Of Myth and Metal: An Equestrian Alliance
Chapter 1
An Unexpected Visitor
The unknown can be exciting or terrifying, it is all how you perceive it - Starswirl the Bearded
--
“It’s fucking cold out here!” I shouted into the radio. "Stick a tampon in it and carry on, 2-Bravo" came the Sergeant of the Guard's reply. Heh, typical military bullshit. For the love of all that is holy, this had to be the worst duty ever. I was just sitting here in a guard tower on an isolated outpost in the middle of the fucking Canterpathian Mountain Range. Nothing ever happens up here.
“2-Bravo, Give me a sitrep” I heard over the radio.
“Nothing unusual to report, SOG. This storm is limiting visibility to an estimated 40 yards.” I responded.
“Copy that, 2-Bravo.”
If anything were to happen I wouldn’t be able to see it coming until it was too late, and the last thing I wanted to do was die in this frozen hell hole. I took a look at my watch, 2047. Fantastic, I was going to be up here for another hour and thirteen minutes while the lucky bastards inside were nice and warm.
I looked at my watch again; 2144. I swear, when I get inside I am going to beat each and every one of… I squinted into the distance. I thought I made out 3 figures, and then I realized that they were moving. Oh shit.
“SOG, This is Tower 2-Bravo. I have movement. Estimated distance 40 yards and closing.”
“Nice try 2-Bravo, we all know that nothing happens up here.” He responded.
“I’m being serious.”
I brought my rifle to my shoulder(which was a sniper variant of our UMI FAL Mk. 2), and looked through the scope. Sure enough there were three figures moving in our direction. However, what was strange about this situation was that they weren’t Griffons or Ursas, but Ponies.
“Three quad legs, two mares and one stallion.” I reported.
“Say again?”
“I say again, three quad legs, two mares and one stallion” I repeated into the radio.
“Copy that, Sending out the QRF. If you are wrong, I am going to come outside and shoot you myself.”
Pleasant, within sixty seconds the Quick Reaction Force was geared up and out the door.
“Keep us covered up there Copper.” Specialist Iron Sights yelled up to me.
I just nodded in agreement and resumed looking through my scope. The six pony team ran in a triangle formation to the three ponies. I could tell they were having some issues because there was about a foot and a half of snow on the ground and they were carrying 60 pounds of gear. It probably took them about five minutes to reach the ponies at the other end. I could see Iron Sights shouting something at the pony that appeared to be in charge of the group. She looked a bit scared but mostly confused.
“2-Bravo was correct - there are three ponies out here. They say that they’re Equestrian. What would you like us to do with them?” I heard Iron Sights say over the radio.
Wait, did I just hear that correctly? Of all the things that I would expect to find at this frozen excuse for an outpost would be three Equestrians.
“Bring them inside, the LT. wants to talk to them.” The SOG responded after about three minutes.”
“Copy that.”
The QRF quickly encircled the three stranded ponies and began leading them back. Through my scope I scanned each of the outsiders. The mare that seemed to do all the talking had a light blue coat with a darker blue mane, her specialty tag was a compass rose. The stallion was peach in color with a brown mane and his specialty tag was three stacked crates. That one made sense because he was pulling a sled with what appeared to be the team’s gear. The final mare was a sand colored pegasus with a black mane. Her specialty tag was a spyglass. Now I wasn’t all that intelligent, but from what I saw I guessed they were some kind of explorers.
“ETA 2 minutes.”
I looked at my watch one more time, 1456. Once the QRF reached the front door my relief came up the tower.
“Let me know what happens in there, Corporal.” He said to me before he assumed the watch.
“Will do.” I responded.
“Get in there and warm up. Also the mares are pretty cute, much nicer looking than our resident female.”
I chuckled as I climbed down the ladder. I hope he is correct because in the 5 months that we have been up here, Private Firing Pin went from about a 5 to a 7; after long enough she might actually scale the ladder to a 10.
--
When I entered the building his words were indeed correct. One of the mares was sitting on a chair talking to the Staff Sergeant, and holy shit was she attractive. I assumed the other one was being interrogated by the lieutenant in another room.
“Ahh, Copper. I see you didn’t freeze to death.” I heard from around the corner. I turned to reply to the smartass that is my best friend PFC. Chameleon, the sniper. Even though this fucker had an orange coat, he was incredibly good at camouflaging himself.
