Shining was a guard, not a soldier, but basic military strategy was a must-know for everyone wearing armor and his second impression of this place was that the top-hill area was easy to defend, overlooked bigger part of Ponyville, and still had enough trees around to forage in case of trouble. In short, these changelings were soldiers and experienced ones on top of that.

That image was offset a bit by Cross sitting peacefully on a bench at the table and drinking a cup of tea.

"Toast, donuts?" asked the changeling.

"Thanks. Where did you get those?"

"I went shopping earlier. There's an amazing bakery in the town."

"I thought you were supposed to be... erm, hunting during the night for lost citizens and feed."

"Yeeeeees," said Cross hesitantly, "that was the plan anyway. With the arrival of your friends I think a new one is in order. I just need to talk a little idea of mine through with the commander."

"Care to enlighten me? After all I am supposed to be your overseer or something."

"Ehm, yeah right. Well, as you can see things are pretty boring around here. Not that I'm complaining but I can feel myself getting rusty so I think that instead of hunting the villagers we could set our eyes on the specialists sent here to watch over us."

"I don't really know anything about that. I just recieved a letter from Celestia sending me here."

Shining stopped to think for a second. He'd been taken away from his home and his wife and then Celestia sent some guys because she obviously didn't believe his capabilities. Whether that fear was substantiated or not she hadn't even bothered  talking to him.

"You know what?" Shining continued, "If your boss agrees then I think I could allow it. I want to see the 'specialists' sent by Celestia in action myself."

"Let's just hope you don't see Starlight in action," muttered Cross.

"WHAT WAS THAT?" came from a tent decorated by sigils, hanging trinkets which softly clinked in the breeze.

"I SAID YOUR MANE LOOKED LOVELY TODAY!" yelled Cross back.

With a sudden hiss of air being sucked into one spot and then released in a visible nova a pure white unicorn with blonde mane appeared out of nowhere. She spat out a hoof file she was holding in her teeth and her blue eyes shot sparks at Cross, literally. Much like Cross she was missing a cutie mark proving to Shining that she was a changeling in disguise. When she was done watching the batling douse the blue flames in his coat she put on an aloof expression and presented her hoof.

"As you know, soldier-boy, at this time of day I'm doing my hooficure which means I haven't started on my mane yet so what possible reason can you have for using my name?"

"I wasn't calling you, I was just talking ABOUT you which you would know if you either used a better listening spell of turned that thing off completely," Cross hissed.

"Oh," she looked at Shining for the first time, "Been explaining how much better I am than your new marefriend could ever be?"

Shining's eyes bulged but Cross' answer came sooner.

"This is PRINCE Shining Armor-"

"Take my body right here and now!" Starlight got out of her with machinegun speed.

"-and he is married."

Starlight looked at Cross with a raised eyebrow and the most condescending expression Shining could remember ever seeing.

"I like a challenge."

"Since when?" an expression of pure horror passed Cross' face at the idea that there really might be body snatchers in the camp, "You refuse to do even the most basic training exercises I used to do centuries ago."

"Pfff I'm not gonna crawl in the dirt under some wires but I'm sure I can find a physical activity that me and prince-"

"Whom you've just called my potential marefriend."

"-whose body is of a lithe build I sooo adore and whose soft features haunt my dreams can enjoy together."

"Heavens... if you backpedal any faster you'll end up tripping over a fence in Appleloosa."

"Uh... good morning miss-" began Shining.

"Lady, lady," whispered Cross quickly.

"-Lady Starlight."

"Yes, your God-Emperorhood, I'm yours in body, mind and soul."

"Once again - married," mumbled Cross.

"Once again - SHUT UP!"

"Can you just ram something of yours in her butt to give her at least the slightest idea of what a spine is, prince?"

Starlight's eyes crossed and she gulped down a string of drool.

"I'll be in my tent, no interruptions!"

She disappeared into thin air.

"What the heck?" asked Shining unceremoniously.

"Nothing unusual. Biscuits and milk?"

Shadowstep roamed the massive Apple family orchard to distract anyone and anything that could be following her. The body snatchers had taken her best soldier, there had been an apparently very perverted banshee haunting Cross' tent, and hopefully something had already eaten Starlight and died of dysentery.

Something was nearby, she could hear a quick heartbeat of a pony-sized creature trying not to get spotted. It wasn't moving which meant she was walking to its trap but it also meant it wasn't aware she knew about it. She quickly began searching her memory for small creatures capable of biting through the chitin of well-fed queen-type changeling.

She found nothing and the fear of the unknown set in. There was always the possibility of ponies themselves beginning to hunt changelings but her briefing with queen Chrysalis had clearly passed the message of "Don't eat them and they won't start hurling firebombs into your cave".

None of that meant there couldn't be a lone hunter, a predator or a madpony going after her. Scientists and magicians had always wanted to get a being of her power into their laboratories. Granted, most of the times they hadn't succeeded and the only time they had led to her meeting with Cross but there was no reason not to exercise supreme caution.

First of all she needed a temporary base of operations to prepare for reclaiming her lost one. The sun was halfway through its work and she wasn't going to sleep outside tonight so she just kept on walking carefully through the orchard aware of the shadows watching her, laughing at her and mocking her but they had no idea that the hunter was slowly becoming the prey.

Then she walked out of the tree shade  and spotted the enemy hideout. It was a treehouse obviously filled with love to catch her off guard and lure her inside. Being a soldier to the core she noticed all the little details making that place a fitting fortress of evil. The one and only retractable ramp causing any invading force to walk in a single line and leaving them vulnerable to doubtlessly well-hidden catapults, ballistae and devastating barrages of unicorn magic. The platform all around the house with only safe-looking railings made to break and cause the fall of any invader to his doom made her chuckle. Whoever the enemy was they had no idea who they were dealing with. She knew their little tricks, all of them. The platform would have hidden potholes and cracked wooden planks to break the will of any invading force that survived the ramp slaughter and boiling pits of tar hidden under the carefully laid and very realistic looking grass all around the house.

She was well aware that there would be only a single path through the clearing which wouldn't result in her never leaving this deathtrap again and she accepted the challenge. The place seemed empty and with enough time she would remake it to her own image and use it against its original inhabitants.

The fact that the 'fortress' was a cozy wooden shack located about a meter above ground with enough space inside for about three small fillies didn't even cross Shadowstep's mind.

With carefully measured steps she began tapping every bit of flat ground in front of her with her hoof while creeping towards her target. She didn't know whether she got lucky or it was her honed instinct which led her through the safe path to the house without setting off any tripwires, explosives or automated saw-blade launchers but there she was. The scent of love put into every single item left inside was too much for her and she got sleepy. The warmth, the feeling of fullness and the nervous exhaustion of breaking into a fortified bastion after successfully retreating from an unwinnable combat against undead and demonic forces of this morning dropped her to the ground faster than a hammer.

Her last thought before drifting off was:

"You got me... all that was just too easy and I fell for it. With my last breath I commend you, elite pony assassin. You were a formidable foe."

Flash Sentry woke up and it took all his strength to untangle his legs from the tree he'd been hugging all night. He was surprised that there was no snow around but a quick look around proved that the reason for him staying dry and relatively warm was the fact that he had fallen asleep under a treehouse without noticing it in the dark.

He decided that it would be a good idea to go inside, warm up, eat what little remained of his food and then continue with the search for the camp of his companions. In a morning daze he walked up the ramp leading to the door and thanked both princesses for wearing his helmet when the railing right at the end broke and fell to the ground alongside him.

The second attempt went way better and when he opened the door he spotted a creature he'd never seen before. Her coat was black, turning into purplish hue and not a coat at all but some hard and slightly reflective surface. All in all she looked like a very big pony, muscular but not as tall as princess Celestia with dark purple mane, tail and a strange additional armor resembling the breastplate and a backplate of guards.

"Oops. Sorry for barging in but-"

"So you've finally decided to show your face, assassin," the creature's eyes opened and caught Flash's gaze.

"Um... hello, ma'am. Could I stay here for few minutes?"

"Mock me as much as you like but heed my words - YOU WILL NEVER BREAK A TRUE CHANGELING'S SPIRIT!"

"Eeeeeh does that mean no?"

"Oh by no means think this is over. Do what you wish, use my body as much as you want before finally sending me to Tartarus, I will never break. Be sure of one thing though which is that if you by any twist of fate break my bonds I will devour your heart and crap out your soul."

"You're not tied up, ma'am."

The strange, and quite possibly incapable of dressing herself, creature stood up and proudly stuck her chest out.

"A bold gambit, my nemesis. You are gravely mistaken if you think I'll fall into your trap again though. Heh... making it too easy just to catch me by surprise later. I fell for the oldest trick in the book."

"I just want to warm up and rest a bit. I'll just sit here in the corner-"

"Your 'I am harmless' game would have worked on a lesser being but I will not underestimate you twice. Watch your back, honorable foe, for I will find you and break your will before crushing your body."

"Can't we just talk about it?"

"If I wasn't bound I would make sure your tongue was no longer capable of uttering a-"

"I thought we've already estabilished you're not tied up. I thought it was obvious when you managed to stand up by yourself."

"Nice try but do not doubt my skills-"

A little part of the conversation finally caught up with Shadowstep.

"-ALL I NEEDED WAS A LITTLE LAPSE IN YOUR MASTER PLANS AND I AM FREE!" Shadowstep yelled and jumped out of the little window.

Flash Sentry looked at the broken window and sat down to a corner of the small room.

"Now it's cold again..."

"Ya'll be warm enough when mah sister hears you broke our treehouse!" complained a high-pitched voice from the door.

Three little fillies shouldn't look threatening and to be honest they didn't despite the red-maned one holding a thick stick in her hooves.

"Sorry, girls. It was cold outside and when I came in there was this really weird lady-"

"This perv locked somepony here to have his way with her!" proclaimed an orange pegasus with purple mane and surprisingly small wings.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Wait... what does having his way mean?" the last one of the trio, a white unicorn with purple and white two-toned mane screamed briefly making Flash's eardrums try to vacate the premises immediately.

