When I'm Gone

by Cloud Hop

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 4164

What do we truly fear in death? Can an ageless alicorn keep a promise to her beloved? Can she remember who Rainbow Dash was?

What do we truly fear in death? Can an ageless alicorn keep a promise to her beloved?

Can she remember who Rainbow Dash was?

Published 2016-12-30 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-12-30 18:30:01 UTC

Remember Me

The sound of beating wings announced the arrival of a blue pegasus. Princess Twilight Sparkle's ears perked, but she remained seated on her haunches, staring out towards the sunset. It was suitable end to a beautiful day, with enough clouds to cast huge shadows over the sky as Celestia's sun slowly sank into the horizon. The hillside gave an impressive view of the field below them, covered in long blades of grass that swayed ever so slightly in the evening breeze, interrupted only by a few scattered trees.

Rainbow Dash sat down quietly next to her purple companion, wrapping her tail around Twilight. A small ornate box went unnoticed beneath her wing. For a few minutes, the sounds of nature were interrupted only by the occasional ruffling of feathers.

"I'm glad you could make it," said Twilight in a soft, almost morose voice. She turned her head ever so slightly, peeking over at Rainbow Dash, who was still staring out into the sunset.

Rainbow Dash had a sad look in her eyes, as though she already knew what Twilight was about to say. Twilight wondered how long she'd known.

"So, are you immortal?" Rainbow Dash asked bluntly, turning her head to meet Twilight's gaze.

Twilight sighed, and her gaze fell towards the ground. "...Yes, Celestia told me last week."

Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. "So? Just how immortal are you? Are you invincible? Do you just have a crazy long lifespan? Will you live until the sun dies?"

A hint of enthusiasm emanated from Rainbow Dash, but it felt... forced. On any other day, she would have been zipping around her, breathlessly asking questions, and doing loop-de-loops for no reason. But today, something seemed to be anchoring her to the ground. It was clear that something weighed heavily upon her mind, and it wasn't very hard to guess what it was. Still, these things took time, and Twilight knew better than to rush her marefriend.

"According to Celestia, I will live as long as I do not receive a fatal injury, which is exceedingly difficult, given my alicorn physiology. She expects me to live for several thousand years." Twilight spoke mechanically, mindlessly regurgitating information like a university lecturer. "I can hold my breath for an hour, and go an entire year without food. All my biological functions are enormously augmented by magic and incredibly resilient, amplified even more by my natural magical affinity. Equestria could probably get hit by a giant meteor, and I would stand alone in the falling ashes with a body that's too stubborn to die."

Twilight looked up. "I... I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash," she whispered.

"No, it's ok," said Rainbow Dash, placing a hoof on her marefriend's cheek. "I've been thinking about this a lot, actually. About dying, I mean."

Twilight turned away. "I'd rather not be reminded of the inevitable."

"Oh come on, Twilight, you're not the one who's going to be dying. I promise I won't be a downer."

"It's death," said Twilight flatly. "It's always a downer."

"Just, come on, I'm trying to be deep and philosophical here." Rainbow Dash threw up her hooves. "Didn't you tell me to think before I spoke the other day?"

"Not about death! Not about how I'm going to lose you and have to live for thousands of years with nothing but painful memories of you to keep me company!" shouted Twilight, before jumping up and flying over to a nearby rock.

She soon found herself sharing her perch with a persistent Rainbow Dash. "Maybe they won't be so painful. Maybe when you are all alone and surrounded by darkness, they'll keep you company. Maybe when you go to bed, your memories will sing you to sleep."

A small breeze blew an errant leaf across the hillside, and Twilight watched it tumble down the slope. "Or maybe they'll fade away, and I'll forget I ever loved you, until I have nothing but the cold grip of reality choking my frozen heart."

For a time, both mares were silent, as they let the evening breeze whistle nature's song. Rainbow Dash shifted uncomfortably next to Twilight before finally speaking up. "I've been thinking about what it is we truly fear about death. Is it simply that we will never open our eyes again? Is it the mysterious, unknowable lands our spirits travel to? Is it the sound of our dreams shattering one final time? Is it simply because we can never know what happens when we draw our last breath?"

