Tales from Equestria: Apple & Oranges
Apple & Oranges
by Ardashir
Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria…
“Here’s your address, Miss; Seven-one-five Park Street.”
Applejack looked up at the three-and-a-half-story brownstone before her; it seemed smaller than she remembered it. Ah was just a filly back then. Set in one of Manehattan’s classier neighborhoods near Central Park, she would normally have felt a little self-conscious about standing out here. She swallowed, straightened the Rarity-original semi-formal dress, made sure of her Rarity-makeover mane – dang, wish Ah had ma hat, I miss it – and stepped down from the black-and-yellow cab pulled by an earth pony in matching livery. She turned to him and dropped some bits into the cashbag around his neck.
“Here ya go, and thank ya –” She swallowed, forced herself to remember who she was meeting tonight and started over in upper-class Manehattanite diction. “I mean, that is, thank you so very much for your kindness.”
“Thank you, Miss!” The cabbie neighed with real enthusiasm when he saw the tip she gave. He turned and trotted off into the gas-lit early evening, his hooves ringing on the cobblestones. Past him she saw a few more ponies headed home from a day’s work or heading out for a night on the town. Over the roofs, the sky glowed with the lights of Manehattan, almost as bright as Luna’s moon overhead.
Applejack turned, took a deep breath, reached her muzzle down into her neck purse and withdrew the calling card Rarity had made for her, and climbed the stone steps to the solid wooden front door. It no longer looked quite like the wall of a fortress as it had to that long-ago filly she’d been, but it was still formidable.
She reached the stone stoop, too small to be a proper porch. Light shone from the glowgem lanterns flanking the door as she raised a forehoof to the brass knocker – and hesitated. Ah can still turn around and go back ta the hotel. Nopony would ever know.
'Ceptin me, that is.
The heavy door-knocker thudded under Applejack’s hoof. To her surprise, a unicorn pony in servant’s livery opened it. Huh, Ah didn’t know Aunt an’ Uncle Orange made enough ta be able ta afford a servant.
“Madam,” he said, giving her a swift look that took in her fine dress, the fashionable mane style, and the ruby and gold jewelry at her throat, all of it either borrowed from or done for her by Rarity. His tone became slightly more respectful as he said, “Whom may I say is calling?”
Applejack mouthed her calling card over, wondering how he’d react if she’d shown up in her usual Stetson and with her lasso by her side. Heh, probably would’ve neighed for the cops and slammed the door. Sent me around by the back at the least. As he read the card, held in his magic before his eyes, she said in her best upper-crust Manehattan accent, “Abigail Jacqueline Apple, Titular Countess Appleloosa, Bearer of an Element of Harmony, here to see my dear Aunt and Uncle Orange. I do hope I’m not late.”
“Your Ladyship, please do come in.” The unicorn stepped back far enough to let her inside, somehow managing to bow as he did. She felt immediate warmth and wondered if Aunt and Uncle Orange were doing so well as to afford magical heating before she saw the steam radiator hissing against the wall. “Your aunt and uncle are awaiting you inside.” He looked ready to say more but stopped as a mare’s voice called out from further inside the house.
“Abigail, darling! Is that you? Oh, do come in, dear, we have so much to talk about!”
“Coming, Aunt Orange!” Applejack called out. She sighed and headed down the hallway, thinking, Inta the dragon’s den.
Oh, now stop that. This here’s your aunt and uncle who took you in and tried ta make a lady out of ya. She looked at her reflection as she passed the entry hall mirror in its ornate brass frame. An’ maybe some of it stuck, after all.
Except for everything being smaller, Applejack was surprised to see how little the home was changed since she’d visited as a foal. Maybe a couple of the framed pictures on the wall looked different, but otherwise it was all the same. Same big staircase on the left, same archway to the right, same plush rugs over hardwood floors underhoof, same warm smells of fresh fruit and bread and alfalfa and oats coming from the ground-floor kitchen, same fancy-made iron glowgem lamps set into the walls and hanging from the ceiling. And now before her, the formal parlor with its carved wooden chairs and couches and a fireplace in the corner with a small blaze going. The bookshelves stood against the wall, nice and full. Applejack felt a smile pull at her lips when she saw that; she’d spent many a happy hour reading some storybooks and works of history she’d found there as a filly staying here.