"It means he broke our treehouse. Get him!" the heavy stick circled around the red-maned earthpony's body in an attempt to look intimidating.

To Flash Sentry it looked like a hard piece of wood moving around very quickly so he didn't risk his luck when the small-winged pegasus tied him up.

The door burst open again.

"It seems the tables have turned, hunter!" Shadowstep triumphantly entered the treehouse again.

"Hey! That's the lady who broke your window," Flash pointed at her.

"Pffft," the unicorn filly stuck out her tongue, "We're not that stupid. She's just a changeling and they don't break things. They just used to eat ponies and my sister said they weren't allowed to do that anymore."

"Then what are you still doing here? She'll eat you!"

"No she won't. Their queen signed a pro- proclaim-"

"Proclamation."

"-thanks, pervy pony, proclamation that they can't take ponies away and even if she didn't changelings always fail anyway."

Flash's jaw dropped at the impenetrable logic.

"Good job, minions!" Shadowstep laughed.

"We're not minio- miniatu- THAT small!" the tiny wings of the pegasus filly buzzed on her back.

"That means... ehm," Shadowstep's eyes darted from side to side, "ponies who want to help a peaceful changeling punish an intruder who broke their treehouse?"

"YAAAY! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS PUNISHERS!" yelled three voices in perfect sync.

"I see you're carrying around a skateboard, little pegasus."

"Scootaloo."

"That's a nice name for the board. You wanna know a different type of boarding that is so effective it has been banned by both princesses and the emperor of griffons?"

"Wooooooah," the eyes of the fillies almost fell out of their sockets.

"Whoever brings me a big bowl of water the fastest gets to hold his head!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

There was one final thing to deal with for Shadowstep after wringing out all useful bits of information from Flash Sentry's head. She knew those elite types and knew how to make them talk and this one was so in awe of her turning his trap against him that he answered everything immediately. She had of course shown the fillies the best places to tickle a stallion to tears and left him in their care to think about his failures. She wasn't going to kill him... no matter how hard she'd tried he hadn't said a word about his employer and besides, this blace was boring as Tartarus and an enemy of almost her skill could help her stay in shape.

The morale boost however led her to believe she should get back to the camp to deal with her problems before being forced to spend the coming night outside. If only she could get to her tent and retrieve some of her tools she should be able to...

"Welcome back, commander," said Cross, correction - the thing that looked like Cross.

"Good evening, ma'am," treacherously peacefully followed the blue-maned perverted banshee fake Cross' greeting.

She charged her horn making the entire clearing shimmer with energy. It was time to avenge her comrades-in-arms and destroy these abominations.

"Starliiiiight?" Cross turned carefully to the tent covered in talismans and drawings.

"Yeah? What do you THEHECKISTHAT?!" Starlight appeared and immediately took a step back when she saw amethyst-colored sparks flying through the clearing.

Cross sighed.

"Will you please put up a barrier around me and the commander and take the prince to your tent?"

"Fill me to the brim, you embodiment of stallionhood!" Starlight's horn glowed and Shining Armor disappeared from the table, leaving only a spoon spinning in the air.

Seconds later she disappeared as well and a blue barrier enveloped the area between three changeling and one recently-added pony tent.

"I WILL MAKE SURE THE LAST THING YOUR EYES SEE BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP IS ME!"

"Nothing unusual, commander."

Heavy Hoof was watching the changeling drone drop its crayons that it's been using to draw a picture of Blackie and look towards the horizon. The explosions of purple and green energy lit up the sky above the changeling camp.

"Woooooow,"

"Graaaaaaaawr..."

"Yaay, that looks so cool."

"Hey! That looks like the night when zap apple trees bloomed," said a voice unknown to the three inhabitants of the camp which now looked all proper but still with only two tents for two ponies and one changeling.

A grey pegasus with quirky eyes was hovering above the trio and observing the light show with a wide smile.

"Who might you be?" asked Heavy.

"Oh right! You've got mail! Mister Heavy Hoof, secret anti-changeling camp in Ponyville?"

"How did you-?"

"I'm a mailmare, I've gotta know."

"I'm not going to even question it. Thank you very much, miss."

"No problem! It's my job," said the pegasus happily and flew away.

"Grawrr?"

"What is it?" asked Six the changeling.

Heavy blushed.

"A piece of clothing I ordered from Canterlot. It's, erm... a piece of soft underwear?"

"Grawr! Grawr! Grawr!" the Blackguard began stomping the ground.

"Blackie wants you to model it."

"I guessed that much," Heavy snickered and put the silky thong on in front of the grinning dark magic abomination and a genderless changeling. He walked around a bit and then took it off and put it back in the box it came in.

"Not bad. It's gonna be a nice thing to sleep in," commented Heavy and put the box on a tree stump seving as a table.

"Grrrrrrr..." Blackie turned away from the laserbeams criss-crossing the sky and growled into the darkness behind them.

"What's going on?"

"I see someone coming. It's an orange pegasus with blue mane wearing armor," Six focused its supernatural night vision.

"Oh? That must be our last member," Heavy brightened up when he recalled a description from Celestia's letter.

The pegasus just kept on stumbling and swaying towards the fire. When he noticed the box with contents reflecting the firelight and bursts of color from the distance his eyes finally regained the gleam of a living being and he picked up the thong and began rubbing it around his nose happily.

"I needed that. May the heavens bless you, Cadence. I can almost still feel Twilight's warmth from these."

"Eeeerm... those are mine. I ordered a new pair because I forgot to pack mine back in Canterlot. These two asked me to show them how they looked on-"

The shiny fabric was very carefully folded and put back in the box by a pair of orange hooves. Then Flash Sentry turned to the fire and began crying.

Tirek's Rampage

Tirek the Great, Tirek the Mighty, Tirek the Destroyer - all those and many more titles from creatures throughout the ages fit this dreadful abomination who was right now roaming the streets of Ponyville and sucking out the special traits of everypony he could get his hands on. He was forgetting one thing though - that 'special' didn't mean good in every circumstance.

He, the rightful ruler of Equestria, was stomping and cleaving his way through every powerless obstacle when he spotted a grey pegasus flying in strange patterns through the sky.

"I thought I got all of you, buzzing flies!"

"Delivery for... mister Tired, the Hulking Menace?" the pegasus took the letter from her mouth and tried to read the name she had slobbered all over.

"TIREK! IT'S TIREK! And yes, it's me."

"Got a package for you, sir," the pegasus fluttered her wings in front of Tirek's face, oblivious to the trail of destruction he was leaving behind him.

"Yes yes, I heard you the first time. Give it to me."

"Sure thing!" the pegasus focused one of her eyes on the letter while the other was still watching the Destroyer.

"That's a pretty useful talent, little pony. SOON it will be mine... along with the delivery of course."

"That's why I'm here. Derpy, mailmare extraordinaire! I just need you to sign here, here aaand here," Derpy pointed to a form she'd pulled out of her bag and was now making wet in her mouth.

"Eeerm, got a pen?" the Destroyer was getting nervous at why he couldn't just drain the pegasus like all the others but it was her eye, the gaze of doom, which was stopping him while... the other eye kept following his trail through the form.

"Of course," said Derpy cheerily and opened her mouth to pick one up leaving the form to drop to the ground.

Finally the deal was done. Tirek signed his name thirteen times on the dirty form and was ready to recieve his delivery.

"I can't read it," said the mailmare.

"WHAT?"

"It's all smudged, see?" she flew to his left horn holding the form once again in her mouth.

Tirek pulled her in front of his face.

"That's because you're drooling all over it!"

"AH! That must be it," Derpy pulled out a small box and hid away the form.

"Good," Tirek grabbed the pegasus and opened his mouth, "Now give me the power of your terrifying gaze! NOM NOM NOM!"

When the pegasus dropped to the ground Tirek tried to focus on the small package which was difficult because he was now able to see quite a larger part of his surroundings than before. Unfortunately for him the new two fields of view weren't really connected.

Tirek the Slightly Confused knew though that his new power of Death Gaze was worth it. He opened the box which had only a small strap of paper inside which read - Don't mess with chaos magic, noob.

Tirek was getting to grips with his newfound abiliy to keep watching the sky and the area in front of him at the same time when he spotted what looked like a black pegasus with very small wings holding a leash in her mouth that was connected to a choker on the neck of a bronze unicorn with unusually short horn. All he needed right now was a little snack and here he had an opportunity to grab some flight and magic at the same time.

"PATHETIC CREATURES! YOUR POWER WILL BE MINE!" he bellowed.

"We're down here, derpface," grinned the... pegasus? wearing a Ponyville Mental Asylum badge.

Tirek forced his head down. It seemed that his new skill would require some attention later and that while being able to see everything in front of him was an excellent talent his threatening visage was slightly spoiled when his target thought he was talking to the nearest tree.

"Aah, a batpony. With your power I might drain more than just their skills from ponies. I will take the life flowing in their veins! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

The batpony focused her red eyes on Tirek's face, raised an eyebrow and revealed her short fangs.

"Little fangs mean I'm a fruit-eater, goat-boy."

"The true evil will find a way! NOM NOM NOM!"

Tirek the Mango Craving noticed a tickling sensation on his leg, he looked up and cursed his sight again.

The bronze unicorn was punching his leg without any apparent effect and any desire to stop soon. The Doom of Equestria picked the unicorn up and held him to his face. When separated from Tirek's leg, the unicorn went limp and just began drooling on the hand holding him.

Tirek knew that the most powerful magic users went mad eventually and this was a one that had a vampire as his servant. He licked his lips and switched the hand holding the unicorn as it was getting unpleasantly wet.

"I know the true face of madness, mage! You will give your power to me!"

"NOM NOM NO-"

Tirek refocused his gaze again and spat out the pieces of a tree in his mouth. This time he tried to turn his head as left as possible.

