Cutie Mark Crusaders: Timber Wolf Wrestlers

by Kowlickkid

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo
Length: 2658

Scootaloo, Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. They've been doing this a while. How else do they get all that sap on them?

The Cutie Mark Crusaders. Their very name sends chills down the spine of every Ponyvillean who hears it. Constantly causing chaos and mayhem across town in efforts to get their cutie marks. But what if, say, that was just a cover story for what they really do?

Published 2014-05-27 21:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-27 21:30:04 UTC

In Which Timber Wolves Are Wrestled

Applebloom caught the eye of Sweetie Belle across the room. It was the last subject on Friday in school, and as the students eagerly watched, the clock ticked closer to the bell. Sweetie observed the farm filly's peculiar raised eyebrow and slanted her eyes in a determined gesture. She nodded once, sharply, and turned back towards the front of the class, where Cheerilee was writing excitedly on the chalkboard.

Taking advantage of the teacher's turned back, Applebloom quickly nudged Scootaloo from behind, startling the pegasus from her... well, let's just call it 'beauty' sleep. She swiveled in her chair and glared back, but her anger vanished when she saw the grin on Applebloom's face. The yellow child slowly rubbed her hooves together in a manner that could almost be described as evil, lips curling at the edges.

'Mwahahahahahaaaaa...' screamed her facial expression.

Scootaloo too found herself grinning evilly, turning back around and repeatedly clenching and un-clenching her hooves.

In the middle of the class, Diamond Tiara scoffed and turned to Silver Spoon, who scoffed as well. 'They're so wierd!' was their unspoken exchange.

Sweetie Belle snirked(1). Not only was their following activity going to be great, but the two bullies putting on faces reminiscient to a lobotomized donkey was just too much to handle. She quickly brought up her hooves to cup her nose. Snirking hurt, sometimes.

Cheerilee, suspicious about the scoffing, evil chuckling, and(horror of horrors!) snirking, turned around and gazed over the class. She was met with an image of perfect innocence, benevolent smiles on everybody, but especially on five particular fillies. She could practically see the halos hovering above the CMC's heads.

'Hold on a second now...' Her eyes narrowed as she took a closer look. Yes, upon closer inspection, the three troublesome fillies had somehow put sticks with golden hoops taped onto them above their heads and were beaming smiles that practically hurt her eyes.

Cheerilee's eyes narrowed at the class. Her head remained locked in position as she swiveled back to the blackboard. She slowly rotated her head to go along with it and started writing on the blackboard again. She had just managed to squeeze in all that she needed when the bell rang. She turned around quickly and just managed to see the last tail disappear through the door.

'I wonder how they do that...'

She looked once more at the blackboard, contemplating numbers 24 through 30, and rubbed her hands with an evil grin in a manner not altogether unlike Applebloom's.

'Mwahahahahahaaaaaa...'

"Right, so we can do this today, right?" asked Scootaloo. Her two friends nodded in agreement.

"It's been too long since the last time," commented Applebloom.

"20 minutes, clubhouse," said the pegasus. Another two nods.

Scoffing was again heard. The three fillies exchanged looks of exasperation before turning towards the two invasive earth ponies.

"Look at them, Silver Spoon. They think they're actually going to do something worthwhile."

"Yeah, it's like they think they actually matter or something."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders restrained themselves from facepalming.

"Well at least we are actually likeable," retorted Scootaloo.

"Ooh, the blankflank is talking back!" mocked Diamond Tiara. "I'm sooo scared!"

"As if they were likeable!" commented the gray filly. "I almost don't want to spoil their delusions."

"Come on girls! Let's just go!" bursted out Sweetie Belle.

The three ran off, bearing upset faces, the taunts of their tormentors following them.

Stevie was having a good day. The apples were ripe, he was in the shade, and he was perfectly safe. It seemed like everything was going exactly his way. He took another bite of apple and munched on it.

It is at this point where I should mention that Stevie was a worm. Not a very bright worm either.

'I may not be a bright worm, but this apple is good and those crows can't get at me!' he thought. Of course, due to the fact that his nervous system was not much more complex than a few common neurons holding hands, we can assume that he didn't actually think this. However, if he did have a brain complex enough to formulate thoughts, this is what he might have said.

Now he noticed a series of vibrations rocking his apple gently. If he was a bit brighter, he might've thought that it was an earthquake. Perhaps he would've thought that there was a musical drum competition being held nearby. However, due to his simple brain, what comes nearest to what he 'was thinking' would be:

'Nom. Food. Nom. Eat. Un-eat. Nom.'

So it was that when three fillies came barreling down the path, Stevie wasn't altogether worried. He might have felt something akin to a slight worry when the apple broke open, but it was nothing serious.