Twilight blinked. Then she blinked again, and again, trying in vain to keep a tear from slowly falling down her cheek.

"I think it's something else," continued Rainbow Dash, "I think it's because we don't want to be forgotten. In the end, our lives are nothing more than what we leave behind. Some ponies build things, some ponies invent things, some ponies start families. We're all trying to accomplish something that somepony, somewhere, will remember. Yet, no matter how brightly a snowflake shines as it tumbles to earth, ultimately it will be lost within a snowpack.

"One of these days, I'm going to die, Twilight, and when I'm gone, who will remember me?"

Twilight snorted. "You're Rainbow Dash, wielder of the element of loyalty, sole practitioner of the sonic rainboom. Pegasi will be learning about you in history books until the end of time!"

Rainbow Dash scrunched up her muzzle. "History will remember what I did, not who I was." A blue hoof worked it's way down Twilight's mane. "Only my friends can remember who I was. Only my friends can remember what I was like after performing a sonic rainboom, triumphantly falling from the sky, asking just how incredible I was on a scale of awesome to Rainbow Dash—"

She was interrupted by a cascade of giggles from the princess beside her. "Rainbooooow!"

"See? No history book can capture the true awesomeness that is Rainbow Dash! And they'd better not write about me getting all snuggly with you, because that'd just be embarassing..." Twilight felt a blue wing wrap itself around her. "Which is why you need to, Twilight. Remember what nopony else can. Keep it close to your heart, and you will never be alone."

Twilight did not respond, but she did lean against her marefriend ever so slightly.

"I remember when I was small enough to float in the breeze. I remember when the winds would carry me to parts unknown, and I would ride them without a care in the world. But once I grew up, I could no longer soar like a leaf. I had to fight just to stay aloft, until I could fight no more." Rainbow Dash's wing shifted, tightening her embrace as she spoke.

"I remember when I fell," said Rainbow Dash, her voice barely above a whisper.

Suddenly, Twilight felt Rainbow's lips pressed against hers. "...And I remember when you saved me," she said, pulling away from Twilight. She reached over and picked up the small box she had brought with her. A hoof gently lifted the box cover, revealing a single blue primary feather.

"I know a thousand years is a long time, so I decided to give you something to remember me by." A faint blush creeped across Rainbow Dash's muzzle. "Pegasi have a... tradition, of sorts. We save the first feather we molt, and soak it in a special preservative. It's usually exchanged at weddings, a token of the everlasting bond between two pegasi. If kept protected, the feathers last for over a thousand years.

"I want you to remember that, no matter what happens, no matter what crazy intergalactic incidents or apocalyptic battles take place in the future, once upon a time, there was a blue pegasus who loved you." Rainbow Dash leaned forward and gave Twilight a peck on the cheek. "No matter what soldiers you lead into war, or what mistakes you make, or diplomatic incidents you cause, my love will always be with you, in that feather."

"I... I don't know what to say." Twilight choked back tears as she stared at the magnificent blue feather, threaded into a thin gold chain. It was resting peacefully on a small bed of red velvet, waiting for her to—

"Well take the damn thing, for starters," Rainbow Dash said, gesturing at the box she was still holding.

Nodding, Twilight lightly tugged at the feather with her magic, carefully lifting the necklace into the air. With ease that came with years of practice, she lowered it over her head, careful to avoid the tips of her ears as she laid it gently upon her breast. "It's beautiful," she breathed, staring down at the small piece of herself that Rainbow Dash had given her.

"I knew you'd like it!" announced Rainbow Dash triumphantly. "But uh, you'll probably need to put some pretty powerful preservation spells on there yourself. Just in case, y'know? I know you never want to lose me, and if you protect that feather, you'll never have to."

Twilight suddenly pulled Rainbow Dash into a tight hug. "But it's thousands of years, Rainbow Dash! What if I forget your voice? Your face? The touch of your feathers against me?" Twilight clutched her marefriend tightly as tears rolled down her cheeks. "You're everything I have, Rainbow, but how will I remember it for uncountable eons? I'm terrified that you'll slowly slip away from me, until time has taken everything you gave me."

"That will never happen," said Rainbow Dash with a surprising amount of conviction.

Twilight looked up at her, confused, slowly releasing her embrace.