"NOM NOM NOM!"

The unicorn dropped limply on the ground.

Tirek the Unsteady wobbled through Ponyville as suddenly some of his legs felt like they belonged to a different creature.

Yeah me! Tirek the Second.

"I am the one and only Great Lord Tirek-"

Nu uh.

"Uh huh!"

Nu uh!

"ENOUGH! I will- STOP THAT!"

Hey! I control one of the eyes!

Like a telescope, Tirek's left eye began turning around randomly in its socket.

And a hand! COOL!

A humongous hand ripped out a nearby tree from which someone had previously apparently taken a huge bite and began hitting Tirek's head with it. The failure of such plan became apparent quickly when the huge trunk became stuck on Tirek's horns.

Tirek the Lord Of Excrutiating Neck Pain tried to stop his stomach from revolving as his left eye kept turning around and a voice in his head kept going - Wheeeeeee. His miserable failure ensured him he needed a snack to replenish his energy and there was a humongous source of dark magic leaving what looked like a bakery right now.

He covered his crazy eye with one hand and looked at what looked like a huge, grey and muscular earthpony with long, flowing black mane. He was carrying a stack of small boxes smelling sweet and listening to a changeling drone chirping about everything in sight.

"Hey, Blackie, that guy's new," the changeling turned from the earthpony to Tirek, "Hello, mister. That trunk looks pretty cool. Oh, did something happen to your eye? There's a cool pace here that sells patch-"

As Tirek the Annoyed reached out with his free hand for the drone he felt a blow, this time one that actually hurt even his form overdosed on magic.

"Grawrrrrrrr!" the earthpony known as Blackie was standing in front the drone with a threatening expression.

"So much magic," laughed Tirek, "I will enjoy devouring you!"

"NOM NOM NOM!"

"NOM NOM NOM!"

"NOM NOM- WHAT IN TARTARUS?"

He kept eating, draining and sucking but the pony didn't budge. Tirek the Incredibly Full fell down on his side and his hand began punching him again.

I'll be in control soon, fatass!

"That doesn't look healthy, you might need to exercise a bit, mister goat," the changeling smiled at Tirek and resumed talking to the growling pony who didn't seem phased by Tirek's previous attempts at eating him.

Tirek the Low Self-Esteemed Due To Being Suddenly Fat was pulling himself with his hand on the ground. He was feeling sick due to the absurd amounts of dark magic he'd eaten a while ago and he was looking for something to wash away the foul taste.

Pff he was just looking for a triple Big Mac with XXXXL Hay fries.

He was also having problems with the uninvited guest in his head but he knew he would pull through. After all, he was Lord Tirek-

the Fake Because I Am The Real One Muahahaha!

There was a source of magic nearby in what looked like a spa. Tirek the Resolute wasn't going to let anything disrupt his feeding this time-

And he keeps saying it's genetics.

-and ripped off the roof which revealed a small hall with two earthponies and a unicorn positively glowing with magic in his opinion. The earthponies ran away immediately but the unicorn mare's jaw dropped when she looked at him.

"Gaze with awe on lord Tir-"

Tirek the Embarrassed suddenly realized what was the unicorn looking at.

"Lord, you say? And this well-endowed, you say? JACKPOT!" Starlight disappeared under his belly and Tirek felt himself being touched in places time itself had forgotten.

"NO! BAD UNICORN! THAT'S NOT FOR-"

"Oh don't be shy! I know exaaaaactly what this is for."

Both Tirek's eyes were in sync for a second as they rolled into the back of his head.

That feels pretty good. I say we stop trying to take over Equestria and just take this mare here back home.

"ALL MINE!" was the only thing Tirek the Fully Released heard from the madly cackling unicorn drifting away on the white river rolling over Ponyville before he passed out.

When Tirek came to the first thing he heard was the tapping of a hoof in front of his face.

"About time you woke up, look" said Discord.

The last thing Lord Tirek the Happy To Go Back To Tartarus saw was a huge beam of energy emanating from six ponies.

"Trying to steal my power, pfft," Discord grinned.

The Hunt Is On

The throne room of the ancient pony capital city now serving as the main changeling hive was for once buzzing, literally, with action. Queen Chrysalis was sitting on her throne, listening to reports and other important information being brought by her subordinates.

"I've got it! A brothel!" some of her changelings jumped at her sudden outburst of laughter.

"Well, no... the place was actually a kitchen but close enough," said the unfortunate buggy giving the current briefing on an unimportant situation in some unimportant city.

"What are you rambling about?"

"Well, my Queen, we infiltrated the Canterlot castle-"

"You mean one of you got a job as a cook?"

"Erm... yes. But I mean your guess was good too," continued the suicidal changeling.

"As... a... cook...? Changeling...?" the queen kept trying to understand the situation. Unfortunately, the more she did the more the images of the exploding, melting, evaporating or being sucked into another dimension castle assaulted her head.

As the silence spread through the throne room the changeling began sweating which would have amazed the queen who knew that her kind was physically incapable of such feat if her mind wasn't occupied by an image of a lonely drone holding a piece of toast surrounded by burning ruins of once proud pony city.

The ultimate question arose - were alicorns immortal enough to survive a changeling cook?

"I might reconsider giving one-eighty-nine the job," the reporting ling began backing away, slowly at first but gaining speed as he got closer to the exit.

"You do that," mumbled the queen in thought, "Now, before Celestia accuses us of an assassination attempt I have a need for the best changeling for the purposes of building dwellings."

"That would be me," one of the assembled black creatures raised a hoof, "I can produce up to twenty litres of green goo at a minimal love cost."

Normally, the queen would compliment the tubby changeling almost leaking green from his pores, today's mission unfortunately required a little more finesse than just making huge globs and hollowing them out. If this was the best her hive could offer then she was considering not feeding anyone incapable of feeding himself. There was literally zero chance of any pony, dragon or any desperately horny creature visiting a giant green cocoon and maintaining their original purpose.

The queen levitated a green, gelatinous tablet mimicking paper and wrote a short message on it. In the second she was going to tell a changeling to take it a draft of air came from one of the broken ornate windows of the long hall and brought with it a grey pegasus looking at the queen and probably admiring the ancient ceiling at the same time.

"Derpy's here to take your mail, give it here and I will bail," said the pegasus energetically.

The queen could do nothing else than wordlessly levitate the tablet to the mailmare who snatched it and flew away with in in her mouth.

Reevaluating the alliance with ponies, Chrysalis thought for the first time in ages she might be toying with forces she can't understand.

Emmet Baptista Dishwasher Cross was having trouble remembering his name after his recent attempt at reigning in the power of his beloved commander. Despite him sleeping for almost three days straight he was glad for being able to move with relative ease. What was keeping him warm even as a thin layer of snow blanketed the camp was the knowledge that everyone around him was safe and that Shadowstep herself had been having trouble dealing with him. He'd lost, of course, as there was no mundane being capable of going head-on against a fed queen-type changeling but his experience and quick thinking had made the gap between them surprisingly close during the fight.

Right now he was sitting at the table next to the fire pit with hooves wrapped around a hot cup of tea. He was the only one outside but he didn't mind, someone had to stand guard no matter what.

"Morning!" a male voice greeted the dizzy batpony-changeling, leaving no doubt about its owner.

"Good morning. prince. Fancy seeing you outside this early."

"It's nice not having to comb my mane for three hours to please foreign dignitaries. On the other hoof, you look like a leftover dinner."

"Thank you for the compliment."

"That wasn't one."

"Still better than what Starlight said when I woke her up an hour ago."

Shining looked around at the snow and slight drizzle in the air.

"Damn, I wouldn't have been friendly as well if you woke me up that early."

"Well, I didn't want to cause an interspecies incident."

*THUMP*

"MAAAAAAAAAIL!" a grey passing blur yelled right after something made a small crater in the snow.

"A sturdy one, that grey pegasus is," commented Cross and picked up what looked like a green glob.

"A tired Cross, this morning is," Shining grinned.

"No teeth, the prince shall soon have."

"A copyright lawsuit befall us, it soon will."

They shared a short laugh and Cross opened the flaps of Shadowstep's tent. Well, he tried to before he got flung away by a purple spark.

"Oookay," Shining raised his eyebrows. Unfortunately him being a novice in this conversation martial art strategy meant his attempt at gaining more information failed, "I guess your commander isn't on duty at the moment."

"Why don't YOU go and find out for yourself?" Cross mumbled while examining the contents of the mail. In the end he threw it at meteoric speed into Shadowstep's tent.

"I don't want to end up looking like you."

"At my age? You'll be begging to look like me in mere fifty years."

"Pfff, my wife is an alicorn of Love. I'm gonna get turned into a talking vibrator at the blessed age of thirty-five an live forever with her."

"I wonder how long does it take for a sex toy to go insane," chuckled Cross to himself, "And how does one notice."

"Hmm?"

"I asked if you were interested in some combat practice to pass time, a game if you will."

"Oooh okay? Sounds fun but I'm feeling I should be careful around you."

"Do you know Damp Prisons and Firebreathing Lizards?"

"Boy do I? I still have the character sheet for my DPnFL pegasus paladin. We used to spend ages going through the Eye of The Mind Flyer campaign in my recruit days. Damn... was Lay on Hooves really so OP in those days or am I just nostalgic?"

"Yeah, it was. They scrapped it hard in 3.5 edition."

"Yeah... they did."

The twin dreamy smiles and nostalgic sighs were interrupted by a yell from Starlight's tent.

"NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERDS!"

"Nevermind her, she doesn't understand the value of good combat practice," snorted Cross.

"Gotta stand with her on this one. As much as I enjoyed playing we didn't get much done. I think that my scrubbing the latrines for thirty hours straight after we pissed off our officer too much is the cause of my fear of chilli."

"Oh well," Cross grinned, "I happen to add my personal touch to the campaign. Wanna go through the tutorial? It's fun."

