Spike and Rarity's Bogus Date Night

by Bico

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Sex
Length: 14557

For Spike and Rarity, a night of rolling in the hay has to be planned out long in advance, but will all their preparation pay off, or will events collude to make their date night totally bogus?

Spike and Rarity have been married for years, and with a daughter, business, and powerful friends with powerful obligations to take care of, their chances for indulging in marital bliss are few and far between. When their long planned date night finally rolls around, will their preparation pay off, or will events collude to make their date night totally bogus?

*Based on the Kilala97 Next Gen.

Published 2014-05-04 14:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-11 13:43:08 UTC

Blowing It Big Time

Sudsy water splashed on Rarity’s coat as she struggled with her pugnacious daughter. “Crystal Clarity, do calm down for Mommy.”

Crystal, a squat, purple five year old whose claw-like hooves and reptilian features bespoke her draconic parentage, stared up at her mother with irritation in her sapphire eyes. "Mommy!" she said scathingly, as if she were the one being put upon. "It is far too early for this business of washing up. This is quite out of the ordinary and furthermore not on shhhhedule!"

Rarity's snout wrinkled with amusement at her daughter's little speech. It had only been a few years since little Crystal had spoken her first word, and since then she had taken it upon herself to imitate with varying degrees of success her mother's refined way of speaking. That she had mostly taken after her far more rambunctious father in temperament only made this more adorable in Rarity's eyes.

"Oh, my darling," she said, overturning a small bucket of water over her daughter's head. "It may be out of the ordinary, but I can assure you that tonight has been on the schedule for a rather long time." She lifted her daughter out of the tub with her magic and wrapped her in a towel, laying hooves on to vigorously rub Crystal down.

"Well," Crystal responded huffily as she poked her frizzled head out of the towel. She burped, the two stubby horns on her head glowing blue as a wisp of smoke escaped her mouth. She blinked and went on. "I would prefer being made aware of these deviations in the shhhhedule at least two weeks in advance."

"Do you remember who came to visit us last weekend?" Rarity asked casually as she finished drying her daughter's coat and began to run a comb quickly but neatly through her mane.

"Uhh," Crystal intoned hesitantly. "Illusion and Princess Illusion's-mommy?"

"That was yesterday, dear," Rarity said with a smirk. "It was your aunt, Sweetie Belle." She laughed. "I suppose it's no surprise, then, that you don't recall that I did tell you that you were going to be babysat by the Cake twins around that same time."

Crystal folded her arms crossly. "I am not a baby to be sat upon."

"Indeed not," Rarity said, patting her now dry and groomed daughter's head. "But you do like the Cake twins, right? And you do enjoy when we go to the Sugarcube Corner in downtown Canterlot, yes? Come now, it will be fun."

"Maybe," Crystal said, relaxing her obstinate posture as she considered the prospects of staying over at a bakery.

A ring from the front door turned Rarity's head. "Ah, it looks as if they're here." She hoisted Crystal Clarity in her telekinetic grasp and plopped her on her back before trotting toward the front room. She opened the door and delivered her standard greeting. "Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique." She beamed at the adolescent orange unicorn filly and her brown, pegasus twin brother standing before her. "Hello Pumpkin. Pound. I wasn't expecting you for another fifteen minutes!"

"Well, Ms. Rarity," Pumpkin Cake said with a broad smile. "A good businessmare knows that early is on time and on time is late."

"Yeah," Pound Cake agreed. "Also, we really want to get paid so we can get Ungulates Strike Back on Game Foal, today."

Pumpkin's hoof collided with Pound's mouth without warning. "I apologize for my brother, ma'am. He's an idiot."

Pound gave his sister a dirty look and puffed out his cheeks.

"Is that the twins?" a voice rumbled from the kitchen. A purple head poked out of the entryway and grinned toothily. "Hey, kids," Spike said jovially. He sauntered out, clad only in his pink, frilly apron, which caused both teens to stifle giggles.

Rarity, on the other hand, eyed her husband and licked her lips. "Yes, Dear, they were just about to take Crystal."

"Oh, good!" Spike said.

Crystal gasped dramatically. "Daddy!" she protested, reaching out for him with her claw-hooves. "You want to get rid of me? How could you?"

"Claire," Spike said, gathering his daughter in his arms and giving her a firm hug as she buried her face in his thick neck. "I would never want to get rid of you. You're my little amethyst. But sometimes Mommy and Daddy need some... time alone. To play." He pulled her back and gave her an appeasing smile. "You understand, right?"

"But I just started school, and everything," Crystal protested. "You have all kinds of time to play."

"Yes, but," Rarity said. "Mommy needs that time to do her work so that she can take care of you when you get home. Daddy also has his own chores to do." She removed Crystal from Spike's grip and floated her over to Pumpkin, who gingerly took her within her own darker blue magic aura.

“Well,” Crystal said as she settled on Pumpkin’s back. “I guess I can allow it. But only if I can have a cupcake!”

Spike laughed. “Hey, why not?” Rarity shot him a withering glance, and he deflated. “Uh… just don’t ruin your appetite.”

Crystal’s parents bid her a warm farewell as the twins took trotted back toward downtown, paid up front for their services. Rarity turned to Spike and sighed. “Well… I do hope those two can handle it.”

“Oh, come on,” Spike said, smirking at his wife. “Those two have been babysitting Pinkie Pie since they were a month old. Give them some credit.”

Rarity pressed her side against Spike’s, soaking in his warmth. “You’re quite right, of course. I should just relax and enjoy our date night.”

Spike grinned and unfurled a wing to drape over his wife, nuzzling her neck. “You know… it’s going to take another half hour for dinner to finish cooking…”

“Ooh, Spikey,” Rarity said. “As much as I’d love to take advantage of that impressive dragon stamina of yours, especially given how…” she sighed heavily. “Long it’s been, we simply cannot allow fun to precede our obligations.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Spike said. “I took care of all that.”

“What?” Rarity said, her eyebrow quirking? “I don’t believe that for a moment, Spike. Laundry?”

Spike folded his arm and grinned proudly. “Clean, folded, and put away two hours ago.”

“Cleaning?” Rarity prompted.

“Dusted, swept, and vacuumed in that order an hour ago,” Spike responded, puffing his chest out.

Rarity smiled, her eyelids half-closed suggestively. “Shopping?”

“Eggs, milk, bread, and…” Spike rummaged his pocket and pulled out a small box with the stylized image of a soldier stallion gracing the front. “A six count package of Trojan Horses.”

“Well!” Rarity said with a syrupy tone as she approached Spike, her hips swaying side to side far more prominently than usual. “It looks as if you’ve covered everything. I must say, Spikey-boo, knowing that you’ve gone out of your way to make sure that both our tasks have been thoroughly accomplished does make me rather… receptive to your offer.”

Spike’s face flushed as Rarity wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling the box from his grasp with her magic. She looked deeply into his eyes, smouldering with an inner fire. “O-oh, really?”

“Oh, yes,” Rarity said, standing on her hind legs and putting her hooves on Spike’s broad chest. She bit her lip as she stared up into his eyes, musing silently on how odd it was for their positions to be so reversed from when she had first met him as a precocious youngster. She closed her eyes, blushing as she leaned in.

Spike ran his claws over his wife’s withers as he emitted a low rumble of contentment. He looked at his blushing bride and his heart nearly burst. Even though she was a fair bit older than when he’d first fallen for her and had been through both battles and childbirth, he still saw her as the most beautiful pony in Equestria.

“Spike,” Rarity said testily.

“Huh?” Spike said, blinking rapidly.

“When a lady closes her eyes,” she said with an amused grimace. “She expects to be kissed.”

Spike paused, considering this. “Oh. Oh!” He chuckled under his breath as he reached down and firmly gripped her diamond-stamped flanks in his hands, enjoying both the slight squish and the pleased squeal as he lifted her up so that their faces could meet.

A most unladylike moan reverberated through Rarity’s mouth as she felt her soft lips meet his, hot and with a texture not unlike a well-napped suede. She let her mouth open ever so slightly as Spike moved against her, giving him the cue for entrance, and she hummed as she felt his thick, reptilian tongue slid across hers. Her breath blew strong through her flared nostrils as the dextrous appendage massaged her behind her jaws and even around her throat, which through much experience at just this kind of thing had lost most of its gag reflex.

Meanwhile, Spike wrapped his tail around Rarity to hold her to his body as his claws went exploring. He gently kneaded his wife’s back, her pearly coat flowing over her quickly relaxing muscles beneath. He brought his left hand up and gently brushed her curly hair away from her face as he reached his right hand down and stroked the dock of her tail, eliciting a squeak from her and a suddenly far more eager plunging of her tongue into his own maw.

Rarity cracked an eye to regard the package still floating at her side. She was already gyrating her hips against her husband in the most lewd manner, and knew they couldn't wait any longer to "suit up," as it were. She used her superior magical precision to quickly pop the top and remove a condom wrappers while letting the box drop to the floor. She deftly ripped the top off the wrapper to remove the latex circle inside. She smirked against Spike's lips, reflecting that for all her power Twilight couldn't have done the same without making the box explode or turning it into an orange.

"Mm-mmm," Spike mumbled into Rarity's mouth.

Rarity continued to practically devour her husband's muzzle as she insistently pulled his head into her. "Mmmm," she responded rapturously as the rubber contraceptive began to descend slowly to their targets.