"Our love has changed us. Our love makes us who we are. Even if you forget who I am, I will always live on in your heart. You don't have to remember what I look like, or how awesome I am in bed—"

"Rainbow!" Twilight couldn't stop a smile from creeping across her muzzle as she swatted her marefriend.

"—Or how much you love it when I tease you," finished Rainbow Dash with a grin. "I'll always be there, coloring every decision you make with a little bit of blue."

Twilight kissed her marefriend again, and pulled away with a smile. "I don't know what I'll do without you. Who will be there to make me smile? Who will I share my laughter with? Who will give me a warm embrace on a cold winter's night?"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Some other pony, I hope."

"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight gasped, "You're not seriously suggesting...?"

Rolling her eyes, Rainbow Dash nuzzled Twilight's neck. "Twilight, I love you. I never want you to be lonely, especially not after I'm gone."

"But nopony will ever be as awesome as you!" protested Twilight, "...or as beautiful."

Rainbow Dash gagged. "Ew, no! Just stick with the first one, I liked the first one." Now it was Twilight's turn to roll her eyes. "I'm flattered, really. Still, I'm not the only pegasus descended from Commander Hurricane. Eventually somepony has to come close, right?"

"Rainbow, 15% of all pegasi currently alive are related to Commander Hurricane, that doesn't mean anything," Twilight deadpanned.

"Well, then... you'll have lots to choose from! Seriously though, the thought of you being alone, for thousands of years... it's terrifying to me. Promise me you'll never do that to yourself, Twilight," pleaded Rainbow Dash. "Ponies aren't meant to be alone. You deserve better than that."

Twilight sighed. "Fine, but it'll probably take many hundreds of years before a pony as wonderful and amazing as you comes along. What will I do while I wait?"

"Time can take me away from you," said Rainbow Dash, placing a hoof on Twilight's chest, "but it can never take away my love. All you have to do is remember. Remember my smile, and my laughter, and my warm feathers holding you tight. I'll be with you, even after you've taken somepony else, watching over both of you."

The two ponies held each other in an embrace, and settled down to watch the rest of the sunset together. At least this was a moment they could both take part in, a moment shared between a pegasus and an alicorn. Twilight looked down at the feather strung around her neck.

It wasn't much, but it was a start.

Duchess Archmage Princess Twilight Sparkle the Radiant, Wielder of Nightmare's Bane, and Leader of The Resplendent, threw her handheld computer at the wall with an incoherent scream of rage.

"Those Celestia-forsaken fools! Why do I have to drag this entire nation kicking and screaming into a better future? Why are these idiotic little ponies so hell-bent on hating each other?!"

A particularly unfortunate potted plant found itself in the magical grasp of the most powerful entity in Equestria. Five seconds later, it had been completely atomized, the victim of an alicorn's seething rage against her subjects, whom were apparently obsessed with cutting funding for education so they could build a monorail instead of raising taxes instead!

But nooooooo, she thought, we can't have more taxes, because that's communism! ...somehow. She picked up her trusty electronic companion from where it had fallen to the floor, and started idly flipping through her internet bookmarks. It had survived being thrown, crushed, trampled, set on fire, frozen, and launched out of a cannon, thanks to an incredibly powerful preservation spell. Unfortunately, it was not sufficient to distract Twilight from her anger. With a frustrated groan, Twilight chucked the E-pad towards the fireplace.

She missed. Instead, it knocked over a cardboard box, and a sea of memorabilia spilled on to the floor. Twilight let out another annoyed huff, and had already begun cleaning up the mess with her magic when something caught her eye.

Curious, and desperate for a distraction from the cloud of stupidity that always seemed to hover around her, she drew the object towards her. It looked like some sort of diary, weighing heavily upon her magical grasp, laden with countless preservation spells. She mused that one could probably nuke the city and the diary would probably survive. Which begged the question...

What on earth was so precious about it?

As Twilight twirled the diary in her magic, she noticed something blue sticking out of it. Apparently she had marked one of the pages with... a blue feather? Her magenta aura neatly opened the book and her eyes darted across the page, quickly skimming the ancient words. Almost immediately, one carefully underlined sentence caught her attention.