"I think I know the rulebook by heart but yeah. Show me what you've got, changeling."

Cross' grin grew increasingly sadistic when he began narrating.

"You find yourself in the dungeon of Khal'Atar. As a paladin, you were able to identify the necromantic robes of Ur'Gash cultists before they captured you. The residual energy in the crypt is enough for a pile of bones to begin forming into a skeleton pony in front of your eyes. Fortunately for you, you are strong enough to break the shackles fast enough to stand the heartless, literally, abomination eye to eye. Your action?"

"FIGHT! Got a pair of dice?"

"Not so fast. I said I added my personal touch to the... combat practice."

In a burst of green fire Cross turned into a real skeleton pony with a rusty cutlass held in his mouth. Shining's nerdboner would have been visible from the moon without any special equipment that morning.

"THIS IS GONNA BE AWESOME!"

"You think this is cool? Wait till we persuade Starlight to do a succubus for you."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

The 'squeee'-ing prince ran to his tent to get his weapon.

The amethyst queen, half resting and half sulking, picked up the green tablet Cross had thrown into her tent before and read it.

"Too tired for this crap," she burned away the thing in a burst of purple fire and glared at the tent flaps.

"Why are you so strong, my little sargeant? What drives you forward?"

Cross might not remember but she did. She had given him his name, she had carried him from the burning laboratory and now it was her who, if she were a true queen with a hive, would have to be scared of him. Living for centuries, the changeling queens had the experience and power to expand the first and keep the latter and not a single one of them had ever dared to let her successor grow freely. Every single one of them had clipped the wings of their heir until they were ready to leave this world. Up until now when there was one who was curious enough to let the little flame of power grow and watch it devour everything.

It might take centuries, it might be sooner but if things kept going like they had been then Cross would become the most powerful being known to this world. For now, though, Shadowstep would let him play his silly game and keep observing and nurturing him.

Only time would tell if her idea was a horrible mistake or not. At the moment she was just an unknown commander of an equally unknown group of changelings.

She closed her eyes.

She opened her eyes.

"Yes? I mean... I WILL HAVE YOU COURT MARSHALLED, CROSS, FOR WAKING UP A SUPERIOR OFFICER WHEN SHE'S TOO TIRED! Putting combat ability of the unit at risk and whatnot."

"That's the point, commander," came from outside of the tent, "Prince Shining Armor agreed to my idea of organizing a hunt on the guys supposed to watch us to gain some love and practice."

Shadowstep poked her frazzled head out of the flaps.

"Sounds pretty goo, eerm- Do not listen to the wailing of the perverted banshee, Cross! He groped me."

"I WAS HALF-ASLEEP!" exclaimed Shining.

"Likely story, perv. My rump is still sore from- YES, YES, DEVOUR OUR ENEMIES!"

"No killing, commander. Peace treaty rules. By the way, are you feeling okay?"

"Hah! I will not discern any vital secrets, body snatcher!"

"That's better, commander," Cross turned to the only still closed tent, "Starlight, get your lazy ass out here or you don't get to have your pick at who you hunt tonight."

"Not interested!"

"Three hot hunks, two earthponies, one pegasus!"

*Puff*

"Standing at attention!"

"Pop a scrying spell on that hill," he pointed in the direction of the pony encampment, "and you get the first pick."

A misty screen appeared in front of the three changelings and one unicorn and slowly gained focus, revealing four different figures chatting. Shadowstep narrowed her eyes when she saw the assassin from few days ago and in response the spell focused on the orange, blue-maned pegasus.

"Flash Sentry," Shining examined the picture, "I think Cadence sent him here to keep an eye on me. No idea why thought, that guy's dumber than a pile of bricks. A bimbo magnet, I must admit."

Shadowstep opened her mouth.

"MIIINE!" screeched Starlight.

Shadowstep closed her mouth.

"My point exactly," commented Shining and the vision focused on a pony similar to him, "Heavy Hoof. I don't know much about him aside from him being one of the weapon experts of Canterlot Royal Guard, staff I think. Sort of an all-round genius."

"I might need some weapon practice," Cross looked at the vision thoughtfully, "No offense, prince."

"None taken. Weapons aren't exactly my expertise otherwise my name would be Shining Big Bucking Sword."

The vision skipped a changeling drone working hard at preparing lunch under the oversight of Heavy Hoof and focused at the last member of the pony camp.

Shadowstep growled. She knew she was awful at magic outside of possessing a massive amount of raw power, a trait belonging to all queens, but even she could recognize a golem if she saw one. To her eyes the Blackguard was covered in dark magic signalizing an unparalelled knowledge of ancient spells resulting in his creation. That thing was dangerous.

"A foe worthy of my attention," she said sharply.

"That's one of king Sombra's creations. They obey whoever they are told to obey and I'm sure Caddy sent him here to protect me and Flash just got mixed in it somehow. There is no love to steal from him."

"Who said anything about feeding from it?" grunted Shadowstep to herself.

"That was quiet but almost... coherent?" commented Shining.

"Big stallion, lots of love to give."

"But I said-"

"Be quiet, banshee!"

"Riiiight..."

"Shall we continue, my game master?" asked Shining Armor the thoughtful batling after everyone had left the briefing.

"Later, paladin!" Cross grinned suddenly, "I have to get my blood flowing to hunt in this snow and cold."

"What's wrong?"

"Something feels off... about all this. Chrysalis' order from this morning seems stupidly pointless unless there's more then meets the eye. I just can't help myself but think that all of us will have a role to play soon," Cross ended up mumbling to himself.

"Wow. You almost sound like your commander."

"That's what worries me."

Contrary to the rest of the group, Starlight was having all the fun with none of the worry. For a mage of her caliber the memory was not enough and she needed to skim through her spellbook to prepare what would be the most useful from the more complicated spells.

"Mind control, charm, submission magic," she grinned at the impending future of the orange pegasus, "Ooooh, fertility spell, it's been a while, my old friend."

Humming a cheerful tune, she brushed her mane while reading up on the spell details.

"I might be the one feeding but there's no reason for both of us not to enjoy ourselves. Once I put you in your place, that is. Now for the outfit..."

Several chests full of clothes opened themselves. Not always there has been a chance for a changeling to change her form magically and at those times the full containers were a life-saver. Going through the assembled cloth articles she smacked her lips at the sight of something grey and shiny.

"Prince Shiiiiniiing!" she yelled outside, "A moment of your time, puh-leeeease!"

Shining's eyes crossed when he heard the whiny voice but he didn't want to be rude. He hoped Starlight had learned after last few times she didn't have a chance with him but the mare was stubborn as a mule. Fortunately, moments like these had their bright side since she did have a body to die for... multiple times over.

Shining's blood, however, had difficult time deciding its direction when he entered the tent and was greeted by sight of two white and fleshy half-moons separated only by a thin strap of cloth strained to its limit. A thought of infidelity crossed his mind, then one more and then stopped after seeing the imaginary glare of his wife. In all honesty, he doubted Cadence could use her 'there is nopony sexier than the alicorn of Love' excuse this time.

The rump moved away from his face, revealing Starlight's head rammed into one of the ornate chests.

"Oh, that was quick, my lord and conqueror," she purred.

"You mean that face-down-rump-up pose was totally not intentional?" Shining pursed his lips.

"For once, yes, a complete accident," Starlight's tail brushed on Shining's nose, "So... how do you like it?"

"It's a thong that's dangerously close to snapping and taking somepony's eye out. Combined with your... bountiful posterior I think it's a deadly weapon more than a piece of clothing."

"Hmmm," Starlight grumbled in disappointment, "I guess I might need a bit more protection tonight."

"Oh, it's for the hunt? Then yes, definitely-"

The indecent clothing slipped off and Shining found himself thanking Celestia for the jealousy of his wife as her angry face was the cold shower he so desperately needed right now. Well, more an approaching glacier bringing with it the shattered remains of the one responsible for tempting him. Shining knew he wouldn't be the target of Cadence's wrath, only an innocent collateral casualty.

"Amount of blood left in the upper body - 37%," Shining's eyes flashed blue and an error message appeared.

"Don't be such a foal, my owner and master," grinned Starlight sadistically and slid something else on her bottom.

"Error 404, blood not found."

It was clothing, in theory and when the definition was stretched more than the little string it was describing. In reality it was a solitary, hair-thin metallic wire leading from Starlight's tail lower and lower-

"Oh darling, your nose seems to be bleeding."

"T-t-that is supposed to be MORE protection?" Shining's eyes stopped glowing and with a clinking tune some intelligence returned home from a very memorable holiday.

"Of course! Basic rule of female armor - the less practical and the more revealing the armor is, the more effective it gets."

Shining remembered the good old recruit days spent playing DPnFL and the female characters some of his friends seemed to play.

"Eeh, I thought it was just because we were young, spotty and locked in the company of twenty other colts that-"

"Don't believe me? Try it out," Starlight wiggled her butt again, lowering Shining's IQ to single digits.

"Bad idea, my wife, doom of the entire world..."

"Too bad, here it comes!" Starlight's rump approached Shining's face at breakneck speed.

Shining was expecting the jiggly mounds to gently brush on his face, he was expecting Starlight to try some other method to finally make him go crazy and he was expecting to get hit by the muscles surely hidden under the soft surface, Starlight was a soldier, after all. What he WASN'T expecting was being hit by a wrecking ball made of steel and having half of his front teeth chipped almost instantly.

"Fwe feck?"

"My apologies," Starlight turned around and aimed her horn at his mouth, "Now be a good mare and take it whole."

Shining's eyes bulged when she rammed her horn into his mouth through the empty window that used to be his front teeth. Only a flash of blue and a tingly feeling followed before she pulled back and smiled at him.

"The heck?" Shining rammed his hoof into his mouth and began licking his restored chompers.

"Another demonstration?" Starlight wiggled her bottom again. ¨

This time Shining didn't hesitate and slapped it as hard as he could.

