Diamond Tiara Leaves the CMC Alone
It wasn’t that Diamond Tiara hated Apple Bloom, she really didn’t. It’s just that if she had it her way then Apple Bloom just wouldn’t exist. Alas, some dreams were just not meant to be. Apple Bloom would continue existing, meaning Diamond Tiara must do all she could to show her who’s boss. And of course Apple Bloom would fight back, as always. She would deny Diamond Tiara her superiority. It was a foolish endeavor, one that Diamond Tiara vowed to destroy by any means necessary.
So imagine her surprise when a collared Apple Bloom sat before her, panting like the metaphorical dog she was. Though Diamond Tiara was amused by this sight, it also disturbed her greatly. Was Apple Bloom hypnotized? Had she gone insane? There was only one way to know.
“Apple Bloom, what are you doing?” Diamond Tiara decided to ask.
“Ah’m a dog!” Apple Bloom replied happily, barking to drive her point.
“Yes, I can see that,” Diamond Tiara muttered. “Another question then: why are you a dog?”
“Cause Sweetie said ah was,” Apple Bloom replied. “Anyways, ah gotta clean mahself, but ah can’t reach. Can ya help me?” Apple Bloom asked, earning a disgruntled look from Diamond Tiara.
“...I’m just going to ignore that question,” Diamond Tiara muttered. “Anyways, why did Sweetie tell you to act like a dog?”
“Cause she said that ya’d like it.”
“Oh, cause I would like it! Yeah, wouldn’t want to disappoint somepony you don’t get along with, right?” Diamond Tiara growled. Silence rang between the two of them, before Apple Bloom decided to speak once more.
“So does that mean ya don’t like it? Kinda thought ya’d like this whole domination thingy,” Apple Bloom muttered to herself. Diamond Tiara sighed as she rubbed her temples.
“Why? Why do you want me to like it?”
“Oh, that’s easy!” Apple Bloom said with a smile. “Ah got tired of us fighting all the time, so ah thought we’d be friends!”
“And you thought the best way to be friends...was acting like a dog?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“Yup! Ya treat all yer friends like dogs! Silver Spoon, Alula, yer dad-”
“I don’t treat my dad like a dog!” Diamond Tiara yelled indignantly. “And besides, why would I want to be friends with you?!” Diamond Tiara asked, earning a smile from Apple Bloom.
“Cause ah can do this!” she said as she walked up to Diamond Tiara and licked her cheek. “Can yer other dogs do tha-” and was promptly punched in the face.
“That’s disgusting!” Diamond Tiara yelled as she furiously rubbed her cheek in disgust. “Why would you do that?!”
“Cause ah’m a dog! Dogs lick their masters!” Apple Bloom yelled back as she rubbed her face.
“You’re not a dog!” Diamond Tiara yelled as she grabbed Apple Bloom by the leash and pulled.
“H-hey! D-Diamond Tiara, not so rough!”
“I’ll be as rough with you as I please!” Diamond Tiara yelled.
“Uh...DT, what are you doing?” a familiar voice called from behind. “And why is Apple Bloom on a leash...oh."
“S-Silver Spoon,” Diamond Tiara whispered as she turned around. “Th-this isn’t what it looks-”
“No, no, it’s alright, DT. Just...I see how it is,” Silver Spoon muttered as she walked over to her friend. “You have needs. Needs, as a friend, I cannot take care of. That is where you come in,” Silver Spoon said as she laid a hoof on Apple Bloom’s shoulder. “I hope you are ready. Diamond Tiara can be very needy.”
“Hey!”
“Don’t worry, Silver Spoon,” Apple Bloom began as she laid her hoof over Silver Spoon’s. “Ah have various ways to…take care of any problems, if ya know what ah mean?” Apple Bloom said with a smirk. Granny Smith always praised Apple Bloom for her home cooked meals, and it was about time for her to win Diamond Tiara’s friendship through food.
“...Greeeeaaaaat,” Silver Spoon said, struggling to smile as she took away her hoof and wiped it on the ground. Better get out of here before she goes into detail, Silver Spoon thought as she began walking away.