"Mm-mh," he said, shaking his head sharply in her grip. "Mm-mm-mmm. Mmhmm... mm..." A loud gurgle interrupted his attempts at communication. His cheeks puffed as the sound ascended up from his gut to his throat. Green smoke spewed from his nostrils and the tiny gaps in the seal between his and his wife's locked lips.

Rarity's mouth was suddenly on fire, quite literally as her own cheeks expanded from the heat entering her mouth. Her eyes crossed and her horn sparked from the surprise and pain, and her magic aura still suspending the condom spasmed violently and ripped it to shreds. She pulled herself away from her husband, feeling suddenly quite ill and not in the mood at all.

Opening her mouth to either scold or blow chunks on her husband, instead green flames poured out of Rarity's mouth, swirling and coalescing into a sealed parchment. Rarity coughed as it dropped to the floor. "Wh-what..."

"Sorry," Spike said, setting her down gently and nervously scratching his face. "I tried to say something, but... well..."

"Is it normally that unpleasant?" Rarity wondered aloud as she gently lifted the scroll. Since they had been married, correspondence via dragon's breath from the princess wasn't quite as common as letters from Rarity's regular and very important clients.

"Uh..." Spike hesitated. "Well, it doesn't always taste that great, I'll admit, but it's no worse than having an epic belch."

Rarity wrinkled her nose. "Indeed. I'm quite glad I never took to that habit, then." She unrolled the scroll and her eyes darted over its contents before growing wide. "Oh, no!"

"What is it?" Spike asked, trying to look over her shoulder.

Rarity sighed and snapped the scroll shut. "It's a letter from Sapphire Shores! That new line of costumes for her comeback tour she was going to pick up the day after tomorrow? It turns out her plans have changed rather suddenly and she needs to pick them up tomorrow morning."

Spike was crestfallen. "But... our date night!"

"Oh, Spike," Rarity said, touching his side gently. "I will not let this interfere with our night, I promise. I was really quite close to finishing, anyway. If I had some help, I might be able to wrap it up before dinner time!"

Spike grinned and puffed his chest out heroically. "Worry not, milady! Sir Spike shall save you."

"Oh!" Rarity said playfully, putting her hoof to her head in a mock swoon. "My hero!"

Half an hour later, Rarity was focusing hard on putting the last thread into place on Sapphire's headdress. Spike held his breath as he quickly and unobtrusively dabbed the sweat from his wife's brow. When the stitch had been pulled closed and tied off at last, she let out a relieved breath. "Oh, that was quite the tense little session, wasn't it?"

"I'll say," Spike agreed. "I never thought I'd feel so wiped out just watching you sew."

"Oh, you did more than that, my darling," Rarity said, patting him on his lowered head. "In fact, I think you deserve a little treat after how helpful you've been."

"Oh, yeah?" Spike asked, his tail wagging involuntarily. "You got some tasty gems you've been hiding from me? Maybe some sapphires? Rubies?"

Rarity hummed thoughtfully, tapping her chin. "Well. Let's see what we come up with, shall we?" Her horn began to shine in much the same way as it had when she'd performed her very first jewel locating spell. Her horn pulled her back and forth as it searched until it finally locked onto something. She was dragged back toward Spike, and her horn finally came to a rest when it tapped the underscales right between Spike's legs. "Aha!" she declared. "Looks like I've found some buried treasure. Spike, would you be so kind as to bring out this nice, big rock?"

Spike laughed. "Wow. That line sounded like something out of one of the books you hide under your pillow, Rare." He shuddered as he saw her flutter her eyes at him from her position crouched on the floor at his feet. "Still... it's somehow really effective."

The pocket between Spike's legs had indeed already started to swell, and Rarity's flirty gaze was all it took for his tremendous treasure to begin uncurling from its cavern. Rarity licked her lips as she saw her target, and with a brief flare of magic she brought the box of condoms to her. A line of foil wrappers snaked out, and Rarity tore a single package off. “How about we slip this magnum onto your big boy?” she said before removing the contraceptive.

With an audible gulp, Spike looked down at his wife. “Uh,” Spike said, hesitating. “You know, Rarity, y-you could just… um… use your mouth… without it being wrapped up.”

“Spike,” Rarity said, her brows flattening out. “You know very well we found out the hard way how ineffective both unicorn and zebra birth control is against your little troops.”

“Yeah, but,” Spike said, averting his gaze as he blushed. “I mean, if it’s in your mouth and… and you spit it out…”

“Remember Twilight’s research on the matter?” Rarity said, frowning. “Darling, as much as I would like to… ah… ‘bareback,’ as ‘twere, even one of your boys could reach its goal regardless of where it entered my body, and I would conceive whether I was in heat or not.”

“Yeah…” Spike said, bowing his head sullenly. “Omnivirility kinda sucks, sometimes.”

“Don’t worry,” Rarity said, taking the second condom from him and unrolling it onto the second branch of his hemipene. “I suck far better, if I do say so, myself.” She took the condom delicately between her teeth and looked steamily up at him. Spike’s thick, wet member was already bursting from between his underbelly scales, but when she licked at the latex membrane, it engorged to its maximum size.

Rarity fanned herself as she regarded her husband’s impressive stack. She took it between her hooves and gently placed the circle around the tip, and with her teeth unrolled it down his shaft. Her jaws strained as she traveled toward his base, but she kept going. It wasn’t until her throat was filled and her eyes watered that she closed her lips around him and pulled back while she let her hooves unroll it the rest of the way. She released him with a soft pop of her lips and bit the bottom one as she smiled up at him.

Grinning wickedly, she lowered her head down to Spike’s thick stake and slurped it back into her mouth, taking it in until the tip touched the back of her throat. She worked her head back and forth, salivating heavily as she enjoyed the body heat that radiated even through the latex.

Spike groaned as he leaned his back against the wall and put a hand on top of his wife’s head. “R-Rare… that’s really… good.”

Rarity pulled away and let oxygen fill her lungs. “Oh… yes, that was… rather fun, wasn’t it?” She reared up on her hind legs and put her hooves to Spike’s chest. “But that’s only to warm up, darling.”

Grabbing Rarity by the buns, Spike pulled her up to his face. “That’s right…” he said, his parted lips approaching hers even as he positioned himself to slip between a different pair of lips. “And we’ll have all evening to run a marathon…”

"Oh, Spikey," Rarity whispered, inhaling sharply. "You smell so delicious. And so... delightfully smokey."

Spike paused. "Huh? Smokey?" He sniffed the air, and his eyes widened. "Oh, bull spit! My dinner!" His member retracted almost instantly in horror, leaving his latex sleeve fluttering to the floor and he unceremoniously dropped his wife on her rump and dashed to the kitchen. Thick, black smoke was seeping from the oven. Disregarding the oven mitts, he opened the door and reached into the cloud to pull out a blackened mass of what might have at one time been food. "This is... the worst... possible... thing!" He cried, a tear dripping down his cheek.

“No,” Rarity said, wincing as she lifted herself off the floor and rubbed her bottom. “The worst possible thing would be breaking your wife’s hip and never getting any ever again.” She levitated the discarded condoms from the floor and wrinkled her snout as she walked them to the trash and dropped them inside.

Spike looked back at Rarity and grinned sheepishly. “Er… sorry. I just…” He grimaced as he looked down at the pan in this claws before tossing it in the trash. “I was really hoping to make this a romantic night, but it looks like it’s hayburgers, tonight.”

Rarity’s brows wrinkled lightly as she looked up at her morose husband sympathetically. “Spikey… I do appreciate the effort, really.” She gave him a loving smile as she rubbed his arm. “Really, my love, just knowing how much effort you’ve put into this is truly touching."

Pulling his wife close, Spike gave her a peck on the cheek. "I guess all that really matters is that we spend some quality time alone, right?"

"Quite right, my dear," Rarity said, nuzzling up to Spike. She gave him a flirtatious smirk. "In fact, since we don't have to worry about dinner at the moment, I don't think it's necessarily out of the question that we finish up our little... ah, ha... 'marital activity'." She broadened her grin and lifted an eyebrow suggestively even as she lifted a single condom in its wrapper.

Spike opened his mouth, but a flash of light and a loud pop of displaced air interrupted him. Standing before the couple was a frazzled mare with a mulberry coat and sapphire mane. The presence of both horn and wings marked her as an alicorn, and the crown upon her head signified her royal status. “Spike,” Princess Twilight Sparkle said, a familiar edge in her voice. “I need you to—what is that?” She eyed the floating foil beside Rarity curiously.

One huff of green flame later, however, and the offending contraceptive was gone. “Nothing,” he said innocently.

Twilight blinked. “Oh… ‘kay.” She shook her head in an attempt to put her mind back on track. “Anyway, listen! I need you to do me a big favor.”

Spike and Rarity looked at each other, expressions stony. “Well… what is it, Twilight?”

“Well,” Twilight grimaced and rubbed her legs together nervously. “There’s a delegation from Saddle Arabia that's just arrived. Celestia and Discord aren't back from the Crystal Empire yet, Luna has disappeared yet again, so guess who that leaves to deal with it?"

“Let’s see,” Spike said flatly. “Philomena?”