And in the middle of it, smiling at her, both looking only slightly older, a pair of orange-coated earth ponies. The green-maned stallion smiled at her as the mare, her orange mane piled high on her head in the same style as Applejack’s currently was, stepped forward to entwine her neck with the palomino’s.
“Abigail, darling! You look magnificent!” She looked back at the stallion as he came up beside her. “Doesn’t she, Moseley? And did I hear correctly at the door, dear? Countess Applejack of Appleloosa?” Uncle Orange smiled warmly and nodded. Aunt Orange’s eyes glowed almost like Rarity’s when she was meeting a new noble for the first time. The jewel-inset golden necklace at her throat flashed almost as brightly as her eyes as she said, “My dear niece. A noblemare, a heroine of the Realm, and an Element-Bearer? And dressed so, so magnificently!” Aunt Orange walked around Applejack, almost skipping on her hooves. She set her head by Applejack’s and said, “See, dear, I said we’d make a proper Manehattanite out of you one day!”
“I suppose you did at that, dear aunt,” Applejack said, wincing internally at how fake she felt whenever she talked like that. She loved her aunt and uncle and knew they loved her, but their obsession with status and position reminded her all too much of Rarity at her worst. Now remember, she told herself. They’re family, just like Big Mac and Apple Bloom and Granny Smith. She smiled and said, “And I thank you ever so for inviting me over for dinner.” I just hope it’s better ‘n the dinners I remember having here. Or that there’s more of it! Aunt Orange looked at her with wide eyes.
“You’re in town, dear, how could we not invite you over? Stately,” Aunt Orange said to the butler, who’d just entered the room, “how is dinner coming along?”
“I’ll check with the cook, madam,” he responded, sounding a lot like Horte Cuisine back home in Ponyville. Applejack wondered if they’d both gone and learned how to speak like that at the same place as Stately added, a slight tone of asperity in his voice, “She did say that it might be slightly easier if Miss Babs didn’t keep sneaking in and taking samples.”
“Oh, Babs!” Aunt Orange sighed and rolled her eyes. Applejack felt glad she already was smiling. She remembered her aunt doing that several times when young Applejack unintentionally committed some gaffe. Or sometimes not so unintentionally. She headed for the stairs alongside Aunt Orange as she said, “Moseley, could you please check on Babs and make sure she’s ready for dinner?” Moseley, Uncle Orange, headed off for the kitchen in the rear of the house with a sigh. “And Applejack, please do come along, we have simply got to talk about what you’ve been doing with yourself since you left us.”
“Oh, nothing much, dear Aunt Orange,” Applejack said as she followed the older mare through another archway past the serving pantry to the formal dining room at the rear of the house. Despite having become a mother since she’d gone back to Ponyville, her aunt still looked to be in good shape. Slightly heavier, but no more so than many a mare. “Keeping an eye on the farm, helping out around Ponyville every now and then, trying ta, I mean to, keep Apple Bloom from doing anything too wild to get her cutie mark….”
“And helping the Princesses, too, yes?” Aunt Orange asked, her voice somewhere between glee and awe. “I mean, you did save all of Equestria several times over since we last met. Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis… With some help from your friends, that is.” She said friends the way Canterlot ponies might have said “servants”.
Applejack wondered just what Twilight and especially Rainbow Dash would think of being referred to as her sidekicks. Part of her wished Dash especially was here to hear it. The wiser part of her felt relief that she’d never know. They reached the dining room and entered to find dinner already set. Applejack felt relief to see that it’d just be the four of them. Those fancy old dinner parties used to bore her stiff, no matter how much Aunt and Uncle Orange loved them. Now, be fair, they used to take you to the theater an’ museums an’ zoo afterwards. Silverware set on the table, cleaned and buffed until it shined. Applejack fought down an impulse to lick her lips when she smelled the delightful odors rising from the tureens and platters on the table. Another unicorn dressed in the traditional white apron and hat of a cook stood by the table. The butler stood beside her and next to the dumbwaiter in the wall. He pulled a chair out, first for Applejack, and then for Aunt Orange. Huh, they really are going all out for me, here. AJ thought as she seated herself. I’d kinda hoped this might be something a might more casual.