“Silver Spoon, wait!” Diamond Tiara called out. “Seriously, this isn’t-”
“Trust me, DT, I really don’t want to know,” Silver Spoon interrupted.
“Argh! Will you let me fini-”
“Oh, Diamond Tiara! How about we go somewhere private, so ah can give ya a taste of my special apple pie?”
“I said I didn’t want to know!” Silver Spoon yelled as she quickly ran away, unwilling to listen to more of their depravity.
“...What? Is she allergic to apples?” Apple Bloom asked. Diamond Tiara sighed as she rubbed her temples in annoyance.
“J-Just shut up and feed me,” Diamond Tiara muttered, earning a squee from Apple Bloom.
“Great! Let’s go to mah place and ah’ll git cooking!” Apple Bloom said as she bit her leash and offered it to Diamond Tiara.
“...You’re going to make me walk you, aren’t you?” Diamond Tiara asked, earning a nod. “Whatever, I don’t even care anymore,” Diamond Tiara muttered as she grabbed the leash with her mouth and led the way, earning a happy bark from Apple Bloom.
“Not...so...fast!” Scootaloo shouted.
“Oh, great!” Diamond Tiara shouted as she turned around. “What do you...want?” Diamond Tiara asked, staring at Scootaloo in confusion. And her confusion was well founded, seeing as how Scootaloo was wearing a large green shell on her back, slowly walking up to her.
“I’m...the...best...pet...ever,” Scootaloo claimed, gasping for breath as her back cracked under the weight of her shell. “For...I...am...a-”
“Idiot?” Diamond Tiara asked, earning a giggle from Apple Bloom.
“Yeah, Scoots! Ah’d have thought ya would dress like a chicken, not a turtle!” Apple Bloom teased. Scootaloo glared at her friend, huffing in annoyance.
“For...the...last...time...I’m...a...tortoise!” Scootaloo grunted. “And...second...I’ll...have...you...kn- GAH!” Scootaloo screamed in pain as she felt something fall on her back, causing her to fall to the ground in pain. “What the-SWEETIE!”
“Nya!” Sweetie Belle sang as she sat on top of Scootaloo.
“Sweetie...I swear...I’m going to kill you…” Scootaloo whined as she tried, and failed, to get up. The combined weight of her shell and Sweetie was just too much for the young filly.
“Nya!” Sweetie replied. At long last she finally jumped off of Scootaloo’s shell and walked up to Diamond Tiara, sniffing her mouth with a purr.
“...Uh, what are you doing?” Diamond Tiara asked, slowly backing away from the purring Sweetie Belle.
“Nya!” Sweetie sang, closing the distance between her and Diamond Tiara. She then rubbed her face against Diamond Tiara’s hoof with a purr, much to the annoyance of Apple Bloom.
“Grr! Ruff ruff!” Apple Bloom barked, earning a hiss from Sweetie Belle. The two circled each other, neither one taking their eyes off of the other.
“...Uh, what noise does a tortoise make?” Scootaloo asked, before shrugging and decided to hide in her shell. Good thing I packed a mini fridge in here, this may take awhile, she thought to herself as she removed a soda from said mini fridge.
“Nya!” Sweetie cried as she went to scratch Apple Bloom with her hooves (for Rarity refused to buy her claws at the local antique weapons store).
Apple Bloom quickly ducked out of the way, and went to bite Sweetie’s mane, making extra sure to leave quite a bit of slobber in it.
“Ew! That’s nasty!” Sweetie Belle complained, attempting to push away the drooling Apple Bloom.
“Okay, that’s it. I’m out of here,” Diamond Tiara muttered as she attempted to sneak away from the absurd scene.
“Not so fast, Diamond Tiara!” Scootaloo yelled as she popped out of her shell. “I’m coming-ERGH-with...you!” Scootaloo grunted as she attempted to pick herself up from the ground, with little success. “Curse...you...mini-fridge!”
“Yeah, whatever,” Diamond Tiara said with a shrug. She then continued walking away from the demented Cutie Mark Crusaders, and from that day forward vowed never to associate with them again.