"YEOW!" he screamed and kept shaking his hoof in disbelief, "That's crazy."

"Nope, that's science," she dove into her chest again, pulled out a thin tiara and put it on her head, "Now, I've got a hammer somewhere around, can you help-"

"I BELIEVE YOU!"

Starlight blew him a kiss.

"Thank you for your valuable input, maybe some day you'll have more to put in than just your words."

Shining, seeing a chance at finally leaving, had something on his mind though.

"You know... I think the female Crystal Guard uniform might need an upgrade... to go with the times and advances in clothing... science."

"I'll be sure to model the best ideas just for you, ta-ta," Starlight waved him off.

While Shining was busy trying not to trip on his way back to the tent, Starlight grinning in delight at her next idea aimed at Flash, Shadowstep having prophetic dreams, applying night-combat makeup and changing her eyes to have infrared targeting capabilities and Cross running off to the forest to practice against some hydras, in the pony encampment things were slightly less hectic.

"Noooow you stir in some pepper and salt," guided Heavy the little changeling drone responsible for helping them survive the first few days, "It's better to add it earlier so you can improve the flavor later as you want."

"Thanks, mister," said Six, stirring the pot on the fire "I might be the first hive changeling that knows how to cook. Buut I have to do something else now. Can I just tell the food to wait till I come back?"

Heavy smiled. The innocent attitude of the little drone was keeping him warm during these winter days. He didn't know what the plan of whoever sent it here was but he had to admit that if the creature was an infiltrator it was a great one.

"I'll take care of that," he took the ladle from Six's hooves, "What's bugging, no offense, you?"

"Ooo, nice one. I got a letter earlier today, it's a mission from the queen."

"From Chrysalis personally? That's got to be quite an honor, right?"

"It is, too bad it wasn't addressed to me but I guess since it got here I might take care of it anyway. Earn some smiley stickers, you know."

"Can I help?"

"No, thanks. I'll go ask the big guys down there about detals," Six pointed at the seemingly empty changeling camp.

When the drone skittered away Heavy just kept on stirring. He didn't like the idea of a direct order from the changeling queen but since Six wasn't trying to hide anything he decided no to push it. Besides, somepony had to make the food. Blackie didn't need to eat, apparently and Flash definitely didn't deserve to but they had been both sent by princess Cadence to safeguard her husband so the least he could do was to keep them alive.

Six passed the invisible alarm barrier around the camp without any problems and reached the firepit. The strange thing was that noone tried to see who the invader was.

"Crazy lady! Sargeant! Miss magician!"

Nothing.

"Anyone?"

Trying to get inside Shadowstep's tent proved pointless as a low growl from inside gave Six the exact order of staying the heck away as a written threat would. Starlight's tent was surrounded by an impenetrable shield and Cross' tent was empty, well, devoid of him at least. Six really didn't want to offend the foreign dignitary guest in the camp so it just sat down at the table and began fiddling with the holes in its hooves.

"Can I help you? Everypony around is busy right now," a white unicorn with blue mane said cheerily.

"Prince Shining Armor?" Six's mouth opened, "I-I really don't want to bother you. I just wanted to ask the others if they knew their way around town."

"Well, my sister lives down there and I visit her from time to time. You can ask me anything."

"Well you see, I need to find a big house to buy or rent for some sort of project the queen wants to get going in Ponyville."

Shining didn't like the idea of Chrysalis' project as well, whatever it might be, and decided that keeping an eye on it might be helpful.

"The really big houses are usually rented by the town officials. You know what? I can come with you if it's not a problem and we can talk to Mayor Mare together."

"Hey, thanks!" Six giggled happily, "That would really help."

Shining put his official armor on and they headed to the Ponyville town hall.

"Not happening," Mayor Mare shook her silvery mane at the proposal.

"It's just about twenty or thirty changelings trying to buy a house and renovate it. We've got the money," pleaded Six.

"No! I don't care for what unholy purpose you want to use it but the last time changelings were in Ponyville most of us ended in green cocoons. Also-"

"Also," interrupted Shining, "The decree of princess Celestia orders you to give the changelings a chance so if there is an unused building of said specifications I see no problem in letting them rent or buy it."

The mayor gritted her teeth.

"What would the purpose of that estabilishment be? In the unlikely case I agreed to your offer."

"A brothel!" Six grinned.

"WHAT?"

"WHAT?"

"Well, we, as changelings, are pretty good at fulfilling certain fantasies so the queen decided it would be a great way to feed without having to hurt anyone and earn a bit of cash towards helping the less fortunate of our brethren."

"Here... as in: here in Ponyville? Why not Canterlot, or Manehattan? There's a lot of ponies there and many more potential clients," Mayor Mare tried to wrap her head around the idea.

"I dunno."

"Erm..."

"No idea. The queen just wants it here. Oh right, she said that a part of profits would go to Ponyville treasury if you decided to sell the house instead of renting it. You could also entertain foreign hotshots and get to know them."

"I'm sure the mayor sees this opportunity as her duty to help Ponyville grow," Shining helped, "And there might be a hefty bonus to her payroll for mediating such a great deal. That would of course increase the tourism in Ponyville as well."

"Yes yes, it indeed is my duty to help Ponyville grow and what better way to do it than by showing how tolerant we are. You guys can change into anything, right?"

"As long as it is roughly our size, yes," Six's eyes gleamed, "And we don't judge any fantasy."

"FOR TOURISM!" Mayor Mare smiled triumphantly and stamped her official seal on a deed to a small, unused mansion.

There may be some moral outrage later from some less open-minded ponies but one should always be helpful and believe in the improvement of ponykind, just like Mayor Mare did. And who knows... maybe, when the time is right, she might just invite some of her friends from Canterlot to show them the miracle of interpecies cooperation and earn some points towards next Grand Galloping Gala.

"Thanks for the help, mister Shining. This is going to be amazing," said Six.

"I'm afraid so."

"All that love to eat without having to run afterwards. Miss Mayor is really a forward-thinking pony, isn't she?"

"I'm afraid so."

"She's doing it just for herself, am I right?"

"I'm afraid so."

"Why did you help then?" Six tilted its head.

"If this failed then Chrysalis would just do someting even dumber, right?" Shining sighed.

"I'm afraid so," Six nodded.

"How can you say that? Frogurt CLEARLY, as it is stated in the table of contents, is different from frozen yoghurt. You can't just change the name and keep selling the thing. It has to adhere to norms and dietary rules!" yelled a voice inside the town hall.

"Three," said Shining out of nowhere.

"IT IS NOT THE SAME THING! Griffon Empire has strict rules about the subject while all you have to show for yourself is a cutie mark that might be misinterpreted, I mean - interpreted correctly, AS A BLENDER!"

"Two."

"What are you counting?" asked Six.

"Inevitability," Shining moved from underneath the window from which the voice was coming.

"It's 38% milk, you're selling it with 32% milk. That's a SCAM! What if the griffon emperor comes to Ponyville and wants his favourite treat, eh? You're going to be hanging for the 6% of milk you're misleading ponies."

"One."

"You're using the same term the griffons use for their product. You could use something like sub-zero temperature crafted semi-milk derivative."

"Boom,"

"I AM CRAZY? YOU'RE THE ONE-"

The window exploded and a purple blur landed right in front of Shining. The alicorn shook her head and raised her hoof.

"You'll doom us all! Pfff... pathetic peasants, having no idea about science and industry and-"

"Hi, sis," Shining Armor greeted his sister.

"YAAAY, SHINY!" princess Twilight Sparkle, the alicorn of Magic, jumped up, completely forgetting what had just happened.

"Nice to meet you too, Twily," he wrestled against his sister's bear hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay. I thought you might have been mind-controlled again by Chrysalis so I've been building an army of robots and self-aware missiles set on eradicating their entire species but-"

She noticed Six staring at her.

"-I may have been wrong. Say, do you want to come to my new treehouse, I mean treebrary, treeboratory, I mean house? I've got swanky new chairs."

"Yea sure," Shining grinned apologetically at Six, "We're done for today, aren't we?"

"Yes."

"Great!" Twilight jumped up and dusted herself off, "Note to self: Purify the ventilation system and turn off the insecticide valves."

"What?" Six's ears splayed back.

"I've got some green chineighese tea," said Twilight loudly.

Six pondered the idea of asking Shadowstep to eradicate the entire village but hearing Shining happily chatter away with his younger sister dispersed the thought. The only thing that bothered it was the sickeningly sweet scent of love emanating from Twilight. It could understand the fresh and airy love coming from Shining but the heavy scent of rotten fruit answering from the princess made its head heavy.

Despite all doubts, the three of them were soon sitting around a table inside a decorated hall seemingly bigger than the entire treehouse from the outside and sipping tea. Shining would have been happier if his head wasn't floating that much.

"I think I'm gonna go for some fresh air, it's hard to breathe here," he said.

"It's just, you know, dust from all those books. You can't go out, it's too cold in the evening. Let me just grab some air-fresheners from my room, the menthol will do you good."

Twilight ran away, grinning.

Six, having noticed nothing wrong, sniffed Shining's tea and scrunched its nose.

"I might be new at this but is there supposed to be a love potion mixed in this?"

"What?" Shining sniffed the tea as well, it didn't really do anything for him, "Damn you, Twilight... Well, my sister tends to love me a biiiiit too much from time to time and we haven't seen each other in quite a while so..."

"Love potion, aphrodisiacs, some chemical concoction," continued Six.

"It can't be that bad."

"The tea is slowly turning BLUE!"

"Or maybe it can. What now, then? I can't just run away."

Six sat in thought for a second.

"Yes, you can. I'll change into you and find out what's going on. Let's call it a thank you for helping me with the house."

"Okay then but don't be too hard on my sister. She might be a bit forward but she's a good girl," Shining whispered and trotted away.

As soon as the door slammed shut Twilight's head poked into the room.

"Oh, your changeling friend left?"

"She-she had to send a report to the queen," said Shining-Six.