“It all smells first class,” Applejack said as she sat down. “Fine as any vittles Ah ever had at the Sun Palace, and that’s the truth.” She noticed how Aunt Orange winced slightly, and added, “Oh, do forgive me. I meant to say, this is a simply magnificent meal. It puts me in mind of dinners I’ve had with the Princesses. I hope my aunt makes sure to add that when she describes your hard work to anypony who asks,” Applejack added the last part to the cook and butler. Both held their heads slightly higher at the praise. Aunt Orange sat back with a smile.
Meanwhile the butler went around the table and poured sparkling golden cider into the bowl-like glasses set by the plates. Applejack noticed with pride that it was straight from Sweet Apple Acres. ‘Course, I don’t think they’d serve anythin’ else right now.
Uncle Moseley entered the room. Aunt Orange said nothing, but the question was plain on her face.
“Babs is getting ready,” Uncle Orange said as he took his own seat. “In fact she ought to be here in a moment – oh, hello, dear.” Applejack didn’t see her, but she heard the sound of filly-sized hooves clopping over the wooden floor in the hallway leading to the room.
“Babs?” Aunt Orange smiled at Applejack and then said, “Babs, dear, come in and meet your cousin Jacqueline.”
“Huh?” Applejack had to work to keep from smiling at the looks that went over her aunt and uncle’s faces as Babs called out in that almost movie-thick Manehattan waterfront accent, “I don’t have no cousin Jacqueline…” As she spoke she entered the room, a freckle-faced blank-flank filly looking very uncomfortable in the fancy dress she wore. Applejack could relate, remembering how she’d itched when her aunt and uncle all but forced her into a dress the first few times. Babs blew a tuft of her short-cut mane aside, looked at her in confusion, and then she stiffened.
“Oh. Hi, cousin Applejack from Ponyville.” Babs went straight to her chair, pulled it out and barely submitted to having it pushed back in by the butler. “I remember her, she looked different then, though. I can handle my own chair, ya know,” she said to him before adding, addressed to nopony in particular, “Why d’ya gotta hire servants when it’s only cousin Applejack visiting?”
Oh, so they did this just for me? Applejack wondered if she ought to feel flattered or embarrassed. Beside her she saw Aunt Orange’s ear flick once in annoyance before she spoke.
“We hired servants for a nice dinner with your cousin Countess Abigail Jacqueline Apple,” Aunt Orange nodded to AJ. “Because of everything she’s done for Equestria and because she’s our niece who lived with us before you were born.” She looked at her daughter.
Applejack did flush then. “Oh, hey now, Aunt and Uncle Orange, it’s fine. I appreciate what you’ve done but I don’t like to show off.”
“You sure about that, cuz?” Babs glared at her and her mother as she spoke. “Because right now ya kinda look like a ponyquin in a storefront window on Fifth Street.” She paused, took a mouthful of the cold fruit soup set before her, and added, “But their manes look more lifelike.” Aunt Orange’s eyes seemed to burn, and Uncle Orange didn’t look much better. Before either could say anything Babs said in a much politer tone. “How’s Apple Bloom and her two pals doing? That last letter she sent me, she said something about how your friend Rarity was actually a wolf in a mare suit or something?” She hesitated, and added with a chuckle, “And oh yeah, you got those two dames Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara working on the farm, feeding chickens and slopping pigs and shoveling sh –“
“Babs Orangeseed!”
“What?” Babs gave her parents an innocent look over the soup spoon. “I was just asking how my relations are doing.” Neither of them looked mollified. Applejack spoke fast before anything else could go wrong.