"That's right!" Twilight exclaimed. She paused, blinking rapidly before her brows knitted irately. "Wait. No, Spike, be serious.” She huffed at the dragon and gave him a brief stink eye before shaking her head to clear her thoughts before continuing. “I have to meet this delegation, but I have a... a guest who’s helping pull Celestia’s chariot back from the Crystal Empire, and... and I haven't organized the palace library at all!"

Spike sighed, giving his friend an expectant look. "Okay, Twi. This has what to do with me?"

Twilight gave Spike a broad, ingratiating grin and batted her eyelashesin such a way that it reminded Spike of a seizure patient. "Do you think you could reshelve the library for me so I can meet with the Saddle Arabian delegation and not have a disorganized library when Fl—my very important guest arrives?"

Looking at his sister-like friend's pleading eyes and sort of embarrassing attempt at puppy dog eyes, and then back at his wife's dangerously threatening scowl, Spike floundered helplessly. "I... uh... I guess I..."

"Oh, thank you, Spike!" Twilight cheered before he had the chance to go any further. "I knew I could count on my #1 assistant!"

Rarity huffed, but her expression relaxed as she saw her friend pronking up and down, as happy as a Pinkie Pie. "Well... I guess you don’t really get out enough as it is..."

Spike cleared his throat and puffed up his chest upon hearing his wife's accession. "But!" he declared, prompting Twilight to pause in her celebration. "I'll need you to do something for me, afterward."

Twilight's ears flopped. "Spike? You've never asked me for anything, before..." She then smiled gracefully. "But of course I'll return the favor in any way I can."

"I normally wouldn't ask you," Spike said. "But I know you can pull some strings to get Rarity and I some last-minute reservations at Chez Lahdee Dah."

"Oh," Twilight said, her face screwing up thoughtfully. "Well... I don't like using my position like that, but..." She eyed the still-smoking oven. "I can see that you probably need it, tonight. Consider it done!"

Spike smiled and gave his wife a wink. "Then we have a deal."

Twilight nodded gratefully and winked out, leaving husband and wife alone once again.

"Well," Rarity said. "A rather unfortunate wrinkle in our night, but at least it will result in a rather romantic dinner afterward." After a moment mooning over the prospect, her mouth fell in a little pout. "Still, let us try not to incinerate all our 'protection,' tonight, hmm? I'd rather hoped to use them all, this evening."

"Oh," Spike said. "I, ah... I don't think that was my 'burny' fire, actually."

"What?" Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow. "Then what... oh. Oh, my."

Celestia sighed as she reclined on her rather cushy chariot seat. “So boring,” she complained.

Slouching beside her, Discord laughed and snapped his fingers, conjuring a glass of chocolate milk. “Well, these long flights always are. I don’t know why you don’t just have me poof us where you want to go.”

With a roll of her eyes, Celestia responded wearily. “Because, Discord, whenever you do pretty much anything with your magic bigger than creating sweets, something egregiously unexpected happens, and I think I’d rather be bored than have that much excitement. Again.”

Discord smirked as he drank the glass, leaving a floating cylinder of chocolate milk. “Well, at least you let me upgrade your wheels. Rather nice having a covered chariot, complete with bathroom, isn’t it?”

“Yes, well,” Celestia said, her tongue becoming somewhat unresponsive for reasons she didn’t fully grasp. “I… ah… I suppose it is nice… you are… sometimes more helpful than harmful.”

“Oh, Tia,” Discord said, putting a paw to his forehead dramatically. “You do flatter me so.”

Celestia scowled at Discord’s antics. “Well, you’re certainly not helping alleviate my boredom, Discord.” She sighed again and rolled her eyes. “What can I do to occupy myself for the next hour?”

As if in response, a wisp of magical ash curled into the room and over Celestia’s head, where it suddenly coalesced. With a green flash, a silvery wrapper fell onto Celestia’s head. “Wh-what? Spike?”

Discord’s face split into a mischievous grin. “I always did like that dragon. Would have made an excellent Element of Loyalty, in my humble opinion. Wonder how he knew my size…?”

Celestia levitated the contraceptive off her head and gave Discord a hard look. “Discord!” she said accusingly. Her face turned a deeper pink, and a coy smile played across her face. “Are you going to lay there cracking jokes or are you going to help me with this?”

The silence was remarkably suggestive.

Features neutral, Discord snapped his fingers again.

Author's Note

Prereader: Imaginary Valued

Out With A Whimper

“Well, that will probably earn us about a hundred years dungeon,” Rarity grumbled as she morosely placed yet another book in place.

Spike laughed. “Don’t be so dramatic, babe. Celestia’s got a better sense of humor than that. Believe me, I lived with her and Twilight practically my whole childhood.” He hummed as he took a stack of books as tall as he was in one hand and proceeded to throw each book into its assigned spot. “It’ll probably only be a hundred minutes dungeon.”

Rarity guffawed. “I’m sure. This is probably punishment enough as it is, though. I can’t believe you’ve been doing this for Twilight since you were a baby dragon, Dearheart.”

“It really wasn’t a big deal,” Spike said as he finished his stack and hefted another. “Just some routine busywork. Though Twilight argued that being around books builds character.”

"Mm, I’d say it built more than that," Rarity said as she observed her husband effortlessly handle a hundred pounds of raw tome.

Spike noticed her lingering gaze and paused to flex his muscles. "Yeah, I'm a real studmuffin."

Rarity giggled into her hoof as she shoved her last book into place. "Well, someone is feeling cocky. Honestly, you're more boyishly handsome than some kind of playboy." She trotted over to him and gave him a quick hug on the leg. "And I am rather grateful you turned me from the latter."

Spike licked his lips as he stared down at his wife. "Y-yeah," he said with a blush. He shook his head and quickly picked up a stack of books. "Hey! I need to put these in storage. That... that should be all that's left."

"Oh, good!" Rarity said, turning her own flushed cheeks away from her husband as she trotted toward the storage closet. "The sooner we get this done the sooner we can get to dinner. I am... quite hungry, right now."

Spike nodded, his head moving back and forth as he tracked his wife's posterior bouncing temptingly in front of him. "Yeah... I’m in the mood for something sweet, myself."

"Oh?" Rarity said bemusedly, turning her head to fix one eye on Spike. Noting his locked gaze, she managed a full-body blush, turning both sets of cheeks a pleasing pink. "I see." She gave him a half lidded stare as she stopped in front of the closet door and gripped the knob with her magic. "Well, my love, sweets are generally reserved for desert, so I'm afraid you may have to..."

The door swung open, and when Rarity turned back she found her words strangled in the back of her throat and felt the mental gears grind to a halt. She heard her husband's leathery wing unfurl in shock, or possibly some other type of excitement, as he also fixed his eyes on the sight within.

Luna stared back at the couple, her face covered in sweat and panting heavily. Diverting their gazes slightly upward, they also saw the embarrassed face of a rather handsome blue-coated batpony dressed in the armor of a Royal Guard Academy cadre member.

"Wahh..." Rarity said, suddenly unsure on her hooves as she noted the rather explicit position Luna and the batpony were in, his hooves firmly on her withers and the dock of her tail poking his belly button.

"Mrs. the Dragon," Luna said politely, her face betraying not a hint of discomfort. In fact, the upward quirk at the corner of her mouth suggested quite the opposite. "Dearest Spike. It is good to see you once more."

"P-Princess Luna," Spike said, backing away. "So sorry to disturb you during, ah... debriefing. I, er, guess"

Luna raised an eyebrow. "Not at all. In fact, I overheard your 'dinner plans' as my young liaison here was submitting his long-form report, and you may certainly feel free to join us."

Rarity's face mimicked a cherry. "Ah... no. Thank you. Princess. Quite alright."

Luna shrugged. "Very well." She turned her head back to the batpony and pushed into him with her haunches. "Come now, I want you to leverage my bottom line until we experience a paradigm shift."

The door swung shut, leaving Spike and Rarity slinking away as they did their best to ignore the sounds of the princess getting the business.

"Wow," Spike said.

Rarity nodded. "I know. That was rather..."

"Hot?" Spike suggested, looking down at her.

Rarity cleared her throat. "Well. Yes. Naturally."

"Y-you know... they've got several really nice, big closets around the library."

Rarity tittered. "Spike, precious scales, you're not honestly suggesting that we do anything to sully our dearest friend's neatly organized space, are you?" Her eyelashes fluttered as she stared at Spike expectantly.

Spike grinned. "Maybe I just want to build more character."

"Well," Rarity said coyly, "They say it can be healthy to occasionally have dessert before the entrée." With a laugh she pulled Spike along as she searched for the next available closet. It wasn't long before she spotted one, and she galloped up to it. She swallowed the suddenly copious amount of saliva in her mouth as she raised a shaking hoof toward the doorknob.

Spike didn't even wait until they were in the closet to grab his wife by her honey-coated dinner rolls. He pushed her inside, eliciting a surprised but pleased squeal, and his tail shut the door behind them.

Rarity buried her face into a pile of old film reels and she widened the stance of her hind legs as she lifted her tail as high as she could manage. "Oh, do naughty things to my bum, Spikey, dear," she said, breathlessly giddy.

"That's the plan," Spike affirmed. He took a moment to admire her rear end, reflecting that it looked even more inviting than before she had birthed Crystal Clarity, rounder and softer than it had been in their youth. He couldn't appreciate its invoking look for too long, however, as she was already shoving herself backward, obviously becoming impatient.