The head retreated back.

"Drink up, Shiny. I can't find the scented candle- I mean air fresheners so you're gonna have to help me look for them."

Six switched the teacups of Shining and Twilight and sniffed around both of them. Smiling, it -temporarily he- finished off his cup.

"Come on, Twily. I feel better already and your tea is getting cold."

The princess returned, blushing and breathing heavily, and quickly gulped down the rest of her drink.

"It's so hot in here, good I have the ice cubes ready for later."

"..."

"For-for frozen salad. I keep the heating in my room waaaay too high but it's worth it in this weather. Now, come this way," Six couldn't help noticing how Twilight's hoof dug into his rump when she pushed him towards a metal door, "I got a better door for my privacy. You know how Spike gets from time to time with his tea and biscuit offers."

"Mhm, yeah..."

Six could feel the love turning into lust and setting fire to Twilight from within. Focusing on that penetrating scent, he couldn't react fast enough then Twilight shoved him down a rocky slide into the darkness. The fall wasn't long and he could still hear Twilight moaning Shining's name and running upstairs. The overwhelming scent coming from her ensured she won't be coming for quite a while, at least in one sense of the word.

"Mrrrmmf!" came from the darkness. It was either a female voice or it belonged to a young male. Six lit up his horn and saw a purple body wriggling in the mass of black tendrils.

From the top of the strange pile a green flame came out and a quick chomp eradicated the upper part of the... flowers?

"Hey, Shiny, bro... it's me, Spike!"

The creature was a small dragon being held by the black tentacles and his previous effort burned away the ones coming from his mouth. Unfortunately there was a lot more of them ending right at the base of his tail. Six was suddenly very sure why the little dragon was trying so hard not to move.

"Oh, right," Spike mumbled sadly when he noticed Six wasn't moving, "You're one of the escaped clones."

"What the? No, I'm just a changeling trying to help Shining find out what's going on."

"And you fooled Twilight? Good job!"

"Thanks-"

"Nice knowing you though. When she finds out you're gonna be begging to end like me here."

"Yea," Six gritted his teeth, "How is that?"

"You know? Not that bad actually. If only she removed the thorns first."

"Can't you, you know, just burn the rest like you did with the ones in your mouth?"

"Two things... dragons BREATHE fire, not the other way around. I learned that the hard way after having a bit too much of the southern sauces, I can still feel the chilli seeds from time to time. The other thing is that I can chew through gems with my teeth so a chaos plant isn't that bad but my anus unfortunately isn't that magical."

"Crap."

"Take it like this, when she's done doing what she's doing," Spike's ear twitched, "aaaand that might take a while since Shining was here, she's going to give you all the love you can eat as long as you stay sane enough to keep your disguise."

"I've got to get out!"

An echoing growl came from one of the unlit passages leading from the laboratory room.

"I wouldn't do that. My advice is - bite on the wooden bit and bark when she wants you to."

"Whaaaaat?"

"You'll know soon enough."

The night fell on the Sweet Apple Acres like a tired drunk on a sewer grate. The three changelings, ready after half a day of observation and warming up, began their hunt.

Shadowstep, having no interest in the hunt itself, took it upon herself to make sure nothing irreparable happened. Starlight might be able to deal with the golem if she met him due to her ability to understand and control absurdly complex magic but the commander herself didn't consider 'might be able' a good plan. What she was sure about was that the golem was out of reach for Cross. His combat mastery and short-term tactics would mean nothing against an enemy almost impervious to damage so she just snuck into the vicinity of the pony camp, leapt up on a high branch and stood guard.

Cross followed a similar train of thought and entered the camp decided to either lure his prey out or take him down stealthily. Like every single day since coming here, Heavy was still up for the evening watch, sitting cross-legged with his back to the fire to keep his night vision intact.

Changing the softness of his hooves, Cross kept sneaking up on him from behind. There were no problems for a changeling in watching the burning fire and being temporarily blinded so he picked up the pace. He got close enough to touch the earthpony without making noise and tapped his shoulder.

Heavy turned around only to look straight into glowing, golden, catlike eyes. The feeling of impact hit him without actually taking any. Priding himself on his self-control, the earthpony didn't take long to break Cross' mental invasion but the changeling had already taken what he'd been looking for.

Cross shapeshifted. His bulky build became taller, his purple mane turned black and grew longer, only the eyes remained the same. All he had to do now was to weaken his opponent, confuse his mind with either magic or venom and then his new form would have enough love to replenish the energy lost while fighting Shadowstep.

Heavy's reaction surprised him though. The earthpony rose up calmly on his hind legs, kicked his staff up and caught it in his hooves. Cross could feel the deep sadness under the calm exterior though and realized his mistake. There would be no love to gain here. No amount of changeling magic could confuse a strong mind enough to believe the dead came back to them no matter how strong the wish might be.

He could feel all that but even if he couldn't then the expression of utter agony and helplessness in Heavy's face would be enough of a hint.

"Why?" asked the earthpony in a cracked voice, "Why him? Do you enjoy this?"

Cross took a step back... and then another two.

"YOU WORTHLESS PARASITE! WHY?!" yelled Heavy and the sudden roar was enough of a shock for him to pass the distance between him and Cross and attack.

Summoning a metal staff from thin air to imitate his opponent, Cross managed to deflect Heavy's crushing attack. Just from that single blow he knew that the amusing hunt for love now changed into a fight for his life.

Blackie, woken up by the clanking of metal on wood, rushed out of the tent only to see his temporary owner fight an unusual changeling in disguise. The illusions meant nothing to him and after a very short analysis he came to the conclusion that the chance of Heavy Hoof winning was microscopical.

"GRAAAAWR!" his roar shook the nearby trees and with a thunderclap he jumped straight at the changeling.

At that speed he would have slammed into the changeling without him having a chance to react and crushed even the love-reinforced armor without too much effort. The changeling should have ended like a red vapor in the air after being hit by the small meteor which was the Blackguard but unfortunately someone else stopped the charge.

The tendrils of darkness swirled, seeping back into him and repairing the snapped tendons and crushed bones while he kept analysing the new threat. The amethyst sparks flowing freely through the carapace of the changeling who had stopped him proved she knew offensive magic would have been useless against him and had decided to improve the capabilities of her body.

The analysis of his chances of victory... couldn't even finish as the changeling moved again and tackled him, flying both of them far away from Cross and Heavy.

Starlight had located her target without any problems and stalked him into the bushes a fair distance away from the pony camp. She'd left earlier than the others because she wanted to enjoy the little game as much as possible.

Flash Sentry was humming a cheerful tune as he opened his new edition of Princess Monthly with a centerfold of Twilight Sparkle, very generously improved by the magazine's graphic department, glowing with the power of all four alicorns. He spread the huge page, smiled and put a small lantern right next to it.

"My my, aren't you a dirty... admirer."

Flash Sentry's hoof stopped its way down and he looked at the intruder.

"P-p-p-princess?"

"For tonight, why don't you call me... goddess?" Starlight smiled like a predator whose prey came by itself and brought ketchup.

"My purple goddess, I'll do anything for you."

"Good, I have a void in me which only a good and obedient pet like you can fill."

Flash was in heaven. Twilight had obviously remembered him, heard about him being here on a dangerous mission and came to reward him for his loyalty. The added bonus was that she wasn't freaking out about the poster of her spread out on the couch with glasses on. Unfortunately, in this dream come true, the part he'd come here to wish goodnight to didn't seem to be recieving the same messages as his brain.

"Come oooooon," he wiggled his hips.

Nope, not a twitch.

"Don't you wish to please me with your whole being?" Twilight licked her lips.

Yes, yes, yes, he did... well, his entire being did with the exception of one little part, the important one.

"Errm, I usually don't have that problem around ladies."

Starlight-Twilight prowled closer to the pegasus currently furiously punching his crotch and yelling.

"Don't worry, my little dinner. I can be very... persuasive."

With a weak shimmer of her horn Flash's nostrils were filled with the rich scent of earth and summer in full swing. Even here, in the snow, it made him blush. Unfortunately, that was the only movement his blood was going for right now.

"Don't you quit on me, bro," Flash looked down desperately, "Breathe, soldier, breathe. I BEG YOU!"

As handsome as Flash was, his helpless and frustrated screams were beginning to bore Starlight so she decided to to pull out the big guns. The glow of her horn changed from a singular entity to dozens of miniature dots forming a complex pattern around it. At the sight of Flash, now begging everyone from Celestia to Discord to help him get his junk up, she decided to up the power of the spell few notches.

"JUST ONE NIGHT! I promise my soul to you, Ur'Gash, for just ONE NIGHT WITH TWILIGHT!"

Perhaps few notches might not be enough. The glow of her horn became painful to look at and the pattern began to shift and twist the reality around it. The amount of held power eventually became too much for Starlight and she released it at its intended target.

"OOOOH YEAH!" Flash roared, feeling like a new stallion, like a draft stallion, like dozens of draft stallions, like a legion set on repopulating the empty world. He looked down to see his new, amazing enhancement. What looked like a sack with two melons was pinning him to the ground no matter how hard he worked his legs to stand up. All that said, Flash junior was still on a union ordered strike.

Starlight's legs were shaking, she was sweating like an earthpony after a rodeo and she was currently seeing double. Normally she wouldn't mind seeing the target set on playing Vlad the Impaler with her multiple times but the one detail she was hoping for still wasn't there. Melons - there, stallion - there, cucumber - still missing.

"Oh for crying out loud!" she pushed Flash on his rump and with no semblance of subtlety began to examine the organ currently hiding under witness protection program sporting a new name of Jose Ramirez.

"You useless bag of flesh!" Starlight threw her hooves up and cursed the sky, "The things I was going to do with you."

"Sor-"

"The smut that even Scream's cultists would be like - WHOA, SLOW DOWN!"

"I-"

"Illegal in both Equestria and the Griffon Empire!"

"Go ooon?"