“I see that you’re currently not hiding in the bushes spying on the mare’s dorm at the military academy.” I smirked back at him.
“Okay that was one time!”
“HEY!” Sarge yelled at us. “We have company!”
We both turned to the mare and stallion.
“We apologize for that series of comments.” I said. The stallion didn’t seem to care and the mare looked... well... amused.
“It’s alright.” She said sweetly. “I actually found it entertaining.” Damn, why couldn’t Firing Pin look or sound like this? The Staff Sergeant returned to his conversation. Chameleon and I decided we should probably listen in to learn what we could.
“So you were saying something about your home city? What was the name?… Can… Can something.” He asked her. I could tell that he was somewhat angry with us "because he appeared to be struggling to keep his thoughts straight".
“Canterlot, and it’s not my home city. It’s just where I am attending university.” She replied. “I’m originally from a town called Trottingham.” Chameleon and I decided to take a seat; after all, we haven’t had a visitor from Equestria since well… ever, and this could get pretty interesting.
There was a mild pause before she decided to ask a question. “So where are we? This was supposed to be uncharted territory.” Sarge looked a little surprised .in fact, Chameleon looked more surprised than the Staff Sergeant. Okay sure, I figured that no one from Equestria would ever visit, but for this area to not even exist on Equestrian maps was insane. Sarge was struggling to find a suitable answer, I assumed he was still slightly in shock about the current turn of events. I decided to bluntly assist him “Unikraine, you’re in Unikraine.”
“Fascinating” she stated. “This whole time there were ponies living here that aren’t backwards savages.” I honestly didn’t know whether to take that as a complement or an insult. “What is your government structure like? What are your occupations? What is this building that I am sitting in? How long has Unikraine been here? I have so many questions now!”
I don’t think anyone in this room ever heard a pony talk so fast in their lives. This was going to get complicated in a hurry.
“Well I guess I’ll start with the easy one” I stated. She immediately gave me her full attention. “Unikraine is a Military Oligarchy.”
“Military Oligarchy?” She asked. “I don’t believe I am familiar with that government structure.”
“The country is governed by The Board. Which is chaired by our three highest military leaders.” I continued.
Before I could go any farther in the lecture she cut me off. “Your country is operated by your military?
“Yes.” I answered. “The three…”
She cut me off again. “So how does that work? Is it like our Guard Captain Shining Armor but instead of leading the Royal Guard, he leads Equestria?”
“Uhh… Not really. I would say it is more like your Guard Captain leads Equestria more often than the Guard. I was about to get there.”
She resumed her attentiveness as I was about to continue the lecture. Chameleon stood there and gave me a strange look. “Copper, how do you still know this stuff?” I had a feeling he was going to ask me that. I mean I’m not exactly the brightest stallion ever or a bookworm. So I guess it was only natural.
“Well, All we have to read up here are history books and Iron Sights’ pornos, and I get bored on watch.” I responded.
“I fucking heard that!” Iron Sights yelled from the bunk room. “and what the fuck are you doing going through my shit!”
“Well it isn’t exactly going through it when you leave it out!” I yelled back.
“Will you two shut the fuck up!” Sarge yelled. We all stood there awkwardly while the sand colored mare let out a giggle. The stallion that accompanied them seemed to be slightly amused as well.
“What’s your take on this big guy?” Chameleon said to the stallion.
“Honestly, I don’t care.” He said.
“Well he is a pleasant one isn’t he?” I remarked sarcastically.
“Oh don’t worry about Wood Crate. He can be that way sometimes.”
Wood Crate, this fucker’s name was Wood Crate. Oh holy shit, this son of a bitch probably got made fun of A LOT in school.
“I didn't take him for much of a talker.” Chameleon stated. “He doesn't look the type.”
“You know, I wish you two were like that sometimes. You’re like a couple of school fillies.” Sarge said. I have no idea why that came up. He normally doesn’t care if it keeps us from talking to him. My guess would have to be he was trying to show some authority to impress the piece of eye candy that sat before us. He was about to go on a bit more but the Lieutenant and the expedition leader came out of the other room. Also pretty good looking… The expedition leader not the Lieutenant.
“It looks like Compass Rose’s story checks out” He said to us.
Compass Rose? That was her name? For the love of… I could have easily guessed that one.