"Time can take me away from you, but it can never take away my love. All you have to do is remember..."

Her gaze returned to the items that had spilled across the floor. A wedding ring. A foal's pacifier. A chunk of meteorite. A diploma. A quill. A lifetime she had long forgotten, forged a hundred generations ago, sat before her.

Memories of a past life, once lost, began to trickle back to her. Flipping through the diary, she found a name that seemed familiar. Rainbow Dash. Was that the pegasus she had once loved, all those years ago? Yes, that sounded right. Sky blue, with a rainbow mane, soaring through the clouds. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't remember her face, or her eyes, or even her cutie mark.

She had forgotten.

The diary dropped to the floor with a dull thud, but Twilight's eyes did not follow. Instead, she stared vacantly into the now empty space between her hooves, blinking back tears.

She had forgotten.

How long had it been since she'd visited Ponyville? Was the hillside even there anymore? A sudden pang of terror tore through her heart, and she abruptly stood upright, anxiously ruffling her wings. She couldn't teleport there, not without knowing the town layout, but it was only an hour's flight away. If she hurried, maybe she could catch the sunset before—

"Princess Twilight, I demand to speak with you at once!"

Twilight's eyes narrowed. Setting her jaw, she trotted over to the door and swung it open.

"Your insulting behavior at toniii—eeeeeeh heh heh heh..." Whatever complaint the senator had carried with him was burned away by an acidic gaze only a three thousand year old being could possibly possess. A hint of a snarl began to pull at the edges of Twilight's muzzle, and whatever blood was left in the stallion's face quickly retreated to his nethers.

"Ah, ah, I... I... " The senator's attempt at articulating speech quickly dissolved into a pathetic whimper, before he scampered off with his tail held firmly between his legs.

Twilight let out an annoyed huff before slamming the door shut and grabbing her saddlebags. Chucking her diary inside her left pocket, she threw open the doors to her balcony and flew off towards Ponyville.

Maybe it's still there. Please still be there.

The flight to Ponyville was even shorter than usual, given Twilight's frantic pace. Barely a half hour later, the alicorn's massive shadow swept across the outskirts of town, her mighty wings beating against the air as she searched for the hillside that had forever been etched into her memory. The growth of the everfree and the shifting of several landmarks made it difficult, but finally she narrowed it down to the northeastern district.

Twilight hovered above a tree, looking out towards a familiar horizon. Faint hints of memories teased her, tickling the back of her mind. This must be the place. Everything lined up... except it wasn't a hill.

It was a parking lot. The hillside where she had buried her most trusted friends was now a parking lot. Go figure.

...But they must have been moved somewhere else, thought Twilight. But where? Think Twilight, think! The Princess sat down on her haunches and tapped her chin with a forehoof. They were elements of harmony, I know that much. Where did we bury them? There's a mausoleum under Canterlot, but that's only been used for the past 2000 years. She abruptly smacked herself with a hoof. Duh, I can just look it up! Unfortunately, she'd left her E-pad back in the castle. Fortunately, that was one of the few places she could teleport to without a direct line of sight without having to worry about materializing inside a very unfortunate pony.

One bright flash later, and Twilight was back in her room. She quickly located her E-pad and began scavenging through the web for information. According to Ponypedia, the Elements of Harmony had been buried in a small, simple graveyard near ponyville. However, a storm had nearly destroyed it 50 years later, and it was moved to an undisclosed location in a valley near Canterlot. This explained why it was now a parking lot, but "valley near Canterlot" was not very specific. There simply wasn't any information on the precise location of the burial site anywhere on the web. Her younger self had probably tried to keep it away from the public's prying eyes... only to accidentally keep it from herself.

Desperate, the alicorn began digging through the ancient boxes of memorabilia that were scattered about. Unfortunately, there wasn't much. A lot of books, a few random trinkets, not even a picture—wait, what was that? Twilight's magic delicately grasped a golden picture frame, wrapped in preservation magic. Lifting it out of the box, the image had faded significantly despite the powerful spells surrounding it. She levitated it over to a nearby table with utmost care, softly setting it down upon a meticulously folded towel. Closing her eyes, she focused on the strands of magic emanating from the ancient frame. Delicate filaments of magic began to flow from the tip of her horn towards the frame. She deftly navigated the countless preservation spells with the practiced ease of a watchmaker, gently tugging ephemeral strands of light through the intricate magical field with perfect accuracy. Slowly, the colors began to return to the photograph, creeping in from the edges as the paper was ever so carefully restored.