"But no, you're not a stallion! You're a hoof-stool, your face is only good for my rump to rest on after having to do one of Cross' dumb practice races!"

"Okay?" Flash's brain was slowly recieving the signals he'd been hoping for earlier.

"Licking my hooves is the only use for you, you sissy! I'll strap you into a harness and whip you so hard you'll beg me to buck you with a cactus for a change!"

"Hnnngh!" the pressure in Flash's nethers was beginning to build at the images presented by furious Twilight-Starlight.

"I'll get a few minotaurs with jackhammers and a blowtorch to show your ass the middle ages-"

"OOOOOH HERE IT COOOOMES!" Flash panted.

"Eh... wha-" was the only thing Starlight was able to say before the spray hit her with the force of a shotgun blast and covered her completely from head to hooves in rapidly hardening substance.

"Gnnnnngh..."

Flash kept making the same sound over and over while his mind kept replaying him the pictures of Twilight in a leather harness and a riding crop resting her hooves on his back. Meanwhile, the 'wax' statue of an alicorn in front of him just kept muttering angrily under her breath.

Blackie was having trouble healing his wounds. The protection of black magic coursing through his body was usually enough to keep him from actually sustaining any but against this enemy it was just enough to soften the blows and was mostly working on the deep cuts he kept recieving.

He was tough but the changeling leader was fast, agile and deadly. However, she hadn't shown any desire to finish him off while he'd been regenerating. Maybe it was the fact that she was breathing heavily as well and limping, maybe it was something else. Her combat pattern was giving Blackie the idea that the latter might be the case. Careful and ready to pounce back up, he sat down and just stared at the amethyst queen.

Shadowstep was dead tired. Between Cross few days ago and this abomination right now she was beginning to feel the lack of energy. She'd been on the defense most of the fight which was a good practice but the creeping exhaustion was slowly pushing her towards the inevitable necessity of destroying the black golem.

Then he just sat down.

If she didn't destroy him now he would eventually recover and overpower her but her main goal was just to keep him away from the pony camp temporarily. That, unfortunately, was out of her reach now.

"I must be getting old," Shadowstep mumbled to herself.

"Grawr?"

"Or maybe you're just too good."

"Grrrwrrrr..."

"Don't look at me like that. I couldn't let you just stomp Cross into the ground."

"Grrr?"

"I think the earthpony sparked an interest in him, no idea why."

"Grawrrr. Grrrr."

"IS that so?"

The Blackguard just glared at Shadowstep.

"Okay, I don't really understand you."

"Grrmrr," Blackie scowled.

"Hmmm... I think it's time we head home. We have given them enough time to play."

"Grrrrrrrrr!"

"No rush. I doubt anyone is dead or seriously hurt."

Shadowstep, while not as tall as Chrysalis, stood up and patted Blackie's head.

"Grm?"

"I'll be back for some more practice later. Stay in shape, my little nemesis."

"Grrrr-mrmfhgf?" Blackie stood there, stunned, as the queen ruffled his mane and left into the darkness.

"What the?!" Heavy watched the dark shape carry Blackie away from the camp but his instincts didn't allow him to get distracted. The filth daring to impersonate Sharp Biscuit was still there, mimicking his stance and twirling a steel staff.

The decree by princess Celestia forbade violence against changelings but ordered those trying to fit in to do so without a cutie mark and this one had on his flank the mark of two bat wings wrapped around an eye, the symbol of Sharp's ability to wrap his head around any concept and see the underlying meaning in everything. It manifested itself in the now dead batpony's overall skill with weapons and strategy. He used to be a jack of all trades, an expert in everything, master in nothing but his extensive knowledge had allowed him to combine things together and pass any challenge... any but one.

Few trades of blows between Heavy and Cross showed that the changeling was by no means 'only' an expert. Heavy, a hard-working genius of similar sort to Sharp bore a similar talent only aimed at arts, cooking and softer side of life. With the added benefit of his cutie mark of a staff broken in two being a symbol of his profficiency with that weapon and that there was no stopping him.

Still, using the same weapon, the Canterlot staff master had to admit Cross was faster, his style was more refined and his changeling love-fueled stamina felt like cheating.

Having no time to take a breath, Heavy tried to block an upswing of Cross' staff and failed when the weapon was knocked out of his hooves. The smug smile on Sharp's face was something the original batpony had never worn and it burned Heavy deeper than his loss in combat. Recklessly he punched Cross' weapon and caught his staff mid-fall just fast enough to get his ribs cracked by a wide, horizontal swing.

Cross was in a focused state. His centuries of combat experience were winning against the earthpony but a small voice at the back of his head was whispering to him. He had no time to listen though as the hurt earthpony just shrugged and continued the assault.

Few dodged blows, few blocked ones and some diverted harmlessly by his chitin and Cross managed to inflict another crushing blow on Heavy, this time to one of his front legs. The cracking noise was enough for the earthpony to groan but he twirled the staff around his body and held it ready, locked between his back and his working front leg.

But that was basically it. Cross knew the stance, knew its strong and weak points and knew that an upswing now would be completely unblockable. Heavy's skull bore the blow and he dropped to the ground. Victorious, Cross couldn't help but cringe as Heavy's chipped front leg cracked when he pulled himself back up and spat out blood. The earthpony should have been unconscious by all means but his pained scream proved he did feel the wounds, he just fought them.

"Stop," Cross winced when Heavy took another step forward, "You're going to hurt yourself."

"You have no idea," Heavy growled, "This pain is nothing compared to..."

"The bravado won't help."

"Bucking... changeling... taking what's not yours- AAARGH!" Heavy's leg broke completely.

"You should get that treated."

"Change... into ANYPONY... ANYTHING ELSE... and I might... let... you... live."

Cross' face contorted in horror as the voice in his head finally got the message through. He shivered and took a step back.

"I-you-sorr-"

"WORK, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Heavy yelled at the broken limb and then rammed his head into the ground, "useless, powerless... sack of garbage."

Every word outside of the last one was followed by a blow of his head into the ground. The last one was softened by a grey hoof.

Cross pulled the earthpony up and cradled him in his hooves. Seeing Heavy go past the breaking point sparked something in him and he felt as if he was held in a tightening vice.

He didn't know what came over him but when Heavy looked up he leaned down and kissed him. He recognized the feeling of absolute devotion and love that flowed into him when the changeling venom took effect. Carrying the earthpony into one of the tents, Cross felt full of love aimed at somepony else. He wanted to throw up, he wanted to get rid of the full feeling but most of all he wanted to talk to somepony.

He sniffed and wiped the tears from his face.

"You're quite something, Cross," said the familiar voice of Shadowstep from the darkness.

"I-I- he was so hurt..."

"Yes. You did something horrible but in his pain you have found something very valuable many never will."

"Commander?"

"A strong sense of empathy."

"...I want to go home..."

"Let's go," she hoisted Cross on her back.

Cross knew Starlight would never understand, he used to think noone could understand what he felt towards Shadowstep. Tonight he'd felt the emotion mirrored in the white earthpony and he trampled it for fun. Cross changed back into his usual disguise, resolved never to take the discarded form ever again.

He felt sick of himself.

United We Stand: Part III

Shining Armor walked out of his tent and stretched. The changeling camp felt deserted even with the amethyst changeling queen sitting on the bench resting her chin on a pyramid made of her hooves. Past interactions between Shadowstep and Shining had been peculiar at best but the appearance of Twilight earlier had set him on edge. Ready to jump away at any second, he approached the changeling.

"Where is everypony?"

"Starlight is working on a magic circle around the Golden Oaks library. Your sister went there as well to help before the reawakened Nightmare Moon appears. Six hasn't been seen in over a week-"

Shining Armor shifted uncomfortably.

"-and Cross is doing his business."

"What's with him anyway? He's been sort of secluded last few days."

"He hurt the feelings of one of the ponies supposed to watch us and he took it hard it seems."

"Feelings? He didn't tear off his legs or something?"

"Inner wounds are more difficult to heal. He turned into the other camp leader's coltfriend to drain love from him but he didn't know the one he turned into was dead already. Things happened, Cross needs to recover from it."

"I wouldn't think a changeling would have a problem with something this small."

"You still think we are just some immoral creatures set on devouring your race. I won't try to persuade you otherwise because I don't care enough about you to do so. Cross, though, isn't a changeling."

"What? He changes into stuff all the time."

"Have you seen him without a disguise?"

Shining stopped. It was true that the first time he'd met Cross in the camp he'd proved to him he was a changeling by turning his front leg into a changeling one but that was about it.

"What is he then?"

"An experiment. He was patched together from pieces of various creatures by a dragon sorcerer. I was a part of that experiment and he's partially a changeling just because of it. Do you want to hear the whole story?"

"I'd much rather go help Twilight in Ponyville."

"When Starlight finishes the spell we will roll out whether Cross is here or not. Going against the Nightmare host unprotected is suicide."

Shining sat down at the table as well, clearing a layer of snow from the bench.

"Fine, fire away."

"I'll keep it short. Technically, the story concerns you as well."

"How come?"

"Have you ever wondered why your wife is so young when love is a force strong enough and has existed for thousands of years?"

"No, I haven't. Is she older than she looks? Am I married to Equestria's hottest MILF?"

Somewhere, queen Chrysalis suffered a minor aneurism for no reason at all.

"No. I met the previous alicorn of Love. He was a pretty cool guy actually. Unfortunately for him, he got captured by the dragon sorcerer I was talking about. The dragon wanted to create some sort of new breed or something. They can live for millenia and this guy was pretty insane in the old teapot... or he was just bored. I didn't really ask him."

"How did you get into all that?"

"He saved me from dying in the desert saying he needed an assistant. I eventually found out that I was just another one of the species he wanted to mix into his supersoldier. While I was working with him he let me feed from the alicorn of Love as much as I wanted to. Honestly, he was a sweet pony and the nicest guy you could ever meet... and do other things with, heh."