Soon, a crow spotted him and swooped in. Unfortunately for the crow, a nearby sparrow had seen him first and had grabbed him much before the crow would get there and had carted him off to the nearest tree. It was there when the bird had said(well, "said"...):

"I am sorry, but a bird must live," and ate him.

Stevie "wondered" why exactly it was that a bird must live, while he had to die to accomplish that goal, but as he sat in the bird's stomach, he was gradually absorbed by the bird and soon found himself "saying out loud":

"Yes, a bird must live, and I must be the nourishment. I don't know why exactly this fact is, but it seems to be a driving thought. A bird must live!"

"Amen!", added a beetle, who had been there some time.

Of course, not much of this is relevant to the story, so we must leave the charming personality known as Stevie and return to the rambunctious trio of youth that is the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

The three giggled as they ran along the path leading to the clubhouse, each one pulling ahead of the others at different times. As they neared, Scootaloo somehow tripped. As luck would have it, she was currently in the lead when she fell, so as a consequence, the others fell as well.

Rolling, they tumbled along the ground until they reached the clubhouse. Somehow, through some extreme loophole in the laws of physics, they managed to defy gravity and roll up the ladder to the building. They tore through the door and landed in a heap in the middle of the floor, all the while laughing hysterically.

"Can you believe those two?" giggled Sweetie Belle. "They actually think they're better than us with arguments like those?"

"I know, right?" agreed Scoots, untangling herself from Applebloom. "And you'd think they'd come up with better insults than 'blankflank'."

"Ah still don't know why we go to all the theatrics. Ah mean, we do this every other day..." commented Applebloom. "Why do we always act like it's an evil plot?"

"Keeps 'em guessing," explained Sweetie Belle. "Now, down to business! Applebloom, lookout! Scootaloo, the materials, please!" she ordered, striking a leader's pose. Applebloom stationed herself at the window as Scootaloo removed a loose floorboard and took out various buckets and some paintbrushes.

"All clear, commander!" reported Applebloom, saluting the white unicorn.

"Everything okay on my end!" said Scootaloo, setting the last bucket in her wagon.

"Then let us depart!" shouted Sweetie Belle. "For honor, glory and a healthy dose of violence!"

The fillies stealthily stole away towards the forest, eyes open for prying ponies. They darted from tree to tree, always watchful. As Scootaloo and Applebloom craned their heads out from behind a trunk, they couldn't help but notice a peculiar rythm in the air. Scootaloo looked upwards and restrained herself from facepalming.

"Sweetie, are you seriously doing your own themesong!?"

The beat abruptly stopped. Sweetie let her jaw hang for a few moments before giggling.

"Yes."

Two facepalms.

"Alright, alright, not much left to go. Sweetie, hush up, somepony might be near." said Applebloom.

They moved on silently, like ghosts in the wind. After being so long in the apple orchard, the forest was a surprisingly welcome sight. They cautiously looked from side to side, hoping no one was around. Just as they reached the treeline, Applebloom suddenly shouted.

"Fluttershy incoming!"

They quickly dashed behind a tree, wagon clattering dangerously behind them.

As Fluttershy walked along the road, she kept a confused lookout. She could've sworn that she had seen the three trouble-making fillies on the path between Sweet Apple Acres and the Everfree. She was absolutely sure of it. Her eyes roamed the trees, squinting in an effort to make out a vaguely equine shape. No success.

'It couldn't have been them, she reasoned. 'Even those fillies can't disappear that quickly...'

Keeping a skeptical outlook, she hurried along. As she continued along the road, she couldn't help but notice things.

'Is that orange sticking out from a tree? I thought I heard whistling...'

She momentarily contemplated returning, but decided against it.

'After all, I really need to get this ointment to Angel. How did he get so covered with poison ivy?'

As Fluttershy was passing by, Scootaloo nearly had a heart attack as her hooves found a slippery spot on Applebloom's hair. Biting her tongue, she grabbed the tree trunk.

"I told you stacking formation wasn't a good idea!" whispered Applebloom to Sweetie Belle as loud as she dared.

"I didn't see you coming up with any better ideas!" came the quiet retort.

As the two below bickered, Scootaloo was having harder trouble keeping her balance. Her facial expression was somewhere between 'Oh, Crud!' and 'I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die!'. Can you picture that? Good. As you can probably guess, it's vital to the story.

Finally, the yellow pegasus moved on. Just in time, as Scootaloo's hoof clutched the tree trunk farther around than before, which would have made her hoof easily visible earlier. As the butter mare disappeared, the three unstacked themselves and took a deep breath.

After a few seconds of calming themselves, Applebloom spoke up.

"Scootaloo, the paint remover, please!"