“Heh! Oh, Babs, you little darling.” Applejack cringed slightly when she saw Babs wince and glare at her. Okay, Ah wouldn’t a’ liked being called that either at her age. Speaking more respectfully, she said, “Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are all doing well. They’re always happy when they get a letter from you talking about the Manehattan branch of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, they tell everypony all about it. You’re truly doing some good with that.” Babs looked happier at that, though AJ wondered Aunt Orange gave a small snort. The palomino quickly added, “Oh, and Rarity’s not a wolf, it’s just that a wolf named Ardi found himself trapped in town and had to hide out in a magical disguise Rarity and our friend Twilight Sparkle,” she turned to Aunt Orange, “you know her, Princess Celestia’s personal apprentice and bearer of the Element of Magic, made together mostly to see if it could be done.” Applejack shrugged. “In the end everything got settled and Princess Celestia made Ardi a diplomat so he could help bring the wolf packs into Harmony as full citizens of Equestria. Oh, and along the way we had to make a similar treaty with Queen Vespid and her hive of Changelings, friendly Changelings,” she emphasized the latter when she saw the fear on everypony’s faces, “become part of Equestria too. So you see, Babs, it was all a perfectly normal misunderstanding in the end.”
She returned to her soup. She could feel everypony’s eyes on her. A moment later Babs cut in again. “If that’d happened anywhere but Ponyville, I’d say that sounded totally crazy. And ya mean ya couldn’t tell a male wolf was a female unicorn? Gee, cuz, maybe ye better make sure ta get your eyes looked at.” Applejack blushed.
“Babs!” Aunt Orange snapped. She looked at her niece. “I’m sure it was a very well made suit. Her Grace Twilight Sparkle is the greatest living mortal mage in Equestria, after all. Now back to dinner, everypony.”
Babs spoke again. “Hey, if those wolves come to Manehattan, can I have one for a pet, er, maybe I should say ‘roommate’?”
Applejack bit down on a laugh at the idea of Ardi or one of his relatives prowling through an upscale Manehattan brownstone. Then again, the last time she’d seen him in Ponyville, he’d looked fairly dapper in the diplomatic attire Rarity made for him. At least until he’d gone chasing after her little sister and her friends in a lupine game of tag and ended up in a mud puddle. Applejack wondered if the ensuing equine scream of horror from the unicorn fashionista was heard in Canterlot.
“No!” Aunt Orange stood up and glared at her daughter. “No wolves! Like I said no Diamond Dogs, no griffins, no dragons, and no minotaurs as houseguests!” Babs looked surly, but then she brightened and opened her mouth so say something. Aunt Orange cut her off. “And no Changelings either!”
“You don’t let me have any guests.” Babs blew her tuft of mane out of her eyes again. “But hey, for all ya know, I could be a Changeling right now and ya would never even know until I turned back inta a bug and zapped ya. Like that Queen Chryssy-whatever did in all the movies they made about the Royal Wedding.”
“A Changeling would try harder to fit in,” Uncle Orange said dryly. He indicated her plate. “They’d probably have moved on to the tarts by now, at least.” Babs snorted but let the butler pile some onto her plate. She dug in with an enthusiasm Applejack would have respected back on the farm. Aunt and Uncle Orange just looked dismayed, but her uncle turned to her and said, “So, at the door you said you were a Countess now?” Babs raised her head from her dinner plate and stared at Applejack in shock and what seemed like renewed hostility. AJ wondered what the problem was.
“The first Apple ever raised to the Princess’s Court!” Aunt Orange said, setting one hoof to her chest. “I wonder if there will be any more?”
“That’s right, dear uncle,” AJ said. “Titular Countess of Appleloosa.” She smiled and shook her head. “Cousin Braeburn was rather surprised when he heard about it, as well as the rest of the settlers there. I had to reassure them and the buffalo that I couldn’t and wouldn’t just order them off their lands. Or that I would tax them into starvation.” She laughed.
“Why not?” AJ and her aunt and uncle all looked at Babs, who was glaring at Applejack. “Yer a noblemare now, right? Like that one unicorn from the capital that’s in the papers every few months ‘cause he did something dumb?” Babs blew the mane tuft out of her eyes again and said, “Can’t ya just throw your weight around now and do whatever ya please? And if yer the Countess of Appleloosa, then don’t that mean ya own it and everypony there?” Babs scowled and added, “Can’t ya order us around like we was nothing?”