"Awww. Can changelings even fall in love? Isn't it like ponies falling in cake?"

"I'll punch you, banshee."

"Okay okay," Shining muffled a laugh with his hoof.

"It started as me just feeding on him in various disguises but I couldn't fool him and realized my mind control didn't work on him at all. I think it's a trait your wife inherited. In the end the dragon finished preparing the mixing ritual but I found out enough about it to modify it a little. I made the affected area bigger and allowed it to absorb dragonkind as well. After escaping the holding cage I lured the dragon close enough to get him affected. Every creature still in the holding cells died the second the ritual activated and it ripped out a part of my and the dragon's souls and power as well. Not being in the cells, both of us survived and saw the final product of the spell."

"Cross."

"Yeah. I gave him the name afterwards as a joke. Unfortunately for the dragon, the fading minds of his victims filled Cross with enough rage to, with my help, kill the sorcerer," Shadowstep smiled to herself.

"What's so funny?"

"I just remembered his curious face when he looked at me for the first time. He was born from blood, treachery and insanity and yet he still is pure like a foal in some aspects."

"He doesn't seem like a good soldier with that attitude. I know what we want from our guards and I'm not sure he would pass."

"And yet, he could easily shred your entire Crystal Guard to pieces. He does what I tell him to do even if he doesn't like it."

"So wait... is he somehow related to my wife?"

"Hm? Not at all. When alicorn of something dies completely for whatever reason then a new one will be born soon enough. Your wife is in no way related to him or the last alicorn of Love. It just explains why she's so young. Just imagine if she was a stallion. You'd be polishing something different from your guard chestplate."

"Celestia help me."

The crunching of snow revealed a batpony returning to the camp, head low.

"I take it the apology didn't go well," Shadowstep sighed.

"He... didn't want to talk to me at all. I can't blame him," Cross didn't even look up.

"Cheer up, sargeant. We've got some godslaying to do."

"Is Starlight ready?"

"Probably. The Nightmare's power suddenly weakened considerably. Banshee, are you coming?"

"Of course!" Shining Armor stood up, "I can't let Twilight face Nightmare Moon by herself."

"Good," Shadowstep stood up, "I'll give you a ride BUT you will obey my every order. You are temporarily under my command and you will do what I say no matter the circumstances. If I can't trust you then you can stay here."

Cross disappeared in his tent.

"All right," Shining agreed, "But-"

"No buts. I know you might be inclined to bodyblock for your sister or something stupid like that but that won't help us."

"Fine! I used to be a guard. I can obey orders."

"Good. Let's fly. Cross will catch up with us, he's faster than me. Especially with you on my back."

The blackfire explosion obliterated all tentacles, black smoke and other signs of Nightmare's power from the area.

Choking's knees gave out and she fell on the ground, eyes fixed on princess Luna lying on the ground with weak wisps of darkness swirling around her. Her mind stopped completely. She didn't care about the Nightguards attacking the rest of the group. She just watched the small pile of ash in front of Luna.

"DIE, YOU BUCKING BITCH! DIE!"

It wasn't Choking's scream, it was Guiding Light's who charged unmoving Luna. The black smoke thickned again and swatted her away. Nightmare Moon didn't reform though. It was still just princess Luna with living darkness dancing around her.

"Suppressing fire!" yelled somepony from above.

The black tendrils began moving again, slithering over Luna's coat. Bolts of violet energy began slowing the progress of the tentacles. Still firing salvo after salvo from her horn, Shadowtep landed and Shining Armor jumped off from her back. Cross landed a second later.

The barrage wasn't enough to stop anything though. Shadowstep's magic made small craters in the dark bubble rising around Luna but other than that the Nightmare seemed to grow stronger again.

"Cross," Shadowstep barked, "Help with the Nightguards-"

Cross looked at Luna slumped on the ground. Something felt familiar about her. She was in agony. Not physical but mental and the Nightmare was feeding from her. He tried to look into Luna's mind but he couldn't get far, he didn't have to. The image of a dead batpony was exactly the same he knew from Heavy Hoof.

"No, you do that, commander. I... think I can end this," said Cross.

Without a word, Shadowstep turned her head and began obliterating the opposition. The second she stopped focusing on suppressing the Nightmare it began growing again.

Cross trotted over to Luna. The blows from the black tendrils hurt but he was tough enough to take them for now.

He had promised Heavy Hoof and himself he would never again shapeshift into Sharp Biscuit and disgrace his memory. His chance to stop feeling the pain he'd felt since the hunt would be gone if he failed here or if Heavy ever found out about what he was going to do. He had to break the promise to the guard who had almost killed himself fighting against him just to stop him from using Sharp's form.

Green fire swirled around him and the black tentacles stopped right before hitting him again.

Luna looked up.

"Sharp?"

Shapeshifted Cross thought about what to say.

"It's over, princess," he said soothingly.

"Have I... protected my subjects?" Luna's exhausted voice was just more than a whisper.

"Almost. You have to let me go, princess. I," Cross hesitated. The gambit began, "will be by your side but you have to look forward, not dwell in the past."

"Am I a good... princess?"

"The one and only."

Luna slowly breathed out.

The black aura around her withered away and the Nightguards wavered in their attack. Their movements slowed down and eventually they slumped on the ground.

"Phew," Cross wiped his forehead, "Scary."

Luna's eyes opened and looked straight at him.

"Thank you... whoever you are," she said and began snoring quietly.

"She won't escape this time!" growled Guiding and, fangs bared, jumped towards Luna again.

This time she stopped in mid-air, surrounded by black shadow.

In a burst of purple flames, Void appeared and lowered Guiding Light on the ground.

"You were given a chance at a high price. Do not waste it pointlessly, others need you," said his deep voice.

Guiding stopped growling. The alicorn was right. She was a leader now, she had her hive to protect, whatever little remained of it after the skirmish with Nightguards. Sending a mental command, she looked sternly at Void one last time before leaving, followed by other Nightmare changelings.

"I KNEW you wouldn't resist," Discord clapped slowly, standing up from his folding chair.

Void took a step back and flared his wings.

"Remember," Discord narrowed his eyes, "You owe me one."

A little flash of light and the god of chaos was gone. In a black flame burning itself into vapor, so was Void.

Choking, drenched in sweat and tears, ignored everypony and just went home. There was no reason to stay in Ponyville anymore. Somepony would eventually take care of Luna or they might let her freeze during the night. Choking was not so secretly hoping for the second.

A week later.

Choking had stolen the money the mercenary left in the library before he could return for it and she'd returned to Canterlot as a fairly wealthy pony.

The days had passed but sometimes she hadn't even bothered to get out of bed. In the end she'd decided to fill the emptiness inside by alcohol... a lot of it.

Here she was, in the bar called The Lucky Horseshoe, washing away the foul taste in her mouth by an even fouler concoction made by Archie Bald, the bartender.

Two wibbly ponies approached her table.

"Good evening, commander," said Heavy Hoof, a statuesque white earthpony.

"Wuzz gud 'bout it?" Choking mumbled.

"Miss Darkness," said the second pony whom Choking identified after a while as princess Luna, "I wish to speak with you."

"I wush Blaze wuz 'ere."

"I can't help with that. I wish to apologize."

"Go 'pologize yurself."

"I want you to take Sharp Biscuit's place as my bodyguard."

"Buck off."

"Sharp was there for me when I needed a friend. I don't need somepony to take care of me anymore. I need somepony who will not hesitate to slit my throat if I go wrong again."

Choking threw her mug at Luna, gaining the attention of everypony in the bar.

"Buck yoo! Buck yer job! Buck e'rything! 'NOTHER DRINK!" she waved her hoof.

Heavy shook his head and poked the princess. Their prolonged presence would do more harm than good.

Minutes passed and a hooded stranger sat down at the table.

"Wuddya want?"

"A drink," Void, in his incognito form, drew back his hood and waved at the bartender.

"Why didya save her? Why not let her rot?" Choking looked at who was basically a smaller version of the blackfire alicorn pleadingly.

"Nightmare Moon destroyed Scream's mind. She does not recognize me. She cannot talk and does not move by herself," Void rolled his lips bitterly, "I did what I thought was best."

That got through Choking's drunked haze. Void was in exactly the same situation as her... almost.

"Dun wanna be alone. Hurts too mush."

Void levitated something from his robe. It was a black feather burning weakly with purple-black fire.

"You are my friend as much as Blazing Light was and I want to help."

"Piss off wit' plumes. Can't fly 'nymore."

"If you choose to take my feather you will forget everything about Blazing. You will know what you went through but the pain of losing him will go away. I remember him telling me about your love for flight and this will give you back your wings. It is only fair since you lost yours because of him."

Choking sat there, watching the burning feather.

"Archibald's coctails are amazing. I should come here more often," Void finished his drink and stood up.

"Tell Scream she's hot," Choking smiled.

"Every single day," Void hid his face under the hood again and left.

Choking kept watching the feather.

"I shuss' want the pain to stop..."

She put her head on the table, feeling the soft and warm texture of Void's flame on her cheek. Relishing the heat penetrating her head, she drifted to sleep on the bar table.

Archibald, or Archie Bald, nudged his regular customer when it was closing time.

"Yo, Darky, wake up!"

"Hmm?" Choking shook her head.

"Time to go home."

"Oh. Thanks, Archie."

"No problem. Come again soon!"

"Sure thing."

Choking walked out of the door, ready to walk home. Her back twitched and something brushed her sides.

She looked left. A purple, almost black, pegasus wing with blackfire shimmer was where her bat wing used to be what felt like ages ago.

She looked right. A red-gold phoenix wing was there, responding to her muscle memory perfectly.

Both wings felt incredibly warm, like a pleasant, steamy bath, making her relax. She flapped them experimentally and with a jump took to Canterlot sky.

"I should apologize to the princess, there was no reason for me acting like that. Maybe the bodyguard offer still stands."

Screeching happily as wind rushed around her body once again, she sparked through the night sky.