The pegasus passed her a bucket and a rough brush. She dipped the brush in the solution and reached back to start scratching her flanks. As she rubbed, flakes of color started flaking off and dissolving, giving way to an emblem in the shape of a cracked tree trunk. She passed the bucket to Sweetie Belle, who started scrubbing as well, revealing a dark wolf shape with an amber tear coming out of the yellow eye.

Scootaloo grabbed the bucket and did the same, revealing a black belt surrounding a tree branch. She put the bucket and brush back in the wagon and covered it all with wide leaves. Nodding to each other, the foals walked into the forest.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" came the shout of a certain pegasus as she launched herself towards a wooden canine. "Eat this, Fido!"

She wrenched the beast's head to the left, sending it off balance and crashing it to the ground. Pummeling viciously with her front hooves, she made her best effort to bore into the wolf. Too late, she realized that another's hot breath was on her back. Turning, she prepared to suffer a bite and give back a wound, but she was interrupted by another timberwolf flying into the second one.

"Thanks AB!"

"Anytime!"

Three paces away, Sweetie Belle rolled around with another one, biting and gnawing on it's leg, while two others stood by, trying their hardest to get involved, but not willing to get torn apart by the whirlwind of movement.

"GRAAAWR *SNORT* GRUFF-LL-MFF-*SNORT*-RAAH!!!"

Sweetie Belle was an animal when excited.

Finally, the white unicorn ripped off a leg, resulting in a goopy fountain of amber liquid.

"First sap!" she yelled at the others.

Sweetie dived at the other two wolves while the now-three-legged wolf ran away yipping and howling.

Applebloom received a headbutt full force. To the wolf's surprise, instead of flying away, she skidded on her back legs and grabbed it's head with her front hooves. She forced it to look into her eyes.

"You, mah wooden friend, have dun goofed."

With a primal scream, she swung the wolf up and over her head and slammed it into the ground. The wolf gasped

"Lot more where that came from!" she grunted, hoisting it back up again.

Back and forth she swung it, smashing it repeatedly into the ground until the wolf forcibly detached it's own leg and ran off.

"Aww, and I was gonna ask him out, too..."

Not far away, Scootaloo was busy fighting two different wolves at the same time. Contrary to popular belief, she wasn't good at karate.

She owned karate. The mediocre display was a highly effective cover story.

"HIYAH!" she screamed, sinking her back hoof into an eye. She quickly launched off the wooden face and backflipped onto the other's head. It's head sank to the ground, and she made good use of this fact by launching three quick successive punches to the other's other eye, leaving him pretty much blinded.

She spun clockwise and clocked him in the side of the head with her right hoof for good measure, knocking him to the ground, and stepped off the second one's head. As it raised it's head and growled at her, her hind leg found itself whacking a vulnerable throat and knocking aside a woodchip. Seeing an opportunity, Scootaloo jabbed in the hollow, striking a pressure point and sending the wolf tumbling to the ground, unconscious.

"Who's next!" she screamed.

Some time later...

The three walked out of the forest, absolutely covered in tree sap. Fresh paint had been administered on top of their cutie marks, rendering them invisible to all. They grinned at each other as they recounted their favorite moments of that day's skirmish.

"I really love smacking them in the pressure points," commented Scootaloo.

"Nah, today's best part was when I shattered the whole wolf with one punch," argued Applebloom.

"..."

The two other fillies looked at Sweetie Belle expectantly. It wasn't like her to be so silent.

"Uh, Sweetie? Your favorite part?"

The unicorn looked at them with a poker face.

"...When I crawled inside a comatose body and used it to infiltrate the timberwolf ranks and cause havoc from inside..."

Scootaloo and Applebloom dropped their jaws.

"That... is totally awesome," remarked the pegasus.

"I thought it was weird that one timberwolf was biting the others' heads and muttering 'Brains...' ," commented AB.

Sweetie shrugged.

"I have my moments."

"WHERE have you been and WHAT have you been doing!" roared Rarity. Her and her five friends had come across the sap-covered trio walking around and decided to get to the bottom of things.

The three fillies exchanged a sly smile.

"Oh, just doing a little gardening," explained Sweetie Belle. Rarity swooned and fell on the ground.

"By totalling a bunch of enchanted twigs with an excessive amount of violence," muttered Scootaloo under her breath.

"Come again?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"Nothing!" was the unanimous reply by all three.

Three halos slowly raised themselves over three innocent smiles.

1) A snirk is what happens when you find something tremendously funny, but it's not the right time to even smile, let alone laugh. So, with a perfectly ordinary poker face, you have to limit yourself to a high-pitched snort proceeding from your nostrils. About 50% of the time, it's painful enough to make you cover your nose in agony and curse the dominant species for deciding that laughter can be rude.

Author's Note

Well, I've had this idea bouncing around in my brain for a while. Hopefully it's just the start of a lot more writing. It sure took me longer than expected to write it out. So, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading, and keep your stick on the ice.