“Staff Sergeant Bayonet, I want you to radio Regional and let them know that 4-31 is bringing them a few Equestrian nationals for immediate transport to Ponyyat.” The LT. ordered.
“Yes sir” He responded.
The sand pony looked at me, although instead of her normal sweet face, she looked worried. “What is Ponyyat and is it a bad thing that we are going there?” She asked.
“Ponyyat is our capital city, and I think you are just going there to talk to someone.”
I honestly had no idea what was going to happen to them. I mean this was the first time a Unikrainian has ever had contact with an Equestrian national.
“You there.” The LT pointed at Chameleon. “Go set up some cots in the storage room for these three to sleep in.”
“Yes sir”
Chameleon immediately set off to fetch the spare cots for the three Equestrians. After a short while he came back and let the LT. know that the cots were set up. The LT. thanked Chameleon and then proceeded to show the three exhausted ponies to their temporary quarters. Chameleon and I also decided to call it a night and we headed to our bunks.
“What do you think this is going to mean for Unikraine?” He asked me.
“I don’t know.” I responded. “but I have a feeling that we are going to get hit by a major shit storm.”
Of Myth and Metal: An Equestrian Alliance
Chapter 2Things just got Real“Be professional, be polite, have a plan to kill everypony you meet” - Board Admiral Maelstrom
–-
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. The bunk room alarm clock is the most hated thing in this entire outpost, and it just happened to be next to my bunk. I rolled over to look at it before I hit the button. 0500, oh for fuck’s sake.
“Corporal, Will you just hit that fucking button already!” I heard from across the room.
“I’m fucking getting it, don’t be such a whiny bitch!” I yelled back.
Gotta love the infantry. I hit the button on the alarm clock and rolled to get out of bed, with the rest following shortly behind. I really need to rethink my career choice, oh wait, I didn’t have a choice. Staff Sergeant Bayonet walked into the room with a trash can. He isn’t going to do what I think he is going to do… He threw it and the room echoed with a metallic bang. I grabbed my ears and waited for my head to stop throbbing.
“Rise and shine faggots!” the Staff Sergeant shouted. “The LT. has a brief for you!”
--
All 30 of us gathered outside, stood in formation and waited for the LT. to come out and give us this brief. At least the storm had past but it was still fucking cold. “What do you think this is all about?” I heard from behind me. “I have no idea” I responded. “but I do know two things: One, it probably has something to do with the Equestrians. Two, it’s most likely going to suck a major cock.”
There was more bitching and moaning from everyone for about 7 minutes before the Staff Sergeant and LT. graced us with their presence.
“4-31, Attention!” The Staff Sergeant ordered. We all popped to attention.
The Lieutenant then took over. “As you are all well aware, an event took place yesterday that may change our very lives as we know it.”
How cliche is this fucker going to get?
“In response to said events, The Board has ordered us to bring the Equestrians to Regional. Where they will then be transported to Ponyyat for further questioning. I have selected some of you to do the honor of escorting our guests. Will the following ponies stay behind after muster. Staff Sergeant Bayonet will brief you.”
Well Fuck
“Pvt. Firing Pin, Pvt. Hollow Point, PFC. Chameleon, Spc. Iron Sights, and”
Please don't say my name, please don't say my name, please don't say my name, please don't
“Cpl. Copper Jacket.”
Shit
“4-31, Post!”
Everyone, with the exception of the five of us that were voluntold, left and returned to their duties. “You want to know why I chose you five assholes?” The Staff Sergeant asked us.
“Please, enlighten us.” I replied.
“Well, I chose Firing Pin because two of the Equestrians are mares and Firing Pin is a mare, She is more or less going to be there to make them feel a bit more comfortable.” He continued.
“That's kind of fucked up Staff Sergeant.” She said as she spit on the ground. “We all know that I am more of a stallion then most of the stallions here.” Hard to argue with that.
“You understand though right?” Staff Sergeant added.
“Yeah yeah, it's because I don't have a cock and balls. Fine, I guess I'll play traditional mare for a while.”
“Good” He then stepped over to Spc. Iron Sights “Iron Sights, I chose your sorry ass because you're the best riflestallion here.”
“One shot stop, maybe two. No matter the circumstance, tried and true.” Iron Sights said with a grin. I rolled my eyes, he's been wanting to say that forever. The Staff Sergeant rolled his eyes as well before moving on to Chameleon
“Now I normally wouldn't have picked you for this you perverted motherfucker, but you are a damn good sniper and even better scout. Do anything stupid and I will gut you.”