The dexterity and length of dragon tongues had been generally known among the ponies of Ponyville, as Spike was quite casual about its use in his regular quest to consume copious amounts of food. It had generally been regarded as a perverse talent, though it wasn't until he had started to approach physical maturity that the mares began to slowly realize exactly how perverse it could be. Rarity, for one, had been quite happy to report to her peers that, after a few initial false starts, it was exactly as pleasant, if not more so, than they had imagined.

"Oh, sweet Celestia!" Rarity exclaimed as she felt him squirming around her most intimate areas. "Spikey! My favorite dragon! You are best husband!"

Spike smirked as he slid his tongue deeper. "Youah alwayth tho mewodwamathic, Wawithy."

Giggling like a schoolfilly, Rarity looked back at Spike as she arched her back to give him easier access. "Oh, Spikey-boo, you know you love it."

"Thwue," Spike assented, nodding. He drew his tongue back into his mouth, Rarity's sticky, sweet excitement coming right along with it, coating every inch of his tastebuds. He hummed with pleasure.

"Don't stop, yet," Rarity protested, shaking her rump back and forth.

Twirling his tongue into a corkscrew shape, he dove right back in. "Drill, baby, drill!" he cheered, relishing the squeals of delight coming from his lover. Finally, he struck oil, and all sounds from his wife ceased as she suddenly clamped down on him like a vice before a blowout gushed from her well, soaking Spike's face.

"O-oh my goodness," Rarity said, panting heavily. "I'm so sorry, dear. It's been too long, I didn't even think to control myself."

"No, no," Spike said, his smile broad and toothy. "It's fine. I can wash it off easy, anyway." To prove his point, he wrapped his head in a tongue cocoon, and with one swift pull, polished his scales clean.

"It is so fascinating," Rarity said, staring at her husband. "How that is so disgusting and yet so sexy at the same time."

"Flatterer," Spike accused, cocking his eyebrow.

Rarity stood on her hind legs and leaned back, spreading her legs to display her dripping crotch. "Of course. That was just the appetizer for me, after all. You know just what I want."

Spike whimpered not unlike an excitable canine and fumbled with his latex guardian, pulling it roughly around his engorged member, wincing a bit as it snapped when he let go.

"Ah, my big, strong dragon," Rarity swooned, one hoof pressed firmly to her forehead as the other explored her messy bits below. "Ravish me like one of your virgin sacrifices!"

Spike bit back a laugh. Even the nastier of his brethren didn't generally demand virgins to appease them, but somehow it had entered equine mythology. Still, the idea seemed to excite his wife, so he deigned to play along despite the fact that he had ravished the virginity out of her long ago.

"Grrrr!" Spike said, curling his fingers menacingly as he bared his fangs. "I'm going to add you to my dragon's hoard, my little gem!"

"Ooh, Spikey, ooh!" Rarity called out, flailing her arms. She squeaked as Spike grabbed and pulled her closer, moving her with as much effort as she might one of Crystal's dolls. She smiled as she bit her lip, looking into Spike's eyes with ravenous hunger.

Spike traced the outside of Rarity's vulva, sliding easily from her natural lubrication. He let himself poke between the folds and chuckled at the barely restrained scream even that small intrusion caused. Finally, he found her wet, winking passage and found his tip being slurped into it like udon.

"Oh!" Rarity squealed as she finally claimed her prize. "Yes!"

"Oh, no!"

The happy couple snapped their heads toward the wide open door to see Twilight standing in the center, her eyes wide and unblinking and her face slightly green. Peeking in from her side was an orange coated pegasus guard, barely repressed laughter on his lips.

"Oh," Spike said as he withdrew from his wife and fully faced his friend. "Hey, Twi. Uh... what's up?"

Twilight closed her eyes tightly. "Something... I hope to never see again."

Spike cleared his throat and quickly pulled his condom off, allowing his erection to pull back into his scales. "Uh... sorry. We finished cleaning up for you!"

“Looks like Twilight wasn’t the only one you were cleaning up for,” the pegasus stallion said with a smirk.

“Wing Commander Flash Sentry!” Twilight said, scandalized.

Flash sighed. “So formal, all of a sudden, Twi—excuse me, Princess.”

Twilight shot him a glare. “Quiet, you.”

Rarity coughed, vainly covering herself. "Well. Twilight. Darling." She flashed an ingratiating grin. "I am... so sorry you had to see that."

"It will haunt my nightmares, Rarity," Twilight informed her.

"Yes, well," Rarity said, averting her gaze. "I mean... it wasn't that bad..."

Spike took a deep breath and interjected in a loud voice. "So how 'bout those reservations, Twilight? You know... so we can go and not have to look you in the eye the rest of the night?"

Twilight rolled her eyes and conjured a pair of tickets out of the air. She floated them into Spike's eager claws. "Alright, it's done. Now let me entertain my guest in peace, please."

Spike gave a sidelong glance at Flash, who was standing close enough that the feathers of his folded wing brushed Twilight's. "Sure... 'entertain.'"

Flash looked over at Twilight eagerly. When she gave him a surly scowl, however, his hopes visibly shattered.

"Oh, by the way," Spike called back as he and his wife exited the library. "There's a book in the storage closet I wasn't sure how to organize. You might want to take a look at it."

"How long do you think it will be before she speaks to us again?" Rarity wondered idly as she sipped her glass of wine.

Spike shrugged. "She's always had terrible timing about things like this. I still remember when she walked in on me... ah... 'exploring my anatomy' when I was a kid. Talk about an awkward day."

Rarity's snout wrinkled as she fought down a giggle. "Spike! Such inappropriate dinner conversation..."

Spike looked around Chez Lahdee Dah's romantically lit and gorgeously decorated interior. The richly dressed Canterlot elite were pointedly absorbed in their own conversations. He turned back to his wife, also dressed rather finely in a forest green dress with gold trimming and donning ample jewelry, including the gorgeous Fire Ruby he had given to her when he was still a kid with a crush. He leaned forward and gave her a smirk. "I don't think anypony else minds."

Swirling her red wine around her glass, Rarity looked up through her eyelashes at Spike. "Oh? So you're saying it's alright to behave inappropriately as long as nopony takes notice?"

Spike's tail snaked under the floor length tablecloth, allowing it to slither beneath Rarity's silky dress and up her leg.

"Ooh!" Rarity squeaked, doing her best to keep her voice down. She hooded her eyes as she gave Spike a look. “Darling, really. Didn’t our earlier experience teach you anything about doing this in public?”

Spike grinned. “Yes,” he said. “It taught me that I kind of like it.”

Rarity bit her lip and grinned mischievously. “Me, too. But that’s beside the point.”

Spike’s tail stroked Rarity’s thigh, eliciting a contented sigh from her. “It’s not like anypony’s going to lift the tablecloth, right?”

Rarity squeezed her thighs together as she felt him slip further upward. “Spikey, you’re being a very naughty boy tonight.” She rested her head in her hooves and stared into his eyes longingly. “I’m quite enjoying it.” She acquiesced to his probing and spread her legs, letting him prod at her moistening center with his tail’s spadelike tip.

Spike glanced around the restaurant as nonchalantly as possible to ensure that nopony was paying especially close attention to them before he slid down in his chair as he placed his menu in front of his face, peeking over it occasionally to gaze at Rarity, who was doing her best to mute her expressions.

Rarity tried to focus on her own menu, but the shocks that ran up her spine made her vision blur. All her concentration was on keeping herself from making any lewd noises that would alert the other patrons to their under-the-table activities. Even her hearing seemed affected, as voices became less distinct while the sound of her blood pumping in her ears, ever increasing in pace, drowned out the sound.

"Ah!" Rarity whimpered, finally unable to contain herself. "Yes!"

"Then you are ready to order, Mrs. the Dragon?" the waiter asked as he hoisted his pad and pen with his telekinesis.

"O-oh," Rarity said, flicking her eyes toward her husband, who was averting his gaze with a smug look on his face while he continued to tease her loins mercilessly. "I... uh... well, I was wondering..." She swallowed hard as her muscles spasmed threateningly. "Do you have... any suggestions?"

"Well, we do have rather delicious almond and feta stuffed artichokes," the waiter said with a sniff. "It would complement your wine nicely."

Rarity groaned as Spike boldly stormed her gates. She glanced at the waiter, hoping that her vocalization, as embarrassingly lusty as it was, had covered the audible squish.

The waiter raised an eyebrow, his thin mustache twitching briefly. "I... shall take that as a non."

Rarity cleared her throat and gave Spike a dirty look even as she surreptitiously adjusted the angle of her hips to pull him deeper. "It sounds lovely, but I'm... ah... allergic to almonds."

"Of course," the waiter responded, nodding his understanding. "Then perhaps you would enjoy our butternut squash and apple ravioli with rosemary sauce?"

Spike's tail ventured further inside Rarity, and his knobby spines made the most delightful sensations against her inner walls. She held her breath for a brief moment as new waves rocked her, but she found she couldn't hold back.

"Fuck, yeah!" she exclaimed in a huff, then immediately gasped and covered her muzzle with a hoof. Glancing around she saw that several of the diners nearby were giving her odd stares. Her face reddened even more than it already was.