“It, it doesn’t work like that!” Applejack said, shocked. Babs just lowered her ears and snorted at her. Okay, what the hay is going on here? Before she could ask anything else her aunt was on her hooves and going around the table to stand beside Uncle Orange. Babs looked away from them.
“Babs Orangeseed! You look at me when I am speaking to you!” Babs turned and returned a look every bit as furious as the one Aunt Orange was giving her. The mare said, “Is this what you get from your blank flank and non-pony friends from the Waterfront and the West Side and whatever other rookeries you play in when you think we’re not watching? I doubt they treat their families so shabbily! And you, talking like you were from Six Points, running with the Dead Rabbits!”
Ah hope Fluttershy never hears about them last ponies, whoever they are, Applejack thought.
“I don’t run wit’ no Six Points gang,” Babs shot back. “I wish I did, though! Because then I’d have a place ta stay where they didn’t try ta make me into a little snob pony like them noblefillies at school.” She jumped up and headed for the stairs with a last parting shot in a voice filled with scorn. “Or like her either!” She whipped her short tail in the direction of Applejack.
“Babs? Babs!” Aunt Orange called after her. The sole response was the sound of hooves pounding against hardwood followed by the slam of the back door. Uncle Orange got up, ears flattening.
“It’s okay, aunt, uncle.” Moseley Orange stopped as Applejack got between them and the terrace door Babs had stormed out. “I’ll go and get Babs back. By myself.” She turned to leave and added, “And Ah’m sorry for anything Ah did ta make this worse.”
“No, Applejack, you didn’t do anything…”
The night air chilled AJ as she stepped outside onto the upper terrace, with a salt tang from the ocean. The sound of her aunt’s voice faded behind her as her hooves sounded on the stairs to the lower terrace. The brownstone’s back yard was long and narrow and fenced off, lined with moonlit trees and flowerbeds under a shining evening sky. Ah wonder how Flutts and Rares are doin’. Hopefully better ‘n me.
The palomino waited a moment for her eyes to adapt, tried to remember the layout of the back yard – or what passed for one here in Manehattan. If she remembered right, there should be a gazebo at the far end. Something white showed through the trees where it should be; flaring her ears, she listened for a long moment; what could be sniffles and a slight rhythmic squeak mixed with the city noises.
As quietly as she could, Applejack headed down the flagstone path separating the two lawn-bowling greens, stepping on the lawn itself to mask her hoofbeats. Her dress rustled as she moved – faint, but to her ears it may as well have been a trumpet to announce her arrival.
The sniffling got loud enough to definitely hear; the ghostly white resolved into the old gazebo, in the middle of a grove of trees. Fruit trees, apple and pear and nectarine – Aunt and Uncle Orange might put on airs like Canterlot Unicorns, but they’re still earth ponies, Apples to the core.
In the middle of the gazebo, a shadowy little pony sat in that old swing, barely moving back and forth.
“Babs?” When she got no answer, Applejack stepped closer and repeated, “Babs? Ya okay, cousin?”
“Oh, why, I am just fine, Countess Jacqueline, Yer Ladyship,” a grief and anger thickened voice answered her. “Why don’t you go back inside and let Mom and Dad tell ya what a disappointment I am ‘cause I won’t be no perfect little princess for them? And if ya happen ta see a pony I used ta know named Applejack from Ponyville, maybe you can tell her I’m sorry.”
“Okay, that’s what this-all is about?” Applejack stepped into the gazebo. She walked up to the swing and looked Babs in the face. The filly glared back at her, tears making wet streaks against her white-freckled cheeks. The same freckles as Ma an’ me an’ Big Mac, like a second Apple family cutie mark. “What, ya think Ah’m backstabbing ya because I can act and speak like this?” She slipped from her normal accent and style of speech to the one she thought of as “Orangejack” as she spoke. Babs shot her a dirty look.