“Roger that, Staff Sergeant.” He smirked.
Staff Sergeant's glare never left Chameleon as he moved on to Pvt. Hollow Point. “I chose you because you're a fucking boot.” It was true. Hollow Point was the newest guy here, and fresh from basic training to boot... pun intended.
“And last but not least this smart ass motherfucker.” He was referring to me. “You are the team leader on this little field trip since you seem to hit it off real well with that hot piece of flank last night. You are ultimately responsible for both parties in this endeavor. Don't fuck this up.”
“Roger that, Staff Sergeant.”
“Alright, there are three pegasi from the UADF en route to assist you all in the escort. That will make eight total. There should be no possible reason for a failed escort. They will arrive at 0900. You will leave at 0930. Get them there safely and if anyone or anything tries to stop you, show them what happens when you fuck with the UDF Hoorah.” He finished.
“Hoorah!” We all shouted in unison.
“You fuckers are free to go.”
What he asked us to do was escort 3 Equestrians 60 miles down this mountain through a heavily contested area. Granted this particular border wasn't as contested as the ones further north and has been quiet ever since I got here, but I don't want the Griffons to attack us now. I took a look at my watch, 0556. Fantastic, well I might as well get my gear together and catch a quick nap.
–-
I gathered all of my gear and ran through a quick check:
Rifle, check
8 20 round magazines of 7.62x51 ammunition, check
Sidearm, check
4 7 round magazines of .45 caliber ammunition, check
Trench Knife, check
Winter Parka, check
MREs, check
Helmet, check
3 full canteens of water, check
1 flask of Whiskey that I stole from the LT., check check and check
Med-Kit, check
E-Tool, check
Matches, check
Flint and Steel, check
GPS, check
Map, check
Compass, check
That should be everything.
“What's that?” I heard from behind me. I turned around and there stood the mare I was talking to last night.
“What's what?” I asked.
“That” She said as she pointed a hoof toward my rifle.
“Oh that.” I replied as I went back to inventorying my gear. “That's a Unikraine Military Industries FAL Mark 2 Battle Rifle.”
“Oooookay.” She replied.
“I won't dog you too much for not knowing what that is. It's probably a whole lot different from the rifles that your country uses. It's not like you're still using spears and shit.” That last part I said with a sarcastic chuckle.
“I have no idea what any of what you said meant, and yes the royal guard still uses spears.” she replied.
I stopped what I was doing, immediately turned around, and looked her dead in the face. “Say what now?”
She looked at me blankly.
“Did you say that your royal guard still uses spears? What about the rest of your military?” I asked.
“We don't have a military... just the royal guard, I mean we have the Wonderbolts but they're more of a performing group.” she said. She almost sounded embarrassed, or pissed because I was acting like a jackass.
“Hoooooly shit.” Yep, jackass, because that was all I could get to come out of my mouth. I was also laughing uncontrollably.
“What's so funny?” She asked annoyed. “So what if our royal guard still uses spears. That was all we ever needed. I don't see why you would need this strange weapon. We get by just fine with out it! Besides, it doesn't even have a blade, so do you just club your enemies to death like some damn barbarian!”
Okay, It looks like I really pissed her off, so how about I... wait a minute. Did she just insinuate that I use my rifle as a club? Well well well then, looks like it's time to educate.
“Spyglass! There you are!” I heard from the other side of the room. I turned my head and there stood Compass Rose.
Looks like my lesson is going to have to wait until later.
“So what are you two doing?” she asked.
“Talking.” I replied.
“About what?”
“My equipment.” I said
She took a look at all of my gear strewn throughout the room. “You certainly have a lot of it.” She said “Is this what you carry?”
“Whenever I leave post” I answered.
“Interesting... I'll have to ask you more about it later. Anyway I am going to have to borrow Spyglass for a while.”
“That's fine with me, it's not like I'm in charge of her.” I said. They both left the room and I proceeded to pack all of my gear into my rucksack. I checked the time, 0802... DAMN IT!
At least I can get in about an hour of sleep before the air jockeys get here.
–-
“Copper, Copper wake up!”
I opened my eyes and Chameleon was hovering over me.
“The fuck you want?” I groaned turning over. As soon as I did that I poked myself in the eye with the magazine of my rifle.