The waiter looked taken aback at first, but then he smiled broadly. "Well, I have never seen such enthusiasm for our dishes before. I shall ensure it is delivered posthaste." He snapped his notebook closed and trotted away.

"O-oh," Rarity said. "Spike, did you already order?"

"Yeah," Spike said nonchalantly, pausing with his tail firmly inside her. "I asked for the hayghetti while you were absorbed in your... menu." He quickly removed his tail, forcing her to quickly bite her hoof to keep from crying out.

Rarity grimaced as she looked her rather pleased husband up and down. "Are you trying to make me do something embarrassing, Dearheart?"

Spike's fangs poked out from behind his lip cheekily. "Just giving Milady the treatment she so deserves."

"I see!" Rarity said, clicking her hooves together thoughtfully. "Well, I really ought to return the favor, yes?" She lifted the bottle of wine with her magic and poured it into her glass, also being levitated. At the same time that she put down the bottle, she reached out with her telekinesis to touch Spike under the table, applying mystical force to his abdomen before traveling down to his special pocket.

Spike jumped a little as she found his sleeping snake and pulled it gently out of its cave inside his tuxedo pants. His wings flared, but he concentrated and pulled them back firmly to his sides as she began rolling her magic grip up and down his swiftly hardening shaft. His serpent tongue flicked out, absently tasting the air for her arousal as he began to relax and enjoy the impromptu rubdown.

Rarity ran her hind hooves along Spike's densely muscled calves as she stroked him, enjoying the feeling of his body even if she couldn't feel his throbbing member while using her magic. She kept her glass in the air to mask the true purpose of her constant horn aura, and sipped occasionally as she watched Spike's cheeks turn the most delightful shade of red.

"Spikey-boo," Rarity said lightly. "You know I've always said that marriage is about sharing tasks equally."

"I do?" Spike said, snapping out of his stupor. " You have?"

Rarity snorted. "Well, you agree, don't you?"

Spike's brows shot up as understanding dawned. He smirked slightly and put his tail back to work, soaking it with Rarity's continuing excitement. As they continued to pleasure each other below the table, Spike twisting and plunging his tail into her as she tugged at him with variable tempo and strength, they did their best to make small talk.

"Claire's been quite successful in class so far," she would tell her husband. "But I am concerned about her getting into fights with some of the students."

"Uh," Spike would respond.

Spike would then interject. "You know... Twilight says they're about to introduce a revolutionary new cataloging system. Should change the way ponies look up books forever."

Rarity's concise response would be phrased as such: "Haminahaminahuh?"

"Most valued customers," the waiter interrupted, causing both to turn wild eyes upon him. "Er... Your dinner is served." A pair of unicorns flanking him helped to place the dishes on the table. He scrutinized his patrons. "I do apologize. Is the temperature not to your liking?"

Rarity and Spike looked at each other with confusion. It was then that they noticed their rather flushed, breathless, and sweaty state.

"Oh, ah," Rarity stammered. "Y-yes, it does seem a bit hot in here."

"Of course," the waiter said and clacked his hooves together. A pegasus arrived promptly and began flapping her wings to create a light breeze. "If you need anything else at all, please let me know."

They nodded at their waiter and turned to their meals, smiling and averting their gazes. Rarity set her glass down and picked up her fork, stabbing a small ravioli and bringing it to her lips. She lightly licked at the small pasta pouch, flicking her gaze back up at Spike momentarily as she pulled once again at his engorged member.

Spike swallowed the bale of hayghetti he had just put in his mouth, and steam blew out of his nose. A sly look passed over his face. "So that's how it is?"

"It is," Rarity said softly before slurping the ravioli into her mouth. She inhaled sharply as he put his fork down on his plate and began spinning up another bale of hayghetti while at the same time stirring her honey pot at the same pace.

This exchange continued as they slowly ate their dinner, savoring both the taste and the accompanying sensations of their hidden play. They spun each other up in this manner until they were quivering beneath the table, and they were once again flushed and shining with sweat. Thankfully, the breeze from their pegasus server seemed to keep up. In fact, Rarity was finding her mane becoming somewhat disheveled by the winds.

"Do you mind, terribly?" Rarity asked, finally.

The pegasus mare regarded her with a dreamy smile as her wings beat excitedly. "Oh, not at all. Please, continue!"

Rarity and Spike stared at her enthusiastically flapping for a long moment.

"Darling!" Rarity said, turning to her husband with the brightest of smiles. "I do think I need to use the powder room!"

Spike's brows knit together. "Uh... okay. Sure."

"And perhaps you need to use the restroom, as well?" Rarity continued.

"N-not really, babe," Spike said, scratching his face bemusedly.

Rarity's eyes glowered at him even as her smile remained chipper. "Perhaps you will about one minute after I leave."

Spike blinked.

"And you might end up having to use the same room I am," Rarity said, her smile tightening.

Spike straightened. "Oh! Yeah. Totally." He shielded his face from the view of the mare who continued to fan them and winked.

"Right, then," Rarity said. She got up and briskly trotted away toward the restroom.

"Wow," the pegasus server said as she craned her head to watch Rarity go. "She really does have to go," she murmured. "Looks like she already p--oh, I know what that is, now."

Spike shifted uncomfortably, adjusting his sizable phallus, which was still painfully erect from both the previous activities and his anticipation. He waited a full minute, nibbling absently on his food as he did, and then leaped from his chair. He was glad that the combination of tuxedo pants and that he had become mostly quadrupedal in his adulthood masked his mountainous bulge from the casual diner. That didn't stop him from overhearing the quiet comment from the pegasus server, craning her head as she watched him leave.

"Lucky mare..."

Undeterred from his goal, Spike reached the restroom door and rapped quickly on it. "Rarity," he hissed. "I'm here! Are you--"

The door swung open and a blue aura seized his bow tie, pulling him inside. Rarity slammed the door shut and locked it, turning a wild look on her husband. "Oh, Spike, I felt like I was waiting forever!"

Spike noted that she already had her dress hiked up, exposing her rump and part of her cutie mark. "Been busy?"

"My body is quite ready," Rarity said, turning to show him. Indeed, her entire backside glistened as if made of porcelain, coated as it was in her excitement. "Darling, I think it rather apropos that in a place like this we do something special."

"R-really?" Spike said, unbuckling his belt as he stared greedily at her flanks.

"Mmm," Rarity affirmed. "Spikey? I want you to put it in my bum."

Spike blinked, pausing in his efforts to unbutton his pants. "Your bum?"

Rarity giggled into her hooves. "My bum, Spike!"

"Well... last time we tried that..." Spike said hesitantly.

"Don't worry!" Rarity assured him. "You provided me with quite enough 'natural' lubrication to insure things go smoothly, and I made sure to clean thoroughly earlier as well as take some Beanoat. We'll not have any embarrassing eruptions this time."

Spike chuckled, his cheeks red. "Ah... so you planned this out."

"Well, not exactly," Rarity said, walking over to the toilet and putting her front hooves on the sparklingly clean seat. "Now, disrobe and suit up." She hitched her tail up and gave an inviting shake of her haunches. In a flash Spike's pants were across the room.

Spike quickly tore into the condom pouch. He took more care when putting it on, for while the latex was imbued with magic to prevent the tearing earth pony hooves and mouths would cause, his razor sharp dragon claws were a bit less forgiving. His years of experience, however, meant that he was ready within seconds.

Rarity watched her husband approach her from the rear, and bit her lip as she felt his claws press into her ample hindquarters. "Remember to ease into it, Spike," she said. "And get enough lubrication, too. I don't want to tear anything too terribly."

"Got it," Spike said slipped a finger between her dripping folds, coating it in her juices. Then he traced a line up to her dainty puckered hole and gave a gentle but firm push. There was some resistance at first, but Rarity forced herself to relax with a deep breath, and once his finger was past the entrance, he was able to push in the rest of the way easily.

A nicker escaped Rarity's throat. "That is... really very pleasant," she said as she rocked herself back and forth against his finger.

"Well, I'll just have to take your word for it," Spike said with a smirk. He rubbed his middle finger into her lower entrance before pulling out and then reentering with both digits.

"Oh!" Rarity exclaimed as she felt herself stretching out more, a shock of pain hitting her. "D-don't rush it, dear. Hmm... so you're saying I should keep my crystal dildo to myself?"

Spike snorted. "The only way I want that going through there is as a digested snack."

Rarity turned and gave him a flat look. "If you eat another one, I'm going to make you sleep on the couch."

"Hey, maybe you shouldn't hide them where I can find them," Spike said with a toothy grin. "You know if I can, Claire will too. I don't think you want to have that conversation with her, yet."

"Indeed," Rarity said. She sighed as she pushed herself harder against his hand, taking both fingers all the way. "I do believe I'm all warmed up. You can go all in, my love."

Spike licked his muzzle and removed his fingers, keeping his eyes on the slightly opened orifice as he climbed onto her back and positioned himself properly. He slid his rod across her vulva a few times, letting it become slippery before pressing his tip against her back door. He applied consistent pressure, slowly entering her bowels.

Moaning, Rarity pressed back, eager to feel the rising pressure inside her. Before long, her soft buns pressed into his muscular waist, her ring stretched to its limit. As one, they pulled away from each other, and Rarity heaved a sigh as she felt the pressure within her leave, a strange sense of euphoria washing through her.