“Yeah, that’s what it feels like ta me. All I ever seem ta get anymore from mom and dad is ‘now remember, dear, you’re an Orange and we’re from Manehattan, so act accordion’.” She looked unsure at the last word.
“Ah think ya meant ta say, ‘accordingly’,” Applejack said. She eased her way up onto the swing and sat beside Babs, the swing’s bench cold against her barrel. The filly scooted down away from her, but not far. “Ah can sympathize with ya. They used ta pull that on me all the time when Ah was a blank flank living here.” Babs looked at her in confusion as Applejack continued, “All this, it ain’t me. Well, not normal-like, anyways. Ah’m doing this as a favor ta a friend o’ mine, Rarity. Ya remember her? The unicorn, Sweetie Belle’s big sis?”
“The one the wolf was pretending ta be, because she just happened ta have a costume of herself laying around?” Applejack nodded yes. Babs sniffled but smiled. “No offense, cuz, but ya got some strange friends.”
“Ah know,” AJ said with a laugh. She looked out through the trees, towards the sky over where Dressage Hall should be. Babs’ gaze followed hers as Applejack said, “Like Ah said, this is a favor for Rarity an’ another friend o’ mine, Fluttershy. Me and Flutts are helping Rarity out at the Spring Fashion Show, she’s tryin’ ta get into the big time with her fancy clothes. But Flutts is so shy an’ Rarity is so high-strung that they’re gonna need the most dependable of ponies around ta be an anchor for them. Gotta keep ‘em grounded.” Applejack got up and turned to face Babs. “’Sides, Ah’m an Apple. And us Apples, and Oranges, don’t back down when a friend needs our help. Just like how Apple Bloom tells me you’ve been helping out the fillies ‘n colts that ain’t got cutie marks yet but are getting hassled about it.”
“Yeah,” Babs said. “Even some Diamond Dog pups an’ little griffs. We’re kinda there for them.” She looked a little embarrassed as she said, “I think Mom an’ Dad ain’t too happy about the kinda language I learn from them, though. They keep tellin’ me ta act like ‘a proper Orange’. And you said they did that ta you too?” Babs looked up at her as she finished, then blushed as Applejack nuzzled her. “Aw jeeze, ya gotta do the mushy stuff?” She frowned and added, “Hay, what’s up with that noble title anyhow, Countess?”
“Huh? Oh, that!” Applejack whickered her amusement. “It’s really nothin’. After what happened with Discord, Celestia couldn’t keep us a secret any longer, so she made us all ‘Countess Whatevers’. ‘Ceptin for Twilight, she’s a ‘Duchess’.” She looked back down at her cousin and saw comprehension flowering in Babs’ eyes. “It’s just so those nobles wouldn’t snub us in Canterlot. And so we can issue some emergency commands if we ever have ta, but it’d better be plenty needy for us ta be doin’ that. But no, we got no more lands than we ever did.” She hugged Babs close. “It really don’t mean nuthin’ outside o’ the Sun Palace. Rarity sure likes hers, though.”
“Oh, okay,” Babs said. “I guess it just sorta bugged me. We got some noblefillies at the school Mom and Dad are sendin’ me to, and they kinda look down their muzzles at everypony that ain’t a Thoroughbred.” She snorted. “They also ain’t too happy that our families have more bits then theirs do.” She looked at her blank flank and snorted. “No amount of bits or anything else can get me that cutie mark any faster, though.”
“Now just sit and listen, Babs,” Applejack began to tell her. She turned and set herself so that Babs didn’t see her worried parents watching her from the back of the house. She could almost feel them relaxing as she began to say, “They ever tell ya ‘bout when Ah stayed with them after my Ma and Pa died? Ah came to Manehattan ‘cause Ah couldn’t stand ta be around the ol’ farm and orchard after they was gone, and Ah figured that in Manehattan Ah could get my cutie mark and know what Ah ought ta be doin’ with ma life…”
And so under a peaceful moonlit sky, her aunt and uncle listening quietly nearby, Applejack told her cousin just how she got her cutie mark.