“FUCK!” I shouted covering my eye with my hoof.
The bastard just stood there and laughed for a minute.
“Those pegasi had better be outside, because if they aren't I am going to pistol whip you so hard in the fucking balls that you'll never get a fucking boner again.
“I assure you, they're here. Although SSG. Bayonet wants everyone in the briefing room.”
“Roger that”
I rolled over again, this time making sure I didn't repeat the episode I experienced not but a couple moments before. Alright good to hook. I picked up the rucksack and my rifle and proceeded to walk to the briefing room.
–-
The briefing room had a large map of the area on one of the walls followed by another large map painted onto the center table. There was also about 3 sections of chairs. Each section had 4 rows of 5 seats. SSG. Bayonet was standing up by the wall map, and the lieutenant was sitting with the three UADF pegasi, who were also officers. I found my seat next to Chameleon and Iron Sights.
“Once everyone gets here we will begin.” SSG. Bayonet said. I looked around the room. Chameleon, Iron Sights, Firing Pin, the fucking boot Hollow Point, the pegasi, the LT., and SSG Bayonet. Everyone is here who are we waiting on.
Right after I finished my thought the 3 Equestrian Nationals stepped into the room and took a seat in the back.
“Ah, glad you could join us.” the Staff Sergeant said in a pleasant tone. “Now before we get started on this brief are there any questions?”
I raised my hoof.
“What is it Corporal?” SSG. Bayonet said.
“Why are the Foreign Nationals in here?” I asked.
“You're going to be escorting them. So I invited them in so they can know the route that is going to be taken, and what precautions they'll need to take.”
“I understand your point Staff Sergeant but we could have just told them the route and precautions after the briefing was over.” I replied.
“Well Corporal, lets get a third opinion on this.” He grabbed a hold of his collar and started speaking to his rank insignia. “What do you think?”. He turned his head to look at me again. “Shut the fuck up Corporal.”
There really wasn't a whole lot I could do at that point. I lifted both my hooves up in a surrender like position. “Alright, alright.”
“Now.” he continued. “LT. Pinpoint, officers of the Unikraine Air Defense Force, honored guests, and douchebags.”
Myself and the rest of the lower enlisted all shook our heads.
The Staff Sergeant looked at the Equestrian nationals. “What you will be partaking in is an escort mission. We are currently at this location.”
He pointed to a circled section of the map where Border Outpost 37 is written.
“You will be traveling along this route here.”
He dragged his hoof across a line drawn in the map indicating our planned route.
“Total travel distance is 60 miles, where you will be delivered to our regional headquarters where you will be transported to Ponyyat.”
“What will happen in Ponyyat?” I heard from behind me. It was one of the mares judging by the tone of her voice.
“I honestly have no idea. My guess is you will be questioned on why you are here and about Equestria.”
I felt a little uneasy about this whole thing. Even though this section of the border was less contested than others, there was a voice in the back of my head screaming “You are going to be attacked on your journey.”
“Will the Equestrians please leave the room, your aren't authorized to listen to the next part of this briefing.”
Fuck this cannot be good.
The Equestrians left the room and Staff Sergeant Bayonet refocused his attention on us.
“We have received intel from Task Force 018 scouts in the Griffon Kingdoms that you may be attacked during your mission. The Griffons believe that the Equestrians may be in danger because of our history with them.”
PVT. Hollow Point raised his hoof and Staff Sergeant Bayonet nodded toward him as a sign to speak.
“Why would the Griffons believe the Equestrians are in danger? They are ponies just like us.” That was his question. Honestly, I had the same question rolling around in my head.
“My understanding is that the Griffons are trade partners with the Equestrians. Since we are at war with the Griffons they probably think that we would harm the Equestrians because of it. You know, economy and warfare type shit.”
Makes a whole lot of sense.
“Corporal.”
“Yes Staff Sergeant.” I replied.
“Like I said earlier, you are team leader on this op, your job is to get the Equestrians to Regional safely. By any means necessary. However try to avoid exposing them to bloodshed. If there is a Griffon attack, let the UADF pegasi deal with the threat. They can draw the Griffons away. Your team's callsign for this op is Guardian, and the UADF pegasi will be Shield. ”
“Understood Staff Sergeant.” I responded.
“Very well. You leave in 30 minutes. Dismissed.”