Spike thrust again, more boldly this time, feeling the tight ring slide down his shaft, his member heating up inside her. The feeling was distinctly different than the traditional method, the sensations focused so strongly as it was at where he met her entrance. He steadily began to pick up speed and strength, their coming together now punctuated with a loud clap of flesh on flesh.

Rarity reached a front hoof between her hind legs, readjusting her other hoof to balance her on the toilet seat as she pressed on her pearl. The feeling of constant pressure and relief coupled with the burst of pleasure force her to bite back a scream. "S-Spike... I'm close..."

"Me, too!" Spike said with a tight grin, his hips gyrating even faster. His lower abdomen was trembling as he neared climax. A loud growl moved up to his stomach. "U-uh..." Spike moaned as the gurgling move up his body. He clamped his mouth closed as his cheeks puffed out, but he couldn't contain the sudden upheaval from his innards. His lips burst apart and he could only see green obscuring his view of the back of his wife's head.

Something struck the back of Rarity's head, and she squealed in protest. Her hoof slipped from the toilet seat in surprise, and she quickly found herself with a fisheye view of the bowl. She flailed desperately, trying to find purchase for her hooves to pull herself out, but instead found a lever which swiftly sucked the water away from her. She gasped, gripping the seat with her arms and pulling herself away from the rushing water below her, her hair coming away twisted from the whirlpool.

Spike was silent for a moment, stunned that he had just witnessed his wife being given a swirlie mid-coitus. However, when she coughed and turned her head to glare icicles at him, he backed away quickly, popping his wrapped member out of her now angrily clenched buttocks. "I-I didn't throw up on you or anything, Rare!" he explained. He grabbed a scroll and held it up. "It was another... um... letter."

"Spike!" Rarity said, her visage still cooking in fury. "You are going to find some way to block incoming messages, posthaste. I will not stand this kind of... of... wh-what is that?"

Written sloppily across the scroll were both Spike and Rarity's names. The paper, itself, was lightly charred, which one might have expected of an item that appeared out of a dragon's fiery breath, but was in fact rather unusual. Spike unrolled the scroll and his eyes darted quickly across it. His eyes widened and he looked up at his wife, horror stricken.

"It's Claire."

Author's Note

Prereader: Imaginary Valued

Going Down in Flames

The Canterlot branch of Sugarcube Corner was in many ways more impressive than the original Ponyville shop, the result of a decade of saving and building credit. Now, instead of resembling a multicolored and multi-tiered birthday cake, it looked more like something Sweetie Belle had conjured from the depths of Tartarus in her misguided so-called attempts at baking. Spike and Rarity gaped at its blackened, skeletal frame in horrified awe.

"Well," Carrot Cake said after a sigh as he approached the young parents. "It looks like its back to Ponyville for awhile. Thankfully, our insurance covers damages due to dragon rampage." His lips pressed into a tight line. "Er... no offense."

"N-no, not at all," Spike said. "But what about Claire? Is she alright?"

"Well..." Carrot said, glancing past a crowd of firefighters. "She's not injured, if that's what you mean. Pound managed to get her and his sister out pretty quick, just after Pumpkin cast that letter-sending spell to alert you. Even so... well..."

Carrot led them over to where Carrot's twins stood, with Crystal Clarity sitting between them, looking miserable. Firefighters surrounded them in a ring, buckets at the ready, and every time Crystal's silent sobs were interrupted by a loud belch accompanied with a bright, blue flame, they all flinched, ready to soak her with water at any moment.

"Oh, my poor baby!" Rarity cried, breaking through the crowd and rushing toward Crystal. She scooped her up and hugged her tight, tears already streaming from her eyes.

Crystal responded in kind, renewing the wails that had only recently quieted. "M-Muh-Mommy!" she screeched through wracked breaths. "I-I-I didn't mean to! I... my... my tummy... bleeaaugh!" Fire ripped from her throat, but her mother paid it no mind as it flashed over her shoulder.

"Oh, I understand," Rarity said, patting her back sympathetically. "You have an upset stomach, don't you?"

"I-it's rather..." Crystal hiccupped. "In-incon... incondimental."

"I see," Rarity said with a smile.

Pumpkin piped in. "I'm sorry, ma'am," she said. "It's our fault. I gave her a cupcake, and then Pound gave her one, and I didn't know so I let her have one more as a special treat, and... well, I guess it ended up getting out of hoof." She glanced at her brother, who hung his head guiltily. "I... um... I guess you'll be wanting that payment back?"

Rarity laughed. "Oh, little darlings. Of course not. You did your best, and you ended up losing your home and business for your trouble. Besides, I'm sure you already spent it on your game, yes?"

Pound flushed. "Well... yeah. I even managed to save it before we got out."

Spike took Crystal out of Rarity's foreleg to hold her. His daughter shifted quite quickly to clinging tightly to him. "Well, that's a relief. You'll have something to distract Pinkie Pie with while you're living with her, again."

The twins looked at each other and giggled in spite of themselves.

"D-Daddy," Crystal moaned before blowing another fireball, this time right in Spike's face.

Spike blew some smoke out of his nose and blinked, barely phased by the searing flames. "Well, we probably ought to get this little lady home." He turned to Carrot and simpered. "Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help you out. This is mostly our fault, after all."

"Don't worry about it," Carrot said. "I remember what it was like to have foals with strange and... frankly, destructive abilities. You just take care of her."

The rest of the evening was taken up by caring for Crystal's illness. Spike cradled her gently, soothing her with gentle pats on her back and loving murmurs of support as he kept her fiery expulsions from damaging anything else. Rarity cooked up a bowl of steaming soup, mixed with a stomach remedy she had obtained on a previous trip to Ponyville from Zecora. Before long, their daughter's stomach settled and her destructive burps ceased, leaving her little more than an exhausted filly nodding off in her father's arms.

"Poor thing," Rarity said softly, leaning against her husband's side as she gazed at Crystal. "At least she has such a wonderful daddy to keep her feeling safe and secure."

Spike gave his wife a nudge with his head. "And an awesome mommy to care for her."

Rarity scoffed good-naturedly. "A lot of ponies thought I'd make a terrible parent, you know? Honestly, even though you're only a few years out of your teens, yourself, I think you're better at it than I am, anyhow."

"Don't be ridiculous," Spike admonished her, nuzzling her cheek. "You work hard, long hours to keep a very stylish roof over our heads and fancy food on our table, and you still make time to help raise your daughter, even if it means you end up with no time to yourself."

"Or with time to ourselves," Rarity added.

Spike shushed her. "Hey, don't worry about that." He leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, gripping firmly and lingering just long enough to let her know that he would prefer to never let their lips part.

"Mommy?" Crystal mumbled. "Daddy? Ew."

The couple laughed quietly at their daughter's half-hearted protest to their display of affection. Rarity nudged her husband. "You should get her tucked in, my love. Join me in our bedroom promptly once she's hit the hay, as it were."

"Sure thing," Spike said, and he made his way toward their daughter's room, humming amelodically as he did.

Rarity sighed as she turned to make her way toward their room. Her first destination was the shower, for though she was quite sure that Chez Lahdee Dah's toilets were cleaned immaculately after every use, the fact that her mane had been exposed to a device that handled equine waste at any time was an unpleasant thought, and the whirlpool had definitely thrown her hair into an unacceptable state of disarray.

Carefully hanging her dress for later cleaning, Rarity turned the knob and let the water run until it began to steam. She stepped in and sighed at the feeling of the hot cascade running down her body, relaxing her muscles. Her mane and tail drooped to the shower floor as it absorbed the liquid and Rarity quickly went to work with an army of conditioners, shampoos, and body scrubs to polish every strand of hair to perfection.

The bathroom door opened slowly as Rarity was just finishing her full-body cleaning and she turned to see a hulking, draconic silhouette through the translucent violet shower curtain. She pulled it back halfway and gave Spike a sultry smile through her mop of wet hair. She positioned herself so as to give him as full a view of her as possible, and giggled as she saw his eyes take in the color of her bare, rosy flesh showing through her waterlogged coat.

"Crystal finally went to sleep," Spike told her, his eyes still frozen on her body, and especially lingering around her lower stomach, where she knew her tumescent teats would be plainly visible. "I... ah... thought I'd take a shower before bed, too."

Rarity nodded. "That's a fine idea. Would you join me?"

Spike gulped, but he strode forward and climbed into the shower. It had been built to be large enough to accommodate his massive size comfortably, of course, and Rarity was even left enough space to maneuver, though it was cozy enough that they couldn't help but press against one another if they wanted to move around. This had rather been the point.

"Let me wash your back, dear," Rarity said as she pulled out a wire brush and began to run it across his hard scales without waiting for his response.

Spike let loose a deep and satisfied groan as the brush scraped along. It turned into one of glee upon feeling Rarity's warm stomach sliding across him while she tried to circle around him, cleaning off his wings and sides as well. He lowered himself down so that she would be able to get every inch of his back, even if it meant she would have to mount him like he had once ridden ponies when he was a kid. He could tell from the soft squeaks coming from her as she scrubbed back and forth with one of his spines pressed firmly between her thighs that she was enjoying it as much as he was.

"There," Rarity said, hopping off of him onto the rubber mat on the shower floor. "Now, then... I think it's time to work on your front."