Letting out a sigh, Twilight opened her eyes, and was greeted with the faces of her best friends, in all their youthful glory. She herself was still a unicorn, and she realized she simply couldn't remember ever being without her wings. Above her, Rainbow Dash smiled back at her, triumphant and full of herself. Twilight could not actually remember what Rainbow Dash looked like when she was flying around, and the picture did not show what her cutie mark was, but she could remember her eyes. Her beautiful, magenta eyes shone through the fog of time with absolute clarity, filled with fiery conviction and eternal devotion.

Twilight remembered something.

The alicorn hurtled out of her tower, rocketing across the skies of Canterlot. The edge of the sun had reached the horizon, and its last rays painted the clouds orange-red. Far outside of Canterlot, beyond a dead forest, hidden behind a path that had long been overgrown, lay a field of memories. Far from the mortal hooves that strode through Canterlot, five monoliths stood tall. Each was etched with a sacred cutie mark, and each had weathered a thousand storms. Twilight landed on what remained of the once magnificent marble pathway leading to the memorial, and hesitantly stepped forward. The cutie mark engravings were deep enough to have survived, but the names and epitaphs had long since worn away, sanded down to smooth rock over thousands of years.

Three balloons. Three gems. Three apples. Three butterflies. These were the cutie marks of her friends from long ago, who had helped save Equestria dozens of times, who wielded the strongest magic known to ponykind. The fifth and final monolith stood in front of her, blocking the sun as it began its final descent beneath the horizon. Beams of light spilled around the massive granite slab that stood tall and proud, with a triple lightning bolt etched into the rock. It seemed to loom over Twilight as she slowly approached it, her eyes wandering over its battered surface. It was like a time capsule, the ancient granite having survived countless catastrophes and more than one apocalyptic event. A fitting tombstone for the element of loyalty.

Twilight reached out to the gravestone with a trembling hoof. She couldn't remember their first kiss. Or any kiss, really. She couldn't remember their wedding, or the honeymoon, or even how she had died.

But she could remember her laughter. She could remember her eyes, filled with determination and loyalty. She could remember the warm touch of her feathers in bed as the last lantern was blown out.

She remembered that a blue pegasus once loved her with all her heart.

A purple hoof, immune to the ravages of time, was placed upon the stone.

"I remember, Rainbow Dash," she whispered.

The being once known as Twilight Sparkle looked upon her ponies, and saw that it was good. The ancient Equestrian sun had finally burnt out, sending her out on a quest to find a new one. Finding a yellow dwarf of just the right size was no small feat, even for an alicorn, let alone dragging it thousands of light years. For her, however, it was all in a day's work. She had grown beyond the use of names, or titles. She was not simply an alicorn, or even a goddess. She alone stood supreme across the infinite expanse of the universe, undisputed ruler of the entire sunflower galaxy.

Her mind had expanded beyond mortal comprehension, and her decisions bore the wisdom of uncountable eons. Like many immortals, she could scarcely comprehend the tragically brief lives of the mortals beneath her, but she loved them all the same. It had been difficult to hold on to her equinity after such a long time, but she had an advantage the other immortals did not.

A small blue feather hung from her neck at all times, frozen in time by the most powerful stasis field ever created, utterly immune to the relentless march of existence. It had survived being thrown into a star, being next to a supernova, and nearly getting sucked into a black hole. It had been stolen only once, by an entity that no longer existed in any possible timeline.

Her mortal self had once owned many things, but they had all been lost or destroyed. All but one. Through thousands of millennia, the blue feather had stayed with her, and every time she looked at it, she could remember.

Once upon a time, a small blue pegasus had loved her with all her heart, and she was still coloring her decisions with a little bit of blue.

And that has made all the difference.

Author's Note

I found this story in my dropbox, half-completed. It's been sitting there for over two and a half years. I started working on it again, and was reminded about why I loved Twidash so much - their character chemistry just comes so naturally. So here's my last story of 2016.