–-
“Excuse me, Mr. Corporal?”
Compass Rose approached me with a look of worry on her face.
“Corporal is my rank, my name is Copper Jacket.” I responded with a smile.
“Oh... I'm sorry...”
“Don't worry about it. Anyway you were about to say something?”
“Oh, yes right, Why did that stallion ask us to leave the room? Was it something bad?” She asked.
Was it bad? Well this was worst case fucking scenario.
“No, it wasn't bad, The Staff Sergeant just wanted to share some information that foreign nationals aren’t privy to.” I half lied through my teeth. “Anyway are you and your companions ready for the trip?”
“Almost, Wood Crate just has to finish loading the sled.”
“Alright, you go tend to that and I'll get my ponies ready for the trip.”
“Okay” she replied and trotted away.
The board have mercy on us.
I trotted over to my team, everything looked good except for one problem. “Boot, what the fuck is that you're holding?”
“It's a UMI Minimi, Corporal.” The private said.
“I fucking know that, I want to know why you have it. You were assigned to be our grenadier.”
“Well we may be fighting griffons and griffons are fast, so I thought we could use something that spits out a ton of rounds wicked fast.” he mumbled. He was lucky I could hear fairly well.
“Pvt. Point, about face and look at the pegasi and tell me what is attached to their Airborne Combat Rigs.”
“UMI Minimis, Corporal” He mumbled again.
“Alright Private, I'm going to ask you another question, and you better sound the fuck off. How many Minimis are all 3 pegasi carrying?”
“2 each, so 6, Corporal!” he shouted.
“Very good, you proved you can count and have a set of balls. Now go to the armory and grab a FAL with a 203. You've got 5 minutes.”
He took off in almost a full sprint and headed toward the armory. 3 minutes later he came back with the appropriate weapon.
“Alright, everyone is good to hook now. Great.” I turned to face the Equestrians. “You all good to travel?” I shouted.
“We're good to go!” Spyglass yelled back.
“Alright lets move out!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.
–
Mile 5, 55 to go... this is going to be a long walk.
“Corporal, can I ask you a question?” Pvt Hollow Point asked.
“What is it boot.” I snapped.
“What happens if the grif...”
I didn't give him time to finish because I smacked him in the back of the helmet with the my hoof. I pulled him in closer and whispered to him.
“You are not to fucking mention anything about the possible 'you know what'. Got it, we don't need to scare the non-combatants.”
“Ye...yes Corporal”
“What was that all about?” I heard one of the Equestrians ask.
“Nothing to worry about ma'am, our new guy was asking a stupid question.” I replied with a smile.
I reached down for my radio and pushed the button. “Shield, Guardian, Comms check.”
The radio came to life. “Read you Lima Charlie, how me?”
“Read you the same Guardian”
“How are the skies?”
“Skies are clear”
“Copy”
The Equestrian asked another question. “What was all that you just said?”
“Firing Pin?”
Firing returned my order with a sigh. “Fine. What the Corporal was doing was making sure his radio worked and had clear communications with the pegasi flying overhead.”
“Why did he ask if the skies were clear?”
I glared at Firing Pin. I hope she got the message.
“Checking for bad weather ahead. If the weather gets bad we slow down.”
“Well if the weather gets bad can't the pegasi just clear the weather away?”
Everyone stopped dead in their tracks and turned to face the Equestrians. Each and every one of us had the most dumbfounded look on our faces.
“Are you fucking insane?” SPC. Iron Sights said.
“Wait do the pegasi not change the weather here?” Compass Rose asked.
“No!” Chameleon chimed in “Everyone knows that you can't control the weather.”
“In Equestia they do...” She said quietly
“Did you say that they can the weather in Equestria? I'm calling bullshit.” Firing Pin stated.
“HEY!” I shouted “We need to keep moving! We still have a long way to go and we aren't getting any closer to Regional by standing here and insulting the Equestrians!”
Now I'm not the most squared away soldier in this regiment but when I need to enter NCO mode, Board damn it I will. The others complied and we continued onwards but I still heard the whispers of Firing Pin and Chameleon going back and forth about how strange Equestria must be, and debating their military strength. I was hoping that they would shut the fuck up before they started some shit they couldn't finish.
After eight more miles into the mission, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I heard the screech that every Unikrainian knew meant bloodshed.
“GRIFFONS! COMBAT POSITIONS!”