Spike reared up as she gently encouraged him up. She gave him a wet smooch on the cheek before replacing the touch of her lips with the brush, scrubbing it away. As she worked her way down his body, she peppered his neck, chest, and abdomen with light kisses before washing them away with her brush.

"We're going to need something a bit gentler here," she said as she stood with her head level to the large pocket between his legs. With a slight exertion of her magic, she pulled a soft, silky cloth and a bottle of fragrant soap from among her various toiletries and began to delicately caress the seam.

The reaction was almost immediate. The pocket opened, revealing a lump of purple beneath the yellow-green belly scales that engorged until the pink flesh within his prepuce burst free. The silken cloth danced along the shaft as it expanded, the scented liquid spreading across it. In a matter of seconds, it was fully erect and throbbing with barely restrained desire.

"Whoo," Spike grunted. "This... actually kinda hurts right now."

"Oh?" Rarity said, sliding the cloth down to the base of his penis. "I know. I'll kiss it and make it better." She promptly puckered her lips and gave the head a sloppy smack, complete with a vocalized "mmwah."

Spike fell back to all fours and trembled. "I don't think I need to be teased anymore. The rest of this evening's been more than enough foreplay."

Rarity's eyebrows shot up and a saucy grin spread on her face. "Ooh, so is my big, strong dragon ready to take what he wants?"

Two strong arms descended on her before she could say anything more, and Spike threw her over his shoulder. He reached over and turned off the shower in one quick motion and leaped onto the tile of the restroom floor. His feet slipped a bit, causing both his wife and him to give a yelp of momentary panic before he regained his footing.

"Now, now," Rarity said shakily. "Let's not get too hasty. Last time you only dropped me on my bum; let's try not to damage my other end."

"Right," Spike said, quickly pulling a big, plush towel off the rack and wrapping her up in it. He vigorously scrubbed her coat down until she was a fuzzy ball of cotton. "Hm... just hold on a sec," he said as he regarded her still-damp mane. He drew in a deep breath and blew on her. While only the occasional spark escaped his lips, his breath was strong enough to blow her hair back and hot enough that within moments she was completely dry.

"Oh, my," Rarity said, fluffing her free, wavy mane. "The perks of having a living blowdryer for a husband."

"Is that all I am to you?" Spike asked, his hand to his heart as if aghast. "A hair care appliance?"

Rarity giggled as she crawled onto their princess-size bed, sinking into the bedspread like a pegasus into a nimbus. "Of course not, my knight in shining scales. You're also a rather choice hunk of dragon-meat." She stretched out across the bed, letting her limbs splay and her tail fall carelessly over her back. "And now that little Claire is all tucked in..."

The bed creaked under the sudden weight of a relatively young dragon as Spike hopped on top of Rarity. He grabbed her and flipped her onto her back, holding her back hooves in the air and giving her a lusty grin.

"Spikey!" Rarity said, her lips stretched wide. "What are you up to?"

"I want to look you in the eyes while I make love to you, Milady," Spike said, giving a passing lick of one of her hooves.

Rarity blushed and fanned herself with a hoof. "Oh... well... that's not a very traditional position... for a pony..."

Spike chuckled as he reached for a condom and began to prepare himself, holding her gaze all the while. "Because we've been so traditional up to this point?"

"Well," Rarity said, her horn glowing as he fumbled with the latex ring on his tip and magically unrolling it down his shaft instantly. "I guess I like a dragon who bucks tradition every once in awhile."

Spike hummed in agreement and lowered himself so that his hard, scaly stomach was brushing against her silky, firm belly. Her legs slipped up his sides and seized him in a grip that belied her delicate appearance. He took a moment to enjoy the feeling of her body under his, the warmth radiating from her and the rhythm of her heart hammering against his chest with desperate urgency. The smell of her breath was sweet, with a tinge of wine still on it. As his tightly wrapped member found the moist folds of her vulva, he breathed in sharply, feeling her lips wrap around him.

Every inch of Rarity's flesh that met with her husband's was on fire with sensation. She marveled at the weight of the dragon laying on top of her and at how much control it must have taken for him not to crush the life out of her. His solid, unyielding muscles against her would have made her think she was about to make love to a stone, but for the life burning under the surface and radiating into her. She indulged in the feel of his packed muscles shifting sensually beneath his diamond-smooth scales under her roving hooves. As she felt her husband's narrow point slip into her fold, she arched her back, engulfing his head with her hungry gorge. She clenched the rings of muscle inside her with precision, both drawing the considerable girth in until it pressed against her cervix and massaging it in a milking motion.

The two lovers' lips met as they rocked back and forth against each other. They pecked at each other's faces, necks, and ears with indiscriminate passion. Their hot breath filled what little air was between them as they panted with rising exertion.

Rarity nudged Spike's wrist, twisting her body at the same time to roll him over onto his back. She pulled herself back as she took her position on top of him, her vulva having consumed his trembling rod to its base. Her eyes stared wildly at him, framed by a mussed mane which added to the effect. Her smile was crooked and she licked her lips greedily as she looked up and down his body.

"Wh-what are you up to?" Spike asked between gasps for air.

Rarity reached over and put a hoof to his lips. "Shush, now. Let me do this for you."

Spike raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Are you sure this is for me?"

Rarity smirked and gave him a coy look with one eye, the other hidden behind her wavy mane. With that as her only answer, she slid forward on his abs while tilting her hips up, letting half of his shimmering shaft spill out of her before reversing course and rocking her hips back down, occluding the glorious appendage once more. Her sopping lower lips squished onto his pelvis, and when she lifted off again thick, milky strands pulled between them, as if trying to keep their bodies as close to each other as possible.

The rhythm began slowly at first, letting them enjoy the sensations of each individual position, but Rarity's desire wouldn't allow that to last. She began to increase speed steadily, until her hips were a pendulum of constant motion. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and she had to brush her mane away from her face, holding her upper body off Spike with one hoof. She moaned and muttered her husband's name in a state of delirium. Her mind was filled with the static of piquing pleasure, and she felt her muscles tightening in anticipation while the piece of her husband that she held fast inside her began to expand even more, twitching threateningly.

"Daddy!" a voice pierced through the couple's fog. "Mommy!"

Spike's wings flared out and he covered Rarity with them as he rolled over, pulling the comforter crudely over their bodies as he did. He poked his head up from the covers to see the bedroom door swinging open, revealing their daughter standing wide-eyed in its frame. "C-Crystal Clarity?"

Crystal padded hesitantly into the room and looked around. "What were you doing with Mommy, Daddy? It sounded rather cake-coffeeness."

Spike and Rarity exchanged two and a half glances at this. Spike cleared his throat and very slowly removed himself from his wife's inner sanctum, grimacing as his wife gave him a silent look of displeasure. "Well... Honey... we were just... ah... wrestling."

Crystal squinted accusingly at her father, putting her front hooves on the foot of their bed. "Daddy, you always said I can't play after I go to bed."

"Uh, well..." Spike said, turning his head toward his wife. "Rarity?"

"What your father meant," Rarity said as she glared at Spike, who had pulled the covers over the bottom of his face, only his eyes peeking out apologetically. "Is that we were actually hugging. Rather... ah... vigorous hugging that can sound like wrestling because... it's just so... vigorous. But completely normal for two ponies who love each other very much to do!"

"Oh," Claire said, her face betraying her confusion. She let it go quickly, however, and hopped all the way onto the bed. "Mommy, I had a nightmare."

"I see..." Rarity said, her face tight.

"Mmph," Spike said, quickly slipping out of the bed and walking quickly toward the bathroom.

"Spike?" Rarity asked as she tracked his movement into the bathroom. She cocked her head as she heard the toilet flush. The sound of water from the sink came next, followed by a rapid brushing noise.

"Did Daddy forget to brush his teeth?" Claire asked.

Rarity nodded absently. "Ahh... yes. Yes, he did. Silly Daddy."

Crystal giggled as Spike reemerged from the bathroom, smacking his refreshed lips. Rarity caught his gaze and gave him a questioning eyebrow. His pinched expression told her all she needed to know as she noted the absence of the condom they had just been using.

"Well, Crystal Clarity," Spike said. "Would you... ah... like me to tuck you back into bed? Maybe read you a story?"

A wrinkle appeared between Crystal's brows as she looked woefully up at her father. "C-can... can I sleep with you and Mommy, tonight?"

Spike bit his bottom lip and looked to his wife. Her face was running a wide gamut of emotions, as well, but he knew that they would have to settle on a decision quickly. "Of course you can," he said. He went to the wardrobe and found a small blanket before crawling back under the comforter. "You've had a pretty traumatic night, haven't you? We couldn't ask you to spend the night alone after all that."

"Thank you, Daddy!" Crystal said, bouncing over to him and wrapping her clawlike hooves around his neck.

Rarity frowned at her daughter for a moment, but shook it off, replacing it with a warm smile as she reached over and pulled Crystal into a hug, kissing the top of her head. "I'm so sorry you had a bad dream, my darling. Would you like your daddy to tell you a story to replace all those nasty thoughts?"

"Yes, ma'am!" Crystal said, throwing her arms in the air.

"Curl up next to me," Spike said. When she did so, he draped her blanket over her, tucking it under her tightly. "Now, I'll tell you the story of the brave dragon who save his princess from the evil Diamond Dog bandits!"

"Spi-i-ike," Rarity said, squinting an eye at him. "Are you quite certain that's appropriate?"

"What?" Spike said with a grin. "It has a happy ending."

Rarity rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smiling. "Very well."

Spike and Crystal Clarity squeed happily. “Alright,” Spike said, patting his daughter gently. “A long time ago there was a beautiful pony princess and a brave dragon knight…”

Rarity leaned against Spike’s arm, ignoring for the moment the heavy ache of continually interrupted coitus settling in her gut as he recited the tale. Though he stayed relatively still so that she could rest comfortably on him, the inflection of his voice was full of energy and the way he changed his voice and even speech mannerisms for each character really added drama that she could appreciate. Her daughter could, as well, as her wide eyes and smile attested. However, as the story wound down, with the bandits defeated and the princess freed, she began to succumb to the clarion call of Luna’s domain. Rarity watched in fascination as Crystal’s eyelids seemed to get heavier, her head nodding precariously, until she finally surrendered to blissful sleep.

“... and they all lived happily ever after,” Spike said, stroking his daughter’s mane tenderly. He gazed at his softly snoring daughter with paternal pride, giving her a light pat on the head. He turned to look at his wife, amusement playing at his lips. “What? You’re giving me a weird look.”

Rarity uttered a restrained chortle and pulled her husband to her. “Darling, you just don’t know how much I admire you.”

Spike cleared his throat. “I… uh… well, thanks.” He grimaced uneasily and sank down into the covers. “I love you, Rarity,” he said, leaning over to peck her on the lips before setting his head down on his pillow and closing his eyes.

“Darling?” Rarity said, prompting Spike to crack open an eye to regard her. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Spike turned his head. “Well, uh… since Crystal Clarity’s gone to sleep, I figured we might as well get some shut-eye, too. You still have to get up in the morning for Sapphire Shores’ pick-up, right?”

Rarity lay her body halfway on his and pressed her muzzle to his snout, her eyes fluttering seductively. “Darling… we haven’t finished, here.”

“But, uh…” Spike glanced at his slumbering daughter nervously. “Crystal’s here… what… what if she wakes up?”

Stealing a thoughtful glance at her daughter, Rarity pouted. “I cannot have my own daughter boxouting me.”

“Er,” Spike responded dumbly.

Rarity’s face set into a determined frown as she stared down her husband. “Now you listen here, Spike. I work long, hard hours making fabulous dresses. I have scant hours in the day I can spend with you and Crystal Clarity, and that time is perhaps more stressful than my work! I need release, Spike.” She moved her mouth closer to his earfin and whispered in a low, husky voice. “I need you, Spike. Inside me. Now.”

Spike reached over, grabbing the last condom they had and tearing it open. He frantically fumbled with the circle of latex, attempting to feel for which side was the inside. His desperate race was cut short, however, when one of his sharp talons went through the center. He gasped.

Eyes wide, Rarity stared at the broken condom. “No… nonononono…”

“I-I’m sorry, Rare,” Spike said. “I… I’ll get more tomorrow, okay? Maybe we can…”

“No,” Rarity said, fixing her husband with a frenzied glare. “No, I can’t wait any longer.” She lowered herself to her belly and flicked her tail up as she spread her legs. Her hips rocked upward as she slipped a hoof under her mound to reveal her reddened blossom.

“B-but,” Spike protested. “Twilight’s research. There’s no way I can… I mean, even if I pull out there’s a pretty high risk…”

Rarity bit her lip and gave her husband a watery-eyed look. “Spikey… I want it. I mean… I’d love to have another foal. Seeing the way you are with Crystal Clarity, I know we could handle it, and I know another foal would bring enough happiness into our lives to counter the stress.”

Spike jerked his head back, struck by her words. “Really?”

“Yes,” Rarity said, giving him a small smile. “Besides, it’s been ever so long since I’ve felt you come inside me for real. I suppose you could say I’ve missed it.”

“O-okay,” Spike said, slowly mounting her as he kept an eye on Crystal Clarity’s unconscious form. He pulled the thick comforter tight over them, and blindly poked at Rarity’s posterior until he found her slippery duct and pushed inside.

Sure enough, the Crystal Clarity’s Parents Are Having Fun Radar™ went off, and she rolled over onto her back, her legs flopping precariously close to them. A small choking noise came from her open mouth as her belly expanded.

Spike slowly snaked his tail out from the covers and nudged the sleeping filly back over toward her side of the bed, wrapping her small blanket around her as tightly as a tortilla around a burrito. “Okay, that should hold her,” Spike whispered into his wife’s ear.

Rarity looked back at her husband gratefully and closed her legs, letting Spike's flank them as he curled his body and wings over her like a scaley cocoon. She was completely unable to move any of her appendages, which—contrary to expectations—relaxed her. Now completely concentrated on completing their marital duties, she squeezed her ample haunches around his staff even as she began to milk it with the walls of her vagina.

Spike moved slowly, but with a purpose. His hips ground against his wife's, never breaking contact, but his generous member pulling partly out and being pulled back inside the incredibly tight crevice she had made for him. His eyes flicked back toward his daughter, but she was no longer there.

“Rarity!” he whispered. “Crystal, she’s…” He paused as he felt something bump against their covered bodies, and he looked to the side to see a bolt of fabric snuggled against them.

Rarity’s horn lit up, and Crystal, still snoozing soundly, was lifted into the air. She floated back to her position at the other end of the bed where she was gently let back down. “Okay,” Rarity said as she kept her telekinetic grip on Claire, holding her in place. “Keep going, Spike. I’ll make sure she doesn’t go anywhere.”

Sweat had begun pouring from Rarity's body as their combined body heat built up beneath the cover. The feeling of her husband moving inside her and her hoof pressing her bulging pearl right into his shaft made every muscle in the vicinity tense, and a pleasant burn began to build in her lower abdomen. She muffled her excited pants in her pillow so as not to alert the dragon filly laying mere feet from them, occasionally biting the headrest when a tremor from their interlocked portions threatened to give her cause to cry out.

Sharp teeth and a dextrous tongue played at the nape of Rarity's neck. She laughed and moaned into the pillow, the sensations adding to her pleasure as she eagerly increased the rocking of her hips. A tingling sensation began to spread from her center, and she began to move her hoof back and forth as fast as she could against her engorged chickpea. She went over the edge, then, her muscles spasming as she opened her mouth into the pillow in a silent scream. She had the sensation of cold water spilling down her legs, though in reality she was spurting hot secretions around her husband’s shaft as she jerked it as far into her as it could go.

Spike’s eyes rolled back into his head as he wrapped his limbs completely around his wife. The powerful waves coursing through Rarity’s body soon pushed him over his tipping point as well, and ropes of hot semen erupted from him, spilling through her cervical membrane undeterred by any obstacle in their magically enhanced trek toward her egg that floated down her fallopian tubes.

Rarity’s head was swimming from a combination of pleasure and oxygen deprivation when the hot seed hit her. The warmth already smoldering within burst into a roaring flame and the throbbing of her husband’s roasting meat pounding at her walls drove her into a second round of paroxysms, only kept in check by his strong limbs wrapped tightly around her. The edges of her vision began to go dark and her telekinetic grip on her daughter flickered and died. For a long moment she felt she, too, would perish from the overload. Seconds later, however, her head began to clear, and she sucked in a deep breath of air.

“Are you okay?” Spike asked, a dazed look on his face as he lifted his torso off her body, letting the cool air of their room rush between them.

Rarity shuddered, feeling another much lighter twitching take her as he removed his naked member from her spent nook. She licked her lips, but found her tongue to be as dry as they were. When she turned to look at him, though, her eyes were moist with tears which spilled down her cheeks.

“R-Rarity?” Spike said, his chest seizing in panic. “What’s wrong? Did… did I hurt you?”

A smile shone through her tears. “No… I just… I love you, Spikey.” She turned herself onto her back and nuzzled his chest. “Hold me close, darling.”

Spike complied, feeling content as he held his wife to him. “You sure you’re not too hot? I know I’m not exactly an ice box…”

“I’m fine,” Rarity said as she closed her eyes.

A loud snorting came from the other end of the bed where Crystal Clarity still slept. Spike grinned at her as she kicked her blanket wrap open a flopped a leg over.

“Such an adorable little filly,” Spike said. He stroked Rarity’s face. “Gets it from you, I guess.”

“The next one will be absolutely darling like his father, I’m sure,” Rarity said.

“Oh? You already know it’s going to be a colt?” Spike said with a grin. “It could be another cute, lavender filly. Maybe without the magic horns, this time.”

Rarity giggled and threw a leg playfully over her husband’s side. “Not much for those magical outbursts, eh?”

“Not when they involve so much fire,” Spike admitted. “I mean, I can handle it, but after your kid burns a few homes and businesses to the ground…”

“Quite,” Rarity responded, thoughtfully. “Well, whatever our foal is, I’m sure it will be absolutely perfect.”

Spike chuckled. “Yeah. Too bad we’ll have to go back to condoms after its born, though.”

Rarity laughed. “Oh, Spike, don’t be ridiculous!”

“Huh?” Spike said. “Y-you mean… you’ll want more?”

“Oh, absolutely not,” Rarity said with a loving smile. “Two is quite enough.”

“But then…” Spike said, a sinking feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

“You’re getting a vasectomy.”

Author's Note

Prereader: Imaginary Valued